Kiruv

The ba’al teshuvah movement has been one of the Shabbat table. What nachas and joy to see how most exciting and important phenomena to affect the beautifully they had grown! Jewish people in centuries. Thousands of young men Yet as I listened to them, I realized that many and women all over the world have changed the way ba’alei teshuvah who had successfully integrated into they live, at great personal sacrifice. They have rejoined the Orthodox community were experiencing difficult the Jewish people in using the Torah as their guide. challenges, particularly with their children. As I dis- With them came talent, knowledge and a passion for cussed this problem with rabbinic leaders throughout religion that the Jewish people desperately needed. Yet a the country, I learned that they were encountering mass return to tradition cannot happen without ba’alei teshuvah in similar situations. bumps along the way. I have spent over twenty years in There seems to be a high rate of rebellion and a com- the world of outreach, guiding the unobservant into mon thread of behavioral and educational problems the fold in Jerusalem, Israel; Buffalo, New York; New among the children of some ba’alei teshuvah. I am not York City, and Melbourne, Australia. a sociologist, nor do I have any statistics, but when I Some years ago, I moved to Monsey, New York. At presented my anecdotal findings at a convention of out- the time, I served as the national director of Jewish reach professionals, I noted many in the audience nod- education at the Orthodox Union and the spiritual ding in agreement. Subsequently, I received dozens of leader of Congregation Bais Torah. In both of these phone calls regarding the issue. capacities, I re-met hundreds of ba’alei teshuvah, in This article was written to identify some of the Monsey and across the continent, who had, at one challenges that are specific to the children of ba’alei point during their spiritual journeys, sat at my teshuvah and to offer some perspective.

The Generation After: Bridging the Teshuvah Gap

By Yaacov Haber found religious families full of warmth lusioned by the materialism of society, and homes that were open for were searching for a different way of life. Shabbat. Thousands signed up—the he sixties and seventies were fas- They were disenchanted with the acade- ba’al teshuvah movement was born. cinatingT times; there was a surge of mic, political and even the religious Our grandparents never could have interest in the spiritual, the transcen- leadership of the time. They went from imagined this. Yet the ba’al teshuvah dent. Thousands of young people, disil- the miracles of the Six Day War to the movement quickly became a major fac- assassination of heroes and the exposé of tor in the growth of Orthodox Judaism. Rabbi Haber is the former rabbi of Watergate. They were searching for Ba’alei teshuvah contributed not only Congregation Bais Torah in Monsey, utopia; they wanted to raise their fami- numbers but also talent, culture, music New York. He has served as national lies in a different kind of world. and literature. Astounded journalists director of Jewish education for the Yiddishkeit promised them just that. and sociologists wrote tens of books and Orthodox Union. He currently resides Communities and rabbis reached out articles describing this phenomenon. with his family in Jerusalem, where he to beginners, and yeshivot were created The Orthodox community contin- serves as rosh yeshivah of Yeshivat for them. Newcomers encountered a ued to respond to the flood of enthusi- Orchot Chaim and president of Torahlab. deep and meaningful tradition. They astic newcomers. Many synagogues

Summer 5764/2004 JEWISH ACTION JEWISH ACTION Summer 5764/2004 created beginners’ minyanim and between halachah and fad, substance the Orthodox way. (It is not!) Their offered adult-education courses. The Mesorah Lev Banim al and style. Nor does he necessarily have child suffered unspeakable humiliation ArtScroll was born and introduced Dilemma Avotam / the self-assuredness to tell his children, and physical abuse by his teacher, his Chumashim and siddurim with modern Psychological “We don’t do that,” when the neigh- principal and even by his parents. English translations. bor or classmate does it. He may be Finally, after much encouragement, Rabbis Fast forward thirty or forty years. o much of Yiddishkeit is Role Reversal overly concerned that his children will the parents challenged the principal. Many of the ba’alei teshuvash of the learnedS in the home, much more than stand out and thereby compromise Unfortunately, by then it was too late; and others sixties married and moved into com- we realize. Usually children receive their social and religious development. the child was lost to his family and to ll of us dream that our chil- munities where they felt comfortable direction in setting up their own reli- Often, this results in parents search- the Jewish people. who go into drenA will grow up to be better than we and accepted. They sent their children gious homes by observing their par- ing for a guide. Invariably, the well- are. But what happens when a parent to the local yeshivah or day school and ents. But the second-generation ba’al meaning rebbe or school principal community begins to depend on his children for The Solution tried hard to fit into the mainstream. teshuvah