f9in.Bol'Ueh as hel~~ ail . about brochos In this new .. full-color illustrated editlo11 of the classic children's tape by Ra&&i Sltmuel Kunda

TeniveThe_. .. stoey1a:~ SERIES 1-1 Three new books in this adorable series, which teaches children practical lessons through insightful, beautifully illustrated stories. ThE RENNERT EbITION Of SEbER ZERA'IM

THE , OZ VEHADAR TEXT WITH AN ANNOTATED, INTERPRETIVE ELUCIDATION, AS AN AID TO TALMUD STUDY r-=- -== =·~ ======-· -·· ' THE ewish 1BSE.IWER THE JEWISH OBSERVER (ISSN) 0021-6615 IS PUBUSHED MONTHLY l'llCEPT JULY & AUGllST BY 16~---· ,·-1 IN THIS ISSUE ... l"HE AGUDA"IH OF AMEHICA 42 BROADWAY, NEW YOHK, NY 10004. PE!HODIC:ALS POS"JAGE PAID JN NEW YORI(.. NY. SUBSCll:lf'T!ON 525.00/YEAR: 6 READERS REACT, AUTHORS RESPOND 2 YEARS, S48.oo; :s YF·:ARS. 569.00. Ours1or-: OF THE UNITED STATES (US ~UNDS DRAWN ON A !JS BANK ON!.Y) $15.00 SURCHARGE PF.R YEAH. S1Nc;u; COPY S;o;.50; OUTSIDE NY SEEKING GUIDANCE FROM THOSE WHO KNOW Allf:A 53.95: HJll:EJGN $4.50. 10 EITZA, P'SAK, PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING ... OR POSTMASTER: 5ENIJ ADDRESS CHAJ\iCES TO: PERHAPS A BERACHA - WHICH ONE Do WE NEED? hn~ JEWISH OBSERVER 42 BROADWAY, NY. NY 10004 Chaim Feuerman TEL 212-797-~IOOO, FAX 646-254-1600 PHINTED IN THE IJSA 16 ANSWERS ABOUT QUESTIONS, RAllBI NJSSON WoLPIN. l:ditor Rabbi Yaakov Horowitz

l:'dilorial /Jomd 21 STAYING ON THE DERECH, Dr.Jacob Mermelstein RABBI JOSEPH ELIAS. Chairma/J RABBI AIH~A BRUONY JOSEPH Fn1FDENSON RABBI YISROE!. MEIR K!HZNER 28 REMEMBERING THE ROSH , HAGAON HARAV RABBI NOSSON SC!IE!{MAN PROF. AARON l'Wf.RSKI ';>"~!, Rabbi Yitzchok Alster Nmnd<'J",\ DR. ERNST L. HOIJENHEl)>JER Z'"L RAl~Bf MOSHE S11E1H:R Z'"I. OPENINGS FOR OUTREACH Management Boord NAFTOl.I HIRSCH 34 SEARCHING FOR RONI, Rabbi Yaakov Salomon IS1\AC K!l{ZNE!{, RABBI SHLOMO l.ESIN, NACHUM STEIN 37 K1Ruv: FRONTLINE IN THE BACKWOODS,

Ma1109i1i9 Fditor Cypora Kleinkaufman RA1HJ1 YosEF C. Got.OING

PUBl.ISHl'D BY AGUDATM IS!~AU. OF AMERICA ON THE AGENDA

U.S. THADE DISTR!B!JTOI{ ff.l.DHEIM 1'11131.J!>HERS 40 LIFT UP YOUR EYES AND SEE, Rabbi Avi Shafran 20!1 Airport Fxcrntivc lt111; Nmwct. NF w954 44 WHO SPEAKS FOR JEWISH WOMEN? Rabbi Avi Shafran

Bllll'!SU REPl~ESENTATIVE M.T. BIBEi.MAN Gmwmor \Vorhs 45 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR Mo1111l l'fmsr111/ lfiff l.011do11 /~7 DNF:". fNGIANIJ

l'RENC!l ({l<:i'RESENTATIVE RABBI BAMBEf~GER 33 SHAMASH, a poem by Yossi Hutt/er 21 lkmlcvurd Jl1frhrms 57000 Metz. rRANC.F

JSf{AEJ.J IH:PRESENTATIVE INTNL. MFDIA PLACEMENT f'OB 71.'J.7 I .97 ]f!ffh Rood STATEMENT OF POLICY jrru.sa/cm .94.140. ISRAU l'Hl': JEWISH 0BSEllVEH HAS DF.VOTF;f) A GREAT DEA!. OF Sl'ACI·: TO

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SOLUTION TO "COLLECTIVE TEARS" - of our administrative staff, and of the port of yeshivos. This is an admirable REASSESSING SCHOLARSHIP CRITERIA volunteers who unselfishly give of their - if self-evident - goal, which yeshiva time and 1noney to keep the schools administrators and fund raisers have To the Editor: open. There are no "butchers, bakers, or long attempted to achieve with varying As the president of a girls' high school candlestick makers" on the board of my degrees of success. in the Greater New York metropolitan school, although I would welcome hon- Unfortunately, Rabbi Ginzberg over- area, I read with great interest Rabbi est and talented board members of any looks the most important factor in the Aryeh ZevGinzberg's article, "Collective profession or trade. Our board consists equation - maximizing the tuition Tears" (Elul/Sept. '05). I agree with of sincere and dedicated professionals, dollars paid by the parents themselves. Rabbi Ginzberg that the very high cost businessmen and mechanchim, all of I believe that a significant contribut- of yeshiva tuition is a most serious whom care deeply for the school, and ing factor to the high cost of yeshiva problem for our community. Having assist in a variety of ways, financial and tuition is the fact that too many parents been involved in the review of hundreds otherwise, to the extent of their abilities. ("klei kodesh"/c!ergy among them) who of applications for financial assistance, Our administration is professional and should be paying full tuition or perhaps I can attest to the great financial strain carefully monitors all income and expen- even more than full tuition, willfully placed on our families by yeshivos and ditures. Yet, unfortunately, tuition contin- understate their income, or conceal Bais Yaakovs, schools that are striving ues to increase as expenses (particularly significant sources of income, assets, to provide the high level of chinuch and teachers' salaries) rise, even without the or other occupations on applications education demanded by their parent added expense of the professional money for financial assistance. body. Rabbi Ginzberg's solutions to manager proposed by Rabbi Ginzberg. Similarly, too many families fail to the problem, however, somehow miss Our experience mirrors most of the properly and honestly prioritize their the mark. yeshivos with which I am familiar, and expenses. The family that has the where- After raising our attention to the it is unfair to use these hardworking staff withal to commission the writing of a "desperate need for creative action," members and generous ba'alei battim as new Sefer Torah, or to sponsor a scholar Rabbi Ginzberg offers two proposals to a scapegoat for the tuition crisis. in residence in their shul, has no busi- alleviate the situation. The first, reten- Rabbi Ginzberg's second sugges- ness applying for a tuition scholarship.

1 tion of professional money managers for tion is to encourage wealthy donors Time and titne again, we see families 1. '""'~" '"'""-"" iooom«•_e_n_c_e--to--a-l-lo_c_a-te- contributions to the -su_p_-__who have received financial assist~an_c_e_ _. ------·----·-----·--·---·------·-----·------~--.. THE JEWISH 0BSF.nVElt

for high school tuitiou, somehow, after direction hetter than the most dedicated a challenge. graduation, "findn the 1noney to send group of ba' alei battim. Case in point: I Maybe we're still not. But Baruch their daughters to seminary in Eretz was zocheh to be the shadchan between Hashem, we've seen how a small group Yisroel (at more than double the cost a seasoned veteran yeshiva administra­ of philanthropists has generated mil­ of high school tuition for one year). tor who led his field for over 30 years lions of dollars for a special tzeddaka Effectively, the other families who are with a large established yeshiva that was fund for impoverished families in Bretz paying full tuition are subsidizing the staggering under its debt. He stepped Yisroel, and has been very successful. year in seminary for these girls. And in as part volunteer, part consultant, There are Baruch Hashem millions where the grandparents pay for the and reviewed carefully the yeshiva's of dollars being produced by a hand­ year in Israel, they should likewise income and expenses for the previous ful of dedicated askanim for Russian have subsidized the four years of high two years. With innovative purchasing schools in Bretz Yisroel. Why not the school when their granddaughter was (such as bulk purchases) and by tapping same here? receiving a scholarship. The need to into available government educational And finally, the writer lays the blame place yeshiva tuition as a high priority funding, as well as grants provided by at the feet of the parents who, in his in a family's budget was stressed by the national educational foundations, the words, use all means and methods to Novominsker 1<"'""1 at a conven­ yeshiva's annual budget was reduced avoid paying their portion of the tuition. tion of Agudath Israel of America a few in less than 10 months by close to 30 If parents would do their part, then we years ago. percent. would have no problem. That is not only Pointing the finger at boards of direc­ Another scenario that I am familiar nai've, it is troublesome. tors and the administrations of with is a yeshiva that was struggling While it's true that every effort must and Bais Yaakovs may be convenient, but with huge mortgage payments and was be made to balance the budget with as the real solution to the tuition problem being subject to ever increasing fines much generated income as possible, rests with our parents and our commu­ and penalties. A meeting was arranged the ••tine in the sand" is often crossed nity. Rabbi Ginzberg's article provides with a very well-connected and creative over by the school board administra­ a pretext for parents who are unwill­ mortgage broker, who happens to be a tion. Pressure is permitted; abuse and ing to shoulder the burden of tuition. non-Jew from Nashville, Tennessee, and embarrassment is not. To draw the line Our efforts would be better directed at he was able to completely restructure the between being responsible and diligent encouraging - even demanding - that yeshiva's debt to a more equitable and and prying into people's personal lives parents look within and do their true manageable one-something that a large is very difficult. While a W-2 form may fair share to alleviate this crisis. group of intelligent, dedicated and com­ reveal some extra income, who knows A Fiscally Responsible mitted ba' alei battim could not do. what burdens come along with it! Bais Yaakov President Again I ask, incredulously, what is An adam gadol was once approached wrong with that suggestion? by one of his students who had been RABBI GINZBERG RESPONDS Secondly, the suggestion to create asked to be on a tuition co1nmittee. a super fund for salaries for rabbei'im His student asked him for the formula At tin1es, when asked to respond to a and moras was brushed aside with the to use for his newfound responsibility. letter to the editor regarding one of my claim of"been there, done that." I beg to The adam gadol reached into his sefarim articles, I need to read and reread my differ. While communities and federa­ shelves, pulled out a sefer Chofetz Chaim, original piece and try to determine how tions have created such initiatives, they and said, "Here's the formula." someone could have so misunderstood have been for the complete support for Is it acceptable to pull children out of my original thoughts. The above letter all yeshiva expenses. In addition, the a classroom to sit in the hallway in view is just such an occasion. tax to fund these projects was levied of the whole class because of a parent's How could anyone have read any upon everyone, rich and poor alike. To delinquent tuition payments? Is refusing disrespect towards the wonderfully dedi­ me, this is in the category of "tafasta to post a student's final grades along with cated and committed ba'alei battim who meruba lo tafasta" (attempting to grasp everyone else's because of late tuition make up the boards of directors of too much will not work). payments acceptable, or is it "middas our yeshivos and Bais Yaakovs? They \Vhat I was referring to was some­ Sedam"? The answers to these questions are the pillars of our community, and thing that the late, unforgettable Torah should be supplied by gedolei Torah. One "Hakadosh Baruch Hu yitein secharam:' I leader, Rabbi Moshe Sherer 7"Yt, once can not rely on the policies of well-mean­ myself am privileged to sit on the board shared with me. He had heard from ing ba' alei battiln, however determined of directors of three yeshivos and surely Rav Shach ?"Yt more than twenty years to balance the books they are. did not engage in faulting myself. ago of the need to create a super fund A few years ago, a very frustrated parent What I did suggest, though, was that, for yeshivos. Rav Shach felt that that of a student in a school in Queens, who is as in any business, there are experts in a was what was needed, but the broad a devoted rebbi and mechaneich in another particular field who can provide fiscal community was not yet ready for such yeshiva in the same community, was brutal-

7 ------··---·--·------·------·----· DECEMBER 2 0 0 5 ------~-----·-----·--··-----;;;···;;;;-·-;;;;-;;;;·· ======------

ized by a session with the tuition committee. Land) was and is batul (void). IfGaza is or ever. Disengagement with walls and bar­ In denying his request for a tuition break, he is not to be considered part of Bretz Yisroel riers in the West Bank and Gaza probably was told, "You have a21-year-old son learn­ depends entirely on Ezra's conquest. makes the most sense. ing in a yeshiva gedola. Let him go to work Rabbi Leff then builds on a theory AVROHOM AARON ELIAS and help pay his sibling's tuition:' When first espoused by Rabbi Klugman in the Miami Beach, FL someone shared this encounter with the late JO at the onset of the Oslo process. This Rosh Hayeshiva, Rabbi Avrohom Pam .,.. ,,., , theory is based on the Brisker Rav's state­ RABBI LEFF RESPONDS: he gave a krechts (heaved a sigh) and said, ment of Divine smile and seeks to infer "Such a mossad will never have hatzlachd' that withdrawing from land is a Divine I thank Rabbi Elias for his letter and Maintaining a budget for any yeshiva frown. This is simply absurd. Does the welcome the opportunity to clarify the and dealing with tuition responsibilities Ribbono shel Olam really care if an Israeli points he raises. of parents (the sincere and insincere or Palestinian flag flies on the streets of Never did I claim that halachic opinion ones) is an impossible job that no one Ramallah and Tulkarm? Are we supposed is unanimous in considering Gaza as part wants, but someone has to do it. Those to believe that lording over millions of Bretz Yisroel. What I actually wrote, that choose to do so will no doubt of Arabs in towns based on the numerous sources cited in receive their due reward from Hakadosh the article, was that the Torah is unequivo- Baruch Hu, but only if the job is done cal regarding Gaza's position as with firmness, yet sensitivity; with din, within the boundaries of Bretz yet chessed; with responsibility towards Yisroel ... and yes, in a footnote the school in conjunction with compas­ it's said that there are poskim sion for the individual. who disagree concerning the Without it, the late of obligation to fulfill the agricul­ Mesivta Torah Vodaas assured us, that tural mitzvos in Gaza nowadays. institution will not have hatzlacha. But their opinion is based on the Rabbi Aryeh Zev Ginzberg technical point of whether, when Ezra Hasofeir returned to Bretz DISENGAGEMENT FROM GAZA: Yisroel to build the Second Bayis, NO BASIS FOR "DIVINE FROWN" he reconsecrated Gaza. Everyone agrees, though, that Gaza is part To the Editor: of the Bretz Yisroel described in Rabbi Boruch Leff's article on Tanach. The poskim I was referring the Gaza withdrawal (JO, Sept. '05) to included the Maharit and Radbaz contains both factual and, I believe, that Rabbi Elias mentions. theoretical errors. I stand by these sentences. While Rabbi Leff states that halachic there is disagreement regarding Gaza's opinion is unanimous in consider­ kedushas ha'aretz nowadays, there is ing Gaza as part of Bretz Yisroel. no disagreement concerning Gaza's This is untrue. Teshuvos Maharit (1,47) position vis-a-vis the boundaries of states unequivocally that Gaza is in Chutz where no Jews the land called Bretz Yisroel in Tanach. La'aretz, and therefore, one cannot force dwell (even under Israeli occupation) Ezra Hasofeir did not come (nor could his wife to move there. Furthermore, is the Divine will of G-d? How can one he) to redefine the Torah's clear defini­ the Maharit states that it had been an defend the logic of 8,000 settlers living tion of Bretz Yisroel. His reconsecration accepted practice for generations by the amongst 1.3 million Arabs needing a related solely to the kedushas ha'aretz as residents of Yerushalayim to buy their battalion of 15,000 soldiers to protect it translates into all halachos and mitz­ Shmitta produce from Gaza, and they did them in an area not contiguous to Israel vos ha'teluyos ba'aretz pre-yemos haM­ not consider it to be part of Bretz Yisroel. proper? Is a sensible disengagement to be oshiach. Teshuvos Radbaz expresses uncertainty considered a Divine frown? Rabbi Elias's second point seems to regarding Gaza's status with respect to In closing, the Gaza withdrawal can­ argue in favor of the disengagement kedushas Bretz Yisroel today. not rationally be considered a Divine plan itself. I have no qualms with his Rabbi Leff states in a footnote that frown. It is ridiculous to believe that mil­ opinion. There were two sides to the there is some disagreement as to whether lions of Arabs will accept the dominion very complicated issue. But the point of Ezra and the olei Bavel conquered Gaza. of the Israeli government and agree to my article was to state that if Jews are Yet, this is hardly a footnote. This is essen­ live as second-class citizens without the giving parts of Bretz Yisroel to Arabs, tial to the status of Gaza today. Kedusha right to vote (if they could vote, Israel we must mourn the event. Perhaps, as rishona (the earlier sanctification of the would disappear at the ballot box) for- Rabbi Elias opines, the Gaza plan was

