Friday January 30th 2009 e Independent Cambridge Student Newspaper since 1947 Issue no 688 | varsity.co.uk »p16 Fashion »p20 Features »p19 Features For Your Showcasing the best of Cambridge’s We talk to Shami Eyes Only graphic design & designers Chakrabati of Liberty

Protesters forced out ANDREW BELLIS despite dons’ support Law Faculty occupation ‘starved out’ after University threatens legal action Six-day demonstration ends with minor concessions made to protest’s demands quite astonished to learn that Cambridge importance of British engagement with Elliot Ross University had responded by attempting the Israeli-Palestinian con ict.“ ere Student protesters ended their six-day to starve the students out.” are other crisis spots right now, too, but occupation of the Law Faculty yesterday, Andrew Chitty, a lecturer at the Uni- this one points a  nger at us because we claiming they had been “starved out” versity of Sussex, has written to Vice- have done nothing real, for so long,” he by the University and following a threat Chancellor Alison Richard to express wrote. “Whichever way you look, it is of legal action against them. e group his “dismay” at the University’s “heavy- just shameful. Intelligent human com- issued a statement saying: “We did not handed methods”. Equivalent protests at munities have an special duty to look fail. We were failed by the University.” Sussex ended amicably a er an agree- for understanding and to make it work, e University is facing accusations ment was reached over their occupation’s not to sit pat on our useless hands.” of “bullying” and “failed leadership” demands. Dr Chitty told Prof. Richard But academic opinion has been from academic sta and students over that Cambridge’s response brought the far from unanimous on the issue. No its handling of the Gaza protest. It “cat- University into “disrepute”. equivalent condemnation of the dem- egorically denies” both bullying and e protest has found support within onstration has been issued, but Mat- underhand tactics. the academic community in Cambridge. thew Kramer, Professor of Legal and e accusations came a er Regis- 35 Cambridge academics have expressed Political Philosophy, called the protest trary Jonathan Nicholls issued a sec- sympathy with the protest and its de- “a puerile act of collective masturbation ond ultimatum carrying the threat of mands, including prominent poet J.H. in which the object is not really to im- legal action and refusing protesters the Prynne, Raymond Geuss, Robert Mac- prove any situation”. right to return to the building. Exist- farlane and Priyamvada Gopal. Mathematician Geo rey Grimmett ing stocks of food were disposed of by An open letter to the Vice-Chancel- said “the University is a place of educa- University o cials, who recorded pro- lor signed by 29 academics concludes: tion and research, not politics. e act testers’ names and photographed them. “We do not believe there is a substantial of occupation runs counter to the very e University said last night that stu- con ict of interest between the Univer- qualities of Cambridge that attracted us dents would not be punished, even sity, its sta and the students on these h e re .” though their actions were in breach of matters. ese students are showing ough the University refused to ac- matriculation requirements. motivation, drive, commitment, per- cede to any of the occupation’s six de- English don Chris Warnes called the severance, and principle in abundance mands, its negotiators have indicated University’s response “a failure of leader- – exactly the qualities we as teachers their willingness to endorse a statement ship” and “a disgrace”. He attacked “the value most in our students. We would made by Universities UK condemning cheapness and the way they bullied those thus urge you and your negotiating the destruction of academic institu- students”. Former UK Ambassador to Uz- team to respond sympathetically to the tions in Gaza, and to notify faculties Protesters outside the Law bekistan Craig Murray, who was refused student proposals.” and Colleges of existing opportunities Faculty minutes a er the access to the building to address the pro- In his message of support to the dem- for humanitarian fundraising. occupation ended testers one Tuesday evening, said: “I was onstration, J.H. Prynne stressed the More details on page 4 Something to say? [email protected] Friday January 30th 2009 2 Editorial Call the Editors directly on 01223 761541 varsity.co.uk

Contents Noble but futile

here is much to admire in the protesters who occupied the Law Faculty over the last week. Their strength of conviction contrasts sharply with the apathy prevalent in the student body as a whole, and some of them have shown remarkable News »p1-7 Tresilience in keeping up the protest. During the occupation they created an ethos of consensual decision-making: it was organised, polite, and there was a sophisticated level of discussion. It was also exciting and passionate, far removed from the The occupation in depth » p4 bureaucratic processes embraced by CUSU. Moreover, their cause – the humanitarian rescue of the Gazan people – is one All you ever wanted to know about the supported by nearly all people in this University and in this country. five-day protest in the Law Faculty. However, the protestors undermined their message with some of their methods. The demands issued to the University were in parts unrealistic, and gave an impression that the protesters were speaking on behalf of students as a whole, who have registered disquiet at the occupation’s modus operandi and specific demands even while supporting their cause. The Cambridge Spies » p7 language used by the protesters, centred around the buzzword ‘solidarity’, was reminiscent of the Communist era and felt Prepare to be scandalised by a alienating to many students. Moreover, advertised leisure activities such as yoga and open-mic poetry, combined with well-boiled serving of hot gossip. frequent sightings of protestors taking a cigarette break or going to Sainsbury’s, undermined the seriousness of the protest in the eyes of many. The University was put in a difficult position, forced to engage with a tricky political situation which it had hoped to avoid, having to devote staff and resources to manage the process, and faced with the opposition of many of its most re- spected senior members who came out in support of the protest. At times it has been petty, at others overly heavy-handed; Comment »p9-11 however, it clearly made some attempts to engage with the protest, and its final response was clear and conciliatory without compromising its academic integrity. It is right not to take legal action against the protesters. The Essay » p9 No-one comes out of this especially well. The protesters endured the ill will of much of the student body, and the Univer- Rob Macfarlane denounces the sity was seen as lofty and conservative. Yet the conclusion to the affair is surely satisfactory to most of us, and the political debate engendered by the events is surely a good thing. The occupation marked an intriguing chapter in the 800 year history environmental impact of Land Rover. of this institution.

A stand for freedom or a farce? » p10 Submit your letter for the chance to win a bottle of wine from the Cambridge Wine Merchants. Was the occupation a noble way of [email protected] All letters may be edited for space and style. supporting the disadvantaged, or a disingenuous attempt at self-promotion? A culture of over-achievement worth challenging by reassessing what Solidarity... we put our true values in. In this world, Dear Sirs, success is measured by the material; Sirs, must this necessarily be the case? Your Varsity 100 feature [Issue 687, Jan- As an uninvolved third party, I would like Magazine »p13-28 uary 23rd] shows the remarkable wealth Yours faithfully, to express dismay and embarrassment of talent and activity that so many at the way the University has treated the Creative Writing » p15 Cambridge students exhibit, and is quite Dave Kinna student protestors. Whatever one’s views A chance to win two tickets to the ADC main show. the testament to the achievements of Emmanuel College on events in Gaza, and whatever one feels those selected. However, I ask whether about how the protesters have expressed Mistaken identity their demands, these students are brave Graphic design » p20 people with good intentions. Their ac- A look into the seldom-seen world of Dear Sirs, tions are borne out of selflessness and designing often-seen posters. involve no little physical and emotional Your article on the Cambridge Univer- discomfort. They do not deserve the it is worth momentarily questioning the sity Conservative Association [Issue 687, vitriol and lazy cynicism levelled at them. Laurence Shorter » p23 culture that creates such a list. In no way January 23rd] appears to have been, er, The new prophet of optimism tells us to am I attempting to disregard or dimin- made up. Perhaps your correspondent Yours faithfully, keep our heads up and spirits high. ish any of those people’s activities but in wasn’t at the party, for no one wore a the light of last term’s plagiarism feature monocle, least of all the Earl of Onslow, Patrick Kingsley and the continued debate on nine-week who doesn’t wear spectacles and wasn’t Emmanuel College terms, it really does appear that stress there. Lord Onslow did visit CUCA Sport »p29-32 (in all its forms and expressions) is a earlier in Michaelmas term, but far from ...or solid hilarity? major issue that the University body as a declaring that the country should be run The transfer window » p30 whole needs to contend with. Proactiv- “by him”, he advocated the abolition of Sirs, Forgot to read the sports news? We give a comprehensive guide ity is a wonderful blessing but it is hard hereditary peers including himself. to what’s going on in the crazy world of football transfers. to deny that Cambridge produces an Viz. TCS: “They fought the Law Fac- atmosphere in which individuals are Yours faithfully, ulty...” and the Law Faculty won. judged on what they have done rather Cooney’s Marathon» p32 than who they are. Whether this is use- Hugo Hadlow Alasdair Pearce The fifth-week blues are coming early for Lauren. ful is, in my opinion, questionable and St John’s College “On behalf of Law students”

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Editors Hugo Gye & Michael Stothard [email protected] Associate Editors Clementine Dowley [email protected] & Robert Peal Get involved [email protected] News Editors Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens [email protected] Comment Editor Robert Stagg [email protected] Sport Editors Jenny Morgan & Jamie Ptaszynski [email protected] Features Editor Joe Hunter features@varsity. Weekly meetings are held for anyone interested in co.uk Arts Editor Emma Mustich [email protected] Theatre Editor Joel Massey [email protected] Reviews & Listings Editor Laurie Tuffrey [email protected] Fashion Editors Kate Womersley, Alice Newell-Hanson & Katy King [email protected] writing for Varsity. Senior Reporters Christos Lavidas, Timothy Leung, Beth Staton & Lizzy Tyler [email protected] Science Correspondents Rose Powell-Tuck & Arthur Turrell [email protected] Food & Drink Editors Jono Franklin & Amanda Palin [email protected] Theatre Critics Victoria Ball, Nicholas Beck, Nathan Brooker, Lauren Davidson & George Reynolds [email protected] Music Critics Lucy News Bryant & Paul Smith [email protected] Film Critics Isobel Finkel & Tom Morris [email protected] Visual Arts Critic Laura Freeman [email protected] Classical Music Critics David Allen & Andrew Browning [email protected] Literary Critic Colette Sensier Sunday, 4pm in the Maypole (Portugal Place) [email protected] Editor-at-large Ed Cumming [email protected] Sub-editors Colm Flanagan, Sheli Levenson & Charlie Pearson [email protected] Photographers Patrick Garety, Tim Johns, Sean Jones, Tom Moriarty, Magazine Lizzie Robinson, Charlotte Runcie, Dhaneesha Senaratne & Zing Tsjeng [email protected] Illustrators Alice Edgerley, Tom de Freston, Sallie Godwin, Jane Hall, Emma Lough, Giles Smith, Katherine Spence, Christiana Spens, Claudia Stocker, Anna Trench & Oliver Watson [email protected] Wednesday, 5.30pm in the Maypole Business & Advertising Manager Michael Derringer [email protected] Board of Directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Tom Walters, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, Miss Lizzie Mitchell, Mr Elliot Ross (VarSoc President), OR Mr Thomas Bird, Mr George Grist, Mr Patrick Kingsley, Miss Natasha Lennard, Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye & Mr Michael Stothard NEWSPAPERS Varsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity SUPPORT RECYCLING Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays. ©2009 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval E-mail [email protected] to find out more. Recycled paper made up 79% of the raw system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe material for UK newspapers in 2007 Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. ISSN 1758-4442 NEWSPAPERS SUPPORT RECYCLING Friday January 30th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 3

Christ’s to unveil Darwin statue for his 200th birthday In Brief » New sculpture challenges traditional image » Bronze statue will form centre of Darwin garden Plagues of Locusts Scientists from Cambridge, Oxford and Sydney Universities believe they Tim Leung accounts he was in fact an energetic and life-loving student who did much have discovered why locusts y to- A bronze statue of Charles Darwin is of his great work in his early years. gether to form destructive swarms. to be unveiled at Christ’s on the bi- “It was in Cambridge that many of Signi cant amounts of the chemical centenary of the naturalist’s birth. his interests and fascinations, which serotonin were found in the locusts’ The statue, to be unveiled on Feb- eventually led to great discoveries, nervous system, rendering them, it is ruary 12th, was created by Anthony were nurtured.” thought, more social and mobile, and Smith, a former Christ’s student. The Most of Darwin’s work still resides thus triggering their swarming in- sculpture will form the centrepiece of in Cambridge, including extensive stincts.  e chemical is also believed a new Darwin garden in the College. collections of specimens from his to change the colour of the solitary “The reason that I applied to voyage on The Beagle, manuscripts, locust to the ‘gregarious’ phase from Christ’s to read zoology in the first correspondences, working papers, green to orangey-brown.  e crea- place was because I discovered a pas- notebooks and journals. tures have been known to band to- sion for natural history after read- The unveiling of the statue will co- gether to cause millions of pounds of ing The Origin of Species when I was incide with a festive fundraising din- damage to farm crops and were said sixteen,” Smith told Varsity. “Things ner hosted by Professor Frank Kelly, to be responsible for one of the ten have worked out quite nicely!” Master of Christ’s, and attended by plagues in ancient Egypt, according Contrary to most depictions of the Duke of Edinburgh, Sir David to the Old Testament. It is hoped the Darwin as what Smith dubs “an old Attenborough, the Vice-Chancel-  ndings will help prevent plagues of man with a beard”, the statue por- lor, and two of Darwin’s great great locusts from occurring in the future. trays Darwin as a young man in the grandchildren. summer of 1831. The proceeds of the dinner will Flasher warning Darwin was an undergraduate at contribute to the establishment of the College between 1828 and 1831. an enduring research link between Cambridge students have been The sculpture is of him in his final Christ’s College and the Galapagos warned about a asher in action year as an undergraduate, a mere six Islands. around the Grange Road and Sidg- months before he boarded HMS Bea- The University is hosting a year- wick Avenue area.  ere have been gle for the now famous journey to the long programme of events to cel- two incidents in the last fortnight of Galapagos Islands. It was here that ebrate the bicentenary of Charles a male exposing himself to onlookers he made observations that later sup- Darwin’s birth. in College property. University Liai- ported his theory of evolution. This includes the Darwin 2009 son O cer Carol Langton has asked Smith examined drawings of Dar- Bicentenary Festival, which will that witnesses inform the police im- win made in 1850 and 1853, as well take place in early July, and Endless mediately should the incident recur. as facial features of his descendents, Forms, an exhibition at the Fitzwil- She has also warned students to take in order to gauge how Darwin might liam Museum from mid-June that particular care in protecting their have looked in his youth. “I would will explore the influence of Darwin’s rooms from outsiders.  e ashing like people to think about Darwin discoveries on visual artists. Student Charles Darwin as incidents are thought to be carried afresh when they see the statue,” reaction to the planned statue has an undergraduate out by the same individual whom Smith said. been enthusiastic. “It’s great to be Langton describes as “an older male “The public perception of him is as able to put a face to the name”, said and very fat, wearing an anorak-style an old man with a beard, but by all one first-year natural scientist. jacket and a woolly hat”. Cambridge and BP join forces  e University of Cambridge and the energy giant BP have signed a formal agreement to continue to collaborate Cambridge ‘well placed’ to escape on research.  e BP head of Research and Technology, David Eyton, met Cambridge Vice-Chancellor Alison Richard on Tuesday to sign a Memo- worst of recession, says report randum of Understanding, in which it was agreed that the two bodies will work to “deepen and more fully inte- » Think tank report says that 1,230 jobs are at risk, fewer than in similar cities grate their research collaboration and continue to attract the best students to employment opportunities within » Charity shops are latest victims of the economic downturn as three close on Mill Road BP, to the mutual bene t of both.” BP has already invested £24 million in could be lost, but this figure is small pice (EACH), the RSPCA and Action We’re just interested in making peo- the University, which has been used Lizzy Tyler & Gemma Oke compared to other cities of a similar for Children have been affected by ple’s lives happier with a nice cup of for a BP institute for Multiphase Flow, Cambridge will avoid the worst of the size. falling consumer spending combined t e a”. for the Cambridge Centre for Energy recession but more than a thousand The head of policy at Cambridge with consistently high rents. Although the future seems un- Studies in Judge Business School and jobs will be lost in the city, according City Council, David Robb called the The manager of the EACH store certain for First Class Tea’s retail as a start-up sum for the Cambridge to a report published this week. report “positive”, but said that the said: “Our lease was up for renewal ambitions, Cartwright-Hignett will Centre for Indian Business.  e  rm The news comes as three charity council was not complacent. Robb next month and they’ve decided Mill continue the wholesale business and is also among Cambridge’s top gradu- shops close their doors for the final identified the “existing prosperity of Road is not busy enough for us to selling tea online. Bene’t’s Café, with ate recruiters. time, joining dozens of other Cam- the town” as a cause for optimism, continue trading. It’s a real shame. branches on Bene’t Street and King’s bridge retailers who have become citing long-term strengths in public “This is the only EACH shop in Parade, will also stock First Class casualties of the economic slump. sector administration, education and Cambridge and we are the main face Teas in the future. The Cities Outlook report, pub- healthcare. of the charity in the city,” Bunny Wil- Earlier this month Marks & Spen- lished by the Centre for Cities think “The report”, he said, “provides son said. cer announced the closure of its Sim- tank, highlights Cambridge as “well evidence of how the country can Other city centre closures in recent ply Food store in the Grafton Centre, placed” to see out the worst impact face up to the coming recession.” The weeks have included First Class Teas which employs 44 people, as part of 52 Trumpington Street of the recession. relatively low number of employees on Peas Hill and Ringtons on Rose nationwide cuts. Cambridge CB2 1RG The city’s highly-qualified work- who commute from Cambridge to Crescent. Ark’s vintage clothes store on Nor- force and knowledge-intensive in- London is also thought to have less- Will Cartwright-Hignett, the man- folk Street has also closed, relocat- FREE CHELSEA BUN dustries will lessen the impact of the ened the exposure of Cambridge to ager of First Class Teas, told Varsity ing to the top floor of the company’s With every purchase over £2.00 in the shop recession, which has so far notably the effects of the recession. that “the closure was due to circum- main shop just off Market Square. OR affected the financial and retail sec- “The report provides evidence of stances and location, not poor busi- The recession has also hit the FREE MORNING tors, the report predicts. how the country can face up to the ness planning; it was utterly reces- Green Man pub in Grantchester, a The relatively stable technological coming recession,” he added. sion driven”. popular rural retreat for academics COFFEE/TEA (9am-12pm) and research industries based around But the report’s optimistic fore- “It was the worst feeling in the and students alike. The 500-year-old With any cake or pastry in the restaurant Cambridge are expected to lead an cast comes as three charity stores on world having to make people redun- public house has been closed since eventual economic recovery on both Cambridge’s Mill Road shut up shop dant. The comments we got from the Christmas holidays and its future on presentation of this voucher a local and national scale. for the last time this week. The shops, customers in the closing days were seems bleak. Its owners were unavail- and proof of student status The study estimates that 1,230 jobs run by East Anglia Children’s Hos- great, we want to stay loyal to them. able for comment. News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday January 30th 2009 4 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

LAW FACULTY OCCUPATION Six days of sit-in: the story of an occupation MICHAEL DERRINGER

Senior Proctor Margaret Guite address the protesters on Friday night

Katy Lee & Elliot Ross spectacularly in this regard. I apologise Palestinian students (just 28 per cent Mark Wolfson, of Emmanuel, who has “move at glacial speed”, adding that it on behalf of my profession.” agreed), and with a resounding 74 per been amongst the most vocal critics of was “a time for impatience”. here hasn’t been a student move- She refused to reject claims that the cent backing the call for disinvestment the demonstration, told Varsity: “If you e occupation’s  rst demand, for “Tment on this scale for at least a occupation has been disruptive. “Your from the arms trade. negotiate with people who are willing a statement condemning Israel’s ac- generation,” one protester claimed, still occupation is problematic and you Many students have expressed con- to move outside of the law and outside tion in Gaza has fuelled wider debate buoyant on the second day of the occu- should back up the people who say so. cern that the granting of scholarships of democratic institutions, then that’s over whether Cambridge University is pation. ey can’t get to their classes? Well, nei- exclusively for Palestinian students equivalent to negotiating with terror- obliged to adopt a political stance on ere was some truth in this: the six- ther can students in Gaza.” would have been unfair on other disad- ists.” this con ict, and whether such action is night takeover of the Law Faculty was Other academics have vehemently vantaged groups. Asked whether he believed a non-vio- appropriate for an educational institu- the longest sit-in staged at Cambridge attacked the protest. Matthew Kramer, Tim Cribb, a world expert in African lent protest could ever constitute terror- tion holding charitable status. since the 60s. It was part of a wave of Professor of Legal and Political Philoso- literature, has pointed out that such pro- ism, Wolfson maintained that it could. Some students have joined mathema- similar “occupations” which has seen phy, claimed the protesters were simply visions already exist for South African He also claimed that Jewish students felt tician Geo rey Grimmett in arguing students across the UK demanding that “preening themselves” and dismissed students, as a result of student cam- “intimidated” by the protests, but could that the university must not adopt a po- their universities dedicate resources to their demands as “utterly fatuous - even paigns against apartheid in the 1970s. not substantiate this view. litical position. alleviating civilian su ering in Gaza. if the university did issue a statement in e most sustained attacks on the pro- Beccy Talmy, one of the protesters, “By forcing the hand of the university e action has provoked debate and accordance with the demands of these tests have centred on the issue of their le- dismissed Wolfson’s terrorism analogy: into taking a political stand you are set- discussion about the Israeli-Palestinian thugs, it wouldn’t achieve anything.” gitimacy. e demonstrators have found “Civilians are not being targeted through ting a dangerous precedent, whereby con ict. However, the unusual mode of Student opinion on the protest has it hard to justify pressuring the Univer- violent means, so we are not terrorists. Cambridge would be inclined to com- protest employed by the Cambridge Gaza also been polarised. Varsity’s snap poll sity to comply with demands made by a What we are is a group of peaceful pro- ment on other future issues,” comment- Solidarity occupation has divided opin- of 210 students found 29 per cent sup- small minority of students and the fact testers who have tried other channels ed undergraduate Charlie Mole. ion among both students and academics. ported the protest, 49 per cent opposed that they declined to use conventional but have been barred, and are now tak- “Would it not have been better to have “More power to you,” declared English it, and 22 per cent did not know. routes to express their views. ing more extreme action.” lobbied an actual political institution don Dr Priyamvada Gopal, addressing An online poll of over 2,500 students e CU Jewish Society organised a e group’s blog claims their requests which has the right and the mandate the protesters on Tuesday. “I am heart- conducted by e Forum, a society brief counter-demonstration on Sunday. that CUSU pass an urgent motion on to speak out against such an event?” he ened by the thought that some of my based at Emmanuel, found opinion was CUJS President Rachelle Waxman said this issue were “blocked for bureaucratic added. colleagues have visited you over the last fairly evenly split on most of the protest- it was “wrong to believe that 100 or so r e a s o n s”. Dr Gopal attacked such arguments as few days. It is the duty of an academic to ers’ proposals. students can dictate the policy of a uni- Ed Maltby, a fourth year linguist and naïve: “Of course the University is a po- foster values of freedom and justice. But On only two issues did student opin- versity in this way.” veteran student activist, said the direct litical institution. Every time the Univer- this is a spirit that you and not academics ion approach consensus: in opposi- Asked what he thought of the Uni- action was symptomatic of a frustration sity confers an honorary scholarship on are keeping alive. Academics have failed tion to the demand for scholarships for versity’s negotiating with the protesters, with o cial channels which, he claimed, a head of state, that’s a political gesture.”

