Detransition a path towards self- acceptance Table of Contents

04 Foreword 32 Detransitioning medically 06 What does detransition as a female mean? detransitioner as a male 08 Detransition stories detransitioner Talia’s story Brit’s story 40 Alternative ways to Carol’s story deal with dysphoria KJ’s story 48 Advice from detrans 18 Common biases against to detrans detransition 50 Resources 24 A better future for detransitioners and desisters

Creation: Post Trans Layout and illustrations: Nele Peer Jongeling Research and writing: Elie Vandenbussche Foreword

Hello, we are Elie and Nele – to raise awareness around two female detransitioners the issue of detransition and from Belgium and Germany. We provide valuable information are the founders of Post Trans, to any person questioning their a project giving visibility and gender transition. resources to detransitioners. If you don’t know what detran- Both of us identified as trans sition means, we invite you to men for a few years, during read the following pages. If which we took testosterone you are looking for information and underwent a mastectomy. about how to detransition As we realised that this was medically and alternatives to not a path that we wanted to deal with , continue on, we struggled to you can directly go to the find resources on the topic of second part of the booklet, detransition. starting from page 32. This booklet, as well as our website post-trans.com, aim

Elie is a 22-year-old social Nele is a 24-year-old freelance science student from Belgium. illustrator and comic book She has done research on the author from Germany. She is topic of detransition and is currently doing her masters devoted to working further to in graphic storytelling while improve the lives of dysphoric working on a comic project on people and gender non- the topic of detransition. conforming women and girls. Our approach is based on the personal testimonies of detransitioners themselves. The intention behind this initiative is not to invalidate any personal experience or identity, but rather to show the complexity and the diversity of journeys that are often overlooked.

4 5 It will quickly appear when have, the advice that they can This booklet was made possible going through the pages that give, the coping strategies the booklet is full of quotes that they found, with regard thanks to the support of and information coming from to their social and/or medical a number of detransitioners detransition. and desisters themselves. We The questionnaire was gathered their experiences conducted in November 2020. with the help of an online You can find a small overview questionnaire, asking them of the participants below. about the challenges that they faced, the wishes that they

all the detransitioners and desisters who contributed by sharing their personal experiences and perspectives,

the Detransition Advocacy Network and Charlie Evans in particular,

Stephanie Davies-Arai and the organisation TransgenderTrend,

Dr J. William Malone,

the volunteers who helped us with the translations,

and the many other people who have been devoting time and efforts to improving detransitioners’ lives.

We have been amazed by all the ways in which solidarity can take form and we want to express our full gratitude to all the women, , and other people who believed in our project.

6 7 What does detransition mean?

There is no widely accepted definition of detran- sition. In this booklet, we choose to refer to detransition as the choice that one makes about ceasing their social and medical transition to another /gender. Those who went through a social transition (came out, changed their name, etc.) but stopped their process before under- going any trans-related treatment or surgery will be referred to as ‘desisters’.

What detransitioners and desisters have in common is a profound questioning of their relationship to gender and the origins of their body discomfort, which led them to wish for transition in the first place.

In the following pages, you will find a few testi- monies of female detransitioners who shared their stories with Post Trans.

Many more extracts coming from both female and male detransitioners and desisters will be displayed throughout the booklet to show a variety of experiences and viewpoints.

8 9 Talia’s Story I went to a single-sex school me to believe that transitioning where I was surrounded by was the cure to all my only girls for 3 years. It was problems. at the point in our lives where So I came out as FtM*. everyone around me was so I lived as a man for almost conscious of their appear- three years and was referred ances, their clothes and how to an adult gender clinic for they looked to boys. HRT** until I experienced an These things never concerned awful depressive episode and me, and I quickly felt ‘sepa- realised that transitioning had rated’ from others. I never ‘felt not fixed any of my problems. like’ other girls. Lesbians were I went to therapy for the first feared and so the thought that time in my life and realised I could be one didn’t dare cross that I was an autistic butch my mind. . I realised that I was I despised the way boys looked never meant, or needed to ‘feel at me after puberty and I like’ other girls and that I could covered my body as much as be my own authentic self – and possible and developed an still be female. eating disorder. After years of self-hatred and Because I didn’t see myself in denial, I’m finally getting to other girls, I felt like my body know my autistic, masculine, was wrong. I began struggling female self, and I love her. ‘Transitioning didn’t fix with depression and anxiety any of my problems.’ and it was soon after this that * FtM stands for I discovered the online trans ‘female-to-male’ community, who enabled my ** HRT stands for ‘hormone feelings of self-hatred and led replacement therapy’

