Thursday 29 January 2004 Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1072 free www.ussu.co.uk barefTHE UNIVERSITYaa OF SURREYcts STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE VICE CHANCELLOR FROM THE STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY

To the Vice Chancellor & Chief Executive,

We are writing to you to express our extreme disappointment at our University’s decision to charge the maximum top-up fees to all students on all courses after 2006. It is the opinion of the students, as expressed through their representatives at Union Council, that those studying at this institution do not support the Government’s introduction of variable top-up fees. It is also quite clear that the decision to remove the word ‘variable’ has already been taken.

The Students’ Union also does not believe that the students and staff of the University of Surrey should be informed about our institution’s policy on topics of this magnitude through the local and national press.

We are also embarrassed that our University made public your decision prior to the Commons vote on the proposed Education Bill and without any consultation with the student body

With the decisions you have taken having such huge implications on the future. lives of every student who will put their trust in UniS to educate them - it is deeply regrettable that the opinions of current students (and staff) have been disregarded without a thought.

Those students undertaking science and engineering based undergraduate courses will welcome the introduction of scholarships to encourage participation in those areas where participation is low. Those students who do not fall under that category will undoubtedly seek to know why the university believes that only these areas are worth subsidising.

The Students’ Union have organised a Question and Answer session to which students, MPs, the NUS President and members of University management have been invited, and we are awaiting responses from the senior management of our University.

Therefore we openly invite you and the Deputy Vice Chancellor to a meeting with our elected representatives as part of an extra ordinary meeting of the Union Executive to discuss the current situation and the nature of future decisions to be taken on this issue.

We believe that those people who make up the true fabric of the University of Surrey should be heard and that the students deserve to express their concerns over decisions that will effect the long-term success of our institution.

We look forward to your swift response. The Students of the University of Surrey 2 NEWS 29 January 2004 Ayes to the right, 316. Nos to the left, 311. EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 As the Education Bill passes its fi rst vote through parliament by a majority of only fi ve votes, those against Editor in Chief Top Up fees react with the mantra - ‘the fi ght is far from over’. Sarah Butterworth comms @ussu.co.uk BY PHILIP HOWARD voted through its thrid reading, it will go to NEWS EDITOR the Lords, and the process will begin again. Editor NUS and other groups opposed to the bill Chris Ward AT FIFTEEN MINUTES past seven on Tuesday will campaign through each of these stages: cs21cw 27th January, the Prime Minister returned to “It’s only the second reading - for us the @surrey.ac.uk the chamber smiling. At twenty minutes past fi ght is far from over” said Mandy Telford, seven the verdict came; the bill has a second president of the NUS. Rebel MP Ian Gibson Deputy Editor reading. had this to say: “I will never sleep until I Neil Christie The bill has been used by groups who get rid of variable fees.” However, few ms33nc still have the Iraq bone to pick with Blair, politicians expect much resistance to the @surrey.ac.uk by groups who want to weaken the Blair further stages of the bill after such a high premiership, by groups who want to push profi le second reading debate. Deputy Editor forward Brown as the next Prime Minister, Last minute attempts were made by many Ben Berryman by groups who want to show New Labour students to swing some of the fl oating MPs; ma91bb up as a party divided, by generally unhappy a number of Surrey students joined a lobby @surrey.ac.uk backbenchers. And some groups who are on Tuesday to convince ministers not to actually concerned with higher education. allow the bill through. The bill still has a distance to go in Senate House’s stance on the bill was Music Editor Parliament, however. Having passed announced on Friday, when it was revealed Matt Badcock its second reading, it will be referred that the full £3000 fee would be charged on ms01mb to a committee for a clause-by-clause all courses, with additional bursaries to be @surrey.ac.uk examination. A fortnight later, the made available for science, engineering and committee will report its decisions back to technology courses. This had been predicted Music Editor the Commons, and the bill will undergo the by many, as Surrey looks towards increasing Jon Allen third reading debate and vote, this time on funding, and a greater proportion of overseas bs21ja the fi nal form of the bill. Should the bill be and postgraduate students. @surrey.ac.uk

Film Editor Neil Boulton cs21nb USSU Rebukes Senate House @surrey.ac.uk

BY PHILIP HOWARD university’s decision was issued on Tuesday: continue on to postgraduate level: “Are we Theatre Editor NEWS EDITOR “The University of Surrey Students’ left to rely on our International colleagues, Daisy Clay Union (USSU) believes that the proposed already overcharged for the quality of their ps21dc A PR BATTLE was waged earlier this Education Bill wil only serve to extend education?” @surrey.ac.uk week when the Union reacted to Friday’s further the gap between those students with Much of the Union’s reprimand is centred announcement of full fees on all courses. The the ability to pa for their education and those on two points. Firstly, the lack of bursaries university issued a press release detailing a who have the academic potential.” for Arts students, leaving Music, Dance, Literature Editor Jennifer Walker new bursary scheme to provide up to £1500 Union President Pete Tivers gave his Language and Law students out in the to students from poorer backgrounds, opinion in the Press Release, saying: “We cold, and threatening the university’s ph21jw @surrey.ac.uk and additional £1500 scholarships for have alread seen a steady decline in the standing in these areas. Secondly, the students applying for science, engineering nmber of home students attending the decision to announce that there would be no and technology courses. The university University from outside the region. It difference in fee based on the costs of the News Editor announced the new schemes and its support appears to us that as a research intensive courses, and that instead a full £3000 fee Philip Howard for the full fee on Friday, days before the University, these proposals neither serve the would be charged across the board without ph02ph vote in Parliament as to whether the bill interest of the Undergraduate nor the future consultation of the student body. @surrey.ac.uk would pass its second reading. Postgraduate population.” Barefacts’ own News Editor will be talking The Union replied with the letter to the VC USSU’s Vice President for Education and to the VC today, in an attempt to get a clearer Sports Editor which can be found on the front page of this Welfare, Claire Iles, believes that the full view of his picture of the future of UniS. Peter Nichols issue, and a press release condemning the fee will harm the numbers of students who cs11pn @surrey.ac.uk surrey students and executive offi cers in barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is london for the lobby published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union CONTRIBUTORS of parliament on Communications Office. tuesday 27th january The views expressed within the paper are those of individual Matt Adams Matt Fisher authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Aaron Bebington Chris Hunter Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the Andy Blair Catherine Lee University of Surrey. Jay Butcher Carol Main This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, Liz Cannon Laura Robinson stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express Dave Chapman Richard Sharp permission of the publisher beforehand. Natalie Day Debra Smith All submissions must include the author’s name and Union Scott Farmer Sandeep Sohal or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. Michael Field Arvind Virdee Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published. barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Design & Layup: [email protected] WWW.USSU.CO.UK Sarah Butterworth © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003 Pete Nichols | Chris Ward Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers Ben Berryman | Neil Christie Peterborough photo: chris hunter Tel: 01733 424949 29 January 2004 NEWS 3 Senate House Announces Surrey Student in Hospital Bursay Scheme with Meningitis

BY PHILIP HOWARD related courses such as maths. Considering BY NEIL CHRISTIE very rapidly – so if there’s any doubt, it’s NEWS EDITOR the university on a school-by-school basis, DEPUTY EDITOR best to get yourself checked out. this would suggest that the SoE, SEPS and Early symptoms include a rash, vomiting, A NEW BURSARY scheme has been announced SBMS students could receive funding. A SECOND YEAR student has fallen ill with a severe headache, and stiff neck, joint, and by the powers that be alongside their Many EIHMS courses are already funded meningoccoccal infection and there have back pains. If these symptoms are NOT intention to charge the full £3000 fee for all by the NHS, leaving the School of Human been numerous posters and letters sent relieved by paracetomol you must consult courses. Sciences and the School of Arts seemingly round to all students of the University in a doctor. The press release announced: “Scholarships out of pocket. Some suspected this was order to raise awareness of the symptoms If you experience disoritentation, or a on academic merit would be made available a sign of the beginning of a slow death of the disease. severe dislike of bright lights then seek for very able students in subjects of national for Surrey’s arts courses as the university As far as this case is concerned, the Surrey medical attention urgently. The University importance such as science, engineering concentrates more on its areas of strength. Health Protection Unit have identifi ed those Health Centre can be contacted on 01483 and technolgy. The university will seek to At a meeting on Friday, however, the School people who have had contact with the 689 051 or #9 9051 from your campus enhance the scholarship fund with support of Arts was in no way being ignored or left student in the week prior to confi rmation room. from industry, as it currently does with the to dwindle, according to attendants. of the illness in order to act swiftly and help of a number of engineering companies. barefacts will bring you more details when counteract any possible problems. UniS would envisage scholarship of up to they become available, but the VC’s motives The germs in this illness are normally £1500.” The £1500 available to the chosen seem clear: “As a research-intensive present in the nose and throat of 10-15% of courses would be in addition to any other university, focused on ‘working for the people and are passed from person to person money made available by the widening world’, we believe we have a responsibility by close contact – intimate or otherwise. access schemes required for the university to support the tecnological base of modern There is no need for alarm, as the risks are to charge the full £3000 fee. society and to develop the skills and insights relatively minor of developing the illness, No mention is made of the exact nature of our students”, Professor Dowling added, but every precaution will still none the less of the bursaries, nor how widely available “We believe that this initiative will assist be taken. they would be. Mention is made of science, with both of these aims.” However it is important to be aware of the engineering and technology, but not of symptoms of the illness for future reference, and be at a heightened level of precaution in the next few days. The disease can develop 100 Bus Route Cancelled

BY MATT ADAMS and the Chief Executive a meeting is to be arranged to discuss the future of the service. SURREY COUNTY COUNCIL have recently Prior to making the decision to withdraw taken the decision to withdraw the Link the service, the Council collected passenger 100 bus service that ran between campus statistics during last summer. As these fi gures and the Friary Bus Station. The decision were collected outside of the Undergraduate not only signifi cantly reduces the public academic year, passenger numbers would transport service available to students of the have been signifi cantly reduced a fact University, but was also taken without any which has led to the University branding consultation with either University staff or the Council’s results as “unsound”, adding students. that “the decision to withdraw the service Before the cancellation of the service, isn’t consistent with the Council’s policy of a total of eleven buses an hour travelled promoting public transport.” between the University and town, fi ve of In order to respond to the Council’s fi ndings Annual Fund Nets £170k which were Link 100 buses. The loss of the University is looking to arrange a student these buses is made even more signifi cant survey of the buses serving campus. The nd BY PHILIP HOWARD students in fi nancial diffi culties will allow since the Link 100 buses offered a direct survey is planned to run from Monday 2 th NEWS EDITOR more students to receive help, and will be service from campus to the Spectrum – Friday 6 February between 8:30 and 18: distributed via the existing system. The Leisure Centre. Following the removal of 30. Volunteers will be paid £5 per hour for as AFTER MANY WEEKS of contacting alumni, VC’s Development Director said “Student the service students now have to catch two many hours as they wish to work during this the University of Surrey Annual Fund has debt and fi nancial hardship are already big buses to make the same journey, one to the time. If you are interested, please leave managed to secure £170,000 in pledges, issues and they will get even greater if the Bus Station, and then make a transfer to your name and contact details with Jackie including many donors choosing to make level of fees rises signifi cantly. Financial another service to get to the leisure centre, Hollis in the USSU Activities Centre. regular gifts. hardship can deter many students from thereby increasing both the time and cost of The money pledged to the Fund will be pursuing a university education.” each journey. used to support students via scholarships Honorary graduate Penelope Keith OBE Despite the University paying several and increased funds for the hardship (yes, the actress) has agreed to be the hundred thousand pounds each year to support system for students with fi nancial Fund’s patron: “I am very excited by the support public bus services in Guildford, diffi culties. A proportion will go towards ambitions for the Annual Fund - it will the fi rst that UniS offi cials heard about improving “the learning experience of all provide scholarships and where necessary, the cancellation was not from the County students through enhancement of some fi nancial assistance, to attract the best Council, but from the students who are now specifi c campus facilities such as the students to Surrey, particularly those who faced with a reduced service. Acting upon library” according to a press release issued may not have the chance to study without these reports from passengers the University in December. such assistance.” sent a letter to the Chief Executive of the A Disbursement Committee will meet in Council to strongly state their objections April to distribute the Fund. The increase in news | [email protected] to the withdrawal of the service. As a result the amount of money available to support of the dialogue between University offi cials 4 COMMENT 29 January 2004 Letters to barefacts Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. opinion Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected] ‘New Year, New You’ at UniSport? Surrey Students Dear barefacts, where Surrey appears to hold the ‘Trump card’, is the issue of ‘A free T-shirt’ upon joining. I searched long and In response to the above titled article, I am amazed hard for similar Universities, which offer such a ‘golden Fight to the End and indeed outraged that Unisport have the audacity to handshake’ but will have to confess defeat. advertise the use of their already over-subscribed, over- So what exactly are Surrey students getting this year, We went to Westminters, we lobbied the MPs, and we made crowded, and over-priced Gym. This gym, described in the for £70 that they weren’t getting last year, for £45? I fail our voices heard one of the most important education issues article as being; ‘..one of the best value sports cards of any to see the economic justifi cation for a white T-shirt with in recent years. Here is a day to remember - Tuesday 27th University in Britain’ www.Unisport.co.uk printed on the front costing £25, other January in pictures. Unquestionably begs the question; ‘Just how expensive than that the Unisport administration have the fi nancial are the other Universities’ Gyms? management of a new born child. I endeavoured, as the author of this article apparently A price rise of such outrageous arrogance is in no way failed to do (as he was, one can only imagine, writing synonymous with the current state of the Unisport gym. I purely on the; revenue-maximising, quality-diminishing have seen no additional equipment, no improved facilities brainwashing hypnotism he was no doubt subject to by or anything else for that matter which would in some way this Universities ever present ‘Fat-cat’ administration), justify the £25 infl ation, other than the annoyance of having and research into various other Universities’ annual gym to swipe my card at the top of the stairs and walk straight membership. My results are captivating and are outlined into the door on the way down because I have to press a below by some of the more notorious Universities, taken as secret button. I’d rather pay £25 for a slap in the face from an overview of ‘Britain’: a Rainbow trout. Cambridge University Gym membership - £30 New year, new you? Or is it more a case of new year, poor Oxford University Gym membership - £40 you!!! Aston University Gym membership - £35 London South bank University Gym membership - £40 YOURS SINCERELY, Imperial college London Gym membership - £30 AN ANGRY STUDENT Kings College London Gym membership - £30 Bradford University Gym membership – For a deatiled reply to this letter No membership fee. Use of 25m swimming pool from Dave Chapman, Vice President These prices include use of all facilities, with students Sports, see next week’s issue of incurring no extra cost when/if they wish to attend a weekly class. However, one factor, which we must not overlook barefacts

