Nurse and Soldier: Two Diaries of Civil War Women
An Honors Thesis
by
Megan A. Kreiser
Submitted in Partial Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Honors Program The Penn State University at Harrisburg
May 2012
Author’s Signature: ______Date: ______(Megan A. Kreiser)
First Reader: ______Date: ______(Professor Jennifer Hirt)
Second Reader: ______Date: ______(Professor Margaret Rose Jaster)
Honors Director: ______Date: ______(Dr. Oranee Tawatnuntachai)
I grant The Pennsylvania State University the non-exclusive right to use this work for the University’s own purposes and to make single copies of the work available to the public on a not-for-profit basis if copies are not otherwise available.
Megan A. Kreiser
iii
Abstract
Nurse and Soldier: Two Diaries of Civil War Women Megan A. Kreiser The Honors Program Penn State University at Harrisburg
History often focuses on the battles, the politics, and the men of the American
Civil War, but rarely do we hear about the women who risked their lives fighting on the battlefields and repairing the wounded soldiers. Nurse and Soldier: Two Diaries of Civil
War Women is a historical fiction novella shedding light on a subject that is often overlooked. Two composite characters, one a female who dresses as a male soldier to conceal her identity and fights for the Union, the other a nurse who volunteers in a Union hospital, are based on real women, facts found in soldiers’ and nurses’ diaries, their letters home, and various books providing research and Civil War facts. Through primary and secondary sources combined with artistic licensure, readers will have an understanding of what life was like for a female hiding among males in a military camp and the compassion a nurse had for her wounded patients. Each section of the diaries contains accurate historical information pertaining to the war such as battles, medical information, and the names of regimental army captains. The diaries will alternate providing readers with an inside view of each female’s inner struggles with life during the American Civil War. iv
Table of Contents Acknowledgements ...... v
Introduction ...... 1
Annie: Part One June through September 1862 ...... 7
June ...... 8 July ...... 9 August ...... 19 September ...... 31
Maggie: Part One July through October 1862 ...... 38 July ...... 40 August ...... 45 September ...... 49 October ...... 54
Annie: Part Two May through July 1863 ...... 55 May ...... 58 June ...... 62 July ...... 68
Maggie: Part Two May through July 1863 ...... 73 May ...... 74 June ...... 77 July ...... 81
Epilogue ...... 84
References ...... 87
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Acknowledgements
First and foremost, I would like to thank my first reader Professor Jennifer Hirt for all of her feedback, draft edits, and answer of questions. I could not have asked for a more supportive first reader to bounce ideas off of and get creative inspirations from. Her guidance and knowledge of creative writing was an inspiration for this thesis. Thank you to my second reader Dr. Margaret Rose Jaster for your input, feedback, and being my support beam ever since I walked into Penn State Harrisburg. I would also like to thank
Dr. John Haddad and Dr. Richard Young for their guidance and constructive criticism throughout the research and writing process.
I want to thank my family and fiancé for supporting me through the hours of research and writing. Without their love and encouragement, this thesis would not be half of what is today.
Last but certainly not least, I would like to thank Dr. Oranee Tawatnuntachai, the
Director of the Honors Program for giving me the opportunity to write my thesis and to do so in such a creative manor. Your support as you patiently guided me through the process of writing a thesis, answering all of my questions, and allowing me to be creative and write a novella allowed me to succeed as a student. Thank you for pushing me to do my best when I didn’t think I could.
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Introduction
When Abraham Lincoln won the election of 1860, tensions were already stirring and rumors of the south seceding were in place. Soon after the announcement of the
Republican winning office, legislatures from the slave states convened to elect delegates that would meet at conventions to discuss secession. Unionists still living in the south tried to slow down the elections and conventions, but failed when seven Deep South slave states declared themselves as sovereign nations on February 1, 1861. Lame duck
President James Buchanan did nothing to stop the secession. A few days after their declaration, delegates from the seven seceded states met in Montgomery, Alabama to create and declare themselves the Confederate States of America and drafted the
Confederate Constitution within four days. During Abraham Lincoln’s inaugural address on March 4th he declared secession as the “essence of anarchy” and vowed that the Union was unbreakable.
But the Republican administration was soon faced with two real crises in southern forts, Fort Pickens in Pensacola, Florida and Fort Sumter in Charleston, South Carolina, as they were low on food and water and needed to be resupplied, reinforced or abandoned within weeks. Even though President Lincoln knew violence would arise he chose to resupply both forts, a choice that was soon met with Southern hesitation to Union troops occupying their land. All eyes turned to Fort Sumter in mid April when Confederate forces asked the Union troops at Sumter to surrender, to which Major Robert Anderson refused. Around 4:30 a.m. on April 12, 1861, Confederate General Beauregard’s troops opened fire on the fort. The next day Union forces surrendered after being under constant bombardment for almost two days straight. The same day they surrendered, Union relief 2 ships arrived to escort the troops away; not a single life was lost during the ordeal.
Two days after Sumter’s surrender Lincoln called for seventy-five thousand volunteers to suppress the upheaval in the seceded states. Not long after Lincoln’s request, Virginia and the rest of the Upper South, including Tennessee, Arkansas, and
North Carolina, seceded and joined the Confederate State. This forced Lincoln to focus on keeping Delaware, Maryland, Kentucky, and Missouri from seceding, especially since they all had beneficial resources. All together they had several hundred thousand fighting-aged men to serve in the military, rich agricultural areas with livestock, horses, and draft animals, mining areas, along with urban manufacturing and shipping centers in cities such as Baltimore, St. Louis, and Louisville.
Lucky for the Union and Lincoln’s sake, Delaware was predominantly Unionist and was mostly controlled by the power family the DuPont’s who did not allow the state to consider secession. Maryland was divided with secessionists in Baltimore and areas near Virginia but the opposition was met with Federal troops, ordered to occupy such areas under Lincoln’s command. Governor Thomas Hicks and his legislature were predominantly Unionists, though, and their efforts, combined with the occupation
Lincoln ordered kept Maryland loyal to the Union guaranteeing that Washington, D.C. would not be surrounded by rebel states.
Kentucky was a bit of a different story as their governor declared that they would stay neutral during the war until one of the sides stepped onto their land, in which case they would automatically chose to support the other side. In September of 1861,
Confederate forces occupied the city of Columbus granting immediate entrance of
Kentucky as a Union state. Missouri was on the fence about which side to be loyal to due 3 to Governor Claiborne Jackson, but eventually Unionists were able secure the state after exiling the governor.
Even though Lincoln secured four more states from secession, he still had the task of actually fighting a war, such as raising enough troops, formulating strategies, and inspiring the citizens of the Union. The first few months of fighting were chaotic due to the inexperienced men serving as military officials leading more inexperienced men in the corps. The inexperienced troops of both the north and south soon met for the first battle of the war in Manassas, Virginia for the First Battle of Bull Run where both sides made decisions that resonated for the first two years of war.
The Union had a great strategy going into battle in the summer of 1861 in the lush woods of northern Virginia that required timing and coordination, something that the novice military men could not master. This was the faulty trait of the Union forces for the first year and a half of the war. With their lack of coordination, the Union lost the First
Battle of Bull Run. Nearly nine-hundred men were killed at battle, where another 2,600 suffered from wounds. The amount of death, blood, and wounds shocked America, forcing the citizens of both the Union and Confederacy that the war would not be short or pleasant like once thought. No one traveled to another battle with picnic baskets and blankets to watch the battle as they had for the First Battle of Bull Run.
Things for the Union began to look promising when Lincoln appointed George
Brinton McClellan as the new general of the Army of the Potomac in July of 1861.
General McClellan had the perseverance and training to ensure that his troops would be prepared for the next time he went into battle; he took the time to train the men on fighting techniques, instilled discipline, and tried to raise the morale among his forces. 4
McClellan’s Army of the Potomac became powerful and fought many of the great battles, such as Antietam and Gettysburg.
Another vital aspect of the Union was the progress that Ulysses S. Grant made in the Western states in early 1862. In February, Grant and his troops defeated the
Confederates and took over Nashville; it was the first Confederate capital to be taken by the Union. But Grant was not done, as he soon traveled to Mississippi where he met
Confederate forces in April near a small church town called Shiloh. With Grant’s troops outnumbering the Southern troops led by General Beauregard, the North won the battle by forcing the Confederates off the battlefield. More than 3,500 men were killed at
Shiloh, with another 16,500 wounded; it was the deadliest battle in American history thus far, although history would prove to repeat itself in deadly ways later in 1862.
May through July of 1862 was a bloody time for General George McClellan’s troops and the Southern forces led by Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson and Robert E. Lee.
Skirmishes around Richmond, Virginia for the months of May and June lead to the Seven
Days Battles in late June early July. From June 25th to July 1st, Confederate Commander
Lee led attacks against McClellan’s forces, resulting in major losses of life for both sides:
20,000 Confederate troops; 16,000 Union soldiers. McClellan may have had more troops and better training, but Lee was willing to take risks and did not hold back forcing the
Union forces to evacuate the Richmond area, allowing the Confederates to claim victory.
Lee’s tactful, unnerving fighting style remained for the last three years of war and in many bloody battles.
Where most history books and historians tend to focus are on the battles and acts that I have aforementioned. By focusing on just the battles fought and the lives of men 5 lost, society completely overlooks the strong, brave women that secretly fought alongside the men and those that repaired the soldiers in hospitals. The purpose of combining two diaries, one of a female soldier who dresses as a man and fought for the Union, and one of a female nurse, who was stationed in a Union hospital, is to shed light on a part of history that has been left out of history books and off the shelves of libraries. Each female character is based off of real women who fought as men or worked in a hospital and provides a summary of what they were like and the things they had to deal with, such as the female soldier concealing her identity while changing clothes and the nurse comforting wounded men who came right off the battlefield.
Annie Lewis is a fictional character whose background and war-story are compilations of accounts by various men and women soldiers who wrote letters and kept diaries during the war, and those that told their stories after the war. Annie is only eighteen years old when she joins the fight to preserve the Union, signing on for three years. Annie’s journey with the Pennsylvania 138th Regiment, Company G out of Adams
County are for the most part accurate to records, yet most of her day to day activities are fictionalized to create a story that encompasses various lives and aspects of the war.
Margot, or Maggie, Hawkins is a sweet, young nineteen year old girl who aspires to be a nurse in a Union Convalescent volunteer hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. She is a fictional character whose entries involve stories and recounts from various nurses throughout the war. Her daily activities are fictionalized, but are based off of various true battles that would bring soldiers into the hospital and diseases that were running rampant through the military’s camps. Maggie is originally from Boston, Massachusetts where her father is a doctor and her mother is a nurse in his office, where she also spends time 6 helping with paperwork and bandaging patients. Her mother enlists to help in Union hospitals in the south, and Maggie decides to enlist with her.
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Annie: Part One
June through September 1862
By June of 1862, the war has been going on for at least fourteen months. Fort
Sumter was captured in April, 1861 and the First Battle of Bull Run was almost a year ago, July 21, 1861. Early in 1862, New Orleans was captured and the Battle of Shiloh in
April took a high number of casualties. From May through June there were battles around
Richmond, VA, raising the tension for those near the capitol, Washington, D.C. By July of 1862, President Lincoln asked Union governors to recruit 300,000 more volunteers. It is during this time that Annie is able to join the 138th Regiment of Pennsylvania,
Company G, based out of Adams County without being detected as a female because the rush of recruits and the need for reinforcements leads to less rigorous physical examinations for incoming soldiers.
The first entries by Annie give insight to her reasons for joining the war as a soldier, as well as provide background into her family life. This section of entries starts as she is contemplating the reason for joining the war and ends with her company’s involvement in securing the trains that are carrying supplies and ammunition from Union camps in the north to those in the South, then trains with mail and messages back to the capitol and other areas in the north.
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June 13, Friday
Love is the rumored reason that most women joined the war as soldiers. They didn’t want to leave their loved one’s side, whether it was their husband, fiancé, father, brother, or even just a man they fancied. It is such an absurd idea to risk your own life just for love. They should be fighting for freedom, for our country and to help preserve the Union, not on frivolous things such as love. But perhaps that is just me being naïve and unaccustomed to love and what it means, as staying on the farm has kept me away from making friends with men in such a way to fall in love.
I often talk with Mother, Father, and little Michael about wanting to join the fight for our country. It just seems wrong that every other family is sacrificing a brother or son for our country and our family sits idly by. I guess it helps that our horse farm is the one the cavalry men chose to buy their horses from before going into battle. What a shame is it that it is not enough for men to want to sacrifice their lives but they must go and buy a horse with their money, or use their own horse. Out of our twenty horses we have sold all but four. I have refused to let Father sell my favorite white and brown spotted mare who I call Symphony. She is always so calm with little Michael and me and has allowed us to ride her from very young ages unlike the other horses. I could not bear to have her sold.
Mother is completely against me joining the fight. Dressing as a male is beyond reprehensible in her mind. She tells me over and over that they didn’t have Miss Hill give me an education for me to risk my life on a battlefield. I do not understand how such a religious woman could not want me standing up for something I believe is so right for me to do. Father’s hip makes him too crippled to be able to fight; no captain will want him in their company. Little Michael is too young at the age of thirteen to pick up a gun and 9 fight, so that leaves me to represent the Lewis household. For me it is not enough to sit and pray for the safety of our neighbors, our brave men. I must stand next to them and fight with them. Oh it is going to take much persuasion to convince Mother that this is the right thing for me to do.