11 thing about it. I changed my Brit’s legal name and gender ten months after I started testos- terone, and had top surgery Story two months after that. I will be 30 years old next month. I have been looking Then for the next ten years, forward to this birthday for a I struggled with depression, long time. And even more so anxiety, and actual gender now that I am living my most dysphoria*. Something I never authentic, true life. truly understood, until I tried to I spent the last decade trying be the man I wasn’t. to convince myself that I was a So 9 months ago, I stopped man. I was 19 years old when taking my hormones for good, I decided that I was going to and have since started the transition. process of detransitioning. And let me tell you, it’s truly the best I had two therapy sessions decision I’ve ever made for before I started hormones, myself. which at the time, was completely okay with me. I was I missed the woman I never got ready to rush right through to be, but then I realised that the process of transitioning she was staring in the mirror at because all I cared about was me all along. My name is Brit, finally as male. And and I am she. that was the biggest disservice I’ve ever done to myself. * Gender dysphoria is a I don’t believe I ever truly had medical term referring to the ‘ Disorder’. I was strong, persistent feeling never comfortable in my skin as that a person’s biological sex a woman before transitioning. does not match the person’s ‘Loving the woman inside of Society said I needed to be inner sense of self. It is usually me is the best form of self- XYZ in order to be a woman, associated with strong body and I was none of those things. discomfort with regard to one’s love I’ve ever given myself.’ So transitioning felt right and sex characteristics. nobody could have told me a

13 life changing events happen Carol’s after the age of 30 that drove me into a deep dark depres- sion. It seemed like I was Story drowning, and my dysphoria identity offered became unbearable. The me an explanation for why I only way out I could see was was wrong. I’ve felt different transition. my whole life. I never felt like I was really a girl because I I’m not going to sit here and never seemed to be able to act say transitioning didn’t help my like the other girls acted. dysphoria, because it did. But the reasons it helped became When I was 6 years old, I cried obvious after taking T for four and screamed because I didn’t years and having a double want to wear a dress. When mastectomy. It helped because I was 9, I begged my mother I didn’t have to live in a world for a football. She said, ‘No, that thought I was wrong. football is for boys’. At school kids made fun of me for acting I started taking antidepres- like a boy. I was told the way sants for my depression and I was wrong, that I needed to they enabled me to begin to behave like a girl. Yet I could ask the hard questions not seem to do this thing that necessary to address my came so naturally to all the dysphoria without continuing women and girls I saw to live as trans. It’s been the around me. hardest and most humbling ‘Transgender identity thing I’ve ever had to do in offered me an explanation My early life experiences had my life, but I’m glad everyday a lasting impact on my sense that I detransitioned. I feel for for why I was wrong.’ of self and self-esteem, and I the first time in my life I am grew to resent my female body. truly living authentically. I’m I hated being a woman. Unlike a mother, a wife, a lesbian many detrans women, I lived and I’m sure people still think many years as a butch lesbian I don’t act like a woman. But I woman before transitioning at know now that I’m not wrong, the age of 34. I had a series of they are.

15 Keira’s Story

From age 14 I started to feel A year after my surgery it was disconnected from my body like the smoke began to clear and that there was something and I began to think clearly. wrong about my strong gender Neither could the hormones nonconformity. Transitioning to nor any surgery ever make me male seemed to be my male. I realised I would forever solution after being stuck in need to disclose my transition severe depression and anxiety to people because despite whilst the girls around me how much I passed I was not seemed to be so happy and like my male friends, I would content. I thought transitioning forever be a woman. A woman would allow me to better who had now been altered (a navigate the world and my reminder every time I saw my body, I would no longer have naked self). I was still alien- to deal with the traumatizing ated, depressed, anxious bodily processes and imprac- ticalities that come with being I put a stop to the injections female, it would give me and started to analyse my strength and control over my mind. I was not born wrong, I life, I wouldn’t have so many had not freed myself, I was still expectations put onto me that subconsciously trapped in the I didn’t want to live up to, I notion of gender conformity. would look more physically My body is now sore, broken attractive, I wouldn’t feel and disorientated. I was awkward and uncomfortable missing role models and a about having lesbian sex. sense of community as a gender nonconforming girl. I I was given blockers at 16. was missing education about Testosterone at 17. A double my female body. I was missing ‘Radical acceptance has mastectomy at 20. love and acceptance. given me peace of mind’