Dear barefacts, Dear barefacts,

In response to Neil Christie’s article in last week’s Barefacts, I attended union council on Tuesday evening and a vote was I would like to highlight a few points. Firstly, my article that passed to effectively show the University senior management was, according to him, ‘how to be a pikey’ simply wasn’t so. how disgusted the students are with the fact that the union The headline ‘It pays to be a pikey’ was added by the editorial knew nothing of the University’s decision to charge the full team (something I approved of) and was just to highlight £3,000 to all students when top-up fees are implemented. the extreme point of my argument. However, that article My point is, is it that surprising? The University is, had nothing to do with the recent one I wrote in support of most probably, run much like a business. They will try paying more for our education. The former article was a and get all the money they can in order to function as best light-hearted view of student fi nances aimed at exposing how as possible. The University would charge the maximum students complain about having so little money but can be amount regardless of what the union said to them, so why wasteful. Whilst it was light-hearted and possibly satirical, would a consultation matter? The University wouldn’t it had no connection to my most recent article. They are set seek permission from the union, they’d simply tell them in totally different and unrelated contexts. One was about they’re charging the full amount. The decision is a fi nancial being careful with money when we don’t have it; the other one to be made – the union has no say in these matters was about paying more for our benefi ts when we are able. whatsoever. Thus, I would like to clarify that my writing of the ‘pikey’ So although I do agree it’s a complete slap in the face from article does not render me a hypocrite by writing the top up the senior management of the University, and that students fees article. are simply the pawns that make the University function I hope that one person’s misinterpretation of the two – fi rstly, is it really that surprising how the University acted, does not undermine and detract from what I intended and secondly what can we hope to achieve? to be a carefully constructed and factual argument. As students we can protest, whine, and complain – but the fact is, as pointed out by Neil Christie and Paul Sanderson YOURS SINCERELY, in last week’s barefacts – Higher Education is underfunded. PAUL SANDERSON Until there’s another way of raising the cash, as students we can expect to be shafted fi nancially by the government, To get your letter Universities, and anyone else who doesn’t have enough cash. published in barefacts, It’s frustrating beyond recognition, but the students have email it in to barefacts no say anymore. photos by chris hunter at the usual address - [email protected] - by REGARDS friday 30th january at 5pm barefacts | be heard ANOTHER SHAFTED STUDENT 29 January 2004 COMMENT 5 Does UniS Really Care? Sarah Butterworth puts forward her reasons to believe that despite a convincing facade, the University of Surrey cares more about its image and financial status than its students.

I’ll come right out with it. I believe that £3,000 fees for every course, only offering right now, the University of Surrey, despite bursaries to ‘poorer students’ studying so many complex facades, does not care science or engineering. For the last three about its students, or at least the majority years as a student in Surrey’s amazing of them. I have been at Surrey since Music Department, I have always suffered September 1999, for four years as a student slightly from being in the relatively and the last seven months as a Sabbatical misunderstood minority of ‘arts students’. Offi cer in the Students’ Union. I’ve always Yes, Surrey is a science University and been the kind of person who wants to fi nd always has been, but it is not 100% science out about anything and everything, and – the School of Arts is thriving. But I fear have been able to entertain my friends with that it is only downhill from here. I studied random facts about the University for years, music because I love the subject and but the past seven months have taught me wanted to learn as much as I could about more than I’ve ever known in the years it. I am currently around £14,000 in debt, before now. Actually, more truthfully, it has but in 10 years time I would owe around served to confi rm some of my fears about £23,000 after my degree. People do not go the University. Don’t get me wrong, I love to University simply to get a highly paid the University of Surrey – it has provided job, and the prospect of owing £23,000 me with the best years of my life, I’ve made by the time you’re 21 will, in my opinion, some amazing friends here, and of course it put many, if not the majority of people awarded me my degree back in June 2003 off studying arts subjects. By saying they – but from where I’m standing, there are will only offer bursaries to scientists and some gaping fl aws. engineers (who already have on offer a As you will probably know, unless you’ve range of scholarships by various research been living under a rock by the lake for the institutes), the University is sending out past few years, there has been much in the a very strong message that they only news recently about the impending Top Up care about you if you’re study something fees. At the last Union council a motion Union in the past year (and there have been My fears were going some way to being ‘proper’ like Physics, or Electrical was passed almost unanimously against Top many – think DAVE, V, a national award confi rmed. This was meant to be a video to Engineering. In other words, the ones who Up fees. We are all supposedly intelligent for barefacts...) were mentioned. show the achievements of the University ultimately are more likely to stay on at the people (after all, we’re at University, are In the presentation of the accounts I was over the past year, but where was the University and make it even more money we not?) and no one disputes that Higher intrigued to hear that the University are Students’ Union, and more importantly, by their research. Law? Languages? Music? Education needs more money, but putting actively seeking to increase the number of where were the students? We are the core Well – tough on you, because Surrey just 21 year old graduates in more thousand international student because they bring of this University – without students, there doesn’t care enough to support you. pounds of debt that their years in this in more money that home students. It’s would be nothing. My ultimate gripe is the way the Students’ world, is wrong. But no sooner had this something I’ve always suspected might be Then followed the Vice Chancellor’s Union and its students found out about motion been passed did we start hearing true, but it shocked me that the University speech. Alas, there was not a single the University’s plans for top up fees. mentions from the University management cited money as a reason for becoming even mention of USSU in here either. From the Claire Iles, a fellow Sabbatical Offi cer was that “UniS supports the Education Bill”. more international. But that was only the fi rst minute, I could feel the other student doing her shopping in One Stop, when the But who exactly are UniS? Surely by beginning... representatives around me bristling. As the announcement came on during the news on its nature the University is its students? Following the accounts, the lights were words “Last night we celebrated Chinese 96.4 the Eagle. The Students’ Union is here Recently, students from Selwyn College dimmed and the same predictable but New Year with over 1,000 students” passed to represent students, and to ensure that Cambridge wrote an open letter to a strangely catchy music that is always the VC’s lips, Pete (President) and I turned they have their say on important matters national newspaper publicly distancing used for University videos came across to each other, shocked beyond belief. The within the University. And what could be themselves from their Vice Chancellor’s the speakers. The Court video 2004 was Chinese New Year celebrations a week more important than the future of student insistent remarks that “Cambridge is in swish, although I guess it should be seeing ago were run entirely by the Students’ fees? Yes we fi nd out by hearing local radio favour of Top Up Fees”. I feel more and that we have our own TV studio which Union, funded and coordinated by us and news?! The President sits on the majority more inclined to do the same. students aren’t even allowed to use, but many students from various international of the high up University committees for Last Friday I attended the annual as it came to a close something hit me. societies. And to hear the person at the head this purpose alone – to give a student voice meeting of the Court of the University Where were the students? The video of the University take credit for something amongst the University management. Yet as an Undergraduate representative. For started with details of various groups of that we all worked so hard for saddened me on this matter, the most crucial of all, there many of the University management and people who had visited the University no end. was no student consultation whatsoever. Professors, this meeting is the highlight of over the past year (mostly obscure sports His speech was interesting (but then I So, I put it to you, whilst putting my the University year, where the accounts and teams from around the world) and places am a bit of a University-fact-geek), but neck on the line. The University is giving Annual Report are presented to an audience that the senior management had visited come the end there had still been almost out the resounding message that it does of invited guests. I attended last year, as an to ‘sign agreements with’ (what are these no mention of the students who make this not care about its students, does not listen Undergraduate representative again, and agreements, I wonder?). Then it moved on place tick. I could just have well been to its students, and is going to do its own was interested to hear the Vice Chancellor to various notable events of the past year sitting in front of a presentation by a thing regardless of their opinions. I think say, when questioned, that Universities such as prizes won by senior Professors, company whose sole aim is to make money the senior management need to take a step needed more funding but he was concerned 2003 Honorary Graduates and suchlike. and glorify its staff. I have huge amounts back and remember why they are here. We that “debt levels could deter young people The only mention of students within the of faith in the University, and I will still are the students, we are the University, and from fi rst degree study”. I wanted to hear whole fl ashy fi ve minutes were a whole fi ve defend it to the very end, but I am fi nding they are here for us, not vice versa. this year, whether his line had changed at seconds dedicated to three students on the this convection slipping away fast. all. I was also interested to fi nd out whether Elite Sports Programme. Five seconds out Possibly the fi nal nail in the coffi n has any of the achievements by the Students’ of fi ve minutes – shocking. been the University’s decision to charge [email protected] 6 THE BIG VOTE 29 January 2004

On Monday of this week, nominations opened for the 2004 Union Elections. The people standing in these elections are students just like you, and you too can be part of it. To be a Sabbatical Officer you don’t need any previous Union experience, just enthusiasm and good ideas. It’s a full time job, from the beginning of June 2004 to the end of June 2005, with a salary of around £12,000, free food in Chancellor’s every day and a host of other benefits. It gives you amazing experience of running an organisation from the very top, and the work is varied and exciting. There are 6 positions you can run for - President, and 5 Vice Presidents for Communications and Marketing, Education and Welfare, Postgraduate Affairs, Societies and Culture and Sports. Pick up a nomination pack from around campus or come and have a chat with any of the current Sabbaticals for more information.

