THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE Vol. IV No. 3 GAUDY ISSUE 7 July 2006 CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY 14-16 JUNE, THE THEATRE This was always going to be big. In more than ten William Eden (B) and Nick Pattinson (C) as Mr and years there has not been a play run entirely by boys. Mrs Bucket. And of course there was the dramatic old Ed Chalk (C), whose brainchild, brain-adolescent and guard pulling off sterling performances all over the brain-fully-fledged-if-slightly-bonkers-adult of a stage; Tom Hörbye (H) and Sam Radclyffe (H) were production this was, successfully captured the convincing enough in frilly hats and petticoats as attention of the whole College that week like no other Charlie’s eccentric grandmothers, but with a dust of play has managed for a while. His accomplished Chalk powder they also got to say things like, directing debut in C Social’s sparkling Alice in Grandma Josephine: ‘There are eight legs in this bed.’ Wonderland last term probably would have passed Grandma Georgina: ‘Nine, if you believe George.’ most of you by if it had not been for the fulsome And yet, you have to question some of the thinking review in the Chronicle Vol III, no. 3, but his latest behind the humour. For example, the un-PC gag about attack on the world of children’s fiction was advertised ‘dark’ and ‘milk’ chocolate left the audience laughing, with wacky Monty-Python-esque posters. More but feeling that perhaps they shouldn’t be. Similarly, effective even than this was the word-of-mouth the terrorist scene, although amusing for your average speculation about how The Project was going and right-wing public school boy, left an uneasy feeling in what the complicated sets taking shape in the Theatre the audience – that awkward silence when someone workshop were like (No-one goes in. No-one comes cracks a joke rather close to the line. Perhaps the point out. But there’s banging and hammering, shouting and was to expose our bourgeois prejudices in challenging singing, moving shadows and music in the middle of us not to laugh. Perhaps not. the night...). Chris Craig-Harvey (C) was good as Grandpa Joe, So when Charlie opened the greatest surprise was the affecting an old man’s gait and hoarse country voice. quality of the ensemble cast, many producing stellar Owen Petty (C), growing out of his White Rabbit debut performances in a school production: examples costume, became Mr Tee Vee, a Geography teacher. abound – Hugo Walker’s (B) s-s-superb rendition of a s-s-stuttering Mr Beauregard and Charlie Vey’s (H) Douggie McMeekin (B) and George Lines (B) – performances both as Grandpa George (calling his seasoned actors who have learnt their trade from the own grandson a ‘little bastard’) and doubling up as a yearly ‘rep’ of Social plays and the professional deranged psychiatrist in a Chocoholics Anonymous cauldron of the Drama Department – scored great meeting. Milo Dowley (A) pulled off an excellent comic performances as a Germanic Mrs Gloop and her debut performance as an immoral Irish priest. There obese son Augustus (who sounded rather like a certain was also Alex Gilbert’s (B) typically colourful turn as Lieutenant Gruber from ‘Allo, ‘Allo!). The moment the shopkeeper and Charlie Whittaker’s (A) when Augustus was sucked up the chocolate river was emergence as a confident Mr Salt alongside a typically a particularly subtle and well-executed moment (he fluid performance from Oliver Johnson (H) as was pulled off stage by the boot...). Mrs Gloop was Walker’s excruciating daughter Violet Beauregard. escorted off by an Oompa-Loompa (not, I think, the younger brother of the director, or I could have made a Similarly strong appearances by Ali Maxwell (A) as a joke about them being as different as Chalk and loveable little Charlie Bucket and George Rolls (A) as Cheese). violent child Mike Tee Vee made for a strong showing from our latest generation of dramatists, not forgetting The little Ooma-Loompas wore their social socks as

– – — INSIDE — – – Wicked! reviewed – page 55 • Poll – page 56 • Leaving Recitals – page 58 • The University of Life – page 62 Senior Prefect’s Environmental Workshop – page 64 • Correspondence – page 70 • Cricket – page 71 and more… 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE they cavorted around the stage – George Service and Carrey in Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Ludo Roupell (both yellow and green) being Events. I also detected traces of Dr Evil, but this is particularly good at this – dragging the unfortunately missing the point; it was an original synthesis of these, altered children and their parents off. I felt, though, and very entertaining. ‘Take your hands out of your that they could have been given more prominence: pockets, Charlie – I’m providing the entertainment there were only, I think, three in all, but they were a today’ – one of Wonka’s more risqué throwaway lines, more significant part of the book and film – remember and pure Chalk. their little songs? But of course some things must be The cast hopped about energetically, using the stairs, cut in adaptation for the stage, and I don’t have any sides and back of the auditorium for interview scenes better suggestions right now. during the first half, but the sets on stage were Tom Milligan (C) as Veruca Salt had some wonderful remarkable. For the first half of the play, the Buckets’ home-grown lines, for example ‘If you’re a geography house dominated proceedings, being wheeled on and teacher, why haven’t you got a beard?’ He was off with some difficulty by stagehands since it was so absolutely believable as the horribly spoilt teenager – huge (and contained five actors). The care with which one guest was heard to ask, ‘is that girl a pupil here?’ this had been constructed was extraordinary: it had an ‘I want an Oompa-Loompa, Daddy, and I want one upstairs and a downstairs, a roof, windows, furniture, now!’ being a typical line. ‘Look here, Wonka, how wallpaper – perhaps I am making this up, but it was much fer one o’ them Loompa creatures?’ tried Mr very convincing indeed. The other locations were Salt (Charlie Whittaker) in a convincing Yorkshire lilt, cleverly depicted by gates, colourful sashes cascading which he kept consistent throughout, despite hailing from the ceiling, a wonderful TV camera, and an from Surrey. Ed Smalley (H) inventing room full of coloured appeared confidently in pretty glassware and a psychedelic much any role going and also bubble-gum machine. Oliver moonlighted as Assistant to the Hunter (C) and his team of Director. dedicated carpenters, painters Finally, the star of the show – and decorators deserve indeed, a more apposite title acclamation for their results. may have been Willy Wonka The boat on the chocolate river and the Chocolate Factory. was bright pink, and crewed by Freddie Tapner (F) created a the children and their parents, convincing and charismatic directed by Willy Wonka. All persona of the mercurial paddled and lurched in chocolatier. With his gelled coordinated rhythms that would hair not exactly looking old be the envy of the Boat Club. A enough for retirement, Tapner really clever way to tackle the produced an energetic journey through the tunnels, performance that led his peers and one much enjoyed by the and elders in this talented cast. audience. His little bon mots (or bon bon Ben Sheen (C) deserved much mots?) like ‘candy is dandy but praise – particularly as he and liquor is quicker’ were snappily the techie team escaped without delivered, and the audience mention on the last night – for were straining to keep up with his kaleidoscopic lighting the pace of the gags, fired off design that brought the play in a scattergun approach in all alive, especially in the boat directions. Most hit and there was barely enough time scene. For those in any doubt, Ben spent hours to laugh before the next one appeared. This production programming, setting, focusing and designing every was certainly self-knowing: for example, Wonka says moment of the lighting, with help of course from our to the party ‘I wish you wouldn’t repeat everything I brilliantly efficient new Theatre Technician, Mr Matt say’, neatly turning the dramatic device that had Barker. Not only did Ben do all of this, but also he hitherto amusingly been used on its head. I remember controlled the whole show via a set of headphones thinking Austin Powers at several points, for the linked to backstage, giving every single cue for colour and quick changing of scenes, but that’s meant anything not to do with the actors themselves. to be a compliment. Tapner’s self-confessed A highlight was music from the live band which struck influences were Johnny Depp in the recent film (also up regularly to cover the scene-changing action and to reviewed in this issue), but, more importantly, Jim underpin some dramatic moments. Jonny Williams (H) 54 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 showed his great musical ability in composing a score and “we admired his courage”...’ We don’t accept the for a small group and directing it live in the orchestra charge: we are happy to criticise where criticism is pit. The style was Classical-ish with Romantic twists due. Despite the niggling points detailed above, but, other than a good tension-building passage where Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was very very the violins buzzed and the wind played ascending good stuff indeed. The overall effect was magical, chromatic chords over a pedalpoint, it was not fantastic in the sense of full of fantasy; one could programmatic – that is to say, it did not try to relate to suspend your disbelief happily from the roof and the scenes on stage. We hope to hear more scores from watch it hover, buffeted by the prevailing winds of Jonny ‘John’ Williams – perhaps a future surreality and imagination. collaboration with the film-makers over at the Video I had the feeling that we were seeing the emergence of Unit? a scriptwriting talent as much as a directing one: we The Chяonicle accused us of writing ‘glowing’ look forward to the next theatrical adventure of Mr reviews where ‘...every boy is mentioned, and even if Chalk and wonder which surreal children’s story he he did not “perform splendidly” he “gave it his best” will apply his fertile mind to next.

A TALE OF TWO SCHOOLS WICKED! by JILLY COOPER

Like, I suspect, many of you, my dear readers, I was Larkminster itself is very like Abingdon – a fantasy until recently a Jilly Cooper virgin. Indeed, I had only Abingdon, where the Abbey survived and became a the slightest notion of who she was – for those still cathedral after the Dissolution (which nearly blissfully unaware, she is the authoress of a series of happened, indeed, until Henry VIII changed his mind extremely successful novels in the ‘bonkbuster’ genre, and decided on Oxford instead); the cathedral school is a kind of lurid escapism, where everybody jumps into very like Abingdon School, and Larkminster bed with everybody else, pretty much regardless of Comprehensive suspiciously like Larkmead. Unlike social class, race, age, teacher/pupil status, or indeed Abingdon, though, a fruitful partnership (involving an gender. I had a vague idea that she had a Radley extraordinary amount of sex) is developed between connection (her son was in E social in Mr Aird’s time, ‘Larks’ and Bagley, and in the end, the two sides, it turns out), but I had never come across her in the suspicious of each other at first, come to see that such flesh. links can only enhance their lives. How sweet. But her latest novel I could not resist. Wicked! is the Two things about the book make it rather hard going. story of two schools: Larkminster Comprehensive, a The first is the sheer number of characters, and their run-down state school on the edge of the county town interactions – without looking at the book I can easily of Larkshire, and Bagley Hall, a public school with a reel off a list of twenty, though remembering who has Mansion, a Lake, a golf course, a beagle pack, and a slept with whom is rather more of a challenge; the number of other features leaving little doubt that it is, second is the size of it, over 800 pages, making a in fact, Radley. Harry Potter doorstep look quite modest. That is an I should point out at this point that none of the awful lot of lurid plot and frankly unbelievable characters in the book bears the slightest resemblance couplings to get through, but if you do give up half- to anyone at Radley way through, it is at least (well, perhaps there is a worth reading the final slight parallel between couple of chapters so the Warden, Hengist that you know the Brett-Taylor, and our baddies do indeed get own dear Sub Warden, their come-uppance. though one hopes that he But I don’t mean to put comes to a less sticky you off. You should end), but not just the probably find out for buildings, but even some yourself what this sort of events are close to home novel is like, if only to – for example, the Queen comes to open a new science advise your sister/mother/ maiden aunt to steer clear. building, which is completed just a little behind At least the Radley conn-ections make this one more schedule. As well as the beagles, the school boasts (o, inter-esting than most. I even began to enjoy it, in a utinam!) a set of stables. guilty sort of way.

