Nominated for Guardian and NUS Student Newspaper of the Year 2006 Autumn Term Week Eight Tuesday 28 November 06 www.nouse.co.uk NOUSE Est. 1964 Noel Edmonds M2 - M3 The TV supremo talks about his reborn career, people’s obsession with his facial hair and having sex in Warrington York academics and staff speak out against University policy: ‘This University needs a kick up the backside’ Teaching standards questioned as Heslington East plans power on

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SU officers in student Student protest over Christmas Special York XI victorious sex bingo scandal arms recruitment talk against close rivals We examine the various Members of the YUSU sabbatical A presentation by DSTL, an agency University of York 3-2 Teesside team have denied that a game of of the Ministry of Defence, sparked interfaith and secular “student bingo” devised by them an angry student protest on York Men’s 1sts continued their was inappropriate, claiming it was November 13. Members of alternatives to the festive impressive start to the season with “only a joke” and was never intend- Amnesty International and season, as well as taking a narrow victory over close rivals ed to be carried out, amidst accusa- FreeSoc, dressed in masks and boil- a look at the origin of Teesside in appalling conditions on tions of “inappropriate and com- er suits, occupied Heslington Hall Wednesday 22 November. The suc- promising behaviour” by student to protest the presence of “the arms Santa Claus and where to cess of the team comes after an and University representatives. industry” on campus. find original gifts in York. appalling year in 2005/06. MUSE M10 >> NEWS Page 3 >> NEWS Page 7 >> >> SPORPhoto:Photo:T Page Georgie Georgie38 MabeeMabee Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 2 News Snappy Snaps Tuesday November 28 2006 Thief caught in student’s room King’s Manor burgled KING’S MANOR was broken into on Novemeber 22 by a burglar who smashed a 15th Century window with a brick and climbed in, only to steal two sandwiches and some alcohol before falling asleep for after rash of campus break-ins several hours. According to Sergeant Hopper of York Police, the incident By Nicky Woolf Police reports that the occurred between 10:30 pm Wednesday DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR suspect, 21, was and 6:30 am on Thursday. Hopper added “detained, arrested on ”the burglar stole the cash box from a AFTER A SPATE of suspicion of burglary, vending machine, but it was empty.” The break-ins in Halifax and found to have an out- police are currently awaiting the results Goodricke colleges, a sus- standing criminal record, of forensic investigation. pect has been arrested and has been charged and is facing trial. with burglary.” He is now CUs take legal action A first-year Maths “going through the court student, Sarah Waite, process.” against Student Unions interrupted the thief in Waite attended an her room on the evening identity parade, but says CHRISTIAN STUDENTS across the of Sunday November 12 : she was “not sure my guy country are taking legal action against “I opened the door and was actually on there.” DC their Students’ Unions. York CU execu- saw a guy by the window. Fennell described the two tive members met on November 23 to He was bent over my lap- burglaries as “probably discuss their relationship with YUSU. top. He looked at me and related”, and DC Avison However, the executive decided that their I just froze... he came said that the police have primary concern was to ‘speak for Jesus towards me and slammed “strong suspicions” that and live for Jesus’ and at present that the door in my face.” the Goodricke break-in right was not infringed. Legal action is Waite raised the was probably perpetrated being taken by Christian Unions nation- alarm and the security by “his partner... the sec- wide as they believe their freedom of services were called, but ond person who was seen speech and association is being infringed by the time they arrived to make off from the by current stance of their Students' the intruder had escaped Halifax burglary.” Waite Unions. However, at York a compromise through the window has since been called in by has been reached: the CU has no formal which he had forced open the police to “look at some Sarah Waite interruputed the thief in her bedroom. Photo: Ally Carmichael relationship with YUSU but receives sup- from the outside. photos of possible sub- port from the York Chaplancy. Later that night, resi- jects”, in an attempt to Unfortunately a lot of football match. Police secured against being dents of Halifax College positively identify the security people leave doors dusted for fingerprints, forced open from the out- York media success reported a “suspicious fig- intruder. unlocked, which is a big but have so far reported no side while others, Waite’s ure hanging around the When asked how problem down there, and leads. included, had not; except YORK WAS WELL represented at the college.” Security services often this sort of incident windows open.” Gill MacDonald, to say that “most windows recent NUS Student Media Awards, held were again called, who occurred, DC Avison Richard Remington, Goodricke College are already fixed, and the in association with the Press Association. held the suspect until the replied: “It’s such a big another first-year resident Administrator, refused to rest will be done as soon as Nouse was nominated for Best Student police arrived. campus that you’re going of Goodricke college, had comment on allegations possible.” She claimed “a Publication and Best Features Writer, Detective Constable to have people targeting it his wallet stolen from his that some windows in series of serious drain- and Vision picked up the award for Best Avison of North Yorkshire from time to time. unlocked room during a Goodricke had been blockages held up work.” Budget Publication. £55k spent on kitchen crisis compensation

By Hannah O’Shea and Derwent Blocks C and D, already been paid to affect- which will make the instal- completed by the workers fronted by unsatisfied par- Milda Sabunaite and Vanbrugh A Block, has ed students, and payments lation of hobs possible in all that were employed to work ents. Students also voiced been offered compensation will continue until the situa- kitchens. The University has on campus over the sum- their opinions on the issue THE KITCHENS CRISIS of £126. Residents of tion is fully rectified. still not explained why no mer. by voting in an online YUSU that has affected several col- Derwent A and B, According to letters action was taken before the The decision to imple- poll, and by setting up an leges has finally been Goodricke B, and Langwith sent out to residents, further beginning of the term. ment changes has come online campaign group. resolved after the Deputy A Blocks have been offered improvements of cooking Rich Croker, YUSU after extensive discussions “They have realised they Vice Chancellor Felicity the lesser amount of £72 as facilities in areas of President, said “If it had between YUSU and the made a mistake”, said Riddy announced a decision they had slighlty more Derwent, Goodricke, happened in the summer, it University. Students wrote Croker, “I suppose this one to pay out a total of £55,000 extensive initial facilities in Langwith and Vanbrugh are would have cost less”, multiple letters complaining is highlighted by the fact in compensation to affected their kitchens. due to be completed before explaining that the con- about inadequate facilities, that it hit so many people students. Compensation for the first January 15. The plans struction works in the and the Accomodation and it is going to cost a lot to Every resident of nine weeks of term has include wall extensions kitchens could have been Office was repeatedly con- fix.”

November 28 2006 MANAGING DIRECTORS: FEATURES DEPUTY: B & R EDITORS: NOUSE Jonathan McCarthy www.nouse.co.uk Venetia Rainey Vicky Hallam In this edition Grimston House (V/X/010) Laura McNicol Lucy Peden ARTS EDITORS: Vanbrugh College SUBEDITOR: Amy Milka B & R DEPUTIES: News 1-7 University of York Hannah Burnham Amy Scott Lauren Menzies Heslington Sam Whittaker Comment 8-9 NEWS EDITOR: ARTS DEPUTY: York Raf Sanchez Sarah Jeffries SPORTS EDITOR: Politics 10-11 YO10 5DD Simon Lichley NEWS DEPUTIES: MUSIC EDITOR: 12 Milda Sabunaite Sara Sayeed SPORTS DEPUTY: Letters Tel: 01904 434425 Nicky Woolf Tarun Patel Email: [email protected] MUSIC DEPUTY: Sport 13-16 STAFF REPORTERS: Ben Rackstraw WEB EDITOR: EDITOR: Hannah O’Shea Emma Gawen Heidi Blake Alex Stevens FILM EDITOR: Noel Edmonds M2 Dave Coates WEB DEPUTY: DEPUTY EDITORS: POLITICS EDITOR: Natasha Woodward M4 Daniel Whitehead Claire Yeo FILM DEPUTY: New Year’s Eve special Tom Smith James Fanning PHOTO EDITOR: Our supplement Muse has POLITICS DEPUTY: Georgi Mabee College rivalry M6 MUSE EDITOR: Jenny O’Mahoney LAST WORD EDITOR: exclusive interviews with Noel Ellen Carpenter Andreas Masoura Christmas special M10 COMMENT EDITORS: Edmonds, Paul Muldoon, New PRODUCTION MANAGER: Kate Smith LISTINGS EDITOR: The opinions expressed in Paul Muldoon M14 Toby Green Sam Thomas Emma Fite Wassilak this publication are not Year special and Chrsitmas, necessarily those of the M20 ADVERTISING MANAGER: FEATURES EDITOR: CARTOONIST: editors,writers,or advertisers Listings and features much more. Post open Jo Shelley Chris Turner NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by Tuesday November 28 2006 Snappy Snaps News 3 SU in ‘joke’ sex bingo scandal

By Jamie Merrill and anything that I did feel was Heidi Blake inappropriate or unneces- sary I would have stepped YUSU SABBATICAL offi- in with my welfare hat on cers have claimed that a sex and said no guys, don’t do game of “students’ bingo” this, but nothing did hap- devised by them was “only a pen.” joke” and was never intend- Dave Jones, Derwent ed to be carried out, amidst JCR Chair said: “It was just accusations of “inap- a joke, just a stupid jokey proapraite and compromis- gesture. It wasn't as if the ing behaviour” by student card was passed on to all the and University representa- lads; Amy [Woods] was tives. involved as well. It was Rich Croker, SU tongue in cheek. They’re President, has confirmed stupid enough to run for an that several sabbatical offi- SU position but they’re not cers were involved in draw- that stupid.” ing up a bingo card for the When asked what the two then single sabbs, Amy implications of freshers Woods and Ben Griffiths, hearing about the bingo aimed at “pulling” students game might be, Griffiths from various courses, col- replied: “It was supposed to leges, societies and years, in be between the six of us, a variety of locations such as because obviously we’re at a campus event or in really good friends, so the Ziggy’s, during Freshers’ welfare concerns it brings Week. Micky Armstrong, up put us in a very compro- the former YUSU mising position. If we’re President, is also alleged to having to work with stu- have been involved. dents we don’t know then Croker acknowledged something like that would that, while the “joke” was be fairly concerning, and not specifically aimed at detrimental to the hard freshers, they were not The bingo card was made for Griffiths (left) Amy Woods (right) on account of them being “single sabbaticals” work we do. “ excluded from the cate- Rich Croker, the SU gories. Sometimes you do things dents upon their arrival in a claimed that the game was things, and no-one has done President, said: “Any situa- Sam Marsden, a that you think are a joke new place.” “a joke”. He said: “Obviously anything inappropriate in tion where anyone's welfare University Welfare Advisor, without thinking about the When questioned, abusing your position for a my book.” is placed in jeopardy I spoke out on Friday against consequences, but at the Griffiths claimed that no game is wrong, but I think it The YUSU Academic would not consider funny. the actions of the sabbatical end of the day you have to card was made, but added was never carried out. It and Welfare Officer, Amy The fact that it was just a officers involved: “As a wel- take your role seriously.” “it was being bantered was meant as a joke, but I Foxton, was unwilling to joke about two sabbs who fare advisor I can appreciate An anonymous JCRC around during Freshers’ guess it’s fallen flat on its condemn the situation, were single, at the time was how comments like that Welfare Officer said: “I Week that this is the perfect face.” claiming that it had been funny to us.” Croker claimed would upset people: It’s not believe that the bingo card time to, you know, as it Woods said “it’s a “blown out of proportion”. that the current sabbatical constructive in terms of made was intended to be were... it was almost like a standing joke that you can She said: “to say that there team are the “most clean- building good relationships fun, but it's a sad time when matchmaking thing, but pull in Freshers’ Week, but I is a culture of inappropri- cut in years”. In terms of with students, or as a upper echelons of YUSU nothing ever came out of it.” would never ever do any- ateness is completely unjus- allegations of sleeping with demonstration of how the feel it appropriate to pray Matt Burton, thing like that... I have a fair tified with our sabbatical freshers he said “I think SU thinks of its freshers. on the vunerability of stu- Goodricke JCRC Chair, background in welfare team this year. If there was we’re the only who haven’t.” SU Women’s Officers propose Attack in Ziggy’s

By Raf Sanchez The bleeding victim was NEWS EDITOR taken into the back of the the censorship of ‘lads’ mags’ club in a condition of shock A CURRENT University of and had his wound cleaned By Anjli Raval and lies with young children as York student was violently up. Security staff searched well as students from reli- assaulted by a York graduate the club but the attacker had Stephanie Dyson gions that might find the at Ziggy's nightclub this already deserted the scene. images offensive. month. The victim, who The victim was unwill- A UNION General Meeting Opposition to the motion wishes to remain anony- ing to comment on the Motion proposing the move- was led by James Flinders. mous, was headbutted at the attack, saying “it's in the past ment of 'lads’ mags' in Rachel Hopkins, a first downstairs bar on the and I don't want to dredge Your:Shop to the top shelf year student, said the maga- November 1. that all back up again.” has failed to meet the quora- zines would be come associ- Another student who Of the attacker, he said cy and therefore was not ated with more pornograph- witnessed the attack was in “I know the guy and as far as passed, following the recent ic material and so “become the vicinity of the student I'm concerned he's on the UGM vote. more taboo.” when he was assaulted. edge of the earth. I just don’t The "Sexist Tom Seal, a first year The student, who wish- want to bring any of that up Publications" motion for- Sociology student, es to remain anonymous, now. A lot of my friends were warded by the YUSU described the motion as described the behaviour of very upset by what happened Women's Officers, Amy "political correctness gone the assailant as "drunk and and it’s for their sake that I Burge and Erin McAlister, The motion to censor lad’s mags in Your:shop failed wrong." cocky", and claimed that the don’t want to talk about it.” on November 14, specifically For a motion to be attack was "completely Attempts to bring police targeted magazines like "where people have to seek more explicit than publica- passed, 206 votes must be unprovoked." charges against the attacker FHM, Nuts and Zoo and them out to see them or to tions classed as pornogra- cast with a two-thirds The blow from the collapsed due to a lack of newspapers such as The cover the pornographic phy". majority in favour. headbutting opened up a “neutral witnesses”. Daily Star. images." The debate centered on The results for votes for several inch gash on the vic- His identity is believed Burge and McAlister The motion was based the issue that Your:Shop is UGM motions show a trend tim’s forehead, which the to be widely known but can- suggested that these publi- on claims that these 'lads’ open to a diverse range of of failure as a consequence witness claimed “splattered not be disclosed for legal rea- cations should be displayed Mags' are sexist and "often customers, including fami- of too few votes being cast. my shirt with blood”. sons. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 4 News Snappy Snaps November 28 2006

Full statement from Senior Departmental Administrator Heslington “The University has got complacent: we need a kick up the arse. We’re spending far too much time, money and effort on Heslington East, and as a result we’re forgetting the importance of our students.” Daniel Whitehead investigates the progress of the Heslington East “I am happy for my comments to be made public, but I don’t want my name to be revealed - I don’t want to end up getting sacked and development stacking shelves in Tescos.” SENIOR UNIVERSITY York officials express their officials are “very confi- dent” of receiving plan- opinions on the controversial ning permission from University drops Heslington East expansion: government minister Ruth Kelly within weeks for the controversial Mark Hill Heslington East expan- sion. The admission down league table Green Councillor comes during a period of By Jamie Merrill heightening protests from NEWS CORRESPONDENT “The large increase in population should not be at academic staff, council- the expense of York. The public inquiry is a bit of a lors and local residents ACADEMICS AND ADMIN farce really, you have to see the inquiry to see how about the legitimacy of staff have criticised teaching largely it is stacked in favour ofthe developers.” the proposals to build a standards at York at the same second campus in the sur- time as a new study sees the rounding village, and the University of York lose its place Dr Alistair Rider validity of the on-going at the top of a teaching quality public inquiry. league table. A recent survey by Under a reworking of York Academic Nouse on the thoughts of Quality Assurance Agency academic staff about the (QAA) teaching scores, the “The reasons for the expansion has little if nothing proposals revealed that University has dropped from to do with educational values; it strikes me as hav- 87% of respondants were 1st to 57th place in a teaching ing much more to do with commercial interests. concerned by the expan- quality league table. The master-plan is very nebulous.” sion, and 27% were This has come at a time strongly against it. when numerous academics and John Meacock Reasons cited for their staff have expressed concerns disagreement included about declining teaching quali- the legitimacy of the need ty at York as a result of the con- Head of Heslington for expansion, whether it centration of senior manage- East was in the interests of stu- ment on the Heslington East dents, and the environ- expansion. “If Heslington East doesn’t go ahead we will have mental problems associ- A Senior Departmental to reconsider what that means. It would be far ated with such a large- Administrator told Nouse “the from ideal and set the University back from its scale development. University needs a kick up the current plans quite significantly.” Alistair Rider, a arse: we have become compla- teaching fellow in History cent”. The Administrator, who Ceredig Jamieson- of Art Department, was wished to remain anonymous, Ball one of many who felt that also added “I think we are the motivation behind the spending far too much time, Lib Dem Councillor proposals was more com- money and effort on A reworked league table questions York teaching quality mercial than academic; Heslington East”. saying “The reasons for The recalibrated league have a knock-on effects on Alistair Rider, an acad- “The University has come up with a formula I the expansion have little, table and accompanying study teaching”. demic in the York Archaeology don’t agree with. I’m not sure how they’ve done if nothing, to do with edu- the maths but it certainly doesn’t add up. I’d say was first published in the jour- However, some University Department, said “it seems cational values; it strikes 70% of people are probably against it.” nal Quality in Higher officials and staff have dis- highly unlikely that the me as having much more Education. The study, written missed the new study. Trevor University will want to main- to do with commercial by a team of academics led by Sheldon, Pro Vice Chancellor tain a good teacher-student interests. Professor Robert Raeside of for Teaching said “It is nothing ratio [after the Heslington East Professors questionaire response “Currently the Napier University Edinburgh, official and is highly con- development], and so I can University seems only submits that general “bias” has testable and not official either. only see the academic quality in interested in quantity – until now favoured pre-1992 “This is just some research many parts of the University more subjects, more stu- universities. done by some academics which slipping”. 87% dents”. YUSU Academic and was published which uses a An academic from the Professors who Welfare Officer Amy Foxton range of statistical techniques English and Related Literature also drew attention to York’s to re-analyse the old teaching Department who requested said they were drop from the top ten universi- quality assessments carried out anonymity said “The expansion “concerned about ties in the Times 2007 League by the TQA. [Heslington East] appears to the expansion” Table, in which it has dropped Amy Foxton said “it is be proceeding at the expense of from 7th to 15th place this year, worrying to see York rated so our excellent teaching research as indicative of declining teach- poorly in terms of teaching but profile.” ing quality. I think it’s important to look at A 3rd year student of Furthermore, Professor the data of these results, which Educational Studies com- Tom Baldwin, Board of Studies were collected before current plained about the quality of Chair for Politics Economics York undergraduates had their department, saying “I’ve and Philosophy, who recently entered sixth form." applied for a PGCE and failed spoke out to criticise University Professor Raeside said of as my supervisor managed to 27% plans to change module struc- the research paper “the article use the wrong grade on my Professors who tures,, said “What’s worth is about demonstrating that application form. They down said they were This attention are the dramatic dif- using qualitative ratings as graded my predicted grade argument was ferences in staff/student ratios scores is wrong and this leads from a 1st to a 2:1.” They added “strongly against echoed by Green Party in different University depart- to the creation of league tables “If you get the wrong tutor the expansion” Councillor Mark Hill ments, which are bound to which are unreliable” you're screwed”. who, when giving evi- NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by Tuesday November 28 2006 Snappy Snaps News 5 East plan battles through Residential college Six new colleges will be built. They will contain halls of 3,300 Alcuin- style bedrooms for students. Heslington East 5000 To York The number of students that will be on the new campus city centre and campus

The lake The wetlands that are currently on the south-side of the site will be drained to form a lake

Sports Centre Student Venue The sports centre will include a The new campus includes a student swimming pool, fitness suite, tennis venue which will allow campus-wide courts and athletics stadium. social events such as FRESH and Conference Facility the Christmas Ball to take place on A conference centre will provide a campus. venue for visitors of the university. It will contain a 100 room hotel. Boundary of required land dence to the inquiry, while another asked “Why £1 million so far, there are tioned the need to which has to be weighed called the proposals “a ‘There’s no point in are our lives of no impor- concerns from many expand, saying “Does any- in.” However, he did commercial land grab”. building Heslington East tance?” stakeholders that one really know [what the admit that the University Hill also questioned Ceredig Jamieson- University finances and reasons for expansion] faced several problems, the legitimacy of the pub- to secure the future of the Ball, councillor for the teaching standards will be are? The University including the effects on lic inquiry, calling it University if the present Heslington ward has been severely affected over the should not adopt the the environment, resi- “biased”. He said “You particularly critical of the next decade. A senior modes of our competitors dents and University have to see the inquiry to isn’t being properly looked proposal, stating that the English academic said “At who are much larger and finances. “If it doesn’t go understand how largely it after’ vast majority of residents this point the financial richer than we are. Such ahead we will have to is stacked in favour of the believe there are “insur- crisis connected to the an approach will set us reconsider what that developers. The public Comment >> Page 29 mountable difficulties”, expansion seems to be firmly in the second tier of means. It would set back enquiry system is a farce”. adding “the University having a supremely nega- research institutions in the University from its Along with many inquiry stated that a sur- has come up with a for- tive effect on both teach- this country.” current plans quite signif- other councillors and aca- vey of local residents mula I don’t agree with.” ing and research. A few John Meacock, the icantly”. demic staff, Hill agreed found that 90% totally As recent figures new buildings seems a director of Heslington The final evidence is that permission was likely disagreed with the plans. show the University is poor return for decreasing East, stated “The overall expected at the public to be given but did not One disgruntled resident suffering from a large the current excellence of benefit to the city and the inquiry on Monday 27 reveal whether he recently stated “I feel like budget deficit and with the University.” wider region from November, and a decision planned on taking further a stranger in a village I estimated expenditure on Dr Helen Hills from employment and better is to be announced in action if the decision, have lived in for 60 years”, the public inquiry at over History of Arts also ques- education is something January 2007. expected to be made in January by Ruth Kelly, is in the University’s favour. Brian Cantor and four colleges residing 3,300 than a third of the new One of the most Heslington East: Government ministers by students as well as six campus territory would prevalent arguments Nouse journalists in June academic departments be dedicated to non-aca- against the proposals is The enquiry in context 2005, seeking their sup- introducing new subjects demic activities. In coop- the effects it will have on port in fighting the con- such as Law, Dentistry eration with companies already disgruntled resi- By Milda Sabunaite who signed petitions and troversial expansion and Drama. The such as ‘Yorkshire dents of Heslington vil- DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR established action groups, plans. Computer Science Forward’, who describe lage. Since plans for the and along with members In response, YUSU department, along with a themselves as a “business expansion were FOLLOWING the results of the University gathered passed a policy expressing part of Electronics and led organisation that aims announced in 2001, hun- of the public inquiry, the evidence against the their position on the mat- several others, would be to help improve the dreds of residents have final verdict on the future expansion. ter. The policy states sup- transferred. region’s relative economic voiced strong disapproval. of the Heslington East As a part of port for the expansion as Students are prom- performance”, the Evidence given at the project will be received Heslington East long as it “favours student ised a modern sports cen- University plans to estab- from Communities and Campaign launched by interests.” tre with a stadium and lish projects simillar to Local Government Nouse in May 2005, a The University swimming pool along York Science Park. Secretary Ruth Kelly in dossier of such com- expansion would double with a central student Much attention is January 2007. plaints, statements from the number of students venue which would host. also paid to expansion of 30% The need for a public University academics and on campus, whereas staff However, plans of research-related activities Percentage of the proposed inquiry emerged after other investigations was members would grow by the expansion are not and establishment of Heslington East site designated numerous expressions of compiled and presented 436% The new campus consistently concentrated spin-off companies on for commercial development disagreement local people to the Vice-Chancellor would include four new on student needs, as more campus. Sponsored by NOUSE: THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 6 News Snappy Snaps Tuesday November 28 2006 YUSU officer runs for Heslington Council election on student ticket

