ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS – NH - DISTRICT 12 NEWSLETTER – SEPTEMBER 2019

SERVING THE TOWNS OF: BEDFORD, GOFFSTOWN, HOOKSETT, MANCHESTER, NEW BOSTON THE VOICE WITHIN FREEDOM FROM RESENTMENTS PAGE 64 OF THE BIG BOOK

Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles with whom we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships (including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were "burned up.”

REPLACING RESENTMENT WITH LOVE If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you you will pray for the person or the thing that you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness everything you want for yourself to be given to them, and resentment and hatred, you now feel you will be free. compassionate understanding and love.

Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free.

Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway.

From an AA member's story, "Freedom from Bondage" page 552 of the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous

Wynn L., the author of “Freedom from Bondage”, joined A.A. in California in 1947 at the age of 33

http://www.district12nhaa.org/ pg. 1 Reflections on the Today, I truly believe that God never gives us any more than we can handle. I lived that pink cloud for a solid eight Joy of Living years into recovery. Then, without warning one day, my AKA – Learning to trust big brother suddenly passed away. I was able to be present for my family throughout that time and my sponsor “God doesn’t give you any more was by my side throughout the wake and the funeral. I than you can handle.” “This too, learned from her how to give unselfishly of myself with no shall pass.” “One day at a time.” motive other than to be present for someone we cared “Let go, let God.” “Easy does it.” about. When I was first getting sober, everything was a crisis. It didn’t matter whether it was a A year and a half after my brother passed away, my flat tire, an unexpected bill, or a perceived slight – it was husband, passed away. He and I had gotten sober and all fatal. grown up together in AA. By that time, we had a circle of friends who stuck by me and supported me throughout People in the halls, those who had walked their journey in that time. If those losses had occurred in earlier in my recovery longer than I, had sage words of advice for me – sobriety, I am not sure whether I would have survived them many of the sayings we see in posters on the wall and hear and stayed sober. It’s true, God doesn’t give us any more every day in the halls. I used to get so frustrated when than we can handle. I survived those losses, and the loss someone with way more serenity than I could ever dream of my mom a couple of years later, and still didn’t drink. of having at that point, would say things like “this too, shall The amazing part of this all is that I never felt alone. I knew pass”. And, I was one of the lucky ones. Early sobriety for that my Higher Power was beside me every step of the way me was pretty much a pink cloud. I was blessed to have and continues to be, day by day. the obsession to drink lifted within my first couple of months of sobriety and a life that kept getting better day by day In recovery, I have gone back to school and received a as each day passed and I didn’t drink. bachelor’s and master’s degrees. Today I have a job which is truly a passion. I could never have achieved these My home group in early sobriety was a Saturday 12 & 12 goals without all the gifts AA and the 12 Steps of Recovery group (Courage to Change in Raymond, NH) and my have given me. I’ve remarried, just recently, and feel truly recovery became rooted in the Steps and the Traditions. blessed that God has seen fit to honor me with a second Although I didn’t take all the suggestions, such as getting true love in life. Today, as I was writing this, I was fighting a sponsor right away, God did for me what I could not do with the clock, trying to book airline tickets for his boys to for myself. He put people in my life and a fellowship who come spend the summer with us. Sometimes God has a taught me the value of believing and trusting in a Power sense of humor. Time to put my money where my mouth greater than myself. Once I had acquired that faith and is and walk the talk! No crisis, a minor annoyance in the trust, it became easier to trust others as well and I finally grand scheme of things, and this too, shall pass. Life on summoned up the courage to ask a woman to be my life’s terms. That said, I can head to my meeting with a sponsor and take me through the steps. smile on my face, gratitude in my heart, and my serenity relatively intact. This program, the 12 Steps, a Higher My first sponsor was also a gift from my Higher Power. She Power, and all of you – make life truly a joy to be lived to was extremely spiritual and had the perfect blend of the fullest! Easy does it, but do it! humor, humility, and spirituality to take me through my first fourth and fifth steps. It took me a long time, but Maddy C., Home Group: Bring Your Big Book – Hampton; fortunately, there are no deadlines in AA. Over the past Sobriety date: 12/20/97. 21 years, I have gone through the steps in a number of AWOLs, and in women’s groups, and even tried my first mini-4th last year! There is always room for growth in our journey of recovery.

