Eliza Manningham-Buller an Interview with the New College Council Chairman: Page 7 SCIENCE the FIRST to GO?

“Keep the Cat Free” ISSUE 1497 FELIX 14.10.11 The student voice of Imperial College London since 1949 Eliza Manningham-Buller An interview with the new College Council Chairman: Page 7 SCIENCE THE FIRST TO GO?

How we are bombarded by solar neutrinos Page 10

POLITICS

Free market woes and economic parables Page 14

TELEVISION

As UCL announces a departure from traditional degree Lost: A retrospective classiﬁ cation, could Imperial be next? Page 5 review of the hit show Page 30 2 Friday 14 OcTOBER 2011 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS What’s on Classiﬁ eds: the return CLASSIFIEDS Proof of God Debate: Send us your serious business Just when you thought it was Round 2 safe to go outside – they’re back

The Philosophy Society is putting together another The Arensky Chamber Orchestra is looking for intellectual debate on campus. Like last year we ﬂ ierers to help promote its upcoming concert on have invited Dr Muhammad Omer and Hassan November 10. The job involves handing out ﬂ iers Choudhury, but this time, we have more opinionated in the evenings for an hour or two outside clas- atheists: Dr John Marenbon and Dr Derek Matravers, sical music concerts around London, principally so it should be a more animated show! Wigmore Hall or Cadogan Hall. £20 per evening. If you have a strong opinion regarding the debate, we’d really like to hear from you. Why don’t you email To apply or for more details, email Will Kunhardt your response to us and we can read them out beat [email protected] fore the debate on the day. If you feel there is/isn’t rational proof, or it’s not a debate that can be had rationally, please visit our Facebook page or email One Year Old Sony Vaio S Series Laptop us at [email protected]. See you on the day! – Intel i5-540M 2.53 GHz processor – Nvidia 512MB graphics card – 8GB RAM Lecture Theatre 1, Blackett – 13.3 inch screen – Weighs 1.69kg 18 October 18:30 – Windows 7 Home Premium Awwww yeah, I’ve been looking all over for a two storey house! If interested, please email [email protected]

Last week it was competitions (more Computer Programmer/Software Writer needed to copy and simplify a program I already have coming soon!) – this week the Classiﬁ eds to work alongside a telephone caller ID piece of hardware. This is an opportunity to make a bit section makes a bite-sized return. of money, Call John at Fresh Hairdressers – 15a Harrington Road, South Kensington, SW7 3ES on If you have something to sell, whether it’s 07881991705 for more details a laptop, a pile of untouched books or

Thought for the day: Can you truly be a hipster some incredible Python programming skills, when you have no clothes on? let us know and we’ll advertise it right here in the paper. Nothing dodgy please, Lolcat of teh week Last week’s Foldi winner we’re distribution bins, not top shelf. We’d also better say that Felix accepts no As the man says, there can be only responsibility for services bought or sold. one, and that one just happens to While we’re on this topic of shameless be Yao Du, who wins last week’s advertising, does someone want to paint a super prize of a Foldi LED Lamp. local garage door? I’m not even joking. Congrats! I’ll be in touch. Editor

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2011.

Editor-in-Chief Matthew Colvin Deputy Editor Charles Betts News Editors Sophia David Alexandra Nowbar Reporters Jack Hewitt Maciej Matuszewski Navid Nabijou Aemun Reza Features Editors Katherine Bettany Stephen Smith Sports Editors Indy Leclercq David Wilson Science Editors Kelly Oakes Alexander Karapetian Politics Editors Rajat Jain Joseph Letts Technology Editors Chris Bowers Feroz Salam Comment Editors Tim Arbabzadah Samuel Horti Arts Editors Will Prince Eva Rosenthal Mena Music Editors Iñigo Martinez de Rituerto Stephen Smith Fashion Editors Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang Television Editors Matt Allinson James Simpson Games Editor Laurence Pope Food Editors Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas Travel Editors Dushi Arumuganesan Chris Richardson Online Editors Chris Birkett Jonathan Kim Kadhim Shubber Puzzles Captain James Hook Photo Editor Miles Robertson Copy Editors Carol Ann Cheah George Coombs Navid Nabijou Deepka Rana FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 3 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS RCSU Autumn Ball a hit for freshers Organisers praised as students are drawn to Embankment by ‘fantastic’ drinks deal

Alexander Karapetian Alexander Karapetian Union (CGCU), commented “it was pretty cool, I guess,” while Craig A barrage of freshers descended on Glastonbury, a third year biologist Opal Bar in Embankment on Wednes- said, “it was probably one of the day for the Royal College of Science best RCSU events [he’d] ever been Union’s (RCSU) Autumn Ball, where to”, adding “it was busy, but not the faculty hosted their first major so busy that you had to queue for event of the year. Promising three drinks”. Felix covered the event with free drinks, student prices throughout photography which can be seen on the the night and rides across London on RCSU Facebook page. a vintage fire engine, the RCSU saw The event attracted many students the event quickly become busy from across all faculties, seeing even 9pm and maintain unwavering party members of the ICSM committee spirit to the touted end at 3am. attend. The ICSM medics had The RCSU sold out with many reclaimed their mascot from the students still trying to get tickets after RCSU office late last week during a the four hundred and fifty-strong Hummingbird charity cake sale. Luke guest list had been sent off. Of those Kanczes said that “they entered the who attended, general opinion has office in a gang of ten and stole back been very high and the organisers the mascot” and that the office was have been met with praise. “left in a mess”, condemning their RCSU President Luke Kanczes behaviour as “morally wrong”. commented that “it was good to see The Autumn Ball is another example so many people turn up for the Ball, of the array of well-organised events not just Scientists but also Engineers hosted by RCSU throughout the year, and even Medics, drawn by such with compliments to the committee a fantastic drinks deal.” The event for their efforts in planning and turned over approximately four execution. After minor criticisms for thousand pounds, the profit of which their successful silent disco event last will be donated to RAG. year, regarding an increased focus on The RCSU mascot vehicle, Jezebel, freshers, the event was advertised as was used to transport students around an Autumn Ball instead which saw Whitehall during the night. James both an increase in familiar crowds Hallam of the City & Guilds College and first years alike. There were way more girls there, honestly Union Council kicks off year Sponsored Editorial with Bar Night questions More student cuts Discount haircuts for Imperial Matt Colvin Matt Colvin students at Fresh Hairdressers Monday 10 October saw the fi rst Imperi- al College Union Council meeting of the academic year. Held in the Union Dining More student cuts for Imperial 0207 823 8968. Ask for a Hall and open to all students, the meet- students at South Kensington’s student discount and bring your ing saw this year’s sabbatical offi cers FRESH Hairdressers. Imperial ID. provide updates of their progress over Men’s cuts £22 Cash only. the summer, presided over by this year’s Women’s shampoo and cut and Council Chair, David Smith. shake dry £28 The most contentious issue of the eve- Women’s shampoo, cut and ning was raised as a result of Deputy blow-dry £38 President (Finance & Services) Mi- All of our cuts are done by highly chael Foster’s update, and concerned the David Smith takes the chair this year experienced stylists. Union’s new guidelines regarding how Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to clubs and societies are able to run bar 4.30 (sorry no discounts on nights. In order to ensure bar nights are Representatives from groups such as the Foster also announced the existence of Saturdays). ‘sustainable’ and to comply with licens- Royal School of Mines Union and Arts a post-Summer Ball report and survey, We are only 70 metres from ing law, the Union is no longer able to & Entertainments Board questioned the due to be provided at the next Council South Kensington tube station sell kegs of beer at cost price to clubs and new policies, considering issues such as meeting Monday 31 October, citing that To book an appointment, call societies. Instead, the Union now offers a the feasibility of making money from the the fi gures were “not ready” in time for 10% discount on bar tabs for bar nights. new format of events. this meeting. Deutsche Bank

Discover Deutsche Bank Agile Curiosity. The world would seem a dull place without it. That’s why at Deutsche Bank we encourage our people to ask questions that go beyond the obvious. And we’d like to extend that invitation to you. minds So if you’re curious about what it’s like to work at one of the world’s leading ﬁnancial institutions, get the answers direct from the people already doing it.

think Join us for a 2-hour networking experience at our Discover Deutsche Bank event, meet with some of the best in the business ahead and discover where your agile mind could take you. Date: 25 October 2011 Time: 18.30 - 20.30 Venue: Andaz Hotel, London

SHIBUYA CROSSING, TOKYO FROM SHIBUYA EXCEL HOTEL TOKYU FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 5 News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar [email protected] NEWS UCL to introduce ‘grade point average’ As the honours system is scrapped, Felix asks whether Imperial could follow suit

University College London Maciej Matuszewski

University College London is to scrap the widely used honours system, where students are awarded a fi rst, 2:1, 2:2 or third at the end of their degrees, and move towards US style Grade Point Averages (GPA). UCL Provost Professor Malcolm Grant last week told The Telegraph that “award infl ation over the past three decades has led to student performance being essentially recognised by classifi cation into only two main groups: fi rst class and upper second class honours.” He called the system “crude and undistin- guished” and said that the changes would “ensure that our students’ mode of study is internationally recognised”. In the US, GPA system students receive letter grades, each with associated numerical values. The fi nal grade for their degree is the average of the numerical values of the grades that they received over the course of their studies. It is “An employer cannot know which fi rst is a good fi rst” University College London’s new proposals have seen support from some academics at Imperial common that, in addition to this, a fi xed petitiveness on the international arena, ed that introducing a GPA system would the publication of either a percentage mately 67% when taking into account the percentage of highest scoring students re- which is unfamiliar with the British remove the need to make diffi cult deci- or a year-position, either along with, or unique classifi cation of medics, a fi gure ceive honours such as summa cum laude. system, Heath responded that he feared sions about what degree to award stu- instead of a degree class”, especially in that is average for the Russell Group. The exact form of UCL’s new degree this effect might be outweighed by an dents who are on the boundary between Mathematics where “due to the preci- Dr Kogelbaur has explained that 92% classifi cation is as of yet unknown but increase in competitiveness between two honours - a “process that is not [en- sion of the discipline, [one is] able to rely of Chemical Engineering’s graduates the UCL Council’s ‘White Paper 2011- students on a course, resulting in a cor- tirely] objective”. heavily on the accuracy of ... individual receiving a fi rst or 2:1 is a result of im- 2021’, which “outlines a vision and strat- responding decrease in cooperation. The He dismissed fears about increased marks”. He conveyed his view that while provements in the quality of student in- egy for UCL for the coming 10 years”, August survey indicated that students competitiveness by pointing out that Im- “very few academics believe the current take and teaching. This was supported states it “will be distinctive, and will be were opposed to any system that ranks perial degree programs are already very scheme of degree classifi cation makes by Heath and Parmar, who praised the developed in such a way as to enable the graduates within their class for the same competitive and that the effect of this is much sense ... many are reluctant to tin- quality of communication between stu- GPA score for each student to be gener- reason. The ‘White Paper Response’ offset by labs and projects that emphasise ker with a system which works tolerably dents and staff in the department. Dr Luc ated automatically from existing percent- quotes a student as saying that they think teamwork. He also rejected Jason Par- Vandeperre, Materials Senior Tutor, has age-based assessment scores.” that “a ranking would be a bad idea as mar’s concerns that unless most of the attributed the fi ve year-on-year increases The idea of following in UCL’s foot- people would no longer work together, Universities in the UK adopted the new “Such matters are in the proportion of fi rsts and 2:1s award- steps, however, is not popular with the but against each other.” system at once those who abandoned ed by his Department (it went up from College’s students, according to a re- honours would be at a disadvantage as a usually decided at 69% in 2010 to 72% in 2011) to hard cent survey. Imperial College Union’s result of confused employers. Dr Kogel- work by students and admissions tutors ‘Response to the 2011 [Government] “Very few academics baur said that he believed that Imperial’s College level” who “have been attracting increasingly Higher Education White Paper’, written “brand” was strong enough for people better prepared students”. by Union President Scott Heath, Deputy believe the current to appreciate its degrees regardless of Dr Vandeperre is also sceptical about President (Education) Jason Parmar and the system. He believes that the College well, and which employers understand.” “how a grade point average would be Representation Coordinator Andrew system makes much “could go it alone” as long as it published All parties, however, agree that grade better at combating grade infl ation”. This Keenan, notes that a student survey con- data on how many graduates got what infl ation, one of UCL’s main reasons for is a sentiment shared by Professor Mestel ducted by the Union this August indicates sense” percentages. This would be to compen- the change, is not a problem at Imperial. who says that “the key question is does that the current honours system is gener- sate for Imperial’s courses often being Scott Heath has said that he fi rmly be- 75% this year correspond to 75% next ally supported by students. The survey, more diffi cult than other institutions’, lieves that Imperial is greatly concerned year?” however, also indicates that the system Imperial academics, however, are more which often results in lower marks. with its academic reputation and as a Opinion about Grade Point Average “was of decreasing popularity as cohorts open to changes in the system. Speak- Professor Jonathan Mestel, Director result strives to ensure that the require- system is clearly divided. However, as progressed, with fi nal year, masters and ing in a personal capacity, the Chemical of Undergraduate Studies in the Depart- ments for achieving a particular degree Professor Mestel reminds us, “such mat- PhD students being least supportive.” A Engineering Senior Tutor, Dr. Andreas ment of Mathematics, agrees with many class are the same each year. He also ters are usually decided at College level” third year UK student is quoted as say- Kogelbauer, agreed with UCL’s Profes- of Dr Kogelbaur’s points. He says that pointed out that The Telegraph article and there are no indications that the Col- ing that “all fi rsts were not created equal; sor Grant, claiming that the current sys- “for a scientifi c institution in particular, about the UCL change was not entirely lege is likely to abandon the honours an employer cannot know which fi rst is a tem is crude. He pointed to the massive the degree classifi cation system, with its correct regarding its statement that 80% system any time soon. It is also worth good fi rst and which is not.” difference between a 2:1 degree where a deliberate reduction of experimental ac- of Imperial College degrees awarded last remembering Dr Kogelbaur’s belief that Asked whether a Grade Point Average student achieved 61% and one where the curacy, is very strange.” He expressed a year were fi rsts and 2:1s. Heath claims “by rushing things students would be dis- system might improve graduates’ com- student achieved 69%. He also highlight- personal “sympathy with any drive for instead that the actual fi gure is approxi- advantaged”. 6 Friday 14 OCTOBER 2011 FELIX News Editors: Sophia David Alex Nowbar NEWS [email protected] In Brief Babar Ahmad ‘should face RCSU President kidnapped trial in the UK’, says sister

Jack Hewitt Online petition aims to bring matter to Parliament debate

flickr/s_falkow Navid Nabijou Aemun Reza

With less than a month before the online petition concerning Babar Ahmad closes, his sister Amna spoke to Felix about her brother’s experience. For the past seven years, Babar Ahmad has been in prison fi ghting extradition to the This year’s Silfest committee United States. The current petition, launched two months ago, calls on the UK Government to put him on trial in the UK. Babar Ahmad, a British citizen, studied engineering as an undergraduate at Imperial, before At 11:45 on Wednesday morning Luke Kanczes moving on to an IT support role at the college. (above), the Royal College of Science Union (RCSU) In 2003, he was arrested under UK anti-terror president, mysteriously went missing. He was seen legislation, but released after six days without locked in a hockey storeroom and being paraded charge. During his brief time in prison he sus- around the quad before disappearing into the dun- tained multiple injuries from the offi cers who geons of the East Basement. It is believed that a held him in custody. A year later, the United crack team of Raising and Giving (RAG) members, or States fi led a request for his extradition (under ‘RAG-gers’, carried this out, bagging and tying him the controversial Extradition Act 2003) and he up and quickly removing him from the premises be- was re-arrested. Since then, he has remained in fore security could do anything about it. prison, challenging his impending extradition RAG subsequently released a statement, reading: to the US. “Luke Kanczes, the RCSU president went missing Babar Ahmad’s sister Amna fears that if he at some point on Wednesday October 12. A ransom is extradited to the US, he will face a life in Amna Ahmad claims that a UK based trial would ‘expose’ details of police treatment demand was made and RCSU, unlike the medics, solitary confi nement in a maximum-security won’t try and steal him back at a later charity event.” prison. She says he wants to be tried in Britain RCSU donated the profi ts from their Autumn Ball, as a British citizen and “does not understand ing to provide evidence (there is no reciprocal – in excess of £200 – and the RCSU exec will put a why he needs to go to the US”. Amna believes arrangement for the UK to extradite American team forward for LOST, an event where students are that once the UK authorities realized they citizens). left in mysterious locations and have to hitchhike could not prosecute Babar, they asked the US Amna Ahmad argues that “extradition is for Babar Ahmad: back to college, which will be held on November 5. to initiate proceedings against him instead. She fugitives who commit a crime in one country It is as yet unknown if Kanczes has been freed claims the reason for this is that if Babar was and run away to another country. [Babar Ah- The story so far from his predicament. tried in the UK, “it would expose embarrass- mad] has never lived or worked in the US, and Jack Hewitt ing details of the way the Police treated him … even the US acknowledges that all the allega- and collusion between UK and US authorities tions against him took place whilst he was liv- in relation to his case”. ing and working in the UK. If the material was December 2003 collected from the UK and the alleged offences Babar Ahmad arrested on UK terror- Fire engine Jezebel clocks up are said to have occurred in the UK then he ism charges. He is released six days “He should face trial in should face trial in the UK, in front of a jury later. 50,000 miles of his peers.” front of his peers” Babar Ahmad’s supporters have launched a Jezebel, fi re engine and mascot of the Royal College petition, urging the Government to allow him August 2004 of Science Union, has now reached 50,000 miles to stand trial in the UK. So far, the petition Re-arrested to be extradited to the on the clock. Babar Ahmad’s case is just one episode in a has received 23,000 signatures. If this number US. Jezebel is a 1916 Dennis N type fi re engine with tale that has lasted over a decade. In the years reaches 100,000, the Government is required a 1926 pump. The Royal College of Science Motor since the 9/11 attacks, a slew of anti-terror to debate it in Parliament. Amna says “it will Club (RCS Motor Club), consisting of past and cur- legislation has been passed into law, by Gov- send a strong signal to the British Government January 2007 rent students, have been undertaking maintenance ernments both here and in the US. Particularly … that there is suffi cient public support behind European Court of Human Rights and repair of Jezebel since 1955 including an en- controversial elements of this legislation in- our quest.” However, given the Government’s intervenes at last moment to freeze gine rebuild in 2000 and repainting in 2004. She is clude the authorisation to make arrests without reluctance so far to compromise on the issue, extraditial proceedings. used on various college occasions including balls, evidence, to detain people indefi nitely without the outcome of such a debate remains doubtful. charity events and even a former Union President’s charge and to use extreme methods of torture Nevertheless, Amna is closely involved wedding. to obtain information. with the Free Babar Ahmad Campaign and August 2011 According to RCS Motor Club, Jezebel is “de- Many argue that resorting to such illiberal is actively engaged in promoting the online signed to do one thousand miles a year” with the oil measures undermines the fundamental values petition. She believes it is “shocking that our Online petition started. requiring changing every 500 miles. She is thought of our free society. One of these is the principle Government can hold a man without trial for to have exceeded 50,000 miles whilst in Imperial’s of sovereignty: that a country cannot charge a over 7 years” and that “uncertainty of fate is hands alone, despite the mileage reading on the foreign national with an offence committed on a very diffi cult thing for any human being to 10 November 2011 clock. Despite this, the fi gures mark a symbolic mo- foreign soil, and it is in this respect that Babar deal with”. Petition due to close. ment in Jezebel’s history. Ahmad’s case is unusual. The Extradition Act Links to the petition and more information Alex Nowbar 2003 allows the US to extradite British citizens on Babar Ahmad’s case can be found at http:// for crimes committed in Britain, without hav- www.freebabarahmad.com/ win £100 in amazon vouchers

We would like to hear your views on the information you received before you came to Imperial and your experience at Welcome Week. Win Go to imperialcollegeunion.org £100 to take part! in aMazon vouchers imperialcollegeunion.org No bull. independent member firms affiliated with KPMG International Cooperative, a Swiss entity. All rights reserved. The KPMG independent member firms affiliated with KPMG International Cooperative, a Swiss entity. Straight talking from KPMG.

