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4-1-2015 The onM tclarion, April 01, 2015 The onM tclarion

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspapers at Montclair State University Digital Commons. It has been accepted for inclusion in The onM tclarion by an authorized administrator of Montclair State University Digital Commons. For more information, please contact [email protected]. The Montclarion The Student Voice of Montclair State University Since 1928 themontclarion.org The Montclarion themontclarion @themontclarion issuu.com/themontclarion Volume XCV, Issue 22 Thursday, April 1, 2015 themontclarion.org

The following is an April Fool’s Day edition of The Montclarion. All of the articles in the paper, though relating to real people or events, are not factual. Spring Semester Extended

Wildlife Takes Over Campus Deer and geese look begin their plans. Claire Fishman | The Montclarion

Megan Spinelli over campus within the past Contributing Writer few months and their pop- Montclair State to remain open until weather warms up. Photo courtesy of Mike Peters. ulation has been growing by In the past year, MSU about a dozen per week. So Jayna Gugliucci With the season’s currently plans to remain open until has seen an enormous far, they have started to News Editor unpredictable and uncon- steady, warm sunlight can growth in its population, claim the Village parking trollable weather pattern, finally brighten the campus. but not in its student body; lot, especially the pit, but Though the clocks have it remains to be seen if the “As long as the weather re- it is in the wildlife, and a study conducted by the jumped ahead and the cal- ‘Spring’ semester will ever mains in its unforeseeable they seem to be taking over Wildlife Association of New endars have been marked, come to an end. state, the university will the university. Jersey (WANJ) shows that the question still remains as In a recent press re- remain open and operat- More deer, geese and wild by 2016 these animals will to whether or not there will lease, President Cole an- turkeys have been seen all truly be a spring this year. nounced Montclair State’s Wildlife continued on Page 3 Spring continued on Page 3 Campus-Wide Stapler Missing in Action

Red Hawk Statue Gets Noticed Newly constructed statue attracts prospective Photo Courtesy of students to campus. Mike Peters.

Natalie Smyth schools she got accepted Staff Writer into by the end of January The last remaining stapler on campus has mysteriously gone missing. Claire Fishman | The Montclarion because of cost and pro- Ann Perkins, a senior gram issues, but hasn’t been Deanna Rosa you could spend all of your providing a stapler at the at Montclair High School, able to decide which school Assistant News Editor Red Hawk Dollars. The uni- information desk; instead, officially decided yesterday is the best fit for her. versity community cer- paper clips will be provided to attend Montclair State “I love performing arts; It’s all here at Mont- tainly has a mystery on its upon request. University in Fall 2016. I just performed in a musi- clair State University, ex- hands. “I never knew that such Like many high school cal and loved every minute cept for one very small, yet The information desk in a thing could cause me such seniors, Perkins was torn of it, so I might want to extremely essential com- the student center used to emotional distress. I need between multiple colleg- be a musical theater major modity. This item has been be the prime location on this stapler now more than es and universities. Before and Montclair State has the disappearing from each lo- campus for stapling freshly ever to rejoin the torn frag- making her decision, Per- best Musical Theater pro- cation on campus one by printed essays, notes and ments of my heart back kins was choosing between gram. But I also love sci- one. Each and every print- homework of every kind, together,” student Taylor two schools: Rutgers Uni- ence and may want to be a ing lab at the university has until disaster struck yet Swiffer, a junior Musical versity and Montclair State nurse, and Rutgers has the suffered this tragic loss until again. In a tragic turn of Theater major said. “It’s the University. best nursing program. But only a single relic remained. events, a sign in the Student reason for the teardrops on She has been debat- since I don’t know what I That’s right; the stapler has Center basement printing my guitar. Since the inci- ing between these schools want to it’s really hard for moved from endangerment lab has been put in place dent, I’ve got a blank space for almost two months. into the borders of extinc- to inform students that the She ruled out three other Statue continued on Page 2 tion on campus faster than university will no longer be Stapler continued on Page 3

News, p. 3 Feature, p. 7 Opinion, p. 11 Entertainment, p. 14 Sports, p. 19

Mysterious Red The Amazing Bringing Down the Oscars Apologize Making the Geese Barns Appear Inch Worm Is Red Hawk Nest for Award Mix-up Useful Catching On Students speculate Montclair State Uni- All of our problems about the significance versity has shown a lot have been solved. of several red barns of school spirit in the on the campus. past year—maybe too much. PAGE 1 •April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org

THE MONTCLARION Continued from page 1 Student Center Annex, Room 113 me to make this decision.” the group about the statue Montclair, N.J. 07043 Statue: In order to decide Prospective which Students thatRush is going In to live right school was best for her, “I’m so ex- where they were by the be- Perkins decided to visit ginning of the fall semester. Editor-in-Chief: each school one more time cited to walk Perkins says the tour guide, (973)-655-5230 (973)-655-5282 and think about where she Senior Tom Haverford, was feels more comfortable. Her on excited about the statue Managing Editor: best friend April Ludgate, and that made the partici- (973)-655-5237 / (267)-981-9909 also a senior at Montclair campus as pants of the tour excited. Operations Manager: High School, already en- According to Haverford, The Montclarion rolled at Rutgers University a fresh- “This statue is gonna be for Fall 2015, which made crazy! Not only is it going it a more appealing school man and see to be a 12-feet tall bird on is a publication of MontelicanThe for Perkins. our campus, but the wings Publishing, Inc. published weekly, except during According to Ludgate, the beauti- are going to be made of Montclarion is funded by student fees distrib- however, “Ann is not my pure gold, the eyes are go- examinations, summer and winter sessions. best friend. She’s not my ing to be from a real hawk friend. I’m only going to ful statue ev- and there will be a three Rutgers because it’s huge foot wide and six foot deep uted by Montclair State University and incoming and no one will be able to ery day. It’ll moat around the statue to advertising revenue. The views expressed in the find me if they come visit remind me make sure no one will van- Opinion section, with the exception of the Main me on campus. If Ann goes dalize it. These additions The Montclarion to Rutgers, I could probably add to the cost, but it’s Editorial, do not necessarily reflect the views of avoid her for four years.” to be enthu- gonna be totally worth it in The Montclarion. After visiting Rutgers, it the end!” seemed like Perkins’ deci- siastic for Perkins told me she was The Pelican sion was made. She knew in awe. As soon as she saw The first issue of , then named she was more likely to be the school’s a photo of what the statue , was published on Nov. 28, 1928. successful as a nurse, she would look like, she could The Montclarion has always been passionate athletic not see herself going to any err about helping people and other school. She says she willingly corrects its factual she got more scholarship program. saw the strong, tight knit money from Rutgers than community of students ors. If you think there is mistake in a story, Montclair State. So what I wouldn’t who care about their cam- please call Editor-in-Chief Catherine at ext. 5230. changed her mind? pus enough to put so much It all changed last Sat- have had any money into developing and OUR STAFF urday, when she made the implementing such a beau- Executive Board Editorial Board trip up to Montclair State idea that tiful statue. one last time before making “I’m so excited to walk her final decision. Accord- [athletics] on campus as a freshman Editor-in-Chief News ing to Perkins, “I walked and see the beautiful statue on campus from Montclair every day. It’ll remind me Heights train station, and mattered if to be enthusiastic for the I passed a crowd in front the stat- school’s athletic program; I Catherine Baxter Jayna Gugliucci of the athletic center, I for- wouldn’t have had any idea montclarionchief montclarionnews get the name of it. When that [athletics] mattered walking by I realized that ue wasn’t if the statue wasn’t there. [email protected] Editor @gmail.comFeature a student was giving a tour And if I need any more to prospective students, so there.” reasons to love this statue, - I wanted to hear what she when I pass it on the way ing was saying.” to class, I will always be re- Monika Bujas Padraigh Gonzalez This is the moment where - Katie Haverford, minded to stay determined montclarionmanag montclarionfeature things changed for Perkins. to fulfill my goals and be @gmail.comOpinion She says that the student Incoming Freshman inspired to get ‘A’s in all my [email protected] Editor leading the tour was telling classes!” Tiffany Saez - Kristen Bryfogle tion montclarionopinion ‘Dancing to the Jailhouse Rock’ montclarionproduc [email protected]