By Nicky Woolf electoral roll. However, here in 2001. Jamieson-Ball while students form the vast won the council election in DEPUTY NEWS EDITOR majority of the ward, there 2003 with a total of just 381 has been a continuous votes, a figure that reflects GRACE FLETCHER-HALL, record of low student the overall low voter the current YUSU turnout. This has meant that turnout. Campaigns Officer, has been in previous elections the A major advocate of selected as the official population of Heslington recycling in Heslington and Labour candidate for the village wields a dispropor- on campus, Jamieson-Ball York local council election. tionate amount of power at noted his achievements in She will go head-to-head the polls. this field, which include with the incumbent Liberal Fletcher-Hall, however, “ensuring that landfill tax Democrat councillor Ceredig identifies the difference credits are passed on direct- Jamieson-Ball, a former between this election and ly to students, to enable stu- York University student. The those of previous years: “I do dents to carry forward their council elections for think the student turnout recycling schemes.” Heslington ward will take will go up because, for the Jamieson-Ball, who is place next May. first time in an election, standing for re-election, Fletcher-Hall, a third- there will be a ballot box on described the upcoming year student of Philosophy campus.” election as “really a two- and Politics, has previously There has occasionally horse race” between himself held the position of YUSU been tension between resi- and Fletcher-Hall, adding Women’s Officer, and is cur- dents of Heslington and stu- that the Labour candidate is rently serving as Vice-Chair dents at the University, and “standing, basically, for Tony of the York University the proposed Heslington Blair’s policies, including the Labour Society, as well as East development has only war on Iraq.” YUSU Campaigns Officer. served to exacerbate this Fletcher-Hall claims “I want to see students problem. Of this Fletcher - that she has laid aside better represented,” Hall said, “what I really want national issues, saying “there Fletcher-Hall said, adding to do at this election is to are things that the Labour “students are very vulnerable find a way of talking to both government has done that I on a lot of issues - housing, parties and getting them to agree with, and things that I employment. Many of the get along, because I think disagree with; and for this issues that local councils deal the relationship between the election I really want to try with are issues where stu- students and the villagers to remind people that there dents are in need of repre- really needs to be sorted is so much that the Labour sentation.” out.” Party stands for. I don’t want The electorate in The current Liberal to see people manipulated, I Heslington ward is dominat- Democrat councillor, don’t want to see students ed by students. Non-stu- Ceredig Jamieson-Ball, was manipulated.” dents, including the resi- also a student at the The election will be dents of Heslington village, University, finishing a post- held on Thursday May 3, represent just 20% of the graduate degree in History 2007. Grace Fletcher-Hall will run for Labour Councillor in May. Photo: Ally Carmichael £2 million to York for stem cell research

By Alex Stevens treatment for prostate can- ary new technique allows believes the investment is an STAFF NEWS REPORTER cer.” them to isolate cancerous indicator of York's position at The work which has so stem cells, meaning they can the forefront of the world CUTTING-EDGE research attracted SCVI is an ambi- identify the particular genes research market. by University scientists has tious project to identify which are present in – and “We are extremely been rewarded with a £2m prostate cancer stem cells. It specific to – prostate cancer. pleased that Stem Cell investment from an is, according to Maitland, “a Pro-Cure and the CRU have Ventures Inc has made this American stem cell research completely new concept in established a 'toolkit' for investment in one of our key company. cancer therapy”. drug discovery which should spin-off companies. It is sig- The study, which Researchers at the help advance both cancer nificant that SCVI is a US involves identifying the pre- Cancer Research Unit have research worldwide, and biotech company and we are cursor cells of prostate can- isolated stem cells which are progress towards the devel- thrilled that the US is look- cer is being conducted by unique to prostate cancer. opment of a new prostate ing to York innovations for Pro-Cure Therapeutics, a They believe that this will cancer therapy. investment.” business venture based in the lead to better targeted treat- Prostate cancer spreads But Beckie Cooper, a York university science park. ments, and consequently a to other parts of the body in Biochemistry student and It was set up in 2001 to £2m goes to the Biology dept. Photo: Adam Sloan better quality of life for approximately 30% of cases. Chair of the Biosciences “commercialise output” from patients. It is in these cases that Pro- Society, sounded a note of the Biology department's its commercial input”. The founder and chief Stem cell research, par- Cure's research is thought to caution: “I'm obviously Cancer Research Unit. Dr Alan Raymond, the scientific officer of Pro-Cure, ticularly into the most potent have particular potential. At proud to be connected to a The investment is com- CEO of StemCell Ventures, Professor Norman Maitland, embryonic cells, is an area present, if the prostate can- department which is doing ing from StemCell Ventures said that the investment rep- announced that “this invest- which has frequently been cer spreads from the prostate such groundbreaking and Inc (SCVI), an American resents “a major milestone in ment by SCVI gives Pro- the subject of controversy. to form secondary cancers in useful research. But only as biotech company which spe- the transformation of both Cure the ability to translate However, research which bone marrow, there is no long as the aims of the cialises in finding “highly companies by combining our basic scientific knowl- involves mature, rather than effective treatment available. department remain academ- innovative scientific proj- world class science in York edge generated in the YCR embryonic, cells is generally Simon Newton, head of ic rather than in securing ects” in which to take a joint with global access to capital laboratory into the first steps agreed to be ethically sound. the University's Enterprise lucrative contracts such as interest, so as to “maximise markets”. towards a cancer stem cell Pro-Cure's revolution- and Innovation Office, this one.” NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by Tuesday November 28 2006 Snappy Snaps News 7 Heslington Hall arms protest

By Raf Sanchez NEWS EDITOR

A PRESENTATION to undergraduates by an agency of the Ministry of Defence sparked a student-led protest and occupation of Heslington Hall. The protest, which was headed by members of York Amnesty International and FreeSoc, aimed to disrupt a presentation by representa- tives of the Defence Science and Technology Laboratory (DSTL), which produces a range of aerial, naval and land-based weaponry. On the night of November 13, 16 protestors, wearing surgical masks and boiler suits with spray-paint- ed logos reading ‘Weapons Inspector’ on their backs, stormed into Heslington Hall minutes after the pres- entation began. Their original plan was to occupy the room in which the presentation was taking place and carry out a ‘weapons inspection’ before causing disruption by play- ing games and singing songs. Upon entering Heslington Hall, however, their access to the room was blocked by security, when one protestor claimed she was “smashed against a wall” by the attend- ing porter. The protestors then occupied the hallway outside Students dressed in white boiler suits occupy the lobby of Heslington Hall in protest against the presence of DSTL. Photos: Adam Sloan the presentation room for almost an hour. They began security staff. DSTL is a “legitimate right to invite members of room they were forced down presentation. by chanting statistics The talk by DSTL was employer”. the arms industry onto cam- a narrow corridor lined on Nina Gora of Amnesty through a megaphone from a organized by the Careers The Careers Service pus, Ferguson replied that either side by shouting pro- International claimed “the pamphlet entitled ‘DSTL: A Service, whose representa- offered to let a single repre- the Service’s job is “to pro- testors. natural progression of these Job to Kill For’. According to tive Angus Ferguson was sentative of the protest make vide information for stu- Dan Constable, an talks is people getting killed”.’ one such statistic, “More present. He said he recog- a five minute presentation to dents to make their own Electronics student, A DSTL spokeswoman than 500,000 people on nised that the protestors the assembled graduates to decisions.” The University described the protestors’ said in a recent statement average are killed with con- were “exercising their demo- put across their argument, charges £175 for use of pres- behaviour as “outrageous” “This incident will not deter ventional arms every year: cratic right” to protest, and an offer which the protestors entation rooms by compa- and “counter-productive” DSTL from giving future one person every minute”’ could understand that some declined. nies like DSTL. and said it would have been presentations and we are The protestors then began to students were upset. When asked whether As the undergraduates more effective to have taken keen to encourage graduates sing and hand out cake to However, he maintained that the Careers Service felt it was emerged from the meeting up the offer of the 5 minute to pursue a career in science”. ‘Safe space’ for LGBT Christians Man falls from 20ft By Hannah O’Shea Fenney, “Getting together balcony in Gallery STAFF REPORTER Christians in this situation is really important because a By Jenny Corbett and York resident, was taken to A FORMER MEMBER of lot of us may come from Tim Human intensive care. However, his the Christian Union has backgrounds where homo- injuries were not found to announced her aim to create sexuality is perceived nega- A CLUB-GOER narrowly be serious and he was dis- a “safe space” for LGBT tively.” The initiative has the escaped serious injury after charged over the weekend. Christians at York. support of the YUSU LGBT falling from a 20-foot-high Security staff disal- Deborah Fenney, whose Officers. balcony in The Gallery. York lowed entry to the club position as Social Action Ben Nichols, the LGBT students present on the while police and paramedics Representative in the Chair, said “As an SU officer night of November 17 worked at the scene of the Christian Union became responsible for the welfare of watched as the man was accident, leaving a crowd “untenable” after the emer- LGBT students I supported taken away by paramedics. outside, only reopening the gence of her liberal views on the idea and hence offered to The main dance floor doors once the injured man LGBT issues, is now seeking provide an initial point of was cordoned off for over an had been removed. Ben to set up a forum where contact for other people who hour by police, who Masters, a History and LGBT Christians can discuss St. Paul’s church in Heslington village near campus are interested”. Fenney has remained at the scene to Politics student, said "I issues and experiences, reli- Bible and possibly to make Fenney terms, “acceptance asked other University take details from remaining knew something wasn't gious and otherwise. visits to LGBT-friendly and fellowship.” A similar Christian groups to advertise witnesses. A police right when I saw the ambu- The initiative aims to churches all over the country. group was set up in the past the group, but claims that spokesman has since stated lance parked outside.” look objectively at different It also looks to provide an but was closed after the "It’s not about having mas- that they are treating the Luminar Leisure, who- Christian points of view on environment in which mem- graduation of its leading sive numbers: it’s about case as an accident. run The Gallery, refused to LGBT issues, to study the bers can experience what members. According to reaching those it applies to". The injured man, a comment on the incident. NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by 8 Comment Tuesday November 28 2006 Snappy Snaps 9 Comment & Analysis Heslington East Nice and sleazy does it Punching above our weight Rich Croker Next January marks the culmination of years of planning by SU President A joke is just a joke, but students won’t take their Union There are lies, damned lies and teaching statistics: still, University chiefs, as a public inquiry returns a verdict on plans to build a second campus on greenfield land, a move that will eventu- seriously as long as it keeps managing to turn itself into one University bosses should tread carefully over Heslington East ally see student numbers swelling by as much as 50%. Complaints fight their corner, not to mention help to right of officers to the sexual favours of With all the debt involved in doing a balance must be struck. In the past, York that the inquiry has been prejudiced from the beginning toward When deciding what area of life to cover pay off their loans into the bargain, they students, they should leave the bingo to degree, value for money is an increasing- has figured in the top ten of most news- developers and against local residents, coupled with the University’s have a right to expect that they'll stick to women of a certain age: they are, after ly important consideration for your aver- paper league tables and continues to do in this edition’s comments, I had just Francis Boorman knowing confidence that Government backing will be secured, sug- watched Cloud 9 – a superb performance Sam Thomas the principles on which they were elect- all, much more likely to win something. age student, and some students don’t feel extremely well. That should make every- gest a foregone conclusion that ought to be alarming to all whose by some of York’s Writing and Comment Editor ed. Whatever you think of covering up None of this is to say that sabbs Contributing Writer they’re getting the service they paid for. one here proud, but at the same time the Performance students. The play explores Nuts to protect Jodie Marsh's modesty, aren’t capable of taking their jobs seri- I don’t agree with this highly marke- University must be vigilant. It has never main concern is that York maintains its high academic standards, a range of issues that are still present in and there are plenty of reasons to think ously. That would be unfair: anyone tised view of education, and I don’t think fared particularly well in comparisons of and offers the best possible experience to future students. our society now, such as gender, sexuali- it's a pretty silly idea, it is at least easy to unfortunate enough to have experienced the quality of a degree course can be staff-to-student ratios and per-student Equally important is how the expansion will affect the ten thou- ty and race. You could be forgiven for square with the Union's objective of pro- a campus election season will know that measured by the number of teaching spending on facilities and equipment. sand or so students already here, and those who will arrive in the thinking I was going to go into a piece on moting sexual equality. The motion was those who reach the top of the greasy hours. However, if standards at York This would suggest that York As any seasoned campus observer will be proposed by the womens' officers, who pole are immensely, perhaps even irra- don’t keep pace with other universities punches above its financial weight, years to come before the new campus opens for business. Although gender, race or imperialism, but I’m not. The age-old dilemma of quality or quan- For this article, what the play itself is aware, the Students' Union can work in are students and work for free: there's no tionally proud of their positions. It would tity has presented itself to University of then resource allocation has to be ques- which means it should be even more York’s minor slip in this year’s league tables is hardly cause for panic, about is irrelevant. That I went to see it mysterious ways. Rarely, however, have reason not to trust that they genuinely also be dishonest to ignore the good work York administrators in recent times. The tioned, and the Heslington East develop- careful about where money is spent. This it might be a harbinger of problems to come if resources are divert- instead of going to Toffs or Vanbrugh bar its limbs managed to pull so violently in think it's the right thing to do by the that the Union does: for all its shortcom- University is going to get significantly ment can’t escape that questioning. is a teaching institution, and the students ed away from day-to-day concerns to pay for spiralling construction isn’t. opposite directions. As one metaphorical Union's policy. ings, its officers do more than anyone bigger if the planned Heslington East Perhaps, with more money coming need to take precedence over business costs. This must not be allowed to happen, and bland assurances The winter cold tells us that the hand snatches risqué magazines from Sabbatical officers are not students. else to help the student body limp slowly expansion gets the final go-ahead. But in from top-up fees, it is time to consider developments and conference facilities. summer and freshers’ buzz is over and the shelves of Your:Shop, another is They have no reason to be on campus and reluctantly towards being a vibrant can it keep improving at the same time? whether teaching standards are slipping There are complaints that Heslington from University bosses will not suffice to ensure that it doesn’t. everyone has started to begin the weekly making jokes about pulling students. other than doing the job they are paid community. But here's the rub: without Not if some recent league table and, if so, shouldn’t the problems with East is working to a different agenda. If If handled properly, expansion could be a great step forward for routine again every Monday. The end of Meanwhile, University bosses look on for. That's not to say they can't still be the full and active support and, crucially, results are anything to go by. A reassess- existing departments be corrected before York is to continue being a top university the University and its students: indeed, as often as they might seem term is approaching and money is tight; with studied indifference, siphoning cash involved in student life (it would be diffi- the respect of every student, the Union ment of teaching quality figures has seen any more are built? these complaints must be answered. at odds, the two have mutual interests that run far deeper than the the Sunday morning after Club D is a off into a cavernous pit a few miles to the cult for them not to be) but it does mean has no hope of ever making a lasting dif- York plummet from 1st place to 57th. At A couple of reservations must be There’s no point in building east. What is all too easily forgotten amid they should take the Union's policies ference, especially with University bosses noted. First, teaching quality is a pretty Heslington East to secure the future of skirmishes that so often distract from them. The University needs to bigger struggle than it was eight weeks the same time, York has moved from 8th ago. the light and heat so effortlessly generat- seriously, in private as much as in public. standing in the way. It hasn't even come to 15th place in the Times league table. ephemeral subject to be captured in the University if the present isn’t being attract the best faculty, who want to teach the brightest students; in So what now? Why not try to break ed by Union officers and keen-eared If they don't feel they can do that, they close to securing this support, and noth- Officially, the University isn’t too league tables. The lower positions York properly looked after. Maintaining excel- turn, students want to be taught by academics who are capable of the student stereotype and do something campus hacks is the real object of the can propose whatever changes to them ing could do less to stop the rot than the worried, particularly by the reassess- now occupies are, in one instance, thanks lent academic standards is the only way exciting and inspiring them. So it is that staff and students depend that won’t cost you a fortune or leave you whole enterprise: looking after the inter- they like. But as long as the YUSU char- fraternity-style antics of people who real- ment. And yes, it is just a rehashing of to the re-interpretation of statistical data to persuade the brightest and the best entirely on each other: both are equally crucial to the University’s with a mouth like the badger’s proverbial ests of students. ter contains no explicit mention of the ly ought to have grown out of it by now. old figures; but with worried staff voicing and, in the other, only apply to one students to continue coming here. in the morning? Why not try something All those involved with the bingo concerns in Nouse, perhaps it shouldn’t league table amongst many. Many would So, is the University aiming for size success. that doesn’t involve spending half your hall nudge-winkery insist that despite be dismissed out of hand. question the value of league tables to or stature? It looks like the decision to The challenge is to satisfy all the competing concerns that are student loan on a few snakebites and anything that might have been said, or It’s worth noting that dissenters begin with. grow outwards has already been made. involved in any change of this scale, a balancing act that University double vodka red bulls? any scoresheets that that were drawn up, from within the University have chosen Second, it’s not quite as simple an Let’s hope the University can remain bosses must acknowledge in deed as well as word. That means Take Drama Soc for example. With a it was all nothing more than a bit of fun; to remain anonymous. If this is a non- issue as taking money from construction committed to growing upwards at the a joke easily made, and even more easily projects and spending it on teaching. A same time. working to improve the lot of students today who, behind all the different performance running every issue, then what are they worried about? week of term, there is little doubt that forgotten. It's perfectly likely that they're petty complaining, have genuine grievances that are being ignored. something should catch your eye. telling the truth. Moreover, anyone Like what? Try a library preserved from the 1970s, residences stuck Whether it is a mind-engaging play or tempted to throw down moral standards in the 1960s, and a campus social life moored securely to the 1920s. some light humour, there’s something to for others must first realise that they may well end up standing accused of Shooting themselves in the foot In short, if things don’t get better now, campus two won’t change a cater for all tastes. Indeed, if you fancy a couple of hours of playful banter that will hypocrisy. After all, there are few traits thing. A kick up the arse? Take note, Brian: we’ll keep on kicking leave you with tears in your eyes, the less attractive than criticising the moral FreeSoc’s brand of anarchism might make a lot of racket, but it until we’re moving into a shiny new Nouse office, built upon YUSU Comedy nights in Wentworth pratfalls of others whilst behaving little Heslington’s green and pleasant land. could be for you. better one's self. So, with that in mind, won’t change the world, or our insatiable appetite for killing Or why not do what everyone always what right do we have to stick our necks means to do, but never gets round to out and cast the first stone? protested. The Heslington Hall demon- ence between Careers Services’ associa- doing and go to see a speaker put on by a There are two good reasons, and stration is a perfect example: what was it tion with DTSL and the issue that arose society or attend a debate. Maybe even go both are matters of that most unfashion- about? One would be tempted to suggest last year surrounding the University's one step further and debate yourself. All able of concepts: integrity. The first and Ben Martin that they object to the University Careers investment in BAE systems. The latter A matter of principle Service’s association with DTSL. The lit- was an issue that concerned all students of these opportunities are available most basic problem is the responsibilities Contributing Writer through the huge array of societies that sabbatical officers take on when they erature they handed out at the protest and forced them to decide, as members If this edition seems unusually high in moral fibre, it shouldn’t come YUSU offers. agree to accept a salaried position repre- focuses on Britain's arms export policy, of the University of York, whether they as a surprise. Blame Bob Geldof, blame Al Gore, but ethics are no If you fancy taking some time away senting students. What they do in their the Iraq war, and even the training of wanted to be associated with an ethically longer the preserve of German philosophers and smoke-damaged from campus then why not check out the time off is their own business; they have Osama bin Laden by the CIA, all testa- dubious company. DTSL's presence in ment to the woolliness promoted by their Heslington Hall was not such an issue. beatniks. Nowhere is this more true than on campus, where stu- ‘The Ice Factor’ ice rink next to Clifford’s social lives outside of student politics (at tower. They also serve superb cookies in least, you really have to hope that they FreeSoc break into Heslington Hall dur- brand of anarchism. The Careers Service has a duty to dents are increasingly looking for a worthier outlet for energy once the rink-side cafe! What could be better? do) and ought to be allowed to keep them ing a recruitment presentation hosted by One gets the feeling that FreeSoc provide as much help as possible in find- expended on the older, nobler pastimes, like casual sex, and binge Or maybe take in some real York heritage separate and private. So far, so very the Defence Science and Technology may in part have been protesting against ing jobs for graduates. Students must drinking. and take a tour of the Minster, which is uncontroversial. When it comes to the Laboratory, a Government agency the mere existence of 'war' and have the power to challenge the ethical An argument often made is that once moral standards are hoist- free with student ID. Alternatively, if you welfare of students during Freshers' responsible for military technology. They 'weapons', debates that are both incredi- policy of the University, but equally the Week, however, what they say publicly make a racket and throw cake around: an bly anachronistic (it’s not the 60s any University must refrain from asserting ed by the masses they lose all their meaning and become empty slo- fancy meeting the bracing winter air head on, then take a walk with Outdoor ought to be no different to what they say unmitigated triumph for ethical and more) and ultimately pointless. Even the any type of moral agenda onto its stu- gans. It’s no coincidence that those found towing this line tend Soc and enjoy a tasty pub lunch along the behind closed doors. To promise stu- human-rights conscious students. most beautifully baked chocolate cake dents. either to be the previous sole occupiers of the high-ground, reluc- way (the accompanying pint of real ale is dents their welfare is being taken seri- A self-styled "anti-authoritarian, will fail to satisfy man's insatiable The presence of arms manufactur- tant to share their patch, or else the philandering, city-driving, watt- optional, of course!). ously, then to fail to do so when you think anti-capitalist, activist society", FreeSoc, appetite for conflict and killing. FreeSoc, ers on campus is a highly charged issue. stand, in my view, as the quintessence of either unclear about its position, or else Clearly most of us would like as little guzzling objects of ethical scrutiny. I guess what I’m trying to say is that that nobody's listening, is totally inde- next time you’re wondering what to do fensible. everything wrong with student politici- simply unable to express it, refused an association as possible with such compa- Nonetheless, more ethics don’t necessarily mean sound ethics. on an evening when the money’s tight That in itself is sanction enough for sation. Their hackneyed anti-Bush-Blair- offer from Career Services to present its nies, but the debate is complex and John Stuart Mill sagely advised that unargued opinions breed tired and you don’t feel like the same old, take a slap on the wrist. But there's another Oil-Iraq-Conspiracyism has become case to the assembly. Clearly, the great multi-faceted. Groups such as FreeSoc dogmas. Tedious as his own tortuously argued opinions often were, a look around the poster boards and see problem, one that goes deeper, and lies at such common pub-chat currency that it coup, provoking a visit from the police, simply hijack such issues to feed their it’s still something worth remembering as the cake flies past your what else is going on around you that you the heart of the uncomfortable truth that has lost all political resonance. Their gar- was enough to render the protest a suc- narcissistic desire for publicity, and have most students at York regard their Union bled anti-everything stance means that cess, despite leaving students none the succeeded in obscuring the debate head. All the same, the more people are talking about the right thing never even realised. There will always be something on - it is just up to you to find as a harmless but ultimately impotent “You’re sure this is how everyone gets in with the Students’ Union?” the act of protest itself has become more wiser about the debate. behind improvised balaclavas and badly to do, the better the chances that one fine day we might do it. it! talking shop: If students elect people to Cartoon by Chris Turner important to them than the cause being I see a subtle yet important differ- drawn banners. >> INTERVIEW M2 >> SCIENCE M12 AUTUMN WEEK EIGHT We chat to Noel Edmonds The future of the AIDS virus November 28 2006 MUSE

