BY RAYMOND SCHUESSLER

VEN though Yogi Berra has E ininsiste; d that a ballplayer doesn't win ball games with his face, many a game has been won by word of mouth. The bench jockey, or barber, has become somewhat of an undercover agent through the about when Birdie Tebbetts, one of years and is as much a part of base- the leading bench jockies today, ball strategy today as the hit-and- hollered at Yogi: "Hey, Berra, how run. does your wife like living in a tree?" Clint Courtney once talked a Yogi heard that crack all season. rookie out of swinging at a single Some players even swung from dug- pitch. The pitcher blew in the first out roofs by one hand, scratching one, a straight fast ball, for a strike. themselves and bellowing like Tar- "You ought to hit that one," said zan. It took Yogi all season to think Courtney, "It was just a straight fast up his bon mot. ball. Here, we'll try another just hke There are many forms of barber- it." mg: The good-natured kind intended The rookie thought sure it would to draw laughs from one's own be a curve, but it was another fast players, thereby lifting the morale ball, and he just stood there looking of the club; the needling kind which, at it. though in good taste, hopes to upset "There's nothing on them," apol- a player on the opposition; and the ogized Courtney, "just a fast ball. bitter insulting kind tended to en- This next one is a fast ball too. How rage a player beyond his temper and about it?" make him less effective. This last But the rookie wasn't going to be kind sometimes backfires. fooled; he knew this one was going Ty Cobb was a man it didn't pay to be that big curve. But it was to rib. Some inexperienced rookies another fast ball right down the tried it one day while Ty was taking middle for strike three. batting practice. Cobb cut them Yogi Berra's famous "You don't short by directing line drives into hit with vour face," retort came their dugout.

PRODUCED 2005 BY UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED 26 The (.American Mercury One time was pitch- until the cops dragged him back to ing to the league's leading slugger in the dugout. a crucial fight for the pennant with Few players can get a pitcher's the sacks clogged. Diz ambled up to goat as successfully as Leo Durocher. the plate, put a brotherly arm around Leo once needled a certain pitcher's the batter's shoulder and said, "Lis- lack of speed so derisively that the ten to the stands holler. That's for hurler threw the fastest ball of his you and me. They think we're stars. career straight at Leo's head in the But in a little while one of us is coaching box. Leo did a backward gonna be a terrific bust." somersault getting out of the way Walking back to the mound he of that ball and scurried into the proceeded to strike out the batter. dugout when the pitcher came after "Well, it ain't me," hollered Diz as him. The pitcher was so unnerved he he walked off the field. was soon knocked out of the box. Dean got his come-uppance years Rookies expect to be barbered later when he began to lose his fog from the moment they put on the ball. Players on other clubs used to first uniform and are constantly on sock hell out of his once blazing-fast guard. There was a rookie with the ball that now chugged to the plate. Dodgers this year who had never But Billy Herman, recalling the been to New York before. Almost trouble the Great Dean used to give before he checked into his hotel and him, wanted better revenge. before he had a chance to go out and One game when Dean slung his see the sights, he was whisked over waning fast one at Herman, Billy to play an exhibition game in New reached out, caught the ball with his Jersey. Suddenly the rookie felt a bare hand and slammed it back at roaring in his ears as the subway the astonished Dean. "You'll have train entered the Hudson Tunnels. to do better than that," he scorned, He turned to a rookie next to him as he took another toe-hold and rat- and asked; "Where are we now?" tled the fence for a double. "You're under the river," came the startling reply. ,-. TEO DUROCHER is one of the "Listen you," retorted Martin un- <^ A_u leading barbers in the game rolling his biceps, "I can take a lot today — and he served a long appren- from the veterans on this club. But ticeship. In 1928 as a fresh Yankee no fresh busher is going to kid me rookie, he stopped a game in Detroit and get away with it." by storming up to the plate , Fans have been rough on players, while fat Bob Fothergill was at bat. but sometimes the player gets even. "You can't let these two guys bat at There was the time a hot Boston Red the same time!" was his dead pan Sox rookie ran into thegrandstand be- protest. Fat chased him with his bat fore game time and sat down beside

