Best Practices for Serving Lgbtq Students

SCHOOL CLIMATE BEST PRACTICES FOR SERVING LGBTQ STUDENTS A Teaching Tolerance Guide TEACHING TOLERANCE ABOUT THE SOUTHERN POVERTY LAW CENTER The Southern Poverty Law Center, based in Montgomery, Alabama, is a nonpartisan 501(c)(3) civil rights organization founded in 1971 and dedicated to fighting hate and bigotry and to seeking justice for the most vulnerable members of society. It neither endorses political candidates nor engages in electioneering activities.

ABOUT TEACHING TOLERANCE Founded in 1991, Teaching Tolerance is an educator-serving nonprofit organization dedicated to helping teachers and schools prepare children and youth to be active participants in a diverse democracy.

The program publishes Teaching Tolerance magazine three times a year, and provides free educational materials, lessons and tools for educators committed to implementing anti-bias practices in their classrooms and schools. To see all of the resources available from Teaching Tolerance, visit tolerance.org.

Teaching Tolerance is a project of the Southern Poverty Law Center.

2 TEACHING TOLERANCE BEST PRACTICES FOR SERVING LGBTQ STUDENTS A Teaching Tolerance Guide

TEACHING TOLERANCE TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION...... 6

ABOUT THIS GUIDE...... 7

SECTION I: POLICY CHECKUP...... 8 Know Your Students’ Rights...... 8 Anti-bullying/Harassment Policies...... 9 Bathroom and Locker Room Access...... 10 Inclusive Sports Policies...... 11 Dress Codes...... 13 Inclusive Sex Education...... 14 An Inclusive and Empowering Environment...... 18 Ask TT: What do I do if… the community pushes back?...... 19

SECTION II: CLASSROOM CULTURE...... 22 Be Willing to Learn Essential Terms...... 22 Model Inclusive Pronoun Use...... 22 Facilitate Conversations About Identity With Care...... 23 Challenge Gender Norms...... 23 Ask TT: What do I do if… my administration isn’t supportive?...... 25

4 TEACHING TOLERANCE SECTION III: INSTRUCTION...... 26 Assess Your Texts...... 26 Teach Queer History...... 27 Set Ground Rules...... 28 Lead Discussions With Courage and Care...... 28 Respond to Common Myths With Facts...... 29 Respond to Current Events...... 29 Teach With Intersectionality in Mind...... 29 Teach the Gaps and Silences...... 30

SECTION IV: FAMILY AND COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT...... 31 Including and Empowering All Families...... 31 Inviting LGBTQ People and Allies Into Your Classroom...... 31 Working With Unaccepting Families...... 32 Ask TT: What do I do if… a student comes out to me?...... 33 GSAs and Creating Communities Within...... 35 Poster...... 37

LGBTQ-INCLUSIVE SCHOOL CHECKLIST...... 39

THE ACRONYM AND BEYOND: A GLOSSARY OF TERMS...... 41

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 5 INTRODUCTION To feel safe and to feel seen. To feel valued ways feel safe in the classroom. and capable of growth. These are simple con- Current research also offers reasons to cepts—basic pillars of student achievement be hopeful, but that hope is grounded in ac- and the results of good pedagogy. tion. LGBTQ students who go to school in For many queer students, these rights a fully inclusive environment—where both remain out of reach. curriculum and schoolwide policies value their identities—experience more positive outcomes. They also experience less ha- We recognize the complicated history rassment, feel more valued by school staff of the word “queer” and that its and face fewer barriers to success. reclamation as a positive or even We also know that an LGBTQ-inclusive neutral term of identity isn’t universally school benefitsall students. Seeing LGBTQ accepted. In this guide, we use queer as identities valued in the classroom, in the an inclusive term to refer to those who curriculum and in day-to-day interactions fall outside of cisgender or heterosexual inspires empathy, understanding and re- identities—not as a pejorative. spect. The overall school climate is safer. The lessons on history, literature and culture are more complete. And the dangerous expectations of constricted gender roles— According to data from GLSEN—an orga- from the mask of suppressed emotional ex- nization that provides resources, research pression placed on boys to the unrealistic and advocacy in support of queer youth— beauty standards facing girls—can give way more than half of LGBTQ students feel to a culture that values all students. unsafe at school. Fewer than 25 percent of This work isn’t revolutionary. It reflects those students see positive representations basic pedagogy and best practices. of queer people in their classrooms. More With this guide, we hope to help school than half hear negative remarks about their leaders ensure that all students feel safe, sexuality or gender identity from school seen and capable of success; to ensure that staff. And, due to these and other circum- the curriculum is as complete and repre- stances, LGBTQ students are more likely sentative as possible; to ensure that the to miss school, see their grades suffer, and school climate fosters open and respectful to face dire consequences outside of school, dialogue among all students and staff; and such as homelessness. to prepare youth to engage and thrive with- A recent survey from the Human Rights in our diverse democracy. Campaign shows these problems haven’t dissipated; just a quarter of LGBTQ students feel they can be their authentic selves at school, and only 27 percent say they al-

6 TEACHING TOLERANCE ABOUT THIS GUIDE The journey toward an LGBTQ-inclusive students and nontraditional families feel school climate begins with simple steps included in school communities. recommended in each of the four key areas Along the way, this publication aims to offer of this guide: guidance for addressing critical conversations, • Policy checkup. Review the constitution- backlash and burning questions, such as: al rights of LGBTQ students and see exem- • What do I do if an unaccepting family, an plar policies addressing bathrooms, locker outside group or the community pushes back rooms, sports, sex education and more. against inclusive practices? • Classroom culture. Learn best practic- • What do I do if my administration isn’t es for making all students feel welcome in supportive? your classroom, including how to facilitate conversations, speak up against bullying • What do I do if a student comes out to me? behavior, and evaluate the ways in which We know educators can face cultural and pro- your words or actions could marginalize fessional barriers when implementing an- LGBTQ students. ti-bias policies and curriculum. But we also • Instruction. Discover strategies for in- know the importance of protecting LGBTQ tegrating LGBTQ perspectives into your students and their rights to an education. The curriculum and navigating challenges that steps in this guide can be taken in any K–12 may result. school in any community. Together, we can move toward a world in which LGBTQ-inclu- • Family and community engagement. sive classrooms are no longer the exception, Get ideas for responding to pushback from but the rule. the community, as well as helping LGBTQ

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 7 SECTION I POLICY CHECKUP Policies reflect a school’s priorities and, like long as one student can wear an outfit without budgets, reveal as much in what they omit as breaking rules, so can another. in what’s written on the page. It’s time more • Students have a right to be free from LGBTQ kids see themselves on the page. School discrimination or harassment based on leaders who make inclusive policies a priority religious views. LGBTQ students in public can set the tone for entire schools and districts. schools have equal rights to their peers, in- Some policies that sound standard or fair cluding the right to freedom from religious on the surface can marginalize or discrim- persecution. This means students can’t be inate against LGBTQ students. These ex- denied equal access to safety and opportunity amples point to aspects of school that can due to someone else’s religious beliefs. be tough for kids with queer identities—and offer ways to follow the law and create more • Students have a right to express LGBTQ equitable and inclusive policies. pride. If your school’s dress code allows students to wear T-shirts with slogans or pic- KNOW YOUR STUDENTS’ RIGHTS tures, it’s unlawful for your school to ask a Creating more inclusive policies begins with student to take off their shirt just because it an understanding of students’ basic rights, as endorses LGBTQ pride or makes a statement determined by the law and by educational best about their LGBTQ identity. practices. These rights serve as the backbone • Students have a right to form Gay- of good policymaking and equip school leaders Straight or Gender and Sexuality Alliances with a legal and moral defense against backlash. (GSAs). If your school permits other student • Students have a right to express their clubs, it should allow students to form and gender as they wish—regardless of their publicize a GSA. sex assigned at birth. While students must • LGBTQ students have a right to attend follow basic dress codes—e.g., no profanity proms, field trips and dances. Students can- on T-shirts—they cannot be forced to align not be denied equal access to school events or with gender-specific guidelines. The same is school learning opportunities because of their true of hair length, makeup, prom attire, jew- identity. Students also have the right to take elry, footwear, etc. Gender-specific guidelines a date of any gender to school dances as long based on a student’s assigned sex violate a as their date satisfies all attendance eligibility student’s rights to freedom of expression. As rules, such as age limits.

8 TEACHING TOLERANCE • Students have a right to access facilities and opportunities that match their gender identity. This includes bathrooms, locker rooms and gender-specific activities. • Students have a right to be free of harassment and to have harassment treated seriously. Public schools must treat harassment or bullying that targets LGBTQ students with the same seriousness they would use in a case of harassment against any other child. Ig- noring harassment and bullying is a violation of Title IX. • LGBTQ students have a right to be “out.” Educators can always ask students to stop disruptive speech—in the classroom during a lecture, for instance. But schools cannot tell a student not to talk about their sexual orientation or gender identity while at school. • LGBTQ students have a right not to be “outed.” Even if people within the school know about a student’s sexual orientation or gender identity, educators cannot disclose a perceived) as protected, immutable identities, student’s private information without con- alongside race, religion, ethnicity, disability, sent. Outing LGBTQ students violates their etc. (Unfortunately this isn’t possible in South constitutional rights and has led to tragic and Dakota where, as of 2018, naming protected fatal consequences. groups in anti-bullying policies is illegal.) Schools that successfully acknowledge • Lays out a clear expectation that all these rights in their policies take import- incidents of bullying will be investigated ant steps toward providing an environment seriously. where LGBTQ students can succeed, feel • Lays out a clear expectation that staff supported and have access to the same op- will intervene to stop all forms of bullying portunities as their peers. and harassment, and report incidents when ANTI-BULLYING/HARASSMENT POLICIES they occur. Research shows that LGBTQ students in • Includes digital harassment within the schools with inclusive policies are less likely scope of potential investigation and punish- to experience harassment and more likely to ment, as students often face the worst bully- advocate for themselves if they do. Naming ing from peers online. According to GLSEN, LGBTQ identities within the policy is critical nearly half of LGBTQ students face cyber- to promoting physical safety in your school. bullying—a persistent threat that cannot be ignored by schools just because it sometimes An inclusive policy: occurs “off school grounds.” • Includes gender identity, gender expression and sexual orientation (actual or