STEP 4 PRAYER STEP 11 When a person offended us, we said to ourselves: We alcoholics are undisciplined. So we let God "This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done." discipline us in the simple way we have just outlined. BB, "How it Works" p. 66 But this is not all. There is action and more action. “Faith without works is dead.” STEPS 1, 2 AND 3 BB, “Into Action” p. 88 We find that no one have difficulty with the spirituality of the program. Willingness, honesty and open- mindedness are the essentials of recovery. “But these are indispensable.” BB, “Appendix II, Spiritual Experience” p. 568

http://www.district12nhaa.org/ pg. 2 I continued to pack all of my wife’s clutter and came At least this Alcoholics hate change. across an “As Bill Sees It” book. We’ve had many over the one does. Anything that pushes me out of my warm and years but this particular one looked worn, familiar. I fuzzy place is toxic and should be dealt with quickly and opened the first page and spotted something written on with force if necessary. I was like this when I was drinking the first page. It read, “2/4/10 Raffle”. My memory quickly and, for some reason, continue to resist change in sobriety. went back to a frigid February night. I recalled reluctantly I enjoy the mundane for its familiarity and ease of trudging from the sober house I was living at to an AA navigation. meeting at a homeless shelter. I’d never been to that meeting and wasn’t in the mood to meet new people. Recently, life sent me a curveball that upended my While there, I decided to buy a raffle ticket. The book was marvelously mundane existence. Our landlord had my prize as well as Bill’s wisdom for years to come. decided to sell the house where my wife and I rent an apartment (and have so for quite some time). I had More boxes to pack. A junk draw in the living room imagined the day would come when I would have to revealed a small Brachman’s chocolate box I keep the move but I always thought it would be on my terms not chips I accumulated from my first 11 months of sobriety. someone else’s. I felt the familiar bitter (but strangely Each one has a story behind it. Each, a small chapter of a satisfying) taste of resentment. How could they do that to book where I was frequently, albeit lovingly pushed way us? We were the best tenants! And as we began to pack out of my comfort zone. My 3-month chip ushered me out for our imminent move, my wife became my next bitter of treatment and into a city I knew nothing about. My 4- target. “Why on earth does anyone need to hold onto all month chip brought the crippling fear of speaking with my of these old photography books” I yelled as I packed first commitment. At 5 months, interviewing for a job I felt seemingly endless boxes with useless books and vastly unqualified for. At 8 months, asking someone to be magazines. I soon found myself sneaking out to the trash my sponsor. But for every daunting moment, I found bin to throw away my wife’s treasures instead of packing strength get over the next one. And the next one. And them. “With all of this mess, she’ll never notice”, I selfishly the next one. thought. I always considered myself at the top of my recovery “Game” but it was becoming quite evident that As our moving date approaches and our belongings find I may have packed my recovery program in one of the themselves in neatly organized boxes, I’m no longer filled many boxes strewn about the house. And I couldn’t seem with resentment nor am I dreading change. This to locate it. apartment has been a comfortable home for us with all the joys of living that sobriety brings. But it is time to move Resentment is a cunning foe. It lures you to a dark place on to the next chapter of the book. where all of life’s true joy is supplanted by a relentless desire to feed one’s ego. Like a black hole sucking the -Anonymous member of District 12 light in to the darkness. ANNOUNCEMENTS Disbanded Group: Anniversary: Sunday, 10 am - Robinson House, Manchester Original 73rd September 17 @ 6:30 49 Manchester St. Manchester NH pm - 8:30 pm – Free, Brookside Congregational Church, 1031 N. Elm St., Manchester, NH – 2 dynamic speakers, Sobriety Countdown, 50/50 raffle