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1... The 5 best places to see in the new year M4-5 M2 Interview 28/11/06 Making the deal of his life

90s icon Noel Edmonds is back on our screens Night Takeaway they lift a lot of our stopped presenting it, it has been in ideas, and they do it very well. I did decline.” I give a nervous chuckle, won- always think history would be kind to dering if his self-confidence knows and proving a greater success than ever House Party and just six years on peo- even greater bounds. “And for once ple are now bemoaning the fact there that’s with my tongue firmly in my before. Toby Green talks to the bearded aren’t more shows like that for all the cheek.” family. I’m very comfortable with it, He certainly recognises his own wonder about his extraordinary comeback although maybe not so comfortable achievements, and you can see why about the pink and yellow thing.” people can gain a dislike for him on the Ah yes, Mr Blobby. Apparently the grounds of what they perceive to be chart-topping performing artist and arrogance, but the way he deals with t may not come as too much of a make your desires come true. The blurb primary mischief maker on Noel’s the low points in his life suggests that surprise, but Noel Edmonds is a on the back of the book claims that House Party is as detested by Edmonds he is simply honest about himself. pretty contented man, and so he Edmonds’s “belief in himself and the himself (who owns the rights but However, one area which he doesn’t Ishould be. Following a six year cosmos have brought him back to our claims not to have had any part in his address with confidence is his unlikely absence from our TV screens after the screens in Deal or No Deal.” I asked creation) as by those who ever had the status as a sex symbol. Although I axing of Noel’s House Party in 1999 (he him whether he had encountered any, misfortune to be exposed to his music quickly apologise when I describe this denies that this time was a wilderness: God forbid, cynical reactions to his cru- (after ‘Mr Blobby’ reached number one status as “unlikely” he protests with a “I was farming in Devon, I was running sade. “You know what? The feedback in December 1993 the follow up, chuckle. “Nah it’s OK, you should stick a number of companies and I was has been extremely positive. I make it with unlikely.” enjoying life very much indeed”) his clear at the beginning of the book that “I am most grateful, now that I am career was reborn; he was chosen to I’m not an expert or a guru. We live in a single, for the attention of certain front Channel 4’s smash-hit game show challenging time: we’ve got terrorism, members of the female sex, but I do get Deal or No Deal, in 2005. His positivi- worries about multi-cultural Britain sent some really peculiar letters and ty is obvious from the start. When I and people are unsettled by their objects, some of which I suspect have enquire how he is, his first response is, neighbours. It can be really easy to be been used.” He reads my mind when he “You know what? It’s pretty good being negative, and all the book says is if you suggests we shouldn’t go into the me at the moment.” can find a positive focus you will have a specifics. “I’ve got teenage daughters As honest as he has been about his better time in life.” and they just cringe whenever I say self-belief and success, he’s been equal- The belief system has worked anything of a personal nature. I’ve been ly truthful in addressing his lows. In wonders for him, at least. He’s recently asked before about the most peculiar various papers he has openly discussed signed an extension to his Deal or No place I’d ever had sex, and I said the recent deaths of his mother, aunt Deal contract, and he predicts that its Warrington. I think that’s as far as Noel and 20 year marriage. “The thing is, I runaway success can be sustained with Edmonds can go on the subject.” would rather talk about my problems him still at the helm, at least for the Sex isn't the only controversial myself rather than having it distorted foreseeable future. topic on which he regularly fields ques- by tabloid journalists. I’ve had setbacks “I think it would be a very brave or tions. For many the 'Edmonds beard' is like everyone else, and I don’t think foolish person who could predict the “My jumper days are happily his defining feature. “Yeah it’s strange, I there’s anything wrong with admitting show’s life expectancy, but I’m certainly don’t know why people are so obsessed that; although the image may be to the having a good time and the audience over. I’m a complete fashion with my beard, I really don’t know. I contrary, it has been tough at times. reaction remains very positive. My always get criticisms like that though: I’ve had a few ups and downs, but for- career is completely focused on Deal or disaster to be honest; I work on people make reference to my height, tunately for me the downs have been No Deal, and why wouldn’t it be? It is they make reference to my beard and few and the ups have been pretty high.” so successful and people have been the idea that fashion is cyclical they make reference to the fact that I’ve His latest venture is generous about my role, so what else got a lot of hair on my head, which I’m promoting his new can I take on?” and I’ll come back in” most grateful for. Thinking about it book, Positively One key - and often ridiculed - though, maybe it’s because it’s changed Happy, in which aspect of the show is the strategies that ‘Christmas in Blobbyland’, managed very much down the years.” he extols the the contestants implement in order to number two) or the computer games I suggest that to distract attention virtue of choose the boxes that they open, that followed. from his facial hair, he should bring ‘Cosmic attempting to add some façade of skill “I don’t think I will be forever back the equally notorious jumpers. Ordering’, a to what is essentially a game of luck. haunted by Mr Blobby, although if I am “Haha, my jumper days are happily New Age belief But Edmonds denied being as incredu- I hope it will be because he’s still a very over. The show we recorded for Bonfire that involves lous as many of the show's detractors big commercial success” admits Night had everyone wearing woolly connecting to the about the reasons that crop up. “I love Edmonds. “Until recently people would jumpers, and the Boxing Day show has Cosmos, using it, I absolutely love it, all the analysis shout ‘Blobby Blobby Blobby!’ at me a woolly jumper gag, but I don’t partic- its energy and spiritualism. However, as far as I when I walked down the street, and ipate in that any more. to can see it’s reasonable to say no system now they shout ‘Deal or No Deal!’, and “I’m happy with my look at the has ever worked. The only one I’ve I’m much more comfortable with that.” moment on Deal or No Deal; it has to admired is when a chap turned up Edmonds' entertainment legacy be practical as we do three shows a day. with a Chinese takeaway menu, start- stretches still further back: he started To be honest I’m a bit of a fashion dis- ed with the prawn balls and off at Radio Luxembourg in 1968 aster and I’m very lucky that my worked his way through to before hosting, amongst other shows, wardrobe lady chooses all my shirts. I the sesame seeds.” the Radio 1 Saturday breakfast show, work on the idea that fashion is cycli- Although Deal or No Swap Shop and the recently-defunct cal, and therefore one day I’ve got to be Deal has built a consider- Top of the Pops. Although he finds it fashionable as things come round. It’s able student following in sad, the demise of the latter has not safer that way.” its teatime slot, many in come as a complete surprise. Without wanting to sound like our generation (or at “The reason that it lost its appeal Noel's biggest fan, I find the fact that least those of us who is pretty straight-forward. The whole he is so aware of his place in ‘culture’ spent Saturday nights climate had changed, time just passed but refuses to understate his own suc- in front of the TV) it by and I’m surprised it lasted as long cess and talent somewhat appealing. will fondly as it did. I have to say that ever since I Like Chris Tarrant and Who Wants to recall Noel as be a Millionaire, Noel Edmonds is syn- the host of Nouse has made a deal with Noel to give away a copy onymous with Deal or No Deal and the (I suggest of his new book, Positively Happy, as well as the makes it the show it is. Love him or to Noel “ground break- accompanying CD.To have a chance of making your hate him, it seems the latest ascendan- ing”) Noel’s House Party. cy in his career is set to continue for a “I think House Party has had quite life happier through the cosmos, just answer: On little while longer. an influence on the entertainment which satirical programme was Noel duped into Positively Happy: Cosmic Ways to genre, I mean Ant and Dec have made pledging his support for a campaign against ‘cake’ (a Change Your Life by Noel Edmonds is no secret of the fact that on Saturday made-up drug)? Send answers to [email protected]. available to buy now at RRP £9.99. 28/11/06 Interview M3 M4 Travel 28/11/06 Budget breaks for New

New Year’s Eve doesn’t have to mean kissing a spotty drunk in your local. Emma Gawen explores the alternatives

f you’re anything like me, you will be looking to this New Year’s Eve with a feeling of dread rather than Iexcitement. Last year I spent the evening rather thrillingly in my local Wetherspoons, which I think justifies Clockwise from my unenthusiastic attitude toward this top: New annual event. This year though, I will Year’s Eve be ignoring the cries of local environ- mental activist Rose Rickford and jet- celebrations in ting off somewhere exciting to see the Edinburgh, New Year in. Berlin To get the most out of New Year and Rome travel you need to embrace budget air- lines, not be over-bothered about where you sleep and be flexible. Flights to Prague too expensive? No problem. Just look for somewhere else to go. The beauty of spending New Year abroad is that once you get there, you don’t necessarily have to spend lots of money to have a good time. You can save money on taxis by staying at a hos- tel in the centre of town, and alcohol is cheaper too. Add to this the excitement of being in a new place and you won’t have any trouble having a good night. You can even stay in your city of choice for a few days afterwards and soak up the culture. Again, this doesn’t have to be expensive: you can sample a city for free if you do your research and avoid museum admission fees. What better way to bring in the New Year? Rome market and buy some bread, mozzarel- Berlin Brandenburg Gate and the Communist Rome is a place of excess: beauti- la and salami, then eat in style at your television tower in Alexanderplatz ful and passionate people, a wealth of chosen viewpoint, all for roughly £2. Berlin is a thoroughly modern city Nightlife and New Year’s Eve: architectural wonders and an incredi- Must Sees: The Colosseum, the with a reputation for buzzing nightlife Berlin plays host to the world’s largest ble cultural heritage. With the short Trevi fountain and St Peters Basilica. and fantastic culture. It is also a very open air New Year’s Eve party. The time available you could attempt to see Nightlife and New Year’s Eve: The old European capital with a chequered Silvester celebration is held along a bit of everything, but I would suggest popular option on New Year’s Eve is the past. The city’s charm lies in this juxta- Strasse des 17 Juni, and is a massive you pick your poison: churches and Piazza del Popolo, with the usual position of the past - with its Prussian street party stretching 2km from the cathedrals, the Vatican City, art gal- crowds, music and fireworks. There’s statues and harsh communist facades - Brandenburg Gate to the Victory leries, roman wonders, or even some also a concert of classical music on the and the present, a vibrant and exciting kind of Dan Brown quest. However, square in front of the Presidential example of modern urban development even better is to think like an Italian: Palace, the Quirinale. For nightlife and architecture. Be sure to visit the Useful information for the New Year Traveller kick back, relax and enjoy fantastic head to Monte Testacchio. Be warned: last remaining parts of the Berlin Wall, www.skyscanner.net food and wine in beautiful surround- Italians are known for their style for a whilst historians should take the time Search for, compare prices and book flights from a variety ings. Any self-respecting Italian would reason, so dress smartly. Think of it as to visit Checkpoint Charlie or the of cheap airline companies. spend at least three hours over a decent an opportunity to dress up a bit more Jewish Museum. To sample the more meal, so be prepared to do some seri- than you would for Ziggy’s. modern delights of Berlin, visit the www.hostelworld.com ous relaxation. Avoid the main tourist Getting There: Travel from Reichstag Dome and Potsdamer Platz, areas for eating, as you may well end up December 30 until January 4 could home to high-rise offices, shops and Find and book hostels all over the world. Also features with an over-priced pizza. Seek out a cost you as little as £45 with Ryanair. restaurants. For a truly budget visit, country and city guides, and a network of other travellers. traditional trattoria for good value and Try staying in the hostels in the centre just wander where your legs take you, delicious food - the translation troubles of town for New Year’s Eve and then as this is one of the best cities to simply www.lonelyplanet.com will be well worth while. Or if that’s out moving further out to more budget explore and absorb. Find information on pretty much any country in the world of your budget, go into a local super- options for the rest of your stay. Must Sees: The Reichstag, the and exchange ideas and tips in the Thorn Tree forum. 28/11/06 Science M5

The scientific briefing with Year’s Eve Luke Boulter

Space can be so cold and

Column, with food stands, beer running special events, and to end the alone: Pluto’s ordeal tents, live music, DJs and a spectacular night in style, take some fireworks display at midnight. The champagne/cheap alcohol and join the party goes on all through the night, and crowds waiting by the Minster to see in s a biologist, I know that a sci- to approve the name 'Plutonians' for is a loud, colourful event: last year over the New Year. entist has to work hard; there the dwarf planets orbiting beyond a million people partied into the early Must sees: Central Hall at dawn, is a lot to remember, but the Neptune, which was an alternative to morning. Best of all, it’s completely the physics block. Aphysicists’ workload has just the original suggestion, 'Plutons', to free. Make sure you get there early as New Years Eve Events: There’s a been chopped back a little with the re- which geologists objected. Owen it’s incredibly popular. To find out more Black and White Ball at the Gallery and classification of Pluto. They only have Gingerich, chair of the committee, said visit www.silvester-berlin.de or pick up most likely an event at Toffs. The alter- to memorise the names of eight planets that the process of arriving at a work- Exberliner for the very latest bar, club native option is a Rock ‘n’ Roll New now, instead of the weighty nine they able resolution was like diplomacy in and restaurant reviews. Year’s Eve at Fibbers. Tickets are £10 once had to contend with. the Middle East. Of 10,000 Getting There: Travelling from the on the door. On August 24 2006, a vote by the astronomers, only 428 were present for 30th until the 4th could cost you Getting there: Walk out your front International Astronomical Union the vote, a minority voted on the last around £90 with Ryanair. Book door, or get the FTR for £2.50 return. (IAU) at their 2006 General Assembly day to add the third clarifying criterion. accommodation as soon as possible for saw Pluto stripped of its planet status. For 100 hours after the decision the best deals. Edinburgh For fans of Pluto, it was a sad occasion. was made, a petition circulated But it came about because astronomers amongst planetary scientists and Barcelona For the ultimate New Year’s Eve have never really formalised what a astronomers as evidence of the experience head to Edinburgh’s planet actually is - until now. strength of feeling. It said,”We, as plan- Barcelona is the city of Gaudí, and Hogamanay festival. If you’re lucky, The debate started after the recent etary scientists and astronomers, do if you visit here your first stop should you’ll know someone whose floor you discovery of new objects in our solar not agree with the IAU's definition of a be La Sagrada Familia, his awe-inspir- can crash on. If not, with beds going for system that were larger than Pluto. A planet, nor will we use it. A better defi- ing fantasy cathedral. Construction over £50 a night it may not be possible Planet Definition Committee, com- nition is needed.” The petition was started 100 years ago and continues to sample the full four day festival. prised of historians, writers and signed by 300 prominent planetary sci- today. But there is much more to However, if you want to have an epic astronomers met in July to draft a new ence experts. Barcelona that Gaudí. It’s a busy, noisy, New Year’s Eve and feel happy sleeping planetary definition. The much-publi- Even Gingerich is not satisfied dynamic city, buzzing with enthusiasm cised proposal to add three new planets with the new category of 'dwarf' plan- and a passion for the good things in to our solar system failed to gain ets, describing the term as linguistical- life. Barcelona is not a city for muse- approval by astronomers. ly preposterous. Likewise, Alan Stern, ums, so try taking a walking tour. A celestial body in our solar sys- Principal Investigator of NASA's New Make sure you visit the Gothic quarter tem must now meet three conditions to Horizons mission to Pluto, describes and lose track of time in the maze of be a planet: It must be in orbit around the decision as a 'terrible mess' and dis- small streets and alleyways, stopping at the sun; have sufficient mass for its likes the unscientific idea of limiting a small tapas bar for lunch. If you want self-gravity to overcome rigid body the number of planets. Although the something more mainstream, try Las forces and assume a hydrostatic equi- third criterion is intended to cover Ramblas, a busy boulevard that has librium (nearly round) shape, and have objects orbiting in the Asteroid or enough shops, cafes and restaurants to enough mass to clear the neighbour- Kuiper Belts, Stern claims that other keep you occupied all day. The beach is hood around its orbit. planets have also failed to absorb or also the perfect (and free) place to Pluto does not have enough mass knock away their orbital debris. drink and rest after a long day. to satisfy the third condition, but it But coming up with a new defini- Must Sees: La Sagrada Família, does fit into a new category of 'dwarf tion was no easy matter. The commit- L’Aquarium, and the Picasso Museum, planet’, which describes a non-satellite tee was specifically charged with con- which houses over 3500 works of art. ‘A discerning attitude object without enough mass to clear its sidering social and historical context Nightlife and New Year’s Eve: orbit. Of the three new planet con- when coming up with defining criteria. There are no big publically-organised towards your airline, tenders - Ceres, Eris and Charon - The choice of 'roundness' as a criterion New Year’s Eve celebrations in Ceres and Eris have also been placed in for planetary status reflects the com- Barcelona, but this doesn’t mean you combined with any kind this category and Charon simply mittee's sensitivity to the broad cultur- can’t have a good time. To welcome in remains Pluto's moon. al significance and use of the term. the new year in true Spanish style, It has long been clear that Pluto is Likewise, moons were maintained as spend the evening eating good food, of concern for air pollution, different from other planets. Not only distinct entities from planets. drinking cheap wine and soaking up is it much smaller - about 1600 miles in Robin Catchpole of Cambridge the ambiance. The party doesn’t get will get you nowhere’ diameter - but its elongated orbit is tilt- University Institute of Astronomy started until much later than in ed in relation to other planets, causing believes that the new definition is the England, when the crowds gather in in train stations, there’s a train back to it to be nearer to the sun than Neptune lesser of two evils. Although he would the bars and clubs of Las Ramblas. York at 8am on New Year’s Day. The for part of its 248-year journey. have preferred to keep Pluto on histor- Getting There: Travel from the city will be packed with visitors enjoy- The discovery of an object nick- ical grounds, he had been unhappy 31st until the 5th for just £45 with ing a party atmosphere, so find yourself named 'Xena' (but now officially about the original proposal to allow 12 Easyjet. a bar, soak up the ambiance and then named 'Eris') put Pluto under pressure. planets. He would have preferred the head out at midnight to see the 7 Hills Using the Hubble Space Telescope, term 'minor planet' to the term 'dwarf York Fireworks. There are launch sites they showed that this icy Kuiper Belt planet', but believes that the names across the city including the castle, and object, 10 billion miles from the sun, given to objects are not too important. If you have exams or dissertations, can be seen for miles around, so stum- was slightly larger than Pluto. Perhaps the IAU's task was an or are simply really short of cash this ble out of the pub at midnight and Astronomers reasoned that if Pluto is a impossible one. As far as the public was holiday, you may just end up back in you’ll be sure to catch site of them. planet, so is Eris. But what if, using concerned, the scientists were in the York. All is not lost, however. York is Must sees: Edinburgh castle, the ever-improving instruments, they familiar position of being unable to one of the premier tourist cities in Royal Mile. make further discoveries in the Kuiper provide the certain and watertight def- England, and there’s plenty to see and New Years Eve Events: Buy tickets Belt? To avoid a large and confusing inition required of them. Conversely, do. Try taking a walk around the City quick for the ultimate street party. The number of planets, many of which some astronomers feel that they Walls, or visiting the Minster Gardens. Royal Bank Street Party hosts 3 stages: might not merit the title, the commit- accommodated cultural context at the If you haven’t yet visited Betty’s, stop in An indie stage (featuring the Fratellis), tee chose a more restrictive definition. expense of good science. for a cup of tea before you head home. a folk stage, and a cheesy pop stage By declaring Pluto the first in a With the IAU currently consider- The easy option for New Year’s Eve is to which will surely be the favourite of any special subcategory, astronomers may ing a dozen candidate dwarf planets, have a house party. It’s cheap, it’s fun, self-respecting York student. Tickets have hoped to console Pluto fans, but the argument about how to categorise and it’s the one time of year when your cost £5. Live acts from 10pm-1am. online petitions indicate that they have them may have only just begun, and neighbours aren’t going to complain Getting There: A standard return failed. At the meeting, disagreements where does this leave Pluto? Probably about the noise. If you don’t fancy the fare with a travel card costs £43.90, were also evident, most notably just in a cold dark place somewhere post-party clean-up, there are plenty of but if you book in advance you could between dynamicists and geologists. teetering only just on the edge of our options in the city too. Lots of bars are get there and back for £25. The meeting failed in a close vote defined universe! M6 Feature 28/11/06 ‘I’m glad I’m not in...’ Lepers in Halifax? Posh boys in James? Losers in Langwith? Fresher and ‘Alcuinite’ Collette Kerrigan asks whether there’s truth in college stereotypes on campus