does not always have the ben- steps in and becomes the expert on halachic guidance? What happens when service need to be The second generation in the ba’al efit of this direction. mainstreaming, parenting and a father has to check with his young teshuvah family was born. Without a father or grandfather Yiddishkeit in general. Soon the third he Midrash teaches that son about the proper passage to say in better trained to beforTe Avraham embarked on his One would have thought that chil- who is able to transmit the family cus- grade rebbe becomes the family rabbi. shul or the appropriateness of his garb dren of ba’alei teshuvah would automat- toms and traditions, the ba’al People used to think that rabbis and career of servicing mankind and or speech? What happens when a child deal with the ically be enrolled into the “FFB (frum teshuvah’s child does not have the teachers who were unqualified to serve spreading a deep understanding of asks his mother a simple homework from birth) club.” Yet, as time went solid mesorah that so many FFBs take the “sophisticated” needs of the yeshiv- God, he consulted with the kohen, thousands of question and she doesn’t know the on, it became clear that these children for granted. Nusach hatefillah and ah-educated were more than capable Malkitzedek, king of Jerusalem. The answer? These situations can lead to a baÕalei teshuvah have to deal with issues that are rarely whether to wear a kittel at the Pesach of servicing the seemingly “elemen- Midrash reports that Malkitzedek reversal of the dependency role, in present in homes where the parents, Seder or eat in the Sukkah the night tary” needs of ba’alei teshuvah. greeted Avraham with bread and wine which parents turn to their children for our communities grandparents and all of the extended of Shemini Atzeret all become matters However, today it is evident to kiruv and taught him the secret of these nurturing and protection. They can family have always been religious. of confusion. professionals that those in the field of items. Wine is useless when it is fresh. also result in the weakening of the are blessed with. To be sure, the majority of the chil- At the beginning of their spiritual outreach need to be able to provide The older it is, the better it tastes. parental authority, which may ultimate- dren of ba’alei teshuvah develop beauti- journeys, many ba’alei teshuvah tend to guidance on complex psychological, Bread tastes best straight out of the However, the success of the ba’al teshu- ly lead to serious discipline problems. fully, fulfilling the dreams of their par- merge varied minhagim (customs)— intellectual and halachic issues. oven: the fresher the better. After a vah movement necessitates that kiruv ents and their communities. But for the best of all worlds—into the family Unfortunately, this realization has not short time, it becomes inedible. So training courses be offered to rabbis as some, the challenge of being a mem- lifestyle. They pick and choose tradi- Who Raises the stopped the unequipped teacher or too, said Malkitzedek, when you teach well. Veteran kiruv professionals and ber of the “second generation” can lead tions they like or feel are meaningful. Child? rebbe from stepping up to the plate. the world about God, give people old community rabbis should get together to grave problems; some even end up But minhagim often serve the purpose I recall being graced with a visit wine—time-tested traditions and to create an appropriate curriculum to rejecting the very lifestyle their parents of identifying one with a particular from one of the most venerable roshei teachings. But be sure to also give be covered in these courses. struggled so hard to attain, often with subgroup within Orthodoxy. These any ba’alei teshuvah are yeshivot in the United States during a them some fresh bread, teachings for In Jerusalem, hundreds of kollel men subgroups serve as support systems. By initiallyM attracted to Judaism because of today and for tomorrow. attend weekly lectures and training a disdainful retort such as, “You reject- kiruv retreat I organized in ed your upbringing, now it’s my turn.” picking and choosing customs, howev- the admiration, if not the reverence, Melbourne. I naturally asked him if he We need to train our young leaders seminars on the halachot and tech- Here are a few of the challenges that er, one can become “a man without a they feel for Orthodoxy’s educational would honor us with a shiur. His in bread and wine. As one embarks on niques of kiruv. These opportunities are unique to members of the second country,” creating a difficult environ- system. The journey to holiness often response was unforgettable: “I can give a career of teaching Torah and serving hardly existed twenty-five years ago generation. ment for children. begins when the ba’al teshuvah is a a shiur in any yeshivah in the world on the Jewish community, he must be when I received semichah. However, “What did your father do during guest at a Shabbat table and sees lovely, a moment’s notice, but for your crowd trained in the beautiful and timeless this is only the beginning. Such train- Kiddush?” the son asks his father. well-behaved children reciting Torah I really have to spend time preparing.” message of the Torah while learning to ing courses must be further developed “Well, he would usually lie on the lessons for the