Friday at the Law Faculty, requesting a meet- about existing opportunities to donate 20.30 Occupation of the Law Faculty ing with a delegation of protesters. e to areas a ected by con ict; begins. protesters refuse, insisting that nego- • Students may organise a fundraising Timeline Saturday tiation must happen in the presence of day for the DEC Gaza appeal; 00.35 Senior Proctor collects names the whole group. • Th e University already has a State- and Colleges of 86 protesters. 18.30 e University issue a written ment of Investment Responsibility; How the week’s 01.05 A University Constable, re- response to the six demands. It states • Th e protestors should leave the Law quested by the Proctor, arrives. that: Faculty by midnight. 02.26 List of six demands is published • Th e University cannot issue a state- Monday events unfolded on the group’s blog. ment that is not directly related to its 9.00 Law students return to the Sunday “core educational mission”; Faculty. Senior Proctor 15.00 University representatives arrive • Th e Registrary can remind faculties 11.30 David Feldman, Chairman of Margaret Guite Friday January 30th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 5

LAW FACULTY OCCUPATION From the Archives e protesters’ demands Mixed results for 1. UNIVERSITY STATEMENT YES / NO / MAYBE What they wanted A statement from Cambridge student occupations University condemning Israel’s action in Gaza, the Israeli blockade of Gaza and the continued Israeli presence in Gaza and the West Bank. What they got An endorsement of a statement around the country by Universities UK, which represents the higher Week 3: February 5th 1972 education sector, calling for an end to the Oxford set a meeting for a delegation to meet con ict in Gaza and recon rming universities’ Over 80 students barricaded them- the Principal of King’s to discuss their Varsity’s coverage of a student commitment to the right to education. selves in the Bodleian Library for six demand that Shimon Peres’ honorary sit-in against planned changes in What the students said 35% agree, 54% disagree, hours. e university agreed to pub- doctorate be immediately revoked by economics exams. 11% don’t know. licly condemn civilian deaths in Gaza, the college. o er  ve scholarships for Gazan stu- ld Schools was forcibly oc- dents and to hold an investigation into Warwick cupied by over 600 protesting 2. ACADEMIC AID allegations that it holds shares in the Students have been occupying a lec- studentsO on ursday a ernoon. What they wanted Academic aid, especially arms dealer BAE Systems. ey did ture room on the campus since Janu- No disciplinary actions are to be books, computers and  nancial support, for not agree to cancel the lecture series ary 23rd. e university responded to taken – yet. universities in Gaza. inaugurated by Israeli President Shi- the protesters on Wednesday night, e sit-in followed a spontane- What they got A note circulated around faculties mon Peres. ey  ned the participants but their blog claims the authorities ous decision of an Open Meeting and Colleges reminding them about donation of the occupation £20 each. “managed to miss most of the points called to discuss the General Board’s opportunities. we were making”. e protesters are rejection of the Economics Faculty’s What the students said 41% agree, 44% disagree, London School of Economics currently dra ing a response to the proposed examination reforms. 15% don’t know. Over 40 students occupied the Old university. e Proctors made no attempt eatre lecture rooms until January to disrupt the sit-in a er an initial 21st. A er seven days, the LSE agreed Sussex skirmish in which the Junior Proc- to waiver application fees to publicise An agreement was reached with uni- tor claimed he was “kicked and 3. DAY OF FUNDRAISING scholarships for students from the versity management on Tuesday night, scratched”. is has been strongly What they wanted Commitment from Palestinian Territories. ey did not ending negotiations and the occupa- denied by the students involved. the University to a day of fundraising for agree to instruct its fund managers to tion a er one week at the Asa Briggs An advance party of about 40 humanitarian aid in Gaza. divest from BAE, but will consider a lecture theatre. e university agreed students tried to barricade the back What they got Permission for students to paper presented by the Student’s Un- to review its ethical investment poli- entrance with a car, but were forced organize fundraising for the DEC Gaza appeal. ion on a divestment-based ethical in- cy; they will work with the Students back by a squad of Proctors and spe- What the students said 43% agree, 42% disagree, vestment policy. Union to extend scholarship oppor- cial constables who were waiting for 15% don’t know. tunities to students form regions af- them. ere was some violence at SOAS fected by con ict or catastrophe; they this confrontation and one student’s Students at the School of Oriental and will help assist e orts to give surplus glasses were broken. African Studies occupied the Brunei books, computers and other learn- Jim Pemberton, Chairman of the Gallery at the London campus for one ing materials, meeting shipping costs Economics Students’ Committee, 4. SCHOLARSHIPS day between January 13th-14th. e where necessary and the university told them, “ is sit-in is not for What they wanted A minimum of ten institution refused to issue a statement will not make any attempts to punish fun – we have serious demands. We scholarships for Palestinian students every year. condemning Israel’s attacks on Gaza, students. must have well-de ned aims and de- What they got No guarantee of scholarships but they agreed that there will be no cide how long we are going to stay.” exclusively for Palestinians. military on campus prior to consulta- Leeds But it was not until an hour later What the students said 24% agree, 61% disagree, tion with the Student Union. Students are occupying the Botany that the sit-in agreed to end itself 15% don’t know. House building, near the Student’s Un- in 24 hours at one o’clock on Friday Birmingham ion. e occupation is still ongoing. a ernoon. Students occupied a room in the Arts Spasmodic attempts were made at Building for 12 hours on January 21st. Queen Mary’s discussion and it was decided not to ey were forcibly removed from Students are occupying the Frances allow drugs in the room. the room by an “exceptionally heavy Bancro building. ey began on Jan- In a proposal put through the 5. ARMS DIVESTMENT handed approach taken by the uni- uary 27th and the occupation is still Senior Proctor, the Vice-Chancellor, What they wanted Divestment from the arms versity”, involving security sta and ongoing. Professor Deer, said that he was trade. police. Negotiations with the Vice- willing to meet a deputation of What they got A restatement of the existing Chancellor will follow. Manchester Metropolitan three, but following the advice of Statement of Investment Responsibility. e occupation ended at 5pm last Fri- Mike Grabiner the meeting voted to What the students said 65% agree, 23% disagree, King’s College London day a ernoon a er 27 hours. ere send no one until they had decided 12% don’t know. e King’s occupation is still ongo- is no further information on the de- on their terms. Later, at 11pm, the ing a er ten days. e college has met mands and whether these have been deputation, including the Vice- seven of the eight demands made by met by the university. President of the CSU. Cathy Prior, the protesters. It has condemned the agreed with the Vice-Chancellor to violence of the Israel Defense Force Nottingham sign a document saying that they 6. NO PUNISHMENT causing extensive damage to academic Students occupied a room in the Law would end the sit-in at 1pm the fol- What they wanted No repercussions for protest institutions in Gaza; it has promised and Social Sciences building at 8pm lowing day and accept responsibility participants. to send surplus computers and books on Wednesday January 28th. Nego- for any damage. What they got Participants were repeatedly told to Gaza; to organise a fund-raising day tiations with the university have yet to A er the pubs had shut there were that they were in breach of their matriculation speci cally for Gaza; to break ties with begin. many students milling about on the requirements. eir names have been passed to all  rms who sell arms; that students lawn outside Old Schools, singing their colleges. Proctors are “not minded to take involved in the occupation will not be Essex ‘Land of Hope and Glory’ and ‘We action”. punished in any way; to provide  ve e occupation at Essex University Shall Overcome’. e meeting voted What the students said 49% agree, 38% disagree, fully funded scholarships for Pales- began on January 16th. It is unclear not to allow them in while discus- 13% don’t know. tinian students and to establish links whether protesters are still occupying sion was going on because they with a ected universities. ey have the lecture building. SOURCE: THE FORUM SOCIAL AFFAIRS SOCIETY // 2,532 UNIVERSITY MEMBERS // POLL STILL OPEN ONLINE AT WWW.SRCF.UCAM.ORG/FFSC/POLL/ would “disrupt, not discuss”. is led to a group of over 60 the Law Faculty, tells protestors that stay or leave at the start of each lecture. Wednesday the Israel-Palestine con ict. A second right-wingers, some inebriated, the occupation is disrupting the work A majority votes against the protestors 19.00 Delegation to CUSU Council emergency motion to support the oc- pulling down banners and giving of the Faculty. Bringing food into the in every case. meeting leaves the Law Faculty. cupation of the Law Faculty fails. three cheers for the Proctors and the building will also now be forbidden, 11.00 A delegation enters negotiations 19.04 University statement demands 21.00 Back at the occupation, Proc- Queen. due to breaches of health and safety with University authorities. e au- that the protestors leave the Faculty tors begin photographing protesters At 1pm on Friday it was decided regulations. thorities uphold the written response by 7.30pm. A er this time, protest- and collecting their names. Security to continue the sit-in for a further 24 Tuesday issued on Sunday. ers – including delegates currently at sta prevent any further entry to the hours. Mike Grabiner, Cathy Prioe 09.00 Security guards continue to re- 14.00 e University agrees to endorse CUSU Council – will be considered Law Faculty. and Dave Green who has signed the quire University ID for all entrants to a statement by Universities UK, which trespassers and not re-admitted. u r s d a y previous agreement with the Vice- the Law Faculty, and check bags for calls for an end to the con ict in Gaza 19.15 CUSU Council passes an emer- 11.00 Remaining protesters leave the Chancellor to leave at 1pm on Friday food. Sta conduct polls on whether and con rms universities’ commit- gency motion supporting student Law Faculty a er they are threatened did in fact leave at that time. At Law students wish the protesters to ment to the right to education. schemes to raise aid and educate about with a court injunction. 1.30pm there were 600 still sitting in. News Editors: Andrew Bellis & Cædmon Tunstall-Behrens Friday January 30th 2009 6 News [email protected] varsity.co.uk

In Brief Side street is Friends’ tribute to Corpus student ‘like a third- Hermione comes to Trinity David Thompson (1987-2009) world country’ Emma Watson is believed to have Aditi Rao accepted a place at Trinity College, Cambridge, to read English, start- Corpus Christi undergraduate David Dave was exceptionally good com- ability ranking of the male geologists A side street behind a Cambridge ing in October. The 18-year-old Thompson died in Sussex last Thursday. pany and his ever-present optimism by their female counterparts. In fact, nightclub has been compared by local actress who plays Hermione in the Here, his friends pay tribute to him. and cheery demeanour would always it was noted by his friends who found residents to something from a third- Harry Potter films was rumoured ave originally joined Corpus in leave you feeling better for having themselves further down the rank- world country because of the rubbish in Michaelmas 2008 to have already D2005 to study Natural Sciences, fi- talked to him. He was able to make ings that girls seemed to flock to him that accumulates there. come up to Cambridge and to be nally realising that Geology offered him any situation fun and would lighten wherever he went and they would often Concerns have been raised about studying Philosophy at Homerton. the opportunity to achieve his dream the mood of any group he was in. He ponder the conundrum of how this was the cleanliness of Hobson’s Passage, She is now said to be favouring of exploration. He spent his time out really did have everything: he was achieved. He became our “Mr Best”, be- which connects Sidney Street to Hob- Cambridge over American universi- of term on field trips with the Depart- funny, intelligent and good-looking. cause, quite simply, he was. son Street, and is situated just behind ties because of a reluctance to be too ment and his friends culminating in a He was easy to talk to and always in- Throughout his time at Corpus, The Place nightclub. far from her Oxford home. two-month expedition last summer to terested, whether it be discussing his David was a lynchpin of the college Rubbish that overflows from the South Africa mapping the uncharted love of drum and base or drunken ex- community. Whether as stroke for the 1,100 litre bins, including broken bot- Report on Muslims in EU Rictersveld desert. ploits at the Northern Ireland Society men’s second boat or as a key player tles, old clothing, waste food, news- He was a member of the Cambridge dinners. in a new and emerging lacrosse team, paper and cardboard can be found A Cambridge study has revealed University Exploration Society Com- Effortlessly charming to the ladies, he was always first to arrive and last regularly strewn all over the passage- that Muslim women are proud to mittee and was keen not only to or- with his winning smile and laugh, he to leave and his infectious enthusiasm way. Some pedestrians have even seen live in and belong to Europe, despite ganise his own trips, but to offer help was forever number one in the suit- kept everyone going in training, even human faeces there in the past. any prejudices they may risk facing to others who wished to plan theirs. in the coldest weather. He was a good The serious health risk posed by on a daily basis. Dr Sara Silvestri, a He often talked of taking a car around friend and neighbour, from opening the rubbish has horrified residents Research Associate at Cambridge the world once he graduated. He is jars and lending screwdrivers to just and visitors to the city, and has now University’s von Huegel Institute summed up by his favourite quote: encouraging people out on a Saturday been brought to the attention of Cllr and at its Department of Politics “I’m stuck in a city when I belong in for a curry. Colin Rosenstiel, who is the Execu- and International Studies is running a field.” We will really miss him: his jokes, his tive Councillor for Environmental the research. The study, entitled He enthusiastically utilised gadgets smiles, the funny little raised eyebrows and Waste Services. The council has ‘Europe’s Muslim women: potential and could constantly be relied upon to that showed when he was surprised. taken action against the owners of the aspirations and challenges’, has re- have documented anything you wanted Cambridge will never be the same large, (unlocked) trade waste bins, as vealed the increasing independence or needed to know. He was never far without him. Memories of his friend- they are “supposed to be locked and of an emerging generation which is from his Apple Mac, even at the top of ship will be treasured and all truly wish secure at all times”. taking advantage of its rights to a mountains, giving him his nickname that they had had more time to appreci- David Coventry, head of Street full education and career. None of ‘Data Dave’. Determined to ensure his ate him. Scene, the company employed by the the participating women claimed classmates had a good time on field A book of condolences is available council to clean the passage, says the they wished to live under existing trips he instigated the ritual of the hu- in the Corpus Chapel to anyone from street is cleaned daily – “first thing Sharia Law systems. man pyramid. As long as there were at 4.30pm-10pm daily. All input, as crea- in the morning”. He believes that the least three students present, a wobbly tive as you like, is invited. problem stems from the unlocked pyramid could be formed and a photo His funeral is on Tuesday in Lon- waste bins that are found in the pas- Streets star injured taken to record the event. Dave’s pyra- donderry. There will be a College me- sageway, as passers-by are more mids will continue to be built in far- morial service at a future date to be an- tempted by the unsecured bins to The rapper Mike Skinner has been flung corners of the globe. nounced. throw litter. injured after crowd-surfing at a Cambridge gig. The star from the Streets claimed on his MySpace blog that fans at the Corn Exchange on Tuesday “tug me the f** about and punch me and twist me up”. He re- City dims streetlights Cambridge appoints ferred to crowd-surfing as “Moses based activity”. Skinner continued: “It’s great fun at the time but kills to fight climate change first female librarian after. Really. Pain like I have never experienced... tonight someone held onto my belt so hard that my hernia » Lights to dim from midnight til 5am » Jarvis is UL’s first female boss in 650 years scar from many years ago opened every book, music, map and journal up to a bright red colour. Looks like Beth Staton

t im j oh n s published in Britain. Its treasures in- a wee organ might pop out of its The University Library has appointed clude a 1445 copy of the Gutenburg purply red bloody gash. Nice.” The its first ever female head librarian, it Bible, the earliest European book Streets front man was treated by St was announced this week. produced using movable type, as well John’s Ambulance staff on site, but Anne Jarvis, who has held the post as Charles Darwin’s correspondence, later called for paramedics. of deputy librarian since 2000, will archives of the Royal Greenwich Ob- become the first female in 650 years. servatory and the library of the Royal Jailbreak out of Cambridge She will replace Peter Fox, who steps Commonwealth So- down after 15 years as the Library’s ciety. RAG’s annual Jailbreak event, rais- head. Containing ing money for charities such as the Jarvis, 46, has previously worked over eight mil- Cambridge Rape Crisis, the Cystic at Dublin City University Library lion volumes, Fibrosis Trust and Wateraid, begins before holding the post of sub-li- the library today. Starting out from Parker’s brarian at Trinity College Dublin, has over Piece at nine o’clock this morning, her alma mater. She is a Fellow of 100 miles pairs of student will race to travel Wolfson, and has served as vice- of shelving as far from Cambridge as possible Justin Woolf to the high-tech lamps will also bring president there for two years. and expands in 36 hours, without spending any about a reduction in carbon emissions “Cambridge is already one of the by two miles of their own money or relying on Streetlights in Cambridge are to be and “a potential fall in energy costs”, world’s great research libraries,” Ms every year. pre-organised transport. The event dimmed at night to reduce carbon according to Mark Kemp, director of Jarvis said. “I look forward is designed to raise money for the emissions and lower energy costs. Highways and Access at Cambridge- both to building on this various charities sponsored by The plans for reduced lighting levels shire County Council. success and to an excit- the student-run fundraising or- are the result of a £57 million scheme A spokesman for Cambridgeshire ing future in which the ganisation. Pairs are sponsored by that will see the replacement of 44,000 County Council concluded said: “The University Library the mile, and most aim at least to streetlights across Cambridgeshire. switch to white light will give better will play a leading cross the Channel and reach Eu- The street lights will be dimmed from colour definition and brightness. Even role in providing in- rope, although some have set their between midnight and 5am due to the when the lights are dimmed they will novative services in sights higher: one competitor has national proposal for electricity to be still be brighter than the current yellow a rapidly changing expressed her intention to “get on charged on a meter. sodium lights.” information land- a boat to Morocco”. Enthusiasm The new lights, being introduced Other councils who have imple- s c ap e .” for the event has been particularly from 2010, will offer brighter light and mented the new lighting plans have As one of the high this year, with the number of greater energy-efficiency than the yel- seen residents complain about glare UK’s six legal de- participants doubling. All money low sodium lamps that are currently into nearby homes as well as birds posit libraries, the raised will go to charity. used. singing at night after being confused Library is entitled The technological advances built in by the lights. to a free copy of Friday January 30th 2009 Got a news story? varsity.co.uk 01223 761543 / [email protected] News 7

Campaigners call for re-opening of Oxbridge rail link Cambridge Richard Kirsch Peter Lawrence, president of Rail- from industry and tourism, which they Among the improvements will be free future, a transport pressure group, is say are important during the UK’s dire broadband access and leather seats. Spies Rail campaigners are pushing for the hopeful that the Oxford-Bedford sec- economic climate. Alternatively, rail travellers can pay re-opening of the so-called Varsity tion “will be ready by 2012”. But con- Opposition to the plan is primarily upwards of £40 for a single train ticket, line between Cambridge and Oxford. struction of the rest of the line remains political, not nancial: there is a lack of changing stations at London, still to- The rail link, victim to the ‘Beech- “in the melting pot”. support from both Bedford town coun- talling over two and a half hours. A ing Axe’ closures of the 1960s, would Investigations in recent years sug- cil and beleaguered National Rail. Varsity line could reduce this to 75 dramatically cut transport time be- gest nancial viability, with demand Currently those wishing to travel minutes, as well as cutting costs. tween the two cities. from students, commuters, and indus- from Cambridge to Oxford must take In 2006,  ying an airship between The plan involves the construction try across this fast-growing area of the a three-and a-half-hour journey on the the two cities was proposed, but esti- of a new line trains to run at 100mph country. X5 bus. Last week, Stagecoach, who mates suggest the service would need from Cambridge through Bedford, Railfuture believe that the route operate the route, announced that it is 1,000 passengers a day to be pro t- Milton Keynes, Bicester and Oxford. would encourage inward investment investing £3.5m in upgrading its  eet. able. LED bulbs could cut bills by 75% » Cambridge researchers unveil brighter bulbs that could last for 60 years Jesus » New bulbs could be in the shops within two years What a banker? Caedmon Tunstall-Behrens ditional and currently available low energy light bulbs. A well known quasi-Roman drinking Cambridge University researchers have “ at won’t just be good news for society had a characteristically austere invented a bulb that will cut household the environment: it will also bene t annual dinner in Cafe Rouge abruptly lighting bills by 75 per cent. consumers by cutting their electricity MASONS NEWS SERVICE curtailed by the arrival of her majesty’s  e new LED bulbs, dubbed the bills.” nest, summonsed a er the manage- “holy grail” by scientists, were unveiled  e main component of LEDs is ment had taken unreasonable objec- on Wednesday.  ey could last up to Gallium Nitride, a man-made semi- tion to ‘roaring at fellow diners’ and 60 years and are considerably cheap- conductor, which can withstand a ‘proliferation of penises’. A er being er than conventional bulbs, if their large heat capacity. It is currently used gently prodded, one ambitious and lifespan is taken into account, and may in bike lights, mobile phones and cam- legally-minded member felt the need be on sale within two years. era  ashes, but until now has been too to remind the good constables of their  e bulbs are 12 times more e - expensive for widespread use – a single requirement to adhere to the 1984 cient that conventional tungsten bulbs light bulb would have cost £20. Pace Act governing police conduct. and three times more e cient than A spokesman for Friends of the Su ce it to say that the general lack of compact  uorescent “energy e cient” Earth said: “We urgently need to cre- bonhomie was only partially relieved bulbs. ate a low-carbon economy if we are to when one returning member inad- If the new bulbs were to be used in avoid a climate change catastrophe. vertently tipped the restaurant his PIN all UK homes and o ces, the propor- “ e world is facing huge economic number. “ ank God I’m a banker” he tion of UK electricity used by lighting and environmental challenges – but cried the next morning. Well, quite. would fall from twenty per cent to ve by tackling them together and invest- per cent. ing in green technology we can create King’s  e Cambridge University Centre a clean, safe and prosperous future for for Gallium Nitride is leading the re- all.” Sausage-fest search into the technology. Professor  e bulbs are being manufactured Colin Humphreys, head of the centre, by County Durham-based semicon-  is year’s Australia Day was celebrat- said: “We are very close to achieving ductor rm RFMD and it is expected ed in true hedonistic Aussie fashion. highly e cient, low cost white LEDs that they will hit shelves within two Boozing in full swing, one reveller sug- that can take the place of both the tra- years if prototypes are successful. gested that ‘Bruce’ “get some snags on the barbie”. Bruce did as she was told, giving the sausages a generous bath of oil, but saw that as her duty over. No- ticing that smoke had begun to ll the kitchen, Bruce, horri ed, began to fan it away – towards the smoke detector.  e arrival of the re services led to a full evacuation of the building. Seek- ing a souvenir, one lass set up a group photo in front of the re engine, the remen happily striking poses. Bene’t’s Cafés Mature education 20 King’s Parade Doctor Dominatrix

of t Kin ree g’s ’t St 4 Bene’t Street Parade and Bene At a rather oiled-up hall this week, one undergraduate found discovered himself in the most compromising of situations. Having spent the last month o the sauce, our subject found the single malt more than e ective and subsequently bundled 20% off every Wednesday a fellow up to her rooms for an Ciabattas - Wraps - Sandwiches extended tasting session.  e bottle(s) consumed unfortunately hindered Loyalty Cards for his performance and to his astonish- Toasted Ciabattas ment, the seemingly prim and proper don opened a cabinet to display an Award winning Norfolk Icecream impressive collection of toys, jellies and lotions. Such a novel prospect Cappuccino, Espresso leant our undergraduate renewed vigor and the evening culminated in a Bene’t’s Chocolate Indulgence fashion satisfactory to all. It certainly is wonderful to see the academic sta Try our Homemade Cakes of our esteemed university provide such an edifying and educational Bene’t’s of King’s Parade open till 8pm experience. We are the leading supplier to colleges, May Balls and student socs and parties. Party wines from £2.99, over 200 single malts, Port, Madeira, Claret, Absinthe, cans of lager. If you can drink it, we sell it. Free glass loan, free delivery, generous discounts, wholesale accounts available for all CU bodies, socs, clubs etc. Double-or-Quits your student discount with our Trivial Pursuit challenge. No conferring, bickering or face-pulling. Branches at King’s Parade, Magdalene Bridge and Mill Road. Edinburgh too. www.cambridgewine.com

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a Cambridge University Careers Service event

Thursday 5th February 2009 1pm-5:30pm New Museums Site, Pembroke Street

BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR CAREER Friday January 30th 2009 Get it off your chest: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 9 e Essay

Rejecting Land Rover Robert Macfarlane Literary don Dr Macfarlane was o ered a  ve- gure sum and an all-expenses-paid trip to the Caribbean by Land Rover. He said no. Here, he explains how the company shamelessly uses landscape and nature to sell its products.