@gmail.comAssistants Theadora Lecour Sunday, March 26 Tuesday, March 31 Wednesday, April 1 Awije Bahrami Live footage from Keep- Queen Elsa of Arendelle After the release of their News ing up with the Kardashi- has been accused of caus- live-action Cinderella ear- montclarionentertainment ans shows that Kourtney ing an unexpected snow- lier this month, Walt Dis- Deanna Rosa Kardashian initially did not fall in Northern New Jersey ney Studios has been ac- @gmail.comSports want to be featured on Kim despite the promise of 70 cused of self-plagiarism. In Entertainment Thomas Formoso Kardashian’s game, “Kim degree weather later in the the future, instead of hand- Kardashian: Hollywood.” week. In the past, the royal crafting new works of art, Samantha King She went as far as to send daughter has been charged the company plans to sim- her sister a cease-and-de- with neglect of palace staff, ply remake all of their old- Opinion montclarionsports sist letter before eventually injuring the Duke of Wea- er films; this novel era will agreeing to Kim’s demands. sletown, and freezing the continue with the release @gmail.comChief Copy Kourtney is being sued for heart of her younger sister, of Beauty and the Beast in treason with the intent of Anna. 2017. EmilyFeature Rovner exercising free will. Nicholas Taylor Monday, March 30 Tuesday, March 31 Friday, March 20 montclarioncopy Following a “break” from Taylor Swift’s kitten, Mer- Hugh Jackman is currently Sports @gmail.comWeb the band’s world tour due edith, faces charges for being pursued by officials Bridget Gonzalez to “stress,” Zayn Malik offi- causing deep gashes to the for wreaking havoc among cially announced his depar- pop-singer’s legs, which comic book nerds all over ture from One Direction. are currently insured for the world for his departure Copy LeahEditorial Collie The singer currently faces $40, 000. According to her from Professor X’s man- Jenna Bussiere charges for failing to defend Twitter feed, Swift’s best sion. The actor will not be Zachary Case Cartoonists his “brothers” against the friend as well as various reprising his role as Wol- singers of his new band as other closely-related indi- verine following the film Faculty Christian Ruiz well as breaking the hearts viduals have also had to pay X-Men: Apocalypse and is of millions of teenaged girls the fee for committing the thus, charged with putting Christian Ray Blaza across the globe. same crime. the “X” in X-Men. Faculty Advisor Photography Monday, March 30 Wednesday, April 1 Friday, March 20 David Beckham recently Though only an April Fools’ Joe Jonas faces charges @montcSteve Johnson accompanied his eldest son, Day joke, Justin Bieber’s for impersonating his own Social Media Brooklyn, on his first date. “leaked” album was per- grandmother on nation- johnsonjam Claire Fishman Operations Manager Taking the term embar- ceived as legitimate by the al television. While brother lair.edu Samantha Amminati rassing parent to a whole majority of adolescents who Nick hosted the Kids Choice Manager new level, the soccer player rushed to iTunes to listen. Awards this past weekend, now faces charges for un- Among his charges, the the former Jonas Brother necessarily trailing and singer is accused of causing took to the stage in a wig spying on his son as well as the hearts of fans to stop and nightgown to defend Don Spielvogel the girl he was with. for over three minutes and “Joe’s good looks” against emptying the wallets of all his brother. As punishment, montclarionadsales those who fell for the ruse. Joe Jonas will be subjected @gmail.com to a year without hair spray Writers and Contributors and beauty products. Anyone who has information regarding these incidents is Kimberly Asman, James Carpentier, Nicholas Da Silva, Dan Falkenheim, Christine Gianakis, Natalie Smyth, Megan Spinelli urged to find Paul Bart on his segway at the West Orange Pavilion Mall. All conversations are strictly confidential. themontclarion.org The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 3

ingContinued on a normal from page schedule,” 1 “Sure, I’d rather be on a four years, I am completely saidSpring: Cole. “Though Chilly the new Weatherbeach hitting theProlongs waves, and utterly Semester outraged by the schedule remains in ques- but if the weather isn’t go- decision on behalf of our tion, students will be no- ing to cooperate, then we administration; some stu- tified of their final day of might as well be hitting the dents already have intern- classes as soon as possible.” books.” ships and summer employ- In such regard, both the Surprisingly, Crow’s ment lined-up,” she said. final exam schedule as well stance tends to be the more “Most importantly, there as the date of commence- popular of the campus’s are students who have been ment have been placed on thousands of students, who waiting almost have a de- standby until further notice; have already settled in to cade to walk down the aisle at the same time, students the idea of staying a little at commencement and will be required to continue bit longer; even professors should not have that mo- attending classes for as long have begun to show their ment taken from them.” as the chilly temperatures approval by excitedly tack- While Johnson remains prevail at Montclair State. ing weeks and pages on to the only student to feel this Despite the expecta- the end of their syllabi. way about the new changes, Mysterious Red “I don’t see why anyone wouldn’t want to stay Barns Appear here into summer break writing papers, studying for exams and struggling to stay awake in gen- Students speculate about the significance of Erin Mathis | several red barns on the campus. The Montclarion eral education courses. It’s all part of the fun!”

Erin Mathis the barns are connected by Staff Writer a system of tunnels, all of - Marielle Morgan, Communication major which lead to Susan Cole’s If you’ve been a stu- home. Other students have dent at Montclair State for speculated the barns are tion of an uproar on behalf Marielle Morgan, a sopho- it has proven evident that the past semester or so, used for pieces to the SGA’s of the student body, most more Communication ma- her stance on the matter then you’ve definitely no- top secret scavenger hunt. have responded in a more jor, shared her opinion of will surely go unnoticed by ticed the mysterious red Even staff members are cu- positive manner; in fact, the campus’ decision in an members of administra- barn-like sheds that have rious, as Andrew from the they seem rather intrigued enthusiastic light. “Though tion already overwhelmed popped up in various ar- Student Center’s deli con- by the idea and even ready instructors have already by the amount of positive eas around campus. One sidered the possibility of the to take on the rest of the started giving more home- feedback they are receiv- sits at the top of the hill barns being used to store semester with a smile on work for the semester, I ing on behalf of the campus near University Hall, an- stolen fine art. their faces. really can’t help but smile; I community. other is in front of Stone Of all these theo- Among these individuals, mean, I don’t see why any- In the end, it appears as Hall, one behind the library ries, there is one that pre- Zachary Crow, a freshman one wouldn’t want to stay though the majority of the and there are even reports vails. Many claim that the Information and Technology here into summer break student body is in favor of of one behind the Hawk barns are simply storage major, shared his thoughts writing papers, studying the new policy change re- Crossings office. Where else spaces for snow removal, on the matter. “Though it’s for exams and struggling to garding the end date of the might these barns be lurk- containing merely shovels only my second semester at stay awake in general edu- semester; with snow only ing? Why are they here? and salt. After questioning the university, I think the cation courses,” she said. continuing to coat the cam- After a quick survey- a janitor, this theory was administration might be on “It’s all part of the fun!” pus grounds, both students ing, it became evident that “confirmed.” However, I to something; I mean, why Only one student, Emma and administration eager- many students hold some don’t buy it. Snow remov- go home and sit around in Johnson, a senior Family ly look forward to spend- pretty captivating theories al? Sounds like the perfect the cold when you could Studies and Child Advocacy ing the next few months in about the real purpose of cover up to me. I promise to continue pulling all nighters major, expressed her con- class before Montclair State the barns. Joshua Dawson, keep the public updated as to make it through the end cern for the recent change officially closes sometime a senior, speculated that this investigation continues. of the semester?” he said. in university policy. “After this summer.

haveContinued complete from control. page 1 show the humans that they fear people, these deer are Wildlife: Based on research Deer done areand in control. Geese Takenot Overafraid of anything MSU and Stapler: One Campus, by animal enthusiast Jamie “A turkey chased me have even been seen charg- Continued from page 1 Spinelli, a biology major when I was holding a cook- ing at students. Onein the top Binding left corner of all DeviceCole has the stapler. Ap- who followed geese around ie once and I didn’t know “A deer once chased my papers.” parently too many students for a week straight, the an- what to do,” Kari Dwyer, me around the village while This latest development were stapling flyers all over imals are gradually mak- a former resident of Hawk I was riding my bike,” said in the Montclair State Sta- campus that said ‘Give ing their way to the Hawk Crossings said. “I saw my Village resident Adrianne pler Crisis has left students me snow days or give me Crossings parking lot, and life flash before my eyes.” Cooper. “I only survived the wondering about the rea- death!’ Fortunately, there will eventually flock to the Dwyer narrowly escaped attack because I had my sons behind the university’s are a couple billion in the lot of Floyd Hall Arena. the wild turkey by running rock collection in my back- decisiveness on the mat- whole wide world. I’ll find Eventually, these creatures into the nearest apartment pack and swatted the evil ter. Why must students another one and it will be- will even inhabit parking and locking the door. Soon thing away.” be deprived of staples? long to me.” decks like CarParc Diem escape may not be possible, Geese leave droppings Have budget cuts become Regardless of the valid- and Red Hawk Deck. as these animals are getting all over campus and watch so large that the univer- ity of various speculations, “We have seen an influx more intelligent, according as humans step on them. sity can no longer afford to students should be warned hold together its students’ to hold onto their valu- papers? If so, what will be able office supplies, as sev- taken next? One can only eral other disappearances “A deer once chased me around the Village while speculate, for the answers had been reported prior I was riding my bike. I only survived the attack to these pressing questions to the removal of the sta- are unclear at this point in pler. Missing pencils, pens because I had my rock collection in my back pack.” time. and notebooks had become Freshman Business Ad- an epidemic leading up to ministration major, Ed the culminating stapler in- -Adrianne Cooper, Village resident Sheewalked, stated, “The cident. loss of the stapler has been According to several stu- something I’ve been work- dent witnesses, the sole sur- of wild geese, turkeys and to WANJ. Not only are they Sometimes they can even ing on every day. My ther- viving stapler in the student deer move into New Jer- stealing food, they are mak- be heard cackling out of apist said the pain won’t center had been malfunc- sey,” Governor Chris Chris- ing students late for work satisfaction when someone ever go away. I’ve been tioning in the weeks leading tie said at a press confer- by blocking in their cars. falls prey to their feces. spotting painful reminders up to its removal. Staples ence. “They all seem to be “A turkey was stand- All of these strategies everywhere lately. I found were coming out deformed moving to Montclair State ing behind my car once at are ways for the animals to a staple on my bedroom and were not attaching because of its proximity to 7 a.m. and started peck- scare humans into admit- floor, the only evidence to the papers correctly. New York City.” ing at my tires,” said Jackie ting inferiority, opening up that it’d been here before.” Rather than attempting to According to Chris- Burke, a Village resident. the opportunity for wildlife Varying theories regard- fix the problem or simply tie, the animals enjoy tak- “And then another one ran to become dominant. First, ing the disappearance have purchasing a new stapler ing day trips to NYC to dine over and started doing the it’s parking lots, but in the been arising in the past for the desk, the univer- on stale bread and left- same thing. I really thought future, it’s dining halls, res- week. Some students be- sity responded by removing over pizza and then come that was the end for me.” idence halls and academic lieve that staples have been the stapler altogether, thus home to MSU, where they Burke was able to back classrooms, leaving the hu- removed in order to fund establishing its ultimate ex- can sleep at the edge of the up until the turkeys moved, mans to find food, shelter the Red Hawk Statue be- tinction from campus. forest as they wait for stu- but the turkeys chased her and education elsewhere. ing built on campus, while Even though the campus dents to emerge. car until it got too fast for For now, staying indoors others are spewing claims community is collectively Once students are awake them. As they gain intel- is recommended but soon of conspiracy among the waving goodbye to the era – usually by 6 a.m. be- ligence, though, they also there will be nowhere to university faculty. Presi- of the stapler, students do cause of the geese’s inces- gain agility and soon may hide. dent Susan Cole refused to not need to accept defeat sant honking – geese leave be able to keep up with a All the students and release a statement on the on this pressing issue. Step droppings for people to car, making it impossible staff of MSU can do now is issue, which only provoked out and join the campaign step on, turkeys block cars for students to escape. enjoy superiority while it further doubts among stu- on social media with the so students cannot leave Deer not only cause traf- lasts, but prepare for the dents. hashtag #SaveTheStaples and deer jump across the fic problems, but also get future reality: wildlife tak- Harry Stylin, a sopho- to help bring this essential lots to scare those walking. closer and closer to humans ing over Red Hawk nation. more Philosophy major, item back to campus. Animals use these tactics to each day. Though known to claimed, “I heard Susan PAGE 4• April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org

How will a master’s in professional communication give you a stronger voice?