July 7, Monday
Tonight is when I plan to sneak away and head towards the recruitment area of
North Adams County. It is only a thirty minute walk from our horse farm. I contemplated taking a horse and joining the Calvary, but I have heard that they are much more strict when it comes to physical examinations. The recruitment demand made by President
Lincoln should speed up the process for the infantry, which I have heard is less strict anyway. Father does not know that I have already packed up much of his old clothes that mother has set aside to make Michael’s clothing. I plan on cutting my hair a few miles from home so that Mother will not find my long brown locks on our property. She is so against me fighting. Father expressed his discontent last night. He wishes our family could do more for the war, but he does not want me risking my life next to men, wasting my education. I could be more than a soldier, both Mother and Father keep saying to me.
I think they are scared to lose their first born after losing three kids in infancy before
Michael. They see life as something precious, and they don’t want to lose another child.
I understand this but I must do what feels right, and fighting for our country is what I feel
I need to do.
I hope that our neighbors or men who have bought horses won’t recognize me once I make it to the recruitment center. Fitting in with the other young boys ready to 10 fight shouldn’t be too much of a struggle. I have a medium build and boyish mannerisms, such as being able to lift more than my own weight, walking as though I have always worn pants instead of a dress, and I can ride a horse like a man. Those skills from my farm-life should disguise my girlish ways of polite mannerisms, speaking softly, and sitting nicely in my dresses and skirts. Here’s to hoping I can pass as man.
July 9, Wednesday
It is safe to say that, for now, I can pass as a male just fine. Yesterday was rather busy as I made it to the recruitment center in York Springs in the early morning hours and had to wait until it opened. By the time they opened at least sixty other young men were with me waiting to go through physical examinations and provide our names for the records. I have decided to go as Andrew Lewis, a name that is similar to mine so my parents might be able to locate me if something were to happen. I pray to God I stay safe for my three year enlistment.
Physical examinations were nothing of a serious nature, thank goodness for my sake. How heartbroken would I be if I came all this way to just be sent home for being a woman? We took off our shoes to show that our feet were capable of walking long distances, we held out our hands to show they could rip open minie-ball cartridges with a capable trigger finger. I passed both easily and no one said anything about having
“girlish” hands or feet. Working with the horses for so long has roughed them up enough,
I suppose. Thankfully, we didn’t have to prove that we could rip open a minie-ball cartridge because I am not quite sure I could do that yet.
They passed out our gear. I am worried about being able to carry fifty pounds: 11 gun, bayonet, ammunition, a canteen, clothing, toiletries, a blanket, a mending kit, along with a mess kit that includes a pot to be used as a bowl, a knife and fork, and little tin cup. Being handed the gun I will use to shoot at other men was nerve wracking, and I am worried about hitting our targets and enemies. I guess drill will prepare me to shoot accurately. I must get ready to sleep soon as drill will be early, possibly before the sun has had a chance to rise completely. Sleeping next to so many men will take some getting used to, as our sleeping quarters are rather cramped leaving only a few inches between me and another soldier. It’s strange not having my own bed, but it is something I will get accustomed to once I’ve been in camp longer.
July 12, Saturday
The past few days have been round after round of drill. We had drill early this morning, too, but at least they gave us the rest of the day off to enjoy our Saturday. We haven’t been doing much around the recruitment center. We set up our tents and then tear them down often. Captain Walter mentions that it is so we are prepared to do it quickly while on the move. Otherwise we go to bed around 11 p.m. and wake up too early for my liking to practice. We run, practice hiding, and then we shoot at targets.
I’m struggling with the concept of actually having to shoot at people, at other men who are someone else’s brothers or sons. The excitement and wanting to join to save our precious Union and preserve freedom for all is still there. And I still could not imagine sitting in my house letting all my neighbors risk their lives and family members while we sat idly by waiting for the North to win. I hope I can somehow find it in my conscience to muster up the courage to shoot at a Confederate as he is firing back at me. Maybe a battle 12 will bring on different emotions.
I’ve been trying to pray every day and I often lead prayer groups at night with a few of the men. They were surprised to see that I brought my Bible. I explained to them that I believed this was God’s plan for us, to fight for our country and freedom and to reunite the North and South, freeing all the slaves. I think some of the men are looking for the guidance that our Lord and Savior can provide through his strong words and messages on how to live our lives. There is only so much that excitement and patriotism can get you in this world, and then we start facing the concept of fighting another human being. I hope these men continue to turn to the word of God and for my help as we embark on this journey together.
July 15, Tuesday
Not much to write about today or the past few days. We have just been practicing drill over and over again. There is word that we are soon heading to Camp Curtain, near
Harrisburg, to meet up with other parts of the 138th Regiment, which is what my company, G, is a part of. Captain is discussing the possibility of orders to move south towards the capitol with the rest of the regiment. It seems as the Confederates are making their way back up and our other forces need help suppressing them. I do not know how I feel about this yet… The possibility of being mustered into some sort of action besides just sleeping and doing drill every hour of the day is exciting but scary at the same time. I must stop writing in here now so that I can write a few letters home to tell Mother and
Father what might be happening before we move out.
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July 17, Thursday
We leave for Camp Curtin tomorrow. Both Captain Walter and Mullen explain that Company B from south and central Adams County will meet us at our camp, and then we will march together to Harrisburg to meet with Companies D, E, and F from
Bedford County. Captain Mullen told us that we will officially be in service once we meet at Camp Curtin. From there we will find out where we will be stationed. There are rumors that we could be surrounding the Capitol building, protecting it from being torched by the Confederates. But then there are also rumors that we could be sent to
Baltimore to guard the rail-lines that pass through there to make sure no one is stealing things from the trains or preventing messages from getting to the Capital. While I think guarding the Capitol building will be more exciting than the position in Baltimore, I would prefer to stay in the safer position and guard the rail-lines.
The march from York Springs to Harrisburg is expected to take all day. We have wagons for supplies and the captains have horses to pull the wagons to camp. But we still have to carry our equipment on our backs. I am worried about the weight and being able to last the day long march. My shoulders are not as broad as the men in my group or as strong, nor have I lifted this much weight before. This will test me for future voyages and battles, I suppose. Oh I pray I have the strength to last the whole march, that I do not show my girlish ways or weaknesses by not being able to carry all of my equipment to the camp. We leave early in the morning so that we might make it to Harrisburg before sundown, so to bed I must go.
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July 18, Friday
It is close to midnight, which I suppose means it is close to Saturday but I had to write a short entry. The march was exhausting but I stuck through it and was able to carry all the gear the entire way. I ended up becoming closer to one of the boys, Mark. We were already sharing a tent at the recruitment center in York Springs, but the long walk helped us to converse more. He too is the oldest from his family, worked on a dairy farm.
Mark seems to be a genuine young man, raised to be respectful and hardworking. His build is similar to mine, in that he is only two or so inches taller than I, and his shoulders are hardly any broader. I feel that I can mock his style of walking and doing things, I should fit in with the other men just fine. But Mark shares the same values of religion as I do, which I figured as he often partook in my readings from the Bible. Mark too expressed that he is struggling with the idea of having to shoot at another man. It is comforting to know that it is not a womanly feeling to be apprehensive about such a matter, but rather it is our religion and our upbringing that forms this feeling.
I am far too exhausted to continue this for tonight. I will write again when something interesting happens.
July 21, Monday
We have been at Camp Curtin for three full days now and have done nothing but set up tents, eat food, and drill. At this camp there is more of an opportunity to practice our shooting skills. Mark and I tend to be at the shooting range the most out of all the other training stations. Being that we are young and have never shot a gun before now, we feel that we need the practice to make sure our aim is perfect for when we encounter 15 the enemy.
The good part of this camp is we have a lot of free time in between the drill. I have been able to write plenty of letters home, and tend to write letters for other men who cannot write for themselves. It is such a shame that more men are not educated, but I am glad that I can help them reach out to their loved ones and plan to help them through the war. Mark can write well, too. That made me more at ease because I was worried that writing was a womanly trait and that perhaps they would suspect something.
A few men are starting to feel ill due to problems with their digestive systems.
The unsanitary conditions of camp and the poor food preparation areas are sure to be the cause of our problems. When we signed up at camp we were given two pairs of every piece of clothing: shirt, pant, jacket, boots, socks, even our undergarments. Of course we could bring our own clothing. I packed extra pairs of undergarments and socks. But since we are in a camp with no privacy, we rarely change our clothing, including our undergarments. Many men have no problem stripping in the tents or jumping in the river which is a mere hundred yards away to bathe themselves, but a few young men and myself prefer to stray off closer to dark and wash in privacy. No one thinks much about us wanting to be alone, as they know we are shy “youngin’s” as they like to call us. I try to go to the river as the sun is setting so I have enough light to see but I can hide myself while bathing. I have been trying to wash my undergarments more often than the men but not enough to raise any suspicion. My stomach has been feeling somewhat ill due to improper food preparation and unclean dishes and dirty bodies sleeping together. Oh how
I long for Mother’s clean house and warm, delicious food. I pray that my health stays strong so I can continue to serve. 16
July 22, Tuesday
With the light of the moon we are to load up trains to head to the Baltimore area.
Captain Walter explained our mission is to protect the Pennsylvania and Ohio Railroads that pass through that part of Maryland with a straight link to the Capital. Our job is to make sure those who are compassionate for the Confederates do not try to steal our supplies and ammunition. Apparently that has been an issue, as the Confederates do not have factories to manufacture enough goods to keep them well supplied. Looting from the North is a viable solution to their problem. But we are also to make sure the railway stays secure as it is the direct route for communication and travel from the South to the
Capital. If we compromise the line, we could compromise the protection we have around
Washington and the control center of our Union. I am excited to stand guard with the other men and possibly see the enemy.
Captain Mullen saw me writing letters this morning and asked if I would take on the job of keeping records. I would just need to make sure I am there to take roll call and give the final papers to him or Captain Walter. When we get food or clothing rations I would be taking inventory for that as well. I am amazed that I am being offered such an important job for my company. I must be pulling off the appearance and activities of a man well, as I have not been figured out yet and I was offered this position. Captain
Mullen mentioned that I get to ride with him and Walter in the Captain’s car of the train.
He mentioned it is much more comfortable and I will be eating a real meal compared to the questionable meat and potatoes that soldiers are fed. I hope the close quarters will not lead to them suspecting anything of me.
I must pack up my personal belongings to prepare to load our things on the train 17 soon. It is a five or so minute walk to the train station from where we are now. Thank goodness it is not another full day march!
July 25, Friday
It took two days to get to this wooded area outside of Baltimore. We stopped halfway to make it seem like we were dropping off supplies to another camp. I am beginning to learn how we must trick the enemy into thinking we are doing things we are not in order to keep us safe and our plans secret. When we stopped halfway, we got off the train and unloaded some of the tents and our equipment and walked away a few hundred yards into the woods and made a commotion, like we were meeting friends and updating them on things. I felt absolutely ridiculous acting like I was transferring supplies and telling them our plans, but I guess whatever our Captains believe will work I will do.
We slept in the train over night, which was so nice. I have grown tired of sleeping on the hard, moist ground inside a tent. The Captains were right about the food in their quarters. I felt like I was having Mother’s Thanksgiving feast! We had roasted ham with mashed potatoes and warm gravy poured over top, fresh corn on the cob, fresh snap peas, warm bread that seemed as though it was straight from the bakery. Oh it was so delicious but I feel so spoiled! During dinner, Captain Mullen discussed that when we go into battle I must keep accurate records, including who goes into the hospital for illness, who perishes and from what they perish from. The Army requires records that are accurate so that an accurate spending account of the war can be established and population records can be adjusted. I am confident I can keep the most accurate records but will find it troublesome to account for the names of my fallen comrades. My heart sank when he 18 mentioned that part…I almost had neglected that I would be losing some of my friends to the war. Here I was worried about dealing with shooting our enemy, but I forgot about how I would cope with losing a fellow soldier.
Tonight we have everything unpacked off the train and our tents set up. Other companies part of our regiment are stationed up a mile or two up the track at the Relay
House, which is being used as the railroad supplies headquarters. We are just a few yards away from the railroad tracks. It is going to take awhile to get used to the noise of the trains as they rush pass taking supplies north or south, but I suppose I will get used to it.
When we finally had everything set up I had to take roll to make sure everyone got off of the train, and then I also had to make sure we had all of our equipment, tents, ammunition, and supplies that we traveled with. I am worried that this job of keeping records is going to get tedious, but the opportunity is one that does not come by often.
July 29, Tuesday
Mark fell ill a few days ago, so he was one of the first names to go in my record book. Many men seem to be feeling sick to their stomachs and have a hard time keeping anything down or inside of them. Diarrhea is a common complaint among soldiers in the camp and those that pass by us on the train. The fact that we do not bathe often, relieve ourselves in ditches or against trees and never have clean clothing along with the lack of nutritional food does not make me second guess that so many are falling ill.
So they took Mark to the hospital, which is a short half hour train ride away from here. That is the wonderful thing about being so near the train, we can quickly get to the hospital or Capital or anywhere else we may need to be. I feel as though I need to visit 19
Mark to keep his spirits high but I worry that might seem like a feminine thing to do so I dare not until I see other men visiting their sick friends. A few other men from our company and the other company were transported to the hospital the same day Mark was, so I guess I will wait to see if anyone else goes to visit or wait until Mark calls on me.
When they return I must document what they were treated for and how long they were hospitalized. If they do not return, I must either make a trip to the hospital to find out their illness and collect final information to send to their loved ones or send a messenger from our group to do that for me. I have been holding longer prayer groups at night as the moral of the group is low due to our comrades falling ill and the rest of us not feeling the best. The strength of the Lord is helping us get through the days and nights.
August 1, Friday
Earlier today I went to visit Mark and a two other men, Joseph and Collin. They called on me because they enjoy how I lead the bible readings in camp and seem to keep everyone’s spirits high. I hope that I can help them remain positive that they will return to us and fight in a battle, that they have not spent all of their time here on Earth yet.
