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GIFT OF A DAUGHTER: CHANGE AND CONTINUITY IN MARRIAGE PATTERNS AMONG TWO GENERATIONS OF NORTH INDIANS IN TORONTO AND DELHI
BY
Deepika Puri
A thesis submitted in conformity with the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy Graduate Department of Sociology University of Toronto
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Gift of a Daughter: Change And Continuity In Marriage Patterns Among Two Generations Of North Indians In Toronto And Delhi Doctor of Philosophy, Department of Sociology, University of Toronto 1998
Abstract
Indian marriage has maintained a traditional form over a course of centuries.
Studies have shown that most Indian marriages at the close of the 20~century continue to be arranged within traditional structural boundaries defined by family characteristics. The present study for the first time makes an attempt to study changes and continuities in marriage patterns among two generations of North Indians living in two diverse geographical locations, namely Toronto and Delhi.
Besides relying on the ideal marriage system and its rituals as given in the epics, the study uses various studies and indigenous theories relating to issues like kanyadan
(gift of a virgin), hypergamy, and dowry, peculiar to the North Indian marriage system.
The study also uses McCall's (1966) Exchange and Bargaining perspective and the
Choice and Exchange theory of Nye (1979) to examine trends in the marital behavior.
A total of 56 families (28 each in Toronto and Delhi) were screened. From each family one informant each &om the first and the second-generation were interviewed making a total of 56 respondents.
The present analyses show that although arranged marriage is still a way of life, certain modifications have been introduced in the process of marriage of the younger generation. Movement in the direction of giving fieedom to the young in the selection of their spouse was found in both Toronto and Delhi samples, and among both males and females. It is argued that the reason for the slow change could be due to the high costs associated with not conforming to the group's expectations and since the alternatives also seemed to carry heavy costs most respondents were found to have generally followed the existing norms and values of the East Indian society.
Generational differences in behavior are interpreted here as a process of secular change over time and across generation. In general while the first-generation data indicate towards the adherence to a more traditional pattern of marriage; the behavior of the second-generation suggests a weakening of some traditional norms. Also while the young seem to be experimenting with the Canadian culture (in Toronto) and
Westernization (in Delhi), high premiums continue to be placed on traditional norms associated with marriage. Index of Chapters
Title Page # Chapter 1. 1.1. Introduction and Literature Review 1.1 1. Essential Features of the North Indian M-arriage System: A Cultural Account 1.12. Process of Entry into Marriage: Arranged Marriages - Parental Control 1-13.Criteria for Selection of Mates 1-131. Endogamy 1.132. Exogamy 1-133. Desired Personal Qualifications 1.14. Premarital Virginity and Age at Marriage 1.15. Ceremonies and Rituals 1.15 1. Hypergamy: The Asymmetrical Relationship 1.152. Kanyadh and Dowry 1.153. Wedding Ceremonies 1.2. Marriage Customs among Overseas North Indians 1.2 1. Process of Entry into Marriage: Arranged Marriages - Parental Control 1.22. Criteria for Selection of Mates 1.22 1. Endogamy and Exogamy 1-222. Inter-Racial Marriages 1.223. Desired Personal Qualifications 1-23. Premarital Virginity and Age at Mamage 1.23 1. Dating and Courtship 1-24. Ceremonies and Rituals 1-241. Hypergamy : The Asymmetrical Relationship 1.242. Kcmyadan and Dowry 1.243. Wedding Ceremonies 1.3. Theoretical Approach Chapter 2. Research Design 2.1. Subgroups of Interest 2.2. Research Design and Methods 2.3. Sociodemographic Profile of Sample Chapter 3. Process of Entry into Mamage 3.1. Arranged Marriages and Parental Control 3.1 1. Endogamy 3.12. Exogamy 3 -2.Criteria for Selection of Mates 3.2 1. Endogamy and Exogamy 3 -22.Desired Personal Qualifications Chapter 4. Attitudes Towards Various Aspects of Marriage 4.1 . Arranged Marriages 4.2. Love Marriages Chapter 5. Premarital Virginity and Age at Marriage 5.1. Premarital Virginity 5.2. Restrictions on Dating 5.3. Dating and Courtship 5.4. Age at Marriage Chapter 6. Wedding: Ceremonies and Rituals 6.1. Rituals and Ceremonies 6.2. Hypergamy 6.3. Dahej or Dowry 6.4. Wedding Behavior Chapter 7. Discussion and Conclusion Appendix A. Questionnaire Appendix B. Tables Appendix C. Glossary References Index of Tables
Title of Table (*) Page # Table 2.1. Sample distribution by seq generation and geographical location 69 Table 2.2. Description of sampled dyads for Toronto sample Table 2.3. List of variables and items used for their operationalization Table 2.4. Age profile for f~st-generationsamples Table 2.5. Age profile for second-generation samples Table 2.6. Level of education Table 2.7. Occupational distribution Table 2.8. Castewise distribution for respondents in Toronto and Delhi Table 2.9. Duration of premarital work Table 3.1. Mate selection Table 3.2. Mate introduction patterns Table 3 -3.Nature of first meeting Table 3 -4. Ethnicity of spouse Table 3 -5.Spouse' religion TabIe 3 -6. Spouse' caste Table 3 -7. Spouse' subcaste Table 3 -8. Gotra of spouse Table 3 -9. Consult astrologer Table 3.10. Importance of astrologer's views Table 3.1 1. Types of attributes important Table 3.12. Importance of ethnicity Table 3.13. Importance of caste Table 3 .14. Importance of religion Table 3.15. Importance of subcaste Table 3.16. Importance of gotra Table 3.17. Importance of age (Appendix B) Table 3.18. Importance of family status (Appendix B) Table 3.19. Importance of parent's occupation (Appendix B) vii
Table 3 -20. Importance of spouse' education (Appendix B) Table 3.21. Importance of a good job (Appendix B) Table 3 -22. Importance of ambitious spouse (Appendix B) Table 3 -23. Importance of independent spouse (Appendix B) Table 3.24. Irnportance of attractive spouse (Appendix B) Table 3.25. Importance of spouse' chastity (Appendix B) Table 3.26. Importance of dowry (Appendix B) Table 3.27. Importance of homely spouse (Appendix B) Table 3.28. Importance of spouse good in housework (Appendix B) Table 3.29. Mean rank of qualities desired by first gen. in soddaughter-in-law Table 4.1. Respondent's opinion on 'Marriage links families' Table 4.2. Opinion on 'Marriage links individuals' Table 4.3. Opinion on 'Marriage is duty' Table 4.4. Opinion on 'Marriage is lifelong commitment' Table 4.5. Opinion on 'Marriage important for perpetuation of family' Table 4.6. Opinion on 'Marriage important for girls' Table 4.7. Opinion on 'Marriage important for boys' Table 4.8. Opinion on 'First-Marriage/Love' Table 4.9. Opinion on 'Arranged marriages are more stable' Table 4.10. Opinion on 'Arranged marriage are good, parents know the best' Table 4.11. Opinion on 'Arranged marriages are bad, don't know spouse' Table 4.12. Opinion on 'Arranged marriages are bad, adjustment problems' Table 4.13. Opinion on 'Arranged marriage are bad, no like-minded person' Table 4.14. Opinion on 'Love marriage are less stable' Table4 15. Opinion on 'Love marriage are good, persons are familiar' Table 4.16. Opinion on 'Love marriages are good, like-minded persons' Table 4.17. Opinion on 'Love maniages are bad, are unacceptable in society' Table 4.18. Opinion on 'Love marriages are bad, ignores family attributes' Table 4.19. Opinion on 'Love marriages are good if parental consent is obtained' 142 Table 4.20. Opinion on 'Best type of marriage' 243 Tabie 5.1. Importance of a girl's virginity 146 Table 5.2. Importance of a boy's virginity . 147 Table 5 -3. Control over girls' premarital movements 149 Table 5.4. Control over boys' premarital movements 150 Table 5.5. Talked to parents about dating 15 1 Table 5.6. Parents curious to know ethnicity of date (for Toronto sample only) 153 Table 5.7. Parents curious to know religion of date 154 Table 5.8. Parents curious to know caste of date 155 Table 5.9. Parents curious to know subcaste of date 156 Table 5.10. Parents curious to know family status of date (Appendix B) 20 Table 5.1 1. Parents curious to know educational qualif. of date (Appendix B) 20 Table 5.12. Dated spouse 157 Table 5.13. Whether dated spouse with parental approval I58 Table 5.14. Dated someone else 159 Table 5.15. Loved spouse before marriage 161 Table 5.16. Premarital intimacy with spouse 162 Table 5.17. Opinion on cohabitation 163 Table 5.18. Age at marriage 164 Table 6.1. Who decided type of ceremony 168 Table 6.2. Place of ceremony 168 Table 6.3. Whether parents observed fast 170 Table 6.4. Women should 'abandon loyalty' 171 Table 6.5. Man' s duty after marriage 172 Table 6.6. 'Daughter's are guests' 173 Table 6.7. 'Woman becomes parayi' after marriage 174 Table 6.8. Hypergamy in own marriage 175 Table 6.9. Opinion on hypergamy in general 176 Table 6.10. Dowry important in own marriage 179 Table 6.1 1. Dowry - displays financial position 181 Table 6.12. Dowry an obligation 182 Table 6.13. Did you expect a dowry? 182 Table 6.14. Costs incurred in the wedding 183 Table 6.15. Control of dowry Table 6.16. Most important reason for giving dowry Table 6.17. Second important reason for giving dowry Table 6.18. Bridal behavior
* All tables give data by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples, unless otherwise specified Chapter 1. Introduction and Literature Review
Indian marriage has a traditional form that has persisted over centuries. Mate selection has commonly been arranged by parents or elders in the family. Although a number of writers have reported evidence of increased flexibility in mate selection procedures (Gore, 1969; Ross, 1961), the dominant view is that departures fiom the traditional method of mate selection have been trivial to date (see Kurian, 1974, 1971;
Vatuk, 1972). According to this 'stability' school of thought, a majority of rnamages continue to be parentally arranged and considerable weight is still assigned to the status of the prospective partners' family characteristics, defined in terms of religion, region, caste, subcaste and gotra as opposed to individual characteristics (also see Weibe and Rarnu,
1971). In other words, Indian marriages at the close of the 20~century continue to be arranged within traditional structural boundaries defined by family characteristics. Studies among overseas Indians have shown that although there are some new patterns emerging in terms of acceptance of Western dress, food and increase in female labor force participation, there appears to be resistance to change when it comes to aspects concerned with family and marriage (Buchignani, et a1 1985; Ghosh, 1983; Jackson and Nesbitt,
1993; Naidu and Campbell, 1988). However there are some studies that show some changes in the mate selection process and on issues concerning dating (Buchignani, 1983,
Wakil, Siddique and Wakil, 198 1).
But we must not assume that the new generation of young people in India is entirely immune to Western influences. Jyoti (1983), Leonard (1978), Liddle and Joshi
(1986) and Ross (1961), among others, have drawn attention to the changes in mate selection behavior of young people in parts of urban India. Kurian (1974) argues that although arranged marriages are still a way of life in India, modifications can be observed in recent times, particularly in urban areas and among educated youth.
The present research (probably) for the first time, makes an attempt to study changes and continuities in marriage patterns among two generations of North Indians
Living in two diverse geographical locations. It is the first time that such comparisons also include aspects of marriage such as premarital intimacy, dating, desired eligibility and actual qualifications of a prospective spouse, dowry, and the wedding ceremony itself.
Several related issues that come up include: Do second-generation Indian immigrants in North America select their mates by non-traditional methods or is any
'modernity' in their patterns of mate selection more apparent than real? Caill observed differences in mate selection patterns between the first and second-generation Indians in
North America be attributed to the immigration and settlement process or are similar generational differences apparent among comparable educated Indians who now live in major urban centers in India? In other words, is there any generational change at all, and if there is, should it be ascribed to the younger generation's exposure to Western influences in the immigrant experience or, simply, to secular changes occurring around the world, including in India, due to various factors including rising education, urbanization, and increase in female labor force participation?
The major research questions we will answer in this study are: 1. To what extent are current marriages both in North America and North India (urban) parentally arranged?
To what extent were they parentally arranged in the last generation? Who determines the choice of marital partners? To what degree is there a 'free selection' by the potential partners? 2. Is there, as feared by some parents of adolescent children, a widespread
diffusion of interest in (a desire for) the more Western forms of mamage that emphasize
dating, love, courtship and self-choice marriages? 3. What are the attitudes expressed by
the respondents to issues Like arranged marriage, love marriage, premaritd virginity, and
dating? 4. To what extent have the definitions of an ideal bride and groom changed across
the generations (parents and children) and geographic regions (India vs. North America)?
How important in the selection of a spouse were or are the divisions of ethnicity, caste,
religion, subcaste and gotra among the earlier and recent marriages? Has the importance
of these characteristics changed over the two generations. 5. What is the importance of
traditional weddings and what are the changes occurring in some of the main rites and
rituals associated with marriage? 6. What are the areas or issues of conflict between the
two generations and between males and females?
The next two sections in this chapter provide a discussion of some essential
features of the North Indian system of marriage and the associated rules. These sections
provide details on various aspects of the Indian marriage system that form an important
part of the understanding of the mate selection process and of marriage itself. The first
section deals with the essential features of the North Indian system as outlined in some
classical texts, along with a summary of some relevant studies done on marriage and
related issues; the next section includes studies conducted among Indians settled abroad.
Chapter two consists of a discussion of the research design and the methods used in the
study. Besides discussing the type of analysis used in the study, it provides a brief
sociodemographic profile of the sample. Chapter three discusses the process of entry into mamage in detail, and the issue of parental control between the two generations in 4
Toronto and Delhi. It focuses on the mate selection procedures followed, the evaluation of the eligibility of mates, and the types of qualities desired in the prospective spouse.
Chapter four discusses the opinions expressed by respondents on various aspects of marriage including arranged marriages, love marriages and the ideal (best type) of marriage. Chapter five highlights the issues related to virginity, especially the attitudes of respondents on the importance of virginity by sex, generation and location. Besides the age at marriage of the respondents and their spouses, it also discusses issues related to dating, and premarital intimacy. Chapter six discusses some of the rituals and ceremonies observed at the time of marriage. The last chapter, Chapter seven, presents a discussion of the changes and continuities in the North Indian marriage system based on the present sample.
1.1 1. Essential Features of the North Indian Maniage System: A Cultural Account
Marriage - its ideology and associated practices - is key to understanding many societies around the world (Tapper, 1991). This chapter explores the traditions and interpretations of marriage among East Indian Hindus and Sikhs living in the northern parts of
India, drawing upon some classical texts and studies that provide substance to the north Indian marriage system as sources of authority. The texts referred to include the Dhamrmastras, dated 600-300 BC (the classical moral-legal texts that focus on the nomdtive rules and attitudes of marriage); the Laws of Manu, compiled around 200 BC; the Grhyasutras fiom around 800-400 BC; and the famous epics, like Ramayurza and the L.21ahabhmafa,composed between the 4th century BC and 4th century AD. The Dharmmas, which means 'science of righteousness', are said to be based on what the sages 'remembered' after the 'self existent' had explained the science of righteousness to them (Tarnbiah, 1973). 5
Before going into the essential features of the maniage system, it is important to know a brief history of the invasions that occurred in the northern parts of India In the course of centuries, the simple ideology and rituals of marriage of the Vedic times is thought to have come under the influence of the indigenous people and foreigners that invaded India at various times (Sengupta, 1967). When the Aryans migrated to India fiom the north they already had a
'definite ideology regarding the institution of marriage as well as a set of rules and regulations with the corresponding rituals' (Sengupta, 1967:1). As they spread into various parts of India, there was a fbsion of races, cultures, customs and rituals with the pre-Aryans and other non-
Aryans (Karandikar, 1929; Sengupta, 1967). Thus marriage, as an institution, must have undergone many changes and influences during this early period. But in general, as the texts tell us, maniage in India has apparently always been an important socio-cultural arid religious institution. Early and universal marriage has provided the foundation for continuation of the patrilineal, patrilocal descent groups central to North Indian social structure and has contributed towards expanding the kin network system. Marriage is also a major life cycle event and an important linkage mechanism for incorporating new members, families and kin groups into one's own pa+Jilineagey and linking patrilineage to one another.
Marriage constitutes an essential and important stage in one's life and is often referred to as the 'Grahastha ashram ' (married He) - a stage without which one cannot achieve rnukn'
(salvation). Many the sage, eulogised the Grahasrha-ashram @as, 1962). The earliest references to the instion of maniage, in India, are found in the Vedas which consider maniage as a sacrament, a social and religious duty (Sengupta, 1967). From at least the time of the beginning of Christian era, marriage has been considered to be every woman's obligation in
India, partly because of the man's need to produce male heirs for his patrilineage and for his 6 salvation (also see Goode, 1963). Maniage constitutes an important process in a woman's life cycb. The life of a woman, according to the DhasGISfrm, has three stages, that of an unmarried girl, a married woman, and as a widow (Bane@, 1962).
According to sociocultural and religious traditions and customs, while marriage is essential for both males and females in India, it is particularly important for females. The central focus of the majority of the norms and traditions of traditional Indian culture is proper behavior, which means proper female behavior. A young piri's burgeoning sexualiw, according to Hindu traditions, is a cause of concern to the community and needs to be properly placed under a man's control. It is believed that each month an unmamed female menstruates, an embryo dies, and the sin of that lies on the head of her father. It is the father (or guardian's) duty to marry their daughters to husbands who can control them and the daughters are not supposed to question the arrangements. Parents are expected to see that all of their daughters are manied, and failure to do so could meet with severe censure from the community (Minturn and Hitchcock, 1966). Classic Indian literature, while explicitly emphasising early and universal marriage for females, does not seem to apply the same pressure to males.
The 'rituals of wedding and the symbols of wifehood strongly emphasize the 'binding' of her female energies' (Sax, 1994200). The Laws of Manu stress the need to control women through marriage, 'In childhood a female must be subject to her father, in youth to her husband, when her lord is dead, to her sons; a woman must never be independent' (Manu cited in Wadley, 1988). According to mythology the female as a wife and mother constitutes the proper and auspicious forms of womanhood (Sax, 1994; Wadley, 1977). 1.12. Process of Entry into Marriage: Arranged Marriages - Parental Control
In India, marriage is shrouded by traditional customs and practices with strong emphasis on the Sanskritic ideals of patrilocal residence, village exogamy, hypergamy and hierarchy. Although there is evidence that during Vedic times, the bride and groom were given some opportunity to select their partners fiom a number of suitors selected by their parents or guardians, such stories only refer to the elite, the kings and the rich (Jha, 1981). The
'Swaymnvara' form of marriage which was prevalent until the Epic period dowed the selection of husband based on his ability to satisfl a specific condition previously laid down
(Jha, 1981). Although the Vedic literature does not explicitly refer to parental control over marriagey parents no doubt played an important part in arranging and financing and approving them (Altekar, 1962).
Later on, fiorn around 200-300 AD (the Sutra period) such fieedom was curtailed and parental authority was introduced in selecting mates for children (Altekar, 1962; Jha, 1951). As the Aryans settled and began Leading a luxurious life, they started marrying their children early, who were then considered too young to express their choice. The Dharmasasfra show that the Aryan fdybecame patriarchal, with the father as the supreme authority (Jha, 1981).
Marriage acquired the form of kanyh, the gift of a virgin daughter to the higher status husband's fdy. It was the parents' religious duty to £ind mates for their male and female children. Classical Literature written after 500 AD put the father or the guardian as the sole authority to dispose of his daughter in marriage (Altekar, 1962).
An ideal bdumarriage is one that is arranged by parents and joins two farnilies of the same caste (caste homogarny) and different gotras (as members of same gotra are considered descendants of the same patriline). Since marriage is a system which sets up alliances amongst farnilies and contributes to status presenation, arranged maniage provides the foundation for such an alliance (see CaldweU, Reddy, Caldwell, 1983; Cherlin et al, 1984; Goody, 1973).
Traditional Indian maniages were and are arranged by parents or elders with very little opporhmity for the active involvement of the potential couple. To marry one's daughters
'propitiously' and at the right age was considered one of the 'primary religious duties of Hindu parents' (Kakar, 1988:6O). Manu granted legal validity to all unions that were contracted with the assent ofthe htherhrother of the young girl (see Bader, 196435). So, traditionally, parents of a girl of marriageable age, between ages 12 and 18, started anxiously looking around for potential grooms. Parental selection of the spouse was considered absolute and unquestionable.
According to ancient Hindu classics, companionship is not a necessary aspect of marriage (Cormack, 1953). Ross explains that in India, unlike in the North American and
European societies, 'love was not necessary as a basis for marriage seIection, nor was courtship a necessary preIude for testing the relationship' (1961:25 I). Love on the contrary, was considered a threat, an 'uncontrollable and explosive emotion' that could blind the youth to 'reality, reason and logic' (Rao and Rao, 1976:434), that could upset the process of adjustment of the new bride in her conjugal home (Kalidasa cited in
Auboyer, 1965:176). Love, for females in particular, was to blossom only within the bonds of marriage (Walker, 1968). As a result marriages that were not arranged by elders and performed by priests were considered immoral (Fruzzetti, 1982) or 'deviant, even dangeraus7 (Harlan and Courtright, 1995:5). Such love marriages not only exposed one's kin and caste ties to risk but most of all they challenged parental authority and control over the purity and status of the male line (Fruzzetti, 1982). Thus Hindu mamages, in general, had no place for prem or love, and since marriage was a means of uniting two families and lineages, as opposed to a love marriage that unites two persons, the norm was to have an arranged marriage.
The consequences of arranged maniages most often cited include - 1) maintenance of the social stratification system (caste, subcaste and gotra) in society, 2) maintenance of parental control over family members, 3) strengthening of the kinship group, 4) increased chances of preserving and continuing the ancestral line, 5) consolidation and increase of family property, and 6) preservation of the principle of caste endogamy (Chekki, 1968; Goode, 1963; Rao and
Rao, 1976).
Although arranged marriages are still a way of life in India, certain modifications have been introduced in the marriage process during recent times. With increasing educational opportunities for both boys and girls, the age at marriage has risen over the past decades.
Besides an increase in the age at marriage among both males and females, there appears to be a shift in the mate selection process. In certain contexts the prospective partners, especialIy the potential grooms, are given an opportunity to participate in the decision-making process by asking them for their personal preferences in terms of education, occupation, and so on. In some instances, the prospective mates are allowed to meet each other, but only if both families are otherwise satisfied and have agreed to go ahead with the proposal. Unchaperoned courtship is very rarely approved among respectable Indian fdes(Kurian, 1974).
In a study conducted among 182 college students in 1973 in a city in India, it was found that while more and more students expressed their desire to have some choice in selecting their hremates, they still preferred their parents to arrange their marriages (Rao and Rao, 1976). Marriages in India, according to Gupta (1W6), usually occur either by fill or partial arrangement. Gupta estimated in I976 that 'love' (romantic) marriages occur in less than one per cent of the Indian population. In another study conducted later Liddle and Joshi
(1986) report that of the 71 currently married respondents (N=120), a majority of who were
Hindus, about 65% had arranged mamiages as compared to only 35% who said they had love marriages.
Although a number of writers report evidence of increased flexibility of methods of mate selection procedures (Goode, 1963; Gore, 1969; Ross, 1961; Shah, 196 1): others argue that departures &om the traditional method of mate selection are trivial (Kurian, 1974, 197 1;
Singer, 1958; Vatuk 1972). Evidence shows that even when young men and women are given an opportunity to express their desires, it is still the parents or the elders who make the final decision. In arranging marriages, considerable weight is still assigned to the status of the prospective partners' families, defined in terms of their caste, sub-caste, region and religion.
The potential mates are often 'admonished to constrain their own desire to conform to family expectations and needs' (Harlan and Courtright, 1995:8). Thus most marriages still continue to be arranged within certain general principles of endogamy, exogamy, with priority of consanguinea1 over aEinal ties for men and termination of consanguinea1 ties for women.
1.13. Criteria for Selection of Mates
Marriages in India have commonly been arranged between members of the same caste, religion and subcaste (endogamy), and different gotra (exogamy). Unlike in a Western society where, according to W~ebeand Ramu (1 97 I), '... individual preferences play an important part in the process of mate selection...', in India, '...mate selection is more carehlly ordered by the preferences of the family and kinship groups to which an individual belongs' (p. 1 11). Although, overall the younger generation shows more liberal attitudes than the elders in the fdy towards intercaste, interreligious and interracial maniages, Ross (1961) has argued that these liberal tendencies are more attitudind than behavioral. Although there is a growing desire of the young males and females to have more say in the selection of their mates, Ross (1961) argues that the deeply laid patterns surrounding arranged marriages are still persistent.
1.13 2 .Endogamy
According to the 1989 Cambridge Encyclopaedia of India, 'Caste and fsmiles are... the building blocks of Hindu society. Membership of a caste is by birth ... castes reproduce themselves through endogamy, that is, marriage within a defined group. Caste occupations are usually hereditary...' (Madan, l989:364). The castdvarna system has three essential characteristics, those of separation, interdependence and hierarchy (Boyle, 1908). Separation fiom other castes- in terms of marriage and contact, both direct and indirect; interdependence- in that each group has a profession to follow @om which individuals can depart within limits, now less often followed); and hierarchy, wherein each group is relatively superior or inferior to the others. Endogamous maniage was meant to perpetuate distinctions between various castes
(Bader, 1964).
The Indian caste system has four major castedvamas- the Brahman, at the top of the ladder, followed by the Kshatriyas, the Vaishyas and (the lowest) the Sudras. Each of these castes is hrther divided into many subcastes, which at one time were associated with specific occupations needed in each village. Although earlier the Brahmans were usually the priests and the learned, the Kshatriyas were teachers and waniors, the Vaishyas were mainly businessmen and the Sudras did menial jobs like cleaning, the relations between caste and occupation seem to have now become fizzy (Quigley, 1993). The stratification system is followed by a majority of adus and Sikhs. Quigley (1993) argues that being a Brahman may not necessarily say anything about one's occupation, but it does indicate fdeswith whom one's relatives or kin have traditionally married and those with whom they have not. These four distinctly bounded endogamous groups which also act as maniage pools could, in principle, have their own culture and ideology. In other words these distinctions based on caste continue to persist as important characteristics at the time of marriage.
Caste endogamy became more emphasized during the Dharmanrtra and Smriti period
(600-3001200 BC). The rule became more rigid and marriage outside one's caste group was never approved nor tolerated (Sengupta, 1967). According to Mamr Smn'ti, a gkl should be given in marriage to a suitor of equal caste. Although marriages in the age of Mahabharatra
(earlier portions dated around 900 BC) generally took place within caste, a few did marry outside of caste. There was repulsion against such intercaste mamiageq especially if a boy married a girl of a superior caste (Sur, 1973). In fact, intercaste marriages began to be discouraged fkom about the 10th century AD and by the 14th and 15th century AD the practice was almost forbidden (Jha, 1981). Violations resulted in excommunication fiom their caste group. This does not mean that they belong to the lower group. Although excommunication from one's caste may not seem as a cost for most non Indians, but such costs are often accompanied by persecution, distrust and social avoidance, which are avoided for obvious reasons (for similar arguments and for costs see Nye, 1979).
Dumont (1970) argues that unlike Western societies that are individualistic, the Indian society is organized in terms of hierarchically ranked castes with relationships that are almost equivalent in status between caste members. This ranking, according to Dumont, is based on the difference between the pure and the impure: the Brahman who belongs to the highest caste/vma is the purest of all, and stands at the head of the cosmosocial body, while the impure Sudra or the servant, stands at the feet, with the other caste groups falling in between.
An important aspect of the traditional understanding of marriage is the notion that, 'social status and human capacities are embedded in the very bodily substances themselves, especially blood ...( and) blood is inherited in the male he' (Hixian and Courtright, 199556). Since marriage in India affects the status of the family and the male lineage it became essential that individuals marry within their own caste (and subcaste) groups which also generally implied religious endogamy. Harlan and Courtright, in their analysis of Hindu marriage, argue that in order to preserve the purity and status of the groups it is essential that liaisons occur between persons from the same caste group (1995).
According to Kolenda (1993), the inevitability of marriage for females, the arrangement of marriages by elders within the caste and the elaborate celebration of weddings of 'virgin' brides are universals found in almost all regions of India. Since a 'fair' number of love marriages are not only intercaste or interreligious marriages but also by definition deQ parental authority, such selfchoice marital unions are not preferred and arranged marriages continue to be the ideal norm (also see Harlan and Courtright, 1995). The Grst legal act which gave freedom to many across caste lines was the Special Marriage Act of 1872 which permitted marriage outside caste if the individual asserted he had no religion or caste (Goode,
1963). The Act was amended in 1923 but even then the parties were required to sever their connections with the joint familes (Goode, 1963). Although the Hindu Marriage Act of 1949 finally removed the bars of religion, caste and subcaste, intermaniage is still discouraged in most parts of India Jyoti (1983) argues that although the Sikh religion discouraged caste differences, the caste system appears to gain prominence at the time of marriage. In a sample of
300 respondents Eom two generations, Jyoti found that although a majority of respondents of 14 both generations observed caste endogamy there was a four-fold increase in inter-caste marriages between the two generations, fkom 3.3% to 14% of marriages. In contrast, the data revealed that religion as a principle of marital endogamy was more strictly followed in both generations.
In an earlier study, done by Mehta (1970), among Western educated elite Hindu women, a majority of respondents felt that marriages contracted between individuals of similar backgrounds helped increase the stability of such unions. Such marital unions are believed to reaffirm the hierarchical relations and also help maintain the ritual purity of the caste, subcaste and religious groups (Frunetti, 1982). Therefore, often rnaniages outside the realm and principles defined by Hindu texts are neither accommodated nor tolerated by their families and kin groups (Frunetti, 1982; Kurian, 1974). Couples who opt for such intercaste or inter- religious marriages need to be 'financially self-sufficient' and be able to manage on their own since no support will be available from their familes (Ross, 1961). In other words, caste, subcaste and religious endogamous marriage ideology continues to persist in parts of modern
India.
1.132. Exogamy
Traditionally, an important criteria of spouse selection was village exogamy, i-e., one would not choose a spouse f?om the local village, this rule helped to discourage local ties, and kmxsed the probability that families and thus mates would be strangers to one another. With rapid urbanization of Indiq this rule has become less important as decision-criteria (still followed in villages). Another traditional criterion of spouse selection is that of "got" or
"gotra" (clan) exogamy. According to nile, one cannot many into the gotra of his or her father, and maternal or paternal grandparents (Bdard, 1978; Hershman, 1981; Jackson and Nesbitt,
1993; Traubnan, 198 1; Van der Veen, 1973). Gotras are tides or names that persons or
fdes hold and receive fiom generation to generation through their patri-line @metti,
1982). These gotras, F~aettiwrites, acquire significance at the time of maniage since they
represent a symbol that 'distinguish' the 'jnati' (the eligible) f?om the 'non-jnati' (the ineligible).
Since a gotra implies brotherhood or kinship by blood, care is taken to exclude persons
who belong to the same gotra (Ballard, 1978; Tiemam, 1970). Gotra exogamy has its origins
likely in the post-Vedic period (Jha, 1981). The Grhyasufrasand the Dhmm~asmention
inhibitions against Sagofra (same gotra) marriages (Jha, 1981). Such prohibitions according to
Jha (1981) do go back to about 600 BC.
The key principles of north Indian marriage include: monogamy; early and universal
marriage; strong patrilineal and patrilocal descent; marriage is essentially a search for
intergroup alliance; spouses must be unrelated; transfer of membership of wives from parental
units to husbands' units; co-operation among males related by blood; wife-givers socially and
ritually inferior than wife-takers; bride's virginity and size of dowry are a matter of particular
concern.
Matrimonial advertisements placed in major newspapers and magazines (and now on the internet) have become a popular and convenient method of selecting mates. Parents or
elders who place these advertisements often tend to highlight the family background and the
personal qualifications of the seeker. Most often these advertisements also outline the qualities
desired in the potential spouse. The following is an example of an advertisement placed in a
IocaI paper, The Indo-Canadian Voice':
Well-settled Toronto Hindu Punjabi parents seek suitable family oriented girl for professional, financial executive-30 yrs., 5 fket 8 inches handsome son. Cali (telephone #). A survey based on a sample of about 1500 matrimonial advertisements placed in a north Indian newspaper revealed that almost 30% of the advertisers expressed a desire to know the gotra of their prospective partners (Reddy, 1978). And since gotra names are often used as surnames it is easy to identify ones gotra and hence include or exclude a set of persons fiom consideration for marriage. While a male's gotra remains unchanged throughout his life, that of a female changes at marriage. The incoming brides cease to be members of their paternal gotra at the time of marriage and are expected to obey all rules of purity and pollution of their husband's family (Fruzzetti, 1982) which can be different fiom one family to another. Thus children born of the marriage belong to the caste, subcaste and gotra of their patri-line.
In order to ensure a choice that meets the requirements of endogamy and exogamy, the task of finding a suitable match becomes a great challenge. In an overwhelming majority of cases, marriages are arranged through kin networks, through acquaintances, professional matchmakers or through matrimonial advertisements, placed in newspapers or magazines.
When a girl reaches marriageable age, her parents send out messages that they are looking for an eligible groom for their daughter. The girl's family normally takes the initiative of making inquiries about eligible grooms through a known intermediary, who may be a member of the kin group or a fiend. Formal approaches to the groom's family are made after screening for the caste, gotra, and other socio-economic criteria.
The role of the matchmaker or the marriage broker is extremely important. The girl's parents seek to many their daughter to a person who not only filfils the traditional criteria of caste and gotra but depend heavily on the matchmaker or the 'bichola', the intermediary, to provide reliable information about the boy, his prospects and his fafniIy's social and economic standing (Sharma, 1980:147). Similarly, the boy's side also relies on the bichola to provide them the relevant information on the girl and her family. Following these inquiries, formal introductions are made during which premarital negotiations are largely conducted by the concerned fimilies.
An increasingly popular contemporary way of conducting the early stages of the process of finding a spouse is through matrimonial advertisements placed in local and national print media (for example, newspapers and magazines). According to Weibe and Ramu (1971), certain urban, educated, middle class groups are increasingly being pushed into using newspaper advertisements to find suitable partners because of the difficulties their parents experience in fhding matches in the traditional way. These advertisements reflect the attributes the advertiser, normally the parent, '...regards as necessary to qualify him (that is his son) as a desirable match and more importantly, they implicitly project what he feels the girl will consider as necessary qualities in her husband, and vice versa' ('eyes-Hockgs, iY66:33).
Newspapers that act as 'surrogate' marriage brokers (Reyes-Hockings, 1966) have an advantage of reaching a larger audience which results in a number of letters coming in fiom interested families seeking partners for their sons or daughters. The prospective partners are then shortlisted, based on the desired attributes, following which meetings are arranged between the fades. In such cases a typical alliance is manged as 'a collective process, in which the whole family participates' (Sharma, 1980: 150).
Besides the traditional criterion of classifying people in the marriage market into the marriageable and the non-marriageable, a great deal of emphasis is also placed on astrology, both, while selecting a spouse and in setting auspicious dates for various wedding ceremonies.
Since astrology was not we1 developed at the time, the Grhyasufras and the DharmmaSfrm nowhere suggest matching of horoscopes of the pamers in marriage (Altekar, 1962). 18
However, from about 400-900 AD horoscopes began making and breaking alliances (Altekar,
1962). The prospective partners' jmurm pam''s or astrological stars are matched by professional experts to predict whether the marriage will work out weil. Thesepnki's are often used, as what is an essentially random way of ranking the candidates on a start tist. Weddings usually take place on an auspicious day and a propitious mkm?a, which implies an increasing phase of the moon and during the northern course of the Sun which is said to be sanded by the gods (Sengupta, 1967).
1.133. Desired Personal Qudifications
Since marriages are invariably arranged by parents and elders, the prospective spouses are chosen to maximize the chance that the incoming brides fit well into the traditions and customs of their husband's fdyand kin group (Kurian, 1974:354). According to Kurian
(1974), parents are eager to obtain details about the fdyand the personality and preferences of the boys and girls. In addition to the above-mentioned endogamous and exogamous restrictions, much emphasis is also placed on the personal qualities and characteristics of the potentid bride and groom and their families.
Manu attached considerable importance to the family of the bride and the groom and argues that in order to raise the family to 'excellence' and 'eminence' one should enter into marriage with the best (Manu cited in Das, 1962:134). According to Manu Srnriti, an ideal woman should be submissive, dutifUl and loyal to her husband Vhargava, 1989:63). Manu argues that an ideal woman is an ideal wife who is loyal, chaste, subordinate, efficient and tolerant (cited in Bhargava, 198955). Although Manu gives in detail the characteristics of an ideal woman, he nowhere mentions the attributes of an ideal man a woman should marry, for according to Manu the physical attributes of a man are not important. According to Many a 19 man should belong to a good fdy,have a good education and possess a high moral character
(Manu cited in Das, 1962: 134).
The personal qualities sought in a bride, Kane writes, include her 'bahya' i.e. visible or bodily characteristics, and her Cabhyarzbn' or her invisible characteristics (194 1:432).
According to the Dhannczrarfrar, a female, besides being pretty and well behaved, should be f?om a good family, have good health, bear healthy children and have good and auspicious characteristics (Avasthi, 1979). In addition, the religious mindedness (Avasthi, 1979) and the economic status (Minu in Das, 1962: 136) of the bride's family was far more important as compared to the bridegroom's fdy.
In Hinduism, Sita, the ideal Hindu wife, is a role model for Indian girls while they are growing up (Kakar, 1988; Minturn, 1993). Women are expected to idolise and adopt her virtues of patience, obedience, chastity, fatffihess and sacrifice. The five broad traits women should possess are- fortitude, honor, traditionalism, obedience and harmony (Mintum,
1993:3 11-3 14). Women are expected to be 'chaste but passionate, proud but obedient, educated but traditional, co-operative but defensive of their rights, generous but covetous of their dowry goods' (Minturn, 1993:3 17). The home is supposed to be her main domain and she is expected to be less superior than her husband (Mitter, 1991). In recent years parts of India have witnessed a rise in the number of women organizations actively involved in issues relating to the welfsre of women. The concepts of submissiveness and of being domestically oriented as wives and mothers have been questioned and threatened by many of these organizations. More and more women are now pursuing higher education and employment outside their homes.
There are special units within the justice system that deal with violence against women, especially those related to marriage and dowry. Since late childhood Indian girls are taught the virtues of womanhood which include
'submission', 'docility' along with the 'skill' and 'grace' required in various household tasks
Kakar, 198851). Young girls are prepared for He in their marital homes by being told that a
'woman should be like water which, having no shape of its own, can take the shape of the
vessel into which it is poured, or that she should be like soft and malleable clay ...(t hat can be)
worked into shape by the potter' (Raheja, 199457). These cultural continuities are also
preserved by Indian films and media, that simplify the classic and sacred literature and glow
the ideals of womanhood (also see Mitter, 199 1). The North Indian system demands universal
maniage for men and women at the same time as valuing a list of personal characteristics. A
woman whose nature does not incline her to be submissive, docile and homely, will
nevertheless find a spouse, but she may be valued as lower in desirability by families of
potential grooms.
Mintum (1 993 :3 17), while studying the changes that took place in a twenty-year
period (1955-1975) in a North Indian village, argues that while the present day women appear
to have retained the 'essential values' (for example the values of honor, duty to the fdyand
obedience to their husband), they have been able to adapt these values to the 'changing
realities' under the impact of 'modernism'.
With regards to the selection of the prospective groom, the girls' parents, besides
following the rules of endogamy and exogamy, scrutinize the social and economic status of his
family, his education and job prospects (Kurian, 1974; Mintum, 1993). Unlike the priority
accorded to a girl's personal physical attributes, the boy's appearance, his charm and beauty, does not appear to matter much. In fact., Kurian (1974) argues that the social status of his family, his education and earning potential tend to overshadow his physical appearance (also 21 see Ross, 1961). Even a son with little ability to absorb education and a limited earning potential will have a marriage arranged for him by his parents, even if he cannot aspire to the most highly valued brides.