8 ·-···--·-- ·------·····--THE JEWIS!-1------· 0BSERVEH-----·- ""·-----·---- -·-----··------~-----·--""'-- ______.., ______.., __ _ ·-·--·-······=--- -·-----····-=-----······-----·····-==-ii r=' the prudent choice. But we still mourn was a soldier who killed four Israeli RABBI ROSENBLUM the fact that the Hashgachas Hashem Arabs, and the other was a settler who RESPONDS: brought about the necessity to give the slew four Palestinian workers. He states, land away. "It would be grossly unfair to tar the Mr. Hausman and I agree that the Yes, Hashen1 does care if an Israeli entire national religious world with their events I described neither define the or Palestinian flag flies over parts of actions:' He then goes on to say, "At the national re1igious community nor Bretz Yisroel. That's what Rabbi Eliyahu, sa1ne time, the religious community were condoned by the vast majority the Brisker Rav, Rabbi Shraga Feivel cannot completely wash its hands of of national religious Jews or settlers, Mendlowitz, Rabbi Yaakov Kamenetzky, them .... [The soldier] killed with a yar­ as I made clear in the passage quoted. and Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe maintained, mulke on his head." Rabbi Rosenblum My principal point concerned the as the article cited. The Ribbono she/ is using guilt by association to cast psychological impact the murder Olam may engineer events making it aspersions upon the national religious of eight Arabs (four of them Israeli unwise for Jews to hold on to parts of world, and it is not worthy of him. If a citizens) would have on the Chareidi Bretz Yisroel, perhaps, but that does not deranged Chareidi had done this, would world)s long-time wariness of the remove the pain, and Divine frown He he say that we must bear some of the settler community. Mr. Hausman exhibits when doing so. responsibility? I think not. Any group does not respond to this point. BORUCH LEFF will have some members that aren't In fact, I do believe that every representative of that group. If Rabbi community must address the ques­ WHEN GENERALIZING IS Rosenblum had wanted to convey that tion of why certain types of aberrant "GROSSLY UNFAIR" the national religious culture encourages behavior recur among those com­ a mindset that can lead to such extreme monly identified with that commu­ To the Editor: behavior on the part of an imbalanced nity, even when that behavior is at In his September article, "Taking person, he might have had a point. But variance with the express nor1ns of Leave of Gaza," Rabbi Yonoson that's not what he wrote. that community. I have many times Rosenblum refers to two members of BENJAMIN HAUSMAN addressed this challenge to my own the national religious community. One Jerusalem world, as well.

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RABBI CHAIM fEUERMAN I People consulted the Chazon lsh, the Steipler, Rabbi , 7" We, too, turn to Gedolim.

Eitza, P'sak, Professional Counselinu ... or Perhaps a Beracha - Which One Do WE Need ii

A man and his wife are squabbling. The husband wants his wife to follow A young couple were properly mar­ Do these people need a p'sak (hala­ his custom, which permits the eating of ried in accordance with Jewish law: the cha decision), an eitza (advice), or gebroktz on Pesach. His wife is willing chupa and kiddushin took place in the professional counseling? to cookgebroktzfor him but not to par­ presence of two properly constituted Before exploring possible answers to take ofit. She wants to keep the custom witnesses. Both sets of parents were these questions, let us elucidate a pas­ of her father's home by continuing to pleased with the match but wished to sage in Shemoneh Esrei: refrain from gebroktz on Pesach. The make an appropriate wedding celebra­ " ...iUWN1:I:J 1)'P!l1'V i1:l''Vi'1" husband finds this an affront to him tion in which they could share their joy "Restore our judges as they were and wishes her to follow his custom with friends and relatives, as is custom­ at first and our advisers as they were instead {excerpted and condensed from ary. But there was a problem: How in the beginning and remove from us a responsum in Igros Moshe, Orach could the Sheva Berachos be recited sadness and groaning!' Chaim, vol. 1, siman 231}. without taking Hashem's Name in vain, "Our judges" refers to those who can since the blessings had already been render a p'sak- decide matters of Jewish RABBI CHAIM f'EUERMAN, ED. D .. IS A musmach OF YESHIVA MF.S!VTA RABB! CHAIM BERLIN KOLi.EL properly recited when the couple had law - while "our advisers" alludes to (.;\IR ARYl:.H AND HAS SERVED AS SCHOOL HEAD originally been married? The couple those who can offer an eitza, a sugges­ OF EIGHT MAJOR YESH!VOS FROM COAST-TO-COAST. and their families were in an awkward tion regarding how to do things better. HE IS CURRENTLY PROFESSOR OF EDUCATION, predicament. Relief from "sadness and groaning" will GOLDA KOSCHITZKY CHAIR IN JEWISH EDUCATION. then result from the restoration of our AND CHAIR, MENDHEIM STUDENT TEACHING AND ADMINISTRATIVE INTERNSHIP MENTORING A man inquires whether he is per­ judges and advisers, as we emerge from

PROGl~AM, AZR!ELI GRADUATE SCHOOL OF JEWISH mitted, in keeping with considerations the uncomfortable state of indecision. EDUCATION AND ADMINISTRATION, YESHIVA ofmodesty, to ask a prospective mate to As the Rambam asserts, "There is no joy UNIVF.RS!TY. HE IS FOUNDER OF CONSULTING Pt.us•.• prepare a meal for him so that he can like having one's doubts resolved:' Eitza Hogenness V'Od .... see what kind of homemaker she is .... "Remove from us sadness and groan- ..- ...- ..... _... _,._ .. ,._ .. ,.,._ ...... _.. ,.- ...... -...- ....- ..- .... -....- ....=-i T11E JE'\VISl-I OBSERVER

,._•m-•--···""--·••--···"'"_,. ___ ,,.,_.,,,___ ,,,,-.,,,_,,, .. - .. ---'""'-''____ ,,_,- ..,,-

ing" could refer as well to the kind of in the man's question. deportment and appearance, listening relief from anguish, distress, anxiety and At other times, the need that gives attentively to his predicament. 1

depression that therapists often facilitate. rise to the she'eila is more affective Reb Moshe's reply, in an oral unpub­ \ Sometimes we need a p'sak, sometimes in nature, arising from a condition lished responsum (in a personal commu­ we need an eitza, and sometimes we of emotional anguish from which the nication from the groom in question to need therapy. This article will attempt to inquirer seeks relief. Such instances the author of this article, 1952), was: clarify how a p'sak, an eitza, and therapy also often require an eitza more than The nuptial blessings should be are distinct from one another, and which they do a p'sak. recited aloud in the usual manner, is appropriate when.

SHE' El LOS: GENERATED BY NEEDS As THIS SHE'EILA WAS POSED TO RABBANIM, mbedded in every she'eila lehala­ SEVERAL EXPRESSED WELL-MEANING BUT cha (query on a matter of Jewish Elaw) lies an unfulfilled human UNHELPFUL PUZZLEMENT OVER THE ROUTE need - a lack or void of some kind. TAKEN. SOME EVEN OFFERED REBUKE. NONE Indeed, the Talmudic expression for ANSWERED THE QUESTION .... FINALLY, THEY posing a question for information is «"lJ::J." or '"rrP;rP7NV::l"N" ("he/they CONSULTED RABBI MOSHE FEINSTEIN, ?">It need;' since every question is a quest for something that the questioner does not have). Likewise, embedded in every teshuva (responsum) lies a fulfillment of that need, a restoration of the loss that Occasionally, a p'sak and an eitza using Hashem's Name; however, the gave rise to the she'eila. Indeed, the intersect or merge, as is illustrated blessings should be prefaced by Hebrew noun" teshuva" comes from the by the second she' eila described in an inaudibly whispered quotation Hebrew verb" lehashiv," which means "to the opening paragraphs of this article, from the Gemara in Kesubos (7b- restore," as well as "to respond." regarding the young couple who were Sa): "Tan nu Rabbanan ... Our Sages Sometimes, the need that gives rise properly married in accordance with taught: The nuptial blessings are to the inquiry is nothing more than a Jewish law, except that the chupa and recited all seven days .... What does cognitive one: the questioner simply kiddushin took place in private; that is, he recite? [and then, aloud,] 'Blessed lacks knowledge of the halacha and in the presence of two valid witnesses, art Thou, etc.' ...,, Because the person seeks to gain it. In such instances, all but without a minyan. How could the recitingtheblessingswouldbelearn- that is necessary to fill the need is a p'sak. parents make an appropriate wedding ing this piece of Gemara, Hashem's Sometimes, however, the need that gives celebration with Sheva Berachoswithout Name could be fully pronounced and rise to the she'eila is a condition of phys- taking Hashem's Name in vain? would not be considered as having ical discomfort or pain. Such instances As this she'eila was posed to rah- been taken in vain. often require an eitza more than a p'sak. banin1, several expressed well-meaning This p'sak vvas at the same time a An illustrative instance is the anecdote but unhelpful puzzlement over the compassionateeitzathatbroughtjoyand of the man who asked his rav whether route taken. Some even offered rebuke. gladness to both families. Concerning he could fulfill the requirement to drink None answered the question. The couple this eitza/ p'sak, Rabbi Sim cha Feuerman four cups at the Seder table with milk explored the idea of getting a divorce (CSW) once observed: "When con- instead of wine. In response, the rav from the private marriage and remar- fronted with a she'eila such as this, provided him with matzah, wine, fish rying at a public celebration. However, sometimes it may be appropriate to and meat for the Seder. Apparently, it no competent rav would be a party to inquire of the couple about the family was the Jack of these that prompted the this. dynamics that prompted them to marry man's question more than his lack of Finally, a friend of the groom rec- in this unconventional manner in the information as drinking milk for the ommended that they consult a wise first place, and whether there might be , last two cups could only have been an and learned Jew on Manhattan's Lower ways in which to remedy them." I option 1f the man didn't have meat for East Side, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein ?">It. Rabbi Simcha Feuerman cites anoth- I j :~~l Seder meal. The rav responded to Reb Moshe received him pleasantly er illustrative instance in which ra::: I Lfilled~~ysical~eeds i1:lic~ ~espite his ostensibl~n-yeshiva-like- -and eitz~may intersect .. (Igros M~ DECEMBER 2 0 0 5

HAT PLUS Yoreh Dei'a, vol. 1, siman 90): asking which circumstances to make best~ use I a prospective mate to prepare a meal, of the eitza: The relationship with the I Hats • Shirts • Ties •Accessories mentioned at the outset: adviser often continues beyond the Response: "[Yes,] this is with response, and may develop into an Your #1 Stop respect to the measure of the law; ongoing coaching process. for however, in actual practice, it is not Furthermore, a p'sak is rendered Quality Hats worthwhile to do so. One should regarding issues of what is kosher/treif,

WE ALSO DRY CLEAN LARGEST SELECTION not be overly clever; rather, look for permitted/forbidden, liable or not, pure/ & RESHAPE HATS OF CHOSONIM TIES IN a woman whom you find attractive unclean, valid/invalid. In contrast, an (All work done

matters of chinuch. PINCH.A.S ~DEL A friend of mine, Reh Avrom Over 50 years experience in Kvura in Eretz Yisrael Fishman tn:n°"1J, at the time menaheil Serving tf1e North Amencan Public and Funeral Industry of the Mosdos Cheder in Cleveland, 'iN1\'." f1N )'N '111Ji7 )1N JJi71i7 Ohio, (currently menaheil of Yeshiva Personal responsibility throughout sen'ice - NOT JUST "PAPERWORK" Bais Yehuda in Detroit, Michigan) ORIGINATOR OF THE PRESENT RABBINICALLY APPROVED METHOD once asked Rabbi Yakov Kanievsky Highly recommended by Gedolai Hador- Here and in Eretz Yisrael 7··~1 [of , "The Steipler"J 1628-42nd Street, , NY 11204 about the proper age for beginning Gemara at his school. The Steipler Day &N.gb.t phone: (718) 851-8925 gave him a three-point answer: )))D'r.lN1~r.lNj7 l'l"j7 - )'1:l 1Nl l11r.ll1)) >ll~ • First: ((Why are you asking me? Kavod Haniftar with Mesiras Nefesh and compassion for the bereaved family. I've never taught elementary grades. TAHARAS ffANIFTAR SHOULD NEVER BE COMMERCIALIZED You should be asking mechanchim with experience at that level." • Second: ((Bear in mind that just as there can be a downside to learning too little with children, there can be a downside to learning too much." • Third: "Keep in mind that not everything that's right for Bnei Brak is necessarily right for Cleveland."

AND YET OTHER DISTINCTIONS

nother distinction between a p'sak and an eitza is that an eitza THE VORT • The menu for the seuda is A is often sought from peers and subordinates as well as from those who • The Vort celebration is to be limited to 3 courses followed by a are known to be wiser than the one discontinued. The L'chaim (held at regular dessert. seeking the eitza. The Tiferres Yisroel on the time that the engagement is • No Viennese table and no bar. Avos 1:16 writes: "Jn all Torah matters announced) should also not turn of doubt that come before you, make into a Vort. THE MUSIC for yourself a rav, even someone lesser THE WEDDING • A band may consist of a maximum than you, to consult with, to extricate •For typical families, only 400 invit­ of 5 musicians (one of the musicians yourself from doubt, as our Sages have may act as a vocalist) or four musi­ taught us (Horayos 3b ): when questions ed guests may be seated at the chas­ cians and one additional vocalist. of treifos came before Rav, he would suna seuda. (The Guidelines make assemble all the shochtim of the place provision for exceptional circum­ • A one-man band is recom­ to share in the responsibility for the stances - see full text.) mended. decision, in line with: 'Success [comes •The kabbolas panim smorgasbord FLOWERS & CHUPA DECOR about] through [seeking] much counsel' should be limited to basic cakes, (Mishlei 11:14;24:6)." Elsewhere (on fruit platters, a modest buffet, and • The total cost of these items for Avos 2:7), the Tiferres Yisroel comments: the caterer's standard chicken or the entire wedding should not "As a result of one's consultation and meat hot dishes. exceed $1,800. in-depth discussion with others, the windows of the heavens open and the FOR THE FULL VERSION OF THE SIMCHA GUIDELINES glow of the light of new insights in WITH ITS RABBINICAL SIGNATORIES AND THE wisdom bursts forth upon him:' Yet another distinction: neglect­ ACCOMPANYING KOL KOREH, please email ing to seek an eitza and take counsel [email protected] or call 212-612-2300 with others can have disastrous, even