Mark was as pale as the sheet he was laying on and extremely weak. I have never seen a man in that state before. He asked that I pray with him and read him some passages from the Bible, thinking that they would remind him of home and help him heal quickly. I wanted to hold his hand and rub his head to let him know that everything would be ok, much like I do with young Michael at home, but men do not do such actions on another man. The young female nurses seem to be watching me carefully. I wonder if they can tell I am a female, but sincerely hope they do not share my secret. 20
Anyway, the women seem to be gentle to the men in the hospital and take care of them the same way Mother took care of Michael and I when we were young. I hope they are medically trained to be treating them with the right medications. I do not want to lose
Mark. He is the only friend I have made and trust in this company so far, and the tent has been rather lonely since he has been gone.
Joseph and Collin seem a little bit better than Mark. Collin seems to be more homesick than being physically ill. He wishes for the nurses to rub his head and take care of him in ways that only a mother would. His color seems fine, and he’s not too weak.
Joseph is pale, but not as white as Mark. He is a little weaker than Collin, but he does seem to be actually ill. He complains that he feels as though he cannot keep anything down, which is what the nurse expressed to me as well. All three suffer from diarrhea complications, which seem to be the entire floor of the hospital. I feel as though I will be writing that in the records multiple times when men are hospitalized.
I led a prayer on the entire floor before I left. The men seemed to appreciate the prayer and wish for me to come back soon. The men in the camp wish me to lead a prayer before “Taps” is played and the fires are out. I must find a good passage to read from the bible to help bring our spirits up.
August 5, Tuesday
Two more men from the company have fallen ill, Jack and the other Andrew, and
Captain Mullen has asked me to accompany them to the hospital so that I may get a report on how Mark, Joseph, and Collin are doing. I am thankful that I haven’t been close to needing to be hospitalized for my diarrhea yet but there are times I worry that it could 21 get to that point. The hospital seems to be getting fuller of men suffering from disease and young nurses there to take care of them. I am still nervous every time I enter the hospital that a nurse will detect that I am a female and call me out in front of my comrades, but today was another day I thankfully went unnoticed.
Jack and Andrew are settled in just a few beds over from Collin, Joe, and Mark.
Collin and Mark seem to be doing much better and there is talk among their nurses that they might be released soon. Joseph seems to be getting worse, his nurses are trying to stay positive around us but I can tell there is something wrong. I fear that we might lose him soon. Before I leave for the night, we lead a prayer around Joe’s bed, praying for his well-being and the hopes that he will be returned to us soon.
When I returned back to camp, I asked Captain Walter for Joseph’s address so that I could write to his wife and let her know of his condition. Perhaps she can travel to be with him. I know Mother and Father would want the chance to be with during my last moments if they could, so I feel Joseph’s wife should at least have the choice. I also wrote another letter to Mother, Father, and little Michael. I hope to receive a response from them soon as I miss them dearly.
August 7, Thursday
A train passed through today, which is the most excitement our camp has seen so far! As it neared the camp, all of our men lined up along the track. Captain Mullen gave us our assignments ranging from searching the underside of the train cars, the tops of the train cars, and searching the insides of the cars. Any person who was alive in the car must be escorted out of the car by one of us. My job was simple and not that exciting. I had the 22 luxury of sitting near the middle of the train with an open record book to collect the names of the passengers and the data of what was on the train.
The train was mostly empty except for a few deceased soldiers and their escorts from Union camps in Mississippi and Louisiana. Still, I had to record the names of the escorts and then ask for the documentation of the deceased. Some of our men had to confirm that they were actually deceased, for we have heard that some Confederates sneak into Union camps by pretending to be dead, and then attack and cause extreme causalities in that camp. I appreciate my captains for allowing me to keep the records for
I am not sure I am ready to confront death yet. As much as I think I can prepare myself for the time when I think I will be faced with the situation of death, such as when we go into battle and my comrades will possibly fall next to me, I am not sure that I could have handled staring into the faces of dead men on that train. I couldn’t imagine having to escort the bodies to their wives or mothers and fathers either. For awhile I was concerned
I might have to escort poor Mark’s body to his mother’s farm house and explain to her how brave her son was and how kind he was to the other men. Thank God that Mark seems to be healing and that I will not have to make that sorrowful trip any time soon.
August 8, Friday
I recorded my first death in the record book today. Joseph passed late last night in the hospital. His wife was not able to make it in time to be by his side, although I’m not sure she has even received my letter in time to know he was ill enough to be close to death. Mark and Collin have both been released from the hospital, as they are back in good health and are probably in better condition than the rest of us at camp. Captain 23
Mullen gave Collin permission to escort Joseph’s body to his wife, as he felt it was the only appropriate choice since they were together for the last few weeks of Joseph’s life.
Mark and I lead a small group in prayer tonight and held a small remembrance ceremony. It is our first death in the company is tough for a few of the younger men to deal with, including myself. I am trying to make sense of the matter, but how do you mourn the loss of a new friend, someone you were just starting to get close with? Is it the same way as mourning a loved one? Men do not cry, but I find myself wanting to express my girlish side and crying anytime someone mentions Joe’s name. I have been trying to distance myself from some of the men, but Mark wants to spend time together, saying that the hospital left him wanting friendship and to catch up on what was happening in camp for last week or so. I just want to hide myself, stuff my face in a pillow and let the tears flow for I do not know how to handle this death in a manly fashion. I wish Mother was here to lend her advice on how to deal with such a trivial matter. For now, I will just pray and read Bible verses with the rest of the men who find condolences in doing the same.
When I first joined the service I was wary about bringing my Bible and if people would find comfort in reading passages with me. I never thought that I would be the
“man” leading the readings or prayers, or have a following of about ten or fifteen men. It is comforting to know that this is not a womanly trait, even tough men turn to the Lord for strength and wisdom.
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August 12, Tuesday
I received two letters today: one from home and one from Joseph’s wife. Mother,
Father, and little Michael are proud of me now, expressing that they are happy that I have stayed in for so long and commend me for being so strong. Mother is still worried about losing her oldest child and only daughter, something I do not blame her for feeling.
Father is impressed that I can carry fifty pounds for so long and that I am mimicking men so well. In the last letter, I told him that I could relieve myself with the group of men at the latrines instead of needing to sneak off in public, that I found a way to imitate another one of the young men. Little Michael wishes to hear more about how much I shoot my gun and if I have seen the enemy yet. How sad will he be when he finds out that we have not even seen the enemy yet, let alone shot our guns in the direction of the Confederate forces? Father explains the farm is well; they are no longer selling anymore horses in order to keep the farm running smoothly. Sweet Symphony is still there awaiting my return along with the two other horses that were there when I left. Mother says little
Michael is growing faster than ever and soon will not be so little. It is so good to hear from them that I start to tear up, but hope that none of the men in my tent see the droplets in the corner of my eyes. I hope they will continue to respond every few weeks!
The letter from Joseph’s wife is sweet, sad, and short. She was thanking me for the update on her husband and letting her know what hospital he was in so that she may be with him. Unfortunately, she could not leave to be by his side during his final days because she was caring for their newborn son. As I read that line my heart sank. This poor woman had just given birth to their son and a few days later lost her husband. The tragedy of war is already devastating to me and we have not been to battle yet! She asked 25 in her letter when she might be receiving his pension, because she was depending on his military salary to feed her young son and survive. I plan on making sure that his money is sent to her immediately, as I am sure my captains will approve.
Joseph’s wife’s letter makes me feel as though this war might be too much for me to handle. His death almost had me crying last week, to the point where I wanted to hide away from everyone else so that I could not be caught. Now this letter makes me want to cry all over again. I could not imagine being a young woman, giving birth and within days being greeted by a soldier informed that my husband had died. The emotions that run through a woman’s body must be different from a man’s because I find myself struggling to keep composure while other men and camp are moving on with their lives as if nothing happened. I pray I find strength to hide my womanly feelings and to know that the Lord has a plan for us all.
August 15, Friday
It is dreadfully hot all of the time lately. We are sweating through all of our clothes. The stench of our camp is comparable to that of an outhouse. Many of the men, and me, are trying to bathe more and wash our clothes more, but the heat of the summer just seems to make everything worse. It amplifies the smell of the wretched food we eat that is tearing up my digestive tract, still. The humidity makes everything feel like it’s in a standstill, hanging over us, taunting us that we could be cleaner and feel as we did when we lived in houses. Camp life is getting old. Sleeping on the group next to other men who snore or move around too much is bothersome. I have not slept a full night’s rest in months. Our captains get to sleep on cots, off the group and each has their own tents. I 26 was hoping that when I was promoted to record-keeper that I would have my own tent or only have to share with one or two other men. Instead I am still stuck with five other men in a small, cramped space. I must keep reminding myself that I am doing this for my country, for our Union.
Andrew and Jack are still in the hospital, but they seem to be doing well. I have not been to visit lately but another man, Frank, who is closer with Jack, was there recently. Captain Walter sends a visitor every few days to keep tabs on our men, and to make sure our records are up to date. While Frank was at the hospital he conversed with a nurse about coming to camp to administer medicine to those of us who are experiencing stomach issues but are not ill enough to be hospitalized. She agreed to come out one afternoon to give us all a check up and issue medication. Both of our captains are fine with this idea, as it will not cost us anything and it will get us all into perfect health and ready for battle.
Our neighboring companies of the Regiment have joined us at our camp to practice drill and share any new and inventive practices that they may have formed.
There are rumors that the Army of the Potomac might need us to join with them soon as the Confederates are making their way North, and we need to strengthen our tactics. It is nice meeting with the other men and conversing with some new faces. Our camp is crowded with tents and men sleeping under the stars though, so I am slightly worried that it might be harder for me to conceal that I am a women with so many men to confront on a daily basis. I wonder if there is another woman like me in one of the other companies…
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August 20, Wednesday
Two days ago the other companies left to head back to their posts. All we did was various drills and play games and converse with each other. I wish they wouldn’t have left so soon, but such is war to stay at our assigned posts and guard them.
Yesterday was an exciting day for our company though. We caught a Confederate spy in our camp. Something just didn’t seem quite right about this one soldier. He always distanced himself from the group while writing and reading his letters, which was uncommon even for the young men in our company. He was rather quiet when we had group discussions about various life circumstances and unlike the other shy men, he didn’t participate in nightly Bible readings. Captain Mullen decided to read one of his letters before sending it out of town yesterday morning and upon reading it, he realized that had an imposter on our hands. We found out he was trying to figure out our battle plans, if we were moving farther North or South. It’s funny because he probably didn’t figure out much considering we’ve only been doing drill, playing jokes on each other, and taking people to the hospital. I am worried because he knows that we inspect all of the trains and how we do that, so if any of his letters got to his camp in South Carolina about our methods, they might be able to outsmart us if they stop here by train.
Fortunately, we do not feel that threatened by having him here, though we think he only has only been here since the other companies arrived a few days ago.
We sent him to the prison near the Capitol with two of our largest men. Catching him helped to boost the morale of our camp. Finally we had seen the enemy and we sent him to prison! We were in control of someone else, someone from the Confederates.
Suddenly everyone in camp became anxious for another encounter. We were all bored 28 with playing games, drill, and getting sick. At the same time, we had men wanting to become spies for the Union and questioned Captain Walter if it was possible to head to a
Confederate camp. Captain Walter had no idea how to send someone to be a spy and preferred not to lose any of his men.
I feel better and stronger now that we caught this spy in our camp, and I can tell many other men’s morale is lifted. After losing Joe, this was the perfect event to keep us focused on and wanting to continue to fight for our country.
August 23, Saturday
Today prostitutes came to the camp. I heard stories of this happening at the other camps from the men from our companion companies, but did not expect to actually see these women prancing into our tented area. Some of the older men seemed intrigued, wanting to spend their time and money with these promiscuous women, longing for that womanly touch, I suppose. Mark, me, and some of the other shy men decided to stay off in one of the larger tents and play cards and converse about what our futures. We were confused that some of the married men didn’t join us for cards, but rather wanted to be entertained by what they call the lovely ladies. Our captains weren’t around to stop the prostitutes from offering services due to them being at the Relay House meeting with all the captains from our Regiment.
The prostitute situation sparked a curiosity inside of me. How could a woman resort to living such a life? My parents made sure I had an education. I was raised under the guidance of the Lord and my relationship with God has kept me strong through everything, including the first few months here. I will be receiving pay for working as a 29 soldier, for supporting my country. They are receiving pay for selling their bodies and being with multiple men. It is degrading to know that women are willing to do such a task to make some money. Mark and I considered pulling the ladies aside before they leave and conversing with them about a better path and about the Lord to maybe lead them in a new direction, but we figured it would not get far. It was comforting to know that Mark and some of the other men felt as I did about the women, and that it wasn’t just a womanly stance, although I am sure I feel much more strongly than they ever will.
As I write this entry by candlelight I can still hear the giggles and soft voices of a few women. It hadn’t occurred to me that they might spend the night, but I suppose they might prefer to travel early in the morning as the sun is rising and the day is fresh rather than at night when it could be rather unsafe. I hope that this is a situation that we are not faced with again.
August 30, Saturday
Over the past week the Captains have returned and few exciting things have happened. The Captains came with news and updates from their meeting about our plans for the next couple of months and updates on the other companies, which was all told to us during a long and rather boring meeting in which I had to take notes for our record book. Captain Walter spoke first to explain that we could be ordered to move out of our camp and farther north or south, but he wasn’t sure which, over the next month or two.
There are rumors about the Confederates advancing north at a quick pace so we must be prepared and ready to move and fire at any moment. Captain Mullen wants us to keep a watchful eye on the river because even though it is small and we doubt anyone could sail 30 a boat up it, we think the Confederates might cross it in the night. We are to be on high guard for now until further notice and ready to fight.