What are sabbatical positions? Vice President societies & culture Sabbatical positions are full time positions Vice President in the Union. Any student who is a student As VP Societies & Culture you will get to organise some of the largest events of the Sports at Surrey can stand. If you are a first year, Students’ Union calendar, including Freshers’ Fayre, International week, and Arts midway through your course or you are in Funnily enough, Vice President Sport, & Culture week. Using Freshers Fayre as an example, you will have to put in a lot your final year you can stand. is responsible for all sporting activities of time and energy to decide how best to use the floor space, encourage societies As a team, Sabbaticals are responsible at Surrey. It is important, however, to participate, secure resources, work with the VP Sports to fully involve the sports and held accountable for the entire to remember that as a Sabbatical, clubs, and promote it to Freshers through Union media and other avenues. It’s a lot Union. They make day-to-day decisions you are also expected to invest time of work, but very rewarding and gives you a lot of confidence. For Arts and Culture about all levels of your Union’s activities. and effort on general Union issues. week, and International Week you will work closely with other Union officers, such as A rough guideline is 2/3 sport, 1/3 the Culture and Events Officer, and International Officer. Specifically, you will union. A good example of a non- Day to day you will regularly have students popping in to see you, and each new • Serve as a member of the sport related issue I have worked on is student brings a different issue for you to work on. The majority of queries are Executive Committee Lights. Camera. Action. financially related (for example, “how can I get extra funding for my society to do X”), • Serve as a member of the The majority of your time will be however you will also be asked advice on events societies wish to run, ways of getting Finance and the Staffing spent helping out a number of the new members, issues with society members, and sometimes issues with the University. committee 42 clubs which are currently active You will be responsible for coordinating Societies Standing Committee and working • Be responsible for the day to day or some of the 7 clubs currently with the Societies Officer on Union Executive and the Societies Executive to help direction of the Union trying to get started. A major task for develop and work with societies to achieve their aims. • Work within the Equal the summer period before the new For this role you will need to be friendly and interested in people and there is a lot opportunities policy of the Union academic year starts is dealing with of scope for you to be creative and take the initiative in solving problems. You will • Serve as Trustee of the Union club budget requests. Although you need to be fair to all societies, not giving special treatment to those you have been a • Develop and implement a plan will have a large budget to work with, past member of. The biggest challenge here is the dividing up of the society part of of activities with the rest of the it is a tough task to allocate it fairly. the yearly subvention we get from the university between all 75 societies! Executive You can also look forward to BUSA This job is very varied, and if you would like to know more about what the job • Involve students in areas of your Conference. If you don’t come from involves and what is expected of you, then come and speak to Chris Hunter about it. work a competitive club, this is your chance • Be responsible to General to receive substantial training on BUSA Meeting, Union Council and procedures to get you up to speed. It Union Committees also offers you a chance to meet other Vice President postgraduate affairs sports officers from around the country and more importantly from the South Benefits of Office This is arguably the most challenging and exciting role in this set of elections. The vice • You will receive an annual Central division of BUSA. Another president postgraduate affairs will be the lynch pin bringing postgraduate students to job for the summer will be to start allowance of around £11,800. the heart of student representation and the students’ union. • You will receive comprehensive organizing the “sports half” of Freshes The successful candidate will have the opportunity to mould the role into a major Fayre. It takes a lot of planning, but training for your role and representative force within the university structures. Essentially you will have the chance responsibilities. as the major opportunity for clubs to to survey the postgraduate student community on their university experiences in order recruit is worth every effort. • You will receive a free meal in to prioritise their needs, represent the interests of Postgraduate students to the Executive Chancellor’s every day. An exciting area that you can expect and to the University; monitor provision for, and quality of, Postgraduate studies at the to work on is the development of University of Surrey; Campaign for better facilities for Postgraduate students. sports facilities at Manor Farm. There You will develop advanced skills in: You will also support, guide and inform postgraduate students on academic appeals, • Leadership is huge potential in this area and it is complaints and grievances; Co-ordinate postgraduate inductions throughout the something which we must not loose • Communication year; Improve the courses by providing representation on University Committees; • Teamwork touch with. If the University do not Work closely with the Vice-President Education & Welfare and other Union officials know what the students need, then we • Planning with regard to relevant campaigns; Develop training opportunities and support • Problem Solving will just have to make do with whatever mechanisms for postgraduate programme reps; Liase with the National Postgraduate they think we need. This is just one • Presentation Committee; and Develop the unions support mechanisms for postgraduate students • Motivating others area on which you will be working whilst continuing to work with and support the postgraduate association. closely with UniSPORT. This is one of the first full-time positions solely committeed to representing What do I do next? As many of you will be aware, there is postgraduate students within UK Students’ Unions, fully supported by the Students’ also quite a lot of work on making sure Complete this attached nomination form Union, Postgraduate Students Association and the National Postgraduate Committee. and return it to Union Reception by Fri 6th everyone takes part in sport at Surrey For more information on the role of Vice President Postgraduate Affairs, pop into the safely. A substantial effort has been Feb 2004. Students’ Union and speak to Claire Iles, Vice President Education and Welfare, or If you are just interested, come along made this year, which should mean Scott Farmer. you have more time to spend on other, to DAVE’s thinking of standing session at Can you afford not to take up this exciting and challenging role? 6pm on Thursday 29nd January. more interesting, things. 29 January 2004 THE BIG VOTE 7

nus conference delegates

As one of Surreys 7 NUS conference delegates you get a free trip to sunny blackpool for 4 days of your easter holiday. This year it takes place from 29th March to 1st April again at the only place in the UK to hold the event, The Winter Gardens. NUS Conference is the sovereign body of the National Union of Students and is responsible for the election of the new full time officers as well as the part time block of 12 national executive members. Who succeeds Mandy Telford as the National President will be decided there! You will also get to scrutinise the finances of the NUS as well as the budgets for 2004/5. There will also be the opportunity to debate and ultimately set what the National Executive of NUS do in 2004/5 through the policy debates which take up the majority of conference time. Generally there are about 3 major policy items that get discussed each year. There will also be the possibility of emergency motions put to conference as well as a guest speaker. However NUS Conference isn’t all work and when the conference floor closes its on to the evening entertainments exclusively organised for delegates and then back to several of the hotel bars on the way home. With over 1000 other student representatives you are bound to have a great time with very little sleep. Deputy Returning Officer Scott Farmer comments, “I went to NUS Conference with my University Union 4 times and enjoyed every minute of it. It has something for everyone. Even if you are not into politics in a great deal it gives you a tremendous insight into one of the biggest representative organisations in Europe. Just make sure you buy friends and family the obligatory stick of rock!”

If you want more information on being an NUS Conference ] delegate contact Scott Farmer on 01483 683951 or email [email protected]. [[1]1 charity trustee declaration

There is a substantial body of government legislation and case law concerned with our activities and with the conduct of the Executive Committee, who are our trustees.

Below are a list of circumstances which may prevent you from becoming a trustee.

You are not allowed to be a trustee if you:- nomination form • Are under 18 years of age. • Have been convicted at any time of any offence involving deception or dishonesty, unless the conviction is legally regarded as spent; or This form should be handed in to: Jacqui Hollis or Scott Farmer • Are an undischarged bankrupt; or th No nominations will be accepted after 1pm on Friday 6 February 2004 • Have made compositions with your creditors and have not been discharged; or • Have at any time been removed by the Commissioners or by the Court in England, Name of Candidate: Wales or Scotland from being a trustee because of misconduct; or • Are disqualified from being a company director; or Course/Programme: • Have failed to make payments under the county court administrators’ orders. UniS Card Number (7 digits): You may not be employed as student staff during your term of office. I wish to stand for the position of: If you are in any doubt about your eligibility to act as a trustee you should either seek your own legal You will need to get a list of 5 students who wish to nominate you to stand for this position. advice or contact the Charity Commissioners. Please make sure that this is filled in carefully. I have read and understood the criteria (above) for being a trustee and confirm that I am eligible to become a trustee in the event that I am elected. Name Signature UniS Card No. 1. Name: 2. Date of borth: 3. Address 4. Position standing for: 5. Signature: Date: Declaration I am a student at Surrey and a member of the students’ union. I am willing to stand for the position of ……………...... …… on the students’ union executive. Contact details: For Office Use Name of Candidate: I will abide by the constitution, election rules and equal opportunities policy of the union. Position Standing for: Signed: Contact Telephone Number: Date: Contact Address: Contact Email: 8 UNION 29 January 2004 GU2 - SHOW PROFILE Just a Rock Show: Reloaded

2003 was a great year for Just A Rock Show. 2003 being spent in Canada, as part of his With GU2 now on the web, JARS has been degree, and then with his fi nal semester in broadcasting to listeners up and down the 2004, DB had made the decision to leave country, and even as far out as Vancouver on JARS. But……… the west coast of Canada, where old J-Team Once GU2 was launched worldwide via the member “The Drummer Boy” had been for internet, DB would listen to JARS from Sept Sieze the Day all of 2003. 2003 until the last show on Dec 9th. That Filling in for the Drummer Boy, along was it! Once he heard it, he was hooked. Out of the most popular new year resolutions, ‘getting involved in the local community/ side Steed for Just A Rock Show last year, There was no way he wasn’t gonna get back doing something to help others/ volunteering.. etc etc..’ features at number 5 of the all was DangerMouse, a regular on the show to JARS. He wanted it back! time faves!.. so the chances are that this was one of your thoughts for 2004?.. sooo before from Sept 2002, who was asked by DB not And so folks, it’s set. The DrUmMeRbOy January 2004 disappears forever, why not seize the day and get involved! to let Steed do the show alone for fear of has returned, and this time he’s got long expansion of his ego (only kidding, matey!). hair! There are loads of opportunities – in fact whatever you want to do, I will try my hardest DM has been an excellent replacement, Just A Rock Show:RELOADED hit the to fi nd the volunteering opportunity tailor made for you! I know that there are lots of picking up where DB left, in the fact that airwaves last Tuesday, and promises to be fi nancial and work pressures on you, but maybe start the new year by re-prioritising and he’s able to correct Steed whenever he has better than ever, for its fi nal ever semester thinking about what you want to get out of your time at UniS as well as your degree. “a Steed moment” (known as a “Steedism”). on GU2. Presenting the show will be: DJ Unlike DB’s approach at arguing with Steed “Stallion” Steed, DangerMouse, and the all Opposite my offi ce in the USSU activity centre I have two fl ip-charts with 70 organisations live on air (like an old married couple), DM new DrUmMeRbOy!! and opportunities up for grabs in the local community, and if you are looking for something simply uses his dry wit, which is absolutely You can listen to JARS:RELOADED further a fi eld I have information on that too, or will fi nd it out for you! There is also a hilarious. every Tuesday night, from 7 till 9pm, student volunteering conference in Coventry at the end of February. Please contact me for The end of the year show for JARS in Dec on 1350AM, or listen live online at more information. 2002 was an emotionally one for both Steed www.gu2.co.uk. (Also, don’t forget, that and the Drummer Boy. It was likely that DB GU2 goes FM as of mid-February. Watch I have an email list of people who see the most up to date information and one off would not be returning to GU2 after 3 years this space for more details later on). opportunities, and if you would like to be added to that then just let me know! Maybe you of presenting on the radio with Steed. With words: aaron bebington already do something free with your time already – well let me know, and as with everyone else who lets me know that they exist – you will receive a free, and very funky limited edition keyring! Every Tuesday, 7-9pm

The picture below shows some UniS students and staff before Christmas when we went on 1350AM GU2. Carol singing at a local hospital day centre.

Name | Carol Main Tel | (01483) (68) 3254 Email | [email protected] Web | www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU 29 January 2004 UNION 9 Are You on Placement? Now is Your Chance .... then you can still vote in the Sabbatical elections In the light of recent events at parliament, USSU Chairperson Jay Butcher, tells you how you can find out exactly what the This year USSU are operating a postal voting system so that even if you’re not around University, NUS and the Government are planning to do in Guildford at the time of the elections, you can still have yours say on who are going to be the next team of Sabbatical Officers. All you need to do is cut out the form How much of the debate about Top-Up fees all at the same time. Primarily the Question below, or download one from the elections section on www.ussu.co.uk and send it, do you know? What is the University’s Time is going to be regarding the issue of along with a photocopy of your Union card to Scott Farmer, at the address at the stance on Top-Up Fees? Where do the Top-Up Fees, although the vote on whether bottom of the form. main Political parties stand on student- or not Top-Up Fees will be introduced has based issues? Did you know that in the offi cially occurred there are still many To find out about the candidates standing for election, and to make your decisions future the University is intending to provide issues around this topic that remain. At about who to vote for, check the Union website from Friday 13th February to see more fi nancial help to students enrolled on the moment the Government is trying to candidates’ manifestos online, or view them in barefacts the following week. You will “…subjects of national importance…”such exclude students from most of the benefi ts also be able to watch the webcast of Question Time on Thursday 19th February, and as Science, Engineering and Technology? of a Housing Bill they’ve proposed. can even ask questions to them online. If you don’t know the full facts about Essentially though it is YOUR Question these contentious issues then this is your Time and YOU have the freedom to ask The Sabbatical elections are one of the most important times of year for the Students’ opportunity to ask the powers that be whatever you like! Union - afterall, they are deciding who will be running the organisation for the coming questions on anything that you want to I hope to see as many of you there as year. Every single student has a vote in the elections, and can run as a candidate. know about. On Monday 2nd February possible...Lecture Theatre F, Monday 2nd USSU is holding a Question Time in February at 6pm. To find out more information about Elections 2004 then contact any of the Sabbatical Lecture Theatre F from 6PM. There will Officers, or Scott Farmer, Deputy Returning Officer, at [email protected]. be representatives from the NUS, Liberal Democrat and Conservative Political remember - election Remember to send off your application form to arrive at the Union by Friday 13th Parties and also the University attending nominations close February, and you must include a photocopy of your Union card. You will recieve your so you really can grill some of the most at 1pm on Friday 6th postal ballot during the week of Monday 16th February. infl uential people involved in student life February!

USSU RAG magazine - available around campus and from the Students’ Union NOW! note: RAG week will now take place at the end of semester instead of in week 3.

Postal Vote Registration Form

This registration form must be with the Deputy Returning Officer by Midday Friday 13th February.

Postal vote forms will be sent out on Monday 16th February

If you have not received your paper by the end of Friday 20th February you should contact Scott Farmer, Deputy Returning Officer.