assembled to enjoy. He I have been involved in too many constantly apply and reapply the Torah and expanded into other communities What happens couch while watching television,” the suddenly becomes aware that there is a cases where the most inappropriate to the current issues of the day. around the Jewish world. father replies. better way to raise children. There is a advice—advice that has created It is increasingly obvious that rabbis While having qualified and capable when a parent “What is our minhag ?” system that works, and he wants the irreparable damage in families—has and others who go into community religious mentors will certainly help, it “Well, my dad definitely did not same for his own children. been offered by inexperienced, unedu- service need to be better trained to deal won’t eliminate all of the challenges fac- begins to wear tefillin on Chol Hamoed, and I’m When his own children arrive, how- cated do-gooders. Oftentimes, the lack with the thousands of ba’alei teshuvah ing the second-generation ba’al depend on his pretty sure that he didn’t say Hallel on ever, the situation is not as easy as it of background prevents ba’alei teshuvah our communities are blessed with. So teshuvah. I don’t have any other solu- Yom Ha’atzmaut.” looked. He sends his children to local from using their better judgment. They often when a young rabbi begins his tion, but as Reb Chaim Soloveichik of children for After visiting friends’ homes and yeshivot where they are forced to sub- therefore accept the most awful advice, career, there is a striking dichotomy Brisk often remarked to his students, deepening his own knowledge of scribe to a particular educational sys- thinking that it is the Torah way. between what he has learned and what “Farshtein a kasha is shoin a halbe teretz” halachic Judaism, the child of the ba’al teshuvah tem. In order to fit in, the children I recall a sincere, educated ba’al he is called upon to deal with. Many (“Understanding a question is half the realizes that his family’s traditions are a have to dress the same, talk the same, teshuvah couple that was committed to semichah programs sponsor field trips answer”). By highlighting the special guiance? virtual mishmash. He may try to edu- play the same and even dream the raising their children without corporal to butcher shops, community eruvin, challenges facing the ba’al teshuvah fam- cate his parents regarding the inconsis- same as their classmates. The parent, punishment. However, the principal of shofar factories and matzah bakeries. ily today, I hope to deepen our under- tency of their practices. Or he may who is not necessarily familiar with their son’s elite school told these gentle Some offer lectures by outstanding psy- standing of these issues so that we can become confused or even embarrassed. the nuances, may fail to distinguish souls that hitting children is part of chologists and family counselors. work together to find creative solutions. JA Summer 5764/2004 JEWISH ACTION JEWISH ACTION Summer 5764/2004 It is therefore quite surprising to dis- especially those who become religious cover that many who work with as adults, the realization that their he secret is out. Not all children Orthodox dropouts report that chil- previous outlook on life was mistak- of TOrthodox parents remain observant. dren of ba’alei teshuvah are significant- en can lead to their having a lack of The dropout problem extends from ly over-represented in their programs. confidence in their own judgment. high schools to college campuses, with Years ago there was a joke circulat- During my thirty years of experience new organizations constantly cropping ing that when a ba’al teshuvah stopped with adult ba’alei teshuvah, I have fre- up to help at-risk teens. being bothered by someone talking in quently seen a difference between Many explanations have been given shul, you knew he was a full-fledged someone who becomes observant as a for this phenomenon. Whether it is the member of the Orthodox community. teenager, for example through the Preventing Second-Generation Dropouts By Shaya Karlinsky lure of a materialistic society, the fail- Sadly, the new joke about graduating OU’s National Conference of ure of Orthodoxy to sufficiently engage to mainstream Orthodoxy may be hav- Synagogue Youth (NCSY), and the hearts and minds of some of our ing a child who has “dropped out.” someone who becomes observant as youth or the result of a Judaism that Judaism has always viewed “building an adult. There is a clear advantage has often become mitzvat anashim the next generation” as a top priority; in having a Torah outlook evolve melumadah, practiced out of habit, one thus, one of the measures of the suc- slowly, during one’s formative years. sub-set of the Orthodox community cess of the kiruv movement, as with Acquiring a Torah worldview requires should have been insulated from this any innovation in Judaism, is its abili- formal Torah study and the observa- problem: children of ba’alei teshuvah. ty to transmit Judaism to the next gen- tion of role models (since many The teshuvah movement broke new eration. Parents who found their way ba’alei teshuvah do not grow up with ground over thirty years ago, bringing back to Torah, against all odds and role models for Torah marriages and thousands of estranged Jews back to sociological predictions, should have a Torah