Pretend you’re not from Alcuin” Or are we just insecure about our own were the wise, if slightly worrying college-worthiness? words said to me by a third year on On top of this, some even stretch “my first nerve-wracking night in to inter-block rivalry, wherein blocks or York. Being a naïve fresher, I didn't flats form cliques and pit themselves understand quite what he meant. Great against each other. For example, accommodation, lovely people - what Goodricke’s B-block is generally could be the problem? laughed at by other blocks for being the Later, after a week of what the cyn- ‘quiet’ block. Low-key block parties fea- ical might call ‘community spirit force ture highly on campus, but also have the feeding’, I began to see his point. While potential to go wrong. A few weeks ago, being encouraged to identify with and Alcuin L block organised an event that, cheer for the college we had moved into strictly speaking, was prohibited. As a mere 24 hours ago, we were also, with many college parties, this was absurdly, warned by college veterans to advertised on the legendary Facebook. keep a low profile around certain stu- Big mistake. Students from an external dents. Having not ventured too far out- college, having come across and been side our Alcuinite clique, rumours unimpressed by this “exclusive” party, about the other colleges had begun to reported it to Alcuin’s supervisors, and circulate like wild-fire: did James thus prevented the event from ever tak- College really have cleaners who did ing place. their washing for them? Did The popularity of the various JCRs Goodricke's infamous Cell Block C is an important part of the cultivation of actually have iron bars in the windows? college spirit. It goes without saying The ‘Alcuin Freshers’ Guide’ was partic- that the bar scene is a large part of uni- ularly good at labelling college stereo- versity life and this makes many people types: Wentworth’s hostility towards believe that James’ lack of student bar undergrads, Halifax’s cliquey tenden- must lead to poor college unity. By con- cies, Langwith - “the weedy little broth- trast, Goodricke’s “Mc.Q’s” is a big hit er of Derwent”. It was only when I met among most students and with its pub someone from Derwent who, with sur- theme and general lively atmosphere, prising sincerity, asked whether or not they are likely to congregate here on a our flats all had private butlers, that I week night flaunting their “squalor realised what the Alcuin label meant, spirit”. Derwents bar’s popularity gener- and it dawned on me that perhaps these ates a large turnover, resulting in more other stereotypes were just as ridicu- money to spend on college spirit neces- lous. sities - namely their copious items of But from where do these stereo- DCUK merchandise. types, as old as each of the colleges Whilst York’s colleges seem to have themselves, derive? Without wanting to struck a good balance not prevalent over-hype the issue, I put it down to elsewhere, individual college events institutionalised college rivalry. such as Planet V and Club D are a Whether it's Derwent hoodies - in your potential threat to this harmony. Oxford eye-line wherever you go on campus - or University stands as a warning to those Langwith’s vocal pride in their “fit duck” other side of University Road, but they College rivalries ing other colleges. The melodic chant too immersed in college life. Along with mascot, as students we are constantly are currently blessed with the residence taken to messy “You Can’t Spell Goodricke Without college “bops”, tutorials and lectures are reminded of where our loyalties should of Vanbrugh students in Blocks P and levels.Photo: Dick” can often be heard by groups of largely based within the college, so stu- lie. That is not to say we are openly hos- Q. Far be it from Alcuin students to intoxicated James students on a night dents often feel no need to venture any tile towards others, but most of us cer- withdraw into their own community, Georgi Mabee out in town, but their apple pie attack further. Is this really the sort of narrow- tainly have a soft spot towards the col- the presence of these affectionately on the same college was taken as light minded reputation we’d like to fall in lege that adopted us at the start of our named “Valcuins” has eased their soli- humour. Similarly, some students final- to? university life. tude and, more importantly, created a ly found an advantage in the cold It is possible that York’s ‘friendly Some colleges have a history of weather last Christmas when they banter’ is becoming a little unfriendly, making radical statements of college declared a snowball war on Langwith. and perhaps we should heed warnings patriotism. Back in 1990, Alcuin’s issues ‘It was only when someone A Tuesday night at Toffs will from other universities that have taken with the Students’ Union encouraged inevitably involve rapturous screaming the joke too far. Durham’s song “who an unsuccessful Alcuin Separatist from Derwent asked if all our whenever the DJ shouts a college name the f*** are Hatfield college”, while Movement. In an attempt to isolate and many go to the extent of wearing characteristically witty, has led a large themselves from the rest of the flats had private butlers that I their college sports kit on the dance part of the University to ostracise them. University, they painted a giant pair of floor. It’s when the all-consuming world I’d like to believe that York hasn’t scissors across University Road, divid- began to realise what the of Facebook becomes involved that you quite reached that stage, and that our ing Alcuin’s green pastures from the realise how engrained the rivalry is. college division is far more tongue-in- rest of the concrete campus. Needless to Alcuin label meant’ After succumbing to the addictive web- cheek. At the risk of falling into strained say, their covert operations didn’t site, you will find the majority of York clichés, I’d like to believe that York’s achieve much, but it definitely put their ground for harmless rivalry on their students are members of a group that healthy rivalry paradoxically cultivates name on the map. The Separatists' doorsteps. Vortex balls thrown around either celebrates their own college or a collective University spirit, and that activities were resurrected last year by at ungodly hours and baking powder slates another, such as the cleverly while each student has a corner to rep- the new and improved Alcuin Venom, missiles have made for an interesting named “I’m glad I’m not in resent, each student wears the York Uni who tore up turf on the quad to form night when no one can be bothered to Halifax/Alcuin”. Their reasons for this, jumper with pride. Yet the fact remains the letters ‘AV’. face the delights of B. Henrys. however, are far less obvious. Is it that whilst I won’t be pretending not to Alcuinites may suffer from the Other colleges have made attempts Halifax’s distance from the rest of the come from Alcuin at all, I won’t be semi-seclusion of being situated on the to achieve recognition through insult- University that makes us ridicule them? shouting it from the rooftops either. 28/11/06 Fashion M7 These heels are made for walking?

High heels give joy and pain to fashionistas worldwide.Trainer- devotee Emma Fite-Wassilak trades her Converse for stilettos for a week

ccused of female stereotyping, me and laughing. On my way, I notice I viewed as constructs of a patri- get a lot more stares from the male pop- archal society and even com- ulation than usual (or maybe I’m just Apared to the painful practice of more aware of it in heels). Forced to Chinese foot binding, high heels have scamper (that’s right, not strut) across a certainly tip-toed that proverbial line. road to avoid a right-turner, I eventual- But is slipping on a pair of stilettos real- ly get to Aldi. Even though my feet ly succumbing to subjugation by men? twitch when I stand still, I feel proud. Granted, wearing heels seems geared (Until I almost fall over a display, and towards attracting male attention; they remember that this is just the begin- simply make women look sexier - ning.) On the way home I start to lengthening the legs, lifting the bum, acquire a slightly halting, but consis- making your hips sway - you get the pic- tent, rhythm. The next day my arches ture. However, I know plenty of men and calves ache ferociously and I'm sud- who dislike heels (though most of them, denly aware of muscles I never knew admittedly, are vertically challenged) existed. and the recent trend for flats has My next attempt is shorter, to cam- quashed any claims that women are pus. Though I thought I’d got the hang expected to wear heels. of it (or at least of avoiding the embar- They may be painful but they're rassment of spontaneous falls), I still also, quite simply, beautiful - and this, find myself halting awkwardly to re- in my opinion, is why so many women insert my heels back into my shoes. stockpile hoards of unworn heels. I Remembering that you’re supposed to myself have seven pairs of heels sitting walk heel-to-toe, I attempt it - and in my wardrobe - and exactly the same catch myself repeating “heel… heel… number of pairs of Converse, which I heel” in my head with each step. Of live in. So I undertook a week of ‘train- course, as soon as I alert myself to the ing’ myself to walk in heels, wanting to fact, my foot pops out of the shoe. On test my opinions and others’ attitudes campus I tend to get startled looks. towards me - and finally decide whether Could it be: a) I look too dressed up - these beautiful yet painful shoes are heels are worn by most women on worth the trouble. nights out, after all, b) my imposing Aside from comments about my height, or c) my stunning beauty? I Wearing high called torture of wearing heels is a slight ininity and stomping rough-shod over newly-imposing height (I’m 5’8” nor- decide it’s option c ) and accordingly tenderness of the balls and the arches of patriarchal conceptions and expecta- mally, so in stilettos I’m about 6ft), the adopt a look of confidence in my own heels proves a my feet. tions. Since the 1980s women have been first reactions from my housemates all aura of cool. It may be an act, but in challenge. The power (and problems) con- using heels as a means of repossessing focused on how good and “leggy” I look. heels like this, who can tell? Photo: Georgi nected to the wearing of heels is partial- the ‘feminine’, of playing with identity Not a bad start. Next up, ankle straps (the days of Mabee ly from the physical elevation - you can’t as an act of rebellion. ‘Power dressing’ is Imbued with confidence, I head for my foot popping out at inopportune use body language to hide yourself. In a common concept, although these days my first serious stomping ground - times are no more!). Now stepping part, however, the elation comes from a it’s mostly associated with the drab suits Fulford. Immediately I feel uncomfort- more confidently and less gingerly, I feeling of raw sexuality connected to of female politicians. Heels are a means ably conspicuous. As well as towering can’t gauge whether the difference is in heels: it’s not for nothing that pole of expressing authority and independ- over the majority of sensible shoe-wear- me or the staring eyes, but I definitely dancers, street walkers and even ence: if you can conquer the pain of ing pedestrians ambling by me, I’m far feel less judged and more respected. Egyptian belly dancers all wear them. walking in stilettos, what can’t you do? from used to the resounding clack ema- Perhaps it has something to do with the On the other hand, the persistent nating from my feet and I feel as though power that the sexuality of heels gives choice to wear heels may permanently I must be - literally - putting my foot in ‘I envisaged heels as a male women, the knowledge that manipula- wreck your feet. The entire experience it. tion is possible by highlighting ‘femi- of feels like a performance. Since the shoes force me to take invention for the lazy men who nine virtues’. It can’t have been for noth- Interestingly, it was Greek actors who tiny, deliberate steps, I feel more dither- ing that seduction by the use of heels donned the first platforms to improve ing than dainty and to top it all off I'm didn’t want to bend down for a was punished in the same manner as visibility for their audiences. suffering from the internal turmoil of witchcraft in Puritan Massachusetts. Maybe that explains my elation, being more frustrated with myself than kiss and the leery ones who Admittedly, I used to envisage mixed with acute embarrassment, at the pakcs of tourists in York city centre. heels as a purely male-serving inven- wearing them; it requires huge con- While blushing furiously at my inepti- couldn’t chase their victims’ tion, specifically for the lazy men who sciousness of self (and banishment of tude, I notice another girl in heels walk- didn’t want to bend down as far for a self-consciousness in the conventional ing at a normal pace, and suddenly I The height feels like a pedestal, empow- kiss and for the leery ones who didn’t sense) and feels intensely self-preening. can empathize with Tony Curtis and ering, and the sounds of my footsteps want to chase their runaway victims This is not to mention that the attention Jack Lemmon in Some Like It Hot, reverberating against the concrete no when they tried. (Trust me, Carrie makes me feel somewhat dirty, as if I watching Marilyn power past. Not quite longer embarrass me; instead, they Bradshaw is the only woman who can were somehow prostituting myself. how I envisaged it. seem to be a audible testimony to my run fast in heels, and that’s only after But it’s that very charged attention Despite my trusty Converse power. multiple takes.) that brings so much power to the expe- stashed in my backpack, I am deter- Things that made me nervous The invention of heels for vanity’s rience and makes it so enjoyable. mined: I teeter slowly on, simultane- about heels now seem to be the best sake actually turns out to be female. Despite getting slowly accustomed to ously concentrating on keeping my bits. The major issue, the pain, is still Does this mean that women are subju- walking in them, I won’t be switching heels on and attempting to hide the present. That too, however, diminishes gated to such an extent that it is just my everyday Converse for heels. Now look of consternation on my face. with practice and a little Panadol. By ingrained? Maybe in the old days, but that I can walk in them, however, I’ll Regardless of whether or not they are, the end of the week my calves no longer for the modern woman, it’s a matter of savour the power whenever I do decide any passing person seems to be judging ache, and the only reminder of the so- harnessing the seductive power of fem- to unleash it.

28/11/06 Columnist M9 NanFlory The ha-ha ditches of student life

chadenfreude: the mali- metaphorical ha-ha of my own and cious enjoyment of the mis- Jood was staring down at me, fortune of others. It has laughing away. Salways been a resoundingly The whole episode got me German concept, in that it has not thinking that the last year of uni- been British. The word’s import versity is full of these metaphorical into the English language in its ha-has. Everyone’s lives stand to go original form is a sort of linguistic in a totally new direction after get out of jail free card to avoid cul- graduation and we’re secretly all tural ownership of a rather discon- hoping that it will be a good, suc- certing emotional response. A very cessful one. A direction that might British hand fits into that German lead us to having to face Vogue’s glove; our instinctive recognition dilemma of owning both a garden of Schadenfreude forces us to and a park, rather than one that admit that the foreign label is just leads to sleeping on the streets, try- there to grant us a little bit of exon- ing to blag a few pennies with a big erating distance. Distance which, sign which reads “My parents got I’ve recently discovered, we can killed by ninjas. Please help.” All claim NO LONGER! As it turns this anxiety about the future makes out, the British representation of for a student community which Schadenfreude just happens to be enjoys people corpsing during pre- cunningly disguised in architectur- sentations or failing to meet dead- al terminology. lines or not getting employed; in Brought to my attention by the mind’s ha-ha they go! Perhaps December’s edition of Vogue mag- mostly because it make the ranks azine – apparently it’s being resur- of the unsuccessful seem a less The physical version of the mental ha-ha ditch that we delight in our fellow graduates falling into rected as a “stylishly invisible alter- lonely place to end up. native to a fence, for those with a Oh dear, I don’t mean to sup- Now I really don’t think that Peas. Quote of the month is: mental ha-ha when things go garden and a park” – the ha-ha port the narrow definition of suc- all this ha-haing is a very nice way “Singing is a gift from God, and wrong for them. Whilst laying the originates in the 18th century, and cess it’s all to easy to adopt as a to go through the graduation when people say I can’t sing, it’s blame for not getting into the for- proves the vindictive streak I’ve finalist. Of course it’s not all about process. I’m sure things would be kind of like insulting God.” eign office’s fast track programme always suspected in landscapers. money and status, but, come July, far more pleasant if we were all a It really doesn’t get much at Noel Edmund’s door won’t bring Designed by Charles Bridgeman, it we will all be released into the bit more generous to each other. more fool-proof than that, does it? you any closer to actually becom- is “an ‘invisible’ ditch, first used to fabled real world and be faced with But there is no denial of the ten- Hand over responsibility for your ing a diplomat, it will make the separate Kensington Gardens and the prospect of making something sion, pre-emptive of the end of the ambitions to someone else – it whole experience a little less Hyde Park.” Its name comes from of ourselves. However we define education safety net, which is trav- doesn’t have to be an all knowing threatening. the possibility of the ditch being that something, we all want it and elling in great waves through the deity, it could be your mother, or I’ve decided to give Jood the disguised, an unsuspecting prome- when people around us fail hurdles class of 2007 – and how are we to your pet dog, or perhaps your honour of being my life patron. I nader falling into it – evoking ‘ha- in their way (or fall in ditches for release it if not through mental ha- favourite celebrity. Then, when you know this isn’t in the spirit of the ha’ in the poor thing’s audience. that matter) there is a part of us has? I think the key lies in individ- balls it up, you can blame them, thing but I’d quite like to let her Now isn’t that just Schadenfreude which cries out: ha-ha! The ethos uals being less afraid of failure and which takes the pressure off and take on the burden of all my short- embodied? being, if they don’t make it, maybe having more self-belief. My unlike- means you’ll have the charitable comings. Quote of the month take Excited by this revelation, I I will and it will be less bad if I ly guru in this is Fergie, the perma- magnitude to be nicer to other peo- two: Nan is a gift from Jood, any skipped off to tell my friends Jood screw up because they have too. young singer for The Black Eyed ple and not shove them in your problems, talk to the latter. and Methane all about it. “Guys!” I said, filled with the buzz of superi- ority which comes from knowing something other people don’t Regaining my reputation the Smash Hits way know. earching for strategies to viewed in the Guardian Weekend What is your most treasured pos- I’d invite Michael Jackson and “I’ve found evidence of a raise my stakes in the pop- magazine. It was that page long session? Jarvis Cocker and try and make native, organic construction of ularity game after my Q&A thing they always have, My face. them fight. Schadenfreude! It’s this thing Ssmugly-headlined column which is purely an exercise in Would you rather be clever and What song would you like played called a ha-ha ditch!” in last month’s edition, I turned to shameless self-promotion, pre- ugly, or thick and attractive? at your funeral? “Wow,” said Methane but Jood the people who play it profession- cisely what I’m after! Thick and super hot! ‘I have a Ghost, Now What?’ By cut me short. ally – pop stars. All Saints, having Not having the clout to get an What is the worst thing anyone's Jaga Jazzist – good one right? “Oh a ha-ha, of course I know just re-launched their pop career actual journalist, even a student ever said to you? How would you like to be remem- what a ha-ha is.” My buzz was are now popping up all over the one, to ask me incisive and overly No way are you too damn popular. bered? silenced as my hopes of winning a press trying to revive their former personal questions, I’m just going What do you owe your parents? As popular. round of one-upmanship were status. This weekend, one of the to answer the ones Rosanna I owe my dad a birthday present. What is the most important lesson quashed. It was as if I’d unknow- Appleton sisters (the pair who Greenstreet asked Nicole Who would you invite to your life has taught you? ingly stumbled straight into a don’t sing that much) was inter- Appleton. Here goes: dream dinner party? Never trust an aspiring journalist. M10 Features 28/11/06 M11 How the sitcom stole Santa - and other festive stories

Commercialism has all but killed Christmas. Sara Sayeed How to avoid a nightmare before looks at the festive cults being created in its wake Christmas: gift shopping in York