Michael Frodella, MA ‘12 Executive Director, Park Avenue Club

Will. Power.

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Kristen Bryfogle Opinion Editor

Look out, The Montclarion that the staff has undertaken is men of Smash Mouth couldn’t dent Voice of Montclair State “What are our goals for the staff! Another student-led compiling a masterlist of actors wait for their chance to be “all University since 1928.” Editors future?” asked Paddy-sempai publication, that could give and celebrities for a live action stars.” are hopeful, though, that their in an exclusive interview. “The the long-running school news- Dragon Ball Z series. After the Editors are working with publication will be a success first is to get the first few issues paper a run for its money, is in disappointment that was Drag- the film department to collabo- with the anime-watching and up and running smoothly and the works to release its pre- on Ball: Evolution, the editoral rate on this project. Most film- manga-reading population at release our DBZ project. Even- miere issue in the Fall 2015 board took it upon themselves ing is expected to be done in Montclair State. tually, we want to have a place semester. to make a better live-action the Student Center quad. Film Faculty advisor Steve-John- where people can submit their Students have been dili- version of the popular anime. majors were hesitant at first to son-sensei is also optimistic. He own fanfiction and doujinshi gently preparing to make their This improvement was largely take on such an ambitious and thinks that this type of publica- so that we can expand from brainchild Tokyo News News a based on better casting. unique project, but the pros- tion gives the Montclair State just a news source to a sort of reality ever since the idea for The cast list so far includes pect of Goku’s poorly-aimed University media the type of literary magazine. Our ultimate a newspaper dedicated sole- Editor-in-Chief Paddy-sempai “Kamehamehas” gave student cutting-edge it needs to com- goal is to convince Susan Cole ly to reporting otaku culture and Managing Editor Moni- filmmakers the hope that their pete with other schools, notably to change the mascot from the rose up in casual conversa- mocha-san as stars Goku and involvement may spur the Rutgers’ new paper, The Daily Red Hawk to Pikachu.” tion. Editors and contributors Vegeta and other staff mem- much-needed renovation of Otaku and William Paterson’s Only time will tell if The Mont- have been buffing up on their bers as characters throughout Calcia Hall. The Pokémon Times. clarion will be able to compete anime knowledge and catch- the series. The editorial board It is still unclear how much “We hope to provide a cre- with this up-and-coming news- ing up with all their favorite is also reaching out to actors of a threat this new publication ative outlet for people to share paper or if Tokyo News News has manga series in order to bring to make their dream of a live- will pose to The Montclarion. To- their love of Japanese animation written the staple’s name in the their enthusiasm for Japanese action DBZ come true, eyeing kyo News News plans to reach and illustration and hopefully Death Note of college media in popular media to the greater Idris Elba as Piccolo and all out to a more specific audience, convert many students who its inception. Montclair community via a of Smash Mouth as the Ginyu which may make it less inclu- have never gotten into the sub- weekly serial. Squad. Elba could not be sive than its competitor that culture into full-fledged otaku,” One of the first projects reached for comment, but the boasts its position as the “Stu- said Copy Editor Zakkari-kun.

Apples and Oranges

Zachary Case Assistant Copy Editor

People use the term “like comparing apples to oranges” to refer to the comparison of two objects that seemingly have nothing in common. Are apples and oranges really so different, though? We took a closer look at these familiar fruits to decide if this old cliche has any merit. ----Food pyramid categorization: Both apples and oranges are placed squarely in the “fruits” section of the food pyramid. You need three to five servings of fruits each day. Be sure to consume these servings in the form of solid fruit instead of fruit juice to get the full benefit out of their consumption and avoid weight gain.

Size: Apples and oranges tend not to have a huge difference in size between them. Oranges do tend to be a little larger, but the differ- ence is only relevant if you are carrying a large quantity of them. Smell: Oranges tend to be fairly fragrant, even moreso when peeled. Apples don't particularly have much of a smell to them. Color: Apples come in the red, green and what is known as the “Golden Delicious” variety (a sort of yellowish-green.) Oranges are only orange, although blood oranges have an orange exterior while having blood-red flesh. Nutritional content: Oranges are generally higher in essential vita- mins while being lower in calories than apples. A single orange con- tains 85 percent of your daily vitamin C, while an apple only has 15 percent of your DRV of said vitamin. Oranges also edge out apples in vitamin A and calcium, while apples have the advantage when it comes to potassium. Culinary usage: Apples can be made into pies while “orange pie” is relatively unheard of and honestly sounds a little frightening. Sauce made from apples is squishy and either is eaten on its own or on pork chops, while oranges can be a key ingredient in sauces made for slathering onto fish. Both apples and oranges can be made into juices and smoothies, but oranges can't be made into cider. Both honestly aren't that great of choices for a fruit salad. Application outside of cooking: Oranges, as a result of being highly acidic, can be made into an effective chemical-free cleaner. Apple seeds contain cyanide, which can come in handy if you are taken hostage by terrorists and they are trying to torture the fabled recipe of eleven herbs and spices out of you. Apples are also more appro- priate in the bribing of teachers than oranges. Ease of consumption: Oranges need to be peeled and have seeds throughout them; the peeling of them isn't particularly easy either, especially when compared to the ambrosia that is the clementine. Apples have their seeds in one spot, so you easily know which part of the apple is unfit for consumption. Ease of crushing in the palm of your hand: Roughly about the same; apples have a smaller mass, but oranges are much squishier. Biblical relevance: Apples are considered often to be the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge that led to Eve performing the original sin in her consumption of them. However, the actual identity of said fruit is never given, as the fruit is simply referred to as the “fruit of the tree” in most versions of the Old Testament. It's highly unlikely the fruit was either an apple or an orange; if anything, the fruit was most likely a pomegranate due to Eden being placed by scholars in the Middle East. Apples win, hands down. Shininess: Photo courtesy of dreamstime

It seems in the end that there is some merit to “like comparing apples to oranges” being used the way it is, but there also seems to be enough similarity between the fruits to judge said phrase as lacking accuracy in its current application. Apples and oranges have their differences, but the differences are more subtle than they are profound. We must come up with a new phrase to refer to comparing two things that don't have much in common, such as “like compar- ing horses to envelopes.” PAGE 6 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org How to Get Healthy in 10 Steps

have an account on Netflix, stop 5. Stop worrying about the fu- as you possibly can. Ignore the serving Kimberly Asman reading this article and get one ture. A lot of the advice on healthy sizes completely. The articles telling Staff Writer right now. In a best case scenario, eating is to protect you from vari- you to limit your consumption of this just try to get your roommate’s ous diseases such as cardiovascular sugar-packed beverage are again from You probably think you know password. This tip goes along disease, high blood pressure and those pesky fruit and vegetable people something about being healthy, with step two of the process. diabetes in the future. These just just trying to make more money. Screw whether you read an article or Binge-watching shows (watching add time-consuming worrying to water. Drink soda all the time. two each week or maybe you entire seasons of shows at a time) your already packed schedule and 8. Fry everything. Have you heard study the subject more thorough- is a perfect way to stay as inactive who has time for that? You’re fit, of fried Oreos? I challenge you to be ly. No matter your credentials, as possible. Plus, you may learn healthy and pretty now; I am sure creative here. Frying, after all, has tons it’s time to forget everything something valuable, like how to you will stay that way forever no of oil and fat. If you think these things you know. It may seem daunt- cook crystal meth on Breaking Bad matter what you do. can be bad for you and should be con- ing and involved, but getting or how much breakfast food you 6. Be a follower. Did you hear sumed in moderation, you are wrong. healthy through food and exer- should really be eating on Parks that your friend is gluten-free be- Think outside the box. Has anyone cise is actually really simple. The and Recreation (Do not take the cause they have the very serious ever fried pizza? That sounds like it following are ten steps to getting has a lot of potential. in your absolute best shape in as 9. Get rid of all of the negativity little as a week. Just remember in your life. Do you have those friends, the most important part of this the ones who are too busy to make process: If you feel like you are plans with you because they have to go putting in effort, you are trying to their favorite class at the gym? The way too hard. ones who will not get fast food with

1. Stop watching portion Photo Courtesy of perfectska04 you because they can not stand the sizes. Sure, a bag of chips may thought of what goes into that “food?” tell you there are ten servings in Just get rid of them. You really do not a bag, but what do they know? need that kind of negativity in your life Don’t let food labels tell you how and it will only bring you down in this to live your life. If you feel like brilliant process of getting healthy. you deserve that gallon of ice 10. Cut back on the fruits and veg-