1.14. Premarital Virginity and Age at Marriage
The cultural understanding of marriage stresses the ritual of hmyadin? or the 'gift of the virgin' that constitutes the central cure of the wedding ritual. Since various ancient &du texts and law books also tend to value and idolise a marriage that involves krmyadia? (also see
Inden and N~cholas,1977; Nkholas, 1995) various Smn'tis after Manu urged parents to marry their daughters before puberty to insure that they are virgins. As a result the ideal of womanhood as personified by Sita, the heroine of the epic Ramayana, cultivated from early childhood comprises of chastity, purity, submission and docility (Kakar, 1988). According to
Manu the sacred texts relating to marriage were restricted to maidens only and marrying a non- virgin female would result in a serious violation of the sacramental rites related to marriage
(Manu cited in Das, 1962). While the epics have much to say on the virginity of girls very few discuss virginity vis-a-vis boys.
This insistence on virginity and sexual purity of females at marriage, along with the fear of abduction, are some of the reasons why early marriage was traditionally advocated in India
(AbeiUe, 1974). The fear of loss of virginity was so strong that despite the Child Marriage
Restraint Act or the Sarda Act being in force since 1928, many parents preferred to many their daughters at very young ages (Abeille, 1974:273). However, despite these fears and community pressures, an overwhelming number of girls, in urban India, now marry at a much later age, often in their 20s. But since many of those who marry later still remain in protective environments under the supervision of their families and communities, sexual segregation farms 22
an important aspect of their daily lives. And because virginity is essential for her and her
siblings' marital prospects, pre-marital intercourse (and any other form of social mixing with
the opposite sex) remains a taboo in the Indian society (Minturn, 1993:202). Virginity is also
honored by referring to young women as cievis or goddess, which is often used as their middle
name (Minturn, 1993:306).
Much of the sociological Literature on India accounts for the seclusion of women by
referring to the notions of honor, shame and chastity that necessitates 'constant vigilance over
their virtue' (JeEery, L979:23). Some other restrictions that are a consequence of maintaining
premarital virginity and honor include lack of freedom of movement, sexual segregation in
schools and colleges, and control over the arrangement of marriages. Since marriage is a family
rather than a conjugal concern (Caldwell, Reddy and Caldwell, 1983), parental control over
their daughter acquires special sigdcance when the daughter reaches puberty and continues
until she is married. In addition, the social separation of the two sexes before and after marriage
also 'reduces the possibilities of any liaisons between a woman and anyone but the man who
becomes her husband' (Jeffery, 1979:75). Since the sexual purity of the prospective bride is of
primary concern for the parents the upbringing of girls often occurs in a more restrictive
environment as compared to those of the boys/sons (Malhotra, 1991; Mandelbaum, 1988).
The '...honor ofa family and of the men in that family are entwined with the virtue of
its women ...(and thus) honor requires that a sister be kept virginal and protected fiom
predatory men.. .' (Kolenda, 1993: 122). Because virginity is so overwhelmingly important to the fdyand kin group, the traditional Indian family system emphasizes protection of women
and forbids any form of dating and courtship. This emphasis on female virginity, according to
Kolenda (1993), also ensures the authority of elders who must not only protect the virgin but also arrange marriage for her. Although the general ideology of kanyadan marriage did not
permit premarital seK it could not prohibit parents fiom marrying their sexually experienced
daughters and sons. Stories and films however do show examples of such non-vir@ females
being ridiculed and punished by their -in-laws and in extreme cases being sent back to their
parents' homes.
However, in a recent study conducted among 1,661 university students (79.4%
females) in Deb, less than 21 years of age respondents told researchers thaf staying a virgin
until marriage is more of an 'antiquated concept' (Sachdev, 1994 quoted by Ebi). According to
Sachdev, 'few women think they need the sanctity of a marriage to have intercourse'. There is
a 'sexual renaissance and resurgence of the Liberated women of the Vedic period' (Sachdev,
1994 in Rai, 1994). The study also reports that almost threequarter of the sampled male
students no longer placed a 'premium on virginity of the bride'. The study reveals startling
changes in the sexual mores and standards of sexuality, a contrast to the earIier myth of the
ideal Indian woman who was chaste, pure, docile and obeyed and worshipped her husband.
Wlth regards to the appropriate age at marriage, a number of Hindu texts suggest that
girls should be married as soon as they reach puberty (Avasthi, 1979; Abeille, 1974; Baneji,
1962). Marriage at a younger age began to be advocated fiom about the 4th century BC. The
normal age for marriage of a female according to Manu was 12 years although it could be as
low as 8 years in certain cases (Das, 1962). In such cases where the girls were married before
puberty they continued to live in their natal homes until the time they attained puberty when they were sent to their conjugal homes and the marriage was then consumated. This ceremony was referred to as ga2ma. The popularity of early marriage firther increased during the medieval times (Altekar,
1962). By the time the British came, the usual marriageable age far girls was 8 or 9 years
(Altekar, 1962). From 1860-1890 the 'proper' age at marriage was 8 years for girls and 12
years for boys (Ghruye, 1954), with the mean age at marriage reported around 1890 as 12.5
years for girls and 19.6 years for boys (Goode, 1963). However, with the advent of Western
ideas and social conferences that advocated post-puberty marriages, the age at marriage
advanced to 12/13 years (Altekar, 196251). The Child Marriage Restraint Act or the Sarda
Act of 1929 fked the minimum age at marriage at 15 and 18 years for girls and boys
respectively. Later the 1978 amendment raised the ages to 18 and 21 respectively. However,
despite the legal restrictions on manying females less than 18 years of age, reports have shown
that parents, especially in rural areas, continued to marry their adolescent daughters at very
young ages, owing to societal pressures and fear of loss of virginity. However, on an average
the mean age at marriage for girls moved up from 13.02 years at the beginning of the century
to 17.16 years in 1971 (22.36 years for males, UNICEFt 198 1) and then to 20.2 years in 1992
(24.3 years for males) (Visaria, 1995). It is important to note that the age at marriage statistics
include a wide range of disparities based on rural-urban and regional distinctions. While there
may be examples of girls being married at age 12, there are urban females who marry in their
late 20s.
Vatuk (1972) in an anthropological study of an urban community in north India observed an increase in the average age at mamage for both sexes. In another study,
Mehta (1970) studying a sample of 50 western educated elite Hindu women in India and the U.S. reported that all respondents were married between the ages of 19 and 25.
Although the age at marriage shows signs of an increase, the prevailing social climate, in many parts of India, still permits and even encourages parents to marry their daughters
young, even if not pre-pubertally.
1.15. Ceremonies and Rituals-
The following section discusses some of the core ceremonies and rituals in the North Indian
marriage system.
1.15 1. Hypergamy: The Asymmetrical Relationship
While wedding rites in the Hindu south celebrate 'female fertility and close-knit
comubia', those in the north, according to Kolenda, emphasize the 'hierarchical prestige
relations7 of men (19842 14). Many researchers have also shown that Indian weddings,
particularly in the north, are important avenues for establishing the relative status of the bride-
givers as compared to the bride-receivers (Kapadia, 1966; Kolenda, 1984; Mandelbaum, 2988;
Minturn, 1993, to name a few). The rule relates to the asymmetrical relationship that exists
between the wife-givers (bride's family) and wife-takers (groom's family). Traditionally all
ceremonies surrounding marriage have emphasized the relative status of the bride and groom
(Minturn, 199352; Kapadia, 1966) and their respective families. A diversity of Hindu
literature, Vedic chants and mantras, recognize this subordination of the bride's fdy
(Tambiah, 1989).
There are essentially two aspects of hypergarny. The Grst one deals with spouse selection. Wethe bride's fdycan many someone of the same or higher social status, the system ensures, in both cases, that the 'social standing of the wife and her relatives will be
(considered to be) lower than the social standing of the husband and his relatives, and it serves as a conduit that moves wealth up the social status hierarchy' (Mintum, 1993:306). The very 26 act of marriage places the bride's fdyat a lower status as compared to the groom's My.
The second aspect of hypergamy concerns the wedding rituals. The bride's family expresses acknowledgement of higher status of groom's fsmily by giving gifts, through dierentid eating patterns, and by humbling themselves. Although in most social structures and cultures gift giving adds prestige to the givers, the very act of giving the bride, along with the gifts in the
North Indian marriage system, makes her hnily inferior in status as compared to the fdy that receives the bride. The bride-takers, despite being 'offered' the bride and the accompanying lavish gifts, maintain their superior status Q3 hachy 1985; Karve, 1953; Madan,
1965; Tarnbiah, 1975; Vatuk, 1973). Inferioriity is manifested through the wedding rituals and later through the continuous flow of gifts &om the bride-givers to the receivers. In fact, Madan
(1965) and Kame (1953) argue that presentation of these gifts provides a moral basis to the different hierarchical positions the bride-givers and bride-receivers occupy.
While there are many reasons for desiring sons in north India, like those 'connected with land inheritance, the security of parents in later We, and the necessary performance of death rituals' the 'birth of a daughter (also) brings sorrow' (Raheja, 1995:27) at the time of her marriage. The mere act of giving away a daughter to the husband's family, along with her dowry, implies a 'defeat' at the time of marriage with the establishment of a 'hierarchical relationship' between the two families wit hi,^ a particuIar maniage, whereby the 'bride's family assumes an inferior status' (Raheja, 1995:27).
In many cases, the wife's family is expectedlobliged to provide a substantial dowry at the time of marriage and thereafter to continue to make &s and prestations to the husband's fdy(Miher, 1988). According to McKim Marriott (1960) '...lavish hospitality must be offered and gifts made to the husband's fdythroughout life...Thefamily and village to which one gives a daughter thereby becomes 'respected' or 'high'. To (such) a family ...one gives gats, deference and ceremonial service...' @. 12). This inferiority of the wife-givers by virtue of marriage, Milner argues, appears to be rooted in the 'patriarchal patterns', which include
'patrilineal inheritance' and 'patrilocai residence', and in the 'doctrine of kanymbz'. In return the wife-givers are not supposed to accept anything 60rn the wife-receivers except for the minimum hospitality (Miher, 1988: 148) this is no doubt one of the reasons why Indian families dread the birth of a daughter. The custom of marrying daughters into high status families and the necessity of providing substantial dowries for such marriages remain strong cultural factors for strong son preference and for the existing female infanticide and foeticide in parts of India
(also see Miller, 1980).
Hypergamy is based on the ideology of kzmyaa'm?, which calls for offering of a virgin bride to a superior. The doctrine of kanyadmr and the patriarchal institutions that surround it provide a 'cultural rationale' for such asymmetrical alliances. It is important to note that these asymmetrical alliances continue to exist in a given mamage despite the two families being of similar status. Because wife giving threatens one's status, the most culturally advantageous strategy is hypergamy i.e. arranging her marriage to a higher status family (see MiIner,
1988:150, 153). The bride-givers experience heavy costs in this exchange as opposed to the bride-takers who accrue undue rewards and gains. Hershrnan (1981)' studying the Punjabi maniage patterns in India observes that, 'To give a woman in marriage is to place oneself in a position of inferiority to the taker; to take a woman is to assume a position of superiority, to the giver.. ..'. Such hypergamous (for the bride's fdy)unions in turn also enhance the prestige of the bride's family in their own viuagdarea for they can now marry their other offspring (sons and daughters) in families of higher status than themselves. Minturn and Hitchcock argue that often hypergarnous 'aspirations must be trimmed according to the amount of dowry which her family can afford ...' (1966:35).
The differential status may be expressed by gestures, consisting of bowing, folding of hands; by giving of dowry by the bride's family; and it may involve differences in the allocation of resources. Fcr instance, during wedding feasts it is customary for the groom's family and kinsfolk to be offered food first (Minturn, 1993:325; also see Fruzzetti, 1982; Minturn, 1993;
Raheja, 1988;). The bride's father and brother in their verbal and solicitous behavior and demeanour also honor the groom's side, acknowledging the latter' s apparent superiority. This inequality is further established by giving of the kanyadmr and dowry (Raheja, 1988: 119).
1.152. Kqadbn and Dowry
The elaborate rituals surrounding the gift of a virgin and dowry form an important feature of hypergamy @hachu, 1985:103; Comaroe l98O:Y; Tarnbiah, 1973 :64) and hierarchy
(Comaroff, 1980:7) in the north Indian system. The asymmetrical relationship in gift giving is related to the higher status occupied by the bride-receivers as compared to the bride-givers.
Because the gift of a daughter constitutes the greatest gift a man can bestow, one that gives him most religious merit @mya)' it is essential that it be properly observed (Fruzzetti, 1982; also see Hesse, 1995). The giving of these @s, of karryadhn along with dowry, according to the Brahmanical ideals, is considered meritorious provided no return is expected. This is the most important feature of hypergamy because it not only provides a moral basis to the different positions of the wife-givers and wife-takers but also because marriages involving dowry and kanyadan are considered prestigious (Kawe, 1953; Madan, 1965) and most appropriate form of marriage. 29
During the course of h-aqmbz, which is the core ritual of a typical north Indian marriage, the daughter is given away by her father (or another male kin) to her husband, thereby transforming her from 'one's own' (qn~'to her natal kin to 'other' (durn] and c'alen'
(parayi) to them' (Raheja, 1995:28). In other words a 'woman is unequivocally transferred'
Eom her natal kin to her conjugal kin (Jacobson, 1977). Trautmann explains kanyadiaz as a
'patrilineal idiom of complete dissimilation of the bride fiom her fdyof birth and her complete assimilation to that of her husband' (1981:291). However, despite her symbolic transfer from her natal home to her conjugal home by virtue of krmyadipz, clearly a woman's natal kin and the now of gifts fiom them to her and to her husband's family throughout her lifetime are more important than is usually recognized by scholars (also see Wadley, 1995).
These gift transactions between the married woman and her natal kin, remain vital in maintaining the &nal relationships. Ideally7 dowry is a woman's property. However, in most cases until very recently, the groom and his family controlled major portions of dowry leaving vely few items under the bride's control. These issues wili be discussed later in Chapter six
Section 6.3.
Often North Indian women whose parents are unable to afford such asmay secretively carry gift items or cash from their husband's home when they visit their natal kin, and on their return pretend that the gifts or cash were given by their natal kin (Jacobson, 1976;
Vatuk and Vatuk, 1971). This is done to secure their position and izzaf (prestige) in their
or conjugal home and maintain the perception that they are held in high esteem by their natal kin (Raheja, 1995:40; also see Raheja and Gold, 1994).
Dowry, in North India, refers to the property given to the daughter by her parents and family to take with her into marriage. The one-way flow of cash and goods, fiom the bride's 30
Myto the groom and his My,begins with the 'initial fixing' of marriage and continues to strain the bride's family resources throughout her lifetime (Minturn, 1993: 1 17). Technically, dowry is the bride's property and under her own control, although her husband usually has the rights of management (Tambiah, 197562). Traces of ~~ (female-owned property) can be found as early as the Vedic period. Verses indicate that the bride was to be sent to her husband's house along with gifts (RV cited in Das, 1962:212).
The expectations surrounding dowry have come to dominate the process of marriage and this discourse according to various studies is meshed within the notions of honor and prestige or idof the two families (Parry, 1979; Roulet, 1996; Tambiah, 1973; Van der Veen,
1972). This linkage between dowry and status encourages families to give substantial dowries.
A dowry which essentially comprises of items given to the bride, her husband and his family, includes cash, jewellery, clothes, household items (furniture, utensils) and consumer goods
(refrigerator, TV,and so on). Although affinal prestations continue to flow even after marriage, a dowry is given to the daughters at the time of their marriage.
The 1974 "Towards Equality Report", submitted to the Government of India, recognizing the detrimental effect of patrilineal descent and patrilocal residence on the daughter and daughter-in-law, also found that although 80% of those interviewed for the survey agreed that dowry should be stopped, almost 60% said that it was not possible to get a good match, for their daughters without giving a dowry (Hasan, 18). Dowry, according to Fruzetti
(1982), marks a marriage alliance between two families and is the beginning of hreties and exchanges. The '...lavish hospitaii ty...and the gifts made to the husband's fdythroughout
Life...' however, according to Marriott (1960), keeps the wedding and other ceremonial expenses high for the bride's fdy(p. 112). 31
Some analysts (ComarofS 1980; Goody, 1975, 1973; Tambiah (1973) suggest that
dowry is given at marriage as a form of 'pre-mortem inheritance' for the bride (Goody,
1975:1), and as a form of redistribution of property fiom the bride's natal Myto her
conjugal family, at the time of her marriage. According to Tarnbiah (1973) the husband and his
kin have no 'jural' interest in this property, which according to them is the females' exclusive
property given to her in marriage. However, Madan (1965) while referring to it as sztidhanmn
(female property) makes it clear that aIthough the Sanskritic textual traditions (see Raheja,
1995 for details) and legal tenets give the bride exclusive rights over the gifts she receives fiom
her natal kin, in practice these women have no rights of ownership on most of these gifts. He
further observes that 'her parents-in-law show immense interest in her stridharz and may take
away the best of her personal possessions to give to their own daughters'. In most cases she
has no ability to stop these raids on her property. Other studies have also shown that the
husband, the mother-in-law and other conjugal kin (Madan, 1965; Raheja, 1995) often control
the bulk of the dowry items. Since marriages are predominantly parentally-arranged and
females are married at young ages, into structurally or hnctiondy extended kin networks,
most often the -in-laws, particularly the mother-in-law, due to her powefil position, exercises
tremendous control over large parts of the incoming bride's dowry. Therefore although dowry forms an important part of the stridhmza (female property), in practice, a bride has Little control over major parts of her own dowry (Bhachu, 1985; Madq 1965). The bride in most instances merely acts as a vehicle for the transfer of wealth and valuables from her natal family to her conjugal fsmily.
Raheja, while disagreeing with both Tambiah and Goody on dowry being a form of pre-mortem inheritance, observes that these patterns of gdl giving are 'deeply implicated in the female identity' and in the 'relative valuation of sons and daughters from the very beginning of a woman's Life' and do not represent her share of inheritance (1995:26). Since the size of dowry is not based on a predetermined share of the Wyassets, but is determined on the basis of the economic potential of the groom, dowries given to daughters at the time of marriage cannot be equated with male inheritance rights (Shanna, 1980). In practice dowry is treated as a passport or 'Marriage Ticket' in order to obtain a good match, which 'belies its knction as female inheritance' (Ram, 1991). According to Dumont (1966) in patriLineaI societies, Wce north India, where prestations accompany the bride, property inheritance occurs in two ways: that of inheritance fiom father to son and that of gifts fiom father-in-law to son- in-law.
In contemporary times, dowry is no longer considered to be a gift, rather substantial demands are often made by the groom's fdyfor cash and goods. Since women serve as
'conduits of transportable wealth' (Mintum, 1993:130), failure to meet such demands and expectations have led to cases of dowry-related deaths, particularly in parts of north hdia
(Ghadially and Kumar, 1988; Raheja, 1995).
A dowry, in north India, includes the bride's trousseau, her gold jeweuery, afmal gifts, and a number of household goods which include utensils, furniture, linen, and consumer items, which are ofken incorporated into the joint family household. The aEnal gifts include clothes, andlor gold jewellery for the groom's consanguinea1 kin- his mother, father, and siblings and their spouses, if they are mamed. Often atfinal g&s also include gifts for other members of the extended kin group. The size and quality of dowry items, which are often put on public display at the bride's house before marriage and at the groom's house after marriage, is more often a consequence of the wealth and prestige of the bride's fdy.The dowry and post-marital gifts a woman receives fiom her natal fdyare also of critical significance to her status and prestige within the groom's family and for her when she embarks on her new conjugal We.
1.153. Wedding Ceremonies
Wedding celebrations are often cited as expressive and visible manifestations of retained cultural values (Nevadomslq, 198 1:485). Since Hindu maniages are considered an important event of life and a union of two families they remain a cultural focus and are therefore celebrated with much pomp and show. Traditional weddings were (and are) often spread over a period of days, and relatives fkom fhr and near arrived three or four days before the wedding and continued to stay for a couple of days after the wedding. A series of ceremonies are conducted during this period, precediig the actual wedding, beginning with the engagement and concluding with the doli, when the bride leaves for her conjugal home.
Maniages celebrated in the Vedic period were simple with the main ceremony being performed at the bride's parents house (Avastk 1979). The Grhyasutras emphasized that marriages be performed properly and at the right time (Avasthi, 1979; Sur, 1973). Although the 'wedding ceremonial schedule' (term used by NevadornsQ7 198 1 :493) appears in general to have been shortened in the recent past, both in terms of duration and the number of ceremonies, there are certain nuptial rites which are considered necessary, by all groups, in order for the marriage to be complete. The main rites according to Kapadia (1966), include the homa or offerings in the sacred fire; the prmigrahana or taking the hand of the bride; the qt@ when the bride and the groom take seven steps together around the sacred fke; and krmyh.All these rites are conducted by a priest amidst sacred mantras in the presence of the sacred fire (Kapadia, 1966) and witnessed by family and kin ofthe bride and groom. Traditionally, the main wedding ceremony was (and is still in most instances) performed at night in the house of the bride and is referred as the 'bamboo' marriage in reference to the wedding tent supported by bamboo poles. On the morning of the weddiig day a tent was set up and decorated with lights and streamers (Nevadomsky, 1981) by the bride's male kin members. The tent includes a raised platform to seat the new couple and a marriage altar (the veatr) where the sacred ceremony is performed. In case of the Sikhs, the main wedding ceremonies take place in Gurudwaras during the day. Although a majority of weddings are still performed in the traditional bamboo-style tents and in Gurudwaras, there appears to be a trend toward having more wedding ceremonies conducted, during dayhight time, in hotels, temples, gurudwaras (Sikh temples) or bmat ghars, permanent buildings made specially to host such functions.
Traditionally the grooq wearing a head-dress, is mounted on a horse when his sisters and sister-in-laws (brothers' wives) put kohl (black liner) under his eyes to 'ward' off the evil eyes (Mintum, 1993:5 1). Atter this, the groom visits the temple for blessings and then leaves for the brides' house where he is received by the brides' kin.
The main wedding ceremony which usually continues into the edy morning hours begins with the exchange of the jaimaIa or the wedding garlands. This is followed by an elaborate feast; the hawan or the fire ritual when the sacred fire is lit in a small container to solemnize the wedding before the god of fire; and the luwa or phera when the couple go around the fire. During the ceremony the couple (along with their parents) make offerings to the 6re and exchange marriage vows. At the phera, the central core of the weddiig ritual
(Raheja, 1994:52), the bride is formally transferred to the husbands' family and the couple, linked by a piece of cloth or a sash, encircle the sacred fire seven times. Gaih Bandhan or the joining of the bride and groom is symbolicdy performed by the tying of the groom's shoulder cloth to the sad dress or veil of the bride (also see Hershrnan, 1981: 166). After the kzznyadhrz, the bride should be 'assimilated to and defer to the kin of her husband' (Ebheja, 199453). This ceremony, which extends up to two to three hours, culminates with the putting of sindbor or red vermillion powder in the parting of the brides' hair to mark the transition to her marital state (also see Nevadomsky, 1981). From now on the bride becomes a wife.
'The poignancy of women's separation from natal kin' can be observed when the bride prepares for bidai or the doli ceremony, accompanied by her husband and his fdy,for her conjugal home. The ideology of the separation of the bride, when she is transformed fiom qmi
(one's own) to parq (alien to her natal kin) (Raheja, l995:28-29), is marked by weeping and sadness. The final moments of her departure are marked by much weeping and many farewells among the bride and her idn (also see Minturn, 1993). Many of the songs sung at this time highhght the 'contradictoly expectations concerning natal and conjugal relationships' (Raheja,
199457).
Dear girl today you've left your father's house, Today you've become 'other' @mclyl] The streets in which you spent your childhood Have today becomep- ...... (Raheja, 1994:57).
The traditional wedding attire (the sari or the salwar karneez) covered the bride from head to toe. She was supposed to have her head covered and remain quiet throughout the ceremony. The traditional attire of the bride demonstrates the expectations about female behavior, her character, and her role in a typical Hindu maniage. They are expected to 'show dependence and deference through their observance of a number of conventions' (Minturn,
1993). The veil or the ghunghat (purdah), an important traditional feminine attribute for a married woman, reflects the ideals of subordination, deference and sham (modesty, and shame) and helps in maintaining the zuat (honor) of her natal My.Another common oral tradition expects the bride, and later the wife or daughter-in-law, to assume a submissive posture that includes the bowing of her veiled head, lowered eyelids and maintaining her silence amidst the elders. It was, and is, considered 'shameless for her to join the conversation'
(Mintum and Hitchcoclq 1966:60) at the ceremony and in general during the eady period of marriage.
During the wedding ceremony the bride's overall behavior portrays her to be a shy, passive, obedient, chaste and dependent person. The wedding sari, which is a five-and-a-half metre long cloth, is red in color, which, Mintum (1993) argues, is a color associated with auspiciousness, often linked to blood, which also connotes fertility. The same auspiciousness is also said to be associated with simbor or the vermilion that married women wear in their hair partings and the red dots or bindi's they wear on their foreheads (Minturn, 1993). Along with this, women are supposed to tie their hair and wear jeweilery (which includes bangles, nose ring and so on) all of which are symbols of restriction and control of women.
The central element in this symbolically 'submissive' and 'dependent' wedding attire behavior is sanctioned by written and oral traditions and customs. Although most Krndus even today recognize the importance of these various rituals, studies have shown that there is a decline in the rigor of observance of some of these customs (see Minturn, 1993 for details).
Mintum who visited a village in North India in 1955 and then again in 1975 observed changes in the degree of purdah (veil) observance and in the wedding behavior of the brides. Minturn also found that weeping of the brides at the bidoi or departure had become less 'dramatic' by 37
1975 and that, despite their ghurtgw, the brides in 1975 appeared more visible. However, despite the changes that seem to have taken place Minturn argues that the structure of the marriage negotiations in the village remained unchanged during the twenty- year period.
1.2. Marriages Customs among Overseas North Indians
Having discussed the essential features of the North Indian mamage system as given in some texts and in contemporary India, the following section provides an overview of the marriage customs and practices among East Indians settled abroad.
1.2 1. Process of Entry into Marriage: Arranged Marriages - Parental Control
For many parents in India the sociocultural upbringing of their children is a natural and smooth process, centred at home and reaffirmed outside, through various formal and informal networks. In contrast most Indian parents residing abroad face a tremendous task. Jackson and
Nesbitt (1993), studying 8-13 year old Hindu children in Britain, argue that these British-Hindu children have limited access to features of their own traditions and are more often exposed to non-Hindu influences, through schools, peers, media, etc. The ethnographic study conducted between 1986 and 1988 included Hindus f?om a wide range of caste and regional backgrounds.
The study shows that despite the decline in traditional values voiced by the older generation, most of the children, who had grown up in Britain, accepted that they would eventually marry in the traditional way. The study hrther argues that there appeared a very little indication of a breakdown of the 'arranged marriage' system, at least not in the near future. Other studies have also shown that arranged marriages are considered 'more stable and permanent; not simply transitory relationships as exist all too often in modem western marriages' (Vaidyanathan and Naidoo, l99O/91 :3 8). Shgh (1994), while discussing the history, religion and culture of Sikhs settled in Canada, found that the Sikhs (originally from
Punjab, India) held a negative view of the Canadian or North American mamage customs and by and large still arranged marriages for their sons and daughters. According to the Sikhs, love marriages, common-law relationships and divorce are unsuitable to the Sikh cultural-values and pose a great threat to the traditional Sikh fdyvalues.
In a study of 50 Indian and Pakistan-born immigrant fees(N=lOO, 50 fathers and
50 mothers) and their children aged 12 and over (N=36), more than two-thirds of the marriages among the second generation were found to be of the arranged type involving importation of spouses fiom the countries of origin (Wakil, Siddique, and Wakil, 1981). The sample included 38 Indian and 12 Pakistani fades (average length of stay of husband in
Canada approximately 17 years). More than half of the children born in the community were born in Canada while the rest had migrated with their parents. The study explores the values stressed by parents in the process of socialization of their children and the reaction shown by children to these values. In a similar study in Britain, Jackson and Nesbitt (1 993) found, as did some others mesand Robboy, 1980 also in England), that a number of immigrant parents still preferred to travel to India dong with their children to arrange marriages for the latter. Ln most of these cases, involving the importation of a spouse, matchmaking was done either by the elders in the family, or through fictive kin in the counties of origin or by placing matrimonial advertisements in newspapers in countries of origin. The study examines certain aspects of reproduction of Hindu traditions based on ethnographic studies of 8-13 year old 39 children fkom Hindu communities, mainly Punjabis and Gujaratis of various caste and regional groups between 1986-89 along with data gathered fiom an earIier study of Hindu organizations
(1983 -84) and some participant observation. These British Hindu children, according to
Jackson and Nesbitt (1993) have limited access to features of their ancestral traditions and are exposed to non-Hindu influences through schools, peer groups and media
Some studies have shown that although some new patterns of behavior seem to be emerging among East Indians in terms of the acceptance of Western dress, food, children's choice of fiends and increased female labor force participation, there appears to be a severe resistance and nervousness when it comes to the issues of contact with the opposite sex and marital practices (Ghosh, 1983; Wakil, Siddique and Wakd, 198 1). Ghosh, discussing Indian wamen in Montreal, Canada, argues that while most women agree with the statement that their children should choose their own marriage partners, very few leave the decision entirely to them. The data gathered during 1978-79 includes respondents f?om various Linguistic, regional and religious groups. The methods include questionnaires, few in-depth interviews, and some case studies fiom Montreal social service agencies. According to the first-generation parents, since the sanctity of maniage is important and marriage is a life-long cornrnitrnent and a union of two families, parental input is vital to avoid the risk of poor choice by the younger generation, who are less experienced and mature (see Ghosh, 1983). The study also shows a discrepancy between the attitude and behavior that exists when it comes to selecting marriage partners for the younger generation.
Nevertheless, there is a growing realization among immigrant Indians that 'typically arranged' marriages are no longer possible, since their children invariably oppose them.
Therefore a majority of parents prefer to arrange marriages of their children after seeking their consent. Siddique (1983), studying the changing attitudes and Mypatterns among immigrant
Indian (N=30) and Pakistani (N=I2) fhiIies in Saskatoon during 1972-73, reports that while
54% of the sampled families express an opinion that maniages should be decided by consulting children, 42% said that 'child alone' should decide, while none preferred a typically arranged marriage for their children. In a similar study conducted earlier among 30 fmesof Indian origin in Alberta, Canada, Kurian (1974) found that, parents indicated a preference toward marriages arranged 'with the consent of the coupIe7.According to a sizeable majority of these parents (27 mothers and 26 fathers) children should be allowed to meet the opposite sex 'under supervision' @urian, 1974). Very few parents wanted to leave the decision to the children done. In another study among East Indians in rural Trinidad, Nevadomsky (1981) found that although a majority of maniages were not arranged, the trend was for the young person to seek a mate and obtain parental approval.
Other studies have also shown that although there has been a decline in the incidence of typical arranged marriages, more often than not, parents still express a desire to have a direct influence on the selection of marriage partners for their children (see Saran and Eames, 1980).
Saran and Leonhard-Spark (1980) while studying the attitudinal and behavioral profiles of Indian immigrants to Britain, Canada and other Commonwealth countries, found that a majority of those who were unmarried returned to India for arranged marriages. The study using data fiom a 1977-78 survey of New York metro area along with some participant observation and a few formal interviews, also provides evidence that, while there has been some change in the attitudes of husbands and wives after emigrating, the 'basic hework of
Indian families' appears to have resisted the change. Their commitment to mamage, unlike their North American counterparts, remains We-long and these parents are often seen to identify closely with the Indian values and traditions and expect the same fiom their foreign- born or brought-upchildren (also see Saran, 1985).
Ballard (1978) using case studies fiom 12 marriages between Sikhs which took place in
Leeds, England between 1972-76 along with the experiences of about 20 Sikhs whose marriages had either been arranged or had already been married a few years, and a few Sikh parents, argues that idthough almost all the respondents previously expressed 'anxiety' and
'uncertainty' about undergoing an arranged marriage themselves, they said that after much thinking and discussion with fiends, almost all of them preferred to have an arranged marriage.
Most of these informants had come to Britain during their childhood and all had at least several years of education in Britain. Naidoo's (1985) study of298 South Asian women fiorn various caste, religious and linguistic affiliations in Toronto, also revealed that a majority (64.3%) of them had entered marriages arranged by their parents (average stay in Canada - 7.86 years).
Kurian and Ghosh (1983) examining the problems in decision making, dating and marriage among 90 respondents in 30 families report of a general tendency among South
Asians in Canada to shift ffom a traditional type of marriage, arranged by the parents, towards a Canadian system of marriage entered into by the young couple. However, Vaidyanathan and
Naidoo's study in Southern Ontario indicates that the shift is not complete and that the emerging pattern is more of an intermediate one, at least for the educated South Asians, where marriage is 'entered into by the couple on their own with the consent of the parents'
(1 99O/9 1 :47).
Most often the young potential bridesfgrooms are introduced at social gatherings in the community, in templedsunday schools/homes/parties/festivaldmarriages in the presence of close relatives or family friends (Bhachu, 1985; Siddique, 1983). The religious places and community gatherings, Bhachu (1985) argues, not only provide a site for regular contact and help in passing information within a marriage pool but often meetings are arranged between potential mates, after checking the criteria for suitability by both parties. Bhachu's sample includes about 3 1 f'amilies (core sample of 13 fsmilies), a majority of who had migrated during the 1960s and 70s. These meetings provide an opportunity to the young to see each other and develop Cendship within the community and for most Mesthis is a 'mechanism to control their choice of marriage at a later time' (Siddique, 1983 :1 17).
A majority of these studies show that although there have been changes in the attitude towards entering into marriage and in the selection of maniage partners among second generation overseas Indians, ofien the behavioral shift is very small. It appears that, although parents are willing to provide some degree of choice to their children, most often mate selection decisions continue to remain under parental controViuence. In other words, during the process of mate selection, the initial screening is often done by parents who then appear to short-list a few potential candidates for the approval of their children.
However, there are some studies conducted among Indian immigrants settled in North
America and the West Indies (Nevadomsky, 1980) that show a shift fiom amged marriages, once the culturd ideal and a statistical norm (Niehoz 1958, in rural Trinidad), to the type where the young find their own mates and thereafter seek parental approval. And, in case approvals are not obtained, it is considered normal for the young man to go ahead and many the girl of his choice (Nevadomsb, 1980). Nevadomslq's study includes 114 randomly and 25 non-randomly selected households in 1972 in an East Indian village in Trinidad. The study showed that since the young spend an increased amount of time in school and careers' it increases their chances of contact with a potential spouse. However, although traditional 43 restrictions appeared to have declined among certain groups, inter-religious marriages still remain a taboo.
A number of studies have shown that along with the decline in the frequency and rigidity of arranged mamages, other traditional structural rules such as those of caste, and subcaste endogamy and gotra exogamy also seem to have weakened (Jayawardena, 1963;
Siddique, 1983). As a result of settlement in a new country, factors such as decline in community pressure, modernization, and the influence of Western norms, substantial changes appear to have occurred in the attitudind and behavioral aspects relating to marriage.
Marriages are found to occur at a later age (Callan, 1983; Nevadomsky, 1980) and there is a growing trend toward adaptations in the traditional criteria of spouse selection. The following subsection deals with the possibility of inter-racial marriages and changes in some traditional marriage restrictions among East Indians settled overseas namely, caste and religious endogamy, gotra exogamy, importance of pre-marital virginity, and the asymmetrical relationship between wife-givers and wife-takers.
1.22. Criteria for Selection of Mates
The next subsection discusses some of the criteria used for mate selection among Overseas
East Indians.
1 -221. Endogamy and Exogamy
Although a few classical rules relating to marriage appear to have weakened, attempts are still made to avoid wide disparities between castes at the time of marriage (Jayawardena,
1968 commenting on East Indians in Guyana, Mauritius, Trinidad, Surinam, Fiji, and South
Afiica). In a study conducted among Fijian Indians, Jayawardena (1971) argues, all that remains of the caste system is '...the influence of caste status on marriage'. Caste forms a vital part of the classified matrimonial advertisements in newspapers and magazines, both in India and among Indians overseas wiebe and Ramy 1971).
A study conducted among East Afiican Sikh settlers in Britain (Bhachu, 1985) revealed that the traditional criteria for spouse selection on the whole appeared to conform to caste endogamy. Bhachu argues that despite their long absence tiom India, marriages among the migrant Sikhs, in Britain, have remained essentially traditional in nature (also see
Michaelson, 1979; Shah, 1979; TarnbsLyche, 1980 for other examples). The book, primarily an ethnographic account of the twice-migrated community of East African Indian Sikhs to Britain during late 1970s and early 1980s, documents marriage and dowry patterns among the
Ramgarhias (artisan caste). The study besides including 13 families ofnewly married couples or families with a marriageable daughter also included other contact families. Since most of these migrants arrived as family units, the presence of the older generation., Bhachu (1 985) argues, made it easier to transmit cultural norms and values. Caste boundaries according to Bhachu became reinforced in the UK.
On the other hand, there have been studies that indicate a general decline in caste endogamy. Wakil (1974), delivering a paper at the VEl World Congress of Sociology, predicted a marriage pattern, that he said could be 'equated with endogamy with perhaps one notable exception of lack of caste endogamy'. WaH (1974) based on a study among Indian and
Pakistani born immigrants who came to Canada (and the US) in their early or late 20s for education, found similarity of attitudes expressed by the immigrants with those growing up in
Canada. He argued that a lack of caste endogamy in itselfwas an indication of change fiom the caste-endogamous system that still continued to exist in parts of India. In an earlier study among the Indo-Guinese Plantation workers, Jayawardena reported that 'Caste is of marginal importance in selection of spouse as compared with occupation, wealth and education'
(1963:19). However later, studying migration and social change among Indians overseas (in
Guyana, Mauritius, Trinidad, Surinam, Fiji and South Afiica), Jayawardena (1968) summarized that although paternal castes did not seem to determine the choice of spouse, attempts were made to avoid marriages with castes that were lower in social hierarchy (also see Kannan,
1972).
A few studies provide evidence of change across generations. For instance, caste emphasis was found to be much greater among first generation as compared to the younger generation of Asian Indians residing in parts of Southern Ontario (Vaidyanathan and Naidoo,
1990/91). The study reports that while caste was an important consideration for 54.6% of the firstgeneration at the time of the interview, only 24% of the second-generation considered it an important factor in marriage. (It need to be noted that these are the attitudes expressed by a group of respondents and does not take into consideration their actual behavior at the the of their own or their children's marriage.) In another Canadian study, Siddique (1983) found that for the Canadian-reared East Indian children, caste barriers were unimportant (also see Wakd,
Siddique and Wakil, 1981). However Siddique's data which included 50 families (38 of Indian and 12 of Pakistan origin in Saskatoon in 1972-73) who had migrated to Canada about 15 years ago, revealed that a majority of them, particularly females, expressed a desire to marry within their own community and preferred an arranged type of marriage, as long as it was
'initiated by the mutual consent of the boy and girl' (1983:118). Similar studies in the UK
(Bhachu' 1985) have also shown a general loosening of rules of caste and gotra which have resulted in some degree of flexibility and increased tolerance to marriages which violate traditional rules within the East Indian community.
However, on the other hand, there are studies that show that although caste does not appear to be an important factor for the younger generation in general, it seems to be emphasized by parents at the time of marriage. Marital alliances among the migrants in
Singapore are found to be essentially class endogamous within caste lines (Maxi, 1983). It could be because caste and class are highly correlated. Mani., (1983) while studying Indians in
Singapore, found that of the 400 respondents fiom different caste groups, 44% perceived caste as an important factor in maniage. The data revealed that while the respondents denied practice of caste endogamy, their behavior at the time of their children's marriage was contrary to their expressed attitudes. As a result, 79% of the 65 respondents who had rnamed children in the sample were found to have selected a spouse for their children within their own caste groups. However, religion and rites, according to Mani, are still publicly emphasized and East
Indians living overseas continue to prefer the religious ceremonies to a civil maniage.