hristmas might not just be mum, a giant rubber duck for your sis- about the presents, but it's defi- ter, or a 1950s-style toy robot for your nitely a lot about the shopping. brother? et’s be honest, Christmas isn't knowing, adorable grin. “And it’s sweep- ing anecdotes and the obligatory Festivus CIf the story of Jesus' birth was If your Christmas afternoon usual- just one day of festivities: it’s an ing the nation.” pole, (an aluminum pole utilized for its made into a modern-day narrative, the ly culminates in eating left-over turkey entire festive season that plunges And swept away it has. You can now ‘high strength-to-weight ratio’ and wise men wouldn't just pop up with the while slouched in front of the television, Lus, for at least a month, into a buy a Chrismukkah cook book and enjoy because Costanza “finds tinsel distract- gold, frankincense and myrrh - we'd see a trip to Compendium of York (1 Grape hyped-up, commercial frenzy. Mid- a Matzah Pizza, Meshugga Nog or a Yule ing”) Festivus is founded on two main them trawling Bethlehem's streets Lane) could turn things around. This November rolls around and before you Plotz of your very own. Not that culi- principles: The Airing of Grievances and weeks (if not the night) before Mary's kooky little store stocks a wide and know it, Starbucks is already serving up nary-inclined? Go to www.chris- The Feats of Strength. In ‘The Airing’, due date to find the perfect wrapping unusual range of games that provide, as Eggnog Lattes in new ‘holiday season’ mukkah.com where you can buy each person at the Festivus dinner table paper. it says on the label, “fun for all the fam- cups and the checkout boy at your local ‘Yarmauclaus’, ‘mish-mash-menorahs’ informs their friends and family of all the Today, only the ultimate Christmas ily”, including the usual favourites - corner shop is wearing a Santa hat and (they come with candy-cane candles) or times that they have been disappointed scrooge makes it through the festive beautifully crafted Backgammon sets, acting eerily chirpy. tree-shaped ‘December dilemma by them that year. After this collective season without feeling compelled to buy sparkling marble chess boards - and For many followers of non-Christian Dreidels’. Strapped for cash? Just peruse slating comes the “Feats of Strength”, at least a few presents for their friends more contemporary tools of amuse- religions, however, Christmas just seems Chrismukkah blog. Chrismukkah has where the head of the family wrestles and family. It's lucky for us in York, ment, like table football and poker like an overly-extended birthday party now propagated a consumer market to with other members until they have been therefore, that this city is the perfect apparatus. The main items of appeal, that they weren’t invited to. Josh rival (and possibly conquer?) the billion pinned to the ground. Just a more struc- place for the discerning shopper to however, are the giant Connect 4 and Schwartz, the Jewish creator of cult dollar Christmas paraphernalia industry. tured version of most family gatherings source the perfect gifts. Not because of mega-sized Jenga - ideal for a friend, Californian drama The O.C., bemoans Surprisingly, however, Seth’s feat of then. its stunning array of chain stores, that is and a fantastic addition to any this exclusivity: “What Jewish boy or girl genius creativity isn't unprecedented. As ridiculous as this ritual sounds, it - if you’re in the market for mass-pro- Christmas house party worth its punch. growing up doesn't feel a little jealous? Chrismukkah was actually created by has nestled itself quite comfortably into duced tat, you'd be better off heading to They get all the good songs, the tree, German Jews in the 1800s, who called contemporary seasonal proceedings. Leeds instead. If you're prepared to Frosty and Rudolph. We get dreidels. It’s the holiday Weihnukkah (Weihnachten Jennifer Galdes, a Chicago restaurant resist the high street's dazzling window just not the same.” being the German word for Christmas.). publicist who has been hosting Festivus displays, however, and diversify a little Oi Humbug. Well, if there's no room Neither is the O.C. the first T.V. parties for three years now, remarks: this Christmas, all the romance of the at that inn, make another one. Schwartz show to spawn an entire festive cult. “[More and more] people, when they get festive season can be found and packed has managed to do just that, resolving all Approximately ten years ago, Seinfeld's an invite, respond with, ‘Will there be an into a little box in and around the his childhood angst through Seth Cohen Frank Costanza created Festivus, a non- Airing of Grievances and Feats of quaint little shops in the Shambles. I - the O.C.’s infamous and endearing denominational, anti-commercialisation Strength?’” know, I know, it's weeks away yet - but skater-indie boy with a “Jew fro”. alternative to Christmas. Costanza’s gen- However, do these kitschy elements do you really want to leave it all until Growing up with “Waspy McWasp” for a esis story differs a little from Cohen’s threaten to render the occasion more the holidays? With this quick guide to mum, and dad having unresolved issues though: parodic than meaningful? Virgin Mobile the pick of York's Christmas markets about being a “poor struggling Jew grow- Frank Costanza: Many Christmases USA’s 2004 television commercial cer- and gift shops, you'll save time, avoid ing up in the Bronx”, every year little Seth ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I tainly seems to endorse that suggestion. the usual high-street hassle - and get Getting tired? Finish up at Cusp was faced with a seasonal crisis. His solu- reached for the last one they had, but so The advert is based on yet another multi- yourself into the festive mood as well. (28 Back Swinegate), another favourite tion: Chrismukkah, the interfaith amal- did another man. As I rained blows upon holiday fusion, combining Christmas, Your first chance to search out gift emporium that looks like a minia- gam of Christmas and Hanukkah (for him, I realised there had to be another Hanukkah and Kwanzaa to create the something original to produce on ture gallery but is actually full of attrac- those of you who were in doubt). Who way. bizarre and completely unpronounceable Christmas morning comes in the tive, purchasable items. With its acces- knew that Seth's Cosmo Kramer: What happened to Chrismahanukwanzakah. Intended to colourful form of the 'Made in sories and home-ware, glasswork and A festive funfair Christmas words to an eter- the doll? satirise the secular effects of political cor- attempts to soothe religious tension with Chrismukkah, Hannumas or Festivus. iday, and then all of the sudden there's Yorkshire' Craft Market, which takes ceramics, it looks like one for the girls. A nally baffled and Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. rectness on the holiday season, the car- brings a camera phone: “Whose faith is the Arguably, commercial corporations are too much pressure!” over the central thoroughfare of hint for the boys, however: don't peek in decorations bemused Ryan But out of that a new holiday was born… toon showed bizarre, hybrid characters - Christmasy right one, It’s anybody's guess, What exploiting inter-faith tensions to breed a But this seems overly puritanical Parliament Street from November 30 and then fly past; make it your one-stop in York city would be so a Festivus for the rest of us! such as a Vishnu-esque, turban-wearing cheer to York. matters most is camera phones for $20 new wave of highly marketable, kitschy and just a bit paranoid. Firstly, as Seth until December 10. York does markets last shop for an assortment of cards and centre. prophetic? “It's Cosmo Kramer: That must've been Santa, which sings a Photo: Georgi less”. paraphernalia to replace the old, some- points out, having “Jesus and Moses on well (its heritage as a commercial trade wrapping paper. the new holi- some kind of doll. Chrismahanukwanzakah song extolling More crude than catchy, the advert what tired, Christmas trimmings. The its side” gives it “twice the resistance of centre is founded on this - not on its There are, of course, always the Photo: Mabee Georgi day Ryan” he Frank Costanza: She was. the virtues of “an all-inclusive celebra- unveils the covert, profit-orientated O.C. website is selling Yarmuclaus’ for normal holidays”. Secondly, having a decent-sized Topshop), and stock fall-back options: alcohol and says, with a Indeed. Aside from the heart-warm- tion/No contractual obligation” and ethos of inventions such as $15.95, Chrismukkah Holiday, and the Chrismukkah is simply re-vivifying the losing yourself within the little dens of chocolate. Luckily, even if you do need Mabee book Chrismukkah: Everything You holiday season with some much needed miscellaneous, material goodness is as to rely on these, as a term-time York res- Need to Know to Celebrate the Hybrid much a sightseeing experience as a suc- ident you can still put a spin on old Holiday sold out in its first print run, cessful shopping trip. Search out unique favourites. The Whiskey Shop (11 A corporate sell-out? Venetia Rainey pleads Santa’s cause only four days after being released. ‘Corporations are exploiting gifts from contemporary art to hand- Coppergate) means that, instead of Seems like the creator of Scientology had made jewellery, to bedspreads and gar- picking from the measly selection at hat has happened to his way into the legends of the Sinterklaas, which in turn is a bas- Ded Moroz was especially popular a point when he said “the quickest way to inter-faith tensions to breed den sculptures; hot tips include hand- Costcutter, you have a whole shop to Santa Claus? Where did Germanic tribes during the middle tardisation of Sint Nikolaas. The during the Soviet era, because of his make a million is to start your own reli- painted ties for a twist on the tradition- choose from - and clued-up staff who that jovial fellow in red, ages. Dutch Sint Nikolaas comes turning point for Santa was when secularity and differences from the gion.” a new wave of kitschy al 'man present' (sunflowers is the can help you choose so that if you don't Wwho has been telling from Spain each year with several the New York Sentinel published ‘A Western Santa Claus. He was given There certainly seems to be a merchandise that will replace favourite, if unseasonal pick) or hand- know your malts from your blends, you you that “holidays are coming” for ‘Zwarte Piets’ (Black Peters), Visit from St. Nicholas’. This famous blue robes instead of red ones, to Chrismukkah backlash, which protests made silk underwear from the provoca- can still confidently hand one or the the last month, go? But before you Moorish slaves that St. Nicolas poem (now known as ‘The Night further the contrast between the creation of an ostensibly inter-faith tively titled 'Mistress Collection' for other over to someone who does. disregard Santa completely due to freed. This now controversial and Before Christmas’) brought together Western and Russian ideas. holiday that negates the respective sig- the old Christmas trimmings’ your girlfriend. Satisfying someone's sweet tooth his multi-national corporate affilia- racist tale tells of St. Nick coming on the idea of a ‘sleigh full of toys’ with Siberians tell of another version of nificance of the originals. Weeks after The market can't fail to inspire you with a box of sugary titbits is another tions, reconsider. the eve of his own death to give good Santa’s ‘beard white as snow’, and events, wherein a shaman enters publication, the author of Chrismukkah, irreverent spark - a new panto-humour but if it doesn't actually offer up the easy temptation to succumb to - and Once upon a time there was children presents, whilst the Zwarte his ‘round belly’. Santa's red robes homes via the chimney during the Ron Gompertz received a slew of angry of sorts. Christmas is meant to be a goods, head for the plethora of gift one often welcomed by the receiver. a devout Christian called Piets steal away naughty children in and general image were further holiday season. This flying shaman emails lambasting the holiday. Here’s a ‘merry’ time: it’s ‘the season to be jolly’ shops scattered just beyond the city cen- However, while chocolate is a cop-out, Nicholas who loved to spread sacks. The new, only slightly more established by Coca-Cola’s advertis- carries a sack of mushrooms and particularly Grinchy one: “You should be for Christ's sake (no pun intended). As tre. The most popular of these is proba- fudge, on the other hand, says originali- goodwill to the poor over the politically correct version, describes ing campaign, whose conception of hangs them to dry in front of fire- ashamed of yourself making money on the author Mary Ellen Chase suggested, bly Give the Dog a Bone (17 Fossgate), a ty, style and taste. The Fudge Kitchen festive season. One year he the Black Peters as modern servants Santa still prevails today. places. trying to reduce the already shrinking “Christmas is...a state of mind”, but the London export that epitomises quirky (58 Low Petergate) makes and sells deli- gave gold and cookies to an who are black from the chimneys Just as England originally cele- This festive season, I advise you Jewish population. I picked up your book only state of mind those Eggnog Lattes city-chic and makes much-appreciated cious, creamy fudge out of its little shop old man who was so poor they descend. brated not Santa Claus but a more to ignore Coca-Cola’s all-penetrat- and felt sick. To tell you the truth, you put me in is bored bemusement. attempts to offer the disillusioned shop- in the Shambles. With countless he was about to sell his The country to which Santa general entity called Father ing vision of red heartiness (St. Nick should be shot. I spit on your whole mar- Yarmuclaus has more of an “Oy Joy” per a choice of more 'individual' flavours to choose from, it's a real treat - daughters into prostitu- owes the most for his modern iden- Christmas, many parts of the world would have thought it too sugary keting scheme”. effect. So forsake the usual Crimbo, log Christmas presents. In amongst the not least for you, weary shopper, who tion. St. Nick saved these tity is America, particularly New continue to do so. In Russia, people anyway) and instead celebrate one Seth also voiced concerns in season onto Chrismukkah.com and surprise slapstick comic books, retro parapher- can put down your bags and sample women’s virginity, and York. Originally a Dutch colony, speak of Ded Moroz, a character of the other alternatives. Personally, two of the O.C.: “What if it's starting? your friends with a Merry Muzeltov. In nalia and - wait for it - Jesus action fig- each before you buy. A perfect end to the after his death was New York was left with a mix of who emerged as an alternative to St. I’m looking forward to a half-blind The Chrismukkah backlash... What if it’s more traditional terms: 'And then Seth ures, is a treasure trove of affordable shop for the perfect present; a perfect canonised. British and Dutch mythology. ‘Santa Nicholas. He too had a long beard Odin and his fatigued horse Sleipnir getting too big and commercial? It’s like said, “let there be Chrismukkah.” And it items. Where else in York could you find little gift for the giver - even one who This saint made Claus’ is an Anglicisation of and only visits good boys and girls. in my living room on Christmas Eve. it started out as this really cool, cult hol- was good.’ a pink flying pig watering can for your knows it’s better to shop than receive. M12 Science 28/11/06 A plague for the 21st Century

As World Aids Day approaches, Luke Boulter and Jonathan Fleming examine the future of the infamous HIV virus

o look at it, you wouldn't sus- pect a blob of cells of being on the world's most-wanted-list of- Tviruses-to-find-a-cure-for. In an age where, let's face it, size really does matter, this one only has nine genes in its arsenal, after all. Yet Human Immunodeficiency Virus, or HIV, is one of the most dan- A World AIDS gerous organisms on the planet. It takes day gathering hundreds of thousands of victims, allowing killer cancers and other fatal in the Amhara infections to invade their systems. With region of antiviral treatments it can be warded off Ethiopa - but never stopped. But why is it such a natural-born killer? And if the HIV children. Between 2005 and 2006, the cult one, however. HIV/AIDS is acceler- social stabilisation, strong Government virus is really the best of the molecular number of infected individuals jumped ating, with the rate of new infections leadership and emphasis on voluntary best, will we ever be good - or smart - from 38.5 million to 39.5 million - close flying from 4 million in 2005 to 4.3 mil- testing and counselling. enough to stop it? to the total population of Argentina. lion in 2006. Most worryingly, 95 per Nevertheless, there are influential ‘The gay disease.’ Not only is this a If we zoom in on individual coun- cent of new infections are in regions dissenting voices. President Thabo homophobic categorisation of HIV but, tries, our view becomes even bleaker. unlikely to have the resources to Mbeki of South Africa sparked contro- today more than ever, it's an ignorant When two-fifths of any sub-Saharan respond. Consider Lesotho, in which versy with his belief that poverty, rather one. HIV is now more prevalent in the nation are carriers of HIV, 'crisis' seems over a quarter of the adult population than HIV, is the cause of AIDS. Pope heterosexual community than ever a reasonable label. What is a reasonable carries HIV. In 1995, life expectancy Benedict XVI believes, “The traditional before. If we're going to get statistical - response? The support of the interna- was nearly 60 years. AIDS-related mor- teaching of the church has proven the and in health debates, that's near tality has slashed predictions of life only failsafe way to prevent the spread impossible to avoid - 75 per cent of HIV expectancy in 2015 from 69 to a disas- of HIV/AIDS”. Archbishop Raphael sufferers are not gay; the only label we ‘It is difficult to conceive of any trous 34 years. AIDS primarily strikes Ndingi Nzeki goes further, opining can assign most of them is that of living young adults, unlike other threats more “AIDS… has grown so fast because of in sub-Saharan Africa. rational mindset in which likely to kill the very young or old. Half the availability of condoms”. It is diffi- Delving further into the statistical of new infections are in the 15-24 age cult to conceive of any rational mindset well, then: by the end of 2005, accord- condoms could represent a group, with 6000 new cases every day. in which condoms, which reduce the ing to the World Health Organisation, Economies, denied their most risk of HIV infection by 90%, could 25 million people had died from HIV/ greater evil than the global active workers, will suffer too. represent a greater evil than the global AIDS-related illnesses. A further 2.9 According to the UN Food and HIV epidemic. A divided message is million died this year (and we're still HIV epidemic’ Agriculture Organisation, slowed dangerous. Who should we believe? counting) - 0.38 million of these were growth in agricultural output will lead So is it bleak news for future gener- tional community? Yet it's not a simple to food insecurity in Kenya, Malawi, ations, or can we counter what has Rank Country HIV rate hand-into-pocket job. Although modest Tanzania and Zambia by 2010. become the plague of the 21st Century? resources can yield valuable returns - if Weakened economies will have fewer There are hopes. The ideal strategy is to 1 Swaziland 38.80 targeted effectively - combating HIV on resources to invest in the education, vaccinate against HIV infection, and a global scale will not be cheap. The health and nutrition of the young. many believe this to be achievable, but 2 Botswana 37.30 Copenhagen Consensus of 2004 esti- 6.8 million people in developing the reality of it is not an easy one. The mates that $27 billion is needed to pre- nations are in immediate need of life- way HIV replicates means that it can 3 Lesotho 28.90 vent 28 million cases of HIV. Investing saving drugs, but only 1.65 million will induce massive changes in its genome in HIV prevention, however, makes receive them. Antiretroviral drugs are known as mutations. Its mutation rate 4 Zimbabwe 24.60 sense, in both warm humanitarian and simply too expensive. James Cochrane, is so high that in several generations of cold, hard financial terms. Experts pre- director of Glaxo's international divi- viral replication the new viruses are 5 South Africa 21.50 dict that economic benefits outweigh sion states, “Even at 10 cents a day, almost entirely different from the origi- investment by a factor of 40. The billion many African governments can't afford nal viral infection. Anti-viral drugs are 6 Namibia 21.30 dollar question, then: can the world it, so at $2 a day, there's no way.” also being developed to prevent those afford not to make this investment? One prevention strategy backed by who are infected with HIV from going 7 Zambia 16.50 Philanthropy, an evermore popular the current American administration is on and developing AIDS. Again, with choice for the benevolent celebrity, may the “ABC” approach. It seeks to replace such a variable virus, this will be tough. 8 Malawi 14.20 provide part of the solution. The “fond- risky behaviour among young people There are, however, parts of the virus est dream” of Bill Gates's wife Melinda with safer alternatives: “A” stands for that remain the same, and current 9 Central African Republic 13.50 is the discovery of an HIV vaccine. The abstinence; “B” stands for being faith- research suggests that it may be possi- couple have pumped $32 billion into ful; “C” stands for condom use. This ble to make a universal vaccine. There is 10 Mozambique 12.20 their Bill and Melinda Gates approach has shown some success - in currently no viable cure for HIV. But, Foundation, lending serious financial Uganda, for example, although this with continual investment and 93 United Kingdom 0.20 muscle to this search. resulted from a combination of factors, research, the likelihood of one being The hunt is an increasingly diffi- including behaviour change, post-war discovered is higher now than ever.

M14 Interview 28/11/06 The political poet: from Ireland to Iraq

ous creeps, as has America. There have Holly Williams talks to been various American administrations that have been problematic - I don’t Pulitzer-winning poet Paul think any quite so problematic as this - but the country is still basically a place where most people want the decent Muldoon about his new thing to happen and in that respect it’s way ahead of the world. The world is a collection, Horse Latitudes mess. It’s too easy to be down on America.” I wonder if there was pressure to hink of Irish poetry and it’s like- be down on America, and Muldoon ly that, after pausing on canon agreed. “I am taking a few shots, as it heavyweights like Heaney and were, in my new book, at the Iraq fiasco TYeats, your thoughts will turn to and in a strange way it’s a bit of a soft Paul Muldoon, one of Ireland’s most target. Still, it is such a fiasco, such a successful living poets. Muldoon’s cul- terrible thing.” tural influences, however, are more We expect our poets, it seems, to complex than the ‘Irish’ label allows; he tackle awkward issues, and during the has lived in America for the past 20 Troubles in 1980s Ireland there was years and visits to Britain now come as pressure on the generation of Ulster an occasional “mad dash” around the poets – Muldoon, Seamus Heaney, country. York was lucky enough to be on Michael Longley – to tackle the politics the itinerary for his latest trip and I had of the day. Muldoon’s poetry, however, a chance to ask him about this issue of has always been somewhat slippery and nationality before he read from his lat- if it dealt with such issues at all, it was est poetry collection, Horse Latitudes. with the inherent ambiguities of the “We certainly understand the terms conflict. Comparing, then, Muldoon’s ‘American poet’ or ‘Irish poet’, but hon- open attack on the US government with estly I’m not too interested in any of it,” his earlier poems dealing with the Irish he says, “particularly when we live in a conflict, there might appear a discrep- world, which, for better or worse, is so ancy. Muldoon explains, however, with much smaller. I would love to be a somewhat wearied sigh, that the “Irish thought of as an Irish poet. I would love situation is much less cut and dry than to be thought of as a poet at all, you the US situation. I don’t think I would know? I mean the chances are quite ever have found myself coming down strong that one won’t be thought of as quite so vehemently on one side in the anything.” Irish context.” In any of Muldoon’s actu- Of course, Muldoon has already al poetry though, infamously dense and proved that the chances are high that he Paul Muldoon is rich with references, meaning remains will be thought of very highly indeed. chair of the negotiable and his poems are as elusive The large and refreshingly varied audi- as they allusive. ence in a Langwith lecture room was Princeton A professor now at Princeton testament to the broad appeal of his University University, Muldoon is Chair of the work, as is his impressive array of Center for the University Center for the Creative and awards, including the Pulitzer and T.S. Creative and Performing Arts, teaching creative writ- Eliot poetry prizes. But such self-depre- Performing Arts ing, and is certainly enthusiastic about cation seems typical of this rather gen- students: “I love them! They’re interest- tle, smiley man. Despite his poems ed and they’re interesting and they’re sometimes seeming terrifyingly clever, might be why writing poetry was so “The truth is, of course, that I’m trying to do something and I’m trying to Muldoon insists that he doesn’t know enjoyable. “Absolutely!” he answers. pre-disposed to it. So what started by help them do something.” While being “That’s one of the reasons why it’s accident certainly ended up becoming taught by such an eminent poet might enjoyable, and also so hard. Because if the informing, pattern-making device sound intimidating, he comes across as “This country will survive Tony you don’t know what you’re doing, that’s of the poem. Rightly or wrongly, easily an encouraging tutor, with absolute a bit scary.” or otherwise, it helps me to get the belief in the potential of his students. Blair. It has survived Margaret It may also be why Muldoon’s poet- thing out into the world.” “I say to my students that there is ry is so full of strange leaps and connec- Of course, the series of sonnets absolutely no reason why you can’t be Thatcher, it has survived tions, constantly surprising the reader, appears incomplete – there is surely a publishing your writing and poems, and he confirms that this is partly the missing 20th sonnet entitled ‘Baghdad’. that are every bit as good as anything various creeps, as has America” intention: “I want to be doing some- The collection was written as things that’s been done anywhere, by anyone, thing unexpected, so that when you were getting messy in Iraq, and Horse of any age. In fact, the chances are what he’s doing when he starts writing a read it you think ‘Ah Heaven! I would Latitudes criticises the Bush adminis- maybe higher of them doing something poem, where it might go or what its never have expected that.’ It’s the idea of tration. We discussed the anti- interesting.” ‘meaning’ might be. I wonder if that the reader being in the poem in which American feeling that has been so Of course, Muldoon had his first one has been oneself, and then one prominent since the Iraq war and how collection, New Weather, published Blaye leaves and the reader is in there then the Brit-in-America dynamic has while he was still a student at Queens Her wet suit like a coat of mail having much the same experience.” changed. Muldoon recalled having to University. He was lucky in having worn by a French knight from the time Horse Latitudes begins with 19 defend America at dinner parties, since around him the cream of Irish writing a knight could still cause a ruction sonnets, titled with battles beginning it became so acceptable to “whine about at the time, and was taught by Seamus by direct-charging his rouncy, with the letter ‘B’, from the well known, America and what a terrible place it is.” Heaney. But even without such lumi- when an Englishman's home was his bouncy such as Bosworth, to the willfully However, Muldoon was keen to naries surrounding you, Muldoon con- castle, when abduction and seduction obscure - Bronkhorstspruit, anyone? make the distinction between the coun- siders university the perfect time for went hand in glove. Now Carlotta would climb Muldoon has always shown a fascina- try, which is “not a terrible place, not at experimenting with creative work. from the hotel pool in Nashville, tion with structure and form, and we all”, and the current administration (the I asked if he had any advice for the take off her mask, and set a spill discussed the appeal of the strict sonnet “idiots who are running the country”). would-be writer at York and he comes to a Gauloise as one might set form which, “despite being quite short He isn’t too complimentary about the back to the need to be humble and to a spill to the fuse of a falconet is extremely effective.” While he insists British government either; but there is allow yourself a “sense of ignorance – and the walls of her chest assail. that, as with content, the form doesn’t a sense of hope in the transient nature which is hard to manage, especially at The French, meanwhile, were still struggling to prime come first - “I don’t sit down thinking: of governments. “This country will sur- university. You need a sense of unknow- Their weapons of mass destruction. I’m going to write a sonnet here” - it vive Tony Blair. It has survived ing, brought to the fore.” Suddenly that © Faber & Faber often informs the writing process. Margaret Thatcher, it has survived vari- lecture seems less crucial. 28/11/06 Arts M15 ArtsReviews Amy Scott, Helen Citron and Molly Bird check out some on-campus theatre

This autumn has seen an impressive array of lence no longer has the impact it once did. The Dixon Drama Studio is rarely used theatrical productions on campus, from the Haddow is clearly a very intelligent and tal- for student drama productions, but recently Drama Barn to the University’s Music ented writer and hopefully he will prove able housed three performances of Caryl department. Dead Meat looked as if it would to move past this technique and find some Churchill’s Cloud 9. This peculiar two act win the mantle of Most Unlucky Production new and more challenging taboos to break in play, which explores the relationship between (until the cancellation of The Fire Raisers), his future work. colonialism and sexual oppression, is a heady with its final night postponed due to an The Music Department sold out both of mixture of British Africa and late 1970s injured actress and the lead actor perhaps its performances of this year’s practical proj- London. Act One, directed by Will Bowry, biting off more than he could chew in his first ect, Paul Bunyan, in the Sir Jack Lyon’s instantly highlighted the play’s central term, taking part in three campus produc- Concert Hall, and with good reason. Omar themes of role reversal and stereotype. Bowry tions. Shahryar and Dr John Stringer’s thrilling teased out the farcical hilarity and dark sin- Despite these setbacks, the production revival of this underperformed operetta, was cerity of this scene with pace and wit. Music, remained a success. The lead performances truly a testament to themselves and the costumes and some priceless comic timing were very strong, with Anouska Flower play- musicians involved. were delivered with professional flair, in par- ing the sparky chav Steph and newby Alex Paul Bunyan is the result of a collabora- ticular by Marcus Emerton as the hilarious Forsyth as the predatory, middle class Alain - tion between composer Benjamin Britten Clive. justifying his popularity with this term’s and poet W. H. Auden. The opera tells the The second act, directed by Beth Pitts, directors. story of giant lumberjack Bunyan and the surprised us completely with its dramatic Dead Meat is the latest theatrical work colonisation of America. Bunyan is an allego- change of style to explore changing sexuality from student writer Sam Haddow, who pro- ry for the complexities of the American Dead Meat. Photo: Timothy Ngwena in modern times. Out of the brassy confi- voked controversy last term with his violent Dream, with the lumberjacks clearing the ing this up. However, there were also sober- dence of the first act, Pitts crafted nuanced re-telling of Electra. And violence is certainly forest to make way for the emerging modern ing moments, with the heartbreaking relationships driven by sexual politics and set on the agenda again this time, with directors America. ‘Quartet of the Defeated’ reminding us that just the right tone of uneasy oddity. A bare set Hana Morgan and Mark Kelleher, anticipat- The most striking thing about this pro- the American dream also led to downfall and and directive lighting opened up the stage, ing complaints, defending the piece against duction was its contrasts. Characters like the ruin. for reflection on the politics of the piece. accusations of gratuitous violence in their narrator (Tom Appleton), who delivered lines The chorus were enthusiastic, involved, Special mention must go to Becca Morgan programme notes. In practice, the violent of rhyming couplet with aplomb, and his and as you’d expect from the department, who held us rapt as Betty, with beautifully scenes are not in the least shocking. grinning sidekick (Edward Winslow) created highly talented. York’s musicians provided a detailed confidence and style. Let’s hope the Although death-by-lasagne is certainly unex- an effect which can only be described as witty, colourful performance, which made for Dixon sees more high-quality student drama pected, in these post-Tarantino times vio- kitsch, with the cartoon-like set design back- a wonderful evening. sometime soon.