hree years ago, I was approached car and collide with a 4x4, you are 12 text boxes. Nature was being used to sumers’ necks. Trust published research showing Tby OneLife, the “lifestyle” maga- times more likely to die than if the sell a product which embodies the 4x4 advertising is dedicated to that 94 per cent of British children zine of Land Rover, which is sent out collision was with another small car. principles by which nature must not manipulating landscapes into ge- are unable to identify common na- to Land Rover owners in more than Redwood, the magazine company be understood. neric forms. All that it requires of a tive trees - beech, ash, birch, hazel - 60 countries and is, according to its which produces OneLife, speaking OneLife – what a happy holistic landscape is that it evoke the idea of from their leaves, and that more than own modest marketing, “worthy of proudly of its publication’s print world the name evokes! – is of course challenge: something resistant to be 40 per cent of seven to 10-year-olds the world’s best coffee tables”. quality, hails OneLife’s “full-bleed only conforming to large-scale 4x4 conquered, something natural to be have never visited a wood. OneLife had a writing commission imagery”. Indeed. advertising strategies. You will be fa- tamed. A river is valued for its dif- And as that gap widens, so the in mind for me. I would be flown My OneLife contact sent me two miliar with them from billboards and culty of fording. A mountain for its “line of predestined fall”, as Tim out to the Caicos Islands in the Car- issues of the magazine. It was lav- television commercials: gleaming dramatic and nameless escarpments. Robinson calls it, yawns at our feet. ibbean for a three-day stay. There, ishly produced, and “landscape” semi-militarised vehicles ploughing No landscape can be only itself: it must For the separation of knowledge I would conduct a “beach-based” was its glamour, its represent an obstacle of some sort. and place moves us slowly towards interview with “the world-famous sales pitch. On The hypocrisies of 4x4 marketing a society in which it is increasingly freediver Tanya Streeter”: the conceit every page, are dark, multiple and pernicious. unnecessary for us to be aware of being that I, as a mountaineer, and Land Rovers Everything about the product where we live, beyond the house- Streeter, as a diver, were both explor- romped urges us to the wrong relation- keeping of our own private zones. ers of the vertical. I would stay in across ship with our environment. The Once this awareness has lapsed, then the best hotel on the islands. Natu- vehicles themselves landscapes beyond those private rally, all expenses would be covered are the gargoyle of a precincts become easier to ma- and all transport pre-arranged. The rampant and acrid nipulate for ill. Once the networks fee for the subsequent 2,000-word form of individual- of origin, cause and process which article would run to a generous five- ism: gated com- exist between environment and life figure sum. munities of one. are forgotten, then we are left with If only it had not been Land Rover They bespeak the a diminished idea of how individual making the offer. How ardently I urge to dominate parts of landscapes are threatened, wished for it not to have been Land and crush which by pollution or mismanaged devel- Rover. is at the root of opment. As Barry Lopez has put it: Transport is the fastest-growing what Ivan Illich “The more superficial a society’s source of carbon dioxide produc- called “the 500- knowledge of the real dimensions tion in Britain: transport emissions year war on of the land it occupies becomes, increased by 50 per cent between sustainability”. the more vulnerable the land is to 1990 and 2002. In the main, this is They expound exploitation... for short-term gain. due to the unsustainable growth in a vision of an The land, virtually powerless before air travel. It is also, however, down unspoiled and political and commercial entities, to the massively burgeoning 4x4 untroubled finds itself finally with no defenders. market. Sales of 4x4s grew by 12.8 land, even as It finds itself bereft of intimates with per cent in this country last year, to they market indispensable, concrete knowledge.” 179,000 vehicles: more than double the tools of its How, though, is it possible to the number sold 10 years ago. Only further wreck- regain such “concrete knowledge”? 12 per cent of 4x4s are ever driven age. How is it possible to restore particu- “off-road”, and 40 per cent never The massive larity to place, to provoke intimacy, leave the city. sales growth or a sense of what is remarkable in One cost of the 4x4 boom is of the 4x4 is a stretch of land? To come to know long-term environmental. Big one dismaying a place - its textures, its species, its 4x4s in urban conditions manage example among interplay of scape and space, the thirteen miles to the gallon; the very many of the gap archive of its weathers, the wind- biggest manage four. Four miles to which currently history of its trees - is long work. Not the gallon. To drive a 4x4, given the exists between knowledge all places can be known by all people disastrous rapidity of climate change, winter hillsides, over desert dunes, through a swamp, or along a cliff- and place. Each month, it seems, in such a way. is to demonstrate the same reverse- along boulder-cobbled river-beds. top, before slewing to a rakish halt that gap widens. Apocryphal stories Robert Macfarlane is a Fellow of denial of the lung cancer victim who There were glossy centrefold spreads at a view-point. The vehicles’ names circulate: about the schoolchildren Emmanuel College and a University continues to smoke cigarettes after of eco-porn: thrusting mountains, – the “Touareg”, the “Bedouin” – are who do not know that milk comes Lecturer in the English Faculty. diagnosis. brothel-pink sunsets. Andy Golds- repellently shameless steals from from cows, or who cannot identify a His books include Mountains of the The other cost is short-term worthy-ish images of cracked mud aboriginal cultures, designed to raise cucumber from a line-up of vegeta- Mind: A History of a Fascination personal. If you are driving a small patterns served as wallpaper between atavistic hairs on the backs of con- bles. In April last year, the Woodland (2003), and The Wild Places (2007). Comment Editor: Robert Stagg Friday January 30th 2009 10 Comment [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Foreign Cambridge Gaza Solidarity Making a stand Correspondence Occupation Cambridge goes all over the world in a The Law Faculty protesters call for the University to stand by its principles riot of semi-imperialist journalism

MASONS NEWS SERVICE he occupation of the Cambridge doctorates alone testi es to its readi- student thinkers and activists speak- Law Faculty has aimed to refocus ness to adopt stances political and ing out about their concerns and Tpopular attention on the humanitar- partial. To have met the demands making sure people hear what they ian crisis in Gaza, and to press the of the students occupying the law have to say in a peaceful manner. University of Cambridge to engage in faculty would have been  tting of is direct action, operating under rebuilding the educational infrastruc- Cambridge’s status as a charita- the principles of inclusivity, direct ture of the region. ble organisation and would have democracy and peaceful protest, has e crisis in Gaza is undeniably brought tangible bene ts to the lives fostered a level of political debate severe, having a ected 1.5 million and studies of Palestinian students and participation not seen in Cam- civilians and witnessed the destruc- and their communities. bridge for decades. e occupation tion of the University of Gaza and UN What seems to have most frus- embodied the commitment to free- Schools. It should be a matter of con- trated some elements of the student dom of thought and speech upon cern for academic institutions around body about the occupation has been which the University claims to base Week 3: Washington DC the world that the safety and wellbe- its bypassing of normal channels its 800 year history as an academic ing of students and teachers has been and the appropriation of an educa- institution. ashington DC, a city obsessed compromised. Given this, and the Uni- tional space for political purposes. e University’s response to the with history, saw it being versity of Cambridge’s stated ability to First, the glacially slow process of occupation constituted an unsuc- madeW last Tuesday as Barack Obama act on matters of educational import, student politics, a supposedly repre- cessful attempt to silence the voices became President Obama. Two mil- it is di cult to comprehend where the sentative system, is incapable of ef- of its own junior members; its will- lion gathered in the freezing cold. occupation goes wrong in pushing the fecting the rapid change demanded ingness to manipulate its position of Hundreds of millions more watched University to o er concrete contribu- by the severity of the situation in power is a damning indictment of from the comfort of their own homes tions to the reconstruction of Gaza. Gaza and similar crises. is ine ec- its claim to the liberal ideals of free as Obama’s rhetorical masterpiece e demands issued by the oc- tual pace necessitated a direct form speech and intellectual exchange. swept over an expectant world. cupation include that the University of protest. Second, it was our fullest Any peaceful political action which Anywhere else in the world that of Cambridge publicly condemn the intention to allow educational proc- holds the University to account for speech would have been dismissed Israeli bombardment of educational esses to continue at the Law Faculty. its own ideals needs no justi ca- as archaic, super cial, a concession institutions in Gaza, mandate the Our dispute was neither with law tion. Such protests are the exercise to style over substance. But not in staging of a University fundraising students nor their teachers. What is of a political right, a right which America. Partly of course it is the event alongside the donation of edu- more, we maximised the opportu- the University has obstructed and man; Obama could have delivered cational materials, create scholarships nity for peer education on political refused at every turn. the Nuremberg Laws and it would for Palestinian students, and disinvest questions by holding debates, show- e situation in Gaza remains have met with adulation. However, from the arms trade. ough some ing  lms, and getting expert speak- critical. We hope that the attention there is also a psychological di er- object to the notion that the University ers to give lectures – some of whom focused on the crisis by the occupa- ence between Americans and the adopt an overtly ‘political’ position were denied entry to the building to tion will ultimately bring real and rest of the world, which is in many on this or any matter, disrupting, as speak by the draconian conduct of immediate educational aid to Gaza. ways epitomised in their capital of it would, a supposed and erroneous certain University authorities. Whatever the occupation’s  nal out- Washington. claim to ‘impartiality’, we a rm that ere has been nothing intimidat- come, we are proud to have staged For a start, Washington should Cambridge University is a political ing about this occupation. From the it; we are ashamed of our University not be there at all. Only Ameri- entity. Its record of awarding honorary beginning, it has only been about for attempting to suppress it. cans would decide to build a city on swampland with sweltering mosquito-infested summers and bitterly cold winters. Its very exist- ence evokes that American virtue of Mark determination (or perhaps arro- gance and stubborn in exibility). Wolfson ere are many other ‘American’ Rah-Rah-Revolutionaries features, but its most de ning one is only really appreciated by strolling along the National Mall on a late e Law Faculty ‘occupation’ was an insulting farce summer’s day. Other countries have memorial and celebratory parks, but none compare. Centre-pieced by n 1968, student-led protests raged So what has caused such widespread about the Palestinian cause, but instead though the University should of course the vast obelisk of Washington, the Iacross Western cities, their universities resentment towards the ‘occupiers’? ey is an opportunity for this mob of rah- be aiding international students from Mall stretches for over three miles, a simmering with discontent. An anti-war claim that they are exercising their right revolutionaries to partake in an orgasm deprived areas, why should a Palestin- massive boulevard for the celebra- rally in London ended with 86 people to peaceful protest and that they do not of anti-establishmentarianism. Let us be ian student get priority over a deprived tion and remembrance of America’s injured and over 200 arrested. Rightly want to disrupt the lives of students or frank: this is a glori ed sleepover. e Bolivian student? How exactly would ten past heroes – “the men that shaped or wrongly, the British student move- faculty members. ey state that they fact that the decision to invade the Law scholarships aid the Palestinian – and the nation”. It gives one a unique ment had committed itself to their cause, wish to show solidarity with and gain Faculty was taken before they had com- wider peace – cause? insight into how Americans want to regardless of consequence. aid for the people of Gaza. Yet, as is so piled a list of demands says it all. ese demands challenge the division perceive themselves. Courageous? e ‘occupation’ of Cambridge Uni- o en the case with actions of the Hard ere is, however, a far more insidious between the ‘academic’ and ‘political’ Yes. Free? De nitely. Proud? You versity’s Law Faculty, our Law Faculty, le , the available institutional processes aspect to the actions of this minority; spheres. e University represents thou- better believe it. is an insulting farce. Despite invoking which would have allowed for inclusive they are usurping the student voice. e sands of students and academics, all with For those who dismiss Obama’s the ‘glories’ of 1968, these faux-revo- discussion were ignored. In trespassing, Hard Le is dictating what we, as stu- contrasting and varying viewpoints. e speech as old-fashioned, a walk along lutionaries have demanded immunity they slipped into the realms of illegality, dents of this in uential University, will Hard Le is seeking to silence dialogue the National Mall would teach them for their actions. ey occupy a major and the student body should demand say to the world. But in reality, they are a and discussion, essential for progress much. Whether it is the majesty of academic centre of learning – an incred- and peace. If a government surrenders to the Lincoln Memorial – one of those ibly aggressive and confrontational act in terrorism, if a businessman succumbs to rare occasions when the reality is itself, despite claims to peaceful protest – “Let us be frank: this is a glori ed sleepover” blackmail, if a ransom is paid for a kid- more impressive than one’s percep- whilst expecting no repercussions. eir napping, the underlying problems will tion – or the discreet Vietnam War timetable reads like a comedy script: worsen, the demands will get bigger, and memorial, American pride is clear: yoga, music workshops, poetry. the paralysis of the victim will spread. proud of their presidents, proud of Indeed, the ‘occupation’ was nearly that the University take appropriate fringe, extreme minority who are willing e day that our University concedes their war heroes, in short, proud of brought to its knees on Saturday night, action against them, as it would against to push the boundaries of legality to gain the demands of an aggressive fringe America. In this way, the National when the somewhat oddly-chosen ‘po- ordinary rule-breakers. self-ingratiating column inches. I, for minority will be a devastating one for Mall de nes Americans. From the etry and music’ session proved unpopu- is ‘occupation’ is an insult to the one, am outraged that they are making academia. is ‘occupation’ has revealed cradle they are uniquely programmed lar. Yes, as had been feared, the launch student population of Cambridge. We demands in my name as a student of this the true face of the Hard Le : rejecting to patriotism. Americans need to party of the King’s A air was proving to have a Students’ Union capable of lob- University. of democratic institutions, unwilling to feel con dent in their country to feel be a temptation too far. bying the University, we have accessible As is re ected in these demands, embrace dialogue, and unknowledge- con dent in themselves. Understand Many of us in Cambridge were le be- Chancellors, and students who are few of the ‘occupiers’ have taken time able and blinkered on this con ict. ey this and Obama’s speech ceases to wildered by the weekend’s events. is is willing to sign petitions and hold vigils. to understand the complexities of the break the rules, yet demand immunity. be overblown, and instead becomes an action of a hardcore group of radicals, In a spurt of nostalgia, the Hard Le Israeli-Palestinian con ict. e bias in ey claim direct democracy in their a brilliant appeal to a country that who quickly descended upon the bottom has resorted to the failed actions of its their demands re ects a blame mental- decisions, yet undermine the voice of wanted, indeed needed, to be reas-  oor of the Norman Foster-designed abortive past. “Rekindle coordinated ity, not a vision of peace; their silence CUSU as student body representative. sured of its own magni cence. building with aimless abandon, basking mass student activism,” one excitable on Hamas tantamount to an endorse- We should voice our disgust for these Edward Hughes in the glow of self-importance (and the occupation-blogger mused, highlighting ment. e call for ten scholarships for despicable tactics, and support our Uni- University-provided heating). their true focus: it has never really been Palestinian students smacks of stupidity: versity in resisting this ‘occupation’. Friday January 30th 2009 Get it off your chest: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Comment 11

Spk yr brains

e Wit and Wisdom of the World Wide Web

Week 3: Wikipedia

I once looked at the Wikipedia entry for Chris Moyles, and noticed it said “Partner: Dale Winton (2005-present)”. So as far as I’m concerned it’s perfect.

Alex Marshall

Wikipedia has always given me more education than my pathetic, overpaid university lecturers, who can’t answer basic questions. UK universities are useless.

simon ritchie, Newcastle-upon- Tyne

ANNA TRENCH I know exactly who goes on these sort of sites...its pedofiles, pure n simple. They know what thyre getting there - infomation, direct Matilda about childten. it sickens me to my stomach to read the sort of Bathurst abuse of our nations children go- e Killer Question ing on on these sites. Once I read an article avbout france that s was Did you have a gap year? full of naked children. i couldnt take my eyes off the page it was so disgusting. bring back the empire and take thiks nonsense of our n Freshers’ Week (remember that?) in a brewery in Peru for six months and is only calmed by one gap-yearer suc- elling gap year, the voluntary service television screens./ Ithere are, of course, the staple ques- helped make  ower-garlands in Rajas- cumbing, shutting up and letting the gap year, the internship gap year, the tions: name, College, favourite colour than for the other six. You’re a Fresher. other talk. Woolworths in Blackpool gap year... tightteeny23 (although the latter is only to be used in Scarily, the horror never ends. At I’m afraid I have never been one of And which one is more productive? desperate circumstances). And there’s every party, in every corner, even now, these. I become a one-woman-show You can miss all the subtleties of a cul- Political correctness gone mad. one other question, which is make or you will meet one of them. And you when talking about my gap year. I don’t ture by whisking through East Asia at They’ll come for Prince Harry break. will hear their damn stories. But gap want to hear about how many books the rate it takes to get over each hango- next. Oh wait... It would either commit you to an year snobbery is equally rampant, if not you wrote or orphans’ lives you saved. ver, and you can learn loads about the hour-long conversation, or create a more so, between gap-yearers them- I really don’t care. I want to talk about general public by being a  y-on-the- pcpilot London chasm-like awkward silence that seems selves. (You can still tell the signs, a MYSELF. I become entirely, unasham- wall as an employee in Woolworths. to prove that you have nothing in (You can learn a great deal about Wikipedia is a great british common with the other person, and recessionary economics there, too.) institution. It sickens me to my you might as well go talk to the guy in You can slough o the debris of stomach to hear people compalin- the knitted gilet with rampant acne. fourteen years of schooling whilst trav- ing about how its full of children “Did you have a gap year?” e answer elling. You can make an orphanage so in states of undress. I have been is apparent before the other person dependent on foreign volunteers that using wikiopeda for uyears and i has said a word. Eyes lighting up at the locals get used to the situation and have yet to come across a child, the prospect of (at least) ten minutes discard responsibility. ere’s no gauge naked or otherwise.. long live of shameless self-endorsement is the of right or wrong, no such thing as an wikipedia, ur a national instityu- accepted sign that they did indeed. You “impoverished gap year” (unfortunate- tion./ will certainly be hearing about it until ly, a direct quote). I’ll never really be you can edge close enough to acne-boy persuaded to be pragmatically mature honesttaxpayer, bedford to make a seamless switch in conversa- about my gap year snobbery. tion partners. But I do know that there’s absolutely As someone who finds normal On the other hand, a shrinking in no reason to indulge in a warm feeling encyclopaedias terribly stuffy stature and apologetic facial expression of superiority over those who haven’t and boring (well they are, aren’t is typical of the non-gap-yearer. As had one. A free year can be bene cial, they lol!!) it’s a breath of fresh air this question is predominantly raised but not for everyone. Starting straight to see something like Wikipedia as an opportunity for the gap-yearer from school can even help; sitting on taking to the airwaves. Or should to reveal their otherwise hidden layers a beach for a year getting high isn’t that be webwaves LOL! As for of cultivation and worldliness, the always conducive to a rigorously mo- this nonsense about children on non-gap-yearer in the conversation whole term into fresherdom.) edly egotistical. It’s great. Maybe I’m tivated, sparkling mind. Some people there, I’ve seen none at all unless automatically assigns themselves the An initial conversation between two an extreme example, a lost cause. But need a gap year. Some people are  ne you type ‘children’ into wikipedia. position of eager listener/awe-struck such enlightened persons will gradually there’s no doubt that a year out can coming straight from school. Some of THEY’RE THERE FOR A REA- admirer. grow into a chaos of adamant voices, be life changing, educating, character the latter group take a year out anyway. SON YOU SILLY FOOL :-P I hate is implicit hierachy (albeit only as each story told reminds the other of building, moralising, beautifying – but So may I make a modest proposal? paedophiles as much as the next lasting as long as the listener’s young, a funnier or more interesting version then again, stop me – I’m speaking as Gap yearers: contain yourselves. man (or in my case, woman) but school-fresh concentration levels will that happened to them. Wide gesticula- a gap year snob, still trying to wean You’ve had a term and a bit in the that’s no excuse for ruining peo- abide) is based on the tacit misconcep- tions elucidating the height of that wave myself o my intense self-admiration. conversational sun. Let’s give the ple’s enjoyment of tyhe internet. tion that having a year out makes you they surfed on Bondi or the amount of e snobbery lies in the assumption straight-out-of-schoolers a break. ‘less’ of a Fresher. But we all start as plimsolls they donated to that orphan- that you can judge a gap year’s worth. ey’ll be the ones who hit 40 a year Sally Roberts, aka BORIS FANlol Freshers. It doesn’t matter if you worked age threaten to collide, and the tension ere’s the whistlestop worldwide trav- later than us anyway. Volunteer ad:Layout 1 9/1/09 08:29 Page 1

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Photograph of the week by Patrick Garety

was walking back to Clare College via “ITrinity Lane with camera in hand. It was a cold, crisp day and very clear, the late-morning light ideal. e heavier neo- Gothic of the Old Schools on the le and the less adorned end of Clare Chapel opposite makes an interesting contrast, squaring up to each other across the narrow lane. In trying to accommo- date the two in this shot a vapour trail in the sky provided the perfect com- positional link, allowing the juxtaposition of the modern and the historic. Looking up to the sky with the two buildings towering over me, almost seeming to collapse inwards, the plane’s trail seemed a reminder that there is a world outside the Cambridge bubble even during the term.”

If you have a potential Pho- tograph of the week, send it to [email protected] My week by Sebastian Plank, Revolutionary* sleep but was too restless, so I found a be under Israeli State control, but nor an iron  st in a knuckle duster to show Monday fat bloke with some lea ets and black should Northern Rock in my opinion. them which way is up. Chloe started Fucking pigs at the University high rimmed glasses, and asked him what Wasn’t having much luck with talking to me about Noam Chomsky command still won’t agree with our he thought of the two-state solution. Chloe – it was time to take a rmative and John Pilger – massive turn-o . I proposals. Authorities are all the at did the trick: 10 minutes later I action. I made a pre-emptive strike don’t think I fancy her any more. same; Israel, America, Cambridge, SARAH WOOLLEY was sleeping like a baby. by hiding her sleeping bag. Later she Chilled out all a ernoon smoking Bush, the Nazis. If only Obama was Friday asked me if I had seen it, and said no, weed and playing guitar. Maybe we president, he’d sort it out. Later on is evening got a text from Chloe, the Saturday but chivalrously o ered her space in should send acoustic guitars to Israel; the proctors invaded the Law Faculty  t le -wing girl with the asymmetrical Woke up seriously excited. It was go- mine. She told me to piss o . So much I really think if they new how to chill - I can’t believe they could not notice haircut who thinks I read the Guard- ing to be like 1968 all over again. I felt for solidarity. I thought we were here out like us, things could improve. the irony that it was JUST like Israel ian. She asked me to come down and not dissimilar to Che Guevara. Bloody to make love, not war. Sung some Dylan. Oh Bob Dylan, is invading Palestine. We have a right show some solidarity at the Law Fac- good  lm by the way. there anything you didn’t know? If to be here; I really felt solidarity with ulty, so I charged up to my room, took Tried my hands at some poster Sunday only he was still alive to tell the Israelis our Muslim brothers this morning. o my suit, and got radically prepared. making but they refused to put up my Tried my hand at some consensus where to stick it. What a waste – I can’t A er some solid protesting, it was Went for Afghan scarf (obv), ai e orts: “Death to the global Zionist decision-making. To re ect our believe the CIA could get away with time to go back to college. I don’t  sherman’s trousers, wooden jewellery conspiracy”. Squares. Decided it was democratic convictions, we got bogged killing him. know what will happen in Gaza, but and an ethnic shirt I got on my gap time to learn a bit about what was down in when we should agree on the Stayed up all night chatting round the important thing is that we dem- year. Le my Marlboro Lights behind going on with Gaza so I went to the proposals. We decided to postpone cups of tea, reading poetry, mak- onstrated we are not apathetic, we and brought some rollies. Pretty fuck- open discussion; it seems that Israel that decision for an hour, so ended ing friends. I only hope that people have a right to show dissent and that ing subversive. were disproportionate, Hamas is a up voting on when we should vote in Gaza know how much fun we are protesting is really fun. Arrived at the Law Faculty but moot point and 1967 was a bad year all on when to vote. Socialists have good having due to the con ict, it might couldn’t  nd Chloe. Tried to just get to round. And the West Bank should not intentions, but sometimes they need make it all seem a bit less unbearable. *As told to Rob Peal