Graduate Programmes – All degree disciplines

Drinks, presentation and networking with KPMG 6.30pm, Tuesday 18th October KPMG, Presentation Suite, 15 Canada Square, Canary Wharf, London E14 5GL

www.kpmg.co.uk/careers © 2011 KPMG LLP, a UK limited liability partnership, is subsidiary of KPMG Europe LLP and member ﬁrm the network © 2011 KPMG LLP, name, logo and “cutting through complexity” are registered trademarks or of KPMG International. FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 9 Features Editors: Katy Bettany Stephen Smith [email protected] FEATURE Interview: Eliza Manningham-Buller Matt Colvin talks to the former MI5 Director General and current College Chair- man about her role and the future of Imperial College

Imperial College London ate September – it’s the process after replying to an advertise- week before the beginning ment in The Economist, so in addition, of a new academic year. As there were external applicants. I was a new intake of students interviewed by a subset of Council prepare to acclimatise to members, and then a recommendation theirL new surroundings, a more expe- followed.” Despite her current position, rienced senior member of staff is also she also mentions that it wasn’t some- preparing for the hardships of the year thing that she actively sought once she ahead, as one should expect from some- originally joined the College, explain- one in charge of the long and arduous ing, “I never expected to seek [the posi- process of appointing the Rector. Sit- tion] when I joined.” ting across a table from someone with Despite the already substantial cre- such a varied career (teacher, Director dentials of the Council in its entirety, General of MI5, attendee to the House Eliza is keen to appoint some new peo- of Lords) is at least a little intimidating ple to be more representative of society to begin with, especially since I have no in its diversity: individuals “with inter- idea of the manner in which to address national experience and cultural under- a Baroness. Baroness Eliza Manning- standing.” Such experience is naturally ham-Buller is keen to do away with any crucial towards the appointment of the such preconceptions almost instantly. Rector, a process involving “drawing “It’s just Eliza,” she tells me as we are up a job specifi cation and headhunting introduced. through an open process,” advising that Eliza chairs the Council of Imperial for an ideal candidate, ‘it’s central to be College London, following on from her approachable to students.” predecessor Lord Kerr. She took up the post on July 16 and is the fi rst woman to hold the position of College Chair- “There should be man. She is not entirely new to Imperi- al, having been Deputy Chairman since no complacency; 2009. Sitting in her offi ce in the Faculty Building, I aim to discover what her we must continually role, and that of the College Council itself, entails. seek to improve ev- “Most students probably don’t know Baronness Eliza Manningham-Buller that it exists,” Eliza begins; a perceived erything” wrong that she is without a doubt keen to right. With responsibilities extending ered against the impending rise in fees but equally we’re constantly seeking far beyond the appointment of the Rec- At the Council’s heart, Eliza explains While others may still seek her ad- – something that Eliza assures will be to be better – it’s a competitive world. tor, including advising on College strat- that it is their role to “help Imperial be vice, Eliza hopes to reaffi rm new considered with due attention. “We We’re going to become pretty vocifer- egy, fi nance and property, the Council even better”. “Universities can’t be stat- bonds with Imperial College Union, “I need to monitor the situation carefully ous, after all, we’re educating the next is not the sole responsibility of one, but ic. The global world is changing, so stu- hope to keep in touch with the [Union] and collect statistics on it. There’s no generation of doctors, scientists, engi- many. dents are going to go, if they can afford President outside of Council meetings – point asserting that it’s all fi ne.” In a neers and business leaders.” “The Council is made up of several it. There should be no complacency; without a doubt there are voices to be similar vein, she is particularly keen to Reaching the end of our discussion, individuals from different walks of we must continually seek to improve heard.” When I ask about Imperial’s lat- highlight the benefi ts of Imperial’s new we move to Eliza’s background as an life, including business, investment, everything, as it’s a competitive world est rankings in university league tables, bursary scheme, with up to a signifi cant Oxford arts student, in particular ask- the Civil Service and management,” and people should be getting their mon- with the Sunday Times dropping Impe- £60,000 worth of support propelling ing whether she has any regrets not explains Eliza – it’s a list that includes ey’s worth. Complacency will mean our rial 11 places last month, she is quick the university to the top of the Russell reading science. “I loved Biology at key fi gures from institutions such as the downfall.” to assure me that “[league tables] can Group in terms of fi nancial aid avail- school,” she admits, “though my expe- Bank of England and companies such It comes as no surprise that Eliza is be quite misleading. The real question able to students. “Financial support rience of science teaching was that it as BP. still very much in demand by various we have to ask ourselves is: are we as and alumni contribution is a keen area was designed to put off all but the most It is also a list that ultimately decides institutions, and not only Imperial. In- good as we want to be? The answer will as it can help the students, strengthen passionate – it was all petri dishes and upon who will take charge of the Coun- trigued as to how she simply fi nds the almost always be no, therefore we will fi nances and aid ailing infrastructure,” Bunsen burners; I never understood that cil, a process that Eliza doesn’t hesitate time to fulfi l all of her responsibilities, almost always want to be better.” she explains, “It’s a big, long term job.” science was about discovery – now, it to explain when asked about the path including sitting in the House of Lords It’s a question that must be consid- “There are lots of external challenges, excites me to no end!” she took to the position of Council and acting as a governor with the Well- Chairman: “I applied through a formal come Trust charity, she proceeds to lift the veil on what was increasingly looking like a professional juggling act: “I never understood “The Wellcome Trust takes about 60 that science was days of the year. At Imperial, I found Do you love to Why not write Email us to the exposure to high-grade sciences and about discovery – research fascinating, so I had no hesita- tion in joining the Council. In the House write? a FEATURE? get involved. now, it excites me to of Lords I chair one committee while sitting on two, and yet I still get time to no end!” see my sheep! ” 10 Friday 14 october 2011 FELIX Science Editors: Alexander Karapetian Kelly Oakes SCIENCE [email protected]

Genetic link for ‘heavy Measuring solar neutrinos heart’ condition identiﬁ ed Maciej Matuszewski

Folk remedies for a heavy heart have ranged from Every second each centimetre of the surface white wine heated with red-hot steel to the ﬂ esh of the Earth is bombarded by 6×1010 solar of a screech owl. But an Imperial-led international neutrinos — produced by nuclear fusion team of scientists from Europe, the US, and Japan and the decay of isotopes such as beryl- have eschewed such treatments in tracking down lium-7. Writing in Physical Review Letters, the gene that causes cardiac hypertrophy – literally, an international collaboration of scientists a heavy heart, caused by a thickening of the walls of has announced the unprecedented accuracy the left ventricle. This condition often leads to heart of new solar neutrino data from the BO- failure as the thick and stiffened heart muscles REXINO experiment at the Laboratori Na- struggle to pump blood around the body. zionale del Gran Sasso, in central Italy. A scintillating view of the BOREXINO neutrino detector in Italy – top lads Though cardiac hypertrophy was known to be a The BOREXINO neutrino detector con- heritable trait, previous studies failed to pinpoint the sists of a special organic liquid called a relevant gene associated with left ventricle mass. scintillator. When neutrinos collide with makes it through the mountains. of observing the entire spectrum of solar However, by taking advantage of recent advances electrons in the liquid at high velocity the This shielding has allowed the number neutrinos at once. in approaches to rat genetics, the team were able electrons start moving faster. These fast of solar neutrinos from beryllium-7 decay Our results, the culmination of 20 years to identify the gene in question as endonuclease moving electrons cause the scintillator to reaching the detector to be measured with of research, greatly narrow the observation G, or Endog, a gene also known to be connected to emit light, which is detected by the sur- an unprecedented 5% uncertainty and has precision. The data confirm the neutrino apoptosis, a form of generally benign cell death that rounding array of 2200 photomultiplier made it possible for the first time to detect oscillations, flavour changes and flow pre- plays a part in processes such as the differentia- tubes. Since neutrinos are so weakly inter- neutrinos with energies of under 1MeV. dicted by models of the sun and particle tion of ﬁ ngers and toes in embryos. As the authors acting — being only affected by gravity, The data collected has already provided physics.” put it, in a paper published this month in Nature, which is insignificant at subatomic scales, evidence for the theory that neutrinos can There also exists hope that the experiment the study “has further established the link between and the weak nuclear force — they are very oscillate between their three ‘flavours’ — may yield some more unusual results, such mitochondrial dysfunction, reactive oxygen species difficult to detect and so a large mass of electron, muon and tau. This suggests that as the discovery of a new flavour of neu- and heart disease and has uncovered a role for En- scintillator, approximately 278 metric tons, neutrinos have mass, which goes against trino. Another University of Massachusetts dog in maladaptive cardiac hypertrophy”. is required. the Standard Model — the leading theory member of team, Andrea Pocar, has com- “We found that a faulty copy of this gene causes A major problem with detecting neutrinos explaining the subatomic world. The detec- mented on this, saying, “You always have the heart to become thick and fatty, making it is background radiation. The BOREXINO tor will also be used to explore the com- the hope of seeing surprises, some small ‘heavy’ with poor function”, says Professor Stuart team solved this by building the detector position of the sun. Laura Cadonati, part deviation from the expectations. And this Cook from the Medical Research (MRC) Council 1.4km beneath the Apennine Mountains. of the collaboration and based at the Uni- you can only have if your accuracy and pre- Clinical Sciences Centre at Imperial, who led the A thick layer of ultra-pure water surround- versity of Massachusetts Amherst, said: cision are good enough to see very small research. “It does this by interfering with the heart ing the scintillator blocks any radiation that “BOREXINO is the only detector capable variations.” cells’ energy source – the mitochondria. Like any other muscle in our body, the heart needs energy to keep it pumping. If the mitochondria don’t work properly, the heart struggles to make enough energy and the cells produce toxic by-products, called reactive oxidative species, which increase thicken- Blood sugar measured by lasers ing of the heart wall.” The importance in knowing the gene behind the condition is, of course, in the new potential this Nicola Guttridge however, quite tricky to isolate due to the The team hope that their work may even- gives for tackling the cause rather than just the very nature of human blood; water is an tually lead to mass commercialisation of the symptom. “We can now start to investigate new The search for a non-invasive, effective overwhelmingly strong absorber of mid- to technique for use in hospitals to continuous- ways to develop treatments which target the mito- technique with which to measure the blood near-infrared light, and blood is composed ly monitor diabetic patients, with the added chondria and toxic oxidative molecules.” says Cook. sugar levels of diabetes sufferers has long of approximately 92% water by volume. potential for miniaturisation for use in the There’s also an important wider lesson in the fact occupied researchers in the medicine and However, this did not stump Mandelis and home. that Endog was originally an unsuspected culprit — applied biophysics communities. For the colleagues, who instead made use of this This may be very difficult to achieve; the so much of the genetic code remains uncharted ter- last 20 years, research has centred on the strong wavelength dependency by tuning nature of the work involved brings many ritory. As Professor Amanda Fisher, Director of the potential use of wavelength-modulated laser two laser beams to very slightly different inherent restrictions such as the size and so- MRC Clinical Sciences Centre, says “This discovery radiometry – that is, shining lasers tuned to wavelengths — one that is prone to absorp- phistication of the lasers involved, the need emphasises the importance of deciphering the ge- specific wavelengths at human blood sam- tion by both water and glucose, and one just for personalisation to each patient before netic code of a broad range of mammals alongside ples and measuring the response. by water. When both of these beams are use, and inevitable price limitations. that of humans eventually to allow us explore new New research by Andreas Mandelis of focussed on the jumble of molecules that If, however, this were possible, it may avenues for better targeted drugs”. the University of Toronto has followed this make up human blood, the water absorp- lead to a greater in-depth understanding Douglas Heaven blueprint but made some changes that may tions effectively cancel out and the returned of diabetes itself. The ability of lasers to prove to be an innovative leap forward. The signal is solely due to glucose absorption. continuously measure blood sugar levels is wavelength often used in past studies is in This highlights the glucose levels within the hugely contrasting with the current method, the near-infrared, but Mandelis and team blood and minimises the interference caused which can only analyse samples of blood focussed instead on differing wavelengths by water molecules. taken at discrete time intervals. of mid-infrared light, utilised in two laser This non-invasive and pain-free method Despite the fact that such research is as Like us on Facebook beams simultaneously. has shown great promise in being highly yet unproven on human patients, the method The method involved relies on the chemi- sensitive to even trace amounts of glucose shows greater promise than comparable past Follow the latest science news cal bonds present in the glucose molecule. present in the test substance. However, there studies. The frequency of research in this Laser light can pass harmlessly through is a long way to go before the method can area reflects the importance of pioneering from Imperial and more on our layers of human skin and interact with mol- be considered as tried and tested; so far the a successful technique in order to fully un- ecules present within human blood plasma. procedure has only been trialled on samples derstand the disease and aid its sufferers in Facebook page: As glucose molecular bonds are hit by la- of blood serum and sugar dissolved in wa- the future. ser light at certain frequencies they absorb ter. Mandelis is currently working with col- Mandelis and colleagues describe their re- energy and vibrate, thus creating a measur- leagues at Toronto hospital to enable a test- search in full in an upcoming issue of Physi- facebook.com/FelixScience able response. This glucose fingerprint is, ing programme involving human patients. cal Review E. FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 11 SCIENCE Are particles self aware?

Pavitar Devgon — how they can interact to change their own motion. We all think we know what Browni- The team trapped a colloid in liquid an motion is. It is the way physicists suspension held in a laser trap to ob- describe the motion of fluids like serve the effect of Brownian motion. air and smoke in which the particles The sphere of solution was of the or- moves about, seemingly at random, der of nanometres in size and when and diffuse throughout a volume. held by the laser, can be modelled However, by looking at the micro- as a harmonic oscillator. It was pre- scopic scale where the particles in- viously considered that the viscous teract, scientists have found a new force over-dampens the system and phenomenon. the fluctuating motions are uncorre- Firstly there are two governing forc- lated and constant at small frequen- es used to explain Brownian motion, cies. However, when you bring in which are ever competing for control. the idea of self-interaction, the fluc- The collisions with surrounding mol- tuations should change and correlate ecules transfer momentum and this is with time. known as ‘thermal noise’. Assumed In order to make the principle of to be random, it is characterized by self-interaction apparent, Franosch a white noise spectrum, which re- and his colleagues tune the harmonic ally means that the power (or in this oscillator to its relaxation time. In a case collisions) contain equal strength colloid, the immersed particles will within a ﬁ xed bandwidth about a cen- eventually settle and the time it takes tre frequency. In the white noise spec- to reach this equilibrium position is trum (shown right), there are random the relaxation time. As a laser was peaks over all frequencies without used to hold the trap, by varying the clear correlation. power of the laser, they could alter The second force is the viscous the stiffness of the trap and effective- friction between the particles and ly ‘tune’ the relaxation time. The white noise spectrum, random peaks over all frequencies without clear correlation... trippy, yo the solvent. In the case of smoke, Additionally, using the particle’s as the smoke particles diffuse in the diameter and fluid’s viscosity as pa- air, the higher the viscosity of air rameters, the diffusion time (the time ‘resonance’ occurring close to the It has become clear that particles in the slower the smoke particles dif- to diffuse over the diameter) could relaxation frequency. The power solutions are able to affect the result fuse. The effect is one of damping be tuned also. Franosch and his col- “Evidence has been spectral density increased and the by their presence and hydrodynamic the motion, trying to slow down the leagues found that the optimum re- ‘white’ noise became ‘coloured’ as resonance can occur, changing the particles to rest. An experiment set sults were obtained from a melamine found to support the the peaks were not constant for all power spectrum. up by Thomas Franosch, at the In- resin colloid, 3 micrometres in diam- frequencies. One possible move for the future is stitute for Theoretical Physics at the eter, when immersed in acetone. theory of self interac- The ramifications of this are re- to create more sensitive equipment, University of Erlangen-Nuremberg The result was a correlation be- markable; this is the first time exper- able to work at the micro- and nano- in Germany, and his colleagues tween the fluctuations due to self- tion on these scales” imental evidence has been found to metre levels, to measure the shapes, shows that it is possible to measure interaction and times. It soon be- support the theory of self-interaction surfaces and distribution of small par- the self-interaction of the particles came apparent of a hydrodynamic on these scales. ticles, right down to biological cells. Decade old Hubble data reveals planets

Arianna Sorba it wasn’t until a year later, when Da- stars taken from NICMOS’s exten- surroundings. to astronomers studying this system, vid Lafreniere of the University of sive decade-spanning library, Soum- The combination of recent ground- especially as regards the innermost In 2008, astronomers obtained the Montreal reanalysed data originally mer’s team have completely removed based observations, such as those of planet, where a substantial amount of first direct visual evidence for a recorded back in 1998 by Hubble’s the diffraction spikes from the im- Marois, and the much older Hubble motion can already be detected. ‘It’s ‘multiple exoplanetary system’ — a ‘Near Infrared Camera and Multi-Ob- age (an issue common for telescope- data from NICMOS, has proved ex- 10 years of science for free,’ says system of planets orbiting one central ject Spectrometer’ (NICMOS), that based image systems), boosted the tremely helpful to astronomers, as Soummer. star that isn’t our sun — using near- the actual position of one of these ex- contrast, and dramatically reduced the passage of time across the images The success of this new analysis, infrared ground-based images taken oplanets was identified. Where previ- the surrounding starlight, thus draw- means that the shape of the planets’ which is to be published in the As- with the W.M. Keck Observatory and ously the central star had outshone ing the positions of the three previ- orbits can be tracked. This in turn can trophysical Journal, has prompted the Gemini North telescope. A fourth the planets surrounding it, Lafreniere ously elusive exoplanets out from the provide other valuable information Soummer’s latest plan to reanalyse planet orbiting the same star was re- used a library of images of reference haze. that is usually impossible to deduce images of approximately 400 other vealed in 2010. stars to accurately strip away some of In Marois’ ground-based data, from single images alone, such as the stars from the old NICMOS archive. Extrasolar planets, or exoplanets, this obscuring glow, confirming the meanwhile, the fourth orbiting exoplanets’ masses, eccentricities, and From this his team will compile a can be difficult for astronomers to existence of the outermost one. planet has been detected, which, at how they interact with each other. list of ‘planetary candidates’, which detect, partly because they are often Now, Remi Soummer of the Space 2.4 billion kilometres away from the The three outer exoplanets have ap- in turn will be verified by ground- so overwhelmed by the brightness Telescope Science Institute in Balti- central star, is too close for NICMOS proximate orbit periods of between based telescope observations, much of the star they orbit. The 2008 dis- more has taken this method one step to directly observe — it lies on the 100 and 400 years, so observation the same as how has occurred with covery of three exoplanets orbiting further. By reanalysing the same very border of NICMOS’s ‘corona- over much longer timescales is need- the planets orbitting HR8799. Thus a young star, HR8799 was made by Hubble data as Lafreniere with even graphic spot’, a disc that aims to ob- ed to map and fully comprehend their the re-examination of archive data Christian Marois of the National Re- more sophisticated software, and us- scure most of the light from the cen- movements. However, a decade- could produce a wealth of new dis- search Council in Canada. However, ing over 460 images of reference tral star to aid in observations of its sized ‘head start’ is still a great gift coveries of these elusive exoplanets. 12 Friday 14 october 2011 FELIX Technology Editors: Feroz Salam Chris Bowers TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Tips and hacks A smart choice for lectures Facebook chat for the soul Feroz Salam reviews Livescribe’s new infrared superpen

Facebook’s entrenched as the most effective time sink in university life, but if you’re bored and looking for something slightly more worthy to spend your time on, give CompassionPit a shot. If you have ever spent any time on Chatroulette, you might be familiar with the format - you’re paired with a stranger to talk to. The twist lies in how CompassionPit pairs you with a partner, however. On loading the website you get to choose whether you want to be a ‘venter’ Console yourself about your lack of human interaction with a shiny new pen. Who needs friends when you have a pen that talks? or a ‘listener’. If you have something on your mind - pick ‘venter’ and you’ll be paired with a ‘listener’ who will listen, give you advice or simply distract have to admit that when I fi rst picked On your desktop notebooks setting you back another 20 pounds, you from your troubles. Pick ‘listener’ and the roles up Livescribe’s Echo Smartpen I was you’re looking at organising your notes at the reverse. It’s an excellent way to get something off more than a little skeptical, for good Once I had written a few pages, I decided to cost of a new touchscreen Kindle. Livescribe your mind to a complete stranger, or pass an oth- reason. I’ve seen electronic note-taking take a look at the notes on my laptop. This are the only people who make the required erwise idle hour or two. As with anything on the in- aids from my fi rst year at Imperial, and proved to be a slightly more complicated notebooks for their pens, which means that if ternet however, there’s an occasional troll, so make there’sI good reason why the Union Shop does process than I would have liked. I fi rst had to you want your pen to be anything more than a sure you’re not easily offended. such good business at the start of term: it will download an installation bundle from the Li- pricey ballpoint, you’re locked into their ‘eco- take a lot to beat the simplicity of pen and pa- vescribe website (they don’t offer a disk), but system’. per. even after doing that I wasn’t able to synchro- The Smartpen doesn’t try to replace the phys- nise the fi les on my pen with the desktop - I Rent films from YouTube ical writing process, but instead captures an im- had to download a 200MB update for the pen In Review age of the page as you write on it, which you and then install it on the device before I could can then transfer to your desktop. Despite find- view my writing. While only a one-time an- Livescribe’s digital pen mostly deliv- ing it a bit gimmicky at first, using the device noyance, I can’t see why Livescribe released ers what it promises - neat images of your did a lot to convince me that there is a niche the device lacking its most basic functionality. notes with little hassle. The microphone is a for this sort of product; whether the average The pages, once loaded, are of surprisingly strong addition as well and gives the feeling student fits this niche is another matter entirely. high quality, capturing the curves of natural of being a well planned feature rather than a writing with no pixelation or clarity loss what- hasty afterthought. In terms of digital note soever. Livescribe also claims that you can taking solutions, this is one of the nicer ones Getting Started search your handwritten notes through their I have seen, combining the familiar feeling software, but I only managed to hit one word of writing on paper with an electronic inter- The Smartpen is a sleek but supersized ver- in fi ve tries on some fairly neat handwriting, face that’s a lot more than fl ashy lights and sion of your standard biro, looking something so you’re not very much better off than with noises. like a space-age marker. It’s ready to use as a paper notebook. Despite this, the realistic Yet I have mixed feelings about how rel- soon as you pull it out of the box. Getting nature of the notes means they might be very evant such a device would be to students. started really is as simple as opening the sam- useful for those courses that need a fair few dia- Most people I know make do with a refi ll Fed up of watching keyboard cat? You’re in luck - You- ple notebook provided in the box and starting grams, such as chemistry or physics. You can pad and a cheap pen for everyday note tak- tube this week announced that they have rolled out to write. With a standard ballpoint tip, it’s a read them on Livescribe’s own software, ex- ing, and I doubt my spending on stationery their film rental service to the UK. It’s an interesting feeling most of us are used to, and apart from port them to PDF, or share them on a variety of has hit more than 100 pounds over my four choice, with LoveFilm so established over here, but the weight of all the electronics, it’s no differ- sites from Facebook to Google Docs. The best years at Imperial. the newcomer is off to a good start with almost iden- ent to using any other pen, if you can get used part about all of this is that it really does ‘just Despite this, whether you fi nd the Smart- tical pricing. You’ll pay between £2.49 and £3.49 to to the extra heft of the electronics inside. work’. There is no fi ddling around with settings pen worth your money will depend on the rent a film, with an obvious correlation between price At the bottom of every page there’s a ‘re- before you get started, and barring the minor type of student you are. If you’ve ever found and how long it’s been out for. With that, you get 30 cord’ button. Pressing it will use the pen’s annoyance of the desktop software installation, yourself arguing that ‘I know where every- days in which to watch your movie. But once you’ve inbuilt microphone to record sound while you’re ready to go the minute you open the box. thing is, it’s my mess!’, you probably won’t started watching it, you only have 48 hours to fin- you write, a sort of stream-of-consciousness want the Smartpen. ish. Currently about 1000 titles are available to rent, dictaphone that might be very useful in lec- Those who like their notes meticulous and but - being Google - you can be sure that number tures. The microphone is surprisingly clear Lifetime Lock-in tidy, however, might fi nd value in a device will grow. With many of those movies you also get and doesn’t suffer from the cheap tinniness that can pull together an entire lecture, from extras such as interviews and documentaies. You that is all too common on this type of device. Niggles aside, the Smartpen would be a truly the lecturer’s voice to diagrams on paper, also get access to your loaned film from pretty much Recordings, like the images of pages, can be outstanding product if it wasn’t for the sheer into one easily browsable interface. With anywhere, as it will be available on any computer you uploaded to your computer, but you can also cost of using it on a regular basis. Amazon is solid build quality and an easy interface, I log on to YouTube with. The service will additionally tap on the start of a piece of text to listen to offering the cheapest version of the pen for can see this device lasting a long time with- be working with many Android devices, giving the op- what you were recording while you wrote it 100 pounds a pop, and you’ll be needing regu- out needing repairs. The Smartpen is well tion of entertainment on the move. - a brilliant feature that worked suprisingly lar purchases of their dot-paper notebooks to worth the purchase if you can justify the well. make it worth your while. With four 100-page price. FELIX Friday 08 October 2010 2 HIGHLIGHTS 14 FRIDAY 14 october 2011 FELIX Politics Editors: Rajat Jain Joseph Letts POLITICS [email protected] One little piggy went to market