Photo Courtesy of CoolKid1993 cream every day, you are prob- Photo Courtesy of Renee Comet etables. Remember that saying you ably right. Remember, any pizza heard as a child, that if you swallowed can be a personal pizza if you crystal meth part seriously. We condition of Celiac disease? Are you a watermelon seed, a watermelon just believe in yourself. highly recommend that you do not questioning whether you should now would grow in your stomach? This is 2. Lay down as much as cook crystal meth). Other recom- be following a gluten-free diet? The 100 percent true. Fruits and vegetables you can. Exercise supposedly mendations include some of the answer is always yes. Just ignore the just plant themselves in your stomach strengthens pretty much ev- classics: Gilmore Girls, Gossip Girl fact that you probably do not have the and grow, causing you to physically erything about your body, but or 30 Rock. Just remember to lay condition and avoiding gluten will just enlarge as they do. We want to be fit recent research from a trusted in bed while watching, preferably make things hard for you and lead to here, not huge, so just avoid all fruits source shows this to be false. The with some snacks. you missing out on foods with valu- and vegetables to be safe. But what if key is to move as little as possible 4. Eat a lot of candy. You may able nutrients. Commit to this new something doesn’t have seeds? to get in shape. Try to skip the have heard some bad things about trend. If you have questions about Just avoid it anyway. Sometimes pes- stairs, take the shuttle as much candy; things like how much fat, what gluten is, look up Jimmy Kim- ticides are used on the outside of fruits, as possible across campus and sugar and processed ingredients mel Live! on YouTube and search, “Pe- which are much worse than processed whatever you do, don’t make they contain. Ignore all of this. destrian Question: What is Gluten?” It ingredients in just about every other time for the gym. Sweating is These are just accusations from will teach you everything you need to food and should be kept completely pretty gross, anyway and should the agricultural industry lobbying know! out of your diet. probably be avoided. to make more money. Go for that 7. Have soda with every meal, snack Follow these steps and you are guar- 3. Binge-watch shows on king-sized bar next time and make and activity. Tying back in with step anteed a healthier, happier life. Good Netflix. All the time. If you don’t sure to eat it all in one sitting. one of the process, drink as much soda luck on your journey!

SC&I Graduate Programs Open House April 15 • 6:30 p.m. Alexander Library College Avenue Campus

Graduation Is Around the Corner, and So Are We.

Rutgers’ School of Communication & Information in New Brunswick is a mere car ride from Montclair State University, and offers graduate programs designed to help you land your dream job.

Master of Communication & Information Studies (MCIS): • Specializations include Digital Media, Strategic Organization, Health Communication or a general path of study.

Master of Information (MI): • Ranked #6 nationwide by U.S. News & World Report and part of the iSchool consortium, the MI prepares you for careers in library science, data science and information management.

Attend our SC&I Open House to meet faculty, staff and current students. Attend in person or join us online via live stream. RSVP to attend or learn more: Save the Date comminfo.rutgers.edu/montclair

comminfo.rutgers.edu/montclair Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey

00569 SCI AD Montclair HLF_PG.indd 1 3/23/2015 9:43:08 PM themontclarion.org The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 7

FEATURE

WANT TO BE A FEATURE WRITER? The Montclarion Feature section includes a variety of topics from fashion trends of the season to health and fitness to money-saving tips.

Contact [email protected] for more information. PAGE 8 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion Classifieds themontclarion.org

Help Wanted Help Wanted Upcoming Events

Place YOUR Classified Ad right here The Montclarion is THE PERFECT place to FMES: Bake Sale MSA: Bake Sale on The Montclarion website. LOW advertise for Summer Help! For more info Thursday, April 2 Tuesday, April 7 RATES & EXTENDED EXPOSURE. Email [email protected] or call 10:00 a.m., PA Lobby 10:00 a.m., DI Lobby CLASSIFIEDS PLACED NOW RUN Don Spielvogel 973-655-5237 or 215-860-5533. THROUGH THE END OF THE SE- Japan Club: Children’s Day Management Club: MESTER!!! For more info Email Mont- Nutley family seeks P/T nanny for two kids Thursday, April 2 MeetMyProfessor [email protected] or call Don ages 2 & 7. Mon.-Fri., 4:00-7:30 P.M. Pick-up 3:00 p.m., SC Lobby Wednesday, April 8 Spielvogel 973-655-5237 or 215-860-5533. from school, homework help & dinner prep. 2:30 p.m., SC 419 Email [email protected]. UAASO: Bubble Tea & Learn cursive handwriting in the Mont- Open Mic Night UAASO: Henna Tattoos clair/Clifton area. Fun, interesting and rea- P/T Afternoon nanny in Mont- Thursday, April 2 Wednesday, April 8 sonable. Don’t depend on the computer. clair for one sweet little boy age 10 7:00 p.m., SC Rathskeller 5:00 PM, SC Rathskeller Call Dee at (201) 315-0476. months. Call Brooke at 631-327-5513. MUG: Super Smash Bros. hYp3notic: Rip The Seeking warm, energetic, and reliable after- Paid intern needed for Montclair home- Wii U Tournament Runway: Celebrity Day school driving babysitter for kids ages 4 & based Real estate marketing business. Ex- Thursday, April 2 Fashion Show 7 in Upper Montclair. 16 hours per week. cellent admin, HTML, social media (FB, 8:00 PM, UN 2004 Wednesday, April 8 Excellent references and clean driving You Tube, Twitter) skills a must. $15/hr to 7:00 p.m., SC Ballrooms record required. Email dogoodwork2@ start. Raise on performance. Motivated and Bonner AmeriCorps yahoo.com with resume/experience. confident. Must have a car. Email Ken@ Bake Sale 4th Annual Concert FriendindeedLLC.com or call (917) 543-2812. Monday, April 6 to Benefit Autism New Jersey Experienced, energetic and reliable 11:00 a.m., PA Lobby Featuring Tony award nominee babysitters wanted for our 7 year old P/T & F/T - Little Angels School House of Stephanie Block son in Nutley. Occasional afternoons Chatham, NJ is looking for energetic individu- UAASO: Date Auction Monday, May 4 / weekends. $15.00 & up/hour. Con- als. Duties include implementing lesson plans Monday, April 6 7:30 p.m., Memorial Auditorium tact Linda at [email protected] or & assisting with meals/naps/diapering/ 7:00 p.m., SC Dining Rm Hosted by PRSSA from Montclair State call (973) 508-8868 (Leave a Message). potty training. Contact Jade (973) 701-8303 or and Fairleigh Dickinson email [email protected]. Global Medical Brigades Blood Drive Tickets are $10 for students P/T after-school sitter in Fair Lawn to Tuesday, April 7 $15 for non-students drive kids 7/13/16 to activities, super- Do you mix languages when texting or 9:00 a.m., SC Ballroom A vise playdates and homework for the Facebook chatting (e.g., Ciao Ana, come stai? youngest. Flexible Hours! Must like dogs Wanna go to the mall? or Pick me up cherez & cats. Email [email protected]. polchasa; Spasibo:-)? I will purchase your messages. Email Dr. Susana Sotillo: Sotillos@ Babysitter wanted 24-32 hours a week mail.montclair.edu for details. to manage 3 kids. 12:30-8 P.M. Mon, Wed, Thurs. Looking for a “take charge” Bnai Keshet, Montclair, seeks a leader for Have an event coming up? person with previous experience. Non- our developing Jewish Teen Program, to smoker and fluent in English. Driving begin immediately. Contact RabbiAriann@ Let us know! not necessary. Call Melissa (973) 707- bnaikeshet.org for more information. 7088 or email [email protected]. Email

Seeking reliable, driving babysitter in [email protected] Livingston for two young girls start- Rooms for Rent ing Jan 2015. Mon/Tues/Wed. Hours 2-5:30P.M. Must hold valid drivers’ li- cense & pick up children in your ve- Save $$$. Female students, grads. Summer hicle. Email Livingstonfamily2013@ or fall room rentals. June thru August or gmail.com with resume/experience. 2015 school year. Furnished, across from campus. Internet inc. Singles or share. Avail- Interested in advertising with $15 per hour occasional sitter needed for 8 able June (possibly May). Call 973-778-1504. year old girl and 6 year old boy in Mont- clair. As needed/as available position. Female graduate student/staff. Lovely The Montclarion? Most hours will be weekday afternoons. room, private bath and parking. Light kitch- Must have a car, be responsive and res- en use and deck. Available March 1st. 2.4 mi posible. Email [email protected] from MSU in Clifton. Non-smoker. $1200. Call Diane at (201) 315-0476. Established local Pet Care Service is seeking a responsible & honest animal Private room with bath for female. Near lover. Varied weekday hours, may also campus off Valley Road in Clifton. Avail- include some weekends, holidays & able immediately. $550.00 per month. evenings. Must have reliable car. Good Call Joan (973) 279-7294. source of supplemental income. Email: [email protected] or call Mel 973- 432-2023 9:00 AM-1:00 PM. Mon.-Fri.

