THE GADFLY The St. john} College Student Weekfy Annapolis, Maryland Volume XXIX, Issue 6 Ottober 12, 200 7

Outcome-Based Education and Liberal Arts by Kristin Peterson '11

RHETORIC AND THE LIBERAL ARTS. Drunk­ enness and the Liberal Arts. "----­ and the Liberal Arts. Scantron Cards and the Liberal Arts. As a group of people nominally dedicated to the liberal arts, we tend to obsess over whether certain aspects of what we might term 'non-Johnnie reality' are compatible with our ambition to study dead white males in the pursuit of Truth, Beauty, Virtue ... and a de­ gree. Reality, (by which I mean reality, rather than Reality,) must at times seep into our golden bubble uninvited. What would it mean if the standardized test became part of the St. "Ow!" The New Melee Club John's reality? Over a year ago, the Department of Educa­ by Erica Stratton tion released the Spellings Report, a document which aimed to address perceived complacency I ONCE TRIED TO PLAY 1\iELEE, and emerged gression often develop an unchecked obses­ and mediocrity in the American higher-educa­ with quarter-size bruises and a newfound re­ sion with fantasy. Living the last 15 years in tion system. The report points out that spect for those who obsessed over role-play­ West Virginia has made me familiar with this America's rate of college completion has fallen ing games: not all of them were wimps. Those climate, which breeds such unique American to 12th in the world and threatens to continue were the glory days of Melee, when Mr. pastimes as the SCA, Leather Camp, and the falling. In addition, we are not producing Mcllvain could hold off three guys even with J olo Serpent Handlers. By comparison, this enough graduates with the job training de­ both his legs cut off, and Mr. Grape took ad­ year's Melee group was doing nothing more manded by the markets. Moreover, the Spell­ vantage of his Lyme-induced night vision in than sorting through a large pile of foam weap­ ings Commission questions the quality of a order to hold "blackout" Melee tournaments ons when I arrived. Then Jason Ritzke, his hair degree from an American college or university: in the Temple. Men whose names are now tied back with a bandanna emblazoned with '~s if this weren't bad enough, there are also synonymous with might, such as Nathan skulls, declared the meeting in session. The disturbing signs that many students who do "Landmass" Lande and Colin Brown, shook team split into two opposing "armies", who earn degrees have not actually mastered the read­ the soccer field with the wrath of Ajax and faced off on opposite ends of the soccer field. ing, writing, and thinking skills we expect of Achilles. It was with these memories that I This is where the adrenaline rush kicks in. college graduates." went out to see how the newest generation of During the best games, the opposing teams We at St. John's, of course, pride ourselves 1\felee players measured up. stare at one another for a few seconds, and, if on our competence in these areas. Ms. Spell­ Melee, for those Freshmen who stare the chemistry is right, will suddenly rush at each ings' office, however, believes that the inad­ askance at the soccer field every Wednesday other with a scream of equacy of many institutions of higher learning evening, is not exclusive to St. John's. It has its '~u'\ARRRRGGGHHH!" Once a limb is hit, roots in rural areas such as Appalachia, where people with a lot of free time and natural ag- Melee continued on Page 4 Spellings continuded on Page 6 THE SCI Minutes !\VGADFLY

Editor-in-Chief Septelllher27,2007 Tuesdays 8pm Elizabeth Burlington All members present 10/23 Measure for Measure (Mr .. Grenke) Topics Discussed: 11I6, 11I13 Henry IV part II (Mr. May) Managing Editor Budgeting for Study-groups* 11/27, 12/4.A.ntony& Cleopatra (Ms. Printz) Kat Shears -l\1r. Papadopoulos suggested advertising "Shakespeare on the Quad": Mr. Richardson to the polity that limited funding for study Assistant Editor and ]\.fr. Butler are organizing dramatic readings groups is offered Chris Thom to be performed on the quad Tuesdays at 2:20 Review of last week's Forum Babak Zarin in accordance with the seminars in the evening - Response and future action Sign ups will be encouraged Literary Editor - Ms. Seiler noted that further consideration Costumes may be involved Mark F. McClay is necessary in order to initiate the proper More information to be released. action Layout *If you are or will be involved in a study­ Gabrielle Aines group and wish to request funding please contact J\fr. Pavlos Proofreaders .. Fr/d2iy/Nfght . k(t~r~ .. ' ·:·'· ''· ' .. -;~ '. ..·;: . . ; i. ; '. ," .. '... ' . .' A. Sabrina Rourke Papadopoulos Rowenna Thorson Upcoming Events: -Meetings every Thursday at 11:45 in the Distribution Manager private dining room... All Elyssa Browning are welcome! .. '• . . -Shakespeare in the Fall: ·"' :. ByJan~t Dougherty. · . Photographer First Seminar October 23- reading TBA. Erica Stratton Questions? Please contact l\1r. Clint . Tiitor, St. ic>i~n' s • College~ ~alita. F¢ ,. .. . ''. .' . .'- . ' Richardson for answers Contributing to this Issue Gabrielle Aines October 4, 2007 . Friday~Octobe:r 12, 2001 Rachel Bartgis .All members present ... · .. -_ 8:1s p~m..:· · ., . Topics Discussed: Kirstie Dodd F'rancis.Scott Key Audi~rium . · Stacey Goguen Pre-Lecture Seminars: Possible dates 10/ Nate Okhuysen 12, 10/26 Kristin Peterson Steiner Lecture Robert Sale Shakespeare in the Fall: Ivlr. Richardson Ali Schwab reported on the schedule. Erica Stratton Jennifer Wright LJcture Preview Founded in 1980, The Gadfly is the student weekly distributed free to over 500 students, fac­ On Friday, October 12, at 8:15 p.m. in In this talk I will follow the structure of The ulty, and staff of the Annapolis campus as well as the FSK Auditorium, Santa Fe tutor Janet Meditations in discussing first Descartes' project tutors emeriti, members of the Board of Visitors Dougherty will deliver a lecture entitled, and Governors, and the offices at the St. John's of founding the sciences on a solid foundation "Cartesian Certainty, or Awakening from Santa Fe campus. Opinions expressed within are and the necessity of the distinction between think­ the the sole responsibility of the author(s) and do the Dreams of a Slave." Ms. Dougherty ing and extended substance. Next, I will argue not necessarily represent the opinions of The Gad­ offers the following preview of her lecture. that his proof of the existence of God, really the f!y staff. The Gadf!y reserves the right to accept, "For the knowledge of the good, which proof that there is a reliable distinction between reject, and edit submissions in any way necessary to he deems unattainable, Descartes substi­ truth and falsehood, is that foundation. Thirdly, publish the most thoughtful, informative, and tutes a rule: One should assent only to the I will turn to Descartes' use of rules in establish­ thought-provoking newspaper which circumstances things that can be known very clearly and ing the distinction between freedom and slavery. at St. John's permit. distinctly, and the good cannot. For virtue, Finally I will consider the successes and the fail­ The deadline for submissions is Saturday be­ he provides another rule: "One must never fore midnight, unless permission for a delay is ures of Descartes' method in The Meditations and granted in advance. Submissions can be accepted .. .lack the will to undertake ... all things that with reference to his moral theory in The Passions as long as they are legibly written, but typed copies, one decides to be best ...." To accept these of the S 011/." diskettes, and e-mail submissions are greatly pre­ rules is the beginning of the attainment of Please join us for lecture and question period. f erred. Please e-mail submissions to true liberty, as contrasted with the dreams [email protected]. of a slave. 2 . THE GADFLY Mere Sophistry by Robert Sale '10