55 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

A POLL ON THE CHRONICLE We thought that it was time to find out how the Chronicle was being received across College. Do you think that there are enough copies of the to ‘subscribe’, at no charge, then contact us at Chronicle in circulation among the boys [email protected]. (approximately 125)? More than half of you think that the Chronicle has no Yes: 50%, No: 50% influence on the school policy or your opinions. You

Do you think that every boy in the school should be are, of course, wrong. If we thought you were right we given a copy of each issue? would have thrown in the towel long ago. In fact we would further suggest you are all in denial; you simply Yes: 20%, No: 80% refuse to admit to yourselves that the Chronicle is in Do you think that the Chronicle and its polls have any fact your alpha and omega. Fortunately of those of you effect on how issues are viewed and dealt with in the who are willing to make your minds up the majority school? think the Chronicle has an overall positive influence

Yes: 18%, No: 59%, Not sure: 23% on the school and we should hope so too, after all we are a publication for the boys by the boys (with a little What do you think of the Chronicle’s general influence bit of adult censorship…). on the school?

Positive: 36%, Negative: 10%, This paragraph is totally useless because its aim is to No influence: 54% address the 7% of people who do not read the Chronicle but of course they won’t see this so there Do you read the Chronicle? isn’t really a whole lot of point. Yes: 93%, No: 7% It would appear that about half of the Chronicle gets If no, why not? read on average by any individual, we would say this

Never get a copy: 50%, must be a gross overestimate by Radleians of their Don’t care: 25%, ability to read as a great deal more than half of the Disagree with viewpoint: 25%, Chronicle is in fact empty space (or rather that nice Don’t like writing style: 0% paper they let us print on). But, seriously, we are delighted that half of a typical issue is of interest to, or If yes, how much of the Chronicle do you read? is at least read by, the average Radleian. More than half: 44%, Less than half: 56% We, the Poll Editors, would like to thank all of our Which part of the Chronicle do you read the most? faithful readers for voting the poll as the most read Opinion Pieces: 3%, Sport: 20%, section. Otherwise it seems that the Chronicle Letters: 20%, Polls: 26%, readership is quite evenly spread, with the most ‘Overheard’: 13%, Reviews: 5% popular of the other sections being Sport and Satire (‘Social Stereotypes’ etc.): 13%, Correspondence.

Do you think that 11 issues a year (or three or four a 60% of you inform us that we are getting the dosage term) is the right number? correct and three or four issues a term is about right.

Too many issues: 20%, Whisperings in Hall have indicated that the balance About the right number: 61%, and style of the Chronicle is not quite right. This is a Too few issues: 19% serious issue. The Chronicle’s raison d’être is to Do you think the balance between ‘serious’ coverage, ‘chronicle’ life at this place. This may be a review of reviews & opinion, and the satirical is…? the film everyone’s watching; it may be a sports

Too serious: 32%, update or even an opinion piece on their tutor’s About right: 54%, splendid new hairstyle. Nevertheless the Chronicle’s Too satirical: 13% function is not entirely to amuse the boys. That is not to say that we can’t have a little fun on the way. But Do you think the Chronicle has been improving since the third of the school who seek further amusement it started? should perhaps look elsewhere. Yes: 62%, No: 38% We would like to express some thanks to the 62% who believe the Chronicle to be improving. We would also Half of you have indicated that there are insufficient like to take this opportunity to stress that, contrary to copies to go around (125 is less than one copy between belief in some quarters, we do not rig or make up our five). However boys do not seem that keen on statistics. everyone having their own copy. If anyone would like 56 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006

I WANT TO ROCK… There have always been bands at Radley (when I say gig. A gig is a concert where the crowd are there to see ‘always’ I mean, of course, since modern life began in the band, not to listen to the music. If the music is the ‘60s) but currently there seems to be activity on a great then of course it makes for a better gig, but that scale unseen before. An evening stroll past the Silk isn’t the central focus. And for you festival veterans Hall will greet your ears not with the plonking of the out there who think I am being condescending, let me novice pianist or the sneething of the oboe scholar, but tell you that there is nothing (and I repeat, nothing) with the kerrangs of distorted guitars, thunder from more soul-destroying than trying to play with feeling electric basses and the pounding of the drum. But what in the Silk Hall in front of seven dons and their has caused this trend? Could it be that plummeting mothers with the light of the evening sun streaming in standards on the sports field has the young Radleian through the doors. Don’t get me wrong, we really reaching for his drumsticks to vent his frustration? Or appreciate your support and can’t thank you enough could it be that the Radioheads, Coldplays and, dare I for continuing to come back, but have you ever heard say it, Busteds of recent years have proven that it’s of moshing? possible to come from a privileged background and Now, in an earlier draft of this piece, I went on to still gain credibility in the wider world (OK, except explain why Radley bands were at a disadvantage Busted)? There may be no real way of knowing but when they left school due to the lack of live what we can be sure of is that despite the huge experience. But the more I wrote and the more I amounts of other commitments placed upon us at thought, the more it occurred to me that this was in Radley (Lost isn’t going to watch itself, is it?), the fact one of the biggest advantages that we have. When people are finding the time to form a band. the average band leaves school, they will have played Last year was particularly fruitful with not one but two lots of fun gigs in front of appreciative audiences who class acts leaving with the intent to ‘make it’. The have whooped and screamed and loved every minute, Spring Offensive and Face Parade (Laurence Grant & and that’s great for them. But the Radley band will co. to those who find it tough to keep up with such have played in concerts, in front of people who didn’t things) have both met levels of relative success in the want to hear them. It’s the absolute pinnacle of the outside world with the former performing at the 2005 tough crowd. Anyone who has looked up mid- Cornbury Festival and the latter recording with a top performance to see the entire Music Department producer (who was involved with Coldplay). Does this sitting at the back with their fingers in their ears will flurry of musical activity indicate the beginning of a know what I mean. The upshot of this, is that whilst trend, or is it going to be a flash in the pan? the non-Radley band will have had lots of fun and made lots of friends and met lots of girls, they The packed house at this year’s Battle of the Bands probably won’t have improved much as musicians, and the impressive showcasing of talent from Shells and Sixth Form alike indicates the former. whereas the Radley band are forced to hone their craft, in the terrifying knowledge that when they play, the There is also the matter of the new recording studio, in audience will actually be listening to the music, not to pretty much constant use by bands since its opening mention the added pleasure that the Radley band last term. This, it has to be said, is an incredible experience when they play to a real audience. I can tell resource to young bands, and few Radleians will have you, it’s sweet. escaped being asked, enticed, forced and ultimately begged to buy a copy of Barble Partisan’s debut effort, OVERHEARD… The World’s Worst Public Swimming Pool, reviewed in last month’s Chronicle (limited quantities still Overheard in the JCR: available, email [email protected] for Boy: ‘Jamaica is not as bad as some other African details). The ability for developing acts to hear countries.’ themselves is an essential learning tool, and one that is not available to many and free to even fewer. Overheard in the English Department: However life is not all perfect in the Radley band. Boy A: ‘I’m having a litter of spaniel puppies in July.’ Whilst other bands may not have the facilities that we possess, they have access to something which is Boy B: ‘Oh my God! So am I!’ probably far more important to the development of a band: the capacity to gig. It’s just not feasible for the Overheard at a Form Master’s Meeting: Radley band to perform live, outside school on a Don, trying to phone for a curry: ‘Does anyone have regular basis. The transport and permission is just too Al-Quaeda’s number?’ difficult to coordinate. Now bear in mind that no matter how charming the Warden’s Music is, it is not a 57 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