Two days ago another train stopped to deliver food and the nurse from the hospital to dispense medication. Our food rations had been running low, but when our
Captains first arrived at the Relay House they requested that more food be sent and within a week the train arrived. We were all hoping that the food would be something more luxurious than meat and potatoes, perhaps some fresh vegetables and fruit. We have a few baskets of apples and some corn, but other than that we have the same poor, tasteless food that we have been eating for the past few months. What a sad realization that I will be eating this sickening food for the next year or so!
The petite, brown haired, blue-eyed nurse gave almost every man in camp a dose of medication to help with diarrhea or some other form of illness. Everyone seems to be ill with something of sorts. She explained that the medicine might not cure what we are ailing from, but that it should decrease our pain and discomfort levels and at least make it bearable. For every soldier that receives medication, I must document it in the record book: first and last name, the date receiving the medication, the nurse’s name, the ailment of soldier, and the medication received. The latter part was proving to be the most difficult as I couldn’t spell some of the names…and neither could nurse Margot, who preferred to be called Maggie. I noticed some of the shyer men were smiling more and talking to Maggie, perhaps flirting a little bit. No harm there! I was nervous that time spent near her throughout the day would make the guys notice my womanly ways more, or perhaps lead her to suspect that I am actually a woman. I feel that I have successfully blended with the men in my camp because neither Nurse Maggie nor the other men said 31 anything or made any notion that they suspected something of me.
Maggie left as the sun began to set with two men to escort her back to the hospital. We wanted to ensure her safety after she spent the day helping us and being so kind. I pray that she stays safe and that I will not have to meet her in the hospital one day.
Hopefully the medicine she gave us will work and we will be strong again, soon.
September 3, Wednesday
We have entered a new month and with that a new phase of military life. We are practicing drill longer and standing guard longer hours for word is that the Confederates are quickly advancing. I do not like standing guard for hours in the hot sun. It is boring and uneventful, for nothing passes by except a squirrel or a rabbit and we are stationed far enough from another man that we cannot hold a conversation. During meals, we have to work in shifts to ensure that portions of the railroad and river are still being watched.
Our captains ensure us that this is for our safety and to ensure the strength of our company if something would happen, but many of us cannot seem to make sense of it.
Since we come back at the end of our long days restless, we normally play games and tricks on each other to amuse ourselves. Lately the tricks and jokes have been happening at all hours of the day, especially if one tent of men is back for a meal while another tent of men is still on guard. Mark and I have not had anything happen to our tent yet, but the one next to ours has been through many tricks thanks to Collin and his group of friends. At night, Collin and his group will sometimes stand outside the tent and make noises that sound like a wild animal, loud enough to wake the men inside and make them want to check out what is going on. Once they realize the men in the tent are awake, they 32 run back to their own tent and act like they are sound asleep. Earlier today while the tent’s members were standing guard at the railroad, the group and Collin took everything inside the tent and tied it to branches of trees: all of their clothes, eating utensils, blankets, back up supplies…all of their equipment is hanging from the trees. Our captains just laugh when they see this happening. While I know we must do something to keep ourselves amused, I feel quite sorry for the men in that tent that must get their things out of the tree and fix their tent. What if the Confederates were to attack within the next few hours while all their things were still tied up? That would be rather unfortunate and
Collin and his group would feel guilty if we lost those men because they couldn’t fight.
Besides dealing with the joking and pranks, I have been thinking about home and how little Michael is doing quite often. During my hours of standing guard, I often think about Mother, Father, the horse farm, and Michael growing up. I write them letters almost every day, but hardly get any response so I am often left trying to imagine how life is like on the farm and how my life could be. I hope Michael is turning out to be a fine young man and receiving the same education and that Father is not working him too hard on the farm. I am worried that the long hours of guard will cause me to lose my strength in wanting to stay and fight in the war and cause me to become more homesick and weak. I fear that it might cause me break my manly exterior of not showing emotions and expose to the other men that I am a woman. I pray at night that I can keep my strong will to stay and fight in my get-up as a man. (Although maybe if I act foolish like Collin no one will ever suspect anything of me!)
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September 7, Sunday
We are starting to feel some tension from our Captains that they are stressed about the news coming from Relay House. General Lee’s Confederate army is rumored to be advancing from their win at the Second Battle of Bull Run and looking to settle in
Maryland and Pennsylvania. With this news we are now on guard twenty-four hours straight, taking turns to have quick four hour sleep breaks whenever possible, whether it’s dark or not. We also take two hour shifts to make meals and eat food and stretch our legs a bit before returning to our posts. Luckily, we have been rotating posts so we do not get bored staring at the same tree for hours on end.
Tomorrow a train is to arrive early in the morning with ammunition and more guns. This is to make sure we are over supplied in case we are forced in to battle, but also so that we have a back up supply for the surrounding companies as well. When the train arrives we are to behave in the same manor that we did before: inspect the train on the top and underneath, take all living beings off the train and inspect inside all of the cars, and I am to document everything and everyone that is on the train. Since this is one that will have supplies for us, it is very crucial that I check the supply inventory we are to be getting with what we actually receive.
All of the talk about possible battle has me excited, but so very nervous at the same time. I hope that I can handle the pressure of battle when faced with it, and that I can muster the courage to shoot at another man costing his life. Mark and I are trying to stick together when possible and still read Bible verses with our normal group when we can during our dinner breaks, but our limited amount of free time makes that difficult. I am taking time away from eating our dirty potatoes and meat prepared by men who 34 cannot cook to write this entry, but will reserve most of my free time to writing letters home or to pray with the other men.
September 11, Thursday
Word is reaching our camp that the surrounding companies are being asked to join the Army of the Potomac as a battle is going to be inevitable, it seems. We know that the Confederates have settled in the woods in Maryland, stretching to almost make a line from border to border. We are still standing guard at all hours, which is an exhausting job and causing pain in my feet. With such little free time, entries after this will be short as I must reserve as much time as possible for sleep and having a quick meal. We are to stay strong and well rested in the case of a battle.
Tomorrow we are to gather our extra supplies, ammunition and guns to send with our surrounding companies to take to the Army of the Potomac. They are undersupplied and with the Confederates basically right behind us, they will need everything we have stockpiled. It is convenient since we just got the new shipment of guns and ammo in a few days ago. Half of our camp will march with the extra supplies in backpacks towards the closest company camp at sunrise and should return by night fall. The next morning, the other half will take more supplies until a sufficient amount has been delivered to restock the Potomac and provide our companies with enough back up. Captain Mullen is making sure that I am recording everything, once again. More numbers to write down and track, along with the names of who will be transporting the supplies tomorrow and what each person will be carrying. It is such a tedious job, but it is using the skills that I learned in school. Mother would be proud of that. 35
With my short breaks, I do not have that much time to write letters home often, but days I do not write in my diary I will write to my family. I want to keep them up to date on what is going on in case something was to happen to me. I must try to get some sleep now before returning to post in just four hours.
September 15, Monday
We can hear gunfire from the surrounding woods near our camp. I do not have much time to write an entry as we are at constant guard now and basically waiting for confrontation. I am very nervous. I have not slept in a few days, can barely eat, and while
I am sick with diarrhea, I am also completely sick with nerves. Mark seems to be in the same state as he doesn’t seem to eat anything during meal time and we lay awake at night clutching our guns, jumping at the slightest noise. We haven’t had the chance to lead prayers or Bible readings for those of us having a hard time, but Mark and I still say small prayers while we lay awake. Hopefully we will see the enemy and all our preparations will be worthwhile, but at the same time I hope they will pass by us as I do not think I am ready to be engaged in battle. I must end this entry as there as a commotion outside of my tent.
September 22, Monday
The company who was fighting with the Army of the Potomac returned to our camp late last night, well… only half the of the men actually came back. The few who we spoke to were tired, worn out, and extremely emotional. One of the men, Paul, sat with
Mark and me earlier today to pray and recount the details. 36
The company marched to Sharpsburg, Maryland early September 16th and confronted Confederate troops. The battle continued all day September 17th throughout the town including a cornfield and across a stone bridge over Antietam Creek. It was a long day full of battles all over the area, and even though we seemed to have the strength in numbers, we still had trouble holding back the Confederates. There were dead bodies everywhere, blood flooded the fields. Paul was trembling as he retold the story and I couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed by emotions, wanting to cry. I could not imagine being on that battlefield with Paul and the other men, and losing half of my comrades.
Some of the men from the company are currently in a hospital close to the battlefield being treated for minie ball wounds. I wonder what it was like to look at the enemy across the field and shoot at them, only to be shot in the leg or arm and be pulled off to be treated by the doctors in the field hospital a few miles behind the battle. Those in the hospital are probably thankful to be alive considering the amount of death they witnessed during battle. Oh what a shame we have lost so many men at this one battle!
Captain Mullen states that the company who fought at Antietam will now join with ours since they lost so many men. This will create a stronger force for us because we have the least amount of men out of all the companies in our regiment. Our camp will expand slightly close to the river in order to fit the new tents, but perhaps that will make guarding all areas easier, along with more man power. The men who just returned for battle will have a few days of break to recuperate and rest. Mark and I plan on leading
Bible readings every night and providing our own form of counseling for the new men of our company. I am sure that our companies will blend well together and form a strong new company that will be a strong force should any future battles ensue. We are going to 37 start setting up more tents and helping the men settle into our camp.
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Maggie: Part One
July through October 1862
By 1865, thirteen thousand Union doctors served in hospitals while nearly four thousand women served as their nurses. The doctors and nurses tried to treat men within forty-eight hours of being wounded at field hospitals set up behind the battlefields before sending them to regional hospitals for further treatment. Many wounds were caused by minie balls, which tore wounds so deep that a hit to an extremity normally shattered bones and hits to the head and abdomen were almost always fatal. Those with shattered limbs often needed amputations which were done by surgeons and their assistants.
Patients were often administered chloroform before the surgeries as a form of anesthetic.
There was a high risk of infection for the soldiers suffering from wounds and recovering from surgeries. During the Civil War, doctors were not aware of relationship between cleanliness and infection rates when it came to surgeries, plus sterilizing equipment was hard when there was often a lack of water. This meant that surgeons often did not wash their hands, saws, and other tools from patient to patient and because of this many soldiers suffered from infections known as “surgical fevers,” which would destroy tissue and release deadly toxins into the blood stream. Other soldiers suffered from gangrene after surgery, which is the rotting away of flesh caused by the obstruction of blood flow.
One of the biggest killers of the war was disease, killing three out of five Union soldiers. The high rates of disease was linked to the recruiting process that allowed many under-, over-, and ill men to slip through recruitment and into the military, but the main 39 culprit of disease would prove to be the filthy circumstances of the camps. More than half of the disease deaths were intestinal illnesses such as typhoid fever, diarrhea, and dysentery. Other men died of pneumonia, tuberculosis, malaria, and a few of the young men often suffered from contagious diseases that they were never exposed to such as the measles, chicken pox, mumps, and whooping cough. Disease was so prevalent in the
Union, that out of every thousand men, nine-hundred-ninety-five suffered from dysentery or chronic diarrhea.
In the following entries, Maggie decides to join her mother and serve as a nurse in a Union volunteer hospital in Baltimore, Maryland. The Convalescent hospital did exist in Baltimore, but the events and names of the nurses have all been recreated using artistic licensure using accurate facts relating to medical and Civil War lifestyle. Maggie is a nineteen year old girl excited to be serving in a hospital and helping out the troops, but she is unaware of the emotional side effects of working in a hospital.
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July 3, Thursday
Currently I am working in my father’s busy office in Boston learning how to wrap bandages, give shots to patients, and take notes and keep records using medical terminology. Mother also works in the office, but my younger sister Elizabeth is still in school. We are lucky enough to live in a nice part of town and Father makes enough money to send us to private school. Father’s office is a very well-known medical practice, and he has many important patients who are lawyers in town and professors at Harvard.
They all think he is one of the best, treating them with kindness and always healing their ailments.
Yesterday Father received a letter from the government asking if he had any spare nurses to send south. All duties would involve payment in some form including the volunteer hospitals. Mother decided right away that since we have no males of age, she and I would sign up to help in a Union hospital. It’s the little bit that we can we do to help with the war. I worry about leaving Father all alone, but Elizabeth, who is eighteen, should be able to work in the office in between her classes and maybe even cut down classes during the week. I am so excited about the possibility of helping our men who are fighting and risking their lives to preserve our Union.
July 5, Saturday
We are being sent by train to the Convalescent Volunteer hospital in Baltimore,
Maryland sometime this week. For the past few days we have been trying to collect our nurses’ dresses and supplies to take with us so that we are well prepared for whatever comes our way. It has been very busy around the house and Father’s office lately as many 41 of his patients have been stopping by to say goodbye to Mother and me, hoping that we will keep safe and even dropping off little gifts of candy and money. They are such sweet and loyal patients, as they promise to keep an eye on Father while we are gone. I am trying to spend as much time as possible with Elizabeth before we depart because I will miss her dearly. Being that we are only a year apart in age makes us best of friends and we share almost everything, including most of our clothes. I hope that she will stay strong and take care of Father, the house, and herself well while we are gone. She has made sure that I am stocked with plenty of paper for letters.
July 10, Thursday
We arrived at the hospital two days ago and have been settling into our room, which has two beds and one dresser. It feels less like a home and more like a prison, but we shall make due and enjoy the fact that we are here to help others, not live lavishly.
The other nurses and doctors have been very welcoming, showing us around the hospital and training us on the different things that they do for various diseases. Mother has been assigned to work with a surgeon because of her vast knowledge and years of experience working as Father’s lead nurse. I will be working in the main room where there are twelve beds, but only three are filled right now.
