what can I do? a few facts • The intent of emotional is to destroy the victim’s self-respect and Know that abuse is not your fault. feeling of self-worth. No one deserves to be abused emotionally or in any other way. • Emotional abuse is often disguised as a way of “teaching you to be a better But I Find support by talking to others whom person.” you think will listen, understand, and sup- • Many experts believe that emotional haven’t port you. If it is safe to do so, talk to , abuse may have longer-lasting effects friends, religious leaders, counselors, or than . other members of your community. been hit... • Emotional abuse often leads to poor You can also contact your local Domestic health, especially sleep disturbances. Violence Program. They can offer help and • Emotional abuse affects children too. support. • Abusers may try to make excuses by saying, “I lost control,” but emotional abuse is really a way for them to gain control.

you are not alone There is help available for you or Local resources: someone you know who suffers in an emotionally abusive relationship. For more information, please contact the Virginia Family Violence & Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.838.8238 v/tty or one of the other resources listed on the back of this brochure.

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Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive how does emotional abuse why is this happening? behaviors used by one person intended to affect me? exert power and control over another. A person in order to gain power and It happens in family or intimate Abusers will use many tactics to wear control. Stress does not cause the abuse. relationships, such as: you down. As a result, you may feel: Alcohol does not cause the abuse. • dating relationships • Fearful • significant others You do not cause the abuse. • Tired • married couples • You cannot change the abuser. • Distant from other people • (s) & child(ren) He/she must want to change. • Bad about yourself • caregiver relationships • Dependent • You might try to change your • Crazy actions to keep from being abused, • Loss of appetite but that may not always work. so...is domestic violence • Tense or anxious • You cannot always predict the just hitting? • Emotionally drained abuser’s behavior. • Physically drained • The abuse may only get worse • Alone with time. No. Emotional abuse is part of Some of the above symptoms can also domestic violence. affect you physically. It is important why am I confused? to be aware of physical symptoms and consider seeking help. You may be facing pressure from family, friends, or your culture to either stay with emotional abuse can include: an abusive partner or to leave. We know it can be a very difficult . . . . . . threats . . . Someone who abuses you emo- decision to make, especially considering: name-calling . . . isolation . . . tionally is trying to keep control . . . making you feel crazy . . .threatening over you. They are trying to • conflict with religious beliefs; to “out” you . . . cutting off family, friends, keep you from having power or • financial difficulties; and community . . . controlling the money control in your own life. • concern for children or pets; . . . holding you hostage . . . calling you a Once an emotional abuser can • difficulties due to disabilites you “sell out”. . . using your disability against may have, particularly if your care- no longer maintain control with you. . . . . . using your taker is abusing you; words, it is a possibility that children against you. . . making you feel person will escalate to using • isolation and feeling like you have ashamed. . . the silent treatment . . . nowhere to go. physical abuse to keep power threatening to harm your pet(s) . . . over you. You know what’s best for you and your family. Whatever decision you make is okay.