LEAVERS’ RECITALS ROBERT CRABTREE stride and sang Somewhere, Tonight and One hand, One heart. Perhaps it might have been sung without SUNDAY 25 JUNE, SILK HALL music and music stand – it helps both the audience and When asked how fast he would be playing the Einaudi performer engage more directly, but the final syllable I Giorni, he simply replied, ‘About as fast as my heart of Tonight was said with such clear diction that even is pounding right now’. What an eloquent illustration SDJC would have been pleased with the final ‘t’. of how much these leaving VI2s truly care about their Even more change followed with a Jazz Band who final offerings of music! played the famous Jamie Cullum number called All at To kick off the evening in time-honoured fashion, Sea. This was a lovely change from the previous drinks were served in the Theatre foyer, which has items, and again Robert admirably altered his vocal proved a useful venue for many other such frivolities style to fit the bill, and even dabbled into a soaring this term. Whilst all were sipping their nectar merrily, array of falsetto. Their second number on the same Robert Crabtree’s imposing voice boomed across the theme, Beyond the Sea by Trenet, started with a uncomfortably white space demanding that people slightly different approach. It seemed to have a very ‘shift it’. sparse accompaniment with brief beats from the kit. The audience was clearly intrigued, and just then The recital (or concert – I’m not sure of the difference) Henry Cartwright said airily, ‘Rob, do you reckon you started with a rendition of Ludovico Einaudi’s Le could count us in?’ What a lovely touch! I say this Onde – Canzone Popolare. As the name suggests, it without sarcasm, because the relaxed and tolerant tone supposed to remind the listener of waves gently of the evening was what made it so charming. lapping against soft sand, and to add to the mellowness, Robert played the first movement with The penultimate number was performed by the the lights dimmed on an electric piano off stage. It ‘Leaving Clerkes’ (Matthew Johnson (G), Adrian would have been the perfect start to the concert had it Pascu (B) and Tom McPhail (H)) singing Eleanor not been for the undesirable whose phone sounded Rigby. It was a cheeky little number, and it was clear during this, resulting in the serene playing being less at times that the VI.2s were definitely enjoying what than beautifully punctuated by a most irritating sort of they were singing, especially Matthew, who must be phone siren. Having said this it was a wonderfully soft reminded that singing and giggling do not mix. opening and the second and third movements were Robert Crabtree returned to the piano to finish with the equally impressive; played with beautiful ‘legatissimo’ mellow I Giorni. After the necessary thank-yous, there phrasing. Yes, there was an excited hint of a giggle as was an encore that no one was expecting; a ravishing people remembered the John Lewis TV advert in Italian duet with his ravishing singing teacher Miss which the second movement made its popular debut. Ksenia Jones – delightful. And yes, there was the occasional expression of disgruntlement from the performer when he played a What really struck me about seeing him perform that phrase not to his liking. But to the audience the evening was the quality of his developing bass voice flowing nature of the piece was conveyed almost and his mature, relaxed stage presence. perfectly. The performer commented later that Einaudi In all, his performance together with his detailed is the ‘Music Department’s most hated composer... but performance notes was a good way to bring to a close I’m going to play some anyway’. this year’s Leavers’ Recitals. We moved on to Robert’s main talent: his singing – and what a variety we heard. First, Pur Dicesti by ADRIAN PASCU Lotti; an Italian song written -unsurprisingly- about SATURDAY 24 JUNE, SILK HALL love. Mr Crabtree’s beautiful piano phrasing was imitated on the voice and he recited it gracefully and I think that most knew what to expect from Adrian with a sense of freedom. Schubert’s Du bist die Ruh Pascu’s (B) Leaving Recital; eccentricity, frivolity, was sung for contrast’s sake and really focused on the bohemianism, and above all amusement. Few would sombre tone of his voice. Keeping in suite, the have been disappointed; there was a truly vast quantity Compline Clerkes (Ben Sheen (C), Alex Rose (C), of champagne and claret, not to mention an extensive TMM and Sebastian Lomas (H)) sung the first half of array of food of all the colours of the rainbow: prawns, Tallis’ sublime Lamentation of Jeremiah. cheese, ham, strawberries and a hundred other things. It was an impressive effort by the Pascus and their Then we travelled about 400 years forward to helpers. Bernstein’s West Side Story. This was obviously a massive stylistic change, yet Robert took it in his Frivolity was there before and after the show, so we were left to expect eccentricity and amusement from 58 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 the recital itself. There was no shortage of either. The He then however came back on to play several host stumbled on to warm applause looking encores, including the old favourite that is the Chopin uncharacteristically (unless you’ve seen him post Waltz again. drinks of an evening) dishevelled, hair all over the The evening was anything but over when the concert place, bow tie slung around his neck and shirt was finished. We now hit the food in the Theatre foyer, not untucked and unironed. He proceeded to play to mention the claret. We heard an inebriated duet, a Chopin’s famous Waltz in E minor rather over- moving speech, and many different languages being indulgently, hurling his body to and fro in spoken – Romanian, Spanish and German, and a little synchronisation with the crescendos and diminuendos. bit of English. It was an exotic experience to say the Everyone was thinking it; ‘Oh dear, he’s drunk!’ an least. impression enhanced by the fact that he came on carrying a bottle in his right hand! After the Chopin he I think almost all have come across the great character launched into an amusing story in a somewhat slurred that is Adrian Pascu (as that is the only way to voice about the time he got hammered in RMCG’s describe him), be it his Social prayers, his concerts or kitchen when the great Tutor heretically asked him to just through his frequent misdemeanours. In the words pour 70 bottles of wine down the sink. It involved of RMCG, who spoke briefly at the reception clever wordplay, was based on a Romanian afterwards, ‘we will never forget Adrian Pascu’. monologue, translated and adapted to B Social circumstances, clearly, and showed that the performer MATTHEW JOHNSON has a very clear grasp of what inebriation is like, as SATURDAY 17 JUNE, SILK HALL well as fine acting skills. After stumbling off he returned looking much more dashing, without a bottle Matthew Johnson. The name usually arouses some sort of wine and he could now speak properly. Very good, of violent emotion; for some, he is the epitome of Mr Pascu. Lady Sneerwell in the School for Scandal; for some, he is best seen in his outrageous sense of humour; for The programme was thereafter predictable to Music others, it is a certain camp ridiculousness which Department cognoscenti. There was always going to defines Matthew. Those who came to his Leavers’ be the 2nd movement of Beethoven’s Pathetique Recital expecting were, it must be said, disappointed: Sonata; naturally, some flowery Italian operatic arias, he did not turn up in a tutu, and he did not do a little and quite likely some Romanian music too. If you dance. But he was very good. heard Adrian’s composition in the Warden’s Music you would have noticed his love of lush Bohemian It’s difficult for a pianist to do anything but solo work; harmony and sound, so it seemed natural therefore for Matthew overrode that difficulty, as quite a few of his him to play two piano works by Namorianevski, that pieces were for two or more performers. This added well-known Romanian immigrant. Pascu’s piano considerable variety to the evening, but it cannot be playing is renowned for his disdain for the notes doubted that Matthew was in control throughout. The written on the page, whilst still making the first piece was from a concerto for two pianos by performance charming, stylish, expressive and Shostakovich; it was a dazzling and virtuosic work, convincing. I’m still not quite sure how he gets away and Matthew performance was aptly so. Jamie Brown with it, adjudicators always seem to slate others when (D) was the other accomplished player. they do something similar. He was very faithful to the Matthew’s next piece was a complete contrast; from spirit of the pieces, and they had a fresh improvisatory Shostakovich to Bach, from ff to pp. It was delicate, feel. The second, jazzy number was based on well- dream-like, almost improvisatory in its flow, and known melodies – On the street where you live, Matthew got that spot on; you simply cannot play Summertime, and Jerusalem, among others. Quite a Bach as if it were a ringtone! I enjoyed it far more than catholic (Romanian Orthodox?) mix. Matthew’s next two pieces, Gershwin’s I got rhythm The highlights for me were the two arias by Rossini and The Man I Love (other). Call me a purist, but I and Verdi. Pascu’s voice is unique and so immediately don’t think the genre of jazz can be really accurately grabs the attention of the audience, and the way he crystallized on paper; half the joy is in the element of managed to portray the character who sings the aria freedom established by the idiom. Matthew played was most impressive. Having said that, perhaps the with feeling, but, for me at least, the spark wasn’t character of a drunken eccentric duke comes naturally there. to the old chap. Clearly he understood the Italian Following a Thirties theme we were treated to a totally, and rolled his ‘r’s like a native. rendition of Every Time We Say Goodbye, with Lucy The concert was ended, well, officially ended, with Evans, one of Matthew’s numerous female friends, on Torn’ a Surriento by de Curtis, a delightful, charming vocals. The presence of the voice made it very and moving song that ended the evening with a bang. personal; we could argue about whether Matthew was merely an accompanist, but it was, in the bluntest 59 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE terms possible, very good. moral and utilitarian decisions, like should you hand Not having a programme next to me, I can’t remember 500 elderly Jews to the Germans, thereby increasing the chances of saving 2000 others? Should you help whether or not a Mozart Trio was played with Arthur find all the third born from families to send to the Sawbridge (E) and Nick Buchanan (G). I genuinely can’t: I have a feeling that – if it happened – it was camps so that the others (and yourself) may stand a better chance of surviving? It was Schindler’s List-like competent though not a classic. The return of the in its unremitting darkness and lose-lose situations; the Brown/Johnson double act, however, was. Poulenc’s L’Embarquement pour Gythère was a neoclassical play resounded with constant reminders of the slaughter of 50,000 members of the Vilna Ghetto a work which both Matthew and Jamie really got their few months earlier. teeth stuck in to. The opening scene greets us with the leering figure of The final piece. Much excitement; Matthew dismissed Hugh Petit (F) as SS Officer Kittel. He inhabits his his soporific page turner, Adrian Pascu (B), and superior status superbly from the beginning, bullying grinned broadly to the audience. This would be it. It the Jewish ghetto dwellers and treating them was. The Brahms Rhapsody No. 1 had been heard shockingly. The audience was gripped by his dark, before at the Wharton, but on this occasion it was even calculating characterisation of Kittel and were left more relaxed. This, to me, was Matthew; the affected by his infantile caprice and sadism. He played entertainer, the Matthew who organised a superb after- this part beautifully throughout the performance, and party, the Matthew who did not really care about the took command of the stage whenever he appeared, details as long as it sounded nice. It was the sneering and chilling the Jews and the audience alike. centrepiece of an excellent evening; it dazzled, bewitched, floated, flew, flirted, frightened and The Studio Theatre’s intimacy and intense darkness soothed in equal measures. That piece showed the was ideal for this production, and, although not in the reasons why it was a fantastic evening, and why we round, the audience was engaged as part of the action. shall very much miss him. The play was sensitively directed by RLD, and the discipline of drilled rehearsal was clear from the smoothness. Throughout the production, Will Spendlove (C) provided a chilling narrative of ghetto life with the role of Kruk the Librarian. As Kruk says himself, he cannot do anything so simply ‘records what happens’. We see insights into the horrifying separation of families with more than two children, the starting of a theatre group and the desire of Wieskopf, well developed by Will Baker (B), to open a tailoring workshop to save 150 Jews, by getting them work GHETTO permits. 7-9 JUNE, STUDIO THEATRE This production has no stars to speak of (although Walking into the Studio Theatre on that relaxed Hugh Petit comes extremely close) – all the characters summery evening in a similarly relaxed mood, I was in the play get their chance to make a dramatic impact. hit, as if physically, but the atmosphere created in the We were given moments of light humour as relief for dark interior by the stark set. Grey, black and red were the harrowing events of the play. The ghetto theatre’s the only colours, the menacing red of the swastika and director (Tom Buys, E) and his ventriloquist’s dummy curtains of the theatre prominent against the grey walls (Charlie MacRae-Tod, C) – who speaks the cheeky and uniforms. lines that Buys dared-not to Kittel – were superb. The raw chutzpah of the dummy was poignant and very Clothes are raggedly stacked in a mound to the right, funny too – one of his most daring lines was, ‘why do Nazi swastikas adorn the back walls and a small Germans laugh twice at jokes? Once to be polite and bookshelf places the library to the left. This striking then again when they understand it,’ in the face of scene represented a Jewish ghetto during World War Hugh Petit’s menacing young SS Officer Kittel. II, as we follow the events in a Lithuanian ghetto managed by the Chief of the Jewish Police, Joseph The end was truly shocking. Conditioned as we are to Gens (Max-Bullen Smith E), and (otherwise) see the happy endings – and even though we knew the story of ghetto inhabitants’ strife. the Vilnius (Vilna) Ghetto from the programme notes – after warming to the characters, it was chilling to This was a play about the dilemma of Gens and watch the actors tucking into Kittel’s gift of a loaf of Wieskopf (the tailor) in making life and death bread be machine-gunned in cold blood by the decisions about their fellow men. They wrestled with German. 60 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY CHRISTMAS 2005, CINEMAS WORLDWIDE