All issues of The Voice Within are sponsored through the 7th Tradition. Length and Format: The newsletter may publish works of different lengths, from snappy one-liners and one-paragraph anecdotes, to full page articles (500-1000 word count). Text or attachments sent by e-mail should be submitted in word. Handwritten text can be delivered to myself, or your GSR, who can deliver them to the next district meeting. Articles are reviewed, selected, and edited by the editorial team. The contents suitability is at the sole discretion of the Newsletter Committee. Newsletter Chair—Michelle S. (603) 247-3775 [email protected] ALL CONTENT HAS BEEN OBTAINED FROM AA MEMBERS AND AA GENERAL SERVICE CONFERENCE-APPROVED LITERATURE. http://www.district12nhaa.org/ pg. 3 half of me. I dreaded speaking and being with her. I My mother strongly discouraged learned the technique to pray for her for two weeks1, but it did not really eliminate the resentment. drinking when I was growing up and I learned later that my uncle and grandfather were both active For years, I have been sober and an active member of AA, alcoholics. Because of this, I avoided alcohol for many but I still need to work on assessing and releasing years even while surrounded by it in my circle of resentments. One tweak I have made to the prayer I say classmates. At fifteen this changed when the captain of for my mother is that while previously I prayed for her our indoor soccer team invited me to a party and I took happiness, health and prosperity, I have changed this to my first drink as a means of fitting into the in-crowd; that be for her peace and serenity. The latter things are what I drink led to my first drunk. My thinking was black and value more and by praying for her to have these things, it white. Once I had crossed the line at that party, all bets somehow makes it more relatable and less distant. were off. This led to extreme drinking at times in high Staying active in AA gives me new ways to think about and school, but it really took off in college. Being surrounded remove resentments. An article in the Grapevine pointed by a party atmosphere fueled my alcoholism, but my pride out that we cannot “feel grateful and resentful at the (fear) strengthened my denial of my powerlessness over same time.”2 it suggested writing a gratitude list for two alcohol for twenty-five years. Drinking became daily, weeks. I mentioned the same idea to my sponsee. If I blackouts occurred, consequences increased and suggested it to him, I better do it myself. A speaker at a tolerance to alcohol required ever higher amounts. It was special get together in District 13 told a story of how he not until I thought I was going to lose everything important had been nearly murdered and the process he went to me (family, career, freedom, etc.) that I finally called through to forgive his assailant. He handed out cards that the Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) hotline. said, “forgive others - not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace”. Only by The kind voice on the other end of the phone suggested a attending meetings and doing the work of AA am I able meeting that afternoon. I dragged my hungover body to to hear such wisdom. a room in a church filled with unfamiliar people. I sat next to a man who said that they suggest going to ninety I have also experienced substantial change in my own meetings in ninety days. Another man handed me a spirituality. Initially, I was so desperate and afraid of the newcomer’s packet. I immediately identified with the consequences of my last drunk that I was willing to do woman speaking as she described how alcohol made her anything despite having no spiritual background. The put her children at risk and damaged her professionally more I kept in the center of AA, the more spirituality and personally. She also spoke of how AA and the twelve became a central part of my life such that I thirst for it now steps of recovery offered her a way out. as I do water. This has led me to “be quick to see where religious people are right.”3 There are many helpful My black and white thinking now, ironically, served me concepts for me. The idea of death and rebirth is central somewhat. I jumped into the program reading everything to existence - seasons change, organisms feed upon one I could, doing service work, finding a sponsor after a month another for life and our very cells routinely die and and driving through the steps. It was during this process regenerate. I can use this as a way to die to resentments. that I learned about resentments. I listed all of my Seeing God in everyone allows me to recognize that all resentments in one column of a spreadsheet, reflected on people suffer, including those I resent. This leads to how they affected me, determined my part and used this compassion and more warm-heartedness. My mother was as the basis for releasing my defects of character and the abused daughter of an active alcoholic. Recognizing making amends. I was confused when I came to my that softens my attitude. resentments against people who had harmed me. I called someone with long term sobriety and asked him about it. It is a lifelong process to live on life’s terms in the present, He asked how I reacted to these situations. If I made it my accepting all as they are. Talking to other alcoholics, life’s work to get back at someone, for example, that being sponsored, sponsoring and working the twelve steps would be my part in it. This was a revelation to me. I always of recovery help me to be honest with myself, recognize had a part in a resentment. my resentments, see my part in them and humbly ask for my defects of character to be removed. This allows me to It would have been nice if everything was finished at that stay away from one drink for one day, but also leads me point and I was resentment free. It was and is not true. I toward that peace and serenity I crave - heaven on earth. had a lingering resentment against my mother because of Sean, Home Group: Noontime Group (St Pius X); how she treated my father when they were married and how she spoke inappropriately and badly of him to me Sobriety Date: 10/19/2009 when I was young. For tearing up my father was ripping up

1 Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, p.552 3 Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition, p.87 2 Grapevine, June 2019, p.21 http://www.district12nhaa.org/ pg. 4