FRIENDS, JOHNNIES, COUNTRYMEN; lend me unlooked--for conviction and truculence of we are trampling in the mud." Sophism, an your ears: A specter is haunting our cam­ its audience is inimical at best and malfea­ orphan, is suffering at the hands of Socrates, pus: the specter of sophism. All the powers sance at worst. To this I say: Bullshit. a wise and just man, with nobody to defend of the College have entered into a holy alli­ But to answer the specific problems it. But surely, whatever is said and done by ance to exorcise this specter: President and brought up by sophism's oldest opponent, such a wise and just man is both wise and SCI chair, Dink and Fryer-Biggs, Straussians Socrates, I must take greater pains and out­ just in itself; thus, the next time you, my and Marxists. line his arguments faithfully, and answer gentle reader, come across an orphan, be sure Where is the student in seminar that has them honestly and truthfully. The wise to trample it in the mud extra hard, for not been decried as sophistical by those who Socrates has told you the sophist is igno­ Socrates. deny the Forms exist? Where is the Thomist rant; were this true, it would be a grievous But now you, gentle reader, have seen who has not hurled back the branding re­ fault, and thus would sophism have suf­ through the thin veil of the champion of proach of sophistry against the more ad­ fered justly throughout the ages at the hands dialectic reasoning and discovered its true vanced Cartesians, as well as against the of Socrates. For Socrates was a just man, brutish methods. You can see the evil lurk­ Lucretian reactionaries? and he would never let fine methods be so ing behind the endless questioning, the Two things result from this fact: defamed. seemingly innocuous divide-and-collect 1. Sophism is already acknowledged by Sophists speak well; their mellifluous method. You now know what pestilential all College powers to be itself a powerful tones and fine compositions of words are diseases this gadfly is carrying. It is time to idea. as spoken music and written art; but stop being a slave to the capitalistic rigidity 2. It is high time that sophists should Socrates says the sophist is ignorant, and of dialectic and pure logic; it is time to un­ openly, in the face of the whole campus, Socrates was a wise man. bind the mental shackles and embrace the publish their views, their aims, their ten­ Sophists have convinced the sick to take full spectrum of the sophistical sun outside dencies, and meet this nursery tale of the medicine when doctors with knowledge the cave -you have nothing to lose but your specter of sophism with an Apology of the could not; does this imply ignorance? Soph­ chains and a world to win. idea itself. ists are notoriously hard to defeat in argu­ Finally, take into account how once you As you may have guessed already, how­ ment; ignorance should fold easily to knowl­ loved the storytellers and the speechmakers, ever, I come to bury sophism, not to praise edge: but Socrates says the sophist is igno­ you admired the tapestries of trope the it. The evil ideas do often live on after they rant, and Socrates was a wise man. weavers of words painstakingly wrought, have lost currency; the Good often becomes You know what happened in the trial of the pastiches of spectacularly witty prose and interred unjustly under mounds of preju­ Socrates, the sophists brought charges poetry, taking style well past previously tra­ dice and inflamed unduly upon pyres of against him and were successful in their pros­ versed paths; sublime, tantalizing, wonder­ misinterpretation. Thus, I have resolved not ecution though Socrates defended himself ful, peerless. And all this was not without to let sophism's body lie upon the battle­ with all his ardor and knowledge. Was this a cause; so why now do you turn your back field for vultures to make feast of and for result of ignorance? Yet Socrates says the on it? "O judgment! thou art fled to brut­ claws to peck at. Contrariwise, I will under­ sophist is ignorant, and, sure, Socrates was ish beasts, and men have lost their reason!" take to become the Antigone to sophism's a wise man. Bear with me as I conclude, gentle reader; Polyneices and sprinkle what little dust I I do not argue to disprove what Socrates my heart is there in the coffin with soph­ have upon its body, lest it become the fa­ said. I merely recount what I know to have istry, and I must pause until it comes back therless Hector of philosophy, forever cru­ been the state of sophistry around his time. tome.~ elly dragged behind the furious chariot of I also recount this tale of Socrates as told by dialectic. Plato (one who, above all, would never slan­ I do not know how sophism's accusers der Socrates' good name): one day, in the have so far prevailed upon you, ladies and agora, Socrates was talking to a youth of THE~ gentlemen of the College, to convince you Athens about knowledge, of all things, that it is more or less bunk; therefore, I must when the subject of Protagoras theories GADFLY faire de la guerre agair1st those who have deni- came up. Protagoras, long dead by now, was grated sophism commencing with its most a famous sophist whose argument was thor­ ancillary antagonists and proceeding to the oughly dismantled by Socrates in this in­ Weekfy Meetings Johnnies-come-lately of sophism slander. stance in the presence of the young Athe­ One idiosyncratic quantum in particular nian. "But," says Socrates, "I don't think Tuesdqys at 7:00 PM manifests itself as a commonality to all ob­ this would have happened, my friend, if jections to sophistry, id est that its discre­ the father of the other tale [Protagoras] were BBC 109 tionary qua premeditated chicanery and ob­ alive. He would find plenty of means of fuscation apropos of eliciting the not- defending it. As things are, it is an orphan