---~------·------····--·-- ·--···------~ fatal, consequences, as was the case acute or chronic, which requires Chazon Ish ';">11. The Chazon Ish, with Nadav and Avihu. On the other . emotional healing. responded that he saw no reason hand, neglecting to seek a p'sak risks To illustrate such an instance, we why the husband should insist that neglecting to perform a mitzva or refer the reader to the following from his wife eat gebroktz, and that he transgressing a prohibition. Perhaps Igros Moshe, written in response to should let her follow the custom that's why giving someone a proper the query cited in the opening para­ of her father's home when as long eitza is a positive commandment in graph of this article. as she doesn't interfere with his the Torah, while failing to render a "Query: Is a wife whose hus­ customs. p'sak when requested is considered band's custom is to partake of "It appears that, according to comparable to having robbed the gebroktz on Pesach required to the essential measure of the law, questioner of his rightful inheri­ follow her husband's custom? he can make her comport herself tance.1 "Response: It appears that the as he does in all matters; however, wife is obligated to defer to her our master, the Chazon Ish 7"Yr, husband, and that he can make expressed surprise as to why he PROFESSIONAL COUNSELING her cook and comport herself should force her to change her (THERAPY) with him in accordance with his custom and quarrel with her if lifestyle. But when her custom is she does not wish to conform. n contradistinction to both to follow a given stringency for "And the truth is that the hus­ p'sak and eitza, therapy is, as its herself, and she does not coerce band has no legitimate claim that I name i1nplies, health-restorative her husband to comport himself it is a disgrace for him that she in nature [Greek: therapeuein, to according to that stringency, for does not eat [gebroktz] while he attend, treat, heal]. The question she cooks for him as he pleases, does eat [gebroktz]. For it is well posed by the questioner may gener­ it is not appropriate for him to known that Jews have varying ate exploratory counter-questions force her to depart from the cus­ customs in this matter - there instead of answers. The real response tom of her father's home. are great men whose custom it is the emerging relationship with "And I say this not based upon is to eat gebroktz while there are the respondent that results from the my own independent logical think­ others who are exceedingly strin­ question posed. This relationship ing, but rather, based upon an gent in this matter. And therefore, may or may not become long-term. actual case: A young man trained in the case presently before us, In other words, a person n1ay need in the Lithuanian yeshiva tradition my opinion is that if she is not therapy when neither a p'sak nor married a woman whose Chassidic bothering him, he should also not an eitza is sufficient to respond family was especially exacting with bother her. And with Hashem's adequately to a question, because the respect to gebroktz. They quarreled help, tranquility will prevail in need that gives rise to the question is with one another until they agreed their home at all times. But if he an unhealthy emotional state, either to abide by the decision of the insists or if she willingly com­ ports herself entirely as he does Why did the Chofetz TO SAVE and forsakes the customs of her Chaim & R'Chaim TALMIDEI father's home, it is her preroga­ Ozer Grodzinsky CHOCHOMIM tive to do so.,, FROM THE PAIN AND Although the Chazon Ish appro­ start Ezras Torah? SHAME OF POVERTY. priately offered the quarreling cou­ In an ideal world. those who devote Jn Eretz Yisroel today, Ezras Torah Make a life of Torah devotion and ple an eitza, which he apparently their lives to Torah would be provides Housing. En1erxency commitment an everlasting edifice believed they needed more than the recognized as the spiritual heroes 11/edicat Fu11d1» lfleddil1g that will bring us the Habbonim, p'sak that they were ostensibly seek­ tl1at they are. Support Ezras 1brah's Assistance, Yom Tor Stipe11d1·, Dayonim and Leaders of tomorrow! Zedakah Programs and make that Sinzcbas aud Special i\'eed's Graul~ ing, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein appro­ ideal a reality. and I.aans. STAND UP FOR TORAH! priately extrapolated a p'sak from Help Ezras Torah's committed scholars and families stand strong! the Chazan Ish's eitza. ; I I It might occur to some that this V. f I would like to help Ezr to: Ezrns Torah I may have taken up quarreling over I Endowment Fund for a: 0Fre€ Loan Fund OMedical Fund 235 East Broadway. :\e11- York, ~Y !0002·212-227·8960 JOI L------~ some other seemingly insignificant

14 '--~------·--·-··------... - ~·------· .. -- , THE JEWISH 0HSEnVElt 1 -···-·····-····-······- =====-=-i ' I issue later on. Instead of being IN SUM .•. the known desired course of offered either an eitza or a p'sak, action ... Or - the couple might have benefitted ased on the foregoing discussion, b. .. . Neither a p'sak nor an more from being asked whether when to seek a p'sak, an eitza, eitza will help you because you each one would be open to talking Bor therapy becomes eminently are in an unwholesome state more about his/her insistence upon clear: of emotional pain, anguish, n1aintaining his/her own point of !. You seek a p'sak when your quest conflict, despair, anxiety or view. Would they be open to talk­ will be satisfied by an answer of depression. In such instances, ing about it to a trained empathetic permitted or forbidden, required the healing that a skilled thera­ listener, separately or together? Do or optional, and so on. pist may facilitate promises to they think they might benefit from 2. You seek an eitza when ... «remove from us sadness and getting in touch with what may truly a .... You already know that the groaning." be bothering each of them? Would course(s) of action under consid­ Sometimes neither a p'sak nor they be willing to consider the pos­ eration is/are per1nitted, but are an eitza nor therapy is needed, but sibility that the squabble over the unsure of which of the manyper- rather, simply a beracha for hatzlacha seemingly minor issue of gebroktz 1nissible courses of action open and kol tov. If that is the case for the may be only a small-scale skirmish, to you will be most beneficial or readers of this article, the following which is actually part of a larger­ will engender the most desirable beracha is wholeheartedly offered in scale major conflict? If so, what is results .... Or - response: that conflict about? b. . . . You need more detailed May we all soon see the day when These are the kinds of questions "know-how" regarding when and Hashen1 will have answered our that therapists and analysts might how to implement the preferred prayer: theoretically pose to the couple. The course. "Hashiva shofteinu kevarishona ... couple's responses to these ques­ 3. You seek therapy when ... Restore our judges as they were at first, tions could set them on a promising a .... You need enabling help to over­ and our advisers as they were in the course of healing which neither the come your conscious or uncon­ beginning, and re1nove from us sadness able to offer. scious resistance to i1nple1nenting and groaning." ~ ATTN: ATTORNEYS &CPAs Get C.L.E. Credi,ts WHILE LEARNING CHOSHEN MISHPAT Pirchei Shoshanim in conjunction with the Shulchafi Aruch Project of Yerushalayim has recently received permission to give' a program in Choshen Mish pat where one can earn up to 34 credits in 1egal Ethics to be in compliance with their Continuing Legal Education requirement. What better combination learning Torah while getting your C.L.E. credits. One can take portions of the program or the entire programwith>morearea's in the planning stage. Just sign up and receive the lessons and hear tge.audig.(lll from the comfort of your own office. · ··

I For information please call in the U.S 732-370-3344 /or Tolkfr!!9800-747-2434, Or write: [email protected] www.shemayisrael.com

L-·-·····----···------···-··------·····- ·--·--·-·- -·------~ HADRACHA - ABOUT Patterns have emerged that sug­ a kalla .... We decided to make aliyah .... HADRACHA gest that certain pointers and adequate You then ask for a beracha, and upon preparation can make the experience a receiving one, you feel comforted by t is an eloquent expression of the more productive and fulfilling one. having had a gadol bless your under­ Torah community's reverence for It is my humble wish that these lines taking. I da' as Torah that we consult with will help you in your quest for that which The quest for an eitza is an entirely our gedolim and rabbanim before mak­ we daven in Ma'ariv: "Vesake'neinu different matter. In this case, you are ing significant decisions. I have found be'eitza tova mi'lefanecha- Set us aright asking a gadol to advise you regarding that one of the areas where proper with good counsel from before You:' which course of action to take when you hadracha (guidance) is most needed is to enable you to seek the advice of our have two or more halachically and mor­ in the area of getting proper hadracha. gedolim and morei derech in a manner ally permissible options. In such cases, There is a significant amount of confu­ that is helpful and productive. there are many issues to clarify before sion and misinformation about how to going to a gadol to seek his advice: prepare for a consultation with a rav, Am I properly prepared to ask for the moreh derech or gado~ how to frame the PREPARING TO ASK eitza? question, and how to listen to the guid­ Is the setting correct for me to discuss ance offered. And, in this increasingly efore going to a gadol, ask your­ this matter properly with him? complex world in which we live, getting self: Which of the following am Do I have the proper amount of time proper da' as Torah is more important BI seeking - a beracha, a p'sak, or for this type of discussion? than ever. an eitza? There are important distinc­ Is there a language barrier with the In my twenty-five years in chinuch, tions between these three very different gadol with whom I wish to speak? And, if and much more so, in the nine years requests.l so, will it be possible for me to get proper since Project Y.E.S. and Yeshiva Darchei Seeking a beracha is a rather straight­ guidance? Noam were founded, I worked with forward procedure. You set a time to Will he understand that I want an hundreds of couples who have presented visit the gadol, and inform him of the eitza - and not a beracha? chinuch and parenting issues to their situation: I am starting a business ven­ How well does the gadol know me? rabbanim and roshei yeshiva. ture .... My daughter is about to become And, if he does not know me well, how ------RABBI HOROWITZ LS THE MENAHEIL OF YESHIVA can I give him a sense of who I am? 1 See the accompanying article by Rabbi Chaim DARCHE! NOAM OF MONSEY, AND SERVES AS How much information does he need Feuerman, a veteran mechaneich to whom I PROGRAM DIRECTOR OF AGUDATH !SRA EL'S PROJECT regularly turn for eitzos, for an in-depth analysis to fully understand my request for an Y.E.S. (YOUTH ENRICHMENT SERVICES). L of these distinctly different matters. eitza? ···-··---·-·····-·-····-····-THE JEWISH·-····-····-··-··-·····-···-·-··-···-···-·=-i OBSERVER ·-·--··---...... --..-- •. --..---.-"'"--···--···--··--··------··----- ..... --..... -----.... ------.... -

1

Is he the right person for this ques­ and then ask the Urim Vetumimt he THE PROPER SETTING tion? ls this question within his area of explained. "That means that first one expertise? should get expert advice, then ascer­ would venture that most of my Will I be completely comfortable shar­ tain whether the matter is permitted friends who are in their 40s and 50s ing all details of the request for an eitza or forbidden and only afterward I would not be able to maintain the with this gadol? ask direction from ruach hakodesh punishing schedule of our gedolim for Finally, am I completely open to listen­ [meaning from the Rebbe] ." one week, let alone for years on end. ing to what he will tell me? Our roshei yeshiva and senior rabbanim To help yourself get in touch with are well past retirement age, and are your own feelings, ask yourself which BACKGROUND INFORMATION overburdened with the demands of the of these three descriptions conveys your institutions they head and the needs of inclinations regarding the decision you t is important to share pertinent the klal. (See Shiya Markowitz's article, are about to make: background information with the "Torah Leadership: A National Resource • My mind is already (or just about) I ravwhcn you request an eitza. If you or Public Property?" JO, Feb. '92.) I do made up. are a close talmid of your rash yeshiva, not have any suggestions to remedy this • I am leaning toward one option or a Chassid of a particular rebbe, you situation, but if you wish to seek the more than another, but I'm still might assume that he knows you well. guidance of the top tier of our gedolim, unsure. But if this is not the case, afford him you should find the proper setting for • I am completely uncertain regard­ a window into your life to properly a discussion that will allow you yishuv ing what to do. address your request. hada'as (reflective time). While it is appropriate to approach a It is advisable to begin with an Make an appointment with the rash gadol with any of these three thoughts, introductory sentence or two to clearly yeshiva and travel to his yeshiva, if that it is important for you and the gadol to articulate the issue to be addressed. works best for him. "Catching" a gadol know where you stand, as it will have Some examples: in a noisy wedding hall simply is not an impact on your framing of the ques­ • We would like an eitza regarding good practice. In all likelihood, if you do tion - and the eitza that you will receive the possibility of our family making meet in a hectic setting, he may logically from him. aliyah. assume that you are seeking a beracha, Once you are ready to present your • We were given certain suggestions and you may walk away thinking that request for an eitza, here are so1ne regarding our teenage son. We you received an eitza. practical tips: would like to share them with the Rosh Yeshiva and get his guidance. • I am about to leave and enter THE LANGUAGE FACTOR PREPARE PROPERLY thebusinessworld.CantheRavgive ...... · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · me a beracha? Are you fluent in the language of eedless, to say, one should pre- To give you a perspective from the the gadol! Are you completely pare properly for this discus- other side of the table (or shtender): comfortable discussing every N sion. Compile a list of the When parents call me for advice regard- aspect of this matter with him? Often, questions that you want answered and ing an at-risk teen, for example, I rarely asking for an eitza requires that you frame your questions well. find out what they wish from me until share highly personal matters and feel- Consider the following incident that their closing request. (Are they looking ings with an adam gadol - something occurred with the Gerrer Rebbe many for a school placement recommenda- that can be quite difficult to do. Bear years ago. 2 tion, a referral to a therapist, help in in mind that it may be wise to seek the A businessman came to the Imrei deciding if they should take the young assistance of a gadol with whom you Emes for advice concerning a busi· man out of yeshiva and send him have a greater comfort level. ness deal. The Imrei Emes asked to work, or any of many other pos- Rabbi Yosef Chaim Golding, about the pros and cons of pursuing sibilities?) Having this introductory Managing Editor of The Jewish Observer, this venture, but the man did not information at the beginning of our shared the following incident with have all the information. conversation reduces my level of con- me. The Imrei Emes replied that he cern and allows me to concentrate on In the late 1970s, he and Rabbi had no advice for the man, either. the parts of the discussion that are most Mutty Katz, who heads JEP (Jewish "It says in the Gemara that a relevant to their request. (I try to begin Education Program), met with Rabbi person should take counsel from the conversation by gently inquiring Yaakov Kamenetzky ';>··:.;to pose sev- i Achitofel,consultwiththeSanhedrin, what they came to request of me, but eralshe'eilosregardingworkingwith

I 2R~bbi Y~hudah Rabi~~witz:-in his.-sefer, Keren1 some people get flustered, thinking that Jewish public school children. L.on Mam/,ta Bewcho> (page 23) ~--·-I am r~shmg the:---·--·--··--~abbi Golding asked Reb Yaakov 17 DECEMBER 2 0 0 5

if he could ask the questions in a proper eitza if there is a significant parents are requesting hadracha for English. Reb Yaakov shook his head, language gap. Indeed, one of the rea­ raising their child, both parents should No, and pointed to one of the other sons that the members of the Sanhedrin be there - even though the father may present in the room. <'Ask your needed to be fluent in all seventy lan­ have a greater comfort level speaking she'eilos to him in English:' said Reb guages was to insure that they would to the gadol. Yaakov, "and then he will translate properly understand the words - and There are several reasons for this. them for me into Yiddish:' nuances - of the witnesses and litigants Firstly, the rav may have probing ques­ Reb Yaakov asked Rabbi Golding who appeared before them. tions that will help him better under­ if the translator presented the stand the facts on the ground, and questions correctly, and only then mothers are usually more in tune with did he respond with his answers. ALL PARTIES PRESENT the needs and realities of their chil­ Language barriers may not make dren. Additionally, on a very practical much difference when soliciting a bera­ hen seeking an eitza, all level, some eitzos require tough calls to cha, but it is very relevant in the case of parties should be present, be made. Hearing the eitza firsthand an eitza. It is nearly impossible to get W if possible. If, for example, often makes the mother feel better equipped in acting on the eitza. Most of us have several areas that con1- pete for our tin1c and attention. When Life Balance these areas are in hannony, you will experience a W!llil rin1ln - peace of AREA OF EXPERTISE A Life-Coach mind - 1naking you a more effective, happier person. can help you In 2-3 n1onths, using weekly private phone sessions you can learn to magine the following scenario: develop and effectively take control of your life. You are a very successful real maintain a HOW MUCH MORE PRODUCTIVE AND ENHANCED estate developer. In order to inspire WOULD YOUR LIFE BE WITH BETTER LIFE BAIANCE? I wholesome WHY COACHING? Improving one's life n1eans making change; and the confidence of your investors, balance people need support and structure to keep distractions and obstacles fron1 banking officials, and potential sell­ between the swamping their dreams and goals. Coaching provides that solid framework ers who want to be sure that you can important of support and structure. "close the deal," it is important that areas of I have over thirty years experience in helping people fulfill their dreams, have authored books, articles and produced cassette progra1ns you wear expensive suits and drive a your life. on this subject, and have taken special Life-Coach courses. luxurious automobile. FREE OFFER - I would be happy to give you a free telephone session. Please It would be appropriate to ask call USA 845-352-1175 for an appointment. Thank you. - MR. AVI SHULMAN your rosh yeshiva if it is congruous Live a Life of Design, Not Defa ult with your hashkafos (Torah value system) to display such conspicu­ ous consumption. But it would be pointless to ask him if you should buy or lease, or if you should choose Come and connect to the wonders of Hashem"s •Gl'and Canyon a Cadillac or a Lexus. 1 •Yosemite Park I creations in some of the most This is an extreme examp1e, but •Bryce Canyon C spectacular locales in •Zion National there are many more subtle instances Park Ma Rabu :> Western America. where gedolim are asked to give eit­ •The Golden / For boys ages 13 thru15. DATES: June 25-July ] 4 zos in arenas that are far outside Gate Bridge Optional 4th week avai!tible ending July 20. the areas of their expertise. (Rabbi •Sea World Under the direction of Rabbi Raphael Mend!owitz. Experienced Sraff, Rabbeim, Chaim Feuerman's anecdote about the •Motor Boating and Learning Program. Early bird special-register before December 31. •Scenic Hiking Steipler Gaon illustrates this concept •Para Sailing - p. 13.) •Washington D.C. n For example, some gedolim and roshei yeshiva are very knowledgeable , about learning disabilities and courses of action to remediate them. Many are not, but that does not diminish their status as gedolei Torah. It just means that they are not the best ones to consult if one has a child with a disability.