17 Detransitioners all have the same anti-trans political beliefs ‘People call me transphobic all Common biases the time. I try to raise aware- ness for detransition and desistance whenever possible against detransition and appropriate (because that’s what I needed before I Detransition is a phenomenon that is very much knew) and I almost always get marginalised, and a lot of prejudiced views replies calling me transphobic circulate around the subject. and intolerant.’ When asked about the challenges faced while Female desister, 16 detransitioning or desisting, many expressed difficulties related to the distorted image that ‘For me, detransitioning came detransitioners are often given. with a whole new perspective and worldview. I feel like I lost my religion when I detransi- tioned. This is a big deal and I wish people understood more about this. Detransitioners are diverse, have very diverse outlooks and perspectives. There is no one detrans perspective on the world, gender, or transsexualism.’ Female detransitioner, 32

‘Detransition has nothing to do with one’s beliefs on trans- gender identities, and far more to do with the evolution of one’s self understanding.’ Male desister, 20

18 19 Detransitioners were never ‘I felt like I was putting a bad ‘It wasn’t a lack trans name to the trans community/ where we of dysphoria ‘I stuck very rigidly to male coming off as a “trender” or wouldn‘t find gender roles and never had a faking it. I genuinely found that led me to single doubt about transition. comfort in identifying as trans one.’ My transition was ultimately when I did. That changed. detransition, a result of childhood trauma There’s no underlying agenda, People only detransition and emotional neglect, and I I just grew.’ because of discrimination it was a reali- wish more people knew that. It Female desister, 19 ‘Detransitioning is not a wasn’t a lack of dysphoria that result of societal pressure, sation that led me to detransition, it was a it’s a personal decision that my dysphoria realisation that my dysphoria ‘Detransitioning we make because we were stemmed from trauma and looking for a solution where we stemmed from internalised . From is not a result wouldn’t find one and that’s there, I came to the conclusion of societal okay. People change and grow trauma and it would be healthier to work every day and detransitioning through those things rather pressure, it’s a doesn’t make us transphobic or internalised than continuing to transition. “converted” or whatever, we’re The idea that detrans people personal just learning and growing.’ homophobia.’ were “cis people all along” is Female desister, 19 completely false.’ decision that we Female detransitioner, 19 ‘People may detransition make because because transition didn’t work ‘Even though I am not neces- we were looking well enough, it caused health Detransitioners never sarily living my life presenting issues, it wasn’t satisfying, their experienced gender myself as anything other for a solution dysphoria desisted, etc. Those dysphoria* than female, I still could tick ‘Detransition is hard – just boxes of being trans, and I because someone is no still feel some connection with longer transitioning does not that label and experience. I mean they did/do not have have a lot in common with * Gender dysphoria is a term referring to the dysphoria. Detransitioners transgender people, I am strong, persistent feeling that a person’s often struggle internally with only approaching my gender biological sex does not match the person’s pursuing a body they want vs. dysphoria from a different inner sense of self. It is usually associated with loving or doing what they think perspective.’ strong body discomfort with regard to one’s is best for the body they have.’ Female detransitioner, 22 sex characteristics. Female detransitioner, 29

