Ester Nicholson the Addiction Behind the Addiction

ESTERTHAT VOICE NICHOLSON IS NOT WHO WE ARE! COMPASSION OR THETHE ADDICTION POWER OF BEHINDINTERNAL THE DIALOGUE ADDICTION CODEPENDENCY?

RecoveryADDICTION, RECOVERY AND SOBRIETY TodayISSUE 6, MAY 2015 ESTER NICHOLSON THE ADDICTION BEHIND THE ADDICTION

1,477,253 Years of Sobriety InTheRooms.com “A goldmine of recovery experience”

ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR GIVING BEING OF SERVICE CAN HELP RECOVERY TODD BRIDGES ME OR MY SHADOW? WHICH ONE WILL IT BE? Content

ESTER NICHOLSON 03 THE ADDICTION BEHIND THE ADDICTION

1,477,253 YEARS OF SOBRIETY 06 “A GOLDMINE OF RECOVERY EXPERIENCE”

GIVING 07 BEING OF SERVICE CAN HELP RECOVERY

ME OR MY SHADOW? 09 WHICH ONE WILL IT BE?

ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR, TODD BRIDGES 11 “ SOBRIETY CAN’T COME FROM ANYBODY ELSE. ”

COMPASSION OR CODEPENDENCY? 15 CODEPENDENCY APPEARS DISGUISED AS COMPASSION. ESTER NICHOLSON THE ADDICTION BEHIND THE ADDICTION

Addiction is actually the result of a confluence of causes operating on multiple levels. There are so many layers to the problem, with the common presentation of chemical dependence representing only five percent of cases. The other ninety-five percent are buried deep in our culture, our worldview, our lives and our subconscious mind. Most people only see the external effects of dependent behavior, and think that’s all there is to it. I’ve often heard people say, “If only that person would just stop drinking, eating, gambling, procrastinating, being an emotional wreck (or whatever the case may be), then maybe they’d get their life together.”

If only it were that simple. But because it’s not that simple, and addiction is so misunderstood there are millions of people who falsely believe that they are bad, horrible and hopeless, rather than understanding that they are dealing with a very insidious and complicated disease—that’s really not their fault.

To know what we’re dealing with, let’s get clear about what dependence actually is. First of all, it is an effect – not the cause. In and of itself, dependence is nothing and means nothing, without some very deep contributing factors feeding it and giving it power. We experience the effects of dependence when we are attached, in bondage—or as described in the French word “attaché” meaning “nailed to” a thought pattern, belief system or way of being that is out of alignment with our deepest desires.

This “effect” might show up as being enslaved to a particular substance, like drugs, alcohol or food (compulsive overeating), sex, gambling, and the other more common effects of addiction.

But it also shows up for those of us who have never had a drug, alcohol or food issue—as being in bondage to beliefs related to low self-worth, procrastination, destructive relationships, resentment, financial lack, control and perfectionism. We can even be “addicted to” or “habitually dependent” on the core wounds of abandonment, rejec- tion and betrayal that are just as addictive, if not even more so, than dependence to any substance.

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 3 ESTER SINGING WITH LEGEND, ROD STEWART

But it even goes deeper than that. it is good, worthy, free, lovable, pulse that cannot be eliminated by The underlying cause of the depen- brilliant and more than enough reasoning. Mental obsession blocks dent/addictive ways of being stated all the time). But I believe that the out all other thought, and usually above, is based in the deeply rooted static interference within our minds: does not abate until it is acted upon and false belief that we are separate the illusions about who we are, the (over and over again) or healed at a and apart from our very souls – the stories we’ve created to compensate deep subconscious level. part of us that is very clear about our for painful experiences, etc. block us wholeness and magnificence, inde- from making a strong connection Once it is acted upon, whether pendent of our experiences. between this innate higher self and we’re talking about a substance, our day-to-day experience—and food, gambling, sex, a negative When we have bought into a false the extraordinary benefits of having thought, or self-defeating ways sense of self and a deep subcon- such a connection. of being (i.e., procrastination, scious belief that we’re not lovable, resentment, unworthiness, feeling not enough and unworthy, etc., Why? Because who we really are unsafe, unhealthy relationships, those structures are operating at on a soul level isn’t even aware of etc.), our brain actually releases a a lower vibrational frequency than unworthiness, not-enoughness and chemical that gives us a sense of the frequency our true wholeness all the stories we’ve made up about instant gratification. Even if the is vibrating on. This inadvertently ourselves. This disconnect is what gratification doesn’t feel all that causes a split in our awareness, and Bill Wilson—who wrote the AA Big good, it is what we’ve become we become disconnected from our Book—called a “Spiritual Malady,” a accustomed to—which keeps us innate, higher vision of life—which belief that we are separate from our going back for more. some call Soul, God, Love, Universal souls (God/Life/Universal Presence/ Presence, or whatever one chooses Higher Power, etc.). We can all relate to having fear to call it. and thinking fearful life-draining Disconnection From Our Souls Cre- thoughts over and over again, even Our true identity is an eternal state ates Mental Obsession when we try with all our might not to of being. It never changes or alters When we feel spiritually discon- be afraid. Scientists have measured through conditions and it never nected, we experience what is more than 1,400 physical and chem- leaves us (because it is us). It is called mental obsession, which is ical responses to fear—that are inde- unchanging and constant, (meaning a persistent unwanted idea or im- pendent of our conscious control.