Rory Fenton talks about his struggles with free market and government interaction

have a confession to make. Over “Why don’t you just go ahead and do doubt. Coupled with the extra money but if the other guy ‘fesses up things are the last year or so, I’ve been re- it, or convince professionals to?” At The Problem of Lemons and time it takes to check the car out, this reversed, he gets 2 years you get ten. If ally quite evil. I really never every stage this was my outlook. How Firstly, I have no problem with fruit and means that inevitably you’re going to of- you both confess, you get 5 years each. meant to be, but there it is. Evil on earth could the government do some- neither do markets. We’re talking about fer a lower price than the seller should A confusing state of affairs, but it’s clear as a doorknob. Like many of my thing better than its citizens, I thought. Lemons with a capital ‘L’; crap cars. It’s really get for the car, to compensate for that the best result for both is to keep qui- Iilk, I can pin point the exact day the evil Yes, most of us don’t have the expertise a well known fact that the very second the uncertainty. et. The problem is, since neither of them started, it was in November 2009 and I to set up a school, but neither do most you drive a new car out of the car shop, But now look at it from the car owner’s can be sure the other won’t say anything, was in the Felix offi ce, chatting to the politicians. They hire professionals with it drops fabulously in price in a way that perspective; he realises that if he tries to the most rational move for each is to con- Business Editor. The chat went some- our money, why not cut out the middle- doesn’t make perfect sense. It’s true that sell the car, the above reasons will mean fess, rather than run the risk of being the thing like this: man and hire them ourselves? everyone likes the idea of being the fi rst he gets a poor price. Which means that only silent one. All things being equal, But I wasn’t an evil voice in the wil- owner of a car, but not so much that they unless there is an emergency (a new keeping quiet gets you an average of 5 Moi: The government should really derness, I had my Gospel and I read it would insist on paying many thousands baby, unemployment) he has little incen- years locked, speaking out gets you just pay for education/ health/ hash brown- religiously; The Economist magazine. of pounds less just because someone had tive to sell a perfectly good car. Unless, 3.5. Two rational prisoners will always ies for the poor. You really have to read the thing to un- ‘her’ for a week. Instead, there’s a classic of course, it’s faulty. Then he still has ev- tell on each other, leaving both unneces- Satan: Well, if it’s such a good thing, derstand its allure, but basically it kept market failure operating. ery incentive to get rid of the thing. sarily in prison. why don’t richer people just pay for it me in market- loving, unions-hating Imagine you see an ad for a car. It’s al- And now we can see that both buyer There are many real world examples for them anyway? Can’t people just be rapture for hours on end every week. most new and so going for a price not too and seller will create a spiral; the buyer of this, an obvious one being hygiene. charitable, or are you saying the gov- And when my sister got me a Kindle far off what it would have been hot off is scared of Lemons so he offers a low Sandwich shops, for example, would ernment is more moral than everyone subscription for Christmas? In the Holy the shelves (that’s how a car shop works, price, the seller doesn’t like the low price have no incentive to spend a small sum else? Name of Friedman, I just didn’t stand right? Shelves and massive industrial so he only sells if he has a Lemon which on making clean sandwiches if it means a chance. trolleys?). It seems like a good deal, but means even more used cars are Lemons making them slightly less competitive And there the bastard had me. It all reached its zenith when, one something’s bugging you. If the car’s re- which means the buyer will offer even than rivals, despite the fact that sandwich Wouldn’t it be a whole lot better if fateful May morning, I put an x beside ally so good, why is the guy trying to sell less to compensate for the risk and so on. shops making people ill is bad for the people just came together themselves the name of Sir Malcolm Rifkind, Con- it? Sure you can give it a test drive and This isn’t so bad if it only affects cars and industry as a whole. Clearly businesses and sorted out each other’s diffi culties? servative MP for Kensington. Yes, that’s check out the MOT, but all that already manufactures now offer guarantees on need educated workers and yet it makes What was it that made government in- right. I’m Rory the Tory. Rory the Milk takes up time and time is money, already used cars to alleviate this, though it’s still no sense for any individual business to tervention so much better than private Snatcher. The Sheriff of Ror-ingham. making the car more expensive. And an issue. The big problem is the exact invest in schools if those guys are just action? This got around a WHOLE load But things have since changed. Let even if the MOT etc. checks out you’ll same market failure exists in healthcare going to work for someone else. Again, of issues too. Want your child to learn me be clear, I really didn’t mean to be still be left wondering why this car’s on - just as Lemons are more likely to be put there’s a clear case for government inter- evolution? Set up a school that does it. evil. I honestly believed in the freedom, sale - unless it’s faulty? Because you up for sale, sick people are more likely vention here. Want poor kids to learn about evolution? effi ciency and accountability that let- don’t know everything there is to know to take out health insurance; pushing up Set up a school for them too. Is it really ting the market into public goods would about the car, there’ll always be that its price and driving healthy people out, Halfway to Damascus that different from the government do- bring. I now realise I was mistaken. The further pushing up the price. People get- ing it? In fact, it should be better - be- purpose of this article is to explain just ting lower prices than they would like for ing controlled from near, not Whitehall, why I was mistaken: why markets really their cars is OK, but sick people fi nding I was gradually convinced that markets, means better effi ciency and accountabil- aren’t as wonderful as free marketers themselves priced out of insurance really however rational, could never fully create ity. On top of that, surely the freedom to such as my younger self might hope. isn’t. There is a clear case for govern- the optimal outcome for everyone and, teach as you wish has a moral value to Perhaps in the process some other poor Can’t people ment intervention here. This leads us to sadly, it’s the poorest who would lose out it? It’s not like current state schools are devils might realise the errors of their “ the next market failure: the most. I’m no commie, mind, but these anything to write home about. Assum- market-orientated ways, too. just be charitable, are sensible reasons for a well regulated ing you can write, that is. market system with social welfare and I started to see the benefi ts of privati- or are you saying The Prisoners’ Dilemma public goods. I haven’t changed alto- sation everywhere. I didn’t believe that Market Failure gether. In an election tomorrow, I would cuddly services such as health and edu- the government is This one’s a nice economics parable. still vote Tory (they’re hardly full on free cation should be run purely in pursuit Even in theory, markets can’t always work There are two recently arrested prisoners marketers these days) and I don’t neces- of profi t, rather that the freedom should properly. A year ago, I’d have said that if more moral than being interrogated separately by police. sarily support every last penny spent in be given to professionals, patients and there were a more effi cient way of doing Whatever evidence the police have, it’s the name of welfare. So I’m a long way parents to make their own decisions something, the market would always fi nd everyone else? not enough for a conviction. The prison- from skipping down a small country lane about services and this freedom comes it and adopt it, because otherwise busi- ers are each given a choice; either own with pretty petals in my hair nursing an from privatisation. Every time someone nesses wouldn’t survive. Unfortunately, up to what you and your friend did, in injured baby rabbit, but the evil has re- complained that the government should this isn’t the case and market failures can which case you get 2 years in prison and scinded, somewhat. Unlike, alas, that tat- do more for such and such I’d think, appear in two fundamental ways: ” the other guy 10, or you can keep quiet too of Thatcher on my shoulder… FELIX FRIDAY 14 October 2011 15 POLITICS Poles at the Polls

Radical Liberals look set to be incumbent’s kingmaker

Piotr Faba radical liberal parliamentary parties in made it rather taboo to openly support Rajat Jain the EU – supporting full separation of anti-clerical policies. However, with a church and state, legalisation of abor- closed box election and a radical party A radical libertarian party could hold tion and marijuana, and removal of the on the vote slip, many Poles showed the key to power in Poland after Sun- Senate (upper house). The result is a their true beliefs. day, when the EU’s sixth largest econ- surprise; particularly in strongly Catho- It should not necessarily be assumed omy and only country not to contract lic Poland. And with no majority party, that this is a growing atheist movement. in 2009 held parliamentary elections. Janusz Palikot may now have the infl u- For instance, I still attend Church be- Unsurprisingly, the incumbent centrist ence of a kingmaker. cause the spiritual experience is still PM came out on top; Donald Tusk’s With the economy doing well com- important to me in my everyday life. Civic Platform won 39.2% – a slight pared with other EU countries and a However, I do not feel that the church decline from the 41.5% gained in 2007. sense of progress in Poland, voters did as an institution should be interfering The main opposition, the right wing not make this decision as an act of re- with any aspect of how the country is Law and Justice, gained 29.9% – also bellion against an unpopular adminis- run. a small reduction from 32.1% in 2007. tration. I was also surprised to fi nd their Recently, many Poles had been look- However, the newly formed breakaway main voter base was not just students. ing at models followed by other Catho- from Tusk’s party, Palikot’s Movement, Exit polls showed 18.6 % were students, lic, but more liberal, European coun- gained support from 10.2% of Poland while 37.5% were over 40. The bias to- tries, such as France, Italy and Spain. (including myself), making it the third wards the young, urban and educated is Now, with Palikot’s increasing popular- most popular party. not as great as one might imagine. ity, Poland could soon be the leader for The party is now one of the most This refl ects a changing attitude other European liberals to follow. throughout Polish society. The Roman Catholic Church, until very recently, If you’re looking at this page and “The Catholic Church, had a great deal of infl uence in the new- thinking that writing about the latest ly democratic Poland; they are credited, political developments from across until very recently, under Polish Pope John Paul II, with the globe is right up your street, then helping bring about the fall of commu- you might just want to be a Politics had a great deal of nism. However, in recent years there has Reporter. If you’re interested, get been a sense that this is no longer appro- in touch with the Politics Editors at infl uence in Poland” priate. The importance of the church has [email protected]. 10.2%! It bring’s a tear to my eye. Where’s my hanky? The media’s inevitable right wing slant Jakov Marelic provides his view on media politics in the modern world

e live in democracies people are not equal but those with the sors will threaten to pull their advertis- since 2006, despite making over $26 bil- tifi ed net sales of 2 million. Even when where we hold those most money have the most power. Be- ing money. In 1980, the liberal staff at lion in profi ts. The same General Electric it closed down in 1964 it was probably in power to account cause of this, media operating in a free the Mother Jones magazine debated over also owns MSNBC, usually a centre-left among the 20 largest circulation dailies using elections. To market will always bias against the in- whether or not to publish a series of ar- channel that would oppose corporate in the world, this meant it was selling help us make in- terests of the political left and the lower ticles linking cigarettes to cancer. The welfare, yet on this instance they were far more than The Times, the Guardian formedW choices about our society there classes. Let me explain why. editors knew that the tobacco industry critical of US Uncut. and the Financial Times put together. It are many kinds of media on the market The argument commonly goes, “If would punish them by canceling their lu- Advertisers also want their adverts to didn’t die because there wasn’t enough whose job it is to tell us all the bad stuff people didn’t like this or that media crative advertising contracts, which the be viewed by people who have money to demand for it, it died because the paper’s and to suggest solutions to them. The they would stop buying it”. Apart from young, struggling magazine desperately spend buying their products. This auto- predominantly poor readership was not a idea is that this will build a public sup- the fact that this could be used to justify needed. Mother Jones stuck to its princi- matically discriminates against any me- worthwhile target for advertisers. port base, which will propel a good rep- the USSR totalitarian-controlled media ples and printed the articles anyway; and, dia with a predominantly working class This system explains why in our time, resentative to electoral victory and kick (since back then Russians also bought just as expected, the tobacco companies readership. the centre-left Guardian and Independent out bad representatives. and consumed it) it actually turns out angrily pulled their ads. Between 1912 and 1964 there existed a are struggling fi nancially and the centre- Now then, media channels (newspa- the public have very little say in what A few months ago we saw anti-tax British newspaper called the Daily Her- right Daily Telegraph, Daily Mail, and pers, magazines, radio, television, jour- the press offers to them because news- evading protests in Britain and America. ald. At one point its politics were broadly The Times are in rude health. nals, etc.) compete with each other for papers do not get most of their income The US Uncut group, for example, pro- syndicalist: it gave unconditional sup- It should not be surprising that these customers; media that does well (at keep- from sales. tested against the American company port to strikers and argued for a social- advertising and media companies, like ing us informed) will be rewarded with You may notice that the price you pay General Electric which hasn’t paid a sin- ist revolution based on worker’s self- most big businesses, are extremely con- money and can expand. Media providers for each newspaper is minuscule. The gle cent in taxes to the US government organisation in trade unions. It also gave servative. They have certain agendas: who do badly will decline in favour and cost of The Sun newspaper is 20 pence. strong support to suffragettes and to anti- they desire lower taxes, fewer lawsuits be punished by bankruptcy. This compe- This doesn’t even cover the ink! Same colonial struggles, especially in Ireland. from the public, fewer environmental re- tition keeps quality high, costs low and holds for television and radio where Early issues dealt with the loss of the straints, better public relations (a euphe- incompetent providers out of the system. there is zero income from the consumer. “The public has very RMS Titanic, emphasizing the dispro- mism for less public exposure to scan- This is how it works, right? Wrong. Newspapers and other media actually get little say in what the portionate loss of life among crew mem- dals), higher profi ts and more effective What I’ve just described is the free their money from corporate advertisers. bers and poor third-class passengers. lobbying power in government. Control- market of media companies and a good The media generally cannot run stories press offers them” In 1933 the Herald became the world’s ling public opinion would give them all rule of thumb for free markets is that that offend corporations because spon- best-selling daily newspaper, with cer- these things. £22.50.50

Every Wednesday

Drinks Offer Boddingtons Stella 4% only £22.00.00

Come in the best from your bedtime wardrobe and party the night away! Every Friday Drinks Offer House Spirit & mixer £2.20 Vodka Redbull £3.00 Bonkers Jägerbomb £3.30 Pyjama Party Frıday 21 October2011 20:00-02:00 imperialcollegeunion.org/metric Wednesday 26 October 2011 11am - 4pm • Queen’s Lawn • Imperial College London • South Kensington

The Careers Fair is almost apon us again and it is a fantastic opportunity to meet with employers and network with current professionals. It is the perfect place to start thinking about the rest of your future. Over 80 companies are attending and will FIND undoubtedly help you decide what you want to do with your career. If you already know exactly what you want to do, the Careers Fair will provide you with a myriad of employers YOUR FUTUREthat interest you.

imperialcollegeunion.org/careersfair 18 Friday 14 october 2011 FELIX Comment Editors: Sam Horti Tim Arbabzadah COMMENT [email protected] FELIX The unhelpfulness We must continue to honour the past of self-help

University College London (UCL) this week announced their planned adoption of the Ameri- eating things that are bad for you be- can-style grade point average system in lieu of cause a fi t and healthy person wouldn’t traditional degree classifications. Naturally, this do that. Right? That’s fi ne. That’s a log- raises the question as to whether UCL are lead- ical thing to do. At some point the logic ing the charge against a “crude and undistin- breaks down though, usually around the guished” system in an attempt to improve the time that they start talking about mil- value of a degree, or whether they are simply lionaires. hoping to ensure easier comparison with Ameri- “You must BE the millionaire fi rst, can institutions. long before you actually have the mon- A prime issue with the new system that should ey in your bank account!” the website be considered is the effect that it could poten- proclaims unhelpfully. “How would tially have on students themselves. The grade Angry Geek a millionaire think? How would they point average system, existing as an average make decisions?” to which the logical of the numerical grades received across all ex- response seems to be, “They would ams, allows for an even greater comparison and guy got on the tube and throw money at the decision, because ranking between students. sat down next to me last they are a millionaire.” And if it’s not While there is truth in the sentiment that com- week, which is a momen- that response, then I don’t know what petition encourages subsequent determination, tous enough event for me they’re getting at. Most millionaires such competition may also generate additional to open the column with I know of have pretty poor decision- pressure on students already striving to be the Abecause being that close to another making skills. best in one of the most academically tough and human is a sure-fi re way to ruin my The guy’s list went on: “Live in si- rigorous institutions that the country has to of- week in spectacular style. Fortunately lence for a week”. “Spend a night fer. for me, the chap in question pulled out sleeping alone on a deserted island”. I The current system of degree classifications an iPhone and opened the notes app, don’t know what kind of person he was allows some room for manoeuvre in terms of where he began adding to a list – a list trying to visualise but it seemed to be students who may inadvertently perform less which would turn out to be the high- the lead character in a Danny Boyle well than expected during an exam. Indeed, all light of the day. movie. There was nothing on the list it takes in some cases is one ‘bad exam’ for an The list was topped with the words about eating your own weight in ice The box was opened. It turned out Schrödinger’s overall average to significantly drop. Cases like “BE DO HAVE”, like the half-fi nished cream, or painting a gigantic wang on cat was alive and a fuck of a lot more hostile than this are not rare, and an encouragement of a lyrics to a jazz freestyle session, and the side of an Olympic billboard. What before more detailed ranking of students may height- underneath was all manner of seem- kind of aspirations were these anyway? en the tensions that the end of year inevitably ingly disconnected phrases. “Live In This is why I stray away from makingg brings with it. France”. “Sing At A Club”. “Learn long-term dreams too specifi c. Oncee In many cases the current classifications al- To Tango”. At fi rst I assumed he was you start to write them down and focuss low employers to see where a student roughly making a list of things that he couldn’t “positive energies” on them, or what-- ... insignificant reminders like stands academically, without becoming entan- possibly do when dressed like he was. ever schlock you’ve been told to do,, gled in comparing individual marks. A move to However as my eyes progressed down you start setting yourself timers. Little,, the ones on your phone that the new system could easily remove the mean- the list the items started growing con- insignifi cant reminders like the ones onn ing of interviews – to demonstrate capabilities siderably stranger and shed more and your phone that don’t work very well don’t work very well and just besides academic prowess. more light on what the list’s real pur- and just irritate you with their whin- Grade inflation must be tackled, of course. pose was, until I had to stifl e a chuckle ing. Every day that goes by with you irritate you with their whining Even so, it is not a problem wholly unique to as I came across the entry “Travel to a “visualising” these dreams rather than higher education. It is instead an issue that pacifi c island and take those strong hal- actually achieving them will be another affects all levels of education, including GCSE lucinogenic drugs they have”. contribution to your inevitable, crip- and A-Level. With the International Baccalaure- Google later confi rmed that “Be, pling sense of worthlessness. Which ate being adopted by an increasing selection Do, Have” was some self-motivational will probably lead you to making more of UK institutions as a possible counter mea- system for something called - among lists, and feeling more useless when So, all I need to do is write sure, those with the power to make changes to other things - The Law Of Attraction. they don’t get you anywhere. “ degree systems may do well to follow such an The idea being that by writing down the It’s far easier to just stick to doing something and send it in and I example. person you want to be, and the things what you enjoy, right now, and leave the Ultimately, any radical venture towards the that person would do or have, you men- worrying about where it leads for later, get a picture of myself splashed adoption of a new system must be carefully con- tally bring yourself closer to being that particularly if you’re young enough to sidered by academics and students alike – a nu- way. Or, as I like to think of it, by writ- be at Imperial. Learning to tango while around in Felix? ” merical mark can never be entirely demonstra- ing down the person you want to be, your head’s being rammed with pe- tive of a student’s capabilities. It would not be and the things that person would do or yote isn’t going to make you any more Yes, but saying splashed around a surprise should the scheme be implemented have, you allow yourself to avoid actu- whole as a person than buying the new for dissatisfaction to be voiced, not only among ally doing any of those things and just Elder Scrolls game and going to a half- makes it sound dodgy. employers who must adapt to the change in or- think about them instead. Hooray for decent fi reworks display. der to accommodate UCLs plan, but also among self-help. So there. Watch out this week for my Hmmm, yeah, it does a bit. Where students who primarily come here to best them- There are good intentions behind £15 pamphlet series: “Giving A Fuck selves, and not prove their own ability over oth- some of this stuff, if you look for it hard And You: Self-Empowerment Through do I send it? ers. enough. It suggests that by adopting the Not Caring”. mentality of a person who is fi t and [email protected] healthy, for instance, that you’ll avoid Read online at felixonline.co.uk FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 19 COMMENT Frankenscience versus the world Does Science Fiction stand in the way of progress?

cience ﬁ ction often paints a edge people did not develop a sudden the space ships on Star Trek or the mas- ScienceSccienceience ffiction scary picture of the future fear of monkeys after watching Planet sive dinosaurs on Jurassic Park? I would where science and technol- of the Apes. In fact people often have hasten a guess that many of you would reflectsreflects a fear of ogy have run amok with positive reactions to emerging technolo- not be in science today if it weren’t for devastating consequences. gies even after viewing “scary” sci-fi. A such films. Even professional scientists technology thathhatat manmanyy STitles such as Brave New World, The study found that after reading the novel are inspired to push the boundaries of Day After Tomorrow and Frankenstein Prey, where a swarm of nanoparticles their subjects by sci-fi. The creator of people innatelyeelyly hold Samuel Cavenagh conjure up fearful images in our minds. runs riot, people had a more positive the mobile phone, Martin Cooper, cred- Many scientists feel that such works view of nanotechnology compared to its Captain Kirk’s smart gadget as the “ have hindered progress by creating a those who had not read the novel. Rath- inspiration behind the whole idea of a progress is certainly not true – its ben- public that is scared of new and poten- er than causing concern, I think that sci- portable phone. efits surely outweigh its disadvantages. tially beneﬁ cial technologies such as ence fiction reflects a fear of technology Positive portrayals of science in sci-fi Besides… it doesn’t really matter: sci- GM and cloning. I think they’re wrong. that many people innately hold. are not in short supply. In fact, in a vast ence fiction is a part of” life and noth- Firstly, I do not believe that the vast Secondly, to assume that science fic- number of films such as Outbreak, Deep ing’s going to change that. At the end majority of “the public” (whoever tion “harms” science forgets about its Impact and Independence Day, science of the day it’s just a bit of fun – so don’t the hell that means) are as gullible as many benefits; who as a kid was not is portrayed as the world’s saviour. get yourselves worried, as I’m sure you they’re made out to be. To my knowl- inspired to get into science because of To say that sci-fi in some way hinders were… I’m a girl with opinions, just deal with it!

o I was told that my pseud- Boys at Imperial are like children in When I was a fresher last year, I was Some of them are actually quite nice, onym was not particularly a sandpit - everyone wants to play with naive and optimistic. I had too much and I would recommend you take inventive, but that’s sim- the digger, and I’m the digger. Sure, I faith in chivalry and I let myself be- your time to find the right one. That’s ply what I am: a girl with keep my hair nice and wear clothes that lieve that I would be surrounded by if you’re looking for anyone at all. If opinions. Got a problem accentuate my curves, but I’m not an Prince Charmings. Err… wrong!! you’re like me, a free spirit, then you withS that!? Then go away and read object. I don’t dress to impress, I dress If you think telling me that ‘my tits might just enjoy the company of intel- something else. I’m here to get nitty to be the best. I pride myself on look- would make a good addition to your ligent guys that don’t see you as ‘walk- and gritty and talk about the things ing good, and although I don’t consider mantlepiece’ is going to succeed in ing pussy’. I’ve got lots of guy friends that others are too afraid to even think myself to be the most attractive girl at getting me into your bed, then you’re that treat me as a lady and an equal about. In such a male-dominated uni- Imperial, I think boys are magnetized very much mistaken. I can take misog- and I’m glad I’ve found them. When Gurl with Opinions versity, it is imperative for us girls to by my confidence. Girls, if there is ynistic comments on the chin because we have our chats, they always listen stick together and ﬁ ght for our rights one tip I can give you, it’s be happy in I’m thick-skinned, but there are some to what I have to say and let me say as equals. I’m not saying that all men yourself and your happiness will shine. more vulnerable girls starting at Impe- my piece. Like I say, I’m not afraid to are sexist, but some of them don’t even I normally find that depressed girls just rial who wouldn’t know how to handle speak my mind and these guys respect realise they are. Like the other day this give up on themselves and let their hair a comment like that. Chat-up lines are me for that. If I have one piece of ad- guy held a door open for me and I was go all frizzy and start wearing baggy a form of sexual harassment and degra- vice for you girls, it’s take your time like, “I can open doors, you know! jeans. You’re not doing yourselves any dation. It’s not funny and it’s definitely and find the correct social groups for What, you think my arms aren’t strong favours by giving up on yourselves. not clever. your needs. I hope you enjoyed read- enough?” Don’t give up on yourselves! Not all the boys are pestilent rats. ing my article :) Needle in an environmental haystack

ondon. A seething, writh- within these cities often forgets where that numbers can be assigned to these to be derived from it all; by being in ing cacophony of activity the vast magnitude of energy needed sources means that we should not rely an environment where nothing is the by day and a place where to run them will come from when our on short-term stimuli, and invest our same as it was before we abandon con- simmering pulses of en- current reserves of oil and gas drip time in searching for real, ground- vention and conformism, we discover ergy remain by night. If their last drop. breaking solutions. truth from a base starting point. Lthere’s one thing you can count on, it’s In fact, many are energy sceptics – Hence I am honoured to be start- In the midst of this intellectual clar- that in London, a light is always turned succumbing to the wave of hysteria ing my time at Imperial College as an ity, my loan never arrived, some of us on somewhere. induced by many media outlets. Sure, engineer. There is no hysteria (minus have been to multi-storey nightclubs, Of course, this stands true for the two hundred trillion cubic feet of gas the abundance of Freshers partying), ran all the way home from Piccadil- monopoly of megacities pinned over has been found off the coast of Lan- no vacuity, but instead an academic ly using our internal compasses, and the globe, each one raw and exciting cashire. Sure, the North Sea remains and cultural kaleidoscope. There is some have even drank Jägermeister Eoghan J. Totten in its own way. However, one residing an eternal, bottomless vat, but the fact a subtle, all-encompassing allegory from the bottle. Or a bowl ;). 20 Friday 14 october 2011 FELIX Comment Editors: Sam Horti Tim Arbabzadah COMMENT [email protected] What does it matter what I learnt here?