...... THE GADFLY . 3 Melee continued from front page of clubs, Miss Kat Shears, a 5'11, much lighter, ered that thousands of hairy men descending sophomore stepped up. on you while screaming '~GHH!" is terri.­ the player must act as if it no longer works. The members spoke of their dreams for a fying, even when their swords are made of foam, This leads to the classic 1\1elee pose of hop­ new, improved Melee. Besides the need for bet­ and there were often as many concussions, ping after someone on one foot while trying to ter weapons, they would like more members so sprains, and broken ribs as in real battles. Later, whack them with your sword, or of a single man that more complex games could be played (think when reading The Iliads description of swords kneeling in a field while the other players circle capture the flag, only with swords). They would pounding shields with a sound like chopping him like vultures and usually dispatch him with also like to meet earlier in the day, and are think­ wood, I had been vividly taken back to those hot a stab in the back. ing of moving into the 1 p.m.- 3 p.m. slot now summer days. Yes, back in the Golden Age when When the players stopped to rest, I asked used by German Longsword, which has so few men could fight like gods, it really was like that. them what had made them decide to start this members it might soon be disbanded. The Melee Club then has an important niche: particular sport. William ''Ender Wiggin" Kunkel Finally, I asked them to describe to me the it reminds us armchair philosophers what hand­ said that he had heard about the Melee Club attraction of being hit with a padded stick. to-hand combat is actually like. During a battle when he applied, and had come with foam sword Mr. Kunkel announced, 'We're sadists, re­ between I\1r. Ritzke and Mr. Kunkel this was in hand. ..only to discover that most of the Me­ ally." shown in vivid detail. Mr. Ritzke, having been lee weapons were either broken or unsafe. He Another player stated that, 'There are no con­ nailed by Mr. Kunkel in a body part that Homer had teamed up with 1\1r. Ritzke, who, before he tact sports at St. John's." Even in football there was too .polite to mention in The Iliad, should came to St. John's, "was LARPing in the middle is no tackling allowed. The toughest players must have fallen, but instead he kept on fighting. Mr. of nowhere, where they don't have anything else content themselves with snatching little ribbons Kunkel, after unwisely taunting Mr. Ritzke, had to do." off their opponents' belts. For those who de­ to run in a Book 22-like chase around the Plan­ "Besides have sex and take drugs," Mr. Ritzke mand that sports carry the risk of manly bruis­ etarium. Finally, some 15 minutes later, Mr. Ritzke added. ing in order to be a challenge, Melee is the an­ gave in and collapsed. Such displays of manly ''\X'hat?" said someone, ''No rock and roll?" swer. resistance to pain are seldom seen even at the Later, they discovered they were in need of a And, as William Sloan predictably said, "It's Naval .Academy. new .Archon. Though it was I\1r. Kunkel's idea just fun." But then it was 8:00, and time to put up our to save Melee from extinction, neither he nor Perhaps, I reflected, 1\fr. Pickens had been too weapons . .As we walked back through the dark­ Mr. Ritzke (who, at six feet and around 200 PC in demasculinizing the sports at St. John's. I ness to our dorms, someone commented on pounds, might be the poster boy for Melee) were once attended the Pennsic War, a yearly eventwhere what a good meeting this had been. able to step in. Due to a new regulation that over 10,000 people, not only with foam swords I\1r. Kunkel added, '~\.t least no one heckled states that freshmen can no longer be Archons but full armor, hold full-scale battles. I discov- us this time."~ Be Careful What You Write by Erica Stratton '08

" ... AS l LIFTED THE PILE OF .MANU­ skeleton of Peking Man whose where­ SCRIPTS, what looked like a folded letter of several pages fell out. I was en­ abouts were lost during WWII as surely grossed in reading it, when I suddenly as the ark of the covenant disappeared in Raiders the Lost Ark. But instead of looked up to see Father Reddy stand­ of ing right in front of my table. 'What is fully fleshing out these elements, I often that?' he demanded .. . felt that Aczel was writing two books: an "I told him. adventurous story of the discovery of Peking Man, and a more-readable-than­ "He turned pale and said, 'That is avexage textbook. The two works have exactly what I didn't want you to been awkwardly soldered together. see ... You are a writer: Be careful with Despite the title, within the first three what you write. Don't get us in trouble with the Vatican.'" chapters one realizes that this is not sim­ Th ese few paragraphs are the most ply a history of one man discovering the "missing link" of human ancestry, but intense in the whole of Amir D. Aczel's the history of evolution itself. He speaks novel, The Jesuit and the Skull. Begin­ of Linneas, Cuvier, Lamarck, William ning like an adventure thriller, the story has all the needed elements: a charming Smith (whose speculations first hinted that the earth was millions, rather than and learned Jesuit priest (Teilhard de thousands of years old), and at last the Chardin) whose heretical writings are crowing glory, Charles Darwin. Then he put on the Forbidden Books List by the Vatican, and his discovery of the Careful continued on P age 10