1-222. Inter-Racial Marriages
Inter-racial marriages have often generated a great disapproval fiom the parent- generation who express fear that such mixed maniages are not only more likely to end in divorce because of the cultural ditferences, but they also feel that children fiom such unions have problems of identity (Brah, 1978). Brah's study, part of a larger study, includes data collected in 1976 on informants born in England (N=2) or who came to England before the age of seven (N=24- all between 15-16 years of age). Uther studies have also shown that South
Asian immigrant parents are not onIy anxious that their children remain 'true to their culture' but also often feel threatened by the blurring of boundaries caused by mixed marriages 47
&eonard, 1993: 169, in California, US) to people of European, African or others of non-Indian
Asian origin.
Unrestricted freedom, exposure to a foreign language fiom birth, schools and other forms of Western dress, music, religion, media and peer influence, make adjustments in the new society easier for the second generation (Brown, 1987; Ghosh, 1983-in Canada; Kannan, 1972-
London, England; Ramcharan, 1983-in Canada). Despite being partially fised into the
American society, Cahnrnan (1980) states that the Asian Indians in New York appear to be more resistant to marital assimilation as compared to other immigrants in the society. It has been found that most Indians in the United States continue to associate and maintain ties with members of their own communities and, when it comes to marriage, often prefer to dow their parents to arrange an appropriate marriage for them within the community or return to India to obtain a spouse (also see Jayawardena, 1968; Varma, 1980). Studies have also shown that even among those who date American girls there is a tendency to many Indian girls (Fisher,
1980-studied 24 households of diverse religious and geographical regions in 1975).
Although the children of immigrants in North America (and elsewhere) have three choices in mate selection and marriage to marry North Americans, marry Asian Indians of their own choice, or accept parental arrangement of their marriage- Srivastava's (1974) study in
British Columbia (1960-61 and 1967-69) found that some of them stiU agree with or act according to their parents' wishes in seeking spouses from India. Studies have shown that although the Asian families in America seem to have adopted modem values regarding education, occupation, fertility Limitation and older age at marriage, they seem to have retained their traditional values concerning both marriage and Eunily (Saran, 1985, US data). Saran's data include 10 in-depth interviews in a medium size city and a survey of 145 household in the 48
New York metro area in 1977-78 (average length of stay of 10 inte~ewees11 -9 years).
The recent proliferation of Indian cultural and religious organizations in Canada (at
present Toronto has more than 50 such Hindu and Sikh organizations), in the United States,
and elsewhere, have led to the emergence of Indian enclaves that have served to promulgate
the cultural needs of the growing community (Nandan and Eames, 1980; Varrna, 1980) and
provide sizeable maniage pools. Conscious efforts are made by immigrant parents so that their
children participate in religious and cultural activities and use religion as a way of maintaining
their Indianness and arrange maniage within their own religious groups (see Saran and Eames,
1980 for details).
In an earlier study conducted among Indian immigrants (Gujaratis, Sikhs, Punjabis and
Bengalis) in Birmingham, Britain, Desai (1963) argues that since ritual purity is an important traditional consideration, sexual contact with an outsider was strongly opposed and therefore
most immigrants were found to avoid mixed marriages. The reasons for the strong opposition
could be the costs associated with such unions that could include rejection by the Indian
society, shame and guilt of having failed in their parental duties. The few mixed marriages in the area faced hostility £?om both the host and the immigrant communities.
Sandhu (n.d.) studying the perception of the East Indian parents regarding the
adjustment of their children in the Canadian society found that among the East Indian
immigrants in Nova Scotia almost 64 percent of the sample agreed with the idea that mamages
should be within one's own race. (These studies deal with attitudiial responses and not actual behavior.) Sandhu argues that these culturally diverse East Indians are in no hurry to emulate local society's traditions, and expect that their children will conform to the Indian values especially with respect to family and marriage. However one does observe conflict between 49 generations when it comes to the issue of dating members ofthe opposite sex. In a similar study conducted earfier on Indian immigrants in British Columbia, it was found that in a few instances the immigrants' children preferred to keep their inter-ethnic dates a secret to avoid parental disapproval (Srivastava, 1974). These differences between attitudes and behavior need to be further explored. Elaborating on the anxieties and concerns parents had with regard to dating and marriages based on fiee choice, Srivastava found that most parents appeared willing to relax their strictness and allow limited amount of fieedom to their children only within the f?amework of the arranged marriage system. Stressing the East Indian values and ideals, parents feared the loss of their children in the white Canadian society through intermamiage.
Since Indian women are considered to be the carriers of tradition one would expect mothers as compared to fathers to be more strict and vigilant with their daughters as compared to their sons. This issue will be addressed later in Chapter five.
A majority of parents doubted the hture stability and marital happiness of inter- religious and i~ter-cultural marriages, and feared losing links with their children (and grandchildren) who undergo such mixed rnamages (Kannan, 1972). Their perceptions of mixed marriages is based on a 'negative predisposition they hold about maniage practices in
Canada' (Sandhu, n-d.:1 1). Kannan while studying inter-racial marriages in London found that often religious similarity was a great force in 'eliciting parental co-operation in marriage'
(1972:60). Kannan's sample (N=100 including 60 East Indians) includes four Asian communities (Indians, Pakistanis, Bangladeshis, and Sri Lankans) f?om various caste and religious groups. It covered students (19), employed youngsters (9) and their available parents through interviews, schedules and group discussions. While the average stay in England for the young varied between 7- 16 years, those of the fathers was between 17-27 years. 1-223. Desired Personal Qualifications
While some of the second-generation overseas Indians follow much of the same traditional criteria of spousal selection (for example, divisions of caste, subcaste, religion, region, gotra) espoused by their parents, increased amount of attention is also being paid to the personal traits of the potential partners. In some cases parents are found to compare the horoscopes of the prospective partners, while in others more 'practical' enquiries concerning their education and financial status are also made (James, 1974:84). 'Beauty' is often defined in terms of the height and skin color and a 'moderately tall and fiir skinned boy or girl is regarded as an 'ideal" (James, 197434). And since dowry remains an invariable part of the marriage bargain, often the bride's family's financial status is also an important consideration (James,
1974). When the elders arrange such marriages, the objective is that the two families are sociocuIturally and economically well matched.
Smith (1959) observed that among the East Indians of British Guyana a young man, provided he had no romantic involvement, would usually agree with his parents in considering the social standing of the bride's family, their wealth and religion, along with the physical attractiveness and personal charms of the bride herself.
The increasing emphasis accorded to the personal assets of the potential spouses and the growing concerns regarding their compatibility has not only made the marriage system more flexible (Bhachu, 1985:79) among the East &can Indians in Britain but has also increased the importance placed on the personal attributes of the potential mates. The emerging important characteristics of the grooms include their earning potential, education, and social manner which, Bhachu stresses, often far outweigh their family ancestry and its current position
(1985:84). While a groom is not expected to be necessarily handsome, in case of the bride, a greater emphasis is placed on her personal attributes (Bhachu, 1985:83). According to Bhachu
(1985) and Chekki (1988) spousal selection in the UK is increasingly becoming more 'couple- oriented'. This shiq towards greater attention being paid to the personal traits of the brides and grooms, Bhachu argues, is indicative of a shift f?om marriages being traditionally a match between two families to a more individualistic 'Western' notion, wherein marriages are considered a union between two individuals.
In sum, modifications appear to have taken place in the seiection of marriage partners amongst the second and third-generation of Indians settled in the UK. In the LJK, an increasing tendency of moving into nuclear residences, immediately or soon after marriage, contributes to the increased emphasis being accorded to the individual characteristics (Bhachu, 1985:98). This also supports an earlier view expressed by Smith and Jayawardena (1959) studying East
Indians in British Guyana. According to them, 'As soon as one approaches a stage where primary emphasis is placed upon the nuclear fdyrather than an extended kinship unit.. .it seems likely that one will have to know more about the individual qualities of the intended spouse and therefore will be more likely to choose someone close at hand'.
A majority of immigrant parents, subject to pressure from their own elders and iun, make conscious attempts to maintain the Indian way of life at home and especially at the the of marriage. When it comes to the maniage of their children these parents are found to make all efforts to follow the rules.
One of the popular methods of marriage, among Indians overseas, has been the importation of a spouse from India (Bdard, 1990; James, 1974). The importation of brides is often preferred by parents for their foreign-born or educated sons mainly for two reasons
(James, 1974:84-85). Most of them believe, according to James, that girts brought up in England will be 'rebellious and discontented wives' and, as they have grown up in nuclear fdes, will be 'less willing to share in family duties' (1 974:84). Another reason cited for the importation of brides is the desire to maintain religious and social traditions so as to oEset the
Westernized character of their British-reared sons (James, 197435). Similar findings were reported in a study conducted by Ballard among Sikhs in England who preferred to find a wife/daughter-in-law f?om a village in Punjab. According to them such females would be
'uninnuenced' by the British-ways, would be more modesf obedient and would work hard and rear their children properly (1 978: 188).
James (1974) found that some of the Sikh girls in Britain also fhed tremendous parental pressure to return to India and marry Indian boys selected by their parents. A growing realization that such marriages are often not compatible has led to a generational conflict where most parents increasingly face strong opposition Eom their children (BalIard, 1990:242).
A few studies have shown that apart from the ritual elaboration and value systems, issues Like premarital virginity still continue to play a role in selection of rnaniage partners.
1.23. Pre-Marital Virginity and Age at Marriage
Cultural ideals and traditional upbringing among East Indians tend to reinforce gender distinctions among children, who grow up aware of the gender-specific behavior expected of them. The greatest cultural differences in values and attitudes, among the Indians, according to
Ghosh (1983), touch a sensitive area of the relationship between males and females. Ghosh, as many others, indicates that definitely there are ditferent standards for females and that female honor and chastity still continue to be a great concern for most East Indian parents. While dating of girls is a matter of concern and anxiety for most parents, the same is not true for boys.
The importance of chastity is stressed to girls before puberty. Vugin brides are still sought in marriages. These "moral virtues" are imposed on women through anecdotes, stories and verses. Girls are expected to follow these codes of behavior since the family's izzat (honor) is dependent on them. 'To uphold her fatheis honour and family standing is a daughteis greatest religion' (Shan, 1985:24). Parents in most instances are worried about their daughter's behavior and make efforts to hide instances of pre-marital intercourse fiom members outside their immediate family. Parents of the groom, on the other hand, make all efforts to find out of any such incidents concerning the potentid brides.
A Saskatoon study, that assessed Indian and Pakistani parental attitudes towards dating and marriage of their children, found that parents are willing to grant more fieedom to their sons than to their daughters (Siddique, 1983; also see Ballard and Ballard, 1977 in Britain;
Kurian and Ghosh, 1983 in Canada;). Ballard and Ballard studying young Sikhs (in their 20s) in
Britain found that while parents may turn a blind eye to their son's behavior, they tend to get more 'strict' and 'conservative' with their daughters (197744). Because female chastity is vital to a family's honor, girls rather than boys face more restrictions &om their parents. However even though chastity is considered the ideal, one does hear of stray incidents of loss of virginity
(see Jacobsos 1977). In such cases, the girls do get married without disclosing such incidents to their husbands or even their own families.
However, since the younger generation spends a great deal of time outside home, in school, and in the job market, parents are often unable to place traditional restrictions on their unmarried children, especially adult daughters. And although these parents are worried about the reputation of their daughter they are also 'reluctant to restrict her lest they hinder her progress' (Jayawardena, 1968146). Thus, although these girls are granted 'restricted' fieedom to pursue education and careers, premarital intercourse remains forbidden. 1-23 1. Dating and Courtship
Traditional practices, such as early maniage, age and sex hierarchy, sex segregation, female cloistering, purdah, and chaperoning (Mintum, 1993) among others, provide a background for 'typical' arranged marriages. In the traditional system the young people were not granted any fieedorn in the choice of their marriage partner who was often selected by the family elders. Most often., members of the couple saw either a picture of each other or would meet in the presence of other close relatives (Bhachu, l985:8 8-89). Some of them if they were lucky, were left alone unchaperoned for some time to talk to each other. Courtship and dating were socially unacceptable within the Indian concept of marriage.
Although a majority of marriages among the overseas Indians are still arranged by their elders the pressures of Westernization are evident in areas such as the association of the young with members of the opposite sex, and attitudes toward dating and courtship.
One of the commonly cited intergenerational problems concerns dating and courtship among young adults. While dating is both an unfamiliar and an improper concept among the older generations, it is found to be quite popular and normal among the adolescents and young adults who have grown up in a more western environment (Buchignani, 1983:82).
Intergenerational conflicts are seen to arise especially in families where parents see a 'sharp contrast' between the 'Western' values and their 'back-home' values (Walul, Siddique and
Wak& 198 1:934).
Conflicts and hstrations arise especially when children expect their parents to operate within a 'Canadian' mode with respect to how they 'exercise authority' (Buchignani, 1983:82).
On the other hand, parents are worried about the 'Canadianization' of their children. A majority of the Fijian-Indian parents in Canada, Buchignani argues, attempt to control their children in ways which are felt to be inappropriate by their Canadian-born and brought up peers. The mdy indicates that there is considerable pressure Eom parents for both daughters and sons to marry a Fijian-Indian, because it is generally achowledged that cross-cultural d8cuities are minimized in such unions.
A number of other studies also provide evidence of a very distinct 'dual morality'
(Bdard, 1972-73 :23) that exists when it comes to the issue of relationship with the opposite sex for young girls and boys (Buchignani, 1983; James, 1974; Siddique, 1983). Buchignani
(1983) argues that while most Fijian-Indian parents in Canada feel a great deal of uneasiness with respect to the process of westernization of their children, they are strongly against allowing their adolescent daughters to date, especially with boys outside their own community.
In addition, there is a strong pressure on these children to many individuals fiom Fiji.
In another Canadian study among 50 fitmilies (38 East Indian and 12 Pakistani) that assesses parental attitudes towards dating, almost two-third of the younger respondents felt that the Canadian youth had 'too much' freedom as compared to them (Siddique, 1983:1 17).
The study found that most parents tend to maintain their sex differentiated attitudes especially when it came to their children's choice of Wends and in dating and marriage (also see Kurian and Ghosh, 1983). In a number of these families, both mothers and fathers were willing to grant more fkeedom to boys than girls (also see Kurian, 1986).
James (1974) studying Sikh children in Britain over a period of time (through participant observation within homes, at meetings and functions of various Indian associations during the 1960s) found that, although immigrant parents sympathized with the aspirations of their foreign-born or brought-up children for the 'freedom' enjoyed by their Western counterparts, they subject their children to traditional and familial pressures and were suspicious and apprehensive about their dating, especially in case of their daughters.
Kurian's (1974) study in Alberta, conducted among the children of immigrants fiom
India, found that of the 90 respondents, while 28 mothers and 25 fathers felt that children
should be allowed to meet with the opposite sex 'under supervision', only 3 mothers and 4
fathers did not recommend supervision. In another Canadian study Kurian and Ghosh (1983)
argue that dating often becomes a very sensitive issue for Indian parents, more so for parents of
a daughter. Data collected d-wing 1972-73 on a sample of Indian and Pakistani families, who
had migrated to Canada about 15 years ago, also shows that, while parents are willing to
accept dating to a certain extent, willingly or not, they retained a major say in the find decision
of mamiage of their children (Siddique, 1983). In general, while most of the foreign-reared
young adults see dating and courtship as socially acceptable and as part of the host society,
their parents continue to view dating and 'romantic love' with great 'alarm' and 'horror'
(Wakil, Siddique, Wakil, 198 1 :939).
1.24. Ceremonies and Rituds
Despite their absence fiom India, and having reared their children in an alien
environment, a majority of the overseas Indians appear to have maintained some of their
fbndamental traditions, more so in terms of ritual elaboration and value systems, related to
marriage (Bhachu, 1985; Michaelson, 1979; Saran, 1985; Shah, 1979).
Marriages overseas are essentially performed in the religious traditional style (Kman,
1972; Nevadomsky, 1980; Saran., 1985) marked by lavish and ostentatious ceremonies along with gift exchanges. Recent growth in the number of Indian cultural and religious organizations, temples, persistence of Indian food, Bombay films and music, ethnic dresses and extravagant public display at traditional weddings, among overseas Indians in rural Trinidad, 57 seems to have largely resisted the external pressures of change (NeMdomslq, 1980:44).
According to Nevadomsky, the most conspicuous feature of a 'retained Indian culture' is the traditional wedding ceremony although it is argued even these have witnessed some transformation (1980:48). The following section discusses some of these aspects and the continuity and changes occurring among Indians settled abroad.
1-241. Hypergamy: The Asymmetrical Relationship
A shift in the mate selection system along with other social and economic developments in the 'foreign' society has had other implications on the relationships between the families that enter into marriage. According to Nevadomsky (1981) for young people in
Trinidad, most nuptial ceremonies have become more-or-less meaningless and have few finctional links to the larger social structure. While hmyadhyz is no assurance of a bride's virginity? hypergamy is less evident. In another study among the East &can Sikh immigrants settled in Britain, Bhachu (1985) found that in only eight out of 23 weddings, the barat or the groom's fdyand kin, were allowed to have food first on properly laid out tables, before the bride-givers' guests.
Although the traditional ceremonies denote the asymmetrical relationship between the bride-givers and bride-takers, the 'emerging equivalence of status' is evident in features like bridal gifts, bridal showers, and so on (Nevadomsky, 1981). It is also hypothesized that a
Western educated person would tend to emphasize marital companionship and equality, rather than the inequality that arises by virtue of North Indian marriage. Because of the increased educational opportunities, a female may enter marriage without disparities between herself and her spouse resulting in a decline of inequality and deference between the bride-givers and bride- takers (Nevadomsky, 1980).
1.242. Kiwyzh and Dowry
According to some studies, lhnyh(the gift of the virgin), is no longer an assurance of female virginity, because of the rising ages at marriage and the increasing freedom of movement of females (also see Nevadomsky, 1981). The study argues that factors such as higher levels of education, and increase in female labor force participation make it virtually impossible for a father to cem the bride's chastity. Parents are unable to con~uously chaperone daughters who go to school and work However, the concept of social control of females designed to uphold the fdyhonor, still continues to pervade the East Indian social structure (Ghosh, 198 1).
Studies have shown that dowries still continue to be given and accepted (Ballard, 1990;
Bhachu, 1985). Bhachu found that although no demands or negotiations are made for a particular kind of daaj (dowry) by the groom's side among the migrant East AfEcan Indians settled in Britain, expectations for dowry still persist and all of the 23 marriages that were studied were found to be accompanied by a daaj. Conditions in the WK, which include regular contact with direct migrants Eom India, have resulted in reinforcement of certain traditional values, including the escalation of the dowry system, similar to that existing in parts of northern
India. Marriages without a daaj are considered a bad reflection on the honor of the familes
(Bhachu, 1985: 133). The study also shows that although cash payments form a relatively minor part of the dzq, the aEnal gifts include gold and clothes. On the other hand, there are studies that show that money payments based on the groom's personal prestige and general family status continue to be common among certain Indian caste groups (Pocock, 1972:3; Van der
Veeq 1972:3 9). Another diierence observed over a period of time pertains to the nature of control over dowry items. Earlier, the mother-in-law had control over her daughter-in-laws' dowry items, like gold and other household goods, which she could retain or redistribute as she pleased (Bhachu, 1985; 106). However, daaj given at the time of marriage among these East
African Indian migrants in Britain clearly differentiates between the bride's own gifts and those to be distributed to the aftines. This shift in the power structure from that of the mother-in-law to that of the daughter-in-law has been partly linked to the earning power of the brides
(Bhachu, 1985: 134) and to the establishment of a neolocal residence immediately or soon after marriage (1985: 165). Bhachu argues that this shift in control is also related to the East African
Indian emigrants' families becoming more 'couple-oriented' as opposed to 'kinship-group oriented' (1985: 135).
1.243. Wedding ceremonies
Most Indians settled abroad continue to maintain their customary fonns of marriage solemnization (Mensb 1987 in the UK). Menski argues that for most communities the Hindu form of marriage solemnization is far more crucial than the English one. However, rituals are found to be shorter and less complicated (Menski, 1987). The priests, according to Menski, are not only under pressure to shorten the rituals and abandon the peripheral ones, they are also asked to perform them on days which may or may not be considered auspicious. In Britain, since weekends are the most convenient time for marriages, fdesoften insist on having the marriages done on these days (also see Bhachu, 1985). Bhachy while highlighting the ritual elaboration of marriage practices among the East African Sikh settlers in Britain, also reports a shift in the nature of ceremonies, f?om being simple, during 1960s and 1WOs, to the more elaborate ones during late 1970s. The vivah or marriage, according to Bhachu, has become an expensive event. In addition the present day marriages, according to Bhachu, are not only characterized by the reestablishment of some of the traditional rituals but also by the addition of new ones, such as the Western style dinners and receptions and bridal showers (for the latter see Jayawardena, 1980).
1-3. Theoretical Approach
Besides relying on the ideal marriage system and its rituals as given in the epics, the present research also extensively uses various studies and indigenous theories that have developed over time relating to issues like kanyah, hypergamy, and dowry, which are peculiar to the North Indian marriage system. The research proposes to discuss the results using the Exchange and Bargaining perspective of McCall (1966) and the Choice and Exchange theory of Nye (1979) to examine trends in the marital behavior between that of the migrants' and the nonmigrants' children and across two generations.
McCall's (1966) description of the traditional patterns of bargaining and exchange in courtship practices between the kin groups or parents of the two young persons appears to be applicable to the traditional Indian pattern of mate selection. The parents, who are the main decision-makers, decide who the eligible spouses are, and they strike marriage bargains on the basis of the parents' place in the social stratification system, based on caste, religion, subcaste and their gotra categories.
According to McCall (1966), who sees a general evolution in all cultures horn arranged to fkee-choice marriages, there are three historical patterns of courtship- the traditional, where the exchange and bargaining is between kin groups or parents of the couples; the intermediary pattern, where the kin group does not have complete authority in mate selection, but neither is it powerless, with the young also being involved in the selection process; and the contemporary arrangement, that involves the decision of the two young people, where the kin group appears to have lost much of its power as an agent of mate selection (also see Scanzoni, 1972;Farber, 1964).
According to this perspective, each pattern of mate selection involves distinct types of bargains and courtship practices. Although it allows for courtship it places certain restrictions on self-choice (McCalI, 1966) based on class, income, education, racial and religious background (Berger, 1963). In McCall's terms, the North Indian families under study are in the process of shifting from the 'traditional' to the 'intermediate' courtship patterns. Finally, although McCall's contemporary pattern tends to exclude both sets of parents as active bargaining agents, it includes parents as important consultants in the marriage choice.
According to the Choice and Exchange theory (Nye, 1979), human beings while making choices fiom the alternatives available to them tend to reduce their costs and maximize their profits. The theory predicts that, if an individual or group has better alternatives available that offer better 'reward-cost outcome^'^ the individual or group will leave the present option and accept the alternative one. However, since the individual is a part of a group and a major change in values or behavior is likely to affect the outcomes of other members of the group, the individual may decide to forego an alternative if it involves great loss for other members. One could argue then that the greater the institutional support for sexual permissiveness and self-choice marriages (as in the case of North America) the lower the costs of premarital sexuality and mutual-choice marriages.
Nye (1 979) argues that the theory, while dealing with the family, must incorporate the prevailing norms along with the costs and rewards. According to Lee (1979),
in extended family system, marriage is a means of recruiting new adult members to existing findies. The decision as to whom to recruit is thus a fimdial rather than a personal decision, [which] is based on the perceived best interests of the kily as a whole." (In con-) "In conjugai fiuniiy systems with neoiocd residence marriage constitutes the formation of a new Mywhich has an identity independent of the spouses' respective Mesof orientation. (p.28).
Nye (1 979) restates this in terms of the Choice and Exchange theory propositions:
The greater the anticipated economic and social interdependence of the conjugal pair and their knilies of orientation, the greater [the] control exercised by the fhmily of orientation over the choice of spouse. (p.28).
The exchange proposed here is essentially multilayared between the younger and older generation as well as between the kin of the bride and the groom. Following the traditional norms and values makes the whole system of north Indian marriage work.
Although giving of a daughter provides low status, the north Indian marriage system continues to operate in the traditional manner essentially because of lack of alternatives and because the bride's family gains by the avoidance of costs (guilt, loss of face, daughters remaining unmarried) associated with alternative behavior. Even though there is an unequal exchange the East Indian society attempts to enforce 'distributive justice' norms by rewarding those who follow them (Ridgeway, 1983). Approval and disapproval are the rewards and costs in themselves. And since social approval of those whose opinions we value is of crucial importance (Blau, 1964), correspondence between the behavior, values, and beliefs of parents and those of their children wiU be greater where parents tend to reward behavior they approve and sanction behavior they disapprove (Nye, 1979). In a changing society, Nye (1 979) argues,
the milieu changes, affecting the rewards and costs of behavioral alternatives. The solution of previous generation, while relevant, may be relatively inefficient [for the younger generation], leading to choices at variance with parental experiences and preferences. (p .33).
As a result, choices which were once 'prohibited', may become 'permissible' and although parents may continue to reward many of these choices, whether children 'respond', either voluntarily or because of pressure depends on various individual and familial factors that act as additional rewards and costs.
In India since marriages have been vital to the maintenance of an individual's and family's status, honor and social mobility, marital choices and preferences have been limited within well-defined structural boundaries. The Nonh Indian marriage alliance is symbolized by 'kanyadan' (the gift of the virgin) and by the payment of dowry by the bride-givers to the bride-takers. Marriage not only marks the beginning of an alliance between the two families but also establishes an asymmetrical relationship between them that results in the hture one-sided gift exchanges. It also involves offerings of respect and deference fiom the wife-givers to the wife-takers. However, this unilaterdity and absence of reciprocation raises questions with regard to Mauss interpretation of gift-giving.
According to Mauss (1954), the exchange of gifts (and services) in simpler societies are "given and repaid under obligation.. .[and] what they exchange is not exclusively goods and wealth, put also include] courtesies, entertainments, ritual.. .women..." @p. 1-3). While Mauss basic principle of @-giving involves giving, accepting and returning, the North Indian marriage system includes a unilateral flow of gifts fiom the brides, family to that of the grooms'. Also while gift-giving, according to
Mauss, is associated with enhancing one's status, Indian Brahmanical literature conceives
of dan as being given to a superior.
Blau (1964) argues that the exchange of gifts and se~cesin such societies serves
to "create bonds of friendship" and to "produce and fortify st2tus differences between
superiors and inferiors" (p.106). The claim for status differences, Blau argues, is
essentially, due to the "institutionalized sigruficance of one sided gifts" @. 108) and the values and norms that prevail in the society which are perpetuated ftom generation to generation, although with some modification. According to Blau (1964), the moral standards that exist are 'socially enforced' and often "discourage conduct that violates the basic values and interests of the collectivity by changing the rewards and costs of such conduct relative to alternatives".
In other words if the moral and cultural standards demand that the young generation undergo parentally arranged marriages or at least seek parental approval in selecting their marital partners, then non-conformity to these standards is likely to entail social and familial disapproval and a low credit rating (also see Blau, 1964; Nye, 1979).
Lack of alternatives and avoidance of costs, such as social disapproval, shame and loss of face associated with such self-choice marriages, deter members, especially parents from approving such unions in the North Indian situation.
In recent years with an increasing investment by parents in female education there appears to be a lesser pressure on parents to meet the demands for dowry (Mehta, 1970).
Although all 50 women respondents in Mehta's study were against the dowry system, they felt that demands for dowry were on the increase, at all levels of society. However, a number of them according to Mehta agreed that as inter-caste and inter-provincial marriages increase dowry would lose its significance, since in such marriages, ''individual selection would play a greater role" (p. 134).
For this study, we draw the concept of an ideal Hindu marriage £?om various
Indian epics (written between the 4th century BC and 11th century AD) that interpret marriage as a set of nonnative rules and prescriptions. Although few actually follow this ideal structure in all details, these epics, Harlan and Courtright (1995) argue, provide a usefbl avenue for understanding the realities and norms associated with marriage. An important part of understanding the mate selection process is the moral, familial, and/or social pressure and the coercion applied by the family and extended kin group to conform to some of the existing marital ideologies and beliefs associated with religion, caste, region, family and lineage.
Sociologists studying Indians, in India and abroad, in the last few years have widely focused on their marriage patterns and wedding rituals and practices. While most studies either discuss the trends in mate selection procedures, or other aspects of marriage such as dowry, very few, if any, focus on the generational change across two diverse geographical areas. The present study intends to make a start in that direction by interviewing two generations of families in Toronto and Delhi. This study permits us, although on a very small scale, to investigate some interrelations of the variables that have been discussed in this chapter. By studying the marriages of both sons and daughters of couples who migrated to Canada fiom India and by comparing the marriages of the older and younger generation in detail, along with an investigation into the opinions of the two 66 generations on culturally-based ideological statements, the study allows us to investigate the above issues within a common framework. In order to isolate the consequences of immigration, the study is replicated in India on a comparable sample of Delhi families. In the next chapter, we will consider the study design to be used. Chapter 2. Research Design
Objectives of the Study
The present study attempts to explore changes in marital behavior between recently married children of migrants and nonmigrants and among the two consecutive generations, the parents and their recently married children. Migration of the first generation into North America along with their infants or school-age children exposed them, and particularly their children, to a completely different socio-economic environment in the form of schools, peers and mass media as opposed to the nonrnigrants, whose children grew up in India. Thornton et al., (1994) in their study found that,
changes in attitudes toward marriage and childbearing cannot influence the marriage and childbearing behavior of those who have already gone through the first decades of the life course, but can have considerable influence on young people who are making decisions about marriage and childbearing (p. 1 F 5)
The question of marriage is just one aspect of the changing relations between the parents and children (see Buchignani et al., 1985). According to Buchignani and others (1985), how the dilemma is resolved is an individual family question. They argue that cultural retention is higher where family "efforts are backed up by strong community institutions" @. 162).
2.1. Subgroups of Interest
The research studies changes in the marital patterns across the two generations in two cities and between the two sexes, comprising of eight subgroups (given below) in all. Toronto is chosen as a representative city because not only is it one of the North
American cities that has a large concentration of East Indians (about 175,000 persons in the 199 1 census) but also because Toronto has a sizeable second generation of Indo-
Canadians in their marriageable ages. Delhi is chosen as a comparable north Indian city because it is a metropolitan city in north India and also to avoid assuming that the generational differences among North Indians in Toronto are necessarily caused by the immigration experience.
During the first phase of the survey a sample of Indo-Canadians, the middle- aged parents (the first-generation immigrants, T 1) and their young-adult children (the second-generation, T2) were interviewed; for the second phase a comparable group of similar families residing in Delhi, the nonmigrants, were selected (Dl and D2). To investigate trends in the mate selection patterns, information was gathered about the age and process of entry into marriage, and the preferences of the two marriage cohorts. It also focused on the extent to which change and continuity in the nuptial patterns vary by residence and across the cohorts.
Since the study focuses on the differences across generations, and across migrants and non-migrants and by sex, the sample includes-the parental and second- generation, members of both sexes and members of both migrant and non-migrant families. In order to keep the time and financial costs within limits and to make sure that I had enough cases of each type, the sample was restricted to 112 respondents in
56 families (Table 2.1). Table 2.1. Sample distribution by sex, generation and geographical location Generation Toronto Toronto Delhi Delhi Total Males (N) Females Males 0 Females (N) (N) I Parents 14 14 14 14 56 II Children 14 14 14 14 56 Total 28 28 28 28 112
2.2. Research Design and Methods
A purposive multi-stage sampling design was employed to select respondents for the face-to-face interviews. For the Toronto interviews, a sample of target families was screened from the 'Xast West Connections Community Phonebook". The telephone screening process identified families that migrated fiom the northern parts of
India, were HinduiSikh, that had an evermarried first-generation (in a few cases the spouse was deceased) and a recently (in the last ten years) mamed second-generation, son or daughter, residing in or around Toronto. The first telephone contact was made using the random number tables to identify households in the Community Phonebook.
A total of 150 telephone calls were made to determine the eligibility of the families.
Each contact made on the phone was screened based on the above criteria, and each family or person contacted on the phone was asked for names and telephone numbers of families that satisfied the above mentioned screening criteria. From each contact made over the phone a maximum of five achieved interviews were conducted. Once the families satisfied the eligibility criteria, efforts were made to obtain their consent for an interview. After that the next family was identified fiorn the Phonebook based on the random number tables and so on. Despite satisfying the eligibility conditions in two cases when I approached these parents, whose children had married outside the community, I was rehsed an interview. In one case the father, who was an active member of a religious and cultural organization, denied that his son was married and refbsed to talk about the issue. A total of 28 families were screened through telephone interviews and the "snowball sampling technique". From each family one informant each fiom the first-generation and one from the second-generation were interviewed making a total of 56 respondents in Toronto. In each case the parent and child were interviewed separately and in private. In other words the sampling was as follows:
From each household two persons were interviewed, one member of either sex for the first-generation and a person of either sex £?om the second-generation. This was done within a specific quota, such that the end result was the same number (7) of mother-son pairs as the mother-daughter, father-son and father-daughter pairs, making a total of 28 pairs (56 people) in Toronto (see Table 2.2 for details).
During the second phase of the fieldwork conducted in Delhi, the above procedure was repeated on a face-to-face basis. A total of an additional 28 families
(comparable to those interviewed in Toronto in terms of ages of parents, socio- economic status, religion, region, and caste groups) was selected from an area in Delhi by going house to house in a neighborhood selected with advice from local informants.
Of the 50 households visited, 35 satisfied the selection procedure. Out of the 35 eligible families in Delhi, four could not participate. In three families the younger generation informants lived outside Delhi and in the fourth family the father rehsed to participate. The neighbors told me later that one of his daughters had recently gone through an abusive relationship, which had caused problems in the family. Thus a total
of 28 dyads with 56 respondents in each of the two cities of Toronto and Delhi were
selected for the study, making a total of 112 respondents.
Table 2.2. Description of sampled dyads for Toronto sample
An intewiew questionnaire with closed ended questions was administered by me personally to these 112 informants. It included questions on various aspects of marriage, such as the spouse selection procedures, opinions on arranged and love marriages, traits desirable in potential partners, and opinions on issues like virginity, dating, and dowry (see Questionnaire in Appendix A). Responses obtained £?om the first-generation served as the initial (starting) point for the purpose of discussion and comparisons were made with those of the second generation, to obtain information on changes over the two-generation period. This does not imply that parents were interviewed first. In fact interviews were conducted depending on the availability of the first or second-generation respondents. The interviews lasted between 90- 150 minutes.
In addition, in order to decipher the meanings underlying the marital process and the negotiations surrounding marriage, a few respondents, if they agreed, were asked to elaborate on specific issues like changes observed in marriage over time, endogamy/exogamy, dating, dowry and so on. In such cases the interviews were
flexible and detailed discussions were encouraged in response to any insights or
indications arising during the course of the interview from respondents. Since the
research depended heavily on discussions to provide insights as to the changes
occumng in the behavior and perceptions relating to the institution of marriage,
interviews were conducted by me at a place convenient for the respondents, in the
privacy of their homes or elsewhere as desired.
The interviews were conducted in the language of choice of the respondent in
English, Hindi, or Punjabi. Since a majority of the first-generation are more
comfortable in speaking in Hindi or Punjabi, most of the discussions were done in
these languages. Discussions with the second-generation were held in English (in
Toronto and some in Delhi) and some in Hindi or Punjabi (in Delhi) since most of the
respondents in Toronto, though exposed to non-English languages, are less conversant
in Hindi or Punjabi. However, certain cultural specific terms and concepts used in
Hindi or Punjabi were identified in those languages since their English translations do
not convey the same attached feelings and values. Jackson and Nesbitt (1993:190)
while studying Hindu children in Britain argue that,
Regardless of their proficiency in English and their fhily's mother tongue, the children found it easier to express themselves, ... in English sentences studded with lndic nouns ...More often it wasbecause no equivalent existed.
They firther note that it is easier to express cultural concepts in the concerned language, since it becomes difficult to translate it in another "language shaped by a culture in which these play no party' @. 190). One needs to observe that although there is a lot of diversity within North India in terms of class and rural-urban divisions, the present research essentially includes middle class, educated urban families, who expressed their willingness to participate.
Although the thesis makes no generalizations of the changes and continuities within the
North Indian marriage system, it makes an important contribution by studying these families and how they practise their ideology relating to marriage.
The study explores changes in the marriage patterns using both qualitative and quantitative data. The data was appropriately coded and analyzed using the SPSS package. Besides including cross-tabulations, percentages for all closed format items will be made by sex, generation and geographical locations. The qualitative data generated here provides a usefid source for understanding the structural and ideological conditions and the existing values and norms that reinforce or bring about changes in various aspects of marital behavior.
For the analysis, I compare the trends in the organization patterns of spousal choice, premarital behavior, qualities preferred in a spouse, premarital virginity, dating and wedding ceremonies across the two generations and geographical areas. Besides including the cross tabulations by sex and by generation for both the Toronto and Delhi samples the analysis also includes some results based on the paired t-test and the
General Linear Models (GLM) Repeated Measures available in the SPSS package
(wherever applicable). For the paired sample t-test, each case is comprised of the pairs or dyads interviewed from the same household. For this the first and second-generation files for
Toronto were merged using a common identifier variable (serial #) so that the response for each first-generation and its matched second-generation subject within the same family were contained as one case in the data file. A similar procedure was followed for the Delhi sample. Once this was done the new file contained 56 such cases each having the first and second-generation member's scores entered as one case.
Since the unit of analysis was a dyad comprising of one member each fkom the f~st(parental) and second (child/younger) generation within the same family/household the paired t-test was used instead of the simple t-test to compare the means of the two variables, in this case between the scores of members of the two generations of the same household.
In order to test for the effects of residence, sex and generation for each of the dependent variables the General Linear Model Repeated Measures was used. Each
SPSS case comprised of the household which had the 'repeated measures' of the older generation member's scores on a dependent variable and the younger generation member's score on the same variable. These pairs of variables are the "within household" variable. The "between household" factors include location
(TorontolDelhi), sex of older generation member and sex of younger generation member. Since the cell frequencies were much too small to test higher order interactions the arguments were restricted to the main effects for the within household factor (generation) and only the first order interactions were used for the study. Care was also taken to note any significant interaction terms between the within subject factor (differences between generations) and residence. These values, if significant, provided a prima facie evidence of differences in the generational relations between the migrants and the nonrnigrants. Given the equal number of cases in each cell of the overall design and given also that the generational contrast is a "within" factor while other contrasts are "between" factors, it is worth mentioning that the generational contrast is always tested with a more powefil test than other factors.
Table 2.3 lists some of the dependent variables and the sections in the questionnaire (see Appendix A for details) that were used to operationalize them in order to understand the changes and continuities prevalent in the North Indian marriage system. In other words the list includes variables along with the Sections (in alphabets) and Item numbers of the questions that were used to understand and assist in the present research. Questions dealing with attitudes of respondents to marriage, arranged and love marriages in Section C. 7-1 1 were rated on a Likert scale. However during the analysis and writing we realized that these questions could have been asked in a different way. For example, in Question C. 7 the respondents could have been asked to use ranks rather than the five point Likert scale. Table 2.3. List of variables and items used for their operationalization
3LILII' Dependent Variables Section and item in questionnaire Process of mate selection C ActuaI choice of mate C. 1 Introduction to mate C. 2 First meeting with mate C. 3 Social stratification of mate C. 4 Mechanisms employed in search C. 5 Personal qualifications desired E Types of attributes desired E. 2 Imp. of familiaVpersona1 qualities E. 3 Qualities desired in child's mate Attitudes to marriage, and arranged and love &ages Premarital behavior Concerns on dating Premarital behavior Weddings Type of ceremony Attire and behavior Dowry- prevalence - control Kanyadan and bidai
The following subsection also presents some other social and demographic background variables that we need to interpret the results of our study, such as education, family type, caste, religion, occupational status, and the respondents experience of premarital work. 2.3. Sociodernographic Profile of Sample
The following subsection presents a profile of the socioeconomic, demographic and religious characteristics of the individuals and families included in the present study. The characteristics considered are the current age of the respondents, education, occupation, fertility, current family type, language mostly spoken at home, religious participation and their premarital work history. It also presents the religious and caste composition of the samples by sex, residence and generation.