t’s my 6th year here and my distilled into practical instruments. I’ve brain has been permanently dis- often thought: “I couldn’t think this ﬁ gured, forever transformed by stuff up if I tried!” I can’t actually try all that Science. It’s my 6th year now, though, because I already know. of student discounts. My 6th year But I’m pretty sure I couldn’t. ofI Tuna-pasta dinners. My 6th year of What I could do, however, is apply pretending that I know stuff, and my these principles that I’ve learnt else- 6th year of exam-period all-nighters be- where. When the plumber comes round I cause I don’t. could casually discuss the fluid dynam- It’ll also be my last year in post-kid- ics of the house piping system, using my pre-man limbo, before I can finally knowledge of cardiovascular physics. Omar Hafeez-Bore show the world just how much I’ve Then, having proved myself the Alpha- learnt. LOADS, obviously – emotional Male of Intellect, I’d also drop in details growth and all that. My emotions are so of the fluid dynamics OF MY URINE, big now. Along the way I’ve even learnt which I spray round the house to mark some medicine and, in a year, will be a my territory because I’m so alpha-male doctor. But I’ve been wondering, what now! Raaaaaar! I put Extra ‘A’s in that if I just ditched this science lark and did word, because I’m so full of alpha. something else? Like banking, as seems But the feeling doesn’t last long. Just to be the craze. when I feel like a genius, on top of The After just a few years of being a wolf Learning, new lectures will add a new in a sheepish-scientist’s clothing, should consideration, requiring a new kink in I cash in my degree for a fabled Gradu- the ol’ cortex. Tougher still is the more ate Career? Would all that science-y abstract stuff, the models and theories learning have been a waste? No chance that try to describe the unseen workings Okay, one thing’s for sure, - that’s not what the brain looks like. Pfft, artists – not when it’s left such a mark. All that of the body. Ones that try to reverse-en- thinking has been too tricky to leave my gineer the filigree clockwork of human mind unscarred. Like I said, my brain physiology, but are often left only able 5th year, sheathed and ready to use. has been permanently transformed to observe and describe what we’re un- I may not be able to discuss it casu- by all the concepts I’ve had to curl it able to explain. ally over a Tetley with the plumber, but I’d also ddrop in details around. Like a real scientists, as a student I’ve having once troublesomely navigated Heck, even the everyday tools I’ve just been trying to fit all sorts of dis- down these twists of logic, I can now of the flufluid dynamicsyynamicsnamics learnt to use in medicine have blown parate principles and observations into zoom round them with ease, perhaps my mind. Like a Cannula; a needle a one-size-fits-all model that I can call driving a new idea through and seeing OF MY URINE in a plastic tube, which you ease into maybe-possibly true. Good enough to how it comes out. It’s like the mental a patient’s vein before, listen to this, work with for now. Sure, I’ve tried to version of muscle-memory. I could ap- you REMOVE THE NEEDLE AND understand the incestuous web of in- proach businesses with revolutionary his veins. As in his heart. As in romance LEAVE JUST THE PLASTIC TUBE teractions of our chemical messengers, applications of the coagulation cascade and all that. INSIDE. Mind. Blown. I mean literally or extrapolate chemical results to pre- to their management hierarchy, or use Anyway, you get my point. The im- blown by a BREEZE OF AWESOME. dict invisible mechanics. But mainly, the practised clarity required in taking a print of my learning will” not just be in And with ECGs, balloon catheters and I’ve become familiar with the actual patient’s history to write Oscar-winning my recollection of specific details or stethoscopes as my toys, it just keeps on concepts, besting them with study until dialogue. I could describe a friend’s facts, but in an appreciation of the sub- getting better. they can be used easily as tools of un- need for a new relationship as like a tleties of our reality, and the hard-earned I’ve felt spoilt. Spoilt to be using so derstanding. What was a barrage of non- cannula, a necessarily awkward time tools of thought, swords of the psyche casually these tools, which are probably sense and unsatisfying mess in 1st year of pain and discomfort that will later be and… um, mallets of the mind that I’ve thousands of years of human know-how is (sometimes) par-for-the-course by the eased out leaving access once again to crafted to understand them. NHS Reforms? What NHS Reforms?

ou’d think that when it felt like it, stop giving money to the make a profit, and it certainly doesn’t reforms mentioned. In fact, I only be- Parliament was on the NHS, and they could either sell it or make a profit today. The entire NHS came aware of the existence of this Bill verge of passing a bill abolish it completely. could be abolished under this rule. by trawling through the lesser-viewed to effectively abol- Secondly, the Government would Fourthly, there would no longer be sections of The Guardian’s website. ish the NHS it would no longer be able to intervene if the a limit on the amount of profit a hos- Why this appalling piece of legisla- Ybe front page news, but apparently NHS were to provide poor healthcare pital can make from providing private tion hasn’t received more media at- not. By the time you’re reading this, in a particular constituency. All this healthcare alongside free healthcare. tention in the week building up to the the House of Lords will have decided responsibility would be shifted to an That is, there would be nothing to stop House of Lords debate is beyond me, whether or not to pass the 2011 Health unelected combination of GPs and pri- an NHS hospital charging money for and all we can hope for is that they and Social Care Bill. For both your vate companies. The NHS itself would everything and anything. stop the bill before it can become law. sake and mine I hope they have not; effectively become a private company Hopefully these four issues are self- If they don’t, then the only thing stand- here’s why. with arbitrary Government subsidies. evidently problematic. Possibly more ing between us and a future of US-style Stephen Smith Firstly, the bill will eliminate the Thirdly, any behaviour in the NHS problematic, however, has been the private healthcare is the Queen; and duty of the Secretary of State to pro- that is deemed anti-competitive (that public reaction to this bill. On Satur- since taxpayers already pay for her spa vide free and comprehensive health- is, unprofitable) must legally be day and Sunday, I read from front to treatments, I don’t think she’ll give the care for British residents. That is to stopped. This is all the more heinous back my Dad’s copies of The Times, bill so much as a second glance as she say, the Government could, whenever since the NHS was never intended to and not once were the impending NHS descends into the bubbles. FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 21 COMMENT

IC Debating Society asks ... Should Osama bin Laden have been Whenever I’m down, I think about the 72 virgins awaiting ... I’m studying computer science next year brought to trial? Who said terrorists couldn’t blue steel?

... the War on Terror IS If America really believes a war and one that is it is fighting the good on-going. Osama bin fight, it cannot act in the Laden was killed as a same way as its enemy “ “soldier in that war Yes – James Clough No – Ed Middleton sama bin Laden was, for the past by retaliating in kind America only reinforced the “ e have the wolf by the ears; these instances the conflict had ended and the indi- decade, the human face the Western narrative spread by militant Islamists:” the West are and we can neither hold viduals provided no strategic” advantage in an on- World gave to al-Qaeda. He was the unjust oppressors. If America really believes it is him, nor safely let him go. going war. As such, they were not counted as valid living embodiment of Islamic Terror. fighting the good fight, it cannot act in the same Justice is in one scale, and military targets. His ability to elude the most power- way as its enemy. It must openly and publicly be- self-preservation in the oth- Now we will look at the alternative to killing fulO militaries and intelligence agencies for years have in a more just, legal and measured way than er.”W These words spoken by Thomas Jefferson fi t- Osama bin Laden: trial. This already assumes that gave him an untouchable aura. As such, removing the people it is trying to tell us are the bad guys. In tingly describe the quandary faced by the Western an alternative was possible – that he could and bin Laden from al-Qaeda’s chain of command and a war of ideas, it cannot afford to compromise on world when fi ghting the War on Terror; and let us would allow himself to be taken alive. Resistance destroying him as a fi gurehead was an important the liberal Western values it claims to fight for, else be clear about this, we are indeed fi ghting a war. was encountered by the US SEALS who sought act. It was a symbol of victory in the War on Terror. it will lose legitimacy at home and abroad. Even if The nature of warfare has changed since the days to capture or kill Osama bin Laden and it may not But the secretive manner of his death means that we believe that America was morally justified in of soldiers standing in an open fi eld wearing their have been possible to capture him without giving he, and al-Qaeda, retain their air of mystery. Bin its killing of bin Laden, we must admit that if this nation’s banner. In the age of globalisation, war is him ample opportunity to escape or take his own Laden is now a martyr for the cause. Imagine if conflict is to end it will not be because we kill every fought over great distances by splinter cells com- life. America had captured bin Laden. They could have single terrorist; it will be because they won’t have a prised of anonymous soldiers. In 1998, Osama bin Many people claim a trial would have been a far demonstrated their victory publicly, humiliating reason to be terrorists any more. Laden declared war on the Western world and in better outcome than killing him. The purpose of him without having to kill him. They would still Perhaps it would have been more difficult to cap- 2001 George Bush reciprocated. Osama bin Laden a trial is to identify the level of involvement and have seen all the benefits of killing him: removing ture bin Laden than to kill him, but it is reasonable was a soldier in that war and his death was one of guilt of a party in a crime and provide an opportu- his capacity to assist and direct al-Qaeda, emascu- to believe that it would have been possible to arrest the many casualties. Here I will show you why the nity for the event to be analysed and investigated lating a former inspiration for prospective suicide him and bring him to trial; and in any case, given death of Osama bin Laden was justifi ed as an act publicly. A trial of Osama bin Laden would be re- bombers, and proving that al-Qaeda could not out- that bin Laden was unarmed when he was shot, it of war, and why the alternatives made this the only dundant on both these counts. Firstly, not only is smart the West, but there would have been further seems that capturing bin Laden was never an op- viable option. there irrefutable evidence condemning Osama bin benefits to capturing bin Laden and giving him a tion America were willing to consider. When fighting against an opposition comprised Laden, but he has also confessed to the atrocities trial. Bringing bin Laden to trial would have been of splinter groups and isolated cells, the chain of listed against him. Secondly, the chain of events He could have been questioned, and there is a more just, legal and impressive. It would have hu- command that links and organises these cells be- surrounding Osama bin Laden’s crimes is already possibility that he could have provided invaluable miliated al-Qaeda with a public defeat. It would’ve comes a very significant strategic target. Osama well documented. If this has not been done to a information. Demonstrating the capability to cap- shown the whole world the difference between the bin Laden was also pivotal in uniting al-Qaeda, satisfactory level then there is still an opportunity ture such a prized target would have provided a West and al-Qaeda, it would’ve been a more ef- recruiting new soldiers and funding a number of to lead a public investigation or put him to trial much greater deterrent to potential terrorists than fective way to help win the War on Terror, and it their operations. It was for these reasons that he ‘post-mortem’. killing him; most of them are happy to be killed for would’ve sent the strongest possible message that was killed. The United States discovered the loca- Any case that opposes the killing of Osama bin their cause, whereas decades in a foreign prison is a the West are the good guys. If America had cap- tion of a high-value target (HVT), crucial in the Laden on the grounds that he should have been much less appealing prospect. Imprisonment would tured bin Laden, they could have given him the running of al-Qaeda and had it removed, as you put to trial does not appreciate the fact that the have provided a greater punishment for bin Laden death sentence, giving us the same end result. But would any other military target. There have been War on Terror IS a war and one that is on-going. than death, and seeing him suffer this punishment because they killed him there and then, the oppor- no calls to bring the countless al-Qaeda soldiers Osama bin Laden was killed as a soldier in that would have given families of his victims a greater tunity to do the right thing has been lost. Bin Laden fighting in Afghanistan to trial, so why should war. Bringing the War on Terror to a conclusion sense of closure. would surely have preferred death to capture. This, Osama bin Laden be different? People often cite as swiftly and bloodlessly as possible is a greater We must also consider the justice of bin Laden’s as much as anything, tells us that America made the examples such as Adolf Eichmann and Charles priority than acting out a trial for mere show pur- assassination. Though it is easy to say that he de- wrong choice, and that bin Laden was able to have Taylor, where those implicated in war crimes were poses, while endangering the lives of more inno- served to be killed for the murders he committed, the last laugh after all. tried in an international court. However, in both cent civilians the world over. Two minutes out of the water and they’re at it again.

Imperial College Canoe Club would like your attention. Want to do a centrefold? Email us at [email protected]

24 Friday 14 October 2011 FELIX Arts Editors: Will Prince Eva Rosenthal ARTS [email protected] Poem for the Week From screen to stage, Miss Us Daisy hits the Wyndhams by Kadhim Shubber Film classic returns to it roots, with Jones in driving seat

We’re the ones who were left. Stunned, confused as hard rays Of lamplight rebound off textbooks, Through windows bound for the dark Abyss. Unsure. Dazed.

We’re the ones arms stretched, Fingers touching, warmth, meaning. Surrounded by giggles, laughs. The hope of fresher minds. Patience tested. Yearning. Feeling.

We’re the ones left barren, hopeless. Small smiles, bursts of happiness. Tender hearts, senses. The song In the pub, where am I, where are they? Fences invisible but real, divisive.

We’re the ones lonely and uncertain surrounded by ghosts and everyone who isn’t here, who is now someone else. Who is now another. This is actually how Darth Vader steered the Death Star. Probably No longer my brother.

We’re the ones. John Park “Redgrave adds so much off her son’s insistence to hiring a chauffeur We’re the ones. whilst making a pie, both tasks Redgrave mar- We’re the ones. Vanessa Redgrave and James Earl Jones detail, depth and it is vellously masters in one clean swoop. are acting royalty, both on stage and screen, Miss Daisy is initially sceptical of hav- whose careers have spanned decades and yet obvious she has given a ing a stranger in her home; she even accuses Felix Arts is constantly looking for new poets. If you show no sign of slowing down. Standing tall in lot of careful attention Hoke of stealing a can of salmon, in a scene want to see your work appearing here, do get in both stature and talent even at their admirable of genuine comedy in which Redgrave shines touch. Additionally, those interested in joining Po- ages of 78 (Redgrave) and 80 (Jones), the two to her performance” yet again, standing so upright and self-confi - etry Society, contact Osas, at osamudiamen.omoi- veterans still command the stage like never dent, holding the empty can and pointing it [email protected] before, and it is precisely their excellent per- at Hoke as if she’s about to stab him with it. formances that make this production of “Driv- friendship that spans an era, having profound But the wise and warm Hoke turns out to be ing Miss Daisy” worth every penny, which is infl uence on both characters. invaluable company as time goes by, whilst why this very limited 12-week engagement in This is a play that thrives on subtleties. For of course being an excellent, reliable driver. Wyndhams Theatre, Leicester Square is an ex- those familiar with the fi lm, you will remem- Jones gives a fi rmer, more reserved perfor- perience you cannot afford to miss. ber that racism, prejudice and civil rights mance, something that plays off perfectly with It would be hard not to compare any adaption movements are what it focuses heavily on. For Redgrave’s more frantic, wordy one. Despite of “Driving Miss Daisy” to the Oscar-winning a play on a stage and a budget with limitations, the abuse and humiliation he must have faced hit fi lm which starred the sublime Jessica the scope cannot be too broad, and even the over the years because of his colour, Hoke is Tandy and Morgan Freeman in the lead roles, cast only consists of the modest yet always- an unquestionably dignifi ed man, a perfect which Redgrave and Jones take over respec- reliable three. We do see numerous brief pro- gentleman who stands beside a woman who is tively. In the role of Miss Daisy Werthan, a jection-reels that show the political changes somewhat oblivious to what is going on in the frail, old yet proud and tough Southern Jewish in hate-fi lled America that are slowly moving outside world, without wanting to admit that woman, Tandy obviously has the upper hand towards racial equality, but much is left out. she is not perfect. A warm welcome back from ARTSOC! We have the with her more delicate features. Redgrave The social commentary underlying the script In a short period of time (the play wraps up pleasure to present you all with very special offers on the other hand, towers at an astonishing is merely hinted at, although never quite fully neatly at around 90 minutes), director David of discounted musical tickets! 5’11”somehow not immediately convincing as addressed. This is neither a compliment nor a Esbjorson has a lot to cover, and he chooses to a woman nearing death and someone who will criticism of the play – it’s a modest production go about the material with many time jumps, Date Musical Price Value Save! have to deal with the effects of Alzheimer’s. more interested in the spot-on actors. occasionally reminding the audience of what 20 Oct Legally Blonde £20 £66 70% But fear not, for Redgrave’s subtle yet huge- So does it really matter that Redgrave doesn’t year we’re in with clumsy captions that are 24 Oct 39 Steps £10 £47.5 79% ly effective changes in both her posture and quite hit all the unique distinctions of a South- projected in the background. The result is 31 Oct Les Miserables £30 £65 54% speaking voice throughout the play make it ob- ern accent? Not at all. She adds so much detail, many narrative breaks; patchy work and a 3 Nov Dreamboats £15 £52.5 71% vious of Miss Daisy’s deteriorating condition. depth and it is obvious she has given a lot of disjointed structure that make many scenes She starts off as a proud woman in a comfort- careful attention to her performance. It is Miss feel episodic. But the each scene has merit of able position who hates the idea of having to Daisy’s gradual decline that she portrays so its own, thanks largely to the unquestionably Tickets of the shows above will be sold in the fi rst hire a chauffeur. After a bad crash for which well on stage that there is no need for cheesy good duo. The fi nal scene has impact, perhaps ARTSOC meeting. Miss Daisy will forever blame her car rather music (of which there is some, to fi ll the gaps not as powerful as what the fi lm managed to Date: 20 October 2011 (Wednesday) than her weakening driving skills, her con- of scene changes) to have that heart-wrench- capture, but it’s quiet and potent in its own Time: 12:30pm – 1:30pm cerned son, Boolie (the equally fantastic Boyd ing fi nale. Her head gradually sinks into her way and certainly puts a beautiful end to a Venue: Physics Room 741 Gaines in a crucial supporting role), eventu- shoulders, her walks become slower and more low-key, memorable production. ally manages to employ a willing African- uneven, and she has diffi culty walking down a American driver, Hoke Colburn (Jones). And fl ight of stairs. As the play begins, Redgrave Driving Miss Daisy runs at the Wyndhams so begins an unlikely yet touching story of shows Miss Daisy’s feisty side by fi ghting Theatre until December 17 FELIX Friday 14 October 2011 25 ARTS The Royal Ballet Is Alive And Well A ballet from the wings and a strong triple bill made for two very special evenings at Covent Garden. Dance in Britain is going strong

Eva Rosenthal last time before the performance. Ten- Millan’s ‘Requiem’. It is a somewhat sion and concentration was far more stilted ballet, with never-ending lifts Watching a ballet from the wings is an palpable in the faces of the principals. and little in the way of dancing. Set to experience akin to glancing through an As soon as the curtain rose however, Fauré’s Requiem, it is inevitably fune- open window into the life of a strang- intense professionalism took over the real in tone. However, Leanne Benja- er. A voyeuristic experience perhaps. entire company. Ballerinas wore smiles min was soft and precise in her solos Dancers on a stage appear as magi- on stage, but these disappeared in an in- and Carlos Acosta, although minimally cal and ethereal creatures, even in the stant in the darkness of the wings, and involved, lent some of his star quality to most human of roles. They are perfectly were usually replaced by grimaces or the performance. poised, every movement apparently ef- cursing. The fi nal curtain calls brought The real gem of the evening was un- fortless. However, in ballet there is little relief to the corps and ecstatic joy to the doubtedly ‘Marguerite and Armand’, that can be done without effort. principals, who went home with arms a Romantic ballet originally choreo- ‘Jewels’, choreographed by George full of fl owers . Ballet is tough, espe- graphed for Margot Fonteyn and Rudolf Balanchine and danced by the Royal cially for those lowest in the hierarchy, Nureyev by Fredrick Ashton. The bal- Ballet, was a joy to behold from the but this company showed that it does let itself is a captivating piece, Ashton’s wings of the Royal Opera House stage. not necessarily have to be tragic. choreography at its best to the Liszt pi- The corps dancers wandered around in A second ballet event took place last ano sonata. It manages to compress Du- Rojo and Polunin: a lesson in passion leg warmers, joking with friends and week. A triple bill is currently playing mas’ La Dame aux Camèlias into half trying the more complicated steps one at Covent Garden, showcasing the work an hour without losing the essence. The enal jump and a forceful technique, but provides the opportunity to see a ballet of three British choreographers. The designs and costumes are by the legend- also a raw talent for acting. As Armand, partnership with chemistry, something evening begins with ‘Limen’, a visually ary Cecil Beaton, famous amongst other Polunin displays both these qualities unfortunately too often missing in the “The real gem of stunning piece devised by resident cho- things, for ‘My Fair Lady’. and combines them to give a passionate dance world. One can only hope Rojo the evening was un- reographer Wayne McGregor. The danc- The piece has been danced few times performance. Rojo is the ultimate tragic and Polunin will be partnered again ers move with virtuosity upon a stage lit since Fonteyn and Nureyev, but Tamara actress in ballet; and it is impossible soon. doubtedly Margurite by the digital artist Tatsuo Miyajima’s Rojo and Sergei Polunin can compete not to be moved by her Marguerite. LED projections, with an elegance that with the greats. With Polunin, the Royal Moreover, her technique is impeccably Limen, Marguerite and Armand, Re- and Armand” has become McGregor’s signature. Ballet fi nally has a male dancer they can light and she moves on the stage with quiem: until 20th October at Covent Ending the evening was Kenneth Mc- be proud of. He not only has a phenom- a rare security. Marguerite and Armand Garden. Tickets from £4 Frieze: A Preview of the Madness There is a whole lot of STUFF worth seeing at the Art Fair. Not all of it is Art

Eva Rosenthal gen and Lorcan O’Neill, is as elegant as it is complex. He brings together The talk of the day at Frieze Art Fair, the seemingly opposing worlds of art from some grasped snippets of conversation, was a Yacht. It was, quite literally just a yacht that the artist “Yeah... But you get Christian Jankowski was going to sign. Apparently this sort of thing the signature!” is called “ready made art” and “the viewer gets to decide on whether or and mathematics with mesmerizing not to consider it art”. How lucky designs. Finally, some striking col- for “the viewer” right? It is neces- laged books by young Czech artist sary to have a vast amount of cheek Eva Kotatkova, also caught my eye. in order to get away with it. I was not By seven in the evening, after 6 convinced although, as someone very solid hours, there has been a torrent kindly put it, “Yeah…. But you get of art shoved down your eyes, your the signature!”. throat, your ears, and they can take In spite of all the rubbish that makes little else. You are in an arty stupor it into Frieze in the sacred name of and wandering through the ether, Art, there were many beautiful ob- drinking in only the atmosphere, the jects worth looking at. The following characters, and hopefully the cham- comments are simply on a few per- pagne. Because Frieze Art Fair is just sonal favourites. as much about the people traipsing At the Gagosian stand was a ba- through it as it is about Art. There are nana suspended by two strings and some wonderfully mad ones, in the projected onto the wall to look like a best sense of the word. wine bottle. This sounds rather silly; in person it is captivating. Work by Frieze Art Fair, 13 October – 16th Carsten Nicolai at Galleries Pace, Ei- October . Tickets from £27 “Who runs this mother?” I think yacht-buying millionaires might... 26 Friday 14 October 2011 FELIX

Arts Editors: Will Prince Eva Rosenthal ARTS [email protected]

Why pay for tickets, when you can get them for free?? Armitage Here?