20 21 are infinitely more common before me had eventually These beliefs are very harmful, reasons than the supposed either retransitioned or because they are often used “lack of support, societal committed suicide, so I was to reject detransitioners’ and , misdiagnosis” very frightened.’ desisters’ experiences. Many explanation that people like to Female detransitioner, 37 lose the support from the trans use to delegitimise us and our community when detransi- concerns for dysphoric people.’ Detransition cases should not tioning and it can be a very Female detransitioner, 19 be taken seriously because isolating experience. they are so rare Detransitioners all go back to ‘I always get told that detran- ‘In detransition, I would have presenting stereotypically as sitioners are too rare to be liked to have a friend who expected from their birth sex given importance. It is used believed me, and wanted to ‘It was hard to get people as an excuse not to take us hear me. I thought coming to accept that I wanted seriously, despite the fact that out as trans would make me to return to being seen as nobody knows how many we feel unwelcome and misun- female without adopting actually are. Even if we were derstood, but nothing has gender stereotypes and roles. just a small number of cases, ever made me feel as lonely I was constantly accused of don’t we have the right to be as going the opposite way.’ actually being non-binary, heard and to be respected?’ Female desister, 35 or suppressing myself with Female detransitioner, 21 internal transphobia.’ ‘My friends were all trans/ female LGBT and I felt shunned. I felt detransitioner, 29 ‘Even if we were like suddenly no one liked me, because I was no longer ‘No one believes any of my just a small part of the club. I felt so alone experiences are real, or they already, and then when people say I’m not really detransi- number of cases, stopped talking to me I felt tioning because I still have don’t we have worse and I wished I had dysphoria and wear men’s stayed trans.’ clothing.’ the right to be Female desister, 21 Female detransitioner, 28 heard and to be ‘I lost almost all of my friends. I All detransitioners will was no longer welcome in any eventually retransition or respected?’ spaces where there were trans commit suicide people.’ Female desister ‘I believed that every other person who had detransitioned

22 23 ‘Rather than treating detransitioners with A better future for cynicism, making fun of them or having the “I-told-you-so” line, I would rather people showed more sympathy to why these detrans detransitioners and people felt they needed to make such a big choice to begin with – that this has been a diffi- desisters cult but necessary path and that the feelings we had were serious and not naive.’ We asked detransitioners and desisters to tell us Female detransitioner, 21 about what they would like to see changing in relation to their own experiences of detransition. ‘Unfortunately, detransition is not as simple as Here is a collection of their answers. stopping hormones and changing your appear- ance, name, pronouns, etc. There are physical, psychological, social, and other wounds that will take a long time to heal. This healing is made more difficult by being abandoned by the trans community and your trans healthcare provider after detransitioning.’ Male detransitioner, 38

‘I want people to understand that the opinions Better public understanding of detransition we develop that may seem too radical or even and more empathy invalidating to trans people are a result of our experiences, not ideas meant to hurt people.’ Female desister, 19 ‘Public understanding of detransition seems to be very poor at the moment, with a lot of negative perceptions and hurt feelings around More research into the different ways in which the subject which make people uncomfortable gender dysphoria can be treated with it. Ideally, I hope people will learn to treat a detransition with the same respect, openness, acceptance, validation and encouragement as ‘I wish there would be more of a focus on and a transition, so people who have been through understanding that the disconnect one might this process will still feel welcomed in the LGBT have with their body is not always “you are community (most detransitioners are still some trans” and the immediate thing being to treat kind of LGBT).’ Female detransitioner, 39 it with transition. Just a deeper knowledge in general of why people disconnect from their bodies, and why medically altering them and

24 25 changing your social position ‘I would have liked to have more in-depth would be desirable for some in therapy as a requirement for transition. It was those positions.’ an option I could have taken, at an extra cost, Female desister, 25 but I did not take it because I simply wasn’t ready to face all the feelings of doubt and fear ‘Detrans people often still about transition that I had repressed inside experience gender dysphoria, myself.’ Female detransitioner, 22 but medical transition was not the answer, which lends ‘I wish before transition I had been asked about itself to the notion that other trauma, and had been able to experience some methods of treatment need to trauma therapy because that ultimately was the be explored.’ biggest factor in the discomfort I had with my Female detransitioner, 26 body. I think it’s a failing of the medical services that I was able to transition at such a young age despite them knowing I was in an abusive More screening and more household, and that needs to change.’ therapy to look into the Female detransitioner, 19 reasons behind the wish for transitioning ‘I wish I had had more mental health support and therapy, and that I had been asked gently searching questions about why I felt and ‘I would have liked someone believed certain things, not with any negative to actually work with me on intent to make me “not trans”, but with a positive why I felt isolated and alone, intent for us both to make sure I wanted to alter rather than insisting I was like my body and social role for healthy reasons.’ that because I should be a boy Female detransitioner, 39 or I wasn’t a girl. I would have also liked my intersex condi- ‘I wish there’d been more screening, that they’d tion to have been diagnosed look more into why I wanted to transition. and treated before any kind of Although thinking about it now, my younger self transgender related treatment, wouldn’t want to know anything about it. I was because intersex bodies are sure of myself back then.’ especially sensitive to all this.’ Female detransitioner, 24 Intersex female detransitioner, 29