What’s on in December

Other Side Comedy Club Beyond the Barricade at Christmas Every Sunday, 7.30 for 8.00 start Thursday 7th, 7.30 City Screen Basement Bar Grand Opera House, York Acts including Steve Day, Dan Tickets: £8.00 Atkinson and Silky’s Christmas Baubles. Russell Brand Entry: £8 or £7 in advance, student Saturday 9th-Sunday 10th, 8.00 discount available Grand Opera House, York Tickets: £14.50 Madama Butterfly Sunday 3rd, 7.30 Aladdin Reviewed by Reviewed by Grand Opera House, York From Thursday 14th, 7.00 Vanity Fair Stacey Go Ugly Rachel Hopkins Tickets priced between £23.00 and Grand Opera House, York £35.50 Tickets from £7.00 William Thackeray Constance Briscoe What the Dickens 2 Cinderella Wednesday 6th, 7.30 From Thursday 14th, 7.30 National Centre for Early Music York Theatre Royal Tickets: £8.00 (concession) Tickets from £10 Full of sarcastic wit and satirical humour, Vanity Similar in plot to Dave Pelzer’s A Child Called It, Fair is a scathing social commentary that skewers this personal memoir gives a harrowing account the values of shallow, class-obsessed Victorian soci- of a young girl growing up surrounded by extreme Spotlight on... ety. Thackeray’s classic Victorian novel follows the abuse. At times upsetting, Briscoe relives her selfish and manipulative Becky Sharp, orphaned at childhood and allows us to witness her growth The Spoken Word, 7.30 - 9pm, every first Tuesday at the Exhibition Hotel, a young age with little fortune left to her by her alco- from a terrified child into a strong and brave new and ‘Third Thursday’ at Starbucks in Borders. holic artist father, and determined to establish her woman. This story of courage and willpower is a place among the wealthy elite of Victorian society. must for anyone who enjoys a good read. "We stayed at home to write, to con- not only works that are shared, but Her companion Amelia Sedley is the polar opposite The humour with which Briscoe tells her solidate our outstretched selves". ideas, opinions and, in Rose’s case, of Becky - despite being innocent and naïve, her story is made even more shocking when juxta- Whilst Sylvia Plath apparently stayed fiery political views. privileged background ensures that her future is posed with descriptions of extreme sexual abuse in of an evening, here in York you ‘Third Thursday’ is held every fairly secure. and neglect, and a gripping plot-line. Although have the opportunity to share your month at Starbucks in Borders, on The novel charts the lives and relationships of it’s impossible to help becoming emotionally thoughts and ideas at two open poet- Davygate, and is aimed specifically at these two very different heroines over the span of 20 engaged, the narrative falls a little short with a ry and prose nights held on the first university and secondary school stu- years as their stories intertwine and change dramat- somewhat stilted writing style and a poorly-struc- Tuesday and third Thursday of each dents, although numbers have turned ically, for better and for worse. Along the way we tured account of events, which spoils the effect a month. Budding writers with short out to be unexpectedly low. The encounter other interesting characters, such as the little. stories, poetry or even songs to share busier night at Exhibition Hotel, arrogant George Osborne, whom Amelia longs for, Briscoe’s ability to detach herself emotionally can meet in a relaxed, receptive Bootham, guarantees a more impres- and the awkward but benevolent Dobbin, secretly in from the ritual humiliation she recounts will sick- atmosphere - either to perform their sive turnout and variety of perform- love with Amelia. en and disturb you and you may finish the book pieces or to be part of the audience. ances. The Thursday meeting is not Set against the backdrop of the Napoleonic with a sigh of relief that the ordeal, for you at Rose Drew, who runs the being held in December (due to some Wars, Vanity Fair explores the greed of human least, is over. evenings, is a vibrant and encourag- obscure religious holiday), but I urge ambition through Thackeray’s combination of irony, A tale of bravery and inspiration, this book is ing host with an obvious passion for any aspiring writers to have a coffee pathos and sadness, ultimately creating an epic and well worth a read as long as you are prepared for words. The tone of the night is con- and step up to the mic in the New profound novel about the nature of humankind. some shocking revelations. trolled by the speakers and often it is Year. M16 Reviews 28/11/06 FilmReviews

Casino Royale ure lending itself to parody, but a terrifying, mentally unhinged killing machine. Director:Martin Campbell With this dehumanisation of Bond With: Daniel Craig,Eva Green comes an intensification of action scenes. Runtime:144 min With the exception of the leaden airport bomb sequence, these are perhaps the best Bond action sequences committed to cellu- Reviewed by loid. The best stunt in the film is the flipping James Fanning of Bond’s Aston Martin, just when the audi- ence expects a huge car chase to begin. Die Another Day was a sham, a soulless Though it is a difficult film to dislike slideshow of invisible sports cars, product outright, there are fundamental problems placement and referential gags that plunged preventing it being truly satisfying. a once respectable franchise into the depths Thankfully, there is no nefarious scheme for of self-parody. Casino Royale is a distinctly world domination; the villain’s diabolical different film, returning to Ian Fleming’s first plan is foiled at a poker table. However, the novel concerning Bond’s development as a 00 game is laboriously handled. Seemingly agent. Though elements of the classic Bond aware that it is just not that exciting, formula remain, (exotic locations, beautiful Campbell throws in sword-wielding terror- girls and car chases) Casino Royale is a dark- ists and poisoned champagne, but the ten- er, grittier affair, exposing its protagonist as sion is just not there. After the game the film morally dubious and borderline psychotic. meanders into narrative uncertainty: chief The fantastic opening sequence roots us baddie La Chifre is killed off 40 minutes in reality, as Bond assassinates two spies to before the curtain, and Bond and Vesper gain his 00 status. Rendered in black and wander into the obligatory soft-focus mon- white, these opening scenes stress the psy- tage, only for the plot to resurface in a twist chopathic undercurrents so prominent in unpredictable only to the lobotomised. The Fleming’s novels. The film works best as a film is too long, and whilst Campbell suc- revisionist exercise, dismantling preconcep- ceeds as an action director, he fails in gearing tions of what a Bond film should or should the film towards a successful climax. not entail. After losing millions in the pivotal Similarly, the film suffers from a lack of poker game, a barman asks whether Bond memorable characters; the villains are likes his martini shaken or stirred, to which instantly forgettable and Craig, wonderfully he retorts “Do I look like I bloody care?” adept as the sadistic hard man, is wholly Daniel Craig plays this re-imagined Bond, ineffective as the irresistible playboy. Such with a charm and physicality not seen since factors hold Casino Royale back from true Connery, instilling the role with a palpable greatness. One only hopes future Bond sense of menace and danger. He is certainly a movies will capitalise upon its successes and Bond for our time, no longer the fantasy fig- avoid its mediocrities.

The Prestige Nouse Recommends:The Third Man (1949) It is to this city that Holly Martins their first job as stage hands. The film is large- (Joseph Cotton), an American author, travels Director: Christopher Nolan ly told in flashback, as plot twists are gradual- to visit his friend, Harry Lime (Orson With: Christian Bale,Hugh Jackman ly and creatively unveiled. The first of these Director: Carol Reed Welles), only to discover that he has died in flashbacks sets the story in motion, as an acci- With:Joseph Cotten,Orson Welles rather dubious circumstances and has been Runtime:128 min dent apparently caused by Borden results in Runtime:118 min branded a racketeer by the British Major Angier’s wife being killed on stage. Driven Calloway (Trevor Howard). Holly decides to Reviewed by mad with grief, Angier vows to avenge his Reviewed by find out exactly what happened and attempt David Coates wife’s death, sparking a deadly contest Emily Cleary to clear his friend’s name. In the process he between the two men as they each try to crack meets Harry’s girlfriend Anna Schmidt, an the other’s secrets. This, however, is a slight actress who very much loved Harry. The description of a story that refuses to stay unre- story itself is extremely well written: the dia- vealed for long, constantly misdirecting the logue is sharp and peppered with bleak audience til the film’s incredible and wonder- humour; it never gives away too much or fully conducted final act. over-explains anyone’s motivation - it is, in In the hands of a less talented director, other words, classic Greene. The Prestige would have fallen prey to its own Of course, no film would be complete trickery long before the final curtain, but without a musical score, and The Third Man Nolan’s script (co-written by his brother, provides in style with the iconic zither music Jonathan) captivates and refuses to relent. performed by Anton Karas. It is one of the The mood is never relaxed, and the darkness most memorable aspects of the film and per- of the two contending professionals is relayed fectly compliments the uncomfortable effectively by Bale and Jackman alike. As their atmosphere. The Third Man is classic British battle becomes increasingly personal, Nolan noir: it perfectly creates feelings of claustro- never gives an inch, forcing the audience to phobia and disquiet and the acting is impres- confront the most unpalatable aspects of the sive- especially that of many of the minor characters’ obsessive behaviour. The support- characters who were often played by promi- ing cast of Caine, Andy Serkis, David Bowie, nent Austrian actors who would probably not Scarlett Johansson and the excellent Rebecca be recognised by the film’s British and Hall copes well with the small roles they are American audiences. Orson Welles’ perform- given, Bowie particularly effective as the ance is striking as Harry Lime, although it is Christopher Nolan has cornered the market glassy, mysterious scientist Tesla. The Third Man was directed by Carol Reed, probably not accurate to see it as an ‘Orson in grim movies about zealously determined While Bale is once again flawless in his from a story by Graham Greene. Starring Welles film’ - he had no real hand in the men and their obsessions. Where Batman portrayal as a borderline psychopath, and such actors as Orson Welles and Trevor directing and only came up with one line of Begins excelled in its contrast of theatricality Jackman capable as his damaged and occa- Howard, it could hardly fail to be great. Set in dialogue- albeit possibly the most famous and brooding introspection, and where sionally inhuman adversary, the film does lose post-war Vienna - a city split between the line of the film; “In Italy for thirty years Memento tormented the audience in its something in its lack of warmth. While their Allied powers and overflowing with racket- under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, twisting plot, The Prestige trumps both, and battle is fascinating, both men are emotional- eers - it has some of the most evocative cine- murder, bloodshed- but they produced by some way. ly cold, and it is difficult to decide which, if matography in the history of film, and it was Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Ostensibly, The Prestige concerns two either, should come out on top. However, as a for this that The Third Man won an Oscar for Renaissance. In Switzerland they had broth- rival magicians – Christian Bale as the tech- piece of filmmaking, The Prestige has few Robert Krasker. Many of the camera angles erly love, they had five hundred years of nical genius Alfred Borden, Hugh Jackman peers, and is a highly rewarding visual experi- are off-centre and the use of shadow under- democracy and peace, and what did they pro- as the passionate performer Robert Angier – ence. In the opening scene, the film asks, “Are lines the feelings of alienation and uneasi- duce? The cuckoo clock.” This late ’40s film is at the turn of the 20th century, Michael you watching closely?” By the end, you won’t ness that the characters - many of them for- rightly hailed as a classic and I would urge Caine’s Cutter bringing them together in believe your eyes. eigners to Vienna - might be feeling. anyone to watch it. 28/11/06 Reviews M17 MusicReviews

Reviewed by Yesterday opens the night with a breezy over- These Monsters,Alex ture of elegant electronica. Next up is Alex Clegg and A Band, Kathryn Bromwich Clegg, an inspired singer-songwriter per- Yesterday forming tragicomic songs about elephant 17/11/06 religions, castles and trains. Angel-faced and Singles cardigan-clad, you hardly expect the explo- Live at The Artspace, sion of his powerful, primal voice over a lone frenzied drum for the Leadbelly’s cover he Reviews opens his set with. His voice is a mix between One year ago to the day, I saw Bob Dylan a particularly droll Conor Oberst and an perform in Birmingham’s infamous NEC incensed Thom Yorke, with that studied Arena. Impersonal and enormous, it’s the roughness that Bob Dylan himself does so typical show after which old men brag about well. After he goes off, Leeds band These how much better it was when they saw the Monsters hit the stage (well, the floor) with a not-yet-famous band in a small, cosy café in distinctly different set: a passionate, instru- the 60s. Lucky them. But surely, few things mental fusion of post-rock and jazz with just James Morrison – The Pieces can be more snug than this free, Burn the enough distortion. A quick post-concert Don’t Fit Anymore Jukebox-organised event in York’s tiny paint- enquiry of whether they’d ever considered James Morrison tries to melt your brain with ing studio The Artspace, opposite Clifford’s adding violins to the mix reveals that they do his new single as he replaces the upbeat soul Tower. in fact usually have a violin player, which of his previous releases with an aptly insipid The airtight audience is face-to-face makes them even cooler. Violins aside, the ‘Christmas Number 1’-geared ballad. with the band, atmospheric flowery fairy saxophone and guitars complement each “It’s time to surrender”, he croons in the cho- lights offer the only illumination and the other impeccably as they go from twee sax rus - no James! NO! We will not give in to stage is framed by a selection of abstract solos to rock and back again with easy grace, your middle-of-the-road musical stodge. paintings – shows don’t get much more inti- making for dramatic contrast and grandiose mate than this. crescendos. Jeremy Warmsley – Dirty Blue And the setlist is fittingly staggering, All of this is while surrounded by paint- Jeans offering an eclectic mix of genres. A Band, brushes and turpentine. Take that, NEC.

Like the musical equivalent of a hyperactive child, Jeremy Warmsley cannot seem to focus his attention on one melody or rhythm for more than a few seconds. The newest single from The Art of Fiction jerks from sublime moment to sublime moment, somehow man- aging to rise above the fragments with a soar- ing chorus. Wonderful stuff. Jamelia – Beware of the Dog

Following the trend of sampling large parts of 80s hits and singing something vaguely associated with the original lyrics over the top (step forward Rihanna...) Jamelia pilfers the good bits from Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus and hollers something empowering and feminist over the top. To put it prover- bially - a lot of bark and not much bite. Blue October Reviewed by The Charlatans Reviewed by Shiny Toy Guns Reviewed by Lily Allen – Littlest Things Sara Sayeed Oliver Elliott Steven Foiled Forever: The Live at Night and Day, Williams The London belle stops smiling for a while to Out Now Singles Out Now Manchester 17/11/06 deliver a collection of her feelings following a break-up. The fairy-tale melody means that it comes across a bit like the sad part in a musical before everything is alright again. This is the sound of the energetic Lily Allen Once in a while a band comes along with a Following the underwhelming Simpatico, Stepping onto the tiny stage at Night and of the summer months deciding to stay in genuinely innovative, exciting sound - one The Charlatans have decided (or perhaps Day, Shiny Toy Guns look as if they've just with a bottle of Pinot and have a good moan. that prompts you to think “wow” without been contractually obliged) to release a com- arrived from another world: one where emo even a tinge of irony. Blue October are not pilation of hit and not-so-hit singles drawn fringes and face paint go hand in hand with Phunkin DJs ft. Pamela one of these bands. The album’s derivative from their sixteen or so years of existence. throbbing synths and rave bass lines with Fernandez - Kickin the Beat mediocrity simply leaves you apathetically The collection’s chronological order lends a such electrifying results you're left wondering pondering “why?”. Why does singer/song- strong feeling of the band's development - why nobody’s ever thought of it before. Who needs new rave when old rave still has writer/guitarist Justin Furstenfeld cite The important for a band that’s shown a constant That this other world turns out to be Los a pulse? Pamela Fernandez has the classic Flaming Lips as influences and then produce willingness to change direction. The Angeles explains a lot. Covered in tattoos, voice of 90s dance music, so by re-recording enough self-indulgent emo angst to rival My Charlatans have distinguished themselves as with black/blonde hair sprawled across her the vocal of the 1992 house stomper with the Chemical Romance? And why on earth did survivors, perhaps thanks to their ability to face, singer Carah Faye renders a formidable newly assembled Phunkin DJs she’s ready to Imogen Heap even deign to collaborate on constantly re-invent themselves, from the force onstage. Her punk rock-charged emo blow away 2006’s indie dance pretenders. one of the tracks? Madchester baggy of ‘The Only One I Know’, vocals are joined by the gothic stylishness of Get in early with the tune that you will be Possibly, Furstenfeld suffers from an to the gritty northern soul of ‘One To drummer Mike Martin and pulsating synths dancing your neon socks off to in Toffs next aural colour blindness and Heap needed to Another’, and the Dylanesque blues of of keyboardist Jeremy Dawson. year. fill her quota of charitable deeds for the year. ‘Impossible’. Many of these songs will be It's this complete disregard for conven- Yet, there is hope - single ‘Hate Me is the US’ familiar, perhaps even overly so, but this col- tion (as they don't so much hop between gen- Gruff Rhys - Candylion was most requested track on alternative lection gives them a fresh lease of life, show- res as smash a bloody fist straight through It’s a hard world out there for band members radio. Ignoring the opening voicemail from ing how timeless The Charlatans are; none of them, collecting the debris along the way) gone solo. For every Robbie Williams there’s Furstenfeld’s mum, the verses possess a these songs sound at all dated. that makes Shiny Toy Guns so refreshing. a Mel B, and for every Justin Timberlake melodic facility reminiscent of the Goo Goo There are missteps - the awful dance re- Although at times they struggle to there’s a Lisa Scott Lee. Fortunately the first Dolls when they were “dizzy[ing] up” that mix of ‘You're So Pretty We're So Pretty’ match the Pretty Girls Make Graves reminis- single from the Super Furries’ lead singer’s poor girl. Tolerable stuff, until the “feel my tucked away at the end of the album, possibly cent vocals to musical innovation, Faye and second album is a lovely slice of wistful pop pain” guitar solos kick into gear. Apparently a worrying sign of things to come. But this is Petree’s lyrical interplay enraptures male and with the cheekiest strings put to record in Furstenfeld started work on “Foiled” after a the only deviation in an otherwise remark- female members of the audience in equal living memory. nightmare which prompted him to proclaim, ably solid, lively and interesting collection. measures. Managing to pull songs the calibre “My brain melted that night”. Well, after a Proving The Charlatans to be an adept sin- of ‘You Are The One’ out of the chaos is just Singles this week were reviewed by Sara few listens, one feeling the album certainly gles band, this collection will tempt many to an added bonus. Expect to hear these lot fill- Sayeed and Ben Rackstraw. doesn’t fail to inspire is empathy. delve further into their back catalogue. ing up indie dance floors near you soon. M18 Reviews 28/11/06 Food&DrinkReviews

Lounge. The cocktail list was plentiful and the bar well stocked, the lighting was dim, Vudu Lounge Reviewed by the leather sofas were comfortable, and thus 37-39 Swinegate Lucy Peden another identikit yuppie bar came into being. Sadly, the fairy had consumed too many clas- sic Mojitos (“and at six quid a go”, she Th thought, “it’s a good thing they’re so bloody strong”) and was not using her full set of fairy Gather round children, listen carefully and I powers when she lazily waved her wand to shall tell you the story about the two blind produce a menu. She summoned bread, restaurateurs. The blind restauranteurs trav- which she enchanted with the bewitching elled for miles to reach a small city east of the herbal properties of foccacia, so that they Humber, let’s call it York, because they had would be fit to cushion the meaty slabs of heard good things about its balmy climes, beef that mortals call ‘burgers’. She was so beautiful people and endless cultural diversi- pleased with her work that she knocked back ty. The good restauranteurs thought “surely a gin Martini, her gossamer-delicate wings such a city must be packed with pretentious shuddering with distaste as she nearly Which Tapas? watering holes” and they searched high and choked on the lemon twist. Although her low, but not one pretentious watering hole magic made everything tasty and perfectly Are you the sort of person that avoids restau- did they see. To remedy this, they summoned cooked, the range of wedges and chillis were rants to prevent an outbreak of dreaded the restaurant fairy who muttered “but this just not diverse enough to reflect the exciting “meal envy”, when you decide that the food damn town is full of nothing but pretentious Creole heritage that is implied by the name you have chosen simply isn’t as good as that watering holes, of course you can’t see them ‘Vudu’. “Ah, well”, slurred the fairy, “it’ll do, I of your dining companion? Do you feel frus- BECAUSE YOU’RE BLIND!”. Her cries fell s’pose”, and with that she stumbled out and trated living in a society that declares that it on deaf ears, as the blind restaurateurs were fell upon the Stonegate pavement, and dis- is simply not good manners to reach over also hard of hearing, and so despite her reser- played her fairy knickers to all the world - for and help yourself to someone’s food as they vations, she magicked up a bar called Vudu she was completely lashed. are eating it? If you are afflicted by any of these problems, then fear not! Help is at hand in the form of Melton’s Too tapas, where each item is £2.50 on a Monday night on presentation of a valid NUS card. Villa Italia Reviewed by Big Bite Sandwich Bar Reviewed by Cafe Concerto Reviewed by Alternatively buy any bottle of wine between Jonny Dack Laura Street 21 High Petergate Lauren Mendes 5-7pm and any tapas is also £2.50! 69-71 Micklegate 71 Main Street Prawn and Whitby Smoked Salmon Salad: 7.5 /10. The smoked salmon was thick, firm and had a decadent slippery saltiness that was indul- gent to the extreme. The prawns were a good size, being large enough to use in order to give your fellow diner a reprimanding rap across the knuckles as they hogged the rest of the tapas. The paprika dressing was a good touch, balancing out the delicate flavour of the fish. Battered Squid With a Chilli Dip: 9/10. The squid provoked a little squeak from one of the more squeamish members of the edi- torial team, but this dish turned out to be the surprise hit of the session. The squid was firm and not rubbery, the batter was buttery and melty, and the chilli dip was searingly sweet and left a pleasant burning sensation Pieces of the Italian legacy lay dormant in After another challenging night at Toffs, By day a delightful little cafe and by night an on our collective tasting tongue. every person’s mind. The history lessons of an there is nothing better to cure a hangover exclusive and beautiful restaurant, Cafe earlier eruption are now seasoned in a thick than a takeaway sandwich from Big Bite Concerto truly has it all. Situated right out- Courgette Fritter with Feta ash, preserving a taste of youth. Today, Sandwich Bar, located on 71 Main Street side the Minster, I discovered this gem in my and Walnut Sauce: 7/10. legions have turned to legend. This age of an Fulford - open from 8 am til 3 pm. first term at York and have not been able to army, epoch of empire and realm of the Big bite is unlike the repetitive chain stay away since, despite frequent complaints This got a Marmite-type response from the Romans is now remembered in their vast cul- sandwich bars so often found in town, it from my tutors who maintain that ‘having tasting team, not because it was made from tural influence across Europe. offers a variety of fresh sandwiches, made to coffee’ is not a mitigating circumstance for yeast, but because opinions tended towards a Sadly, this country's cuisine does not order with a large choice of fillings. It also skipping seminars. For lunch the range of love so intense it verged upon vegephilia, or offer the same breadth. At Villa Italia the has a bakery offering homemade apple pies baguettes, wraps, salads, croissants and a hate so great that some of us believed we menu is changed twice yearly. This biannual and cakes. There are hot roast sandwiches, bagels is so wide and delectable-looking that were being poisoned. The presentation was budge sees the passing of pizza to the coming traditional fillers and an artery-clogging Full if Calista Flockhart was resident in York she’d excellent as the sliced courgette was laid out of circular shaped dough, topped with the House sandwich at £2.80, which has eggs, be back on the carbs. to look delicious, green and appetising cheese of a different goat. As all Italian bacon and sausage to name only a few of its I defy anyone not to find something they (some of us thought this was a cruel decep- restaurants offer the same Corinthian pillars ingredients. Warning: this sandwich must be like. Personally, the chicken, smoked cheddar tion) and fans praised the subtle flavour and of pasta, baths of bolognese sauce and Julius approached with caution and is not for the and red onion marmalade baguette gets me texture of the dressing. Caesar salads, this restaurant shows one cru- faint hearted as it comes in a super big every time. Served with a small salad and just cial distinction: quality. Of the eight, almost, baguette size. I chose the popular Chicken the right amount of homemade dressing, this Deep Fried Polenta and identical menus around York, Villa Italia Tikka bap at £2.10, which was swiftly pre- lunch is worth any time you might have to Hummus: 5/10. boasts the finest ingredients and most agree- pared in front of me. It’s always reassuring wait to get a seat in this extremely popular able ambience. As operatic whines fermented when an eating establishment is happy to place. Desserts are also fabulous. Like the The polenta is coated in golden batter and in my ears, I selected the Soave from an prepare food in front of you rather than hide rest of the food here, they are homemade and tastes like an up-market hash brown. Sadly impressive list. As for food, try the stuffed red away in a kitchen that is about to be condem- you can definitely tell. The gooey chocolate the hummus lacked flavour, texture and peppers to start or the funghi mamma mia nded by the food safety people. The chicken cake is worth sacrificing your first born child depth, but the polenta worked well when (mushrooms with white wine, cream, garlic was moist and deliciously covered in Tikka for, and the portion sizes are suitably gener- submerged in the leftover chilli dip. and cheese). For mains there are risottos, sauce and the tomatoes, cucumber and let- ous. You may leave feeling extremely indul- pastas, pizzas, fish and meat dishes. The tuce fillings were fresh and crunchy making a gent and possibly slightly overfed but Cafe Tasters: Laura Street, Hannah Burnham, price reflects the quality, so maybe one to mouth-watering monstrous feast which Concerto is not to be missed. A truly wonder- Missy Christey, Rebecca Jones, Laura Nicol save until you get paid! would satisfy anyone’s appetite. ful location with delicious homemade food. 28/11/06 Satire M19 Thelastword Andreas Masoura takes a satirical look at York’s main activities: bingo and stripping