Theatre Cool Hand Luke As Watteau Duets comes to Imperial, we speak to its Mark Warren (Hustle, Mad Dogs) is the charismatic rebel in this production at the Aldwych Theatre. Un- til November 21st. choreographer, original punk ballerina Karole Armitage

Something About You (makes me want to hurt you) Meredith Thomas Time Out Fringe Show of the Year winner Dirty Mar- ket return with a new site-specifi c piece. A fusion Karole Armitage’s limited run of performances of theatre, dance art inspired by Electra at Asylum at the Southbank Center were billed as science Chapel. www.dirtymarket.co.uk inspired punk-ballet. On the basis of that de- scription alone I realised that my attendance Spoken Word/Poetry was inevitable. Nothing however could have Old Me (Camden Roundhouse) prepared me for the breathtakingly energetic, Wednesday 23rd November PRESS NIGHT shockingly beautiful dance I witnessed. The “His minimal style and unsettlingly straightforward show featured extracts from Two Theories and and blunt lyricism make him shine out” Dazed & Drastic-Classicism both groundbreaking, icon- Confused oclastic works from the Director. Armitage’s “You must go and listen to this man’s work” XFM choreography subverts classical ballet through http://www.roundhouse.org.uk/whats-on/produc- modern and street infl uences to create some of tions/old-me the most visceral, thrilling, yet technically im- maculate dance I have ever seen. Exhibitions When I discovered that an Armitage produc- Folio (RCA) tion was scheduled at Imperial College later in Thursday 20 October the week I grabbed my chance and was kindly An exhibition of prints from the RCA Printmaking offered an impromptu interview after the show. programme, with a chance to interview artists involved. Meredith Thomas: I understand you have been in this game for a while. The Unilever Series 2011: Tacita Dean Karole Armitage: I have. I actually I started Karole Armitage - so active that we couldn’t fi nd a photo of her without motion blur Tate Modern, Turbine Hall dancing when I was four. I was fi rst a ballet 11 October 2011 – 11 March 2012 dancer. I danced with George Balanchine who the performance that you were someone who it was chaotic and completely unpredictable. is kind of the Shakespeare of ballet and with had been to a lot of punk gigs and knew how The latest innovations in physics are saythat Miracles & Charms (Wellcome Collection) Merce Cunningham who was a very important tiring and energetic that was. you have to have both in. To me it’s a way of Until 26 FEBRUARY 2012 force in modern dance. During the time I was KA: I did in the late 70s. I was living in New questioning what is reality? What is our experi- Felicity Powell combines her own work with Mexican with Merce Cunningham in the late 70s punk York though I was in London quite frequently ence in life? What is it that makes us tick? miracle paintings from the Wellcome Collection, hit and I became very interested in combin- at that time. Micheal Clarke was a great friend; MT: Can you give an example how that has ing punk and raw infl uences with my masters. actually he was in Drastic-Classicism. We met, inspired your choreography? Comedy I did a piece that became very famous called we hit it off... he became my partner and we KA: I’m very interested in fractals; the Laugh or the Polar Bear Gets It (Hammersmith Apollo) Drastic-Classicism for guitars and drums with performed together. I was in London a lot and geometry of clouds and mountains and sea- Friday 18th November. music by Rhys Chatham. It was the fi rst time a so I went to a lot of Punk gigs here. In New shores. Dance used to be all Euclidean. Verti- The line up includes: Tim Minchin, Greg Davies, real rock, raw-spirit was combined with Ballet York I went almost every night, although I cal and horizontal lines only; all about stability. Francesca Martinez, Dan Antopolski, Simon Day, refi nement and it created a revolution. I think was dancing all day. I didn’t need sleep I don’t It was the sovereign image of incredible pomp Richard Herring, Lucy Porter and music from special that’s the perfect title for my work to this day... know how really but the energy was just so ex- and prestige. That is ballet’s roots. The new guest Badly Drawn. Drastic-Classicism. citing. I wasn’t trying to imitate punk I was just democratic idea is about using things like frac- MT: Was that an idea that came to you im- using it as spice... a fl avour. tals to make all kinds of curves and fi nal tene- East End humour mediately? MT: And that’s the punk side. What about the ity. You have great individuality and yet there Thursday, 24 November science... is a common purpose so it’s still legible. I’m The best of new comedy in London at the Museum “Armitage’s choreography KA: I have always been interested in science. interested in the way that dance can become as of London Docklands I think that art always has a kind of scientifi c funky and democratic and multidimensional as subverts classical bal- discipline to it. For a great painter, the geome- our way of living and as our knowledge of the Late & Live try, the way colours work together, the sense of universe is now. Friday 28 October let through modern and architecture all work together. Those structural MT: The troop you are working with at the Leicester Square Theatre and Avalon Promotions things really make the kind of art I like. Be- moment, are they people you have worked with present late night comedy and cabaret in the heart street infl uences” cause I don’t really like people who just come before? of the West End. This month featuring Fergus Craig, out and it’s pure self expression; just vomiting KA: We are based in New York. We work Jimmy McGhie, Roisin Conaty and Alun Cochrane. KA: It just came. These two kinds of dance their emotions. Who cares what someone feels? more than half the year together. I takes a great were enemies. They were absolute enemies and What you really want is to see feelings through deal of rehearsal to do this kind of extremely even to this day there is still a lot of animosity... the prism of some universal sense of pattern, virtuosic, high powered dance and also to allow when I say those two kinds of dance I mean some way of things unfolding so it’s, in some that much individuality and yet to keep it very Felix Arts has free tickets for ballet and modern... let alone punk. Ballet and way outside the person. articulate. Modern had different philosophies and they MT: So you would say that this kind of phys- MT: That idea of characterisations seems these and much, much more. If did not like each other. But I liked both and I ics is something that inspired your work or is quite important. I really felt that you knew the you want to review (and get in on put them together to create a new language of it something that you read about and then you dancers well enough that you could bring out dance and then added in this kind of rock... the want to communicate it to other people? their own character. the freebs) get in touch and you raw rock emotional side and that launched my KA: I would say that the spirit of innovation KA: That absolutely right. I love that. But career as a chorographer. Then I worked for is something I would like to use and communi- behind that there is a very rigorous disciplined could be hobnobbing with the best people like Madonna and Michael Jackson and cate to other people. The physics itself is more structure. Once that is achieved then lots of per- I choreographed Hair. But my heart really lies of an existential meditation. Einstein though sonality and complete individual personality is of them before you know it. in innovative stage dance. the world was so predictable. It’s very interest- allowed to emerge. Every dancer is different MT: I got the feeling form the second half of ing that the people who came after him thought and I am not ever trying to create a bunch of FELIX Friday 14 October 2011 27 ARTS

robots. Dance used to be everyone in perfect unison. It’s as if you would see birds all fl ying with their wings going up and down together. It just doesn’t make sense to me. MT: So the two shows that you had... this is the last one? KA: This is the last of these two productions. The one we are doing on Friday is called the ‘Watteau Duets’. What we are doing at Imperial College is actually a double duet. It has these two fantastic musicians and these two incredible dancers. It has this riotous portrait of love and destiny. The dancers start out being very interested in each other. It gradually gets very erotic; interest, romance, eroticism, neurosis. In the mean time the musicians are just getting crazier and crazier. They start climbing over Whoa! Stand still! their drums and all kind of things are getting out of control. It’s like this force of destiny, the fact that we don’t control out lives and love is “Dance can become as funky and unpredictable. It’s a kind of comedy of desires versus reality. It is tied into the V&A museum Parents were less impressed with her take on the nativity play democratic and multidimensional show Postmodernism: Style and Subversion about the 80s. So I think that’s a really inter- as our way of living and as our esting parallel. I work a lot with visual artists. many next, so we see a little bit more of Eu- through ancient fables from around the world. like Jeff Koon and Brice Marten, people who rope before we go back to New York. It’s all these animals speaking about power. knowledge of the universe is now” are quite famous. It’s very interesting that this MT: What is next on the Horizon for you? It’s a thrill to be in London. performance ties in with art, music and dance. I have been asked to work on a Cirque du Then we are going to be at your university. Soleil project, choreographing acrobats. I am Armitage Gone! Dance – The Watteau Du- “Its very interesting that this per- That’s a really nice panorama. working on a Chinese language rock musical ets take place today, Friday October 14 at MT: As you going back to the sates after fi lm in Beijing. Then of course things with my 7pm, in The Great Hall, Sherfi eld, Impe- formance ties in with art, music that? company where I am doing quite a few differ- rial College. Tickets: £12 (£9 concs). See KA: We have been in Moulon for two weeks ent ideas. I am doing a piece that is hope- http://www.vam.ac.uk for more informa- and dance” doing even more productions. We go to Ger- fully an entertaining look at global warming tion.

Fed up of mistakes? It’s you’re paper. Come and lend a hand with copy editing every Thursday!

Email: [email protected] Facebook: Search ‘Felix’ FELIX Twitter: @feliximperial 28 Friday 14 October 2011 FELIX Music Editors: Iñigo Martinez de Rituerto Stephen Smith MUSIC [email protected] Kadhim’s totally hot album of the week IC Radio wants you! Girls Father, Son, Holy Aislinn Hayes tunes in as new Station Manager Ghost hen I got elected as sta- 2011 tion manager of IC Radio for the coming year, many people were surprised… including myself! I stood Wa clueless (albeit enthusiastic) fresher whose fi rst suggestion to get the station on FM air- waves was very swiftly shot down (An on-air Girls’ frontman Christopher Owen is an opiate-addict- radio license in the middle of London? Good ed former cult-member: have I got your attention? one, fresher!). Honestly, I don’t know how I Good. Father, Son, Holy Ghost is the richest indie-rock got elected – I remember saying the phrase album that anyone has made in a long time. It’s as “I’m charming, so vote for me”. Must be the rich as a warm chocolate brownie with artery-clogging Irish accent that made that statement seem en- chocolate sauce on top and a dollop of triple cream dearing rather than obscenely obnoxious. Any- on top of that for good coronary measure. way, I can tell you now, that despite being bar- Their fi rst album was enjoyable enough; it pushed a raged with hundreds of emails, being station somewhat immature sense of angst about girls, be- manager of a student radio station really is as ing crazy, and wishing you had a “pizza and a bottle awesome as it sounds. of wine”. It tugged at the heartstrings with the intel- But enough about me. What does the ra- lectual rigour of a stupid, slobbering puppy. dio society actually do? Who are we? What Their second album, on the other hand, touches on earth are these programmes broadcasted parts of me that have never been touched before (cue so shamelessly for the entire world to hear? ‘hilarious’ joke about Imperial virgins). But seriously, Why do you care? Why are you reading this? Now in Technicolour! IC Radio keeping current in 1986. this album croons, shakes it hair out, beams a smile Shouldn’t you be studying? Where am I? across the room at you, cuts its arms, headbangs IC Radio is the offi cial sound of Imperial like a crazy muthafucker, and bares a soul so sad, so College London. We’re an internet-broadcast- cheaper and convenient than buying your own 1xtra. [Insert further cheers here.] For anyone lonely, so yearning for redemption that you can barely ed station playing 24 hours a day, 7 days a stuff and carting it to uni every time you want who’s even vaguely thinking about a career in keep listening. But, crucially, it rewards repeat lis- week, alternating between live broadcasts and to jam. And all for a very reasonable 8 pound the music or media industry, we have some re- tens. These are emotions to be understood with care, a play-out of our enormous library. Our music membership fee? Simply fabulous, dahling. ally incredible opportunities coming our way all not simply gawped at for disposable amusement. team is working hard on reviewing new music 24 hour music and programming isn’t all we the time where you can gain invaluable experi- I’ll end with a slightly trivial point. Around half-way that we’re sent every day from labels, inde- do. We are blessed with a fully equipped re- ence. through the album, near the end of the song ‘Vomit’, pendent artists and fl at out gangstas to ensure cording studio as well as our production studio, Honestly, I can’t imagine the week with- you’re suddenly surprised by gospel singers belting that our play-out system only contains quality meaning we get plenty of bands and artists in to out my one-hour slot (entitled “Mad Craic”) out harmonies; I haven’t had the words “so fucking tunes. Our presenters are students just like you do live sessions and recordings. We are pretty in our modest Beit West Wing Basement stu- good” explode out of my head so powerfully than at – hard working (ish) nerds who sincerely love unique to have such a facility as a student radio dio. I wouldn’t be at Imperial if I wasn’t at that moment. a laugh. and we’re planning on holding lots of live ses- least vaguely technical and all the buttons and sions this year. They are open for anyone to turn slides down there make me positively gleeful. Tell me the last song that made you think “so fucking up to and watch, and are held in our “shared stu- Music, technology, and the sound of my own good” by tweeting me @kadhimshubber. If, by some “Our recording studio dio” (completely separate to our production and vo– I mean, banter with my co-host, notorious coincidence, it happens to be ‘Vomit’, tell Christopher recording studios, and shared with Music Tech, biologist Craig Woods. What else does a girl Owens direct by tweeting him @Chri55yBaby. is unrivaled by other Photosoc and Stoic). Some names we have lined need? It’s an absolutely brilliant society to get up for this year include Tay Mos, Sam Gray, The involved in - whether it’s music, production, student radio stations King Blues, and Missing Andy. I was told by presenting, technical, DJing, or even marketing Tonight in Dalston the previous station manager that our recording that you’re into, we’ve got an enthusiastic com- here in the UK” studio is unrivaled by other student radio sta- mittee member who can help you out! tions here in the UK – in fact, he compared our Mark McGuire (of Emeralds) studios to the professionals at XFm. Not to be Check us out on www.icradio.com, where Radio is fun. Even for people who get a little tooting our own horn or anything, but I think you can listen live or listen back to previ- The Shacklewell Arms, Dalston Friday 14 October bit nervous speaking in front of people, you can that’s pretty impressive – even if the man I’m ous shows, and hear some of our best ses- still tell yourself that you’re really only speak- quoting basically founded IC Radio Recordings sions and recordings! Somewhere between talking to a rolling meadow and ing to the wall when you’re in the studio. Listen himself and is therefore fairly biased. To get involved in our music team, con- hugging a star, Mark McGuire’s solo adventures all to any decent station and the presenters are gen- We also make a point of hiring out our equip- tact [email protected] but mirror the chromophilic swells of electronic trio erally having a good laugh (unless they’re read- ment to parties and events to make some extra To get involved in our live sessions and Emeralds. A cursory listen of their last full length Does ing the news, in which case that’s incredibly un- cash so we can buy new toys (and pay our li- recordings, contact production@icradio. It Look Like I’m Here reveals the strange but famil- professional and I highly disapprove). Societies cense fees, etc.) and there are always opportuni- com iar space their sound inhabits, somewhere between are meant to be fun and rewarding – otherwise ties for budding DJs to play some gigs, which To hire equipment or get some DJing gigs, the psychoelectronic explosions of 1970’s synthetic what’s the point? our members do take advantage of whenever contact [email protected] Germany and the most intimate musical encounters Here at IC Radio, we will give you a show they can. To get your own show, contact program- of recent years. His second solo album on Editions which you can make your own. We only ask As a London-based station, we have the ad- [email protected] Mego, Get Lost feels like a suspension of a summer that you undergo a 20 minute training session vantage/disadvantage of getting lots of emails To complain about the length of this day and night in parallel. on how to use the equipment and obey the from those in the media industry and upcoming article, contact [email protected]. The Shacklewell Arms is a unique pub, straddling usual don’t-be-racist, etc. From then on, you’re artists. True, we get a lot of spam, but sometimes Cheers! the line between a recovered shipwreck, a hazy New basically given free rein to do whatever genre a golden ticket fl ies our way. Just last month we Mexico adobe abode and a secret alley deep in the of programming you like – talk, pop, rock, were contacted by the presenting company for tunnels of the London Underground. The nondescript electronica, psychedelic funk, Australian folk, the Olympics with an opportunity for budding BREAKING NEWS tropical murals adorning the walls will certainly help whatever. Once you have joined the society presenters to audition for 2012 events. [Insert Aislinn has just been nominated for to set the scene in what is sure to be an unforget- the door is pretty much open for you to use our scream here.] And just last week, a representa- Best Newcomer at the Student Radio table night. Iñigo Martinez de Rituerto gear. If there isn’t a show on you can come in tive from the Student Radio Association con- Awards! and practice on the decks in the studio - much tacted us about some radio work with BBC FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 29 MUSIC Punk planet by Outlook Festival returns Douglas Heaven Daniel Oppenheimer reports from sunny Croatia This week: Uzeda

ccounts of the fi rst instalment of Outlook Festival four years back (held in a Croatian night club with relatively low attendance and a lot of rain) sound likeA Phoenix Nights on the Adriatic. Since then the event has come a long way. This year saw close to 12,000 festival-goers; some of the biggest names in bass-heavy music performing and an arena re-vamped so fi ttingly one can’t help but imagine that when they built Fort Punta Christo however many centuries ago they must have had the festival in mind. Couple that with the mellowed beauty of the location (at least on day one), some darn fi ne weather Sicily: land of citrus fruit, olive oil, Cosa Nostra, and and a young energetic crowd and you get a feel- Uzeda, a band hailing from the foothills of smoking ing for why Outlook is in a league of its own. Mt. Etna. Three of their fi ve albums were recorded by The festival is split between the campsite Dude, where’s the beach? Steve Albini, the pixie of punk rock himself, and re- and the main arena. The campsite is located leased on the Touch & Go label. Albini’s instantly rec- around a bay on the Adriatic and contains a su- history lesson. The reggae-dub theme was fol- It’s very diffi cult to fault Outlook - in fact, it ognizable sound on 4 (1995), Different Section Wires per market and a number of bars and pop-up lowed up by The Gentleman’s Dub Club, Ira- requires resorting to geriatric-style complaints (1998), and Stella (2006) encouraged online music restaurants. Daytime sees mass migration to the tion Steppahs and, elsewhere in the fort, The regarding things like organisation (there was a magazine Pitchfork to call Uzeda “a T&G cover band various beaches where the two or three sound Heatwave. lot of queuing where it felt like there shouldn’t with Kim Deal on vocals”. But that’s no bad thing. systems play out until the evening. Grime was well represented by Newham have been). Having said that, there was a clear They share a soundscape with Touch & Go labelmates The arena is split between the main stage-a Generals, Logan Sama and a mammoth set sense of nostalgia from many of last year’s re- Shellac (Albini’s own band) and the David Yow-fronted large open space by the waterfront-and the fort from P Money that seemed to straddle at least turnees who felt the festival had grown exces- Jesus Lizard. “Tighter than a supermodel’s stomach” which itself contains a number of smaller stag- 4 or 5 DJ sets. The second and third nights sively and in doing so lost its former intimacy is one way I’ve heard the Jesus Lizard described and es, all equally impressive. were dominated by El-B, Rustie, Hudson Mo- and relaxedness. Organisers should be mindful that’ll do just as nicely for Uzeda. And never mind the Despite Barrington Levy’s last minute with- hawke and the Hessle Audio bunch while the of not spawning another Reading or Leeds in Pixies’ Kim Deal; Uzeda’s vocalist Giovanna Cacciola drawal, the quality of performances was never fi nal night saw Marcus Nasty tearing it up fol- Pula. For the moment, suffi ce it to say this: is a female Yow, cooing and moaning and pleading going to be an issue. David Rodigan opened lowed by Night Slugs DJs, Mosca, Bok Bok, Carlsberg don’t make festivals but if they did in a monologue that tugs at the engine of the band. the main stage with his trademark feel-good L-Vis 1990 and Girl Unit. they’d probably be something like Outlook. And what an engine: “a tribal-jazzy rhythm section that indulges in time changes worthy of prog-rock but coupled with shrieking guitar that makes Sonic Youth sound mainstream”, says Piero Scaruffi in his online History of Rock Music. There’s a wildness here, the bass growling like a feral dog, the guitars spiking like Beautiful Benicàssim the tongue of a snake, unpredictable and languid. But the tightness makes it more machine than animal: a well-tuned engine bolted together by the piston snap Spanish Rototom Sunsplash impresses over ten days of the snare.

Daniel Oppenheimer Check out www.uzedatheband.com for audio and video streams of all the band’s recorded material. Rototom Sunsplash is one of the largest and longest running Reggae, Dance Hall and Dub festivals in Europe. In fi tting with the music it Make sure not to miss endorses, its appeal spans a cross-section of festival goers from the ignorant non-connoisseur to Keith Fullerton Whitman the dub-geek-stoner. The recipe is very simple: an entirely laid back dynamic, a hot climate and CAMP (City Arts & Music Project), Old Street enough people to make you feel it was worth Tuesday 18 October coming but leave you with space to move. www.upsettherhythm.co.uk The festival is set outside the Spanish town of Benicàssim on the same site as the Festival Electric wizard and founder of avant-garde music Internacional de Benicàssim. With music be- distributor Mimaroglu Music Sales, KFW crosses the ginning in the early evening the daytime sees “Terribly sorry, I can’t quite hear you!” ocean for a rare appearance in London next week. a mass migration from the shanty-townesque Bending ear drums as he ignites the air, sending un- campsite to the beach. However, for those who precedented patterns across the room and exposing stick around the arena offers a mellowed atmo- formances came from the charged and energetic part conspicuously absent creating, at times, a the infi nite space held inside a momentary burst of sphere, hammocks and shade as well as lectures Capleton; the evocative Marley clan (Stephen, distinct sense that some heavy cultural tourism sound, KFW has become one of the most striking fi g- and presentations on topics ranging from The Ziggy, Ky-Mani and Rita Marley) and the char- was being indulged. This was underpinned by ures in modern electronic music. His music spans a Life of Bob Marley to Man Vibes: Masculinities ismatic Luciano, who was kind enough to lend an ostentatious, pseudo-pagan inclusion of Bob colourful spectrum from ambient guitar to decimated in the Dancehall. me a lift from the airport to the festival site. Both Marley’s memory in nearly all aspects of the synthesis, opening our ears to open our minds. Like- Spanning ten days the festival manages to Jimmy Cliff and Toots and the Maytals were festival. For the relentless neurotic this might be nesses can be drawn to a melodramatic R2D2 stuck cram in a large number of musicians. The main also reportedly very good. a turn off, but if you want sun, don’t mind slow- in rehab or an internet chat between an excitable acts fi nish at around 1 am but DJs continue play- The character of the festival draws more from ing down the pace for a week or so and like reg- bird and stuporous orca, after throwing a modem ing on the Dance Hall Stage and Dub Station hippy themes than Jamaican ones, indeed this gae music, even just a little bit, then Rototom into the sea. Iñigo Martinez de Rituerto until much later. This year some of the best per- year actual Jamaican people were for the most Sunsplash comes highly recommended. 30 Friday 14 October 2011 FELIX Television Editors: James Simpson Matt Allinson TELEVISION [email protected] Pick of the week Fresh Meat deserves a roasting Like these shows? How New comedy series has more sex than Imperial, dammit about a review then, bitch?! Maciej Matuszewski ations presented somewhat familiar. I’d be the “Switch from Geology to fi rst to admit that I’m hardly the typical student, I had pretty high expectations of Fresh Meat, more like the unsociable and never seen Paul the new comedy drama about seven students at Drama after three days than any of the other characters. As such its only a Manchester University sharing a house. The to be expected that I don’t fi nd their problems show (or at least its fi rst episode) received rave to get more girls” familiar. Perhaps this makes me unqualifi ed to reviews and is from the creators of Peep Show, comment on the show, but I daresay that there are a programme which can generally guarantee a thoroughly obnoxious JP as soon as she arrives more than a couple people like me at Imperial. good laugh. because she is convinced by her new housemates None of this would really matter if the show Of course the biggest draw was the University that this is the sort of thing one does during the was at least funny, but it simply isn’t. I can’t setting: I generally fi nd comedy dealing with fi rst week at University. Or Oregon, who is so at really explain it - I just didn’t laugh a lot while things that I am familiar with far more engag- pains to conceal her studious, middle class back- watching it. When I did it was mainly from em- ing. Here I found my fi rst disappointment. A ground - despite none of her friends really car- barrassment at the often puerile jokes. In fact, I Friday | 2100 - 2130 | BBC1 good comedy can often make fun of a mundane ing about it - that she lies about having a car and found the more ‘dramatic’ elements of the show Have I Got News for You situation by taking it to extremes but I feel Fresh having done well at school. Or Kingsley, who - like awkward Howard’s attempts to get a date Jo Brand hosts the nation’s favourite satirical Meat takes it too far. It feels nothing at all like my decides to switch from geology to drama after with outgoing Voz - far more interesting. news quiz. student experience, there’s nothing recognisable only a few days to try to get girls and avoid one This is by no means a horrible show and you that could make the show a personally poignant somewhat annoying lecturer. should probably check out at least one episode Saturday | 2145 - 0000 | Channel 4 experience. Take, for example, Josie - a kind and Of course not everybody will care about this to see if it’s your sort of thing - just don’t expect Die Hard II innocent dentistry student who sleeps with the and I guess that some might even fi nd the situ- anything brilliant. Bruce Willis stars in this second part of the leg- endary action movie series. Lots of guns and Bruce Willis.

