28 • Tuesday, November 26, 2002 • To Hell With TheBALLIN’ last page Wrasslin News Dem Gators Did you see how Bubba got a black Dem Gators gone ‘n ruined ar season BALLIN’ eye? Find out who done it and why ‘gain. Damn dem Gators. I will kill they decided he needed a smack Sprriieerr. Even doh he in da NFL. To Hell with Georgia• Tuesday, November 26, 2002 down. Page 27 Page 26 by Southern Brawl to be held in Atlanta the Agriculture project mistake leads to U(sic)GA numbers - game moving to Bobby Dodd, undergoes fertilizer treatments. 750 Cookie Dough move through his digestive system,” Average SAT score for this year’s Just a lil’ nibble... said Jethro Birchfield, the head re- incoming freshman football signees. search scientist for the Agricultural This is a full 10 points higher than In an embarrassing news confer- Department. “We have directed a last year’s class. Good job, boys. ence yesterday, Michael Adams, Pres- really big amount of cash towards Sic’em. ident of the University (sic) of this here project, money that would Georgia, announced that Sanford have normally gone to our tractor- Stadium would not be available for repair and sport ammunition fund.” 217,182 this year’s Georgia-Georgia Tech “We might be able to attack him game due to a planting mistake by a from the inside...I mean, literally,” Number of times, on average, a typ- senior agricultural project team. Birchfield added. “His insides are ical U(sic)GA game-day crowd will Five men and three women, all going to really hurt after we get done bark, growl or drool on themselves Agriculture majors at U(sic)GA, with him. That stuff just has to tear while watchin our boys whoop it up planted their final project of exper- you up, man. You know it’s gotta on the gridiron. Go Dawgs! imental sweet corn one night earlier burn coming out.” in the semester, and now the knee- The project team apologized for high shoots are too great a safety their mistake, but justified their ex- liability for football play. The corn periment as an exercise in patrio- 314,159,262 is considered extremely dangerous, tism. as part of a U(sic)GA research plan “We love America. Yes, we do. Average number of beers consumed in radioactive vegetables to aid in We love America, how ‘bout you?” on game day by U(sic)GA fans. This the capture of Osama bin Laden. said Suzy Stinchcomb, senior project number includes faculty members, “We figure that Osama loves corn leader and current varsity Dawg Greek students and independent just as much as we do, so now the cheerleader. students, as well as the drunk alum- CIA can track the radioactive ker- The project team plans to let the By Corns Onmytoes / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS ni—that means graduates—who will nels all the way to Osama’s secret An agriculture project gone wrong recently took over Sanford Stadium. never make it out of Athens. camp, and follow his trail after they See Corn Dawgs, page 26 Bobby Dodd Stadium will host the game while Sanford is re-sodded. Q&A with Damien Wilkins: Continuing the legacy Uga VI family THWUGA’s own Jed Clampet sits down for a chat with NC State transfer Damien line is finished Frank W. (Sonny) Sieler, the Wilkins to discuss his game, school, teammates, and.... his vocabulary? (Or lack thereof) owner of the breed line of Jed Clampet nice to see student-athletes work- Ugas, announced today that the fam- Ahead of the Game ing hard in and out of the classroom ily line has become sterile. The ster- and the basketball arena. ilization is a result of intensive THWUGA: Damien, thanks for tak- DW: Yeah (chuckles nervously). interbreeding within the family line ing the time to sit down with us and THWUGA: And how are you en- that resulted in lowered fertility and answer a few questions. joying class? diminished intelligence. Damien Wilkins: True. DW: Huh? This announcement marks the THWUGA: Outstanding. So how THWUGA: Class—how’s class go- end of an era in college sports. Per- does it feel to be back on the court as ing? haps the most famous Uga was Uga a Bulldog? DW: Oh, it’s aight. V who made appearances in the DW: A lot like it was at State. Only THWUGA: I see you are a speech movie “Midnight in the Garden of thing is I play for Georgia now. communications major—glad to see Good and Evil.” He also graced the Who let the Dawgs out, baby?! (raises it’s paying dividends. cover of Sports Illustrated as “Ugli- the roof) DW: Word. est Dog Alive.” No comment was THWUGA: Fantastic. So what’s it THWUGA: So what are your team made from Georgia officials as to like to follow in your uncle’s (Do- and personal goals for this season? whether a new line of dog would be minique Wilkins) footsteps and suit DW: Well, I see myself averaging established. up for UGA? about 30 points and, God-willing, DW: Awww, snap! Uncle ‘Nique I’ll carry this team all