4 . THE GADFLY ...... Jen-5 aisQuoi: Bunny Tales by Jennifer Wright '08

I REALIZE THAT \XlHEN GLORIA STEINEM on The Girls Next Door are adorable. When invasion of a small Eastern European coun­ WROTE that all women are bunnies, she meant people ask me why I watch it I tell them it's try. You have to, after all, generally be the head it as a feminist call to arms, not as a really nice, because the girls are all cute and funny and seem of the household which you are expected to encouraging sentiment. But given the circum­ like they'd be genuinely enjoyable people to run better than anybody in the world. You have stances, and the fact that it's my last year in hang out with. I also believe that at least Holly to at least appear to possess brilliant qualities college, oflate I've been starting to view that (my personal favorite, and the oldest of the so that the household staff will respect you, as statement in a disturbingly hopeful light. girls at 27) is really, really clever if her subtle well as your neighbors who will be judging When I was 11 I made a list of things I wanted little barbs are anything to judge by. Not that you with a frightful harshness. As The Girls to accomplish in ten years. At the very top is she's ever mean, but periodically someone - Next Door live in a magical land where the the fact that I wanted to be a size two, and only other women they ever interact with be able to style my frizzy hair really attrac­ appear to be family members and other Play­ tively, and not wear glasses. I also wanted mates (who are constantly cheerful and give to have a terrific wardrobe and shoe collec­ hugs for absolutely every occasion) not many tion and to date millionaires, be proposed people are there to judge them. No de­ to at least once and know people in fashion mands are made on the girls. Instead they and drink champagne and generally live like get to wander around the mansion, find a movie star in the 1940's. I think I kind of their way into the kitchen and say things assumed that if I did all of that then I like "what if we made a Christmas tree en­ would never have to work. Apparently, I tirely out of cupcakes! That would be fun! got gypped. Turns out, after you graduate, Let's do that! Now! In August! And lets even if you have been systematically fol­ build one every week! Until Christmas!" and lowing that list for ten years, all these people the kitchen staff will immediately begin expect you to actually get a job. And even helping them to assemble a Christmas tree more unfortunately, those things on that made of cupcakes. They also have an enor­ list aren't really things that make you an mous slip-n-slide outside which they get to ideal job candidate. They make you a ter­ play on and Hugh Hefner has mentioned rible job candidate really, as they mean that that he doesn't like to have them exposed you have to leave all obligations at strange to people who might be "unkind to them moments for sample sales and cocktails (and in any way". No wonder the girls always cocktails are so much more fun at noon than one of Hef's ex-girlfriends, maybe, or a talk seem so happy and adorable. they are six in the evening, though that does show host - will say something stupid to her Of course, they do sleep with Hugh Hefner, mean you need to factor in an hour for a nap at and Holly will reply in a seemingly innocuous who I think is 80 right now. Honestly, the two). I kind of thought I could slip into work fashion, and then twenty minutes later you'll thought of sleeping with an average 80 year at fashion magazines, until I mentioned this realize how brilliant her retort was. And Bridget old is pretty disturbing to me, but then, Hugh to my friend at W who replied "well, then you is so bright and bubbly that it's fantastic. And Hefner isn't the average 80 year old He is (what­ should have accepted admissions to Parsons Kendra ... well, I don't really like Kendra all ever you think of the trends he set) a and not decided to pull a Princess Stephanie that much, but I don't dislike her or anything. trendsetting individual, who, in combination and run away to St. John's to become a hip­ I really do think they're completely adorable with Marilyn Monroe, pretty much forced pie." people and that Mr. Hefner is lucky to have America to shake off its puritanical pretensions She has a point. It would be a really good them. and made sex something people are able to time to, I don't know, learn how to live with­ But I'm lying when I say that's why I watch. discuss openly. Have sex with Hugh Hefner? out napping and buying $800 pairs of shoes. The real truth of the matter is that The Girls Hell, Hugh Hefner invented sex. But that would be for quitters. Instead I'm Next Door is my favorite T. V show because it Honestly, though, the fact that the girls and curling up in bed in my dinner dresses with a promotes the dream of perpetual adolescence. Hef can get past the fact that he's so much glass ofBolly and watching all the episodes of Now many people will probably point out that older is always a little puzzling to me. There's The Girls Next Door which details the ins and every trophy wife who doesn't work and lives one episode in particular when Kendra men­ outs of the lives of the three twenty some­ entirely on their husband's dime is living a kind tions that growing up she wanted to be like thing women who live with Hugh Hefner. I of suspended adolescence. Those people are one of the characters on Saved by the Bell and love The Girls Next Door. And I really don't idiots. Being a really good trophy wife generally love most reality television shows because the requires the same level of organizational ability women are horrible and snippy but the girls and planning as a military general leading an Bunnies continued on Page 7

...... THE GADFLY . 5 Dodd on the Quad: The Library by Kirstie Dodd '10

IT IS A 1RU11-I UNIVERSAil.Y ACKNO\VLEDGED that Felicia Enright's booty, but without the stretchy Feeling nauseated, I go to the bathroom. The a college student swamped in homework must knee-length yoga pants. bathrooms are the worst part of the library. For be in want of a library ... unless, of course, that Last week I actually tried to do my seminar some reason there are always prodigious fecal student attends St. John's College. There are a reading in the library because I figured some feats lying in wait in toilets, ready to assault the few diehard nut-jobs in the polity that haunt the holistic library reconnaissance for this article next bathroom-user with their presence. It's ei­ cubicles 24/7. For most of us, though, there is would be helpful. Here is what happened: At 12 ther that, or there is a lingering odor from a former something about Greenfield Library that sucks pm I come bouncing up the steps armed with feat that has b_een pathetically covered up with as a study locale. Virgil'sAeneid and a nalgene-full of black coffee. cheap aerosol spray. The bathroom did not dis­ Don't get me wrong; the library is wonderful I setup camp on the 3ni floor. Two hours later I appoint now. I come out feeling more ill than in many ways. Whenever the bookstore decides wake up to the sound of high-pitched beep­ before. to ratchet up book pricing (and don't think you ing- the incessant metronome ofpeople check­ I decide to look up laissezfaire in a book about fool me, SJ C Bookstore! Under that cheap magic ing out books- and I realize I have fallen asleep economics, but after 45 minutes of reading I mark.er scribble I can still see that the book I'm in a pool of my own drool. I look down at my have a headache, I still don't know what it means, now buying used to cost $8 less), the library is crumpled copy of The Aeneid in horror. I had and I will continue to use it incorrectly in any the first place I tum to get a well-worn but free only read two pages before being lulled into article I write. At this point, I slam the book copy of a seminar reading. I also go there to get · slumberland by the soporific tricks of the 3'd shut, cursing Bentham and Smith's mothers with Loebs whenever I want to bloat my paper pre­ floor. some fairly ribald invectives. tentiously with Greek references. Sometimes I Then I try to open a Cliff Bar I had brought I stumble out of the library sick, sleepy, and even go there to read the newspaper, which- for with me only to find it has melted into an indis­ sans seminar reading completion. I don't know all you Johnnies who might not know- is a tinguishable gooey mass. I realize the library in if Lillian Vanous became a Nutt after being in type of publication that tells you about stuff the early afternoon is a veritable greenhouse with there for so long, but I went nuts after only four going on in the world (weird, huh?). that glass ceiling overhead, and I am actually get­ hours. If you were thinking about starting to Despite its positives, the library is just not ting sunburned from the spot I am sitting in. I study in the library, I would highly recommend conducive to studying. Right now the basement don't mind the melting, though, because I you look at the BBC or the Fishbowl or your reconstruction is the biggest problem. It looks quickly lose my appetite when I see a cockroach room. It's not worth the risk. '!Ir' ghetto and if you want to check out anything lying prostrate near the periodicals. down there you have to wait- it's kind of like