parenting). Both of these take authentic Judaism. These young men natural advantage in raising children time. and women made a conscious choice who follow in their footsteps. Unfortunately, we live a society to reject a secular lifestyle and Examining why this isn’t always so that promotes the idea that we embrace the Torah, overcoming may help clarify how the kiruv move- should have what we want “now.” tremendous obstacles along the way. ment needs to adjust its curriculum, Dr. Abraham J. Twerski calls this “an Many have a deep understanding of, and in what areas the Orthodox com- addict’s concept of time”; the desire and an enthusiasm for, Judaism that munity—if it is serious in its outreach for instant results, regardless of the can make even some in the main- efforts—needs to adjust its priorities long-term cost. The kiruv movement stream Orthodox community feel a and deployment of resources. is not insulated from this mentality, little insecure about their own attach- and many of those doing outreach ment to Judaism. Aquiring a work, as well as those funding it, Torah Perspective judge the success of a program by Rabbi Karlinsky, who lives in Jerusalem, how fast and by how many Jews are is the co-founder and dean of Darche being convinced to adopt a Torah Noam Institutions, David Shapell College lifestyle.1 Educating a Jew who wasn’t of Jewish Studies/Yeshivat Darche Noam t a convention of the raised in a Torah home is a long- AssociationA of Jewish Outreach range task, and the failure to view it and Midreshet Rachel v’Chaya College of Jewish Studies for Women. He learned at Professionals (AJOP) many years ago, as such increases the risk that chil- Kerem B’Yavneh and the Mirrer Yeshiva, Rabbi Nachman Bulman, z”l, warned dren of ba’alei teshuvah will them- and received semichah from ITRI. He of the disorientation that can occur selves need kiruv programs. received his M.A. in educational psychology in the thinking process of ba’alei Moreover, when one develops a teshuvah. For some ba’alei teshuvah, Torah outlook slowly, it becomes more Summer 5764/2004 JEWISH ACTION JEWISH ACTION Summer 5764/2004 Many of those doing teshuvah are drawn. graduate studies. If you stay, you will with serious Torah study and proper Yet, it is a real challenge for a ba’al be on your own when you return. Marketing guidance about man’s real purpose in outreach work judge the teshuvah to retain the important parts I had helped students decide when Judaism the world. Cheering on the outward of his past while trying to integrate they should resist parental pressure manifestations of Orthodoxy without success of a program by into a polarized Orthodox world. As a against additional Torah learning. But assuring inner change can be destruc- result, he may send his children mixed I sensed that this question was an tive. We cannot ignore the Torah per- how fast and by how many messages. This struggle is especially dif- especially delicate one, with long-term he goals in today’s secular cul- spective of the Jew as a servant of God. Jews are being convinced to ficult nowadays since contemporary ramifications. So I took the couple to turTe are to attain more pleasure, more This approach to kiruv also sets up secular culture is much less “Jewish- see Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, z”l. comfort and more success, all as quick- unrealistic expectations on the part of adopt a Torah lifestyle. friendly” than it used to be (note, for Rav Auerbach listened to the dilemma ly as possible. Orthodox Jews are not the ba’al teshuvah, since mitzvah obser- example, the blatant materialism and and directed them as only a gadol can: insulated from these forces, and work- vance, in and of itself, will not provide sexuality of Western culture; the break- If it appeared likely that the par- ing to refine our personalities requires him with what he was seeking. A Torah lifestyle frequently requires sacrifices in integrated into his personality; short- the system may lack this critical down of family structure and values in ents would really cut off the funding great vigilance and serious work. But things that society, and the prospective circuiting this process can hamper resource. But a ba’al teshuvah tends to society and the debasing of the very for higher education, this would there are kiruv systems that have ba’al teshuvah, holds in high esteem. one’s ability to confidently transmit need even more direction, guidance ideas of objective truth and morality in limit the man’s career prospects in tapped into these secular motivations, The idea that one can “have it all” or Judaism to one’s children. Indeed, the and education than an FFB, and he the academic world.) But many ba’alei his chosen profession. If we were and have designed kiruv techniques to that “Judaism will make you the happi- disorientation Rav Bulman spoke needs it from people who have a spe- teshuvah need to walk this tightrope, confident that the couple would be market Judaism and mitzvah obser- est person” is appealing in the short about can be the source of many of cial sensitivity to his background and and there need to be people—both able to live in a religious communi- vance as a way to obtain many of the run. But Judaism—and life—is more the problems that afflict children of needs. It is ironic and shortsighted rabbis and laymen—who can help ty, and