Postal votes are issued for the following reason only:

The student will be unable to attend the university during the period of voting

I declare that I will be unable to attend the university during the preiod of voting

Signed:______

Name: ______

Address postal vote will be sent to: ______

Course: ______

Campus Card Number: ______

Reason for Request______

FOR OFFICE USE ONLY Period when student Issued by Date is not at university

Please ensure you have enclosed a copy of your campus card! and return to: Scott Farmer, Deputy Returning Officer, University of Surrey Students’ Union, Union House, Guildford, Surrey. GU2 7XH

29 January 2004 PROFESSIONAL 11 “I Had the Time of My Life” - You Can Too Laura Robinson tells you of the adventure that is Camp America, and how you can get involved as well.

Now, I don’t know what you’re doing this camp counsellor, based at Camp Pinetree, of the counsellors put together (One lad London summer, but as a dance placement student Boca Raton in Florida. announced on his 7th birthday that he’d just Saturday 7th February 10am-4pm I will be desperately trying to scrape Now children have never been my been given a yacht!) Sunday 8th February 11am-4pm some cash together while at the same time favourite thing in the world, and neither has Both the facilities and the food were Olympia Conference Centre living off Tesco value tinned spaghetti fake American enthusiasm (‘Gee kids- that excellent and the international staff were Hammersmith Road, London W14 8UX and peaches. Last summer was a little bit was just excellent…You’re the tops!!!!), treated so well by the camp director. For Nearest tube: Hammersmith different though… so it’s understandable that my house mates example, in our spare time we were given Bring with you… 30th May saw the last night of the union, questioned my decision (‘you’re doing opportunities to Jet Ski around Key West, • 2 passport sized photos and after a hedonistic night fi lled with what?!!’). But after 10 weeks of teaching sunbathe on Miami’s South Beach and • 2 current references- signed and dated classic disco cheese, bizarre varieties of dance to some really fantastic kids, meeting conquer the many roller coasters at Busch • Deposit fee of £51.00 reef and burning Tesco trolleys by the some great people from across the world Gardens…. not bad for a summer job really. • Certifi cates or photographs to support lake, most normal people fell into bed not and all of this under the blistering Florida On top of that I got to experience the true your application wanting to wake up any earlier than at least sunshine… well you can understand my American lifestyle (not involving as many • Proof of ID with photo e.g. passport or 6pm the following day. I on the other hand change of heart. burgers as you think…), go to a drive-in driving license fell into bed, woke up 2 hours later, got Boca Raton is the Surrey of Florida; movie and experience my fi rst tornado! • If possible a completed application form on a plane to Miami and spent the next 3 overpriced and full of wealthy, beautiful Anyway, after a tearful farewell to my which can be downloaded from the Camp months in the States! people. The mum’s looked something fellow counsellors, I embarked on a two America website www.campamerica.co.uk Yes, I was to become the epitome of all straight out of a Hollywood blockbuster week trek America camping trip up the east (Don’t be put off by all the forms by the that is good and wholesome; an American while the kids had more money than all coast visiting Panama Beach, New Orleans way…it really is worth it in the end) (possibly the best place in the world), Or get in contact with: Great Smokey Mountains, Washington and Camp America, eventually the big apple for 10 days… Dpt CDR02 As you can imagine my friends stopped 37a Queens Gate, emailing me after a couple of weeks due London SW7 5HR to becoming sick with jealousy, so if you Tel: 020 75817373 want to show off this summer here is what www.campamerica.co.uk to do… Probably the best part of all of this is Get yourself to one of these camp fairs that Camp America paid for my fl ights, Manchester my food, my accommodation, and some Wednesday 11th February pocket money. I would recommend this 1pm-5pm to anyone who is sick of working in Top Manchester Town Hall Shop/Man over the summer and wants to Albert Square really achieve something…you’ll never Manchester M60 2JR look back. Dr Russ Replies UniS Library Appeal 2002-3 Is there any way I can get an employer to accepted. You should also demonstrate an sponsor me for postgraduate study? interest in participating in, managing, and Members of the Surrey Alumni Society As it happens there is a ready-made scheme then maybe leading a project of change in a generously contributed to last year’s appeal which combines study with employment. business. for the Library. During the ceremony to It’s called the KTP Scheme which stands open the new Library entrance, Professor for Knowledge Transfer Partnerships. How will it help me with my future Peter Butterworth, the Vice-Chancellor’s Basically, an employer hires you as an career? Development Director, was delighted Associate for a 2-3 year project-based First of all, there is a strong possibility that to present a cheque for £1400.63 to the activity.some of A the lot new of attention friends theis paid Raggies to made at conferenceyou will be able to stay with the company. Library on behalf of the library donors. This your personal development including the Seventy percent are normally offered jobs contribution will provide for the continuous possibility to register for a higher degree by at the end of the project. You might also improvement and development of the library research, usually an MRes or MPhil and for obtain a management qualifi cation (NVQ to benefi t current students, staff, graduates which your fees would be paid. The nice level 4) as well as a higher degree. This, and the local community. Professor Butterworth presenting the cheque to Tom Crawshaw thing is you are paid a market rate salary together with the experience you gain, throughout the duration of the scheme. should make you highly employable if you decide to seek alternative employment at CAREERS EVENTS | SPRING SEMESTER | WEEK 3 What sort of things could I do? the end of the scheme. Typical challenges you could encounter HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW* EMPLOYER PRESENTATIONS WEDNESDAY 4 FEBRUARY as a KTP Associate, depending on your How can I fi nd out more? 2 - 4 pm in LT B COVANCE* qualifi cations, include designing and UniS has a KTP Offi cer who can This workshop is designed to help you develop MONDAY 2 FEBRUARY introducing new or improved products help you. Simply contact Tanya an effective interview technique. In a friendly 6 PM IN LT B or processes, reorganising production Boardman on extension 3484 or email and relaxed way you will have the opportunity to Details of opportunities for biology, chemistry, be interviewed and to be the interviewer. Please biochemistry and related life science graduates and facilities, introducing improved quality her at [email protected]. register with Careers if you want to attend. placement students with this company which does systems and technology, or developing and You can also check their website on contract research for the pharmaceutical industry. implementing marketing strategies to break www.unisdirect.com/whatwedo/ktp. For further information see www.covance.com into new markets. KTP vacancies are often advertised on Please register MARRIOTT HOTELS* www.jobs.ac.uk and there is further *with Careers if you THURSDAY 5 FEBURARY What kind of person are they looking information about the scheme at 6 PM IN LT M

for? www.ktponline.org.uk. wish to attend or email Part of the Whitbread Group, currently looking A good fi rst or postgraduate degree is [email protected] for 70 graduates from any discipline with some experience of hotel work. For further information normally required though as projects vary BY DR RUSS CLARK see www.whitbread.co.uk enormously, a wide range of disciplines are UNIS CAREERS SERVICE Whats On Friday 30th January - 6th February This weeks link http://kittens.sytes.org/

FastFlirt© Tickets Main Union 9pm-2am Featuring Steve Lewis Available from the Shop £2 before 10:30pm £4 afterwards Fri flirt! Guests £5 in advance 12:30 Man U V Soton HRB Late Live in Chancellors 10-2am £2 all night Sat See posters for details 2pm Blackburn V Chelsea 4pm Man City V Arsenal Sun Live in Chancellors The Italian Job

Mon HRB 8pm Karaoke Comedy Chancellors TuTueTuee £3 all night 8pm With Leroy Wilson 90’s Night Main Union 9-2am Citruswhat you want £2 before 10:30 Wed Featuring CLOCK £4 after HRB Bar FTSE Night HRB hancellorsC hallenge Its the quiz of the week. Thu £2 b4 10pm £3 after Chancellors 8pm Fri Trevor&VS Live in theNelsonMain Union Tickets £5 in advance from the Union Shop. More on the Door

WednesdaI y 4ththFeb Featuringe 9CLOC0’K on stages Afro -Caribbean Society & presents Trevor Nelson Main Union Friday 6th Feb Plus VS Live on Stage Tickets £5 in advance from the Union Shop I the 90’s

Citruswhat you want Wednesday 4th Feb Featuring CLOCK on stage LITERATURE FILM Arvind Virdee on Dave Want to know what Gorman’s new glassic good fi lms are on TV - Googlewhack! Think this week, haven’t it sounds interesting? got a TV Guide? Extra Then wait til you read it! Terrestrial brings you all. Lost In Translation Reminiscing about the “big” films of 2003, Richard Sharp, offers his thoughts on one of the first blockbusters to see us into 2004

2003 saw us sitting through the third Lord room and some of the sites of Japan. They of the Rings, actually not falling for Love fi nd a common ground in their loneliness Actually. And having sat through another and disillusionment, and spend time with Lord of the Rings fi lm, and cringing each other browsing the sights, getting at Love Actually, another Hugh Grant drunk, singing karaoke, eating sushi, and and Richard Curtis formulated romantic gradually fall in love but not in the soppy comedy, you start to wonder if the cinema romantic comedy way. has anything slightly original anymore. A This fi lm has some excellent comedy breath of fresh air from all this comes from moments with the two trying to understand “Lost in Translation”, nominated for eight Japanese culture, and it even caters for Bafta awards. “guys who have been dragged along by Starring Bill Murray as a 70’s fi lm star girlfriends” by providing a strip club scene sent to Japan to fi lm a series of Whisky and even being shot at for no apparent Ads, suffering from jet lag, insomnia, a reason. rough patch in his marriage, and a severe Defi nitely a “Film Studies” fi lm and case of culture shock. In-between being nothing really much happens, but you’ll bewildered by Japanese culture, which come away content but not really knowing suffers from a bit of stereotyping but why. If your looking for straight out laughs nothing offensive, he spends his time at or action, go see Scary Movie 3 or Lord of the hotel bar drinking the Whisky he’s the Rings again, but if you fancy something promoting and listening to the Jazz band. different see this. Its here he meets Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson), a newly wed housewife whose See page opposite for husband is in Japan on business and she more on Bill Murray spends her days moping round her hotel Withnail & I by Neil Boulton Classic of the Week It’s the end of the sixties, two struggling actors are are made for cake and the fi nest wines available to trying to survive and hit it big in their notoriously fi ckle humanity. As I said, not much actually happens but it’s a profession. For them, this involves drugs - Most notably great spectacle to watch, the fi lm ably combining humour for Withnail and “I” this would be copious amounts of with a slight dash of despair towards it’s conclusion. alcohol. Withnail is getting cabin fever from their fetid Bruce Robinson’s semi-autobiographical tale of wasted Camden squalor the two decide to go for a break in the existence has found itself cult status, mainly with students, country, wangling some accommodation courtesy of which isn’t really that surprising. Students being drawn to Withnail’s fl amboyant Uncle Monty. So the eccentrically alcohol and procrastination like fl ies to effl uent. Cult status wasted Withnail and the generally nervous and angsty “I” is the kind of thing that leads fi lms to be classic of the week pack themselves up in a beaten up jaguar and head off and as to be expected with fi lms labelled with cult status for rural climbs. Things do not improve with their change near on every other line is quotable and nearly all of those of surroundings and they fi nd themselves wasted in the have been quoted. Most of them about alcohol; Withnail & countryside, running low on booze, food and stuck in the I furnishes us with some very interesting ways to describe a cold. The locals aren’t helping matters; maybe they’ve gone hangover. Although unlike some of the more worrying cult on holiday by mistake. fi lms (Plan 9…) it isn’t rammed to the back teeth with bad Unfortunately when trying to describe the plot of the acting, Richard E. Grant’s portrayal of Withnail is held as fi lm you can’t help but fi nd yourself at a bit of a loss, one of the best on screen drunks in history, which is quite because not that much happens. No complex winding bizarre considering Richard E. Grant’s tee-total tendencies. plot or impending apocalypse, just a fi lm about a random And all those quotable lines I mentioned wouldn’t nearly weekend trip to the country. In parts though it can be best be as quotable if it wasn’t for their outstanding delivery. described as a funny drunken episodic yarn, with hints of Withnail’s character is highlighted even more by I’s far fi sh-out-of-water comedy about it. Wonderful moments more introverted characteristics, which Paul McGann does include incidents with lighter fuel ingestion; interesting a great job of. Similarly Uncle Monty (Richard Griffi ths) cookery improvisation, Uncle Monty’s life-style choice and the calm foolishly sage Danny make for memorable and a drunken run in with the police. Personally I like the characters indeed. Dare to try the fi lm’s drinking game? swaggering trip to the Penryth tea rooms where demands 29 January 2004 FILM 15 Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead

The trend at the moment seems to be to have a one or two good movies on during the week only to through around 3 of them at you on a weekend evening. Slightly annoying, but there are a few storming films for you to cast you eyes over in the coming seven days. A Steven Segal double of overwhelmingly bad acting is countered by an Edward