GODFATHER ADVENTURE (STARTS HERE): It’s the day of your daughter’s wedding and Vice-Chancellors Alice and Richard are asking you, Don Cambridge, for some help. ey want a few Yen, as usual. Do you: p14 Dismiss them out of hand. How dare they come to you on the day of your daughter’s wedding. p15 Ask what the money’s for. Food & Drink Editors: Jonathan Franklin & Amanda Palin Friday January 30th 2009 14 Food & Drink [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Editor-at-Large Ed Cumming joins the spirit of student activism with a Ed at large campaign to re-christen the maypole hat’s in a name? When I was for thinking is somehow associated with jaw gradually slacken as you pour your literally anywhere else where you guess younger my friend Adolf and I the multi-storey car-park next door, student-loan into the pockets of a team what the same round would have cost in usedW to lie awake at night and wonder perhaps in some sort of rest-room or of men whose cheerful nonchalance the Maypole. The correct comic answer what our lives might have been like long-term storage capacity. Separat- belies hearts of steel. For as the plaque to this question is to shut your eyes, had we been named differently. I was ing these two architectural features is by the bar warns you, these men are the whimper like a kitten and hand over always drawn to ‘Ulysses’ and little an alleyway of the sort suitable for the offspring of Mario. your wallet and car keys. Fuhro, as we called him, was rather murder of prostitutes and the purchas- His name suggests bouncing plumb- There are other humorous touches. taken with ‘Rosie’. ing of second-hand firearms. ers and chuckling toadstools, but he A note on the wall proudly announces What’s important is not the names ‘the best cocktails in Cambridge’, which themselves, but rather their associa- rather than an advertisement is in fact a tions: Ulysses conjures images of great hilarious self-referential gag since, to my warriors and literature. Rosie, on the knowledge, nobody has ever ordered other hand, conjures images of being one. Although if they did, they would a girl and a puppet. As ever, one only be served with a hearty giggle and a need think of television: why else thrusting of the PIN machine, and then would a bank spend so much on an order would return to the universe. The advert to announce “we’re changing”? place is the Asterix village of the re- Because whilst ‘Aviva’ is a terrible cession: a corner of Cambridge name for a company, ‘Norwich Union’ which is forever a mafiaesque sounds like a recipe for a kid with Italian bank. eleven toes and one leg shorter than the I should say that I write all other, which is worse. this with a weary heart, as I All of which leads us in a roundabout know I’ll be back there, probably way (and for the aforementioned infant tomorrow, as I am a creature of one imagines there are few alterna- habits (some more destructive than oth- tives) to this week’s venue. I need hardly ers) and it shows the football. But some- tell you that ‘The Maypole’, as a name, thing should be done. This aggression summons both images of springtime will not stand. To this end I have begun optimism and a long and distinguished With the help of a well-trained guide, runs the business with the chuckling an online petition to have the Maypole’s association with sinister (roundabout) you will eventually learn that this alley resolve of a man who has thought long name changed to ‘The Chuckling Prof- skipping. Yet as will become clear both is in fact the ‘outdoor heated seating and hard about various people’s money iteer’. For any others of you inspired by of these are misleading. The ‘Pole needs area’ and the outhouse is, in fact, the and, after careful deliberation, conclud- this week’s resurgence in gypsy activism a new name. Maypole, a place unique in Europe ed that his must take priority. Lasagne (have these people not degrees?), but In the first place it’s an astonishing and possibly the world for its ability to and chips? £8.50. A burger? £6. A pint looking for a cause you can believe in, venue for a public house. If you simply operate outside of all economic conven- – who knows? Rows of bank cards sit in this is the one. We will camp there. No go to the address, at the arse end of Por- tion and yet retain business. It is the little glasses behind the bar like Mayan doubt we will be welcomed with open tugal Place, you come across a 1970s red pub that the free market forgot, and to heads on spikes. There’s a fun game arms. But there won’t be any heating, brick outhouse, which you are forgiven spend an afternoon there is to feel your you can play when you order a round and we’ll probably be charged for rent. No Peas with Houmus if there’s anything which unites israelis and palestinians, it’s food. Humous The Gardenia

lthough there are few acts which enterprise, no Eastern European Jew about and new dishes were developed. 1 tin of chickpeas t didn’t seem right, Gardies at are less contentious than sitting- knew what a pulse was. A time of cu- Fresh salads, chopped up into minis- 1 garlic clove, crushed 8pm. We weren’t nearly as shiny, or down,A somehow the occupation of the linary witchcraft rather than wizardry, cule pieces, for no apparent reason, juice of half a lemon Ihappy, or red in the face as the people Law Faculty has created a great furore. if it couldn’t be cooked by a blind, 80 except to make more work. A delicious 3tbsp tahini (sesame seed paste) on the wall. Then again, had we been The crowds are clucking with anxi- year old crone armed only with some egg, onion and tomato dish, brought 3tbsp extra virgin olive oil drunk, we might not have appreci- ety. Is it the right forum? Should the stones and a cauldron, then it wasn’t by North African immigrants. While a pinch of salt ated all the little things that make ‘The University be political? Is the law fac- on the menu. No-one knew how to do some remnants of the Old World Gardenia Foodversity’ so special. How ulty the right shape for yoga? Yet with boiled and bland better. The emergence remained (fish balls and schnitzel), 1. Drain the chickpeas and rinse, many purveyors-of-kebab do you their emphasis on the Oslo Accords of Israel changed all that. The Jew from Israeli food became synonymous with resering some of the water. know that garnish their display plate and the 1967 Borders, the protesters, the cuisine of the people who it was at 2. Put everything in a blender. of battered sausages with red AND amicable and well-intentioned as they war with. Humous, falafel, pita, labneh 3. Blend, adding water where extra yellow peppers? may be, forgot the role of one ingredi- were all taken from Arab-Jewish immi- lubrication is necessary. As my dates marvelled at the idea of ent. The chickpea. grants and the Palestinian population. 4. Serve with pitta, with parsley, chicken tikka on a pizza (the Clare), Nothing has been more conten- Over time, the tourist board took with paprika sprinkled on top. I took the opportunity to reflect on tious in Israeli-Palestinian relations this on and started to advertise using the poem worn on the backs of the and no other legume has been quite falafel (obviously, these days, they’ve staff, “SUPERFOOD/ SUPERTASTE/ so instrumental in creating discord. stopped appealing to base instincts and SUPERYOU”. Feeling pretty super, I Not only in its pure form, the chickpea started using nearly-naked women) Shakshouka placed my order. The menu led me causes grief in its manifestations as with an Israeli flag, bearing the slogan to expect “Spiced chick pea balls in falafel and humous. Before we go any “the taste of Israel”. The Palestinian 1 lg. onion (finely chopped) pitta with tzike and humous…”, but let further, I’d better say that working out lobbies around the world quickly re- 4 eggs me tell you, that ellipsis means a lot. how to anglicise these Semitic words is sponded with counter-advertisement, cooking oil Earthy falafel were lifted by a drizzle making me slither. And I’m not inter- depicting a bleeding falafel. This isn’t 6 medium tomatoes (not canned) of lemon, shredded lettuce cleaned the ested in starting a bagel/beigel debate. the only incident of chickpea related salt and pepper to taste humous from its inevitable roof-of- Discussing the fine-tuning of spelling confrontation. In October, a Lebanese the-mouth position, and sliced onion in Eastern European breads is less union tried to sue Israel for appro- In a large frying pan, saute onion until (red AND white) offered a masochisti- exciting than watching them bake. priation of Arab foods. And the BBC, lightly browned. Grate tomatoes on cally pleasurable punch. My polysty- So to the definitive spelling of Latvia, previously used to six-day- with their tactful understanding of the largest holes of a grater. Mix grated rene box was a textural treasure chest; humous (like post-humous, which old stew, suddenly found himself in conflict offer training courses using tomatoes and onion, cover and cook crunchy breadcrumbs, yoghurt-soaked sounds like something you might find an area with one of the most vibrant humous as the model for the dispute over low heat for 25 minutes. Remove pitta, and the whole thing set off by a in a Critical Theory paper. Discuss the cuisines in the world. Markets which (apparently there’s two narratives of cover and break eggs over the surface. light sprinkling of dried herbs. Arab, effects of one Post-Humous theorist on sold fresh spices, fruit, strong flavours, the dip). So, Law Faculty occupiers, Stir gently to break yolks, cover and Israeli, who cares? As the manager Lentilisation.), and with it an attempt grains, pulses. No more scurvy. there can only be one food which cook for about 3 or 4 minutes until sagaciously informed me, “We are to chart the Arab-Israeli conflict. Unsurprisingly, saturated pots of understands both sides of the conflict. eggs are set. Sprinkle with salt and all people”. And what sort of person In the 1860s before the great Zionist herring carcass were quickly forgotten And it isn’t dal. pepper. doesn’t love a good chickpea?

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): “But Don Cambridge!” they shout. “We thought you were supposed to accede to all requests on the day of your daughter’s wedding.” »p18 That’s true, but not during the service itself.»p19 Actually, there’s been a mistake: you’re a Cambridge don, not a mafia one. Friday January 30th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Columnists 15 Burns Fight GEORGE REYNOLDS PONDERS THE QUIRKS, FOIBLES AND POETRY OF OUR GAELIC SEMI-COUNTRYMEN

id you have a massive Burns iently don’t call for much more than Night? Yeah, neither did I. It drunken slurring. But there’s nothing wasn’tD the fault of  e Union, which more to it. It’s about friendship, and gamely did its best with free whisky not forgetting each other... but so is and a ceiylieedhgh - I think that’s ‘Two Little Boys’ by Rolf Harris, and Maybe it’s their status as ‘a country how you spell it. My rubbish evening no one cracks out the wobble-board which isn’t really a country’ which wasn’t even the fault of the person when midnight approaches. makes Scotland the chippiest, most Competition at the Union who decided that the You may think, judging by this at- bitter part of the world. For evidence, ideal accompaniment to cheap raw tack on such a gurehead of Scottish see Andy Murray describing himself Each week we set a di erent crea- alcohol and energetic dancing would nationalism, that I don’t like Scotland. as ‘Scottish’ not ‘British’, Andy Murray tive writing exercise.  e person who be steaming, noisesome o al, although  is is not altogether true; it’s just claiming he’d support Costa Rica not submits the winning entrance has I suppose Scotland’s to blame for that Burns night symbolises everything England in World Cup 2006 (Scotland their story printed in the next week’s one too. No. It was dear old Rabbie I don’t like about the place. Ghastly did well in that one!), and Scottish Varsity, and is rewarded with two free Burns himself that I had a problem food, deliberately antagonistic music, a universities stating that they’d prefer tickets to an ADC  eatre show. with, refusing as I do to celebrate de ant urge to do exactly the opposite Scottish candidates over English JANE HALL mediocrity in all its guises. to everyone else. Anyway, national ones. Can you imagine the stinking I’ve tried thinking of an equivalent days born out of religious hatred rath- shitstorm that would arise if Cam- Week 3: Take a piece of art as the starting point for a short story of night for other nations, but it’s just em- er than poetic celebration are always bridge adopted such a policy, and so about 600 words. Go to Kettle’s Yard or the Fitzwilliam Museum, and barrassing. A nation’s best poet whose more enjoyable.  e English have a transparently? “Sorry, you’re just too  nd a picture or sculpture that fascinates you. Might its characters greatest contributions to verse have proper ‘Burns’ night, it’s on November dour.” have a story which could be expressed in words, or does it evoke an been ‘To a Louse’ and ‘To a Mouse’ the  h and involves an e gy. I realise this piece is hardly going atmosphere you’d like to recreate? (the third and fourth parts of this But this isn’t really a problem. to be the Nobel Peace Prize-winning Eliotic sequence, ‘To a Spouse’ and ‘To Generally, Scotland is not too bad: document that starts the reconcilia- Winner: Famous Grouse’ remained un nished) there are parts and aspects of Scotland tion. But it was fun to write and maybe would be competing with, just to take that I love - love more, even, than their it will provide a sheep’s stomach Based on Giovanni Guerra’s ‘ e naming of Castel Sant’Angelo’ a brief survey of nearby countries, English equivalents.  e scenery is stu ed full of debate; is there still a (Fitzwilliam Museum) Shakespeare Night, Yeats Night, and hands-down the most beautiful in the Scotland/England split; have I created Dante Night. It’s hardly the same, is it? British Isles. Edinburgh may not really one; what are our national  aws? And he bishops marched onwards, apparently impervious to the horror around An OK poet, sure. A good one even, be ‘the Athens of the North’, but com- so on.  e one thing I would ask is them. With a wine sodden fatigue colouring their ruddy cheeks, the holy possibly. But an all-time great? Come pared to what the rest of Britain has to that you keep your arguments as po- Tmen’s eyes remained xed above the mausoleum.  e stumbling procession on!  e man can’t even spell. o er the tag is probably justi ed. And, litically sensitive as mine, or at least on was getting ever closer and yet no sign of deliverance had come.  ey went And then there’s Old Lang Zyne. there are very few Scottish people of a par with ‘Flower of Scotland’ – the their way through the dead and the dying, some consciously clutching their How - HOW - have we allowed this to my acquaintance that I wholeheartedly national anthem still sung today, cel- gowns, hopelessly trying to stop them trailing through the lth. Behind the remain the o cial New Year’s song? dislike. So, like an accountant with a ebrating a (lone?) military victory over bishops, thousands of lesser clergy dutifully followed in black massed ranks, Granted, when sung in the Scottish sexy wife, Scotland is a mixed blessing the English. We wouldn’t want things the occasional cruci x carried like a military standard. Still further back original, the ludicrous words conven- as a neighbour. getting jingoistic now would we? were the mass of people joining the grim march, many dragging themselves through the mud like diseased cattle.  ey marched unthinkingly, few under- standing its purpose.  is was the vision that confronted Pope Gregory each time he was brave enough to turn around. In times of adversity comes unity he had told them.  is was a time for the whole city to come together and give a collective plea for di- vine rescue. He knew, of course, that the word adversity was hollow, that it came nowhere to describing the chaos and misery of these Roman streets.  e men did not march behind him in unity; they all sel shly sought an escape from the plague that was devouring the city. In the idle moments of the previous week, Gregory had imagined himself as a shepherd herding his golden  ock to safety. In the nal few hundred steps toward the mausoleum, however, he couldn’t even bear to look behind anymore. In the fading light he became convinced that he could now only see thousands of skulls in the joyless pageant he was leading. MISSION: TO DELVE INTO CAMBRIDGE’S SECRET ORIFICES  at a sign would come above the monumental tomb now seemed a cruel joke. God was punishing him for his arrogance or, even worse, He simply didn’t care. WEEK 3: ANGLIA RUSKIN STUDENT UNION As tears slipped down his cheeks, those close to him shuddered in awe of his piety, unaware that they were borne from despair rather than love. bove Parker’s Piece that night we Finally, a warden. Five ngers P and Red Skirt, tipping her head o It was at this moment that a bright light cut through the darkness. Harsh and Abeheld the cosmos and party smog emerged from beneath a neon jacket his shoulder where it had nestled in a cold, it  ooded the crowd’s senses with tremulous white.  e sick and the elderly blown up from London.  e smog and beckoned for cash. An unmemo- stupor. “Strongbow,” P said, passing a collapsed from the shock, many crushed underfoot as the herd clambered over and the bottle of Xoriguer sent from P’s rable sum, grubby note exchanged for a pint. It was welcome, the taste of an old them. Gregory at rst thought that death was pulling him apart with light, and senile and wealthy grandmother were wristband which would decay around my cheap friend. as his vision returned he was almost disappointed to realise that he was still telling us to turn and head back towards arm in the days to come.  e centre of “You guys should come for Flirt night,” alive. With screams and gasps lling his ears he looked above the mausoleum to the spires. Whilst we could still walk the SU unfolded before us, desolate, faces Red Skirt enthused. “It’s jamming.” see a dark gure brandishing a sword. Even Gregory was too stunned to realise and see.  at’s dignity, P said, being distorted in neon. Only twenty of them, A strange invitation. P feigned excite- at rst that this was Saint Michael.  e angel curved above them, looking down able to do the two at the same time. But an emptiness that ensured each saw me ment. In distraction I turned to the with a pitying arrogance.  e whole crowd dropped to their knees and threw our destination lay across the night and stumble down the malicious dance  oor barman, who smiled with the omnis- up their hands for salvation. Saint Michael merely glanced at this grasping mass down East Road. Anglia Ruskin Student step planted to expose the uninitiated. cience of a god and handed me water. of humanity with repulsion, giving a nal smirk before sheathing his sword. Union, shining beacon of modernity. P was halfway to the bar and a red He knew who we were; he knew why we With this gesture the unforgiving light burst forth again. Upon fading the angel We stood beneath the glass windows and skirt reclining there, close to sleep. I were here. was gone. Standing up, Gregory, like so many of his throng, felt a faint trickle of smoked away the nerves. waited in a leather chair and surveyed “Once we had Scouting For Girls,” he water and realised he had urinated out of fear. “I’ve never heard of anybody ventur-  e Twenty, sure that one would smell said. “A long time past.” In a few short days the plague li ed and everyone praised the mercy of ing here before.” the fresh blood. When he approached he “ ere’ll be others like them.” I the angel. With celebration, the mausoleum was soon renamed the Castel “Maybe they just never returned.” P was wearing a Joy Division T-shirt and fumbled to comfort. “ is band tonight, Sant’Angelo. Gregory, however, could not share this joy. He was haunted by with shaky hands and last cigarette. I his ngers played invisible pianos in the they’re good.” the angel’s disdain, behind which lay the callous ease with which God had stamped it out and we were inside. To smoke. His face was corpse-white and “ ey’re nishing now,” he said. A in icted and then dispelled their su ering. Mainly though he could not shake our great surprise it looked just as it sailing on an ocean of pleasurable and great illumination of gaudy brightness. away the brown, murky image of the deathly procession. When alone this was had through the glass windows, a great unknown substances.  e overhead lights revealed soulless all he saw; a sickening frieze of humanity’s feebleness before the almighty. expanse of plastic corridor and high “Do you come here o en?” corners and our faces. In that moment Robert Smith ceiling. “Sometimes. O en. Quite o en, I thought we were exposed. Red Skirt “No porter. No guards. Do they let sometimes.” staggered towards an unpleasant ap- Next week’s competition: Pantoums. Pantoums are poems that work in quartets; the anybody in?”  e song stopped and forty hands pointment with a toilet  oor.  e end of second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated as the  rst and third lines of the next. I could hear music, and a door pulsed applauded my deceit. Now Corpse Face the set. Just the end of the set.  is sequence can go on as long as you want, but the last stanza’s second and fourth to its beat.  is was where they housed played piano on my thigh. “I haven’t “Can you still see?” lines should be the  rst and third lines of the  rst stanza. Feel free to let the form break in the secrets of the universe, and I wanted seen you around here.” “Can you still walk?” places, as long as the ‘pantoum’ spirit is retained. Send submissions to Colette Sensier at to learn them. P dragged me onwards. Really? Time to move. I crossed It was time to retreat.  e road home [email protected] by 9am on Monday 2nd February for the chance to win two tickets “We’re close,” he said. to the bar and lodged myself between was long. to the following week’s ADC main show, and see your work printed in our next issue.

GODFATHER ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): “Why,” exclaim Alice and Richard, “it’s for the 800th anniversary of course. Eight hundred years of innovation. Eight hundred years of inspiration. Haven’t you seen the banners daubed with randomly chosen numbers?” p20 Er, no. p21 You had, actually, but you feel that, as anniversaries go, 800 is pretty dull. You’re not donating anything until 1000. Fashion Editors: Kate Womersley, Alice Newell-Hanson & Katy King Friday January 30th 2009 Friday January 30th 2009 Contribute to Varsity Fashion: 16 Fashion [email protected] varsity.co.uk varsity.co.uk [email protected] Fashion 17

This page: mask designed for Varsity by Holly Briggs Opposite: mask by Ellie Measham; necklace, Accesorize Model: Flora Spens Photography: Katy King Styling: Kate Womersley & Alice Newell-Hanson Want something listed? Friday January 30th 2009 18 Listings [email protected] varsity.co.uk the Varsity Week The comprehensive guide to the next seven days

Theatre Music & Nightlife Art & Classical Talks & Events Film

Friday 30th & Saturday 31st Saturday 31st Ongoing Exhibitions Saturday 31st Beverley Hills Chihuahua Ongoing: Q-Bar DJ Night Fitzwilliam Museum (free): ‘Aspirations and Landscapes in the Vue: daily 5.30pm Orfeo Queens’ Bar: 9pm (free) • Sir Sydney Cockerell and the Fitz Middle Ages & the Renaissance’ Sat/Sun only: 10am, 12.20pm, Breakfast at Night A free night of electro at Queens’ bar. (until March 17th) Magdalene College, Cripps Court: 2.40pm • Picasso Prints – Dreams and Lies 9.30am-5pm (£10, e-mail litfest@magd. Surely Judgement Day is coming. Macbeth Sunday 1st (until February 8th) cam.ac.uk) Christ’s New Court Theatre, Christ’s Synthesize • The Immortal Stone - Chinese jades A day-long series of talks as part of Frost/Nixon College: 7.30pm (£3) Soul Tree: 9pm (£4/£5) (until May 31st) Magdalene’s Festival of Landscape. Arts Picturehouse: daily 1pm, Christ’s Shakespeare Company Cambridge’s best student dance music Kettle’s Yard (free): 6.20pm, 9.10pm present a new production of Shake- night. All genres of electronic music • The Roundhouse Of International Sunday 1st Frank Langella and Martin Sheen speare’s darkest masterpiece. Runs represented: D’n’B, Dubstep, Techno, Spirits (until March 15th) ‘What is Christianity?’ lock horns as Richard Nixon and until Monday 2nd (no performance Psytrance... Scott Polar Research Institute (free): Guildhall: 8pm David Frost in the famous 1977 on Sunday 1st). • John Gale & Sons (until February Ian Hamilton launches the CICCU interviews. See review on p.27. Tuesday 3rd 14th) Main Event. Churchill Amnesty Smoker Max Tundra • British Antarctic (Nimrod) Expedi- Churchill College Bar: Sat only, Soul Tree: 8pm (£7.50 adv./£9 on the tion, 1907-9 (until April 4th) Monday 2nd 8.30pm (free) door) Churchill College (free): ‘Enhancement in Sport - Faster, Higher, A policeman stops a vicar for drink Last seen in Cambridge opening for • ‘Direct Observation’: Chinese prints Stronger, Yet?’ driving. Policeman: What’s that Hot Chip, the eclectic electronic pop (until February 8th) McCrum Lecture Theatre, Bene’t Street: you’re drinking father? Vicar: Only master comes with support from Ben 7.30pm water officer. Policeman: Looks like Tundra and Mouse Pad, UM and DJ Sport is about pushing the human body wine to me vicar. Vicar: Christ, he’s Nochexxx. Friday 30th as far as is physically possible, but how Revolutionary Road CUMC - Cordelia Williams, Harry done it again. Expect similar cork- can scientific advancements surpass Arts Picturehouse: daily 1.30pm, Winstanley and Kausikan Rajeshku- ers at this one-off charity event. these limitations? 4pm, 6.30pm, 9pm Wednesday 4th mar Get Rude! III ADC alumnus Sam Mendes West Road Concert Hall: 8pm Kambar: 10pm-3am (£3 before 11/£4 ‘Forensic Genetics: application to crime directs Leonardo DiCaprio and Monday 2nd (£7/£5/£3) Life and Beth after) scene investigation and the identifica- Kate Winslet as a couple strug- Performances of Schubert, Chopin, Arts Theatre: 7.45pm, Saturday DJ Frankly Sick brings you some of the tion of human remains’ gling with their dreary lives in the Bach and Reinecke. matinee 2.30pm (£10-£27) duttyest wining styles and pure bass Pharmacology Lecture Theatre, Tennis 1950s suburbs of Dullsville USA. A deliciously spooky, new Alan heat in the ‘Bridge. Court Road: 8pm Not exactly Rambo, but excel- Ayckbourn comedy. Runs until Saturday 31st This talk will cover the sensitive issue lent performances help the film The Beethoven Ensemble: Beethoven Saturday 7th. Alkaline Trio of the national DNA database and the achieve more than its synopsis. and Bruch The Junction 1: 8pm (£16 adv.) identification of human remains follow- Trinity College Chapel: 8pm Start wearing black and feeling mildly ing mass disasters and conflict. Underworld: Rise of the Lycans Tuesday 3rd (£10/£8/£3) Road depressed : Chicago emo punk band Vue: daily 12.00 (Sun only), A chance to catch Rosie Ventris, ADC: 7.45pm (£6-9) Alkaline Trio are in town in support of 2.30pm (not Tues), 5pm, 7.15pm, feature of last week’s Varsity 100, in Tuesday 3rd Join Scullery for a wild ride through their latest album Agony & Irony. ‘Evolution: from malaria to manu- 9.45pm action, conducted by Daniel Hill, a one night of alcohol-soaked, scripts’ Michael Sheen and Bill Nighy star recent Cambridge graduate. violence-fuelled, sex-driven stories Pharmacology Lecture Theatre, Tennis in this prequel to the goth-pop on a single, unnamed ROAD. Runs Court Road: 8pm Underworld series. Goes some Archipelago until Saturday 7th. The Science Society looks at what hap- way to answering the age-old Clare Hall: 7pm pens when inaccurate copying, during question of who would win in The opening night of Katherine NICK MOHAMMED is a character DNA replication or when scribes were a fight between a vampire who Cooper’s collection, inspired by her comedian copying manuscripts, throws up inter- listens to My Chemical Romance time spent living next to Stockholm’s ADC: 11pm: (£4-£5) esting relationships. and a werewolf wearing eye- archipelago in the winter of 2006/7. This is a rare chance to see an ac- shadow. complished Footlights alumnus re- Thursday 5th Wednesday 4th turn to the ADC. See our interview Teddy Thompson Sunday 1st Feb ‘Sustainable Development - great green Valkyrie An Evening Recital with Nick in this issue. The Junction 1: 8pm (£13 adv.) dream or impossible ambition?’ Vue: Daily 1pm (not Sun), 3.45pm, The Old Combination Room, Trinity The New York-based singer song- Lecture Theatre 0, Engineering Depart- 6.30pm (not Tues), 9.15pm College: 8pm (£4/£2) writer (above) performs some of his ment: 6pm Tom Cruise leads a group of Ger- Wednesday 4th Trinity College Musical Society Feelgood bittersweet pop, continuing the lineage The former Friends of the Earth exec man army officers in a plot to present pieces by Kreisler, Wieniawski ADC: 11pm (£4-6). of his parents, folk-rock icons Richard Tony Juniper talks about the realistic assassinate Hitler. See review on and Franck. See POTW. and Linda Thompson. possibilities of sustainable development. p.27.

Feelgood The Roundhouse of International From Wed 4th to Sat 7th Spirits ADC: 11pm (£4-6) Until 15 March With rioters on the streets, the spin Kettle’s Yard: Tues-Sun, 2-4pm doctors are sweating over the Prime Check last week’s Varsity for our Minister’s speech... it has to be perfect. five-star review: Kettle’s Yard’s new At the same time, a journalist is cook- exhibition showcases the work of ing up a story that could put the party the artists’ collective in Locarno out of power for a generation. Award- in the 60s. Particular highlights winning comedy that takes a look at include Hans Arp’s collages, Mark the tactics of ‘feelgood’ politics and Tobey’s calligraphic tempera paint- features a cast of Cambridge’s finest; ings and Felicitas Vogler’s photo- this is a bitingly funny political satire. graphs documenting the period.