Emma, another young, nurse in her mid-twenties, is assigned to the main room as well. She mentioned that they have been treating men for various diseases such as chronic diarrhea and in a few, rare cases malaria. She explains that normally we will just help them eat, and give them medication either through pills or shots, depending on how well they will keep food down. For now it will just be Emma and I assigned to the main 42 room, but if it gets busy they might assign another nurse or two. She seems very nice and personable and I am sure we will get along just fine.
It is going to take awhile to get used to the stiffness of the bed and the plainness of the food. Having grown up in a rather well off house in the north-east region, I am not used to eating what I would deem rather southern type of food. They do have fresh seafood, as we are close to the harbor, but we rarely see any of that in the hospital, Emma says. I must keep reminding myself that I am serving my country in the best way I can and helping the men who are fighting with their lives so that I can live freely and happy in my home in Boston. Oh this will take some getting used to.
July 15, Tuesday
Five men have been brought in to us to be treated for chronic diarrhea. They smell so awful and are very dirty. Emma gave me some lavender water, her saving grace she says, to soak a kerchief in and keep near my nose. It helps with the stench for the most part, but I still think this will take some getting used to. Emma told me you never get used to it, and I will just have to carry the lavender water with me everywhere. I can only imagine how awful this hospital will smell after a battle when the men are even dirtier and there is blood everywhere. How awful that will be!
We escorted the men to their beds in the main room, helped them wash up, and then change into fresh clothes, including new undergarments that we give every new patient. After we cleaned all of them up, we assessed them and found out that three were unable to eat any food and two were able to handle some food. We gave the three that were worst off shots and helped them drink some water before allowing them to fall 43 asleep and rest. The other two we gave pills and water, and then helped them eat some chicken noodle soup. Since they seem to be doing better, we allowed them to move their beds closer so that they could talk quietly before falling asleep. It’s nice to see that they are not doing as bad as they originally thought.
July 21, Monday
Three of the five men I wrote about in my last entry have been sent back to their troops feeling much better than they did when they first came to us. The two stronger men were, of course, released, and then one of the three weaker men had a complete turn around and felt much better just a few days later. They all were eating solid food, drinking liquids, and feeling better than yesterday so we contacted the doctor to have them released this morning. It was great to know that our care and help really did make a difference in the lives of those three men.
While the men were here, we washed their clothes and mended any rips or tears, which made the men so grateful. Emma says that we might not be able to always take the time to do that for our patients, especially when every bed is full. Our other two men that are left in the hospital are doing better than they were in my last entry. They are slowly starting to eat solid food and want to drink more water, and are actually asking for food and drinks instead of us just forcing them to eat it every meal time.
I’ve been trying to help them write home to their wives almost every day so that they can know how they are doing and where they are, which the men seem to appreciate.
It’s so sad for me to think that they are away from the women they love the most but I am so thankful that they are serving our country and helping to preserve our Union. 44
July 28, Monday
The two men who I wrote about in my last entry were released two days ago. I was sad to see them go as we became friends, but they needed to return to their post outside the city. I pray that they keep safe and stay in good health.
Three more men have arrived by train from a camp near the Relay House a few miles south from here. All of them are complaining of chronic diarrhea as well, but they just need some medication and rest. One of the men complained of having to do drill for hours on end in the heat of the day, which I believe could be contributing to their illness, so I will just let them rest in their beds as long as they want.
I’ve been conversing with one of the younger men, who is about my age and informed me his name is Collin. He seems to have a tough exterior but really is a sweetheart inside, but one has to talk to him long enough to see that. He asks if I’ll him write a letter to his parents, because he’s slightly homesick. I, of course, agreed to help him out, and will help the other two soldiers here write letters to their loved ones at home if they so wish. I think it’s important for them to let their parents or wives know that they fell ill but plan to return to fight and what hospital they are stationed at in case anything should happen.
The rest of our hospital is quiet and without patients. Other nurses are currently taking inventory to make sure we have enough supplies to treat soldiers if every bed were to be filled tomorrow in the case of a battle. I am glad that my assigned room has patients for me to take care of because keeping records and taking inventory is such a tedious task that I did for Father for many years growing up. Mother seems to be missing Father and
Elizabeth; she weeps a little bit at night. I told her to write them letters and they will write 45 back, but she explains that it is not the same as being able to give them hugs and kisses every day and see the smiles on their faces. That saddened me too a little, as I did not think about not seeing their faces for possibly a year or longer.
August 3, Sunday
The three men here from near the Relay House had a visitor from their company today. He was here to collect information for their company’s record book such as their names, the illness they were prescribed, and the medication they’ve been taking. He informed me that it seemed like a tedious task, but he was instructed to do so by his
Captains so he must follow orders. The record-keeper must have been educated before the war since he’s in a writing position within his company, which often isn’t held by anyone but the Captains, Mother tells me.
Collin and his two comrades seem to be doing much better, but are not healthy enough to be released to their companies yet. Collin’s good friend Joseph is not looking too well, and I believe he may have dysentery instead of chronic diarrhea as we previously thought. I am trying to keep the true diagnosis away from Collin as Joseph has asked us only to inform his wife at home and his parents through letters that he is not doing well. He would rather not have his comrades know that his health is failing him.
Emma and I have been trying to treat him with various types of medicines such as the oil of turpentine and quinine, but nothing seems to be working. Joseph can barely keep any food down and hasn’t much of an appetite but will drink water here and there when we ask him too. I have been praying each night that he stays strong and will get better soon so that he can return with his two friends. 46
August 9, Saturday
Tragedy has hit the hospital as Joseph has passed away due to his illness. I’ve never had to deal with the death of a soldier let alone anyone. Mother was trying to comfort me, but I’m not sure what exactly to do to comfort Collin and the other man from his company. I feel so horrible and helpless to them. I am supposed to be their nurse and make everything better, and I let one of their friends die.
We released Collin and the other man, Mark, today to go back to camp and tell them the news of Joseph. I wonder how everyone in their company will take the news.
It’s the first death for their company, Collin said. I felt so sorry for their loss and wish I could have done more for him, but there really is not much I could do. None of the medication was working for Joseph and his body just gave up the fight. I feel for his wife and parents for having lost such a wonderful young man.
Right after Collin and Mark left, two more men from their company arrived complaining of a fever, chills, and being unable to keep any food in their stomachs.
Emma and I have yet to tell them of Joseph passing, as we want to make sure they are comfortable and medicated before we tell them the bad news. How do you tell two men that they lost a member of their company the day before they got to the hospital, in the same room they are now staying in? Oh this will be a hard time.
August 14, Thursday
More men are coming into the hospital with various diseases. We think two of the men are suffering from malaria as they’ve been stationed near a pond in the lush woods.
The heat is making the stench of these sick, unclean men almost unbearable. The 47 lavender water is almost always on a kerchief being held to my nose to try to help with the stench, and it does for the most part. I do not look forward to when our room is filled with dirty, bloody, wounded men.
I’ve been helping the men change into their gowns and cleaning them up since they seem to be very weak and sometimes dizzy. They seemed shocked that we provide them with clean undergarments to keep, as they only were provided a few pair upon enlistment and did not think to bring their own and it’s the one thing they seem to need the most of. I also told them we would wash and mend the clothes they wore in so that they would be fresh and clean as they left the hospital healthy. They were beyond thankful and couldn’t imagine young women being so kind to strangers.
After helping them change, I give them their medicine and try to feed those who can eat. A few of them only want to eat chicken noodle soup and simply sip the broth and slowly chew the noodles, where the other ones would like the full meal with solid food.
Some of the men cannot eat anything, so I help them sip some water and juice so they are getting a few nutrients into their system. Tomorrow we will try broth, I tell them. The smiles on the men’s faces make my job seem worthwhile and is so rewarding. Helping our men in a time when they need us is a very exciting and needing role that more women should chose to do during the war.
August 20, Wednesday
We’ve had another death in the hospital, one of the men suffering from malaria.
None of our medications seem to be strong enough to kill the disease or even take any of it away. It is still so sad to see these young men losing their life in a battle against illness 48 rather than guns and the Confederates. It is my goal to help them get better and return back to their camps so that they may see the enemy, as they so wished when they enlisted, and hope that they will stay alive through that battle as well so they can return home to their loved ones and tell of them their story.
Some of the troops have asked for nurses to visit their camps to deliver medication and check on everyone. I am worried about the unsanitary conditions of the camps as I hear the stories of the men I am treating and see how filthy they are when they come into to me. Dr. Stephenson, one of the leading doctors in the hospital, asked if I would be willing to visit some of the camps because of my training in Father’s hospital and my kindness towards all of the men I treat in the main room. He wants to train me on how he wraps bandages and treats them with various ointments before I leave and will make sure I am fully stocked with supplies. I am excited to get out on my own, away from mother and the other nurses, and be immersed into the camp life that I have been hearing stories about from all the men. At the same time I am worried about my safety and my health as I step into these camps that could be riddled with disease. Either way, I am ready for this next, new and exciting step!
August 29, Friday
Tomorrow I head to my first camp, and if I remember the location correctly, it is
Collin’s camp near the Relay House. I am very excited to be seeing Collin again. His humor and kindness were so endearing that I’ve thought about him often. I hope he has been thinking about me too.
I was given a trunk full of medicine and other various supplies, such as bandages, 49 shots, and splints. It is so heavy to pull around that I sincerely hope there is a man waiting for by the train so he can help me pull it into camp. All of my medication should treat dysentery, chronic diarrhea, and high fevers. We did not pack anything for malaria as nothing seems to be working to treat it. I have strict orders from Dr. Stephenson that if anyone has the symptoms of malaria they are to come back with me on the train to be treated in the hospital. This is to prevent further spread of the disease in the camp, but also to see if we can possibly and treat the disease with new medication that is currently on its way from New York and Boston.
I am excited to meet the Captains of the company and hear of the stories of different men in the camp. I want to thank all of them for serving and leading our troops in the war and hopefully a victory for our sweet Union.
September 2, Tuesday
My time at the camp was fun and it was also interesting to see how the men are living, which is in really horrible, unsanitary conditions. It was sad to see that our men are living so horrible, but it was neat to be immersed in their atmosphere for a day. The captains of the camp, Mullen and Walter, were very kind to me and made sure I was comfortable at all times.
While there I treated all but three of their men for mostly chronic diarrhea, a few for dysentery, and luckily none displayed signs of malaria. The same soldier who came to the hospital to visit Collin, Joseph, and Mark to keep records, sat next to me the entire time to again record everyone who was treated by me and what medication they were given. There is something odd about him, but I cannot place it. Maybe it is because he is 50 one of the younger men, and his education must make him carry himself differently.
After I was done giving the soldiers their doses, they fed me a light dinner while I asked for some stories to be told about where they came from, reason for fighting, and how time in the camp was going. Some chose to get away from their controlling parents who trying to force them into jobs, but most joined for the spirit and sake of trying to preserve the Union and serve their country. As the sun began to set, the Captains assigned two of their largest men to escort me on the train back to the hospital to ensure my safety.
They were very kind to me on the ride home and asked how I became a nurse and where I was from originally. I wished Collin would have escorted me back, but I appreciated the men who took me. It was a wonderful trip, and I was so glad I could help men who truly needed me.
September 7, Sunday
It has been rather quiet in the hospital as many of the men seem to be doing well from the nurses visiting the camps to give medicine. Emma went to two different camps in the past week, but they were just a few miles away from the hospital. I went to another camp a little farther north of camp yesterday to treat most of the soldiers for chronic diarrhea. The morale among that group of men is beyond exciting and I was so thrilled to be visiting them. It really reinforces that we are doing a great job to help our men stay healthy to fight for our country.
We have two new nurses in our main room now, Sarah and Beth, to help attend to the men and we’ve squeezed in two more beds. We are expecting battles to happen in our area, so it was only proper to hire more nurses so that we could take care of the men that 51 would be coming in. I am hoping that we do not have surplus of wounded Union men that need hospitalization, and rather that it is only the Confederates that need care and surgeries, because that might mean that the Union is winning the battles. But having wounded men in our hospital is inevitable with battle, so we must make sure we are completely prepared for them.
I received a letter from Collin. He was thanking me for helping his company feel stronger and healthier. He also mentioned that he wishes he could see me more. He’s such a sweet young man. I think I will continue to write him letters and hopefully I can keep his morale high.
September 18, Thursday
Yesterday was the first time our hospital felt like chaos as loads of men were being brought in. Our main room is completely filled, so much so that we’ve had to pull in extra beds from storage. The smell of blood mixed with dirty men is beyond repugnant and I’ve been carrying the lavender water with me everywhere I go. There were men missing arms and legs, blood and blood drenched clothing clinging to their bodies. One poor fellow has a gunshot wound through his gut and we all fear he will not live long.
Emma, Beth, Sarah, and I immediately went to work cleaning up all the men and removing the soiled clothing. We administered opium to those who were in incredible amounts of pain. Dr. Stephenson and Mother have been working on men at all hours, removing limps and minie balls. I have been changing bandages after making sure all the men were washed, changed, and made as comfortable as possible.
I feel so sad for those that do not seem to have a chance in surviving their 52 wounds. They have loved ones back at home that will never see them again. I was holding back tears as I helped to wash up a young man who is awaiting his leg amputation. A minie ball ripped through his calf and there is no way that it can be saved.
He is such a sweet young fellow with a young girl waiting for him back home. I promised to help him write a letter home to her during breakfast tomorrow as he’s recovering from his surgery.
Mother and I are going to say a prayer before we fall asleep for quick healing for all these men.