Sunday | 2100 - 2200 | BBC2 Could you write a review of Hidden, DCI Banks, The Great British Bake-Off, Educating Fry’s Planet Word Something about Stephen Fry’s voice implies er- Essex, One Man One Jar, Blue Bloods, House, or ANYTHING? We need you! Email us. udition, so why not listen to him talk about language for an hour. Pity he used Comic Sans for the subtitles. Eurghhh. Monday | 2100 - 2200 | Chennel 4 Sometimes answers just lead to more questions Embarassing Bodies The team deal with a cornucopia of genital problems. If you’re feeling down, have a look at some Lucia Podhorska takes a retrospective look at LOST other people’s problems. riting reviews on the jungle makes strange metallic noises watch this show. That’s the wonderful – shows I love is some- whilst trees topple left, right and center. and infuriating – thing about LOST: every thing I have found The next day, a brave group goes into the answer just leads to more questions. This to be quite diffi cult. jungle to try and send a distress call from can get a bit annoying and I do know a When I try to per- the cockpit. They manage to fi nd a trans- few people who simply gave up after a Wsuade someone to watch something I like, ceiver and even the pilot is alive, but he is few seasons of increasingly complicated it generally ends with me saying “Erm, soon killed by the unseen monster. Crazi- plotlines. If you are such a person, I rec- yeah, you just need to watch it, cos it’s ness ensues as other survivors encounter a ommend you go back to the beginning amazing.” And reviewing a show like polar bear, build a golf course and hear a and watch the whole thing all over again, LOST is even harder, because I never mayday, in French, that has been repeat- because this really is the kind of show one want to give away too much, because it’s ing on a loop from somewhere on the is- needs to watch back-to-back in order to the secrets and surprises that make it so land for 16 years. Weird stuff… Have your say fully appreciate it. And the majority of the enjoyable. Why did they crash? Where did they on this or any questions do get answered by the end of I’ll be honest with you. I was quite a crash? Why did these specifi c people sur- season six. late-comer to LOST, mostly due to my vive? Those are just a few of the questions other article at And what is there to appreciate, you own skepticism. I mean, it’s just a bunch that audiences ask themselves when they felixonline.co.uk ask? Well, let’s start with the location: Ha- of people who crash on an island and try waii! The beautiful scenery and sudden to survive, right? That’s been done so day-turning-into-night-end-of-the-world- many times; it’s hard to keep count. Oh, type-weather makes it the perfect setting. Tuesday | 2305 - 0010 | Chennel 4 how very wrong I was… Then there’s the music, as composed by Shameless The pilot episode, which incidentally Michael Giacchino, which in a way, has Funny not only because it’s funny, but also be- was the most expensive pilot ever made come to defi ne the show. In fact, I’m cause people this feral do actually exist. Go and costing between $10-14 million, introduc- pretty sure it was when I started watching get yourself an ‘E’. es the viewers to the survivors of Oceanic Lost that I came to fully appreciate just Flight 815, fl ying from Sydney to Los An- how important the music in a television Wednesday | 2100 - 2200 | Channel 5 geles, which crashes on an island some- show can be. Just the main tune ‘There’s Paul Merton’s Adventures where in the South Pacifi c. For you avid No Place Like Home’ manages to be He’s back for a new series don’tyouknow. readers out there you will quickly draw heart-wrenching, yet oddly uplifting at the parallels with Treasure Island and Lord same time. Genius. Thursday | 2000 - 2100 | BBC2 of the Flies as the fi rst couple of episodes As I already mentioned in previous re- The Great British Bake-Off explore the makings of a hierarchical soci- views, the thing that’s most important to Highlights of the fi rst series. Excellent viewing if ety. That’s pretty much where most simi- me in a series are the characters. If they’re you are hungry and/or want some cooking ideas. larities to other island survival shows end. not interesting or don’t develop, I just Mmm yummy mummies. The fi rst night on the island is spent build- This style of poster is compulsory for every American tune out. Thankfully, LOST is jampacked ing a fi re and trying to understand why TV show with character development and intrigu- FELIX Friday 14 October 2011 31 TELEVISION Jeremy Kyle ‘guests’ should cease breeding Victims of reduced gene pool descend dignity ladder

George Barnett and probably smells worse than a bull- dog’s dirty arsehole having an orgy. Eugh. The Jeremy Kyle Show... wow. Where It probably sounds like I detest the Jer- to start? I suppose I could start by telling emy Kyle Show. But you’d be wrong to you that the comedian Jim Davidson once jump to conclusions - it’s quality; daytime suggested that the producers of the show television at its best. It may well be “hu- catch the vermin who appear on it out- man bear-bating”, but to be honest it’s side Lidl with a large net. Or I could tell funnier than a penguin playing a banjo. In you that a judge called it “human bear- one show, a woman who had slept with bating”. Or perhaps that it’s also been de- two men in as many days (one of them scribed by a Labour MP as a “modern day being her ex with whom she already has Phwoaaarrrrrrrrr - I would freak show”. a child with) ran on stage and punched Episodes usually fall into four catego- aforementioned ex in the face before ries; ‘heartwarmers’ (where someone has running off stage again. She was then re- a genuine disability or issue that the show strained by a vast amount of hired muscle “Most importantly helps them out with by funding treatment whilst Jeremy explained to her why what or some other form of help) - meh, bor- she did was wrong. Her response? “Nah – how to use a ing. Rehab episodes, still boring. The mate. Naaah mate. Naaaaah”. Fuck- ﬁ nal two involve either DNA or lie detec- ing chav. She then decided that the best condom” tor tests; this is where the real shit goes course of action would be to run off and down. In case you aren’t familiar with smash a window. Clever girl. the show, here are a few example episode His Majesty the King of Ink-Land - he looks like something out of fucking I do wonder whether it’s wrong to laugh Avatar titles: “I’m A Binge Drinker And A Drug at these people though; because they Dealer, But I’ll Be A Great Dad!”, “My clearly do have some serious issues, and Kids Are Black and Angry!”, “Why Do willing to go on national television in most importantly - how to use a condom I do genuinely feel sorry for the people You Nag Us About the Heating Cost- front of a reported 1.8 million viewers to (we don’t want to breed a generation of who get caught up in it all - those who ing So Much and Then Leave Windows sort out their problems if they cant even retards now, do we?). get abused by some prick on drugs, or the Wide Open?” (could be a reference to my listen to Jeremy without interrupting him On a somewhat more political note, it children who are born into already broken housemate...), “Who’s Father To Your every 4 seconds. But then again that’s shocks me that these people are allowed and dysfunctional families. I even feel Baby? Me Or My Dad?” and my personal what you expect from these people, they to vote. Most seem to be less intelligent sorry for the guy who was stabbed just be- favourite “Why Deny Paternity Just Be- need educating; in life, manners, decency, than the average three-year-old. These are cause he was covered in tattoos - although cause the Baby Is Ginger?”. I think we all English (I doubt the participants even the sort of people who are quite happy to he did look like a bit of a knob (and has know the answer to that one. know what grammar is) and arguably shag their partner’s parents, they think be- legally changed his name to King Of Ink I don’t know what annoys me most ing a good father is buying an Xbox 360 Land King Body Art The Extreme Ink- about the Jezza K show. The fact that and a 32” TV instead of spending time Ite). However, I always come to the same these people exist, the fact that most of “Why deny paternity with their children, they think being a conclusion: no, it’s not wrong. It’s just them are unemployed and are leeching grandmother and having a swingers party too bloody funny to not laugh. Besides, off the government because they’re too just because the is normal. That’s just disgusting, there it does wonders for your ego to know that damn lazy to get a job, or the fact that they are things you just shouldn’t do at certain you will never be as shit a person as they are just incredibly rude. How can they be baby is ginger?” ages. Just imagine it, a granny who looks are. The big man himself Email [email protected] to write for us!

ing characters, whom we get to know both of the success of the show is its ability on and off the island, thanks to the bril- to transparently approach these without liant use of fl ashbacks, fl ash-forwards and making them too apparent to the viewer fl ash-sideways. There’s not really any ac- which allows both the ‘couch potato’ and tor who doesn’t deliver, but there are a few the critical mind to enjoy themselves. A that need mentioning for their outstanding detailed analysis that satirizes modern performances: Matthew Fox as Dr. Jack society can be derived with little effort as Shepherd; Terry O’Quinn as John Locke well which generates great conversation if and Michael Emerson as the creepy Ben you fi nd yourself with similarly minded Linus, both of whom received an Emmy people. for Outstanding Supporting Actor In A The brilliance of the show comes from Drama Series. its innate ability to appeal to all audiences. Created by J.J. Abrams – the man behind Dog lovers, science fi ction fans, scientist Alias, Fringe and the new Star Trek movie and adventurous shoot-em’-up junkies all – and Damon Lindelof, LOST ran for six have their slice of pizza to enjoy. This is a seasons and explored a larger panoply of top of the list recommendation for every- themes than other Hollywood shows have. one out there. You just need to watch it, Mortality, religion, relationships and the cos it’s amazing. human condition are all investigated. Part Oh ye of little faith... FADE TO BLACK. It was nice of them to invite Hagrid along 32 Friday 14 october 2011 FELIX Fashion Editors: Saskia Verhagen Alice Yang FASHION [email protected] Winter is coming, time to go coat crazy A statement coat is essential this season. Embrace the cold and defi ne your style with Alice Yang’s pick of the best

Fur Full Length There was a great sense of drama and mystery this What better way to combat the winter chills than to season as designers sent fl oor sweeping coats wrap up warm in a fl uffy fur coat? From Paris to Mi- down the catwalks. The great coat was seen at lan, fur was seen in a rainbow of colours, lengths Hermes, Jaeger London and Rodarte – all simple and cuts leaving us spoilt for choice. Sleek glamour and perfectly tailored, with just the right amount shone through with a seventies vibe at Gucci in the of fl ow. Chanel’s burnt forest catwalk too featured form of rich, gem coloured, bulging furs matched ankle length knitted numbers with thick defi ned col- with statement sunglasses. Cute baby doll dresses lars, and DSqaured2’s Western rebel girls matched layered under pale fox furs made Anna Sui’s show a tough billowing cloaks to their aggressively shaped winter wonderland. hats and distressed denim. Whether you prefer the long shaggy furs seen at Giorgio Armani’s overcoats were only zipped down Fendi Isabel Marant, or the sleeker more classic pieces at Celine to the waist, allowing the smooth silk dresses that £14,960 Valentino, fur is this seasons must have with the one shimmered beneath to peak through contrasting the big rule – if your coat is going to bulge ontop, ensure Topshop texturised detailing on the coats. Haider Ackermann Miss fl uid lines fl ow beneath. £100 upped the drama – black leather gloves and pow- Selfridge erfully layered jackets building sharp silhouettes £65 THE PICK: topped off with sky high quiffs. Karl Lagerfeld brought a plethora of thick woollen Long, sleek and fi lled with authority, this is defi - pieces wrapped in rusty shades perfect for frosty nitely a statement making addition to your wardrobe. walks to his show at Fendi this seaon. But among those, it was the fl uffy coats that stole the show. THE PICK: They appeared as lustrous tufts of auburn orange, In shades of slate grey with fur trimmed lapels and chocolate brown and silver greys all mixed into one. rough edges, Pheobe Philo’s overcoats at Celine For a similar, but more toned down take, try Miss were modern authenticity at its best. Topshop’s al- Selfridge’s silky tribute to the coming shades of na- ternative also features a thick fl uffy neckline, add- ture. ing extra warmth to its moulded classic shape and tucked in waist.

Blazer Cape Capes and ponchos have been a long time coming, Fitting in perfectly with this season’s trend of an- but no one expected the masterpieces Alexander drogyny came a sea of sharp cut suit jackets worn Wang created this season. Luxuriously soft cash- with a sense of purpose and power. Dolce and Gab- meres mixed with tough leathers, draped shimmer- bana pioneered the strong girl-boy look this season, ing silks and quilted interiors left editors piling over striking a perfect mix between masculine toughness themselves after his show for pieces that so clev- and feminine delicacy. Perfect white shirts fastened erly combined feminine casual wear with tough out- to the neck sat under double-breasted jackets with erwear. Chloe presented show stoppingly beautiful wide collars and velvet lapels, topped with boyish snow queen-esque pieces fl ung over white chiffon quiffs under smart trilbies. Stella McCartney’s jack- dresses. Marc Jacob’s cloaks were short and velvet ets gave a new defi nition to power dressing - mid- in shimmering jewel tones, and Alber Elbaz made Jason night black knee length blazers with rounded shoul- Emilio his longer and sleeker for a touch of sixties mys- Wu ders adding a feminine touch. Acne’s jackets were Pucci tery at Lanvin. John Galliano’s last show at Christian £1,510 traditionally sleek - military greens and candyfl oss £6,695 Dior lacked no drama either as Karlie Kloss strut- pinks adding a twist to the classic two-piece suit. Mango ted down the catwalk in knee high boots, a fl oppy It’s as much about the jacket this season as how Wallis £55 wide brimmed hat and billowing black cape swirling it’s worn. The models at Jason Wu, Michael Kors and £75 behind her. Paul Smith all casually tossed over their shoulders. Full of drama yet elegantly draped, its hard to go Result? Simple and sexy. The trick? Steal your boy- wrong with a cape. friend’s blazer, sling over your shoulders, slip on a pair of heels and stride with confi dence. THE PICK: Emilio Pucci’s girls strutted dark mysterious pieces THE PICK: embellished with baroque swirls this season, calling Jason Wu’s blazers were immaculately tailored this into mind the misty forests of a fairy tale adventure. season. His contrasting lapels and defi ned shoul- Perhaps a little less heavy, yet with just enough de- ders were copied at Mango, for only a sliver of the tail to carry you from day to night, Wallis’ version too price. will wrap you up perfectly for a midnight stroll. FELIX Friday 14 OCTOBER 2011 33 Games Editor: Laurence Pope [email protected] GAMES Gaming in reverse - Quake Omar Hafeez-Bore on why old games get better when you pretend they’re new

o here’s my plan, to get my own back on I mean, did you see the new trees in Kokiri For- a kaleidoscope of creativity. Surrealism, impression- gothic architecture, thunderous guns and grotesque the remakes. By actually going back. As est?! All individually rendered in loving detail? What ism, and all those other-isms. fantasy monstrosities. in, back-WARDS in time! Yes, I’m going the hell had happened to the low-res, is-that-serious- We’ll pretend, just as a null hypothesis type thing, to use the power of artistic licence to rely-meant-to-be-a-tree trees that used to surround the that even if Miyamoto had the choice of 3D-high- verse time, and see what pixelated gems forest? Their endlessly repeating texture of vaguely resolution, bump-mapped, bloom-lit powers when ofS gaming goodness have been lost along the way. wood-y colours suggested deep forest more than any he invented Mario, or Toby Gard had the access to What has pushed me to this drastic plan of action? I amount of crafted polygons ever could. And don’t performance-capture, anti-aliasing, motion-con- mean who could argue with taking those hazy child- get me started on the hyper-warm colours in the trail- trolled know-how when he made Tomb Raider, that hood memories of gaming, and sprucing them up to ers. they’d still choose to make them just as they did. preen and perform for modern gamers? Too late! You just did with your revolting look of I hope to choose a game or two every week, often Who could argue with dispatching a new group of confusion. ones that’ve since been remade or refi ned, and see gamers to fell Shadow of the Colossus’ titular titans, Seriously, what were those new Hyper-warm if any of its retro chic can beat any of our modern and feel the guilt afterwards? Or with recruiting new colours? Was this Hyrule-Del-Sol or something? shine. thumbs to pilot an Arwing in Starfox 64 3D, listening Where was my earthy-toned, muddy Hyrule, and Let’s reverse time and see what we fi nd! Quality reduction - id’s design masterstroke to the radio-chatter hubbub of gaming’s most iconic what was this fl ashy imposter with its cheap greens sound bites? and golden hues?! “I guess I should be thankful!” So the trailers got me worked up. And thinking. Quake: Playing them in Its masterstroke of horror however is in reducing And I guess I should be especially thankful for the And what I thought was: By Golly! (because that is the amount of frames of animation used. Instead of super-effective, special attack justifi cation for this re- how thoughts think) there are a lot of types of re- reverse the fl uid and familiar advances of Quake 4’s enemies, make craze: who could argue with a new set of men make, and most are very good, but maybe some of the ones in Quake are rendered with a jerky, staccato becoming boys again, and taking those daunting ba- them lose something in translation. Even more in- Since id’s success with Quake 4, it has produced 3 energy, as if fi ghting in strobe lighting. Funny as it by-steps into the expanse of Hyrule fi eld in Ocarina teresting (By Golly Gosh!) was the idea that maybe, sequels including the trigger-happy Quake 3, and a may sound, it actually gives the gunplay a brutal im- of Time 3D? sometimes, there were some stylistic advantages to true strogg-and-sci-fi sequel Quake 2. But it’s in its mediacy of impact, and the already ghoulish designs the old limitations on graphic and sound. latest incarnation (trendily called just ‘Quake’) that the unnerving, alien rhythm of a Ray Harryhuasen Think about it (What ho!): What was originally a the series has found the eeriness and atmosphere stop motion effect. necessity, of using pixelated graphics and 8-bit chip- it has always strived for. id has eschewed the steel tunes, has now been embraced as part of the gaming walls and electric doors of Quake 4 and its sequel “The enemies in Quake aesthetic. Many games, from Minecraft to Megaman too, instead opting for a uniquely baroque hybrid of 9, relish the unique power of using pixels as their are rendered with a jerky, brush strokes or blips and bleeps as their soundtrack. So is shinier and spanglier always better? This be- staccato energy, as if ing Imperial, we must experiment. As I mentioned earlier, I will use the power of writing to REVERSE fi ghting in strobe lighting” TIME ITSELF. Extra polygons are always good - or are they? By doing this I will (single-handedly) transform There is nothing as tense as seeing one of Quake’s the gaming landscape from one endlessly striving huge Shamblers crashing across a hallway in jud- Well at fi rst, I did. I wasn’t arguing against the towards realism and simulation, to one that starts dered strides, nothing as vicious as a possessed rushed attempts of some publishers to milk what- off realistic and suddenly embraces the abstract. The knight swinging his sword in the few frames of his ever cash cow franchise they owned. After seeing the slowdown, the short draw-distances and square poly- frenzied swing, and nothing better as message from trailers, I actually had a specifi c, personal gripe with gons. We’ll pretend it’s like fi ne art, starting off all id to the rest of the FPS competition; that in this day Ocarina of Time and its much touted visual spit-and- obsessed with fabrics and shadows and portraits and of motion-capture and self-indulgent animations, polish. landscapes, before being forced by photography into less can still be more. Minecraft: so much more than just Lego for nerds

Laurence Pope Omar said above me retro isn’t always a bad thing. wooden hut or a hollowed-out rock face in order to of inventive creations – pinball machines, elabo- A world of true complexity lies hidden beneath the survive the fi rst night, when all manner of zombies rate traps, timed explosives, waterfall lifts, music Yesterday one of my friends asked me – what’s the simplicity of the blocky textures presented to you. and skeletons come out to attack. From there you devices that play Bohemian Rhapsody...the list is deal with Minecraft? I tried to explain it to them, The thrill (seriously) is in creation and devel- can gather more and more exotic materials – coal, effectively endless. With regular updates come but to no avail. So here’s try two – in print form. opment. You start from the bare basics, a small iron, gold and diamonds to name a few – by delv- more tools to create and more inventive ways to Maybe I’ll enlighten this time around… ing into the virtual earth, all the while avoiding the muck about in your own private universe. It’s easy to say what Minecraft (by developers perils of lava fl ows and dungeon-dwelling beasties. So what are you waiting for? Get playing, and Mojang) is – an open-world sandbox game with As your building grows in grandeur you can start to watch out for my most probably ill-fated Minecraft no goal in mind other than what you set yourself. utilize the more complicated and subtle aspects be- how-to in future issues. You’re dumped into the middle of the cube-based hind the game, including power switches, pistons Or, you know, just go back to Lego. world most people are familiar with and bam, that’s and automatic minecart tracks. This is the wealth it, do what you want. of complexity concealed beneath the simple de- What’s the fun in that I hear you ask? The problem sign, and it’s discovering that immense untapped is, most people don’t realise just how complicated potential that keeps me, at least, playing on to fi nd @FelixGames on the world presented to you is. Yes, the graphics are them. Twitter what you’d call retro, but in keeping with what Note: not in-game footage You only have to look on YouTube to fi nd a wealth 34 Friday 14 october 2011 FELIX Food Editors: Anastasia Eleftheriou Michael Krestas FOOD [email protected] Food Battle Imperial Food Awards by Michael Krestas Who is going to be the next Imperial MasterChef? Felix Food introduces a new column: the “Food Battle”! Two beloved dishes are “stripped down” until we fi nd which is the healthiest for you. Anastasia Eleftheriou One of the guiltiest pleasures around is fast Prizes Terms and Conditions food. Although many people have decided to put It’s our pleasure to announce the fi rst Imperial an embargo on it, some of us just can’t live with- Food Awards competition! Organised and judged out it. What we can do is make smart choices, by the Food Editors of Felix, this is your chance • Free Breakfast Voucher for 2 peo- • The deadline for the submissions which are healthier without depriving us of junk to prove your talent and creativity in cooking. In ple by Dishoom, Bombay Café. is on Friday October 21 at 00:00. food’s delightful taste! short, you shouldn’t miss it. The reason? Loads This issue’s contestants: the chicken nuggets of fantastic prizes will be awarded to the winner, • £30 Amazon gift voucher offered • The recipe can be infl uenced by and the chicken fi llet burger. Who will be the win- who will be announced on October 28. by the Cypriot society. other existing recipes but the prepa- ner? In order to enter the competition you simply ration of the dish, the way you are need to prepare your speciality, write its recipe • Riverford Farm Cook Book (Best going to write it up and present it and in detail, take a few photos of it (at least two), First Book & Work on British Food) by the photographs taken must be your Chicken Nuggets (6 pieces) attach them to an email with the subject COM- Riverford Organic Farm. own unaided work. PETITION – YOUR FULL NAME and send it 288 calories to [email protected]. • 5 Good Food: 101 Easy Student • You need to include at least 2 pic- 19g fat Simply, the most creative and well presented Dinners recipe books by Ebury Press tures of your dish and no more than 15g carbs submission wins! For more details, read the awarded to the best fi ve submis- 5. 15g proteins terms and conditions of the competition and sions. have a look at the prizes that were kindly offered • Any submission found to violate by our sponsors. We’re looking forward to re- • Kitchenware by Lakeland: “The any of these rules will be eliminat- VERSUS ceiving your submissions and wish you the best home of creative kitchenware”. ed. of luck! Grilled Chicken Fillet

140 calories Imperial Food Awards are brought to you by Felix Food and our generous sponsors: 8g fat 0g carbs 17g proteins

+ Hamburger Roll

120 calories 2g fat 22g carbs 4g proteins Margaritas @ home: it’s cocktail time

wordpress.com + slice of tomato, lettuce leaf, slice Anastasia Eleftheriou its origin. We like it in its classic form or with strawberry, pineapple, peach, mango or papaya of onion What you are going to need: ﬂ avours. You can enjoy your favourite margarita with <10 calories • 35 ml Tequila a Mexican meal or as a dessert on its own and • 20 ml Triple Sec the good news is that it is very easy to make it Add • 15 ml strawberry juice (or any other juice at home. French fries: 370 calories you prefer) To make one put everything in the blender un- Coleslaw: 150 calories • Ice cubes til the texture of your cocktail becomes creamy. Ketcup: 30 calories Rub the rim of the glass with a lime slice, add Mustard: 3 calories Margarita is the most common tequila-based some salt on it, and carefully pour the mix into Mayonnaise: 50 calories cocktail and was most probably invented in the glass. Mexico, although there is no solid proof of Now sit back and enjoy. Viva Mexico! The thinking man’s Slush Puppie Editor’s Opinion:

I’d go with the chicken burger, have a coleslaw salad instead of fries and as a dipping sauce I’d choose Wafﬂ emeisters: gather ‘round! mustard. A total of 470 calories.