All About Cleaning New Jersey is look- ing for a student to clean every Thursday 9 AM – 4 PM or until job is completed up until 5:00 PM. $10.00 / hr. Must be able to drive to West Caldwell, need to pass a background check, have a positive attitude, be in good health & be able to move furniture on occasion. Call Janice 908-244-3884. Email P/T Nanny needed in Glen Ridge to care for 3 children – (ages 3/6/9) from 12:30 - 5 PM. Mon.-Fri. Must have valid driver’s [email protected] license with clean record & must be com- fortable with a sweet Great Dane. Local driving only. May be willing to allow for share position if everyday conflicts with For more information and details your class schedule. Email: Amanda_lo- [email protected]. themontclarion.org The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 9 PAGE 10 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org Toons

Lunch in the Student Center

by joe stansbury

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT NEEDED!!! FOR MORE INFO EMAIL [email protected] themontclarion.org Opinion The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 11 Bringing Down the Red Hawk Nest

Christian Ruiz| The Montclarion

Panzer Athletic Center, which With only a limited amount outbursts of pride. and excel as players. Therefore, Montclair State University was filled to maximum occu- of money to spend on creat- Another way to keep our it’s better for us to tone down has shown a lot of school spirit pancy night after night. The ing outward displays of school pride more appropriate is to the enthusiasm just a smidge in in the past year—maybe too overwhelming shouts of sup- spirit, it is important to remem- correct our etiquette at sports order to make it clear that we much. Taking the time to sup- port actually shattered some of ber that Montclair State must events. Rather than storming are concerned for the personal port your school and its sports the windows in the building, choose its battles when it comes the field or court after a game safety of spectators and fans. teams is a great way to bolster leaving glass all over the floor. to showing off its red and white. and overwhelming the coaches We all know that our school the camaraderie in the campus Students have not stopped Right now, university offi- and players, who have com- spirit can barely be contained community and make connec- with these rallies, either. Eager cials are busy working on the plained of minor injuries and and that sports games are by far tions that can last a lifetime, for a space big enough to ac- highly anticipated Red Hawk lost articles of clothing from the most well-advertised and but students have recently been commodate the big love that statue, which we all cannot wait being bombarded after games, attended events on campus. taking their Red Hawk pride students have for their student to see completed. At this point we should respect our players But we want to make Montclair too far. athletes, some have taken to in time, we should focus our more and give them the person- State safe for everyone and not Take, for example, the change.org, petitioning the ad- attention and positive energy al space they need. literally rock the house with our overwhelming support for the ministration to construct a new on making sure this statue is Additionally, cheering so pride. women’s basketball team dur- stadium that can fit all students, the symbol of Red Hawk pride loudly that we are affecting the We know that our level of ing their journey to the NCAA staff and individuals outside of that we all have dreamed about architecture of the building by spirit will never change, but we Division III Final Four. We un- the university who want to see since our first day at the univer- shattering windows and shak- want people to exhibit a little derstand that this was a record- sports games. sity. ing the foundation by jumping self-control and consideration breaking accomplishment for Ideally, this facility would After this project is completed up and down put our current about our pride priorities be- the team, which has just been have a turf field that is able to be (less than 200 days away, if all venues for sporting events, fore our enthusiasm puts our doing a stellar job for the past flipped over to become a basket- goes according to plan!), then however incompetent they are, fellow Red Hawks at risk. few years, but there may be ball court in less than five min- we will have time to bring these in jeopardy. We all want our such a thing as too much sup- utes and 25,000 seats to ensure plans to the Board of Trustees sports teams to have a place to port. that everyone has the chance to and administration and make it play in and to feel comfortable Students have become bellig- cheer on the Red Hawks with- clear that we need a facility at while they are playing so that erent when turned away from out being turned away. this school to accommodate our they can succeed in their games

Question of the Week:

How do you feel about the Rugrats taking over the Board of Trustees? Thumbs Up “Rugrats for BOT!” CARS cleanse “I totally think that they are -Danny Phantom, going to do an awful job. Justice Studies, Like, who is letting them Freshman Actual cannibal Shia LeBouf join the Board?”

-Angelica Pickles, Journalism, “No”/ “Yes” Bananas and Lemons Senior -CatDog, Philosophy/Dance, Crocs Seniors

“I do not think they represent No weekend trains me or our campus. Their idea of a adventure is going to the “Yeah, that is going to be rad, park. Adventure is out in the bro. I met them once at the wild to be discovered.” Shore Shack and they were Jupiter Ascending chill.” -Eliza Thornberry, Contact The Montclari- Biology, -Otto Rocket, on’s opinion section at Physical Education, montclarionopinion@gmail. Sophomore com to find out more Junior about publishing your opinions. PAGE 12 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org The Cold Never Bothered Us Anyway MSU administration’s mea culpa in the wake of Snowpocalypse 2015

in the icy tundra. Point taken. when every single university in because we insisted on students ear any of your tweets, Facebook To address the concerns the state of New Jersey closed bracing the U.S. Postal service D creed of “neither snow nor rain Red Hawks, comments, emails, news articles we received from commuter for the day, We were hesitant It has been or any form of bad publicity up students who make up over 60 but held our ground. And when nor heat nor gloom of night” to brought to until now when the snow had percent of our student body, the Governor declared a state of prevent MSU from operating. our atten- already melted. we apologize for not having emergency and told everyone We give you all our word tion that For those of you who were the parking lots cleared and to stay off the roads, we thought that we will be better next year. our actions distressed by our decision to roads plowed for your safety that might be applicable to our You have our word that if there MONTCLAIR this winter keep the university open even in driving to and from campus. students but then we thought, is over four feet of snow, we STATE UNIVER- season may during a state of emergency, Honestly, we had hoped more hmm, better not. will be sure to cancel! SITY ADMINIS- have upset We would like to offer you our of you would simply sled to We wish we could say that Enjoy your spring, TRATION some of the sincerest apologies. class because, between us, those we have no regrets about this Montclair State Administration OPEN LETTER students It appears we have watched roads were pretty dangerous. winter, but we know that we and faculty Frozen a few too many times In retrospect, there were have upset many of the students members. It appears we did not this semester and we should some signs that we should have and have put professors in an have stable enough Wi-Fi con- have gotten the message that seen when deciding to keep the unpleasant position by turn- Christine Gianakis, a Political Science nection anywhere on campus you all did not want to build a school open during a snow- ing them into the bad guy for and Communications major, contributed and were thus unable to read snowman on your way to class pocalypse. We will admit that holding classes. This is simply to this article. Will Ted Cruz Make Presidential News? Cruz’s reveals love for Dr. Suess and ambition for presidential power

it for what it really was: Ted poem, here’s the second poem: With the whole wide world liberal that supported Franklin Ted Cruz, Cruz’s deep appreciation for watching me rule on TV! D. Roosevelt and even thought a junior Dr. Seuss and poetry in general. Oh! The places I’ll go! Americans’ fear of communism United States According to the con- I have a Bible in hand. I have Ted Cruz’s obsession with was overblown. In addition, Senator from test guideline, one poem about God in my heart. Green Eggs and Ham is quite some of his stories subliminally Texas, be- one’s views and one about the I can give America a brand new ironic because it provides the attack consumerism and racial came the first future had to be submitted. The start. lesson that one might actually inequality. How could a Repub- DANIEL candidate first poem, as originally ob- I’m on my own. And I know like something if they try it. lican ever win a primary when FALKENHEIM to announce tained: what I know. Imagine if Ted Cruz genuinely he associates with someone like COLUMNIST that he will And I am the guy who’ll decide tried the Affordable Care Act that? be running I am Ted, Ted I am. where we’ll go. and gave it a chance! Recent With all the unusual char- for President in the 2016 elec- Do you like Obamacare? I look up and down the streets. reports have suggested that he acters featured in Dr. Seuss’s tion. I do not like Obamacare. Look ‘em over with despair. signed up for Obamacare, but books, Ted Cruz seems to fit If you have heard of him, it’s I would not like it here or there. About some I say, “Poor people he’ll probably use it as an op- right in. We should have ex- probably because he infamously I would not like it anywhere. don’t deserve to be there!” portunity to criticize it even pected his love of poetry and read Green Eggs and Ham while I do not want it in my state, With my Bible in hand and God more. literature, because there are al- giving a 21 hour speech on the It’s unconstitutional, and that’s in my heart, Ted Cruz will not get the Re- ready kid’s coloring books that Senate floor. It’s okay if you not up for debate. I’m too smart to let America fall publican nomination for presi- are about the life of Ted Cruz. haven’t because we’re about to I do not like that health care apart! dent. However, he’ll be a candi- His poetry is corny at best. see that his poetry skills are as plan! date that will be in it until the I would tell him to keep his futile as his presidential aspira- I’ll even ban it if I can! Scandals can happen, and fre- end and take a couple of other day job, but his political career tions. Not in a boat. quently do. presidential hopefuls. He defi- might not end up being that The Montclarion has obtained Not up for vote. To people that hate me, as they nitely has the charisma needed much better. copies of poems written by Ted I would not, could not on any do. for a president, but his ideas Cruz that were submitted to a day. Oh the places I’ll go! There is lack polish and are unpopular poetry competition. He submit- Stop! And get your government fun to be done! outside of his base supporters. ted them under the name “Ted hands away. There are votes to be counted, Will Republicans really be Cruise”, however. When he elections to be won. confident in a candidate that Daniel Falkenheim, a Journalism major, read Green Eggs and Ham during Because I know everyone Power! I’ll be as powerful as so adamantly adores Dr. Se- is in his first year as a columnist for The his speech, we should have seen couldn’t get enough of the first power can be, uss? After all, Dr. Seuss was a Montclarion. Time To Get Our Parking Priorities Straight Who needs parking, when we could have new shiny stuff?