4 ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 | RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE This is called Physical allergy or Phenomena of Craving For those of us who have had a chemical dependence issue in the past, I can tell you that the interplay of craving and mental obsession does not leave you alone. When you’re free of one, you’re not free of the other and visa versa. You are physically compelled to ride this train to the end of the line where exhaustion, shame, humiliation, and God knows what else is waiting for you. Ester Nicholson’s book “Twelve Keys to Freedom

We often feel so depleted, ashamed and wiped out after one of those You might be asking, “how can I from the understanding that you are physical and/or emotional binges, have this psychic change or spiritual out of order, and based on your past that we might abstain from whatever experience?” The first step towards efforts, can’t seem to do anything our “drug-of-choice” or “emotion- connecting to the real power that about it, the very same power that of-choice” happens to be for a few can do for you what you can’t beats your heart without any advise days or weeks, but we ultimately seem to do for yourself, is to admit from you – the power that breaths return to that which has become powerlessness. You’re not making through your lungs without your our master, because the underlying this admission from a place of defeat control or input – now has your cause has not been healed – and or failure, but from an attitude of permission to restore you to your the cycle starts all over again. sweet surrender. Once you surrender original nature of wholeness.

This is what the first step in the BE WILLING – AND WITNESS YOUR RETURN TO LOVE. 12 Steps of recovery is referring to where it states: “We admit we are powerless over alcohol, and our lives have become unmanageable.” Ester Nicholson When you are in the cycle as stated Ester Nicholson, a celebrated vocalist formerly with Bette in the previous paragraph, you are Midler and Rod Stewart, is a gifted speaker, teacher, spiritual indeed “powerless” to do anything therapist and former addict who has developed a unique and about it on your own. powerful 12-Step-informed, complimentary program for healing dependence. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anony- The program is the result of more than a decade of work, op- mous suggests in the Doctor’s Opin- timizing a unique combination of spiritual practice and the 12 ion section, that we must experience Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. The program has been codi- a psychic change, and goes on later fied into a 12 week process in Ms. Nicholson’s new book, “Soul in the book to describe it as a “spir- Recovery - 12 Keys to Healing Addiction,” published by Agape itual experience,” in order to have a Media and Hay House. complete healing in this area. Ester’s life story sketches a path from humble beginnings: as Why? Because we cannot solve the the youngest child born to a Baptist minister father, growing problem at the level of the problem up on Long Island (NY) then moving to Los Angeles - where she honed her addiction to crack cocaine and later found her that created the disconnection in the redemption from it. first place. There must be something of a higher nature that can do for Ester Nicholson, Addiction Specialist us and through us, what we haven’t Author of “Soul Recovery – 12 Keys To Healing Dependence.” been able to do for ourselves. www.soulrecovery.org

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 5 1,477,253 Years of Sobriety InTheRooms.com “A goldmine of recovery experience”

