SATURDAY, MARCH 7, 2020 • NEW MEDIA • www.newmedia-wi.com • PAGE 17 theories another virus we need to beware BREAKING NEWS: The coronavi- theories being through social media, and catch on • Abraham Lincoln faked his own rus was masterminded and spread by floated around with some segments of the public. . Budweiser to get people to stop drink- the coronavirus, However, there are also some • Toilet paper causes colon cancer. ing Corona beer. however, are not. conspiracy theories that never really • Apples and oranges are really the Well, OK, not really. That’s not They put people’s gained any traction. same fruit in disguise. true, but it’s as good a conspiracy health and maybe I’ve managed to compile a few as a • Hollywood has really only made theory as anything else floating around even their lives at public service. Here are a few conspir- one movie in the last 30 years and these days. risk. acy theories that never caught on: keeps releasing it with a different title. I don’t mean to make light of the People like • Socks that go missing from the (Actually, that one could really be virus. It’s a serious matter, but so are Rush Limbaugh dryer are being collected by invisible true.) conspiracy theories. TIM RYAN and others in the dwarfs so the government can analyze • All government debt is really At a time when we need facts to far right-wing your DNA. being paid off to a guy in Brooklyn deal with a public health crisis, the last echo chamber are spreading a con- • Dinosaurs died out because of the named Carmine. thing we need is viral misinformation. spiracy theory that the coronavirus is Affordable Care Act. • Beavers are actually really quite Conspiracy theories are dangerous. a plot to bring down Donald Trump. • Polka was created by aliens. lazy. If you don’t believe me, just ask They say the intent of the virus is to (Well, think about it. Could human • Parsley is just a weed that hired a “Mad” Mike Hughes. cause panic so the stock market will beings really have come up with the good press agent. Well, you can’t ask “Mad” Mike go down and tank the economy and accordion?) • Preheating the oven is a hoax Hughes, because he’s dead now. undercut Trump’s chances of getting • Mickey Mouse ratted Donald perpetrated by the gas company. The reason he’s dead is because the reelected. Duck out to the House UnAmerican None of those things are remotely man who billed himself as the world’s Even Trump has gotten in on the Activities Committee. true or even plausible, but any one of greatest daredevil was killed last game, calling it a hoax at one of his • The that the them would be believed by somebody month in the explosion of a homemade rallies. government is secretly hiding aliens if you put it on the internet, on Twitter rocket in which he launched himself in Of course, Trump has never been at Area 51 is really just a cover story to or into a Trump rally speech. a bid to prove that the Earth is really a fan of facts or of science, and I hide a much more sinister government If you want to test it out, send that flat. would love to hear him weigh in conspiracy to bring back disco. list to Limbaugh. He’s bound to buy at Yes, the Flat Earth Society still on whether he believes this liberal, • The year 1997 never really hap- least one of those theories. exists. There are still people who left-wing conspiracy theory that the pened. believe the world we live on is not Earth is round. • Donald Trump and Bernie Sand- Tim Ryan is a Leader reporter and intermittent columnist. really round and doesn’t orbit in space These days, the spread of misinfor- ers were separated at birth. Readers can contact him at [email protected]. around the sun. mation is almost as dangerous as the Of course they have plenty of spread of the coronavirus. We should “evidence” for this, like the fact that be protecting ourselves from it. Maybe Kansas is flat and penguins don’t fall we should be wearing face-masks off of the South Pole, when we go on the internet. Maybe we There are a lot of silly things that should wash our hands after watching people still believe in spite of all Fox News or, if you’re like me, you’ll rational evidence to the contrary: That just want to take a shower. the Earth is flat; that the moon landing The internet has become a breeding was a hoax; that the JFK assassination ground for preposterous conspiracy was a government plot; that aliens are theories, helped in large part by Mark being housed at Area 51; that a Zuckerberg’s “not my problem” of reptilian shape-shifters controls the attitude and Twitter, which is the world’s economy; that Woody Allen preferred outlet of our conspiracy movies are actually any good. theorist-in-chief. Those conspiracy theories are Many conspiracy theories go all pretty harmless. The conspiracy viral, spread by friends and relatives OPINION PAGE POLICY The Shawano Leader welcomes telephone number must be included letters from its readers and wants to for verification. 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