the way to a balled here?! National Championship. Chapel bell is THWUGA: Uhh, yeah. THWUGA: Well, Damien, you do DW: Awww man! (claps and smiles) have a strong returning cast this sea- cracked, cannot What’ll I tell dad about this [stuff]! son: Jarvis Hayes, Ezra Williams, THWUGA: Now, Damien. There Rashad Wright. You may not have be repaired was a lot of pressure on you at N.C. to shoulder the scoring burden as The infamous chapel bell that is State. Why do you feel you strug- much as you think. rung after a Georgia victory was gled so mightily there? DW: Can I speak connotatively for broken and left unrepairable last DW: Well, see, I’m a one-man show. a minute? week after a group of University of And at State they was tryin’ to get THWUGA: You mean, candidly? Florida students repeatedly hit it me to do [stuff], crazy [stuff] like DW: Yeah, candilly. with a sledge hammer. The Florida pass the ball and [stuff]. [Messed] THWUGA: By all means. students had apparently road tripped up [stuff]. That just took me off my DW: Them guys you just mentioned- to Athens after the Dawgs loss in game. (Pause) Sorry, dog, I get a they all chumps. I wax all them Jacksonville. little angry just talkin’ about it. fools in 1-on-1 every [expletive] day. U(sic)GA’s bell-ringing tradition THWUGA: I see. How has the THWUGA: I see. began the 1890s when the football transition to UGA been? DW: As a matter of fact, this place field was located only yards from DW: Smooth, yo. gonna be renamed “Damien Wilkins the chapel. Students rang the bell in THWUGA: Care to elaborate? University in Augusta” when I’m celebration after a big Georgia win DW: Silky smooth. finished. and, recently, anytime the Dawgs THWUGA: Mmm-hmm. THWUGA: We’re in Athens, do anything halfway decent.T h e DW: Plus, I get paid here and they Damien. bell is usually a five minute walk wasn’t givin’ me my money at State. DW: I know that, fool! That’s what from the stadium. As it takes ine- THWUGA: I beg your pardon? I said. briated U(sic)GA fans longer to walk By Aussie Redneck / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS DW: I mean (clears throat)…I got THWUGA: Magnificent. Well, to the location, the opposing team’s Damien Wilkins, son of Hawks and U(sic)GA legend Dominique Wilkins, a campus job. fans often get there quicker, caus- is seen here with N.C. State challenging former Jacket Shawn Fein. THWUGA: Uh-huh. It’s always See Wilkins, page 26 ing uproar and immense confusion. BALLIN’ To Hell With Georgia • Tuesday, November 26, 2002 • 27

Wilkins from page 28 Wrasslin’ Notebook

Damien, we have no doubt that you DW: Let’s talk about my game. Lesnar goes nuts, Spike and Bubba win will succeed here at UGA, but the THWUGA: Alright. What do you numbers don’t lie: less than 35 per- feel are your strengths? cent shooting from the floor in ACC DW: Well, if I’m isolated in the competition in two years at N.C. half-court, one-on-one with some State. Those are dreadful shooting scrub, he’s at my mercy. I’ll take numbers. him inside. I’ll take him outside. If DW: Yeah, but what are numbers, I get 35-40 shots a game I can’t see anyways? I mean, numbers do not us losing. define Damien Wilkins. Damien THWUGA: You don’t think that Wilkins defines numbers. will cause some turmoil with your THWUGA: What in God’s holy teammates? Hayes and Williams name does that mean? are going to want their shots, too. DW: Think about it, bro. Think DW: Remember my connotative long and hard about what I said. chump comments earlier? [Shoot], what I just said was prath- THWUGA: Ahh, yes. How could etic. I forget? THWUGA: DW: Damien You mean, pro- Wilkins is the phetic? offense, the de- DW: Why you “Gettin’ paid heremakes fense, the tran- hasslin’ me sition game. about my dic- my experiences...that It’s Damien tatiousness, much more worthwhile.” Wilkins vs. the dog? My vo- enemy. I’m cabulary is end- Damien Wikins just tellin’ it less, like my U(sic)GA baller like it is. abilitation on THWUGA: the basketball Marvelous. court. Holla! Lastly, Damien, to whom do you THWUGA: Very well. How’s your feel you owe your success? relationship with Coach Harrick? DW: Well, I guess I’d like to thank By Igot Bigguns / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS DW: You questionin’ my manhood, myself. Recently arm wrasslin’ has been going on all over the campus. At any time during the day, students will be doin’ Holmes? THWUGA: Oh, brother. it all over Tate. It is easier to do in public than actual wrasslin’, and you can do it if yur TV done broke. THWUGA: What??? DW: See, I’ve overcome so much DW: What you tryin’ to say? diversity… By Joe Lee Deere lafft as he won aganst Eddie Guer- with aganst Three Minute THWUGA: I’m not trying to say THWUGA: (Mutters with face in Loves wraslin’, loves his momma... rero. Benoit had alredy beetin Cha- Warning. anything! I