Spellings continued from front page mere idea of standardized testing seems to as well as a liberal education? How do we mar­ can be attributed to a lack of accountability make many of us cringe. At the heart of this ket ourselves without selling out? mechanisms and inadequate "consumer gut reaction seems to be an irony which Presi­ As a high-school companion (and current knowledge" about educational quality, as well dent Nelson delineated in a speech to the Cato engineering major) put it, "That whole 'St. as failure of institutions to "change with the Institute last September: "The nation's liberal John's doesn't participate in rankings' thing just markets." She calls for "performance bench­ arts colleges have long lived with this paradox: sounds like a weaselly way of getting around marks" and the reduction of barriers for trans­ we do in fact prepare our students to enter the the fact that philosophy majors are just kind fer students, on the premise that American work.place and become productive citizens; yet of useless."* For this reason, the National higher education will be improved by making we see those purposes as purely incidental to Association of Independent Colleges and Uni­ it easier for students to compare schools and our ends." Those ends being, of course, the versities has banded together to "create a com­ move between them. In addition, the DOE education of free men and women ... well, mon template for providing in-depth called for "regulated testing and standardized you've read the motto. St. John's eschews writ­ information ... important to students and their assessment for higher education through re­ ten examinations not simply because many of families." Perhaps many of us did not come gional accrediting associations." At last glance, the things we learn would be difficult to repro­ to St. John's because it has great grad school Inside Higher Ed, a college-info website, re­ duce in question-and-answer format, but more admissions rates, or even despite the lack of cor­ ported that the country's two major accredit­ because such measures interfere with the at­ relation between its degree and any particular ing commissions had agreed to a voluntary mosphere of 'leaming-as-an-end' that drew field, but it's nice to know beforehand that your system of accreditation reform, which would most of us here. Yet, were we all to take the school has an excellent academic reputation "compel the colleges and universities that 1iAPP, a test which measures, among other without having to do extensive personal re­ choose to participate ... to begin using one of things, critical thinking skills, we would most search. three standardized measures of student learn­ likely outperform a cohort of graduates whose So when you're basking in intellectual supe­ ing (the CLA, CA.AP, or l'vL'\PP) ." education had been directed towards a mastery riority over your state U career-major peers, .. Although it may turn out to be only a of the material on the exam. So, therefore, how don't forget your number two pencils. worst-case scenario in which such measures can Johnnies, and St. John's as an institution, *Leah got away with this because she lent would be explicitly forced upon St. John's, the prove that we are gaining a utilitarian training me Discworld novels.~

6 . THE GADFLY ...... Bunnies continued from page 5 Athletes of the Week Hugh Hefuer replies that when he was growing up his parents wouldn't let him see Mae West mov­ ies because they were too provocative. Kendra stares at him blankly, perhaps because she doesn't know who Mae West is, or perhaps because she rightly realizes that his response had absolutely nothing to do with her Saved by the Bell com­ ment. In any event, Saved by the Bel/versus I'm No Angel seems like a pretty big gap to bridge. But then, anyone who was Hef's own age wouldn't be squealing gleefully on their way down the slip-n-slide. They'd be screaming and terribly afraid of breaking a hip. There are drawbacks, of course. The girls can't go out after 9:00 without begging Hef to ex­ tend their curfew, which they do with immense hesitation. 9:00. Bear in mind that Waltz parties don't start until 10:00. And if they want to - and they had better not want to often - they have to arrange to have a chaperone. They also have to allow Hef to decide how much allow­ Miss Mackey ance they get and where they go for say, dinners out. I suppose though, that the great drawback of permanent adolescence, namely, the only thing that means that I'm not trying to pack my bags and set off for the Playboy I\fansion, is that per­ manent adolescence means never quite being able to make your own decisions. Paralyzed by inde­ cision about the future as most seniors might be right now, it's nice to know that any choices are ours to make. Unlike the Bunnies, I suppose that ability means that eventually we do get to become grown-ups. And even if I can't make a cupcake tree (I've tried and determined it's pretty much impossible without a staff of at least five), I suppose there's a certain satisfaction in know­ ing that I can watch The Girls Next Door after coming home at two in the morning. ~

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...... THE GADFLY . 7 An Apology for Algebra by Nate Okhuysen '08