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 9 For an example of an exemplary policy, look at this excerpt from Minnesota’s model policy, recommended to schools in the state: Bullying can be, but need not be, based on an individual’s actual or perceived race, ethnicity, color, creed, religion, national origin, immigration status, sex, marital status, familial status, socioeconomic status, physical appearance, sexual orientation, including gender identity and expression, academic status related to student performance, disability, status with regard to public assistance, age, or any additional characteristic defined in Minnesota Statutes, Chapter 363A (commonly referred to as the Minnesota Human Rights Act). Bullying in this policy includes “cyberbullying,” as defined below. “Cyberbullying” is bullying that occurs when an electronic device, including but not limited to a computer or cell phone, is used to transfer a sign, signal, writing, image, sound or data and includes a post to a social network, internet website or forum.

t-t.site/model-policy

• Makes it clear that students and educa- cal assault. Those who fear such harassment tors will be held responsible for bullying will often not go to the bathroom at all, risking behavior and protected from harassment. their physical health. Most importantly, these inclusive poli- Bathroom policies often ignore the iden- cies must be widely known. Make sure stu- tities and experiences of intersex students dents, educators and the school community entirely. Biological or birth certificate crite- have access to the anti-bullying policy from ria might force them to use facilities that do the beginning of the year. This transparen- not correspond with their gender expres- cy clearly communicates the expectations sion which, again, can violate their privacy to all students and educators and helps and dissuade them from using these facili- LGBTQ students feel safer and valued. ties at all. A common pushback: “I am (or my BATHROOM AND LOCKER ROOM ACCESS child is) uncomfortable being in the Students should have access to bathrooms, bathroom with a transgender student.” locker rooms and other gender-specific spac- Be prepared to respond. Point out the es that best match their gender identity. Bas- difference between accommodation and ing bathroom access on assigned sex can have discrimination. If someone is uncomfort- dangerous ramifications for students whose able being in a shared space—for whatever gender expression does not match their as- reason—give them the option of a more pri- signed sex. According to a survey from UCLA’s vate facility. Just remember that their dis- Williams Institute, 68 percent of transgender comfort isn’t justifiable cause to force an- people faced verbal harassment while in the other student to use a different bathroom bathroom; nearly 10 percent endured physi- or locker room. A gender-neutral or sin-

10 TEACHING TOLERANCE For an example of an exemplary policy, see the nondiscrimination addendum adopted by Atherton High School of Louisville, Kentucky, in 2014: Guidelines on Accessibility for Students [School Name] shall not discriminate on the use of school space as the basis of gender identity nor gender expression. The school shall accept the gender identity that each student asserts. There is no medical or mental health diagnosis or treatment threshold that students must meet in order to have their gender identity recognized and respected. The assertion may be evidenced by an expressed desire to be consistently recognized by their gender identity. Students ready to socially transition may initiate a process with the school administration to change their name, pronoun, attire, and access to preferred activities and facilities. Each student has a unique process for transitioning. The school shall customize support to optimize each student’s integration. t-t.site/guidelines-on-accessibility

gle-stall bathroom can be made available to any student—LGBTQ or not—who desires *California, Nevada, Washington, Utah, Colora- more privacy. If such a facility is available, do, Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Flor- make sure students know they have the ida, Virginia, Maryland, New Jersey, Connecti- option. At primary public-use bathroom cut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Vermont and New Hampshire. Elsewhere, states have varying locations, post a map that points to where rules. For example, in Alaska, the state asso- students can find the single-stall or gen- ciation will honor the school district’s policy, der-neutral bathroom. inclusive or exclusive. In states like Delaware, Georgia, Illinois and New Mexico, associations require that students meet one or more of the INCLUSIVE SPORTS POLICIES following criteria: a legally changed birth cer- Schools should, to the best of their ability, allow tificate, a time period of undergoing hormone students to play on sports teams and clubs that treatments and/or sex reassignment surgery. States like Iowa and North Dakota have dif- best match their gender identity. Sometimes ferent rules for trans boys and trans girls. And this will run counter to the rules of your state’s some states, such as Alabama and Kentucky, high school athletics association. As of 2018, 17 say sports participation must be determined by sex assigned at birth. Six states (Montana, state associations* have fully inclusive poli- Arkansas, Mississippi, Tennessee, South Car- cies, allowing trans and intersex student ath- olina and West Virginia) have no policy at all. letes to participate with teams that correspond Transathlete.com maintains an updated list you to their gender identity—without the require- can reference. ment of hormone treatments or surgery.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 11 School leaders in states with policies • Students should be able to join intramu- that require queer students to undergo ral clubs and sports teams that correspond medical interventions or legal changes can most closely with their gender identity. advocate for more inclusive options. Often, • Students should have access to locker such policies cite competitive disadvantage rooms that correspond most closely with as the reason for instilling such rules, espe- their gender identity. cially in the case of transgender and intersex girls. However, not all students have the • Gender-neutral changing facilities, financial or social means to pursue medical locker rooms and bathrooms can be of- intervention—and not all transgender or fered to any student who feels uncom- intersex people want to transition medical- fortable changing among their peers, but ly and physically. should not be required as the only option for Schools attempting to craft a more inclu- trans, intersex or nonbinary students. This sive policy for sports participation should segregates them. keep the following recommendations in mind:

School leaders in states where there is no toilet facilities in accordance with the policy or where the policy gives power to student’s gender identity. Every locker school districts should draft and suggest room should have some private, enclosed inclusive policies, such as the "eligibility to changing areas, showers, and toilets for participate" guidelines for a model policy use by any athlete who desires them … spelled out by Erin E. Buzuvis, director of transgender students should not be re- the Center for Gender & Sexuality Studies quired to use separate facilities. at the University of New Hampshire. 2. Hotel Rooms. Transgender stu- Eligibility to participate: A student has dent-athletes generally should be assigned the right to participate in athletics in a to share hotel rooms based on their gen- manner consistent with the sex listed on der identity, with a recognition that any that student’s school records. A student student who needs extra privacy should be whose gender identity is different from accommodated whenever possible. the sex listed on the student’s registration t-t.site/trans-athletes records may participate in a manner con- Or this example from the Massachusetts sistent with the student’s gender identity Department of Elementary and Secondary in accordance with the policy below. Education: Physical education is a required course Additional guidelines in all grades. … Where there are sex-segre- The [state athletic association] endorses gated classes or athletic activities, including the following guidelines to ensure the intramural and interscholastic athletics, all nondiscriminatory treatment of transgen- students must be allowed to participate in a der students participating in [state athletic manner consistent with their gender identity. association] activities. t-t.site/MA-guidance 1. Changing Areas, Toilets, Showers. A transgender student-athlete should be able to use the locker room, shower and

12 TEACHING TOLERANCE • Anti-bullying and harassment policies of trans and intersex students (without should also cover the actions of coaches hormone treatment) competing alongside and athletes, with specific mention that cisgender students may generate a lot of bullying based on one’s gender, gender pushback from the community. Balancing identity, gender expression or sexual orien- gender inclusivity and “fair play” can seem tation will not be tolerated. difficult, and state rules may determine • Students who do not publicly identify as that teams are ineligible if they allow such trans or intersex have a right to not be out- participation. In such instances, we recom- ed to anyone—including peers and team- mend schools consider three possibilities: mates—by their coach or school officials. They can ensure that intramural or non-sanctioned community sports are avail- • When traveling, students should be as- able to all students, regardless of assigned sex. signed hotel rooms and roommates that They can look for local, co-ed leagues correspond with their gender identity; any and participate. student who requests privacy should be ac- They can allow transgender and intersex commodated while not singled out as de- athletes to practice, travel with the team manding “special treatment.” and compete in exhibitions. • Students should not be forced to wear These are imperfect solutions, but gendered sports uniforms that conflict schools should strive for the most inclusive with their gender identity. option available to them, while continuing to advocate for more inclusive policies at While the science behind hormones and the state or district levels. perceived gender differences is more complicated than many people believe, the idea DRESS CODES In compliance with students’ legal rights, school dress code policies should allow for students’ free expression, including expression of their gender identities and pride in their queer identities. This means never targeting specific students’ identities with the dress code. If the gender expression or apparel worn by LGBTQ students is causing distraction, harassment or incidents of bias, this is a school climate problem—not a problem best solved by punishing LGBTQ students and sup- pressing their rights to free expression. Dress codes should: • Allow exceptions that promote a safe or comfortable learning environment, such as allowing athletic attire in P.E., tights in dance or gymnastics, or protective gear in science labs, workshops or art class. • Prevent students from wearing attire that disrupts a safe learning environment,

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 13 IS MY SCHOOL DRESS CODE GENDER-INCLUSIVE? Gendered dress codes can harm students in a variety of ways. Use this flow chart to assess your school’s dress code for gender bias.

Does your dress code Does your dress code use Do girls get more words like respectable, require that a student’s NO dress code violations NO gender expression match NO revealing, provocative or than boys? distracting? their sex assigned at birth? NO Does your dress code have different rules for male and YES YES YES female students? YES

Your dress code may seem to be targeting clothing, but it may actually be targeting students’ identities. Students—regardless of gender identity or gender expression—need a clear, agreed-upon set of guidelines for how everyone should dress in a school environment. Gendered guidelines can humiliate students and even rob them of instructional time.

YOUR DRESS CODE SEEMS TO BE INCLUSIVE AND PROACTIVE. It honors students’ rights as individuals, which supports a safe learning environment. Way to go!

such as clothes that feature hate speech or • Vary based on a student’s weight, body pornography, target a specific group of peo- type or appearance. ple, or advocate for violence or drug use. • Discriminate against headwear or hair- • Treat students equitably regardless of styles that might correspond with a student’s their sex assigned at birth. Clothes that are religious, racial or ethnic identities. permissible for one gender should be permis- The graphic above, from “Controlling the sible for students of all gender identities. Student Body,” provides a guide for lead- • Require the covering of body parts ers who want to ensure their school’s dress generally considered private. code is gender-inclusive. Dress codes should not: An inclusive policy can look simple, such • Be different for boys and girls, or force as the policy of Portland Public Schools. students to dress based on their sex as- INCLUSIVE SEX EDUCATION signed at birth. Most LGBTQ students face a void when it • Disallow shirts proclaiming pride in comes to sex education—a void they often fill a student’s LGBTQ identity on the false with inaccurate and age-inappropriate re- grounds that it is “distracting” or “offensive sources online. According to the Guttmacher language to some.” Institute, only 12 states require the discussion

14 TEACHING TOLERANCE PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS DRESS CODE POLICY The District Dress Code policy applies to all schools in Portland Public Schools grades PK–12, with the exception of schools with a Uniform Dress Code policy. The responsibility for the dress and grooming of a student rests primarily with the student and his or her parents or guardians.