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): Alice and Richard are patient chaps and they wait until the end of the wedding reception. But then they’re at it again. “Now, Don Cambridge,” they pipe up, “please, please will you give us some cheddar?” But what on earth do they mean by cheddar? »p22 A milder version of Stilton. »p23 Cash. Cold hard cash. Friday January 30th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Features 19 Talking Liberties In recent years, Shami Chakrabarti has become an ever-present voice alerting us to the regression of Civil Liberties in Britain. Orlando Reade talks to her about terror, the media and RebeKAH Wade

wo things became clear to me She disagreed, adding that as govern- to be much violence from me.” Who Twhen I listened to the record- ments are always the ones who have is, then, the most dangerous woman ing of my interview with Shami the greatest opportunity to do wicked in Britain? “I don’t know. I haven’t Chakrabarti. Firstly the fact that on things, Liberty has always been com- met her?” Rebekah Wade? “I have met a dictaphone I sound like a knob, but mitted to cross-party campaigns, to her... no.” more interestingly, the eloquence of draw people together from across It must be awkward, I supposed, a woman who has emerged as one the political spectrum. The forty-two depending on the media to reach the of Britain’s most important political days campaign attracted “very brave widest audience and, at the same time, commentators. rebels” in the Labour party, including having to monitor it. “We need them Shami Chakrabarti currently holds Frank Dobson and Diane Abbott, as to give us a voice and access to the a host of honorary positions: she is well as “brilliant speeches” from Con- public. But not at the expense of look- the Chancellor of Oxford Brookes, servative politicians Damian Green ing away from the disenfranchised.” a visiting fellow of Nuffield College, and David Davis. But such exposure to the media has Oxford, Court of Governor of the Liberty’s human-rights website attracted all kinds of criticisms, not LSE, Master of the Bench of Middle claims to be “the conscience of the to mention personal attacks. “Sticks Temple and director of Liberty. These nation”. I ask her whether this was and stones. You only encourage that honours, accorded to a thirty-nine not dangerously subjective. “It’s if you do silly things like parade your year old, are impressive, but it has grandiose. We wouldn’t claim that for children in the media. I’m not going been her articulate antithesis to New anything other than our issues. We out with a footballer.” Labour’s domestic policies which has don’t have direct power, so we have One of Liberty’s initial func- been most remarkable. In spite of to prick conscience.” It had become tions was to monitor the policing of this, she has attracted much personal apparent that, without any effectively protests, so I ask her how optimistic criticism, including allegations of articulated opposition, no debate she feels about the ability to protest sanctimony. could take place. So I relented in my against the Labour government. “It’s I spoke to her just before her debate feeble provocations and she allowed bizarre, the circularity of things. at the Cambridge Union last term. We me to pick her brains gently. Increasingly we’ve had to do much of sat in the Union bar, the garrulous I ask her what is it about the war of that. We didn’t do it to be cute, it was regulars. The proposition was ‘This terror that she objects to. On a most proving necessary. Peaceful protes- House Believes That The War on Ter- basic level, it is the name. “The war tors were being hit by terror laws, and ror Has Become An Assault on British Justice’. She was joined by Phillippe Sands QC and Hannah Perry, secretary “Tony Blair did things that I never expected of Amnesty International. Opposing her was Douglas Murray, author of would happen in Britain in my lifetime.” Neoconservatism: Why We Need It, and two resident Union sophists. I imagine on terror is a brilliant Bush slogan... people were getting arrested for read- that had I attended the debate (I would a devilish one. And it has lead to a ing out the names of dead soldiers at first have had to join the Union) it policy of permanent exception. Terror- the Cenotaph.” would have staged an amusing ethical ism, terror, fear, has always been a fac- Failing to find a less inappropri- dilemma, inviting celebratory pacifists tor in human existence. Threats change ate metaphor, I ask her whether it to pound an ostensibly unobjection- and you have to respond to them. But ever feels as if she’s banging her head able motion home against an Etonian war is not usually permanent.” She against a brick wall? “No. That’s the neoconservative. So, I attempted to continues, “We are used to making nature of humanity, democracy. Each provoke a pre-debate-debate. In the certain sacrifices in wartime: rationing, generation has to fight its own bat- spirit of things I offered up some criti- ID cards, curfews... but a war on terror tles, has to discover why these things cisms of Liberty. would have to be permanent.” So, what matter so much. Forgive me for Set up in 1934, Liberty (also known would she have it be called? “It should quoting Martin Luther King: ‘The arc as the National Council for Civil Lib- be a struggle against terrorism, against of history is a long one, but it bends erties) counted among its founding political violence and its causes.” Not towards justice’. To some extent the members prominent Labour figures quite so catchy. British public has woken up.” She con- Clement Attlee, Aneurin Bevan, “What’s wrong is using the tinues “I was speaking to the German J.B. Priestley and George Orwell. I language of war in the context of Ambassador recently, and in Germa- wondered, did this strong Labour something which is actually criminal- ny they take every camera very seri- heritage not complicate Liberty’s ity. We abandon all rules of engage- ously, they take their personal privacy status as an apolitical organization? ment. And it allows terrorists to call very seriously. And that’s because we themselves soldiers. So we sacrifice haven’t really been oppressed.” our ideological antidote to whatever it Apart from the Normans. Liberty X is that al-Qaeda is. They are common “Apart from the Normans. But criminals.” So what is the effect of em- recently, it’s been a really tough time. 1996 Shami joins the Home ploying the rhetoric of a war against But out of it there’ll be a reawakening. Office as a barrister. them? “It allows them the legitimacy, That’s why I’m here. Tony Blair said the imprimatur, they always want. that the rules of the game are chang- 2001 Joins Liberty the day before You saw that in the troubles in Ire- ing. And they have. He did things that 9/11. land: the paramilitaries on both sides I never expected would happen in wanted to be treated as prisoners of Britain in my lifetime. This is why we conscience. So the war on terror fails 2003 Becomes Director of Liberty need media exposure. Because we’ve on bleeding-heart liberal grounds as been saying things that other people well as on hawkish grounds.” weren’t saying. Difficult things.” 2006 Comes second to Jamie She has been described by a com- And maybe, that need for media Oliver in Channel 4’s ‘Most mentator in The Sun as “the most exposure to enable unobjectionable Inspiring Political Figure’ dangerous woman in Britain”. I added, ends justifies my lack of resistance, award. perhaps a little sycophantically, that and my willful insertion of large this seemed to me a little bit optimis- chunks of direct speech. It seems 2007 Awarded a CBE. tic. “I’d be delighted if it were true, that the lack of palpable grounds for because it would make Britain a very objection, and the lack of evidence 2008 Made Chancellor of Oxford safe place. What would I do? A witty of any misdemeanors, is what people Brookes University. riposte or a very boring speech. I’d really have objected to. And that’s just bore them to death. There’s not going crazy.

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): “Ah,” say Alice and Richard. “you must be Professor Cambridge. In that case, we would like you to go and intimidate the young hoodlums down at the Law Fac.” »p24 You agree, unconditionally. As a soulless twat, you’d love to smash that bunch of do-gooding idealists. »p25 You disagree – at least the protestors are doing something. Why don’t Alice and Richard go themselves? Features Editor: Joe Hunter Friday January 30th 2009 20 Features [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Designs of Charlotte Bearn the Times e unsung heroes of graphic de- sign who enhance Cambridge’s vis- ual landscape share their thoughts on some of the best promotional material of recent years

Patrick Kingsley “ ere is so much on around Cambridge on any given night, so when I’m asked to design the publicity for a play or event, I try to make it as eye-catching as possible. I think these designs work well because they are bright and attention-grab- bing, and playful too. is last bit is very important: from my experience, aside from well-known plays, Cambridge students are far more likely to go and see a play they don’t know much about if they think it’s funny, or a little bit rude. Light-hearted sells, and sells out; and I suppose that’s why these designs are all quite illustrative in style. is design, for Life x 3, is lively and suggestive of a wine-fuelled evening in Paris.”

Dylan Spencer-Davidson

“I hardly ever still like a  yer or poster a year a er making it; this one is “I’d wanted to do a kind of Buñuel-themed Wild West poster for quite probably the only exception. I think it manages to convey quite a lot some time, so when James Moran asked me if I wanted to design the of what Rob was trying to do with the play. e concept is based around the perforation in the poster for Latin!, a play by Stephen Fry, I thought: “ is is my chance!” middle, which invites you to rip apart the two protagonists and break the red ampersand which is con- I was quite pleased with it: Clarendon is one of my favourite fonts and I necting their heads, lips and eyes. e  yer then works as two independent halves: you have a Romeo loved the scuzzy texture and the surreal face. Unfortunately James hated half and a Juliet half. e portraits show Romeo and Juliet as naked and vulnerable teenagers, staring it, and so the  nished article ended up looking completely di erent. He into each other’s eyes (you can make them kiss if you bend the  yer together). e title typography was was probably right – thematically speaking, this poster doesn’t have written by Alastair (playing Romeo) and Lizzie (Juliet) respectively. e play sold out, even with added much to do with the brief I was given, which was “paedophilic teachers” matinees, and the ADC referred to the publicity in its mailing list: ‘ is already promises to be one of – but I’d still like to use it for something.” the highlights of the theatrical year, and is creating a real buzz around Cambridge. Perhaps you too have already succumbed to the moreish pleasure of the production’s serrated  yers...’”

GODFATHER ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): You must literally be blind. In which case, how the devil are you reading this adventure story? Get out. p15 Or go back and try again. Friday January 30th 2009 varsity.co.uk Write for this section: [email protected] Features 21

“ is piece is for the upcoming “ e publicity for Follies was unusual Catherine Nairn production of Waiting for Go- Ben King in that it developed from the image dot. For theatre post- of the showgirl, which I submit- ers I’ll always try and ted when applying for the post of incorporate some of publicist. e mirror and bulbs the major symbols of came a lot later. e idea behind the play/production the Follies publicity was to get a whilst creating sense of past glamour that has as visually now decayed. While the bulbs interesting and and mirror capture this most uni ed image obviously, the idea of the girl as possible. us looking over her shoulder in this produc- was also a reference to tion the tree and looking back at the past. I passing time are think the bulbs turned two of the core out well a er some themes. It is impor- computer trickery and, tant your design is as with most posters su ciently di erent that include a person’s to what’s gone before face, the girl’s eyes whilst still including catch our own. In some of the imagery general however I that people may prefer posters that already be familiar are more sim- with or associate with ple and crisp. I the show. e most think my work important thing I’ve for Follies was learnt about graphic perhaps a little design at Cambridge overworked, as is that the senior  g- a consequence ure in whatever you of piecing are promoting will together the have their own ideas di erent about how a poster elements should look and over time, o en your creative rather input is limited – it than is more about doing having something that you a coher- are not ashamed to ent design at put your name to the beginning.” but ultimately that the person on top is happy with.”

Dmitriy Mylenikov “A er considering the need to be eye-catching Rebecca Pitt and to communicate ideas about the show, I have to ensure that the poster works as a piece of art in order to give an impression that the show will be of a similar high artisti- cally standard. I have been a portrait artist for a number of years; when I paint a por- trait I like to break down a face into shapes with solid edges - I paint in strong brush strokes with very solid edges, and this has in ltrated my design work. e Cement Garden poster is one of my favourites because of the use of outlines against solid colour, which draw attention to the intri- cacy of the shapes in the woman’s body. Outlines make us look at shapes in a new way; we are so used to seeing things in real life that we don’t notice what shapes they are made up of.”

“ is is a poster for Hecuba that was on at the Corpus Playroom last term around Halloween. Os- car Toeman, the director, wanted the publicity to capture the tragic and violent spirit of Euripides’ text (it is one devastating play), without revealing much of the plot, or linking it to a speci c historical context. So, a er a huge amount of bouncing ideas, we settled on this abstract design with a bloody silhouette, simple colour scheme and neutral sans serif typefaces. Unfortunately, something went wrong at the printers’, and the reds turned out much darker than it was intended, but I still think it worked well to match the pro- duction’s gloomy aesthetic.”

GODFATHER ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): “Oh Don Cambridge,” say Alice and Richard, “Can’t you give us anything? Not even a teensy-weensy bit of food?” is sounds more reasonable – your fridge is full-to-bursting, a er all. In fact, there’s so much in there that you don’t know what to give. Choices, choices: p28 Horse-meat. p22 Cheese. Arts Editor: Emma Mustich Friday January 30th 2009 22 Arts [email protected] varsity.co.uk Seismic with laughter as former footlights comedian nick mohammed prepares to return to the ADC on tuesday, he talks to joel Massey about durham, character comedy, and ... er ... that unfinished seismology phd

ICK MOHAMMED likes to spell myself on stage, never not in charac- ters in my show, the weatherman and his name in block capitals. As t e r.” the conductor, were first performed in Nif that wasn’t enough, he also has a Nick’s characters are not fictional; Footlights Smokers.” highly distinctive brand of character- they are genuine impressions. How- Nick arrived in Cambridge, having based comedy and is one of the most ever, he does not rely on the usual received a first degree at Durham, to promising recent Footlights exports. staples of impersonation, the likes of tackle a PhD in Seismology. Before Oh, and he’s on at the ADC this Blair and Bush. “I impersonate not long he started to prefer comedy Tuesday. famous people but just people I see on to earthquakes. “After doing some I catch Nick on a break from film- the train, my friends, teachers from Smokers I was just hooked. In the ing. He’s working on a revival of the school and even lecturers from when end, Footlights made me quit my classic 70’s sitcom The Fall and Rise I was at Cambridge.” Portraying a PhD.” Was Footlights a better training of Reginald Perrin to be broadcast on plethora of characters in a tight one- ground than the Durham Revue? BBC Two later this year. The show hour slot presents serious challenges. “Absolutely. Durham was so cliquey. documents the life of Reggie (played “I’d love to do it on TV, to get into They had one audition at the start of by Martin Clunes of Men Behaving proper make-up and costume. But as the academic year to determine who Badly fame), a middle-aged business- it’s live I have to change characters would be in it for the whole year, man driven mad by the monotony of instantly. I need to get the physicality and if you weren’t already friends modern life. During the interview I and the voice exactly right.” with them you wouldn’t get in. They hear some commotion and giggling I decide to press Nick on how also had only one show a term, so all from outside. “Sorry Joel, the cast are against-the-grain his style of comedy their eggs were in one basket. I know just taking the piss out of me for do- is. “I wouldn’t say it’s unique. There all these clubs can become cliquey, ing an interview.” An interview with are some famous character comedians, but at Footlights, with Smokers, the Varsity, a source of mockery, what an like Sacha Baron Cohen with Ali G Pantomime, the Spring Revue, the outlandish thought. Martin Clunes, and Borat. But there aren’t many peo- Harry Porter Prize and the Tour how dare you. ple doing it live. The London comedy Show, there’s just so much opportu- Despite the interruption, I manage circuit is dominated by the comedy nity. The Smokers are key – there’s no to get the conversation back on track. club format, a guy with a mic, an infor- better way to improve than to write Nick is returning to Cambridge this mal atmosphere and a bar at the back. something every two weeks.” Tuesday with his critically acclaimed What I do is more theatrical.” Nick is happy to wax lyrical about Edinburgh show, ‘NICK MOHAM- Nick first nurtured his impersonat- Footlights, but I want to know if he MED is a character comedian’. ing skills as far back as when he was felt there were any disadvantages Whereas most stand-ups masquerade at school. “It started with just messing in coming from the club. “I don’t VANESSA WHYTE as themselves on stage (“I’m so-and- around in class. One of my characters think so. People say it’s a double- produced someone better’. People makes the people, but the other way so and last Tuesday I…”), Nick offers is a camp, Northern bloke who taught edged sword, but it’s not. I suppose forget that even the likes of Stephen rou n d .” something quite different. “Essentially me when I was fourteen.” When Nick when you’re starting out you can get Fry weren’t perfect at 19 or 20, eve- ‘NICK MOHAMMED is a character it’s just me playing lots of different arrived in Cambridge he developed reviews saying ‘you’d have thought the ryone learns by writing and gigging comedian’ is on at the ADC Theatre characters,” he tells me. “I’m never his style further. “Two of the charac- group behind Stephen Fry would have more and more. It’s not the name that this Tuesday at 11pm. Franz find a new way Reporting from a press conference with the band, paul smith shares some insights about the making of Franz Ferdinand’s latest, most ‘menacing’ album

o animals were harmed in the two and a half thousand years later change in musical direction. When a compilation for somebody: You can making of Franz Ferdinand’s new and empathise with this character asked what they got out of the ill- tell how much [they] love you by lis- Nrecord, although a human skeleton who is lost and feels he is never going fated sessions, Alex notes: “Xenoma- tening to how they’ve put it together.” was used for some percussive effects. home.There are always times in life nia have an amazing work ethic, and Franz Ferdinand haven’t just “Just in a very small way, it didn’t when you feel like that and certainly after spending a few days with them written a tour de force of electronic play a major role,” Alex Kapranos when you’re in a band. But if you let we went away and worked harder.” grooves, though, as certain songs reassures. “We found it in a box at an that get you down it’s a disaster. We This graft is highly noticeable on the see Alex exploring his more sensi- auction.” treat it as an adventure and something record, which contains some of their tive side: “Both ‘Katherine Kiss Me’ Drummer Paul Thompson excitedly to be embraced.” most ambitious material to date. and ‘No You Girls’ are about kissing interrupts: “We did an interview in When they played with one of ‘Lucid Dream’, which was re- somebody for the first time and how Paris and the journalist asked if we Damon Albarn’s projects last year, leased as a download last summer, we recall big emotional events in our went to a graveyard and dug it up.” rumours that Franz had ‘turned reappears, remixed, reworked and lives in different ways. ‘No You Girls’ Three and a half years since the re- afrobeat’ were rife: “We tried to do expanded into an eight-minute is sung like an anecdote to friends in lease of their last record, the lads are as few interviews as possible when electronic monster: “When we were the pub [when] you try and exagger- back with Tonight: Franz Ferdinand, writing the album, but when we did, putting the record together we wanted ate something. and are still finding inspiration from things all got blown out of propor- to have the dynamic of a night out “When I tell friends’ stories things (literally) underground sources. tion,” notes Alex. and ‘Lucid Dreams’ really had that become a lot more glamorous than Fans expecting another anthem “We came off stage after Africa climax.” they were, but that’s human nature, like ‘Take Me Out’ or a jaunty ‘Do Express and did an interview with a Alex views the album as a full whereas ‘Katherine’ is about recalling You Want To’ may be disappointed, guy who asked, ‘Do you like African body of work. “It’s patronising to some event and you can remember as their new release, while still firmly music?’ We said, ‘Of course we do!’, think your audience doesn’t have the how vulnerable you felt and how it rooted on the dance floor, is darkly and that series of Chinese whispers stamina to listen to more than three wasn’t as emotionally rewarding as it underpinned by dirty grooves and became ‘Franz to make African minutes of music. You’ve got to have should have been.” menacing synthesisers, which feature a l b u m’.” more respect for them than that. I do Tonight, on the other hand, is as re- heavily, for example, on current single Scrapped sessions with pop gen- see it as being a complete album, as warding as expected, and 2009 looks ‘Ulysses’. Alex explains the song’s clas- iuses Xenomania also made headlines a lot of work goes into the arrange- set to be a momentous year for our sical inspiration: “You can read it now and provoked speculation of another ment of tracklistings. It’s like making favourite Glaswegian archdukes.

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): “Vice Chancellors Alice and Richard,” you respond, “I hereby offer you 100g of my most-prized Stilton. In return, all I ask is that you rename Murray Edwards College after my local music emporium.” Surprisingly, Alice and Richard agree – perhaps they just really love cheese – and from henceforth Murray Edwards College is known as Zavvi Records. They go bust shortly afterwards. Friday January 30th 2009 Write for this section: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Features 23 Reasons to be Cheerful GAZA, THE RECESSION, JONATHAN ROSS BACK ON THE BBC. THERE ARE MANY REASONS NOT TO FEEL OPTIMISTIC RIGHT NOW. NOT SO FOR LAURENCE SHORTER. HIS NEW BOOK SHOWS HOW TO LOCATE THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE, AS MOYA SARNER DISCOVERS

aurence Shorter has a cold. This Ilibagiza, a survivor of the Rwandan not an optimist, you compound that Most of the time we walk myopically “real optimism...one that is worthy of Lis not good news; he’s got to be genocide who, after spending three pain with your own thoughts and through life, “seeing it through the our respect”; like that of Obama. His in Canada next week to promote his weeks hiding from the Hutu militia negativity: ‘Oh, this is miserable, this lens of our own thoughts and beliefs. is “based on a faith in human nature, new book, The Optimist: One Man’s in a bathroom, then emerged more is really crap.’” Some people argue that that is all the belief that human beings at their Search for the Brighter Side of Life. So optimistic than before, “happy, This is what we can learn from there is. But there is also the pure, best can make it. Obama’s got it, he must feel mucus-ridden, miser- light-hearted, and giggly”. “At the both Buddhism and cognitive ther- undiluted, physical reality of life”. It’s and Bush hasn’t.” The true optimist’s able, and bitter, right? Wrong. “I’m a beginning I wanted to talk to famous apy, Shorter argues. The 2500-year- what my friend Dan discovered in approach to the new presidency, little under the weather,” he tells me, people, I was naturally attracted old beliefs and the techniques of an epiphany on the bus: he called it according to Shorter, is not one “but that’s just a consequence of it to them – and I wanted to sell my a psychological therapeutic prac- ‘PURE EXPERIENCE’. Therein lies of blind faith that he will fulfil all being winter time, you know?” That’s book,” admits Shorter. “But I soon tice that started in the 1960s both the path to optimism. our hopes: “He will let us down, of what he calls optimism. grew fascinated by real people who’d encourage the re-evaluation of our However, beware, Shorter warns, course, being a human being – that’s Shorter developed this outlook been through bad times; that’s where of the fake optimists, the George not pessimistic. Accept that he’s not whilst researching and writing The the true optimism lies.” Like the W. Bushes of this world. They going to live up to everything he says Optimist. Three years ago, at the age explorer whose helicopter crashed in have fallen victim to a twisted he’ll do, but hope that he makes the of 35, he was going through a kind of the Antarctic Sea in the middle of Leibnizian perversion, and most of what can be achieved.” Yes mid-life crisis. He was in a funk; the the night, and who spent nine subscribe to a “pathetic, We Can – to a certain extent. news, his personal life, and his career hours in freezing water, over-optimistic perspec- So there you have it. Optimism, as a freelance business consult- 1200 miles from the tive, that everything is and consequently happiness, are ant were getting him down, and he nearest human life. going to be great, the within your grasp: “It’s about being found himself asking the question, “It was his positive market’s going to content with whatever is. There are ‘Why should I get out of bed?’ “I attitude that allowed keep going up, we things that make you ecstatic – hor- wanted the motivation, that energy him to survive; a just need to keep mones, drugs – but when you decide and purpose that some people have mastery of the buying – that’s to be happy with a pain in your leg and I didn’t. How the hell does Ri- mind. Steve the wrong kind or when feeling utterly exhausted, chard Branson get up at 6am with a told me that of optimism, then you’ve got it. Optimism is spring in his step? It’s always baffled during that that’s gambling”. accepting that life is not always me... and somewhat annoyed me. nine-hour pe- Shorter hopes optimal, is feeling cool with life not Where do they get their optimism, riod, if he’d had to herald a new being good; when you feel like a turd their joie de vivre?” So he decided one single nega- return to an warmed over and it doesn’t bother to travel the world, and embarked tive thought era of you, then you’re a real optimist”. upon a “genuinely quixotic jour- it would have One last question: “Is everything ney”, punctuated with extraordinary started a chain going to be alright?” He says: “It’s adventures, “like a knight errant” on of anxiety and already alright. And it always a quest for optimism, both in himself he wouldn’t have will be.” and in others. made it; in that Optimism is one of those words moment of danger which, if you’re a stickler for linguis- and extrem- tic and philosophical precision, can ity there was no really get your goat. It was originally choice, he had to coined by the philosopher Leibniz in remain positive.” the early eighteenth century in his So can we all find work Théodicée, where he outlined that positive attitude, his belief that this universe is the so as to grace the tow- best it can be: optimism, from the ering spires of Cam- Latin optimus. This definition was bridge with the glimmer soon distorted; satirized by Voltaire of light that can often seem in Candide, optimism later came to all too lacking? Optimism is reflect nineteenth century society’s not the privilege of any particu- preoccupation with progress: “it lar class or religious bent, Shorter meant something about tomorrow; asserts; it is a deeply democratic everything’s going to be alright,” concept, and available to anyone Shorter explains. Soon, all caution who decides to find it: “I’ve become and accuracy thrown to the wind, much more of an optimist having ‘optimistic’ became a catch-all adjec- made that decision. It’s not a predis- tive, referring to anyone who’s gener- position, nor is it genetically deter- ally bit perky. Shorter’s conception mined; we have the power to observe “THERE’S A BITTER WIND BLOWING DOWN YOUR JACKET. IT’S A PAIN IN THE NECK – LITERALLY – BUT IF YOU’RE NOT AN OPTIMIST, mental habits YOU COMPOUND THAT PAIN WITH YOUR OWN for inter- preting what THOUGHTS AND NEGATIVITY” happens to us. Clinical psycholo- takes us back to those Leibnizian and change our patterns of thought, gists have found that roots – with a bit of a twist. For him, how we interpret reality.” Those who even manic depressives, “It’s about this, who we are now, be- truly accept reality free themselves by closely observing their ing the optimum. The understanding from the constant struggle against own thought patterns, can that the present moment is totally it – it is that struggle, not the reality improve their chemical or ge- perfect in its own way, because it’s itself, Shorter believes, that saps our netic depression to a remarkable real. Not for any foolish or mystical energy and causes our stress. “Like degree. “If you examine your own reason other than this is what is, and when you’re walking down Kings’ reactions to and beliefs about reality, it could not be any other way.” Parade, and there’s a bitter wind you see how you compound and cre-

On his journey he met optimists blowing down your jacket. It’s a pain ate suffering in your own mind: the GILES SMITH from Mick Jagger to Imaculée in the neck – literally – but if you’re simple solution is to be aware of it.”