26 27 ‘I desperately wish that my trauma and mental health issues had been looked at. I had zero Better access to resources and information therapy. I had 3 appointments before I got about transition and detransition testosterone. It all happened so fast. They removed my breasts with zero psychological evaluation.’ Female detransitioner, 28 ‘I wish there was more access to information and resources. especially for negative conse- quences of medically transitioning. I think it’s Better support from therapists important to give people every aspect of during detransition information so they can make a decision they’re happy with.’ Female detransitioner, 30

‘I’m so tired of therapists encouraging me to ‘Detransitioners are not spoken as a group or retransition or saying that I must’ve been bullied phenomenon, though, not in my time at the into detransition. That’s all wrong. I transitioned clinic. I was only informed about there being to escape my reality as a woman and an abuse “regretters” when I signed the papers and survivor. People in the psychological field need consent for the treatments, but not explained to acknowledge that and realise that siding further why there were people who didn’t find with the most progressive affirmative take is the treatments working for them.’ actually super damaging.’ Female detransitioner, 28 Female detransitioner, 30 ‘I would have liked to have known that it is 100% okay to be a woman who just happens to have gender dysphoria, and that dysphoria doesn’t mean you should transition right away. I also would have liked to have known that detransi- ‘I would have liked tioning is a thing (I had never heard of it before I someone to actually work specifically researched what to do).’ Female desister with me on why I felt ‘I would have liked for there to be more recog- isolated and alone, rather nition of transition as a symptom, or a kind of self-erasure, a means of dealing with trauma than insisting I was like and mental health issues, and not a cure for that because I should be these things.’ Male desister, 36 a boy or I wasn’t a girl.’ 28 29 ‘One thing I would have liked is information Everyone just reacts differently. Maybe I would about autistic people’s experiences with gender not have felt so alienated from my female peers.’ (preferably from an autistic person) because Female detransitioner, 21 this would have helped me understand myself quicker and better.’ Female desister, 19 ‘I wish I would have been informed that being intersex didn’t mean I was in between two and that I was still female, despite my differ- A more diverse representation of gender ences. Also, I would have liked it if more role nonconforming women and female role models models were around showing me women don’t have to fit rigid stereotypes.’ Intersex female detransitioner, 29 ‘I would have liked someone to tell me that there are many ways to be a woman, which would ‘I wish I could have just experimented with have allowed me to understand that being a gender performance and even social transition woman is not fitting into stereotypes.’ without being pressured towards permanent Female desister, 27 medical intervention. I wish there were more of a space for non-gendered . That would ‘I suppose I would have liked to have known have taken a lot of pressure off.’ that most girls feel the way I felt. I thought I Female desister, 30 was part of a minority that hated my sex and the way I was treated by society. Now I know ‘I wish that I’d known more butch lesbians and most women feel this way, especially in puberty. that I’d known that there was no wrong way to be female. I wish there was more community for lesbians so that we could all talk about our experiences and find some common ground.’ ‘I thought I was part of a Female desister, 17 minority that hated my sex and the way I was treated by society. Now I know most women feel this way, especially in puberty.’

30 31 Detransitioning medically Stopping hormone therapy as a female detransitioner Most detransitioners don’t changing their treatment, The most reported physical changes when really know what to expect and here is the information stopping testosterone treatment (and starting when stopping their medical that we have gathered. It is to take oestrogen for those who underwent a transition. It is very difficult important to keep in mind that hysterectomy) are: to find information on this there are many different ways coming from health profes- in which bodies can react, so sionals, as there is a lack of nothing out of here is to be Body fat redistribution and face refeminisation research overall about medical generalised. detransition. A decrease in body hair growth (although often In case of doubt or difficulty remains more than before HRT*) We asked detransitioners to related to your health, we tell us about their experiences strongly encourage you to Breast growth for those who did not undergo a with going off hormones or consult a doctor. mastectomy

For those who underwent a mastectomy, depending on the remaining breast tissue, a small growth appears to be possible. Changes also often occur due to fat redistribution in this area as well

Muscle mass decrease

Hairline regrowth (not always fully back as before testosterone treatment, depending on how much loss there was)