Allowable Dress & Grooming Non-Allowable Dress & Grooming • Students must wear clothing including both a • Clothing may not depict, advertise or advo- shirt with pants or skirt (or the equivalent) and shoes. cate the use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana or other controlled substances. • Shirts and dresses must have fabric in the front and on the sides. • Clothing may not depict pornography, nudity or sexual acts. • Clothing must cover undergarments, waist- bands and bra straps excluded. • Clothing may not use or depict hate speech targeting groups based on race, ethnicity, gen- • Fabric covering all private parts must not be der, sexual orientation, gender identity, religious see-through. affiliation or any other protected groups. • Hats and other headwear must allow the face Clothing, including gang identifiers, must to be visible and not interfere with the line of • not threaten the health or safety of any other sight to any student or staff. Hoodies must allow student or staff. the student's face and ears to be visible to staff. If the student’s attire or grooming threatens • Clothing must be suitable for all scheduled • the health or safety of any other person, then classroom activities including physical ed- discipline for dress or grooming violations ucation, science labs, wood shop and other should be consistent with discipline policies for activities where unique hazards exist. similar violations. • Specialized courses may require specialized attire, such as sports uniforms or safety gear.

of sexual orientation in sex ed; three of those Comprehensive and inclusive sex ed includes: states (Alabama, South Carolina and Texas) • Discussion of gender identities and sexual require that all coverage of queer sexual ori- orientation—and not just as a special topic, but entations be negative in nature. included throughout the coursework. • Examples of healthy relationships, including This gap in our teaching negatively af- same-sex relationships. fects LGBTQ students, who, according to • Examples of diverse family constructions, the CDC, are already at greater risk for inti- including families with same-sex couples. mate partner violence, sexual assault, STIs • Countering stereotypes about gender roles, and negative feelings about their bodies. LGBTQ identities and what it means to be a man These risk factors underscore the need for or woman. • Information for safe and protected sex practices inclusive sex education that positively cov- for people of all identities. ers LGBTQ identities. This also benefits • Medically accurate, myth-free and age-ap- non-LGBTQ students who otherwise may propriate information on sexually transmitted not understand their peers. infections, including HIV/AIDS. Providing comprehensive sex educa- • Messaging that does not assume students’ tion is nearly impossible for educators and sexual orientations and gender identities, and that covers LGBTQ topics whether students in the class school leaders in states where so-called “No are “out” or not. Promo Homo Laws” prohibit teachers from For more recommendations, see the National Sexuality Education Standards.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 15 discussing LGBTQ topics in the classroom. KNOWING YOUR ROLE (As of 2018, these states included Arizona, Texas, Oklahoma, Mississippi, Alabama and AS AN ALLY South Carolina). Educators in these areas can advocate for changes in state law and Following these four guidelines will put you reach out to civil rights organizations that in the best position to stand alongside your may want to represent LGBTQ students queer students: and teachers facing this discrimination. For educators in all states, pushing for GOOD ALLIES BEGIN WITH more LGBTQ-inclusive sex ed requires a SELF-REFLECTION. plan. Here are some tips for making sure Being an effective LGBTQ ally requires signifi- the initiative is taken seriously: cant self-reflection and a strong sense of one’s • Partner with community organizations. own relationship with gender identity and They often have more resources and may sexual orientation. Before spreading this work have also identified gaps in your school and throughout your school, begin within. district policies. Take time to consider these questions: • Include student voices. Encourage stu- • When did I become aware that I had a gen- dents to advocate for their own education, and der? When did I first become aware of my sex- you’ll have strong allies throughout the process. ual orientation? • Attend school board or community • What messages did I learn about sexual ori- meetings. Identify potential allies and possi- entation or gender growing up? ble counterarguments. Don’t forget to indicate • Was my sex, gender identity or expression if you’re there in an official capacity (with per- ever in conflict with activities I wanted to par- mission from your school) or as a private citizen. ticipate in? • Push boundaries. If your school board • Did my sexual orientation (or the fear of be- can’t make changes due to state legislation, ing perceived to have a different sexual orienta- encourage members to pass a resolution call- tion) ever keep me from participating in certain ing for improved sex education. The resolu- activities or social situations? tion can help state-level advocates push for legislative change. • Did I ever feel pressure to conform to cultural expectations related to my gender? Did I ever feel pressure to perform or hide my sexual orientation in any way? • Did I ever judge others for not conforming to these cultural norms? If so, where did these beliefs or judgments originate? • What messages—both implicit and explicit— do I convey to my students about sexual orientation or gender? • Was there ever a time I wanted to challenge or transgress gender norms? What was the out- come and why?

16 TEACHING TOLERANCE Once you’ve had a chance to self-reflect with Courage and Care. Our publication on your experience, take an honest self-as- Let’s Talk! is a good starting point for doing sessment of your readiness to talk about this internal work before diving deeper. these topics with students or colleagues. • Talking about gender or sexual orientation GOOD ALLIES SPEAK UP AGAINST is challenging because… BULLYING, HOMOPHOBIA, • Talking about gender or sexual orientation TRANSPHOBIA AND HARASSMENT. is necessary because… Chances are high that homophobic or • Talking about gender or sexual orientation transphobic bullying or harassment is oc- is beneficial because… curring in your school. One of the most effective things you When talking about sexual orientation can do is respond directly to homopho- with students… bic or transphobic behavior. This includes remarking on the use of slurs and other phrases, such as “That’s so gay.” Here are I am almost always uncomfortable. four approaches you can use: I am usually uncomfortable. 1. Interrupt. Speak up against biased re- I am sometimes comfortable, marks, every time, without exception. sometimes uncomfortable. 2. Question. Ask simple questions to learn I am usually comfortable. why the comment was made and how it can I am almost always comfortable. be addressed. 3. Educate. Explain why a word or phrase is hurtful or offensive and encourage the speak- When talking about gender identity with er to choose different language. Help students students… differentiate between intent and impact.

4. Echo. While one person’s voice is powerful, I am almost always uncomfortable. a collection of voices incites change. I am usually uncomfortable. Respond to biased or homophobic behavior as if there is an LGBTQ student in I am sometimes comfortable, the room at all times. After all, educators sometimes uncomfortable. can never fully grasp the extent to which I am usually comfortable. students are listening or how deeply they I am almost always comfortable. are affected by harmful words. For more practical advice on speaking up against biased language and intolerance If you find yourself listing a lot of chal- from students, administrators and peers, lenges and leaning toward the “uncom- see our guide Speak Up at School. SOURCE Jesseca Boyer, fortable” end of the spectrum, focus on the Teachers can also encourage students Sexuality sections from this guide titled Be Willing to respond to bullying or bias incidents as Information to Learn Essential Terms; Facilitate Con- a community to promote unity, improve and Education Council of the versations About Identity With Care; Chal- school climate and raise awareness. To help United States lenge Gender Norms and Lead Discussions assess the severity of the problem, for exam- (SIECUS)

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 17 ple, students can gather together to conduct a survey on hurtful language used at school. Student groups can also organize an assem- bly or a march, observe GLSEN’s Day of Si- lence or plan another campaign about the damaging effects of hurtful words.

PHYSICAL COURAGE GOOD ALLIES DON’T TRY TO DO THIS SPACE WORK ALONE. One way to preempt backlash or prevent feel- STUDENT VOICE ing alone in this work is finding other allies in your school. Let administrators, teachers and counselors know your plans. Secure their support ahead of time. Work together to ensure content meets academic criteria and expec- AN INCLUSIVE AND tations. These conversations provide an entry EMPOWERING ENVIRONMENT point for building a community of support This triangle of inclusion will ensure an optimal, and collaboration across the school. supportive learning environment is in place. GOOD ALLIES FOSTER AN INCLUSIVE Point 1: Physical Space AND EMPOWERING ENVIRONMENT. Use visual aids such as quotation walls, post- At the end of the day, skilled educators strive to ers of queer historical and literary figures, safe make their schools and classrooms safer spac- space stickers or other resources to serve as a es so meaningful, constructive and rewarding consistent reminder to students that they are social emotional and academic learning can fully welcome. take place for everyone involved. In these spac- Point 2: Student Voice es, students are encouraged to value their own Encourage students to speak their truth. Struc- individuality while also learning to value the ture discussions so that all students, introverted unique experiences and perspectives of others. and extroverted alike, have equitable opportunity to share. Use a variety of storytelling methods so that all students—including LGBTQ youth— have a chance to tell their lived experiences. Point 3: Courage “When I act courageously It takes courage to be an educator ally. Be will- in the classroom, I express ing to take risks with your students, and appreciate their bravery as they engage with the my sense of trust in my hard work of anti-bias education. It’s normal students. Trust is actually to get nervous; congratulate yourself for your the most important qual- commitment to telling the whole truth. ity of a safe space for an LGBTQ student.” Peter J. Elliott, “How to Craft an Open Classroom”

18 TEACHING TOLERANCE ASK TT

WHAT DO I DO IF… THE COMMUNITY PUSHES BACK? Here are some basic tips if your school, your • Do not let misinformation go un- colleague or you face an organized or sizeable checked. Outside groups may respond to the backlash to LGBTQ-inclusive practices. For implementation of best practices with untrue more tips and details, read our article “Teach- accusations. Inform students and families of ing From the Bulls-eye.” misinformation being spread in the commu- • Know the landscape of hate. Be aware of nity, and set the record straight through your local and national hate groups that actively usual channels of communication. target schools over LGBTQ-inclusive prac- Here are some of the most common exam- tices. For example, the Liberty Counsel has ples of “pushbacks”—and ways to respond. organized letter campaigns and even hassled “I believe being gay or transgender is a individual teachers to pressure educators into sin; schools should not promote it.” resisting things like inclusive sex ed. The Al- liance Defending Freedom is another group Response: Those who advocate for inclu- heavily organizing against practices such as sive school environments for LGBTQ stu- allowing trans students to use facilities that dents are not asking you to forfeit your reli- match their gender identity. In some cases, gious beliefs. Nor are sexual orientation and both groups offer free legal counsel to sue the gender identity things to be promoted; they schools. Arm yourself with information so are innate. Just as LGBTQ students should you can counter their misleading messages. not be pressured or bullied into expressing • Find allies in your community. Build an identity that isn’t their own, we would relationships with local business leaders, never ask a cisgender or straight-identify- churches, sports teams or organizations who ing student to hide or change their true self. support inclusivity, and who can show that Advocates are asking schools to take a support in a public, influential way. stand against anti-LGBTQ harassment and its damaging effects on the educational out- • Support the targets. If outside groups or comes for LGBTQ students. We hope most online communities target particular students people can agree that all students should or student groups, bring those students togeth- be able to attend schools free of verbal and er and give them an opportunity to express physical harassment and can understand their feelings. Let them know that you support them, even after the worst is over. Provide counseling and additional security if needed. For more information on anti-LGBTQ Make sure public statements do not draw a hate groups, visit t-t.site/anti-LGBTQ. false equivalency between the demands of hate groups and the needs of LGBTQ students.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 19 ASK TT