-----~A.nother example: There are-~ THE .JEWISH OBSERVE!{

-----~··-- ···------~----... ··----... --

she'eilos that should be asked of a WHY DoN'T THEY you, then who can? mentor, a gadol or a poseik when one TELL Us THAT? The simple answer (or question) is: is raising a teenager who is going How should he be able to help you al reg­ through a difficult phase (see follow­ ne may now wonder: If I ask gel achas (in the course of one session) ing paragraphs). However, this does a gadol for an eitza in an area - and without meeting with your child? not mean that the gadol or rav has a 0 outside his expertise, why The circumstances that led to this teen­ comprehensive knowledge of clinical won't he simply tell me to seek advice age defiance did not appear overnight, depression, chemical addictions, or elsewhere? and will, in all likelihood, take months compulsive gambling. The answer: they usually do. I have or years to remediate-even in the hands noticed, however, that the majority of of a trained professional.

THE PROPER SEQUENCE THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT LED TO THIS

gadol can be consulted to TEENAGE DEFIANCE DID NOT APPEAR guide parents and mechanchim OVERNIGHT, AND WILL. IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, A - after all relevant informa­ TAKE MONTHS OR YEARS TO RE MEDIATE tion to frame the question has been gathered._ - EVEN IN THE HANDS OF A TRAINED For exan1ple, the proper course of PROFESSIONAL. action for parents of a child with a learning difficulty would be to first people either do not understand what Our caring, devoted gedolim under­ have the child tested for disabilities they are being told and get frustrated stand their role, and carry the burden by a professionally trained, competent at what they perceive to be a polite of the klal magnanimously. They are expert. The parents should explore all brush-off, or simply do not take No for sensitive human beings who are also options for meeting the educational an answer. parents and grandparents. They truly needs of this child, and then consult Additionally, some people are simply are nosei ba'ol (empathize with you and with a rav/ gadol for an eitza. in too much pain to be that understand­ share your pain), and feel equally frus­ A proper sequence of action would ing. Desperate parents who go to a rash trated when you ask them for an eitza result in informed parents presenting yeshiva for help with a rebellious teen­ that they are unable to provide. thoughtful and appropriate requests ager and are basically told that he cannot It is of utmost importance that you for eitzos: help them other than to empathetically therefore clarify what it is that you • "We found that the best educa­ listen and offer them a beracha - and wish from a gadol before you make the tional setting for our child is a perhaps a referral - are dismayed. But appointment-and see to it that you have yeshiva with children who are you are the gadol hador, they think. How a realistic set of objectives that matches exposed to secular culture far could you not be able to help us? If not the skill set of the gadol or rav. more than our children. The alter­ native is to enro11 him in a solid yeshiva, which would, however, require hi1n to spend 45 min­ utes each day learning to read in a specialized program in the For careful attention to your local public school. What is more individual needs, call us today! important, chevra or a better edu­ cational setting?" (845) 354-8445 • "Our son suffers from clinical depression. The doctors say that we should not put pressure on G EFEN IP _...1. him while he is in therapy. Should we be waking him for minyan if he resists our efforts to do so? How FINto~<¥.AL-· Registered Mortgage Brokers ••• about reminding him to put on NYS Dept. of Banking "

tefillin? How do we balance his { CifjXJro\~ HPO: ;?1&> Vilt01y Blvd. • St•ten i>l•nd, NY l QJ M . needs with our value system at Phone 718-983-9272 • 914-MORTGAGE I home and his influence on our 973-MORTGAGE • 212-983-1000 -1 L'""'"" ,,;"""" ------,___ , ~ ------____ _;_:J ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~D;;::~E~c~·;;::E~M;;::~B;;::E;;::R;;::~·;;::o;;::o;;::~s;;;;;-~~~~~~~~~~-~~~~~

INDIVIDUAL NATURE - AND to understand that the guidance given obligation of parents to assess each of OWNERSHIP - OF AN Eitza to the klal is by nature very different their children as individuals and seek from that which is tailored for an eitzos to help them chart a course t can be helpful to develop an individual. And it is the obligation for their lives that is appropriate for understanding of the individual of the individual - or those acting on them. Similarly, it is the responsibility I nature - and proprietorship - of behalf of that individual - to reflect of each couple to closely and carefully your requests. upon his situation, and if needed, assess their family unit and, when To begin with, you cannot "pasken pose the personalized request for needed, ask for an eitza or a p'sak from a p'sak" - you cannot assume an eitza. from their rav regarding matters that that the guidance given to one fam­ Take the issue of full-time learn­ are highly personal - and personal­ ily can be applied to needs of any ing for a bachur or yungerman, for ized - in nature. other family. example. Virtually all rabbanim and Additionally, it is vitally important gedolim in the yeshiva world will advocate for full-time learning for IN CLOSING bachurim, and, to varying degrees, for yungeleit after their wedding. At the Mishna clearly states, "Asei the same time, the vast majority of e'cha rav- Designate for your­ our gedolim will suggest a part- or elf a rav" (Avos 1:6). With the full-time school or work environment exponential growth of the size of our for young men above a certain age large yeshivos, it is more important than who are clearly not cut out for full­ ever for each person and family to nur­ for.ill age grou~s time learning. In fact, many of our ture and maintain a close bond with a for the Orthodox Jewish communiry. leading gedolim have made similar rav or rash yeshiva. Doing so will enable Rabbinical references available adjustments for their own children you to get the eitzos (and berachos) you Home: (718)338·1765 and grandchildren and the sons of will need as you travel on life's journey Pager: (917) 486·5655 their closest talmidim. It is the sacred and seek to fulfill your dreams. llil

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20 Staving on the Derech No LONGER IsoLATED and impressionable children see, hear shel Olam built into human nature,' AND SECURE and are assaulted by temptations and namely, "loving" and "relating." promises of"joy" that the modern world It begins with the indescribable joy hey say: "The apple does not fall flaunts before them. Without shame, the parent experiences when the child far from the tree:' Experience they beckon - Forget growing intel­ is born - and that the infant feels as Tforces us to add a sad corollary: lectually, spiritually and socially. Forget he is held tenderly and lovingly by the "Bameh devarin1 an1urim, beruach met­ about your conscience or rudimentary parents. That relationship is the glue zuya- Under what circumstances is this human decency. Come and join us. "Let that bonds, that becomes all important. so? When winds are normal and usual.'' go." There need not be any inhibitions It makes the child want to imitate the Then the weight of the apple propels it about morality or "meaning of life," just parent, think, feel and do as the par­ downward, close to the tree. The wind fun and games. Nor is it necessary to ent does, and become (like) the parent has little effect to pull it off course. learn how to postpone gratification or - a process we call "identification." And However, beruach she'eina 1netzuya, displace gratification: to mature, and even if, chas veshalom, the child wanders when there are storms and hurricanes, then have it all - and more - the good off the derech, that relationship is likely floods and earthquakes, we need indeed life, the Torah life. 1 to be the only available magic bullet to watch over that "apple of our eye" We no longer live in ghettos or in - the lifeline that may bring him back. - our child - to help him/her stay the isolation, nor can we insulate ourselves course, close to the tree, and for him/her and our children. Forbidding them to to follow our way. see and to hear is not only logistically THE ROAD TO HAPPINESS Our derech (path in life) can no lon­ impossible, it also whets the appetite. - FROM NOTHING TO ger be taken for granted, for our tender "Forbidden fruit is sweet." What does SOMETHING one do to fend off the dread, the DR. YAAKOV MERMELSTE1N, A PSYCHOLOGIST nightmare of having a child "go off the I opened the door to the waiting IN PRIVATE PRACTICE, IS CERTIFIED IN l-llS FIELD derech;' chas veshalom? room to usher in the regularly-sched­ BY THE STATES OF NEW YORK ANO NEW JERSEY, AND IS A OIPLOMATE OF THE AMERICAN BOARD OF Fortunately, we have two major uled 3:30 appointment. I stopped and PROFESSIONAL PSYCHOLOGY, AND A FELLOW OFTl-IE advantages of which we must be aware, looked. What have we here? A mother AMERICAN ACADEMY OF SCHOOL PSYCHOLOGY. A and which we must constantly hone in and her son. Yes, of course. However, the MVSMACHOF MESIVTA TORAH VOOAATH, Hr: LEADS A order for them to play a crucial role in heretofore tired-looking woman with a DAFYOMI IN AGUDATH IS RAEL OF LONG ISLAND, HE our children's lives. long, sad face had changed. There was IS A FREQUENT CONTRIBUTOR TO THESE PAGES, MOST RECENTLY' "WHEN TRAlJMA THRF:ATENS" (Nov. '01). To begin with, we must cherish and a kind of radiance emanating from her,

MANY OF HIS WRITINGS AND LECTURES ON HASH­ safeguard the precious gift the Ribbono an apparent feeling of joy, of satisfaction KAFA, PARENTING, AND MARITAi. RELATIONSHIPS 1 See Chullin i09b: "Kol de'osar lanu .... All 2 See Rarnban, Bereishis 2:18. See also ch .. 33 in HAVE BEEN PUBLISHED IN BEING AND BECOMING, that the Torah has forbidden is pern1issible in the author's book, Being and Becoming, Mesorah ME,SORAH POBLICATtONS, NEW YORK. other forms." Publications, 2000,

21 ....------··------· ·------DECEMBER 2 0 0 5

- a truly pleasant demeanor. And the boy parent-child relationships. Let us focus leaf binder without pages, and the books - not his usual fidgety self with the "let's- rather on something more fundamental. in disarray. ' get-out-of-here" look. But smiling and Namely, on general stress, on emotional Somehow, fortuitously - and to the looking comfortable - relaxed. 1nisery, and on missed opportunities of believer, it was the Hand of Hashem What was the probleml Why had they experiencing contentment and joy, and - instead of buckling down to the task at originally come for helpl Basically, it was a growing and learning in consonance with hand, the Homework, with the attendant ho1ne in turmoil- stress, conflict, yelling the design of our Creator - the Ribbono conflict and ill feelings, they found a box and blaming - revolving mostly around shel Olam.) of reinforcements. And they proceeded the boy's schooling and homework. Back to our mother and her son: What to moisten them and attach them to (No, I will not take tl1is opportunity to had occurredl What had sweetened their the pages that had been torn out of the bash homework as it is practiced nowadays. sour dispositionsl They had sat down last loose-leaf binder. That done, they jointly I have done this elsewhere,' and exposed night as usual to the task (or the battle) organized the book bag. That done, it was it as a crime against peaceful and loving called "Homework:' As usual, the school time for bed - "NO Homework." Now, 3 See Ch. 8 in Being and Becoming, ibT~.f:---~ bag was a mess. Papers all over, the loose- then, what was the happiness all about, when "nothing" was done? It must be that "Nothing" was indeed "Something:' It was obviously an experience in relating It hurts - pure and simple. Not the parent fix­ ing, teaching, telling (and yelling). None 1oc of that. But two people bonded by love -parent and child ... relating ... spending time together.

THE CONNECTION BETWEEN • LEARNING AND RELATING Like every truism that exists, Chazal have duly noted this essential relation­ ship between learning and relating. Thus, a student who is sentenced to go into exile must be joined by his rebbi.4 Why It hurts his rebbil Because if one has a rebbi who succeeded in teaching him, it was because of this essential facilitator - the "relationship." Furthermore, man never stops learning, formally or incidentally. We learn formally to use the ever-chang­ ing technological devices, and we learn incidentally to watch out for packages left It feels better just to talk about it. That's in the subway. How 1nuch moreso is this why we're here. Our staff is made up of for the Torah Yid. caring and sensitive individuals. Together, Needless to say, learning Torah is much we can help you explore your options. We can refer you to recognized professionals more than subject matter. Learning is for counseling, legal advice or help in learning to love learning, to love the Torah finding a safe environment. We can also way oflife, to become spiritual, to connect put you in touch with some very special gabbis. But in order for us to reach out to and relate with the Ribbono shel Olam and you, you must first reach out to us. with other fellow travelers on the Torah Confidential Hotline derech ... and, of course, with mankind 1.888.883.2323 as a whole. It is learning a value system, (Toll Free) manners, morals, what is meaningful in 718.337.3700 life, what to do and how to do it, how to Do it for yourself. (NYC Area) think, how to feel, and much more. To I Do it for your children. Shalom Task force 1s a 501(c)(3) char:table organ1zatmn relate to all of this, one must have a rebbi 4See Tu7fl1iJd~NFa-kkos 1Oa. I THE JEWISH OBSERVE!{ ·····-········- ==-i I who relates to him.' So it is his rebbi who moment I knew you were leaving, place on the highway of loving, relat­ must be with him in exile. my attention was averted." ing, and mood. Thus, what one does, Parents, of course, also teach -perhaps (Eiruvin 54b) what one believes in, and what one less formally, but far, far more incidentally. Needless to say, the parent/teacher wishes to learn is dictated at least Moreover, their impact is far-reaching, is not an animated textbook. He is the as much by feelings and mood as by and becomes ingrained in the child. In great facilitator, where learning takes thought or cognition. Chazal tell us part, this is because what a child learns from parents takes place before he is fully developed. Thus, he does not and cannot question the "all-knowing" par­ ent. Additionally, because parents are the only ones upon whom he can depend, they become all-impartant,and all future learning is accepted, rejected or modified because of the early learning. Teachers can be replaced - parents cannot. Early life shapes us. VVhen the relationship is positive, it becomes the grand facilitator to help the child become like the parent. Wben it is negative, it triggers a search for alterna­ tives, and all too frequently, an opposite wayoflife.