HITCH (Help, Inform, Touch, Connect, Heal) is their locatable meeting list/finder, an extensive speaker mantra and recovery is the focus of this incredible award tape library with thousands of speakers to choose winning, free online social network for individuals in from and the free weekly HITCH newsletter sent out recovery, seeking help and their families, friends and every Wednesday to every member. allies from the disease of addiction. The brainchild of entrepreneurs Ron (RT) Tannebaum and Kenny To get your day off to a good start you can also wake up to Pomerance, both of whom are in recovery for over the Daily E Meditation delivered to your inbox every morn- 31 years, the “InTheRooms.com” online community ing at 5am EST and to further enhance your wellbeing you now exceeds 345,000 members from every corner can attend RT’s wife, Philly Ts wonderful live online group of the planet. With a total collective recovery time of meditation at 9 PM EST / 6 PM PST every Wednesday. If 1,477,253 years it is indeed a goldmine of recovery that doesn’t satisfy your spiritual thirst you can partake experience, strength and hope. Since its launch in in the knowledge of Tommy Rosen’s 2point0 Power Hour October 2008, InTheRooms.com has become the most every Tuesday at 10 PM EST / 7 PM PST, where each week trafficked recovery online social network in the world. he has inspirational guest speakers with extensive expe- Whether you are new to recovery, a long established rience, knowledge and expertise in the recovery, spiritual recovery warrior, a professional in the field or a and yogic fields. All these wonderful live meetings can be family member of a recovering person, you will find accessed FREE through the website InTheRooms.com or InTheRooms.com to be an exceptional resource for from http://AAvideomeetings.com, http://NAvideo- your recovery tool box. meetings.com, http://12StepVideoMeetings.com and http://RecoveryVideoMeetings.com It was our recovered forefathers who predicted that technology would play a major role in the future Of course then, there are the thousands of active of recovering people. The founder of Alcoholics community members, without whom the success of Anonymous, Bill W. himself said in a Grapevine article the site would not be possible. Members, some present in November 1960 “Nothing matters more to AA’s future since the inception of the site, have created a real “home welfare than the manner in which we use the colossus group” feel and the support and friendships which of modern communication. Used unselfishly and well, it have developed are quite astonishing. Kenny and RT can produce results surpassing our present imagination.” are passionate about recovery and have put their heart However, what InTheRooms.com offers the recovery and soul into this ground breaking, forward thinking community today is far beyond what anyone could recovery resource. They care very much about the users have foreseen in 1960 and of course goes far beyond of the site and make themselves available to each AA or indeed 12 step recovery models. member of the community as much as possible. The InTheRooms.com documentary gives a very touching Not only does InTheRooms.com offer over 100 real- behind the scenes look at how the vision, development, time online recovery meetings every week, covering launch and ongoing nurturing of the site began and everything from alcoholism, drug addiction, food how it has subsequently transcended into what can addiction and family support meetings, they have only be described, as Bill. W. predicted, a colossus of now also developed FREE iPhone and Android Apps recovery. To access InTheRooms.com click here and both which have direct access to these Live Online experience for yourself why hundreds of thousands of meetings. On top of that you will find a global geo- other people log on everyday to enhance their recovery.

Nicola O’Hanlon Nicola O’Hanlon, is a recovery writer who has been in recovery for over 5 years. She has blogged for InTheRooms.com, and has had her work published in several online magazines.

6 ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 | RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE BEINGGIVING OF SERVICE CAN HELP RECOVERY By Jodie Gould

Nearly every religion teaches us that helping others is not only a worthy pursuit but a moral obligation. Donating either your time (the best) or your money (also good, especially if given genuinely and not just as a tax break) is a boomerang of positivity. Research now tells us that charity work is also good for our mind, body, and spirit. A recent study by the University of North Carolina found that helping others not only gives us a larger purpose in life, it produces more antibodies than other types of pleasurable endeavors, which helps ward off illnesses. In addition to making us feel happier, the social interaction that volunteering entails can lower your heart rate and blood pressure, strengthen your immune system, shield against stress, and increase endorphin production (those natural chemical highs!). Another bonus for those in recovery is giving can keep us from tumbling off the wagon.