September 21, Sunday
My young soldier with the wounded leg seems to be doing quite well. We’ve written a few letters home to his love, mother, and father. He is in such high spirits for having just lost part of his left leg. He tells me he’s just thankful to God that he is still alive and doing well.
Another soldier has been asking for me to help him write home. He says I am so nice and sweet o the other men and the most gentle of the nurses while changing bandages. He lost most of his left arm during the battle at Antietam. He told me that he never saw so much blood and death in his life. One minute he’d be standing next to his friends, the next his friend would be lying dead next to him. As he was telling his story, tears were welling up in my eyes. What an awful situation to be fighting for your country, for your life, and lose your closest friends next to you. But he’s been doing ok dealing with the loss of his arm, as he states he’s just happy and thanking God he’s alive.
All these men are too sweet and sincere to be suffering so much. 53
September 25, Thursday
Two men, one recovering from a gunshot wound, one from an amputation, have passed away. They both had infections that just wouldn’t clear up and ended up turning into high fevers, dehydration, and then took their lives. It was a remorseful day, as a few men from their companies were close by and noticed that they were of a different color and appeared stiff. How harsh this war is on the mind and soul, as well as the body.
I decided to write letters to the two men’s parents to let them know they had passed and would be buried by the time they received the letter at a nearby cemetery. Our morgue cannot handle any dead bodies, as we’ve transformed it into a makeshift operating room for two surgeons. I feel as though it’s my duty to write home to those who are losing their loved ones in the hospital to let them know where their final resting place is, so they may receive some closure if they so chose to visit the cemetery one day.
I hope I am helping the families in some way.
September 30, Tuesday
Most of the men seem to be healing very well and we’re hoping to release a few soon. Unfortunately, none of these men will be returning to their military camps to continue to fight. Instead they will be returning to their mothers or wives to continue to be nursed by them until they are fully healed. We will be sending instructions and some bandages home with them so that they can be changed and cleaned for the next few weeks.
The two amputee men that I’ve befriended have received many letters from home wishing them well, and their loved ones cannot wait to see them and welcome them 54 home. I will be sad for those sweet men to leave, but so happy that they can continue their lives at home surrounded by whom they love. It’s wonderful to see smiles on their faces as they read the letters and the excitement knowing that they will be released in the near future. I love knowing that we are helping them get back to their lives, allowing them to live again.
October 7, Tuesday
Not much has occurred in the hospital besides treating the men still here and making sure that they are comfortable in their beds. We’ve been feeding them, helping them drink, writing letters home, and helping them wash up every few days. They seem to be so appreciative of us helping them heal and recover from their wounds. A few men have been submitted for dysentery, and their outcome seems bleak. I’ve said a few prayers that they will regain their strength to go home and see their families again.
Mother and I have been missing Father and Elizabeth. I’ve been writing with
Elizabeth to check in on the practice, our home, the town, and of course her almost every day. She reports that everything is well, but Father doesn’t seem himself, rather gloomy she says. We predict that he misses Mother’s companionship dearly. I know Mother misses him too, but she is so busy taking care of amputees that she rarely has time to write to Father or even think of anything or miss anyone. When she returns to our room at night, I try to encourage her to write to Father but she is so tired she just wants to fall asleep. I don’t blame her, but something must change soon or I fear Father will take a turn for the worse.
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Annie: Part Two
May through July 1863
From the last section of Annie’s diary many things have happened with the war.
The last entry that she wrote detailed her side of the Battle of Antietam, which took place from September 16 through September 18, 1862 in Sharpsburg, Maryland located in
Washington County. Major General George B. McClellan and his Union Army of the
Potomac, armed with 87,000 men, confronted General Robert E. Lee’s Confederate troops, with only 45,000 men, on September 16th, but the majority of the battle took place on the 17th when Confederates and Union corps battled back and forth across Miller’s
Field. The Union had more men than the Confederates but that didn’t stop Stonewall
Jackson’s Southern troops from holding their ground near Dunker Church.
But near the center of the battlefield at Sunker Road, Union troops pierced the
Confederate, but the battle for this key defensive position did not matter as Union troops passed over the stone bridge across Antietam Creek. They met by Confederate forces that had just arrived from Harper’s Ferry who pushed back the Union forces lead by General
Burnside. During the night both armies tended to their wounded, but Lee continued to skirmish into the 18th as he slowly retreated south of the Potomac. The battle resulted in
22,717 casualties; 12,401 of the Union troops and 10,316 of the Confederates. Though the records indicated that a winner was inconclusive, Lincoln and the Union forces claimed the Battle of Antietam as their victory.
Not long after Antietam, Lincoln began his focus on Emancipation for two main reasons: one, freeing the slaves of the south would weaken the Confederacy and 56 hopefully shortening the war, and two, if Emancipation became a part of the war, then
Great Britain would not intervene to help the Confederacy. Lincoln also felt that
Emancipation would give the Union a higher purpose and give reason for why men were battling so hard and losing their lives. The Emancipation Proclamation would go into effect on January 1, 1863 and would forever change the war.
On March 3rd, another act was instituted in the north that would change the pace of the war, the Union Enrollment Act, which would make it easier for men between the ages of twenty and forty-five to enroll in the army. The goal of the act was to stimulate men volunteering to serve by assigning quotas to congressional districts, that if not met would require men to be drafted to supply the troops. To entice men to want to volunteer, they offered bounties for those that would sign up by a certain time; almost making it seem competitive and a short-lasting offer. By July, not enough men had volunteered to fight, so the first round of four drafts was issued. The troops only acquired about fifty- thousand men from the drafts, as most that were called to duty were dismissed for physical deficiencies or did not show up when called upon. Eventually, the troops were filled with more volunteers as more bounties were offered that drew men in to want to fight.
Those who enlisted in March and April might have had the chance to join the
Union troops in Spotsylvania County, Virginia for the Battle of Chancellorsville that lasted from April 30th to May 6th. The intent was for the Union troops, under the order of
Commander Joseph Hooker to turn the Confederates left flank of troops. Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson quickly led their southern forces towards the Union line for a week long of attacks and counterattacks that would ultimately result in Lee forcing the 57
Union troops to retreat a mile back from the battlefield. Lee’s risks and form of attack was too much for Hooker’s troops to handle, and scared them back from the battle. Some historians claim the Battle of Chancellorsville is one of Lee’s greatest victories.
It is not long after that battle that Annie decides to pick up her diary again, and rightfully so. Though she writes for a short period of time in this section, it is full of action and battles as Lee’s forces are active in Northern Virginia with the Battles of Aldie and Brand Station in June, before making his way to one of the greatest battles of the
Civil War: Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
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May 16, Saturday
I have not written in such a long time. We have been stationed at the same camp, near Relay House and the railroad and have been doing much of the same we were before. I lost interest in recollecting the same boring facts about guarding the rail ways, the river, and jokes men play on each other in camp. Mark and I have become close with another young, religious fellow that was from the other company that combined with us after Antietam in September: Sam. He was pretty shy at first, but that is what drew me to him to welcome him into mine and Mark’s circle of friends. Sam seems to appreciate the nightly prayers and Bible readings, even offering to lead a few of them.
Sam had a hard time dealing with the aftermath of Antietam and for a long time suffered from nightmares. He would often confide with Mark and I about the sights and sounds of battle, the amount of blood and dead bodies he saw, the screams he heard as comrades lay on the field shot in the stomach, leg or arm. Some other men from his group and him had to pull a fallen friend off the field after he had been shot in the arm. Sam found out later than his friend passed away from blood loss, which was hard for him to cope with. Mark and I have been trying to help him every day to understand that he was chosen to stay alive and still fight for a reason, and that it is all for the sake of our country. It’s hard for me, because I cannot imagine being in that situation, but I try to offer condolences and God’s wise words as strength.
I’ve received and sent many letters home during the break. Michael seems to be doing fine and expresses the wish to join me in the fight, but he is far too young and
Mother and Father will absolutely not allow him to consider it further. Mother is still wary about me being with the army, especially after they received word in the paper 59 about the Battle of Antietam. I never disclosed fully in my letters the involvement my company had or that we combined with a company that lost half its men to the battle.
Father wishes that he had my help on the farm as they bought two new horses. He informs me that Symphony is still strong and healthy, though she seems sad that she has not seen me in quite a long time. I do miss my dear horse, but I am not so homesick or wish to return home at any point.
May 19, Tuesday
I suppose I should update on the men from my original company and our state of health since that was such an issue before my break. We all are still battling some digestive illnesses, but the nurse has not been back to treat us since. Five more of our men have passed due to illnesses, two of malaria and two of dysentery in the hospital, and one died in camp just a few weeks ago. He had been complaining of stomach pains, stopped eating, and broke out in a sweat. A few days later, we couldn’t wake him from his sleep, his body was cold. We sent his stiffened body on the train to the hospital in
Baltimore to be taken care. It was a difficult time for all of us original to Company G as we all have become great comrades, playing games and tricks on each other along with conversing every night. Three more of our men have been hospitalized because their illnesses were too powerful to allow them to stay with us, and with the passing of our recent comrade in camp, we rather send them to a hospital than keep them here to die.
Dealing with death and sickness is different for all of us now since the Battle of
Antietam and the stories we have heard from those directly involved with the loss of life there. It is still a tragic situation to lose a fellow soldier to disease, but for me it is not as 60 devastating as the stories we heard from Paul directly after the battle and of the horrors
Sam has shared with Mark and me. Life is so precious, but war changes the perception of death and the severity to which it should be mourned. I feel that being in camp this long has toughened my spirits and turned me into a true male character, one that is not quick to break into tears or mourn a death for days. This is war, and death is inevitable and it took me until now to come to terms with it.
May 25, Monday
A message came to our captains early this morning informing us that Vicksburg,
Mississippi is trapped and surrounded by Union forces. Lee has decided to move his
Confederates north possibly closer to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. For us that means we are to again ante up our guarding and security of camp. Later this week a train will arrive with more ammunition, guns, food and other supplies so that we can stock up in the case of a battle in the near future. The possibility of us moving out and traveling to a location closer to Harrisburg is a possible, Captain Walter stated, but for now we are to remain here and strengthen our security. The camp is a hush of chaos, trying to make sense of the
Confederates advancing towards us again. Those who fought at Antietam are wary about fighting again and losing more men; life has been quiet for us and the idea of battle is frightening. We are organizing and preparing for the week until the train arrives, where I will yet again be taking care of recording all that comes off the train. I haven’t had much to record in any books lately besides deaths and hospitalizations so recording for an entire day won’t be too bad, I suppose.
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May 29, Friday
The train arrived earlier today and we did an entire inspection before unloading boxes and boxes of supplies. I think we will have more than enough ammunition and guns for anything that comes our way. While men were unloading the train, two collapsed after carrying just a few boxes. They had been complaining of stomach pains and feeling feverish. We sent them on the train to the hospital in Baltimore.
Captain Mullen thinks that we need to join up with another one of the companies to become a stronger force. If we would join with Company C stationed at Relay House we would have over three hundred men to stand strong against any opposition. Perhaps that will be arranged in the upcoming days.
My birthday is tomorrow, turning the young age of nineteen. Most of the other men in the camp have celebrated their birthdays by drinking a lot of alcohol and begging for the prostitutes to visit again. As far as I am aware, only Mark and Sam know that my birthday is tomorrow and we do not plan on sharing it with anyone so that I am not pressured into drinking or smoking and partaking in activities that I would never do. It is strange to be celebrating a birthday without Mother, Father and Michael to share the day with and give me presents. I do not feel sad though, as I am comfortable with military life and living in a camp without the niceties and lavishness of my family’s home. This birthday will surely be a new experience without the presents and dinner cooked by
Mother.
The men in my camp have created a brotherhood sense of feeling and it is so welcoming that I am ok with no one knowing my birthday. At nights we all hang out and talk as though we’ve been friends for years. It’s amazing how at ease I am now 62 surrounded by men of all ages, and it seems that so far no one suspects anything peculiar about me.
June 3, Wednesday
I feel as though I needed to document how awful our sanitary conditions have become in camp and the fact that more of us are falling ill every day. Since we added more men to camp in September, we have had a hard time keeping everything clean. Our fire pits where we cook food have piles of discarded food waste next to it that no one seems to remove for weeks at a time. The latrine area has a stench that we can smell when we lay down to sleep at night and is sickening to the stomach. The men hardly change their clothes and when they do, they just pile up their spoiled garments saying that they will get washed in the river eventually. There is a lack of soap, so there is a lack of becoming fully clean when we do make it to the river to wash ourselves which is only happening every two or three weeks now.
I tend to sneak away and wash off in the river every week; Mark and Sam and some of the other young boys make time to wash every week as well but we are a minority in our camp. We also all wash our clothes together every other week in order to feel cleaner longer. Too many soldiers are falling ill due to our unsanitary conditions, and while I cannot control the latrine area or the entire welfare of our camp I can take care of myself as well as possible. I do not want to fall ill before I experience a battle!
We have asked for Nurse Maggie to come and dispense medication again, but she cannot step away from the hospital, which has at least tripled the amount of patients than it had a few months ago. Hopefully the rest of my company will stay healthy for any 63 upcoming battles we may be asked to join. Captain Mullen informs us that the
Confederates are rumored to be in nearby Northern Virginia towns, slowly continuing their advance to what we assume will still be Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. We might be asked to move out and join a regiment fighting in Northern Virginia or just continue our plan to march towards Harrisburg soon.
June 7, Sunday
There is still no word on when we might be marching towards Harrisburg. Mark is starting to feel ill again, but many of us are starting to deteriorate in health. Even I am feeling sicker to my stomach and suffering from what seems like chronic diarrhea, but I do not feel ill enough to have to go to the hospital or need medical attention. I wish we had better food to eat that provided more nutrition, but there seems to be a shortage or something of the sorts and it’s keeping nutritional food away from us.