Full House Nouse with your story, and you can attend approached in a York drinking establish- Even if you are not appreciative of the our complimentary counselling session. ment, which will then be ruthlessly capi- art of lapdancing, I recommend a visit simply Apparently the calm around campus during Otherwise simply adhere to the following talised on with the offer of several free VK to experience the cultural diversity within the Freshers’ week was unsettled one evening guide in order to avoid such misfortune: Blues. Ask for a VK Tropical instead. club, a level unseen in York until now. With after Toffs. Screams of “Bingo” cracked YUSU Officers are easily identifiable by their women from many different ages, nationali- through the night air after yet another Full vast array of YUSU hoodies, which are worn 1 AM ties and races, every taste is catered for and at House was achieved. The mystery surround- on every occasion, so make sure you watch a tenner a go it is an absolute bargain. Once ing campus was soon unearthed as yet anoth- out for them. The lure of a free queue jumper As I’m sure most of you have come to inside, we were greeted with a surgically er pure, innocent and naïve student was to Toffs is a sleazy, yet formidable weapon realise, everything in York shuts by about one enhanced female called Sarah. Sarah was a deflowered. As well as having an unquestion- used by the Students’ Union. Please try your o’clock. Well, not anymore. Ziggys’ has come Langwith College student until she dropped able concern for the welfare of students, the utmost to resist, even if it’s raining. Also to the rescue by providing some after hours out of University to pursue her career. Sarah Students’ Union allegedly adopts a hands on remember, you are most likely to be entertainment at the weekend by providing had amassed a significant portion of our stu- approach when it comes to helping freshers York with what its craved for for so long: dent loan that evening, leaving me to ques- settle in. attractive women. Unfortunately you have to tion who was in fact being exploited in this Inspired by the legendary Mecca Bingo pay, but then again, that string of VKs pur- exchange. in town, YUSU Bingo merely replaces cash chased at Toffs on a Tuesday does not come Grace Fletcher-Hall may not agree, but winnings with a student’s virginity. Once cheap either. it appears that men are being sexually each sacrifice has been made and the bingo In a ploy that has regained the levels of manipulated to the point where they are sheets inspected, the participant would then sleaze that Pole Soc worked so hard to get rid powerless to do anything other than hand move on to another college until a Full House of, Ziggy’s has given York a good old fash- over their hard earned cash. Perhaps Grace has been achieved. The final victim would ioned strip club. So, having stumbled inside, could address this if elected as York’s then be traumatised with “Full House” being (purely for journalistic research purposes) we Feminist Labour Counsellor? Meanwhile the screamed in their unsuspecting face, of were given campus event-style wristbands fight continues to ban Nuts and Zoo from course in the presence of an SU superior who and ushered to the top floor. I can assure you Your:Shop. would be standing outside the game’s venue that this was no Club D. With more women As many students lament the drop in listening, simply to verify the result. A fine than you could acknowledge with a fleeting teaching standards I am merely relieved. game, almost as entertaining as ‘Drink or no glance, simply because they were so tall, Given that beauty is inversely proportional to Drink’. Ziggy’s has more than compensated for the intelligence, this year’s crop of freshers has If you have been affected or traumatised lack of talent usually on display on a been distinctly above average. To think that I at all by any of the above, please contact Wednesday. had given up hope. M20 Listings 28/11/06

Clockwise from top left: The Pale Man in Pan’s Labyrinth; Hunting Cat Rag Rug made by Louise Creed on display in the Cats and Frogs exhibition in Langwith College; Infadels ham it up in Fibbers; and Roald Dahl’s The Witches gets adapted to stage by the 1812 Theatre Company at Helmsley Arts Centre. Live Music Campus Events Tuesday 5th December Tuesday 12th December Thursday 30th November Until Friday 8th December Jam Factory Presents, Cerificate 18s Infadels, Fibbers Comedy Night, Wentworth Cats and Frogs, The Norman Rea Art Atom presents up-and-coming electro Favourites of the venue, Infadels (no longer YUSU and The Other Side Comedy Club are Gallery, Langwith College and “Intelligent Dance Music” talents, ‘the’) have opened for the likes of the Scissor again putting on a night of top comedians at An exhibition by Louisa and Lewis Creed, featuring Mass Movement, Dataline and Sisters, Faithless and The Prodigy. They pro- Wentworth. If the appeal of campus and displaying their skill in the art of hooking loads more. Entry is £2. vide fun, innovative electronic rock and roll, town bars is starting to wear thin, head to rag rugs. Also available in greeting card guaranteed to get you dancing. Entry is £8 Wentworth for a different evening out on form. Open 9am to 6pm daily. Saturday 9th December or £7 in advance. campus. Moneen, Fibbers Saturday 9th December High-energy epic emo rock hailing from Thursday 14th December Friday December 1st JCRC Election Results Night Party, Toronto, likened to Alexisonfire, More Addiction, The Junction Full Stop, Goodricke Goodricke Hall, til 2am Dashboard Confessional, and Thursday. York Uni’s own Battle of the Bands semi- In honour of World Aids Day, Goodricke are If you’re standing in your college JCRC These Canadians play reportedly amazing finalists will be playing their last ever gig holding a huge event involving DanceSoc elections, know someone who is, or simply gigs, including back flips and thrashing together. Come along to say goodbye and performances, break dancers and live music want a good night out on campus, head stage antics. Entry is £7, or £6 in enjoy the riffage one last time. Doors open from Fenna Rhodes and The True down to Goodricke to join in with the cele- advance. at 7.30pm. Ingredients. Dress code is red and white. brations and commiserations. Art and Performance Cinema Wednesday 6th December Wednesday 13th December Stranger Than Fiction Big Nothing What the Dickens?, National Centre for The Witches, Helmsley Arts Centre Will Ferrel breaks free of his usual role to An almost cartoonish dark comedy star- Early Music 1812 Theatre Co. presents an adaptation (by play a boring tax man who discovers that his ring David Schwimmer and Simon Pegg. One for hardcore Dickens fans: an evening David Wood) of Roald Dahl’s creepy classic. life is being narrated by a depressed novelist Schwimmer, as a blackmailing teacher, of classic readings and songs from the Worth going to just to see how they portray (Emma Thompson). Upon hearing his pre- finally breaks free of his Ross-from- musicals based on his stories. With the witches taking off their disguises on dicted death, he consults a literary theorist Friends annoyingness, though still ends up excerpts from Oliver, Scrooge, Pickwick, A stage. www.helmsleyarts.co.uk for tickets. (Dustin Hoffman). Interesting treatment of playing the loser. Christmas Carol, and Great Expectations. the nature of authorship and identity. Thursday 14th December to 7th January London To Brighton Thrusday 7th to 10th December Aladdin Panto, Grand Opera House Pan’s Labyrinth (El Laberinto del Fauno) A documentary-style film framed as a The Crucible, Drama Barn Not the Disney version, but still lots of tacky A dark and disturbing fairytale from thriller, following a prostitute (played by Drama Soc presents Arthur Miller’s treat- fun. Featuring gaudy costumes, groan-wor- Guillermo del Toro about the adventures of Lorraine Stanley) and a young runaway ment of the 1692 Salem Witch Trials, writ- thy humour, and questionable acting skills a young girl, supposedly the long-lost (Georgia Groome) and their pursuers as ten as a comment on the nature of demanded at any pantomime. Good for a princess of a magical kingdom, and her they flee to Brighton. A gritty and gripping America during the McCarthy witch- laugh at least. www.LiveNation.co.uk, for mother, newly married to a captain in portrayal of the darker aspects of contem- hunts. tickets. Franco’s army. porary Britain.

SPONSORED BY SNAPPY SNAPS 10 Politics The Trident Nuclear Debate Josh Dodd discusses the government’s proposals to replace Britain’s nuclear deterrent, the Trident submarine force, and whether such a deterrent really has a role in the twenty-first century.

he Trident II (D5) is a maintained was dropped by submarine-launched a third to 200; nuclear sub- Tmissile, armed with marines were limited to 48 about three nuclear war- warheads, from 96 (though heads. Their destructive due to technological power is estimated as that of advances, this was actually a eight Hiroshimas. The 50% increase on the Trident details of the British nuclear predecessor); and mainte- armament were only nance of other types of finalised in 1998, with nuclear delivery systems, Labour’s Strategic Defence such as “free-fall” aircraft Review. The Trident system weaponry, was discontinued. was planned to be in service True, this is a moderate at least until 2024. So why is reduction, but even this sadly this a hot issue all of a sud- strikes Britain out ahead of den? the other four permanent Any programme to members of the UN Security develop replacements for the Council – the other four des- Trident submarines will be a ignated Nuclear Weapon lengthy one. Tony Blair States on the Nuclear Non- recently announced that a Proliferation Treaty. In fact, white paper will report on this is the very treaty that the issue in December and, obliges us to reduce our after a three month consulta- nuclear holdings. The three tion, MPs will be voting. pillars of the Non- Naturally, this will not be a Proliferation Treaty include free vote for Labour MPs. disarmament. Of course, Gordon Brown, in stark none of the Nuclear Weapon contrast to his usually cau- States have done any such tious fiscal policy, has pub- thing – any such discussion licly backed the most expen- over the last three decades sive option available: a full has been shelved on one pre- replacement for the Trident text or another. submarine force - warning HMS Vanguard - one of Britain’s nuclear submarines equipped with Trident D5 missiles at Faslane naval base What would happen to against compromising on the Britain if she were to shed British nuclear deterrent. spend British tax money. The markedly different place. lion buy then? Quite a lot, as possible. I’m sure that the her nuclear capabilities? But the truth is that this is very notion of a nuclear There is no USSR-esque bloc really. Perhaps the best way fight against terror could use Would she be endlessly bom- estimated to cost anything deterrent is a hang-over of territories that we can aim to decide how to use this more resources, if security is barded with nukes from up to £40 billion over its life- from a bygone era – one of our guns at anymore. money is by examining your thing. There is only so manifold enemy states? time. The important ques- towering superpowers and The threat now, as our national threats. Terrorism, much the intelligence forces Would she be vulnerable to tion, then, is are we really diametrically opposed, utter- Prime Minister spends so yes. But I hardly think that can do on their current invasion? Well, the 186 UN- getting value for money ly incompatible ideologies much time telling us, is from the 7/7 bombers had second budget. There are plenty of recognised, non-nuclear here? £40 billion is an awful across continents. During those ambiguous and elusive thoughts when they consid- better, more cost-effective countries seem to get by lot of cash to be spending: it the Cold War, a nuclear terrorists. If, God forbid, a ered the British Trident sub- ways to spend this cash. okay. Maybe if we can step is £2billion more than this deterrent was seen as vital – small cell of perhaps ten peo- marine patrolling the ocean. It is not inconceivable to out in front of the pack by year’s total defence budget theories of Mutually Assured ple manage to detonate a Surely an even more com- rid Britain of nuclear disarming our nuclear capa- or, to put it in a different Destruction bounced along- dirty bomb in a city centre, pelling danger is that of cli- weaponry. Indeed, Labour bilities, we can start leading light, almost half an NHS. side flashpoints that came aginst whom should we mate change – this much have already started such a the world towards a more Frustratingly though, scarily close to a full-scale retaliate? Whom should we money would help Britain to programme with the peaceful future. Britain may the answer is that a Trident war. But the Cold War is long bomb into submission? tackle the problem and miti- Strategic Defence Review. not be a military superpower, replacement is a poor way to over and the world is a What else can £40bil- gate economic fallout as far The numbers of warheads but she could be a moral one. Assassination sparks political calamity

By Tom Smith of the former Prime Iran and allies to foment forced to pull out of the gation. Just because the Minister. instability and violence in country last year, in the after- assassins are likely to be pro- he high-profile assassi- Officially, the identities that important country”. math of the Hariri’s assassi- Syria does noy mean that nation of an anti- of the assailants are a mys- Anti-Syrians have been nation and a wave of interna- they represent that country TSyrian government tery, but numerous conspir- blaming the Syria-Iran- tional protests. in any meaningful way. Any minister has sparked ten- acy theories are abundent – Hezbollah “triangle”, whilst Lebanese politics have attempt to label Syria as the sions in an already tense not only from members of pro-Syrians deny Syrian been paralysed between pro- perpetrator, particularly by Lebanon. Pierre Gemayel, the public and media, but involvement, and even point Syrian and anti-Syrian blocs, high-ranking US officials, the industry minister, was from governments too. the finger at Israel. reaching a high-point after must surely be bad news for assassinated last Tuesday Prime Minister Tony Blair There were fresh fears the UN’s conclusion of those who wish to engage whilst driving his car. The was among the few who did that this could be a precursor Syrian involvement in with Syria and Iran, to help killing marks the most high- not couple his condemna- for something more serious. Hariri’s murder. Six pro- smooth the situation in Iraq. profile political assassination tion with an implicit accusa- John Bolton, the United Syrian ministers resigned The Iraq Study Group, since the death of Prime tion, commenting that it States ambassador to the over the cabinet’s support for which reports next month, is Minister Rafik Hariri in underlined the “urgent need UN, claimed that this may be a UN tribunal to try those likely to recommend diplo- February of last year. for a strategy for the whole the “first shot” in an attempt accused. This political crisis macy with Syria and Iran as a The shooting came just of the Middle East”. by “Syria and Iran, acting seems to be perpetuated by means of heading off a civil hours after the UN security President Bush was less neu- through Hezbollah” to stage a Protest after the murder those who seek to bring fown war in Iraq. Any anti-Syrian council announced its tral, pledging to “defend coup against the Lebanese stant presence in Lebanon in the Lebanese government. sentiment from the United approval of a tribunal to try their [Lebanon] democracy government. some form or another in the But politicians shouldn’t States is certainly not a good those accused of the murder against attempts by Syria, Syria has been a con- last 29 years. It was only rush to pre-judge the investi- omen. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Snappy Snaps Tuesday November 28 2006 11 Government guidelines for Muslim watch on campus

By Anjli Raval and even the take over of to the polemic appeal made multi faith prayer rooms. to acedemics last month by he Higher Education In order to prevent the the former Education Minister has issued "serious, but not widespread, Minister Ruth Kelly, who Tguidelines on how to Islamist extremist activity in requested students to be alert students to extremist [higher education institu- monitored. There is concern, behaviour on campus, with a tions]" from amplifying fur- however, that some of the view to preventing radicals ther, radical speakers and points are too vague and uni- from manipulating vulnera- groups with a history of versities could end up taking ble students into terrorist inciting racial hatred are too harsh a stance. activities. being banned from campus- The focus of extremism Last Friday, Higher es. "in the name of Islam" could Education Minister, Bill Although groups such also, in effect, be counter Rammell, issued guidelines as Al-Muhajiroun, recently productive, where instead of to tackle "extremism in the prohibited under the anti- opening the lines of commu- name of Islam", a phenome- terrorism legislation, have nication for better integra- non which has apparently been removed from campus tion and detection of terror- acquired strength on some communities, it is a worry ism, it could instead close university campuses. that such groups could resur- them, provoking a backlash The measures call for face by changing their name against Muslim students. tutors to work closely with or taking over apolitical The new guidelines are imams and the police in Islamic societies. fully supported by the British order to combat the "real, The document states Muslim Forum (BMF), a credible and sustained that students should have pressure group backed by a threat" of radicalism, ulti- published information on membership of almost 300 mately with the aim of pro- how to identify violent mosques. The BMF have tecting vulnerable students extremists. It is also seen as made a statement saying, and promoting safety on necessary to set up a support "We believe that extremism campus. network between the student of all forms needs to be tack- Mr Rammell has high- unions, imams and mosques led, in particular the radical- lighted the extent of the so that vulnerable students ism of Muslim youths on problem, saying that this is a are not targeted. campus." dangerous sort of extremism To further encourage It also backed any initia- whereby innocent students integration between differ- tive to rout out "any form of are being recruited to terror- ent faiths and ethnicities, criminal activity undertaken ism through university soci- volunteer programs are in the name of Islam", while eties. being used to encourage stu- still urging the government In order to prevent dents to mix with others to consider producing the these young, Muslim stu- from different backgrounds. same sort of guidelines for dents from becoming radi- More importantly, a plan of attacking the anti-Muslim calised, lecturers are encour- action would also have to be extremism from the far right. aged to be more vigilant in formulated in the event of an Nouse first reported on spotting signs of violent arrest of a student for terror- the proposed extremism extremism. This includes ist offences. guidelines of November 7. looking out for the circula- Gemma Tumelty of the When Professor Haleh tion of Islamic literature on National Union of Students Afshar of the Politics campus, the use of the uni- (NUS) has praised the more Department urged the gov- versity computer network to moderate tone of these ernment to engage rather download Jihadist images guidelines. This is in contrast than target Muslim students. Bill Rammell has issued guidelines for students to spot extremism on campus