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 7 People in recovery from addiction who work in a Twelve Step program know that service is key to staying clean and sober. Using alcohol or other drugs can make us feel isolated from the rest of the world (especially from those who do not use). Addicts, by their obsession with using, tend to be narcissistic, thinking only about their own immediate needs and neglecting those around them, including family connection that heals by overcoming Volunteering gives you the and friends. By being a sponsor or that feeling of isolation. When we opportunity to meet and connect reaching out to newbies in AA or NA reach out to others, something with new people. It helps widen groups, recovering alcoholics and happens to us spiritually—our your social networks, which we addicts give back and keep their happiness and sense of well-being know can help stave off the own demons at bay while helping grow exponentially. depression that comes with others stay sober. feeling lonely. Paying it Forward • Volunteering can help you live It might be hard to believe if you As Mukta Khalsa, director of the longer. Studies show that being are caught up in your own misery, Kripalu Center in New Mexico, a safe actively involved in ongoing but there is someone out there haven and therapeutic community volunteer work can increase your who is in more pain than you are for addicts and people in recovery, life expectancy, while improving now and who is in need of help. told me “Life is about what we can your quality of life. And the Just turn on or read the news and do for others. It’s not just about me, earlier you start the better. you will find millions of people me, me, but about the greater We. Research tells us that people who are suffering from war, poverty, Ask yourself, `How else can I serve who are charitable when they and natural or disasters (at this humanity?’ Giving and sharing creates are younger experience better writing, thousands perished in an an elevation of consciousness, which health outcomes later on in life, earthquake in Nepal.) By the time is a natural high.” so carpe diem (seize the day!). you read this article, there will be more people suffering. Here are just a few benefits of If you have been thinking about paying it forward: giving of your time to others there Aside from the overwhelmingly • Giving increases self confidence are myriad possibilities to choose positive feeling you get from giving and self-esteem. Evidence from, including becoming a Big unselfishly to others, you are likely suggests that helping others Sister or Brother (or another kind to meet new people whose values improves our feelings of self- of mentor), working at your local you can admire and emulate. Being worth and confidence, and food bank, or representing your of service to others is a way to take volunteering can also provide favorite cause on a charity walk, you out of your own head for while us with a sense of purpose, run or bike ride. If you feel you want and forget your own troubles. The especially during tough times. to help but don’t know what to do, act of compassion validates us in a • Giving encourages friendships VolunteerMatch.org or Idealist.org profound way and creates a deep that buffer us against stress. will point you in the right direction.

Jodie Gould

Jodie Gould is an award-winning journalist and author of nine books, including HIGH: Six Principles for Guilt-Free Pleasure and Escape, available April 2015 from Hazelden, and Women and Recovery, with Kitty Harris, Ph.D. She has been a contributor to Woman’s Day and Family Circle, as well as online publications such as Betty Ford’s Courage newsletter and Conscious Living.

Her website is http://www.jodiegould.com

8 ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 | RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE Me or My Shadow? Which One Will it Be? Many books tell us that the power of our words make all the difference in our lives. Our statements determine whether we are energized and impassioned or disenchanted and disconnected. Our words either lift us or disempower us and take away from our discoveries in becoming healthier. One of the things I discovered in my early days of recovery was the need to not only become healthy by not drinking but also with the thoughts in my mind and the words which I spoke.

In order to truly be healthy, it is crucial how to be honest again with myself “It doesn’t really bother me.” This is an for all of us to go through the process and those around me. easy one. When you follow a challenge, of totally aligning with the words we a dilemma, or a circumstance with speak and the messages we give and Limiting and untrue words that are this statement, guess what? It does learning to move beyond the old very powerful can bind us rather bother you, and you will become more cliches that often become our way than attracting new possibilities alive when you learn to tell the truth. of life. We are using old language that would free us. Here are a few of We heal any story and transform a with a new emerging self, and it the many examples of such untrue painful story into a sacred story when is not always impassioned and statements: we tell the truth. energizing. If we are not attentive, our shadows of the past will repeat “It’s not that big a deal.” An individual “I’ll deal with that later.” In time themselves unless we are willing will describe a situation in his or management, it is easier to do what to change. More than recovery, we her life this way. I would ask you you are putting off than to keep become fully engaged in the joy to realize that when people say repeating in your head that you of discovery. For me sobriety was something and follow it up with will do it later. What you put off till the domino effect that allowed me this statement, it means they want later to deal with will often wind to start to change so many things someone to recognize that it really up dealing with you. In other words, about me. I had to learn or relearn is a big deal. This is a cry for help. when I am unwilling to change