To accompany a review of this term’s school play, we commissioned a (slightly late) review of the recent film. This movie is a return to form for Tim Burton, being a – some literal throwaway gags (tossing Fox’s card delight from start to finish: it’s a hugely enjoyable, over his shoulder) and a great running gag where he brightly coloured children’s fantasy with a terrific keeps accusing Mike Teevee of mumbling. central performance from Johnny Depp. In a word, The sets (many of them actually built rather than CGI- delicious. ed) are terrific and wonderfully colourful, in stark It’s safe to say that Tim Burton’s adaptation of Roald contrast to the snowy landscapes that characterize Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was one of Charlie’s ‘real’ world. The factory sets are the most eagerly-awaited films of the season. The breathtakingly beautiful, but there’s wonderful colour director’s collaborations with Johnny Depp are, I and detail in the other sets too, e.g. the toothpaste think, his best films and this delightful confection is factory that Charlie’s dad works in and the Wonka thankfully no exception – it’s easily Burton’s best film Shop from Grandpa Joe’s flashback. since Ed Wood. Danny Elfman’s score is extremely good and the songs Young Charlie Bucket (Freddie Highmore from are all very imaginatively staged, albeit the lyrics are Finding Neverland) lives with his loving parents occasionally difficult to hear. On a similar note, purists (Helena Bonham Carter and Noah Taylor) and may complain about the Americanization of the film, grandparents, in a ramshackle house in the shadow of as well as the amusing flashbacks Burton gives Wonka Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. After years of (involving a perfectly cast Christopher Lee as secrecy, the mysterious Wonka (Johnny Depp) Wonka’s strict dentist father – presumably the nearest announces that he will open the gates of his famous Burton could come to casting Vincent Price). factory to five lucky children, who will be randomly The film is frequently hilarious – it’s much funnier selected by finding a Golden Ticket inside one of than the previous filmed version with Gene Wilder as Wonka’s chocolate bars. The children include: Wonka. It’s also full of inventiveness – there are many chocoholic Augustus Gloop (Philip Wiegratz), fabulous visual gags and Burton makes terrific use of overachieving Violet Beauregarde (Anna Sophia both Kubrick’s 2001 and Hitchcock’s Psycho during Robb), spoiled brat Veruca Salt (Julia Winter), the Mike Teavee sequence. videogame addict Mike Teevee (Jordan Fry) and, to his wide-eyed amazement, Charlie himself. But what To sum up, this is utterly fantastic in every sense of he finds in the factory exceeds even his wildest the word. The sets and music are great, it’s perfectly dreams… cast and it’s thoroughly entertaining. If Burton doesn’t get a Best Director Oscar nomination out of this there Of course, the actors are wonderful. Freddie Highmore is officially no justice. Unmissable – go borrow the is perfect as Charlie – there’s an impressive naturalism DVD from the Library now! and maturity to his performance, which contrasts well with the madness around him. David Kelly is good value as Grandpa Joe and the child actors are OVERHEARD… engaging. There’s also strong support from the likes of Overheard in Common Room, on having read the James Fox and Missi Pyle as the children’s parents Chяonicle: and an astonishing range of performances from Don: ‘Now who would let their son do something like digitally-reduced (although pretty small anyway) actor this?’ Deep Roy, who plays all the Oompa-Loompas and recorded separate movements for each one. However, the film unquestionably belongs to Johnny Overheard in Hall: Depp. He makes the most out of every line and gets Boy: ‘I think the fact that I won three prizes reflects several laughs just from the looks he shoots people. my academic brilliance’ It’s an extremely mannered performance but Burton and Depp make it clear that Wonka himself (who hasn’t been seen in public for 15 years) is nervously Overheard in a Remove French Lesson: playing a part for his audience – to the point where he Don: ‘...and obviously “gaspillage” means waste’ frequently reads his own lines off cue cards. Boy: ‘So I’ll be crossing out gas spillage, then.’ There are some wonderful throwaway lines – ‘You’re really weird’ to James Fox being a particular highlight 61 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE UNIVERSITY OF LIFE Choose at random any member of the VI.2, and ask places they deserve simply because their merits get them where they think they stand with Radley. buried under mountains of better presented mediocrity. Without fail, all will answer you that by the end of the But even if you do get there, you may wonder why summer, they feel they will have grown out of this you bothered. Increasingly, tales of lecturers who do place, and that they are more than ready to move on. not lecture, who do not mark work or set essays, or But move onto what? Well, as we all know, the only who teach at particularly low standards and then acceptable path for a Radleian fresh from the world of decide to strike for higher salaries, are finding their gowns and dons and social socks is one that takes way back to Radley. Many recent ORs have reported them (perhaps via a gap year) to one or other of the that university teaching can be poor, intermittent and elite British universities. detached. Lecturers sometimes do not seem to care This year every member of the VI.2 is going on to about teaching; students complain of having too little further education in some form, following a trend set work to do – one essay per term, sometimes. Teaching by over 98% of their predecessors in the last ten years. is seen as a poor substitute, and a distraction from, the Occasionally, of course, some lonely soul smells income-earning and prestigious research projects. something fishy about this whole process, and decides Then of course, there is the problem of money. Several to enrol at the good old University of Life. But those amongst you may take this opportunity to settle back who choose this route (never usually more than a into your large leather armchairs and to skim read the couple per year) are considered anomalies. Who would next paragraph, but for many of you, the issue of the not want to go to university when the benefits of ever growing burden of student debt is very real. We higher earning potential, girls, beer and the general have all read articles about how debt financially opportunities for lasciviousness (diluted only cripples a great many students even before they have occasionally by some essay hoving into view) are so got into the work place. For more and more people, well known? student debt makes it almost impossible to get onto the We all know that as ‘rounded young men’ we should property ladder, or to enjoy the higher standard of leap at the opportunities offered by university, but living that university seemed to promise them. This in recently, there have been some changes on campuses the face of some of those who decided to miss around the country that might make us reconsider – if university, and who consequently have made much out only for a moment. of the extra experience and financial solvency that As we all know, A Levels are getting easier. So much their decisions afforded them. Bill Gates and Richard Branson are by no means typical examples, but as easier in fact that not a week passes without some proud graduates of the University of Life, they do smug comment in the Telegraph (if not in the papers, then perhaps from your don) about how much harder it highlight the point that for the very ambitious and talented, higher education can only hold you back all was back in their day. Frankly most of us are from the billions you deserve. probably quite pleased about this, given how hard we find the A level work in some subjects, but Speaking of the University of Life, the virtual quads unfortunately, this silver cloud has a dark lining. and exam halls of Ashwood University Because exams are getting easier, naturally more (www.ashwooduniversity.net) offer you the people are passing, and if more are passing, then more opportunity to pick up a degree in Life online, where want to go to university. This is compounded by the ‘the only qualification we require for a degree is that effect of the government’s aim to have ‘50% of people you should have adequate work, life or military between 18 and 30 in higher education by the middle experience, or classroom education’. Add this to the of this century’. That is a staggering statistic, and growing list of genuine degrees in Belly Dancing and although certainly we are all overjoyed at the prospect Beckham Studies, and you might start to wonder if of better opportunities for all creeds, colours and IQ university is really all it claims to be. In fact, when (as counts, we can see that there must be some problems is often the case) a Radleian can get into a top with this, namely, where are all these people going to university for a subject that only momentarily caught go? his eye in the Telegraph educational supplement one With so many people applying to universities, it is breakfast in August, we cannot help but wonder if degrees can really be so worth having. now not uncommon for 50 to apply for a single place on some of the more popular courses. When most of Having said all that, for almost all of us university is these candidates hold a good clutch of As at A level, it not optional. Nor should it be. Having spent a couple becomes increasingly difficult for admission of hundred grand on our education, most parents are departments to sort the meat from the spaff. Many keen to see the high returns on their investment that very worthy candidates are turned down from the can only be guaranteed by a shiny new degree. And 62 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 even if standards are slipping in many places, the not count their bedrooms on two hands or even those levels of competition for the best courses should who run out of digits. The chance to meet people you always ensure that the highest of standards are kept never normally would, and to make the friends who where they will be most appreciated. Anyway, will stay with you for the rest of your life. So although University is not all about the work, is it? Most Dons we admire the occasional Radleian who decides to will happily spend a lesson reminiscing about Rugby give it all a miss, we can still know that we have a Club initiation ceremonies or late-night caffeine- challenging and socially amazing three or four years fuelled essay crises. University seems to offer an ahead of us when we leave this place. After that, who education in more than just your chosen subject, knows? Perhaps the University of Life offers Master’s giving you the opportunity to mix with people who do courses…

2–2: PARADISE LOST 7.30pm, Tuesday 20 June. We were all nervously spectacle. awaiting the start. Around 50 Radleians I counted in The start of the second act was good, bad, and front of this particular screen and all were anxious as hilarious. It started well with Adam and Eve on stage, to whether it was really worth doing prep over your completely in the nude of course (another goal to the half day just to watch a number of talented men prance boys, 2–1), but then 20 seconds later the man turned around on that green stage. What am I talking about? round – no fig leaf (boys in shock so dons equalize). It The VI.1 and Remove trip to Paradise Lost of course. was then mainly hilarious because all I could hear to (Were some of you doing anything else at that time? my left was ‘Oh my God, it’s so small!’ accompanied Just prep I should imagine.) Well, anyway, you ask with some quiet giggles. Well, the story continued about the title? I’ve worked out that the metaphorical until Satan came to find Eve, and having donned a (it was an English trip) match of Boys versus English snake-skin jacket he tempted Eve to eat the apple, all Dons resulted in a draw. And now over to you, John, the while elongating all his esses rather unnecessarily. for the match details. There were weaknesses however (in case I come The Removes played a blinder early on in persuading across as blindly religious and an avid Miltonite). In JMFB to take them to supper at Bella Italia, cutting down the original text it was inevitable that Gloucester Green, before the start of the performance some of the substance, as well as the subtleties, would and so the Boys got off to a brilliant start: 1–0. be lost: this came most obviously in the arguments However, there was an equal and opposite reaction between Adam and Eve. Considering that this is from the rest of the dons, refusing to take the VI.1s to supposed to be the paradigm of every marital squabble the same place. 1–1. Now for the start of play. Start of in the post-lasparian world it was given frighteningly the play... little stage time. This is probably just the cost of Paradise Lost is a poem by John Milton, and it is cutting Milton down to two hours from twelve books huge: many, many thousands of lines, but it tells the and may be a little harsh (we in the Sixth Form have intriguing story of Satan breaking free from Hell and only been studying books IX and X). tempting Eve to eat an apple from the Tree of On the way back the Removes thought it would be a Knowledge, adapted for the stage brilliantly by Ben good idea to run through Oxford to our bus yelling Power. However, at the beginning I was a little ‘look out, Set 1A English coming through!’ Still, the worried that we had walked in to the wrong theatre, final score: 2–2. because when the safety curtain rose, we saw a man in scruffy jeans and a hoodie. The apple was centre stage on a table, and (I presume) to emphasize its importance the hooded man waved his arms around it. Slightly curious, I have to admit, but then the true action began. I could go through every scene, describing the brilliant lighting, sound and acting, but to be honest that would just be boring to read, so I have selected just a few favourites of mine. A truly brilliant piece of directing was seen when Satan was flying up from Hell to get to Eve. This involved Satan suspended from a wire while being tossed head over heels, with quiet yet intense music playing in the background. Superb lighting just added to the effect of flight, and this was a true 63 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE SENIOR PREFECT’S ENVIRONMENTAL WORKSHOP MINUTES OF THE LAST MEETING 9PM, MONDAY 3 JULY, GROUNDSMAN’S Present: Senior Prefect, Second Prefect, reps from A, the last few weeks. To put that in context, that’s B, C, D, F, G, H and I Socials, CRB, MJSH, PMF, and enough to feed the world population of llamas for a some unidentifiable balaclava-clad figures on the week or, converted to energy in an incinerator, enough fringes. to lift a Space Shuttle two metres off the ground. 1. The new crisp packet crusher installed outside Shop Clearly this wastage is unacceptable and something must be done. Portion control will be phased in, and has made a significant difference to the volume of starting with a baked bean quota: max 60 baked beans waste on the ground around Clocktower. It can also be configured to take grapes, although there’s an odd per boy per meal will be trialled at Wednesday supper until Leave Away. Reps were asked to spread the word whine emitted when used. for all to be tolerant of the extra queuing time that may 2. The ambitious rep from I Social suggested recycling result from the counting procedure. the hymn books in Chapel. Many pointed out that this 7. Electricity bills. I Social have leapt into the lead in would be inconvenient, as the hymn books are currently used several times every week. Also, the the Campaign to Husband Electricity And Power (CHEAP) by the relatively extreme measure of rolling explicitly Christian content might not be biodegradable. blackouts through the day across the different wings of social. Apart from the inevitable alarm-clock resetting 3. Suggestions from the reps of C and F Social about problems and loss of work in progress on computers, recycling the enormous number of peas left uneaten at this seems to have been a huge success and blackouts Lunch were dismissed as unfeasible by the Catering will be rolled across other Socials randomly next term. Manager, because of the difficulty of washing off all traces of ketchup. 8. Nesting for the kites. PWG and the Radley College Twitching Society report that, following the 4. PMF stepped up to the rostrum to remind us of the imaginative idea for a new nesting site arising from the need to keep cans to the yellow bins (red in D Social) last SPEW meeting, the kites had settled in to and bottles in the blue bins (mauve in A, C and F Clocktower well for the first 13 minutes but were then Socials). Crushing the cans would earn 5 bonus points disturbed by the quarter hour chimes. Happy news, per recycling container for each social, although not though – RCTS is monitoring their new nest down at for ones with sharp edges. Paper and cardboard the Rifle Range. (separately) are recycled in the pink bins. Pastel- coloured bins are collected on odd-numbered days in 9. Shop. After encouraging trials and a boost in repeat custom, Shop’s new ‘Honey’ Loyalty Card is available the cycle (except where Field Day turns a Monday into for all customers: 10% off any Chicken Rolls bought a Wednesday: the Tuesday between becomes the collection day) from the even Socials (B, D, F and H) on the day of issue, and a competitive 19.9% DPR (daily percentage rate) of interest on outstanding and the Primary-coloured ones vice versa. The new Prep recycling bins (lime green) are to be found in the balances (terms and conditions apply). Daringly sidestepping the College barbers, Hair Miles will be foyer of most socials now; any preps which are in awarded to loyal customers – 4 Hair Miles buys a good condition, dated and referenced (but un-named, of course) and able to be reused should be deposited in haircut in Abingdon, and 10 Hair Miles a deluxe trim in Oxford. the bins. There’s a separate area for coursework essays (please erase red ticks first). 10. From next term New Boys will get priority in Shop, followed by Removes and then Vths etc. in a 5. Water shortage. The socials have responded in their reversal of the usual hierarchy. New Boys will be own ways to the urgency of the drought order. Baths are now verboten in A Social; orange squash and all allowed to send Removes to get pre-ordered items at Short Break – A, C, E, F, I Socials on Mon, Weds, and dilute drinks are banned in F Social; water bottles for Fri and vice versa for the first half of term until the rowing and athletics are only allowed to be half-filled in C Social; and showers are (voluntarily) on hold in timetable change, when the priority will be reversed. Note that the order for Mondays which are Orchard – although this last measure does not seem to Wednesdays for the purpose of Field Day (except for have reduced water consumption by very much. Thanks to all concerned for their sacrifices in this the supper menus) will be unchanged in Shop but not in Hall. The aim of this new tradition is to make the difficult period of water rationing. New Boys feel at home, and give them an extended 6. Food wastage. The amount of food wasted in Hall period of grace (now provisionally set at 15 months). continues to rise, averaging 2 million kg per day over