European Union. ous problems and questions this society that the refusal of The Campus Soapbox It was not until 1992, remain unanswered. a common constitution by however, that the EU was How to resolve the issue the French and Dutch voters formally created by the of the democratic deficit? should rather be seen as an European Society German conflict, and ensure wounds from the War. By members of the European What about a common for- opportunity to rethink col- long-term economic and establishing the European Community. The Treaty of eign policy? And how does lective goals and cope with ean-Claude Juncker, the political stability in Europe, Coal and Steel Community in Maastricht divided the EU the idea of a multi-speed current problems in order to former President of the which was badly needed so 1951, the foundation was laid into three key pillars: the Europe come in? strengthen the Union. JEuropean Council, is Europe could heal its for what is now the European Community, Structural deficits and Coming back to correct in his assertion that Common Foreign, Security lack of electoral support con- Juncker’s quotation, we must “whoever holds doubts about Policy and Police and tinue to hinder the demo- recognize the incredible the European Union should Judicial Co-operation in cratic legitimisation of the developments that have been visit a military cemetery.” Criminal Matters. Union. Furthermore, recent achieved since 1945. After having experi- Supranationalism is still events have shown the EU In 50 years, the zone of enced two World Wars, developed distinctively with- still cannot act as a single peace has been established, Europe needed a fresh start. in each pillar depending on player. Not all the member the level of prosperity has Political and economic how sensitive states are con- states, it would seem, are increased significantly and agreements were settled in cerning their national sover- ready to proceed with further economic imbalances have order to ensure peace. An eignty. integration. been compensated. Overall economic union of the coal Today the EU consists of What impact does the European integration has and steel industries was a confederation of 25 mem- rejection of the European been successful, but there is advocated by the then ber states and over 460 mil- Constitution by two of the still a lot to be accomplished. French foreign minister. lion inhabitants. It is the orginal founder states have Therefore, further consolida- The logic was that the most developed intergovern- on the future of the EU? Is tion should be pursued until mutual trade would disable mental organisation world- the future of the EU itself at one day we are unified as the another destructive Franco- The future of the European Union is still undecided wide. Nevertheless, numer- stake? It is the opinion of “United States of Europe”. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 12 Letters Snappy Snaps Tuesday November 28 2006 Nicky Woolf Nouse Goes way back Grimston House Letters Write to: Vanbrugh College It was around three o’clock Thursday morn- ing when the peaceful Goodricke air was shattered by the sound of “I’m Henry the Corporate courtesans eighth I am, I am”, sung just out of key and with volume enough to crack the concrete Star Letter and happy customers and scare every duck on campus. It was, of course, the regular and familiar sound of the Dear Nouse, ence' installed as editor, but experienced Dear Nouse, rugby players returning home from the week- staff members have been forced out ly post-game Ziggy’s social and bar crawl. I am disgusted to hear that the University admidst accusations regarding the editor's I found it striking that the Chair of the Our block’s own rugby chap was himself in of Manchester's Student Direct has been 'bodyguards' and 'cronies'. Views which Biosciences Society, Beckie Cooper, when fine vocal form; he managed -if memory the victim of a 'coup' perpetrated by an are in opposition to that of the Editor are pledging her support for StemCell Ventures serves- nearly twelve renditions of “Glory alliance of thier Islamic Society and the now banned: the letters page has been Inc.’s investment, gave explicit assurance that glory hallelujah,” each with a different sexual Socialist Workers' Party. Consequently, the removed (not to mention the sex column). she would back such projects ‘only as long as nuance, before his performance was tragical- paper's content has degenerated into a Apparently, spelling, punctuation the aims of the department remain academic ly cut short by an inconsiderately-placed barely literate combination of paranoid and grammar have fallen to appallingly rather than in securing lucrative contracts floor. Islamo-fascist rantings and ill-informed low standards, and much of the paper's such as this one.’ Oh what depths of depravity the British middle-class pseudo-revolutionary rheto- material is plagiarised. Naturally, most students at York would binge-drinking culture has sunk to, I hear the ric. Disappointingly, it seems that only rather see managerial focus directed at them- more hysterical readers amongst you cry. It Amidst the uproar over the DfES's two student newspapers have covered the selves and the departments than at business wasn’t like that in my day, I hear the elder prposed covert surveillance of 'Asian-look- story: Cardiff's Gair Rhydd and goals. But there are murmurings abroad sug- readers amongst you answer. ing' students by academics, it is ironic to Cambridge's Varsity. Where is Nouse's gesting the university is some sort of corpo- Sorry, oldies. In fact, it was exactly like note how easily the student paper of the sense of solidarity with its fellow student rate courtesan, leaping into bed with that in your day. Forty years ago, the rugby country's largest university has been taken journalists? investors and snapping up shares in ‘unethi- team had just the same reputation for drunk- over by extremists. Not only was a com- cal’ companies. en, disorderly fun. An edition of this paper, plete novice with 'no journalistic experi- Anonymous There is such a thing as unethical invest- dated the 23rd November 1967, featured an ment: as students we may feel culpable by interview with the outraged association. But education cannot be provost of Derwent col- industry revenues, the BBC is an entirely less removed from the grubby world of finance lege, in which he and placed aloft in some rarefied, eternally describes how follow- dominant player in the television world than it was in the 1990s. For example, Sky today democratic haven. A university is a business ing a rugby match the like any other, and the assumption that uni- players “made the bar controls 40 per cent of total television rev- John Grogan enue, nearly twice that of the BBC at 23 per versities are democratically accountable to uninhabitable because their students leaves a very bad taste in the of the mess and rowdy Local MP cent. The BBC also has a track record of delivery and innovation unsurpassed mouth. As a customer, there is only one way singing.” Not only that, to vote, and that’s with your feet. but the players also got amongst our public services. Freeview is a into the toilets in classic public-private sector partnership which has made Government ambitions for Derwent, where they James MacDougald “ripped off a £10 towel dis- digital switchover possible. The BBC’s online Goodricke College penser and removed a bowl BSKYB’s raid to secure 17.9% of ITV in an presence has underscored the absolutely key of flowers and several scarves.” We can only apparent attempt to crowd out any other role of an impartial public service provider of imagine why. The Professor’s most biting potential investors is an unfortunate and news and information for a new generation. accusation, one that I suspect may affront the timely reminder of where the real threat to Most importantly, the last decade has but it is primarily responsible for the fact that current rugby team as much as it did 1967’s, plurality and diversity in British broadcast- arguably been a golden age of BBC program- the UK’s creative sector of television content was “It seems that the rugger teams can’t ing comes from. Will Sky now use their posi- ming, with quality output now consumed by has the highest rate of investment per head of drink for half an hour without getting tion as the leading shareholder in ITV to a much broader section of the population home-produced programming of any devel- p*****d!” For this antisocial behaviour, ‘materially influence’ whether or not Sky than a generation ago. For example, one mil- oped country, including the United States. It Derwent college stripped the rugby team of News replaces ITN when their news contract lion people tuned into the groundbreaking is also perhaps worth noting that the BBC is its meal-credit. comes up for renewal in 2008? Will Sky now ‘Civilisation’ in the 1970s, with six times that shedding 7,000 jobs to shift more resources It seems as if being accused of disorder- try and scupper joint BBC / ITV plans to pro- number watching ‘Plant Earth’ thirty years into programming. It falls to that most elo- lyness was par for the course, but then just as mote a freesat service to compliment later. quent defender of British values, the now, calling the captain of the rugby team a Freeview? The Office, Strictly Come Dancing, Chancellor of the Exchequer, to make the lightweight was absolutely not on. In the fol- Meanwhile, the crucial announcement Bleak House, Doctor Who and The final call on the licence fee in the upcoming lowing edition, on the 9th of December 1967, of the BBC licence fee settlement is expected Apprentice all demonstrate that the BBC weeks. Will he back what can perhaps be there was an answering letter from David imminently. Rupert Murdoch and other adage of ‘making the good popular and the called the greatest British brand with costed Jenkins, the president of the rugby club. “If prominent commercial interests have been popular good’ lives on in good health. Not promises to deliver digital switchover, quality Professor Ree,” he seethes, “would care to get keen to advocate the lowest possible fee surprisingly, independent DCMS research programming, and a transfer of production in touch with the landlady of the Charles XII” increase on the grounds that commercial indicates that 75 per cent of the population to the north of the country, or will he give fur- - the good old Charles was just as popular broadcasters have been facing ever-falling are willing to pay more for existing and ther comfort - and profit- to Rupert then as today - “he will learn that on the very advertising revenues, and that in any event expanded BBC services over the life of the Murdoch? many occasions the rugby club has used her the BBC should be drastically limiting its Charter. premises there has never been rowdyism and ambitions. Of course, the BBC is not the only John Grogan has been the Labour MP for drunkenness.” I should bloody well think so The truth is that when it comes to total provider of public service broadcasting UK, Selby since 1997. too.

Your:Platform Where the great unwashed speak their troubles

What we asked Vanbrugh... Luke Brazier Tamsin Urquhart Mark Kelleher English & Philosophy English PPE 1. Do you think SU officers playing freshers’ bingo is something worth 1. I can see it could have been a joke; but 1. I think it’s all a bit cliché, and rather 1. I think it would be funny if it were played worrying about? with their responsibility, you’d have expect- pathetic. on them. 2. Should arms companies be ed something different. 2. The University shouldn’t be expected too 2. I don’t think arms manufacturers should allowed to recruit on campus? 2. Seems to be a matter of freedom of have ethical obligations: if people want to be allowed on campus at all: it’s a real speech versus pacifism. I’m a big supporter choose to do something like that, they shame we’re bankrolling our education out 3. Are you at all concerned about of both. should be able to. to private enterprise. campus security? 3. Never had problems myself. 3. I can’t comment, as I haven’t lived on 3. Never, ever go to Halifax. 4. What are your feelings on the 4. My lecturers are varied. Some are campus since my first year. 4. I feel the teaching is good, but I’m glad quality of teaching at York? insightful, but one turned up late, was 4. I’ve always thought that English is taught this study has come up, as it’ll stop academ- unprepared, and taught us next to nothing. really well. ics from resting on their laurels. NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by Tuesday November 28 2006 Snappy Snaps Sport 13 British snooker champion beaten by Langwith student at campus bar

By Liam Paul The Chinese star SPORTS CORRESPONDENT seemed relaxed, as befits someone who turned pro- DING JUNHUI, the reign- fessional aged only 16, and ing UK Snooker champion he illustrated his undoubted came to the University last ability with a show of slick week and played a few positional play and easy, frames of pool with some precise cueing skills that lucky students. The 19 year- makes him a serious chal- old is regarded as one of the lenger for more ranking hottest new talents in World wins in this year’s forthcom- Snooker, and his victory last ing championships. Playing year in the UK Junhui was obviously never Championship, hosted at the going to be an easy task, Barbican Centre in York last although all those who year, established him as a attempted to rise to the rising star. challenge throughout the Organised by the afternoon made good shows Athletics Union, Junhui’s of themselves, in the face of visit to JJ’s in Halifax College some shots of pure world last Wednesday, came ahead class. of this year’s championship In fact, only one stu- where he hopes to success- dent was to beat Junhui, fully defend his crown, during the whole of his fly- which he won as a relative ing visit. Philip Radford, a unknown, in last years final third Year from Langwith against perennial favourite college, won his chance to Steve Davis. Accompanied in play Junhui in a raffle and JJ’s by his agent, translator kept his nerve following a and a local TV news crew, good start and a couple of the youthful protégé nick- mistakes by the UK cham- named “the Star of the East”, pion to seal a win, which played the winner of a fierce- will surely give him brag- ly competitive student pool ging rights at the pool table tournament, that decided for a few years to come. who had the right to face A good turnout of him. snooker fans turned up The competition, which despite the overcast and began at 10:30 in the morn- blustery weather, and after ing, had by the time of playing frames of pool with Junhui’s arrival whittled the chosen Students, the down the challengers to diminutive maestro was Luke Fleet, the University happy to sign autographs pool captain, and Mike and have his photo took Walsh, the University snook- with enthusiastic snooker er captain. After a three fans before being swept frame decider Luke Fleet away to prepare no doubt, was the victor and gained the for the UK championships chance to test his skills which begin on the 4th against Ding himself. December. Ding Junhui, winner of last year’s British Championship at the Barbican Centre shows his talent at the Halifax bar.Third year Langwith student, Philip Radford stole the show with an unlikely win against the champion Minstermen look to continue good form

By Sam Craft against Bristol City either. ond half by scoring his first from even further out than ready to pay up to SPORTS CORRESPONDENT Playing in front of their goal for the club in over fifty Woolford's earlier effort. £200,000 to secure the highest crowd of the season appearances. Weymouth York's woes were com- Bradford-born striker's HOME DEFEATS against at KitKat Crescent, it was the levelled through Wayne pounded further when services in the January League One side Bristol City home side who dominated Purser but a headed goal by Mackail-Smith raced away transfer window. in the FA Cup and the first half. However in the Jason Goodliffe made it 2-1 to slot home the winner, and It would be unfortu- Conference high-flyers second, a mix-up at the back to ensure that York became Dagenham held on for vic- nate to lose such an integral Dagenham & Redbridge allowed Bristol City defender the first side this season to tory member of a squad who so marred an otherwise encour- Jamie McCombe to head the take three points from a trip York's hopes of reach- far look capable of avoiding aging month for York City. ball over Tom Evans in the to the Wessex Stadium. ing the playoffs rest largely a repeat of the mid-season Two wins from their three York goal, which ultimately City had a chance to on the shoulders of young slump suffered by the club Conference fixtures in separated the two sides at gain ground on another striker Donaldson, whose in the last campaign. November, including a the final whistle. side challenging for promo- impressive form has not Nevertheless, Billy McEwan notable victory over prom- City faced another tion when Dagenham & York City in action gone unnoticed by many. and his players must remain tion rivals Weymouth, leave daunting task the following Redbridge travelled to the ty yards, but Dagenham Not only has he been called focused on their goal during Billy McEwan's side still week when they faced KitKat Crescent. However, pegged them back before up to the national non- the busy fixture schedule in perched on the edge of the Weymouth. Living up to it was the visitors who took the interval thanks to Craig league squad for a fixture the festive period, which playoff places as they their nickname of the Terras, the spoils in an entertaining Mackail-Smith. City’s against Holland, but Wolves includes a home derby approach the halfway point Weymouth boasted an match, as they twice fought advantage was restored manager Mick McCarthy against local Yorkshire of the 2006/07 season. unbeaten home record going from behind to triumph 3- when Clayton Donaldson was spotted in the stands rivals Halifax Town, if they The Minstermen did into the game. However City 2. York opened the scoring pounced from close range, during City's 1-0 home win are going to keep pace with not disgrace themselves in captain Emmanuel Panther early on when Martyn only for Glen Southam to over Altrincham, triggering the Conference's leading the FA Cup First Round set the tone early in the sec- Woolford struck from twen- thunder in the equaliser rumours that Wolves were pack. Sponsored by NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER 14 Sports Snappy Snaps Tuesday November 28 2006 York Hockey club enjoy term success

By Andy Hook an honour to be involved in a times. Anne Coleman and SPORTS CORRESPONDENT club that has been winning Lucy Horrel got two goals so frequently, and what is each and Jamie Unsworth THIS WEEK, the hockey even better, hockey now and Lindsey Walker scored club furthered the club’s seems to be getting the posi- one each. growing status on campus by tive exposure it deserves, Scoring had previously cementing a clean sweep of long may it continue. proven to be tricky for the wins in BUSA matches. Perhaps the best evi- York team but the coaching It was a tireless effort dence for this has been the from Pete Bartlet has helped for all four teams involved, ladies hockey team. So far the team in their perform- but special mention must go this season they have proven ance. Finding a hole in the to their women’s second 11 themselves to be fiery com- York press is proving a tricky for the formidable 6 -0 victo- petitors. In the Wednesday business for the opposing ry. In the men’s first team, a 3 match against the current team thanks to its strong – 1 victory over Sheffield leaders of BUSA, Newcastle defence. The Canadian allowed them to stretch the University, York showed medic; Andrea Pisesky, the lead in their BUSA table, can their worth. Despite incur- blonde Dutch; Marieke they be stopped? It has how- ring many injuries during Hampshire and the third ever been not as successful the match, one involving the Year Brit; Lindsey Walker, within the Yorkshire league. defender Gemma Cheney were the players of the week. Defeat and a draw last week- who had to be taken to hos- Yet what is refreshing in this end showed us that some pital for stitches, the team sprightly team is the ability lapses in concentration and pulled together and played of all of the players and how scrappy play will be pun- well as a unit. The 1-1 draw well they play together. The ished, however these prob- was a good result. Missing oncoming Saturday sees lems have been rectified and their skillful and strong York play Leeds Uni who are on Saturday, the first eleven defender in the weekend notoriously dirty players. played some outstanding match, the Ladies XI’s still Fingers crossed that no more hockey and got back to their managed to put in another visits to hospital will occur winning ways, and as a result excellent performance, find- and that Gemma Cheney progressed up the table. It is ing the back of the goal six makes a speedy recovery! The men and womens team powered to a clean sweep of wins in the BUSA league NOUSE :THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK STUDENT NEWSPAPER Sponsored by Tuesday November 28 2006 Snappy Snaps Sports 15

AU Is college sport harming not Edge helping sport at university? With AU President By Daniel Whitehead Tom Moore DEPUTY EDITOR As I sit here trying to think of things to write that might IT’S SUNDAY, York is cold interest you more than your and damp; I’m hungover course books, I have to admit, and the 22 men stumbling I’m struggling. over a ball in front of me, I absolutely love this job, each showing the first signs but I appreciate that a lot of of the inevitable beer belly what I do would be very boring developing, are all hungover to read about. I do, however, as well. Welcome to the won- sit on various University com- derful world of college sport. mittees. The one and only one The newly re-branded that’s vaguely interesting is the Deloitte Inter-College group that discusses the new Sports Championship is a Heslington East campus. York tradition which began It is very widely recog- in the early years of the nised that York University University when there were punches above its weight in the only a few colleges, all boast- BUSA rankings (other institu- ing similar numbers of stu- tions of our size come well dents. Since then the intro- below us in the table). This is duction of new colleges such why the new development is so as Alcuin, James, and, most exciting. It will double the recently, Wentworth to pro- number of students that study ceedings has meant a much here and bring with it state-of- larger and potentially more the-art facilities. intriguing competition. At the moment, the However, the changes University are aiming to build have had the opposite effect. The inter-college championship doesn’t tend to generate much passion amongst the majority of students a top-quality gym, numerous Colleges have been built by grass pitches (one with a small the University to house stu- ing the competition a point- clique, staying in with the “over-zealous AU officials”. ities and coaching, and stand), indoor tennis courts, dents, not provide an equal less bore. Currently, crowd and excluding anyone I’m sure our readership provide greater oppor- squash courts, a badminton footing in sport - meaning Goodricke College, one of the who plays for a rival, or, dare would be captivated by such tunities for improving hall, sports hall, a rubber those which house more stu- largest, look set to top the I say it, doesn’t play sport at an opportunity to learn individual ability is crumb pitch and a water-based dents such as Halifax have table at Christmas and, all. about the woes of such leg- surely better than play- hockey pitch. As well as a 50 more resources and a greater unsurprisingly, Wentworth Take a recent case of endary figures. ing in a merry-go-round metre swimming pool. Now, chance of finding talented will lie at the foot of the students taking the collegiate So what does this of pointless banter. you’re probably sitting there players. table. system way too seriously. An mean? Perhaps the AU Who knows, maybe thinking this will never hap- This adds an unques- Personally, I don’t know infamous Langwith student should focus less of their if university students pen, but I am very optimistic tionable bias to proceedings, anyone who plays for their whom I will not name, sent attention on providing facili- stopped trying to beat that it will. The University has meaning that colleges such college, and it’s questionable me an e-mail asking if he ties and man-hours into each other we may even started to realise that sports as James and Vanbrugh as to whether I want to. could write an article about organising games which are become a respectable facilities have a major impact which have fewer students While University sports how unfairly his team were meaningless (and of interest sporting institution; on an institution’s reputation. are the outsiders. No longer clubs are composed of eager, treated in their recent men’s to very few), and more time instead of concentrating This improvement in facilities is college sport about which willing competitors who play first’s football match against to promoting the benefits of on a tournament which and increase in numbers team has the best individu- either for pure enjoyment, to Derwent “for taking things playing University sport. does not win the heart should allow us to climb the als or the best team ethic, it’s make new friends or to too seriously”, and that both Competing against other and minds of the major- BUSA rankings and allow York about who has the largest improve their ability, college himself and fellow team- institutions and specialist ity of York university to compete with the estab- squad to pick from, render- sport is more about the mate were victimised by clubs which have better facil- students. lished sporting universities. Although planning permission has still not been granted, we are all hoping that the new Latest College/University Sport Results/Standings: facilities will be in place by 2010, soon enough for next year’s freshers to benefit from BUSA Results: BUSA Standings: College Results: the improvements. Other news that may interest you is the AU race Badminton: Badminton Men’s 1sts - Division 1A Langwith vs Derwent (Football 1sts) 0-2 night. This event is on this pld pts Saturday in Derwent bar. Alcuin vs Vanbrugh (Netball 1sts) 17-4 a Sheffield Men’s 2nds 5-3 1. Leeds Met 5 12 Tickets cost £3 from the AU office, and you can then h Liverpool Women’s 1sts Halifax vs Langwith (Hockey 1sts) 1-0 3-5 2. Manchester Met 5 12 exchange your ticket on the Wentworth vs Derwent (Basketball 1sts) 24-10 Basketball: 3. Leeds 6 12 door for 10 AU pounds. You Goodricke vs Alcuin (Squash 1sts) 6-2 then bet on races and win the a Manchester Met Men’s 1sts 38-87 4. Newcastle 5 9 prizes. Prizes so far include Hockey: 5. Manchester 6 6 VIP tickets, cinema tickets, bar College Standings 26/11: tabs, free meals, and cham- 5 -3 h Sheffield Men’s 1sts 3-1 6. York 1sts pts pagne. Oh, and all the money goes to charity. 1. Goodricke 98 h Sheffield H Women’s 1sts 3-0 Hockey Men’s 1sts - Division 3B If you find yourself free on Rugby Union: pld pts 2. Halifax 80 Wednesday afternoon, then go along and support some of our 1. York 1sts 6 14 3. Langwith 79 a Sunderland Men’s 1sts 24-8 teams. Highlights of this 2. Newcastle 2nds 6 11 4. Derwent 74 week’s fixtures include the h York St John 1sts 26-42 Badminton Men’s 1sts v. 3. St John 1sts 6 11 5. Alcuin 67 Squash: Durham 1sts (1.00 main hall), 4. Hull 1sts 6 7 6. Vanbrugh 57 Netball 2nds v. St. Johns 3rds a (1.00 in Tent), and the Northumbria Men’s 1sts 1-4 5. Newcastle 3rds 6 5 7. James 50 Basketball Men’s 1sts v. h Newcastle Women’s 1sts 1-3 6. Sheffield 3rds 6 1 8. Wentworth 40 Manchester 1sts (4.00 main hall). 16 Reigning UK snooker champion Ding Junhui is beaten by a Langwith student at Halifax College Bar: SPORT Page 13 Tenacious football 1sts hang on to maintain winning run

By Tarun Patel Dan Brown is keen to contin- ited after a wave of chances, DEPUTY SPORTS EDITOR ue : “I’m really pleased with with both Andy Ridell’s cut the way things are going for into the box and shot, and York University 3 us, but it’s important we Henry Smith’s grasscutter don’t rest on our laurels and minutes before both narrow- Teeside University 2 push on between now and ly missing the target. the end of the season.” However, York gifted AFTER A HUGELY disap- Despite a slow start to Teesside a backdoor entry pointing season last year, the game, Teesside’s first into the game once more with just a single victory and meaningful attack resulted when Daubney misjudged relegation from the BUSA in them taking a 1-0 lead the bounce of the ball in an Mens 3B Northern after a slashed clearance unforgiving position in the Conference, the York Mens from Martin Daubney fell at 69th minute, and Teesside 1st XI came into a new sea- the feet of a Teesside attack- were on hand to capitalise on son hoping to banish those er. York re-appeared the generous offering. miserable memories. unscathed and made much Although it would have been So far this year, they of the first half, with Dan easy at this stage for heads to have gone a long way Brown, Dominic O’Shea and drop, York rallied and got towards doing just that. The Pardeep Singh flashing shots their reward when Henry season began with an wide of Teesside’s goal before Smith flashed a cross into impressive 4-1 victory over Henry Smith netted the the box which Tom Moore, a Teesside 2nd XI. A disap- equaliser after a sweeping 2nd half substitute, was on pointing 2-0 reverse against four-man move which fully hand to convert. Newcastle 2nd XI followed, deserved its outcome. There was no third but since then York have pro- The half-time break reprieve for Teesside, and duced a string of impressive seemed to alter little in the York hung on for a crucial performances and, conse- game’s make-up, as York win in a week when it was quently, the results have fol- continued to dominate the important for footballing lowed. Most impressive of possession afterwards, with matters to resume centre these was a 2-1 victory over Teesside happy to sit deep stage after the docking of Manchester 1sts in the and aim to exploit any possi- points they suffered in the Northern Universities ble counter-attacking oppor- last week. League. This was followed by tunities. Hence it was no sur- If the point reduction is a 6-2 thrashing of city rivals prise when York took the lifted, an outcome York will York St. John 3rds in the lead, albeit in controversial certainly hope for once their BUSA league and a 2-1 victo- circumstances, from a quick- appeal is lodged, the players ry over Newcastle 1sts. ly taken free-kick from will certainly be holding Despite a defeat to Leeds Pardeep Singh, which nes- legitimate aspirations for a 2nds, another victory over St tled in the left-hand side of league winners’ medals come John, this time a 1-0 win over the goal as the Teesside play- the end of the season. their 2nd team meant that ers were still organising their York were hoping for York came into this fixture wall. Whilst the Teessiders more success on Saturday against Teesside 2nd XI full were evidently aggrieved when they came up against of confidence that their good with the manner in which Hull 1st XI, but the game run of form could continue. the goal came, the scoreline was postponed owing to Overall, York produced was no more than York mer- waterlogged conditions. a professional footballing performance, taking into consideration the miserable Football 1sts Autumn Term: weather conditions, to see off Teesside Mens 2nds 3-2, a BUSA Men’s League 4B result which Teesside will be quietly relieved about, hav- ing been pegged back in their Current standings York 1sts Results: own half for long periods of the game. Despite the flow of the game being jolted at 1. Leeds 2nds 6 15 a Teeside 4-1 times, largely due to the per- 2. Newcastle 2nds 6 13 h Newcastle 0-2 sistent rain and blustery winds, York did enough to 3. York 1sts 6 12 a St John 3 6-2 record their sixth win of the 4. St John 3rds 6 9 a Leeds 2-1 season, allowing them to continue the rich vein of 5. Teeside 2nds 6 3 h St John 2 1-0 form they now find them- 6. St John 2nds 6 1 h Teeside 3-2 selves in. This is a record captain York Mens 1st XI braved the appalling conditions to beat Teeside 2nd XI 3-2

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