It is absolutely ludicrous to that could be seen from New and getting away scott-free. to hunt for a parking space for A s my provide so much space on cam- York City, so that those who That cannot happen anymore. an hour, making them late for junior year pus to accommodate commut- look in our direction from the Parking in the incorrect class. at Montclair ers when there is really no need Manhattan skyline will know parking space is a threat to stu- That has never been a prob- State Uni- to. When was the last time you that we have Red Hawk pride. dent safety and the natural or- lem here, so I ask, why all the versity is saw CarParc Diem full in the That is what Montclair State der of the university (and the consideration for commuter coming to a middle of the day? When was University really needs, not an- universe.) If we start penalizing students, who make up only a KRISTEN close, I have the last time the Transit shuttle other place for students and fac- those who violate parking with fraction of the student popula- BRYFOGLE come to the actually picked someone up or ulty to park. tickets and booting them once tion? OPINION EDITOR realization dropped someone off at the Lot If we start here, we could they reach a certain amount of Red Hawks, it’s time to focus that I have 60 stop? There is way too much give the parking system an en- violations, then we could have on what really matters at Mont- remained silent on an issue near space than necessary and some- tire overhaul. We could start a safer campus community and clair State University: building to my heart for far too long. As thing must be done to make our charging students more money also use the funds we gather shiny new things and making a residential student who is situation with parking better. to park on campus, since the from those tickets to improve ourselves look nice to incoming clearly qualified to speak about I think that the best option price of a parking pass right something on campus, perhaps freshmen and potential inves- the issue, I feel that I must bring is to knock down CarParc and now is a measly $250 for a com- a project more useful and neces- tors so that we can continue to up one of the biggest issues at put something really useful to muter pass and $300 for an NJ sary to all students and faculty grow our empire. Some stu- this institution which has flown Montclair State University stu- Transit pass. If we upped these than those which just pertain to dents may have to be late for under the radar for far too long: dents and staff in that spot, like prices, we could definitely fund commuters. a few classes if tearing down a parking. a fourth on-campus swimming even more useful and necessary Forget about fixing the pot- parking deck makes finding a Unlike many other universi- pool that is open to all the stu- projects, like paying a team of holes on Clove Road. What we parking space more difficult or ties, at which students complain dents who flock to the Univer- organizers to come up with a really need is a trampoline- may have to skip a few meals about there not being enough sity in the summer. new school slogan and make a room at the Student Rec Center! if their parking ticket fees pile parking to go around, at Mont- Think of how much more bunch of merchandise and sig- Those are the type of projects up, but what’s more important: clair, the issue is that there is useful a pool would be than a nage that says it: “It’s All Here, that really benefit everyone at our education and wellbeing or way too much parking. I mean, parking deck in either of these Except for Parking.” this university. boosting the school’s reputation two entire parking decks, plus locations. Professors could hold Additionally, I have seen The campus community re- on The Princeton Review? another one owned by NJ Tran- their office hours there, talk- way too few police officers at ally needs to stop working so sit on campus for over 13,000 ing about hydrogen bonds and Montclair State giving out tick- hard to make life easier for com- commuters, plus faculty, staff, Chaucer while lounging pool- ets. I have heard of students muters. What’s really at stake if visitors to campus and any of side. Or, if we tear down Red leaving their cars unattended in they can’t find a place to park Kristen Bryfogle, a Classic and English the 5,000 residents who park Hawk Deck, we could make an a parking lot that they were not on campus? It’s not like they’re major, is in her first year as the Opinion their car on campus? even larger bronze statue, one permitted to park in for hours jeopardizing their education Edtior for The Montclarion. themontclarion.org The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 13 ‘Breaking Bad’ Causes Pizza Disrespect Don’t throw your precious pizza on the roof in imitation of Walter White

mous Breaking Bad scene where ply because they live in a home ally hunt down anyone who he on rooftops. Rooftops are un- E veryone Walter White throws a pizza on that was featured on a televi- catches harming the Albuquer- able to enjoy pizza the way it is loves pizza the roof of his home at the ac- sion show. The people who re- que home. meant to be enjoyed. Pizza re- on the house, tual Albuquerque home. side in the Breaking Bad house Not only are Banks and Gil- quires one’s full respect. but that has Nearly five years after that are just everyday people trying ligan clearly upset by people’s Since 2008, Breaking Bad has taken on a episode aired, Gilligan used a to live out their lives. disregard for privacy and prop- taught valuable life skills such whole new Better Call Saul podcast to ad- These people do not mind erty, but they are also upset by as laundering drug money and EMILY ROVNER meaning for dress his frustrations. “There fans visiting and taking pic- people’s blatant disregard for how to deal with people who ASST. OPINION one woman is nothing original or funny or tures. They just ask that their one of the best foods on Earth: are disliked. Even two years af- EDITOR in Albuquer- cool about throwing pizza on property and privacy is respect- pizza. Banks was at loss for ter the show has ended, Break- que, N.M. the roof of this Albuquerque ed when doing so. Gilligan asks words, unable to understand ing Bad is teaching the need to Recently, Breaking Bad cre- residence,” said Gilligan. any fan who witnesses people why one would waste a per- respect privacy, property and ator Vince Gilligan stressed that Obviously, the current situa- disrespecting the Breaking Bad fectly good pizza like that. Gil- pizza. fans follow the golden rule to tion is a tad bit funny, but what house or surrounding neigh- ligan added, “Pizza is too good respect others. That came as an is not funny is trespassing and borhood to speak up. to waste.” Emily Rovner, a Political Science and important reminder when fans disrespecting a person’s private As for the vandals, actor Jon- With pizza being such an Jurisprudence major, is in her first year learned that people had been property. No one deserves to athan Banks, who plays Mike amazing food, it needs to be as the Assistant Opinion Editor for The attempting to recreate the fa- have their rights violated sim- Ehmantraut, vows to person- treated with respect, not thrown Montclarion. Religious Freedom Act Creates Freedom Maintaining the status quo of discrimination: a sacred American value Star Trek alum George Takei Officially, Salesforce CEO gender. I mean, we are less than sive and totally necessary as took to Facebook to sing the Marc Benioff announced on his a month off of members of the something like the Jim Crow A nd they praises of Governor Mike Pence Twitter account that the cloud Oklahoma Sigma Alpha Epsi- laws, but it is the kind of thing say that April for his terrific decision. In his computing company would lon fraternity being caught on we need to show our nation’s Fool’s Day monologue of praise, Takei stat- no longer officiate programs tape singing racist chants on youth that ignorance and in- doesn’t pro- ed the following, “[Mike Pence] that would require customers their fraternity’s bus. It is not tolerance of others is the key to vide us with has made it clear that LGBT or employees to go to Indiana like any of the students got in making our nation grow and some great couples…are now unwelcome due to the fear that they may any trouble for their actions, am prosper in the future. Governor NICHOLAS DA laughs! Well in his state.” face discrimination. The state of I right? With college kids sing- Mike Pence’s decision to legal- SILVA last Thurs- Indeed he has, Uncle George, Indiana is already losing busi- ing racist songs and governors ize this bill is one that will ben- COLUMNIST day, the April indeed he has. Takei is a mem- ness through this new law and using their power to allow store efit everyone, except of course Fool’s Day fes- ber of the LGBT community losing business is always the owners to discriminate against those living in Indiana who tivities started early in Indiana himself, and is currently mar- key to making sure that a state the LGBT community, things want to be in a relationship with when its Governor Mike Pence ried to his husband of over six remains financially prosperous. couldn’t possibly get better for someone of the same sex that decided to sign a new law called years. So for a TV legend like Many businesses run in In- the United States of America if they are. the Religious Freedom Act. Takei who is himself gay to give diana like St. Elmo Steakhouse, people were riding on horses Set to take effect on July, the his stamp of approval on the Corner Wine Bar and Welling- while wearing their bed sheets law would allow businesses in bill has to mean that this was a ton Pub, Taylor’s Bakery and over their heads. Nicholas Da Silva, a Journalism major, the state to turn away LGBT great decision right? Classic Cakes have all stated To be fair, the Religious Free- is in her first year as the Managing customers if their sexuality In addition to Takei, mega that in spite of the new law, all dom Act isn’t quite as progres- Editor for The Montclarion. goes against the beliefs of the pop-star Miley Cyrus took to customers of any sexuality are business owner. The intention Instagram to state her delight welcome to come to their places of the Religious Freedom Act over the law “You’re an a*****e of business. is to protect people’s religious @govpenceIN… the only place What this proves is that the beliefs through discriminating that has more idiots [than] Ins- Religious Freedom Act is so in- against members of the LGBT tagram is in politics.” It makes credible that businesses in In- community because of their sense that Cyrus would re- diana are unwilling to impose own beliefs. I for one think that spond to Governor Pence’s de- it for fear that their businesses this bill will have a significant cision given that he is taking a will be impacted by the law’s effect on the future of Indiana wrecking ball to the rights and bodacious awesomeness. So and it already has given the equality of LGBT citizens in the what’s the purpose of passing overwhelmingly positive reac- state of Indiana. a law that many businesses will tion to it’s signing. But beyond people’s reac- be ignoring anyway? Ever since the bill was passed tions to this wonderful new To send an important mes- on Thursday, many have taken law, we should think about sage to the citizens of our nation to social media to express their how this will impact Indiana, of course — one that will reso- jubilance over the Religious and many other states. Through nate for years to come through Freedom Act. In fact, the bill’s the passing of the Religious the passing of this law. passing was almost immediate- Freedom Act, certain business- Our nation’s children need to For more information, contact ly met with a nationwide trend es will want nothing to do with know that discrimination in this on Twitter with people posting Indiana because of fear that the country is still legal and that it is [email protected] #BoycottIndiana in their Tweets owners of local stores will turn okay to mistreat others because of joy over the new law. away LGBT customers. of their sexuality or race or even