that the husband would have goals of modern society, whether it be complicated than that, and the disillu- ba’alei teshuvah. that significant funding is frequently them do so. These mentors must be a fixed time for learning and a close pleasure, emotional fulfillment or sionment created by failed expectations Thus, for example, those who are available for programs that inspire and nurtured in order to become an inte- connection with the local rabbis, greater material success. Kiruv organi- has led to many failed ba’alei teshuvah FFB (frum from birth) tend to learn convince the estranged Jew to adopt gral part of the kiruv movement. then they should return to the States zations frequently recruit new ba’alei and to children of ba’alei teshuvah who from their own experiences growing mitzvah observance, while limited Unlike the Chareidi world, which at the end of the year. Otherwise, teshuvah in one of two ways. The leave the fold. Torah Judaism is a sys- up how to respond (or not respond) sums are devoted to the longer, more places outreach high on its agenda, the Rav Auerbach explained to me later, “intellectual approach” involves pre- tem built on delayed gratification, and to a child who breaches halachah. difficult yet critical process of support- Modern Orthodox world has not cho- this young man’s future career senting philosophical arguments and on service—of God, our community, Hopefully, as parents, they model ing the ba’al teshuvah once he has sen to do so, until recently. This has prospects and income could be com- logical proofs of the existence of God the Jewish nation and ultimately the their behavior accordingly. But some- made the commitment. The large made it difficult for some ba’alei teshu- promised. This would likely lead to and the truth of the Torah. The “mar- world. We aren’t here just for ourselves, one who was introduced to halachah investments made in influencing peo- vah—who are more suited to a frustration, and some level of blame keting approach” involves promoting but for a purpose that extends beyond as an adult may lack the perspective ple to become mitzvah observant Modern Orthodox lifestyle—to grow might be placed on the extra time Torah Judaism as a way of solving ourselves. Man is endowed with a spirit necessary to make certain decisions. would pay much greater dividends if in a way that may be most appropriate he spent in yeshivah. It was not many of one’s personal problems and that must be nurtured through charac- Should a child who sleeps through more time and money were spent nur- for them and for their children. worth the risk of destabilizing the frustrations. I believe that while the ter development, altruism, self-control, minyan be treated as one who broke turing and supporting the long-term Over ten years ago, a ba’al teshuvah couple’s Judaism if we were confi- marketing approach to kiruv helps cre- moral choices and all the other quali- curfew, one who played with matches growth of ba’alei teshuvah. couple came to study at Darche Noam dent that the community to which ate a greater number of ba’alei teshuvah ties that make us uniquely human. or one who went outside without a Ba’alei teshuvah who do not find Institutions, an outreach institution in they were returning would provide a in the shortest amount of time, it often We spend a great amount of time and coat in the rain? And what about a appropriate guides are vulnerable to Jerusalem where I teach. They had saved religiously supportive environment. shortchanges them in the process. resources teaching our non-religious child who wears clothes that don’t accepting bad advice from well-mean- money to finance a year of learning in Of course, if we felt that the parents Presenting Shabbat as a time of reju- brethren about Shabbat, kashrut, family conform to community standards? ing people. It should be obvious that Israel. Their plan was to return to the wouldn’t really follow through on venation that will make one more effec- purity, holiday rituals and even full-time Overreactions that may result from a something appropriate for an FFB States after the year was up, and the hus- their threat, there would be a tive in one’s career, middot development lack of perspective can have devastat- born in Lakewood or in Jerusalem band would continue his graduate stud- tremendous advantage for the cou- as a way to win friends or family purity ing effects on a child. might be totally inappropriate for a ies. Their parents weren’t excited about ple to devote a second year to Torah as a way to enhance one’s marital bliss ba’al teshuvah living in St. Louis, or for the plan, but they didn’t apply undue learning. That, in fact, was the can lead to more ba’alei teshuvah in the one with an Ivy League degree or con- pressure since the couple was financing it happy outcome of this story. short run. But it must be supplemented Aseh Lecha Rav: cert-level music skills. themselves. Moreover, since the couple (Had the question come from an Avoiding Bad Often, well-meaning people give was planning to come back after a year, FFB couple, who were surrounded by We need to ensure that the Advice from Good ba’alei teshuvah the message that it the opposition was mitigated. people sacrificing careers for full-time People might be advantageous for them to After Pesach, as they were reviewing learning, no doubt the advice would Judaism