QUANTITY AND QUALITY IN TEACHING

How to teach? To begin with, one needs time, a great deal of it. Then there is quality of time. Endless patience and tolerance. And an "ear" tuned exclusively to the child/learner. Not at all ti1nes, for that is i1npossible. But, the child says: "When you are with BAIS HAMEDRASH "NER SHRAGA" OFFERS me to the exclusion of all distractions, Shiurim in Gemora, Halocha, Tanach, Be'ur Tefilla when you 'hear' 1ne, then I want to 'hear' & Hashkofa by a professional & dedicated staff you." Chazal tell of such a relationship Where each student's ability between a rebbi and his talmid. And so it is turned into achievement must be for the parent and the child. •Afternoon survival program directed by Rabbi Preida Would learn with Mr. Dave Stern, former U.S. marine a particular student, and repeat his combat instructor, martial arts, lesson four hundred times until basketball, G.E.D. prep he would grasp it. One day, Rabbi Preida was summoned to leave and • Night Seder with Kolle! Avreichim attend to an important mitzvah. • Recreation Room (pool & ping pong tables , Before leaving, he taught his stu­ weights) dent his usual four hundred times For information contact: - yet the student failed to grasp the Rabbi Yaacov Orimland, Rosh Yeshiva material. "Wby?" Rabbi Preida asked. 011·972-4-692-4894 The student said: "From the or 718;360-8275 (local call to Israel)

5---NoticC-Wfien rhe-·;~c/,lii!pilfent and--t·atmidtch-ifd bond, how they dress alike, think, feel and do Leven sho~el (,woy) - .ihke - --~- _j -_~_-_-_-_---=--"--"--"-="-""==--~~-, DECEMBER 2005 ~I

' that whatever was learned within that well-being, he/she wants to please the great climate of love and relationships parent, act like the parent and become remains desirable.6 And even if tempo­ like the parent. rarily lost by veering off the derech, the Concurrently, there is a (I believe relationship remains the lifeline which G-d-given') need "to be me." To be my he may grasp at a later time. own person, to choose what I do, what Child Development Specialists Then one 1nust be alert to two I learn, what I eat, etc. I do not want to Helping Infants &Toddlers vital messages that travel along with be a carbon copy of anyone. whatever the child learns. To begin How does a child learn to balance with Developmental Delays and Disabilities with: "Is it important?" We borrow these two apparently conflicting needs? homiletically from the Baal Haggada: A child needs help, to avoid neurotic '"Ve'es a1naleinu,' eilu habanim." Our conflict: to please and to relate to the children copy and become that which parent by following his derech - and is important to us, where extra effort "To Be Me." is expended. If, defying rain and We go back to the derech, the highway wind, one gets up early in the morn­ - the very best one, the interstate. There ing to go fishing - so will the child. are many lanes, and there are shoulders If the parent does so in order to and service roads. There are even rural learn Torah - then so will the child. side roads, taking longer to get there Whatever deserves our ameilus, our and occasionally wandering off. Yet effort, becomes worthwhile to the they all go in the same direction. We child. Furthermore, if our derech is show the child the general derech, but pleasant and joyous, then the child if we have chosen the fast lane, we may says: "That's for me." have to allow the child to drive in the If it seems to be a chore, a burden, slow lane - and then, when he chooses, then, "Who needs it?" Again, we go he will try the fast lane. How many to the Baal Haggada: "Rasha ma hu times do we hear of children who sud­ Evaluation and a full range of omeir? - What does the wicked son denly "wake up" and become learners? Therapeutic Services provided say?" This is a little boy! - How do we No, they were not sleeping. They were at our Center or in the privacy know that he is evil? Because he tells resisting the pressures from the adult of your home us what he sees. He says:" Ma ha'avoda world. When the adult world backed off - Why do you need all this hard work in frustration, and he was on his own, Bilingual Services Available and slavery?" He obviously hears his he took off. Or, a rabbi appeared on the Services are provided based on the child's needs mother and father complaining about scene who cared and related - and thus as detennined by the NYC Early Intervention the hard work and expense involved ignited the desire to learn because of the Program. The Early Intervention Official will in making Pesach. So he says: "Who determine the location and provider of any relationship, the bonding. needed services. This Early Intervention needs it?" Would he hear and see their Then there are children who need Program is funded & regulated by the NYC Dept joy in making Pesach, he would say to stay on the slow lane. And need to ofHealth & Mental Hygiene" "That's for me." be encouraged to do so. Or, even to try Deracheha darchei no'am. Torah is the side roads. Not every child has Executive Offices: sweet and it must be experienced as the very same general mental ability 4228 Tenth Avenue such - for our sake and for that of toward which yeshiva learning is geared. our child. Not every child who does have a good Brooklyn, New York 11219 general mental ability has the specific ability for verbal abstractions necessary Queens Office: THE BALANCING ACT to manipulate the lomdus, the type of 70-14 14/st Street learning required for in-depth Gemara There is a notion that children have study. Nor does every child have the Flushing, New York 1136 7 a need to rebel. This is not so. Children emotional stamina to sit and to concen­ do have a significant conflict. On the trate, and not every child has the ability SERVING BROOKLYN, QUEENS, one hand, because of the relationship to maintain the drive to compete, to do STATEN ISLAND & MANHATTAN which is crucial to the child's emotional better, and "become the best." 6 See Shabbos 130a: "Kol mitzvah... Every 7 See Tosefta Pinchas 10, "Kesheim she'ein partzu­ mitzvah that was received with joy continues to feihem ... Just as each individual's facial features ~,f~r:il'~,,,~:~;'.~~m""" be practiced with joy." Conversely .... differ, so do his attitudes and opinions.

24 r---- ... ----.... -----·---- ...··------~--.. THE JEWISH OBSERVER 1 ------~------~-_,.,, ______" ______------····------·"'------

THE DUAL MESSAGE

I hesitantly share with our readers an observation that I have gained from experience. Our society, which I will leave to the reader to define, generally is competitive, an achieving-centered one - be it in learning and doing mitzvos, or, lehavdil, accumulating money, power or socio-economic status. Simultaneously, it all too frequently produces moods [email protected] and feelings in varying degrees that we may label as normal-neurotic-anxious­ face to face workshops depressive. Why is this so? I believe that there seems to be a general, dual message passed on from parent to child, which says: "You can do it - but you are never good enough. You can do better:' Result: tension, anxiety. Try harder - and then try again .... Result: "! am never good enough." To be sure, we should strive. But the ideal self must not be out of reach. To stretch toward it, for sure; but it cannot be out of sight. We must always remem­ ber the "highway:' Not so very long ago, there were metzuyanim, outstanding learners, and lamdim, accomplished learners; but there were also Mishnayos Yidden, Ein Yaakov Yidden, and Tehillim 'fub_scribe, or give a gift at these reduced Yidden ... individuals serving Hashem prices: as much as 40% off the newsstand Price; the longer your subscription, the and living a good Torah life. What has greater your savings. You and your family will benefit from the happened? Why have these types of many articles of information and Jnspira· Torah Yidden vanished?' 'Eiiih month; Th'e Jewish ob.Server will tion that they cannot get anywhere else. arriVe-atyour door; filled with _the views of While we are traveling, there are rest leadirig Torah thinkers -on current Of course, this offer is i.tnconditionally areas: We stop, we rest, we refresh, we -issu_es.,.analjses of Jewish events, focus on guaranteedjyou may ,cancel at t'lny time relax - and we live. Does not the Ribbono b-urniilg issues, foside reporting, interpretive and receive 'a full refu'nd for all utJdeliv· shel Olam want us to live, to relate, to co,_nmenta'ry, upJifti»ghiograpMes, i11furi· ered c'opies,- no' questioiJS asked, ating fetters and illuminating r~onses - ever more strengthen the bond between all within the covers of one magazine, So orderioda_g tlild the :very next issiu~ will husband and wife, parent and child, TheJ-hO-. be on its way to you as sO~rt ~_possible. man and his fellowman? Should there be time for husband and wife to bond by doing the dishes jointly? Are there SubscriPlion Discount Certincate times that men should practice Torah A' fi1// refimd on oil ,.,,,,,,,;k(f issnes 0 3 year~ Yourro.i that holds it all together. dJ

25 ------~-... I DECEMBER 2 0 0 5 A common item in emotional Then depression sets in. light up the house. You are a pleasure to ill-health is a lack of self-esteem, This is self-esteem that is conditional be with, to relate to; you ignite within and giving up, or dropping out. - ahava she'teluya vedavar. 10 True self­ all who see you genuine pleasure - you Self-esteem is feeling good about esteem is the realization that one has are relational, you are wanted and oneself. People apparently ponder: the very unique ability as a human to needed. "I like myself because ... I am smart, be relational. The parent or teacher And then, to retain this essential handsome, beautiful, rich, competent, who relates to the child implants in him bond, we label him: Tov, you are good learned ...." And it works ... until they the feeling that this human organism, - regardless." Then you will always discover that someone else is smarter, by its very being - not by his doing or want to do good. And if you choose, handsomer or richer, and so forth.9 performing - kindles in others feel­ chas vesahalom, to stray, you will return 9"Note how"sta-;·;:;, in industry and .in the arts fall ings of warmth, love, joy- a true elixir to live up to this label of "good;' and to apart when their careers co1ne to an end. produced by the Ribbono shel Olam as continue to light up our lives. He implanted it in human nature: "Lo KARKA IN ERITZ YISROEL tov heyos ha' adam levado. It is not good Call Rabbi Gavriel Beer for information on for man to be alone." i 1 To relate lov­ A WORD OF CAUTION obtaining cemetery plots in Beth Shemesh ingly encounters no competition, only and other locations in Israel. arms of welcome. It is the only activity n closing, a word of caution is in 011-972-2-656-9427 in life one cannot do alone. Like elec­ order. If, besiyata diShemaya (with tricity, where wires are dormant until I G-d's help), the prescription works, Unde Moishy, Dedi they are connected, so, too, one needs and the child is on the derech, then the Avrohom Fried, another person to "light up:' Educators, parent/teacher must not unduly take therapists - and parents - hear it all credit. To do so would signal to the and other leading the time: child that, after all, he is not becoming Jewish entertainers "I resisted the temptation because "me" - his true self - but working for are available you, the mentor, care and relate." With the parent, to become a carbon copy of to visit great trepidation, one may suggest that him. By contrast, crediting the child cre­ it is part of the task of becoming like ates good feelings within the child, and seriously ill Hashem,12 Who always relates to each and becomes a most powerful reinforcer for children every one through Hashgacha prattis. him to continue on this derech. thanks to We wrap up this essay with a Torah Conversely, if, in spite of everyone's SIMCHAS CHAVA".'.{ ~~ nY.rell "OT? . !S thought. Ghazal tell us:" efforts, the forces of darkness prevail, il"Y :il?l'~ '1 re i'l'ln Tanya Rabbi Meir omeir. In refer­ and, chas ve'shalom, the child is off the AChessed project run by Agudath Israel of America ring to Moshe Rabbeinu's birth. Rabbi derech - then the parent/teacher must in conjunction wlth Meir says his name was Tov, the good avoid recriminations at all costs, blaming Suki & Ding Productions { To set up an appointment call: , '. one. l'hen there are other opinions. or criticizing neither oneself, nor others - (212) 797~9000 Ext.235· -· The last one is from Acheirim, who and certainly not the child. With the best says: "Besha'a shenolad ... When of intentions, there are no guarantees. Moshe Rabbeinu was born, the room Nor would it help to physically restrain Digest of Meforshim became filled with light:' the child, or to invoke sanctions. It would It is known that Acheirim is another create ever more anger, bitterness, and '1'1j77 in::i "'1i77 name for Rabbi Meir. Thus, Rabbi Meir conflict-and thus unravel completely the ';>"YT 1),)v'm 'm'!lJ1!1 l"i"IT.llJ really tells us two things. He tells us bond that existed until now. Patience, and Available at most succinctly the secret of successful siyata diShemaya, are in order. Outsiders LE KU TEI child-rearing, of relating, loving and - those whom the child can respect, c/o Yitzchok Rosenberg bonding, as well as how to keep the but have no personal vested interest 1445 54th Street child on the derech. in his behavior - have a better chance. Brooklyn, NY 11219-4228 We begin by expressing the genuine Far too many times, the child's conflict 718-854-6701 feeling: It is a pleasure to have you; you with the Ribbono shel Olam is really a 20 Volumes on Torah, Perek, Medrash, w·see Avos 5:19 "'Kol ahava ... A.Tflove that iS displacement issue with authority - the Megilos, Talmud, and Tehilim. contingent upon son1ething, when the cause is parent/teacher or society as a whole. The gone, so is the love." Proceeds of sales distributed among message must always be: We value you, Yeshivas and used for reprinting of vol­ 11 See footnote 2. because you are" Tov." ~ umes out-of-print 12 See Shabbos I33b: "Just as He is n1erciful lli PRICE: $8.00 PER VOLUME and gracious, so should you be merciful and i"4 See Bava MCfZia 85a, \vhich .describes how gracious." an errant son returned to the derech after being 13 See S!1e111os Rabba l. labeled as Rabbe, or scholar. l L:______- -~__J

F-- DECEMBER 2 0 0 5 =-i RABBI YITZCHOK ALSTER I Remembering the Rosh Yeshiva 25 Years Since the Passing Hagaon Harav Yitzchok Hutner ?11Yt

LESSONS FOR OUR GENERATION

he Rosh Yeshiva left this world some might face in twenty-five years ago. His talmi­ daily lives. He more tha Tdim and those who were influ­ them room to breath. enced by him need no reminders of him. encouraged independe. His gestalt is etched into their memories individuality. and onto their neshamos. He has never While recognizing really left them. De'mus deyokno - his vi duality of each talm · image - guides them and instructs them ality, the Rosh Yeshiva in their daily actions and decisions. Those each to be a mevakeisl:t brought up in a world of tohu vavohu, beil - a seeker and abso where desolation and darkness prevailed, Similar to Kial Yisroel~s~ need no testimonies to the role he played Hashem - a nation of ser in bringing light to their world. and an "Am ha)azim -ba'uin Now, twenty-five years later, it is time stubborn and steadfast of.ni . to contemplate the bearing that his life at once. and accomplishments have on today's A talmid once disputed a;p generation of "vayehi or," a generation that the Rosh Yeshiva had. that is experiencing the phenomenal shiur. An animated cliscus:Sioft growth of Torah wherever Jews are found. and strong positions we;~:\!:. It is our hope to present some insight Finally, the talmid acceded \fl~'. into aspects of his personality so that the position. The rebbi then at!111 reader might, on his own, draw conclu­ his talmid: "If you are convin sions that are befitting his situation, for am right, then fine. If not, sficl{ that was the Rosh Yeshiva's way. position and do not give in.Thi~ . The Rosh Yeshiva's personality was be a lesson to you in all aspects;o ; ; : robust and expansive, yet it was nuanced Arrive at your position. Spend all t~~;v:; &; with subtlety and sophistication. time you need to do so. When you have Talmidim perceived a gentleness and concluded, independently, that th.e emes finesse that permitted them the freedom and the tzeddek are with you - stick to it. to develop on their own, a pleasant relief Don't give in to anybody:' (See Shabbos A visitor fij'.:com~ J t~;~~is from the confrontational relationships 63b, Rashi d.h. "Ad kan leTorah:') Rav ?"lit to askf! question. Followiti!f RABBI ALSTER, FORMERLY ASSOCIATED WITH THE Were one to ask the Rosh Yeshiva's the brief discussion,. the visitor. left. YESHIVA GEDOLA Of PITISBURGH, IS ROSH KOLi.El, talmidim, "Could you list the rules and The Brisker Rav ran after him ·onto OF KOLl,EL NACHAI,AS TZV/ IN YERUSHALAYJM, advice that he gave you?" they would find the street, asking him, "Do you under· AND MECHABEIR OF OLAS YfTZCHAK, voe. ALEF many. But they would add, "That wasn't AND BEJS. Hts "A TALMID's REFLECTIONS ON RABBI smnd? Do you understand?" The people YITZCHOK HUTNER 17":lll~ WAS FEATURED IN JO, what the Rosh Yeshiva was all about:' around him were surprised. They had DEc. 'oo. What, then, brought them so close to never seen anything similar to this