In response to “The Defamation top grade laurels?’ That’s from lett Johansson, Daniel Radcliffe, “Nice post. I was checking of Grover Furr” by Jack Smith IV, Kingsley Amis.” Alison Brie, Eva Green, Emmy continuously this weblog and ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ published on Dec. 13, 2012 Andy Golub Rossum, Jennifer Connelly, Eric I am impressed! Very useful We at The Mont- Dane, Jeremy Jordan, Joel Kin- info specifically the last part clarion created “The “It’s genuinely very compli- naman. :) I maintain such information cated in this active life to listen In response to “James Franco Stars “Actors with Jewish fathers much. I used to be looking for Voices in Our Webs” news on TV, so I simply use the in ‘Howl’” by Mark Gould, pub- and non-Jewish mothers, who this certain info for a long time. in an effort to pro- web for that purpose, and ob- lished on Sept. 29, 2010 themselves were either raised Thank you and good luck.” vide an open forum tain the most recent news.” as Jews and/or identify as for the unheard “For future reference: Jews: Andrew Garfield, Ezra Computer Laptop Shopping Jennifer “Actors of fully Jewish back- Miller, Gwyneth Paltrow, Al- voices of our com- ground: Logan Lerman, Nata- exa Davalos, Nat Wolff, James munity. All comments lie Portman, Joseph Gordon- Maslow, Josh Bowman, Ben In response to “Title Fight Saves are edited for gram- In response to “Robert Ragosta and Levitt, Mila Kunis, Bar Refaeli, Foster, Nikki Reed, Zac Efron, Bellator 106” written by Andrew Travis McGee of Patent Pending James Wolk, Julian Morris, Esti Jonathan Keltz. Guadagnino, published on Nov. 6, mar and spelling. It is Talk to Young Fans” by 050f69s- Ginzburg, Kat Dennings, Erin “Actors with one Jewish- 2013 at The Montclarion’s v0n, published on Dec. 2, 2011 Heatherton, Odeya Rush, An- born parent and one parent who discretion to abstain ton Yelchin, Paul Rudd, Scott converted to Judaism: Dianna “Hello! I’m at work browsing “Here’s a quote about John Mechlowicz, Lizzy Caplan, Em- Agron, Sara Paxton (whose fa- your blog from my new iPhone! from printing any D. Macdonald that I often see manuelle Chriqui, Gal Gadot, ther converted, not her mother), Just wanted to say I love read- comments deemed bouncing around the web (I Robert Kazinsky, Melanie Alicia Silverstone, Jamie-Lynn ing through your blog and look offensive to staff, hesitate to quote from Wiki- Laurent, Marla Sokoloff, Shiri Sigler.” forward to all your posts! Carry students or persons peida, which we all know is Appleby, Justin Bartha, Adam on the great work!” generally stuff we can wipe our Brody, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Dee in particular. asses with, but this seems legit). Gabriel Macht, Halston Sage, Scaffolding Northeast ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ‘Macdonald is by any standards Seth Gabel and Alden Ehren- XOXO The Montclar- a better writer than Saul Bellow, reich. In response to “It’s Oscar Time only Macdonald writes thrillers “Actors with Jewish mothers Again Educated Predictions” by ion staff <3 and Bellow is a human heart and non-Jewish fathers: Jake Ken Macri, published on Jan. 24, chap, so guess who wears the Gyllenhaal, Dave Franco, Scar- 2013 Concerning Editorials and Columns Main editorials appear on the first page of the Opinion section. They are unsigned articles that represent the opinion of the editorial board on a particular issue. Columns are written by individuals and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of The Montclarion staff. PAGE 14 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion Entertainment themontclarion.org Deities in Oscars Apologize Diapers Vol.1 for Award Blue Ivy Carter and North West

Drop Summer Mixtape Mix-upAwije Bahrami Theadora Lecour Entertainment Editor Entertainment Editor Photos courtesy of wikipedia.org Photos courtesy of wikipedia.org

Blue Ivy Carter, left and North West, right, responding to press. Michael Keaton, left and Richard Linklater, right, responding to press. Babies Blue Ivy and North West According to the pre-released have officially announced the release track-list, Carrie Underwood’s son date of their first collaborative mix- Isaiah Michael Fisher is also featured The Academy of Motion Pic- knew something was wrong,” said tape, Deities in Diapers Vol 1. On July 4, on the country single, Country Babes. If ture Arts and Sciences has issued a Franzis Kafka. “We worked on this no one will remember when Kim Kar- there is one thing we know about this press release stating that the Acad- movie for 13 years. I fully expected dashian broke the internet. The project collaboration, it’s that it is going to be emy has denied Birdman: or (The Un- us to get recognition for bringing is especially impressive considering hard. expected Virtue of Ignorance) the Oscar something as new, innovative and the mix tape is due to be released only Beyonce, Jay-Z, Kanye West and for Best Picture. fresh as Boyhood.” months after the artists’ actual birth Kim Kardashian have stated that they The press release further Johannes Gothe, a board dates. According to producer Timba- are not helping the babies with their said that there was a problem with member of the Academy, said that land, three-year-old Blue Ivy could project in any way shape or form. the Academy’s computer system the Academy didn’t realize that be considered the commander of the West told an inside source that North and that it miscalculated the votes. something was wrong when Birdman project while twenty-one-month-old and Blue joined forces on their play- As a result the wrong name was was announced on the night of Feb. North West could be considered the dates. North slipped to her LA Jam- printed on the envelope. It has been 22. “As juries started talking to each “creative visionary.” Babies at home boree class last week that “This will confirmed that the vast majority of other in the following weeks and are sure to be listening because this is be the most historical event in music the jury has voted for Boyhood for the months, they realized that the major- exactly what the future sounds like. history for this generation of all living Best Picture award. ity of them voted for Boyhood. So we The mixtape features several hot people on Earth everywhere.” A spokesperson for the decided to do another vote on who up-and-coming infants. Ciara’s nine- For hip-hop fans Deities in Diapers Academy said that this has never should officially get the Best Picture month-old, Future Zahir Wilburn Vol.1 is obviously a must-listen. Up- happened in the history of the award Award,” said Gothe. He expressed and Kelly Rowland’s four-month-old, dates on the development of the proj- show. The producers of Birdman have his sincerest apologies to everyone Titan Jewell Witherspoon, debut the ect will be forced down everyone’s declined to comment. A producer of who was involved in the production bars they have been working on every throat regardless of interest. Boyhood told The Montclarion that he of Birdman. “We will make sure that day from morning nap to evening nap had a queasy feeling when Birdman such unlucky events will not happen in club banger, Teething is a B****. was announced for Best Picture. “I again.” JUMPSTART YOUR CAREER!

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APPLY NOW! mpa.jjconline.net/jumpstart themontclarion.org The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 15 Air Bud Parental discretion advised Zachary Case Assistant Copy Editor

Air Bud (release date un- mother, even the poor daughter. The known, assumed to be 2015) is one of father wakes up in the middle of his the most baffling movies of the 21st wife’s dismemberment in utter shock century. I found a VHS tape of it at and alarm, spurring Buddy to say, Photo Courtesies of Wikipedia.org a yard sale hosted by a mysterious “I’m saving the best for last” and then hooded man. The title of the movie breath fire onto the patriarch. The fi- was written in red sharpie on the tape, nal shot of the film is of Buddy fac- although the lettering had an odd ing the camera with blood streaming copper-like smell to it, almost like... from his eyes as the father’s agonizing Hannah Montana the smell of blood. screams continue into the fadeout. In the opening of the film, a I’m conflicted about Air Bud. family purchases a golden retriever On one hand, it is completely unsuit- Reunion Tour christened “Buddy” from a puppy mill able to be watched by the whole fam- built on an Indian burial ground. The ily despite its relatively charming and odd human-like groaning sounds the clean first half; on the other hand, it Samantha King dog makes alarms the family, but they is one of the most compelling and re- Assistant Entertainment Editor are still charmed by his silky-smooth alistic horror films in recent memory. coat and his winning personality. The I get the feeling that I may have not next day, Buddy demonstrates a mi- even seen Air Bud, as I peeled the la- In 2010 Miley Cyrus released In addition to the official raculous proclivity toward the sport bel off the tape and discovered “Air her third album Can’t Be Tamed. statement, Miley posted a picture of of basketball, so the family decides to Blood” written underneath it. Overall, Since then, she has confirmed that the legendary long-lost blonde wig exploit his skills for the sake of earn- I give this film one thumb up and one statement to be very true. Miley’s to her Twitter account with the cap- ing Nike endorsement money. thumb to the side. bad-girl hippie persona started with tion, “I GOT NERVE.” The special effects in this her pixie cut and has been sustained The tour is currently set for this movie were inconsistent. The scenes with her public sexual behavior and summer, with ticket sales beginning of Buddy playing basketball did not consumption in marijuana culture. on April 15. effectively produce the illusion of a Miley officially took off Opening the tour will be dog performing slam dunks, as it was her blonde wig in 2011 and waved Disney artists Zendaya, R5 and quite clear he was levitated into the goodbye to the other side of her, Zayn Malik. This will be Zayn’s air via strings. The blood, on the other Hannah Montana—until now. first tour since his departure from hand, was so eerily convincing that I On April 1, a statement was One Direction in March 2015. Miley can only describe it as “hyper-realis- released by Miley’s publicist official- looks forward to working with past tic.” ly announcing a Hannah Montana colleagues under the Disney name. Speaking of blood, I was ut- reunion tour. Miley had originally Accompanying Miley on terly flabbergasted by the dark turn stated that if she ever did a Hannah the entire tour will be her mother this family movie took. After be- Montana reunion tour, she would Tish, younger sister Noah and older ing forced to practice for six hours do so in her current edgy persona; brother Trace. Miley’s close rela- straight by the cruel and avaricious however, after signing the tour un- tionship with her family will serve father, Buddy whispers, “That’s the der a contract with Disney, it is of- as her support on tour as she leaves last straw” toward the screen. When ficial that her 2008 wardrobe will be behind a lifestyle of sex, drugs and his family is asleep, the dog runs up making a full return. racy Instagram photos. the stairs with a knife in his mouth and starts butchering the family mem- bers one by one - the teenage son, the Photo courtesy of Wikipedia.org

Students enjoying Ramapo College’s beautiful 300-acre campus.

Ranked by U.S. News & World Report as one of the Best Regional Universities Use your summer North category for to get a jump on fall. public institutions

Summer is not only a great time to go to the beach and hang out with friends, but it is also is a great way to get some of your required courses and pre-reqs Featured in the Princeton Review’s completed – giving you flexibility – and a head-start for your fall schedule. “Best in the Northeast” Ramapo College’s Summer Session offers undergraduate courses across all disciplines, both on campus and online. Courses are available to visiting students from other colleges and universities*.

Registration is currently open to visiting students. Listed by Kiplinger’s as one of 100 Best Values Explore course offerings at: www.ramapo.edu/summer1 in Public Colleges

Explore summer course offerings at: As a College of Distinction, www.ramapo.edu/summer1 Ramapo attracts and supports engaged *It is your responsibility to check with your home institution’s credit 505 Ramapo Valley Road, Mahwah, NJ students, great teaching, transfer policies and requirements to determine eligibility of courses a vibrant community and and the acceptable transfer of credits. successful outcomes PAGE 16 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org

Department of Theatre and Dance Danceworks Inspiration!