The mean age of males in the Toronto first-generation at the time of interview was 58.3 0 years (range 44-71 years) while those of their wives was 53 -52 years (range
44-62 years) (Table 2.4). On an average the first-generation sampled in Delhi or Dl was slightly older than their counterparts sampled in Toronto. The mean age of the first-generation sampled in Delhi was 61.88 years (range 54-73 years) and those of their wives was 57.79 years (range 50-67 years), with the average age difference being
4.50 years (range 2-10 years). On an average the T1 males and females were married for 32.57 and 34.71 years. The mean duration of marriage for Dl males and females was 36.57 and 38.21 years.
Table 2.4. Age profile by sex for Toronto and Delhi's first-generation samples
-.. .. u.r*u '. ....P Age IFUP T 1 Males T 1 Females D 1 Males D 1 FemaIes in years % % % % GO 3.7 11.1 - - 50-54 7.1 57.1 3.6 25 .O 55-59 53 -6 14.3 2 1.4 35.7 60+ 32.1 14.3 67.9 39.3 Dead 3.6 3.6 7.1 The mean age of males sampled for Toronto's second-generation or T2 sample was 30.96 years (range 27-38 years) and that of their wives was 27.96 years (range 23-
36 years). While the T2 males and females were married for 3.71 and 4.36 years, the
D2 males and females had been married for 4.21 and 5.5 years.
Table 2.5. Age profile by sex for Toronto and Delhi's second-generation samples Age group T2 Males T2 Females D2 Males D2 Females in years % YO YO % .--_..__--.-._-..------.------....--.-...--.....--..-.~-..--.--..-----..-.---.-.----.--...-**---~*-- (30 46.4 71.4 28.6 60.7 30-34 39.3 25.0 53 -6 35.7 35-39 14.3 3 -6 17.9 3 -6
The males and females of the second-generation Delhi or D2 sample were also on an average slightly older than their counterparts in Toronto. The average age of males was 3 1.57 years (range 25-38 years) and that of females was 28.68 years (range
22-3 5 years) (Table 2.5).
On an average the older generation sample in Toronto had 2.71 children (1.29 males, 1.43 females) as compared to 3.29 (1.82 males, 1.46 females) for the Delhi sample. In this sample it seems lower fertility was a selective factor in immigration for the older generation. Data on the second-generation shows that while the T2 sample had on an average 0.79 children (0.32 males, 0.46 females), the D2 sample had 1-04 children (0.64 males, 0.39 females) within a marital duration of 4.04 and 4.89 years respectively. In terms of completed schooling, the data reveals a highly educated sample.
More than half Tl males had at Ieast a postgraduate degree as compared to only a few of their wives. A majority of the wives had an undergraduate degree, which according to some was a 'Matrimonial Degree' at the time they got married (Table2.6). (In other words the minimum degree required for most brides to get married in those days was at
Ieast a BA.)
Before we proceed to discuss the profile of the sampIe it is important to note that the sample is nonrepresentative. Since a majority of the respondents were educated professionals or white collar workers I cannot generalize how the results might relate to the less educated and occupationally less mobile sample of North Indians.
Table 2.6. Level of education by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples
Level of education TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % % Yo % Illiterate - D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males O? % % Illiterate 3.6 holding a higher degree were reversed for the younger women with 35.7% of females holding at least a postgraduate degree and 57% a BA The most noteworthy changes between the generations were found in the level of female education. A glance at the educational qualifications for the Delhi sample shows that a majority of the D 1 males had at least a postgraduate degree, in contrast to their wives among who only a tenth possessed similar qualifications. The second-generation samples of Delhi were also found to be highly educated. A large majority of both males and females possessed a postgraduate degree. Again, the changes were found to be more prominent when one compares the Delhi daughters with their mothers. According to many second-generation females an undergraduate degree was no longer considered a 'Matrimonial Degree' nor was it sufficient to get them a 'decent' job. In fact according to one of them, If a girl wanted to get married to a nice guy and into a nice fmily, her education was important ... .being a BA just wasn't enough. Times have changed and everyone wants an educated wife who can also earn a living since it's getting difficult to live on one salary. In keeping with the educational achievement, most of the respondents and their spouses were professionals. A majority of TI males worked as engineers, professors, teachers or accountants. In contrast a majority of their wives were homemakers, although some of them mentioned, during the interview, that they had worked previously to support their families on their arrival as new immigrants (Table 2.7). Table 2.7. Occupational distribution by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples -. Occupational T 1 Males TI Females T2 Wes T2 Fedes category % % YO % Homemaker 42.9 - 21.4 Unskilled 17.9 21.4 7.1 10.7 Professionals 46.4 25.0 53-6 39.3 SeMce\Selfempl 35.7 10.7 39.3 28.6 D 1 Wes D 1 Fedes D2 MaIes D2 Females % yo yo yo Homemaker 78.6 - 17.9 UnskiLled 7.1 3 -6 3 -6 Professionals 42.9 17.9 82.1 67.9 Service\Selfempl. 50 14.3 14.3 More than half (53.6%) of the second-generation males sampled in Toronto were professionals (doctors, engineers, accountants, teachers, professors and so on), followed by those in the service industry (39.3%) (in government or private offices, banks or self employed doing sales or small business owners). Again, when one looks at the occupational composition across the two generations, the changes appear to be worth mentioning, especially in case of females. There appears to have been a shift in the occupational pursuits over a generation. While a majority of females in the first- generation were homemakers, only 2 1.4% of the second-generation females said they were homemakers, a decline of about 50% over a generation period. More than three- quarter of females in the second-generation were employed. Of these, while 39.3% were skilled workers, another 28.6% were in the service industry (Table 2.7). These differences in occupational distribution could also be due to the stage-of-life of the first-generation females. A look at the Delhi samples reveals some interesting trends across the two generations. Half of the Dl males worked in the service industry and another 42.9% as professionals. In contrast, a sizeable majority (78.6%) of their wives were homemakers. However, when one compares across the two generations, there is a change in the occupational scenario. A very high percentage of both males (82.1%) and females (67.9%) in the second-generation Delhi sample were professionals, mostly doctors, accountants, teachers and professors. A very small per cent (17.9%) of the second-generation females interviewed said they were homemakers, a sizeable decline from the three-quarters in the same category in the first-generation (Table 2.7). This could be because the sample was highly educated. A look at the data on family type reveals that more than half (57.1%) of the families in the TI sample were nuclear in composition. In contrast, a majority (53.6%) of the sampled TZ families was of the joint type, with the couples living with husband's parents. For the Delhi sample, a majority of the families were of the joint type in both the Dl (64.3%) and D2 (57.1%) samples. One of the second-generation female respondents in Delhi argued that Now-a-days since both husband and wife work it is more convenient to live as joint families, especially if you have small children. (Translated) This could be one reason for the observed increase in the per cent of joint families over a generation in case of Toronto sample and for the continuance of the joint family norm in Delhi. The Toronto sample comprises of 75% Hindus and 25% Sikhs. Castewise, 75% of the respondents and their spouses were Kshatriyas, followed by 21 -4% of Brahmans and 3 -6% of Vaishyas. Table 2.8. Castewise distribution for respondents in Toronto and Delhi - Respondent's caste Toronto Delhi % (N=28) % (N=28) ------.--..*.-*--*---*------.---.---.------Brahman 21.4 28.6 Kshatriya 75.0 57.1 Vaishya 3 -6 No caste 14.3 The Delhi samples consisted of 64.3% of Hindus and 35.7% of Sikhs. In terms of caste, again a majority (57.1%) of the respondents and their spouses were Kshatriyas, followed by the Brahmans (28.6%). (Four Sikh families said they belonged to no caste) (Table 2.8). Interestingly, while all the T1 and T2 respondents were aware of their spouses' caste, only 89.3% of the Dl and D2 respondents had knowledge of them. This was not the case with regard to subcaste and gotras. While one-quarter of Tl respondents were not aware of their spouses' subcaste the percentage increased to 46.4% for the T2 sample. Surprisingly the change was not so dramatic in the Delhi sample- 21.4% of D 1 and 32.1% of D2 respondents said they were not aware of their spouse' subcaste. These percentages were even higher for those who were not aware of their spouse' gotras. The present data suggests a weakening of subdivisions of subcaste and gotras in the second-generation samples. Although a majority of the second-generation respondents said that at the time of marriage it was their parents and elders who were interested in matching the caste, subcaste and gotra categories, the second-generation seemed less interested in these subdivisions. The awareness of these subdivisions could also be related to the stage of life of the second-generation and it is possible that as the third- generation enters marriageable ages, the awareness of these second-generation respondents may increase. Participation in religious and community activities, in the form of regular visits to temples, offering prayers at home, participation in festivals, cultural events and rituals, along with the religious upbringing of children forms an important part of the immigrant parents family life. This religious and community-oriented upbringing appeared to be more pervasive in the TI sample. A very high per cent (71.4%) of the T1 respondents said that they took their children 'most often' to religious places as opposed to only 42.9% in the Dl sample. This question was not asked of the second- generation respondents since most often either they did not have children as yet or their children were too young. However they were asked whether they accompanied their parents to these places. Again, while one-quarter of the D2 respondents said that they accompanied their parents 'most often', a little over one-third (35.7%) did so in the T2 sample. Regarding participation in religious and community events, a sizeable majority (67.9%) of the T1 respondents reported that their participation in such activities had increased after having children as opposed to less than one-fifth (14.3%) who said the same in the D 1 sample. For a majority (78.6%) of the latter participation in such events remained the same even after having children. This continues from the argument made earlier that for those living in India perhaps religious upbringing remains a natural process as opposed to those who have migrated, who have to make special efforts to do the same. An examination of the second-generation data reveals that for a majority of T2 (64.3%) and D2 (75.0%) respondents participation in such activities remained the same. One of the reasons could be that since their children were small, mostly less than 10 years of age, this may not have been the right time to observe the change, if there was any. However, it would be interesting to study their participation patterns as their children grow older and reach their teens and beyond. A comparison of the T1 and T2 samples also reveals that a much higher per cent (96.4%) of the T1 respondents prayed daily (T2-35.7%). A similar pattern was also found in case of the Delhi samples. While 60.7% of the Dl respondents said that they prayed daily only one-quarter of the D2 respondents said so. The younger generation, in both Delhi and Toronto, said they prayed occasionally or on festivals/occasions. In terms of language most spoken at home, an equal per cent (46.4%) of respondents in the T1 sample spoke Hindi and Punjabi, while only 2 (7.1%) spoke Bengali. In contrast, for half of the T2 respondents English was the language in which they interacted at home, followed by Punjabi (32.1%) and Hindi (17.9%). In the Delhi sample a much higher per cent (64.3%) of the Dl respondents used Hindi as the main language at home followed by Punjabi (35.7%). The situation was found to be the same for the D2 sample also. Since early marriage has been an ideal and the prevalent norm, especially for females who were expected to leave their natal homes to serve and become a part of their conjugal homes, premarital work outside the home (in many cases even after marriage) was not very common, for the first-generation females. While 64.3% of the sampled T1 females said they did not work outside home before marriage, the situation was completely different in case of the T2 females. 78.6% of the second-generation females in Toronto said they had worked for an average of 15.09 months before marriage. Table 2.9. Duration of premarital work by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Premarital TI Males T1 Females T2 Mdes T2 Fedes work (mnths) YO YO YO % No work 7.1 64.3 - 2 1.4 <= 12 21.3 28.6 28.6 35.7 13+ 71.4 7.1 71.3 32.8 D 1 Mdes D 1 Females D2 Mdes D2 Females Yo Yo % Yo No work - 100.0 - 28.6 <= 12 14.3 - 21.4 35.7 13+ 85.7 - 78.6 35.7 In the case of the Delhi sample, none of the D 1 females had experience of any premarital work, and a sizeable majority (71.4%) of the D2 females had worked for an average of 14.40 months before they got married. The situation, however, did not change over a generation for the males in both geographical areas (Table 2.9). A similar contrast was also observed across generation by sex in the nature of account and control over earnings by the respondents. A look at the data on those who did some premarital work it was found that, while a majority of males in the T1 (69.2%) and D 1 (6 1.5%) samples gave all their earnings to their parents, only a few (28.6%in the T2 and 14.3% in the D2) did so in the second-generation. In case of the second-generation, a sizeable majority (42.9% in T2 and 85.7% in D2) of males said they gave only 'some of their earnings' to their parents. The situation is even more interesting when we observe the trends for females. For the Toronto sample of females who worked before mamage, 40% of the T1 sample reported that they 'gave all their earnings' to their parents, but none of the T2 females reportedly did so. In fact, while a majority (72.7%) of the T2 females said they gave only 'some of their earnings' to their parents, another 27.3% said they 'kept all of their earnings' (compared to 20% of T1 females who reported they 'kept all of their earnings'). For the Delhi sample, however, none of the D 1 females worked before marriage, while 71.4% of D2 females did so. Among those who worked in the D2 sample, a sizeable per cent (70.0%) of them 'gave all their earnings' to their parents, and the rest (30%) said they gave a part of their earnings to them. This suggests a selection bias in who immigrated. The sample shows that the more adventurous and independent TI females might have been more likely to immigrated as compared to the Dl females none of whom reported of any paid work before marriage. A look at the data on those who did some premarital work shows that, while only 38.5% of the T1 males had a separate account, more than three-quarters (78.6%) of the T2 males had one. Again, while more than half (53 -2%) of the D 1 males said they had a separate account, all the D2 male respondents had one. Again, while 53 -9% of T1 males and 40.0% of T1 females maintained a joint account with their parents, only 21.4% of the males and none of the females in the second-generation did so. Among the second-generation T2 and D2 females it was found that all the females who worked maintained a separate bank account. These trends indicate an increasing economic independence among the second-generation as compared to the first, Le., their parent generation. In this chapter we have discussed the research design used in the study. Besides including the objectives of the study, the chapter also includes in detail the sociodemographic profile of the sample, the method of selection, and the type of analysis used for the research. In the next chapter, we will turn our attention to the results of the study, starting with the process of entry into marriage. The next few pages discuss the shift, if any, in marital arrangements, how marriage decisions take place and the trends in the criteria used for the selection of mates for the Toronto and Delhi samples. Chapter 3. Process of Entry into Marriage 3.1. Arranged Marriages and Parental Control Broadly speaking, marriage is not only a critical rite and a beginning of the householder stage, but has been an important social (Abeille, 1974) and religious obligation too. For a man, marriage not only enhances his public roles, he is also under obligation to produce at least one son to carry on his name and give him 'mukti' (salvation), by lighting his funeral pyre. For a female, marriage has ideally and historically been the most significant and dramatic aspect in her life, taking her fiom her natal family into her conjugal family, a family of strangers with whom she will carry out the adult stage of her life. Since the family system in India is predominantly patrilineal in descent and patrilocal in residence, societal norms and traditions expect parents of children to see that their children, sons as well as daughters, marry and hlfil their social and religious obligations (see Rao and Rao, 1982). Although most of the Western classifications dichotomize marriage systems as either of the arranged or self-choice type, Malhotra (1991) argues that in practice these two types represent two extremes of a continuum. Individuals in most societies, according to Malhotra, marry within 'varying degrees of personal input somewhere between the two' (199 1:SO). The present chapter examines the forms of marriage arrangements and the various compromises or adjustments prevalent in contemporary Delhi and Toronto samples. It is a major finding of this study that parental involvement in mate selection appears to have declined between the two generations, in both the Toronto and the Delhi samples (Table 3.1). The paired sample t-test results for the variable 'mate selection' revealed significant differences between the two generations in both Toronto and Delhi samples at the pC.05 level. Interpreting the four categories are approximating an equal interval scale, the General Linear Model (GLM) results (explained in Chapter 2) show significant generational differences. A look at the data on mate selection distribution shows that while a majority of first-generation respondents' marriages were arranged solely by their parentdelders, fewer of the younger generation respondents had that kind of arrangement. A majority of the second-generation respondents said their parents found the match and asked for their consent before making a commitment. One of them (2.50) commented, ... My parents had short listed some boys, and asked me about it. We saw a few of these boys and although my parents decided on the finaI one, [i-e.,] my husband, they did ask me. There was nothing wrong.. .no way I could say no.. .well I had to have a good reason to say no.. .I guess I hadn't met anybody on my own.. .. According to another female respondent (2.53)' ... Parents select good equaI [simiIar] fgmilies [and so] the adjustment process is much easier. If you marry against their wishes it takes lifelong to somehow come to the same situation of understanding.. .. The sex-wise distribution of first-generation data shows that a sizeable majority of males' and all females' marriages were completely arranged by parents. In some cases the respondents observed that they only knew they were getting mamed and had no knowledge of their potential spouse. One female respondent (1-37) remarked, .. .When we got married, we had not seen each other.. .I had heard my parents talk about the alliance ...I knew what they were doing was right. Marriage preparations started .. . we saw each other for first time on our engagement.. .then aIso.. . I didn't see him because I wasn't allowed to lift my head up. ..that's the reason why I saw my husband first time only after marriage.. ..(Translated) Three male respondents said that although their parents had made the selection, they were asked their opinion, but whether they had the right to say 'no' remains a question. As one (1.3 1) of them remarked, ... Since we respected our parents and usually parents arranged marriages in our days, it was difficult to say no. In our times there was no such thing as a love marriage.. .love was considered bad.. .we couldn't disagree with them [parents]. ..the whole Mlyused to put pressure.. .Although now its different. ..children are more independent, have a mind of their own and if you Cparents] want to arrange their marriage, you cannot do it without asking them first. In fict you have to find out girls and boys for them according to what they need, like education, etc ... (Translated) Although parents no longer totally arranged marriages for T2 and D2 males, the present data reveals that in many of these marriages (57.1%T2 and 42.9% D2) parents had arranged for their sons to see their potential mates before finalizing the marital alliances so that the sons could exercise a veto if they wished. The second-generation data reveals a different picture. More than half D2 males said they had selected their prospective wife and sought parental approval. The marriages decided upon by couples after consulting parents also doubled across the generation in case of Toronto males (Table 3.1). In case of females, there is a shift across the generations from marriages being completely parentally arranged to those where both the couple and their parents are involved. A T 1 male respondent (1.1) commented, ...When parents selected they did the best. Wey] found out compatible hilies. And individuals were used to similar customs and because of joint family system, adjustment for females was easy.. .Our times were good. We knew parents would select for us and we would have to accept ...They worked out well ... There was pressure from parents to adjust ...they talked to the boy and girl and made them understand if problems arose. -.. A female respondent (1.5) said, -..In our times parents selected and informed us of their decision. We would over hear what they were talking or get to know through our siblings [and] aunts. Girls were too shy to ask and ... we weren't supposed to. We grew up knowing that this was how marriages were ananged.. .. (Some parts translated) In one case the family forced the daughter (TI female, 1.1 1) to marry despite her objections. The respondent, now a mother of three, spoke with a lot of resentment, ... I said 'what do you mean ...I don't like him ...as a person'.. .she [mother] goes 'why? What's wrong with him; he's so good lookiw7...I [wasn't allowed to] go to college any more because I wasn't listening to them ... I had to go through turmoil... within two days my marriage was arranged. His fimity didn't come.. .. (The daughter in this case was forced to go out with the boy because the boy insisted and it was difficult for her parents to say no, else they may lose the match. The groom's family failed to turn up because the mamage was arranged within a matter of days and some of his relatives were not easily accessible.) One must remember that this happened some twenty to twenty-five years (1970- 1975) ago in India. Table 3.1. Mate selection by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Mate selection TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females (n=l4)% (n=14)% (n=14)% (n=14)% Parents 64.3 92.9 Parents + Child 14.3 7. I Child + Parents 14.3 - Self-choice 7.1 - t-test: p .ooo D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females (n=14) % (n= 14) % (n= 14) % (n= 14) % Parents 78.6 100.0 - 14.3 Parents + Child 21.4 42.9 64.3 Child + parents - 57.1 21.4 Self-choice - - - t-test: p .ooo Data on second-generation in Toronto shows that females themselves initiated more than half of the marriages, although in each case parental approval was sought. The females in these marriages found their spouses at their school or work, or at other places. They generally dated for some time and then asked for their parents' approval. For most of them, parental approval still remains an essential part of getting married. One respondent (2.6) who sought parental approval argued, ... Definitely I would not be happy, as happy as I am, if my parents and if his parents didn't approve. There is no way.. . . Only a small proportion (7.1% males, 14.3% females) reported their marriages as being of the self-choice type, where they, despite the initial opposition of parents, had gone ahead with the self-selected unions. This may be an indication of a shift towards such a choice. One female respondent (2.7) who married outside the East Indian community, on being asked as to why she had not told her parents about the on-going relationship replied, .. . Because my parents were closed-minded at that time.. .I am the oldest.. .they are much more open with my sister and brother.. . On being asked about the change, her mother (1-7) remarked, .. .They should know each other [a] little bit, not just the way we got married.. .now it doesn't work .. . now I'm saying [all this] but if you asked me 30 years ago I would @ive said] what parents say, that's good for us. Maybe it's the Canadian atmosphere.. .They [daughters] can earn more, I think there is independency.. .My son-in-law.. .he's Guyanese.. . initially we did not like it... when my daughter asked me if any Indian boy will be better than him, then you know we have no answer.. .[a] good husband, that's the main issue.. .. It is also worth mentioning here that although, as seen earlier, most of these second- generation Delhi females worked (71.4%) before marriage, self-choice in mate selection was generally not common. For most of them some parental involvement was part of the marriage process. Although a few of the second-generation females, especially those in Toronto, had found someone on their own and had later sought parental approval one has to keep in mind that more often the self-selected mates were of similar caste and religious background. Although one does observe a change in the type of mate introduction between the two generations in both Toronto and Delhi the change appears to be more for the Delhi sample. A comparison of data by locations reveals that, while a majority of T2 respondents were introduced to their spouse by parentdelders, a majority of D2 respondents were introduced by parentdelders and by matchmakers. Table 3.2. Mate introduction patterns by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Mate introduction TI Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 FernaIes 57.1 Matchmakers - 35.7 7.1 Self 14.3 14.3 21.4 Others 7.1 7.1 14.3 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % Yo Parents/EIders 92.9 100.0 21.4 42.9 Matchmakers 7.1 21.4 42.9 Friends - 28.6 14.3 Self - 14.3 - Others - 14.3 - A female respondent (2.13) discussing the role of family argued, ...Now when we get married we don't marry as strangers, we come together as known persons and we know a lot is at stake. Both hrnily-wise and individually ...So the adjustment and sacrifice is more from both sides to make it work.. .. However, it is worth mentioning here that often these pre-marital acquaintance meetings are very formal and may be very brief. Elaborating on this a female respondent (2.18) explained, ... How can you decide in a few hours your life partner? When you meet formally for a few hours you're at your best and unfortunately you're there to decide marriage. It's kind of scary.. .. Participation in religious and community gatherings is one way that parents in Toronto try to discreetly introduce the younger generation to each other. A T1 respondent (1.9) discussed the role of one such organization, formed to encourage young people to meet suitable partners, ... The reason we started Purbashi. ..these kids have grown up together and we always hope when they grow up they'll marry (someone they met at Purbashi) but that's a total failure.. .they think they are like brother and sister. .. But they'll never marry. Out of about 400-500 young boys and girIs only two married it hasn't worked out even though parents tried hard.. .it's a fidure in that sense... . The proportion introduced to their spouse by professional matchmakers seems to have increased between the generations, especially for the T2 males. Another notable change seems to be the increasing role fi-ienddpeers have played in the mate introduction process for the T2 generation (Table 3.2). Parental involvement in mate introduction seems to have declined across generation for both sexes, more so for males, in the Delhi sample (Table 3.2). A look at the tables also indicates that while all D1 respondents (except one male) were introduced to their spouse by their parentslelders, less than one-third of D2 respondents reported similar introductions. In case of second-generation males, friends and matchmakers seem to have played an increasing role in the mate introduction process. The second-generation females seem to have relied more on the matchmaking services, which include newspapers and professional marriage brokers. Unlike the T2 females, none of the D2 females had found their own spouse. The generational changes in the arranged marriage system described here were also found to be reflected in the ways the potential spouses first saw each other. A sizeable majority of first-generation respondents said they saw their spouse for the first time at their own engagement or wedding ceremony (Table 3.3). One male respondent (1.10) remarked, ...In our time, we were not even allowed to see each other, [we were not allowed] to talk about dating. Although I must say it was better than [for] our parents who didn't even see a photo ... Both of us saw each other on Sagai (engagement). ..then also I couldn't see her because she had a ghunghat (veil) ...But nowadays its unbelievable.. .our children want to see and go out before being married... . Another T1 male (1.3) while talking about generational changes in the way couples were introduced to each other said, ... Changes have taken pIace] since my fither got married. We saw the photograph, my father didn't even see that.. .and now they want to see and even go out alone.. .. Table 3.3. Nature of first meeting by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples First meeting T 1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Yo % % % Meeting by elders 28.6 57.1 SchooVWork 14.3 2 1.4 Friends 7.1 14.3 Dl Males D 1 Females D2 Males D12 Fema % Yo Engage/Wedding 57.1 - Meeting by elders 42.9 85.7 School/Work - 7.1 Friends - 7.1 A majority of first-generation respondents even mentioned that they were lucky to have a glimpse of each other in the presence of the elders (Table 3.3). One female (1.2) said, ...I came in [with] tea, as was expected, and we saw each other for a moment and that was it, I had my head down.. .my sister told me he was OK.. .I didn't see him properly.. ,. (Partly translated) Although parents continue to arrange meetings among potential spouses, the style and form have changed over the two generations at both locations. Unlike their parents, none of the second-generation respondents (except one T2 female and one D2 male) reported having a 'Blind marriage'. However, even among the second-generation a sizeable majority of both males and females said they saw each other only in a parentally arranged meeting, after which some of them saw each other again a few more times before the wedding. A female respondent (2.15) stood out as unusually independent when she said, ...I don't think I could have an arranged marriage... I couid have an arranged date maybe but not an arranged marriage... . One father (1.6) talking about his daughter said that since they had done the initial introductions, .. . It's not really arranged they went out after commitment...that's courtship, - . Some parents agreed with this father that there was some satisfaction in knowing that they had begun the marriage process and so even if the children went out before marriage, it was OK, since it was already agreed they would tie the knot. If the spouse was 'imported' from India, as was the case in a few mamages among the Toronto sample, the potential mates got to see each other 3-4 times during the period preceding marriage. Generally such families arrange to seek prospective brides/grooms in India through relatives, matchmakers and newspapers. In most cases parents go to India with their child first, and short List a few potential mates to be seen and approved by their foreign-reared sons/daughters. Often a meeting takes place between each of these potential mates within a short span of a few days. The prospective partners get to see each other, often only after some sort of preliminary approval is available fiom parents. In one such case a male doctor f?om Toronto (2.5) went to India with his mother who selected a potential bride. He had just 30 minutes to talk with her and decide on the alliance. According to him they were left in a room alone, ...We talked to each other about our liking and interests and what we did (since both are doctors). [We] talked about our specialization and found each other OK. The match was finslised. I left for Toronto the next day. Then we talked with each other on the phone for the next few months, at least &ce a week. Eventually, I went back, after about eight months, and got married. We had a phone courtship.. .. Of course, according to his mother, the bichola (intermediary) knew the two families well enough to convince the parents of the respectability and compatibility of the two families. Another female respondent in Delhi (2.40) said, ... Our parents allowed us to see each other once a while to get acquainted and do some shopping. We usually met in public pIaces and during daylight hours. It's difficult to judge someone in a few hours but our parents were confident [since they had selected the match]. .. . Since many second-generation females had worked before marriage, school and workplace (and fiends) were some of the other places cited for meeting their potential spouse (Table 3.3). A D2 male (2.43) who had met his wife at his work place said, ...We used to work at the same place, I knew about her but I was scared to ask about her.. .because I didn't know what she would say, and then the atmosphere in the office.. .what would they think? After. ..say six-eight months we were working on something together, and then we started to ...like go out ...not like a date, just Like tea or Iunch ...I told my sister and she met her and then we told my parents. Since she was of similar background, caste,..there was no problem ... my parents ... weren't happy at the idea but X think they agreed later.. .. The above respondent's father (1.43), highlighted some changes in the marriage process in general and the specific adjustment they made in case of their children's rnaniages. .. . The marriages in the past were all arranged .. . at that time we didn't even see each other.. .Nowadays it's not the same ... Times have changed and we will also have to change or else children will get mamed without asking us. What will we do?. .. . (Last sentence translated from Hindi). In another case, a male respondent (2.56) who had met his spouse at her work place talked about the whole process leading up to their marriage, ... I met her at her bank.. .She was scared, and said ... she didn't want to see me. Since her cousin also worked at the same place ...we met outside 3-4 times and then told our %lies. I told my brother ...My parents agreed after [a] of efforts. They said 'How can this happen? You didn't think of our honor. What will people say? They wanted to know if she was specially a Brahmin.. .they told us [laterlto let people think that it was a usual arranged marriage.. .. 3.12. Endogamy However, since marriages, to some extent, are still arranged and negotiated by elders, it is important to study the role of traditional factors in deciding contemporary marriages. Since the T1 respondents migrated to Caxada after marriage, all of them had mamed in India within the community and individuals fiom the same caste and religious groups. A male respondent (1.10) on being asked his spouse' caste replied, ... Obviously we were of the same caste and religion. No matter what happened during our times these (rules) were followed. Now also most parents do it for their chiIdren.. .. Although the Toronto second-generation sample showed some degree of continuance of ethnic, religious, and caste endogamy, a few exceptions did emerge (Tables 3.4, 3.5 and 3.6). In the present T2 sample, only one male and one female married outside the East Indian community. I am not denying that such interethnic or religious marriages are very uncommon but the present sample does not include them because of possible self-selection bias. It appears that respondents who had such marriages in their families refused to be interviewed probably because of anger, shame or guilt. Table 3.4. Ethnicity of spouse by sex and generation for Toronto sample Spouse' ethnicity T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females N=14% N=14% N=14% N=14% Same 100.0 100.0 92.9 92.9 Different - - 7.1 7.1 The present samples show the continuance of religious homogamy (Table 3.5). Table 3.5. Spouse's religion by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Spouse' T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females religion YO % YO YO Same 100.0 100.0 92.9 92.9 Different - - 7.1 7.1 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo Yo Same 100.0 100.0 92.9 100.0 Different - - 7.1 - A female respondent (2.15) in the T2 sample argued that her parents did not have much problem with the boy she liked, since he was of the same religion, .. . [If] he was a Muslim, they [would] have [had] a big problem with that for some reason ... there was a really good chance that I was not going to many an lndian at all, so they were very happy.. .they also knew that this is their last shot.. .I really didn't like Indian boys.. .they think too much of themselves.. .. For a T2 Sikh female respondent (2.21), ethnic and religious hornogamy appeared an important quality, ... My parents settled our marriage but I can tell you one thing his being a Sikh was very important. Even when we were growing up our parents used to make this clear to us. They said it's important to know who you are and you should see that you teach this to your children. We had to learn the language and go to Gurudwara (Sikh temple) also.. ., The present data show persistence of caste homogarny (Table 3 -6)which was also supported by the attitudinal data on the importance of marrying individuals belonging to the same caste group (Table 3.13 given later). Table 3.6. Spouse's caste by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Spouse' caste TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Different - - 21.4 7.1 Not applicable - - 7.1 - D 1 Males D 1 FemaIes D2 Males D2 Females 'Yo % Yo Yo Same 92.9 85.7 78.6 92.9 Different - - 7.1 - Don't know 7.1 14.3 14.3 7.1 While a majority of first-generation respondents married within their caste group, a few second-generation respondents, especially T2 males, married individuals from different castes (Table 3.6). Another structural rule that ideally gain importance at the time of marriage was that of subcaste homogamy (Table 3 -7). For a majority of both T 1 and Dl respondents, spouse's subcaste remained an important quality at the time of marriage. This is reflected in the high percentage of same subcaste marriages that took place in these samples (Table Table 3.7. Spouse's subcaste by sex and generation for Toronto sample Spouse' T1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females subcaste % % % YO Same 71.4 92.9 21.4 21.4 Different 14.3 7.1 50.0 - Don't Know 14.3 - 21.4 71.4 Not Applicable - - 7.1 7.1 D 1 MaIes D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo % Yo Same 64.3 64.3 14.3 50.0 Different 14.3 14.3 50.0 21 -4 Don't Know 2 1.4 2 1.3 35.7 28.6 For the younger generation, the pattern is totally different. For a majority of both males and females in the second-generation, subcaste is not very important (Table 3.13-given later). This can be seen in the high per cent of marriages, especially among males, that involve individuals from different subcastes. At the same time these second-generation respondents appeared less concerned, in fact, often unaware, of their own or their spouse's subcaste and gotra categories. A D2 female (2.30) remarked, ...My parents of course wanted to match our caste and subcaste categories. For me his subcaste and gotra ...didn't matter. Who cares about them now? So Iong as you marry an educated professional who is good-natured and understanding, his subcaste and gobetc. don't matter.. . . 3.13. Exogamy Interestingly, a majority of Dl and both D2 and T2 respondents did not know of their own or their spouse's gotra (Table 3.8). However a majority of T1 respondents observed gotra exogamy in their marriages unlike a majority of D 1 respondents who did not know of their spouse's gotra. Table 3.8. Gotra of spouse by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Spouse' gotra T 1 Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Yo Yo % 'Yo .--.------*----.----- Same - 2 1.4 - - Ditrerent 71.4 50.0 21.4 14.3 Don't Know 28.6 28.6 71.4 78.6 Not Applicable - - 7.1 7.1 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males ID2 Females % % % % Same - - - - Different 35.7 28.6 21.4 14.3 Don't Know 64.3 7 1.4 71.4 78.6 Not Applicable - - 7.1 7.1 Traditionally, when a marriage is anticipated, the family may decide to seek the advice of an astrologer. Even today, both in Toronto and Delhi, one finds a number of advertisements, on TV and in newspapers, of astrologers highlighting their degrees and specializations for the benefit of those who want to seek their advice before fixing a marriage. Most often a? astrologer is consulted to match the birth stars of the prospective partners and to tell the families of the compatibility of the partners. In some cases, astrologers are consulted only to fix an auspicious day and time for the ceremonies. Although a small decline in the per cent that consulted an astrologer was noticed across generations in both Toronto and Delhi, a sizeable majority of respondents continued to consult astrologers at the time of their marriage (Table 3.9). It is interesting to note that while more than three-fourth of the D2 females said an astrologer was consulted only a little over half of the T2 females said so. A number of the second- generation respondents however said that the astrologer's views were not important (Table 3.10). Table 3.9. Consult astrologer by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples - .--- -- .. Consult T1 hdaies T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females astrologer YO % YO YO Yes 7 1.4 85.7 71.4 57.1 No 28.6 14.3 28.6 42.9 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 MaIes D2 Females Yo Yo % Yo Yes 78.6 78.6 71.4 78.6 No 21.4 2 1.4 28.6 21.4 A look at the data shows that for many first-generation respondents, an astrologer's views were considered to be very important. A majority of the D2 sample like the T2 sample, said their views were unimportant. Table 3.10. Importance of astrologers' views by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Astrologers ' T1 Wes T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females views YO % % % Very imp. 57.1 78.6 50.0 2 1.4 Not much imp, 14.3 7.1 21.4 35.7 Unimportant 28.6 14.3 28.6 42.9 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % % Very imp. 7 1.4 64.3 7.1 35.7 Not much imp. 2 1.4 14.3 64.3 42.9 Unimportant 7.1 2 1.4 28.6 21.4 This section gives an indication of some changes taking place in the process of marriage. We have seen that although there is a shift from a traditional type of marriage, where the mate was selected by the pareddelders without the input of the younger generation, to a more modem or transitional type of marriage, where the parents and the younger generation together decide, parental input continues to remain an essential ingredient. However even though there is some pressure on couples to conform to parents' decisions, it has become customary, at least according to the present sample, for the couple to meet and talk with each other before committing to mamage. An important part of the traditional definitions of marriage is that one's placement in the social stratification system separates the marriageable £kom the non-marriageable. Over the past centuries these rules and prescriptions have, more or less, been maintained, if not strengthened. However, based on the above data, one can argue that only some of these structural limitations show signs of weakening. While caste and religion continue to be of vital importance at the time of marriage, rules for subcaste appear to be loosening and, those for gotra exogamy seem to have evaporated. The next section besides discussing some of the familial attributes desired in a potential spouse also highlights the desirability of certain individual traits in the prospective bride and groom. 3 -2. Criteria for Selection of Mates h arranging marriages, traditionally families gave considerable weight to family and less to individual attributes of the potential mates. In this section we will look at some of the characteristics, famiIia1 and individual, desired in wives and husbands. The following section discusses some of the opinions expressed by the two generations, in Toronto and Delhi, on the nature of qualities desired by them in their own spouse. To derive the relative importance of each Family/Individual attribute, respondents were asked to rate the desirability of each attribute in their spouse at the time of their marriage. A majotity of respondents at both locations, especially the second-generation and more ofien females than males, said that both family and individual attributes were important (Table 3.1 1). Also, while a few first-generation respondents mentioned the importance of family attributes, none of the second-generation respondents did so. Table 3.1 1. Types of attributes important by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples YU ' .P Attributes T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females imp. YO % % % Fady 28.6 14.3 - - Individual 14.3 14.3 28.6 7.1 Both 57.1 7 1.4 71.4 92.9 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo Yo Family 14.3 7.1 - - Individual - - 28.6 7.1 Both 85.7 92.9 71.4 92.9 Very few second-generation respondents (only four males and one female each, in the T2 and D2 samples) stressed only the importance of individual attributes. For a majority of respondents in both generations, both family and individual attributes continue to be important at the time of marriage. The respondents were also asked to list five qualities most desired in their spouse at the time they were entering into marriage. The respondents cited a number of both individual and familial qualities. The following qualities were desired in a wife (in order of importance): The T1 males wanted their wives to be good looking, fiom good families, good-natured, adjusting (with their parents), educated and 'homely' ('homely' in the present study and to most Indians means home-oriented). In contrast, the T2 males wanted their wives to be educated, good-natured, adjusting, good looking, independent and fkom a good family (last two similar in desirability). The Dl males wanted their spouse to be good-natured, adjusting, fiom good families, homely, good looking, submissive and educated. On the other hand, the second-generation males in Delhi wanted their wives to be good looking, educated, adjusting, settledin jobs, (last two of similar desirability), good-natured, independent and ambitious. The T1 females wanted their husbands to be educated, £?om a good family, good looking, settledin jobs, and good-natured - in that order, while the second-generation Toronto females wished that their husbands be good natured, educated, someone who would respect them, and good looking. The Dl females said they wanted their spouse to be fiom a good family, settledin jobs, good-natured and educated (last two similar in desirability). In contrast the D2 females desired their spouse be settledhn jobs, educated, good-natured, good looking, and someone who would respect them. In general, while the first-generation males stressed the following qualities in their wives: good-natured, fiom a good family, adjusting, good looking, homely and educated; their sons wanted their wives to not only be good-natured, from good families, adjusting, good looking and educated but also be independent, settledin jobs, and ambitious (especially D2 males). Interestingly, although more than 70% of second-generation males said having a 'homely' wife was important (Table 3.24 given later), very few listed it in their list of five desired qualities. Simi lady, while the first-generation females desired their husbands be good- natured, fiom good families, educated and settledin jobs; their daughters stressed qualities such as being good-natured, educated, good looking and one who would respect them. In other words, while all respondents wanted their spouse to be good-natured, good looking, and educated, only males desired their spouse to be adjusting and 'homely' (except D2). On the other hand, none of the females wanted their husbands to be 'homely' but they all seem to stress their occupational qualities. Another notable development is that while a number of second-generation females wanted their husbands to respect them, none of the first-generation females expressed such a desire. Similarly while the second-generation males wanted their wives to be independent, none of the fust-generation males seemed to mention such a desire. 