that a school serves a diverse population. Response: While there are appropriate School leaders must value all cultures and spaces to talk about sex in schools—in sex identities in the curricula and policies— education or health classes, for example— without playing favorites. talking about LGBTQ issues is not the same We have the constitutional right to exer- thing as talking about sex. Like heterosexual cise our own religious beliefs in our lives (or identities, relationships or feelings, LGBTQ to exercise none at all), and we are charged identities, relationships and feelings are with a responsibility to protect the rights fundamentally about love and affection be- of others to hold religious beliefs as they tween human beings. If we can talk about choose. This is a core tenet of our democra- one identity, we can talk about others. cy and a great civics lesson for us all. Public Gay-Straight and Gender and Sexuali- schools must strike that balance. They can- ty Alliances are also not about sex. Rather, not privilege a dominant culture or religion they provide a space for people with a com- while simultaneously denying equitable op- mon interest, be it exploring culture and portunity and safety to other students. identity, sparking conversations, creating a respectful community, or activism. “LGBTQ students are getting special rights and preferences.” “If GSAs are allowed, you have to allow students to form any club with a collec- Response: Creating a school climate that re- tive purpose, like a Neo-Nazi club.” duces anti-LGBTQ harassment and increases empathy for LGBTQ people enriches the lives Response: There is a distinct difference be- of all students. Straight, cisgender students tween affinity groups (which bring people of can still suffer or endure bullying because of shared experiences or cultures together) and strict gender norms and homophobia. groups that promote hate, harassment and ex- LGBTQ-inclusive curricula, practices clusion. Schools have a right to disallow clubs and policies do not give additional rights that contribute to a disrupted education and to LGBTQ students. They simply fill gaps unsafe school environment for some students. where LGBTQ students deserve the rights GSAs do neither; they promote inclusion and that their straight, cisgender peers already make school climates more equitable. have. Straight, cisgender students already see themselves in curriculum. Straight, PREPARE TO SPEAK UP WHEN YOU cisgender students already have access to HEAR MYTHS AND MISINFORMATION. bathrooms and locker rooms that match Myth: “No one is born gay.” their identities and within which they can feel safe. And aspects of straight, cisgender Facts: The American Psychological Associa- students' identities such as race and gen- tion (APA) states that “most people experience der are already covered by anti-bullying little or no sense of choice about their sexu- and harassment language. Adding LGBTQ al orientation.” In 1994, the APA wrote that people to these spaces does not erase their “homosexuality is not a matter of individual peers who are already there; instead, it choice” and that research “suggests that the brings them together. homosexual orientation is in place very early in the life cycle, possibly even before birth.” “It’s not appropriate to talk about sex in the classroom.”

20 TEACHING TOLERANCE Myth: “Gay people can choose to Myth: “Students are too young to know become straight.” their gender identity or sexual orientation.” Facts: “Reparative” therapy has been reject- Facts: While a child’s concept of self may ed by all established and reputable American change over time, this isn’t because they are medical, psychological, psychiatric and pro- changing their minds. LGBTQ youth must fessional counseling organizations. As early navigate many social barriers and norms to as 1993, the American Academy of Pediatrics come to terms with and accept their queer stated that “[t]herapy directed at specifically identities. This doesn’t mean they don’t rec- changing sexual orientation is contraindicat- ognize their identities at an early age; often it ed, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while isn’t until later in life that they feel comfort- having little or no potential for achieving able or safe to be their authentic selves. change in orientation.” Children do not need to be pubescent or Myth: “Transgender identity is a sexually active to “truly know” their gender mental illness.” identity or sexual orientation. This is an expectation we do not place on straight, cisgen- Facts: Although transgender identity is not it- der students. In reality, children often know self an illness, transgender people may experi- their gender as early as 2 or 3 years old. More- ence mental health issues because of discrim- over, research suggests that allowing young ination and disapproval. But these illnesses do children to align their gender identity with not cause—nor are they caused by—transgen- expression is associated with better mental der identity. They result from social exclusion outcomes among transgender children. and stigma.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 21 SECTION II CLASSROOM CULTURE Creating an Inclusive Environment With Words

“Chosen Name Creating an LGBTQ-inclusive classroom cul- You can affirm transgender and nonbi- Use Is Linked ture begins with a readiness to answer questions nary students by taking these steps: to Reduced De- pressive Symp- or facilitate appropriate conversation around • Use the singular “they.” Make space with- toms, Suicidal LGBTQ issues. In order to facilitate sensitive, in language for nonbinary genders that do not Ideation, and productive conversations with students—in Suicidal Be- fit the strictures of “he” and “she.” Adopting havior Among class or one-on-one—consider these steps. use of the singular “they” disrupts the binary Transgender and affirms the fluidity of gender and the le- Youth.” Russell, BE WILLING TO LEARN Stephen T. et al. ESSENTIAL TERMS gitimacy of all gender identities. Journal of Ado- • Decentralize cisgender identity by stat- lescent Health. Today’s youth, more than ever, have a large vocabulary with which they can articulate ing your own pronouns. Explicitly share their identities. That vocabulary may be un- your pronouns with name tags, in an email familiar, but understanding these words can signature or on a pin. This normalizes the pro- open doors for educators to become more ef- cess rather than making it a big deal. Students fective allies to LGBTQ students. This means, will notice and take your lead. for example, knowing the difference between • Conduct pronoun check-ins. Collective biological sex, gender identity and gender pronoun check-ins help students learn peers’ expression; between cisgender and trans- pronouns without forcing nonbinary students gender; and between asexual and pansexual. to come out repeatedly. You may say, “To make sure we’re referring to each other accu- For a full glossary of LGBTQ terms, rately, let’s go around so everyone can share see page 41. their name and pronoun.” This process can help transgender and nonbinary students feel seen, not singled out. MODEL INCLUSIVE PRONOUN USE Gender’s fluidity is expressed in the many pro- • Begin the year with a student survey nouns students use across the gender spec- that asks students about pronoun use in trum. Allied educators understand the neces- different situations. This helps value stu- sity of asking their students what pronouns dents’ identities while also protecting their they use—and respecting their decisions. privacy. To ensure their own safety, students A study published in the Journal of Ado- may use one pronoun with friends and teach- lescent Health found that when the parents, ers and another with family members. Ask teachers and peers around them use their cho- something like: What are your pronouns? Are sen names, trans youth experience a lower there situations where you would want me to risk for depression and suicidal ideation. use different pronouns?

22 TEACHING TOLERANCE “Gender does not have end- • Model the correct pronoun afterwards. points; it’s three-dimension- “Yes, I remember Jess saying that. They were al. Males float around some- just telling me…” where, females float around • Address it directly. “Yes, I definitely remember that. And Jess uses somewhere else, and some they/them pronouns. Just wanted to let you know.” people just don’t float at all— they swim.” FACILITATE CONVERSATIONS ABOUT IDENTITY WITH CARE Cameron, genderfluid teenager,Beyond Magenta When topics of personal identity come up in the classroom, the conversation may be un- Practice responding to instances of mis- predictable. Properly facilitating those con- gendering (referring to a student by the versations means getting comfortable with wrong pronoun). Try out these simple sug- discomfort; it means being aware of your own gestions. Students will take note and are biases and conditioned beliefs; and it means likely to follow your thoughtful example. relying on a consistent model of civil class- If you misgender a student: room discussion so you can handle emotional • Apologize briefly, correct yourself and responses thoughtfully. move on. Note your error without calling at- If you have concerns about your comfort tention to it. level with facilitating these conversations, • Do not over-apologize. This co-opts a mo- start with our publication Let’s Talk!— ment that should be about the student, and re- which provides you with self-assessment centers it around your own guilt. and strategies that will help you get there.

If you overhear a co-worker or student mis- CHALLENGE GENDER NORMS gender someone: THROUGH CLASSROOM PRACTICES • Correct in the moment. To create a classroom that is inclusive of all “The other day I saw Jess and he was saying…” genders, evaluate your concrete, day-to-day “Oh right. They were saying?” classroom practices. Here are some suggestions for assessing the gender-inclusivity of your classroom:

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 23 “Heteronormativity perpetuates the closet and the closet is a hotbed for shame.” Chris Tompkins, “Why Heteronormativity Is Harmful”

Learn more about exploring gender roles and stereotypes in the classroom with these Teaching Tolerance lessons: • Exploring Gender Stereotypes in Stories • Exploring Gender Stereotypes Through Role Plays • Gender Shouldn’t Limit You • Gender Stereotyping Awareness • What Are Gender Stereotypes? tolerance.org/classroom-resources/lessons

• Conduct a visual audit of your class- • In casual conversations with students, room to examine your wall posters and oth- don’t make assumptions based on gender er visible materials. Do they represent indi- such as, “boys will be boys” or “girls are such viduals with diverse gender expressions? gossip queens.” Never tease or joke around Are there portrayals of nontraditional fami- with students in a way that presumes cisgen- lies or families with LGBTQ members? der identity or heterosexual orientation. • Refer to a group of kids as students, • Encourage all students to try different scholars, class, friends, everybody or y’all. types of activities. Do not ask for a group Avoid the binary term “boys and girls.” of “strong boys” to help carry furniture or • Do not separate students according to “artistic girls” to decorate a bulletin board. gender. Dividing students along binary lines Include everyone in a wide range of class- only enforces feelings of difference. When di- room activities and offer equitable oppor- viding students into teams, for partner work tunity for participation. or to form a line, use rows, table groups or sides of the room.