GODFATHER ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): Yup, cheddar = dosh. You name it: bread, lolly, wonga, fric – Alice and Richard know their money-based slang. But enough of that: what are you going to o er them? p28 Make them an o er they can’t refuse. p22 Make them an o er they can refuse. Theatre Editor: Joel Massey Friday January 30th 2009 24 eatre [email protected] varsity.co.uk Round Up THEATRE

TIM JONES Orfeo by Claudio Monteverdi ADC eatre, January 27th-31st Dir. Francis Knights; CU Baroque Ensemble & Fitzwilliam Chamber Opera  George Reynolds tells us what’s what in theatrical week 2 pera, in the hands of its masters, choreography that plagued the perform- is the greatest art form of them ance, especially in the  nal, moralising all.O And it all dates back, so the legend chorus, in which hand movements et this. Just fucking get goes, to Monteverdi and Orfeo.  ough seemed to appear at random. We Gthis. I now have 420 words, not quite the oldest, Orfeo remains one also glimpsed our  rst set: a garden pretty much uncensored, to say of the earliest operas of which we are backcloth which looked like it had come WHATEVER I WANT about the aware. Two years ago, it celebrated its straight out of a children’s fairytale, Cambridge drama scene, a thing I four-hundredth birthday. It isn’t opera coupled with a solitary and none too have learned to hate a er count- in the clichéd, cartoon sense. What we convincing rock. less joyless hours in minor theatres have instead is a piece of light entertain- Set design issues continued a er the watching minor actors do minor ment, albeit one with a moral (self- interval. When Orfeo attempts to get parts in minor plays and wondering restraint is a virtue to be cherished). past the guardian of Hades through the if the leading lady would give me Typically for an early opera, it’s based charm of his music, he sings in front of a hand crank in exchange for that on Greek myth. Orfeo is in love with a zebra-patterned screen, with Charon’s elusive sixth star. Oh and there’s Eurydice, who then dies. He bravely boat intermittently surrounded by a been Shakespeare. Lots and lots of traipses o to the underworld, and is fug of smoke, so liberally applied that it Shakespeare. given the chance to lead her out from cascaded into the orchestra pit. Technically, this is a Round Up. Hell on the sole condition that she fol-  ere were also serious costume So let’s round up: Orfeo (yawn), lows behind him, so that he can’t look problems. Charon looked perturbingly Breakfast at Night (hahaha), the at her. Predictably, that’s exactly what like a cat thanks to his smeared face  r s t Footlights Smoker (haha), a he does, so Eurydice vanishes. All that paint (and he fell asleep as if he was hav- Churchill Amnesty Smoker (ha). is le is for Apollo, the Sun God, to de- ing a heart attack). Act 4 featured such Cosi Fan Tutte was apparently very scend from the sky, console his grieving hellish demons as a pig and a winged good, but you’ll know that already if son, and dri up with him into the stars. frog, both of whom wore masks that you read the review (dumbass). And Unfortunately, this production rarely would not be out of place in a cheap fan- there was a Jesus Smoker, which makes it to entertainment.  e brass cy dress shop. Hades had all the menace must have been nice for them. fanfare that opens the work lacked any of a ernoon tea, not helped by the Honestly, though, do catch Break- sort of drama, and was out of tune. costume that made Pluto look like a sor- fast at Night: it’s written by some Indeed, the playing of the University Ba- cerer.  e  nal act saw Apollo descend very funny people that I’ve never roque Ensemble le a lot to be desired from the sky incrementally, preceded by met but that I like a lot, for some throughout the evening.  ere was little a Rapunzelesque plume of yellow fabric, reason. And Good Lord, it’s got a rhythmic bite, cadences were regularly attached to a balloon basket that looked huge cast full of all sorts of amusing mistimed, and the o stage brass in Act 3 oddly like Wedgwood pottery. Hope Footlights-y types. And, irritatingly, petered into half-life, woefully  at, as if shot a knowing look o stage as she Lucy Evans. Not because she ir- nobody had brought them in. struggled with the sheets. ritates me, but just because I wanted  e opening brass are followed by a On the singing front, Orfeo and the to make a joke about this being the prologue, in which Music waxes lyrical Messenger were in a class of their own,  rst week in living memory that on the wonders of her art. Unfortu- the latter bringing genuine stage pres- she hasn’t been on at the ADC. But nately, her acting was so wooden that ence which showed what was missing she is. So I can’t say that. Anyway: it brought across no inkling that she from the rest of the cast, who generally if “GRAPHIC HORROR” (note believed in the power of music.  is lacked both vocal power and emotional spooooooooky capitals) is your wasn’t helped by the two on-stage ac- pull. thing, then go and see Macbeth at companists roughly trying to hide their It can’t be denied that a great deal Christ’s. Just remember - there’s copies of sheet music as they departed of e ort must have been put into this probably a reason he didn’t get to the stage. production, but it looks and feels faintly put it on at the ADC. Act 1 saw the  rst dance (more ac- amateurish, lacking in imagination, giv- Um um um - looking into my curately described as lopsided group ing the impression that it’s being put on crystal ball(s) further ahead in hopping), and with it the mistimed in a rural town hall. David Allen term, 42nd Street should provide

a good night out, even for those KATY KING who aren’t gay or tap-dancers (very few tap-dancing gays, funnily Footlights Smoker enough - they’re almost mutually ADC eatre, January 27th exclusive). And despite some truly dodgy publicity, in which the Statue  of Liberty looks like one of those Footlights Smoker is not an easy history as some of the best of the night. Hamilton falling out with a friend due RSPCA “Make Child Abuse STOP” Athing to review. It is a one-o , so But there was also mention of more to incessant bragging about his wins; a kids, Death of a Salesman could be I can’t warn you of things to look out recent a airs, something deep in every- birthday present of a watch that can stop fun. Or total wank. It’s up in the air, for, or recommend attendance. It is an one’s hearts in which we cannot help but time but just turns out to be a year-long really. But my girlfriend’s in both so evening of subjective comedy, where feel we should be involved; no, not the social experiment ; a song on the guitar go and see them and say nice things. failure to laugh is more likely to be a Middle Eastern con ict (although that full of sexual innuendos and a crude Gratuitous plugs aside, I’m le result of your imperviousness to the joke was brought up) but the social network- scene at the gynaecologist, vulgar enough to enthuse about e Spanish than the joke not being funny. And most ing phenomenon that is Facebook. At to make you feel bad about laughing, but Tragedy, in which a guy bites o concerning of all, taking notes during my count, Zuckerberg’s baby got four funny enough that you laugh nonetheless his own tongue, and Waiting For the performance causes people to think di erent mentions in an hour, including (and loudly at that). Godot, in which monkeys take I am stealing material. Which of course I a funny scene of a Facebook-rape crime.  e Footlights Committee (Roberts, over the world (I’m just kidding. wouldn’t do. So conspicuously. One in particular was great, a quick- Evans, Mullarkey, Johnson, Williams & NOTHING happens). And that’s In my short time at Cambridge I have witted and cleverly delivered poem about co) feature in several original and punchy my round-up rounded-up, actually. been audience at three Footlights Smok- a computer and pornography – and my sketches each with word play aplenty to Which is a shame, because I didn’t ers; this was the best yet. editor, sitting behind me, remarked out keep the punters like me happy. Example: really get to talk about the many Funnyman Keith Akushie opened the loud during the show that it was fantastic, “a tabloid newspaper... a politician... your problems of Cambridge theatre. show, with a hilarious set re-living some so I wouldn’t dare write anything else! turn, think of something that lies.” “Erm, Next time, maybe, next time. By- old jokes: millennium bugs and Berlin Other notable sketches include: a boy a snake?” “Why a snake, are you thinking eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! walls. Akushie has a timeless charm who tells “absurd but very speci c lies” of the Garden of Eden?” “No, just it’s got about him as these jokes went down in and then meets a wolf (geddit?); Lewis no legs”. Groan. Lauren Davidson

GODFATHER ADVENTURE (STARTS ON PAGE 13): So you pitch up at the LawFac and introduce yourself to the protestors. “Take me to your leader,” you say, but unfortunately they don’t have one because they do everything by consen- sus. You have to negotiate in front of their 100-strong body. p26 Sure thing – you’re not daunted by these hippies. p27 No way, Jose. at would be too intimidating. Friday January 30th 2009 Join our Theatre team: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Theatre 25

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Breakfast at Night ADC Theatre, January 28th-31st t im j ohns Week 3: One Night Stands Written & dir. by Mathew Bulmer, Daran Johnson & Liam Williams  o some they sound like a lot of en- Tergy for not much satisfaction. I, hat do you look for in new stu- ence were in guffaw-mode as soon as important meal of the day”; and a dog however, love a good one night stand. dent writing,” I ask. “Something Tom Williams trotted out with a graph psychiatrist: “Britain is a nation of animal Every other Tuesday, sandwiched be- “Woff-the-wall and very funny,” you say. comparing the names of apples with lovers, just look inside our kennels and tween the weeks of Footlights Smok- Good, then go and see Breakfast at Night. Texan prostitutes. “Golden Delicious, you’ll see they’re full of dogs.” ers, in the ADC Theatre sits a curious The ADC has been transformed into Granny Smith steaming ahead, not so The show is not confined to a phenomenon which the theatre-going a live recording studio for Channel YES. much Braeburn, sounds more like some- dialogue-based format. A live band and student population often overlook. In (“That’s ‘yes’ as in ‘yes madam, I do want thing you’d get from a Texan prostitute”. an enormous chorus lend a welcome past years this solitary one-off show- to…’”). The station is piloting a new Soon the on-air sign lights up and the musical edge. My favourite number was ing has seen fantastic performances, show, Breakfast at Night, “the morning show begins in earnest. We are bombard- ‘Who Did the Credit Crunch?’, particu- often outshining the longer-running show for people who are not awake in the ed from the off with a high-octane flurry larly as the question (I think) doesn’t plays of that week. This term there are morning… as in night workers and dead of ludicrous gags. These come largely even make sense. sadly no plays in the one night slots, people”. We are the live studio audience, from the strange Channel YES guests. The show is not flawless. It drags a little replaced by comedy events and musi- watching to see if our three presenters Characters like Arthur Author reading an near the end. Perhaps it could have been cal recitals. I have no qualms with a (hurdling silver medallist Michael Mid- extract from his pun-filled new book: “I an hour instead of ninety minutes. How- few extra comedy events in Cam- dle, celebrity shagger Lucky Dorigo, and looked at her and she returned my gaze, ever, dwelling on quibbles feels wrong bridge; the night clearly lends itself ugly-version-of-Russell-Brand-lookalike I missed those gays since lending them with a play that is just so intoxicatingly well to this format. And I’m looking Ryan Alright) with their motley assort- to her last week;” celebrity chef Siamese silly. Ultimately, this is a comedy that forward to returning Footlight Nick ment of guests can hold it together for twins Hugo and Hugo spouting pearls of will make you laugh, a lot. Oh, and the Mohammed’s (pictured above) award- this tense pilot. culinary wisdom: “people say breakfast rumoured nudity is true – wait for the winning show next Tuesday. But I Every night a different stand-up opens is the most important meal of the day, song ‘Bath Time with Professor Bubbles’. worry this reflects the lack of interest the show with a warm-up act. The audi- but what if every meal was the most Joel Massey in one-off theatrical performances which have the potential to be so tim jones daring, fun and above all, risky. What Cosi Fan Tutte by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart happened to the one night stand? You have to look back to Michael- Great St. Mary’s Church, January 22nd & 23rd mas 2006 to find the true glory days of the single show format. I’d just Dir. Jack Furness; & Shadwell Opera & Gonville & Caius Music Society arrived in Cambridge and was thrilled  to find the slot regularly filled by his new production of Mozart’s com- Alfonso who are, thanks to a rather au- igi) and Lucy Roberts (Dorabella) easily new writing and off-the-wall shows. Tic opera at Great Saint Mary’s Church thentic and familiar-looking sign, having match the boys for vocal ability. Songi’s A State Affair, on early that term, is, in no uncertain terms, a triumph. a few beers in, well, the Maypole. Young voice has a clarity and roundness of was a fantastic piece of drama based Two brightly-coloured and vaguely bucks Guglielmo and Ferrando are re- tone that made her arias just patently on real-life interviews and events, trippy screens stood in the nave and galing each other with stories about how beautiful. Roberts is also a hit. Her pretty detailing the murder of playwright acted as a composite backdrop. One was faithful their girlfriends are. However, smile and giggly tottering as the girls lay Andrea Burner who was beaten to of King’s College Chapel and the other when the more cynical Don Alfonso the picnic in the second scene captured death by her husband in 1990. There of an old gnarly tree-trunk with lovers’ throws in his two pennies’ worth, a Fiordiligi’s caricature in a handful of was something so powerful about initials carved into the purple bark. diabolical wager is proposed and the plot elegant and effortless brushstrokes. this verbatim piece of theatre being Goodbye 18th-century Naples; hello gets going. Okay, so the set was rickety as hell, performed only once – it made the swinging Cambridge. Tenor Tom Cockett fills Ferrando’s the costumes were simply appalling interviews seem that much more Conductor Aidan Coburn glided ele- slacks and is quite simply excellent. and there was a veritable ton of wobbles powerful; that much more live; that gantly down the centre-isle and struck up His voice is superb. Clear and heartfelt, and scrapes that came bustling through much more real. the impressive orchestra. Transitive and the silliness of this farcical comedy is the back-curtain and from the wings. That term also saw a single per- poised, the house lights were snapped off tenderly and intelligently cut through All this did, however, was reinforce the formance of Krapp’s Last Tape, one one by one and Mozart’s beautiful, soar- with his more pensive and serious arias. production’s principal achievement: its of Samuel Beckett’s greatest plays in ing score lilted into view. Galloping and Praise must also go to Edward Ballard irrefutable charm. Such was the wit and which a man tries to make sense of flighty, delicate trills skip from the violin (Guglielmo) and Edward de Minckwitz class of the piece (and the performers) his life, past and present, by recording and are echoed by the flutes and oboes. (Don Alfonso) who were equally mag- that it didn’t need any delusions of ap- all of his memories and experiences. The orchestra was fantastic. netic singers. pearing slick or polished. With the exception of the wonder- Enter Guglielmo, Ferrando and Don The girls, played by Jo Songi (Fiordil- Nathan Brooker ful Scaramouche Jones in the Corpus Playroom last term, the tradition of sean Jones the one-hander seems all but dead in Jesus Smoker Cambridge. Coleridge Room, Jesus College, January 22nd Of course the one-night slot should also be the place where new writing is  premiered and tested. What’s the Story tand-up nights always scare me a Cambridge, does a nightclub (Life) feel of sketches and poems, on an evening so Morning Glory (Michaelmas 2006) little. I worry for the comedians that the need to masquerade as a bookshop dominated by stand-up, did so bravely. and Waiting for Guagua (Lent 2007) Sthey will be met by a sea of blank, bored (Waterstone’s) in order to entice punters Simon Haines and Mark Fiddaman’s are two fine examples of original stu- faces. I worry for the audience that they in. His imitations of rugby lads on a off-the-wall seagull sketch was entertain- dent shows which have seen success will feel awkward during hideously un- night out and extreme, unswerving, yet ing enough, but perhaps having separate in this format. funny moments. And I worry that I will much appreciated, flattery of Varsity events for stand-up and sketches would The one-night stand is something be torn out of the idyllic anonymity of critics, hit just the right note and set the work better, to allow the audience time to that should be celebrated. I challenge the back row. As soon as I heard that the evening off to a tremendous start. appreciate the different styles and paces. anyone who saw Little Malcolm and evening’s compère had, at the eleventh Phil Wang and Keith Akushie were Comedy can be so hit and miss. In his Struggle Against the Eunuchs last hour, been changed to the unsuspecting two more highlights of the evening. many respects the comfortably inebri- year to disagree (no whining about Lucien Young (pictured right), I started Trusting in their comic ability, the audi- ated Cambridge student crowd is a very the length please!). Next time you to shift about uneasily. ence loosened up and settled down to forgiving audience; they miss awkward are struggling to find the humour in Suddenly, Liam Williams appeared on enjoy their constant stream of fast paced moments and their high spirits keep tedious, Tuesday night improvised the stage and, like a dose of Bach’s Rescue humorous quips and tales. Like Williams, them tittering throughout. On the comedy, remember these one-off the- Remedy, propelled all anxiety far away. they seemed spontaneous yet perfectly at other hand, they have paid and given atrical gems. And if you have a crazy His buoyant resilience and unshakeable ease and well prepared. The other stand up an evening to come, and they want idea for a show which might work in wit put me at ease instantly. He seemed up comedians were also pretty good; to be damn well entertained. What an the one-night format, consider apply- to have a bottomless treasure chest of their acts were not as slick or sharp but intimidating scene; I take my hat off to ing to the ADC. Hey, I’ll try anything Cantabrigian jokes and gags that had the they were respectable student comics. all the Cambridge comedians out there. once. Tim Checkley audience falling about in no time: only in Those who ventured into the realms Victoria Ball

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): Alice and Richard talking to students? You must be joking – they’ve never even been to Cambridge. »p19 Have another go. Reviews Editor: Laurie Tuffrey Friday January 30th 2009 26 Reviews [email protected] varsity.co.uk iWatch Week 3: Explore, from Patago- nia to the Pampas, Tuesday MUSIC 9pm, available at iPlayer. Tonight: Franz Ferdinand Franz Ferdinand Domino, out now  ’ve never been a huge fan of Franz and unrivalled on this album. When else is getting the official party line Ferdinand. It’s a mystery: I like this was released a few months back (complete with spin), he’s whispering Iguitar bands, I like art-rock, I like a it was a different beast (for start- in your ear how he really feels. reasonable proportion of the people ers the album version is more than This album is more of a dance NME put on their front cover, and twice as long as the original). It’s record than any Franz have released still Franz just don’t do it for me. To been completely worked over for the before. It’s a welcome change for be honest, I spent last week looking album and I’m so pleased it has been. fans and for those who’ve never real- or a greedy guts like me, the forward to Bruce Springsteen’s new It was good before; now it’s a gem. ly warmed to them: these songs still buffet appears to be a wining album. But that was last week. Be- ‘Katherine Kiss Me’ is a little out sound like Franz Ferdinand, but they Fdining style. Instead of making hard cause this week I’ve heard Tonight, of place at the end of this record, but haven’t let anything get stale. You choices about which one thing you and I think I get it now. it’s there for a reason. Alex Kapranos can hear fresh influences in almost want a lot of, you can indulge in a Tonight: Franz Ferdinand a is described this song and ‘No You Girls’ every track; this album sits comfort- little bit of everything. This logic concept album which tells the story as two different ways you can recall ably amongst the releases from some seems flawless, until it transpires of a night out. And what better a the same story depending on who of the most exciting, emerging acts that each mini portion is more tan- metaphor to use on such a record you’re telling it too. The concept be- of the past few months, in terms of talising than satisfying, and you fin- than a Greek hero who spent ten comes apparent after a few listens and both style and calibre. Tonight was ish the meal wishing that you had years returning from the Trojan War. with words. ‘Ulysses’ is a brilliant once you’ve noticed it, it’s brilliant. not at all what I expected, but what instead concentrated your efforts You have to hand it to them, Franz opening number. You feel like Kapranos has let you good night out ever is? into enjoying one particular dish. Ferdinand have a very special way ‘Lucid Dreams’ is absolutely lush, in on a little secret. Whilst everyone Lucy Bryant This principle could have been well applied to the BBC’s new travel programme, Explore. This week’s The Streets miscellaneous hotchpotch covered The Junction 1 Argentina by trying to fit eight potentially interesting documen- Tuesday January 27th Paul smith taries into a single brain-dead one.  We started with the trans Patagonia railway, before seeing some global ou look like you’re asleep!” roars for a rave-tastic opening, but any gling to compete over the cacophony warming in action at the glaciers, Mike Skinner, pointing at an charm was quickly forfeited, with his of bass, drums and synth. ‘Never Went only to be abruptly whisked off to unfortunate“Y spectator in the Corn Ex- tiresome attempts to rally the crowd To Church’ received one of the biggest meet Argentina’s biggest landown- change balcony. “It’s not Radiohead!” with cries of “CAN YOU SEE ME? reactions of the night, with Mark Trail ers. Then followed a wacky priest, The crowd laughs, but I cringe. CAN YOU HEAR ME?” Like the tagging a solo rendition of Glasvegas’s a penguin fancier, a bit of history, Perhaps this is why I’ve never been a Radiohead joke, his patronisingly slow ‘Daddy’s Gone’ onto the end. a fashion designer, shanty towns, massive fan of the Streets. The geezer voice, pronouncing every-single-syl- ‘Blinded By The Lights’ saw some football, Evita, more history les- anthem ‘Dry Your Eyes’ drove me to de- lable, (in the same tone you use giving eerie eyes projected on stage, before sons, Boca Juniors, cowboys and spair, as did widespread belief Skinner tourists directions to the bus station) Skinner rather ingeniously invited the last, but certainly not least, soy was the saviour of British music, and I very quickly wore thin. crowd to crouch down on the floor. farming. This is travel television for vividly remember making a hasty exit Luckily, crowd pleasers like ‘Could Reaching a point where the infectious- the MTV generation; “here’s some- when he appeared at Radio One’s Big Well Be In’, ‘Weak Become Heroes’ and ness had won over even the toughest of thing, here’s another thing, getting Weekend in 2004. ‘Has It Come To This’ dominated the reviewers, it was impossible to refuse bored? We’ll just change the subject Five years later, Skinner parades the set, with the latter having a near nos- in joining the mass squat. His attempt before you change the channel!”. stage in a Metallica T-shirt while Kevin talgic effect. Can you believe it’s nearly to strip Cambridge of its dignity even Increasingly, our TV programmes Mark Trail provides vocal accompani- a decade since the release of Original further, urging us to “Take your shirt seem to be made by the same nine ment to the title track of last year’s Pirate Material? The only problem was off” during a thrilling encore of ‘Fit But year old child with a sugar high and album Everything Is Borrowed. An the sound levels. A four piece band You Know It’ was less enthusiastically ADD. engaging ‘Let’s Push Things Forward’ drowned out Skinner’s storytelling, received though. We’re clearly more Explore is brought to us by three followed, climaxing in a mash up of with his poetic references to KFC, JD prudish than he reckoned. highly presentable presenters who the Prodigy’s ‘Out Of Space’. It made Sports and the Artful Dodger strug- Paul Smith look young enough to have been given the job on their gap year. Sec- ond possibly to being a professional CUMC: Brahms and Beethoven cake taster, this must be the most enjoyable job in the world. How- The Cappé Quartet, Clare Hennessey and Oskar McCarthy ever, sitting in my student digs on Thursday January 22nd a rainy English afternoon watching an irksome Christian Bale lookalike  bounce around Argentina evokes the same pathetic envy as watch- he Cambridge University Mu- maticism of the Andante moderato register. Overall, the players listened ing porn: it’s as if the male lead is sic Club boasts Ralph Vaughan was finely tuned, and the dramatic well and a noble balance between specifically taunting you “I’m in this TWilliams and Sir David Willcocks tremolos heightened our expecta- strings and horns was found. One of country, are you in a country?” amongst its former members, but one tion of what was to come. Charm- the most heavenly musical textures is A good reason for seeing out this can only wonder what they would ingly poised, the Vivace of the third a combination of French horns and mediocre episode is the last ten think of the audiences today. There movement threw cascading arpeggios cellos, and the subdued Adagio began minutes, an all-too-short glimpse were about thirty people dotted across the parts that were handled with in such a way. The beauty of this move- of the plight of the rural poor of the around the West Road Concert Hall technical fluency and musical grace. ment lay in what most music students Pampas. Soy production for Euro- last Thursday: sadly, chamber music As was to be expected from four of the would describe as ‘fit’ suspensions – as pean cattle has sent vast swathes has become a niche activity and would most talented male instrumentalists at if Keira Knightley could remotely of the countryside into unemploy- definitely only merit a half Blue, were the university, the first violin’s heroic, compare to a Beethovian 9-8. The nim- ment, and footage reminiscent of viola players allowed to venture inside if at times out of tune, melody was ble NYO-ers romped to the end of the the American dust bowl served as a the Hawks’ Club. The rest of you are invigorated by the fizzing energy of somewhat light-hearted sextet in style salutary reminder of the severity of missing out though: this was a stun- the other players to provide a stirring with booming hunting calls, skilfully globalisation. Seemingly harmless ning evening of Brahms’s ‘retro-1873’ climax to this quartet. accompanied by the quartet. changes in European meat produc- style and Beethoven’s horny Sextet. For the Beethoven, the boys were If you’re looking for a jaw-dropping tion have lead to desperate suffering The Cappé Quartet immediately joined by Clare Hennessey and Oskar to more than match the string players. example of the finest music Cambridge in Argentine towns whose names showed themselves to be an impressive McCarthy in showing off the Old For the most part they flew through has to offer then you could do worse we will never even know. ensemble and particularly pleasing was Master’s horn-writing. The two bell- virtuosic semiquaver passages, than to head to a CUMC Chamber Rob Peal Adam Csenki’s rare viola prominence blowers filled the concert hall with a although notes came to be muffled Music concert. in the musical texture. The rich chro- majestic sound and proved themselves in places in the challenging lower Andrew Browning