Less/slower beard growth

Voice gets slightly higher/softer

Period coming back, from a few weeks to a few months after stopping HRT

32 Other changes were also reported by some such as a Stopping hormone therapy smoother skin, decrease in as a male detransitioner acne, softening of the clitoris, lower sex drive, change in body smell and Others who took hormone The sample of male detransi- The physical changes when weight loss. blockers reported having tioners sharing their insights stopping oestrogen treatment a low bone density as a was much smaller than the and/or androgen blockers (and consequence. female one. The following starting to take testosterone information is based on the for those who underwent a experiences of the eight male gonadectomy) are: A number of participants detransitioners who answered also reported that the health the questionnaire. issues caused by testos- terone treatment improved after ceasing hormones. For Emotional changes were also example, vaginal atrophy or reported due to stopping HRT. severe dryness, strong pelvic Many felt that their body pain, high blood pressure, needed time to readapt and kidney and liver issues, went through a few weeks of urinary incontinence, etc. For having low energy and poor some, these issues never fully mental health. Breast size reduction (although not fully back to reversed. Some also expressed their the way it was) recovered ability to cry and experience a wider range of Some body fat redistribution emotions after stopping taking testosterone. Hair loss Some detransitioners who underwent a hysterectomy Body hair thickening/darkening also reported health issues (such as nettle rash and Beard growth hypothyroidism), which they related to their body not Increased muscle mass producing sex hormones on its own anymore and the fact that it took them years to * HRT stands for ‘hormone access proper treatment. replacement therapy’

34 However, these changes do oestrogen and then testos- In order to complement this section with more not seem to occur for everyone. terone treatment affected his practical medical information, we asked the One male detransitioner pituitary gland. endocrinologist Dr William J. Malone to answer who was on HRT for 13 years a few of our questions. reported that very little had In terms of emotional changes, changed since he switched to someone reported having less testosterone seven years ago. mood swings since switching What are the long-term negative health Another one explains that he from oestrogen to testosterone effects of puberty blockers? experienced extreme symp- treatment. Someone else toms of hormonal imbalance reports extreme mental health W.J.M. ‘Puberty blockers are the after quitting cross-sex HRT side effects such as severe first medicalised step in the and that, even now that he is depression with suicidality, gender-affirmative treatment taking same-sex hormones, his dissociation and psychotic model and they have been body still struggles to develop symptoms caused by spirono- misrepresented as a safe muscle mass, and his sexual lactone (testosterone blocker). “pause button”, giving young function is lacking. These issues mostly resolved people time to clarify their Another detransitioner after stopping the treatment. identities. Current evidence, explained that taking however, shows that they have negative effects on bone and possibly brain health. Young people on puberty blockers do not develop bone density like they should.’

What are the long-term negative health effects of treatment with cross-sex hormones?

W.J.M. ‘Treatment with cross-sex hormones is associated This previous section highlights the fact that with long-term health risks, everybody reacts differently to hormonal including a significantly higher treatments, and that it is really important risk of heart attacks and to get all potential health issues checked by stroke. Current studies show medical professionals when taking or a four-fold increased risk of stopping HRT. heart attacks in biological

36 37 Dr William J. Malone is an Assistant Clinical Professor of Endocrinology and Director of the Society for Evidence-based Gender Medicine (SEGM). If you would like to find more information about stopping medical transition, you can find a document called ‘Principles of Hormone Discon- tinuation’ by W. J. Malone on the resources section of the website of Post Trans.

females who take testosterone, and more than What are the consequences of three times the risk of blood clots for biological undergoing a hysterectomy/ males who take oestrogen. Additional risks gonadectomy? include breast cancer, high blood pressure, and liver damage. Vaginal atrophy and uterine pain W.J.M. ‘A hysterectomy/gonadectomy will leave have also been described in females taking a female sterile. Any woman who has her testosterone.’ ovaries removed will need some form of oestrogen replacement to prevent What can be done to prevent these negative effects on her bones, heart, negative side effects? brain, skin and hair.’

W.J.M. ‘Preventing side effects is always challenging What can be done to deal with the in any area of medicine. Any person taking or negative effects of vaginal atrophy who has taken puberty blockers or cross-sex and premature menopause in hormones should be under the close supervision females who underwent testosterone of a physician who can monitor for potential treatment and/or a hysterectomy? side effects and then act accordingly.’ W.J.M. ‘Treatment with oestrogen replacement should reverse vaginal atrophy and control or eliminate menopausal symptoms.’