28 THE JEWISH OB~ERVER

before. On the contrary, it was well generation?" he answered, "The empha­ CHEVRA OSEH CHESED known that it wasn't easy to talk to the sis should be on 'Atta vechartanu' - the Brisker Rav in learning. He had little uniqueness of Am Yisroet:' The Jews in OF AGUDATH ISRAEL tolerance for inaccuracies and vagaries. Egypt had no mitzvos, but they preserved And yet, here he was, devoting so much their identity. They did not assimilate, BURIAL PLOTS time and effort to a man not known changing neither their names, nor their IN ERETZ YISROEL for his wisdom and acumen. l¥hen language, nor their clothing. Interment in a Shomer Shabbos they asked him what had occurred, he During the middle of the twentieth Beis Olam near Beis Shemesh replied, "The man asked me a question century, when Jews were being defamed Please phone or write to: in emuna. I wanted to be certain that by other nations as well as from within Chevra Oseh Che5ed Of Agudath Israel he understood the answer." our own ranks - Orthodox Jews were 42 Broadwar. New NY 10004 The Rosh Yeshiva repeated this story being castigated by their assimilationist Yot~. because he perceived as one of his vital Reform and Conservative brothers - it (212) 19'7-9000 missions the propagation of emuna to was time to wear with pride the badge a generation that, following the great of courage - the Jewish look. churban in Europe, was desperately in The Rosh Yeshiva himself did not grow need of chizuk. The Rambam in Sefer a beard until he was almost forty. Rabbi Hamitzvos states that the mitzvah of Yissachar Frankel ?"lit related that the kiddush Hashem is to teach and publi­ Rosh Yeshiva was offered the position of cize emuna. Rosh Yeshiva of Mesivta Torah Vodaath The cornerstone of the Rosh Yeshiva's (circa 1935). He was recommended by harbatzas TOrah was the Ramban1's words Rabbi .,.. ,,,, at the time still at the end of Masechta Berachos, words in Kletzk, Poland. Reb Aharon referred that seemed to have made an indelible to hiin as a 1l1Vi tr'T'::t - a master in the impression on him. The Rambam states, (concept of) fear of G-d. At the end of G~t;,.a····-c~.1r;p·h on.e "Teaching the fundamentals of the negotiations, Rabbi Shraga Feivel and emuna is more precious to 1ne than Mendlowitz ., .. lit made one stipulation. fro.l112t~¥~~·1~op Ie anything else." As Rosh Yeshiva, it behooved him to Yet, because he possessed such depth grow a beard. He refused. Obviously, yoy ca;n•tF.ustl of wisdom and character, the Rosh he felt that the times were not yet ripe Yeshiva was not easily understood. for such a gesture, and his influence on Just as the genius of his shiurim and young Americans would be enhanced ma'an1arin1 was manifest, so were his if he looked more like they did. When, standards of character and religiosity seven or eight years later, he was shown complex. the now infamous picture of the Nazis .. Someone who obviously did not know v·., cutting off a Jew's beard, he decided ,_ _... WJ him well asked me, "Did the talmidim that the time had come to grow a beard, Total Communication see yiras Shamayim (fear of Heaven) in regardless of other considerations.2 solutions the Rosh Yeshiva?" He did not carry his 2Ra-bbi HirSch Di;kind N"P"ro related that hiS: yiras Shamayim on his sleeve. In fact, he father was on the search co1n1nittee to find a abhorred outward displays of frumkeit. rosh yeshiva for the planned Mesvita Rabbeinu 1._;~~-~!~~l(,~·SA~E•. He firmly believed that commitment and Chaim Berlin, which was to open in Sept. f {1·8,l~~!~S·~6t~!; s'.' .•.. allegiance must come from within, and '36. Reb Shraga Feivel reco1nmended that they hire Rabbi Hutner, stating "lie is one of the e-mail: i1tfo@talknsuv~,.net Y not be tainted by chitzoniyus - outward six greatest minds in the world." Custllntet sel"lice now a~ailo~\~ · \ display and superficiality. The position was offered, and, as Rabbi Yissachar lr6rn 9.:bO a:m. -12:0.o midniu~r;l!,!:!!!1 ti.'!!eJ' Yet, he encouraged his talmidim to Frankel '7"T related, the Rosh Yeshiva accepted, *Celfco~,:~l!rtifie~ Agents , ' grow beards and wear long jackets - not on the condition that he would hire a 9th grade rebbi for that year, and would join the Mesivta as a chumra (stringency) or a frumkeit, full~timc only during the following year, since he but rather as an identity issue, to look was comn1itted to continue serving as 111e11aheil of Groups/Missions like a Jew. 1 When Rabbi Chaim Segal ?·'lll, Yeshiva Rabbi Jacob Joseph. When the co1nmittee {GET SPECIAL RAUS/SERVICES) late menaheil of the mesivta high school, agreed, he engaged the services of the unforget­ Call toll free from USA/Canada: asked the Rosh Yeshiva, "What should table Rabbi Yaakov Moshe Shurkin to be the 9th grade rebbi and the esteemed Rabbi Yisroel Snow 1-866-403-8454 be the emphasis in educating the new for the I oth grade; the Rosh Yeshiva gave vaadin ' e-mail: I rsee Shabb(;; 49a, fOsafos d.h. "Natl~m mei- (111ussar discourses) during that first year. [email protected]

29 L~: ______---····------·--·--····----~--"' I D E C E M B E R 2. 0 0 5 "SttOAH" OR a person who survived the lagers (con­ 40s, the Rosh Yeshiva could not hold "CHURBAN EUROPA"? centration camps), who was very upset himself back from wailing the entire and hurt by the Rosh Yeshiva's views. evening. (His custom in those years any years later, at a meeting He immediately called this person, who was to stay up all night with a group of with a group of rnechanchirn happened to have been one of the lead­ talrnidim to say divrei Torah and rejoice M (educators), arranged by ing advocates of instituting special kinos with them.) Torah Umesorah, he was asked about for the six million victims, to request When Prime Minister Begin visited his position regarding Yorn Hashoah permission to visit him. "No, I will come the Moetzes Gedolei Hatorah in the (Holocaust Remembrance Day) and the to you.'' the man replied. home of Rabbi Moshe Feinstein 7":n, saying of special kinos for the six million When he entered the room, the Rosh the Rosh Yeshiva asked him to transfer Yidden murdered by the Germans and Yeshiva asked him for forgiveness. He Yorn Hashoah to Tisha BeAv. He agreed, their collaborators 1""'. He opposed the said that had he known that he was but upon his return to Israel, he was term "Shoah," since the term excised there, he would not have stated his views. unable to garner support for the neces­ that period from the context of Jewish The man granted complete forgiveness sary legislation. history, which consists of numerous and showed him full understanding. instances of persecution and geno­ The Rosh Yeshiva later told Rabbi Segal cide, predicted in the Tochacha of the ?··:n that he could not expect a Yid who AMERICAN YOUTH parshios Bechukosai and Ki Savo. He went through the lagers to appreciate the preferred the term "Churban Europa.'' philosophical issues involved, however oming from the Old World The "Shoah," however horrific it was, valid they are. For years afterward, he of yeshivos aud having been must be viewed as part of the galus called this Jew on Erev Yorn Kippur to Cbrought up with European men­ process. On that basis, he proceeded to again beg his forgiveness. tality, it must have been quite a reorien­ outline his views on Yorn Hashoah and Rabbi Sholom Rubin related that tation for the Rosh Yeshiva to adjust to the saying of special kinos.' when the terrible news of what was American youth, products of the New He was later told by Rabbi Chaim happening in Europe arrived on the World of frankness and naivete. Segal that present in the audience was night of Shevi'i shel Pesach in the early His emphasis was on the positive. He was negative about only one phenom­ enon - negativism. The custom in yeshi­ vos was for bachurirn to refer to each other by their last names, an obvious holdover from the custom in European yeshivas. He saw in this a denigration and a lack of respect. Slowly, after by Rabbi A. Portal admonishing several talmidirn privately, the practice in the yeshiva changed, and The SEFER everyone has been waiting for! everyone referred to one another by It is the key to mastering the Daf Hayomi easily and efficiently. Chazoras Hashas is now complete in eight beautiful volumes Eretz Yisroel's covering the entire 39 Masechtos of Shas! Most Reliable Shomer Shabbos and English Speaking Car Service BENEFITS YOU CAN GET FROM THIS SEFER ? Visiting Israel? Need Transport? 1. To be well prepared for the Shiur -CHOOSE- 2. To be ready to review intensively after the Shiur 3. To be able to test yourself Menashe Sopher's 4. Have Chazoras Hashas serve you as your Chavrusa Airport & Limousine Service In honor of the publication of the entire Sefer Hachadash Celebrating 12 years of unbeatable service! L'Chazoras Hashas, we offer incredible savings - OUR EFflCIENf ENGLISH-SPEAKING OFflCE STAFF, FULLY-LICENSED, INSURED & AIR-CONDITIONED VANS, $130.00 instead of $145.00 DRIVEN BY jEWJSH, POUTE DRJVERS, PLUS a bonus of three pocket size masechtos: ARE TAILOR-MADE FOR ALL OCCASIONS Brachos, Shabbos and Niddoh, valued at $24.00 I. 718.360.5083 Free S&H! Total savings: $39.00 or 972.2.533.3425 [email protected] (718) 544-6544 www .msophcra1rport.com E Mail: [email protected]; Subject: Chazaras Hashas In Israel: 02-533-3425

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their first" Yiddishe" names. himself in a different world, the world by a generation that was on the brink He encouraged camaraderie among of Gan Eden. We heard the melody of of spiritual destruction. Observing the 1 his talmidim. He could not understand his soul, we saw the shining lights of his current phenomenal success and pro­ not greeting each other with "Good nesharna radiate rays of hope and sirncha liferation of Torah learning in Eretz day" or "Good Yo111 Tov." "How much to the nesha1nos of his talmidim, and we Yisroel, America, and throughout the effort does it take to greet someone with absorbed his profound words of Torah, world, one finds it hard to believe that a smile? Why should you steal a 'Gut emuna, ahava, and yiras Shamayim in just fifty short years ago, rabbanim were Yorn Toil from your colleague? Doesn't our inner beings, until they became, in predicting doom, saying, "When hair he deserve it?" this words, "eingebaken in die beiner," will grow on the palm of my hand, Torah He had a burning passion to uphold baked into our bones. will take root in America." the rights of others. He reprimanded His inner strength and stout heart talmidim for using derogatory epithets, inspired scores of young men to enter even though it was all perceived as part CHAD BE'DORO - UNIQUE the field of chinuch, some destined to of the study hall vernacular, part of the IN HIS GENERATION join the higher echelons of Torah leader­ roughhouse exchange in "redden in lern­ ship - roshei yeshiva of yeshivos such as en" (the give and take of disputation and bbi Yisroel Gustman 7"'1l spoke Rabbi Chaim Berlin, Pachad Yitzchok, argumentation in studying Talmudic of the Rosh Yeshiva at a gather­ Novominsk, Ner Israel; rabbanim texts). He very much encouraged "red­ Rng during the shiva: "In clarity muvhakim and poskirn; heads of major den in lernen;' but when redden, "leave of mind and articulation he was one in Jewish organizations, such as Torah out the insults.'' (See Shabbos 63a, Rashi a generation - not only in this genera­ Umesorah, the Union of Orthodox d.h. "Hanochim zeh lazeh.'') tion, but also in the generation before Jewish Congregations, Young Israel, He encouraged older bachurim to us, and perhaps even in the generation and so on. His talrnidim were among take younger bachurim under their before that .... My rebbis should forgive the founders of the first ba'alei teshuva wings and feel responsible for them. His me, and I had great rabbei'irn." yeshivos, such as She'ar Yashuv, Ohr deep-rooted ah av as Yisroel surfaced even He was remote, but ever so near Somayach, and Aish Hatorah. when he was quite sick. When someone to all who needed him. And how we During his last year, living in wished him a refua sheleima, he said, needed him in those turbulent years! Yerushalayirn n"111, he was enthralled by "Say' besoch she' ar cholei Yisroel.' If not, He cajoled, encouraged, and inspired the emerging ba'al teshuva movement. I don't want it." his tal1nidi1n to believe in themselves, He observed to a visitor, "Don't you see and instilled in them self-confidence Eliyahu Hanavi in the streets? To me, it at a time when the yeshiva bachur and seems as if he is here." GAN EDEN the talrnid chacham were scorned and made to feel inferior. uring Chanuka, he prod­ He \Vas stern and exacting, demand­ HIS YOUTH ded the talmidim to organize ing excellence, yet friendly and forgiv­ D seudos merei'im - gatherings ing. Only a genius of his caliber could his inner strength and sensitiv­ of friendship - to farbreng together. strike such a balance. Rabbi Yaakov ity to everything around him During the other Yamim Tovim that Kamenetzky 7"'11 spoke of him as the T- whence did this comel was unnecessary, for then, on every mechaneich hador - the master peda­ During the Chol Harno'eid days, night, he farbrenged with his talmidim gogue of his generation. he would reminisce, with awe, about who came from near and far to hear his Reb Yaakov once told his son, "You the gedolim and mentors that he was ma' a ma rim, and drink in an amazing know why he was so sharf (impatient) privileged to know and observe, learn­ ruach of Yorn Tov, supported by singing at times? Because no one really under­ ing their darchei chairn - their ways and (and dancing) to melodies that, for the stood him.'' Rabbi Yitzchok Ruderman paths of life. He was one of the Alter most part, he himself chose. During the 7"'1l told a group of his talmidim, "When of Slobodka's• favorite talrnidim, and early years, he quite often introduced Rav Hutner expounds on hashkafa, he followed him to Chevron, where he a niggun of his own co1nposition. He speaks like a Rishon (early commenta­ sat in the northeast corner of the beis extolled the virtues of negina to those tors of the 12th - 15th centuries)." Most rnidrash together with Reb Yitzchok Ben who had an ear and an appreciation for geniuses who are not understood with­ Menachem and Rabbi Reuben Trop 7"'1l, it, and directed them to what the Vilna draw into their own cocoons and let the All queries that could not be answered Gaon wrote concerning negina, cited in world fend for itself. The Rosh Yeshiva, in the rest of the beis rnidrash made the introduction to the Pe' as Hashulchan however, devoted himself to making their way to that corner. Rabbi Ephraim of Rav Yisroel Shklover 7"'11. himself understood as much as possible. Oshry 7"'11 related that as a young Those who were blessed to spend Hc knew that he was put in this world bachur in Slobodka, the Rosh Yeshiva Yorn fovwith him beheld a man who felt to make Torah understood and loved was assigned to be his older bachur

31 ------~--.. DECEMBER 2 0 0 5

(mentor). They roomed in the same by the Alter not to go to sleep until he rienced, he sometimes offered a teirutz stantzia (boarding house). Every night came up with the answer. In the ensuing that was not completely appropriate, but before going to sleep, Reb Ephraim was discussions, the Rosh Yeshiva would ask the Rosh Yeshiva always maneuvered the required to ask the Rosh Yeshiva a kush­ Rabbi Oshry to attempt a teirutz to the conversation to make the young bachur ya, and the Rosh Yeshiva was instructed kushya on his own. Young and inexpe- feel as if he had developed the correct answer by himself. Even when still a bachur, his talents for leadership were recognized by such gedolim as Rabbi Moshe Soloveitchik ., .. ,,, (son of Reb Chaim), who asked him to tutor his son, Rabbi Ahron Soloveitchik 7"~!, the year before his bar mitzvah. The impression he made on Reb Abron was so profound that he considered the Rosh Yeshiva his rebbi until his last years. Reb Ahron related that it was during that year that the Rosh Yeshiva wrote his classic commentary on Mesechta Nazir, Taras Hanazir, which was acclaimed profusely by the gedolim of that time. Call me today for the attention you deserve. His hasmada (diligence) was legend­ (718) 268·1700 ary. Moreover, he sought exposure to the darchei halimud and hashkafas hachayim - the thought processes and philo­ Martin Levy sophical views on life - of all positive 103-20 METROPOLITAN AVENUE forces and trends in Yiddishkeit, from FOREST HILLS the Hirsch and Hildesheimer kehillos [email protected] Allstate. in Germany, to the Eida Hachareidis You're in good hands. of Rav Yosef Chaim Sonenfeld ., .. ,,, in Cal! for a free quote. Yerushalayim, with a taste of Kotzker and Gerrer Chassidus in Warsaw, and

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RABBI YAAKOV SALOMON, CSW, IS A PSYCHO· and attended Pharmacy School in ut of Mr. Jordan, there ensued THERAPIST IN PRIVATE PRACTICE IN BROOKLYN. HE Hebrew University. After a minute or a rather friendly, if not absorb­ IS A FREQUENT CONTRIBUTOR TO THESE PAGES, MOST two, I breathed deeply and bravely ing, conversation between us. RECENTLY WITH "HEAVENLY PRAYER" (OCT. '04). 0 inquired about the nature of his trip Roni and I talked sports and travel