BY NEIL BOULTON Norton double of quality. So we’re coming FILM EDITOR out even overall - the balance is restored. Sunday 1st February 2004 BBC2 | Keeping The Faith | Edward Norton decided to direct a fi lm, and it’s a romantic 10:00pm – comedy. About priests. Norton plays a catholic priest and Ben Stiller plays a 12:00am rabbi (…sounds like a bad joke), anyway these two childhood friends both end Thursday 29th January 2004 up falling for an old school friend (Jenna Elfman) who reappears in their lives. Five | The Mask Of Zorro | 1998’s big money attempt to make another Zorro fi lm. It’s an odd mix of religion and romantic comedy. That works. 8:00pm – Hopkins’ ageing Zorro recruits Antonio Banderas’ young ruffi an and trains BBC1 | Under Siege | …more Segal… However this is the Segal fi lm that was a hit! 10:40pm him with all the skills he knows for the purpose of avenging misdeeds done 10:15pm – Which is basically Die Hard on a boat, Segal’s Navy Seal Chef has to fi ght off to him many years previous. They also unite to halt one man’s plan to form an 11:55pm Tommy Lee Jones’ crack squad of terrorists when they invade his boat. People individual republic of California. Sword fi ghts and ham are the result. get kicked, stuff blows up – nothing much else to explain. Friday 30th January 2004 Channel 4 | A Life Less Ordinary | More romantic comedy-esque cinema, this time from 10:45pm – Danny Boyle. Ewan McGregor kidnaps Cameron Diaz in a bid to get his job Five | Fire Down Below | Oh dear, more Steven Segal clag… today he’s fi ghting to 12:40pm back from his boss, her father. Then a pair of angels are given the mission to 9:00pm – save the planet as what sounds like a highly unlikely eco-warrior. He has to make the two fall in love. Probably as far from Boyle’s previous fi lms (Shallow 11:05pm track down the man who killed his colleague and crush the industrialist who’s Grave, Trainspotting) as you can get. been poisoning the local water supply. But wait – It gets worse – He sings in this one. New lows may have been reached. Monday 2nd February 2004 Saturday 31st January 2004 Five | Groundhog Day | Sometimes things all line themselves up perfectly, and this 9:00pm - is one of those weeks. Tying in with the Lost In Translation review, one of Channel 4 | As Good As It Gets | Oscar carrying romantic comedy starring Jack Nicholson 11:05pm Bill Murray’s classics happens to pop up on TV. As mentioned elsewhere Bill 9:00pm – and Helen Hunt, a sort-of love story where Waitress meets Obsessive-compulsive Murray’s sarcastic weatherman is trapped in the same day unless he can break 11:35pm homophobic bigot with a bit of an acerbic tongue. Basically. Nicholson gets to the cycle. Great stuff. act grumpy, which he seems to enjoy. Quite good if you like that sort of thing. BBC1 | Lost Highway | David Lynch’s warped psychological thriller where Bill BBC2 | Mansfi eld Park | In contrast to Jack’s easy to swallow fodder above we have a 12:00am - Pulman’s jazz saxophonist is accused of killing his wife, only to turn into a 9:00pm - Jane Austin adaptation. A woman is up ended from her poor surrounding to go 2:00am man named Pete on a completely different path whose life starts to mimic his 10:50pm live with her relatives at the glitzy Mansfi eld Park and as seems to be the case own. Something to get your head round and if that sounds like your cup of tea with these sorts of things she has to choose between love and social duty. Class you’ll enjoy this rather odd fi lm to no end. hypocrisy and the social ladder in costume drama form. BBC1 | Primal Fear | Richard Gere’s a lawyer involved in a case where Edward Norton’s Tuesday 3rd February 2004 10:50pm - choir boy is accused of killing an Archbishop. As the case trundles forward Gere Nothing of interest on today. Read a book. Rent a video. Go to the cinema. See if I care. 12:55am starts to wonder if his client is all that he seems. Yes it’s a courtroom drama, but it’s supposed to be good and Edward Norton seems to shine in whatever fi lm Wednesday 4th February 2004 he’s in. Plus there’s a twist at the end. Apparently. BBC1 | Running Scared | Billy Crystal in a buddy cop comedy styled vehicle, where Channel 4 | Human Traffi c | A fi lm about one very lost weekend set in Britain’s club scene 11:35pm - ever-joking Billy & Pal are trying to retire to Florida and serve out their 11:45pm - (Well, in 1999), where fi ve friends have what’s best described as ‘a bit of a rave- 1:25am months notice. Too bad a local crime boss is trying to make sure they don’t 1:20am up’. Yes it’s set in Cardiff, but don’t let that put you off, what we have here is a make it to their retirement dreams. One liners and set pieces a plenty, what you very interesting piece of social commentary with a very popular soundtrack. expect from a comedy.

Bill Murray Bill was one of the three original members of American comedy institution Saturday Night Live along with Dan Akroyd and John Belushi and then it was pretty much from there that Bill found his way to the big screen. In most of the fi lms he’s been in he stands out as one of the most memorable characters, be he in the lead role or not. He starred in the fi rst attempt to fi lm Hunter S. Thompson’s book ‘Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas’, which was titled Where The Buffalo Roam. Here are a few fi lms where Bill appears to be on top form:

Rushmore (Bill plays industrialist Herman Blume who fi nds himself bizarrely going head-to-head with a 15 year old over a woman’s affections.) Kingpin (Early Farrelly brothers fi lm where Bill plays the lecherous bowler Ernie McCracken) Ghostbusters (Blockbuster where Bill stars as one of the titular Ghost-removers trying to free New York from various paranormal nasties.) Groundhog Day (Bill’s weatherman gets tormented, stuck reliving the same day again and again.) Quick Change (Bill also directed this fi lm… and it would appear to be criminally underrated…It’s an intriguing heist fi lm where after Bill successfully robs a bank dressed as a clown the escape from the city is nowhere near as easy.)

[email protected] 16 LITERATURE 29 January 2004

Google Whack by Dave Gorman LiteratureArvind Virdee reviews a book that’s on a, well, a slightly different tack to normal, and answers the question: “what exactly is a googlewhack?”

NEXT PARAGRAPH OR KISS YOUR twice on the entire quest did any of Dave’s with its breakneck pace and the zany twists DEGREES GOODBYE. googlewhacks refuse outright. Twice. The and coincidences that hold it together; and A googlewhack happens when you type others, 25 out of 27 all cheerfully agreed. yet it exudes such a warmth and passion two words, any two words into the Google Eight – that’s nearly a third of them – not that you can’t help empathise with its search engine, and you get precisely only cheerfully agreed, they INVITED hero. And the wonderful thing is none of one link as a result. The two words must HIM INTO THEIR HOMES, despite the it has been made up. This is an adventure not be enclosed by quotation marks, fact they knew nothing about this man save stranger, messier and more random than nor must the page in question be a word his ludicrous backstory. Dave has in fact most fi ction I’ve read, and yet it is entirely list. For example Juniper Sinophobia, made several fi rm friends as a result of his true. It’s incontrovertible proof that life is Isobaric Reifi cation, Illyrian Spitfi res googlewhacking. worth living after all. Just think – do you and Machiavellian Transonic are all That gives me a new found faith in human really want to live your life the way you Googlewhacks, found by me during forty nature. Not everyone will close themselves do? Bursts of routine term-time business, minutes when I should have been writing off from unfamiliar people; you don’t need followed by bursts of lazy holiday routine, this article. Try them and see how addictive anything as banal as a “shared interest” or and fi nally a nine to fi ve routine every day it is. “similar personalities” in order to make till you retire? We can all have adventures. Dave Gorman fell under their spell. And friends with someone. I wasn’t aware that Dave Gorman did, and for much of it this set in motion a fascinating train of Dave had a burning fascination with Minis, he wasn’t even trying. Just…BUY THE events which involved a man with the slash fi ction (if you need to ask, you don’t BOOK ALREADY, won’t you!? Unless strangest hobby in Britain, a one in nine want to know) or Disney memorabilia, you work in the bookshop in which quadrillion coincidence, a New Years Eve and that didn’t make things awkward with case STOCK THE BOOK ALREADY, Dave Gorman’s fi rst conscious act in 2003 party with a lot of tequila, and of course, those he met who did. All you need is to be won’t you!? And then maybe you’ll get was to wake up in Heathrow Airport with waking up the following morning in genuinely curious about them. an inkling how. Oh, one last thing. Try a murderous hangover and a ticket to Heathrow airport. Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure Googlewhack Treacle sometime. Washington DC in his pocket. He didn’t The challenge that had sent him there ran is a story the equal of any comedy thriller remember buying it. He didn’t want to go thus: “We, your gathered friends bet that to Washington DC. In fact, it was exactly if each googlewhacked person you meet this sort of thing he’d been trying to give up fi nds you only two more googlewhacks, doing, of late. Perhaps I should explain. you cannot fi nd and meet ten of them in Dave Gorman wasn’t the same man who, a row by your 32nd birthday on the 2nd of some years earlier, had travelled 25,000 March.” This is a little diffi cult to follow miles, met hundreds of people and nearly when written; but you can trust it involves bankrupted himself because of a drunken a lot of airline tickets, and meeting some bet with his fl atmate and drinking partner of the world’s strangest people. Dave Danny Wallace. Specifi cally, that they Gorman crossed the Tex-Mex border with could not fi nd 54 people anywhere in the a dot-com millionaire in order to buy coke world who shared the name Dave Gorman. (Pomegranate Filibusters), hung out with Well…actually he WAS the same man; he a couple of lesbians in Holland (Verandahs still holds half the kudos and the copyright Plectrums), wrangled with an 81 year old for the stage show, the BBC2 series and the creationist(Dripstone Ingles), got licked excellent book “Are You Dave Gorman?” by a performance artist in China(Yoyo which you should all go and buy directly. Tryptichs), and all through pursuing his But I speak fi guratively. His thirtieth googlewhacks. Googlewhacking evolves birthday gone, Dave Gorman had decided into a monster, fuelled by the enthusiasm to grow up, renounce stupid immature bets, and generosity of those that Dave meets and start writing a novel. along the way. I don’t want to give away Have you ever resolved to sit down at any details away here but I will say that the your desk and fi nally start that assignment incident in Austin, Texas is worth the cover that’s due in next Tuesday? You’ll sit price alone. there for fi ve minutes…and then you’ll Now I’ve fi nally fi nished explaining this go and do something else. Anything else, book, I want to express my utter delight in fact, except what you just told yourself and amazement at the fact it exists. For a you’d do. And computers make it worse. start there is his method. Once Dave got As Gorman himself puts it, “The internet hold of a googlewhack and managed to get contains everything in the whole wide an email address for its creator, he would world ever, and I fi nd everything in the email them with a startlingly frank and whole wide world ever to be somewhat open explanation of his situation, followed distracting.” Consequently Dave by a “Will you meet me, please?” I always Gorman’s fi rst novel remains to be written, fi gured that if one got a random email from chiefl y because of an internet timewaster a complete stranger which ended “Will known as “googlewhacking”. ALL you meet me, please?” it was customary COMPUTING STUDENTS SKIP THE to tell them where to go. And yet…only 29 January 2004 THEATRE 17 surreytheatre G u i l d f o r d & W o k i n g Whatever your taste in theatre may be, Guildford and Woking have got something for you this semester! From comedy to musical, fairytale to Shakespeare, as well as one-off shows, Daisy Clay takes a look at what’s on offer in the following weeks… The Marquis

Showing from Monday 2nd to Saturday 7th February, the producers of Noel Cowards smash hit West End comedy Fallen Angels bring to us a show directed by Guy Retallack, starring Kate O’Mara (Dynasty, A Woman of No Importance), Michael Jayston (Nicholas and Alexandra, Zulu Dawn) and Zoie Kennedy (The Royal). With a beautiful setting and all the style and glamour of the age of chivalry, this delightful play from the pen of comedy’s master provides the perfect vehicle for the wit and beauty of Kate O’Mara. The setting is eighteenth century France and the theme, appropriately for that most romantic Showing from Monday 2nd to Saturday 7th February, and starting off this semester in of countries, is love. technicolour, is the Musical Sensation from Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber. Telling Noel Coward tells the hilarious and brilliant story of an infl uential aristocrat insistent the story of Joseph, his eleven brothers, and the coat of many colours, this dazzling show upon marrying his daughter to a man she does not love (because she has a secret is packed with non-stop action, laughter, infectious fun and immortal songs including Any lover of her own!). Once the ardent passion of romantic youth has been thwarted, Dream Will Do, Close Every Door To Me and One More Angel. it takes the wily experience of an older woman, herself no stranger to love, to deal with the A joyously entertaining show guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and a tear to your eye, situation. Joseph is a sparkling rainbow mix not to be missed. An astonishing 100 million people all Sure enough Eloise, the Marquise of the play’s title, not only upsets the matrimonial over the world have seen this show already - buy a ticket and fi nd out why! applecart but also manages to rekindle the embers of a passion of her own. Student tickets are available and performances start at 7.30pm, and there are also matinee Noel Coward is at his comic best in this rarely performed but utterly charming play. performances during the week. For further details, visit their website.