.AH, TI-IE AUTUMN. Leaves beg1n to change color necessary itself, however, in understanding and nical grasp of a mathematical skill? You test and the dining hall's food quality begins its slow proving propositions in book VI. them. spiral into the abyss. As a math assistant, I am Similarly, even if algebra was simply a new There must be assurance that everyone is at acutely aware of several recent events. First, the method of thought in mathematics it does not least on a basic level at certain points in the pro­ juniors have reached the (in) famous Kuder Cal­ follow that it is onjy an alternative to geometry gram. Music notation is one place. It is impor­ culus J\fanual. Second, algebra exams have be­ and therefore we can simply choose our prefer­ tant to know how to read music when you start gun. \Vb.at do both of these events have in com­ ence. It is clear that there are many places in the sophomore year. \Vhy? Because you are using . mon? Students' lack of comfort with a certain program where algebraic thought is essential to that skill for the entirety of the music program. technical skill creates problems in both cases. an appreciation and understanding of the text at Sure, you can talk about emotion and sound. We are not accustomed at St. John's to worry hand. You can discuss the plot of The Magic Flute but about how something might be applied We learn if you can't read music, you're basically wasting for the sake of learning. Our your time in music class. undertaking is an endeavor to Now imagine that waste reach those mystical platonic of time and multiply it ideals. Truth. Justice. God We There is no way that someone who is capable of by three. That's how im­ are concerned with things you discussing Plato, Aristotle, Augustine, Leibniz, Kant portant algebra is at mini­ can slap a capital letter on and and Hegel is incapable of being proficient in algebra. mum. It never goes away talk about metaphysically. Sure it's another language, but it's way easier than either. Unlike music, Seminar is the heart of the which is over really after program, rightly so. That does Ancient Greek. sophomore year, algebra not mean however, that we in I\fath and Lab is there can neglect other parts of the to stay. program. We are not philosophy students; we So, you say, ''Yeah it are liberal arts students. It is good to remind Beyond this perceptive consideration, how­ would be great if we all could do algebra really ourselves of that at times. ever, is the fact that algebra forms the language well, but it's so hard to do, I just don't think that Many of the problems students bring to me with which we will speak about physics from way." Well, here's the kicker, I don't think there is as a math assistant wouldn't be problems ifthey Galileo and Newton onward. The upshot of any good reason for a student at St. John's not were "fluent" in algebra. Not that I am saying this is that a great deal of Junior Lab, Junior to know algebra. There is no way that someone that it's an imperative that all students at St. John's Math, Senior Lab, and portions of Senior Math, who is capable of discussing Plato, Aristotle, know how to solve quadratic equations like they rely upon an ability to manipulate and under­ Augustine, Leibniz, Kant, and Hegel is incapable know how to walk. That would just be ideal It stand algebraic expressions. That is half of two of being proficient in algebra. Sure it's another would also be ideal ifwe could all speak ancient years here. Algebra affects a full quarter of your language, but it's way easier than Ancient Greek. Greek and French, and fluently. I would say that education at St. John's. You can call me a Math Fascist all you want a high level of comfort with algebra is even more This is not to say you cannot participate in but I really don't think it is all that hard. Ifyou vital for fulfilling one's potential as a Johnnie these classes without algebra. There are always are capable oflearning the calculus, you are ca­ than being able to sight-read koinai. philosophical questions you can bring up about pable ofleaming algebra, and capable of doing Clearly and distinctly, algebra is necessary for continuity, infinity, nature, logos, and extension, algebra well. It is not a matter of potential; it is continuing in the program. We have a test to which rely not a jot on being able to do algebra. just a matter of practice. I know of so many ensure all students are familiar with it. The ex- That would be like going to seminar with the people who came to school here thinking they tent of its import may, however, be lost on the reading only half done. Can you get by on that? were not math people and then realizing that majority of the student body. Allow me to lay Sure. But if you're at school to get by and get a they were completely wrong. \Vhy? Because they out just how important it is. It is complicated degree, what are you doing here? Not that you got up to the board and repeatedly did their ge­ because unlike many other facets of the program, can't do what you want, but ifyou come to class ometry proofs. Now what if they felt the same a technical proficiency is necessary in algebra where unprepared, you are hurting my education here. way about algebra as they did about geom­ it is not in many other subjects. This article is not to lecture on the impor­ etry, imagine how much better class would The nature of mathematics is, to a large de­ tance of being a devoted Johnnie. I'm sure I'm be. The worst thing to be in class is com­ gree, cumulative. The Euclidean model of pro­ no more righteous than most of you are, prob­ pletely lost. I know, I have been completely gressive proofs is a paradigm from the progress ably less than some. I'm a Senior; we know what lost on occasions. It sucks. So don't let it of mathematics as a whole. It is necessary to it means to be burnt out and unmotivated. The happen to you for a quarter of your time understand, to comprehend, the previous level point is, algebra is gravely important to fulfilling here! Learn your algebra. You might even in order to advance. Obviously, this is not always one's potential as a Johnnie. So this is a prob­ learn to like it. Q.E.M.C.D. 'Jr" the case in Euclid. Book V relies on nothing lem: How do you ensure that a school without from the previous books of the Elements; it is lectures provides students with a sufficient tech-

8 . THE GADFLY ...... Homecoming Photos by Erica Stratton '08 and Babak Zarin '11

Clockwise from top left: The Druids and the Kunai team up against the alumni for a soccer match; T qylor Reese ('10) plqys horsry; Stephen Monteiro ('11) and James Russell ('11) share a legal drink)· Ian Michaels (J09) entertains the kiddies.