34 and family and Jewish geography and ONE QUESTION ... No ably. Finally, after about 30 minutes, 5 Israeli politics. In short, we talked about ANSWER minutes had passed. everything except ... religion. I guess you "Thanks for the invitation. It's really could say we were "hitting it off:' There was less than an hour left to very nice of you, but, as I said, my friend There were about two hours left to landing. For some odd reason, I decided in Montreal is expecting me. Maybe the interminable trip and 1ny curios­ to go for one more try. some other time." ity got the best of me. I swallowed "Roni," I stammered, "I hope you I was not disappointed. I didn't really hard and rammed the words through won't think this is strange, but I'd like expect him to change all his plans and my larynx. to ask you a question, but I don't really come to a near-stranger for a religious "So, did you have any religious want an answer:' experience. I was just happy that he education growing up?" "Selicha?" (pardon me) he replied ... didn't make me feel like a half-wit for I waited for the plane to rumble or puzzled. "You don't want me to answer inviting him. his little tray table to crack. Neither your question?" "Of course. I understand. I'm hon­ happened. "Well, not just yet. I want to ask you ored that you even gave it five minutes "None,'' he said almost sadly. "Not something, but I'd prefer if you waited of thought:' long ago, I asked my father why he a full five minutes before you answered had not exposed me to any religious me:' studies. He said because when he grew "Okay. Shoot." ONE LAST TIME up he was forced to attend classes of (I guess he was comfortable using religious instruction. He thought that basketball terminology.) closed my eyes for one last time was wrong and would not suhject me "How about. . .instead of going to on the flight. The disquieting, yet to the san1e coercive tactics." Montreal, I know it sounds strange, I ever-welcome sound of the land- "And what did you answer him?" you come to my house in Brooklyn and ing wheels escaping from their womb "I told him that by denying me the spend Shabbat with my family and me. stirred me from my slumber. My ears choice, he had actually done the exact I've got nice private accom1nodations popped. In a few minutes we would be same thing to me that his parents had for you, incredible food, and adorable on the ground. It had been a long but done to him." kids. I even have a small basketball court pleasant flight. Soon I would reunite He was sharp, no question about it. in the back! Remember, think for five with my wife, my kids, and my own And his answer gave 1ne an opening to ininutes before you ans\ver." bed and pillow. And yet, a curious sense take our conversation a bit further. Roni did not seem fazed. He did of urgency ... maybe determination "So, it sounds like you feel a bit laugh, though. He looked about 65% brewed inside me. I just didn't want to deprived - like you missed out on amused and 30% stupefied. (I leave the say goodbye to Roni. something." other 5% to you.) He even looked like "Forgive me for being a pest, but "Naw ... not really;' he countered. "I he was thinking about it. We both just when are you returning to Israel?" don't have much interest, anyway." waited ... quietly ... not very comfort- "I'm actually going to be in the States Well, I thought, so much for that. I consider it a privilege, more than FROM- YOUR CAR IN ISRAEL a duty, to share some of the fulfill- 1nent I experience fro1n my religion * US$ with those who never had the oppor­ .90 SPECI}.L OPP!E~ tunity. But Roni's curtains seemed 15 *FREE SHABBAT kind of drawn. I withdrew. PER DAY A half an hour later, Roni turned TYPE OF CAR PER WEEK to ITIC. FIAT PUNTO 3 DR "Do you know how long it takes to OPEL CORSA get to the Port Authority bus station HYUNDAI GETZ 1.3 from JFK airport?" TOYOTA COROLLA "About 45 minutes by bus," I MAZDA6 responded. "Are you taking a bus to MAZDA MPV Philadelphia?" B.M.W 520 "Actually, no. I'm going to a friend Tel: 1-8~ts~8-5000 in Montreal for the weekend and 718-998-5500 , then to Philly for the big game on www.eldan.co.il

IL_ Tuesday." ------·------~- i DECEMBER 2005

for about 11 days," he said. aforementioned bed and pillow reunion. have some connection upstairs.I I'1n "Maybe you'd consider joining us for I was right - it was nice. The buzz of the at Port Authority, but all the buses to I Shabbat NEXT week instead?" intercom awoke me. It was my wife. Montreal have been cancelled. It seems I don't think I sounded desperate. I "Phone call on line 1.. .some guy there is some kind of major ice storm could be wrong, though. Roni shifted named Roni ...." there. I can't even get a flight out. So, in his seat. I don't recall having EVER jumped I guess I'm coming to you for Shabbat. "I don't know;' he said, "but give up so fast. This was no dream. How do I get there?" me your phone number and if I can, "Hello?" Forty-five minutes later the doorbell I'll call you." "Hi! It's Roni ... you know, from the rang and in walked Roni. I just couldn't I knew what that meant, but I scrib­ plane." believe it. He actually came. bled my number on a napkin and "Yes, yes, yes ... of course, of course ... During Shabbat, we learned that handed it to him. We shook hands and from the plane, from the plane." despite the fact that he actually lived in parted. I sounded like an idiot, I'm sure. Jerusalem proper, he had never - not Six hours later, I was reveling in the "(;uess what," he said. "You must even once - experienced Shabbat. We ate, we drank, we sang, we laughed; we prayed and we swapped stories. My kids found him totally charming and engag­ ing. There was nothing anticlimactic about it. I guess you could say we had a grand ole time.

THE NON-POSTSCRIPT

ere is tbe sad postscript. This story happened over seven H years ago. From the moment he walked out my door that Saturday night, we have never heard from Roni again. I think I took his number, but I misplaced it. I am embarrassed to say that I don't even remember his last name - it just didn't seem important at the time. It just felt like we were beginning a friendship that would last forever, but it didn't last at all ... and I have no way of contacting him or even finding out who he was. I'm a believer. And I believe that Roni may one day walk back into our lives. But meanwhile, I wait. And I ponder. How much did that one Shabbat mean to this elusive guest? What ever happened to Roni? Does he still remember us like we remember him? Why wasn't I more responsible in securing his contact information? Does he ever wonder why we never tried to Mrs. Aliza Grund, Tour Director: reach him? Did he lose my number, too? Did he ever keep Shabbat again? Live a Learn Summer Tour I Opportunities lost; beautiful memo­ for application or information, ries tainted with anguish and guilt. Roni, Roni, if you're out there ... SHOOT us an call USA 718/258-0709 ii§;. ./Ji' or fax 718/258-0243 EL'ZVAL'7NZ email or a phone call. We'd love to hear from you. i1il

36 ------···------OPENINGS FOR OUTREACH .... --- -·------·---- ______,..,______··----"'"------·-·----.. ------

CYPORA KLEINKAUFMAN

·1°~~1a"lwtlods Dee11:iQ_imt~l.t1•I otTexas

No ONE'S ASLEEP IN WACO punched the wall instead!" I remember But they were philanthropists. the sinking feeling - knowing that the I always thought that Jewish philan­ few summers ago, my husband intellectual talk I had prepared was at thropy was due to being "compassionate, and I were part of a SEED best. .. irrelevant. modest and bestowers of kindness,'' or Aprogram in Austin, Texas .... A What was I going to say to these maybe was inspired by Isaiah's call to woman named Chagit Hoffman par­ people who had no connection at all Israel to be "a light unto the nations." ticipated in a class, and begged us to to Judaism? I then introduced the general idea come give a talk in her ho1ne in Waco, of spiritual genetics. Rachav saving the Texas. All I knew about Waco was that it spies with a rope and, then Yirmeyahu was the city of David Koresh ... a com- THE ROOTS OF GENEROSITY (her offspring, 900 years down the pike) pound ... and the site of failed politics · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · being saved with a rope. of Janet Reno.... 0 fficially, the group had gath- I took them a step further and told Waco was a hick town. It made ered for a Hadassah function ... how Yael became a heroine and saved the Monticello (in the Catskills) look like (with my husband [Reb David] Jews by taking the murderous Midianite Fifth Avenue ... (and Liberty cosmo- addressing the men and me talking to general, Sisra, into her home, in the politan). the women - as the stand-in entertainer merit of her ancestor Yisro's taking I had never seen people before that - inspiration?). Moshe into his home. evening like the people I met at Chagit's I started speaking ... exploring with Yisro sheltered a beloved person house. There was Sally - with long, them the reasons for - and roots of (Moshe) fleeing a murderous enemy kinky, blond curls, who could have been - the universal existence of Jewish (Pharaoh's soldiers); his offspring (Yael) cast as a barmaid in a play. Her husband, philanthropy. hosted an enemy fleeing a beloved Brad ... athletic ... who looked like he I had read up on the history of Texan (Barak) and will be accompanied by that tinkers with a Harley in his spare time. Jewry, and unlike the gradual assimila- mitzvah for all time to come. And their son, Chad - who had his tion on the , the Jews I told a story of my father and a hand in a cast and sling. I asked, "Chad, who entered Texas's Galveston Port Sefer Torah... and an incident about what happened?" He answered, "I tried threw away their tefillin, and within a my grandfather and a Sefer Torah ... and to punch my brother -_I missed and few years became land owners, finan- then came back to Yael, and surmised ' CYPORAKLEINKAUFMANlSATEACl-IERATSHEVACH cially successful, and buried all traces that perhaps the reason for Jewish p~i-' 1 H1c1-1 Sc!'looL JN QuEENs, NY. of Orthodoxy. lanthropy and their own involvement

37 L ______------DECEMBER 2 0 0 5 ------··-·--·--·------·-======------

The voice persisted, "You only think that because in the post-modern era we THE AUDIENCE NODDED IN APPROVING care about women and their feelings, no AGREEMENT. I HAD WON ROUND ONE. one cared about women or their honor in that world, and Sisra was brutal to AND THEN AGAIN THE VOICE ... ,, women. "THAT'S RIDICULOUS! THAT'S JUST "I want to read you from another ONE SIDE OF THE STORY." passage;' I told her, and gave the back· ground of Dina, and how she was violat · ed by Shechem, and her honor revenged by her brothers, the sons of Jacob. "After in helping needy Jews and other chari· (I used Eichmann because it seemed that, the brothers are rebuked by their table causes is more than their being less sensational than ... and hoped that father ... the patriarch ... the prophet: "compassionate, modest and bestow­ in the moment of mental transposition 'You have ruined my standing, making ers of kindness;' and more than being my example would be heard.) me abhorrent to the local inhabitants.' a light unto the nations. Perhaps it is "They answer him. 'Should he treat also part of their spiritual genetics. And our sister like a loose woman?!' more ... it's a mitzvah that has been in AND THEN THE VOICE, AGAIN "So you see," I told her "in Biblical their families. Who knows what acts of times, even among the nations, there was charity their great grandparents had he audience nodded in approv­ concern for the dignity of women." performed? ing agreement. I had won round I had won. And even felt somewhat And think of the legacy for their Tone. euphoric - certainly relieved. children .... And then again the voice ... "That's ridiculous! That's just one side of the story. We don't know how he felt or AN IMPORTANT MOMENT VISIBLY MOVED - UNTIL. .. what he was like. It was a war and we OF INSIGHT · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · just hear it from one side." heaudiencewasvisiblymoved.... In the voice, I heard a place and an d then I had a flash - prob­ I remember thinking that if I attitude - the secular Israeli who hears bly one of the most important Twere filming the moment, I the Palestinian cause. oments of insight in all my would blur the focus on their faces... "Well;' I said (luckily, Chagit had a years of teaching. If I leave her this and zoom in on the faces that looked Tanach in her home), "the next chapter way - losing - she will hate religious like Jewish faces for the first time. in the Book of Judges describes his Jews forever... and she'll be lost. I I was even beginning to feel some- mother. [I read from the Book as Exhibit moved away from the congratulating what proud of myself, when from the A.] She is distraught with maternal pain and friendly crowd and found her in back side corner of the room came a for her son whom she fears is late from the back. cold, hard, cynical voice with an Israeli war. Her pain is so genuine that from I asked her her name ... "Jordana." accent. ... "I think that was a terrible the one hundred cries that she sobs, I told her she was the best part of my story." we learn to emit one hundred sounds evening ... she is such a fighter. I told I felt myself landing ... and sensed a of the shofar. ... After this authentic her (in Ivrit) that the Mishna (Avos quick shift in the mood of my previously expression of concern, she comforts 1,4) states, "Vehevei misabeik ... Let spellbound (and loyal) audience. herself ... 'Behold they are finding and yourself cling to the dust of their "What story?" dividing loot. .. ' (fair enough for war). (the scholar's) feet.'' And I compared "The story of Yael. I mean, she But this woman continues: 'One, two it to the expression "Vayei'aveik ish betrayed him. She invited Sisra into her women for each man.' This woman imo - And a man wrestled with him" home and fooled him!" comforts herself with the image of her (Bereishis 32,25). I told her of the And I heard in her voice contempt dear little son brutalizing women. The battles within, and how you have to for the religious community for not jack-in-the-box pops up and out comes fight sometimes in order to acquire being scrupulous in their honesty. The a monster. ... That's who she is and that's wisdom. She kissed me ... and told me audience became alien again with shrill who he is ... . that she felt that I understood the core "Sallys" saying "Yeah! Yeah!" "And so;' I say again, "I think I would of her personality. "Well," I said, ''I think if it were in invite Eichmann into my home ...." I had to win in public. .. but ended the forties and I had the opportunity to The audience murmured, nodding off with her in a way that left room

I have Eichmann in my home ... I think in agreement. for possibly new beginnings .... Who I: mmld do rom>d l~ knows ... ? Someday.... ll!I

····--··-·------.... , 1'l Chodesh Cheshvan, 5766 DO YOU RISE IN

HONOR OF ALIVING l. . . \ SEFER TORAH? 1+

1(::11 !(1:ll •tlj?tl 'tl"i' !(~1 :iiin 1llt> 'tlj?tl 'tl" ., Ji.:w!HJ :io::i !C:'f::!Jtl!C c::i::i m::itJJ Rava says: How foolish a/those who rise i11 h(.("t:ofa Dear Friend, SeferTorah and do not rise in honor of a Torilh·t~aolar. Ifyou ever see Rabbi Mordechai Y., you should rise as you would for a Sefer Torah. Rabbi Y. is a living Torah scroll. And if yo truly honor the Torah, you know to revere those who spend their lives immersed in its teachings. Rabbi Y. is a noted Torah scholar. He spends his days engrossed in the holiness of the scrolls and in the massive tomes of gemara. In fact, he is one of the Roshei Yeshiva of a prominent Yeshiva in Yerushalayim. BUT NOW THIS LIVING TORAH SCROLL NEEDS MORE THAN OUR HONOR. Aside from his communal responsibilities and the long hours he spends over his Gemara each day, Rabbi Y. tries to provide for his twelve children. He has already married off seven, with the help of sizable loans. Now, with the next son to be married, Rabbi Y. was forced to borrow more. Until now, the amount he owed seemed normal. But the upcoming wedding has only inflated the existing debt, catapulting it out of control. Rabbi Y. would love to pay off part of the amount he owes, or at least keep it from growing larger. But with only his meager pay to support the family, and with each succeeding wedding pushing him deeper into debt, he sees no way to grab hold of the monstrous debt. Worst of all, Rabbi Y.'s health has begun to fail. He suffers from stress-related conditions affecting his entire being. Doctors say that he must do all he can to live a stress-free lifestyle. But reality does not allow him to rest, so long as he has credirors. "!can't sleep at night from worry, and I can't go out in the morning, because I'm afraid to meet my creditors," he rold a friend. "! can't even face my own family. I feel like I have let them down terribly." Rabbi Y. fears his physical and emotional health is in the balance. We cannot abandon this Seftr Torah in his hour of need. We must relieve hiln:of And we must give him the peace of mind he needstopursnehi~Torah life. I ask you to rise to the occasion as Y:°u r~~f()r '~'nrah. Rise for Rab would support a Sefet Torah at risJi.l'.1f falfuig to he is beginning. to stnmble. Be generous'/~; ~~: them. And maylt~;

dedu(table rnntribuflon payable to: Please make your t ax d Iilhron Mayer Rescue tun Feivel Schustal Clo Rabbi Shloma 11230 1043 East 17th Street Brooklyn, NY 1n Up Your Eves alld The "Intelligent Design" controversv And Whv It Matters

t might not seem at first thought UNINTELLIGENT REACTION of "evolution only" education have that the raging debate over wheth­ revealed themselves to be entirely at I er American public schools should "Intelligent design" is the contention, odds with the very essence of the scien­ teach "intelligent design" could have actively promoted of late by some, that tific method, the spirit of free inquiry: anything to do with a seeming con­ there are features of the universe and the they are opposing the presentation of tradiction in the Rambam's writ­ biosphere that evidence a directed cause an alternate point of view. ings. But second thoughts are often rather than the undirected randomness What all the umbrage and inconsis­ worthwhile. that is the foundational credo of evolu­ tency might signify, though, is frustration, In the , the Rambam's tion theory. When some public schools over something that some small, stubborn encyclopedic compendium of hala­ attempted to include "intelligent design" part of the protestors' minds may realize. cha, the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem is in their biology curricula, the scientific For, although the grumblers say they want described as follows: establishment reacted in a way that was religion out of the classroom, precisely the ''And what is the way to develop love remarkable, and remarkably telling. opposite is true. They want the classroom of Hashem and fear of Him? When a A veritable genus of scientists and to promote, alone and unchallenged, their person contemplates [Hashem's J great academics not only vociferously defend­ own faith: the religion of Randomness. and wondrous acts and creations, and ed the evolution-exclusive academic perceives in them His indescribable and status quo, but exhibited (and continues infinite wisdom, immediately he loves to exhibit) a striking amount of anger, SPOILED Sour and praises and extols and experiences cynicism and derision, hardly what one a great desire to know Hashem Who is would expect from men of science - or, ike many SO-somethings, I remem­ great ... " for that matter, from anyone truly secure ber being informed in grade Yet, in the Sefer Hamitzvos, the in his convictions. L school of the imminent solution Rambam's enumeration of all of the An article this past fall in The to the mystery of life on Earth. Torah's commandments, the way to Washington Post accurately described "so Triumphantly, teachers described an fulfill the imperative to love Hashem is many scientists and others" as "practi­ experiment conducted by two researchers, rendered as follows: cally apoplectic" over one school board's Stanley Miller and Harold Urey, in which " ... We should think about and con­ efforts to add intelligent design to its molecules believed to represent compo­ template His mitzvos and statements and biology curriculum. And a University nents of early Earth's atmosphere were actions, until we attain [an understand­ of Kansas professor wrote that a course induced by electricity to form some of the ing of] Him, and experience an ultimate describing intelligent design as "mythol­ amino acids that are themselves compo­ pleasure in that attainment.... " ogy" would be a "nice slap in [religious nents of proteins necessary for life. Is "the way toward love of Hashem" conservatives'] big, fat face." (He later Soon enough, we were told, scientists to contemplate His universe, or His apologized.) would coax further artificial formation Torah? Stranger still, the outraged avatars of primordial materials, proteins them-