64 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 11. Following requests from PHMs the fizzy drink 12. JH asked for reports on the whereabouts of the vending machine is being swapped for a DIY College Poltergeist so that he can factor in likely Smoothie machine next term, in line with Department breakages to next term’s crockery budget. of Health regulations on childhood obesity. Boys must At the end of the meeting, the Senior Prefect collect fresh fruit from Hall at mealtimes – the new relinquished his iron grip on the Workshop – all ‘Five-A-Day’ Fruit Bar replaces the popular present thanked him and wished him well with his Cholesterol Counter – and then can feed into the Green Studies course at Cambridge. He thanked the Smoothie machine the fruit of their choice. The intrepid Workshoppers, CRB and everyone else on manufacturer advises peeling the fruit first, especially SPEW for the important work they do providing coconuts. The machine crushes and strains the fruit, inspiring and practical ideas to make College a greener then mixes in yoghurt and lemon juice before filling a and more amusing place. container held at knee level. This has proved popular at Wycombe Abbey, but feedback from Social reps The next meeting will be held at 9pm on Thursday 19 would be appreciated. October at Jackdaw Clump, chaired by the new Senior Prefect.

65 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE FROM THE ARCHIVES Radley Hall was the former name of Mansion, in its DIVINITY role as minor stately home at the centre of Radley 4. Relate the circumstance of the confusion of tongues Park, the 800 acre estate that largely survives as the and dispersion of mankind. school grounds. 9. How were Abraham, Moses, Aaron, and David, A small private school named Radley Hall occupied types of Christ? the Mansion from 1819 until 1844 when, intriguingly, 12. What was the end of Sennacherib and his army? ‘the master became embarrassed and was compelled 14. What did our Saviour say of the widow’s mite? to leave’. The school proclaimed in the ‘Prospectus of 28. Are all the miracles of our Saviour related in the Radley Hall Academy’ ‘...the utmost attention is paid Scriptures? to intellectual cultivation, religious principles are affectionately inculcated; the moral habits are MORAL PHILOSOPHY watched over with unremitted care; and whatever may 4. Why is not virtue either παθος or δυναμις? promote the social and domestic comfort of the pupils 8. Describe the fourfold office of deliberation. is anxiously consulted’. So: no change there, then (apart from the last clause?). 17. Whence arose the necessity of money? 21. Give Aristotle’s reasons (4) why true self-love Also, ‘a select Library is provided, and a native of cannot exist in vicious men. France resides in the House... the French language is regularly spoken’. Plus ça change, plus ça même 24. How far do external goods contribute to chose… happiness? HISTORY CHARGES 5. What is related as an instance of patriotic firmness in Brutus? From the Radley Hall Prospectus, c.1830: 8. Mention some of the remarkable facts concerned Guineas per annum with Hannibal. - Board, Reading, Writing, Accompts, History and 16. Give the characters of Alfred the Great, Cardinal Geography ……………………………………. 30 Wolsey, Henry the Eighth, and Queen Elizabeth the - Parlour Boarders ……………………………. 60 First. - Latin & Greek ………………………………. 4 18. What was the origin of the House of Commons? - Mathematics ………………………………… 2 - French, Drawing, Music and Dancing on the Usual 26. What great battle terminated the political life of Terms Napoleon Bonaparte and who was the English - Washing ……………………………………... 3 general? - Single beds are provided for all without additional ARITHMETIC charge 4. The hypotenuse of a right-angled triangle is 75, and base 60, what is the perpendicular, and what is the

area? RADLEY HALL ACADEMY 9. The diameters of two concentric circles being 12 1837 CHRISTMAS EXAMS and 8, what is the area of the ring they form? 10. Find the length of an arc whose chord is 18, and These questions are extracted verbatim from the 1837 the chord of half the arc 10 1/3. Christmas Examination papers, but in order to set a puzzle for our readers, we have altered one question slightly. Can you spot the anachronous one? [A list of prize-winners is then duly published and there is a nota bene:] GEOGRAPHY N.B. It will be perceived that some of the young 1. What are the general features of Africa? gentlemen have been successful in their examinations 2. How are Peterborough, Constantinople, Edinburgh in several subjects, and yet have but received one and Paris severally situate with regard to London? prize. This has been in accordance with a standing 3. For what has France always been remarkable? regulation, in order that a greater stimulus might be 14. What peculiar religious notions do the Hindoos afforded to the rest, whilst the relative position of the (sic) entertain? members of each class, clearly points out their 17. What has rendered Great Britain an object of comparative merits. admiration to all nations?

66 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006

DEAL OR NO DEAL? This daytime blockbuster gameshow, reportedly Adding up the totals gives £90,111.06 and the chance earning its presenter three million pounds a year, has of winning any of the sums is equal. Therefore this all the makings of TV hell: bovine contestants, total divided by 8 is £11263.88. For £75,000 and incomprehensible rules and the self-satisfied grin, twee £250,000, the banker’s offer was 22,500 pounds. Is little beard and eccentric movements of Noel there any rationale behind this? Surely the ‘banker’ is Edmonds. However, for reasons baffling as the game just a computer program. Both the producers of the itself, the show is absolutely compelling. For anyone show and Noel Edmonds himself have denied this and, with GCSE Maths and a rational outlook on life, it’s during one show when a contestant made a particularly quite simple. Yet as Edmonds and the contestants talk brash comment in response to the banker’s offer, up the chances at each stage, rationalise the purely Edmonds held the phone up to the microphone and the random and post-rationalise ‘good or bad luck’ in the banker could be heard chuckling to himself. SO constant search for order and reason, the nation assuming that this figure is a real person, we must put becomes dizzy with excitement, intoxicated by the our mathematical and logical brains together to come illusion of a quest far more exotic than a mere game of up with some sort of system that enables the both the chance. player and the banker to maximise their returns: The principle is devilishly simple: there are 15 To maximise the potential return without regard to contestants – the same bunch week in and week out, risk, a player’s best strategy is to reject the banker’s until they win something – and 15 boxes – each offer if it is below the mean value of the un-opened containing a different amount of money, from 1p to cases. Typically, the banker’s offer undervalues the £250,000. Each player has a random box put in front remaining cases significantly at the debut of a game. of them and one contestant is randomly chosen to play Later on the gap closes, giving the player a strong each week. From this point on, it is his or her game, motivation to continue to play early in the game, but and the only thing that the other contestants have to less so as the game progresses. Since the banker’s do, is to open their box when instructed to reveal the deals are almost always lower than the expected value, amount hidden inside. The main contestant then ‘no deal’ seems to be statistically a better choice. In chooses to open other the other contestants’ boxes to fact the only time the banker’s deal is above the try and find out what is in their own box via a process expected value is when he offers retrospective deals to of elimination. Once an amount has been revealed, it is players who have already accepted one. eliminated from play, and therefore cannot be the However, maximizing expected return is only optimal amount sitting in the main player’s box. They can play if the player can replay the game many times. Since to the end, finding out what is in every other box, to each player only plays once, they must balance their win what is in their box, or accept an offer from the tolerance for risk with the expected winnings. banker. In addition, optimal strategy depends on the lure or The banker is an anonymous figure, who pitches the satisfaction of the various quantities of money to the player the offer of a sum of money for the player’s box player. For example, most people would agree that the every time the player has opened three boxes. The difference between winning £125,000 and £250,000 is player can choose to ‘deal’ i.e. sell the banker their much less than the difference between winning £1 and box for the amount offered, or ‘no deal’ i.e. continue £125,001, even though the pound difference is equal. playing in the hope that they can eliminate more of the The utility curve for money for a player is non-linear lower amounts in order to drive up the bankers offer. and is subject to the law of ‘diminishing returns’. A The ultimate aim of the game is to either sell the box player who seriously needs money may be willing to to the banker for more than it is worth (i.e. more than ‘cash out’ for a bank offer of £5000 and pass on a the amount inside it) or to play to the end and have in chance at £250,000, an opportunity that might fetch your box a higher amount than any of the banker’s him little at the end. offers… The £250,000 can only be won if it is in the players box as, being the highest amount, the banker’s Actual play, as opposed to optimal or ‘best’ play, is offer will never reach it. also, of course, influenced by psychological factors, including perceived luck, fear of embarrassment, and The offers from the banker often seem low, but the pressure of being in front of a studio audience. perhaps the maths is a little more complicated than it seems. For example, with 8 boxes left, 1p, 5p, £1, £10, It’s complete nonsense that shows just how little grip £100, £5,000, £10,000 and £75,000, the offer from the on probability most ordinary Britons have… but I have banker for the player to ‘deal’ and forfeit their box, to admit that it’s gripping television. was 3,300 pounds. 67 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE TWILIGHT ORGAN RECITALS