38 39 Psychological treatment and Journaling was reported to be meditation techniques a useful technique as well for identifying and then reflecting on the external sources of body Many find that therapy is discomfort. Alternative ways to deal very helpful for identifying the tangible sources of their ‘Learning that, with gender dysphoria discomfort, to then address them. Commonly reported in my case underlying issues are PTSD* or other (sexual) trauma-based the feelings disorders, body dysmorphia, psychosis, etc. of discomfort Some detransitioners and desisters found that talk were caused therapy, trauma processing, somatic-based therapy, by something eating disorder treatment, tangible and dysmorphia treatment and cognitive-behavioural therapy explainable were beneficial. A few who dealt with severe helped me mental health issues such as psychosis, heavy depression realise that Medical transition is often not turn out to be a fulfilling and anxiety reported that offered as the only way long-term solution. Since most medication also helped with those feelings to deal with strong body of them still experienced forms their body discomfort. weren’t discomfort associated with of gender dysphoria while gender and sex character- detransitioning, they had to Many find that meditation and permanent or istics (commonly referred find alternative ways to cope. mindfulness are helpful, as well to as gender dysphoria). As as physical activities such as unchanging.’ previously mentioned, the In this section, you will find a working out, practicing yoga lack of alternatives offered is collection of strategies that and body awareness exer- Male detransitioner, 23 perceived as a real problem detransitioners and desisters cises. Self-soothing talk also by many detransitioners and have found to handle their appeared to be relieving for * PTSD stands for Post- desisters, for whom medically body discomfort. some. traumatic stress disorder and socially transitioning did

40 41 Radical acceptance of to control how others perceive biological reality and them and instead prioritising acknowledgement of gender body needs relieved their dysphoria I will always discomfort immensely. be female, and Untangling gender ‘My current stereotypes and internalised A great deal of relief for a if it can’t be homophobia number of detransitioners and strategy is just desisters comes from the full changed then it acceptance of one’s biological putting my life Many detransitioners and reality. A few explained that, must be desisters found that a lot of once they reached the conclu- before appea- what triggered their dysphoria sion that it was rationally acceptable. I in the first place was the inter- impossible to change their had to learn to rances. I don’t nalising of strict gender roles. sex, they didn’t feel the need to strive towards this goal live with it or I allow myself to Female individuals in particular anymore. This led them to learn feed into hyper reported dealing with deeply to accept their body rather would never be internalised misogyny, resulting than fighting it, which allevi- fixating on how in strong physical and social ated their gender dysphoria. satisfied.’ discomfort. Developing a I look or how I feminist consciousness and Others explained that an Female desister, 21 reaching the conclusion that important step for them was to am perceived. being a woman does not accept that their body discom- require anything else than fort was there and that it might Detaching oneself from I give those being female freed many never completely go away, but external judgement thoughts the detrans women from a great that transition was simply not deal of their gender dysphoria. the right path for them. same treatment Learning to stop worrying Realising that being female or about the way others perceive that I do with male has nothing to do with you and to stop fixating on fitting into rigid gender stereo- ‘I can’t become appearances seems to be an my depression types as well as learning to male, so I don’t important step towards body embrace oneself as a mascu- acceptance. It might be a long related line woman or as a feminine need to strive and difficult process, but a few distortions.’ man appeared to be key detransitioners and desisters elements of the reconciliation towards it. reported that stopping trying Female detransitioner, 22 process. 42 43 Finding communities and ‘The gross role models ‘Reading personal accounts and majority of advice online by detransitioners my dysphoria A lot of female detransitioners and lesbians while stopping tran- and desisters emphasised was mental the need for finding feminist sition was massively helpful. They and lesbian communities, as and related to they say it helped them feel provided information, reassurance less alone and become aware preconceived of the various ways in which and a sense of belonging I did not gender nonconforming women feel anywhere else.’ notions of the live their lives. Realising that roles of men, the many other women have Female detransitioner, 21 similar struggles with their way men were female bodies and femininity makes it easier to be more “supposed” indulgent toward oneself. to deal with In addition to that, finding role models with similar bodies emotions, and and gender nonconformity is the social roles reported to be really helpful for learning to feel more at peace of men.’ with one’s body and sexuality.