A Choreographic Offering Running Spirits Rite (excerpt) by José Limón (1964) by Fredrick Earl Mosley (2005) by Nancy Lushington (2015)

Continuo Megalopolis A Note for the Dancer by Antony Tudor (1971) by Larry Keigwin (2009) by Kathleen Kelley (2015) Symbolic Logic Exist in the Repeat of Practice by Séan Curran (1999) (excerpt) by Christian Von Howard (2014)

$ All Seats 15 April 9 @7:30 | April 10 @7:30 April 11@2:00 and 8:00 | April 12 @2:00 No charge for undergraduates with valid MSU ID at Kasser Box Office Alexander Kasser Theater 973-655-5112 | peakperfs.org Convenient parking in the Red Hawk Deck Photo provided by Montclair State University/Mike Peters themontclarion.org Sports The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 17 ‘The Montclarion’ Round Up

Opinion Entertainment Everyone has an The year’s Enter- opinion! Voice your opin- tainment section has fea- ion! Led by the dynamic tured a two-headed mon- Kristen Bryfogle, you can ster at the top. Whether write editorials about any- it’s a Rapid Fire Review, thing you want! Politics, the weekly playlist or a sports, entertainment, pop beautifully-written DespiteArrow their 2-1 loss to culture; it can all be yours review (there areD.C. two United in on Nov. 8, the just for the low word count existence, I suggestNew York you Red Bulls have ad- of 500 words. That’s right: find those), vancedyou canto the find Eastern Confer- 500 words! all things entertainment.ence Finals. Midfielder Péguy Luy- indula netted the only Red Bulls’ goal. Luyindula, who scored once in the Red Bulls’ 2-0 win against D.C. United in the first leg of the conference semifinals, sent his side to the News Featureconference finals on a 3-2 goal aggregate. The most boring Paddy Gonzalez Inside the six-yard box, Luyindula slottedWomens a cross from section, right? Wrong! holds down the fort in The news section contains captain ThierryLacrosse Henry into the the feature section.bottom Every right- corner of United’s some of the hardest hitting thing to satisfy goalyour in fashthe 57th- minute. stories in Montclair State ion, nutrition and fitness D.C. United’s first goal history and is led by Jayna desires can be foundcame latehere in the first half when midfielder Nick Deleon Gugliucci. You want arti- every single week. cles about the Red Hawk headed a cross from Taylor statue, the mysterious red barns around campus or a well-written snowstorm article? News has you covered.

BECOME A SP OR

TWRITERS

Room 113 Student Center Annex in Upper Montclair, NJ 07043 Phone 973.655.5230 Fax 973.655.7804 E-mail [email protected] PAGE 18 • April 1, 2015 • The Montclarion themontclarion.org Who’s Hot This Week Thomas Formoso Current Stats The Greatest FIFA Player You Know

Does he need any introduction? He is - FIFA 15 Record: 115-0-0 perfect in every sense. It could be play- - Skill Moves: Not Countable ing sports in person or playing sports video games and he could beat you. - Was a ball of rage during Photo courtesy of Twitter italy vs. uruguay last summer

0 Italy National Team Football, Calcio, Soccer, Futbol, etc. Current Stats

They will always be the greatest, no - 4 World Cup Titles matter what Entertainment Co-Editor Awije Bahrami (Germany fan) will - Victims of a Bite say to you. - Victims of Bad Reffing

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia - Still Have Gigi Buffon - Will beat Spain Eventually

Upcoming Events

AC Milan vs. Palermo Chelsea vs. Stoke City One will continue to underachieve while the oth- See: UEFA Champions League Round of 16 er will help the underachieving team Chelsea vs. PSG Leg 2 underachieve.

Mets vs. Cardinals Devils vs. Montreal Canadiens Lol, Spring Training The Devils will continue to play old, useless veterans instead of promising prospects.

The Montclarion Study Abroad & SPORTS Financial Aid

Did you know that you can use your financial aid to pay for some study WANT abroad programs? TO BE A SPORTS

To find out more about how you can apply your financial WRITER? aid to study abroad, visit: Cover all the touchdowns, http://www.montclair.edu/global-education/study-abroad/ goals, and everything in between. or come to an information session: Every Wednesday at 2:30 pm in Stone Hall, Room 215. Contact [email protected] for more information. themontclarion.org The Montclarion • April 1, 2015 • PAGE 19 Making the Geese Useful Students come up with new solution to the campus-wide geese problem

All of our problems have been solved. Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Kristen Bryfogle With a similar body be stored and cared for by Stu- with Zumba, TRX and mini- believes that using the geese Opinion Editor structure to flamingoes, geese dent Recreation Center employ- bands as the newest trends in as a means of physical activity make a comparable alterna- ees. The croquet team is still fitness. Montclair State plans to will clearly improve the quality Montclair State University tive to flamingoes, which are trying to plan the most effective add goose croquet as a Physical of life for students, but for the has a problem with geese and much too expensive and rare way to attract the geese, but us- Education requirement, and the geese as well. after many temporary fixes to import to campus. Instead, ing Lombardi Sauce as bait is Rec Center plans to make the As the goose croquet brought by the work of the students are planning to take definitely a forerunner. activity its first Group X activ- team becomes a reality, The “Geese Police,” students have advantage of their natural bird Once the geese are ity that happens outside of the Montclarion will begin to cover joined together to come up with population on campus. As we caught and contained, students walls of its facility. all related activities extensively, a solution that keeps campus speak, the Croquet club sports plan to set up a croquet course Not much research has with daily updates on the news- free of the avian pests and pro- team is drawing up a proposal in the Student Center quad, the been conducted on the effects paper’s website and hourly up- motes health at the same time: that will outline the conditions current favorite hang-out of of goose croquet on the actual dates on the publication’s Twit- croquet. needed to play croquet with geese on campus. Soon, their geese themselves, but we can ter. Representatives from the Everyone has heard of geese and how exactly the team “presents” will be replaced with only assume that they love be- team assure hesitant students playing croquet with flamin- plans to capture and provide merits of a different kind, as the ing put to good use for once, that the change in goose-use on goes after the notion became for them so that they can make geese will provide students an instead of stalking around cam- campus will be a honking good famous in Alice in Wonderland. the best mallets possible. outlet to get fit and compete in pus, hissing at students, honk- time. Naturally, students brain- Rumor has it that the croquet tournaments. ing and leaving their droppings stormed a similar enterprise as red sheds that have risen up Croquet has been everywhere that meets the eye. a method to control the geese around campus are actually proven as one of the most ef- The leader in the initiative to population across campus. goose barns, where geese will fective workouts, competing make goose croquet a reality

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Apply Today: business.rutgers.edu/pamba The Montclarion Sports [email protected] Thursday, April 1, 2015 themontclarion.org The following is an April Fool’s Day edition of The Montclarion. All of the articles in the paper, though relating to real people or events, are not factual.

Awards

Bite of the Year Dive of the Year Headbutt of the Flying Knee of the Year Year The 2014 World Cup When The Nether- saw the return of lands and Mexico Germany and Portu- Mario Balotelli, a Luis Suarez, the can- met in the knock- gal met in the group striker for Italy, had nibal. Suarez chan- out rounds, Arjen stage of the 2014 a momentary lapse of neled his inner Ju- Robben did what FIFA World Cup. reason. Going in for a rassic Park against he does best and Pepe, a historical- header to win the ball, Italy in their group blantantly dove to ly dirty player for Balotelli went in high stage contest. Gior- force a penalty kick. Portugal, had an- and hit the defender in gio Chiellini nearly the late goal ended other mental lapse the head with his knee. had a chunk of his mexico’s World Cup and decided to touch Remarkably, Balotelli shoulder removed, campaign after Rob- heads with Germa- only received a yellow as the referee didn’t ben looked like he ny’s Thomas Mueller card for the infringe- even see the infrac- got thrown to the and they immediately ment. tion. a minute later, ground when his got into a shouting uruguay scored and toe was stepped on. match. the ref im- later won the game. mediately came over and handed Pepe the straight red card.

Expanding into the Virtual Reality

Monika Bujas vision I gamer team,” said Cole. Managing Editor If that’s the case, MSU may have to extend their athletics The NCAA made an an- program and build an entire nouncement earlier today that new building to house our gam- their chair committee has been ing league and extend the same discussing an expansion into benefits to its athletes. There a different sort of competitive have been small discussions field. After pulling up YouTube about adding an extension to videos of Mew2King, Momochi, Panzer, building new trophy SonicFox, Con Le and OpTic cases and giving gamers the BigTymeR, the NCAA board privilege to use the Academic has come to appreciate the skill, Center for Excellence in Panzer. strength, practice and stamina If all goes well, the that goes into becoming a pro- NCAA will consider negotiat- fessional gamer. The NCAA is ing with Twitch.tv to have ex- still debating about how to go clusive rights to broadcast the about creating a gaming league, tournaments on their site as exploring their options in divid- well the official NCAA website. ing up the leagues. The NCAA is also considering They stated, “That to ‘git gud’ “Will we restrict the video scorers in games like Tetris and and host mock competitions for revising their name to the Na- at video games and card games games portion of our tourna- the original Donkey Kong. At Montclair State gamers. tional Collegiate Athletics And requires a lot of sportsmanship ments to Super Smash Bros., Call this point we just don’t know.” “I know we have a lot of gam- Gaming Association, or the and training. These athletes de- of Duty, Battlefield, Street Fighter What we do know is that the ers on thi s campus. I believe NCAAGA for short. serve attention for their devo- and Pokémon online? Do we NCAA has extended offers to M.U.G. is still one of the biggest tion to their trade and should be only limit our card games to the Division III sports schools to organizations on campus and receiving funding from univer- Pokémon Card Game, Yu-Gi- test out some of their tourna- I’m sure the gaming communi- sities and us alike. We just need Oh and Magic the Gathering? ment ideas and see if this could ty on this campus goes beyond to build brackets and decide We’ve even discussed an arcade launch on a national level. Su- their members. We might not what games we’d like to host in style tournament where every- san Cole has received the bid have Division I sports teams, our competition.” one tries to outscore the top and is very excited to setup but maybe we can become a Di-

Inside Sports p. 17 p. 18 p. 19

‘The Montclarion’ Round Up Who’s Hot Solving the Geese Problem