Michael Krestas email to waffl ecomp@waffl emeister.com and by joining “Waffl emeister” on Facebook. Waffl emeister is preparing for the waffl iest Winner: competition ever! Eat your way through the Dates: full range of Waffl emeister favourites and an South Ken Station 17.00-19.00 on 19th Chicken Fillet Burger unlimited supply of classic waffl es in 3 min- Oct utes! Only rule: no drinking of any kind al- Portobello Road 13.00 -15.00 on 23rd Oct lowed. http://www.waffl emeister.com/ Whoever eats the most waffl es wins. Register before Wednesday October 19 by sending an Let the Waffl e battle begin! I want it all... and I want it now FELIX Friday 14 OCTOBER 2011 35 FOOD Dishoom, one of the best Bombay Cafés that London has to offer?

Anastasia Eleftheriou dian food, as I don’t like spicy dishes, I ular Dishoom is. Michael Krestas found out that there are many interest- A: Oh come on! Tell me about the ing ones. I really loved the fi sh fi ngers desserts! Personally I couldn’t resist One minute away from Leicester with the sweet sauce. taking my usual; chocolate fondant, Square Station, Dishoom offers great M: Well, Dishoom is a traditional In- yummy! Indian food at great prices in an ex- dian restaurant but at the same time M: Ok, I’m gonna admit it: I did try traordinary yet cosy atmosphere. its menu offers a broad choice of both some of your fondant while you were spicy, non-spicy and also vegetarian away from the table! There, I said it! dishes. But you stole some of my delicious A: Yes, this is absolutely true. I am pineapple & black pepper crumble ... wondering why you chose that spicy and not just once! cocktail drink. I mean, we tried many A: I just wanted to try the combina- spicy dishes like the house black daal tion of pineapple, honey, oats and ice- - you should have got a sweet cocktail cream... like the Bombay Colada. M: I forgot to ask you, why did I have M: A spicy cocktail like Chilli Mar- to carry my camera with me? tini may sound weird but it matches A: Oh lord... we were supposed to take perfectly with most of the dishes and some photos! But as soon as the food surely completes their taste. What did Makes a change from KFC arrived, I couldn’t think of anything you think of the “Fish Ruby”? I have to but eating! admit I’m used to curry combined with M: So, when are we visiting Dishoom chicken but that was a blast! ing them with a yoghurt dip - like Raita M: That was very impressive, the ser- again? A: That’s why it was the speciality of - can just make you think about the fl a- vice is splendid. Dishes are properly A: Are you free next week? A: I literally can’t move at the moment. the day, it was special indeed! One of vours spices trigger. I particularly like cooked and presented, the waiters and M: Sure! I’m full. You should have stopped me the best dishes that should be included the fact that you have so many choices. waitresses look very keen to assist you A: So you’d recommend it huh? after the fi fth dish! in the menu. You know what? You may No need to limit your selection to 1 and that really contributes to the over- M: Totally! M: What could I have done? Every- fi nd it silly, but what I enjoyed the most dish; Just order three, four maybe fi ve all experience. thing was great! However, there’s al- was Raita. Mouthwatering and refresh- plates and share them among the table! A: I totally agree. Dishoom has a very ways space for some extra Dishoom ing! Together with the garlic bread it A: Yes indeed, it gives you the oppor- warm atmosphere and it was packed, www.dishoom.com calamari. was the best side dish. tunity to enjoy many different dishes. even though it was a Wednesday. For- 12 Upper St. Martin’s Lane, A: Oh yeah, all the dishes were fantas- M: I totally understand. Even if you Have you noticed that we have fi nished tunately, we made a reservation. London WC2H 9FB tic. Although I am not a big fan of In- are not into spicy foods, just combin- our three course meal in just one hour? M: That’s just more proof of how pop- Tel: 020 7420 9320 The Cheese & Wine Festival returns Get ready Imperial – It’s going to be a cheesy weekend!

wordpress.com Michael Krestas cook is boring, you may join me in be a bit…expensive. Admission to the an Australian wine tasting session Cheese & Wine festival is FREE*. It’s Last issue, Felix Food made mention with Brian Oakwell - or a cheese as if it was organized especially for of the Chocolate Week, the London and beer pairing of La Cave à From- us! So remember: do not have lunch Restaurant Festival and the Diwali age & Meantime Brewery, who said at Queen’s Tower or the Library Café. Festival. It’s likely some of you dis- just brilliantly: “What two foods are Brace yourself for a cheesy evening like chocolate, hate restaurant festi- made for each other more than beer and quench your thirst with plenty of vals or think Indian food is just anoth- and cheese… Cheese is beer back- wine! Doctor’s instructions: Repeat er thing that drags you to the toilet! wards, or beer is cheese backwards.” on Saturday and Sunday. So, let’s talk about cheese… and wine! Finally and most importantly, all The Cheese & Wine Festival is of us are either students or (very) * A ticket is required for tutored taking place on 14 – 16 Oct at the hard-working employees and are tasting with Tim Atkin and seating is Southbank Centre Square in London. aware that fine cheese and wine can limited. A wide range of stalls will be showcasing the highest quality cheeses Go to www.cheesewinefestival. and wines from the UK and around com to get the full list of events, the world. As with any self-respect- “... the highest participants and book tickets. ing festival, it will also offer many quality cheeses and exciting activities. There are going Friday 14 October – Sunday 16 Oc- to be many cooking demonstrations wines from the UK” tober by celebrity chefs such as Valentina 11am – 8pm daily (6pm Sunday) Harris and Tim Atkin! However, if you think that watching someone Southbank Centre Square A whole festival based around cheese and wine? Better brie-lieve it 36 Friday 14 OCTOBER 2011 FELIX Travel Editors: Chris Richardson Dushi Arumuganesan TRAVEL [email protected] Wishing You Were Here Bustling in vibrant Berlin A long weekend of artistic pleasures and historical delights: the perfect European city getaway

Dushi Arumuganesan

Having been bitten by the travel bug severely this summer, and with just enough time and money (for once!), I wanted to book a holiday somewhere remote and unexplored. I wanted to discover the sights, sounds and smells of a foreign land for myself without feeling obli- gated to visit all the suggested attractions in a travel guide. However, after realising a return fl ight to anywhere “remote and unexplored” would involve spending at least a month’s rent, I felt that ignoring Ryanair’s mid-season sale would just be cutting off my nose to spite my face – a city break in Berlin it was. Consulting my Berlin RoughGuide mere minutes after landing at Schonefeld airport (a good ten miles or so away from the actual ter- minal, but who cares about that when you’ve landed on “yet another on-time fl ight” as I was informed by the spectacularly cringe worthy Ryanair jingle), I was struck by how much like hard work this holiday was going to be, if we were going to fi t in all the must-sees/eats/dos - and at times it was. Yes, I had a great time, but were there sights I wish I hadn’t wasted time on? Defi nitely. So here is what I would limit my efforts on were I to re-do my time in Berlin, in “A perfect place to relax in the summer” The only guy in town to show up to Holocaust memorial day in fancy dress... ‘Illuminated Berline Dome’ by Michael Sohn order to have a perfect (but probably culturally sculptures, posters and jewellery. Finally, the century structure, or even if you’d rather spend ignorant) three days. East Side Gallery - a long stretch of what is left your last day engaging in less intellectually de- Berlin is famed for its many (read: over 150) of the Berlin wall that has been painted with manding activities (i.e. you save the last day to museums. Even after having narrowed that politically themed murals - is categorically shop like me) and it happens to be a Sunday Travel tales wanted! list down to about ten, we struggled. My feet worth a small detour to East Berlin. then make time to pay a visit to the Mauerpakt almost died and I developed a temporary dis- Now, the way I’ve tailored my second day fl ea market in Prenzlauer Berg. It’s a market taste for any form of culture put on show. In may not appeal to everyone - but as a huge his- you could spend hours meandering around, Calling all pretentious gap yahs and casual back- hindsight, if I could only visit one museum, tory buff, I couldn’t help but dedicate a serious with amazing fi nds in almost every stall - an packers! Been travelling this summer? Felix Travel I’d make it the Hamburger Bahnhof. This is amount of time to the remnants of World War excellent place to spend your last euros. Lastly, wants the lowdown on all your adventures. If you an especially good tip for any museum-phobe II in the city where it all began. The best way if you are able to jump through the necessary have anything – whether it’s a hilarious anecdote out there. It’s a converted railway station now to see historical Berlin is a walking tour, and hoops to land yourself on the list of permitted or helpful destination guide – send it to us now at used to exhibit contemporary art, but you really I would recommend the Original Berlin Walks visitors to the Reichstag then certainly do so - [email protected] do forget that you’re in a museum and not the Third Reich Sites Tour (www.berlinwalks.de). but don’t sweat it if you can’t. old station as it was. I found myself spending The English-speaking tour guide knew every I’ve saved the “eats” for last. While in Ber- as much time studying the infrastructure of the detail of every story of every site we visited so lin, we discovered possibly the best frozen yo- building as I did the art itself. The massive steel well that not only did I barely notice three hours ghurt in the world. If you do not visit Berlin arches that hail you at the entrance, the cavern- go by, but I felt like I’d absorbed as much infor- for any other reason, then stop there just for What’s in it for you? ous rooms, and the underground passages - all mation in that space of time as I had all year at Wonderpots, please. I could have spent hours of these lend an uncanny eeriness to some al- university. Following up this walking tour with sampling the many fl avours and toppings avail- ready eccentric and extraordinary displays of an afternoon at the Sachsenhausen concentra- able at this kitsch frozen-yoghurt café situated art, many of which are in video or audio form. tion camp just outside of Berlin completed an on Friedrichstrasse, the metropolitan hub of This year the Felix Travel team are going to work Making your way around this entire building enlightening and exceptionally poignant day. the city. There was one aspect of Berlin that all with writers to get you more freebies on the road: would make for an agreeable half day at least, The fi nal day of any holiday always ought the planning in the world could not have made gain some writing experience over the year and if not longer for the keener art fan. In a creative to be the most relaxed. The beautiful Schloss up for though - the currywurst. Even before I we’ll show you how to go about approaching com- mindset upon exit, I then headed to the Tache- Charlottenburg, the largest palace in Berlin, is tried it, I had trouble understanding the appeal panies with writing proposals that’ll heighten your les, an ex-Nazi prison. The building has been set in absolutely stunning grounds and backs of the concept itself (seriously: frankfurters, backpacking experience. We’ve been reaping the taken over by a group of artists since the fall of onto the Schlosspark: “a perfect place to re- curry powder and ketchup?) and perhaps my rewards for a while, and are now we’re ready to the Berlin wall and has been painted over on all lax in the summer”. Within the palace itself, culinary-inclined mind had raised my hopes too share the secrets. So go on, get writing! possible surfaces with an impressive array of you can take an audio-guided tour through the high for this German delicacy; excellent post- artwork. Within the building, artists hold work- rooms. If you fi nd you still have time left af- night-out kebab substitute maybe, but nothing shops and sales of their work which include ter exploring this magnifi cently restored 17th much else. FELIX Friday 14 OCTOBER 2011 37 CLUBS & SOCIETIES Matrices and monkeys Fellwanderers Freshers David Clarke reports on the Kenyan Orphan Project Nathaniel Bottrell

Early on Sunday morning, more than 70 sleepy freshers made their way to Victoria and began to congre- gate around the Fellwanderers banner which was proudly fl ying between two poles. Once everyone had purchased their tickets and handed them to Heather, our responsible adult, we made our way to the platform. The group’s size quickly became evident, much to the dismay of the ticket collectors - who promptly opened the gates and waved us through without much question. We settled on the train and prepared ourselves for the journey ahead with (hopefully) everyone informed ave you ever had the chance numerous papaya trees or helping to prepare food by the guys and I would no sooner have fi nished of which station we would need to change at. Typical to stand in front of a class of 40 for the children - but we also got to interact with one conversation when I would fi nd myself being train journey conversations began with quick introduc- wide-eyed Kenyan children and the kids: playing with them and learning about forced into another game of checkers…or having tions and the standard “Name/Course/Halls” ques- attempted to teach them about ma- the circumstances they live in and how Ombeyi is my shoes stolen! After three days it was time to tions, followed shortly by a comparison of hangovers trices? Have you ever rocked out trying to better their lives by improving nutrition. leave for the fi nal project, Oasis of Hope. amongst some of the committee members. We had Hwith a group of Luo tribeswoman, or been mauled Special mention MUST be given to our trans- This project is one which KOP has been in- a short wait at Lewes where much coffee was con- by a velvet monkey? If you had told me a year port, which can only be described as the most volved in right from the beginning and it is amaz- sumed after reports of “delicious coffee and hideous- ago by now I would have experienced all these pimped out matatu (mini-bus) Kenya has ever ing to see how the school has been transformed. ly good service”. It was indeed hideously good. events I would honestly have called you insane. seen. Clad in black and purple leather and featur- One of the issues at the school is the fact that they We arrived in Seaford and while the few who had Yet last July, I somehow found myself on a plane ing UV lighting to set off the neon interior, it’s fair are unable to provide free meals for the students forgotten to bring packed lunches got things from the to Nairobi with 10 other students, ready to take to say we travelled in style. (most of the pupils are unable to afford 20p for highly convenient Morrisions, the fi rst Fail of the year part in the Kenyan Orphan Project (KOP) sum- lunch) and this is something which KOP is plan- was had by James and I who went to look at the sea mer programme. ning to address in the future. and were lured in by deceivingly small waves and then I fi rst heard about KOP at the Fresher’s Fair last “I have every intention of I don’t want to say that this was a once in a caught out by a big one. We should have known bet- October and to be honest I was slightly sceptical returning to Kenya” lifetime experience because I have every inten- ter, and suffered the consequences of soggy feet for to begin with. Remnants of conversations with tion of returning to Kenya with KOP again next the rest of the day. friends about their time spent on a “spiritual, cul- summer. Instead I would say the experience We then made a start on the walk itself which large- tural, political exchange thing” during their Gap- was life altering. People have since asked me so ly uneventful before lunch. The educated amongst you Yah had made me question the effectiveness of HOVIC (Hope for Victoria’s Children) is a drop many questions about my trip: “Did you go out will know that preparing pasta in advance of a trip is projects like this one but I thought “Why not?” in centre for teenage boys who, for one reason and save the world?” Well, no, but that was never always better than squished sandwiches and is best and so signed up to attend the fi rst meeting. If I or another, have found themselves living on the our intention. There were no empty promises of served with beer and preferably on a cliff looking out liked what I heard, then great and if not, well, at street. This project certainly proved to be hard- building a town, or curing world hunger in a fort- to the sea and blue-ish skies. Some of us had all 3. least there were free Hummingbird Cakes. hitting and many of the KOP volunteers (myself night. These things take time, I was just glad to After lunch, we continued our walk across the sis- Throughout the following year I found my- included) were taken aback by the level of pov- have the opportunity to be involved in the slow ters, and most of us stopped at the pub conveniently self in the middle of a mad fundraising effort to erty which these young boys were facing. It was process of improving the quality of life for the located in the middle, where we able to witness a achieve our group target of over £8000. After a clear that the work going on at HOVIC was both people of Kisumu. With KOP I managed to make frantic phone conversation between a table in the pub year we eventually gathered together the required effective and critical, giving teenage boys a roof a real contribution to the development of many and the top of the next hill (ooops). amount and so the KOP summer team were ready over their heads, but more importantly trying to children’s and at the same time I got to meet new Finally, about an hour ahead of usual schedule we to pack their bags (full of Kit-Kats and Pringles in get them back to their families and back to school. people who have now become close friends, both arrived in Eastbourne and regrouped again to organ- some cases) and head out to Kisumu, eager to fi nd The boys also received lessons in maths, English, in Kenya and from the other university students. ise fi sh & chips. We were led to the “best fi sh & chips out what lay in store. By the time we had touched Swahili and life-skills during their time spent at So whether you feel like you want to experience in Eastbourne” by Nathaniel. It was also the only one down in Nairobi, I think it’s fair to say we were all HOVIC, making the transition to school signifi - a new culture, just do something different with open - coincidence? It took rather a long time for ev- exhausted from travelling. Luckily for us it was cantly easier. your summer, or if you’re still sceptical about this erybody to be served, but we were soon all munching only an 8 hour journey to Kisumu… by coach… Having chatted to the guys at HOVIC (whose sort of charity I would say one thing - just try it on our well earned dinners. Upon arrival at the Duke of Breeze hotel in ages range from 8-16) we were able to hear about and see. It’s a chance to make a difference to the Unlike many previous years, trains were actually run- Kisumu we were introduced to the project lead- the reasons which led them to live on the streets, lives of people who really need it the most. All ning from Eastbourne and this Sunday walk was de- ers: Marti, with a love of jokes about cheese; and and also their plans for when they left HOVIC. in all, I really couldn’t have asked for much more void of dreaded bus replacement services. The jour- Shona, who had managed to fi nd the only shop The experience of HOVIC was inspiring, but also from a two week trip. But why would you take ney home was much quieter, and while many took the in Kisumu which sold Irn-Bru. After a warm in- somewhat saddening; the genuine enthusiasm my word for it? The only way to really get what chance for a quick nap, there were some evaluations troduction and a brief on each of the projects it and kindness of these boys made it easy to for- I’m talking about is to experience it for yourself... made of the trip too. The general consensus amongst was time for a nice cold Tusker (or three) on the get the fact that many of them came from back- and you can always thank me later! the new members was that the trip was a “success” amazing rooftop bar. grounds of drug addiction, glue sniffi ng (which KOP will be holding a Meet and Greet in room and “good”, however one not-so-satisfi ed newbie did An early start followed by a cold shower set us is very common in Kisumu) and domestic abuse 119 in SAF (up the main stairs) on Thursday 20th state “Beachy Head wasn’t all it was cracked up to up for our fi rst day at Ombeyi Feeding Centre, a and that many of them were suffering from dis- Oct at 7pm. There will be a chance to meet the be”. joint project between KOP and local NGO – the eases such as malaria and even HIV. As clichéd committee and other KOP members, fi nd out If you want to join us on a trip, either just for the Ogra Foundation. We arrived at the project and as it may sound, HOVIC has remained a key re- what’s planned for the year ahead and ask any day or for one of our weekend trips then come and were immediately introduced to the lively man- minder of why KOP exists, to tackle the issues questions. There will also be free pizza and wine! meet us in Beit Quad where we meet every Tuesday at ager Ada who quickly fi lled us in on the day’s of education, nutrition and healthcare for some of A more formal presentation on the Student Sum- lunchtime. Always feel free to email fellwa@imperial. activities. Our time at Ombeyi was mainly spent Kenya’s poorest children. Of course it wasn’t all mer Programme will follow in the coming weeks. ac.uk to fi nd out more! Simon Evans carrying out daily chores - such as watering the doom and gloom at HOVIC. We were kept busy Email [email protected] for more info. 38 Friday 14 October 2011 FELIX

HANGMAN [email protected] The Hangman Notice Board

Dear whoever locks Queen’s Dear Library, Gate, Those computers with the really high chairs are weird Stop fucking locking Queen’s Gate at night. Why to sit at. Your knees hit the wall, the keyboards are are you doing this anyway? Is this supposed to too low, the chairs are odd, and this sentence has an keep out would-be burglars? Guess what shit- Oxford comma on it. What? I don’t just swear you face, the other side is like the arse of a woman know. I fucking know shit too. who only does anal: it’s a massive gaping hole. Do you honestly think that nobody can possi- P.S. The tables in the Group Study space are absurdly bly come up with the brilliant plan of walking low. We tall, beautiful Caucasians are finding that to the other side? If you do, you are a moron. All our rounded, beautiful Caucasian knees barely fit un- you’re doing is pissing me off by mildly incon- derneath them! It’s ok, I’ll just put the seat down... Cheers Nick, now go back to Dave veniencing me for no particular reason. For fuck’s sake, the seats don’t go down! That’s it, I’m moving to your mum’s house. Let’s see what she thinks. Oh wait she’s here, she doesn’t mind. Then again, her knees are fucked anyway. BOOM!