LB Nazis in 1941. Duruflé turned his name into a melody and used this as the basis for an amazing crescendo – MONDAY 19 JUNE, CHAPEL getting faster as well – and LB managed this with Many of you will have suspected that the organ (not to aplomb, despite its fearsome difficulty. Though the mention the Succentor) has a screw loose, but seldom climax was perhaps a little breathless, this really was has this actually stopped play. There’s always a first the highlight of the evening, and well worth the time for something, and Mr Bartlett’s excellent recital sacrifice of being forced to drink Pimm’s at the end. proved to be such an occasion. At the start of the second piece there was a nasty stuck note, followed by the disappearance of the said Succentor inside the LRIS, TJEF & SDJC bowels of the beast, to emerge a minute or so later MONDAY 26 JUNE, CHAPEL assuring the assembled multitudes (well, more than go to Compline, at least) that all was now well. (The I find it hard to believe that a whole year has passed Warden was heard to mutter ‘Are you trying to make a since the last Dons’ joint recital, but such is life in a point, Dr Morris? I’ve been set up!’) busy place like Radley. Once again then I found myself keenly anticipating hearing TJEF, LRIS and And it was indeed all well: this was a recital with SDJC play the ‘king of instruments’. They brought us some beautiful, delicate playing, in the Buxtehude a lovely mix of pieces by a wide range of composers with which it began, and some real Romantic flair, in spanning more than 300 years of organ music. the Franck Pièce Héroïque which followed. The Buxtehude Komm, Heiliger Geist showed the Radley TJEF gave us Purcell’s Trumpet Tune from King organ at its best: the lucid tones of the Choir division, Arthur; Heron’s Cornet Voluntary; Charles Wesley’s with LB’s exquisite articulation, were ideal for this Pastorale and Christopher Tambling’s Fantasia on ‘O music. Despite his best efforts, though, the Franck Filii e Filiae’. which followed was a little anaemic – the musical This set were all played with characteristic aplomb. In equivalent of an academic scholar with an allergy to the Purcell he gave us a lovely echoing passage from the outdoor life. The reeds just don’t have enough bite the division of the organ down at the East End of the nor the flues enough body for this sort of writing. LB’s Chapel. I suspect he was glad to have got to the end of performance seemed to struggle a little against this, his nerve-racking 10 minutes because he pressed the not to mention against the notoriously heavy action of ‘general cancel’ button rather too firmly and it fell off! the Radley instrument, but it was a brave effort (We really do need a new organ!) nonetheless. LRIS was next to play and a lighter, more feminine Howells is a composer with both a genius for melody, touch was immediately evident. She gave us Stanley’s and an unparalleled ability to get lost up his own Adagio and Allegro from Voluntary VIII and Rex modulations, and the Psalm-Prelude set 2 no. 1 ‘De Koury’s Festival Toccata. The Adagio used that lovely Profundis’ which came next showed both tendencies, I ‘silvery’ light tone of the organ and was beautifully fear. This is a piece requiring perfect legato (or a nice relaxing. The Allegro used the same soft stops but also generous acoustic, at least), and a warmth of tone. LB had contrasting passages with a louder, brasher and did a good job of both but it’s just that the music is deeper voice, just like a conversation between an impenetrable at times. I suppose that it does a good job angry troubled soul and a calming angel… Perhaps of painting the opening words of Psalm 130 (‘Out of that was what the composer had in mind; people with a the deep have I called unto thee, O Lord’), but it was greater musical knowledge than mine might be able to hard going. Mention should be made at this point, tell you. The Festival Toccata was genuinely festive therefore, of the comprehensive programme notes and also seemed quite a beast to handle, requiring which LB supplied – in his own words, ‘to give those great manual dexterity (excuse the slight organ pun) who don’t like the music something to read.’ and fancy footwork. Thoroughly enjoyable. The final piece, though, was, it must be said, one of Last but by no means least was the Precentor. Here he this reviewer’s favourites – the Fugue sur le nom was a bit of a wolf in sheep’s clothing – for, after all, d’Alain by Maurice Duruflé. Duruflé was such a he’s a professional. We knew serious stuff was coming perfectionist that he threw away most of the music he as he’d brought an assistant along to turn the pages wrote – allegedly even his sublime Requiem was and pull stops for him – Matthew, his son. SDJC rescued from the dustmen by one of his pupils. He left played Buxtehude’s Passacaglia in D minor and only six organ works, yet each is a masterpiece. Jehan Kenneth Leighton’s Paean. The passacaglia took us on Alain, in memory of whom this piece was written, was a musical journey through a variety of voices getting a young composer killed defending France from the ever more manic and complex. However, my favourite 68 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006

piece of the whole recital was the Paean. Clearly a BAGPIPING COMPETITION modern piece – Leighton died in 1988 – but not too challenging to the ear. The ONDB says ‘Leighton SUNDAY 18 JUNE, SILK HALL looked askance at radical experimentalism,’ so The inaugural Radley College Independent Schools perhaps that’s why it’s more accessible. It began with Bagpiping Competition took place on Sunday, 18th some crunching chords and built in intensity and June (this competition is more common, I’m told, drama. It made me think of some desperate titanic north of the border). There were three classes, catering struggle where good finally triumphs over evil. for pipers of all abilities and ages and a suitably large Great stuff, you talented trio; more next year, please. range of talent was on display for the sizeable audience. KSN We started with the chanter class for beginners, and the players performed their pieces with the adjudicator BOYS’ RECITAL seated less than a metre away... The results of this MONDAY 2 JULY, CHAPEL class were Catherine Silcock of Berkhamsted winning, and Nick Codrington from Marlborough the runner up. Playing the organ requires a lot of things: Next was the 15 and under class in which Radley musicianship, co-ordination, a technical mind (it’s a enjoyed success with Giles Bromley-Martin (G) who complicated piece of machinery), and above all calm came third. James Fleming (H), Rupert Budge (G), under fire. Theo Whitworth (C) proved earlier in the Hector Fortune (C) and Henry Tufnell (F) also all term, playing a hymn in chapel, that he has all the performed very well. The above qualities, and he proved general standard of playing it again at the last of the organ was very high, especially as recitals, given by the organ some of the competitors in pupils, on 3rd July, with a this class were still at prep confident and elegant school. performance of Bach’s Prelude in F minor. Finally, we heard the 18 and under class. Once again, a He was followed by Freddie high level of talent and skill Tapner (F) – a boy whose was in evidence from all head-of-school drive doesn’t performers which made distract him from more picking a winner extremely musical pursuits, thankfully. difficult. However, in the end, Stanley’s Trumpet Voluntary Ian Haszlakiewicz (G) took is well known, but it is tricky first place with Nick nonetheless, with many Buchanan (G) in third. The twiddly bits expertly handled. competition finished with Ben Sheen (C) was next. He some words of played his Stanford with encouragement for all those assurance and vigour, and involved from the adjudicator. despite a wobbly moment in the middle it came off well. A final word of thanks must go to the organisers. Despite The highlight, though, was this being the competition’s Jonny Williams’ (H) first year, the event ran performance of the ‘little’ smoothly and was very well Introduction and Passacaglia organised, for which, great credit must go to Mr by Reger. ‘Little’ is a relative term where Reger is Ingram the bagpipe teacher, SVC and AJAW. Have concerned – Reger’s own views on the matter were readers noticed that one social of the eight dominates paraphrased by Jonny as ‘alle die Note sind wichtig’ – the bagpiping scene? Is Mr Hammond secretly and although at times he perhaps forgot the practical Scottish? Can any work get done with these keen application of this axiom, nevertheless this was a pipers practising through the day? It’s all a mystery... convincing performance of a tricky number. Reger is nothing if not dark and brooding, a style which Jonny has made his own.

69 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE

EDITORIAL It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. justice and take the GBH charge that results; likely to Last week saw the emergence of an imposter, the stand up for the underdog and then move his chair just Radley College Chяonicle, which sent up characters as he is sitting down; happy to sing lustily without across College. This was an inspirational, unauthorised regard for pitch or volume and ride out the strange and uncensored insight into College life, and the glances... foibles of dons and boys alike; that it was written by A We lose such all-round good eggs as Tim Nice-but- level candidates in their ‘spare’ time made it all the Dim (B), Ranulf Naughty-but-Nice (F), and Freddie more impressive. Nonetheless, punishment ensued: Cheeky-but-has-a-good-leg-break (H). What will one ringleader has been given a month’s hard labour in College be like without them next year? Can it ever be Romania this summer, and the other – even worse – the same? was immediately sent to live with the Warden; tough on crime and tough on the causes of crime... We doubt Enough cynicism! Leaving a place where one has we shall see the return of the Chяonicle. spent so many years is a big step. So we bid adieu to our Leavers – 125 odd Radleians and eight Dons (who On the other hand, the Authorised Version of the real may also be odd, but it really isn’t our place so to say). Chronicle will, of course, return in September, refreshed and revitalised. Farewell, then, to FMCC, RAP, AMP, EBSB, RLD, SMC, and JDA. Farewell also to the two Infirmary Some of our writers, however, and the first 16 Editors, Sisters, Margaret Hauton and Kenis Barker, who have will not return. As another year comes to a close cared unstintingly for generations of sick Radleians. another fine batch of young men must go out into the world steeped in the Radley way: ready to fight for We wish all our readers, and all the Leavers, the very best of times.

CORRESPONDENCE Correspondence is invited from interested parties: please send contributions via email to [email protected]. Correspondents are welcome to use a pseudonym but must make their identity known to the Editors. To the editors of ‘The Radley College Chronicle’ Dear Sirs, Dear Sirs, Reading PMF’s email on recycling just a few days ago, I could not help but feel that we were being I would like to congratulate the catering department on encouraged to generate waste, whether it will be the excellent sandwich I had this Saturday for match recycled or not. Surely in the interest of a fair tea: a Chicken Mayonnaise roll. Simplicity is the word competition results should be calculated by which that applies here. It was delicious, refreshing, and it social has the best ratio of total waste to recycled did not include any hint of a pineapple. waste? In all my capacity as a global citizen I would Yours, urge the powers that be to take this into account. ‘FAT PEER DINED’ Yours faithfully, Jake Cheetham A Social 70 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 Dear Sirs, currently the nearest loos to the Music School Why is it that the IT Department is so quick to cut off available for boys are at the far end of the Theatre? I found out the hard way one morning when I arrived at our Internet access at 11 o’clock in the evening and to the Theatre to find that a shiny plaque of engraved employ their extreme filtering policies during ‘academic time’, yet are so very relaxed about giving metal announcing that the loos under the foyer were for ‘Staff and Visitors only’. Needless to say I obeyed it back again? I am writing this letter at 1 pm, a whole and hurried off to the theatre changing rooms and twenty minutes after academic time gave way to Central Hour, and yet our Internet window to the thankfully I was relieved to find a lavatory that would accept my humble behind. Having timed it recently, it world remains subject to a practically Stalinist regime. takes exactly two minutes to get from a practice room If they’re going to curtail our usage in this way, surely to these loos, which would eat into valuable (and of they should adhere to their own rules. It’s only fair. course enjoyable) music practice time. Could I ask that Yours, we dedicated musicians are granted the right to use the new ones (or better still the disabled one, also under ‘CONNECTIONLESS OF E SOCIAL’ ‘Staff and Visitors only’)? – otherwise we may find that some people are caught short, as it were. Dear Sirs, Yours cheerfully (now), Might I warn those musicians amongst us that MR SHANKS VIEW FROM THE BOUNDARY The cricket season comes to a close. Those white-clad table the top few would look more like this: Midgets 4: figures return home, exhausted after the long and 2.6 (points per game); Secondside: 2.4; Colts 2: 2.3; tiring session, their bags once again slung over their JC3: 2.25; JC2: 2.2; Midgets 2: 2.2. League tables shoulders, with the red sun scorching their backs as mean what you want them to mean, and of course one they ponder the success of their team’s season. What must bear in mind the different standard of opposition could’ve been? If only the captain had bowled first that teams of different levels faced. Nevertheless, we against Harrow; if only he had taken that catch against thought that publishing a summary of the results in a Marlborough; if only I hadn’t been told I was on 49 table would be more interesting and easier to digest against Teddies; if only Bradfield hadn’t been rained than great columns of scores. Please let us know what off. No sport produces quite as many stories as cricket you think, and whether this practice should be and every member of our 17 XIs, looking back on the extended to rugby next term… season, will be able to be proud of the high points and The table shows that both Colts 2 (IKC) and JC3 laugh at the lows. Cricket is a great leveller. Talent (SAH) have suffered from a lack of matches and that and technique generally outweigh strength and fitness. they have had better seasons than their score may The Bigside team selection this year, a year that was suggest; also special mention must go to Colts 2 and always going to be tough, reflected this. Although Midgets 2 (ACW) for remaining unbeaten. However there is no substitute for experience, which the for consistency, credit must go to JFCN and school’s top side understandably lacked, it did not lack Secondside for keeping their fine form throughout a character and team-belief despite coming under long season. The Chronicle extends congratulations to intense scrutiny from the usual quarters – and this year both Secondside and Midgets 4 for being the two most the Chronicle as well. The circuit of opposition this successful cricketing teams in the school. year has been of a very high standard; both Of the leaving dons only one coaches cricket – we are Marlborough and Harrow had their boy superstars, sadly losing the great SMC, sorely to be missed in the Eton were full of talent in all departments and even the Drama Department and on the games field. He will be MCC had a key player from Bigside’s recent history: proud of his Midgets team for letting him go out on former skipper Charlie Duffell was as sensational with such a high and they will miss his lengthy and bat and gloves as he was in his time in Bigside. energetic team-talks, frequent fitness runs, over- Close games were forced out of Abingdon and, most elaborate reactions to boys being unable to come to notably, Harrow. The victories over MCS, Winchester games, biased umpiring and, finally, his match reports and St Edward’s will go down as highlights. The that contain virtually every last detail of the match league table on the back page reveals that Secondside including pitch conditions, key performers and poor- are the most consistent side in the school racking up performers (see below for an example), but all with 24 points, just beating JC2 and Midgets 2, both of great humour. whom made strong finishes, on 22. However this is an injustice to SMC’s Midgets 4 who played less games than all of these, so by working out a point-per-game 71 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE CRICKET REPORTS