40 ------~· -_ = ~~ --- ~-;-::"__--:,.,~' "-0~ • .:;-• .._;__ ... ~--=- ----~----

1, selves, no doubt, and even, eventually, But the solemn conviction that such really only two possible perspectives 1 actual life - some single-celled organism things have not only occurred but have regarding the universe: that In The like the one from which we ourselves done so countless times, and by chance, Beginning there was either chance, or (our teachers dutifully explained) were remains a large leap of, well, faith. Which there was purpose. Neither of those surely descended. is why "evolution" is rightly called a diametric positions is truly evidence- A half century later, however, we are theory (and might better still be called based: both precede any weighing of left with nothing - not even a pitiful a religion). observations. But embracing evolution- protein - beyond Miller-Urey's original Scientists, to be sure, protest that bil- ary theory's essence requires no less a results. And even that experiment is lions of years are necessary for chance leap of faith (and, arguably, more of now discredited by scientists as having mutations of DNA, the assumed engine one) than affirming nature by Divine gotten the original atmospheric soup of Neo-Darwinis1n, to work their acci- design. all wrong. dental magic. A lovely scenario, to be Our belief as Jews, of course, is As the colloquialism goes: sure, but one whose hallowing of chance founded on the latter contention, and, Whatever. rejects the concept of a Creator, the as a result, on the conviction that there Hakadosh Baruch Hu has permit­ central credo of Judaism. is a purpose to the world we inhabit, ted science to uncover many secrets of It also ignores the question of how and to the lives we live within it. nature. But the Miller-Urey memory is the first living organism might have Science deals only with what can be an important re1ninder of how every emerged from inert matter. Spontaneous seen or touched or measured. But truth generation's scientific establishment is generation is generally ridiculed by sci- encompasses considerably more. And convinced it has a handle on the Big ence, yet precisely such an inexplicable what ultimately counts is truth. Questions. And of how scholars once happening is presumed by the priests Which brings us to the seeming worshipped are now viewed as having of Randomness to have occurred - by contradiction in the Rambam. The possessed more hubris than wisdom. It utter chance-to jump-start the process two apparently different approaches is a thought well worth thinking these of evolution. to the mitzvah of ahavas Hashem may days. And with all due respect to Drs. Urey not be two approaches at all. As Rabbi and Miller, while much manipulation of , 7":.t, explained it, one living things has been wrought in the might be describing the view; the other, SURVIVAL OF THE Fn'TEST, lab, the presumed creation of a living the lens. 1 ARRIVAL OF THE FIRST thing from a nonliving one has never Before one can perceive Hakadosh · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · · been reproduced. Baruch Hu's grandeur in the astounding o one denies that species, over And speaking of reproduction, the magnificence of His Creation - which time, tend to retain traits that first creature's ability to bring forth a path leads to love of its Source - one N serve them well, and to lose next generation (and beyond), would must first approach the universe as others that don't. Bacteria, for instance, have had to have been among the first something other than a random acci- whose DNA provides them resistance to living thing's talents. Without that abil- dent, as something containing meaning. certain antibiotics will emerge from a ity, the organism would have amounted And the way to attain that foundational, succession of generations in larger nu1n- to nothing more than an astonishing vital recognition is to meditate ... on hers than their less endowed con1rades but decidedly one-time occurrence - a mitzvos. and, eventually, may edge them out of hopeless dead-end. No DNA, after all, Why? Perhaps the answer is because existence entirely. In nature, as in history no future. And so, a package of co1nplex doing so raises the issue of right and (with one noteworthy exception), it is genetic material, too, would have had to wrong, forcing a person to confront the physically strong who survive. have been part of the unbelievably lucky a choice: whether to view the very But that sort of natural occurrence, alpha-amoeba. notion of good and evil as an illusion, the disappearance over time of genetic Yet, precisely such a scenario, a mir- an adaptive evolutionary strategy that characteristics or lines that cannot com- acle born of sheer randon1ness, is what has presumably provided human beings pete, is one thing. The appearance of a the scientific establishment today affirms with some cold biological advantage new species fron1 an existing one, or as a 1natter of deep conviction. And to - or whether to accept that our innate even of an entirely new trait within a doubt it is to be branded a heretic by conviction that some human actions are species - things contemporary science the reigning Church of Chance. right and others wrong reflects a deeper insists have happened literally millions ·lRUbbi MordeChai Pograffian~ky, 7·;it, inVoked of times - have never been witnessed. a poignant P'.:i.rable: A refined, wealthy visitor to 1'here isn't necessarily anything in the CLEAR LENS, CLEAR VIEW a city is shown a series of beautiful works of art ~ t f in a museun1 reacts to each with disdain, •Ora 11 t h a prec lu d es t h em rom h ap- • • · • • • • • • · • • • • • • • • • • · • • • • • • . • . • • but clai111ing to see only messy canvases. Finally, a pening, or being made to happen arti- 1b understand the current societal member of his entourage hits upon the idea of I ficially through genetic manipulation~-debate, it help: realize th~there-are-cleanmg the fellow's eyeglas~----···~--_. 4 1 DECEMBER 2 0 0 5

reality. The game is zero-sum. Either But while Torah-faithful Jews reject tion on the origin of species need not there is no meaningful mandate for the blind worship of science, we do be rejected. Hashem, after all, does not human beings, or there is. And if there not regard science as an enemy. Quite make Himself obviously apparent in is, there must be a Mandator. the contrary, not only do we seek to His cosmos; He could certainly have And those who conclude that the learn what we might from Hashem's set in motion a universe sufficient human species, unlike mushrooms or Creation, but - as we have seen - the to the task of producing life in all its manatees, has the power to choose to Rambam deems meditation on nature variety, entirely through G-d-seeded do good or bad, terms that can have to be no less than "the way" to attain­ laws of nature, including the law of meaning only if there is purpose in ment of ahavas Hashem. probability. Creation, must reject Randomness as Nor is "Biblical literalism" a Jewish The "how" of the appearance of a false god. approach. Many are the p'sukim that species, after all, is not clearly artic­ Thus prepared, they can peer through do not mean what a simple reading ulated in the Torah; and the time the clear lens of that understanding at would yield; the Torah She be' al Peh, we differential between what the Torah the intricate, wondrous world around know, is the key to the true meaning of relates and what appears the case us, and embark on the path to ahavas the Torah's words. What is more, there from astronomy and geology has been Hashem. are multiple levels of deeper meanings addressed in a number of ways. (See, inaccessible to most of us. The words for instance, Rabbi Shimon Schwab in of Bereishis and the Midrashim thereon his essay "How Old Is The Universe?" Hows AND WHYS hide infinitely more than they reveal. It (Challenge: Torah Views on Science is clear that the Torah describes the cre­ and its Problems, Feldheim 1976) and, n unfortunate side-effect of ation of the universe as the willful act lehavdil bein chaim le'chaim and bein our affirmation of purpose in of Hakadosh Baruch Hu, and describes gadol lekattan, my own treatment of A Creation at a time of contro­ Creation as having unfolded in stages. the topic in "Great Expectations'' (The versy is the assumption made by some But details are hardly provided. Jewish Observer, September 2003).2 that we believing Jews share some other Those facts have led some to con­ So - those would-be resolvers con­ groups' broader skepticism of science. clude that contemporary science's posi- tend - the idea of evolution of one r.------~ species from another one might in fact be shoehorned into the text of the Torah.J Are You Movi 7 But the emergence of a new life­ IS YOUR NAME AND ADDRESS PRINTED form from an old one has never been INCORRECTLY ON THE JO MAILING LABEL? seen or made to happen. And so, even We need your help to ensure proper delivery of the Jewish Observer to your home. if it brings us ridicule from those who Please attach current mailing label in the space below, or print clearly your address and assume our position less thoughtful computer processing numbers that are printed above your name on the address label. than it is, we Torah-faithful Jews have no reason to assume that what the Torah seems to say about the creation of species is anything other than true in a literal, or near-literal, sense. And since Affix old label here the idea of evolution has, willy-nilly, been inextricably wed to the notion of a Creator-less universe, we do well to be Name ______very cautious with speculation.

New Address 2 In fact, it could well be argued that the question is entirely moot in light [no pun intended] of the City, fact that science itself, since Einstein, has banished time from the throne of objective existence to the State, roiling sea of relativity. 3 The Rambam does write (Morch Nevuchin1, Date Effective ------­ 2: 25) that even some seemingly fundamental Send address The Jewish Observer philosophical convictions need not be considered changes to: inherently sacrosanct to Jewish belie£ Should Change of Address incontrovertible physical evidence to the contrary 42 Broadway, 14th Floor, New York, NY 10004 be discovered, he explains, then p'sukim seeming Please allow 4'-6 weeks for all changes to be reflected on your mailing label. We will not to indicate otherwise would simply have to be be responsible for back issues missed unless you notify us 6 weeks prior to your move. .J understood figuratively, like pesukin1 that refer to L. ------Hashem, chalilla, as having physical form. 42 ------l'l-IE JEWISU OBSERVER

WHO CARES? former may well have an evolution­ define science in the most narrow ary advantage. terms, and to interpret the U.S. ome of us may see little prac­ Put simply, there is simply no Constitution as banning from the tical reason for any concern philosophically sound way of hold­ public school science classroom the Son our part about the cur­ ing simultaneously in one's head philosophical idea of a directed rent "intelligent design" controversy. both the conviction that we are 1nere creation of life. But we fool our­ That is understandable. After all, evolved animals and the conviction selves if we imagine that inducting we don't, so to speak, have a mon­ that we are something qualitatively young people into the Church of key in this race. We know what we different. And no way to avoid the Chance is any less a conditioning of believe, and we educate our children fact that when schoolchildren are young people than presenting them accordingly. taught biology, if they are taught the opportunity to contemplate the But let us not forget how many pre­ to embrace the one, they are being Creator. cious Jewish souls, sadly, are entrusted taught to shun the other. And we are fooled even further if we to the American public school system. American schools and courts miss the dire societal danger posed by These are our relatives, parts of Kial might well choose to continue to the entrenchment of the former faith.u;i Yisroel; we may not abandon them to purveyors of the notion that chance rules the universe. And in truth, here, even the education of non-Jewish American youth must concern us. Because declaring the notion of a Creator off-limits in public schools not only squanders an opportunity to expose American young people to FOR the idea of G-d, it subtly but effec­ tively indoctrinates them into the THE FINEST· religion of Randomness. And that IN is no minor n1atter. For if a child comes to accept the idea that humanity's roots lie in pure AND VIDEO BROOKLYN NY 11218 chance, there can be no more mean­ USA/ISRAEL. ' ing to good and bad actions than to good or bad weather; no more (718) 941-5500 import to right and wrong than to right and left. We humans remain, to hin1, nothing but evolved animals, You can! Tust call our peacemakers and warmongers The Yitti Leibel alike. To be sure, rationales might "I wish I could Helpline. be conceived for establishing societal HOURS: norn1s, but social contracts are prac­ Monday-Friday ...... 8am -l2p1n tical tools) not moral imperatives; speak to a Monday-Thursday ...... 8pm -llpm they are, in the end, artificial. Only Sunday...... 9am -12pm, 9pm -l lp1n an acknowledgement of the Creator ~ll~ 718-HELP-NOW can impart true meaning to human frum therapist ~vi (718) 435-7669 life, placing it on a plane above that Chicago .•...... •...... (800) HELP-023 of mosquitoes. Lakewood ...... (732) 363-1010 In the religion of Randomness, on the phone ...... (888) 209-8079 the only law is that of the jungle. Baltimocc ...... (410) 578-1111 It is a faith in which there can be Dctcoit ...... (877) 435-761 l without giving San Diego ...... (866) 385-0348 no claim that a thieving, cheating, 1ornnto ...... (416) 784-1271 serial-n1urdering cannibal is any The Rebbetzin Phyllis Weinberg Branch of the Yitti Leibel Helpline ;-J"l' o)::,•;,)•11 inJ ):-::101:' ,, r:J t-t'Vrt .,,,n not>) •1)i• i less commendable a member of the 1~1>'J1 1"N 1-:'' "'PDJI my name."

The National Council of Jewish members of Congress, in which Judge and have more children, if they could Women (NCJW), which views judicial Alito is accused of having "ruled to only find like-minded Jewish men. But if nominees through a tunnel called Roe, severely restrict a woman's constitu- the NCJW's hyperbolic attack on Judge is galvanizing its constituents to oppose tional right[s] .. :' Alito accurately reflects the state of mind the nomination of Judge Samuel A. The "severe restriction" to which the of American Jewish womanhood, and Alito, Jr. for a seat on the U.S. Supreme NCJW refers is a 1991 opinion the judge if the bonds of marriage are so weak Court. The group suspects that Judge wrote contending that a requirement for in the eyes of Jewish women that they Alito may one day vote to overturn the a woman to inform her husband of a feel that their husbands are not even blanket enshrinement of acts it consid- decision that would affect their unborn entitled to information about a planned ers a woman's "right," and is publicly child in the ultimate way did not consti- termination of their child's nascent life, flogging him with coat hangers. lute an "undue burden" - especially since then how truly committed are Jewish Agudath Israel of America, for its the requirement did not apply in cases women to marriage, childbearing and part, would be happy to see the Roe v. where there was fear of the husband. the Jewish future? Wade decision overturned. By devaluing Few reasonable observers, it is safe to say, Are American Jewish women really potential human life, the decision has would characterize a spousal notification so cavalier about these matters? Or is helped devalue all human life, which requirement as "severely restrict[ing)" a the NCJW misreading and misrepre­ the Torah cherishes deeply. What some woman's right to make choices pertinent senting not only Judge Alito, but the have deemed "choice" is entirely foreign to her and her husband's fetus. constituency it claims to represent? The to Jewish thought and law. If Judge Ifanyphilosophyliesinthejudge'sdis- NC)W - although one suspects the")" Alito would in fact shift the balance sent to Casey, it was not about"a woman's in its name will squirm - is certainly of the Supreme Court toward a more constitutional right;' but about marriage welcome, like any citizen or group, to respectful attitude toward life, we would -to wit, that it matters. That is an assertion favor an unfettered right to "choice;' and consider that a positive development. every Jewish group, every women's group even to defend the widely-discredited What is perplexing, though, about - and certainly every Jewish women's notion that such a right lies hidden the NCJW anti-Alito campaign is the group - should be applauding. somewhere between the lines of the U.S. extent to which a group purporting That non-Orthodox Jewish women Constitution. But rather than blatantly to represent Jewish women is exhibit- are marrying later than ever, if at all, misrepresent a man's record (and, subtly, ing such a hostile attitude toward an has resulted in a Jewish demographic a religious tradition's attitude), it might institution that most thoughtful Jewish crisis, as Professor Jack Wertheimer better advance the cause of women, and women would agree needs strengthen- wrote in a recent, much-discussed article of Judaism, by recognizing and promot­ ing: marriage. The NCJW offers its in Commentary. Many Jewish women ing the ideals of marriage, childbearing and family. ll;J j « suppo~:~~ boile-rp-la-te-le_t_te_r_to-s-en_d___ c_la-im--th_a_t_th_e_y_w-is-h-to_m_a_rr_y earlier, : ,•, ::· ~ >";::--'-· '-> ':',•:--:: .. '-:<--.·: ..:>\ ·~ di1«1(1if••~1-~I . 1; -:'\~•..• ·.·'.\\1,~··;~.:--.:!~':.::.:;"~::··:.:;/(, ·.~\ ... ~\:;:·:::.Jt;;;,5'1\•j~:;.. •.···· .1'1!i .!i!i• 1iflili!c!ll0r::'1 · ·~:.:··:B;;i~Zli·~:·~·

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