PRODUCED 2005 BY UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED ''s "Barbers a young couple: "Hi Sweetie," he Frankie Frisch, former St. Louis greeted the startled girl whom he manager and now had never seen before. "It's nice sportscaster, kept up a constant seeing you again. We sure had a nice feud with Umpire Bill Klem. One time last time I was in town. See you day when Klem called a close play at in a couple days. Same time, same first base against the Gashousers, place." With that he ran back to the Frisch roared down the baseline field. All through the game the toward Klem, but stopped suddenly couple never stopped arguing. and collapsed. Players rushed from both dugouts. It seemed like a heart •o* -JOCKEYING with umpires is not attack brought on by a bad decision. ^ J the most profitable pastime, A doctor was summoned from the but it has provided amusing legend. stands. Klem meanwhile bulled When bartering got too rough and through the group of mumbling the league fathers issued a special mourners. Standing astride the near edict forbidding excessive abuse of corpse, Bill shook his finger and the umpire, Jimmy Dykes found a boomed: "Frisch, dead or alive, way to evade the directive. He had you're out of this game." his catcher, Ray Murray, hand Um- In Elmira, New York, last year pire Larry Napp a business card Centerfielder Bill Joffe put up his whenever a bad strike was called. glove to catch a fly and a 22-caliber The card advertised an optometrist. rifle slug went through it without Dizzy Dean once thought his touching him. This brings to mind throw had beaten a runner. The um- Herman Hickman's favorite baseball pire George Barr gave a spectacular story about his old friend Peahead skyward gesture. Diz followed him Walker. around like a lost puppy looking for During his early playing days Pea- his father. Barr said nothing. Dizzy head was a third baseman for a semi- finally tapped him on the head with pro team in West Virginia. The fans his chewing tobacco bag as he was down there had a hobby of shooting loading his gums. "Seems like you rifles at pop flies in the infield. Pea- could pay me the courtesy of an- head put up with this for most of the swering me," Diz begged. season. But one day he stomped into "I did," Barr said kindly. "I the manager's office, slammed his shook my head." glove on the desk and declared; "I'm "Oh no you didn't," chastized quitting!" Dean waving a pinch of tobacco be- "Why," asked the manager. tween his eating ringers. "If you had, "1 don't mind those folks shooting I'd a heard somethin' rattle." Dean at pop flies, but last night I heard 'em was fined $100 and thrown out of the say today they were going to shoot game. at grounders."

PRODUCED 2005 BY UNZ.ORG ELECTRONIC REPRODUCTION PROHIBITED People It Shouldn't Have Happened To BY JOHN R. ADVENT

•\ Thieves stole an electric drill valued at $45 from a parked truck in Denver, which belonged to the Denver Lock and Key Co.

V A Rotary Club luncheon in Hartford, Connecticut, adjourned after the main attraction, a team billed as the "Memory Marvels," failed to show up.

y Members of the Dallas Electric Club (composed of electrical engineers and contractors) when a light on the speakers stand went out during the middle of their meeting, traced wiring, inspected connections and tore into the lamp base. A hotel employee discovered the bulb had burned out. y After giving a lecture to the Los Angeles Optimist Club on "How To Train Your Memory," Sigmund Blomberg shook hands all around and left •— leaving his hat behind. y As a married couple in Sturgus, Michigan, were signing papers insuring their household goods, Insurance Agent Fred Rahn dropped his cigarette and set their couch on fire. y After evading the draft for five years, Paul E. Maier, Portland, Oregon, was picked up by the FBI and delivered to the local induction center, where he was rejected as 4-F. y After two weeks of active duty in Atlantic City, Rookie Patrolman Edward Byard reported his first robbery. His badge had been stolen.

y A sell-service popcorn ma- chine was stolen from a police benefit dance in Kramer, North Dakota. The thieves carried away the machine as two officers stood nearby watching their brother cops.

As the Tattnal Square Baptist Church choir of Macon, Georgia, sang "I Surrender All," a thief entered the choir dressing room and took three billfolds containing $87.

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