3 -21. Endogamy and Exogamy Interestingly, while listing the five important qualities desired in a spouse, very few respondents mentioned the importance and desirability of characteristics such as caste, religion, subcaste and so on. Here it is important to note that the respondents are telling us about desirable characteristics of their own spouse, and not those important in selecting a mate for their child. Since marriages involved negotiations and initial screening by parents, characteristics such as ethnicity, religion, caste, subcaste and gotra were probably already matched by the parents, prior to making inquiries about other characteristics of the prospective bride and groom. In view of the traditional rules and the changes taking place in them, an attempt has been made here to investigate the increasing or declining importance of some of these other characteristics. Each respondent, in this case, was given a set of 17 such characteristics to study the nature of their importance at the time of marriage. The list of characteristics included ethnicity, religion, caste, subcaste, gotra, family status, parent's occupation, age, education, job, being ambitious, independent natured, attractive, chaste, homely, good in housework, and givingkeceiving dowry. Males and females were asked to list the importance of these characteristics for their spouse on a scale, of Very important, Important, Not so important, and Unimportant. Since all T1 respondents were married in India, the ethnicity of their prospective spouse was not of much concern to them, However, the situation changed for their children who grew up in Toronto. For a majority of both T2 males and females ethnicity of the prospective spouse was 'very important' (Table 3.12). Tabxple Ethnicity T 1 Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 Females One parent (Respondent 1.3) argued that being an Indian was an important criterion, ...You gonna be socializing with each other.. .I couldn't sit here [in a hily] if I was not an Indian .-.I would be] uncomfortable because there would be totally different interests.. .what to talk if they are Chinese .. .we have nothing in common they are from [a] different part of the world, [they have] different food.. .. Another T2 female respondent (1.1 1) highlighted the importance of culture, ... Because culture clashes are there ... y ou are brought up certain way.. .when you are fiom same culture you can adopt each other's habits better, you understand each other better. ..Yes culture is important.. .Mr. Right.. . has to be an Indian.. .a white man will go a few times with you [to the temple] then he's going to feel out of place there.. .. Again, since Dl and D2 respondents reside in India, ethnicity was only mentioned by three females who volunteered that being an Indian was important to them. Despite modem legislation, caste consciousness continues to exist in many sections of the Indian society. Structurally, there is a commitment to marry within one's own caste and often marrying out is feared as of loss of purity. The present study found far greater control being exercised by families and individuals in maintaining caste and religious boundaries, as compared to subcaste endogamy and gotra exogamy, within these marriages. However, when asked about the importance they accorded to these attributes at the time of marriage, there appears to be shift in opinion. The paired t-test results reveal significant differences between the generations on each of these attributes at both locations. The paired t-test showed significant differences between the generations on the variables, importance of caste, religion, subcaste and gotra for both Toronto and Delhi samples at the p<.05 level. Although the present sample shows a decline in the importance of caste in mamage across Toronto's two generations, the decline is especially striking among females (Table 3.13). Again, like the T1 sample, for a majority of Dl respondents, caste was a 'very importantY/'important' in their marriage (Table 3.13). However, a comparison with D2 sample reveals that although there is an overall decline in the importance of caste between the two generations in Delhi, the decline is more pronounced in case of males, contrary to the Toronto data where it was more among females. A comparison of second- generation samples across geographical locations shows that while a higher per cent of Toronto males than Delhi males find caste to be an important factor, the Delhi females are more likely than the Toronto females to have a similar opinion. According to a female respondent (1-9) in Toronto, ...We are very proud we are Brahmins and my son has a janau (sacred thread worn by Brahmins). .. [he) had it even in school.. .its like [a] ceremony in church [like] baptism.. .I'm very] proud .. .teach your children [to be] proud.. . Table 3.13. Importance e by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Caste TI Males TI Females T2 MaIes T2 Females % % Yo % Very imp. 85.7 85.7 57.1 42.9 Imp. - 14.3 14.3 21.4 Not so imp. 7.1 - 7.1 21.4 Unimp. 7.1 - 21.4 7.1 t-test: p -002 D 1 Males D 1 Femdes D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo % % Very imp. 78.6 85.7 50.0 71.4 Imp- 21.4 7.1 7.1 14.3 Not so imp. - - 21.4 14.3 Unimp. - 7.1 21.4 - t-test: p .026 Another respondent (2.41) in Delhi, a young male talked about the pressure of marrying within the caste group, ... Well, even though we keep saying caste doesn't matter, I guess it does .. .Parents will never agree to a match that is not within the caste. We have been independent for so many years but the caste system is still there when it comes to marriage.. .the society, your parents and relatives will not easily accept someone from outside your caste.. .Recently there was an incident in the [newslpaper of two people-a Brahmin boy and an untouchable [lower caste] girl. When the villagers knew about them they hanged them to death.. .it's difficult.. . A first-generation Toronto female respondent (1.9), while indicating a generational change, spoke about one such incident in her family in India, .. . Even in India, my husband's brother's daughter [is a]. ..Veterinary doctor [and] wants to marry a doctor who is almost [of] untouchable (caste). ..they refhe to marry them for the past 3 years.. .if we want to do it PeIp them] my father.. .will cut connection [with us]. They fear the society will not accept them.. .even now this is a problem but [we3 can see [thel change because the girl wants to get mamed.. .. When one studies the role of religion as a factor in deciding marriages there seems to be a shift towards a decline in the degree of its importance between the generations at both locations (Table 3.14). However, a large percentage of respondents still consider religion to be an important factor in marriage. A D2 Sikh female (2.50), on breaking up with a non-Sikh boyfriend commented, ...I could not go against the wishes of my parents. He was not a Sikh and since I knew they (parents) would not agree I stopped seeing him.. .there was no future in that relation. .. Table 3.14. Importance of religion by sex and generation for Toronto and Del hi samples Religion TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % % % Yo D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo Yo % Very imp. 92.9 85.7 71.4 7 1.4 Imp- 7.1 14.3 7.1 28.6 Not so imp. - - 7.1 - Unimp. - - 14.3 - t-test: p -022 On being asked of the importance of religion in marriage, a T2 female respondent (1.1 1) emphasized, ...Yes, religion and culture is important. See, like I go to [the] temple ... I want a companion.. .but if we had to go different ways, so why bother getting married... I always talk to them (my daughters) ...when I go to temple, see how nice that couple is they are sitting together.. .so you enjoy more.. .where one parent is Sikh and other parent is Hindu, they always fight 'I don't want to go to Gurudwara (Sikh temple)?; 'I don't want to go to temple' ...so what happens? Children don't end up nowhere because of these differences and even though we are [of] same Indian background.. .that clash is stiH there.. . Another Del hi second-generation respondent (2.30) had similar feelings. Talking about religious differences, she said, ... Well till you get married. Its OK, but after that because customs etc., are different, you have problems, especiaIly when it comes to children, what do you do? So I guess religion is more important than even caste.. .but that's what I think.. .(Translated) The importance of subcaste and gotra of spouse as a factor in marriage however seems to have declined across generations, at least for the present sample (Tables 3.15 and 3.16). These opinions support, to an extent, the respondent's actual behavior at the time of marriage . Table 3.15. Importance of subcaste by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples - '.. Subcaste TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Yo % % % Very imp. 50.0 71.4 7.1 - Imp. 28.6 28.6 14.3 - Not so imp. 14.3 - 50.0 42.9 Unimp. 7.1 - 28.6 57.1 t-test: p -001 D 1 Males D I Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % % Very imp. 32.9 64.3 - 7.1 Imp. 50.0 28.6 7.1 7.1 Not so imp. 7.1 - 57.1 85.7 Unimp. - 7.1 35.7 - t-test: p -000 Table 3.16. Importance of gotra by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Gotra T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females 'Yo Yo 'Yo % Very imp. 7.1 64.3 7.1 - Imp- 57.1 7.1 - - Not so imp. 2 1.4 28.6 42.9 7.1 Unimp. 14.3 - 50.0 92.9 t-test: p -000 D 1 Males D 1 Females 02Males D2 Females 'Yo Yo 'Yo 'Yo Very imp. 14.3 21.4 - - Imp- 78.6 64.3 7.1 - Not so imp. 7.1 7.1 50.0 92.9 Unimp. - 7.1 42.9 7.1 t-test: p ,000 While a majority of T1 and Dl respondents married within their subcaste and outside their gotra, a high percentage of second-generation marriages, in both Toronto and Delhi, were between individuals of different subcaste groups (Table 3 -7). Interestingly a majority of second-generation respondents did not know of their or their spouse' gotra affiliations (Table 3.8). 3 -22. Desired Personal Qualifications Age emerged as a 'very important'/'important' factor in marriage for the entire sample in Toronto and Delhi (see Table 3.17 in Appendix B). The proportion of respondents that said age was a very important factor in their marriage increased between the generations for the Toronto sample. The paired t-test results showed that while the differences between the generations in the Toronto sample were significant for the variables family status, parent's occupation, spouse' educational qualifications, ambitiousness of spouse, independence, chastity and giving or receiving a dowry; the generational differences for age, having an attractive, 'homely' spouse, good in housework or with a good job were not significant (See Tables 3.18 to 3.28 in Appendix B). A Toronto second-generation female respondent (2.3) commented .. .They (parents) said I should look at the fkrnily because in Indians basically you are marrying the Eamily .. . . Another Toronto male (1.10) disagreeing with the Western style of dating argued, ., . I have told my children dating [in the] Canadian style is not good. One has to see the Wlybackground. Also its important that fhnilies are somewhat at par so the couple is comfortable later on. Adjustment is easier in arranged marriages.. . . An examination of the Delhi data revealed that while the differences between the generations were significant for the variables spouse's educational qualifications, good job, being ambitious and independent; the differences for the variables age of spouse, family status, parent's occupation, being attractive, chastity, being 'homely', good in housework and importance of dowry were not found to be significant (See Tables 3.18 to 3.28 in Appendix B). Although family status continues to be an important consideration for most respondents, the term itself draws different meanings. When asked what family status meant, one D2 respondent (2.39) said, ... It means families of similar background.. .Like if my parents are middle class service people, his family also belongs to middle class. Once parents have matched on caste, religion, and all that, they want to know what the f'amily is like ... is it respectable, how is their reputation in the society ... Well I think its mainly ...class.. . . According to another respondent, T1 male (1 .Z), ... A good fhmiIy means it should be respected in the society, parents should be educated and a11 members should be in good jobs.. .. In general, there appears to be an agreement on some kind of matching of the economic status of the families. A look at the data shows that while there is a shift in opinion on the importance of parent's occupation for the Toronto sample, it is not very clear in the Delhi sample. The GLM results provide significant interaction between importance of parent's occupation, generation and residence @=.000), parent's occupation, and sex of older generation @=.020) and parent's occupation, and sex of younger generation @=.047). The data show that while a majority of TI females said parent's occupation was an important factor in their marriage, less than one-third TI males said so (see Table 3.19 in Appendix B). However, for a majority of T2 respondents, especially females, spouse's parent's occupation was 'unimportant'. While a groom's important considerations most often include his educational background and occupational status; those for a bride include her physical, intellectual and home-based characteristics. The GLM results showed a significant interaction effect only between educational qualification and sex of older generation (p=.000). As expected, the data show that a majority of Tl and D 1 males cited their potential spouse' educational qualifications and their having a good job as being not so important qualities (Tables 3.17 and 3.18 in Appendix B). In fact, according to most of them, women did not usually go out to work after they were mamed. In contrast, all TI and Dl females said their spouse's education and their being in good jobs (except one TI female) were 'very important7/'important' factors in marriage. An examination of second-generation data, however, reveals profound changes. All second-generation respondents (except one male), felt that the educational qualifications of their prospective spouse was either 'very irnportant7/'important' (Table 3.20 in Appendix B). The GLM also provides evidence of a significant fist order interaction between desiring a spouse with a good job and sex of older generation (p=.000) and good job and sex of younger generation @=.019). Surprisingly, while having a good job remained a 'very importanty/'important' factor in selection of a husband for the T2 generation, the same was not ?rue when the T2 males were looking for a wife. In contrast, having a good job was an important quality desired by a majority of D2 males and females. In general, while having a good job was important in selection of a husband for TI, T2, Dl and D2 females; a good job was desirable in a wife by D2 males only. Based on a traditional point of view, ambitiousness and independence among females is not very desirable. This is also clearly visible in the present sample. The GLM results also showed a significant first order interaction effect between being ambitious and the sex of older generation (p=.004). An examination of the data shows that while having an ambitious or independent (oriented) spouse was either 'not so important'/'unimportant3 for a majority of T1 and Dl respondents, it was an important criterion for a large majority of second-generation respondents (see Tables 3.22 and 3 -23 in Appendix B). A firther look at the data sex-wise shows that for a majority of first- generation males having an ambitious or independent wife was 'unimportant'. In contrast having an ambitious or independent oriented husband was 'not so important' for a majority of first-generation females. One female respondent (1.5) while talking of some desirable qualities said, ...Girls9. . . education was not very desirable.. .Girls were not allowed to be ambitioushave jobs and be independent cause then when she got married, people feared she would not adjust and would break the family. The son would go with daughter-in-law... Girls were supposed to be quief shy, homely but never outgoing and pushy... My mother used to tell me, 'You talk a lot and are outgoing like a boy. After you'll have problems ... .' Another D 1 male (2.3 1) described, ... I wanted my wife to be both 'homely' and outgoing. Since now-a-days its important that both are working I wanted her to be educated and with a job.. .Independent so that she could manage things on her own, take decisions when need be. At the same time be a good wife, mother and also respect and care for my parents.. .. From the above it appears that being ambitious and independent-oriented have emerged as desirable qualities among second-generation male and females. Having an attractive spouse was a quality that was 'important' for a majority of respondents in both generations and geographical locations (Table 3 -24 in Appendix B). The quality 'attractive' and the sex of older generation interaction effect emerged significant (p=.045). While all T1 males (except one) said attractiveness was an important quality desired in their potential spouse, only about half the TI females said so. Also while over 90% of Tl males, Dl males and D 1 females said it was an important quality, only a little more than half of Tl females had a similar opinion. Preference for certain characteristics, such as chastity, being homely, and good in housework, that have long been rooted in the North Indian patriarchal system, reveal slow changes. The present sample shows that chastity continues to be a 'very importanty/ 'important' quality desired in a spouse (Table 3.25 in Appendix B). Although the proportion of those who said chastity was a 'very important' factor declined between the two generations, the decline was found to be more in the Toronto sample, probably because of the exposure to the more liberal Canadian society. The sex-wise distribution shows that while all T1 males said wives' chastity was 'very important', less than three- quarters of T1 females said the same for their husbands, the rest said it was 'important'. In the T2 generation, chastity was 'very important'l'important' for more than 90% of T2 males and 100% of T2 females (Table 3 -25 in Appendix B). Chastity was cited as a 'very important' quality desired in a spouse more often by males than females in the Delhi sarnple. Although a majority of respondents across generation agreed that dowry was givedreceived in their marriage, when asked whether dowry was an important consideration in their marriage, a majority said it was either 'not so important' or 'unimportant' (Table 3.26 in Appendix B). The t-test results revealed significant differences between the two generations for the Toronto sample ody. The data reveal that while a majority of T2 respondents said dowry was an 'unimportant' factor in their marriage, for a majority of T1 respondents it was 'not so important". Gender differences in the desirability of having a spouse who is 'homely' and or good in housework are clearly apparent. However, the present data provide some evidence towards a narrowing of differences on these variables between the two generations. The data show that while a majority of first generation males desired a wife who was 'homely' and or good in housework, having a husband who was 'homely' and good in housework was unimportant for a majority of first generation females (see Tables 3.27 and 3.28 in Appendix B). To comprehend some of the changes taking place in the qualities desired in a potential partner, the first-generation sample was also asked to rank a set of 15 qualities desired, in descending order of preference, in their son-in-law/daughter-in-law.For those whose son was the next generation respondent, the parent was asked to rank the qualities in order of preference for their daughter-in-law. And in case where the second-generation included the daughter as the respondent, the parent was asked to rank the quality desires in their son-in-law. [Order of preference: 1-most preferred.. .15-least preferred]. Table 3.29. Mean Rank of qualities desired by first generation in soddaughter-in-law by location Quality desired T1 for son- T1 for D 1 for son- Dl for in a in-law daughter-in- in-law daughte r-in- soddaughter- law law in-law Mean Rank Mean Rank Mean Rank Mean Rank Age 7.07 7.00 6.00 4.79 Attractive 7.80 7.08 7.57 6.00 Caste 5.80 6.46 3 -07 4. L4 Education 3 -60 5.23 2.2 1 4.43 Ethnicity 2.07 2.15 13.63 14.2 1 Family Status 5.80 5-15 5.57 6.43 Gotra 12.33 12.54 10.36 12.57 Homely 12.07 9.3 1 12.50 9.07 Housework 13.87 10.92 13.71 8.86 Occupation 5.07 10.77 3.21 7.58 Religious 11.00 12.3 1 10.36 11.14 Region 7.73 7.54 9.50 11.57 Religion 3 .07 3.38 3.14 2.79 Soft spoken 10.40 10.15 L 1.29 7.43 Subcaste 10.60 10.00 7.86 9.00 In general, the qualities parents desired both in their soddaughter-in-laws were religion (average rank appr0x.3)~ family status (average rank 5-6), age (average rank approx.5-7), and physical attraction (average rank 6-8) (Table 3 -29). Those of least priority for both soddaughter-in-law include, being religious (average rank 10-12), and gotra (average rank 10-13). Rankings accorded to qualities such as being 'homely', good in housework, having a good job, and being soft spoken (in case of Delhi sample) only were divided along gender lines in both locations. As expected, having a good job was given the highest priority in choosing a son-in-law; while being 'homely', good in housework, and soft-spoken (in Delhi sample only), were the more desired qualities in a daughter-in-law. Again, while parents in Del hi, as compared to those in Toronto, accorded a greater priority to caste and subcaste of the soddaughter-in-law; the Toronto parents emphasized their ethnicity and region (North/South) of India. A Toronto father (1.1) whose son mamed out of caste, explained the importance of ethnicity, ... I think we prefer to have children marry an Indian rather than non-Indian. Everything is so different, hilyvalues, customs, etc. are dBcrent. Grandchildren are also less attached in mixed marriages especially in this culture (Canadian) where it is somehow easier to adopt Western values.. .. In general, the present section shows that while the first-generation accorded greater importance to ethnicity, caste, religious and subcaste endogamy and gotra exogamy, for the second-generation (while ethnic, caste and religious affiliations remained important), subcaste and gotra categories seem to carry lesser meanings. The relative importance of qualities and considerations desired in prospective wives continued to be more elaborate though lesser in importance, across generations, as compared to those desired for the prospective grooms. A D2 female (2.34) remarked, ... Girls now-a-days are under more pressure. They have not only to be educated and in some cases have a good job, but they have to also be traditional. Boys have it good. They want a girl who is not only educated and has a job but is homely too.. . . The next chapter discusses the attitudes of respondents on various myths surrounding marriages, arranged marriages and love marriages. Chapter 4. Attitudes towards Various Aspects of Marriage The present section discusses some of the opinions expressed by respondents on some aspects concerning marriage distinguishing between sex, generation and geographical locations. The connection to kin and control by family and elders becomes clear when one examines the intricacies invoked in the process of marriage. The present smdy has made some effort to examine views related to a few statements and stereotypes that exist on the Indian marriage scene. For the present section the respondents were asked to express their opinions on a number of myths associated with marriage based on a Likert scde varying £?om Strongly agree, Agree, Neutral, Disagree, Strongly disagree. Since Indian marriages are often considered a family affair the respondents were asked to express their opinion on the question of whether 'Marriage links families'. A sizeable majority of first-generation respondents in both Toronto and Delhi samples said they 'strongly agree'/'agreey with the statement (Table 4.1). Although there is a decline in the per cent of those who strongly agree by generation, the change is not very notable. Surprisingly despite the involvement of the younger generation in the process of mate selection, marriage continues to provide an important linkage between families. A T2 male respondent (2.1) explained, ... Indian marriages are a union of two families, so it's good if families know each other.. . . A D 1 male (1.55) commented, ... Marriage is a union between two families. Marriage is a powehl connection it cannot be just between two individuals.. . . Table 4.1. Respondent's opinion on 'Marriage links families' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples -...... -$ Maniage links T1 Males T1 Females T2 MaIes T2 Females families YO YO YO YO Str. Agree 92.9 Agree 7.L Neutral - Disagree - Str. disagree - t-test: p -103 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % Yo Str. Agree 78.6 85.7 Agree 21.4 7.1 Neutral - 7.1 Disagree - Str. disagree - t-test: p .326 On being asked of their opinion on whether 'Marriage links individuals', all TI (except one), Dl (except one) and D2 males 'strongly agreey/ 'agree' (Table 4.2). The t- test shows a significant difference between generations for the Toronto sample only. A look at the data reveals that 60% of T1 males 'strongly agree' that marriage links individuals as compared to less than half of the next generation males. A look at the data shows that while the proportion of those who 'strongly agree' with the statement declined between the two generations in Toronto, the percentage of those who 'strongly agree' almost doubled in Delhi (Table 4.2). Interestingly, although marriage continues to link families it is also considered by the present sample to link individuals. Table 4.2. Opinion on 'Marriage links individuals' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Marriage links T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females individuals YO % YO YO ....-.-... -----.- -.-.---..-..-*.--.-.--.-.-..------.-----.-*---.-- .-...------.- Str. agree 32.9 42.9 42.9 Agree 35.7 Neutral 21.4 Disagree - Str. disagree - t-test: p D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo Str. agree 35.7 100.0 78.6 Agree 57.1 - 14.3 NeutraI - - 7.1 Disagree 7.1 - - Str. disagree - - t-test: p In contrast to the above statements, where the shift is relatively small, a sizeabIe shift in opinion was expressed on the statement 'Marriage is duty'. As expected the data show a shift from agreement among the first-generation to disagreement or a neutral opinion among the second-generation at both locations (Table 4.3). Interestingly more second-generation males expressed a neutral opinion as opposed to second-generation females, a majority of whom disagreed. The t-test values were significant for both samples. According to a few respondents marriage was an essential part of life and for most parents it was their duty to get their children married at the right time and to the right person. Table 4.3. Opinion on 'Marriage is duty' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Marriage is T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females duty 'Yo % 'Yo Yo --.- ___L______------Str. agree 21.4 21.4 - - Agree 50.0 35.7 28.6 14.3 Neutral 21.4 21.4 35.7 2 1.4 Disagree 7.1 14.3 28.6 42.9 Str. disagree - 7.1 7.1 2 1.4 t-test: p .OOO D 1 Males D 1 Fedes D2 Males D2 Females 'Yo % % % Str. agree 50.0 78.6 7.1 2 1.4 Agree 35.7 14.3 28.6 28.6 Neutral - 7.1 35.7 14.3 Disagree 14.3 - 28.6 35.6 Str. disagree - - - - t-test: p -000 It is interesting to note that some of the persistent and core aspects of the Indian mamage system have proven more resistant to change and one of them is the strong belief that marriages are for life. One such item for which there seems to be a general agreement irrespective of generation, sex and location was that 'Marriage is a lifelong commitment' (Table 4.4). However a look at the data reveals that the per cent of those who strongly agree with the statement is slightly higher in Toronto as compared to Delhi for both generations. According to a D 1 male (1.55), ... Marriage is a life time commitment and needs lots of tolerance, sacrifice and patience.. .. Table 4.4. Opinion on 'Marriage is lifelong commitment' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Marr. is lifelong T1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females commitment YO YO % % ------....P.....PP Str. agree l00.0-~92.9 71.4 71.4 Agree Neutral Disagree Str. disagree t-test: p D 1 Males D 1 FemaIes D2 Males D2 Females % Yo % % Str. agree 78.6 85.7 64.3 64.3 Agree 14.3 14.3 35.7 21.4 Neutral 7.1 - - 7.1 Disagree 7.1 t-test: p Since marriage is almost universal and it is a shame for a girl and her family to have borne children out of wedlock in India, marriage is very important. While 'Marriage was important for perpetuation of family' for a substantial majority of T1 respondents, a sizeable percentage of T2 respondents preferred to remain neutral on the statement (Table 4.5). A few second-generation respondents in Toronto also expressed their disagreement. A look at the Delhi data shows that although a majority of Dl and D2 respondents 'strongly agree7/'agree' with the statement, more than one-quarter of D2 respondents, both males and females, expressed a neutral opinion. Table 4.5. Opinion on 'Marriage important for perpetuation of family' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Man. imp. for T 1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Femdes perpetuation % % % % -____I_C__--.-*....--*.---.-*---.--***.*-*-*.--..-.--.--..-....---.--.-~-..--.-~------.-.---..--~*.-.- Su. agree 35.7 42-9 14.3 28.6 Agree 50.0 50.0 35.7 14.3 Neutral 14.3 - 42.9 42.9 Disagree - 7.1 - 14.3 Str. disagree - - 7.1 - t-test: p -001 D 1 Males D I Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % St. agree 50.0 85.7 21.4 35.7 Agree 35.7 - 50.0 28.6 Neutral - 7.1 28.6 28.6 Disagree - - - - St. disag 14.3 7.1 - 7.1 t-test: p -096 Marriage has been a very important aspect in a north Indian female's life. Since Indian mythology abounds in stories and tales elaborating on the dangers of housing an unmarried female, thus emphasizing the need for (early and) compulsory marriage for females, the respondents were asked to give their opinion on some related items. A look at the data (Tables 4.6) reveals a clear decline on the item 'Marriage is important for girls' between the two generations in the proportion of respondents who 'strongly agree'l'agree' with the statement. According to a D 1 male (1.43), ... It's more important for female to many because she is 'parayi' (alien in her parents home) ...she needs to go to her own house. How long can she stay with her parents. People will point fingers if she is at her parents house. For boys there is no problem whether they marry or not and when.. .. (Translated) Table 4.6. Opinion on 'Marriage important for girls' by sex and generation for Toronto 35.7 Agree 14.3 28.6 21.4 - Neutral 14.3 14.3 28.6 21.4 Disagree 50.0 14.3 28.6 50.0 Str. disagree 7.1 7.1 14.3 21.4 t-test: p ,018 Dl Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % Yo % % Str. agree 57.1 78.6 - 2 1.3 Agree 14.3 7.1 35.7 42.9 Neutral 14.3 - 50.0 14.3 Disagree 14.3 7.1 7.1 Str. disagree - 14.3 14.3 t-test: p Interestingly, the opinions expressed by respondents on the statement 'Marriage is important for boys' were very similar to those expressed on the above statement (Marriage is important for girls) (Table 4.7). While the shift across generations on the above two statements (Marriage is important for girls, Marriage is important for boys) is more among females in Toronto it is more notable among males in Delhi. However, according to one male in Delhi (2.4 1)' ... Yes getting married is important but if someone doesn't want to then our society should let it be like that (and not force them to marry). .. . A look at the second-generation data reveals that while more T2 females than T2 males 'disagree' that marriage is important for boys, half of D2 males remain neutral on it. Table 4.7. Opinion on 'Marriage important for boys' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Marriage imp. T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females for boys % YO YO YO -.--.___I--..-.---.------.-*l--f.~-- ..----.-.-.----*--.-.---.------Str. agree 7.1 7.1 7.1 A@= 21.4 64.3 2 1.4 - Neutral 14.3 14.3 28.6 28.6 Disagree 50.0 14.3 28.6 50.0 Str. disagree 7.1 7.1 14.3 14.3 t-test: p -018 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % % Str. agree 21.4 14.3 - 21.4 Agree 57.1 7 1.4 3 5.7 42.9 Neutral 14.3 50.0 14.3 Disagree 7.1 7.1 Str. disagree 7.1 14.3 t-test: p Although a majority of the Indian films and spics mention 'prem' (love), love marriages have never been encouraged in practice in India. According to one respondent (1.3), a Toronto first-generation male, .. . Love marriages, you're working from this point (shows a high point by hand) they only go down.. .Whereas in arranged marriages, you are working up... . The respondents were also asked to express their opinion on whether marriage should come first or should love precede marriage. Love was expected to blossom only after marriage, especially during the parenthood stage. Thus as expected, a majority of first- generation respondents in Toronto said marriage should come first. However, while a majority of T2 males also said marriage should come first, for at least half T2 females love came first. These opinions are probably related to the type of mate selection process the respondents experienced. We have seen earlier in Chapter 3 (Table 3.1) that while a majority of T2 males married spouses selected by their parents, of course with their approval, the T2 females themselves initiated more than half of their marriages. Table 4.8. Opinion on 'First-Marriage~Love' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples ---. . - lR- Marriage/Love T 1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females Yo Yo Yo Yo Love 1* 7.1 28.6 21.4 50-0 Marriage- 1'' 78.6 42.9 71.4 42.9 Love not Essential 14.3 28.6 7.1 7.1 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females yo yo % Yo Love 1" 7.1 - 78.6 2 1.4 Marriage- 1" 42.9 42.9 2 1.4 64.3 Love not Essential 50.0 57.1 - 14.3 Referring to the younger generation, a T 1 female respondent (1 -7) remarked, ... Love is not a big issue for this generation. Mostly now love comes first especially in this country ...40 years ago we could not even think about love. We had to be married to be loved. That's the way we learnt ... It was not acceptable in social atmosphere.. .It was a social problem.. .Girls always go by parents' wishes. My generation, I think, marriage [came] £kt...@ut now] they should know a little bit [of] each other ... . According to a T2 male (2.19), ... Love is supposed to autornaticaIly develop after marriage. If it doesn't then its bad luck.. . The trends are more interesting in case of the Delhi sample. While a majority of D1 males and females thought 'Love is not essential for marriage', for a sizeable majority of D2 males 'Love came first' (Table 4.8). However, a majority of D2 females continued to emphasize that 'Marriage should come first', probably because of their stricter socialization and also due to the costs associated for women who deviate. Again these opinions are a reflection of the type of mate selection process employed in these marriages. While a majority of D2 males initiated their own marriages, a large proportion of D2 females married spouses selected by their parents (see Table 3.1 in Chapter 3). However one needs to keep in mind that although marriages are not usually of the arranged type, parental control and involvement continue to remain an important aspect of the process. In fact in the present sample, a majority of the respondents' marriages had some degree of parental involvement (Table 3.1). One female respondent (2.15) explained that her marriage was not arranged. In fact according to her, her parents 'arranged' their 'date'. This was true for a majority of the second-generation respondents. According to another respondent (2.53), Marriage comes first, at least in the Indian case. The situation here is different. We don't get enough opportunities to meet adequate number of members of the opposite sex and so it is difficult to find [a spouse]. ..Parents look at everything and then one can be asked to make a choice.. . . Since love was not necessary for marriage, the traditional normative pattern did not provide any opportunity to the prospective partners to participate in the decision making process. The Indian system therefore, by and large, regarded mate selection by choice as being undesirable. In order to study changes in the attitudes of respondents on the method of selection of mates, they were asked to respond to some attitudinal statements on arranged and love marriages. 4.1. Opinion on Arranged Marriages The present data shows a considerable shift in opinion between generations from 'strongly agreey/'agreeyto having a neutral attitude on the item 'Arranged marriages are more stable' at both locations, especially in the Delhi sample (Table 4.9). Table 4.9. Opinion on 'Arranged marriages are more stable' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples -. .. AM are more T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females stabre YO % YO % Str. agree 64.3 64.3 35.7 3 5.7 Agree 28.6 7.1 Neutral 7.1 50.0 Disagree - - Str. disagree - 7.1 t-test: p -017 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo Yo Str. agree 100.0 92.9 28.6 57.1 Agree - 7.1 14.3 21.3 Neutral - - 50.0 2 1.4 Disagree - Str. disagree - t-test: p -000 According to a respondent (1-5 I), a D 1 male, ...In our days parents never asked our 'raz' (opinion). [They] would tell us of [the] match but no choice was given. Marriages were settled between hilies, elders, and not between individuals. We had to just obey and get married. If it turned out good, then fine, or else one had to just live together. Marriage was a umar bhar (lifelong) thing.. .. A majority of both TI and T2 respondents agree with the statement 'Arranged marriages are good, parents know the best' (Table 4.10). A TI male (1.6) in favor of parental involvement in marriages argued, .. . Arranged marriages are a Little better than the other ones (love marriages). ..They (parents) are not just seeing here (points to the face). They not only look at the good looking face .. . They are also looking at what is the stability.. .What is the education or what is the background.. .. Table 4.10. Opinion on 'Arranged marriages are good, parents know the best' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples AM good, parents TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females know best % % % % Str. agree 14.3 Agree 28.6 Neutml 28.6 Disagree 21.4 Str. disagree 7.1 t-test: p -057 D 1 Ma1 es Dl Fernal D2 Females 'Yo 'Yo % Str. agree 71.4 85.7 57.1 Agree 28.6 7.1 2 1.4 Neutral - 7.1 14.3 Disagree - 7.1 t-test: p .ooo In the Delhi sample while all D1 respondents (except one female) agree with the statement, less than 60% of D2 respondents expressed their agreement. Further while more than three-quarter of D2 females continued to agree; only a little over one-third of males seemed to have a similar opinion. Also almost 60% of D2 females strongly agree with the statement as compared to less than one-fifth of their counterparts in Toronto. The next few statements such as 'Arranged mamages are bad, you don't know your spouse', 'Arranged mamages are bad, there are adjustment problems', 'Arranged marriages are bad, you don't get a like minded person', showed significant generational shifts in opinion only for the Delhi sample (Tables 4.1 1, 4.12, 4.13). It is argued that since most of the first and second-generation respondents had parental involvement in their marriages such marriages still remain a better choice and this was perhaps the reason for their disagreement on some of these statements. Table 4.1 Lopinion on 'Arranged marriages are bad, don't know spouse' by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples AM-bad don't T 1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females how spouse % YO YO YO Str. agree 7.1 7.1 7.1 Agree 7- 1 14.3 42.9 Neutral 7.1 14.3 14.3 Disagree 78.6 57.1 28.6 Str. disagree - 7.1 7.1 t-test: p .057 Dl Males D 1 Females D2 Females Yo Yo Yo Str. agree - - - Agree - 7.1 14.3 Neutd 28.6 14.3 28.6 Disagree 71.4 7 1.4 50.0 Su. disagree - 7.1 7.1 t-test: p .o 11 A D2 female (2.30), in favor of marriages arranged with consent argued, ... Its OK to have an arranged marriage with children's' consent... Parents.. .take care of all caste, religion.. .but then give a chance to young ones to look at each other .. .talk.. .and get to know. Of course within the short period available.. . So I guess its good and 1 think there are less chances of a mismatch and a divorce.. .. Some of the older generation respondents exemplified their own marriages and talked about how it was much easier to make adjustments in an arranged marriage. According to a T1 male respondent (1.3) ...When you [marry] you try to make it work so we didn't let our parents down.. .[nor] our -lies down.. .You know we had problems but in the background of our head [were] our parents. If we got divorced everybody would be affected. We worked toward the goal.. . Table 4.12.0pinion on 'Arranged marriages are bad, adjustment problems' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples -.. . - AM-bad adjust. T t Mes T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females problems % % YO % Str. agree 7.1 Agree 7.1 14.3 7.1 35.7 Neutral 28.6 14.3 2 1.4 28.6 Disagree 64.3 57.1 57.1 35-7 Str. disagree - 7.1 7.1 - t-test: p -326 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % Str. agree - Agree 7.1 Neutd 14.3 Disagree 78.6 Str. disagree - t-test: p The GLM results also showed a significant first order interaction between AM are bad, don't get like minded person, generation and residence @=.042). A look at the data shows that while both generations of the Toronto sample expressed their disagreement on the item, there was a generational shift in opinion in Delhi, from disagreement to agreement (Table 4.13). According to a D 1 female (1 -37), ... Once you started living together, adjustments took place.. .Of course I had to do most of them.. .In our times nobody thought of like-mindedness. These were family decisions... . Another female (2.22) who had an 'imported' spouse said, ... You know it was OK to get a boy from India.. .But then lots of problems came up.. .Indian boys are a pampered lot.. .bigare huye (spoiled). .. So I guess it's good and important you have a person who is somewhat like you and understands.. .. Table 4.13. Opinion on 'Arranged marriages are bad, no like-minded person' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples AM-bad, no like- T1 Wes T 1 Females T2 Mdes T2 Females minded person % % 'YO % ---.p___--__I_.______I_.______I_.______- ---.p___--__I_.______I_.______I_.______- - Str. agree - 7.1 7.1 7.1 Agree 14.3 Neutral 21.4 Disagree 57.1 Str. disagree 7.1 t-test: p -663 Dl Males D 1 Females D2 MaIes D2 Females 'Yo % 'Yo Yo Str. agree - 14.3 - 28.6 Neutral 28.6 21.4 Disagree 64.3 35.7 S tr. disagree 7.1 t-test: p -003 Another D2 male (2.46), who was in favor of some parental involvement said, ...Arrang ed marriages are good since parents try their best to find a person as close as possible by caste, religion, social status, economic and educationd background.. .You have similar customs and sometimes likes and interests... So I guess it works alright.. .. Since marriage arrangement is an important vehicle in the maintenance of status and in the formation of family and kin alliances, it is considered too important a decision to be left to the young couple getting married (Goode, 1963). And since intimacy is considered a threat to the persisting bonds between the husband and his family, love or 'prem' was never considered a prelude for marriage. In fact, love was regarded as an "uncontrollable and explosive emotion that blinded a young person to reality, reason and logic" (Rao and Rao, 1982:16). The following presents brief results of some of the opinions expressed by the respondents on different myths and statements linked with love marriage. 