BIGSIDE they batted first with the first two balls of the second over being whacked back over the bowler’s head for The second half of the season can be described as one six. It was an afternoon in the field that will ultimately of missed chances for the Radley 1st XI. Both the be remembered for Richard Scott (B)’s first ever matches against Abingdon and Wellington were ones successful ‘doosra’ ball. The Harrow number 6, who that should most certainly have been victories rather had made a dangerous start, was completely stumped than losses. It rather creates a different story on paper, by the one that went the wrong way; he was somewhat regarding results, than reality. After half term Radley reluctantly given out LBW by FEJW and this moment triumphed over Winchester, a game they were was later awarded ‘Ball of the season’. expected to win. Having made 201-8, Radley bowled Winchester out for 147, a decisive victory. Then came Harrow made a hefty 191/9 off their 35 overs which Harrow; the cup final of the season. Radley batted looked very gettable with a small, fast outfield and flat extremely well, making 207 off their fifty five overs. pitch. The chase got off to a fast start but, once again, Only the second side to pass 200 against Harrow all wickets were falling quickly and, despite James season. Throughout their victorious chase the result Pinnington (E) making 43, they came up 11 runs was never certain and Radley did well to fight back at which looks closer on paper than it actually was on the the end and peg Harrow back. The opposition pitch. In the final game of the season Radley pulled off eventually won the game by three wickets. Abingdon a stunning run chase to end a mixed season on a high. were next and Radley still confident after the Harrow Inspirational skipper Ollie Meade-King (H) led the encounter bowled them out for 166. After tea, Radley way again, this time with the ball. He took 4 wickets were cruising at 133-3 when disaster struck. A, quite on a flat track including one catch at slip from George literally, unbelievable batting collapse triggered by a Lines (B) which was later nominated for catch of the dodgy decision and some poor shot selection left season. The chase began is stuttering style. The order Radley nine runs short of the total. In the dressing had been reshuffled as HDH felt some batsmen were room after the game a stunned silence hung over the becoming somewhat unstuck in their former positions. players as they couldn’t quite believe what they had The main improver was Ben Hanson (D), coming in at seen. Wellington came next, and a less confident team 6, who scored 42 n/o on his way to guiding the team to seemed stranded on 64-7 having collapsed yet again victory, an innings highlighted by some gorgeous from 50-2. The lower order however managed to boost cover drives. James Pinnington (E), having been the score to 159. Wellington only just made the total, successful all season at 3, maintained his place and his seven down in the end. This has been one of those form to hit 39- steadying a rocky ship at the top of the seasons which turned on crucial moments and in these order. Radley ran out winners by 5 wickets with only a moments Radley have always seemed to come out couple of overs to spare. worse... 4th XI 3rd XI The 4th XI are traditionally referred to as the ‘pub The 3rds continued their mixed season with a team’ and that is because of their yearly encounters disappointing loss at home to Winchester. Radley against Aldworth CC. They were due to play twice this batted first and lost quick wickets, with only skipper year however rain prevented the first and only the Ollie Meade-King providing any resistance as he home leg took place. After a pre-game round of golf reached the twenties. The bowling wasn’t brilliant the players took the field with Radley batting first. It however Radley’s clear inability to get forward on a was the 6.2 contingent that made all the headway on soft wicket provided their downfall, with many of the this occasion as the top 6.1 scorer only making 5. It line up being clean bowled and they were all out for was Ian Haszlakiewicz (G) who top scored as he only just 67. Winchester took their time with the chase. It just failed to reach 50 and Radley totalled 164 all out. took them around 30 of their 35 overs to get the runs Then in the field Radley held their nerve to close out a for the loss of just three wickets. Ed Campbell-Preston tight 12 run victory with Alex Badeni (C) and Ivan (A) bowled as well as one can without taking a wicket Knapp (D) taking the majority of the wickets between and several dropped catches meant Winchester were them. Al Baker (B) brought an illustrious Radley able to fairly comfortably pass the Radley total. In cricketing career to a fine end by launching 59 away at their next game away at Harrow a familiar face Wellington. This fifty was made all the more greeted them as they got off the bus – former enjoyable by being awarded a ‘he-who-gets-fifty’ Chemistry don Mr FEJ Wawn. Radley provided a far cricket bat; kindly donated by coach MJSH. Hugh better performance but still were the losing side. Mackinnon (A), having formerly plied his trade as a Harrow had a very talented side and went very keeper, bowled for the first time ever in this match and professionally, yet aggressively about their ways as to great effect. He took three wickets in a single over 72 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 and was the pick of the Radley attack as all the other COLTS 3rd XI bowlers chipped in less so. Tom Ford (A) is quickly Sadly Colts 3’s final game of the season at Wellington becoming known as ‘Bucket-Hands’ as he took two was cancelled due to some post-GCSE laziness on the highly athletic catches. Sadly the Radley chase, with a Welly side. target of 192, came up 30 runs short as they were bowled all out for 162 although they may have come JUNIOR COLTS 3rd XI closer had a direct hit from the boundary not run out JC3 have had an excellent few weeks having only lost the last man. one match. Harrow was the loss, but they did have a COLTS 1st XI couple of good individual performances: Harrow batted first (we lost the toss) and due to some truly Colts 1 have made a somewhat disappointing, yet inspirational bowling from Captain Guy Chalk (C) agonising, end to their season. Away at Winchester they restricted them to a mere 120 for 9. Radley then they turned one of their finest performances of the batted but it was rather a disappointment, only scoring season with a 44 run victory. Radley batted first and at about 1 an over to start with. Nonetheless Freddie made a reasonable 159/9 which looked defendable for Tapner (F) came in and knocked up a 30, the top score Radley yet gettable for Winchester. Will Pritchard (A) of the match, with Radley’s total at 84 for 4. reached the forties and it was disappointing, from the Marlborough was next and this was a brilliant match. Radley perspective, that no-one else could support him They lost the toss (Captain Guy still hasn’t won a otherwise the total could’ve been much higher. Yet it single one) and Radley fielded first, and managed to didn’t matter as the bowlers worked their magic to keep the run rate down to a truly pitiful 0.5 an over for bowl Winchester all out for just 116 with Freddie the first six! They then had a brilliant partnership and Lyon (B) making the most of a dry pitch to collect 6 finished on 142, but was this enough? Not quite, it wickets. At Harrow they bowled brilliantly to get seems as Radley then batted superbly and won on the Harrow all out for just 150, a target that looked well last ball, with Ed Lyle (G) and Guy contributing well. within their grasp, with George Coles (G) and Charlie Abingdon was up next, and this was an easy win. Stoop (B) picking up three wickets apiece. However Radley batted first (lost the toss) but due to Radley lost too many early wickets, despite John- Abingdon’s awful bowling we made a comfortable Henry Johnson reaching the 40s, which gave the tail 170 for 4, with Freddie and Ed on 40* and 45* too much to do and they came up 15 runs short. The respectively. Bowling was great fun – 1,2,3,4 wickets final match of the season, as GCSEs drew to a close, for Hugh Petit (F), Captain Guy, Alex Barrow (A) and was at Wellington when Radley suffered a defeat that Tim Pierce (B); Tim was a legend, and in his first spell will have made Tantalus himself feel tantalised. of the season this was fantastic. Ed wicket kept Winchester batted first and put on an impressive 217/6 outstandingly, stumping two batsmen by inches. 57 all however this, on a fairly flat track, was not an out was their score and JC3 were in time for supper! unrealistic target whatsoever. Theo Freyne (A), proved Wellington were up next, and this was another easy the talent he clearly has with a magnificent 85; an win (but you can now guess who won the toss). innings made all the more impressive by the Despite some unbelievable catches from Alex Johnson ‘bouncebackability’ shown having just descended (G) and Harry Rowe (A), they still made a respectable from the lofty heights of playing for Bigside. However 106 all out. Arthur Sawbridge (E) went in at number sadly the Radley tail failed to wag and the chase came one but I’m afraid he came straight back out! Tim up a tragic 3 runs short when the last man was out. came in and made a wonderful 38, and then Freddie COLTS 2nd XI and Alex Johnson finished them off with 21* and 33*. Finally they played MCS, and having won the toss Colts 2 can justly claim to be one of the most (thank goodness) they elected to bowl first. MCS had consistent sides in the school after completing an reversed their batting order, and so the wickets just unbeaten season. However the sour note would be that became harder and harder to get, and totalling up at they have only played one match since the last issue of 140 having declared, with Hugh as the pick of the The Chronicle because Harrow failed to field a side- bowlers with four wickets. A tense but satisfying one suspects the influence of a certain football event victory followed, with Tim and Ed a scoring that clashed on the day. The match at Wellington was magnificent 57 and 53*. At the end of the season, they also cancelled. The match that did take place was at have to be extremely thankful to their wicket keeper, Winchester where they produced a fine performance Ed Lyle, as he is probably the best JC wicky, throwing with both bat and ball. The home side were dismissed himself across the pitch to take some wonderful for just 92 with Richard Martyn-Hemphill (F) the star catches. of the show, he took 4-15. Newly promoted Charlie Wood (E) blasted 41 in 8 overs as Radley cruised to 95-5 off only 13.3 overs.

