But Here's the Thing, What Is the Deeper Issue? the Kids Outside
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But Here's the thing, what is the deeper issue? The kids outside world may be a reflection of their inside world. What's the route? And I always tell people you got a look beyond behavior. The behaviors are a story that children and youth may not be able to tell in any other way. Falster parents, social workers shall over need to focus on connection. I have this whole program called Connection Versus Correction, Alliance versus Compliance, where I'm from California. 74% of the male prison inmates have been in foster care 74% There's approximately 80 0 children in foster care right now in California. 80 to I just read a statistic in Texas said 80% of the death row inmates have been in foster care. 65% of the second trafficking in America are from the young boys and girls in foster care, and 51% of the Us homeless populations are aged out foster. So statistics show that I should not be standing here today, that I should be an attic. I should be incarcerated, I should be homeless, I should be dead. But I stand here today because of some foster parents who cared for me that solved something inside of me that I couldn't see inside myself. If labels are hastily assigned as an explanation to a child's development and behavioral responses, he or she is at great risk of growing into that label and becoming that this order itself. This is from my latest book called Disable the Label, which is out there never limit the potential of a child. I am not big on quickly labeling hits. Let me give you an example. I was speaking for about 2 0 people in Kansas, and at the end, the line was very long and people that wanted to meet me and such. And so this guy said, Hey, can I just call you later? But I'm like, Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't. I got some things I got to tell you, and I'm like, Okay, so he called. And he said to me, I've got a nine year old adopted daughter. And for the last six months, she's been having lots of issues, and she was a gym. She the adopter when she was a baby. And she has been perfect for the last eight and a half years. In the last six months, she has been out of control, and we're thinking about giving her back. And I'm like, Oh, he just pissed me off right there. Actually, when he said that, I'm like, You do not. And I said, You do not give up on her right now because you're having a hard time with her. This is your child. I go tell me the dynamics of your family goes, well. I'm married. I got a 17 year old son. I got a two year old son biological. And as he's telling me this, I feel something prompting me. I love that quote that says, We are not humans having a spiritual connection or a spiritual experience. We are spirits have any human experience. And so I believe that we're all interconnected. And I believe that I'm connected to something greater than I am. And I feel like that source feeds me information, and I'm an old person. So I said to this guy on the phone, Hey, you know what? I just want you to watch your 17 year old son for a little bit and go, What do you mean by that? What, are you in flight? Well, I just need to tell you that. Watch your 17 year old son. I feel like I'm supposed to tell you that he's like, What? What do you mean? He gets angry at me. I and I'm like, Well, you're the one who called me, dude. You called me, so I'm not gonna give you bubbled out. You know, it's not gonna feed you and will Sunshine up you and make you feel good. We're trying to solve a problem here. So I'm talking to him and talking to him. Finally, he gets off the phone, and he ends up best. Well, I got a phone call approximately six months later or so. And it's a guy he does not, though. If you remember me, I had a nine year old daughter I was thinking of giving up on during this time, she's getting labeled and diagnosed, and he starts crying. And he says, My 17 year old son just got arrested for molesting this little girl, and it made me think, Wow, first of all, we're grateful that the Cup was second of all, it's like, Wow, if they never caught him, she would have all of a sudden had all this medication and then labeled it and labeled that when she was a fully functional nine year old little girl who was suffering a major experience in her life in the hands of someone else. And we were just gonna go, Oh, just accept it. That's just way you take her to a professional, and we just label her. And we just wrote, and guess what? It was her behavior that was communicating most molestations. We're not gonna talk about it. You're not going to find about it until years later because they were scared. Or somebody said, I'll kill your mom and dad, or I'll do this or I'll hurt you. Or no one will believe you or something like that. And the only way that she could communicate with through her behavior, and then we're going to label it. I don't agree with that. I spoke to several hundred psychiatrists and neurologists say, Hire me, speak for them for eight hours. Now, I'm not a psychiatrist or neurologist, but I have life experience. And I started it off with, I don't believe medicating children should be the first choice, and you can hear the audience going because they're the ones who write the scripts are the ones who push. That right. And I go, Okay. And I told them I go, I hear you. And I was in that moment, and I said, Put your hands up. You don't have to. But put your hands up or stand up. If you've gone through brutal trauma as a child, you've seen your dad get killed or your mom get killed or you were prostituted out or you grew up in a drug house or blah, blah, blah. Put your hands up. If you've ever gone through trauma, I'm not talking about spacing. I'm talking about real crazy crap that you hear on the news. And, you know, three hands, basically out of some 100. And then I said, Well, Where's your compassion? These are kids that have gone through so much trauma. We gotta help a deal, feel, heal, feel to heal. We can't be not to. And I said, That's the goal. You know, how many of you compassionately listen. So I am not big on just quickly labeling and diagnosing a child because we don't even know the child. We don't even know what the child has been through. Most kids in the foster care system won't even talk about all these youth and teenagers and foster care than in the system. And I'll give you a total example. I was speaking at Utah State University speaking for 350 Youth for a foster care summit, and I was hired for three hours to speak to them. And I'm in a feather like this. And after 90 minutes, those 350 you after 90 minutes, I knew I had gotten my message across. And I looked at the conference planner. I go, I want to do something different today. And I said, I want to take the next hour and a half. I and give all these wonderful students here an opportunity to share their story with me. And I'll sit in the front row because I provided a safe and secure environment, a very I was very vulnerable with them. But they wanted to share their stories. And all of a sudden, this line comes up and every kid is sharing their story with me right here. And we're learning all this stuff and social workers are there. Foster parents are there. And they had no idea what some of these kids have been holding inside. And I took notes of the complaints that the kids in foster care had. Teenagers complain. Teenagers and foster care are no different. We're all the same, really. We make mistakes. We want love, we want to be loved. And the top complaints from these youth and foster care was that nobody listens to me. Nobody listens. So something to think about there. We focus on connection, connection, connection. Let me tell you, I've got some parents that are very, very stressed, and that's fine, if that's the kind of parent you are. Because if you look at my rapping dad videos, people will say to me, Oh, you're like your kids, friends. I always say, I'm not. You can ask my kids right now. They'll tell you they have my dad who says, I'm not your friend.