4.2. Opinion on Love Marriages 'Love marriages are less stable' Surprisingly, a majority of respondents, both in Toronto and Delhi expressed neutral opinion on the statement (Table 4.14). However, one does observe a decline in the per cent of those who agreed with the statement, between the two generations, especially in the Toronto sample. Table 4.14. Opinion on 'Love marriages are less stable' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples LM are iess T 1 Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 Females stable YO YO YO YO Str. agree 14.3 A@= 35.7 Neutral 35.7 Disagree 14.3 Str. disagree - t-test: p -002 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo Yo Yo Str. agree 14.3 14.3 7.1 7.1 Agree 21.4 21.1 7.1 14.3 Neutral 57.1 64.3 50.0 64.3 Disagree - - 28.6 14.3 Str. disagree 7.1 - 7.1 - t-test: p -096 According to a male respondent in Toronto (1.3), .. . Three [love] marriages out of five within two years end up in divorcdseparation. Now in arranged marriages, you are not gonna find this kind of statistic-may be a few out of 1000 Cget divorced/separated] .. . . Another D2 male (2.46) who was in favor of arranged marriages said, ...In red life, love marriages hardly survive, especially if they are out of castdreligion. Very few want to take the risk. Most of the time they try to marry within the caste and take parental approval, because after all you have to Iive here. So basically it's very difficult.. . . (Partly translated) A look at the data shows that a majority of first-generation respondents as expected disagree with the statements 'Love marriages are good, persons are familiar with each other' and 'Love marriages are good, you get like-minded persons' (Tables 4.15 and 4.16). In contrast while a majority of T2 males also tend to disagree, a majority of T2 females agreed. In contrast the Delhi data shows that while a majority of D2 males agreed with the two statements, their female counterparts expressed disagreement. Table 4.15. Opinion on 'Love marriages are good, persons are familiar' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples LM are good- TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females familiar % % YO % Str. agree 7.1 14.3 7.1 Agree 21.4 28.6 Neutral 35.7 7.1 Disagree 3 5.7 64.3 Str. disagree - - t-test: p .077 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo % Str. agree - 42.9 21.4 Agree - 21.4 7.1 Neutral 21.4 21.4 28.6 Disagree 78.6 14.3 35.7 Str. disagree - 7.1 t-test: p The shift in attitude towards love marriage by a number of females in Toronto and among males in Delhi could be because a number of them had in fact initiated their own mate selection process. It could be possible that in some cases behavior followed attitude or vice versa. In contrast a majority of T2 males and D2 females had approved of and married a spouse selected by their parents. However the differences between generations on both items were significant only for the Delhi sample. These results were supported by GLM values which showed significant first order interactions between LM are good, because persons are familiar, generation and residence @=.024) and between LM are good because get like-minded person, generation and residence @=.001) at the p<.O5 level. Table 4.16. Opinion on 'Love marriages are good, like-minded persons' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples LM-good like- T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Str. agree Agree 2 1.4 Neutral 14.3 Disagree 50.0 Str. disagree 14.3 t-test: p .oo 1 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % Yo % Yo Str. agree - - 35.7 7.1 Agree 7.1 - 21.4 28.6 Neum 7.1 2 1.4 21.4 2 1.4 Disagree 78.6 64.3 2 1.4 35.7 Str. disagree 7.1 14.3 - 7.1 t-test: p .ooo A significant first order interaction was observed between 'Love marriages are bad, because are unacceptable in society', generation and residence (GLM: p=.011). While a majority of T1, T2 and D2 respondents expressed their disagreement with the statement, a sizeable majority of Dl respoadents agreed with it (Table 4.17). A young Delhi male (2.46) remarked, ...Of course love marriages are not very acceptable today but the reason is not because of the society or culture. People are scared to make a choice all by themselves. For most of us marriage means two families coming together-if families don't agree then the couple hces a lot of problems and they have to do it alone. Also many young people today are not sure how to make decisions. When you meet you don't know everything about the person and since you have to live and adjust in a family it is important that the families meet and agree.. . . (Translated) Table 4.17. Opinion on 'Love marriages are bad, are unacceptable in society' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples LM bad are unacceptable T 1 Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 Females in society % % % % Str. agree Neutral Disagree Str. disagree t-test: p D 1 Males Dl Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo Yo Str. agree Agree Neutral Disagree Str. disagree t-test: p A sizeable majority of fust-generation respondents in both Delhi and Toronto agree with the statement 'Love marriages are bad, because they ignore family attributes', as opposed to the second-generation, a majority of who disagreed with it (Table 4.18). According to a number of fist-generation respondents, since marriage is a union of two families it is important that family attributes are somewhat similar. As a first-generation Toronto male (1.1) explained, .. . Parents saw fiimily and individual characteristics. Children go for individual characteristics only and then because hilies are not matched [there are] problems of adjustment in the Myand often between the couple... [also] because families are not involved often marriages break.. .. Table 4.18. Opinion on 'Love marriages are bad, because they ignore family attributes' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples LM-bad ignores T 1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females family attributes % YO YO YO Str. agree 14.3 28.6 Agree 42.9 50.0 Neud 14.3 7.1 Disagree 28.6 7.1 Str. disagree - 7.1 t-test: p -010 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % % St. agree 21.4 21.4 Agree 57.1 64.3 Neutral - 14.3 D i sagree 21.4 Str. disagree - t-test: p -000 Interestingly, an overwhelming majority of respondents, irrespective of sex, generation and location, agreed with the statement 'Love marriages are good, if parental consent is obtained' (Table 4.19). A TI male (1.6) whose daughter had a love marriage with their approval, said, ...I still believe that kids should have a choice too.. .To me love marriage is good with time when you really know what love is about, that's the time ... But parental consent [is needed] a little bit. When they are serious to that extent they should not commit to each other just like that.. .parents should be invo!ved.. .so they can be a part of their life as well. When something happens later on they can't say get lost E will not involve with you.. .you are the one who did it,. . When asked about the need for parental approval, his daughter (2.6) replied, ...I think it needs a lot more to make a marriage work than just love. There is lot more to it.. .Everything-support .. . the respect that his hrdygives [to] me. What my hmily gives [to] hm, it helps to strengthen our love and the bond. - .To be accepted is very important. It gives you stability [especially] if we have a fight. ..they give.. .support and.. .encouragement.. . . Table 4.19. Opinion on 'Love marriages are good, if parental consent is obtained' by sex Neutral - 7.1 - - Disagree - 7. I 7.1 7.1 Str. disagree - - -- - t-test: p 1.000 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % Yo Str. agree 35.7 42.9 64.3 57.1 Agree 57.1 35.7 35.7 35.7 Neutral 7.1 14.3 - - Disagree - - - 7.1 Str. disagree - 7.1 - - t-test: p -083 Another T2 male (2.1) who had a love marriage spoke in favor of parental approval, ... It is important to obtain parental approval because otherwise they feel left out ... also because of respect and then if you want to be happy, its essential. You can't annoy them.. .. The data showed significant differences between the two generations on the item 'Best type of marriage', for both Toronto and Delhi samples. While a majority of the fist-generation agreed that the younger generation's consent was necessary (type U), very few of them agreed with the type where the younger generation gets to choose their own spouse and then seek parental approval (type EI) (Table 4.20). In contrast, a sizeable proportion of second-generation respondents approved of the latter type of arrangement. Table 4.20. Opinion on 'Best type of marriage' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Best type of marriage T 1 Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Yo Yo % % 7.1 7.1 II. Consent of IInd gen 7 1.4 64.3 35.7 III. Parents Approval 2 1.4 28.6 50.0 IV. Self-choice - - 7.1 t-test: p -022 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Females Yo % % I. Arranged - 7.1 - II. Consent of IInd gen 92.9 92.9 7 1.4 ID. Parents Approval 7.1 - 28.6 N.Self-c hoice - - - t-test: p -001 Examining the second-generation data, one finds that a majority of T2 males prefer that parents choose and ask for their approval, as compared to a majority of T2 females who preferred to seek parental approval later. Whiie an equal proportion of D2 males preferred marriages of type II and III, a majority of D2 females preferred type T[. A T Z female (1.1 1) argued, .. . If arranged marriage is with the consent of the child I'm all for it.. .. Another T 1 female respondent (1.7) explained, ..,I like the one that [a] boy is approved with the parents. ..they can like each other.. .Can bring someone and say mom/dad we like each other. .. But sometimes it doesn't happen that way.. .. When asked about the best marriage the daughter (2.7) responded, .. . [The best marriage is when you make your] choice and you get your parents to approve-obviously that's the greatest thing... . Another T2 female (2.6) emphasized the role of parental approval, ...I think marriage where boy and girl sew many but with parental approval [is the best]. Definitely 1 would not be as happy as I am if my parents and his parents didn't approve. [However] if I hadn't met someone and I was .. .26,27 and I wanted to get married and I couldn't fmd someone ...if my parents introduced me to someone and said what do you think? I would have no problems with that-... The above section shows a gradud shifts in attitudes towards arranged and love marriages, between the two generations, in both Toronto and Delhi samples. However, marriage is usually contracted with the approval of parentdelders. And although the younger generation has mixed feelings towards an arranged type of marriage, the idea itself is not very foreign to them. Thus, although one does see change, as or towards a loss of firm control over traditional mate selection patterns, the movement is more towards giving some sort of freedom and choice to the younger generation. Parental approval continues to be an important factor, in almost all marriages. One of the expected determinants of a decline in parental control over the mate selection process would be an increase in premarital sexual experiences and an increase in the age at marriage. The next chapter, Chapter 5, besides discussing the age at marriage also includes a discussion on the trends and attitudes related to some of the issues surrounding premarital virginity and dating among these respondents. Chapter 5. Premarital Virginity and Age at Marriage In societies like India, where the joint family was the norm, marriages were usually arranged by the elders. Traditionally, the young were not even allowed to see each other prior to marriage. The 'incoming' wife presented a threat to the unity and solidarity of the patrilineal unit and thus conjugal intimacy was often not encouraged (Minturn, 1 993 ; Kakar, 1978). It has been argued that since marriages in patrilineal India, are an important means of establishing alliances between families and kin groups, and help in maintaining status, a concern for virginity, especially for girls, acquires special significance at the time of marriage (Kolenda, 1993; Jeffery, 1979). Tight control over women is exercised by males through early and arranged forms of marriage, exclusion from productive economy, control over movement, lack of control of wealth, prohibition of divorce, seclusion in the home, and through purdah (Minturn, 1993). Since there is a trend towards an increased involvement of the younger generation in selecting their own marital partners it would be also interesting to study the changes taking place in the premarital behavior. The present study makes an attempt to document some issues related to virginity. It also highlights the attitudes of respondents on the importance of virginity for boys and girls, by sex, generation and geographical locations. 5. I. Premarital Virginity The present study shows that while a majority of the sampled parent-generation, in both Toronto and DeIhi, saw each other for the first time either on their engagemendwedding day or in a closely chaperoned meeting, those in the second- generation spoke of some sort of meeting with their potential spouse. Premarital dating, being able to date, parental restrictions and rules imposed on boys and girls, are becoming a concern in many families, especially those in the Toronto sample. The following section also discusses certain aspects related to dating and premarital intimacy, by sex and across the generations and geographical locations. On being asked whether the respondents were virgin at the time of their marriage, as expected, all respondents (except one T2 male and one T2 female) said 'yes'. Table 5.1. Importance of a girl's virginity by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Imp. of a girl's T1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females virginity % % YO % Very imp. Less imp. Not so imp. Indifferent t-test: p D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 MAes D2 Females Very imp. Less imp. Not so imp. Indifferent t-test: p However, an examination of the generational data of Toronto reveals a decline in the proportion of those who said virginity of both boys and girls was 'very important' (Tables 5.1 and 5.2). The shift in the attitudes between the two generations on the issue of virginity of boys and girls was found to be statistically significant for the Toronto sample, but not for the Delhi sample. We note that differences between sub-groups have to be substantial in order to reach statistical significance in these small samples. Ail Tl respondents (except one female) agreed that girl's virginity was 'very important', and more than 80% said the same for boys. A T1 female (1.9) talking about virginity emphasized, .. . One thing I'm very strict. ..I am clear with my daughter that never go to bed with anybody. .. She said 'no, I know those ethics' ... . Tabie 5.2. Importance of a boy's virginity by sex and generation For Toronto and Delhi samples Imp. of a T1 Mdes TI Females T2 Males T2 Females boy's virginity % % YO YO Very imp. 92.9 64.3 57-1 Less imp. 7.1 21.4 21-4 Not so imp. - 7.1 7.1 Indifferent - 7.1 7.1 13.3 t-test: p .024 Dl Males Dl Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % Very imp. 64.3 50.0 78.6 64.3 Less imp. 35.7 42.9 2 1.4 35.7 Not so imp. - 7.1 - Indifferent - - t-test: p -202 A Toronto male parent (1.1) speaking against any form of premarital intimacy said, ... 1 told my sons 'don't just date for the sake of it. If you are seeing a girl, our culture sets limits. Maintain your distance and if you are serious, marry her. No fooling around'. .. . For a majority of TZ generation both girl's and boy's virginity remain 'very important'. According to a T2 female (2.13), who dated for a period of 8 months, ... It's not virginity as an issue that's important. In fact [it] is something very personal. You just can't get into bed with someone you're not sure of. There has to be some commitment.. .There is no harm in getting rnamed as a virgin. I think this is one thing that has kept our system of marriage and family alive. There are less chances of misunderstanding.. .we how a lot is at stake.. .. An examination of the data for Delhi does not reveal much of a shift in the attitudes of the respondents behveen the two generations on the issue of virginity among girls. Girl's virginity remains 'very important' for all Dl and D2 respondents (except one D2 male) (Table 5.1). It needs to be noted that while the importance of virginity among girls and boys is declining between the two generations in Toronto, the importance of virginity among boys has increased among the second-generation respondents in Delhi. A Dl male (1.3 1) said, ... Dating is Ok if parents have said yes. Dating does not mean you do what you want. Our culture does not allow it. Then, what's the rush? Girl's parents are more worried. Virginity is very important. A maiden is given away [in marriage]. The same thing also applies to a boy. If a boy or a girl are not virgin they are cheating each other, their parents and the society.. .. (Translated) A D2 female (2.48) explaining the restrictions and hurdles she faced while dating her spouse said, ... We never did anything except held hands. I think my parents were still worried. Every time I went out my mother would say don't do anythrng that will bring shame on us. We were not allowed to go out at night or late in the evenings. I had to tell my mother where 1 was going and when I will be back. All the time my mother would tell me never do anything before marriage. Nothing will happen to the boy, but as for the girl she loses every thing. Although I didn't think the same because if a girl is expected to be a virgin it [should be] the same for boys. But 1 guess my parents and the society doesn't feel the same.. ., Since a great part of control over sexuality is enforced through restrictions over premarital movements, a question was asked separately on this issue. As expected, over 90% of T1 respondents either 'strongly agree'ragree' on some form of control over premarital movements of both sexes (Tables 5.3 and 5.4). Table 5.3. Control over girls' premarital movements by sex and generation for Toronto and Deihi samples Control over T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females girls' movements % 'Ya % YO .-..-.--*----.-.-.------* --.--* -.-----.*------*".. Str. agree 71.4 64.3 21.4 21.4 Agree 21.4 28.6 35.7 42.9 Neutral 7.1 - 21.4 14.3 Disagree - 7.1 7.1 14.3 Str. disagree - - 14.3 - t-test: p -003 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Str. agree 7 1.4 85.7 Agree 14.3 14.3 Neutral 14.3 - Disagree - - Str. disagree - - t-test: p .663 However, a closer look at the data reveals that a higher per cent of T1 and Dl respondents 'strongly agree' with control over female movements, as compared to those who 'strongly agree' to controlling premarital movements of boys. According to a T1 female (1.7)' .. .I feel I have changed. I'm not the same Indian. If you control [your children] too much.. .like Indian old-hhioned ways, it's worse.. . it's better my children tell me where they are going.. .But in Iate night I'm little bit concerned.. .I prefer that [my] daughter should come early.. .Because of sexual reasons.. .. Another T2 female, (2.7) indicated similar restrictions, ... I wouldn't ... go out with him Iate. [Friends] would go out clubbing and it would start at 10 o'clock and my curfew time was 11.. .[so] I wouldn't go.. .I think there [are different restrictions for boys and girls] my brother is 7 years younger.. .he went to Montreal in a car [with his fiends]. .. If I went to ask at his age [to go] with my girl fiiends .. . I'm 100% sure.. .with me it would be no way, no convincing them.. .. Table 5.4. Control over boys' premarital movements by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Control over boys' T1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females movements YO YO YO YO _I__-~-*.--.-.---~~---.------Str, agree 50.0 35.7 7.1 7.1 AD-= Neutral Disagree Str. disagree t-test: p -001 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 FemaIes % Str. agree 14.3 As= 57.1 Neutral 28.6 Disagree Str. disagree t-test: p While there is a shift in the attitudes for control over movements of both sexes for the Toronto sample, the shifl is not significant for the Delhi sample. The data also show that more T2 females than T2 males 'strongly agree'/'agreeY for control on girls' and boys' premarital movements. 5.2. Restrictions on Dating Not surprisingly, all Delhi first-generation respondents and Toronto first- generation females said they had never talked about dating with their parents (Table 5.5). However, more than one-third of T1 males did mention they 'rarely' talked about it with their parents, the rest never did. In contrast, a sizeable proportion of second-generation respondents said they did discuss dating. A careful look at the second-generation data reveals that while a majority of Toronto males and females did talk about dating with their parents, most of the males did it 'rarely' while females did it 'sometimes' Table 5.5. Talked to parents about dating by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Talk to parents TI Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females about dating % % % 'YO Often 7.1 Sometimes - 35.7 Rarely 35.7 - 42.9 Never 64.3 100.0 14.3 t-test: p .ooo D1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males 'Yo 'No Yo men - 7.1 Sometimes - 14.3 Rarely - 42.9 Never 100.0 35.7 t-test: p .OOO One parent (1.1) while talking about the changes on the Indian mamage scene explained, ... During our times dating was never heard of.. .I somehow don't agree completely. When parents selected, they did the best.. .Now each tirne you meet a person you start looking for the Right person. Every time you wonder whether he/she is the Mr. Right and because there are doubts every tirne it's difficult to decide soon.. . Another D 1 male (1 -29) explained, ...Dating was never allowed in our times. We never even thought about it. If our parents had ever seen us with a girl there would have been a problem.. .the society also doesn't like it. Now there are changes. Girls and boys go out together, people do point fingers at them, but nobody bothers ... Before they get serious in a reIationship they should tell their parents- it's a matter of honor. Our society and culture don't allow certain things before marriage. After all, what is left after that?. .. . (Translated) Aspects such as dating, going out after school or work and late night outings emerged as possible aspects of conflict among the two generations in the sample. The proportion of respondents who reported of restrictions increased between the two generations for both locations. According to a Toronto parent (1.3), ... We want to know who is it and where they want to go. We're not that open like Canadians... [that you] just go out for drinks.. .we let them go] Like my daughter she's going to get married in a couple of months and we know the boy we let them go out but [stiil] there are certain restrictions.. .. The daughter (2.3) outlining some of the restrictions said, .. .I really didn't go out late.. .phone calls were only from girls... My dad didn't like [evening dance parties]. .. . Another Toronto father (1 -4) who was against 'serial dating' told his son, .. . [I'm] against serial dating, Stick to one and if there is even one sex act, it should end in marriage ... 1 told my son that if you are dating someone regularly then make sure it's a life commitment, And no sex because it spoils the sanctity of marriage, there is nothing left beyond.. . . A T2 female (2.18) spoke of the restrictions she faced, .. . Parents are very strict. mey] didn't allow me to go out after school/work. I was only allowed to go to friends' house if my parents hew them. I was sheltered and there were restrictions all the time. ..My friends at school also never bothered to invite me.. .. Although some T2 males also faced restrictions, none of them seem to elaborate much. Most of them did mention their parents' curiosity in terms of ethnic, caste and religious groups of their dates, but none of them talked about restrictions such as having a 'curfew' time, or not being allowed to go out at night. While none of the Dl respondents said they faced any such restrictions, a sizeable majority of them, as parents, imposed restrictions on their offspring. A Delhi mother (1 -36)argued, .. . [Parents] have to be carehl about who your child marries.. .Now-adays boys and girls go out together and if it doesn't work its a matter of shame. Parents have to be we&I especially in case of a girl. If she loses her virginity she has lost everything. It's dZficutt to live in the society and then it's difficult to get married. The fhmily also faces problems. If you have to stay in society you must follow the rules and regulations... . (Translated) Further, all respondents were asked whether their parents were curious to know the ethnic background, religion, caste, subcaste, gotra, family status, and educational qualifications of their date. Since the first generation of both the Toronto and the Delhi samples and D2 respondents were residing in India at the time of their marriage, the question on ethnicity was not asked from them. As for the second-generation respondents in Toronto, all respondents (except one male) said the parents were curious to find out the ethnicity of their datedacquaintances (Table 5.6). Table 5.6. Parents curious to know ethnicity of date by sex for Toronto sample Curiosity- T2 Males T2 Females ethnicity % A parent, whose daughter married an Indian Erom Toronto with their approval, spoke, .. . Oh yes, people used to ask [me] how would you like [it] if your daughter met with a white. Oh! I don't mind, I used to say. But [children] know how much it was very important. We used to say 'bete' (child) that it is better [to marry someone of your type]. There is so much choice out there ...You know [lfl you want a long lasting relationship.. .[and] you want your kids to have the same festivals what you grew up with, you don't want confbsed Mlies... . One parent (1 -3) explained, ... I initially told them.. .that we are Brahmins, and we are Indians, and [you] got to fit into that criteria ... The end result is you gonna be socializing with each other in me] Indian community.. . You have to get [children] to understand.. ,. A Toronto father (I. 1) whose son married out of caste, said, .. . Dating other Non-Indians, this is something each parent dreads. I think we prefer to have children marry an Indian, preferably of similar caste arid religion, rather than [a] non-Indian. Everything is so different- family values, customs, etc.. .Grandchildren are also less attached in mixed marriages.. .My son married an Indian female (Brahmin)of his own choice. There was a problem of caste but for us it was somehow later he.She's nice and.. .both of them are educated... . In this case the son had observed hypergamy in terms of caste which is usually permitted for a female. Since a woman marries up and because marriage automatically also places a bride and her family on a lower status, in this case because the groom belonged to a lower caste it created a possibility of status incongruence. It would have been acceptable if the man had married down in the caste hierarchy. Since Half of T1 males' and almost one-third of T 1 females' parents were curious to know the religious affiliations of their (opposite sex) fiends (Table 5-7). The situation changed for the T2 and D2 generation. Almost all T2 (except two males) and a sizeable majority of D2 respondents said their parents expressed curiosity about their dates' religion. Table 5.7. Parents curious to know religion of date by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples Curiosiv- T 1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females religion YO YO YO YO Yes 50.0 28.6 85.7 100.0 No 50.0 71.4 7.1 - NA - - 7.1 - Dl Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo Yo Yes 7.1 - 71.4 57.1 No 92.9 100.0 14.3 32.9 NA - - 14.3 - A Toronto father (1 -6)emphasized, .. . I was curious about their -lies .. .religion was quite important to us...You don't want confbsed Mlies... Caste was not at aU [important]. .. Family status was very important.. .. Parents of a majority of T1 and all Dl respondents never expressed their curiosity regarding the caste, subcaste, family status or education of their opposite sex Wends/acquaintances. Reasons for the lack of curiosity may be partly because dating was not very prevalent during those days and because of the high likelihood of arranged marriages that took place. However, the trends are varied in case of the second- generation (Table 5.8). A look at the second-generation data reveals that a higher proportion of parents were curious to know the caste affiliations of their daughters' dates as compared to those who expressed curiosity over those of their son's. Table 5.8. Parents curious to know caste of date by sex and generation for Toronto sample Curiosity- TI Males T 1 Femdes T2 Males T2 Females caste YO YO % Yes 35.7 28.6 42.9 71.4 No 7.1 - 50.0 28.6 NA 57.1 71.4 7.1 - D 1 Mates D 1 Females D2 Wes D2 Females % % % % Yes - - 28.6 57.1 No 7.1 - 57.1 7.1 NA 92.9 100.0 14.3 35.7 While none of the T2 males' said his parents wanted to know the subcaste of their girlfriends, almost 40% of T2 females' parents were reported to be interested in knowing the subcaste of their male acquaintances (Table 5.9). Surprisingly, curiosity with respect to subcaste was not expressed by any parent of the D2 generation (except for one female). Table 5.9. Parents curious to know subcaste of date by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Curiosity- TI Males T1 Females T2 Wes T2 Females subcast e % 'YO % YO -..----.~-.--*.---..-.------.-..------.--.--- Yes 21.4 28.6 - 42.9 No 78.6 71.4 100.0 57.i D I Males D 1 Females D2 Mates D2 Females % 'Yo Yo Yo Yes - - - 7.1 No 100.0 100.0 100.0 92.9 Although a few parents of first-generation respondents were curious to know the family background, a sizeable proportion of parents of T2 and D2 respondents were interested in finding out the family status (see Table 5.10 in Appendix B) and the educational qualifications (Tables 5.11 in Appendix B) of their dateslacquaintance. In the present D2 sample, parents of sons, more than daughters, were found to be more curious of the family status and education of their dates/opposite fiends or acquaintances. A T2 female (2.6) explained why her parents had no objection to her selection, .. . [They said] Good. Because there was nothing to not be good. He was from a good hiIy. I'm fiom a good family. We're both educated.. .the fkmily was happy.. . . Her father (1.6) also emphasized on family status, ...Family status was very important.. .Well off peopIe.. .Established people renowned, respectable.. .The kind of fiimily [we] come fiom.. .. Another T2 female (2.3) highlighting the importance of family background said, .. . My parents wanted-very educated.. .settled Iperson]. They said I should look at the family background.. .I don't think they would have agreed [if I were dating a person from a different family background] my dad specially... wanted to keep the tradition dive... Over all, it appears that dating of boys and girls is a matter of concern for most parents, but it becomes even less acceptable if it is with a person outside the ethnic (in Toronto), religious and caste groups and socioeconomic strata. 5.3. Dating and Courtship Since there were fewer opportunities for members of the opposite sex to interact with each other outside their families, a majority of respondents in the first- generation said they never dated anyone. While a sizeable proportion of T2 respondents reported dating, very few, less than one-third T1 males said they datedhaw their spouse only, often after the unions were decided (Table 5.12). On the other hand, while none of the D1 respondents (except one male) dated their spouse, all D2 respondents (except one male and one female) said they had dated their own spouse (Table 5.12). The data reveals marked differences between the generations on this item for both samples. Table 5.12. Dated spouse by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Dated T1 Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 FemaIes spouse YO % % YO Yes 28.6 - 28.6 63.3 No 71.4 100.0 7 1.4 35.7 D 1 maies D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % Yo Yes - 7.1 92.9 92.9 No 100.0 92.9 7.1 7.1 According to a T 1 male (l.6), ...We knew each other [from the same neighborhood]. In India you cannot calI it courting, but we were fiends,,. [We] didn't go out opedy .. .You stand on the terrace and see each other and wave.. .you're happy.. .Permissiveness [was not allowed] ... [we were not aUowed to] do anything which could bring any bad name.. .Parents didn't object [openly] but they did not appreciate it openly.. .They knew [her bily] because she used to live in the same IocaIity.. .Khatri (caste) and same religion.. .My sister hew.. .My fhther approached [their hmily]. .. . Interestingly while more than 60% of T2 females had dated their spouse, only Less than 30% of T2 males did so. On being asked about dating. a Delhi mother said, .. .Well we liked and approved the match.. .After we introduced them, they started going out.. .But that too with permission and only during day time.. .. On being asked whether the respondents dated with parental approval, the responses were found to vary by generation and to an extent by residence. While all first- generation and D2 respondents who dated said they obtained parental approval, a few T2 respondents said they did not (Table 5.13). Table 5.13. Whether dated spouse with parental approval by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Dated spouse T t Males T 1 Females T2 Males T2 Females with approval YO YO 'YO 'YO ------.-.....-...... ---..---.-..-.---..-.....----.----.--...-.-...--..--..-..*..---...-.--.------.----..------.--.--....---....--.....-..---.-..-. Yes 28.6 - 7.1 50.0 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % yo yo Yes - 7.1 42.9 78.6 No - - 50.0 14.3 NA 100.0 92.9 7.1 7.1 Among those who dated within each sex, more than three-quarters of D2 females and half of T2 females dated with parental approval. In contrast half of D2 and one-fifth of T2 males said they dated without letting their parents know (Table 5.13). Among those who dated with parental approval, a majority did so only after some kind of informaVforma1 agreemendengagement had taken place. According to a Toronto parent ...We introduced them.. .They went out after the commitment.. .that's courtship... . A D2 female (2.48) who dated her spouse explained, ...As soon as we thought we were serious and liked each other we told our parents. Parents were also on the look out [for a match]. Actually our families knew each other so it was easy. We started going out regularly after the 'thaka' (a formal agreement of the match). .. . (Translated) Among those who dated their spouse, while most of the T1 respondents (only males dated) did so for less than six months, for a majority of T2 and D2 respondents the dating lasted between six months to a year. On being asked whether respondents had dated anyone else besides their own spouse, almost all T1 (except one male) and all D1 respondents replied in the negative (Table 5.14). On the other hand, more than one-quarter of both T2 and D2 respondents said they had dated someone else besides their own spouse. D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Fedes % Yo Yo Yo Yes - - 42.9 14.3 No 100.0 100.0 57.1 85.7 A look at the data shows that more females than males in Toronto and more males than females in Delhi had dated someone else, besides their own spouse, on an average for a maximum of six months. Most of these respondents in both Toronto and Delhi said they broke up with their dates because they could not get along. However one female each, in the Toronto and Delhi second-generation samples, mentioned parental disapproval as the cause of breakup. In both cases, the male acquaintance belonged to a different religious background, to which parents had very serious objections. Later these females married members of their own religious and caste groups. Some respondents did mention the importance of parental approval for a long lasting relationship. A female in Delhi said, .. . Before I started actually seriously going out I introduced him to my mother... She Liked him... Of course he was of same caste and religion.. .was educated and from a good family.. .When she liked him we started going out.. .(What if she had said no?) Well its difficult to answer ...But I guess I would have to 'manao' (convince) her. It's very important in our society to have parents to agree. A woman needs a good 'maika' (natal home) if she needs respect in her 'sasural' (conjugal home). Also since marriage needs some social acceptance, parents' [approvaI] is very important. I don't know what I would have done ifthey said no... . Since most of the Indian society sees love as a dangerous emotion and a threat to familial unity, love ideally does not form the basis for many marriages. The question "Did you love your spouse before mamage?" presents a somewhat varied picture. The data show that while a majority of T 1 and all D 1 respondents said they did not love their spouse before marriage, a large proportion of second-generation respondents said they did (Table 5.15). An examination of data by sex reveals that a little over one-quarter of males in the T1 and T2 samples said they were 'very much' in love with their spouse before their marriage. Among females, while none of the T 1 females loved their spouse before marriage, more than 60% of T2 females did. Table 5.15. Loved spouse before marriage by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Loved T 1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females spouse YO YO % % ------_I__------very 28.6 - 28.6 42.9 Little 7.1 - - 21.4 Not at all 64.3 100.0 71.4 35.7 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo % very - - 57.1 28.6 Little - 14.3 28.6 57.1 Not at all 100.0 85.7 14.3 14.3 The change across generation was even more dramatic for the Delhi samples (Table 5.15). While only two females in the D 1 generation said they were a 'little' in love with their spouse before marriage; more than one-quarter of D2 females were 'very much' in love. A Toronto parent (1.6), who approved of love marriages to a certain extent, explained, .. . [According] to me love marriages are good, with time, when you really know what Iove is about ...I believe tbt in this society today kids should have the option to look first but. ..they should not commit to each other.,.Parents should be involved.. .. According to the daughter (2,6), ...There was Iimit [while dating]. .. we] were allowed to go out but there was a limit .. . It wasn't 'khule mm' (openly). .. There were limitations.. .[only after parental approval we were allowed] a certain amount of time.. .per month.. .and usudly socially, without friends, just once a month.. .. It is interesting to note that while a majority of the second-generation respondents disapproved of premarital cohabitation (Table 5.17 given later), a few T2 and D2 respondents did mention some premarital sexual intimacy, in the form of kissing, holding hands, in most cases only with their spouse. Although most parents in Toronto expressed fear about issues such as dating and premarital intimacy among the younger generation, the data reveals that Delhi's second-generation was more 'liberal'. A few D2 females and a majority of D2 males said they developed some premarital intimacy with their spouse (Table 5.16). Table 5.16 Premarital intimacy with spouse by sex for Toronto and Delhi samples Premarital intimacy T2 Males T2 Females D2 Mdes D2 Females with spouse YO % YO % Yes - 7.1 78.6 35.7 No 100.0 92.9 2 1.4 64.3 The data also show that while none of the older generation reported any premarital intimacy with their spouse, a sizeable proportion of secondgeneration respondents, especially those in Delhi did. Surprisingly, despite concerns expressed by most Toronto parents, in the present sample a much higher percentage of D2 respondents, as compared to T2 respondents, reported (some) premarital intimacy. The reason for the lesser concern expressed by the Delhi parents could be that since there is a high premium attached to virginity in general by the Indian society, according to most of them their children would not indulge in such premarital sexual activities because of the stigma involved. Another possible reason for the observed lower premarital intimacy among the T2 sample could be that because of the high costs involved in marrying outside the community, parents make a conscious effort to maintain control over the younger generation (see Tables 5.3 and 5.4 given earlier). A D2 male (2.29) who had an arranged courtship before marriage, said, ... We did go out after our parents selected but I only held her hand once, no kissing etc. I was too scared. What would she think? What if she got angry? We have been taught to do these things after marriage... . Since marriage involves kanyadhn, the ideal of virginity and female purity is romanticized and reaffirmed. Thus Indian tradition has essentially never encouraged premarital cohabitation in any form. The data show that a sizeable majority of respondents 'strongly disagree' to any form of premarital cohabitation (Table 5.17). A T2 female (2.7), who had a love marriage with parental approval said, .. . I don't agree with [cohabitation]... for my children. That would not be an option. They can date, they can go out. I don't even think about going [away for a] weekend.. .. Table 5.17. Opinion on cohabitation by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples P Cohabitation T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % Yo % Yo Str. agree 7.1 7.1 - Agree 7.1 Neutral - 14.3 7.1 Disagree 7.1 7.1 14.3 Str. disagree 92.9 92.9 7 1.4 71.4 t-test: p -202 D 1 Males D I Females D2 Males D2 Females % % Yo Yo Str. agree - - Agree - Neutral - Disagree - Str. disagree 100.0 t-test: p A D2 male (2.56) who selected his own spouse, emphasized, ...It is Ok to date, but there are certain limitations; or let's say, society has some unwritten rules that we should keep in mind. Our society and culture doesn't allow you to go to bed or have sex with someone before marriage. If someone does it, it's wrong.. .. (Translated) 5.4. Age at Marriage Although ideally early marriage has been a core feature of the traditional East Indian tradition, especially for females (as we discussed in Chapter I), the present sample appears to have married at later ages. The average age at marriage for T1 males and females was 24.50 years (range 19-20) and 19.89 years (range 15-25) respectively (Table 5.18). The second-generation, much like their parents, appeared to have married at later ages. The age at marriage for the T2 males and females was 26.86 years (range 24-30) and 23.93 years (range 20-29) respectively. Table 5.18. Age at mamage by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples 7.1 85.7 7.1 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo (N=28) % (N=28) % (N=28) % (N=28) 15-19 - 25.0 - - 20-24 42.9 75.0 3 -6 71.4 25-29 53.6 - 96.4 28.6 30+ 3 -6 - The mean age at marriage for the Dl males and females was 24.89 years (range 21-30) and 20.39 years (range 16-24) respectively, The age at marriage for the D2 sample for males and females was 26.68 years (range 24-29) and 23.79 years (range 2 1-26) respectively. Note that some D 1 and T 1 females married in the ages of 15-19, but none of the second-generation females did. In fact a number of the latter married after the age of 25. A similar shift was evident for the males. The present data reveal a narrowing of age differences between the marital partners. The average age difference between the spouses in the first-generation was 4.61 and 4.50 years respectively, for the T1 and Dl samples, it was reduced to 2.93 and 2.89 years for the T2 and D2 samples. From the above it seems that people are marrying at much later ages. While the present data do indicate some sort of premarital meetings, they seem to be taking place only after a formal agreement of the union between the two families. Since love is not encouraged, it is not yet 'institutionalized' as a means of mate selection (Ramu, 1988:52). These meetings, therefore, are more of the nature of 'courtship', with some formal agreement between the two families, than like the dates in the Western sense of the word. Having taken a look at the trends in the mate selection patterns, the age at marriage and on issues surrounding virginity, the next chapter examines changes and continuities in some of the core ceremonies and rituals performed at the time of mamage. Chapter 6. Wedding: Ceremonies and Rituals Weddings are a highlight of social life and are celebrated with much enthusiasm. Marriage, in Northern India, is spoken of as a kanyah, where the daughter is given away along with lavish gifts for her and for her spouse and his family amidst a series of rituals and ceremonies designed to transform her f?om 'one's own' (mi)to her natal kin, to 'other' (durn.) and 'alien' (parayi) to them (Raheja, 199528). Marriage involves a process of alienation for the female and a transfer of her membership from her nataI kin to her conjugal kin, and it is elaborately celebrated amid numerous rituals and ceremonies (Jacobson, 1997). The present chapter examines the importance of some wedding rituals and ceremonies. The chapter besides exploring the elements of change in some of the weddings, also sets out to examine the role of some rituals and practices in producing an understanding of sexuality. Some related questions include: Do strong patriarchal values still tend to emphasize on a bride's separation from her natal family? Does the groom's family maintain ritual superiority over that of the bride's family? Is there a change in the traditional one-way flow of affrnal gifts between these families? Although the traditional wedding schedule appears to have been shortened over the years, in terms of duration and number of ceremonies, certain rituals are still considered essential for a marriage to be complete. The core ceremonies include the 'phera' (encircling of the sacred fire, when the bride is formally transferred from her natal to her conjugal family amid ritual acts of deference to the groom's side), 'kanyah' (the gift of the virgin to the groom) along with gifts or dowry, and 'bidai' (departure, when the newly married bride leaves her natal home and accompanies her husband to his home). Other aspects of weddings, such as 'bamboo style tent' wedding, prenuptial celebrations, the groom's entry on a horse, and so on, are not so crucial. 6.1. Rituals and Ceremonies Almost all fust and second-generation respondents emphasized the importance of traditional rituals in an Indian marriage. According to a second-generation female respondent (2.3 6) - .- Having a marriage celebrated in a big way means a lot.. .You wait for that day. I guess for most of us a wedding means all the ceremonies, with lots of people ...I mean how can you have a quiet wedding? ...People will think there's something wrong in the marriage.. .It's a part of our tradition.. .. In one case, both the bride and the groom, who were living in Toronto, decided to go to India for their ceremony. According to the bride (2.23) ...The whole process up to mm-age is more elaborate, colorfbl and better in India.. . . Another respondent, a D2 male (2.3 I), talked about the importance of ceremonies, ... For us it is more important we go through all the rituals like phera, jaimala, kanyadan and so on. After all you marry only once, why not do it properly? Then your parents also want to celebrate it with style. Everybody does it. You can't marry by just going to the court. We haven't done anything wrong why should we hide?. .. . The present section discusses some of these rituals and ceremonies as reported by the informants, and allows us to see the changes occurring in them. All respondents in the fust and second-generation sample had a traditional wedding, involving a religious ceremony and the phera. On being asked who decided the type of wedding ceremony there would be, almost all first-generation respondents said it was their parents, as opposed to the second-generation respondents who more often report that they participated in the decision of what kind ofa ceremony to have (Table 6.1). Table 6.1. Who decided type of ceremony by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Decided T1 Males TI Females T2 Mes T2 Females ceremony % YO % YO -...-.--.-----.-.---.--~.--.- ~---..-.----.--.---- Parents 85.7 100.0 57.1 57.1 Parents+Self 7.1 - 42.9 42.9 SeLf 7.1 - - - D 1 Males D I Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo % Parents 92.9 100-0 57.1 85.7 Parents+SeK 7.1 - 42.9 14.3 Self - - - - Almost all of the older generation had a 'bamboo-style tent' ceremony (Table 6.2), where the wedding tent was supported by bamboo poles (thus the name). Table 6.2. Place of ceremony by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Place of TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females ceremony % YO % YO Bamboo tent 85.7 100.0 14.3 - Rented place 7.1 - 85.7 92.9 Other 7.1 - - 7.1 D 1 MaIes D 1 Females D2 Males D3 Females % Yo % % Bamboo tent 100.0 100.0 28.6 21.4 Rented place - - 7 1.4 78.6 However, it seems that the popularity and probably the feasibility of such ceremonies declined for the next generation. The present data shows that a majority of second- generation respondents had their weddings in a rented place, either in a hotel or a banquet hall. (The category 'other' here includes weddings performed in temples). Also while night weddings were more popular among the first-generation, there is an increasing trend towards celebrating weddings during the daytime among the second- generation respondents. Another change discussed by a few of the respondents was a preference by the groom to ride in a car rather than on a horse to the bride's place on the day of the wedding. Most of second-generation respondents said that they or their spouse did mount the horse for some time, since it was a part of the wedding rites, but most of them said that they preferred to go in a car. During my fieldwork in Delhi, I attended a wedding in which the groom, whose family was in business, came in a horse carriage and not on a horse or in a car. On being asked, some informants said that such carriages form a part of some contemporary expensive weddings. Elaborate arrangements were also visible on the bride's side. The bride's family, who were also in the business class, had made arrangements for the wedding in an expensive hotel and the father boasted of giving a fairly large dowry. Before thephera, during the 'jaimah', the couple exchange garlands as a symbol of having accepted each other. Another important ceremony that marks the separation of the bride from her natal family is that of 'kanyadan" . The act of kmyadm involves the giving away of a maiden daughter amidst a series of rituals and ceremonies. In order to perform this highest form of dan (meritorious gift), the bride's parents (or guardian) are expected to observe a fast on the wedding day. For a sizeable majority of respondents, especially females, in the first and second-generation samples, in both Toronto and Delhi 'kmyadhn' was essential. On being asked whether their or their wife's parents observed the kanyadan fast, a majority of first and second-generation respondents said yes (Table 6.3). Table 6.3. Whether parents observed fast by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Kanyadan fast T1 Males T1 Females 7'2 Mides T2 Females by parents % % YO YO ------.