Male desister, 20

For many lesbian and detransitioners, internalised homophobia also played a big role in their wish to transition, and working on unlearning this prejudice was necessary in order to alleviate their dysphoria.

44 45 Thinking of gender dysphoria in a different way

One detransitioner described gender dysphoria as ‘an but am aware umbrella term for a myriad of now that this is unpleasant gender experi- ences.’ Recognising that and not because my actively looking into the feel- ings causing this discomfort body is wrong, can be a source of relief. Some explained that they but because simply stopped using the term gender dysphoria and started I have shame naming each feeling for what about my body they realised that it actually was. For example, ‘discomfort and this is from being seen as a woman’, or ‘feeling uncomfortable with not my fault. my breasts’. This allows ‘I had more of a sympathy for reframing of my myself and I am view in regard less likely to to my dysphoria. hurt myself over I still experience these feelings.’ it (less often) Female detransitioner, 21

46 Advice from detrans to detrans

‘You are so much more ‘Look for community so that ‘Do not feel pressured to ‘You’re not alone. You’ve not resilient than you think. you’re not alone, because dress or groom yourself in a ruined yourself. You did what There is life beyond gender you’re not. You don’t have way that triggered dysphoria you thought was best for you dysphoria, life after to reinvent the wheel, or go in the past, and definitely in that time, in that place, detransition. It will be okay.’ through it alone, because do not feel pressured into with the knowledge you had. Female detransitioner, 22 it’s been done before, many undergoing any invasive Be patient with yourself and times, in so many different medical procedures aimed at your body. Be kind to your- ways. Something we all “passing” better. Basically, self. Find a therapist you can learned when we found out put health and talk about your detransition the world was big enough for self-acceptance first.’ if you need to.’ us to transition is still true: Female detransitioner, 37 Female detransitioner, 28 ‘Take your time. Seek profes- the world is big enough for sional help, especially if you us to detransition as well.’ already have mental health Female desister, 25 issues, because going off hormones can worsen them ‘You are not alone. There while your body is adjusting. are lots of people like you Allow yourself to explore your ‘Absorb all information from and you’re not being a bad identity and to not base it on all sources. It was okay to be ‘The silver lining of ceasing person for growing and gender or your appearance wrong this time, and it’ll be transition is being allowed realising your identity is but on your character formed okay to be wrong a second the space to simply be your- changing. Detransitioning by your interests, strengths time. What matters is your self. Let this be a positive feels like an admittance of and social connections with feelings and happiness.’ change and give yourself the failure or fault, but I promise others.’ Male detransitioner, 23 freedom of a child.’ you it is not.’ Female detransitioner, 19 Female detransitioner, 21 Female desister, 19

48 49 Resources post-trans.com Post Trans is a project lostintransition.info led by two female Lost in Transition detransitioners whose is a Sydney based detransadv.com objective is to give Australian support The Detransitioners’ detransvoices.org visibility and resources group for those who Advocacy Network Detrans Voices is a to detransitioners and were not helped by their (TDAN) is a charitable, project dedicated to desisters. transition. non-profit, global effort providing support to improve the well- and information for being of detransitioned people detransitioning people everywhere. and/or desisting reddit.com/r/detrans from transgender self-identification. detransinfo.tumblr.com

redressalert.tumblr.com

piqueresproject.com The Pique Resilience detranscanada.com Project was created by segm.org Detrans Canada is four detransitioned and SEGM is an inter- iatdd.com an independent and desisted women with national group IATDD is an inter- non-partisan advocacy the goal of sharing their of clinicians and national group of organisation that stories and providing researchers whose therapists working supports detransi- information on detransi- aim is to promote safe, together to better tioning, desisting, tion, as well as support compassionate, ethical understand the needs and re-identifying for those who may and evidence-informed and challenges faced Canadians. be questioning their healthcare for children, by desisting and gender or identity. adolescents, and young detransitioning people. adults with gender dysphoria.

50 51 How can LGBTQI organisations support detransitioners and desisters?

Including detrans people explicitly in their programs and welcoming them to their activities

Representing detrans people in their resources and websites

Offering different alternatives to gender dysphoric people for dealing with their discomfort

Fighting gender stereotypes and valuing gender nonconformity

Providing information about legal, social and medical detransition

Giving space for detrans people to share their experiences

Raising awareness about the topic of detransition

Reaching out to detrans organisations