Dear smug guy who says he ‘understood that lecture’,

Dear Library, Hey, we don’t give a fuck. Oh, I guess you wrote Why the fuck have you started giving out that textbook in the library too huh? Newsflash receipts at the library café again? Nobody dickcheese, I bet you don’t understand how to wants or needs them; they just piss us off and not be a prick, or how to get laid. To Do List ... make it slightly more awkward to get change. Oh, and they also hold up the queue slightly, 1) Fuck Bitches my luke-warm jacket potato just gets colder. 2) Get Money. Not necessarily in If someone wants a receipt, they shouldn’t that order. get one on the grounds of them being a mas- Dear Union, 3) Stop listening to rap music sive cunt. 4) Stop having danger wanks in labs, Either put a new cash machine in the union the added risk of chemical burns in or take away the minimum spend to pay unsavoury areas doesn’t add much on your card. I can’t be arsed to go to the danger. Sherfield building to get money out. I heard 5) Start having danger wanks in that apparently the Union are working with lectures. banks to try to get one that is free of charge. 6) Start writing less misogynistic Wait, so they want to put in one that charg- pieces Dear whoever invented es me to withdraw my own money? What the fuck? That’s just absurd. Getting a free minimum spends, of charge cash machine, you know, just like pretty much every single other cash ma- I just want a pint (cos I’m a FUCKING LAD OI chine in the entire London area is not an im- OI TITS); I don’t want to have to buy a bunch pressive feat. It’s barely even a feat. of crisps just to get the total cost up to £5. Drunken mate of ‘Oh, but it costs us money to process your card blah blah blah fuck off I’m trying to re- the week write my CV and pretend I’m a politician in Parliament.’ That’s probably what the Union It’s made a glorious return. Keep will say. Well, yeah, good point, but I’m fairly sending them in. If you don’t we sure that overall the profit you are making will go through ALL of your Face- on the alcohol will offset the cost of the card book pictures, and then send the processing – which, by the way, I still think is worst to your mum. either non-existent or is not much. FELIX Friday 14 October 2011 39 HANGMAN the turnip Horoscopes Hangman’s Finest College News Source Student stuck in hypothetical Aries Taurus You have a danger wank in halls: as After a tiring Fresher’s Week, you’ve you’re about to reach climax, you enjoyed winding down these last few situation unlock your bedroom door and scream days. You’re having some macaroons “HELP!!” You furiously try and finish and tea, reading Hello magazine. It’s off before anyone arrives, full-screening bliss, pure heaven. You hear a cry. You YouPorn... only for your sub-warden to run. You get covered in white, gooey Doctors describe his condition as “possible” get there in record time. Whoops? cum. FUCKING FRESHERS!!!!!!!

A second-year studying EEE has been beer and snakebites. Partygoers shortly Gemini Cancer in a comatose state since last Friday resumed festivities but for the EEE stu- after thinking about a situation involv- dent the clock struck twelve rather too ing himself with a box of matches, two early at the Ball as his brain said “kthx- Go fuck yourself. That’s right. Go fuck You actually gave a public BJ in Reyn- bottles of overproof rum and a particu- bye” and collapsed. yourself. I may have serious anger man- olds bar on Friday. I’m not making this larly awful lecturer. Complications only His position will, like Schrodinger’s agement issues, I may be fucked up. shit up. If only we’d got hold of the arose when his hypothetical self began cat, undoubtable spawn many thought These horoscopes might just be a form goddam pics we’d have had a better fantasising about being at the Fresher’s experiments. Much like the aforemen- of therapy, I dunno. But just go fuck front page. Please, please, please send Ball wearing a silly hat loitering outside tioned cat, they will mainly be used by yourself. I JUST WANT ALL YOU us the evidence!!!!! Or come to Felix the toilets, at which point a deafening pricks in Shoreditch in a misguided at- PRAT-FACED CUNTS TO FUCK OFF. and give us all BJs. Whatever works. Inception-style “BWOOOOONG” was tempt to look clever. heard throughout Beit Quad, brieﬂ y in- Leonardo DiCaprio denies any in- The situation is not the same as terrupting the consumption of terrible volvement in the incident, the slimy git. the one pictured. Leo Virgo

You get a nosejob this week. You stupid, You’re like a vuvuzela: loud, obnoxious, THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS stupid dunderheaded prat. Err, hello?? and unwelcome in open public spaces... That should have been a BOOB JOB!!!! It didn’t work out for Wacko Jacko, it ...yeh, that’s right. Horoscopes just went hasn’t worked out for you. I’m still highbrow bitches... what? not going to be able to motorboat you or get that tit wank. Fuck, fuck, fuck. ...Not happy? See Gemini for response. Libra Scorpio

You just spent £4000 on a spanking new, You spend your week peeving off your super-duper HD amazing 2 million pixel tutorial group, again. Fine, you might Racism makes your penis thiiis big, hello This was suggested for drunken mate of the week. TV. Ahhhh, the satisfaction of knowing be on the blob, but this has been going Yes, that is an ethernet cable. Yes, this is proof that your evening will be spent watching on waaaaaay too long. Never trust ladies says repressed homosexual we go to Imperial. Better next time please. Avatar and drinking Belvedere. But something that bleeds for 7 days and what’s this? There’s a white dot on the doesn’t die. If you’ve got issues, fuck screen... noo! Rot in hell, broken pixel. off home. You’re not welcome here. DRUNKEN MATES OF THE WEEK Sagittarius Capricorn

The Freshers have settled in. You’ve as- Alas, girls tits are still overwhemingly sessed their merits – tit size, smuttiness, under-sized. What to do? Ah, yes. A lips. It’s time to act. You invite some lus- good old solo sex game. There’s nothing cious virgins to yours. You tie them up quite like the thrill of starving yourself and make them watch as you furiously of oxygen, is there? Auto-erotic masturbate to Schindler’s List, using asphyxiation, you LOVE it. You’re whisky as a lubricant. It stings visciously. found dead in your room Monday. Aquarius Pisces

As if Business School students weren’t Your Blackberry didn’t work this week. cuntish enough, you’ve been given That’s what you get for having a phone an iPad to improve your “synergy owned mostly by weed-smoking chavs and work flow through appropriate and coke-snorting bankers. The total channels.” What total bollocks. All arse-crap being shared over BBM sent Come on I’m offering up the goods here. Why are it means is you’re gonna be playing the whole thing into overdrive. Turn it You call THAT deep-throating? I’ll show you ... there no takers. It’s Freshers’ Week! Please! Angry Birds 24/7. You sad prick. off, go outside, see some people. Pint?

FELIX Friday 14 october 2011 41 Puzzles Editor: James Hook [email protected] PUZZLES Quick(ish) Crossword 1 2 3 4 5 6 6 7 8 Last Week’s Down Solutions Across 9 10 1011 1. Verbal formula producing myste- 1. Manner by which an organism rious forces (5,5) develops (9) Slitherlink 6. Asleep (4) 2. Small mallet (5) 2 2 9. Goes back (7) 3. Colourless, odourless gas (6,7) 1211 1312 15 1 2 1 2 1 2 2 10. (Of organ) produce and dis- 4. Document prepared by combining 3 2 3 3 1 2 2 charge (7) various bits together (5-2) 12. Greetings! (5) 5. Country and enclave (7) 2 1 1 2 141316 151417 18 1915 2016 16 13. Approximated (9) 7. Respiration (9) 3 2 3 2 3 1 0 1 14. Funny man (5-2,8) 8. Anticipate with fear (5) 21 2 17. Generally accepted belief (6,2,7) 11. Next Wednesday (13) 3 2 3 3 3 3 20. Unrelenting (9) 15. Repugnant (9) 1722 23 1824 19 25 3 1 3 2 2 1 21. Stage performer (5) 16. State of being known unfavourably 3 2 1 3 2 3 2 2 1 23. Fake (7) (9) 24. Soldier; for use by specifi ed 18. Delayed (7) 3 2 2 1 persons (7) 19. Drunkard (7) 2620 21 2122 2223 25. Information (4) 20. Motorised bike; sulked (5) Nonogram 26. Relevance (10) 22. Prince and the Pauper author (5) Apologies, some numbers were cut off 2324 25 24 in columns 11 and 13. 1 1 1 2 3 1 1 1 1 2 1 4 4 4 6 1 3 1 1 2 1 1 1 1 4 1 1 2 3 2 2 2 2 1 1 1 1 4 1 FUCWIT The Felix University/College-Wide 1 1 2 1 4 3 2 2 2 2 2 2 3 3 1 League Leader Board Invitational Tournament League 2625 26 4 4 4

is new and improved, with prizes 3 2 3

TTeams:eams: for both the winning team and the 5 3 2

winning individual. 3 1 Elbowfart 4 H V E R 3 1 2 1 Points will be awarded per indi- 3 3 1 vidual puzzles solved. The first Wordoku G E H A 4 1 person/team to send in a correct V S G N 2 4 1 2 4 answer for a puzzle will receive 2 Don’t look so surprised y’all, you know points per puzzle. After that peo- G E 2 7 ple who send in correct answers how this works by now, surely? Every 2 will be awarded 1 point per puz- row, column and three by three square A O G 11 IIndividuals:ndividuals: 10

zle. Double points are awarded must contain each letter once. The end 3 3 Wael Aljeshi 8 for cryptic crosswords. result is a rather useless word or phrase. H N J e r e m y N e a l e 6 Send your solutions to: What? Fine, go do your computation- A G Crossword Juliette Chupin 4 [email protected] al labs if you don’t want to play. I just N R for points galore! thought... you know... it might be fun... Across 1. Shoot the breeze 10. S O R V G Farsi 11. Dedicates 12. Abysmal 13. Dwindle 15. Rural 17. Amphibian 19. Bombshell 20. Gains 22. Mangled 24. Slitherlink Nonogram - Killing Time Netball 26. Rapturous 28. Axiom 29. Stephen Hawking Down 2. Harry Truman 3. Opium 4. Tidal wave 5. Ended 6. Reclining 7. Eat 8. Eastern 9. Affair 14. 3 3 3 1 1 Deiﬁ cation 16. Last laugh 18. Polynesia 19. Bemires 21. 2 3 3 2 Solemn 23. Drown 25. Track 27. Pie 1 1 1 1 2 3 3 2 2 2 1 3 1 3 1 3 1 2 1 3 1 2 5 3 5 3 5 2 1 3 0 5 1 11 3 1 1 3 1 2 2 ChessSoc Chess 9 1 2 2 2 1 2 2

1 2 2 3 2 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 3 1 2 1 1 1 1 3 1 2 2 3 3 3 3 1 1 1 1 3 3 1 2 1 1 1 1 2 2 3 1 3 1 1 1 1 1 2 1 2 1

2 2 2 5 1

The aim with Slitherlink is to make one continuous closed 7 loop by connecting the dots. The numbers in each square in- dicate how many edges of the square are part of the loop, so 3 3 if it contains a “2”, you know that two and only two out of four edges have lines. That’s all the info you need to get the Nonograms are logic puzzles in which cells in a grid have to be coloured or one logical answer (though waiting a week to see the solution left blank according to numbers at the side of the grid. The numbers measure will also do). Answers to [email protected], as how many unbroken lines or filled-in squares there are in any given row or the puzzles team recieves a shiny penny per correct solution. column. Last week’s solution gives an idea of what it should look like. 42 Friday 14 October 2011 FELIX Sports Editors: Indy Leclercq David Wilson SPORT [email protected]

Afternoon, all. How’s your Friday go- proud to bring back the Fixtures and Re- bragging -and banter - at the union on a sporty people to send us your reports in, Play sport. ing? I’ll be honest with you, at the time sults list, which (despite its name) only Wednesday night. otherwise we have nothing to print! It’s you’re reading this you can probably contains fixtures this week. Never fear, Other than that, the opposite page sees a win-win situation: you get to see your ﬁ nd me enjoying a well-deserved pint at you’ll be able to find out how all of Im- the introduction of our Club Captain in- heroic exploits in the paper on Friday, the union, It’s all been a bit panicky for perial’s sporting clubs get on from next terview series. We plan to do one every and we don’t have a panic attack when Tell us. us sports editors this week, mainly due week onwards, which will also mark two weeks, so if you want to show the the Sport inbox is empty on a Thursday to the fact that the sports ﬁ xtures only the beginning of this year’s Felix Sport whole university the faces behind your morning. started this Wednesday and that we had league table. The concept is simple: club’s teams, get in touch with us at All that’s left to me is to wish you luck absolutely nothing to put into our be- we tally the wins, losses and draws of the usual address: sport.felix@impe- for the rest of the year. That, and savour Cheers. loved dark-green-themed section. all the sports clubs and see who is the rial.ac.uk. This is actually a good place the English defeat last weekend in the Having spent far too long deciphering most successful - this should really be for me to remind you guys (as I will do Rugby World Cup. Being French has its the new-format BUCS website, we are your only point of reference for drunken all year) that WE NEED YOU lovely perks sometimes - commiserations, guys.

in association with Fixtures Sports Partnership

Wednesday 19th October Women’s 1st vs Men’s 3rd vs Portsmouth University 3rd RUGBY UNION University of Essex 1st St Mary’s 1st University of Westminster 3rd Men’s 2nd vs Women’s 1st vs BADMINTON GOLF Men’s 3rd vs Men’s 1st vs LSE 1st Men’s 2nd vs Oxford University 1st FENCING University of Surrey 2nd St Bartholomew’s 1st King’s College 1st Men’s 1st vs Mixed 1st vs Men’s 3rd vs Women’s 1st vs Queen Mary 1st Men’s 2nd vs Portsmouth University 2nd King’s College 1st UCL 1st University of Surrey 1st Men’s 4th vs Men’s 2nd vs VOLLEYBALL Women’s 1st vs Royal Holloway 2nd Royal Veterinary College 1st Men’s 4th vs Women’s 1st vs University of Kent 1st HOCKEY LACROSSE King’s College 2nd Men’s 1st vs Queen Mary 1st FOOTBALL Men’s 3rd vs University of Sussex 1st Men’s 2nd vs Men’s 1st vs Women’s 1st vs St George’s, ULU 2nd TABLE TENNIS Sunday 23rd October University of Surrey 1st Men’s 1st vs Portsmouth University 1st Royal Holloway 1st Women’s 1st vs FUTSAL Midddesex University 1st Women’s 1st vs University of Sussex 1st Women’s 1st vs NETBALL SQUASH UCL 1st Women’s 1st vs Women’s 1st vs St Mary’s 1st University of Hertfordshire 1st BASKETBALL King’s College 1st Women’s 1st vs Men’s 1st vs Men’s 2nd vs Saturday 22nd October Men’s 2nd vs LSE 1st Reading University 1st University of Kent 1st FENCING Women’s 1st vs Men’s 1st vs Men’s 2nd vs Roehampton University 1st TENNIS University of Essex University of Kent 1st Roehampton University 2nd Women’s 1st vs Women’s 1st vs Women’s 1st vs Women’s 2nd vs King’s College Medics 3rd University of Sussex 1st Women’s 1st vs University of Cambridge 1st FELIX Friday 14 October 2011 43 SPORT Cryptic Crossword 1,497 Club Captain Interview: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Men’s Fencing 9 10 10

Essential info: 11 12 12 13 15 Didier Nohlmans, 23 141316 1417 1718 15 1915 2016

16 21 Right-handed 1722 18 23 1824 19 19 25 20

21 10 years’ experience of fencing sabre 262220 21 22 23 24

Physics PhD student 2524 26 25 27

Likes: lasers, winning BUCS gold 2628 29

Dislikes: team members that don’t Across airy Mordor? Not right! (5,4) 1. Sugar daddy’s brother a spotty thing! turn up for training (9) Down 6. Water patch of fl owers we sent back 1. Finance Society has turned up ex- (5) treme traitors! (5) 9. Herb from South Africa two fellows 2. Bully to bark at man (7) Indy Leclercq predecessors and become BUCS cham- awvay as St Andrews.” to re-elect (7) 3. Continued run-time, Doctor House Sports Editor pions? I ask him what he hopes to achieve, 10. Englishman repeating the same thing (11) IC Fencing are sponsored by: “Several key fi rst team members from and the answer is pretty clear: “All of over and over with miserable person 4. Each taken in by bluff? Quite the con- last year have sadly graduated, so we this culminates in the national BUCS around - found commonly at Butlins (7) trary (6) were in desperate need of some new fi nals, which we are certainly hoping to 11. Go down slope and endlessly slide 5. With these, I cannot take in or sup la- fencers. Luckily, there was plenty of be at!” (3) ger carelessly (8) Well, it’s two weeks into the year, and talent at the trials so I’m confi dent that In order to get that far, the team is go- 12. Hard worker reveals bottom to be 6. To touch up is sinful (3) those of you who are part of sports we’ll have a great team and a good year. ing to have to train hard, on top of the less obscured (11) 7. Take in terrible amount of power (7) clubs will know that the season’s fi rst Whether we can reproduce last year’s twice-weekly sessions organized by 14. US decision makers, half chosen, not 8. Tardigrade - as Aquarius may do? fi xtures are fast approaching - and how success remains to be seen, as it also de- the Fencing club. According to Didier, extremely hated (6) (5,4) important it is to start off on the win- pends on whether our opposition have “a lot of our team members also train 15. Distress - give rage, after a fashion 13. Good, almost passionate political ning foot. This week, Fencing Men’s 1st improved - but for now I’m going to say at clubs outside Imperial to build up (8) group at social gathering (6,5) team captain Didier Nohlmans inaugu- that we defi nitely have the potential to more experience against different op- 17. Soldier with alias from the East if be- 14. Survey from the South to look for rates our Club Captains interview se- become champions again.” ponents.” ing fl anked right to left beforehand (8) hiding Polish (5,4) ries. A member of the team that swept to In any case, he still has time to fi ne- So the objective is fi xed, and the date 19. One person who’s diseased wearing 16. “Deformed! No!” Edward cried (8) BUCS championship gold last season, tune his team and get them fully pre- of the BUCS fi nals fi rmly penciled into jumper (6) 18. Throw away battered fruit (7) he acknowledges that he has pretty big pared for the matches: “The fencing this captain’s calendar. But come on - 22. Quick tour - blow to halt! (11) 20. Mexican gang member messed shoes to fi ll: season for the fi rst team starts in Oxford we want to fi nd out a bit about the peo- 23. Something inside narcotic absorbed - coach up (7) “Last year was indeed a very success- in November with a round-robin tour- ple behind the trophies, don’t we? it takes you on a journey (3) 21. Upper class, the best - I! One to be ful year for Imperial fencing, with both nament in the southern premier league “I’m a physics PhD student, working 25. Person rejected from group of gay found here? (6) the men’s and women’s team becom- in the labs down in the depths of the actors? (7) 24. Embrace Higgs, for instance, when ing BUCS champions, so I have a lot to physics building. I came here a year ago 27. Hit vigorously for each swear word changing fi nally (5) live up to. The start of the year has been ...for now, I’m going and before that I was at Durham for my (7) 26. Top man in cardiac event (3) hectic as usual with lots of new fencers- undergrad.” 28. Massive and regal, after a fashion (5) both beginners and more experienced to say that we All right, sounds fair, anything else? I 29. Part of Big Brother House becomes ones.” ask him how he got into fencing, and it The club is indeed a big one, attracting definitely have the turns out there is a bit of a story in there: a lot of interest from freshers (over 200 “I used to play football at school, but tor’s note - as a foilist, sabre just seems means ICFC have a great sabreur and signed up for taster sessions at freshers’ potential to become when I was 13 I had an operation on my to me like two people crashing into each competent captain amongst them this fair), and while everyone helps out, the toe and couldn’t play for a few weeks, other with their swords - totally unre- season, so it’s not all bad. captain does have the time to focus on champions again so I thought I’d give fencing a go infi ned] I ask him why he got into sabre Any last thoughts before letting the the competitive side of things: “most of “ stead. I’ve never looked back since!” rather than epée or foil, the other two good students carry on with their Friday the organisational work is done by our (Cambridge, Oxford, Bristol and ULU). Didier is a sabreur, which means he weapons. pint? president, Ed Collier, so my main re- Another round-robin tournament is held fences with a sabre, one of three differ- “Quite simple...all my friends were “Actually, when I was captain of the sponsibility so far has been picking this in January here at Imperial against the ent fencing weapons. While they each doing it. I was lucky enough to be at a Durham fencing team, we came down year’s fi rst team.” same opposition.” have their own characteristics, and none school where the training for sabre was to fence Imperial for the BUCS quar- In order to do this, tryouts were orga- “After this, all teams progress through is truly “stronger” than the other two, particularly good so it was a natural ter fi nals and got thoroughly destroyed. nized last Wednesday. What is the ver- to the national knockout” stages where there is a fair bit of banter between prac- choice for me.” Luckily I’ve now changed allegiances!” dict? Can this year’s team emulate its we could come up against anyone as far titioners of the different weapons [Edi- Ah, good old peer pressure. Well, it Rightly so. Come on Imperial! vSPORTISSUE 1497 14.10.11 Men’s Rugby 1s get off to a winning start over Portsmouth

David Wilson Rugby Imperial 22 - 20 Portsmouth result in a score sooner, rather than IC Rugby Union are sponsored by: later and the fi rst points were scored by Sean Baker. Good ball at the lin- eout just inside the Portsmouth 22 meter line was driven on by the forwards with Baker controlling well at Imperial’s 1st XV got their season off the back and slumping over once the to a positive start with a narrow win necessary yards were made. over Portsmouth at Harlington. On a Imperial should have pushed on day where the weather conditions were from such a positive position, but it unusually favorable, Imperial made it was not to be. Switching off at the re- diffi cult to overcome their stubborn op- start allowed Portsmouth to turn the position. ball over and spread it out wide to Despite the close full time score, touch down in the corner and level the out on the full on more than one oc- ing to be restored, Imperial made hard the match. Imperial started the much stronger of scores. casion. Imperial went into the break work of overcoming their opposition. Portsmouth were not about to give the two sides. It appeared as though Encouragingly though, Imperial hit with a comfortable 17-5 lead thanks to Portsmouth ran in two tries, both up without a fi ght however, and scored the three weeks of intense pre season back and after good play within Ports- a third try of the match from George of which can be attributed to poor their fourth try of the match in the fi - which Imperial had undergone was mouth’s half, soft hands from Chris Lane. defence; fi rstly missed tackles in the nal play. Their kicker was not able going to pay off. McGeough and James Cox allowed Imperial really should have capital- midfi eld and secondly a mismatch in to convert the extras however, which For the fi rst twenty minutes Impe- Flannan Mahony to go over in the ised on their lead and used their fi tness numbers out wide. It became apparent would have drawn the match. rial played their pattern to perfection, right corner. to overcome their opponents in the that Imperial were involved in a real Despite appearing to have suffered using forwards through the midfi eld Worryingly for Imperial, Mike second half yet they got caught up in contest and whilst being in control of a let off for their inconsistent play, to great effect whist the backs looked Floyd suffered a stinger on his shoul- a messy struggle. Floyd had recovered the match, Portsmouth were only two Imperial were able to come away with comfortable with ball in hand. Impe- der towards the end of the fi rst half from his previous knock and returned points behind. an important win in their opening fi x- rial’s dominance was so telling that which lead to a reshuffl e in the backs; to the fray allowing Cox to move back Imperial’s fourth try came courtesy ture of the year. There were positives Portsmouth struggled to leave their 22 Olly Cox took up position at 10, a po- to his usual position of scrum half of captain Charlie Esberger, making to take from the match and build upon for the fi rst ten minutes of the match. sition in which again, he did not look where he looked more assured. De- up for squandering a scoring oppor- as the season progresses during a year Such intense pressure was sure to entirely comfortable; kicking the ball spite the balance of the team appear- tunity from a metre out previously in when the team looks to be promoted. TECHNOLOGY ARTS MUSIC FOOD TRAVEL

Smarter than the At the Wyndhams for IC Radio share their The Imperial Getting away to average pen: Page Driving Miss Daisy: secrets: Food Challenge is Europe in Berlin: 12 Page 24 Page 28 launched: Page 34 Page 36