-- ---.---- Yes 92.9 100.0 78.6 71.4 No 7.1 - 21.4 28.6 D 1 Mdes D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Ferdes Yo % % Yes 85.7 92-9 71.4 92-9 No 14.3 7.1 28.6 7.1 However, one-quarter of T2 respondents and a little less than one-fifth of D2 respondents said that their own or their wife's parents did not observe the fast. The respondents were asked a few questions relating to kanyadan, dowry, the behavior at marriage and the relationship between the wife-givers and wife-takers. Along with the transfer of the daughter from her natal to her conjugal family, 'kmyadh72' also involves a complete 'dissimilation' of the bride from her natal family and her complete 'assimilation' to that of her husband's (Trautman, 1981:291). The ceremony of kanyadan culminates in bidai, which marks the separation of the bride form her natal home. The ideology of separation involves an expected shift in a bride's loyalty fiom that of her natal home to her conjugal home. The proportion of those who agreed that females should abandon loyalties to their family of birth, declined between the generations at both locations, more so in Delhi. (Table 6.4). It is interesting to note that females rejected this idea more often than males in all groups except in case of D2 females who are not strongly disagreeing as compared to males. Probably for them to do so would be harder. Table 6.4. Women should 'abandon loyalty' by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples iAbandon ~OY % Yo Yo 'Yo Str. agree 14.3 2 1.4 - 7.1 Agree 42.9 28.6 42.9 7.1 Disagree 28.6 28.6 42.9 50.0 Str. disagree 14.3 2 1.4 14.3 35.7 t-test: p -050 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo % % Str. agree 7.1 7.1 - 14.3 Agree 7 1.4 64.3 14.3 35.7 Disagree 21.4 21.4 85.7 50.0 Str. disagree - 7.1 - - t-test: p -001 A look at the data reveals that the decline, across generations, among those who agreed was more impressive among females in Toronto and among males in Delhi. However the same respondents, when asked whether a man's duty after marriage was towards his wife, parents, or both, gave mixed answers (Table 6.5). Although a majority of respondents in both generations and locations said a man's duty was towards both, a sizeable proportion of second-generation respondents, especially those in Toronto, said it was towards his wife and children. Again, among second-generation respondents the proportion who said a man's duty was towards his wife and children was greater among females as compared to males. Table 6.5. Man's duty after marriage by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples - , ...... , . . Man's duty TI Males T1 Females T2 MaIes T2 Females % % Yo % ---- .------*--.-.-.------Parents - - 7.1 - WifetChild. 14.3 7.1 21.4 42.9 Both 85.7 92.9 71.4 57.1 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Wes D2 Females Parents - - - - Wife+Child. - - 7.1 21.4 Both 100.0 100.0 92.9 78.6 With reference to another question, whether 'daughters are guests' in their parents' house, one observes an overall decline among those who 'strongly agree' or 'agree', across generation in both locations (Table 6.6). An Indian daughter usually grows up with the notion that her parents' residence is her temporary abode, where she is a guest, until she is married and leaves for her husband's home, which is her permanent residence. However, it is interesting to note that although the decline among those who agree is quite similar in Toronto between the two sex, it is not the same in Delhi. In Delhi, the decline is more impressive among males. In contrast, a majority of D2 females (like the Dl females) believed that 'daughters were guests' in their natal homes. One reason could be that these females were socialized by their mothers, the media and the existing cultural prescriptions, which defined that a woman's place was in her husband's home and that she was only a guest in her parents' house. According to a D2 female (2.30), .. . My mother always told me that you are a guest.. .You have to go and establish a new house. You must be able to adjust under any circumstances. We cannot keep you in our house forever. Every girl must go to her house.. .That's the way it is... . (Partly transIated) Table 6.6. "Daughters are guests" by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Daughters T1 Males T 1 Females T2 Uales T2 Females gu- Yo Yo Yo % Str. Agree 28.6 28.6 7.1 14.3 Agree 50.0 42.9 52.9 28.6 Disagree 14.3 14.3 42.9 28.6 Str. disagree 7.1 14.3 7. I 28.6 t-test: p -018 D 1 Males D 1 Fedes D2 Males D2 Females % Yo % Yo Str. Agree 7.1 - - 7.1 Agree 71.4 85.7 21.4 64.3 Disagree 2 1.4 7.1 78.6 28.6 Str. disagree - 7.1 - - t-test: p .OO 1 A bride's final departurelseparation from her natal residence is marked by a sorrowhl 'bidai'. On being asked whether 'bidai' marks a transition in a girl's life, it was found that a majority of respondents in both generations and geographical locations 'strongly agree'/'agree7 to it (Table 6.7). With this departure/bidai, the traditional ideology states that the bride becomes 'parqi' or foreign to her natal kin. Surprisingly, a little less than half of T2 males and about one-third T2 females agreed that a woman becomes parayi after bidai. According to a T2 male (2.5)' ...After bidai, a female belongs to her husband's hily. This is her family. She was a guest in her parent's house, now she doesn't belong to them anymore. .. . A Dl female (2.53) explaining the poignancy of bidai remarked, ...Bidai meant you were now a part of your husband's house. At the time of bidai we were told you have become parayi. Befi (daughter) paraya dhan hoti hai (a daughter is a gift that has to be given away). Be good and adjust... . Table 6.7. "Woman becomesparayf' after marriage by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Woman-parayi T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % % % % --.---.--.- -..-----~------...------.-.------.-----.--*..--.-- Str. Agree 14.3 35.7 - 7.1 A- 57.1 42.9 42.9 21.4 Disagree 28.6 14.3 35.7 42.9 Str. disagree - 7.1 21.4 28.6 t-test: p .ooo D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % Str. Agree 28.6 14.3 - - Agree 50.0 71.4 14.3 28.6 Disagree 21.4 14.3 85.7 71.4 Str. disagree - - - - t-test: p .ooo 6.2. Hypergamy As discussed earlier, marriages in parts of northern India, are also characterized by hypergamy, which establishes a relative superiority of the wife-takers over the wife- givers within a given marriage. These hypergarnous tendencies resuIt in an asymmetrical relationship between the two families. As a result, the wife-givers not only give their daughters /sisters to the wife-takers, they are also persistent gift-givers, 'lavish hosts' and are supposed to observe deference to the groom's family (Tambiah, 1973 :97). A majority of first-generation respondents, both in Delhi and Toronto, said that the wife-givers were inferior to the wife-takers in their marriage (Table 6.8). (During the interview the term 'hypergamy' was not used. Instead it was explained in detail in English, Hindi or Punjabi.) Table 6.8. Hypergamy in own marriage by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Hypergamy in T1 Uales T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females own mar. % % % YO ---7------~---.-..----*-----.------Yes 57.1 64.3 35.7 7.1 No 42.9 3 5.7 64.3 92.9 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females 'Yo Yo Yo Yo Yes 57.1 57.1 14.3 28.6 No 42.9 42-9 85.7 71.4 According to a T1 female (1.32), ...During that time, my parents, when they came to my house, they refised to eat/drink anything.. .I did feel a bit bad but] it was like that. They would treat my husband and his parents like ...special guests ...They would do all they could to please them, and keep asking for forgiveness in case they did anything wrong... .I felt so bad for them sometimes.. . ..(Translated) Another D 1 female (1 -37) explained, .. , In those times boys' side was treated like a god.. .During weddings they ate first. Special arrangements were made to seat them.. .Girl's parents would humbly go around them serving them with folded hands, making requests and still feel guilty. They hardly stayed with their daughter because they wouldn't eat at her house.. .But now it's changed. .. . (Translated) In contrast, a look at the second-generation data shows that a majority of the respondents disagreed and believed that no such inequality existed between the wife-givers and takers in their marriage. One T2 female (2.6) respondent said, ... I don't think that such inequality is there between our two Eamilies.. .of course my parents respect his parents but his parents also respect mine. The only difference is that my parents give me lots of stuff.. .But that's to me only.. .Except (when we got married) when they gave to (everybody). .. . When asked whether the respondents agreed to such relationships in general, a majority of the first and second-generation respondents said they disagree with this asymmetry (Table 6.9). Table 6.9. Opinion on hypergamy in general by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples Hypergamy in T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females general YO YO YO YO .---.---_l_ll_____lP------.-*.*-*-- Str. agree - 7.1 - - Agree 7.1 28.6 7.1 - Neutral - - - - Disagree 21.4 14.3 14.3 - Str. disagre 71.4 50.0 78.6 100.0 t-test: p -022 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo Yo % Str. agree - - - - Alive 7.1 21.4 - 7.1 Neutral - 28.6 - 14.3 Disagree 42.9 14.3 14.3 21.4 Str. disagree 50-0 35.7 85.7 57.1 t-test: p -103 Some respondents were in favor of a more equal relationship between the families. The per cent of those who strongly agreed with hypergamy increased between the two generations, especially for the Toronto sample. The prevailing negative attitudes towards such asymmetry in marriage in favor of a more equal relationship between the families in the Toronto sample may be the result of their migrational experience and or the characteristics of the Canadian society. According to a second-generation female (2.37), .. . Why should there be an inequality? My parents also educated me.. .I have a good job .. .My parents also spent on me.. .Why should they bow to them? Earlier females were less educated and didn't work outside so [their] parents had to bow in front of a boy's family. Not now.. .. 6.3.Dahej or Dowry This asymmetrical relationship, which recognizes the superiority of the bride- takers over the bride-givers, is also accompanied by a one-way flow of gift giving. The gift-giving by the bride's family begins with the fixing of the marital union and ideally continues forever afterwards. This asymmetrical flow of gifts is guided by the concept of hypergamy and that of dm,which according to Brahrnanical scriptures, is generally given to superiors. So when a bride's family gives away their daughter along with a substantial dowry to the groom's family, in return they get status (Dumont, 1988) in society and punya (religious merit) (Hesse, 1996). Punya, Hesse argues, is closely connected to dharma (moral duty), to being a dharmic person, which brings a 'good name' for the family, 'with all its implications' (1996: 117). A good mamage defined as one involving all rituals along with abundant gift-giving, besides serving useful for marrying one's other children and for social opportunities or family strategies (Hesse, 1996) may also cause a lot of pain if parents are not very well-off. These gifts of central importance, presented by the wife-givers to the wife-takers at the time of marriage, include the '&ej7 or dowry. Thus a bride's family gives away the bride along with substantial gifts to the groom and his family in exchange for non material rewards (status, punya, dha)and also in order to avoid heavy costs (loss of face and honor, having unmarried daughters in the house, etc.). Dowries are a drain on a family's purse, especially if there are a number of daughters to be married. There are times of conflict when one daughter is married with a larger dowry as compared to the other. Often these lead to tensions between daughters and sometimes with their conjugal families or can even cause marital delays. The calculation of dowry usually entails consideration of factors such as status of the two families, and the educational and vocational qualifications of the groom and the bride. Although initially dowry involved only a few personal items for the bride and some utensits, household items, a little cash and clothes for the spouse and his immediate family, over the years it has increased in size and value. Dowry currently includes the bride's trousseau, her jewelry, some gifts for her spouse and his family, a few household items such as utensils, hmiture, and some other consumer items such as TV, VCR, cooking range, and so on. The present study shows that while the &hej of the fist generation included few clothes and jewelry for the bride, some clothes for the groom and his family, and a few household items like beds, sofa, and some utensils; 'dahej' of the second-generation brides essentially included substantial clothing, jewelry and personal items for the bride; sets of clothing and jewelry for the groom and his immediate and extended family; household fbmishings, such as beds, sofa, refi-igerator, car (sometimes), hrnished flat/apartrnent (rarely), utensils, and other household consumer goods. This list could also be a result of having a biased sample (high socioeconomic strata). An attempt was also made to study the attitudes towards dowry, and the behavioral patterns pertaining to dowry, its control and its importance in settling marriages. Interestingly, when the respondents were asked questions on dowry, a majority of them objected to the term 'dowry'. One of the central idioms respondents used to discuss dowry, also highlighted by Roulet in her study in rural North India, was that since there were no demands or pressures on the bride's family, the gifts involved could not be construed as dowry (1996:97). That the bride's family gave gifts 'voluntarily' or 'khushi se' (term used by Roulet, 1996). In the present research the term 'voluntary' implies gifts given by the bride's family without demands from the groom's side. However it needs to be noted that often dowry is given because of socially constructed demands, and in order to avoid costs associated with not giving dowry, which may include ridicule, loss of face and daughters not getting married. It is also interesting to note that despite the fact that an ovenvhelming majority of first-generation males and females said that in general dowries are 'not so important' Punimportant', in almost all these marriages (except two Toronto males) dowries were given/received. About one-fifth of T1 females classified dowries as 'very Table 6.10. Dowry important in own marriage by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples D 1 Mdes D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % Very imp. - 7.1 - - Imp. - 14.3 - 42.9 Not so imp. 85.7 64.3 50.0 42.9 Unimp. 14.3 14.3 50.0 14.3 t-test: p -317 When asked whether dowry was important in their own mamages, more first- generation females than males replied in the affirmative (Table 6.10). A look at the second-generation data reveals that although all respondents' (except two males-one each in Delhi and Toronto and two females in Toronto) marriages involved dowry, a sizeable majority of males as compared to females in Delhi, said that dowries are 'not so irnportant'/'unimportant'. This represents a case of behavior and attitude incongruency. It is easy to say dowries are unimportant when they (the groom and his family) know they are going to get it anyway because of the reasons mentioned above. In contrast to the Toronto sample almost half D2 females said dowry was an important factor in their marriage. Some families also use dowries as avenues to display their social and economic position. Dowry, it is argued not only transfers wealth through females, but it is an important institution which defines and strengthens one's social prestige and status (izzat) (also see Roulet, 1996). Although a majority of the respondents displayed negative attitudes towards the dowry system and its continuity, a very high percentage of the sample still agreed that it provides an opportunity for families to display their financial status (Table 6.11). The capacity of dowry to publicly display one's status or izzat motivates and encourages parents and families to participate sometimes even beyond their means by taking loans for such dowry-marriages (also see Roulet, 1996; Upadhya, 1990). In a wedding that I attended during my stay in DeIhi, India during 1996, the bride, who was the daughter of a wealthy businessman, was 'loaded' with expensive jewelry worth more than $50,000 at the wedding. Beside this her dowry also included cash, a furnished house and many other items. Table 6.1 1. Dowry-displays financial position by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples Do wry- T1 Miles TI Females T2 Males T2 Females Agree 78.6 57.1 71.4 28.6 Disagree - 14.3 28.6 42.9 Su. disagree 14.3 7.1 - 28.6 t-test: p -004 D 1 Males D I Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % Str- agree 14.3 7.1 7.1 - Agree 71.4 78.6 78.6 71.4 Disagree - 7.1 7.1 28.6 Str. disagree 14.3 7.1 7.1 t-test: p .424 It needs to be noted that a few females, especially those in the younger generation and in Toronto, disagreed that dowry displayed one's financial status. To another question on whether dowry was an obligation, the results were found to vary by residence and sex (Table 6.12). In addition, the GLM showed significant first order interaction between dowry as an obligation and the sex of older generation (p=.007). The data show an increase in proportion of respondents who disagreed with the statement between the two generations in Toronto. Also while none of the first (except two in Delhi) nor second-generation males agreed that dowry was an obligation, a sizeable proportion of females in both generation agreed with it. Surprisingly more females as compared to males seem to agree that dowry was an obligation. Table 6.12. Dowry an obligation by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples I.-.. Dowry-an T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females obligation % YO YO % Str. agree - 14.3 - Agree - 28.6 57.1 Disagree 71.4 57.1 64.3 42.9 Str. disagree 28.6 7.1 35.7 - t-test: p -022 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Mates D2 Females Yo Yo Yo % Str. agree 7.1 - Agree 50.0 57.1 Disagree 35.7 42.9 Str. disagree 7.1 - t-test: p In general, although a majority of first-generation respondents disapproved of dowry, they seem to hold different standards when it comes to receivindgiving dowry, at the time of their children's marriage. Table 6.13. Did you expect a dowry? by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Expect T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females dowry Yo % Yo Yo Yes - - - - No 100.0 100.0 100.0 100.0 D 1 Mdes D I Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo Yo Yo Yes - 14.3 - 78.6 No 100.0 85.7 L00.0 21.4 While none of the males in the two generations said they expected a dowry, about 80% of D2 females expected their parents to give them a dowry (Table 6.13). However, irrespective of the attitudes towards dowry, almost all respondents' marriages involved dowries. Since the cost of dowry items could not be easily separated from the other costs incurred in the weddings, respondents were asked to give an approximate total cost of their weddings to their family. The cost of these weddings, some of which took place in Toronto and the rest in Delhi, have been converted into Indian Rupees for comparability (conversion: $1 Canadian. is approximately equal to Rupees.25). Even if one were to consider factors such as inflation, one does notice a general trend of an increase in the cost of weddings between the generations (Table 6.14). Table 6.14. Costs incurred in the wedding by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples -. -. . * Cost of wedding T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % Yo <25,000 78.6 7.1 - - 25-50,000 21.4 92.9 - - 5 I- 100,000 - - 85.7 - 10 1-200,000 - - 14.3 35.7 200,000+ - - - 64.3 The present data show a substantial increase in the amounts spent on marriages across the two generations. While a majority of first-generation' s mamages cost between Rs. 25,000-50,000 ($1,000-2,000); the second-generation's weddings cost much more. Again while the T2 males' weddings cost between Rs. 101,000-200,000, the females' weddings cost much more (between Rs. 200,000-450,000). Similarly a look at the D2 sample also shows that in general a daughter's wedding costs much more. While a majority of D2 males' parents s?ent only between Rs. 5 1,000- 100,000, a majority of D2 females' parents spent more than Rs. 200,000. It should also be noted that while a majority of cash spent on a son's wedding is on the ceremonies and on the 'wari' (items that are provided to the daughter-in-law and include some jewelry and clothes for her); the flow of cash and goods from the bride's family is much more and goes from the bride's family to the family of the groom. While the size of the wari is of less concern and curiosity, that of dowry contributes to the prestige and honor of the two families and of the daughter-in-law. Thus, despite the negative attitudes towards the dowry system, there is a substantial increase in the size of dowries in recent years. In most cases the average size of the dowry was much more than the combined annual income of the parents. (It needs to be noted that the sample is not representative of the East Indian population in Delhi or Toronto and comprises of a majority of well-to-do educated, white-collar professionals. According to a Dl male (1.34)' ... The size of dowries have increased so much that sometimes you have to take loans to get your daughters married.. .Even if no one openIy asks for some things you know what is the trend and what is expected.. .. (Partly tmmlated) Another T 1 female (1.12) replied, ... The amount you spend on a daughter's wedding has increased more than 10 times. The cost of a son's wedding has also increased but whether the boy's side does it or not is not a matter of concern. Everybody wants to know what you gave to your daughter and there seems to be a competition going on. Everybody wants to beat the other.. .. (Partly translated) Although the above discussion includes dowry expenses only at the time of marriage, one must bear in mind that gifts continue to flow in the same direction, fiom the bride's family to that of the groom, for a long period of time. Since payment of dowry and a continuous flow of gifts is part of the north Indian marriage process, large dowries and post-marital gift giving carry serious implications resulting in strong preferences for boys over girls. No wonder then girls are still considered a threat, a burden and a liability to their families. Since payments from the bride's family include household objects, cash, and jewelry, these end up as common conjugal property, often under the control of the groom and his parents. Most wedding gifts, with the exception of items designed for the bride's personal use, such as her jewelry and clothes, are under the control of the groom and his parents. The present data show an increase in the control of dowry items by the bride, with a possibility of conflict between the two generations under study (Table 6.15). More than half of Tl and Dl males reported that while the in-laws had control over major items, their brides maintained control over their personal jewelry and trousseau. Among the second-generation males, more than 70% in Toronto and over 90% in Delhi said their brides had control over the entire dowry and all items she got from her parents. Among females, a majority of TI respondents said their in-laws controlled the major items leaving them to control only their personal effects; and a majority of those in the Dl sample said that their dowries were totally controlled by their in-laws. A T1 female (1.5) remarked, .. . As I got married into a joint hilywhatever my parents gave as dowry came into the house as a joint property. .. Except I had control over the jewelry and clothes they gave me.. .I don't know what happened to the cash and other things. During those days we couldn't ask. Nowadays daughter-in-laws don't let you touch their things.. .In fact many items of my dowry were given away by my mother-in-law.. -1 think to my sister-in-laws (husband's mamed sisters) and their families on various occasions.. .. Table 6.15. Control of dowry by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Dowry control T 1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % % % Yo In-laws 14.3 35.7 - 7.1 Husband only - 7.1 - - Bride 21.4 - 7 1.4 85.7 In-laws+Bride 57.1 57.1 21.4 7.1 OtherNA 7.1 - 7.1 - D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females In-laws 21.4 57.1 - 7.1 Husband only 7.1 7.1 - - Bride 14.3 - 92.9 71-4 In-Iaws+Bride 57.1 35.7 7.1 2 1.4 Among the second-generation respondents, however, a majority of both males and females in both locations said that the bride herself controlled her dowry. According to some of them, especially females' although they have control over dowry items they belong to them as a couple and not to her in particular. A D2 female (2.30) explained, ... Things have changed. My mother's dowry was distributed by her in-Iaws among her sister-in-laws when they got married. But now these things can't happen. My mother-in-law cannot give anything my parents give to me. They are mine.. .I guess the change is there because it causes problems and fights.. .Moreover, my parents gave everything in our joint name, like fiidge, TV, cash etc.. .So it belongs to us.. .. (Partly translated) Another T2 female (2.6) said, ...My parents gave me jewelry and cash and other items to be used by me and my husband.. .Is difficult to rake these things fiom me...My in-laws don't have control over it. .. . It appears then that dowry marriage which is associated with an understanding of marriage as a byadan continues to involve expectations and evaluations of the bride and her family and has thus become an important element of an East Indian wedding (also see Roulet, 1996). It is becoming a device that transfers substantial amounts of wealth across generations, from the bride's parents to the new couple, resulting in marriages becoming a more expensive affair for a bride's family. The respondents were also asked to select three most important reasons for giving a dowry. According to all T1 respondents and a majority of Dl respondents, the most important reason for giving a dowry was that it was an 'established custom' (Table 6-16). The second-generation respondents, especially those in Toronto, also held a similar view. A T2 male (2.5) said, ... I guess people give dowry because it's a custom and everyone gives it. It's not dowry, parents give of their own will (voluntarily, not because of demands). .. . However, according to a few Delhi respondents, especially females, the most important reason was that dowry was part of females' 'inheritance' and thus parents give it. A second-generation respondent in Delhi (2.53) said, .- .[DO wry is] not an obligation but yes if they can [give it] and want to, they should; it's a fl.Mer all, the assets go to sons, so daughters only get what they do at their marriage. It's part of their inheritance fram their parents. Girls don't take anything from their parental property, if they do take [or ask for something] the brothers get annoyed.. .. (Partly translated) Table 6.16. Most important reason for giving dowry by sex and generation for Toronto Inheritance Everybody gives it Better status Helps household 7.1 Other - - 7.1 D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo Yo Custom 92.9 50.0 35.7 Inheritance 7.1 2 1.4 42.9 Everybody gives it - 14.3 7.1 Better status - - 7.1 Helps household - 7.1 7.1 Other 7.1 - The data show that while a majority of TI males cited 'better status' as the second most important reason; an equal percentage of Tl females cited 'better status' and 'everybody gives it' as the second most important reasons for giving of dowry (Table 6.17). Among the second-generation, while a majority of T2 males said 'everybody gives itY,T2 females said it 'helps couple establish a new household'. For the Delhi sample, while a majority of D 1 males gave 'everybody gives it' as the second important reason; their female counterparts thought that parents give dowry because it provides a female better status in her conjugal household (Table 6.17). A TI male (1.6) responded, .. . I saw my parents give it to my sisters...And I saw my brothers did good weddings for their daughters. .. [gave] jewelry and clothes. You call it dowry or whatever.. .I expected it from myself... . Among the second-generation, while a majority of D2 males said dowry provides 'better status' to the bride; a sizeable per cent of D2 females considered dowry as part of their 'inheritance'. A T2 female (2.3) explained, ...We grew up knowing females get dowry. It also heIps the young couple to start their life. We couldn't have bought everything at once. So what my parents gave helped us... . Table 6.17. 2" important reason for giving dowry by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples 2nd reason for T1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females dowry % 'Yo Yo % Custom - Inheri tame - 10.0 Everybody gives it 35.7 38.5 10.0 Better status 42.9 38.5 10.0 HeIps household 2 1.4 15.4 50.0 Other - 7.7 20.0 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % % Custom - - - - Xnheritance 9.1 7.7 25.0 50.0 Everybody gives it 45.5 30.8 25.0 16.7 Better status 36.4 53.9 41.7 25.0 Helps household 9.1 7.7 8.3 8.3 Very few respondents gave a third reason for giving dowry. The reasons often cited were 'better status', 'helps establish new household' by the first and second-generations, respectively. Since weddings represent an important means of displaying one's economic status, it is worth mentioning that although the cost of a daughters' wedding is much more, the amounts spent on a son's wedding have also increased. More and more weddings are being celebrated in hotels and banquet halls, which cost a lot more than the traditional bamboo-style tent weddings. Such extravagant spending during weddings puts pressure on those who cannot afford to spend so much. However it is important to note here that although they may not be able to afford such lavish weddings and dowries most parents, especially those of the brides, spend much more than their capacity and often go into heavy debts when they borrow money for such occasions. Again it needs to be mentioned that the reason for such lavish and expensive weddings could be the result of the sample composition. That because these well-to-do families are under pressure to conform to certain expectations, the costs of these weddings continue to be fairly high. 6.4. Wedding Behavior A diversity of both written and unwritten sources, the epics, folksongs, tales and media, reiterate a females' submissive behavior at the time of marriage and even later. While males are allowed and even encouraged to talk and joke during the wedding, the cultural ideals are strictly set forth for the females. According to dominant discourse, ideally the bride had to possess 'sharam' (modesty, reticence, and deference). She is expected to sit silently decked in jewelry, usually in a red (or a shade of red) sari pulled over her bowed head and face and with lowered eyetids. A look at the TI sample data reveals that while a majority of brides in these marriages had their heads bowed, three- quarters did not smile, observed purdah, covered their head and face and did not talk (Table 6.18). In contrast while more than half of the T2 brides also bent their heads, a majority said they smiled, covered their head only a little, and did talk occasionally. Similar trends were also observed for the Delhi samples. Table 6.18. Bridal behavior by generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Bridal behavior T1 Females T2 Females D 1 Females D2 Females % (n=28) % (n=28) % (n=28) % (n=28) Head bent- Yes 100.0 57.1 92.9 32-1 Little - 21.4 - 50.0 No - 21.4 7.1 17.9 Smile- Yes 10.7 35.7 10.7 28.6 Little 14.3 57.1 - 67.9 No 75.0 7.1 89.3 3 -6 Purdah- Yes 85.7 32.1 89.3 10.7 Little 14.3 53.6 - 67.9 No - 14.3 10.7 21.4 Talk- Yes 10.7 25.0 10.7 14.3 Little 7.1 60.7 - 85.7 No 82.1 14.3 89.3 - In contrast, as expected, none of the grooms observed any such behavior. In general contemporary brides, much like the first-generation brides, continued to wear the traditional attire in red or shades of red during the wedding ceremonies. Although the overall structure of the ceremonies appears to be continuous, the present study found some changes in the East Indian weddings. While the weddings in Delhi continue to focus mainly on the rituals followed by a lavish feast; those in Toronto have witnessed a shift. Most weddings in Toronto start with the rituals during the day followed by a lavish party at a hotel or banquet hall in the evening, expenses for which are sometimes shared between the two families. These evening parties have professional entertainment, followed by an evening of westem-style dance, when the young couple comes out to dance in front of the guests. While some weddings in India may also include professional entertainment and songs, in general, it would be unthinkable to see the bride dancing at her own wedding. From the above it seems that marriage involving kanyadan and dowry is still considered by many as the appropriate form of marriage and the gifts given in the form of dowry continue to have a critical significance in most north Indian marriages. Although families give and take dowry in different ways and for various reasons, large dowries and extravagant weddings, especially for daughters, contribute to their father's prestige and their own status in the conjugal family. Despite increases in the educational qualifications and labor force participation rates of females, the dowry system not only continues but it appears to have reached exorbitant levels. Since females continue to 'serve as conduits of transferable wealth' (Minturn, 1993:136), and their 'proper' marriage provides 'punya' to their natal families, dowries continue to be vital, resulting in daughters being a drain on the family purse. These rising marriage costs, especially in the north, continue to be an important factor for the persistence of a preference for sons in these areas. Chapter 7. Discussion and Conciusion In India, as in many other societies, mamage remains an important sociocultural and religious institution. Based on ancient scriptures, the marriage system in India was well established during the Vedic period (4000-1000 BC) and has since then been closely followed by a majority of the Indian population (&to and Rao, 1979). It remains a major life cycle event and an important mechanism for the incorporation of new members and families into one's own. Marriages were often completely arranged by parents or elders. In such 'closed' marriage systems marital partners were often chosen based on nonindividualistic norms with the choice restricted by a set of prohibitions and obligations of the individual's kin group (see Van der Veen, 1972). This arranged marriage system was the keystone to other family systems and patterns that were characteristic of the Indian society. The Indian family was essentially patriarchal in descent, patrilocal by residence and patriarchal in nature. Hierarchies of age, generation and gender firther organized the family system. Arranged mamage was the norm and the ideal. Dhanna which has been used for religious duties (Avasthi, 1979) prescribed proper marriage, defined by rules of endogamy and exogamy. The present analyses show that although arranged marriage is still a way of life, certain modifications have been introduced in the process of marriage of the younger generation. The process of mate selection emerged as an issue of intergenerational conflict in the present sample. Movement in the direction of giving freedom to the young in the selection of their spouse was found in both Toronto and Delhi samples and among both males and females. The data show changes between the two generations in the way mates are selected, in the nature of the first meeting between them, and indicates some narrowing of differences between the two sexes. None of the mate selection variables (type of mate selection procedure, nature of first meeting with spouse), except nature of mate introduction were found to vary much by sex and residence. The reason for the slow change could be because of the high costs associated with not conforming to the group's expectations and since the alternatives (self-choice marriage) also seem to carry heavy costs (such as social and familial disapproval) most respondents were found to have generally followed the existing norms and values of the East Indian society (for similar arguments see Nye, 1979). While a majority of respondents wanted to be involved in the process of choosing their own spouse, parental approval remained essential among all marriages in the sample. The present data lend support to some studies conducted in India (Liddle and Joshi, 1986; Rao and Rao, 1976; and Vatuk, 1972; to name a few) and among Overseas Indians (Jackson and Nesbitt, 1993; Naidoo, 1985; Saran and Eames, 1980; Saran and Leonhard-Spark, 1980; Singh, 1994; Wakil, Siddique and Wakil, 198 1; to name a few). It is also argued that while the young are given an opportunity to participate in the decision- making process, a number of parents, even in the present sample, preferred to arrange the first meetings with the prospective spouses, for both their sons and their daughters. In fact, a few Indo-Canadian respondents married spouses imported from India. Unlike Vaidyanathan and Naidoo's study among South Asians in Southern Ontario that indicated a shift towards an intermediary pattern, wherein maniages were 'entered into by the couple on their own with the consent of the parents' (1990/91:47) (also see Nevadomsky, 1980 for similar arguments in Trinidad), the present study found marriages of the type where parents had found the mates, had formally introduced the prospective couples, and then asked for their (children's) consent. In fact, unlike the sample in Trinidad where the young mates often married their own choice since parental approval was not available (Nevadomsky, 1980), the young generation in both Toronto and Deihi insisted that parental approval was an essential ingredient in their marriages. Although romantic love is seen as a Western phenomenon, the East Indian society has seen such love in movies, and expressed in poetry and novels. Indian mythology and history abound in love stories. However, although the Indian cinema, which is a popular source of entertainment and spins out more than 250 movies a year, focuses on love marriage, it has never been a reflection of the Indian society at large. Most Indian movies which highlight inter-caste, inter-class and inter-regional marriages represent a fantasy for movie-goers who want the movies to end in a love union and marriage. The same individuals would probably disapprove or even vigorously oppose such unions in their own families. Thus Indian movies and soap operas do not by and large reflect marriage and social life in the real India. The reason being that the costs associated with such deviations are too high and may include a breakup with one's immediate family, social disapproval and avoidance (refer to Nye, 1979 for details). While the young people are now more often consulted and have much more say in the choice of their mates (as compared to their parents, a majority of who underwent 'Blind marriages') parents still continue to be an important part of the mate selection process and love marriages are generally not approved. It is firther argued that although changes can be observed in the mate selection patterns across the two generations even in India, the adult marriageable children in Toronto have a limited freedom of choice as compared to their counterparts in North America. It is argued that, migration to a new country along with the socioeconomic changes has a relatively greater effect on the experiences, attitudes and ultimately the (marital) behavior of the individuals. And although an emphasis is placed by the migrant-parental generation on some of the traditional Indian values these values perhaps no longer fit the contemporary spatial context for the younger generation, who grew up in North America influenced by alternative Western ideas and beliefs and, where self-choice marriages remain a part of the dominant ideology. This may result in tensions between the parents and the younger generation as well as tension between the younger generation and their peers. Thomton and Fricke (1987) argue that variations in the relationship between parents and children may be a result of the increase in ages at marriage and their premarital employment patterns (also see Caldwell, Reddy and Caldwell, 1982). The present analysis shows that while there is only some variation in the male premarital employment patterns, the female premarital employment patterns show a tremendous change. While very few first-generation females had any premarital work experience, a very large majority of second-generation females worked outside their home before marriage. This rising economic independence, caused by a significant increase in the employment opportunities, especially among females, has probably not only led to increases in the age at mamage between the two generations but has also resulted in a generational conflict because of the increased pace of decline in parental control over mate selection procedures. While most of the first-generation males had premarital work experience, a majority of them were probably not economically independent, since they did not maintain separate bank accounts fiom their parents. We find that in many cases their parents continued to maintain considerable control over their mate selection process. On the other hand, the second-generation's increased premarital work participation, along with an increased control over their earnings and the rising education levels, probably translated into the postponement of marriage and some decline in parental control over their mate selection process (also see Thornton and Fricke, 1987). These changes in the mate selection process, causing a shift from a typical arranged marriage system, whereby marriages were completely arranged and negotiated by parents or elders for the first-generation, to those which involve both parents and the younger generation (in this case the second-generation) have been remarkably similar in the two geographical settings (Toronto and Delhi samples) and among both males and females. The present second-generation sample fits McCall's (1966) 'intermediary pattem', whereby although the parents or kin group do not seem to have a complete authority in mate selection for the second-generation, they still remain an essential part of the process, with the young also being involved in the selection process. Of course, the social position of parents continues to be an important factor. In contrast, the first- generation samples, in both Toronto and Delhi, fit McCall's first pattern of courtship, namely the 'traditional pattern', whereby the bargaining at the time of marriage is said to have occurred between the parents or the elders of the couples. In the latter case the eligibility was decided by one's place in the social stratification system (McCall, 1966) defined here by their caste, subcaste, religious and gotra affiliations. Marriages in the 'traditional pattern', similar to those of the first-generation were conceived as an alliance between two families or kin groups with significant implications, because such marital alliances were said to raise or even lower the social ranks of the groups involved (for arguments also see McCall, 1966). In keeping with the traditional form of marriage, one can see that almost all fust-generation respondents in the sample married within the prescribed rules of caste, religious and subcaste (to a large extent) endogamy and also happened to follow those of gotra exogamy to an extent. In the traditional marriage system there appears little equity. Females continued to be less educated, very few of them engaged in paid work and the overall status appeared to be lower than that of the males. Although the younger generation seems to be slightly better off with more females pursuing higher education and entering the work force, inequality still exists between the two sexes, especially at the time of marriage. Bride- givers continue to occupy a lower status vis-a-vis the bride-takers. One possible reason which emerges is that most often these individuats tend to conform to the societal norms and values because of lack of more rewarding alternatives and because of the high costs involved with deviating fkom the existing norms (refer to Nye, 1979 for details). The younger generation unlike the older generation seems to be more actively involved along with their parents in selecting their hture marital partners. This emerged as an important issue of conflict between the generations. The normative pattern outlined by some classic texts continues to remain honored in principle rather than in practice, as there appears to be considerable moral, familial and social pressure on the younger generation to conform to marital ideologies, defined by their placements in the social stratification system (Harlan and Courtright, 1995). Since parents are most often still in control of the selection and the dating or courtship process, they continue to impose restrictions on the type of opposite sex relationships. One finds that the channels of interaction or courtship are often rigidly defined and restricted between members belonging to the same social strata. Although the restrictions based on gotra exogamy and subcaste endogamy have become more fuzzy, in both Toronto and Delhi second- generation samples, those of religion and caste still continue to be of central importance and points of conflict at the time of marriage (also see Jyoti, 1983, for data on India; and Bhachu, 1985; Jayawardena, 1971, 1968; and Mani, 1983, for data on Overseas Indians). While there is a general trend towards an increase in the freedom of choice, marriage continues to be arranged within certain prescribed limits, with little involvement of the young. Parents continue to play a major role in selecting a few prospective mates only to be approved by the younger generation. Dating, which is a prominent point of conflict between the two generations, does not occur until after a formal settlement or engagement. Since a majority of East Indians continue to live in close-knit families where sons provide old-age security and perform last rites for the departed souls, mamages of the self-choice type present a cultural threat and a means of conflict. Because most of these children grow up in families which stress on 'conformity with parental wishes' and punish 'divergence' it is more likely, as Nye would argue, that there will be correspondence between the values and beliefs of parents and those of their children (1979:32). Further Blau (1964) argues that since people tend to seek social approval especially from those whose opinions they value, in this case the parents, the younger generation will most often tend to avoid behavior which is very contradictory to parental expectations. Parents, family and religious and cultural groups continue to provide the moral values and discourage any conduct or behavior which violates these standards (also see Blau, 1964). Till such costs associated with non-conformity to social and familial expectations continue to outweigh the rewards associated with alternative behavior (for example self-choice marriages), individuals will adhere to the values and beliefs rewarded by their parents and community (see Nye, 1979; Blau, 1964). With increase in education, economic independence and exposure to a more Western style of mate selection, the costs and rewards associated with other alternatives appear to have somewhat changed. While East Indian parents continue to stress the importance of social stratification, ethnicity and parental involvement at the time of marriage and emphasize the costs associated with self-choice marriages, especiatly those outside the community, religion or caste, their children, despite the existing intergenerational conflict, continue the struggle to find workable solutions. It is expected that with a decline in parents' (old- age) dependence on their offspring, it is likely that in the