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 9 Internationally recognized spiritual leader, Temple Hayes talks addiction and the “Ah Ha” Moment and More. Spiritual Leader Temple Hayes is an internationally recognized leader and is interviewed by Recovery Today Editor, Sherry Gaba for the Recovery Today Summit. Listen Now circumstances, circumstances change “Everything happens for a reason.” leading causes of ailments and deep me. This applies to the simple to-do Well, wouldn’t you imagine this would woundedness is unresolved grief. list we carry in our heads, the project be true? It has the inner workings Gifts await us on the other side of list we keep at home, and the things of a very powerful cliche, yet rarely every grief experience, yet because we need to do for our children or is it used as a complimentary or we do not want to feel the pain and our friends. We also tote unresolved uplifting statement. Most people use we avoid feeling the sadness, we feelings around with us wherever we this statement as a nicety or when do not get to receive the gifts the go. Later doesn’t come. they can’t think of anything else experience has in store for us. It is to say—like when someone gets only in the depth of ourselves that “I can’t take one more thing!” Wow, pregnant and she wasn’t planning to the gifts await us. It’s like opening a really? If someone wrote you a do so, or when someone loses a job. present and throwing the box away big check, provided you with an Sure, everything is happening for a only to realize later that there was airplane, and treated you to a house reason, but ultimately that is based still something immensely valuable in Italy for three months, would on opinion and rarely on spiritual deep down in the bottom of the box. you really say this? Of course you truth. This is often in the “mind file” can take one more thing. Focus on as a sudden response; it is more Remember your words are the echo of the one more thing you’d like to defensive than offensive, and it does your soul. Be sure part of your recovery take and pray it into existence. The not allow the person being spoken to process includes using words in your overgeneralizing in your head is an opportunity to truly feel. It’s what I life that you truly mean! Otherwise, a clear sign that it is your energy call a “metaphysical shutdown.” your life will reflect experiences that needs the adjustment. Saying which reflect your shadows rather “I can’t take one more thing” closes “I’ve dealt with my grief; I am doing than the true YOU! off the good as well as the bad, so okay!” When people say this, it is you are no longer open to what my experience that they are not Congratulations on your journey from truly belongs in your life. doing their grief work. One of the Good To Amazing!!! Temple Hayes

Spiritual Leader at Unity Campus in St. Petersburg, Florida, Temple Hayes is an international recognized leader and serves on the Leadership Council of the Association of Global New Thought. She is featured each week on the popular radio show, “The Intentional Spirit.” She is the author of How to Speak Unity (DeVorss & Company) and The Right to Be You (Temple Hayes Ministries), and founder of Life Rights, a nonprofit dedicated to the right of all to live the life of their intention in freedom and peace. http://www.TempleHayes.com | Twitter: www.twitter.com/TempleHayes

10 ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 | RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE Actor, Writer, Director, Todd Bridges “ Sobriety can’t come from anybody else. ”

For over 25 years, Todd Bridges has victoriously survived the challenges of being a Hollywood leading actor. Author of the popular autobiography, Killing Willis, Todd has recently been interviewed nationwide on various radio stations and talk shows including Oprah, The View, and Piers Morgan.

Todd Bridges started his acting career at six years of age and appeared in over 60 national television commercials. He was the first African- American child actor to become a series regular on the hit TV shows, The Waltons, Little House on the Prairie, Barney Miller, and Fish. Todd’s leap to superstardom came when he was cast as Gary Coleman’s older brother “Willis” on the hit show Diff’rent Strokes, which became an instant success and ran for eight years. Todd’s acting career continued to thrive with regular appearances on various TV Shows including The Love Boat, Battle of Network Stars, Facts of Life, and the historical television miniseries Roots.

After Diff’rent Strokes ended its long run in 1986, things became difficult for Todd. Typecast as “Willis Drummond” he was unable to find work. As a result, Todd became distressed and turned to alcohol and drugs, leading to his downward spiral into addiction and legal troubles. Due to the ravages of drug addiction, Todd’s career stalled for nearly ten years. However, after seeking help for his addictions and through his faith, Todd was able to turn his life around. In 2011, Todd celebrated 18 years of sobriety.

Todd currently works as an actor, director, writer, producer, and is the creator of his own production company, DVFILM WORKs. He’s also now hosting a brand new, live stage, game show at the Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas called “Lovers or Losers, an edgy, fast paced totally LIVE Game Show that is sure to delight fans of beloved Hollywood game shows of the recent past.