was asking you how you hands) Adversity…you’re killing me. Spike and Bubba Ray went on to and Coach Harrick get along. DW: …I really couldn’t have ac- just lost it last week win the match by slamming Rico DW: Oh. Well, like I was sayin’ complished all that I have without on SmackDown! and started beatin thru a tabel. The memburs of Three earlier. Gettin’ paid here at UGA myself. Damien Wilkins would not evrybody up. First he thru Matt In injery nooz, Triple Minute Warning were happy becuz makes my experiences with the pro- allow Damien Wilkins to fail. When Hardy thru a brik wall. Then they wernt uset to tabel matches gram and the coaching staff that all them fools was sayin’ I was a bust Stephanie finally told him to stop H is doin bettur after and they did good.In injery nooz, much more worthwhile. at State, Damien picked myself up or be suspindid. But then he beat up his throte injery from is doin bettur after his THWUGA: And this would be get- and inspired me to move on and twice befor chasing his throte injery from . ting paid from your campus job… make something of myself. agent out ov the bilding. Survivor Series. hit him in the DW: Yeeeeah, no doubt. THWUGA: That was, without a In other maches, Billy Kidman throte with a frog splash and Triple THWUGA: And what exactly does doubt, the most dizzying exhibi- kept his croozerwate belt by beatin H’s throte‚egan to swell. It started that have to do with Coach Harrick tion of ignorance in speech that I Tajiri. won aganst vo, hoo was interfeering in Angle’s to cloze off his airway so he wuz and his staff? have ever witnessed. and beat Jamie No- match. given oxigin and taken to the hosspi- DW: (Stares blankly) DW: Look I gotta run and get paid. ble. The weirdest thing happind win Erly last week also saw two ov tle. He got out the next day and was THWUGA: Damien? I’ll holla at you later, though. watcht and the Dudley’s reunite for a tabel match at SmackDown! that nite. To Hell With U(sic)GA 26 • Tuesday, November 26, 2002 • To Hell With Georgia BALLIN’

Sports Opinion Bubba McDaniel Football Corn Dawgs from page 28 stalks grow until spring practice, so mean?” Dem Gators ain’t good they can have the added bonus of In response, Georgia Tech’s es- Forecast using the rows for the football team’s teemed president, Wayne Clough, agility drills. said, “I respect their effort to aid in “I hate having to travel to Atlan- the response to terrorism, but ques- Winners ta this year, but I think, in the long tion their tactics. Have you ever run, this little mishap is going to heard of a Taliban obsession with payoff,” said Dawg head coach Mark sweet corn? Even if Osama does Richt. “Osama’s going to get hurt hanker for the good stuff, I’m not and my boys are going to get quick- sure that the U(sic)GA girls will be Roundingoutthefinal er.” able to resist chow- Because of the ing down on the success of the corn cobs during the weekofthe‘Nique’s program, universi- “They don’t call them harvest. They ty officials intend the ‘Dawgs’ for don’t call them the to plant experi- ‘Dawgs’ for noth- FootballForecast,these mental beans and nothing, ya know?” ing, ya know?” barley crops Wayne Clough The game will be around the campus Georgia Tech President held at Bobby arethebookiesthatgotit dormitories and Dodd Stadium dining halls. The Nov. 30, with the baseball field is slated to become the tentative start time right: home of a new variety of exploding of 3:30 p.m. Due to the late change squash. The experimental squash in venue, the Jackets will receive an theoretically has a shelf-life of two extra $50,000 in penalty fees from months, which would supply an U(sic)GA, as well as a written apol- ample amount of time to ship it to ogy from the project research team. Afghanistan. Fortunately, Stinchcomb, the MattYoung However, a student, who wished team leader, is on an accelerated to remain anonymous, said the squash English program, and has already needed much more development started her Dr. Suess master’s thesis BrianOxford before being used for real govern- and should be able to successfully mental anti-terrorist operations. pen a three-sentence apology letter WinstonMurdock “We are still working on the whole to Tech. timing-thing with the squash. Just “One sprout, two sprouts, we’re the other day we lost my brother- sorry, there’s no doubt,” said Suzy JaredMonroe in-law’s goat while he was nibbling as she rushed to class. on a three-week gourd,” the stu- This unexpected last minute dent said. “It was tough to put old change will not affect the venue for Sunshine in the ground. That goat next season, when the Jackets will was like family to us, know what I host the Dawgs again. 24 • Tuesday, November 26, 2002 • To Hell With Georgia BALLIN’ Billboard of support for Terrance Edwards goes unnoticed