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): You start hobnobbing with them. Surprisingly, you manage to hammer out a deal. It’s agreed that the University won’t denounce Israel per se – that would sound a bit silly coming from an academic institution – but you guarantee that Cambridge will send a few copies of Windows 95 to the Islamic University in Gaza. Brill. Friday January 30th 2009 Join our Reviews team: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Reviews 27

Take ART, FILM & LITERATURE Scotland

Valkyrie Dir. Bryan Singer Starring: Tom Cruise, Bill Nighy and Eddie Izzard  asically Ocean’s Eleven with swastikas, ognisable acting royalty such as Terence wearing an eye-patch. Valkyrie follows a group of German Stamp, Kenneth Branagh, and the rest of Singer makes the decision to let the Barmy officers in the Second World War, the RSC. Although their performances actors use their normal voices, rather Five of the Best led by Cruise’s Clauss von Stauffenberg, are individually faultless, seeing so many than putting on German accents or going who attempted to assassinate Hitler famous faces on screen simultaneously all the way and using subtitles. While Edinburgh Fringe Festival and overthrow the Third Reich in 1944. can be a bit distracting, and it’s easy to be this prevents us from having to endure The world’s largest arts festival has be- Cruise is keen to call the film a ‘suspense pulled out of the action while wondering cringe-inducing impressions, it does pro- come a proving ground for the next- thriller’, but really it’s closer to a he- which Pirates of the Caribbean film you duce slightly odd scenes of Hitler’s war- big-things of the comedy world, with ist movie, albeit with more Nazis than recognise General Olbricht from. cabinet sounding like a Senate House David O’Doherty, Russell Howard you would typically expect. It follows Having such a large cast also presents meeting. Singer also sensibly limits the and Cambridge’s very own Mark the standard formula of plan/rehearse/ problems in terms of characterisation; roles of Goebbels, Himmler, and Hitler Watson appearing in recent years. execute/oh-dear, that will be familiar to with the exception of Stauffenberg, no- himself to small and unobtrusive cameos. pretty much everyone. one is developed beyond a single-trait With Tom Cruise comes a big budget, Irn-Bru At some point, the director, Bryan personality. There’s the nervous one, the and thankfully the sets, costumes and ac- Everyone’s favourite metal-flavoured Singer, would have been faced with headstrong one, the clever one (in glass- tion sequences all benefit from a level of soft drink. Apparently it’s made with the difficult prospect of casting a film es), and that’s about all we’re given. No polish that makes Valkyrie a treat visually. real bits of iron... but is it? We’ll never full of Nazis. Should he go for German back-stories, no nuances, no motivations Overall, Singer gives us a solid and know... Actually, we do. It’s not. unknowns? Big Hollywood stars? Or (other than just ‘let’s save Germany!’). suspenseful film that is held back by an perhaps just every available British classi- Through all this, Cruise puts in a service- overly-large cast of poorly-drawn, but Mogwai cal actor, and, inexplicably, Eddie Izzard. able performance as the all-German well shot, characters. Their sprawling instrumental post- Singer loves the English, so we end up hero Stauffenberg, and does a good job Tom Morris rock soundscapes may divide opinion, with an ensemble cast of instantly rec- of looking both pouty and resolute while but there’s no denying that there’s a bleak Scottish beauty to tracks like ‘Cody’ and ‘Stop Coming To My Frost/Nixon H o u s e’. Dir. Ron Howard Local Hero Starring: Frank Langella, Michael Sheen and Kevin Bacon This little-known 1983 film, featur-  ing Burt Lancaster as the owner of a hink back to a time before Obama. political scandal, you might yet wonder ‘Rumble in the Jungle’ than Richard and huge American oil firm threatening Think back to when the USA had a how this production has the temerity to Judy. But the lead performances stand up to tear apart a small Scottish fishing Tpresident so unscrupulous he enlisted a demand two hours of your time. The to this scrutiny. Martin Sheen channels community, is one of the best from host of illegal tricks to get himself elected. film shares the same worries, although Tony Blair to remind us of a simpler time Glaswegian director Bill Forsyth. Imagine, if you will, someone who waged it pulls it off so smoothly as to hardly when TV personalities and politicians dirty wars against his enemies at home let on. Useful in importing a gravitas were distinguishable in their sleaziness. Scottish accent and abroad in the cynical name of the to the proceedings is the insertion of He makes us believe that a man with the There’s a reason why that Scotch brogue national interest. And that the protection documentary-style conversations with hairstyle of David Frost could once have is used for everything from Scottish of his former office meant that he was the characters as themselves in later life. claimed the status of playboy; attracted to Widows ads to the HSBC call centre. never forced to admit. More forced are the attempts to sym- a woman because she can afford to turn You don’t have to be Michael Moore to bolically entwine the fates of the snappy down free champagne. Frank Langella appreciate this film has a relevance that English talk-show host with those of the in his Oscar-nominated portrayal of Five of the Worst goes beyond the tiresome ubiquity of the disgraced President, which has its final Nixon oozes contempt through a voice suffix ‘–gate’. But Frost/Nixon is a film clunky culmination in the gift from Frost that seems to emanate from his sheer size Loch Ness monster based on a play based on a thirty-year old to Nixon of a pair of shoes. The adver- as an actor, and not from anything so More hyped than Glasvegas, and TV interview in which an admission of sarial structure of the film, pits them unbecoming as effort. His performance with only a few blurry photographs guilt-by-facial-expression was claimed as against each other with a tension so grave just might convince the people where his and a Ted Danson movie as evi- the biggest victory. At this many degrees that by the time the hour of the inter- on-screen avatar failed. dence, we’re not holding our breath of removal from anything resembling view is upon us, you expect a clash more Izzy Finkel for an appearance from Nessie any time soon. The University of Cambridge: An 800th Anniversary Portrait Deep Fried Mars bar Ed. Peter Pagnamenta The NHS in Glasgow actually commissioned a survey recently Third Millennium Publishing, out now to dispel rumours that this was an  ‘urban myth’. True story. he University’s much-publicised I have read, with real curiosity, to purchase it and store it away so 800th anniversary this year has several books about the history of that in fifty years’ time I can enjoy Scottish currency spawnedT at least two celebratory Cambridge, each time with the dis- immersion in a portrait of the place Can anyone find anywhere that volumes. One is CUSU’s glorified tinct feeling that I could only access where I was educated. accepts a Scottish fiver south of graduate recruitment brochure (or the things I read about from a very With essays and other contribu- Hadrian’s Wall? No, thought not... doorstop, for the more practical), great distance; even reading about tions by former students, current distributed to staff and students the events and customs of univer- fellows, and everyone in between— Scottish Premier League before Christmas; the other is this sity life over the course of the past to name a few, Peter Hall, Jonathan Why not just make it two teams, official ‘commemorative’ book, com- century, I often can’t help but feel as Miller, Jeremy Paxman, Sue Perkins, and forget the other ten? I mean missioned from Third Millennium if I’m looking through a very narrow John Polkinghorne, Quentin Skinner who cares where Dunfermline fin- Press by the University and edited by window into a place and a pattern and Simon Blackburn—this book is ish? “Hey, Dunfermline are in the award-winning documentary-maker with which I am completely unfamil- a thoughtful and studied attempt to First Division!” It was supposed to Peter Pagnamenta. iar. However, since this book focuses conjure a sense of place at the turn of be rhetorical, because no one cares! Chock-full of images and bursting primarily on the University’s modern the University’s new century. And if with contributions from a veritable face, it succeeds in portraying an my review seems overly laudatory, it Gordon Ramsay Who’s Who of twentieth-century institution and a population that any may be because the competition is so With a face like a relief map of the Cambridge alumni, Pagnamenta’s current student or other University poor; CUSU’s fiasco of a book, along Grampians, when he’s not swear- book is entertaining, informative, versity’s past—to its credit, it is very figure will recognise immediately. with the University’s surprisingly ing he’s always moaning about his and up-to-date. While it nods, with much a portrait of the University as Since the entity it describes is so sparse programme of events for the injury – who would have wanted due reverence, to the past eight hun- it exists today (even the photographs familiar, this volume is truly a valu- coming year, give this volume ample to play for Rangers anyway (see dred years, it is not preoccupied with are extremely recent: look closely able souvenir of Cambridge in 2009; space to shine. above)? the events and traditions of the uni- and you might spot yourself!). I am tempted (despite its high price) Emma Mustich

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): Oh come off it Prof – you’re a Cambridge fellow and you’ve never spoken to a crowded lecture theatre before? You can’t fool me. »p24 And the chap’s name isn’t Jose either. Arts Editor: Emma Mustich Friday January 30th 2009 28 Arts [email protected] varsity.co.uk

dhaneesha senaratne Great Works Of Art In Cambridge Sex in the Univer- #21: The Bridge of Sighs by Henry Hutchinson City St John’s College he Bridge of Sighs is Cambridge’s the Doge’s Palace. Prisoners from the gaol most photogenic architectural would pass through the enclosed bridge, Tfeature, the area under its gently sunken with its grated windows and unfenes- elliptical arch playing host to count- trated, thick white marble walls, shackled less punting collisions, and forming the in chains, and sighing on their way to idyllic backdrop to the daydreams of likely execution. Thus, the name ‘Bridge the river passengers, town or gown. De- of Sighs’, or Ponte dei Sospiri (far more signed by Henry Hutchinson in 1831, St evocative in Italian), is not a reference to John’s Bridge of Sighs bears many stylistic the dreamy exhalations of impression- resemblances to the contemporaneous able young undergraduates, but rather New Court, which it connects to the old to the distraught wailings of lost souls. College. The architect responsible for the Admittedly, the Johnian Bridge was not Bridge was one half of the pair (the other designed to perform the same function as half being Thomas Rickman), who de- the Venetian bridge, which is incidentally Week 3: When sex signed New Court between 1825 and 31. very different in style to the Cambridge The crenellations and pinnacles that run version, the latter being a prime example imitates porn along the upper rim of the bridge, and of the Gothic Revival style, and the the five unglazed Gothic ogee arches on former being a piece of theatrical high Ba- lice was a quiet girl, her skirts either side, all echo forms that are present roque, with its rusticated pillars and swirl- Awere not too short. One night in the front ranges of New Court, and on ing volutes. The impenetrable iron grates in 2001 she had touched her clitoris Rickman’s famous ‘wedding cake’ tower. fixed over the openings in the Cambridge for the first time. In 2003, watching The romantically wavering reflections Bridge of Sighs were, however, originally Marissa and Ryan in The OC, she of the lightly coloured purbeck stone in built to serve a purpose: to prevent the had felt her heart beating between the water cast a veil over what are the aristocratic young students from escaping her legs, she knew what she wanted. original, thoroughly unromantic, origins the College by means of the river. Nowa- Yesterday, the first time, it had of the Bridge itself. The Bridge of Sighs in days, in this respect at least, the Bridge just felt strange, complicated, not Cambridge is based loosely on Venice’s of Sighs has lost some of its original use; like this… what was he doing? He Bridge of Sighs, designed by Antoni Con- however, it still remains one of the most moved towards her, he was crouch- tino around 1600. The Venetian original striking symbols, and memorable means ing over her, all she could see was vaults the Rio di Palazzo and connects the of passage, in Cambridge. his penis, and then he ejaculated all old prisons to the interrogation rooms in Flo Sharp over her face. This was no On Chesil Beach- style accident, but a huge mis- understanding, and one entirely attributable to porn. “What you girls don’t realise,” intoned my Games & puzzles brother, “is just how much porn the average boy has watched by the age of fourteen.” Alice’s boyfriend had no. 497 simply performed what happens Varsity Crossword Sudoku in almost every amateur porn film:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfy only one the girl’s face is adorned with a condition: each row, column and 3x3 box must contain the digits 1 triumphant spurt of come, which is am highly provocative (8) through 9 exactly once. 26 Collection of flowers given by then licked off with a coy smile and perverted love god in front of small massaged into the girl’s nipples. He hadn’t meant to upset her; for him 9 10 forest (4,4) 27/11 14 Walker approaching Ed? (6,7) 4 1 9 6 7 8 5 2 this was what people do when they have sex. 11 28 Renounced having eaten with pig (8) 5 9 1 This is not a naïve view of female 29 Join together holy man and entirely 4 sexuality: many girls have not 12 13 singular apple (6) been exposed to any pornographic 2 4 1 9 material before they first have sex, 14 whereas most boys have (speaking Down 7 5 6 entirely from anecdotal evidence). 15 1 Lawyer is bolshy stereotype. (7) 8 3 7 5 It is not that girls are spun from 1/4 A convulsing Delia fried up 14 sugar and float around in clouds 16 17 (8,3,5) 6 of petals, blinking innocently, but 2 Oratory choir right, somehow, most porn is made for men, by 18 19 20 about several members of Eton (8) 9 7 5 men, for the pleasure of men. 3 Check up on notice following six Being a woman, it is a horrible

5 4 7 1 8 3 9 6 / MADE BY G a r e th Moor www.puzzlemix.com 21 22 deliveries (7) shock to realise that, rather than 5 Badgers old horses (4) discovering your body and enjoying 23 24 6 Fake love-in gets Jack to marry (7) The Varsity Scribblepad the excitement of new experiences, 7 Everything is an object’s little some part of your boyfriend’s 25 helper (6) mind is replaying the tape that has 8 14 is kind of to deny calumny (6) gone round his head since he first 26 27 11 See 27 Across pressed ‘play’ all those years ago. 14 A (rather wooden) way to bow The prevalence of pornography without negating English educa- disturbs me purely for its inescap- tional institution (7) able intrusion into bed. In the final moments before coming, a girl can 28 29 16 Used to conceal the present (4,4) 17 This writer’s device, called 17, / is probably not control the sounds employed by some bards all the she makes, but the rest of the time, time (for instance) (3,5) why does she make those particular Across 19 Sun god in knot, as Noah saw (7) sounds? When a girl says, “Come 20 Pets Inuit not in clothing (7) on my breasts”, do you really think 1 14, young woman hides bottom but 13 Keeper of goat almost a fake (6) 21 Loved wine after a party (6) she has thought of it herself? Sexual gains weight? (6) 15 Hang about - latrine odour not 22 Snacks Christopher mentioned, by narratives are no longer erotic, 4 See 1 Down what it seems (6,6) the way (6) but pornographic. With the huge 9 Pleasant time with Eastern relatives 18 Keenness for public relations ballot 25 One point – the French must be accessibility of Internet porn, sex is (6) consumes princess (12) completely surrounded by water Last week’s solution losing its authenticity, its intimacy 10 Anguished, a deity embraces online 23 Briefly radical revolution to suc- (4) and its charm. 8 7 4 1 9 6 2 3 5 The most special sex exists within vice, the wrong way (8) ceed for 14 (6) 9 1 3 2 5 8 6 7 4 12 King Edmund to smooth out edge (8) 24 A good impressionist, I’m not - I Set by Hisashi 2 6 5 7 3 4 1 8 9 its own images, its own sounds and 3 8 9 5 2 1 7 4 6 4 2 7 6 8 9 3 5 1 its own sensations, and only then Answers to last week’s crossword (no. 496) 6 5 1 4 7 3 8 9 2 5 3 6 8 4 2 9 1 7 can sex be truly entwined with love. Across: 7 Hydra, 8 Screwtop, 11 Speedometer, 12 Ill, 13 Ethernet, 15 Itself, 17 Allah, 19 Doodahs, 23 Barack, 24 Flamingo, 26 Stephen, 29 Tartlet, 30 Fellatio, 31 Selma. Down: 1 Shyster, 2 Edge, 3 Pander, 4 Ishmael, 5 Frets, 6 7 9 2 3 1 5 4 6 8 Notice, 9 Worsted, 10 Bluff, 14 Haler, 16 Coalition, 18 Alcohol, 20 Abyss, 21 Contra, 22 Morose, 25 Exec, 27 Nuts. 1 4 8 9 6 7 5 2 3 Maria Lavaux

Godfather Adventure (starts on page 13): Good move, Vito: you kidnap Alice and Richard’s horse, chop its head off and leave it – still dripping with blood – under Richard’s pillow. Surprisingly, it does the trick. A and R never liked Dobbin – that was its name – and so they’re much indebted to you. You’re never asked for a penny again. Friday January 30th 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 29

REPORTS Quick Catch-up JAMES GRAVESTON

Cambridge boys bash Bedford Mini Report » Short corner successes allow Cambridge to dominate Men’s Lacrosse Charlie Pearson accuracy picked out Chris Lee to grate- On Saturday Cambridge recorded an Cambridge 3 fully tuck in the second. impressive win on the road against Cambridge saw o Bedford at Wilber- Rupert Allison robbed a goal from East Grinstead. Despite a tricky force Road on Saturday in a businesslike Bedford 1 Stuart Jackson at the start of the second match played back in November, league performance. Riding o the back half to make it 3-0, again the result of a the Blues demolished the opposition of a veritable defecation on East Prem a way through the tightly fought mid- short corner. Jackson’s  ick was blocked this time around in a 13-5 victory. whipping boys Cambridge City last  e l d . but fell straight back to him and his Building upon an outstanding week, during which the University bull- Cambridge had engineered only a beautifully directed push back at goal defensive record, with only 31 goals ishly recorded a double-  gure score, few incursions into the Bedford D be- managed to beat everyone except his conceded all season, the team held the Blues added another win to their fore they opened the scoring in the 18th own mid elder, who popped up grin- out a determined attack, and main- early-season form with a series of three minute following a useful short corner. ning like the Cheshire Cat to poach the tained enough possession to con- glorious tap ins from eight inches. Dave Madden’s de ected drag  ick ham- last of the Cambridge goals. struct their own game plan. Cambridge might have considered mered against the crossbar inducing  e home side were now clearly in Mid elder Jeremy McCarron themselves rather lucky, however, not to rather chaotic and confused excitement control but although more good chanc- earned the Man of the Match acco- have gone a goal down within the  rst in the D, and with possession gathered, es came their way, the only goal to come lade, taking four goals for himself minute when Bedford opened the match a sensible pass found Nick Parks  oat- was a token score for Bedford on 55 and helping to set up a myriad of with a salvo of commendable eagerness. ing unmarked at the back post awaiting minutes. Other than that, all the visitors other opportunities. Other scorers Keeper Chris Robinson was called upon the tap in. had to o er in attack was a remarkable included the points leader for this to prevent early embarrassment with an Following the  rst goal Cambridge number of speculative aerial balls, as season, attackman Todd Nichols, important and demanding pair of saves began to exert more of a stranglehold if groping all day for Emile Heskey up with a hat-trick and two assists. e and Bedford came away from the open- on the game, stretching the Bedford front like an England side of old when team were unsurprisingly thrilled ing skirmishes looking the stronger mid eld and opening up a bit of space it had run out of ideas. To be fair, the with their performance. competitors. to play in.  e second goal arrived with high ball was dealt with brilliantly by Coach Tony Watson is quietly  e game took a while to settle into another short corner, this time brilliant- the Cambridge defence who could quite con dent: “With a little luck, and a a decent spectacle and the Cambridge ly worked by Madden at the top of the D, easily have made a hash of it. As it was, e Blues’ Adam lot more hard work, I believe we can defence saw most of the ball while they who mastered a well-disguised reverse no mistake was made and the Blues re- Gordon on the ball win this division.” With the division stroked it around the back looking for slip to Stuart Jackson, whose vision and main in the top three of the table. title match looming, all will be hop- ing he is correct.