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking

By foot from campus: Box Offi ce (01483) 440000 By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive Leave campus by the bottom www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/ from Guildford, and parking is free in the of University Court, go across Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New Yorkie’s bridge, down the hill Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks and turn right to go into the Centre in central Woking, easily accessible town centre. Walk past the from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and train station and down Bridge A3. Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute Shopping centre), cut through train journey from Guildford, with trains the pedestrianised Friary Street, going every 5-20 minutes between continue along Millbrook past Guildford and Woking. Debenhams. The Theatre is just past this large building on the Box Offi ce (01483) 545 900 right. www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/ 18 MUSIC 29 January 2004

RAZORLIGHT THE VON BONDIES STUMBLE & FALL C’MON C’MON Vertigo CRACKOUT Reprise Records THIS IS WHAT WE DO Featuring an impossibly catchy vocal melody underpinned by Hut Records Clash-style open strumming and rhythmic punk drums, Razorlight’s The powerful C’mon C’mon third single Stumble and Fall has deservedly generated an endless list offers a storming introduction As British rock bands go, Crackout of critical plaudits that is inspiring even by the hyperbolical standards progressing into it catchy singlesare pretty good. Not fantastic, but of the UK press. True, it would be better suited to a summer release chorus of raw garage from they are very listenable and not – but you can’t hold a good idea down, and the optimism of its breezy detroit’s fi nest, especially if THREE bad for the odd bit of air guitar. the other couple are split up by DAYS GRACE melody and anthemic vocals can almost make the sun shine through on This Is What We Do is probably the murkiest of January afternoons. In fact, you may well fi nd yourself jail commitments. If the title I HATE EVERYTHING their best release so far, containing still humming it when the festival season comes around again. **** suggests their intent then Jack ABOUT YOU a rather nice bass opening and an j.d. White gave them just what Zomba epic guitar line in the chorus to they deserved but leaving complement the distinctive vocals that fi ght behind, The Von They’re Canadian, but contrary which, fortunately, are much better Bodies have this year to the rumours, they sound on record than they are live. j.a. to prove they can live nothing like Nickelback. I Hate up to the hype with Everything About You is an this early glimpse extremely catchy rock tune with suggesting they THE VEILS a chorus you will be singing the can. m.b. rest of the day. Dealing with the The Wild Son ever common scenario of not Rough Trade understanding love, the feeling is expressed in the heartfelt vocals Produced by Bernard Butler, this and passionate guitars. If you song was always going to have get to see these guys before they a catchy guitar hook. Behind an blow up into a stadium band it orchestral backdrop, the Veils fuse will be well worth it. d.m. an acoustic understated balled, with lines including “Your knives are sharp when you put them in my heart”. The danger here is GLUCIFER LONGVIEW going into ‘Travis’ territory, but LOSING ALL Still the band manage to create a highly Steamhammer 14th Floor Recordings emotive, but uplifting song which is an absolute joy to listen too. Having formed in 1994 in Oslo After the critical success of Perhaps Mr Butler will be able the only remaining original their debut album ‘Mercury’, JOSS STONE to produce the old ‘Suede’ magic THE FIERY FURNACES members being the vocalist Biff ‘Longview’ release their third FELL IN LOVE WITH A BOY that was sorely missing in his brief TROPICAL ICE-LAND Malibu and guitarist Captain single. ‘Still’ could be the single Relentless solo career. m.f Rough Trade Poon seem to be the main driving which catapults the band into forces behind the band. In the mainstream recognition. Similar Wow, that voice came out of a 16 The Fiery Furnaces are different. past they have been compared in style to other hotly tipped year old from Devon. Indeed it With very varying sounds TFF to the likes of AC/DC, Backyard bands (such as ‘Snow Patrol’), did. This is a girl to take note of take you on a trip through a Babies and The Hives. This this song incorporates sweeping with her amazingly soulful voice THE RAPTURE Tropical Ice-Land with reggae single however appears to be guitars, and soul-searching lyrics well beyond her years and with SISTER SAVIOUR based verses lead to the icy but very middle of the road rock with to produce something extremely the likes of The Roots and Angie Vertigo smooth vocals of the chorus. unenthusiastic vocals and bored good. If this is representative of Stone on backing band and vocals Unfortunately this song is very, guitar. Not their best. p.w. the album, I fully recommend With New York reinstated as the very repetitive. Also their sound she certainly starts off well for you to spend some of your cool capital of the music world, in general appears to be very herself on this debut release. You student loan on it! m.f all eyes are on the city’s up-and- similar to that of the ‘Phones 4 may recognise the song, made coming acts – and creating one U’ advert but with more backing popular by the White Stripes, but of the largest stirs are musical instruments. Fun but not very this hits a completely different chameleons The Rapture, fresh good. p.w. spot. d.m. JASON SPARKS from setting even the most SECRET PLACE E.P reluctant of feet in motion with botchit&Scarper their surprise Top 20 indie/disco/ shouting crossover hit House Of Breakbeat is now becoming Jealous Lovers. Less brash than main room club music,but its predecessor (but what isn’t?), jason sparks has shown Sister Saviour subtly crafts itself it’s not all bass and drums. around an infectious vocal hook, secret place is slightly down wearing its ‘80s infl uence openly tempo,with the lush vocal by largely abandoning the guitar talant that is Rachel modest of twang and bass rumble in favour the of bleepy synth. A slight step in the Bluefoot project.there’s a remix wrong direction for me, then, but by B.L.I.M and the one to go it’s another string to their highly for is the old skool rave tinged accomplished bow, and a very deekline remix.in all not a bad memorable one at that. *** j.d package. s.b.

t hese pages were broug ht t o you by: jonat ha n darzi, matt fis her, di na myst ris, stuar t badcoc k, jon al le n, pete wi gfield a nd matt badcoc k wit h des i g n by ic k le sarah

gigs 29 January 2004 MUSIC 19

AIR TALKIE THE WALKIE STILLS Source LOGIC WILL BREAK YOUR HEART Air return back to their Vice Recordings MUSIQ roots with chilled vibes HOOBASTANK Soulstar and atmospheric melodies HE EASON albums At this moment in time, there T R Def Jam transporting the listener back to is a great deal of bands about Island the Moon Safari years. Opening to release their debut album to The third album from the proceedings, Venus storms into gig much media acclaim. The fi rst of The band with the weird name and critically acclaimed ‘Musiq’, its intergalactic galaxy layered these releases is Logic Will Break ‘soulstar’ offers an eclectic mix THE their fi rst single off their debut with moving keyboards and Your Heart, a fantastic piece of of tunes with infl uences ranging ZUTONS/ album Crawling in the Dark are bell chimes in this impressive alt.country tinged fuzz-rock fi lled from James Brown to David EASTERN probably The Reason you may opener. Latest single Cherry with some fantastic melodies Bowie. First single ‘Forthemight’ LANE @ have heard of this band. This their Blossom Girl is the highlight of and eloquent vocals. First single is an 80s inspired rhythmic track Islington Academy sophomore album shows that the the album offering a classic Air Lola Stars and Stripes layers in stark contrast to much of the Friday 16th January boys from California have grown atmospheric accompaniment the aforementioned great vocals a bit. The riffs are heavier, as Just album, which bizarrely includes and beautiful soft vocals. The over a wall of guitar noise, an a ‘Rolling Stones’ cover a midst Two of England’s hot hopes On, and the gentle songs show quaint, moody Universal effect used very well on many anything from 60’s soul to 70’s for 2004 have recently been more attention to melody as in Traveler congers a lazy weekend songs. The Stills also have a talent funk. The outcome is an album touring together. Berwick-upon- Disappear. They are one of those topped off with fabulous French for giving their songs a superb a bit to ‘busy’, and not as smooth Tweed youngsters Eastern Lane bands that when the album goes vocal delivery offering one of atmospheric edge as seen on as I’d like. Although he deserves are the fi rst of the two. As you on you bop your head and enjoy, many pleasant surprises. After Gender Bombs. Other stand out credit for trying to offer an album may (or may not) remember, great for a party. If you like the going off the rails on the last tracks are the moody, BRMC-like which is in contrast to the usual last year I gave their brilliant tight production of Linkin Park two albums Air have found their Love and Death, the upbeat Ready R’n’B fare, the outcome isn’t quite single Feed Your Addiction or the vocals of Incubus then touch once more in this eloquent For It and the Mansun-esque Still equal to the effort but in. ** m.f a maximum 5 stars, so I was give this album a try. You can fell display of French chill out at its In Love Song. As debut releases rather looking forward to their the energy these guys have, its best. Talkie Walkie is no doubt go, this is an accomplished effort set. I wasn’t disappointed. Even pretty infectious, but I’m not quite among their greatest work to by a band deserving of a long and though the rest of the band are spinning out of control. d.m. date setting an early standard prosperous career. j.a. very static, the lead singer has for this years Chill album of the a great stage presence, and the year. m.b. spikiness of the tunes add to the excellent melodies. They are HAWKSLEY WORKMAN | WE WILL STILL NEED A SONG | Universal most defi nitely a band to watch out for. However, very little Hawksley Workman is a workaholic. He played almost every instrument on the album, and I think this is could prepare me for The Zutons. a good thing and certainly shows through on this, his latest single ‘We Will Still Need a Song’. With him They provided one of the best playing each instrument he wrote parts so all the instruments get equal show in the song. On fi rst listening it live performances I have seen in sounds no more than an upbeat Coldplay or Travis, but what lies within is in my opinion better. p.w. a very long time. I really don’t like to make this comparison, but they sound like a chunkier, bluesier version of The Coral. The presence of a full-time sax player also adds a fantastic depth and warmth to the sound, even during the intense opener Zuton Fever. The set passes through the downright spooky Creepin’ and a-Crawling before reaching the fearsome chorus of latest single Pressure Point, with a staccato sax line accompanying the frenzied vocals. After stunning the crowd into submission with a riotous but brief set, they left to a thoroughly deserved rapturous ovation. If you get a chance to see either of these bands, I urge you to take it. You won’t regret it. j.a. gigs 20 INTERACTIVE 29 January 2004 Pixellated Pop And now for something completely different! This week Matt Adams’ original challenge is for you to figure out the name of the album covers shown below, as well as the band names. Got any thoughts? [email protected]. 1 2 3 4 5 6

7 8 9 10 11 12

Word Search b fpub quiz As the themes for the weekly barefacts wordsearch become ever more bizarre, this week In the game of darts what is the value of the outer bull? Ben Berryman presents you with a brainteaser based around the monopoly board. There are

1 By Ben Berryman twenty monopoly-related words hidden in the board below. Happy hunting, good luck, and Which sweet syrupy organic liquid is the basis of all fats and oils, and is also used no cheating! in2 the manufacture of explosives? Got 20 vaguely connected words swimming round your head? [email protected]. 3In which county is Lizard Point? Snake-necked and Hawk’s Bill are kinds of which creature? L H G J O H T E G T W L M R D 4 Y E N Q L K S C O R A L V E A What is the largest member of the dog family? L E I O D I E N T A T A A G O 5 L N K C K N H A O F E H P E R 6Who played the villain Alec Trevelyan, in the James Bond fi lm ‘Golden Eye’? I A R N E G C H J A R E A N N What name is given to violent circular storms in the China Seas? D L A G N S Y C A L W T L T O 7 A K P R T C T X I G O I L S T Who created Captain Horatio Hornblower? C R E J R R I E L A R H M T S 8 C A E K O O N F R R K W A R U What was developed in 1989 by Tim Berners-Lee a British computer specialist? I P R G A S U N T S S B L E E 9 P J F N D S M X I Q Q P L E X Which10 profession gets its name from the Latin word for lead? Q V J C X Q M H Q U L U J T U S T R A N D O R I A F Y A M W Answers to everything in the Interactive section, are upsidedown at the bottom of page 21 X A T E M O C N I R R C I R Q O X F O R D S T R E E T L E E In the mood for a challenge? Chancellor’s [bar and] Restaurant at 8.30pm every Thursday night. Pit your wits against a variety of the top quiz mastery brains around... The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21, underneath Rawson’s Creek. 29 January 2004 LIFESTYLE 21 Queen Lyrics Quiz A lyrics quiz with a twist this week, from Matt Adams. It’s similar to the regular Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from format except as we’ve already given you the band name (the clue’s in the title), you their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the have to complete the lyrics fi rst before you can guess the song. Well we couldn’t University of Surrey Students’ Union... make it too easy!