we are teaching disown their secular education and life their finances, the couple found that they have been different.) experience; however, throwing away could afford to stay another year. They I believe this story illustrates that is authentic, not just one’s identity means cutting away had both gained so much spiritually, and when advising ba’alei teshuvah, one he Orthodox system is built parts of one’s personality and creativi- they realized what an additional year of needs the capacity to engage in long- appealing, and that the onT the notion of aseh lecha rav,2 hav- ty. Maintaining a connection to one’s learning would accomplish for them. term thinking, to make a realistic Jews we are bringing back ing access to spiritual leaders and previous experiences can make one’s At this point, there was strong assessment of the real needs of people guides. The system provides mentors Judaism and relationship with God parental resistance. And the pressure and to feel concern about the particu- to Torah become through shuls, schools and yeshivot. much richer, while helping to avoid point was simple: If you come back at lar individual, rather than trying to However, those who don’t grow up in the extremism to which some ba’alei the end of the year, we will fund your mold him in one’s own image. knowledgeable. Summer 5764/2004 JEWISH ACTION JEWISH ACTION Summer 5764/2004 kollel learning. But “im ein derech eretz, Rambam (Hilchot Teshuvah, chap. 7) role than it has until now. Modern ein Torah,”3 without proper character writes: Orthodox role models could open the traits, there can be no proper practice of Just as a person must repent [from sins door to many estranged Jews by show- Torah. Our outreach efforts must focus that involve actions, such as sexual ing authentic Torah life in a way that on helping to shape personalities that impropriety, thievery and robbery] so, may be more appropriate and realistic are capable of receiving Torah as it was too, must a person examine his corrupted for people raised in a secular culture. given at Sinai, and which can then be character traits and repent from anger, Finally, resources need to be devoted transmitted to coming generations. hatred, jealousy, levity, greed, pursuit of to what may be termed continuing The Jewish people left Egypt with a public honor, gluttony . . . . These sins education. After the kiruv programs convincing display of God’s omnipo- [of character] are actually more serious have convinced the non-Orthodox to tence. Intellectually and experientially, than sins with actions, for when a person become mitzvah observant and taught the Jews knew there was a God and becomes habituated [in these traits] it is them the ritual details, the work is not that it was in their best interest to fol- harder to disengage from them. over. It is just beginning. JA low His commandments. Yet there was The fact that Jews raised with no a forty-nine day period from the knowledge of Torah are freely choosing Notes Exodus until the giving of the Torah: to resist familial and societal pressures 1. The phenomenon of “failed the period of Sefirat Ha’omer. What to adopt a Torah way of life is one of ba’alei teshuvah” or ba’alei teshuvah was happening during those seven the most inspiring and exciting occur- who drop out after several months of weeks? Why couldn’t the Jewish people rences in the Jewish world. It also commitment led many in the commu- receive the Torah immediately? serves as tangible validation of the nity to search for ways to prevent this. Reb Chaim Vital, the disciple of the eternity of our Torah. But for that suc- One method was to encourage mar- Arizal, provides us with a striking cess to continue and be transmitted to riage earlier in the kiruv process than answer in his work Sha’arei Kedushah. the next generation, we need to devel- may have been wise. The thinking was One must be more vigilant about bad op a long-term perspective on our that marriage, with a home and family, character traits than about the obser- kiruv activities. We need to ensure that would solidify the teshuvah process. vance of both positive and negative com- the Judaism we are teaching is authen- Unfortunately, these rushed marriages mandments. For when one possesses good tic, not just appealing, and that the sometimes led to unstable homes and character traits, it will be easy to fulfill Jews we are bringing back to Torah even divorce. In certain cases, mar- all the commandments. become knowledgeable. We need to riages were held together when they The seven weeks of Sefirat Ha’omer ensure that proper character develop- shouldn’t have been, and the children are a time of character development. ment is taking place along with the became vulnerable to rejecting the The Jews had to grow into human lifestyle changes we encourage. We Judaism of their parents. beings who were capable of receiving need to provide role models that are 2. Avot, chap. 1, mishnah 6. the Torah, developing the traits that appropriate for the ba’al teshuvah’s 3. Avot, chap. 3, mishnah 21. See distinguish a spiritual human being background. Here, the Modern also Midrash Rabbah, Vayikra 9:3, from an intellectually endowed ani- Orthodox community should be play- “Derech eretz preceded the Torah in the mal. ing a much more active and visible world by twenty-six generations….”

Summer 5764/2004 JEWISH ACTION