. 9 ...... THE GADFLY . : ... Ring, Ring: Destiny Calling by Stacey Goguen '08

y OU ALL HAVE A DESTINY. Do you know 1) IT IS NOT JUST ABOUT YOU. We dent." Granted, your friends and family may what it is? It's to answer your hall phone like a do not have room phones, so unfortunately, call your cell phone instead, but if for some good little Johnnie. Now, before you think we are all left responsible for the COMMU­ reason (god forbid) your cell phone is off, 'screw this article' and flip to the back to check NAL floor phone, which is our official land or the battery's dead, or it's stolen, or you out what Ali and Elizabeth are spouting about line. Since you live in a dorm, it is your can't find it under a heap of clothes in your sleep-study etiquette (or lack thereof), hear me responsibility to answer the communal hall room, chances are that people will call the out. phone. Period. If you are in a hall and school and be connected to your hall phone. I can no longer count the number of standing next to a phone when it rings, an­ So answer the phone, because someone's times I have called a dorm hall phone only swer it anyway, because you are that awe­ grandmother could be dying. to have it ring for minutes on end and have some of a person. So answer the phone, Freshman year I lived next to the phone, no one pick up in the middle of the day or because I know you're not an ass. (And if which was annoying. After a while, I stopped early evening. It is mind-blowingly frustrat­ you are an ass, answer it anyway because it's answering it because I thought, 'it's never ing. On a few occasions, the situation has your responsibility, and by age eighteen, you for me, so why bother?' Then, one day, a been even worse. Once I called Paca and should understand what that means.) floor mate got really upset because a family heard someone pick up the phone only to 2) YOU COULD I-LWE A PACKAGE. member was supposed to call her about hang up on me without a single word. Everyone loves packages. It's a double win some other family member's health, but Switchboard called Humphreys lately and in the mail game. So answer the phone, didn't. Well, the phone had been ringing all when someone finally got to the phone, they because someone might have sent you flow­ morning, but no one had answered it. Be­ picked it up and left it off the hook, again ers, and flowers are good for the soul. cause I couldn't take half a minute to an­ without a single word. Switchboard, far 3) YOU GRANDMOTHER COULD BE swer a phone and scribble a sentence in chalk, from trying to harass the denizens of DYING. Since the hall phones are our offi­ a fellow student spent half the day tense, Humphreys, was actually calling to let some­ cial land line, they are the number that is anxious, and upset. I answered the phone one know they had a package. given to people when they call the school again after that. So, three reasons why it is your duty to and say "I have an emergency and need to Answer the hall phones. Seriously. answer hall phones: get in touch with so-and-so who's a stu- Please. Thank you. ~

Careful continued from page 4 and religion were a unified entity in his mind ... the Thus, despite its lack of pacing or style, The shows how evolution has affected human­ ideas of evolution became so powerful that they Jesuit and the Skullis useful. It left me with the kind, from the mysterious Neanderthals to convinced him that everything in the universe, desire to read more of Teilhard's writings, open­ Java Man to "Lucy" and "Lucy's baby". This inanimate objects and living systems alike, was ing my eyes to the alternatives of always separat­ is a huge amount of ground to cover, and in constant flux, ever evolving as decreed by God. ing Science and the Church. It is an idea whose while his labor to firmly place the discovery The goal was a point where everything would time has come, and I await a writer whose of Peking Man in a historical context so that converge to form the body of Christ." Teilhard's writing skills as well as the scholarly breadth we can fully understand its importance is charming demeanor, his calmness with dealing of his knowledge are enough to do justice admirable, he stops the flow of the story with harsh conditions, joyous faith in God and to it.~ dead in its tracks. A full six chapters from the his equal joy in learning about the natural world, teaser opening we finally hear about the life of are inspiring. His discovery of Peking :Man (com­ the Jesuit priest for whom the book is named, ing long before the discovery of ''Lucy") was "the philosopher, theologian, geologist, paleon­ one of the first proofs that evolution was real, On behalf of the ·author tologist, and mystic Pierre Teilhard de Chardin". that it affected mankind, and that the Bible could "Teilhard's embrace of science and religion no longer be taken literally. It branded him for­ of this article, The was deep and complete. The roles played by these ever as a heretic, but Teilhard's desire was not to Gadfly would like to two seemingly contradictory elements were sym­ topple the order of Jesuits, which he sincerely inform the Polity that the bolized by the two images that he displayed next loved. Instead, he wanted to show the Church to his bed throughout his adult life: One of what he thought was a truerwayofunderstand­ key to the darkroom .is Christ, and the other of Galileo. Where others ing God. Even when the Vatican exiles him to missing, and should be might have seen a conflict, for his entire long China (which, paradoxically, allowed him to dis­ career, Teilhard never had the slightest difficulty cover Peking I'vfan) he does not complain or grow returned promptly to reconciling science with faith. Since he grew up angry, becoming an example for those who wish Security. with the twin routines of exploring the natural to peacefully merge the two warring factions of world around him and worshiping God, science Church and Science.

10 . THE GADFLY ...... Concert Review: Patrick Wolf I by Gabrielle Aines '08

IT \X'AS A NIGHT OF BRIGHT COSTUMES and big and green sparkles, a headband supporting His face flickered with constant emotion, his voices when Patrick Wolf and opener Bishi metallic feathers wrapped around his pale or­ eyes often closed, small smiles sneaking in played DC's Black Cat on October 1. ange hair, cut off jeans were brightened by where none made sense, and when unoccu­ The audience, small but enthusiastic, was spangly belt charms, and his bare skin shim­ pied his hands wrapped themselves in his clearly charmed by Bishi, whose outfit well mered with gold glitter. clothing, and pounded at his head and chest. matched her music. In a silver gown Yet, for all his outward eccen­ with tall pointed sleeves and heavy, tricity, he came off as rather nor­ padded hips beneath a belted waist, mal. He punctuated several songs Bishi's sound and dress were a com­ with the stories behind them, re­ bination of Donna Summers and laying such intimacies with surpris- Ravi Shankar. She bantered well with ~ ingly soft, shy voice, playing with CJ) the audience, and her performance ~ his clothing again, but out of <( was engaging despite multiple de­ ~ nerves rather than passion. \"'V'hen lays between songs for tuning and a ~ Bishi took the stage to assist him ..:: lack of backing band, and the crowd CJ with "Magpie," singing in place of cheered loudly for her throughout .Marianne Faithful, he gushed about the set. touring with his best friend. When With the release of his third al­ he played the violin, he often wan­ bum The Magic Position this past dered over to his sister, who was May, Patrick Wolf has become ex­ accompanying on violin, and the tremely popular in Britain. He is known for his siblings would grin at each other as effortless voice and skill in melding electronic From this, the show picked up as he they played. beats with gorgeous orchestration, as well as launched into the rousing "Overture," and The show felt loose at times as Wolf his outrageous clothing and ambiguous sexu­ many of the show's highlights came from his changed his set list mid-concert, playing what­ ality. more upbeat material. During "Tristan;' Wolf ever suited him just then. The quality of the Backed by a mural of a star-covered forest, shook and writhed to the heavy bass, crawling sound was sometimes poor, as the electronics Wolf brought all of these elements to the show. on the ground and tangling himself in the mi­ overpowered the more delicate orchestration. He opened his set with the mournful, driving crophone wire, before bouncing across the stage But Wolf's energy and earnestness made up ''Wind in the Wires" from his second album during '~\ccident & Emergency." for it, creating a show that was fun and sweet, of the same title. Seated on a stool center stage, Wolf was rarely still; constantly switching dark and bright, much like his music. lit only by a spotlight, hunched over his bari­ between the electric keyboard, the violin, and PS: The entire show is up on youtube, if tone ukulele, he built a stark mood that con­ the baritone ukulele, he played each instrument anyone is interested. Just search under Patrick trasted his flamboyant garments. Shirtless, the with intensity and fervor, bending himself Wolf+ Black Cat. 4l!lr' shoulders of his blue vest swirled with blue around them as the songs gained momentum.