IF, IN A, few year’s time, I’m asked about STILL FEELING PANTS, kinda still fl oating, 1 Somehow I have to make this fi nal ______my memories from my Sabbatical Year, and practically the only interesting thing probably the most prominent one will be that happened to me this week has been the 2 I see a little ______of a man having been involved heavily in the fi ght things I’ve been dreaming. For example, in against Top Up Fees, which, in most ways, one of the dreams last night I was standing 3 I wanna make a ______man out of you we lost on Tuesday night. It’s been hard to on a tube train, and then the train got to a motivate students to actually care about this, station and I got off. Now the platform was 4 Fat ______girls, you make the rockin’ world go round since ‘it won’t affect them’, but the way I to the left of the train (if you imagine the see it, these proposals, and ones that are train going away from you), and was kinda 5 It’s not easy love, but you’ve got ______you can trust probably worse, will affect our own children on street level, with a road running parallel And you’re rushing ______you’ve got a new goal in twenty or thirty years. So, it’s really with the track. Now I was standing there on 6 something I care about. the platform in my ski jacket, and the train 7 It fi nally happened I’m slightly ______ON Tuesday group of eleven of us headed started to leave, and I then remembered that up to London at 7.30am..... actually, it was I’d left my bag on the train – with my phone 8 Dynamite with a ______beam, guaranteed to blow your mind more like 7.50am, due to Chris’ uncanny and wallet in!! All I could think about was ability to be twenty minutes late for loosing all the numbers in the phone (as I 9 You had your time you had the ______anything - be it a meeting, a trip, work.... hadn’t backed it up), so I started running everything apart from food!! After arriving after the train. I was running along the road, 10 Inside my heart is breaking My make-up may be ______at Westminter and being searched by a and for some reason the train kept getting security offi cer rather too closely for my delayed so was travelling quite slowly… but liking, we headed into the lobby to join I kept running and running after the train to other students from around the country. It the next station. I got to the platform as the was noticeable that Surrey had probably the doors were just shutting, but I dived into the biggest contingent of students there - so, we train, and looked up to the baggage shelf to may not get the students up to London for fi nd the bag!! So I strapped it on my back, demos, but when it comes to somethign that then woke up with a big smile on my face! really makes a different, we’re right up there OK, I won’t bore you with another dream, at the top! however I don’t understand dreams that AFTER we’d been there a while, the much. Some people say they can’t remember This week I am mostly … scooting round campus in cognito [well, defecting MP Nick Scott (who’d been a their dreams, but mine are as vivid as day! hidden under a beanie anyway - thought the shades might be a bit leader of the Top Up Fee rebels from the Colours, depth, logic, even last night I conspicuous at this time of year] desperately clinging to my fi nal start) walked through the lobby with Mady FELT a robin land on me and thought that shred of anonymity! Telford, to resounding “booooo”s and the it was quite prickly! (no I don’t have a pine odd heckle, particularly noticeably a shout cone tree above my bed!). I even respect Ssshh, I’m going to let you into secret, ok? I don’t want to jinx of “baldy!” from President Pete. other people in dreams, as the other night anything but… I’m about to become famous. I wanted to tell you WE spent the rest of the morning waiting I was driving a huge blue articulated lorry so it doesn’t come as too much of a surprise when my picture for MPs to come and speak to us, but it through Coventry, and I had to be as careful appears in the next issue of Heat or the weekend tabloids though became apparent that they really didn’t have as possible not to hit other cars parked on apologies in advance, it’s not as part of a sordid kiss-and-tell Mark Owen exclusive the guts to argue their weak case with us! So the road. Why couldn’t I just drive through [incidentally though, can you believe he’s invited readers of a certain women’s magazine to we headed to Deep Pan Pizza for some All them?! After all, it was a dream! phone in and go on a date with him? Seems he doesn’t fancy any Fruitcake after all…] You Can Eat glory. On the way we passed DREAMS are ok at night, however there is I hope you’re sitting comfortably… then I’ll begin. Once upon a time, a good friend of the Socialist Worker Students, about 300 of one thing I really do have to stop doing. For mine secured a placement at a rather famous recording studio in London [think four guys them sitting in the road blocking traffi c, and the last 2 nights I’ve spoken to my friend last on a zebra crossing… catch my drift?]. Realising what a treat it would be for his Fruitcake being threatened with arrest - probably the thing before I go to sleep. After I’ve gone to friend, he invited me for a special guided tour, though much as I’d hoped for several most exciting part of the day! sleep I wake up and panic that I’ve fallen celebrity-spottings I’m sorry to say the studios were in fact empty. Probably just as well – ON the way back, Pete bought a paper from asleep on them, and start either talking into you can imagine what a wittering, hand-fl apping, squeaky state I was in, but then it’s hardly a guy selling it through car windows, and the phone to apologise, or text them – to every day that one gets to sit in Elijah Wood’s chair, see the studio where Radiohead’s the quote of the day came from Chris, who, which they sleepily tell me that I didn’t! I albums were mastered or play the very same piano as the aforementioned four traffi c- as Jay missed the turning on the roundabout think my phone will be turned off tonight! stopping guys. But enough of them - this article is about me after all. Emerging from the and approached the paper-selling man again, nearest tube station, I was surprised to fi nd groups of tourists not only fl ocking towards the asked, completely seriously “Are you taking chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter studios, but also hugging the road sign and [perhaps less unexpectedly] walking to-and-fro it back?” We arrived back in Guildford to across the zebra crossing for repeated photo opportunities. As I approached the building, fi nd that Pete’s shout of ‘Baldy’ had made w w w . I could see two lines of snap-happy visitors fl anking the iron fence and my friend loping it onto the national TV and radio news. Now r a w s o n s down the steps to meet me - if there was ever a time to work it, this was it [good job my that’s impressive! GHD enlightenment preceded this occasion…]. Looking like I’d just walked out of a salon c r e e k . [I wish I could say “as always”] I swanned up to the entrance to greet my friend… and ‘ickle sarah butterworth c o m the crowd went wild. Snap fl ash, snap fl ash. I turned slowly, shot them a blinding winning

smile, only just resisting a cheesy wave [for the fans] and proceded up the steps, leaving

, the answer to last week’s eye spy is the Chancellors’ ceiling! Chancellors’ the is spy eye week’s last to answer the , yes Ooh 10.Flaking – The Show Must Go On. | | On. Go Must Show The – 10.Flaking them muttering frantically, desperately trying to put a name to my face. They’ll have

6.Headlong – Headlong, 7.Mad – I’m Going Slightly Mad, 8.Laser – Killer Queen, 9.Power – Radio Ga Ga, Ga, Ga Radio – 9.Power Queen, Killer – 8.Laser Mad, Slightly Going I’m – 7.Mad Headlong, – 6.Headlong worked it out by now. The rest, as they say, is history.

3.Supersonic – Don’t Stop Me Now, 4.Bottomed – Fat Bottomed Girls, 5.Friends – Friends Will Be Friends, Friends, Be Will Friends – 5.Friends Girls, Bottomed Fat – 4.Bottomed Now, Me Stop Don’t – 3.Supersonic So no more anonymity for Angelica, the paparazzi will be arriving in convoy any time

1.Breakthrough – Breakthru, 2.Silhouetto – Bohemian Rhapsody, Rhapsody, Bohemian – 2.Silhouetto Breakthru, – 1.Breakthrough Quiz: Lyrics

Streets - Original Pirate Material | | Material Pirate Original - Streets now I imagine. I’ll be hounded on my way to lectures, my every drunken stagger after a Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, 9.Nirvana – Nevermind, 10.The Strokes – Is This It, 11.Kylie – Fever, 12.The 12.The Fever, – 11.Kylie It, This Is – Strokes 10.The Nevermind, – 9.Nirvana Band, Club Hearts Lonely Pepper’s

– O, 5.Red Hot Chili Peppers – Californication, 6.Pulp – Different Class, 7.Blur – Park Life, 8.The Beatles – Sgt. Sgt. – Beatles 8.The Life, Park – 7.Blur Class, Different – 6.Pulp Californication, – Peppers Chili Hot 5.Red O, – night at the Union noted. Actually, it’s probably fair for me to ask you all to sign a secrecy

Lavigne – Let Go, 2.Norah Jones – Come Away With Me, 3.The Darkness – Permission To Land, 4.Damien Rice Rice 4.Damien Land, To Permission – Darkness 3.The Me, With Away Come – Jones 2.Norah Go, Let – Lavigne agreement now… after all, I don’t want any of my quirky habits hitting the headlines do I?

1. Avril Avril 1. Pop: Pixellated

Wolf, 6.Sean Bean, 7.Typhoons, 8.C.S. Forrester, 9.The World Wide Web, 10.Plumbing | | 10.Plumbing Web, Wide World 9.The Forrester, 8.C.S. 7.Typhoons, Bean, 6.Sean Wolf, Hmmm… I wonder if the Priory admits patients for malt-loaf addiction?

1.Twentyfi ve, 2.Glycerine, 3.Cornwall, 4.Turtle, 5.The 5.The 4.Turtle, 3.Cornwall, 2.Glycerine, ve, 1.Twentyfi Quiz:

Strand, Trafalgarsquare, Waterworks, Whitehall | | Whitehall Waterworks, Trafalgarsquare, Strand, Anyway, between you and me, I’ll be in Roots for lunch if anyone wants an autograph. If Jail, Kingscross, Leicestersquare, Mayfair, Oldkentroad, Oxfordstreet, Pallmall, Parklane, Piccadilly, Regentstreet, Regentstreet, Piccadilly, Parklane, Pallmall, Oxfordstreet, Oldkentroad, Mayfair, Leicestersquare, Kingscross, Jail,

Chance, Community chest, Eustonroad, Freeparking, Gotojail, Incometax, Incometax, Gotojail, Freeparking, Eustonroad, chest, Community Chance, Interactive Answers: Wordsearch: Wordsearch: Answers: Interactive nothing else, think of the eBay potential. Catherine Lee 29 LIFESTYLE 29 January 2004 the sillyStars by Psychic Psandy Libra Capricorn Aries Cancer You seem to think that Well, life’s been going You are defi nitely Well, my sources say a balanced diet means strangely well for fi nding that foreign its gonna snow this having a pie in each you lately. What’s up climes appeal to your week, so get yourself hand at the moment… with that? However, adventurous personality sorted for lots of lovely nice one son. Make it is defi nitely worth at the moment, so book snowball fi ghts…wear sure you listen to what your Frosties have remembering that the best thing to do that valentines day trip to Paris/Venice/ customised dayglo wellies and waterproof been telling you every morning for the past when life gives you lemons is to put them Barcelona soon. If you’re single, make the trousers like the ones me da wears for couple of weeks. I would have told you down your top to make your babas look most of the pulling opportunities coming golf…oh the fun! Wooo! before but I forgot, oops-a-daisy. bigger…man boobs are the latest in chichi your way in the very near future. chic, dontcha know. Leo Scorpio Taurus You dancin’? You For some reason, you’re Aquarius Drink champagne for no askin’? This week, a much nicer person Tu as de la Chance reason at all this week… you will be doing a lot when you’re drunk. No, cette semaine, je crois. and my advice is most of…yes, you guessed really, you’re incredibly Never thought you’d certainly to drink it to it – dancing! What a charming and affable, be so happy to see the excess. You may fi nd shock. Get a room. Go out more, we love you have a B.E.A. Utiful singing voice, and bottle bank, did you? Is that you recognise that face in the mirror seein’ ya girlfriend. You are gold, always you speak excellent Greek. Gucci handbags there anyone left at Surrey who HASN’T the next morning, though you may have believe in your soul and the fact that you’re are your thing this week, so make sure you seen your pants? I seriously doubt it. The trouble putting a name to it…don’t forget gonna live forever…and maybe even learn buy one. Approach love and cooking with severity of the itch is inversely proportional that you’re not an alcoholic, you’re just a how to fl y. reckless abandon. to your ability to reach it. Get help. drunk (alcoholics go to meetings, doh!). Virgo Sagittarius Pisces Gemini This week’s Virgo Sunday brings mystery Isn’t it funny how bills Never interrupt when challenge: moon and intrigue to your life. always seem to travel you’re being fl attered, someone. The early Make the most of this through the postal especially if you’re bird may well catch the window of opportunity system twice as fast going to be insulting. worm, but bear in mind to indulge in lots of as cheques? However, This week you’ll fi nd that it’s the 2nd mouse that gets the cheese in fun and games. Just remember: life is a this week you may receive an unexpected that sometimes you get what you want, your house… worship the microwave this rollercoaster, and while it may involve windfall, so be prepared. Speaking of sometimes you get what you need, and week, it deserves the special treatment. screaming, there is such a thing as too which, where on earth did you put that sometimes you just get what you get. much of a good thing. Believe me. Swiss army knife? - Barefacts Personals - You know the drill - send an email with the subject line ‘personals’ to [email protected] and as if by magic they’ll appear in the enxt issue of bareafcts. If you#re sending in more than one, pop them in the same email, will you? Cheers!