future not only will there be less pressure on the children to marry a spouse selected by their parents, but is anticipated that both males and females will enter the marriage market as equals. Among a majority of middle class Indians, where arranged marriages were the norm and a preference, ties of matrimony were considered insoluble (see Jain, 1996). However, with the change in the mate selection patterns, increasing education levels and labor force participation among females, the present study showed fear among parents, increasing intergenerational conflict, and a growing realization among the younger generation about marriages ending in divorce. The Toronto data reveals that in general inter-racial marriages continue to be generally disapproved and most first-generation parents express fear of losing their children and grandchildren in such mamages (also see Brah, 1978; Leonard, 1993). Most parents continue to maintain ties with members of the Indian community and prefer their children to marry within the community in North America or someone fkom India (also found earlier by Desai, 1963; Fisher, 1980; Jayawardena, 1968; Sandhu, n.d; Varma, 1980). However, the present research found, as did Ballard (1 990) in England, a growing realization that marriages between a foreign-born or brought up Indo-Canadian with a spouse imported from India are less preferred by the younger generation and such couples, according to some informants, face tremendous adjustment problems. Thus it appears that staying within traditional bounds also has it's own costs. Ethnic, caste and religious endogamy continue to be of primary importance and any attempted deviation by the younger generation is crushed/prevented/disapproved by the older generation (also see Kolenda, 1993; Kurian, 1974). Since parental consent and or involvement is a vital part of the marriage process and since the outcomes of a marriage are of concern to the families involved, the Indian society, in general, continues to maintain control over the sexuality of women. Because the elders or the kin group are more concerned with entering a prestigious union based on an understanding or agreement between families of similar strata, virginity continues to be important. In addition, rising ages at mamage and increase in (premarital) work participation rates, especially among females, may have in fact resulted in increased familial and societal concerns on these issues. Because familial and social pressure continue to place a high value on premarital sexual abstinence in the East Indian society, the second-generation, much like the first-generation, seemed against any premarital sex. According to Nye "if there is a cost for being nonvirgin, it usually involves females rather than males" (1979: 18). The present study argues that since the East Indian society values virginity, particularly female virginity, females, as a category, based on Nye's argument, continue to face more restrictions. However, although a majority of f~st and second-generation respondents agreed on placing various forms of premarital restrictions on females and stressed the importance of female chastity (also see Jeffery, 1979; Kolenda, 1993; MaIhotra, 1991; Mandelbaum, 1988; for studies on India; and Ballard and Ballard, 1977; Ghosh, 1983; James, 1974; and Kurian and Ghosh, 1983, for Overseas Indians), a few second-generation respondents insisted on similar moral standards for both sexes. Also, while none of the first-generation respondents had any premarital encounters, seventeen of the second-generation respondents, both males and females, reported some kissing, holding of hands, and so on with their prospective spouse. It is interesting to note that despite the rise in age at marriage and increase in the incidence of premarital dating, the ability to hold back and remain a virgin appears quite entrenched. I do not contend here that none of the second-generation respondents experienced any premarital sexual encounters either with their spouse or anyone else. But because there is a high premium placed on virginity of a bride and since premarital sexual intercourse remains a taboo, none of the respondents mentioned premarital sexual experiences during the course of the interview. However one does hear of incidents when daughters were found pregnant. But such pregnancies either lead to an immediate marriage, or abortion which is legally available and confidential in India. In extreme cases, there are reports that parents because of the high costs (loss of face, ridicule, problem in getting other daughters and even sons married) involved have even killed their pregnant daughters. For most first-generation parents, their (second-generation) children's dating remains a matter of concern and a point of conflict. Most of them expressed curiosity on the ethnicity (in case of the Toronto sample), family background and placement in the social stratification system of their child's date or opposite sex acquaintance (similar findings were also reported by Buchignani, 1983). The shift towards a greater involvement of the younger generation in their own mate selection process has also resulted in an increased preference being accorded to the personal attributes of the potential spouses. The present findings show that while the first- generation females wished their husbands be &om good families, educated (also specified by Manu, cited in Das, 1962), in good jobs and good natured; the second-generation females wanted their spouse to be good looking, one who would respect them, besides being good natured and having a good education. Other studies (Minturn, 1993; Ross, 196 1; and Weibe and Ramu, 1971) also found an increasing importance being placed on the education and earning potential of the prospective bridegroom. Again while the first- generation males wished their wives to be good natured, from good families, adjusting, good looking, 'homely' and educated; those in the secoad-generation, besides desiring all the above qualities in their wives, wished that their wives also be independent, in good jobs and ambitious. In other words, while the qualities desired in a groom did not change much between the two generations under study for both Toronto and Delhi samples, the qualities desired in a bride did and, they became more demanding and less realistic. Thus while the contemporary females or incoming brides are not only expected to be traditional, i.e. shy, good in housework, attractive and homely; they are also under pressure to possess a few more qualities than their mothers namely, a good education and a good job. It seems that while the standards have not changed much for the males between the two generations in the sample, those for the females have broadened to include both traditional and some modem characteristics, thus burdening the females. Surprisingly among the various personal qualities discussed in the present research, respondents continue to attach great importance to premarital chastity, irrespective of their age, residence and sex. The other two familial characteristics which also seem to have continued to be very desirable at the time of marriage include similarity of caste, religion and family status. However, one could argue that as age, education and occupational differences between the two sexes tend to narrow down, there will be increasing pressure on the couples to accord primacy to the conjugal relationship over that of the larger family. Such conjugal bonds, which were expected to develop later in life (Kakar, 1988) are now seen to develop from the very beginning of married life (Kakar, 1996). Will these growing bonds of conjugal intimacy result in breaking away the joint family system? Will the husband neglect his duties as a son (also see Kakar, 1996)? Do the recently established old-age homes in metro Delhi indicate the beginning of this process? Will there be a shift in power between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law? All these questions need answers in a future research endeavor. Many researchers have shown that North Indian weddings emphasize the hierarchical relations between the bride-givers and bride-receivers (Kolenda, 1984; Mandelbaum, 1988; Mintum, 1993, to name a few). Even when the two families involved in marriage are of equal status but because there is much prestige involved in being a groom's kin, the bride's family continues to be considered of a lower status. Interestingly, although a majority of first-generation respondents disagreed with hypergamy in general the present study found incongruency between attitudes and behavior of the respondents. A sizeable proportion of them, especially females said hypergamy existed within their own marriages. As part of the hypergamous relationship their (female's) parents not only observed deference vis-a-vis their husbands' family but continued to maintain a constant flow of gifts for a very long time after their marriage. In contrast, very few second-generation respondents reported of hypergamy within their marriages. However, according to them, while the bride-givers did not observe deference (in eating and verbal communication and gestures) within the relationship, the flow of gifts still continued to a large extent even after their marriage. Some other studies Phachu, 1985 on eating patterns on the wedding day; and Nevadomsky, 198 1 in general) among Overseas Indians also mention the emergence of equivalent relationships between the families rather than on hypergamy. Unlike Blau's (1964) unreciprocated exchange in which the person who gives gifts makes claim to a superior status, in the North Indian situation the status differences are typically due to the one-sided ceremonial form of providing gifts and services to the groom's family, which actually places the gift-giver's (bride's) family at a lower status. It could be argued that even though there is an unequal exchange, it gets reinforced because the society expects it's members to follow the traditional norms and values and because it imposes high costs on those who deviate (social sanctions, ridicule, loss of face, and so on). Some other scholars (Comaroff, 1980; Dumont, 1957) have also found dowry to be associated with hierarchy and hypergamy prevalent in such marriages. As part of the dowry debate, both Tambiah (1973) and Goody (1973) argue that dowry is part of a daughter's premortem inheritance to which a daughter is entitled and that this is her share of the estate which will be inherited later on by her brothers. Both Tambiah and Goody refer to 'diverging devolution' of property in North India - to daughters via dowry and to sons via inheritance. According to Goody, dowry is given to the daughter and not to her husband and his family. For Tambiah, her husband and his family have no jural interest in this property and that it is hers to pass on to her daughters. However, Goode (1963) argues that in order for a female to be married up, her family was required to give a dowry or groom price. Classical literature also evaluates a marriage with dowry as the more acceptable form of marriage. The sastric conception of karryadan is also colored by the theory of exchange of gifts (Trautman, 1981). It begins with the presumption of the superiority of the groom and his family over that of the bride and her family and it continues by 'injecting into the marriage ceremony a ritual gift' (Trautman, 1981:26-27). This kanyadan, Trautrnan argues, ends by perpetuating the asymmetry between the two families, and that after marriage hospitality, gifts and deference must flow only from bride's side to the groom's side. For Madan dowry is a 'substitute for women's lack of rights of inheritance equivalent to those of men' rather than a form of inheritance rights (1975237). Madan argues that the transmission of property via dowry should not be confhed with inheritance. He firther clarifies that much of the dowry in fact goes directly to the husband and his kin and sometimes even to the husband's sisters in their marriage as part of their dowry. Although a majority of the respondents in both generations and geographical locations objected to the usage of the term 'dowry' in their marriage, and said that it was either unimportant or not so important, the present data reveal the presence of dowry in all marriages (except two Toronto males). The krmyarlan form of marriage accompanied by expensive gifts was generally agreed in practice. Dowry giving and receiving was found to be taken for granted and seems to have become customary in almost all marriages. Although there was no demand £?om the groom's family to provide a dowry, all marriages in the sample involved a dowry. Dowry, according to many is given because of social norms, and to avoid the costs associated with not giving which can include social disapproval, loss of honor and unmarried daughters. Studies done earlier among Indians abroad (Ballard, 1990; Bhachu, 1995, to name a few) also found dowry to be quite common and argue that although no demands are made for a particular kind of dowry, expectations for dowry continue to persist and all mamages involve dowry. While a sizeable majority of the first-generation brides had no control or only maintained control over their personal items (jewelry and clothes); a majority of the second-generation brides controlled most of their dowry items. Bhachu (1995) in her study among East Indians in Britain argues that this shift could be linked to the earning power of the bride and the establishment of a separate residence by the couple immediately or soon after marriage. Based on the above data it is hard to believe that dowry given to the first- generation females, most of who established post marital residence with their husbands' family, was part of their premortem inheritance package from their natal families. In fact for most of them, dowry was probably linked with the hypergarnous nature of their marriages and got absorbed in the joint conjugal property and thus in general cannot be considered as a form of transmission of female property rights, as argued earlier by Tambiah (1973) and Goody (1973). These findings are quite similar to Vatuk's (1975) analysis among Gaur Brahmans of Uttar Pradesh, India. Vatuk argues that since these brides only retain control over their personal clothing and jewelry, dahej or dowry is not an endowment of the bride but in fact comprises of goods transferred to the groom and his family (also see Madan, 1965; Raheja, 1995, for control over dowry items). However if one were to examine the status of dowry among second-generation marriages, it could be argued that since more and more females were economically active and established independent households with their husbands after marriage, they appear to have gained more control over their dowries. This also emerged as a point of intergenerational conflict. Such gifts or dowries could possibly be 'close' to representing a part of their premortem inheritance fiom their natal families. I say 'close' to representing, because most often the size of dowry among these second-generation marriages was determined by the status of the groom's family, their expectations and other factors and not by the size of property owned by the bridal family (also see Sharma, 1980; and Vatuk, 1975). Even today females sometimes die in urban (and rural) India because the economic value of their dowries is below the expectations of their husbands and their families (also see Ghadially and Kumar, 1988) and thus to speak of dowry as part of female inheritance seems to be out of place (see also Raheja, 1995). It is interesting to note that despite the increases in education, labor force participation among females and a shift towards an increased involvement of the younger generation in their mate selection procedures, dowry not only remains an important part of every marriage but appears to have escalated in both size and cost. The costs of dowries today has increased tremendously, often requiring 2-3 years (or even more) worth of family income (for escalating dowries see Billig, 1991). The substantial escalation in the sizes of dowry could be because of the biased sample (high socioeconornic strata). It is also characteristic that despite increases in education and economic independence of the younger generation, the bride's family continues to be the giving party, with the gifts flowing in one direction only. An explanation of the continuance of dowry could be sought in some findamedais of marriage - the type of marriage arrangement, kanyaa'arr, hypergamy and in the relative values placed on sons and daughters (latter also mentioned by Raheja, 1995). Despite legislation conferring daughters' rights in parental estate, in practice only sons continue to inherit immovable parental property in North India. Interestingly, while none of the second-generation Toronto females mentioned dowry as part of their inheritance, a few female respondents in Delhi did. It is hoped that as the young gain the right to choose their mates themselves, dowry will become less important in marriage and will ultimately disappear, although one would argue based on the above data and arguments, that this seems unlikely, at least in the near hture. Such rising expenditures have also made weddings a very costly affair. Although both the bride-givers and bride-takers incur major expenditures, the cost of a daughter's wedding are at least double that of a son's. While the groom's family might spend on a party and some wari (few clothes and items of jewelry) given to the bride; the bride's family spends on a lavish feast and on dowry which includes items for the bride, her husband, his family, and for the household at the time of mamage and even later. The present material shows a sharp increase in the amount and size of dowry and ultimately the costs associated with marriage, between the two generations in both geographical locations. (The present sample comprised of families in the high socioeconomic strata.) In addition to her trousseau, and a few household items, the contemporary (second- generation) bride's dowry includes clothes, jewelry and or cash for her husband and his kin. A well-to-do bride's dowry may also include a refigerator, a TV, other consumer items, household furniture, and in a few cases a house or a car. According to some respondents since a bride's status in her conjugal family is dependent on her natal family's economic position and consequently her dowry, it had become imperative for their families to provide large dowries. It is these large dowries that make a daughter's wedding so expensive. A few informants in India explained how the size of a dowry was also directly related to the qualifications of the groom and not that of the bride. According to them, while a highly qualified professional groom's 'market price' ranged between Rs. 20-50 lakhs (Rs. 1 lakhs is approximately about $4,000) there was no such tag available for a professionally educated bride. Publicity of an elaborate dowry along with a lavish wedding party hrther added to the rising costs of a daughter's mamage (also argued by Marriott, 1960). Since dowries are a drain on the bridal family's purse such dowry marriages have serious implications vis-a-vis the prevalent small family norms. Any given family line in general, is said to produce as many daughters as sons and so the money received in a son's wedding would normally have balanced that given to a daughter (also see Goode, 1964). However, in the event of a decline in family size, with a majority of urban couples restricting their family sizes to one or two children, rising costs associated with getting a daughter married, if the family had only two or three daughters and no son, would impoverish the family because of the need to provide for a number of daughters. On the other hand, a family with two sons would benefit tremendously since they would only be on the receiving end. Thus sons will continue to be preferred over daughters in India. Such sociocultural and demographic factors have resulted in the recent increase in popularity of the amniocentesis or the 'Sex tests' in North India, which are helping prospective parents selectively abort female fetuses and retain the male ones, in turn contributing towards the masculinization of sex ratios. In North India a female is given away amidst a set of ritual actions that are designed to effect her transformation fiom 'one's own' (apni) to her natal kin to the 'other' (duM) and 'alien' @arczyi) to them (Raheja, 1995). This ideology of separation of the bride fiom her natal kin was marked by much sadness and weeping at least among the first-generation marriages. While for most first-generation respondents, daughters were guests in their parental homes, bi&i marked a break or transition in a woman's life. According to a majority of first-generation respondents after marriage, a woman was supposed to abandon all loyalties to her natal family. A look at the second-generation data reveals that not only the weeping of brides has become less dramatic (also reported by Raheja, 1995) as compared to that of the first-generation brides, but that many second- generation respondents also did not expect females to abandon loyalties to their natal family. The subordinate status of the woman is further emphasized in the (expected) wedding behavior. Ideally, a north Indian bride is expected to sit quietly with her head bowed, covered fiom head to toe in a red sari or red dupatta (a 2-3 meter long piece of cloth used to cover head, often worn with a sahuar-heez), and fdly adorned with jewelry. While these ideals were followed to a large extent by the first-generation females, such elaborate customs and restrictions have witnessed change in most contemporary marriages and often pose conflict between generations. Most second- generation females, being acutely aware of these restrictions which highlighted their subordinate position vis-a-vis men, spoke of changes in the observance of ghnghat (covering of face), increase in verbal communication and participation in dancing (in Toronto sample only) at their own wedding celebrations. One of the general changes observed in these weddings was a shortening of the overall ceremonial schedule (also observed by Nevadomsky, 1981 in Trinidad). While the shift fiom the 'bamboo style' weddings of the first-generation to the more professional and elaborate hotel or banquet hall weddings of the second-generation add to the ostentatious festivities and costs of contemporary marriages, traditional night weddings seem to be less preferred. In addition, the contemporary marriage is much shortened and does not span a couple of days. For most second-generation respondents, especially those in the Toronto sample, although horoscopic consultations did take place, weddings were performed on weekends and not on auspicious dates, as was the case observed for Delhi's second-generation sample. However, the Hindu or Sikh form of marriage solemnization remains an essential part of most marriages. The present material lends support to Menski's (1987) analysis of mamage rituals. The rituals appear to be much shorter and less complicated at least among the second-generation marriages in Toronto (also see Menski, 1987). The priests are not only under pressure to shorten the rituals (in Delhi and Toronto), often the mantras (holy verses) are read in English and or Hindi (in Toronto) and not in Sanskrit. However, in terms of both cost and elaborateness, the contemporary weddings appear to have surpassed those ofthe first-generation, in both locations. Some of the main issues of conflict that emerged in the present study include, dating, type of mate selection procedures, nature of premarital restrictions, type of qualities desired in a spouse, attitude towards love and arranged marriages, dowry and its control, and the continuance of hypergamy. These issues and the accompanying processes of negotiation need to be fbrther explored in a fbture endeavor. One of the major contributions of the present research is that it presents information on aspects of mate choice and marriage on Indians living in both the sending (in India) and receiving (Canada) areas. The study examines changes and continuities in mate selection procedures and in some aspects related to marriage, over a period of two generations and across two geographical locations. Generational differences in behavior are interpreted here as a process of secular change over time and across generation. While the first-generation data indicate towards the adherence to a more traditional pattern of arranged marriages confined within the prescribed rules of exogamy and endogamy; the behavior of the second-generation suggests a weakening of some traditional norms. Whether the issue concerns who will marry whom, the extent of eeedom of choice of the younger generation in mate selection, or related aspects of mate choice, dowry hypergamy and so on, in general, there appears to be a change and a declining consensus between these two consecutive generations in both Delhi and Toronto. Perhaps because traditional and conventional standards of behavior no longer have the same power and by being able to break away fiom some of these traditions the young generation is moving toward an important secular trend in East Indian marriages. Of course East Indian immigrants who brought their rich cultural heritage along with the norms and ideals to Canada have tried to provide the same to their Indo- Canadian children who have responded in a number of ways. While certain values of the East Indian culture seem to have persisted to an extent, others have been subject to changes. The mate selection system has moved substantially from arranged marriages towards one involving the younger generation. Also while the young are dating and experimenting with the Canadian culture (in Toronto) and Westernization (in Delhi, India) high premiums continue to be placed on virginity and certain core rituals associated with marriage. I do not find much evidence of a trend for young Indo- Canadians or even young Indians in India, to completely discard some of these traditions and the traditional forms of marriage solemnization, although I do not deny the fact that a number of the ceremonies have undergone some change (for similar arguments see Menski, 1987 in Britain). In fact, as Bhachu (1995) argues, the present day marriages besides observing some of the essential traditional features of an Indian wedding are also found to include the Western style dinners, dance parties and bridal showers (latter also discussed in Jayawardena, 1980). I cannot speculate about the next generation, i.e. the third-generation in Toronto and the next one in Delhi, and how it will behave, but it seems that since they will grow up in a less traditional environment, most East Indians will continue to experience secular changes in their marriage system and ultimately in their family and social structure. Appendix A Questionnaire Date: A Personal and Demoeraphic 1. Sex of Respondent: 1-Male 2-Female 2. Marital Status: I-Currently Mamed 2-Divorced/Separated 3-Widow 3. About you and your spouse Uf Spouse-husband/wife a. Age: b. Education: c. Occupation: d. Age at Mamage: e. Religion: f. Caste (Vma): g. Subcaste (Jati): h. Gotra: i. Fertility History: (your children's information) B .ordedserial number Sex(M/F) Date of birth Birth place 4. Type of Family: 1-joint 2-nuclear 3-other 5. Father's- Education: Occupation: 6. Mother's- Education: Occupation: 7. Do you have family outside Delhi? I -Yes 2-No Tick mark the category: parents, brotherdsisters, grandparents 8. How often do you visit family outside Delhi? 1-once every 2 yrs 2-every 3-4 years 3-every 4yrs+ 4-rarely (when last visited ...... ) 5-never 9. Do you speak hindi/punjabi/english any other Indian language at home? 1-mostly 2-sometimes 3 -rarely 4-never B. General Backround I. Spatial 1. If you are a migrant: Place of origin of migration to Delhi city/town/village...... State...... 2.Year of your migration to Delhi(iyou know)...... 3. When did other members of your fady come to Delhi? bear) -spouse ...... -parents ...... 4. Do you have any relatives or family in Delhi? How often do you visit them? 5. Did they help you settle in Delhi? If not, who did? 11. Socio-Cultural and Reli~ious 1. Do you go to religious places? 1-Yes 2-No Parents-Do you take your children with you to religious places Children(rnarried-Did you accompany your parents to these places 1-most often 2-sometimes 3 -very rarely 4-never 2. Has your participation in community social events increased or decreased since you (ie.children)/your children (in case of parents) grew up: 1-increased 2-decreased 3 -remained same 3. Frequency of visits (last month) to such religious/cultural organizations Religious ...... Cultural ...... 4. Do you have a temple/place to pray at home 1-yes 2-no 5. Do you pray 1-daily 2-occasionally 3-ody on festivak/occasions 4-never 6. Do you exposeheach your children to Indian culture\customs -celebrate holidays (Indian) I -Yes 2-No -eat Indian food l -Yes 2-No -go to temple 1-Yes 2-No -watch Indian movies in theatre/TV I-Yes 2-No -any other...... 1-Yes 2-No 7. Number of bro thers/sisters married before you and their marriage type (lodarranged) SNo. Sex Date of M Place of M Type of marriage 8. a. Did you work before your marriage? 1-did paid work 2-worked in family business-not for money b. What was your job? c. If I, for how long ...., what was the job? d. If no, why not? 9. Income flows before marriage: a. What did you do with your earnings before marriage l -no earning 2-gave all to parents 3-gave some to parents 4-kept all 5-other (specify) 6. Did you have 1-joint bank account with your parents 2-separate account 3-other (specify) C. Process of Mate S -ecti 1. Would you say that your spouse was selected by 1-your parents 2-your parents but with your approval 3-yourself and later asked for parent's approval 4-yourself only 5-other (speciq) 2. Who introduced you to your spouse 1-parents/elders 2-matchmaker-professional, newspaper, etc. 3 -&ends 4-self 5-other (spec@) ...... 3. Where did you first meet your spouse 1-at your engagemendwedding 2-at a meeting arranged by elders 3-at a community gathering/templelcommunity party 4-at work,school 5-at a friends party 6-ot her (specify)...... 4. Does your spouse belong to 1-same ethnic group 1-yes 2-no 2-same religion 1-yes 2-no 3-same caste 1-yes 2-no 3-NA 4-other 4-subcaste 1-same 2-different 3-NA 4-other 5-gotra 1-same 2-different 3-NA 4-other 6-region 1-same 2-different 3-other 5. Did you/ your parents consult an astrologer to choose a spouse -eg., to match your stars 1-yes 2-no Were hisher readings imp? 1-very imp 2-not much 3 -unimp 6. Who fixed the time of your marriage? ...... 7. In your opinion mamage (place a number before each statement) ... .-links two families .... -links two individuals .... -is a duty to one's farnily/society .... -is a lifelong commitment .... -is important for the perpetuation of family .... -is more important for girls .... -is more important for boys 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3 -neutral 4-disagree 5-strongly disagree 8. In your opinion 1-love should precede marriage 2-marriage shouId precede love 3-love is not essential for mamage 9. Arranged marriages are (place a number before each statement) .. . . -more stable .. . . -better because parents know the best .... -not good cause one needs to know spouse before M ... . -not good because there are problems of adjustment .... -not good because its better to select a like-minded person .... -better because marriage is a Lifelong commitment 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3 -neutral 4-disagree 5-strongly disagree 10. Love marriages are (use Codes of Q-8) ..,.better because the two individuals are more familiar with each other ....better because the two individuals are more LikeIy to be like-minded persons ,. . .-less stable ....-not good because they are unacceptable in Indian culture ....- not good because such unions ignore the importance of family attributes .. . .-better as long as parental consent is obtained 1 1. In your opinion what is the best type of marriage- 1-marriage arranged by parents 2-marriage arranged with the approval of parents 3-marriage arranged with the consent of the boy/& 4-self-choice marriages D. Pre Marital Behavior- Sexuality: For both generations i. Did you talk to your parents about dating? I -often 2-sometimes 3 -rarely 4-never 2. Did you face restrictions fiom your parentdelders in having relations with the opposite sex? 1-often 2-sometimes 3 -rarely 4-never 5-other 3. Were your parents curious to know who you went out with? For example regarding hisher -ethnicity 1-yes 2-no 3-other -religion 1-yes 2-no 3-other -caste 1-yes 2-no 3-other -subcaste 1-yes 2-no 3-other -family status 1-yes 2-no 3-other -education 1-yes 2-110 3-other 4a.Did you datelgo out with your spouse before marriage? 1 -yes 2-no Ifno go to Q.5 b .If yes, did you date with your parent's approval? 1-yes 2-no c. How long did you date your spouse? 1-no date 2-<6mnths 3-6mnths- 1yr 4- 1yr+ 5a.Did you date or go out alone with anyone besides your spouse? I-yes 2-no Ifno, go to Q.6 Ifyes, how many people did you date? ...... For how long? 1-no date 2-<6mnths 3-6mnths- l yr b. What happened-why did you break up? 1-parents disapproved 2-could not get along 3 -other 6. Were you in love with your spouse at the time of your marriage? 1-very 2-Little 3-not at all 7. How long were you acquainted prior to marriage? (months)...... 8. Did you develop any sexual intimacy (touching, kissing, holding hands, any other) with your husband before marriage-before/after engagement? 1-yes (what type...... ) 2-no 9. Did you have sexual intimacy with any other person before mamage? 1-yes 2-110 10. Were you a virgin at the time of marriage? 1-yes 2-no 11. Is virginity important for:(give choice for both) girls ...... boys ...... 1-very imp 2-less imp 3 -not imp Cindifferent 12. Control over pre-marital movements. Do you 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3-neutral 4-disagree 5-strongly disagree a. Girls' movements must be appropriately Limited outside home 1 2 3 4 5 b. Boys movements should be appropriately limited outside home 1 2 3 4 5 13a. Is there a general difference of opinion between the two generations when it comes to the issue dating? 1-yes 2-no b. It is alright for couples to cohabit (live together) beforemarriage (use Q. 12 codes) ...... For First Generation: 14. Does (did) your child date? 1-yes 2-no Are (were) you comfortable with your child's dating members of the opposite sex? 1-yes 2-no 15. Did you expect your soddaughter to seek your approval for dating? 1 -only daughter 2-only son 3-both 4-none of them E. Preferred Qualities in S~ouse-For both generations 1. Before you were married what were some of the qualities you expected/preferred in your spouse? List at least 5 qualities in order of your preference: 2. What types of characteristics did you desired in your spouse 1-family attributes (characteristics) were more imp 2-individual attributes were more imp 3-both were imp 4-none were imp 3. To what extent were some of the following qualities/aspects important at the time of your marriage-for both bride and groom Qualities/Characteristics In a Bride In a Groom Traditional: ethnicity religion caste subcaste gotra dowry chastity(virginity) Sociodemographic: age education parent's occupation family status Personal: physically attractive ambitious good in housework independent good job loyal to farniIy(home1y) 1-very important 2-important 3-not so important 4-unimportant First Generation only 4. The following is a list of characteristics- Please rank them according to the importance in which they were desired by you in your son-in-law\daughter-in-law.(1 -means most desired, while 15-rneans Ieast desired.) Characteristics Rank Order: 1 to 15 Education ...a. Occupation ..-.. Ethnicity Religion Region Caste Subcaste Gotra 'Homely' ..... Family statt1s (cl ass) .*... Religious ..-.. Beautiful/ Physically attractive Good in housework ..... Soft spoken ..... Age ..... F. Dowrv: at the time of your marriage 1a.Did you\your parents givdreceive dowry at your marriage? 1-yes If no, go to 42. b. Eyes, what were the main items- kind/cash ...... c. Were there any demands for dowry? 1-yes 2-no d. Do you consider dowry to be an important consideration in settling your marriage? 1-very imp 2-imp 3-not so imp 4-unimp e. Women-Did you want your parents to give you dowry? 1-yes 2-no Men-Did you expect a dowry? I-yes 2-no f Did your/your wife's dowry include gifts for-specify the gifts -mot her/fat her-in-law ...... -sis/brother-in-law ...... -other relatives (give number) ...... -spouse ...... -for bride only ...... g. Who hadhad control over your/wife's dowry? Give items- 1-mot her/fat her-in-law ...... 2-husband ...... 3-in-laws and husband ...... 4-bride only ...... 5-in-laws on major items, bride on personal items 6-other ...... h. Who controlled major items such as land jewellery...... 2. In your opinion are dowries important? l -very imp 2-imp 3-not so imp 3. In your opinion dowries are given to daughters, because I-its an established custom 2-it is part of her inheritance 3-everybody gives it 4-gives her better status in husband's household 5-helps the couple to establish new household 6-other (specifl) 4. Public display of dowry (givenlreceived) is an indication of one's financial position. Do YOU 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3 -disagree 4-strongly disagree 5. It is the bride's family's obligation (duty)to supply her with gifts to ensure her status in her husband's family. Do you 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3-disagree Cstrongly disagree 6. Should the dowry system continue? 1-Yes 2-No 3-Undecided 7. Did your parents/wifels parent's bringsend gifts on major festivals specially during the 1st year after marriage? 1-Yes 2-Were far away in India 3-No 4-Gave when visited G. Marriage Ceremonv: Tvpe and Elaborateness- For both generations 1. Did you have a 1-traditional temple ceremony 2-court marriage 3-church marriage 4-other (specify) 2. Who decided on the type of ceremony you will have 1-parents 2-parents+self 3 -self 4-others (specie)...... 3. The main marriage ceremony took place i) Where I-in a bamboo-style tent at bride's place 2-at groom's place 3 -rented place 4-other-...... ii) Time 1-at night 2-during day iii) A marriage is incomplete without the traditional rituals 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3 -disagree Cstrongly disagree 4. How many ceremonies did you have in all? ...... 5. How much did the entire wedding cost (approx.)-ceremonies, clothes, jeweuery, dowry, cash...... 6. Who bore the cost of the wedding party 1-parents of the bride 2-parents of the groom 3-parents of bride and groom 4-parents and self 5-self and spouse 6-other (specify)...... 7. It is often said- expenditure incurred on a daughters' wedding is far more than that incurred on a son's wedding. 1-yes 2-no 8. Wedding ceremony attire/dress of- Bride:...... Groom:...... 9. What was the behavior at the time of your marriage of the Bride Groom Expected Actual Expected Actual Headment) Face(srni1e) Purdah Conversation Feet touching 10. Wife-givers are inferior in status than wife- takers merely because of the fact that they give their daughter in rnamage. In your marriage: I-yes 2-no Do you agree in general: (use code) .... 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3 -neutral Cdisagree 5-strongly disagree H. Kanyadan 1. Did your (your wife's) father do kanyadan? 1-yes 2-no 2. 'Daughters are guests' in their natal (parent's) homes. Do you 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3 -disagree 4-strongly disagree 3. Is it essentid for a father to do kanyadan? 1-yes 2-no 4. Did your/wifels parents observe a fast to do kanyadan? 1-yes 2-no 5. After kanyadan, a woman is expected to abandon (leave) her loyalties to her natal kin (parent's) and see herself as part of husband's kin (family). Do you 1-strongly agree 2-agree 3-disagree Cstrongly disagree 6. After marriage, a man's duty is toward his 1-wife and children 2-parents 3-both 4-other (specify) I. Bidai 1. Bidai signifies a transition- a break in a girl's life. Do you 1 -strongly agree 2-agree 3-disagree Cstrongly disagree 2. Did yodyour wife weep at the time of bidai? I -yes 2-no Did anyone eke weep? J. Post Marital Residence 1. Where did you stay after marriage (give code for each) -during the 1st month -between the 1st mnth to 12 months -after one year 1 -with in-laws 24thparents 3-with husband 4-other 2. Newly married couples, when you got married usually stayed ..... K.Remaniape 1. Remarriage -should be allowed for girls ...... (choose one) -should be allowed for boys ...... -should be allowed for both sexes...... -should not be allowed at all ...... Household Income: 1-less than Rs.40,000 (optional) 2-Rs.40,OOO-75,000 3-Rs.76,OOO- 120,000 4-over 120,000 Comments and Suggestions: Appendix B. Table 3.17. Importance of age by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Age T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % Yo % Yo --..-...--..-.------*--*---.-***---*--.-.*--.---.- ..-.---.- .... --.--- Very imp. 50.0 42.9 71.4 64.3 Imp- 50.0 42.9 28.6 28.6 Not so imp. - 14.3 - 7.1 Unimp. - - - - t-test: p -129 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo % % Very imp. 92.9 78.6 85.7 85.7 Imp. - 2 1.4 14.3 14.3 Not so imp. 7.1 - - - Unimp. - - - - t-test: p .573 Table 3.18. Importance of family status by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi sarnp les Family T1 Mdes T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females stahis % Yo % % Very imp. 92.9 85.7 21.4 28.6 Imp. - 7.1 57.1 42.9 Not so imp. -- 7.1 14.3 28.6 Unimp. 7.1 - 7.1 - t-test: p .OOO D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo Yo % % Very imp. 64.3 64.3 21.4 7 1.4 Imp- 14.3 35.7 57.1 28.6 Not so imp. 7.1 - 14.3 - Unimp. 14.3 - 7.1 t-test: p .404 Table 3.19. Importance of parent's occupation by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Parent's T 1 MaIes T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females occupation YO % YO % ----..--~~.~.-----.I----~--..---.----..------d*.-~ Very imp. - - - - Imp- 28.6 57.1 - - Not so imp. 50.0 42.9 35.7 14.3 Unim p. 2 1.4 - 64.3 85.7 t-test: p .OOO D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % 'Yo Yo Very imp. - 7.1 - - Imp- 7.1 21.4 14.3 7.1 Not so imp. 78.6 7 1.4 71.4 78.6 Unimp. 14.3 - 14.3 14.3 t-test: p -232 Table 3 -20. Importance of spouse' education by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Education T 1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females Imp. 2 1.4 42.9 42.9 14.3 Not so imp. 57.1 - 7.1 - Unimp. 7.1 - - - t-test: p -00l D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % Yo % Very imp. 7.1 85.7 78.6 78.6 Imp- 28.6 14.3 21.4 21.4 Not so imp. 57.1 - - - Unimp. 7.1 - - - t-test: p -002 Table 3 -21. Importance of a good job by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Good job T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females % % Yo % ------.----*-.---.-...-.----..*---.-....------.------..--.-----.- Very imp. - 42.9 7.1 35.7 Imp- - 50.0 21.4 35.7 Not so imp. 7.1 - 42.9 28.6 Unimp. 92.9 7.1 28.6 - t-test: p -177 D 1 Males Dl Fedes D2 Males D2 Females Yo % % Yo Very imp. 7.1 92.9 57.1 92.9 Imp. 7.1 7.1 21.4 - Not so imp. 7.1 - 21.4 7.1 Unimp. 78.6 - - - t-test: p -004 Table 3.22. Importance of ambitious spouse by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Ambitious T1 Males T1 FemaIes T2 Males T2 Females Yo % Yo % .--...-.-....-.~~....-.---*.--.-.-...-....-.-...--...~----....-.....------.--.----...-----.------.-.------*+--.****.. Very imp. 14.3 - 7.1 50.0 Imp. - 28.6 50.0 42.9 Not so imp. 7.1 50.0 35.7 7.1 Unimp. 78.6 21.4 7.1 - t-test: p -000 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % yo Very imp. - - 28.6 14.3 Imp. 2 1.4 21.4 42.9 57.1 Not so imp. 7.1 78.6 28.6 28.6 Unirnp. 71.4 - - - t-test: p -000 Table 3.23. Importance of independent spouse by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples 15 . . . .-- Independent T1 Males TI Females T2 MaIes T2 Females Not so imp. 7.1 57.1 28.6 7.1 Unimp. 7 1.4 28.6 14.3 - t-test: p -000 01 Males D 1 Females D2 Males 02Females % % Yo 'Yo Very imp. - 7.1 32.9 42.9 Imp. 14.3 28.6 42.9 2 1.4 Not so imp. 14.3 28.6 14.3 35.7 Unimp. 71.4 35.7 - - t-test: p ,000 Table 3.24. Importance of attractive spouse by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Attractive T1 Males TI Females T2 Males T2 Females spouse YO 'YO % YO Veq imp. 64.3 7.1 64.3 42.9 fmp- 28.6 50.0 28.6 35.7 Not so imp. 7.1 42.9 7.1 2 1.4 Unimp. - - - - t-test: p -103 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % Yo Yo % Very imp. 92.9 42.9 78.6 71.4 L~P- - 50.0 21.4 7.1 Not so imp. 7.1 7.1 - 21.4 unimp. - - - - t-test: p .813 Table 3 -25. Importance of spouse' chastity by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Chastity of TI Miles TI Females T2 Males T2 Females --.------.*---- ^------**--..-~.--.-...--.-~.---...---..~-.~-.*.-~...- Very imp. 109.0 71.4 64.3 50.0 Imp- - 28.6 2 1.4 50.0 Not so imp. - - - - Unimp. - - 14.3 - t-test: p -020 D I Males D I Females D2 Males D2 Females % yo % % Very imp. 92.9 3 5.7 57.1 21.4 Imp- 7.1 50-0 42.9 64.3 Not so imp. - 14.3 - 14.3 Unimp. - - - - t-test: p .lo9 Table 3.26. Importance of dowry by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples ... .-- rCI Dowry T1 Males T 1Females T2 Males T2 Females Yo 'Yo Yo Yo Very imp. - 7.1 - - Imp. - 21.4 - - Not so imp. 42.9 12.9 35.7 21.4 Unimp. 57.1 28.6 64.3 78.6 t-test: p -008 DlMaIes DlFemales D2Males D2Females Yo Yo Yo % Very imp. - 7.1 - - Imp. 7.1 14.3 7.1 - Not so imp. 71.4 50.0 50.0 85.7 Unimp. 2 1.4 28.6 42.9 14.3 t-test: p -232 Table 3.27. Importance of homely spouse by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Homely Tl Uales TI Females T2 Males T2 Females spouse % % % % --.-~------.--.--.------..-.--*.---..---.--..- .... --- Very imp. 71.4 - 35.7 - Imp. 28.6 14.3 42.9 35.7 Not so imp. - 7.1 14.3 50.0 Unimp. - 78.6 7.1 14.3 t-test: p -823 D I Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % % Yo Very imp. 92.9 7.1 35.7 21.4 Imp- - 7.1 35.7 - Not so imp. - 7.1 21.4 28.6 Unimp. 7.1 78.6 - 50.0 t-test: p .496 Table 3.27. Importance of spouse good in housework by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples - . .' Housework TI Males T1 Females T2 MaIes T2 Females % % % Yo Very imp. 78.6 - 35.7 21.4 Imp- 7.1 7.1 21.4 14.3 Not so imp. 14.3 7.1 35.7 50.0 Unimp. - 85.7 7.1 14.3 t-test: p .523 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % % Yo Yo Very imp. 85.7 - 7.1 - Imp. 7.1 7.1 85.7 7.1 Not so imp. - - 7.1 35.7 Unim p. 7.1 92.9 - 57.1 t-test: p -588 Table 5.10. Parents curious to know family status of date by sex and generation for Toronto and DeIhi samples Curiosity- T1 Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females fdystatus Yo % Yo Yo ------...--.._------*---.-.----..-.-----..--.*.-.------.---.-----.-.-.--- Yes 42.9 28.6 64.3 85.7 No 57.1 71.4 35.7 14.3 D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females Yo % Yo % Yes - - 85.7 32.9 No 100.0 100.0 14.3 57.1 Table 5.11. Parents curious to know educational qualifications of date by sex and generation for Toronto and Delhi samples Curiosity- TI Males T1 Females T2 Males T2 Females Family status % YO % % Yes 42.9 21.4 85.7 100.0 No 57.1 78.6 14.3 - D 1 Males D 1 Females D2 Males D2 Females % Yo % % Yes 7.1 - 78.6 57.1 No 92.9 100.0 21.4 42.9 Appendix C Glossary abhyan~a visible bodily characteristics qmi 'one's own' bahya visible bodily characteristics barat groom's family and kin that accompany him to the wedding barat ghar buildings available on rent to host weddings or other parties bichola intermediary bidai when the daughter accompanies her husband to his home bind red dots women put on their forehead dahej/.aj dowry devi goddess dzr sri 'the other' doli when bride leaves her parents house for her conjugal home gath bandhan joining of bride and groom by tying their clothes gauna consummation of marriage ghunghar purdahkovering of head and sometimes even face grahasfha ashram married life hawan fire ritual homa offerings to sacred fire izzat prestige/honor jaimala wedding garlands junam patris personalized horoscope based on astrological stars kcmyadan gift of a virgin daughter kohl black liner Zawa/phera couple go around the sacred fire rnzrkfi salvation nahfra depending on the phase of the moon panigrahana taking hand of the bride parayi 'alien' phem couple go around the sacred fire prem love PnYa merit sagotra same gotra saptapadi bride and groom take seven steps together sasural conjugal home sharm modesty and shame shdoor red vermillion powder put in the hair parting of the bride ~frr~dhanam/~n7~&ana that which belongs to the bride, female property swayamvara when the bride is a1Iowed to select her husband vedi marriage altar vivah marriage References Abeille, Mirelle. 1974. 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