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 11 Todd believes that his life’s calling is to encourage others who face difficult life challenges, including alcohol and drug addiction. He is a committed activist against drug and alcohol abuse. As the recent spokesperson for ICDC College’s Alcohol and Drug Counseling program, Todd travels the nation, speaking to college students, veterans, military service members, veterans, teens and children about the dangers of drug use and the importance of faith, determination and perseverance in overcoming the challenges of any adversity. Todd is a loving husband and father of two. OUR EXCLUSIVE Q&A WITH TODD By Sherry Gaba, LCSW

1. To Get Sober, did you have to go to a program? do the things I used to do. I know there are ways What got me sober was the fact that when I went of doing things that are a lot better, and if I go back to that last program, I decided I wanted to be sober. to those old behaviors, I can be that person again. It had to come from me. Sobriety can’t come from That’s why you go to meetings so that you can re- anybody else. I sponsor people and still work with affirm you were that person, and you do not want a sponsor. You have to keep yourself around it. You to be that person. have to keep reminding yourself who you are. The disease is so cunning, baffling, and powerful; it will 3. What does balance in the program mean to you? tell you that you don’t have it. The program needs to be a part of your life; not your entire life. You have to live your life too. You What type of thinking do you have these days? have to balance your life out. You have to learn All positive things and I know that all things are to live life on life’s terms and you are not always possible. Bill W. talked about God. He said the only going to get your way. A lot of people believe this way he was able to keep his sobriety was thru God. disease will go away magically. My disease is so You have to go to meetings by re-identifying who powerful because it has been doing pushups for you are. 23 years. It’s waiting for me to slip up.

2. Do you think re-identifying as an addict keeps 4. What are your thoughts about all the celebrity you in an addict mentality? deaths recently from either drugs or alcohol? I don’t have that addict mentality anymore. I don’t It makes me sad but it is not a celebrity disease; it

12 ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 | RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE is a worldwide disease. The media gets caught up 6. When you lost your dear friends and colleagues in it’s a celebrity disease but it affects everyone in Gary Coleman and Dana Plato, what helped you get the world. It is the biggest epidemic I have seen through the grief? in my entire life. We have kids in school who are I went to a lot more meetings and identified a lot. using drugs at an early age. It is affecting people I shared what I was going through and dealing in different ways including the family members. with, and there were always people there to help me that were going through the same things. Grief 5. What do you attribute your addiction to? sometimes drives people out, but it drove me closer It’s a disease. I don’t consider the things that to the program. happened to me to be the cause of why I became an addict. I attribute it to the fact that I have a disease 7. What are you up to now? just like if someone had cancer. It can be treated I am hosting a brand new live stage game show at any moment. My father was an alcoholic and my at the Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas called “Lovers or uncle died from this disease. I have told my own son Losers.” Loving couples visiting Vegas are invited to he has to be very careful. I can’t blame anyone or use their skills, smarts, and love on the battlefield anything for my disease; it was my own doing and my as contestants to win prizes. own disease. I didn’t know I had a disease. We need to start educating people at a younger age about the 8. What advice would you give young people today disease. In my day, our parents just told us don’t do to help avoid the path of drug addiction? drugs; there was no education or explanation as to I would tell young people to educate themselves. why not to use drugs. There should be films of what Don’t experiment because experimentation can can possibly happen if you have the disease. lead to addiction.

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 13 9. What advice would you give a loved one who bottom was when I was locked up in a psychiatric has someone in their life suffering from addiction hospital. I realized something had to change or alcoholism? and had to be different. I couldn’t continue this I believe everyone can get sober, but it is a matter behavior because it was destroying me deep inside. of whether you want to do it or not. They say I wanted to do something different and change. some people are hopeless, but I don’t believe that. I came to the conclusion I had to start accepting Everyone has the opportunity to get sober and responsibility. I came to the conclusion I had to can do it if they want to do it. The problem is we forgive the molester for what he did to me. If I suffer from a disease that is cunning, baffling, and couldn’t forgive him, how could I forgive myself? powerful and it tricks us into doing things we don’t I realized that person had a sickness himself and want to. It will put us in the weirdest situations and hopefully, one day he will get help; but I realized it without looking, the disease is on top of you and wasn’t my fault. I was just a child. I had to come to that is the dangerous thing about it. Don’t give up grips that things happen, but it doesn’t mean you on a loved one but don’t help them kill themselves. turn to drugs to solve them. Keep mentioning rehab. Support them but do not enable them. Never give up hope on your loved 11. What is the greatest miracle of your life? one. That person can turn around in one day, a few My children. months, or a few years, but that person may turn Wonderful things have happened. around. People do turn around when they realize they have an issue and they can’t put the blame 12. Have you had other miracles? on anything. I accepted responsibility for all the I never gave up on my career. I kept pushing mistakes I have made. ahead. I believe in the power of God. I believe if you keep doing the right thing, God is going to 10. What was your bottom? change my life and he did. You never give up. The I was outside of a hotel with no shoes on. My real true meaning of failure is not trying.