FRESHMAN YEAR RElA TIONSHIPS••• • •• JUNIOR YEAR. OF COURSE ••

Now 'that we have I can't waihmbl 1111e We've anly'"""""' ff we didn't make a well-established get drunk and make all kmnnm each J en.II: in public and small group af sorts of all'ilkward athermra embarrass/disgust mends, it's time ti:! ...... ,,,. c:ol'ffessicms ! have angsty _.# rew weeks everyone it unrequited lave but we're going wculdn't be b:I get married! true love! dramas!

•••AND ANALLY••• ••• AND SOPHOMORE YEAR ••• Sc, wanna go? \!Uhy is he Sure .. but hurry it up. That was 1he 10-miru.rte bell. such a jerk? \.,,,, \ll.ll1y is

e~e such a jerk?

11 GADFLY. THE GADFLY St. John's College P.0. Box 2800 Annapolis, MD 21404 Dear Alizabeth: On Marriage and Gay Men by Ali Schwab '08 and Elizabeth Burlington '08

DEARALIZABETH, Johnnies are unattractive. kind. If this is indeed the case then you are in I have heard the oft-quoted statistic that If you think about this assertion for a luck. ~e it is true that St. John's does have 60% ofJohnnies end up marrying other moment, you will see that it starts to fall apart more boys than girls you are forgetting that Johnnies. Is that actually true? If so, I'm in rather quickly. Cast your eyes about the dining the boys are mostly awkward and unattrac­ trouble. While I have met many charming and hall some evening. If you rule out the tive, and the ones who aren't generally end intelligent young men at St. John's, most of gentlemen who are either taken or taken with up turning into philanderers who somehow the ones who I might be interested in dating other gentlemen, you will still be looking at a manage to sleep with four different girls in are either passionately devoted to their long­ vast sea of single guys who are intelligent the course of one night. The only attractive, term girlfriends, or are only interested in men. enough to have picked St. John's and who caring, and overall husband-worthy material Is this something I should be taking up with probably would jump at the opportunity to go that you will find here is in the gay popula­ the Admissions Office and/ or the Alumni out with a tasteful, good-humored gal like tion. Office, or are there other options? you. How many of them have you Sure, there is that whole problem you Sincerely, ruled out simply because you don't know who addressed about them only being interested A Single in Pinkney Isn't Always the Most they are? How many have you ruled out in men. I can understand that. But this is Desirable Rooming Situation because they're three inches too short, or their marriage, remember? There is nothing that ***** teeth are crooked? Ask yourself this latter would indicate that you could not live the Dear Pinkneyite, question honestly, and remind yourself that rest of your life happily married to a gay To begin on an upbeat note, it is immedi­ there are more important things in life than a man. Carrie Bradshaw mused over this in ately clear that you have perfect appearance. And here's the toughest Sex and the City, and I am thoroughly pretty good taste (and the fact that you are a question of all: how many of them have you confident, given the nature of all the gay men Real Human asking us for romantic advice doomed to the class of unintelligent or un­ at St. John's, that they will be better hus­ indicates that you have a superb sense of charming people after a single brief conversa­ bands than any of their straight counterparts. humor). If you're attracted to loyal, devoted, tion with them? Probably the You both can have all the affairs you want, and loving people, that isn't half bad - and vast majority. but at the end of the day you will always charm and intelligence are good qualities Find yourself a guy who shares your values have each other with whom to cuddle and do in a mate if you like, say, conversation. The and interests and handles his academic work the crossword puzzle. True love transcends unfortunate coincidence that some of these responsibly. Get to know him. He might turn those fussy hormones, and I am willing to individuals prefer men is one of those out to be someone you will grow to love. You bet any girl on campus would rather marry inevitabilities I don't think I can help you with, can never find someone like Daniel Wheatley than any of those [straight] and I can promise you the Alumni O ffice ain't that without looking more deeply than that infidels who live on 3rd Campbell. gonna touch it either. first glance and conversation. So get to it; Sex is easy here, but if you want to be part So what are we to do? All the good ones whether the exercise is successful in of that golden 60% then I suggest finding a appear to be taken! Do like me, the belligerent finding you a boyfriend or not, it will make gay man to marry. Mothers always like them optimist, and decide that if your conclusion you a little more sensitive to people's hidden more anyway. indicates doom and despair, there must be a good qualities. .And if all else fails, With the pain that you drain from love, faulty premise in there somewhere. After all, please remember: 40% ofJohnnies find love E. McDowell Burlington most big catastrophies like this one are outside St. John's, or do just fine as swingin' justmedia hype. Take, for example, global singles. This is not an emergency situation, I promise. Please send warming. Or Hegel. Neither Ivour Best wishes, of these things actually exists; it just so Program Predicaments happens that certain industries can make an A.Schwab awful lot of money off of keeping us terrified to [lizabeth ~urlington out of our skins, publishers of the "works" Dear Me in a Past Life, of "Hegel" not least among them. I theorize First and foremost, you seem more or A li Schwab that in the case of your problem, the faulty concerned with perpetuating the marriage premise is this: that all single heterosexual statistic than you do with finding true love via Campus ~'\ a il . and companionship amongst the Johnnie-

12 THE GADFLY ......