I am also exhausted from our long hours of guard, where we stand for 20 hours straight. The lack of sleep on top of the lack of nutritious food has our immune systems weakened, I suppose and that is what is leading to all of us falling ill faster than we would assume. Many of the men have been asking for shorter hours of guard so that we may have more hours to rest and sleep, hopefully allowing our health to build back up before the inevitable battle. Plus we argued that if we were asked to fight right now, we would be weak and tired with only four hours of sleep to our day. We also would like at least an hour of drill so that we can practice fighting and shooting all together as a collective new company, as we have not had any practice since September.
Company C will be joining with us during the upcoming week so that we can 64 spend time together and bond before being ordered to march to Harrisburg. The hope is that with combining our newly formed G with C we will be a strong force going into battle and a large corps to add to any army mustered into battle. But I must now lay down to sleep as I am feeling weak from lack of sleep and from standing for so many hours in a day and eating only awful looking soup as a meal.
June 12, Friday
They cut down our guard time to only sixteen hours a day so we gained four more hours to rest, eat, and relax. I suppose we actually only get three more hours because they are now requiring an hour worth of drill. Company C arrived two days ago, so practicing drill with them is a good way to bond and try to create some form of brotherhood among our new large force. With the extra three hours we have, we can relax longer, sleep longer, and take the time to prepare higher quality food. Captains Mullen and Walter are going to stay in command of our large new combined companies and they believe that giving us the longer time to rest will quickly restore our strength and make sure that we are in fighting order.
We are hoping that more supplies will arrive by train soon, as we do not have enough back up supplies to cover Company C if we were to head to battle. They are not well equipped with enough guns and we could always use more ammunition. Our captains are also requesting new shoes and new blankets for us to sleep on. I know I will have to keep record once again, but at least we will be better off for battle. We will also be receiving extra ammunition and guns to carry to Relay House, to ensure they are well supplied as well. At least we have more man power to carry all the supplies this time! 65
June 17, Wednesday
Today we are packing up camp and loading our tents into the wagons. We are to head to Relay House to drop off the ammunition and guns that arrived yesterday. At
Relay House all of the remaining companies from our regiment will be reunited as plans to head north are soon to be put into action. Captain Mullen explains that our camp by the railroad tracks will be taken over by a tired Union army who has fought in battles in the south, who received word that our camp is somewhat peaceful and hasn’t seen battle yet.
We are warning them the there are rumors of the Confederates skirmishing in Northern
Virginia, but I am sure that they will appreciate the relaxation of our camp.
We will only be at Relay House for a week or so, according to Captain Mullen.
It’s just enough time to make sure all the companies have enough supplies and that we truly are stocked well enough for a battle.
Mark is feeling better, finally. Our captains gave him a few days off when his health really started to turn for the worse earlier this week, allowing him time to rest and gain strength. Sam and I made sure he was well-fed and tried to keep our tent as quiet and neat as possible. We’ve been sure to try our best and stay as clean as possible, but traveling and staying at a new camp where we are unfamiliar with sanitary practices makes it difficult for us to stay as clean as we’d like. I’m worried about finding places to relieve myself while staying at the Relay House. There will be so many men around and
I’m not sure where I will be able to sneak off. This should be good practice for when we go to battle, for I am sure that sneaking off during that time will be even more difficult. I hope that I will be able to stay concealed as a man during this next week and through battles, as I have been able to do so for such a long time. It would be a shame if I am 66 revealed by how I go to the restroom!
June 25, Thursday
We have orders to begin our march to Harrisburg late this evening, but it will be just Company C and ours heading there. The rest will be staying at Relay House to guard the supply house and to check on the Union troop that is stationed at our old camp. They will serve as a command base for our Regiment and back up forces if needed.
Captain Walter wants me to record the names of all the soldiers from our company as well as C’s so that we have an accurate account of everyone headed to
Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. If a battle will ensue, I will be in charge of documenting the names of the deceased, the wounded, and the survivors, along with all of our movements.
Our plan is to ride the train to the Pennsylvania border, then camp there over night before beginning our march to Harrisburg in the early morning hours. It’s crazy to think that we will end passing through or near by the town Mother, Father, and Michael are living in and that I grew up in for eighteen long years. I’m heading back towards the same city that
I decided to leave and near where I registered for this fight. Oh the places that life takes us!
June 28, Sunday
We are currently camped out at the border of Pennsylvania, technically still in
Maryland. The trip went rather smoothly although one of the horses got a little spooked on the train ride, but was able to be calmed down quickly before any damage occurred. I was allowed to ride with the Captains again so that I could continue documenting all the 67 names, as it has been a long process so far. There was no luxurious welcoming dinner on the train like last time, which was disappointing but at least I was able to sit on cushioned seats with few people to bump into me. I was hoping for a nice hot and fulfilling meal compared to the measly meals we’ve been having at camp. It makes me miss Mother’s cooked meals, fresh fruits and vegetables, and her fresh baked bread even more.
We didn’t set up our tents instead we rebuilt the wagons that will carry the tents and the majority of our back up ammunition and guns. It was strange to sleep under the stars, exposed to the elements, but thank goodness that it didn’t rain! I felt more rugged and more like a man to be able to brave sleeping with only a blanket to wrap myself in, something I never would have done at home.
Our train stopped in a remote location in the middle of the woods. We were instructed to unload the train, which took a few hours as we had to get five horses off, pieces of the wagons that we had to then rebuild, all of our tents, plus the supplies and our own individual belongings and equipment. We carried everything for about a mile and a half from the railroad, but we left as much as we could in the wagons for the horses to pull.
We just received word that we are to be leaving for Harrisburg at sunrise tomorrow, which is sure to be a long and hard march. I think I shall go to bed now in order to be well rested.
June 30, Tuesday
We’ve stopped in Gettysburg because tension between the Union troops and the
Confederates is mounting and we are sure there will be battle soon. Captains Mullen and 68
Walter met with General Meade, the leading commander of the Army of the Potomac who is already stationed here, and we are to stay one mile south of the city until we receive further notice. I am feeling anxious about fighting and shooting my gun. I do not want to see the amount of blood and death that Sam saw at Antietam, so I pray that we can all stay safe and successfully beat the Confederates without much loss of life.
Mark, Sam, and I led prayers in camp and read many Bible verses to the men in camp as Captain Mullen requested. It seemed to make everyone in camp calmer and rest easier as they started falling asleep. Before we said the prayers, men were feverishly writing letters home to be sent out early in the morning, letting loved ones know where we were stationed and that we’d be mustered into battle at any moment. I wrote one home to mother and father, letting them know I wasn’t too far from home if anything should happen and where they could probably find my body. I was holding back tears as I wrote each word, thinking this could be the last time I could converse with them.
Normally I would say I feel alone and scared, but with all my brothers around me, I feel strong and like we are destined to go into the fight and win. For now, I must get some rest, as I am sure we will be up early in the morning to prepare to march into battle.
July 5, Sunday
This is a very trying time for our troop, especially me, as we have lost many men to death and battle over the past four days. Sam lost his life during battle, and Mark was shot in the leg. I had to help two other men carry Mark quickly off the field to be escorted to a hospital, but we were forced to leave Sam’s body where it fell. If we pulled him off we would have been sacrificing our lives even more. I cannot even describe the emotions 69
I am feeling for there are no words. I have been left alone with men that I am close with, but who are not my best friends. So many lives were taken right in front of my eyes, but the worst is that dear Sam is forever gone. How do I write to tell his parents that he lost his life? At least he lost it heroically during battle we seemed to have won as in our part we pushed the Confederates back, forcing them to retreat for the night.
On the evening of the 30th we went to bed feeling anxious, there was a stir in camp, but we all slept well. We woke up the next morning to faint gunshots in the distance, but we held our ground until we received further orders, which came just an hour after we ate breakfast. General Hancock, who was leading other Union troops, has commanded us to march to Little Round Top to secure the premises for the night.
Nothing happened for the few hours of day light while stationed there, but by night fall I was a ball of nerves as I anticipated that the Confederates would come out of the woods during the night and shoot us in our sleep, not allowing us a fair battle. Sam ensured me that the Confederate troops were probably sleeping and regrouping, deciding on a plan of attack to play into action in the morning, and that we were safe for the night. He and
Mark seemed so calm, and ready for fighting. How I wish I could have felt the same!
When we awoke the next morning we started to prepare for battle, loading ammunition into pouches we wore over our shoulders, and grabbing our guns, practicing looking down the scope to shoot, keeping a constant look-out. Finally, late in the day the
Confederates led their violent assault on Little Round Top. Our fighting continued there, then to Big Round Top, to a wheat field and to the peach orchard. The wheat field is where Sam unfortunately lost his life. So many lives were lost on our side and for the awful Confederates as well. At the end of the day we were all exhausted and saddened by 70 the loss of life and the amount of blood from the dying bodies and the wounds our men received. We felt defeated and hopeless, but Captain Mullen tried to boost our morale, telling us this is part of war and we needed to continue to fight tomorrow and win the battle so that our comrades did not die in vain.
Soon General Meade came to where we were resting to let us know that neither side has officially lost, we’ve both just retreated to rest and take care of wounded for the night, so another day of fighting would be inevitable. Our company was ordered to stay near Little Round Top to secure the southern end of town, as fighting would probably continue close by and to the north of town. Little Round Top was just a field of death on the third, we did not see any Confederate troops or have to fire our guns once. We all felt solemn and our spirits were low, so I suppose it is good we did not have to fight once again.
Yesterday we found out that we missed a bloody battle for the Confederates while we were guarding Little Round Top. They attempted to charge at Meade’s troops stationed at Cemetery Ridge by charging across an open field. They were shot upon and ripped apart by the Union troops and diminished to a small force. The commander of the
Confederates, Lee decided to retreat yesterday having lost so many of his men to death and wounds, failing to have penetrated the Union forces. There are thousands of dead and dying Confederates scattered throughout Gettysburg, but at least the Union won.
July 6, Monday
We are moving back to Relay House to regroup with the rest of our regiment after losing more than half of our company in battle. Captain Walter informed us that we will 71 be loading the train to take us down to our former camp in Maryland so we can rest on the way down, possibly sleep on the train as well. This is good because my stomach and digestive tracts have been bothering me especially much lately. I had to curb how I relieved myself and could not bathe at all while in Pennsylvania, so I am worried I may have contracted an infection. I can barely eat anything, and when I do it seems to want to leave my body immediately, so I cannot get any nutrients. I am feeling so weak, and the other men say I am very pale. I am worried about being forced to the hospital. I do not want to be found out for being a woman, but I fear if I do not receive medical attention soon, I could die. I do not want to die from some horrible disease or be discovered. What an awful situation to be put in. I just hope to see Mark again one day…
July 9, Thursday
On the train ride down to Relay House, the Captains forced me to get off in
Baltimore to go to the hospital. I tried to resist as much as possible, but I could barely walk off the train by myself so I knew I should go. Two men escorted me there, and had to actually push me in a cart the half mile to the hospital from the tracks because I could not walk. Two other men had to be escorted the same way, both complaining of chronic diarrhea.
When we stepped into the hospital, we were greeted by friendly female nurses who escorted us to beds that had hospital gowns on them on. They even gave us clean undergarments. I saw some of the nurses cleaning up the men in beds near me; some were covered in dirt and blood still. I hope that they will not wash me up or force me to undress in public. I do not wish to be found out to be a female, but I fear that it is 72 inevitable. My nurse looks very familiar but my mind is lost to what seems a high fever and I cannot think straight. I feel so weak, and must set down my pen to rest in this comfortable bed. I pray I am not discovered.
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Maggie: Part Two
May through July 1863
Maggie was away from her diary for about seven months as she had to take care of personal business. During that time the hospital continued to treat patients for the various diseases that Maggie had already seen: dysentery, malaria, and chronic diarrhea.
Advances in the types of medication had not been made, though hopes were advancing that quinine would effectively treat malaria. A few times wounded men were triaged to the hospital, but they often left within two weeks to heal at their homes. No big battles had occurred near the hospital to prompt her immediate return to the hospital, and the beds were never completely filled.
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May 5, Tuesday
I was on leave from my position for six months starting in late October, and then shipped around to various camps to give them medicine, leaving me no time to write.
A few days after my last entry, I received a letter from Elizabeth that Father had fallen and broke his leg, and his health wasn’t too great. Mother and I were excused from our duties for six months to go home to Boston to take care of him. The hospital was emptying out, so the lead doctor was ok with us leaving to take care of our loved one.
Father is doing much better. I think he made himself sick by not seeing Mother for so long and let his health dwindle, but now his leg is almost fully healed and his health seems better than ever. This time he felt more comfortable with Mother and me leaving for the hospital since we got to spend time with him and take care of him. Mother promised to write him letters at least once a week to keep the communication going, which comforted Father.
During my last month of stay at home, I received a letter from the hospital asking if I would be willing to visit three hospitals on my return trip to check on soldiers and dispense medication. I agreed to it, and stopped in Harrisburg to load up on supplies and receive my orders. The first camp was on the Pennsylvania and Maryland border, and I actually stayed the night in the Captain’s quarters there before I could be safely escorted to the closest train to head to the next two camps right outside of Baltimore, near the hospital. All the men I treated were so nice and were welcoming, but the stench and piles of garbage everywhere was disgusting. It’s no wonder these men are filling ill.