73 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE MIDGETS 2nd XI MIDGETS 4th XI Midgets 2 held on by a thread against Harrow when Harrow: 61 all out after 20 overs; Radley: 62 for 4 they had their two last batsmen at the crease holding after 18 overs; Radley win by 6 wkts – Jonathan out until the overs were bowled for a draw. Harrow Quicke (B) captains the team to yet another victory. batted first and put on a massive 213/7 declared and The Harrow umpire said that he had never seen a more Radley’s attempt began badly with the loss of quick professional display in the field at this level! Of and frequent wickets however the last two held out for course I agreed. We knew Harrow would be a tough, 7 overs to claim an unlikely draw. talented team and so they proved to be but they were At this point in the season it seemed as though M2 still no match for an outstanding bowling and fielding couldn’t win in an easy style. Prep school Cothill attack. Great catches from Will Haynes (E), Freddie House provided the next opposition, they batted first Eccles-Williams (E) and Tom Windsor-Clive (A), a and put on 152/7 from their allotted overs which was a silky run out from Olly Merison (H), and wonderful very reachable target and so it proved to be...just. Ben stops and sharp throws into the keeper from all on a Hatt (H) got them most the way there with an excellent dry pitch with something of a slope. Charlie Liddle (C) 55 however the last two were required again. On this 2 for 4, Haynes 3 for 15, Ed Stogdale (F) 2 for 8. occasion, though, they were needed to score runs However, for the first time this season the opposition which they did. The Cothill total was surpassed with batted first which meant that our less than sparkling just a single over to spare and only one wicket remaining. batting had a target to beat, albeit a modest one. Sure enough the higher order wobbled (at one stage we’d In the penultimate match of the season, they took on lost 2 wkts with only 1 run on the board and that was a the Dragon on Bigside. Radley batted first on this wide…just to make a game of it) with only Nick occasion and set their, again, prep school opponents a Falconer (C) showing any resilience. Opener Maxi target of 192 with Hatt again featuring with 37. The Hamilton (G) held things together (17 not out), finally bowlers laboured hard to earn early wickets and the finding Eccles-Williams (an entertaining 17) to form a Dragon batsmen soon realised that winning the game partnership which saw us home with the loss of 4 was unlikely to they killed the match and played out wkts. for the draw which they successfully managed to do as they had 5 wickets in hand. Cothill House: An object lesson in never to underestimate the opposition. This prep school 3rd XI MIDGETS 3rd XI were by far the best organised, the most skilful and the In these few weeks Midgets 3 have had a mixed most determined team we have met all season. A big couple of games. They started with a loss to mistake to leave the big aggressive players at home Abingdon, one of the few teams to do so, but thinking that the little prep school chaps would be individuals shined such as Rupert Baynham achieving intimidated by them. They would have coped with 3 wickets for a mere 10 runs! Excellent keeping and them happily. A lose-lose situation and we lost. catching from Henry Frewer (G) and Richard Radley batted first: 66 all out. Cothill: 67 for 7. Akingbehin (B) kept the score down to 101. A couple of unlucky wickets meant that there was much work to They also gave us a lesson in how to do a forward be done, and even a good partnership of George defensive since we discovered that none of our higher Boughie (C) and Rupert could not beat 106. Harrow order could defend the good ball (lots of vague was a particularly difficult match, and although Ali wafting as if with an irritating fly). Cothill however Maxwell (A) managed 4 wickets, Harrow’s total was could bat all the way down (their nos. 8 & 9 scored the just too big. Richard contributed well with 20 runs and winning runs with good, confident shots). The 7 a magnificent six. Cothill was a tense game but thanks wickets that Radley did very well to take in the to Ali’s 30 runs and Finn Dowley’s (A) beautiful desperate effort to defend 66 had to be exceptional bowling Radley came off with a win. Winchester was (run outs, good catches, excellent deliveries) because easy – Ali and Hugo Bristol (D) taking a 50 each, and the Cothill boys were not about to throw their wicket a surprised Hugo Wilson (A) bowled well with 3 away just because of a straight ball. Will Haynes came wickets. Finally was the Dragon, and it was another in at number 10 to get 25 runs against his old school. convincing victory for Radley: Finn made an Radley bowled and fielded well in a great spirit of inspirational 70 runs, Nicholas Gill (E) 3 wickets and never giving up right down to the last run but our 35 runs (off 15 balls), and Rupert made the catch of batting had made the task of clawing the game back the year at point. very difficult. By the time we bowled the pitch was something of a quagmire but oddly Cothill didn’t seem to mind about the state of their pitch and were

74 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE 7 July 2006 determined to play on through the rain... Jonathan throughout the season once again won the day in fine, Quicke bowled 3 out of 4 maiden overs. if unnecessarily pressured, style. Wellington: Radley batted 1st and were rubbish: 91 Great attacking bowling from Haynes, Quicke, Eccles, All Out off 16 overs – Were it not for a sterling last Liddle (who took the last wicket with his first ball) and wicket partnership btw Haynes (24) and Capt Quicke a very welcome guest appearance from Akingbehin. (5 not out) we would have been back in Cothill Another southern hemisphere run out from Falconer territory. from 30 yards, cleanly taken by Windsor-Clive and good catches from Haynes and Beale (on the run in the Wellington: 59 all out off 20.1 overs. Radley win by deep – maybe the training pays off...). 32 runs. Well done them: a magnificent season. They are a We like to make life hard for ourselves batting-wise talented squad of players who all have to a man very (What about the words ‘straight’ and ‘bat’ do you not promising Radley cricketing careers ahead of them. understand?) but our formidable bowling and fielding attack which has been the character note of the team SMC

SOCIAL GOLF LIBRARY GAUDY EXHIBITION The Social golf took place in the blistering heat of the TREASURES OF THE LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES last week. Playing a system of ‘modified stableford’ (3 points for a par, 2 for a bogey etc) 2 seniors and 2 What makes a ‘treasure’? Some items have a garish, juniors lined up for each Social (except E). Next year’s some might even say gaudy, obvious quality, possibly captain, Will Woolsey (H) was in great form, notching even beyond the bounds of good taste. Such might be up 29 points (2 under par), with fine performances also a book entirely bound in gold or silver. It might be a from Ali Haszlakiewicz (G) (25 points) and Nick late-medieval illuminated manuscript, measuring over Craigen (F) (24). In the juniors Richard Akingbehin 1 metre in each direction when fully opened, with a (B) (19 points) shouldered the responsibility of his very graphic illuminated initial showing the side on his own as his partner withdrew on the grounds circumcision of Jesus – with the scalpel much in that he had only ever hit a golf ball once before in his evidence. It might be first editions signed by Field- life! The G Social duo of Maxi Hamilton and Angus Marshal Montgomery of Alamein, or by Seamus Dickson both played steadily for their 17 points. Heaney – a complicated story involving the Art Theft Overall G came out comfortably on top, but there were Police. some very promising performances all round. It might be a very fragile pamphlet of fewer than ten RESULTS pages, printed on a hand-press in a run-down shed in Seniors: 1st= G and H Soc (48 points) 3rd C Soc (38) Surrey, that led ultimately to the published poetry of 4th F Soc (34) 5th B Soc (33) 6th A Soc (25) 7th D Wilfred Owen and the first public reading of T.S. Soc (20) Eliot. It might even be a copy of the Radleian, containing the first published poetry of a future Poet Best individual: Will Woolsey (H) 29 points Laureate. Juniors: 1st G Soc (34 points) 2nd A Soc (27) 3rd F It might be the combined notes and magazines of a Soc (26) 4th C Soc (23) 5th D Soc (20) 6th B Soc (19 school society, where the work of countless Boys and with one player!) 7th H Soc (10) Dons over 120 years has resulted in an unbroken Best individual: Richard Akingbehin (B) 19 points record of local natural history which the National Archives has now declared to be of national Overall: 1st G Social, 2nd C Social, 3rd F Social significance. HDH Or just, like the Vindolanda Tablets, letters home: letters from schoolboys to their mother in India; letters from old pupils to a Don, written from a tank turret during the advance across Europe after D-Day or from a POW camp in Malaysia. Decide for yourself what makes a treasure. All these, and more, are in the Library from Monday 3rd July until Gaudy. CDS

75 7 July 2006 THE RADLEY COLLEGE CHRONICLE THE CHRONICLE INDEX

CRICKET LEAGUE TABLE Vol. IV No. 3 7 June 2006

The table includes all results until Saturday 1 July. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (play review) 53 Team Played Won Drawn Lost Points A Tale of Two Schools – Wicked! by Jilly Cooper 55 A Poll on the Chronicle 56 Secondside 10 8 - 2 24 I Want to Rock… 57 Jun Colts 2 10 7 1 2 22 Overheard… 57 Midgets 2 10 6 4 - 22 Leavers’ Recitals – Robert Crabtree 58 Midgets 4 8 7 - 1 21 – Adrian Pascu 58 Jun Colts 1 11 6 1 4 19 – Matthew Johnson 59 Jun Colts 3 8 6 - 2 18 Remove Play – Ghetto 60 Midgets 3 10 5 1 4 16 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (film review) 61 Jun Colts 4 8 5 - 3 15 Overheard… 61 Colts 2 6 4 2 - 14 The University of Life 62 2–2: Paradise Lost 63 Midgets 1 10 3 5 2 14 The Senior Prefect’s Environmental Workshop 64 Colts 1 8 4 1 3 13 From the Archives 66 Midgets 5 7 4 1 2 13 Deal Or No Deal 67 3rd XI 8 4 - 4 12 Twilight Organ Recitals – LB 68 Bigside 11 3 2 6 11 – LRIS, TJEF & SDJC 69 Midgets 6 5 3 - 2 9 – Boys 69 4th XI 4 1 - 3 3 Bagpiping Competition 69 Colts 3 3 1 - 2 3 Editorial 70 Correspondence 70 The scoring: a win – 3 points, a draw – 1, a loss – 0. View from the Boundary 71 Cricket reports 72

Library Gaudy Exhibition of Archive Treasures 75 Cricket League Table 76

The illustration on page 54 is from the programme of CatCF, by Tim Collins (C). The illustrations on pages 55 & 70 are by Adrian Pascu (B).

The Radley College Chronicle This is the 14th issue of the Chronicle. The Editors of the Chronicle are If any current Removes, Vths or VI.1 would like to get Adrian Pascu (B), Jake Cheetham (A), George Lines involved in writing or editing, please get in touch via (B), Jos North (B), Alex Gilbert (B), Alex Sants (B), [email protected], or talk to one of the Editors. Ed Chalk (C), Michael Shephard (D), Alex Chadwick (H), Jonathan Williams (H), Sam Radclyffe (H), Will Contributions and correspondence on any topic are Woolsey (H) Ben James (H), ISY and LB. welcomed from all current or former members of the Radley community: please send to our email address, The Assistant Editors are [email protected], or to ‘The Editors, TRCC, Charles Oakley (B), Pelham Groom (E), Ranulph Radley College, Abingdon, Oxon. OX14 2HR’. Murray (E), Nick Craigen (F), Asa Bennett (C) and Articles and letters will, for the most part, be Freddie Tapner (F). published anonymously, and any views expressed do not necessarily reflect official school policy.

The first issue of Volume V will be published at the beginning of October. Please send in copy and letters by the end of September.

© Radley College 2006. Printed by Radley Reprographics.

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