24 TEACHING TOLERANCE ASK TT

WHAT DO I DO IF… MY ADMINISTRATION ISN’T SUPPORTIVE? Many educators are hesitant to adopt 3. Explain that an inclusive school LGBTQ-inclusive curricula and practices environment benefits everyone. Con- for fear of pushback. These steps to working duct a school climate survey in your school. with your administration can help you over- Provide examples of anti-LGBTQ behavior come these hesitations and make sure your you have encountered in the hallways or LGBTQ-inclusive work has a solid foundation. in your classroom. Use the descriptions to 1. Lay the groundwork with colleagues. show administrators why change is need- Preview new teaching material with ad- ed. Emphasize that inclusive curriculum ministrators or department chairs, and tie can help combat gender and sexuality the content back to your state curricular, stereotypes that hurt everyone. AP, IB or other educational standards. Be 4. Provide examples. Come prepared open and direct about your support and with suggestions for how educators can inclusion of LGBTQ students. Having serve as supportive allies for LGBTQ stu- conversations about the content you plan dents, and inclusive policies and bullying to bring into your classroom will create a prevention practices that have been im- support system as you move forward with plemented elsewhere with positive results. your curriculum. Give administrators reference material, 2. Present facts. Be ready to offer facts such as this guide or resources from the and evidence about how your approach National Association of School Psychol- will benefit students and school climate. ogists (NASP) and PFLAG. Seeing this The data from GLSEN’s National School work has been done elsewhere may help an Climate Survey is a good place to start. For administrator overcome their hesitation. instance, compared to LGBTQ students 5. Plan a time to check in again in the with no supportive school staff, students future. Allow administrators to consider with many (11 or more) supportive staff your discussion points and educate them- members at their school were less likely selves further before meeting for addition- to miss school because they felt unsafe or al conversation. uncomfortable, had higher GPAs, and were 6. Document everything. Keep a record less likely to say they might not graduate of these interactions so that your fore- high school. Administrators should find the thought and intentions cannot be mis- promise of better academic outcomes and represented. If administrative pushback less truancy to be a compelling case. becomes hostile or threatens to deny legal SOURCE GLSEN’s 2015 National School Climate Survey rights to students, look for support among district leadership.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 25 SECTION III INSTRUCTION Integrating Queer Voices into the Curriculum

It may seem like a minor adjustment for a • Does this text foster intergroup teacher to mention a queer figure in history, or understanding? analyze a queer character in a canonical work • How might this text motivate, engage or en- of literature. But affirming an LGBTQ stu- able my students? dent’s existence helps them feel more connect- ed to their school work and school community. Educators can answer these questions and Help forge that connection with these more with TT’s Reading Diversity tool. classroom practices. tolerance.org/reading-diversity ASSESS YOUR TEXTS Teachers send a powerful message with the If you find that none of your current texts resources they choose. Students undoubtedly include the perspectives of LGBTQ people, perceive highlighted texts as representations look for options that are relevant to your of what is valued and celebrated in our culture. students’ lives and that pair well with oth- Omission sends an equally loud message. In- er texts your students will encounter. For cluding the voices of LGBTQ people supports a list of children’s and young adult books students’ abilities to affirm their identities featuring LGBTQ characters and themes, and cultivates empathy for those experiences download Appendix A at tolerance.org/ that differ from their own. lgbtq-guide. In selecting the texts and books students Remember: Students benefit from seeing will find in their curriculum or class library, their experiences reflected, ormirrored , in a educators should keep a number of ques- text, and from empathizing with perspec- tions in mind, including: tives different from their own—using the • What voices does this text include? reading as a window to better connect with and appreciate others. Students can also • Does the text include stereotypes or mis- practice their literacy and analysis skills by representations of people? How are those ste- determining if an author or narrator in a text reotypes or misrepresentations treated? echoes their own experience (mirror), or il- • Does the text accurately reflect lived experiences and cultures? The TT Perspectives Text Library offers a • Are certain people or groups glaringly ab- selection of readings that address LGBTQ sent or given an insubstantial role? experiences, including photos, cartoons, • Are certain questions or issues related to fiction stories and informational nonfiction, the topic left out/glossed over? all accompanied by discussion questions. • Does this text promote a healthy tolerance.org/classroom-resources/texts self-concept?

26 TEACHING TOLERANCE lustrates the perspective of people whose identities differ from their own (window). Teach LGBTQ history with these TT lessons on LGBTQ historical figures. TEACH QUEER HISTORY Integrating LGBTQ history into existing • Pauli Murray: Fighting Jane units—as opposed to doing stand-alone and Jim Crow units—serves to normalize it, rather than pre- • James Baldwin: Art, Sexuality senting it as an add-on to “real” history. Here and Civil Rights are four ways to do this in your classroom: • Bayard Rustin: The Fight for Civil and Gay Rights • Capitalize on historical eras during • Lorraine Hansberry: LGBT which LGBTQ figures played a prominent Politics and Civil Rights role. These include: the suffrage and women’s • Role of Gays and Lesbians in the rights movements of the 1800s; the Harlem Civil Rights Movement Renaissance and the Jazz Age; the Frontier West; and the civil rights and social move- tolerance.org/classroom-resources/lessons ments of the 1960s. • Look at LGBTQ movements within the context of different social movements: the black civil rights movement, the women’s movement, or Latinx labor and civil rights activism, for example. • Cover LGBTQ rights history by beginning with the 19th and 20th centuries, then teaching about Daughters of Bilitis, the Mattachine Society, Stonewall and the gay rights movement of the 1970s, HIV/AIDS, and marriage equality. • Ask students to contrast the LGBTQ rights movement with other movements, such as those of African Americans, women, Native Americans, Mexican Americans, disability rights advocates, Japanese Americans, etc. Compare the goals, strategies and support James Baldwin for each movement, as well as their historical at the Civil efficacy in promoting civil rights. Rights March on Washington.

For a list of 100+ LGBTQ historial figures you can include in your lessons, LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES see Appendix B at tolerance.org/lgbtq-guide 27 Our podcast Queer America offers tips on 3. If you suspect that LGBTQ perspectives teaching these topics and more. Listen for will be new territory for some students, more ideas, and more details, from experts begin the discussion with a statement in the field. about the importance of being open to To supplement these lessons, consider ideas that may be unfamiliar. these recommendations from “Putting Ideas 4. Make sure ideas of identity and differ- into Practice: High School Teachers Talk ence are discussed explicitly. Make it clear about Incorporating the LGBT Past,” a chap- that any derogatory, dismissive or purposely ter from Understanding and Teaching U.S. Les- hurtful remark directed at any of a person’s bian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender History: identities or differences are never OK. 1. Look for opportunities to inform and 5. Post these community agreements in a improve understanding of current events visible location and refer back to them often. through this history. 2. Use historical information that confronts LEAD DISCUSSIONS WITH COURAGE enduring stereotypes and narrow perceptions AND CARE of what it means to be gay, bi, trans, intersex, Broaching topics about LGBTQ people may etc. Highlight successful, proud or powerful lead to discomfort, disagreement and or even figures, as well as those—from warriors to em- dehumanizing words from students. If that perors to cowboys—who bucked expectations worries you, we recommend reviewing the of masculinity or femininity. Allow students strategies in our Let’s Talk! guide. the space to connect historical anti-LGBTQ But there are key strategies specific to rhetoric with examples of the opposite. LGBTQ students’ experiences that should be 3. Tell more than just the story of oppression. noted here—and employed by educator allies. Include the histories of coherent culture, strong 1. Never let a homophobic remark go unin- identity, celebration, agency and resilience. terrupted. Prepare for the possibility that students will have strong reactions and make hos- SET GROUND RULES tile or hateful comments. Intervene. Refer back Creating a classroom contract from the begin- to your classroom contract and explain why ning gives your students a structure that can certain terms or phrases are inappropriate, and help prevent inappropriate comments or inter- how they can be hurtful to LGBTQ students. ruptions when you introduce LGBTQ perspec- For strategies, refer to our Speak Up guide. tives. Here are tips for making sure those ground rules foster an LGBTQ-inclusive environment: 2. Prepare for the possibility that religion will arise as a topic. Do not send the mes- 1. If possible, create community agree- sage that a student’s religion does not matter, ments with student input to inspire personal or that they are not welcome to discuss this investment and relevance to students’ lives. aspect of their identity. Rather, remind them 2. Open the community agreements process that they cannot use their religion to justify with discussion prompts, such as “What rules the harassment of another student or a viola- would help you have a productive, respectful tion of your classroom contract. conversation?” or “When someone disagrees 3. Never present LGBTQ identities as up with you, how can you stay engaged in that for debate. A classroom debate on whether conversation while still being respectful of the sexual orientation or gender identity is innate, other person?”

28 TEACHING TOLERANCE by definition, violates a community agree- learn and teach about strong LGBTQ public ment not to attack someone’s identities. officials in contemporary history, such as Mark Takano, Deborah Batts and Tammy Baldwin. RESPOND TO COMMON MYTHS WITH FACTS 3. Take inventory of the stories and mes- Misconceptions about LGBTQ identities and sages you share while discussing current communities may present roadblocks to cre- events. Craft a positive narrative of inclusion. ating an open classroom and queer-inclusive Many students will look to their social context curriculum. If students derail discussion or for their sense of approval and belonging. As fellow educators push back against your class- an authority figure, everything you say carries room practices by reinforcing these myths, weight and influence. Even if you uninten- be ready to intervene with facts. For a list of tionally model negative or biased messages, common myths and ways to respond, see students may conclude: My identity is abnor- the “What do I do if… the community pushes mal. I do not matter here. back?” section of this guide on page 19. TEACH WITH INTERSECTIONALITY RESPOND TO CURRENT EVENTS AND IN MIND CONTEMPORARY ISSUES Adopting an intersectional approach means Keep an eye out for current events or news understanding that everyone has multiple articles that can be used for staff and class- identities—some visible and some invisible— room discussion. Educators who are allies use and acknowledging that some people experi- teachable moments to build student capacity ence multiple forms of oppression. Make sure for empathy and understanding across lines of your curriculum does not present a narrow or difference. Remember: political events or leg- one-sided story about the queer experience islation that limit the rights of LGBTQ people may leave queer students and their allies feeling disappointed and threatened. Here are some suggestions for responding to current events in a way that lets LGBTQ stu- “An intersectional approach dents know they have space to be who they are to LGBTQ youth advocacy in your classroom. means taking young people 1. Encourage discussion instead of silence. like me as WHOLE people— Unwillingness to engage in conversation about the lives of LGBTQ people validates the belief with numerous identities, all that such experiences should be whispered of which need to be validated about. Use political events as opportunities to and supported.” encourage queer students to speak their truth Giovanni Blair McKenzie, HRC Foundation Youth Ambassador and as opportunities for all students to understand the consequences of court decisions “I couldn’t find myself in and legislation. The question “What does this mean for me and the people I know?” deserves history. No one like me a thoughtful, nonpartisan response. seemed to have ever existed.” 2. Bring LGBTQ role models and public Leslie Feinberg, Transgender Warriors figures into your classroom. Take time to