14 ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 | RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE Compassion or Codependency?

There’s a fine line between compassion and suffering of others, it can act as a kind of catalyst codependency. Both are ignited from witnessing to our own spiritual practice. When this happens, it the suffering of others, especially within the can be the turning point where codependency starts immediate family, or someone else. In most cases, leaning toward true compassion. where suffering touches the life of those with whom we are personally involved, codependency appears Following the admission that we can’t always disguised as compassion. If the suffering is caused manipulate a favorable outcome, we come face- by addiction, the immediate fear may be losing our to-face with our despair and hopelessness. This loved one to the disease. With codependency as awareness can also be a turning point and bring our driving force to help alleviate the suffering about the birth of compassion toward our suffering of another, we can quickly cross the invisible line and that of others. Through the spiritual practice of of trying to save the person and doing anything a daily meditation, our codependency is transformed and everything to change their circumstance. We into compassion. Our heart opens wide and our love fall into the trap of thinking that we can control for others and for ourselves becomes unconditional. the outcome, becoming convinced that somehow, some way, we can manipulate the outcome and Turn on the television to any news channel, and save someone from their own destructive behavior. you will be inundated with the suffering of so many We do everything we can to buffer the pain of people on our planet. Since we are so far removed everyone involved, but what we are really doing is from these tragedies, our distance from the calamity saving the person from facing the consequences easily becomes a buffer shielding our heart. We can of his or her addiction. see it and hear about it, but not really feel it within. We practice letting our hearts become wide-open as We may get mad and disgusted at times, but we we witness the wars and poverty that seem to blanket still continue to give more money or excuses. These so much of our world. We allow this suffering to touch actions give the message to others that if they keep us deeply within, and we embrace our tears as they using, we will always be there to support them, even start to flow. We must lean toward what we fear. We if it kills us. In the end, our attempts to “help” or “save” can’t show compassion toward others until we learn them are really our desire to control a situation that to show compassion for our own lives and touch our we have no control over. Wish them well, then let go. own suffering by letting our own hearts burst wide You can’t fix them. When we are confronted with the open to the divinity that surrounds us always.

Tom Catton has been in recovery since 1971. His story appears in a twelve-step fellowship recovery book with more than seven million copies in circulation around the world. Tom is frequently invited to speak in the US and internationally at twelve-step conventions in front of audiences ranging from 500 to 10,000 people. He is on the advisory board of the Buddhist Recovery Network and teaches a Buddhist recovery meditation group that meets twice a month in Hawaii, where he currently lives. Tom has authored two books, The Mindful Addict: A Memoir of the Awakening of a Spirit, and May I Sit With You: A Simple Approach to Meditation.

RECOVERY TODAY MAGAZINE | ISSUE 06, MAY 2015 15 Greg Hannley Publisher

Nationally recognized addiction expert, Greg Hannley is the Publisher of “Recovery Today Magazine”. He is also the Chief Executive Officer of SOBA Recovery Center, and Executive Producer of the acclaimed film with Dan- iel Baldwin, “The Wisdom to Know the Difference”. Greg has appeared on CNN’s Larry King Live, Fox News, Fox and Friends, San Antonio Living, and other national media outlets. His vision is to provide a safe, sober environ- ment for those suffering from the disease of addiction and to evangelize a simple, powerful message; there is hope.

Rob Hannley, Producer Sherry Gaba, LCSW Editor

Greg Hannley talks addiction and Recovery Addiction treatment expert, and our publisher, Greg Hannley interviewed by Recovery Today Editor, Sherry Gaba for the Recovery Today Summit. Listen Now”

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