A brush-my kingdom for a brush-ok being handcuffed to someone while Okay, who went to France with a cold and Who didn’t make the toilet then????? Big maybe just the union. they snog the face off some bloke is a bit spread the lurgey whilst on the ski trip?? John! much! Nice of you to share it with everyone. The Union could do with a lick of paint. Thanks to Neil, Matt, Ewan, Pete, Chris, First match, fi rst social, fi rst chunder to Les Arcs -the Bling tour ‘04 rocked. Claire, Melody, Catherine, Jay and Hash for www.paintisgreat.com Kebab! www.surreysnowsports.com for post-tour coming up to London on Tuesday - if we analysis. hadn’t have been there the government www.whatwouldIdowithoutpaint.org So who was that ‘Sweet Child’ of yours might have won by more than 5!!! Loose? sorbet...dont worry mate, its not ur fault! All you can eat Chinese and Chocolate Is that Mrs Ruth?! cake that’s just excessive! sexy DJ, woo hoo! sweet n sour chicken balls! and chips! and brown sauce! but it needs to be 15!! That’ll be 9.99! they are responsible for the day to day Thank you, Helen, it’d be sooo boring running of the day to day running of the without you on our fl oor! arctic roll! yeah we’ve got 1! Sweet! I can’t decide what’s more important than day to day union.... the oven Neil, turning to Ben, who is sitting Only 7 months to go!! only one attempt at serving!!!! Now we’re playing spider solitaire on the new Media Seeway this week, anyone? in trouble mate. Centre computer, asks “when’s that new Ray’s madness on GU2 1350am, or listen computer arriving then?...... oh.... duh!” live on www.gu2.co.uk. Sunday mornings Just think - if you’re the nice VP at least you did it outside this time - you at 11. Pure sex coming out of your Communications, you can get your can leave the bleach under the sink Thanks to the pikey scum who knicked soundsystem personals in barefacts without even my beige, Nike cap from the gym last having to email them in!! can we have a new chairman please? this thursday evening. If I ever see you Did Kebab blow Chunks again, oops that one gets me way too drunk! wearing it I will ram it so far up your colon sounds rude.....sorry chunks! was that a speed camera fl ash? ! But I’m you’ll need surgery to get it out again. not even moving!!! I’ve heard of playing gooseberry but And then I’ll beat you to death with it. Hey Eveready nice chair! 29 January 2004 SPORT 23 Walking, Drinking and Blizzards

BY MICHAEL FIELD Day 3 saw us plan most excitingly a non-circular walk as Ben G-J had control Whilst everyone else was still recovering of the van, and so we headed up Catbells from their festive hangovers, the Mountain or “Crapbells” (451m) with an incredible Walking Society were getting ready to view over Derwent Water lake. The heavy board the white van and head to Cumbria snow of the previous day meant that there for a week of walking, drinking, blizzards, was a chuffi ng great load of it about, a foot cold weather and other general larking deep in places. The fl imsy defences of my about. Having left Guildford at 12 after a boots were soon breached by all this wet delay waiting for Ulrike (punctual as ever, stuff, suffi ce to say I had cold, soaked feet just an hour late due to a breakdown in for about 4 hours. Having somehow not communications) we made the long trip got us lost on any walks this time, my luck up to the Lake District in record time, a held and 12 of us made the long walk up to shade over 7 hours. Kuldip and Evan did High Spy (651m) only for a man and his a great job of driving the minibus, even if dog to make it look considerably easier. Evan had some problems controlling it on Some of our number complained of wet the motorway (it was because of the wind, feet (lightweights!) and so headed down right?) to the beer-selling destination at the fi rst Having found the camping barn with no ascent of England’s highest mountain, we were scuppered in our bid to ‘bag’ Great opportunity. The remaining eight of us made navigational mishaps (surely this can’t be Scafell Pike, by 8.45am. We were joined by Gable by the diminishing daylight, quite the trek to the highest point of the walk, Dale right?) we found Andy and Nick already former president Benneth and 17 of the 18 unfortunate as that was the whole reason for Head (753m) and were rewarded with one moved in, having decided the club wasn’t present made it to the top of the hill, at 978m the 6am wakeup call. of the fi nest survival bag racing tracks yet hardcore enough for them and walked the an ascent of over 900m in a shade over 2.5 Day 2 saw just 12 of us make the trek seen, over 100m of clear snow down a 45- 50km there from Windermere. Greg and the hours was most impressive. Having taken it up Grasmoor (852m) and survive a rather degree slope. For those of you not familiar 3 others in his car had also beaten us to it. in turns to be the highest person in England nasty blizzard that completely covered with this concept, it involves unfolding Our accommodation was what the word (not THAT sort of high!) the most pressing the path down and forced us to retrace our the big orange bin liner supposedly taken ‘primitive’ was created to describe. It was matter in hand was snowball fi ghting, Evan steps. Earlier we’d been on something of a for safety purposes, climbing inside it and bloody freezing and the odours wafting and Maddie following from where they’d peak-bagging mission, having conquered then throwing yourself down the hill. It is across from the farmyard outside couldn’t left off in previous winters. The oddest Whiteside (707m), Hopegill Head (770m) certainly the quickest way down. be ignored for long, so soon after we headed snowman I’ve seen was also hurriedly and Grisedale Pike (791m). This was the This semester we’re going to Exmoor to the local pub. constructed. best walk of the week, as the views atop the and Dartmoor, The Black Mountains, Peak I had decided I’d been far too nice on Something had been missing from our summits of the latter two were stunning. District and at Easter another week of previous trips, so on Day 1 forced everyone previous ascent of Scafell two years ago, That night we’d planned to visit the MWS’s madness in the Scottish Highlands. If you to get up at 6am, which we managed very and it dawned on me that I was actually favourite watering hole, the Swinside Inn, fancy getting involved and coming on a well. My planned sunrise over the Wast wearing proper walking gear this time and but were disappointed to learn it was closed trip, please come to our weekly meetings Water lake on the drive to the start of the so had some feeling left in my legs. Scafell for repairs so it was the Kirkstile yet again. on Tuesdays at 1pm in the Teaching Block walk didn’t happen due to some cloud Pike II: The Revenge had been a successful The staff must have been sick of taking our Foyer, or visit www.mountainwalking.org covering, but we were ready to start our mission. On the way down around Sty Head money. .uk

BUSA Results BUSA Fixtures | 04 February 2004 21 January 2004

Mens Mens Rugby SURREY 1st vs Sussex 1st for more fixtures and Badminton Badminton results visit: SURREY 1st vs Reading 1st 6-2 Brunel 1st vs SURREY 1st Squash Kent 2nd vs SURREY 2nd SURREY 1st vs UCL 1st Football nd st busaresults.org.uk rd rd SURREY 2 vs Sussex 1 Sussex 3 vs SURREY 3 1-0 Basketball Sussex 4th vs SURREY 5th 3-5 SURREY 1ST LSE 1st Womens Squash Fencing Badminton UCL 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 1st vs Sussex 1st st st IF YOU ARE A SURREY 1 vs Sussex 1 MEMBER OF A Womens Football Basketball st st SPORTS CLUB LSE 1 vs SURREY 1 Kingston 1st vs SURREY 1st Basketball Sussex 3rd vs SURREY 2nd AND WANT TO st st Royal Holloway 1 vs SURREY 1 50-16 Sussex 4th vs SURREY 4th Hockey WRITE ABOUT SURREY 5th vs Chichester 4th SURREY 1st vs Imperial Medics 1st Hockey YOUR CLUB’S st st Brighton 1 vs SURREY 1 Golf Netball ACTIVITIES, UWI 1st vs SURREY 1st SURREY 1st vs St George’s Hosp 1st THEN EMAIL Netball SURREY 2nd vs St George’s Hosp 3rd st OUR PORTS St Georges Hosp 1st vs SURREY 1 Hockey S rd nd Reading 3 vs SURREY 2 30-26 SURREY 1st vs St George’s Hosp 1st Rugby EDITOR, PETE SURREY 2nd vs SUSSEX 2nd Royal Holloway 1st vs SURREY 1st NICHOLS AT Rugby Squash st st [email protected] SURREY 1 vs Brighton 1 ` 12-30 SURREY 1st vs UCL 1st 24 SPORT 29 January 2004 teamsurrey Come And Scrum With The Ladies

BY LIZ CANNON converted it in true Johnny style. The fi nal score was 12-30 to Sussex but with 2 less Another loss on Wednesday at home against players we played our hearts out and had an Brighton, so why is it we keep loosing? amazing game. Women’s rugby has huge team spirit, we So that brings us to last Wednesday when are probably one of the friendliest and most we rescheduled the Brighton game we had welcoming teams at Surrey, our socials are postponed before Christmas. Again only legendary and no one could miss us in the 14 players to start and then we lost Tilly union in our wacky dress codes. But every to an ankle injury sustained during a brave time we put our feet out on the pitch we are fl ying tackle in the fi rst 10 minuets. As I said starting at a disadvantage because we rarely another loss but we know we can win if only have a full team and subs are unheard of. we could get a full team out. So to all those Last semester we played 4 matches. We people who think it’s too late to join a club, started with a full 15 players (but no subs) IT’S NOT!!!! in our fi rst game against Imperial; it was the Surrey women’s rugby club is a great team, fi rst ever match with 75% of the team having with great potential. We are desperate for never played and most had never even players, if you have never played before touched a rugby ball until 3 weeks before and don’t know the rules, we can teach you. hand. We used it as a learning process so the We are a mixed bunch, you don’t have to new players could get a feel of what a real But as we set off for Roehampton on a Roehampton. be a big fat heifer as so many people think, match felt like. We lost 78-0 but everyone wet Wednesday afternoon we only had 12 The next match (at home to Brighton) was rugby players need to be a mixture of heavy played well and we felt that the team had players plus our fabulous medic ‘Windy’ postponed as we could only managed to get forwards and lighter quick backs. I know learnt a lot against a much more experienced to aid and motivate us. The opposition was 9 players together not enough to even start a lot of people think it’s too rough or they team (with subs) and came away knowing also a fairly new team, all 20 of them with a game! aren’t fi t enough but with the right training it next time out we would do better. the exception of their mouthy captain. We But two weeks later with Kebab and Cullen isn’t that rough and the fi tness will come. Our second match was at home to played an amazing game and you cannot back on the team for the fi rst time this So please ladies come and join us because Reading, we started with only 14 players imagine the euphoria when we managed to season we managed to scrape together a without your support we don’t have a team! against another full team plus subs. The get our fi rst try of the season over their line, team of 13 for a home game against Sussex Training at the Varsity Monday 6.30pm- improvement in our new (and older) players scored by Hells Bells playing for the fi rst and we stepped out onto the pitch that 8.30pm, Sunday Fitness training tbc. Please was remarkable and although we conceded time as fallback. But with only 12 of us on afternoon with high hopes. They scored Contact either Josephine Golding (Captain) defeat we managed to bring the score down the pitch it was impossible to fi ll all the gaps fi rst but we came back with an amazing on 07974244907, Liz cannon (Chairperson) to 44-0, to us it was a victory and we felt and with a lot of dangerously high tackling try from Huey. They then scored two more on 07796798178, or email the team at with a full team out the next time we were by their captain they managed to get a few trys before Cullen touched the ball down in [email protected] sure to be successful. passed us leaving the fi nal score as 20-5 to the second half and Eveready successfully

SPORTS PROFILE Surrey Show Pride On The Court Name: Debra Smith Sport: Women’s BY NATALIE DAY ankles (one on court and one previous little fall we won’t Rugby mention……...) and still managing to play a great game. In Age: Older than the The University netball team travelled away to play Reading defence was Alie and Spillage. With, Alie taking the more average student this week. The afternoon started with BBF driving the aggressive (but successful) approach a good game was Nickname: Eveready minibus for the fi rst time and probably the last if she has played by all. Unfortunately even with superwoman Charlie anything to say on the matter! After the wonderful driving running rings round Reading and being involved in every Sporting Idols: skills of Beebs we arrived on time and ready for action. pass occurring Surrey lost the match by two goals. The fi nal Johnny Wilkinson Unfortunately no one had told any of us that the game was score resulting in, Surrey28 and Reading 30. Well done to actually indoors in a warm, dry and quite posh looking Bryony who was voted player of the match. Best Aspects of your sports hall. (Ok we were being a little blind!) After waiting sport: Team Spirit outside on the netball courts in the cold and quite nippy weather conditions for a while, someone came to fi nd us and Worst Aspects of your sport: Having to cut your fi nger led us to the ‘indoor courts’. Once on court, Surrey got off Are you in a Sports Club? nails before a match to an amazing start with goals being matched and we were submit your article and pictures for even ahead for a little while! Katie and Bryony were on fi re Best Sporting Moment: Converting my fi rst try in the circle doing their best to break through the defence barefacts to Pete Nichols - email of Reading. Meanwhile Barbie, Anique and Spuggy were [email protected] by Friday @ 5pm Most Embarrassing sporting moment: Throwing up pulling out the moves in and around centre court. A thanks in the union on my birthday after playing pub golf with goes to Sindy who played on after having a fall on both men’s rugby The Sports Show on GU2 Worst Injury: Cracked wrist Thursdays 1-4| With TUG & TIM The Plug: Women’s rugby training Monday 6:30-8: Campus phone: 811350 | Ex: 01483 681350 30pm at the Varsity Centre Email / MSN: [email protected]