For a list of texts featuring LGBTQ figures, see LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES Appendix A at tolerance.org/lgbtq-guide 29 “Being seen—truly seen—is to feel that all parts of who I am are recognized not as compartmentalized pieces of myself, but blended truths of my identity.” Renee Watson, Black Like Me

by leaving out certain aspects of multifaceted When there’s a lack of queer identities and groups. representation, teach the context: Contemplate your personal teaching • For the given era, explain the laws, culture, practice. Ask yourself questions such as: power structures and societal values that “Does my curriculum include a diverse ar- may account for the erasure of queer people. ray of stories and combinations of identities?” “Am I allowing for a multiplicity of nar- • Explain why queer people would not ratives about what it’s like to be LGBTQ?” have used modern-day identifiers such as “Am I highlighting the experiences of “gay” or “transgender” and how this makes it LGBTQ people of color?” easy for historians to ignore queer identity. • When possible, point out the exceptions. TEACH THE GAPS AND SILENCES For an LGBTQ student who has been made It is no accident that so few historical records to believe that queerness is an aberration or preserve the lives of queer individuals. Histo- a 20th century invention, evidence to the con- ry does not remember what it does not value. trary is validating. From cave paintings to An- This is particularly true of individuals who cient Egypt to indigenous American cultures experience intersecting oppressions, such as and beyond, queer people have lived and even enslaved LGBTQ persons. been celebrated. To teach the gaps and silences is to acknowledge the places LGBTQ people likely existed, and to acknowledge the reasons why there is little to no record of them.

30 TEACHING TOLERANCE SECTION IV FAMILY AND COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT Being an ally to LGBTQ students means with nontraditional family structures. Writing bringing people in and reaching out. With cards for Mother’s or Father’s Day? Make sure these tips, we hope you can create a communi- instructions include options to express grati- ty within and beyond the school that helps all tude to all sorts of guardians. Having kids pass families feel valued and helps all students feel out Valentine’s Day cards? Try to avoid het- they have a place to be their authentic selves. eronormative or binary expectations of who should give them to whom. INCLUDING AND EMPOWERING ALL FAMILIES • Incorporate all families into the curric- Including families of all types in your teaching ulum and classroom community. Introduce and classroom activities builds empathy and your students to different families by includ- disrupts rigid ideas about what constitutes a ing them in assignments and guest-speaking “normal” family. For LGBTQ students who opportunities. Have students do communi- may one day desire to raise a family, this prac- ty- or family-based projects like oral histories, tice offers role models and representation. memoirs or surveys. Invite guardians to speak to your class about their culture, job or com- Consider these steps to ensure that activities munity—or invite them to read a story that include LGBTQ students and students with means a lot to their family! LGBTQ guardians. • Start the year with a family survey, INVITING LGBTQ PEOPLE AND ALLIES inviting families to tell you about them- INTO YOUR CLASSROOM selves and about your student. Let students Even if none of your students have LGBTQ and their guardians work together to answer family members, you can highlight other mem- questions such as, “Who is in your family?” bers of the community to ensure your queer “What’s your favorite thing to do as a family?” students feel seen and that all students see ex- “What makes your family unique?” “Where amples of LGBTQ-inclusion from daily life. does your family come from?” and “What’s Local LGBTQ organizations, activists or allies your favorite holiday and how do you cele- can contribute to many of the conversations brate it?” Creating a classroom culture of re- discussed in this guide. Make sure you aren’t spect and letting students share these answers presenting LGBTQ people as exhibits, as if to with classmates will set the tone for the year. say, “See, they do exist!” Instead, invite them • Keep holidays inclusive. It’s not un- to add substance to a conversation you’re al- common to celebrate holidays like Mother’s ready planning to have in the classroom. Day, Father’s Day and Valentine’s Day in the Perhaps invite guest speakers or groups on classroom. But be aware that activities and days that correspond with: decorations surrounding these holidays can • LGBTQ History Month in October sometimes alienate LGBTQ kids and kids • Local Pride parades or events

For a list of books that includes stories of LGBTQ family members, LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES see Appendix A at tolerance.org/lgbtq-guide 31 • Lessons relating to LGBTQ figures in dents have the right to come out to others at literature or history their own pace, and often have valid reasons Consider asking those community members to wait. “Out” or not, they may have witnessed if they’d be interested in mentorship. Many homophobic or transphobic behavior at queer young people have no local role models home. Telling their family about their sexual with whom they can talk about struggles and orientation or gender identity could compro- triumphs. Finding trustworthy community mise both their trust and their safety. members who can fill that gap could help stu- • Meet families where they are. Avoid fin- dents see paths to success and acceptance. If ger wagging or demanding language such your town has an LGBTQ community center, as, “You have to do this for your child.” This that’s a great place to start. may cause defensiveness or, worse, backlash. Instead, start from the assumption that each WORKING WITH UNACCEPTING FAMILIES family cares deeply for their LGBTQ child, For a variety of cultural reasons, LGBTQ stu- and try to help them understand how nonac- dents will not always find acceptance from ceptance could negatively impact the well-be- their families or communities. For educators, ing of their child and their family dynamic. this can create a conflict. On one hand, we must • Use an evidence-based approach. Some do what is best for the safety and well-being of parents will be genuinely curious or ignorant the student. On the other, we must be genuine as to what it means that their child is gay, bi, in our efforts to involve all families in that en- gender nonconforming, etc., asking questions deavor. These suggestions can help educators like “How could they know?” or “What does value a student’s identity while also maintain- that mean?” Others may be more hostile or ing a relationship with an unaccepting family. dismissive. In both situations, point to re- • Never “out” a student to their family (or search when available. Avoid losing calm. If others) without their consent. LGBTQ stu- they are open to it, ask families what kinds of

32 TEACHING TOLERANCE ASK TT

WHAT DO I DO IF... A STUDENT COMES OUT TO ME? It’s natural to want to respond appropriately if • Keep biases in check. Coming out is a crit- an LGBTQ student comes out or discloses the ical moment for youth who are still navigating orientation of a family member. Just remem- their identities in the world. The student may ber this guiding principle: Focus on the stu- remember your conversation for a long time to dent, not yourself. Here are some general sug- come. Do not use the time to warn them of how gestions to keep to help you act as an affirming their identity will influence their life or to push ally when the situation occurs. cultural norms around sexuality or gender. • Know the resources. Assess why the stu- DO dent is coming to you—if they trust you and • Listen. Listening is one of the most pow- want to involve you in their coming out pro- erful, healing resources educators can offer; cess, listening may be most appropriate. But if it’s also simple and requires no pre-prepared the student is anxious or in crisis, be ready to effort. For many LGBTQ students, the most provide a referral to a counselor, hotline, GSA damaging or painful part of living in the closet or an LGBTQ community center—if the stu- is not feeling seen, respected, heard or under- dent is interested. stood. Having someone to talk to throughout Note: This guidance applies if you are re- the coming out process may be all the support sponding to students coming out to you. If a the student needs to thrive authentically at student discloses trauma or is considering school. Asking clarifying or open-ended ques- harming themselves or others, follow your tions such as “do you feel safe at school?” will school's crisis response protocol. also reassure the student that they have your • Take inventory of your response. Re- attention and your ongoing concern. member, the student who just came out to • Make yourself available without being a you is the same person they were ten minutes rescuer. The student is likely to benefit from ago. If you find yourself seeing them different- knowing they have your support, but they ly, notice this and process your own reaction may not be in the midst of a crisis or desir- without allowing it to color your actions or ing substantial help. Offer up your support in response. Make your unwavering support evi- an open-ended manner without insisting or dent without making the news into a big deal. pushing them to take any particular action. • Follow the student’s lead on language. • Respect confidentiality. Inform the stu- Use their terms. For instance, if a student uses dent that you will not share the information the word “queer” do not tell them to use “ho- with others unless their safety would require mosexual.” Refrain from using any slurs or po- you to do so. Allow the student to come out to tentially hurtful slang. others in their own way and in their own time.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 33 ASK TT

WHAT DO I DO IF... A STUDENT COMES OUT TO ME?

DO NOT • Tell the student it could be a phase. • Respond with silence, with blankness or by • Tell them you “don’t care” about who they dismissing what the student has said. are and how they identify. • Question their certainty. • Ask if they’ve been sexually assaulted. • Tell this information to their family, friends • Inquire about past heterosexual experiences. or coworkers. Unless the student has told you something that requires you to act as a manda- • Tell the student the information would best tory reporter, honor their privacy at all times. be kept to themselves. • Tell them to wait to come out until they are sure. • Inform the student they are choosing a more difficult path.

34 TEACHING TOLERANCE continued from page 32 guidance and materials they may need to feel “Just being able to bounce more informed, and do the research so you can help them make the connection. ideas off of people who have • Be open about attitudes and biases. Be both very similar and very honest about any preconceptions you may different experiences really bring to the conversation about nonaccepting makes me feel more like my families, and ask them to do the same regard- ing their preconceptions about LGBTQ peo- identity makes sense, which I ple. This creates an opportunity for an open struggled with for a long time.” and honest discussion that can eventually Simona Morales, “LGBT Students Speak Out: What It’s Like to reach a hopeful consensus point: both parties Live in Today’s South,” USA TODAY College want what is best for the child, and that may mean overcoming preconceptions. • Remind families that the school val- that offer materials for parents of LGBTQ ues religious identities. LGBTQ-inclusive children. If you are worried for your student’s practices are often viewed as anti-religious. well-being beyond school hours, see if there Families may feel these practices 1) promote is a local LGBTQ (or LGBTQ youth-friendly) “behavior” in their child that is against their community center nearby, and make them beliefs, or 2) force their child to abandon their aware of it. religious beliefs. Remind them that students • Remember that every family is different. are entitled to religious viewpoints, and that Some families can move faster than others. all identities—including religious identities— Some can change their behavior overnight; can be reflected in class discussion, classroom other families, from all kinds of backgrounds, libraries or studied historical figures. But stu- may start with rejection and ambivalence and dents of other identities have the same rights become more supportive over time. and are just as deserving of representation Even the most constructive dialogue and respect. may not result in a family becoming more • Encourage dialogue between families. accepting of their child’s identity and en- Members of unaccepting families may feel gaged in their child’s life. Hearts and minds more comfortable talking about this topic do not change easily. But if you follow these with people who share common ground. It guidelines, students will remember that may prove fruitful to connect such a family they had an active supporter who affirmed with another family who accepts and honors their identity, and perhaps families will re- their queer child’s identity. Starting this con- member that you treated them with respect versation among families may help some feel and offered an open door for dialogue. as if they have a community of support—and it offers them a window into what it would look GSAS AND CREATING COMMUNITIES WITHIN like to accept their child. LGBTQ affinity groups such as a Gay-Straight Alliances or Gender and Sexuality Alliances • Point to resources. If dialogue with the (GSAs) are proven ways to support LGBTQ family isn’t going well, share options for the student communities. These clubs aren’t family to pursue. Let them know about groups about centering allies or adults. Successful like PFLAG, the Family Acceptance Project, GSAs are often started by students who see a or LGBTQ-affirming religious organizations