The hospital has three men in their main room right now, and I haven’t ventured to see how the other rooms are yet. I wish to fall asleep after all my traveling. 75
May 11, Monday
We have received two men from Collin’s unit suffering from malaria. The men had a letter from him, explaining that the rest of the troop is doing ok and he is feeling great. But these two men we have now are suffering horrible and I doubt that they will survive. None of our medicine has advanced enough to take care of them. It is awful how accustomed to death and disease one becomes within the hospital, surrounded by it every day. I try to think of the soldiers still out in the camps fighting in battles that we saved to help get me through the tough days, or else my job would be very tough and terrible. This is not to say that I do not still cry here when a man perishes or a young man tells me of the wife and young kids he has waiting for him at home and I know he probably will never make it there again. Being a nurse requires me to be more emotionally strong than I originally thought I would need to be, but I do not regret my decision whatsoever.
May 17, Sunday
The two men with malaria passed away two days after my last entry. I wrote letters to their wives to let them know where they’d be buried. We also received another dead body of a man from Collin’s unit to bury in the cemetery outside the hospital. In a letter from Collin, he mentioned that the record keeper already wrote home to that soldier’s loved ones to inform them of his passing. Collin’s captains are requesting that I travel to their camp to treat those dying from disease and treat those who are starting to fall ill, but my doctors will not allow it. There are rumors that the Confederates are advancing north and that they are close by, so travel to their camp would risk my life. I feel so helpless that I cannot do anything for them, but my life is sweet and I must stay 76 here to treat many more men.
May 25, Monday
Our hospital is full of men dying of disease. We’ve been trying to treat them with various medicines but none seem to be working for any of them. I’ve decided to spend time with each man individually so that I can address any last wishes as well as write to whomever they ask of me. I’d like them to go as peacefully as possible and with their loved ones aware of how much they loved them and thought of them during their final days. A few of them realize that they are going to pass away soon and ask for us to pray with them every night, where some are refusing to admit that their disease is that bad. I feel helpless and sorry for them as they sit there waiting to die. I could not imagine being in their position, but I am trying to make it as nice as possible for them.
I wish we had stronger medication to use on our sick patients so that the mortality rate was much lower, but such is the medical field right now. We are trying to advance but are not having much luck, and the doctors are often frustrated when their new techniques do not prove to be working. We are all trying our best, and the soldiers seem to know that.
May 31, Sunday
At least half the men who were hospitalized in our main room have passed away over the past two days due to their disease. They all seemed to be at peace at the end, saying prayers, and thanking all of us nurses for our help and kindness, and for passing on their final messages to their wives, mothers, and other loved ones. I admire the 77 strength and wisdom on the men who are on their death bed and still manage to be so strong in spirits. Emma, Sarah, Beth, and I had a hard time staying strong last night and ended up weeping together, discussing the courageous acts of the men and how we wish we could do so much more for them. We feel for the women they are leaving behind, and could not imagine losing a husband, brother or son as those women just have.
June 3, Wednesday
I received letters earlier today from Elizabeth, Father, and my dear Collin.
Elizabeth seems to be enjoying helping Father around the office and learning all the medical terminology and how to give medication. She understands why Mother and I always enjoyed working in Father’s office, and why we decided to enlist to help the
Union in their hospitals. She mentions that Father is doing well and is in great spirits since Mother seems to be writing to him often. But she had a request that I try to convince Father to open up to a new boy that she has taken a liking to, whom she assures me is smart, responsible, and comes from a wonderful, well respected family. I suppose I will converse with Mother tonight about this boy and the situation back home so that
Father doesn’t completely ruin it for Elizabeth.
Father wrote to me about feeling much better and being completely healed. He wishes that Mother and I would come home again but understands that we cannot and is very proud of the work that we are doing to help all the men who are fighting. He really enjoys the letters that both of us write to him every week to tell him of our duties and activities. He also had some questions about the new man in Elizabeth’s life and had some questions on what to do about the situation. He is such an interesting man when it 78 comes to dealing with men being interested in beautiful Elizabeth. At least he has no clue about Collin, right now!
Collin’s letter was very sweet and made me miss him more. He is such a nice young man who is rather lonely supporting the Union, so far from his home and family, but he is staying strong. He tells me that he thinks of me every day and hopes that one day he will see me again, but for now he has to resort to playing tricks on the other men to keep him amused. I truly hope I do see Collin again one day, as I would love to see his smile and endearing blue eyes again!
June 11, Thursday
We received some wounded men who have been skirmishing with the
Confederates in nearby Virginia. They sent at least ten of their men to receive care at our camp because the other hospitals were all full. Two needed their arms amputated, two their legs, and the others had gunshot wounds that could be treated with bandages. They all seem to be in sad spirits having to leave their troops to go to different hospitals. Some fear that they won’t survive their injuries. Emma, Sarah, Beth, and I try to stay optimistic and assure them things will get better as we help them change, wash them up, feed them, and converse with them about whom they want letters written to. They started to warm up to us after a few hours of being around them so often, which is comforting to the nurses.
It makes us feel like we’re really doing our job.
June 16, Tuesday
Four of the men brought from Virginia are suffering from infections that will 79 probably take their lives. One of the amputees hasn’t survived the healing process, as we couldn’t get his blood loss under control. Most of our amputees have survived their surgeries, but there was nothing we could do to save him.
We also have more men that arrived yesterday suffering chronic diarrhea. It seems the unsanitary conditions and poor, un-nutritional food is feeding the disease and we should only expect more men suffering from these illnesses to come in. Our hospital beds will soon be full. It keeps all of us nurses busy, and I like conversing with the various men about their adventures in camp and battle. It makes me feel like I’m part of the war that I’m really doing something to help with our cause.
June 21, Sunday
Our beds are starting to empty out. The men who were here from the skirmishes in Virginia have all been released to head back to their hometowns to continue healing.
Two of the men that are being treated for chronic diarrhea should be released in the morning as they are starting to eat more and seem to be healthy again. It’s been great to see the quick healing process of all the men over the past few weeks, and to see that maybe our medicines have been treating the illnesses better than almost a year ago.
I’ve had to resort to using the lavender water again to help relieve myself of the awful stench of the hospital, though. Even though we clean up the room and bed very well after the majority of men are discharged, we still have a smell in the air. It’s a shame the men cannot keep themselves cleaner while they are in camp. It would solve the unsanitary issue and probably fix the problem of men suffering from the various illnesses.
I guess the lack of access to water all the time prevents the men from taking baths 80 regularly and washing their clothes, which result in them being rather unclean which spreads the disease. Oh, I would hate to live in a camp for months at a time in the heat of summer.
June 28, Sunday
The newspapers state that Robert E. Lee’s Confederate forces are making their way to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania so the hospital is preparing for men to be delivered, wounded from battle. We received a new shipment of medication, bandages, and surgeon’s tools yesterday to ensure we were properly stocked in the instance that something would occur. I am nervous that the hospital might come under attack as that has been rumored to happen before.
We’ve released almost all of the men that were previously here back to their camps, with one last strong dose of medicine in their system to keep them going. But the day after we released them, we had three more men come in with malaria, dysentery, and chronic diarrhea. It’s a shame that the one suffering from malaria will probably not survive as the medication we have for that has still not proven to kill the disease enough to save a life. The one with dysentery is too weak to even eat or undress him, so I fear the worse for him as well. No amount of medicine will cure an illness that his weakened him that much. The one suffering from chronic diarrhea seems to be doing the best, as he can eat on his own and change himself into the clean undergarments and gown. He has been informing me about the other two so that I may write letters to their loved ones informing them of their health and location, so that they may make final preparations. I doubt that they will survive past the next two days. 81
July 4, Sunday
Sadly, all three of the men who were in my last entry have passed away from their illnesses and our hospital is now entry. The one suffering from chronic diarrhea actually suffered from malaria as well, we just didn’t know it until three days later when he was close to death. He had already written home to his wife, who has a young son and a baby on the way, to let her know that things were not looking too great for him and that he loved her dearly. It was such a sad situation to see him write that letter, tears pouring out of his eyes, and know that I could do absolutely nothing to save his life.
We received word late tonight about the large battle that took place in Gettysburg,
Pennsylvania over the past three days and the amount of casualties and wounded is horrific. Some of the wounded men may be transferred here if all the other hospitals closer to Gettysburg fill up fast, but it is such a long ride to our hospital that I hope those poor men do not have to endure it. I could not imagine being jarred around with my bones sticking out of my skin or my flesh hanging off my body for over an hour just to be treated in a hospital. We should know within the next twenty-four hours, because men should start arriving.
July 9, Thursday
We didn’t get any of the injured men from battle, thank goodness. I do not think I could help them handle the pain well enough or stay strong enough for them. We did receive a few men off the train as they headed back to the Relay House who were all so weak with some illness of sorts. Three of the men had to be escorted, which really meant pushed in a cart, from the railroad track to the hospital. I believe they are suffering from 82 chronic diarrhea or infections, so Sarah, Emma, and I took the time to talk to each one of the men to find out what exactly they are complaining of the most so we can issue the correct medication and treat them accurately. We helped two of the men change, but one was adamant on changing on his own, in private in even though he was so weak. He looked very familiar, and after looking at his face while he was writing in his diary, I realized he is the record- keeper from Collin’s company.
All of the other soldiers were washed up, laid in bed, and given medication we helped them eat and drink some water. After that we helped them write letters to their wives and mothers to let them know they were in the hospital, ill with chronic diarrhea. I have faith that these men will be doing much better in a few days with some rest and medicine, along with clean clothes and nutritional food.
July 10, Friday
I decided to take the time to focus on the record-keeper soldier so that I can ensure that he will return to his company soon. I noticed that there was something peculiar about him as we sat there talking once he finally woke up from a long sleep.
Andrew, as he informed me his name is, was very adamant about doing everything for himself, even though he could barely hold up a pen, and he seemed more emotional than any other man I have treated so far.
Before I came to bed to write this tonight, I decided to help wash up the record- keeper and I discovered the most shocking thing… He is actually a SHE! I gasped when I unbuttoned her shirt to help wash her shoulders and abdomen. She quickly closed it and bent in close to ask that I not reveal her secret as she’s been hiding it for almost a year 83 now and she was worried that falling ill would expose her. I have not yet told anyone, not even Mother, for if she has successfully and proudly served our country through battles she should not be found out now. But at the same time I do not want to get in trouble for hiding the fact that I have a female who’s been disguised as a male under my care.
I am torn with what to do. I just pray she stays healthy enough to eventually make it home to tell her parents of her adventures.
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Epilogue
By fall and winter of 1864 to 1865, things were beginning to look bleak for the
Confederates. Union general William Tecumseh Sherman conquered land and
Confederate troops in Southern states from South Carolina and moving north to
Richmond, Virginia. George H. Thomas, another Union general, secured Nashville,
Tennessee, and forced Confederate general Hood’s troops to retreat and Hood resigned.
Grant was still competing with Lee in the Richmond and Petersburg, Virginia areas, hoping to cut off the supply lines and weaken their forces. Lee decided to retreat towards the west during the last days of March, which allowed the Union their final attack on
Petersburg and Richmond on April 2nd; the following day they had possession of both cities. The Confederate Army of Northern Virginia, led by Lee, retreated officially on
April 12, 1865, laying their guns and flags down in front of a Union troop. Later that month, on April 26th, Confederate general Johnson, who was stationed in the west, surrendered his troops to Sherman. During the last weeks of May, Confederate President
Jefferson Davis was captured. The war was now over, and the soldiers and nurses could return home.
The ideal woman of pre- and Civil War society was demure, submissive, pious, and concerned only with home and family. She would be a good wife and daughter, never straying too far from home or disobeying her father or husband. Women of the Civil War would challenge society by stepping out of their ideal woman role and take on jobs outside of the home. In doing so, the women who broke the boundaries paved the way for more women, and even men, to enter the workforce. What is important to address is what happened to the females who returned to their homes after the war and adjusted back to 85 life.
According to official records, four hundred women served for the Union with at least two hundred for the Confederates, but we know that number is more.
Documentation of female soldiers was rare, often they were illiterate and did not keep diaries or write letters home, as not all women were able to receive an education. After the war, most of the women would return to their homes and live their lives just as they had before the war. Only a select few women decided to tell their stories to the press, write novels about their experience, or declare themselves as women soldiers when the government approved pensions for female soldiers. A very select minority of the cross- dressing soldiers decided to stay dressed as men, realizing that they could advance in society and have better lives being the more dominant gender. Either way, the courageous efforts of women who exposed themselves as soldiers who fought did not go unnoticed, even after their death by the men and women who appreciated their service to our country.
Life for nurse’s changed after the war, as well. The efforts of doctors and nurses in the north and south trying to improve the level of medical care during the war assisted in the birth of modern medicine. The war produced a time of more complete medical records, especially on surgical activities. Doctors became more skilled at surgery, using anesthesia, and developed great knowledge of the relationship between cleanliness, diet, and disease. There were also advances in the field of nursing, allowing females to become nurses in hospitals outside of Civil War care, and more patients became comfortable with females in the hospital. Society opened up to having females in the workforce, and the nurses of the Civil War paved the way. 86
The Civil War was an influential time of American history in a variety of ways.
Politically, an American president had never dealt with the secession of states, divided political views, and the controversy of slavery was at its highest. During the war, the nation had never seen battles so horrific and bloody. At the same time, the nation was forced to break away from societal constraints and allow men and women of all ages to join the war in some aspect, whether as a soldier or nurse. The young men and women who risked their lives on the battlefield are looked to as heroes, and without them our nation might not be how it is today. Females who chose to dress as males were just as courageous as the men, wanting to fight for their countries and show their pride. The nurses became a workforce unseen in national history, flooding hospitals to treat wounded soldiers, breaking the boundaries society set for women, while advancing the medical field. Through this novella, light has been shed on two female positions of the
Civil War that is important to include in American history, and recognize that they risked their lives serving alongside men.
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References
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