Cardi can’t cope with Lacrosse Ladies Mini Report » Cambridge have an easy day in defence Blues Fencing Frankie Brown enough for Cardi , as Cambridge went to keep Cardi pinned in their own half, Cambridge 14 into the break with the score an omi- without possession or hope of a let-up  e Blues completed a perfect 8-0 On a damp and freezing a ernoon, nous 7-0. from Cambridge’s ruthless approach. campaign in the BUCS Southern Cambridge trounced Cardi 14-0 to  e half time huddle for Cambridge Goals were shared around as Cardi Premiership by demolishing UCL continue their excellent season. In a Cardi 0 saw the goalkeeper, clearly wanting submitted meekly. 135-69 on Wednesday.  ey will game delayed by two hours, and then they sought brief respite from what was to get involved having hardly been so  e  nal whistle must have come as now look to continue their un- reduced to twenty minute halves, Car- already threatening to become an anni- at all in the previous twenty minutes, a relief to the visitors, whilst Cambridge beaten run into the Varsity match di arrived but showed little stomach hilation. propose that the girls “impress me as can be thoroughly satis ed with an im- in February and onto the BUCS for the  ght, chasing shadows for much  e captain may have issued a re- a spectator”, a fair re ection of the  rst pressively professional performance. If Championships in March. of the game, whilst their bored attackers sounding cry of determination, and half. “Pretend it’s Oxford - slaughter the opposition weren’t poor, they were chatted politely with the similarly inac- the players may have been inspired, them”, was another idea, but the general certainly made to look it as Cambridge tive Cambridge defence. but the onslaught continued. Tamara message was one demanding clinical gave them virtually no opportunity  e very  rst draw of the game saw Astor and Georgie Hurt in particular play in the face of an opposition o er- to touch the ball, never mind threaten League Round-Up Cambridge’s Ellie Walshe glide down consistently posed problems for the de- ing little resistance. their goal.  e Cambridge goalkeeper the  eld, evading the hapless defend- fence, running with speed and power to  e start to the half proved that Cam- became increasingly bored, and resort- College Rugby ers with ease, and the  rst goal shortly continually threaten the Cardi goal. bridge retained their thirst for goals, as ed to wandering aimlessly around her followed. Shortly a erwards, co-captain Shots continued to rain down upon the they surged forward, wave upon wave own area and mocking her fellow play- P W D L F A Pts Gen Gotla tore through the middle of unfortunate Cardi goalkeeper, who of attackers  ying towards their target, ers, whilst the Cardi keeper resorted to ST JOHN’S 9 9 0 0 414 28 36 the defence to score Cambridge’s sec- appeared reluctant or unable to inter- and admittedly they rarely missed. As- ducking as shots whizzed towards her JESUS 10 8 0 2 336 77 34 ond goal in the  rst  ve minutes. Two vene as balls whistled past her nose, and tor and Walshe continued to dictate skull, an apt encapsulation of the vast TRINITY 9 4 0 5 67 271 20 more goals in quick succession saw the several more goals were scored.  e half play, the former charging through and di erence between the sides and a sum- DOWNING 9 3 0 6 57 170 18 shellshocked Cardi call a time-out, as time whistle couldn’t have come soon the latter sliding around the defenders mary of the match as a whole. TRINITY HALL 9 2 0 7 96 268 15 MAGDALENE 8 1 0 7 59 215 10

A predictable league season saw Cambridge GS St John’s claim the championship McGrath’s girls hold o Oxford Rebecca Crawshaw once again with an astonishing takes a penalty 414 points scored in the space of » Cambridge netballers hold Oxford to a high-scoring draw just nine matches. At the bottom of the table, Trin- Jenny Morgan them in the  nal two quarters. Ox- ity Hall will be returning straight Cambridge 32 ford were unable to make use of to Division 2, with Magdalene Snow put paid to the  rst attempt at their arguably better shooting as the joining them. this grudge match back in November, Oxford 32 Cambridge defence increasingly in- Jesus remains a stepping stone but on Saturday both teams were feel- tercepted, whilst the Cambridge at- between St John’s and the rest, ing the heat in a thrilling pre-Varsity A er the break, Cambridge came tacking pair gave themselves more and deserves credit for providing encounter. back stronger and were the  rst to score. chances by  ghting for the rebounds. them with the only semblance A er a goal a piece within the  rst  e new combination of Jess McGeorge Backed up by some great play in the of competition throughout the few minutes, Oxford then drew ahead and Rebecca Crawshaw in the attack centre of the court that had Oxford course of the season. to dominate in the  rst quarter. Mov- worked well, getting the ball under the rushed and struggling to keep their These two colleges have be- ing quickly up the court with some posts more o en to increase their scor- heads, it was beginning to look like come increasingly isolated at the perfectly timed passes, the imagination ing potential. Oxford looked riled and a Cambridge might take the match. In top of the table, with the extent and variety of the Oxford attack caught series of penalties against their captain the end, the clinical Oxford shooting of this gap further emphasised by Cambridge on the back foot. Switching at Goal Defence gave Cambridge the that punished any Cambridge mis- Magdalene’s controversial vote between looping balls over the heads of chance to draw level. Growing in con- take ensured that, although the Light not to play against the Red Boys the defence to quick bounce passes and  dence, the Cambridge attack looked Blues dominated the possession, the in the final round of matches. ni y one-twos, Oxford looked con dent more consistent as the second quarter scoreline ended up even with 32 goals Newly promoted Trinity was and in control around the attacking cir- came to an end, Oxford now just one a piece. impressive at times and deserve cle. But an interception from Cambridge goal ahead.  e Varsity match is now less than to stay up, while Downing con- Wing Attack, Emma Darke, ended the A er a couple of changes to the Ox- a month away, and with form like tinue their run in the top flight. period of Oxford possession and al- ford team to meet the more aggressive this, captain Harriet McGrath and Attention now turns to the lowed Cambridge to pull back to leave play from their Light Blue counterparts, her team have every reason to be feel- Cuppers competition. the score 12-7 as the whistle went. there was nothing to choose between ing very con dent. Sport Editors: Jenny Morgan & Jamie Ptaszynski Friday January 30th 2009 30 Sport [email protected] varsity.co.uk

Sport Feature: Transfer Window Transfer Window: A Summary of the Movers and Shakers JOHN SAVAGE, ANDY RYAN, DAN QUARSHIE AND JAMIE PTASZYNSKI TALK YOU THROUGH THE MONTH OF MAYHEM

window. Perennial bench-warmer Cu- Expect something to happen late at the column writers positively salivat- who’s in control of the transfers at FRENCH WINDOWS dicini has moved to local rivals Spurs Riverside. ing with a bid of (probably) billions Anfield. he wealthier clubs have tended for nothing, and that’s about it. Which Wigan’s transfer activity has been of pounds for another world-class Remarkably the Americans still to stay quiet, unless they’re in a is a shame because the only other story bolstered by Palacios’ move to Spurs. Brazilian. Poor Mark Hughes did his didn’t want to give him any money Tslightly precarious league position, is the painful Drogba I’m-going-no-  ey’ve also handed over proli c Heskey best to keep a straight face through- so he contrived to manoeuvre them such as Tottenham. wait-I’m-staying saga. for £3 million, the burden of goals now out the Kaka kerfu e, while negotiat- into one of those inexplicable argu- For in-form Manchester United, it’s Arsenal’s ongoing attempt to sign falling to new £4.5 million Colom- ing some potentially very smart deals ments where everyone insists more a case of why x it when it ain’t broke. temperamental Russian mid eld maes- bian Hugo Rodallega. Like Emile, he elsewhere. and more angrily that nobody is Instead, a contract extension for Giggs tor Andrei Arshavin could yet end in has a  are for missing the odd chance £10 million for out of favour Wayne angry and that all negotiations are has been the talk of late.  at’s not to success. If so this would probably be (YouTube the fantastic  u : “Rodallega Bridge may seem excessive, while going well. mean that United haven’t got rid of a the most exciting move by any of the Perdona”). Mido rolls in on loan, while £14 million for notorious nutter and Meanwhile, United have sup- bit of cash. An alleged £16.3 million ‘top four’. ageing Kilbane is sold. casual club-hopper Bellamy is un- planted them at the top of the has been doled out for Serbian pair Harry Redknapp is desperately try- Tony Adams at Portsmouth is sitting likely to prove a bargain, but both will league, Keane is anxiously glancing Tosic and Ljajic.  e latter is nick- ing to buy back the Tottenham team on a tidy £20 million pile from Diarra’s o er them di erent options and a lit- back towards White Hart Lane and named “little Kaka”.  at’s still more that Ramos sold o . Defoe (£15 mil- move to Real Madrid, but turned rst to tle more repower. Newcastle keeper Benitez still has no cash. In the end than City managed to get. lion) and Chimbonda (undisclosed) the loaning system, bringing in old Arse- Shay Given has also revealed that he he has succeeded only in singing his Previous big spenders Chelsea have are back and one wonders whether nal team-mate Jermaine Pennant. Con- is willing to talk to the club. own goatee. turned rather miserly this transfer Robbie Keane will follow suit. An- tinuing the Gooner connection, he’s also  e biggest signing, though, is that other big buy has been the £12 million signalled an interest in Vieira. Whether of 24 year-old Nigel de Jong from Palacios from Wigan, but the inspired it’s reciprocated is unclear.  e sale of German club Hamburg for £18 mil- acquisition of Cudicini for not a single Defoe has given him even more cash to lion. Long sought-a er by many top penny has the bank manager purring. splash, but so far there is no sign of a big European clubs, De Jong may become money move. Mullins (from West Ham) the creative cog that sparks City’s and Pele (is he being conned?) are his lat- season into life. GROUND LEVEL est headline-dodging deals.  ere could be a last-minute loan bid for Saviola in WINDOWS the pipeline. PADDED ROOM or most smaller clubs, it’s either a loan Outspoken and in trouble, Joe Kinnear iverpool went into the trans- deal or a no deal, unless you’ve got an is doing his best at Newcastle, signing Lfer window sitting confidently EnglandF striker or a Honduran maestro striker Peter Lovenkrands on loan and at the top of the table, so owners to o oad. searching around in France for defend- Gillett and Hicks decided that no With not a sheikh in sight, Middles- ers. Toulouse’s Ebondo is a target. money would be made available for brough have to make do with Marlon Benitez to chuck around in January. King on loan, but it’s not all bad news. In They had no idea what the bearded the process, they’ve shed the consider- DOUBLE GLAZED CON- Iberian had in store. As the transfer Hughes: able weight of Mido from their ranks. SERVATORY WINDOWS window opened he accused Alex Benitez: Not Straight-faced  ey wanted Crystal Palace’s Watson, Ferguson, in what was definitely not ranting too, but Wigan snuck in when they heard WITH FANCY BLINDS a rant, of “killing the referees”. He Boro’s intentions. Southgate has said he’ll anchester City obviously had has now dropped Robbie Keane in remain quiet about all his other targets. Mtongues wagging and gossip an attempt to make a point about A master of the To ees and the theatre JAMIE PTASZYNSKI CHATS WITH THE EVERTON CHAIRMAN ABOUT MANAGERIAL RELATIONSHIPS AND FOOTBALLING FINANCE

The January transfer window is a expensive foray into the market, rate at their peril. But while under- they may not seem so affected by the took his time before replying simply godsend for newspaper and on- it tends to pay off. Joseph Yobo, lining the importance of consistency, financial situation, but Kenwright “I don’t know. You win some, you line gossip columnists. The rolling Andrew Johnson and Tim Cahill are he also admits that you need a bit of says that in speaking to other clubs, lose some.” His theatrical roots have drama of record-breaking deals and examples of big money well spent, luck sometimes to see you through. which, of course, he does six or obviously not prevented him from otherworldly wage negotiations while Joleon Lescott is a tribute to Everton will not be looking seven times a day, he has noted an picking up a few footballing clichés. provides them with endless room for the well-researched and frugal ap- to make any major signings this added level of caution when it comes Although he is con dent that his speculation and sensationalism. proach of the manager. Kenwright month. Because of transfer policy to financial matters. “We’re all in the strategy works, he admits that a cash The only club that consistently describes Moyes’s autonomy as same boat,” he says, before swiftly injection would be welcome at the avoids this furore is Everton. Ever “total”. “David is 24/7. He has a big adding that there will always be club. “You can’t carry on punching since the arrival of David Moyes in scouting network and it’s very rare someone who “causes the ripple on above your weight,” he says. 2002, the club has tended to operate that I suggest a player to him whom Timeline the pond.” In this case he is referring The excitement of the window, below the radar when it comes to he hasn’t already researched in full to Manchester City, but the same though, is undeniable. Kenwright transfers. detail,” he continues. 1945 Born an Everton fan on Mer- has been true of Chelsea and West and Moyes still intend to make a few Bill Kenwright is a very success- It is not often, particularly with seyside Ham in previous years. Indeed, apart more loan deals before the window ful producer, running the country’s the influx of impatient foreign from Man City, the trend this year is shuts at the end of January, which largest independent theatre and film owners to the Premiership, that 1964 Finishes education at Liver- towards loan deals and low-profile are unlikely to cause a massive stir, production company. This seems to managers get so much time and pool Institute High School transfers, but even they can be very but he vividly remembers the heart- clash with his alter ego as chairman freedom to go about their business. expensive. Including salaries, agents stopping tension of trying to push of Everton FC and huge football This relationship between manager 1968 Plays Gordon Clegg in ITV dra- fees and loan fees he assures me through the Fellaini deal on the last fan. I spoke to him on his way up to and board is crucial. In fact, in ma Coronation Street that “any good loan deal is going to day of September: “I was standing Goodison Park to watch the match Kenwright’s words, “it’s everything”. cost a couple of million, even just to in a club watching the ticker on Sky against Arsenal on Wednesday Rafael Benitez’s relationship with 1989 Elected to the board of Everton FC get you through the next fifteen or Sports News while David was in a evening. his Liverpool bosses, for example, sixteen games.” hotel room with the player, trying When he first met David Moyes, seems to be constantly at break- 1993 Blood Brothers, Kenwright’s I suggested that Everton’s policy to fax through a signed contract the first of many late-night meet- ing point and it is hard to imagine rst major theatrical success, of treating the January window with on a particularly slow line, having ings which they cram into their that this does not affect the way the nominated for Best Musical at less importance than the summer one flown out on a private jet at just busy schedule, they outlined their players go about their own business the Tony Awards might put Everton on the back foot in twenty to ten to meet him.” The £15 strategic approach to the club: “to on the pitch. Merseyside underdogs the second half of the season, but he million transfer went through with bring the age [of the players] down Everton have successfully held Liv- 2000 Awarded a CBE for services dismissed my words. In a funny way exactly eighteen seconds left before and to please the fans by making one erpool to two draws in recent weeks. to lm and theatre he believes that the credit crunch has the allotted transfer period ended. important signing per season.” Ever- “David Moyes has given us stability,” levelled the playing eld somewhat. Even the most modest clubs can ton have never had a large transfer says Kenwright, which seems to be a 2004 Becomes chairman of Everton Asked whether he agreed with the provide thrilling moments during budget, but when they do make an value chairmen and owners under- FC existence of the window at all, he the window. Friday January 30th 2009 Write for Varsity Sport: varsity.co.uk [email protected] Sport 31

Dan Quarshie Cooney’s Marathon Sport Windows Of All Sizes Comment Lauren he January transfer window is course, you get rid of a lot of bodies cash in January (French windows), else jumps when they talk, and they a thoroughly awed concept. and only bring in a few.  ere goes nowadays mostly aided by rich, for- talk with their wallets.  e big- Cooney TSurely a mid-season transfer period, your squad depth. eign owners.  ey really can bolster spenders pay far too much money which theoretically allows every What if there is money to spend their squads, adding to the already for players they don’t need (double- single Premier League player to though? “ e board will be making formidable talent within their ranks. glazed conservatory windows with represent more than one club in transfer funds available for the Janu- Surely this just exaggerates the fancy blinds), others who really do the same league in the same season, ary window.” Where have we heard already colossal gap between the best need players either waste what mon- Week 3 undermines the very essence of that that one? Underperformers loitering and the rest? With time, rather than ey they do have on ones that can’t competition. It’s labour mobility on mid-table somewhere. And relega- money being the object for the heavy ful ll those needs, or don’t because In which Lauren su ers an early bout of the crack. Frankly, I don’t remember, tion shoe-ins. Inspired January trans- hitters, January transfer fees are they can’t a ord to (shop windows).   h-week blues. and I dread to think, what it was like fers are the exception, rather than the inevitably overin ated. Sometimes Pointless, eh? before the introduction of transfer rule; they o en do more harm than this is of no  nancial consequence Actually, no. Flawed, but far from windows in 2002. good, upsetting established players, to smaller clubs, and if it is they who pointless.  e concentrated nature i h-week Blues come early Advocates of the January window of the January transfer period does when you’re a runner; around will go on about buying cover for in- have one saving grace – entertain- Fweek two, and even then I’m being jured players, bringing in better ones ment value. Transfers, and even just generous. Usually they’re brought or adding ‘much needed depth’ to the ‘Inspired January transfers are the talk of them, recapture the public on by a build up of work; lethargy squad. In theory, sure – why not? But interest, ensuring that the second over the Cindies queue/empti- how o en do you hear that old chest- exception rather than the rule.’ half of the season is as hyped-up as ness of Kambar/bruising from a nut, “no money to spend in January” the  rst. More media attention, more long-anticipated Soul Tree event; (ground-level windows)? Sorry, with fans in grounds, more money. Good realising that you’ve forgotten to Wuss-inho out for the season with for clubs, good for authorities – a return a call from a dying nan; his broken toenail, it looks like the causing expensive contract feuds and happen to be selling their prize assets godsend (stained-glass windows). lament over faded tan or remnants mascot’s going to have to slot in at soaking up valuable funds (broken it is temporarily bene cial. Other And you can’t deny that it’s all of peeling skin; annoyance that the le -back for a bit longer. windows).  e statistics speak for times, however, a minnow is unfortu- entertainment. Takeovers, tapping- last tin of Waitrose seared yellow Or how about, “we’re going to have themselves: if you’re mid-table now, nate or naïve enough to enter into a up of potential signings, player-  n tuna you brought from home to sell before we buy”? By o oad- you’re more than likely to be there in bidding war, which can only ever end manager-chairman bust-ups, and has been manged and you’re onto ing average players you don’t want, May; if you’re at the bottom in Janu- in disaster. exorbitant fees and wages; all manner Aldi’s  nest; the cold; the wet; the you’re going to raise enough money ary, save your pennies because they’ll Regardless of the  nal results, the of weird and wonderful things go on. wind. to replace them with – presum- be much more potent in the division window gives the richest clubs yet No windows here: just a lot of white I particularly value these last ably better – players that you do? below next season. another opportunity to exert their padding, a straightjacket and a metal three as vital components of my Unlikely, I might suggest. Unless, of Of course, the big guns have lots of in uence over poorer ones. Everyone bucket in the corner. ‘Second-Week Su ering’. Cam- bridge is marvellous as it rarely hits you with a double whammy of wet and wind; usually it is the latter – have you heard the one about Siberia? – and that’s quite refreshing when you’re sweating Gown outshined by Town around Parker’s Piece.  is week has been terrible as it has rained » Webb shines on a tough night in the ring particularly wet rain. I’ve admired the resolve of others, opening the front door exclaiming, “It’s only Jamie Ptaszynski bridge captain Will Rees was out- bloody raining”, and then shutting Cambridge 4 boxed by Brad Chapman of St Ives. it, stu ng the library and sitting  e billing for this event, held in the Will was incredibly quick on the de- down to watch another episode of Chamber in the Union, was poten- ‘Town’ 6 fence, dodging punches and landing Derren Brown. I went out for my tially quite incendiary. It was also fal- a couple of good counters with his run. I got wet. I got pissed o ,  rst lacious, bearing in mind that many of le , but Chapman was equal to all of with the fact that I was wet, and Cambridge’s opposition actually came the second round a er another jab- it. Having retaliated with force in the then because I wasn’t showered from Portsmouth University and one uppercut combination le the already third round, he took the match unani- with praise on my return. Such a from the Metropolitan Police (pre- bloodied Portsmouth man dazed and mously. bloody martyr. sumably to keep the peace once he confused. It was not the only stop- Downing’s Max Kirchho stopped Despite the rain we all made it had defeated James Gray in the  rst page we would see, nor was it the only the solid-looking Wesley Church- out for a Friday night chav disco senior bout). blood. Light Blue Matt Erlich was ill in the  rst round, a well timed at ’Spoons, in honour of a friend’s  e  rst two  ghts were tentative, very unlucky to be stopped a er being long-range jab proving too much for birthday. Absolutely unmiss- and Cambridge lost both unanimous- caught o balance by Paul Mitchell. the Fulbourn  ghter. Perhaps Ieuan able, and highly recommended. ly. Gray started well but tired at the Both boxers seemed a little bemused Marsh’s match ought to have ended  is time I had resolved not to  nish, while Dan Lanczi-Wilson of by the decision. A friendly match be- the same way, but the referee let him drink, as I’d planned an endur- King’s o en got entangled with his tween Dara Sandhu and James Philips continue his barrage of undefended ance run for the following day, Portsmouth opponent Koumouros. le the latter with nose and eye in- punches right to the  nal bell. which meant I enjoyed listening  e bout was hard to call but in the juries. By far the biggest hit of the By far the best  ght of the night saw to 3 of a Kind’s ‘Babycakes’ about end it was the Greek who landed more night, though, came from Joe Corri- Emma’s Chris Webb pitted against eight million times, and watch- clean punches. gan of Fulbourn ABC, who managed the considerably larger Dolan, of Ful- ing the general mob regression, Eddie Hult, of St Edmund’s, had the an e ective knock out within seconds bourn. Floored in the  rst round by which involved pole dancing and, long range to give him an immediate against Jason  omas in their light- a huge right hook, Webb fought back Neil Bently of Iceni ABC (in strangely enough, pole licking. I advantage over his opposition. He heavyweight bout. with unbelievably energy, dancing did get a huge amount of pleasure worked a good le jab throughout, Irfan Ahmed (Emma) lost by a rings around his tiring opponent.  e blue) takes on Irfan Ahmed of Emmanuel from tutting at people, especially to which Williams had little defence. majority to Neil Bentley in a closely decision was unanimous and the big when they went out for cigarettes,  e  ght was eventually stopped in fought but untidy scrap while Cam- man le the ring bloodied and dizzy. and I contented myself with chewing gum and passing round piss-coloured pints of Red Bull and vodka to my friends, who were by this point displaying admira- ble stamina. I hoped that I might e Week Ahead prove equally determined on my International University National University run the following day. Unfortunately, I overslept so Australian Open Tennis Men’s Lacrosse Premier League Football Blues Rugby the run was shortened consider- ably. But my intentions were good, The Australian Open draws to a The Blues take on the only other Stoke City face Man City at the Vickerman’s men take on inter- which, I reminded myself, is half close with the Men’s final. OK so undefeated team in this division Britannia Stadium. Let’s see how national touring club Penguins the battle. Such a bloody martyr. it won’t be Murray, but it WILL title decider. Tense stuff. those new signings fare... RFC with some big name players. I’m picking my charity soon, so be exciting. remember to suggest something Saturday Jan 31, Queens’ Sports Saturday Jan 31, Sky Sports 1, Wednesday Feb 4, Grange you think is worthwhile on the Sunday Feb 1, BBC2 8.30am. Ground, 2pm. coverage starts 12.30pm. Road, 7.15pm. Facebook group: ‘Lauren Cooney London Marathon’. Friday January 30th 2009 varsity.co.uk/sport

Bill Kenwright talks transfers...

...while we sum up the Janu- Sport ary signings so far. VARSITY MATCH RUNNING TOTAL: CAMBRIDGE 0, OXFORD 2. NEXT UP: CANOEING VARSITY – 31/01/09

DHANEESHA SENARATNE View from the River Silas Sta ord

t this stage in the season the trialists of CUBC begin to expe- rienceA a shi of focus, from merely making the Blue Boat to winning the Boat Race.  e Blue Boat lineup is by no means  nalised, but most of the trialists have a good idea of whether they will race in the Blue Boat, in Goldie, or as spares.  e period of selection for boats is unhappy for both the selected and the unselected.  e process of seat-racing is incredibly personal. Seat-racing is a large part of how individuals are selected for the Blue Boat. It involves racing two equal Woman of the Match crews, switching an individual from Jenny Stevens on the ball each boat, and then racing again. When you race against an oppos- ing team, they are almost always strangers, and if you lose, you can just say “well, we had a bad race” or “they were just a better crew than we were”.  ey are the enemy, and they are trying to take something Hockey girls wriggle out of relegation away from you, which makes it easier to separate yourself from Anna Stanley gain much-needed ground and a short game, the forwards were le free to en- them emotionally.  at said, losing Cambridge 4 corner was eventually won as a result of gineer their own match strategy. Before a race is still absolutely dreadful; Wednesday was judgement day in a foul committed in the Cambridge D. long an excellent pass by Lisa Noble some of the most painful feelings in women’s hockey. It was the  nal and  e Cambridge defence were now gave Emma Goater plenty of space on my life have come from hard losses all-deciding game of the BUCS South Cardi 0 tested for the  rst time, but Kirsty Elder the right side of the D to calmly strike in rowing. Premier Hockey League for the Blues, and Rosie Evans stayed calm and the the ball and bury it in the bottom le Seat-racing, however, matches currently dri ing dangerously just one Within minutes the  rst short cor- goal opportunity was diverted. Some corner of the Cardi goal, just out of you up against your teammate, your place away from the bottom of the ta- ner was won, and an excellent rebound more chances for the Cambridge attack the keeper’s reach. friend, your brother in su ering. ble. Losing would have meant de nite from a straight strike was tapped into went wanting and a period of equal But Cambridge weren’t  nished, and When you win, you’ve only beaten relegation. Unsurprisingly, nerves were the back of the net by Lisa Noble. Not play in the run up to half time le the in the dying minutes a cross by Anna your mate, not a  erce rival. Added high, not helped by the delayed push resting on their laurels, the Blues con- Blues 1-0 up as the whistle went. Stanley enabled Charlotte Brearley to to this, you know you have to look back as Cardi got stuck in heavy traf- tinued to pile the pressure on a rather  e second half started much like the  nally claim the game for the Blues, him in the eye for the rest of the  c. When the visitors arrived with just weak Cardi defence, and good play  rst with Cambridge dominating the at- scoring the fourth and  nal goal with season. Losing is worse still, because  ve minutes to spare, the stage was set by Jenny Stevens soon led to another tacking play. Using the width and feed- a cool-headed strike. With their posi- you’ve proved yourself to be the for a dramatic showdown and some of short corner. Jess Hume de ected the ing the ball well up to the right forward, tion in this top league next year now inferior man. While in reality you the best hockey played by the Cam- strike, hitting a defender’s foot on the Charlotte Brearley, the Blues soon en- secured, the Blues will live to play an- may only be the inferior man on the bridge women so far this season. line of the goal and a penalty  ick was gineered a chance in the D. Somehow other day. water, or even only for that particu- Cardi appeared rattled and strug- awarded. in the mêlée, Emma Goater managed a Moreover, the outstanding con - lar workout, it carries over to other gled to get into the game from the start.  e Cardi keeper, however, some- cheeky steal to make the score 2-0. dence and commitment shown by this parts of your life, where social status Having had extra time to prepare on how saved the  ick, which seemed As if a switch had been  icked, the team justi ed their victory, and bodes and ego are de ned by rowing. I for the other hand, the by this time highly- to provide the required motivation Blues were on a roll now, outplaying well for their Varsity match now just one will be glad to face Oxford in motivated Blues looked keen to  nish for Cardi to begin stepping up their their opponents at every opportunity. around the corner. the coming months, instead of my the BUCS season on a high and went game. Hard hitting from their centre As the mid eld marked Cardi ’s best Varsity Woman of the Match: Jenny Ste- teammates. out hard from the  rst whistle. back in particular helped their team player, a Welsh international, out of the vens for her determined,  ghting play.

www.bigfishents.com/oasis Cambridge’s Biggest Indie Night Featuring Resident Jono Cary Willy’s Wonky Chocolate Baby Oasis www.bigfishents.com/jellybaby Tuesday 3rd February 2009 Every Sunday Doors: 10pm - 3AM Students £3 before 1030pm / £4 after Ballare from 10pm till late