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 35 need in their school. At the least, they are fac- • Make sure the GSA is inclusive. GSAs will ulty-led or sponsored but driven by students. go wrong if one clique of students controls These suggestions—adapted from re- the club or if students of color are left out of sources from the GSA Network—can help leadership and decision-making. Encourage ensure that any GSA is successful, inclusive leadership roles for students from various and student-led. Copy or print these guide- backgrounds and cultures, and encourage stu- lines for any faculty sponsors you know dents to think of issues through an intersec- who are involved in organizing a GSA. tional lens. Make sure everyone has a voice in • Follow the rules. Reference the student determining the goals of the GSA. Is this a so- handbook or school policies and learn the cri- cial group? A group dedicated to activism? A teria for starting a club at your school. If you place for support and group therapy? If it’s all are acting in an advisory capacity, encourage three, decide how to devote time to each goal. students to keep track of correspondence and • Be prepared to respond to pushback. the dates that certain steps of the process are GSAs can inspire negative feedback and false completed in case they are met with unnec- equivalencies from administrators, school essary delay or pushback. If they follow the board members or outside groups. For com- rules, the club legally can’t be treated differ- mon pushbacks and myths—and ways to re- ently from other clubs; student-organized spond—see pages 19–21. clubs are protected by federal law. • Stay organized. All students and advi- • Communicate with your colleagues. sors—current and future—benefit from good Informing school leaders about the plan to notes. Keep detailed record of the GSA’s first start a GSA can help students find important year, taking note of what worked well and allies who are willing to address and respond what obstacles the group faced. This will help to criticism from families, other educators or future generations of the GSA build on suc- outside groups. Guidance counselors, social cesses and learn from tough times. workers and school psychologists should also • Let them lead. Remember, ideally the GSA be informed; they may know students who is a student-led organization. Provide guid- would benefit from the group or who may be ance. Help the club run smoothly and equi- looking for such a community. tably. But what the group becomes should be • Don’t keep it a secret. Advertise! Don’t just determined by the needs and wants of stu- rely on word-of-mouth. Use bulletin boards, dents. Encourage students to organize beyond flyers or announcements to let students know meetings. Let them know it’s okay to start the option is available and how to join. For Facebook groups, group chats, etc., that give non-LGBTQ students, the very presence of them a space beyond school to stay organized. public announcements and decorations can begin to normalize LGBTQ students as peers who are not relegated to the shadows. • Set standards. Laying ground rules can help make sure all future discussions are safe, con- fidential and respectful. Similar to a classroom contract, the rules determined by the group can be put together and signed by all members.

36 TEACHING TOLERANCE You've learned the best practices—now put them into action! Download our LGBTQ instructional resources guide for access to: a vetted list of books with options for every grade level and professional development; a list of LGBTQ figures who shaped history; and a glossary of terminology to increase your knowledge of LGBTQ identity and experiences.

Download this guide and additional resources today! tolerance.org/lgbtq-resources

ILLUSTRATION BY SHANNON ANDERSON TEACHING TOLERANCE SCHOOL CHECKLIST How well is your school meeting the needs of your LGBTQ students?

PROM • My school’s anti-discrimination policy • Gender-inclusive language is used on all states support for LGBTQ teachers and event communications, including invitations. school personnel. • Event organizers are educated about stu- ANTI-BULLYING dents’ First Amendment right to attend events • My school has a designated anti-bullying co- with a date other than a student of the oppo- ordinator as well as an anti-bullying task force. site sex, and to wear clothing of their choice. • Staff members are specifically trained to • At least one member of the prom commit- prevent and respond to bullying incidents tee is designated the “inclusivity planner” involving LGBTQ students. to ensure that every student feels welcome. • The name and contact information for PRIVACY my school’s anti-bullying coordinator is • School staff are never asked or required posted in the office, on my school’s website to reveal a students’ sexual orientation or and in the student handbook. gender identity without the student’s per- • My school communicates effectively and mission—even to the student’s family. often with students, parents or guardians • My school's privacy policies explicitly as- and the community about school climate sert the confidentiality of information per- issues such as bullying. taining to students’ sexual orientations and • Staff ensure that reactions to reports of gender identities. harassment do not further stigmatize stu- POLICIES dents who were targeted for their real or perceived LGBTQ identities. • My school’s anti-bullying policy includes language that specifically prohibits harass- • Teachers and administrators are educat- ment based on gender identity, sexual orienta- ed about common bullying myths, such as tion and gender expression. the idea that LGBTQ students are “asking for it” by expressing their sexual orienta- • The policy gives examples of harassment tions or gender identities. based on actual or perceived sexual orientation and gender identity. • Counseling staff is well-versed in LGBTQ issues. • The effectiveness of my school’s anti-bullying program is evaluated annually using SCHOOL CULTURE student and staff surveys. • My school’s dress code is inclusive of a di- • Administrative forms and communica- versity of gender expressions, including for tions use gender-neutral language (singular yearbook photos. "they," not “he or she”) and provide an op- • My school has gender-neutral restrooms or portunity for students to communicate their single stall bathrooms and private changing areas. gender identity. Updates are made as needed.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 39 • Students can use bathrooms and locker rooms CURRICULUM that correspond with their gender identity. • My school’s health and sexuality education • My school has a GSA that combats bullying is inclusive of all sexual orientations and gen- and harassment. der identities. The curriculum does not take a heteronormative stance towards sexuality • Within my school culture, other staff mem- and gender (i.e., assuming students only need bers are unafraid to be allies to LGBTQ and to know about heterosexual feelings and safe- gender nonconforming students. sex practices.) • LGBTQ educators and staff members feel • My school’s academic curriculum includes safe to be “out” at work. LGBTQ perspectives, voices, histories and • My school offers public praise or formal re- current events. wards for school staff members who promote • My school’s library includes books and re- a safe and inclusive environment—ex: an “eq- sources about LGBTQ individuals, history, uity leader” certificate at the end of the year. events and issues.

40 TEACHING TOLERANCE THE ACRONYM AND BEYOND A Glossary of Terms

From the outside looking in, the ABCs of Aromantic (adj.): A romantic orientation LGBTQ identities can feel overwhelming, generally characterized by not feeling ro- academic and inaccessible. But for students mantic attraction or a desire for romance3. deprived of representation, words matter— Asexual (adj.): Used to describe people and can open a door toward realization. To who do not experience sexual attraction or hear yourself or see yourself described for the do not have a desire for sex4. Many experience first time can be transformational, especially romantic or emotional attractions across the if you’ve been conditioned to see yourself as entire spectrum of sexual orientations5. Asex- abnormal. A definition can point to a com- uality differs from celibacy, which refers to ab- munity. And a community can make a kid feel staining from sex. Also ace, or ace community6. less alone. Today’s youth, more than ever, have a Assigned sex (noun): The sex that is as- large vocabulary with which they can artic- signed to an infant at birth based on the ulate their gender expression, gender iden- child’s visible sex organs, including genita- tities and sexual orientations. That vocab- lia and other physical characteristics. Often ulary can make some feel uncomfortable. corresponds with a child’s assigned gender 7 These terms often force us to confront our and assumed gender . biases or assumptions. They ask us to con- Binary system (noun): Something that consider the complexity of gender and attrac- tains two opposing parts; binary systems tion. But an understanding of these words are often assumed despite the existence of opens a door for an educator to become an a spectrum of possibilities. Gender (man/ ally to LGBTQ students—capable of facili- woman) and sex (male/female) are exam- tating conversation, and more importantly, ples of binary systems often perpetuated by capable of listening. our culture8. Affirmed gender( noun): The gender by Biological sex (noun): A medical classifica- which one wishes to be known. This term is of- tion that refers to anatomical, physiological, ten used to replace terms like “new gender” or genetic or physical attributes that determine “chosen gender,” which imply that a person’s if a person is assigned male, female or inter- gender was chosen rather than simply innate1. sex identity at birth. Biological sex is often Agender (adj.): Describes a person who confused or interchanged with the term does not identify with any gender identity. “gender,” which encompasses personal identity and social factors, and is not necessarily Ally (noun): A person who does not identify determined by biological sex9. See gender. as LGBTQ, but stands with and advocates for LGBTQ people. Bisexual, Bi (adj.): A person emotionally, romantically or sexually attracted to more Androgynous (adj.), Androgyne (noun): than one sex, gender or gender identity used to describe someone who identifies or though not necessarily simultaneously, in presents as neither distinguishably mascu- the same way or to the same degree10. line or feminine2.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 41 Cisgender (adj.): Describes a person whose Gender-fluid (adj.): A person who does gender identity (defined below) aligns with not identify with a single fixed gender and the sex assigned to them at birth. whose identification and presentation (noun): A system of discrimina- may shift, whether within or outside of the Cissexism 17, 18 tion and exclusion that oppresses people male/female binary . whose gender and/or gender expression Gender identity (noun): One’s innermost feel- falls outside of normative social constructs. ing of maleness, femaleness, a blend of both or This system is founded on the belief that neither. One’s gender identity can be the same there are, and should be, only two genders— or different from their sex assigned at birth19. 11 usually tied to assigned sex . Gender neutral (adj.): Not gendered, usu- Coming out (verb): A lifelong process of ally operating outside the male/female bi- self-acceptance and revealing one’s queer nary. Can refer to language (e.g., pronouns), identity to others. This may involve some- spaces (e.g., bathrooms), or identities20. thing as private as telling a single confidant, or Gender nonconforming (adj.): A broad something as public as posting to social media. term referring to people who do not behave Demisexual (adj.): Used to describe some- in a way that conforms to the traditional ex- one who feels sexual attraction only to pectations of their gender, or whose gender people with whom they have an emotional expression does not fit neatly into a catego- bond—often considered to be on the asexual ry. Also, gender expansive21. 12 spectrum . Genderqueer (adj.): Describes a person Gay (adj.): Used to describe people (often, who rejects static categories of gender (i.e. but not exclusively, men) whose enduring the gender binary of male/female) and physical, romantic and/or emotional attrac- whose gender expression or identity falls tions are to people of the same sex13. outside of the dominant social norms of 22 Gender (noun): A set of social, physical, psy- their assigned sex . They may identify as chological and emotional traits, often influ- having aspects of both male and female 23 enced by societal expectations, that classify identities, or neither . an individual as feminine, masculine, an- Gender roles (noun): The social behaviors drogynous or other. Words and qualities as- and expression that a culture expects from cribed to these traits vary across cultures14. people based on their assigned sex (e.g., girls Gender dysphoria (noun): Clinically sig- wear pink; boys don’t cry; women care for nificant distress caused when a person’s as- home and child; men are more violent), designed birth gender is not the same as the spite a spectrum of various other possibilities. one with which they identify15. Heteronormativity (noun): Coined by so- Gender expression (noun): External ap- cial critic Michael Warner, the term refers pearance of one’s gender identity, usual- to a societal assumption of certain norms: ly expressed through behavior, clothing, 1) that there are two distinct sexes; 2) that haircut or voice, and which may or may not male and female functions and character- conform to socially defined behaviors and istics are distinctly different; and 3) that characteristics typically associated with traits such as attraction and sexual behavior being masculine or feminine16. correspond to anatomy. Those who do not fit these norms—be it through same-sex attrac-