By Stevi Jo said devout fan and Georgia alums Many of the fans who helped A can write good Steve Lomberg. “But that was really pay for the a billboard are outraged. “I paid for something I can’t even What would happen if you paid appreciate,” said Johny Johnson. almost $600 for a billboard that no “Kind of like my college educa- one could read? Nothing. “I paid for something I tion,” said the Georgia alumnus. In Tennille last week, a U(sic)GA can’t even appreciate. The creators of the original bill- fan paid for a billboard that read board have decided to create a new “Thanks Terrence For 4 Great Years Kind of like my thank you to Edwards. The sign . . . The No. 1 WR in UGA Histo- college education,” will have only a picture of Edwards, ry—The Fans.” Edwards, who a heart, and a picture of some red- dropped a crucial pass that helped Johny Johnson clad UGA fans. the Florida Gators defeat the Bull- UGA Alumnus “What I am visinin’ is like some dogs, needed the confidence boost. pic plus another makes something,” However, it is estimated that only said Dave Berger, leader of the bill- 12 percent of University (sic) of Geor- it. My boss, a former Tech grad, board clan. “However, I don’t real- By Stevi Jo / STUDENT PUBLICATIONS gia grads are literate. had to tell me what it meant. What ly know how those symbol things A billboard of support for University [sic] of Georgia wide receiver “I could see the Georgia logo, “ a waste of money.” work.” Terrence Edwards was not readable by almost 88 percent of Dawgs fans. www.nique.net To Hell With Georgia! BALLIN’ To Hell With Georgia • Tuesday, November 26, 2002 • 25 Voice of the Dawgs takes over as Vocal Communications teacher By Betty Ford is known to be the voice of southern “This is going to be quite hard I was surprised, mainly because I p.m. The administration and fac- She knows good booze and news football. He plans to teach the stu- for me,” Munson said. “The stu- thought he was a pretty smart kid. ulty decided on this time due to dents how to enunciate and suc- dents can hardly read, much less Honestly, I had never talked to him student feedback as to when would A new speech class has hit the cessfully pronounce words that speak, so I feel like a Hooked-on- before, but then when he opened be the optimal time for them to course listings for U(sic)GA students. typically would be quite hard for a Phonics teacher right now.” his mouth, I understood why he actually come to class. A spokesperson for the Terry Col- He plans to attack the obstacles “Not before the afternoon,” an lege of Business announced that the with the aid of Dick and Jane books, anonymous student-athlete said. “I school has added , as well as Winnie-the-Pooh selec- usually drink and play some of that the long-time sports announcer for “I have never tions and Berenstain Bears books. “I often think those there strip poker all night long, so, Dawg’s football, to their faculty ros- experienced anything “You know, I never thought I boys should stick to you know, the last thing I want to ter. like what I experience would have to do this,” Munson do is get up for a 10 o’clock class.” Munson plans to teach a “Vocal commented. “I love the Dawgs. I attempting to play “This is gonna be a good class- I Communications” class for the com- when I speak with a mean I love them to death. I would football, and leave listen to Mr. Larry all the time. He ing spring semester, and hopes to Georgia student. I never, ever miss a game. But I often is the man. He talks a lot, but if he become a staple in the typical think those boys should stick to at- the learning to gets paid to do that, then I want to U(sic)GA education. don’t understand a tempting to play football, and leave [Tech].” talk a lot too. I am really pumped “I think these guys and girls need the learning to the North Avenue about the guy helping us, he is defi- word.” Larry Munson some help,” Munson said in an ear- Trade School folks. But I am happy nitely my hero. My daddy loves Voice of the Dawgs lier interview. “I have been an ex- Larry Munson to help out my school in any way him. My momma loves him. Even pert at vocal communication for some Voice of the Dawgs possible.” my brother-in-law listens to the man. time now, and I have never experi- The class roster for Munson is a I think this is gonna help me be- enced anything like what I experi- bit touchy though. He didn’t quite was in my class,” Munson said. come a graduate. I can’t wait to go ence when I speak with a Georgia expect a few of the faces he saw on The class is listed as VocCom to class in the spring. This will be student. I don’t understand a word.” U(sic)GA student to use in their registration day. 1101 and will be offered Monday, the first class I have gone to in two Munson, a veteran announcer, daily vocabulary. “The first one in line was Musa. Wednesday, and Friday from 1 to 2 years.”