42 TEACHING TOLERANCE tion, a non-binary gender identity or nontra- LGBTQ (noun): An acronym for “lesbian, ditional gender expression—are therefore gay, bisexual, transgender and queer.” Less seen as abnormal, and often marginalized or often, the Q stands for “questioning.” Acro- pressured to conform to norms as a result24. nyms like LGBTQIA also include the inter- Heterosexism (noun): The assumption that sex, allied and asexual communities, while sexuality between people of different sexes is acronyms like LGBTQ attempt to envelop an normal, standard, superior or universal while entire community of people who hold iden- other sexual orientations are substandard, tities that are not cisgender or heterosexual. inferior, abnormal, marginal or invalid25. Misgender (verb): To refer to someone in a Heterosexual (adj.): Used to describe way that does not correctly reflect the gender people whose enduring physical, romantic with which they identify, such as refusing to 31 and/or emotional attraction is to people of use a person’s preferred pronouns or name . the opposite sex26. Also straight. Nonbinary (adj.): An umbrella term that Heterosexual/cisgender privilege refers to individuals who identify as neither (noun): Refers to societal advantages that man or woman, or as a combination of man heterosexual people and cisgender people or woman. Instead, nonbinary people exhibit have solely because of their dominant iden- a boundless range of identities that can exist tities. This can include things as simple as beyond a spectrum between male and female. safely holding hands with a romantic partner Outing (verb): The inappropriate act of in public or having safe access to public bath- publicly declaring (sometimes based on rooms. This can also include systemic privi- rumor and/or speculation) or revealing an- leges such as the right to legally donate blood, other person’s sexual orientation or gender to adopt children without facing possible re- identity without that person’s consent32. jection because of your sexual orientation, or Pansexual (adj.): Used to describe people play organized sports with others of the same who have the potential for emotional, ro- gender identity. mantic or sexual attraction to people of any Homophobia* (noun): A fear or hostility gender identity, though not necessarily si- toward lesbian, gay and/or bisexual people, multaneously, in the same way, or to the same often expressed as discrimination, harass- degree33. The term panromantic may refer to ment and violence27. a person who feels these emotional and ro- Intersex (adj.): An umbrella term describing mantic attractions, but identifies as asexual. people born with reproductive or sexual anat- Preferred pronouns (adj.): The pronoun omy and/or a chromosome pattern that can’t or set of pronouns that an individual per- be classified as typically male or female28. sonally uses and would like others to use Latinx (adj.): A gender-expansive term for when talking to or about that individual. people of Latin American descent used to Can include variations of he/him/his, she/ be more inclusive of all genders than the bi- her/hers, they/their/theirs, among oth- 34 nary terms Latino or Latina29. ers . This term is being used less and less in LGBTQ circles, as it suggests one’s gen- Lesbian (adj.): Used to describe a woman der identity is a “preference” rather than whose enduring physical, romantic and/or innate. Recommended replacement: “Your 30 emotional attraction is to other women . pronouns, my pronouns, their pronouns, etc.”

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 43 Queer (adj.): Once a pejorative term, a term Transitioning (verb): A process during reclaimed and used by some within aca- which some people strive to more close- demic circles and the LGBTQ community ly align their gender identity with their to describe sexual orientations and gender gender expression. This includes socially identities that are not exclusively hetero- transitioning, during which a person may sexual or cisgender. change their pronouns, the name they ask Questioning (adj.): A term used to describe to be called, the way they dress, etc., to be people who are in the process of exploring socially recognized as another gender. This their sexual orientation or gender identity35. includes legal transitioning, which may involve official name change and modified Same-gender loving (adj.): A term coined IDs and birth certificates. And this includes in the early 1990s by activist Cleo Manago, physically transitioning, during which a per- this term was and is used by some mem- son may undergo medical interventions to bers of the black community who feel that more closely align their body to their gen- terms like gay, lesbian and bisexual (and der identity. Transgender and nonbinary sometimes the communities therein) are people transition in various ways to various Eurocentric and fail to affirm black culture, degrees; self-identification alone is enough history and identity. to validate gender identity. Sexual orientation (noun): An inherent or Transphobia* (noun): The fear and hatred immutable emotional, romantic or sexual of, or discomfort with, transgender peo- attraction to other people; oftentimes used ple. This may manifest into transphobic to signify the gender identity (or identities) actions, such as violence, harassment, mis- 36 to which a person is most attracted . representation or exclusion38. Third gender (noun): A gender identity Transsexual (adj.): A less frequently used that is neither male nor female, existing term (considered by some to be outdated outside the idea that gender represents a or offensive) which refers to people who linear spectrum between the two. Some- use medical interventions such as hormone times a catchall term or category in soci- therapy, gender-affirming surgery (GAS), eties, states or countries that legally recog- or sex reassignment surgery (SRS), etc., as nize genders other than male and female. part of the process of expressing their gen- Transgender (adj.): An umbrella term for der39. Some people who identify as trans- people whose gender identity differs from sexual do not identify as transgender and the sex they were assigned at birth37. Not vice versa. Only use this term if someone who all trans people undergo transition (defined specifically identifies as such asks you .to below). Being transgender does not imply Two Spirit (adj.): An umbrella term in Na- any specific sexual orientation. Therefore, tive culture to describe people who have both transgender people may identify as straight, a male and female spirit within them. This gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc. Also, trans.

44 TEACHING TOLERANCE encompasses many tribe-specific names, Words to avoid roles and traditions, such as the winkte of the Homosexual (n.); homosexual (adj.) Lakota and nadleeh of the Navajo people40. Sexual preference This term often describes Native people Tranny/transvestite who performed roles and gender expression Preferred terms associated with both men and women. This Gay man/person (n.); gay (adj.) term should be used only in the context of Sexual orientation Native culture. Transgender person or trans person (if they so identify)

*University of California-Davis’s LGBTQIA Resource Center offers this note on words like this: we’ve been intentionally moving away from using words like “transphobic,” “homophobic,” and “biphobic” because (1) they inaccurately describe systems of oppression as irratio- nal fears, and (2) for some people, phobias are a very distressing part of their lived experience and co-opting this language is disrespectful to their experiences and perpetuates ableism. DEFINITION SOURCES Note: Not all definitions are used word-for-word, but were inspired by meanings provided by the following sources. 1 PFLAG National Glossary of Terms. 21 Human Rights Campaign 2 Human Rights Campaign Glossary of Terms. 22 Ibid. 3 University of California Davis, LGBTQIA 23 UC Davis Resource Center Glossary. 24 International Encyclopedia of the Social 4 Glossary of Terms, from the GLAAD Sciences Media Reference Guide 25 Lambda Legal 5 Asexuality.org 26 GLAAD 6 The Trevor Project Glossary 27 Lambda Legal 7 PFLAG 28 GLAAD 8 The Trevor Project 29 PFLAG 9 PFLAG 30 GLAAD 10 Human Rights Campaign 31 PFLAG 11 UC Davis 32 GLAAD 12 Ibid. 33 Human Rights Campaign 13 GLAAD 34 PFLAG 14 Lambda Legal, Glossary of LGBTQ Terms 35 Human Rights Campaign 15 HRC 36 Ibid. 16 Ibid. 37 Ibid. 17 Oxford English Dictionary 38 Ibid. 18 UC Davis 39 PFLAG 19 Human Rights Campaign 40 Tony Enos, “8 Things You Should Know About 20 PFLAG Two Spirit People,” Indian Country Today. 2017.

LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 45 ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This guide was written by Cory Collins and Jey Ehrenhalt and edited by Adrienne van der Valk and Anya Malley. Cierra Brinson designed the guide.

TEACHING TOLERANCE DIRECTOR Maureen B. Costello DEPUTY DIRECTOR Adrienne van der Valk MANAGER, TEACHING AND LEARNING Hoyt J. Phillips III TEACHING AND LEARNING SPECIALIST Stef Bernal-Martinez SENIOR EDITOR Monita K. Bell ASSOCIATE EDITOR Julia Delacroix SENIOR WRITER Cory Collins STAFF WRITER Coshandra Dillard EDITORIAL ASSISTANT Anya Malley PROGRAM ASSOCIATE Gabriel Smith TECHNICAL LEAD D. Scott McDaniel NEW MEDIA ASSOCIATE Colin Campbell MARKETING COORDINATOR Lindsey Shelton GRANTS AND SCHOOL PROGRAMS COORDINATOR Jey Ehrenhalt PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT TRAINERS Val Brown and Kimberly Burkhalter PROFESSIONAL DEVELOPMENT COORDINATOR Madison Snowden PROGRAM COORDINATOR Steffany Moyer

DESIGN DESIGN DIRECTOR Russell Estes SENIOR DESIGNERS Michelle Leland, Scott Phillips, Kristina Turner DESIGNERS Shannon Anderson, Hillary Andrews, Cierra Brinson, Sunny Paulk, Alex Trott DESIGN ASSOCIATE Angela Greer

46 TEACHING TOLERANCE LGBTQ BEST PRACTICES 47 48 TEACHING TOLERANCE