Newsletter for King’s Thorn, The Birches & Aconbury A newsletter for the villages of King’s Thorn, Little Birch, & Aconbury November 2012­ First published 1977 Diary Dates October November 30th Flicks in the Sticks MBCH 23rd Village Market MBCH 31st Garden Photography LBVH 23rd & 24th Down Memory Lane MBCH November 23rd Clothes Sale MBCH 3rd Book Exchange LBVH 28th Gardening Club LBVH 13th Whist Drive LBVH 30th Antiques Valuation MBCH 14th Flicks in the Sticks MBCH December 14th A year in the life of a dairy farmer LBVH 5th. GardeningCub Xmas Social LBVH 17th Flicks in the Sticks MBCH 6th Xmas Bingo LBVH 20th WI AGM MBCH 31st. New Year's Eve Party LBVH

December Newsletter Please send copy for Deceember Newsletter to [email protected] or written contributions to John Bryant at Bramley Bungalow, Aconbury Close by the 18th. November

A YEAR IN THE LIFE OF A DAIRY FARMER ANTIQUES VALUATION EVENING Wednesday 14th November at 7.30pm Little Birch Village Hall Friday 30th November at 7pm Much Birch Community Hall An illustrated talk by Sue and Bob Mason of Merrivale Farm Aubrey Dawson (Antiques Valuer for TV Entrance £3.50 including supper programmes such as 'Dickinson's Real Deal', 'Secret Dealers', 'Cash in the Attic' and 'Flog it!') will value your items and then give a talk.

Refreshments will be served from 7.30pm

Tickets: £8.50 to include Refreshments and valuation of one item (additional items £1 each)

(In aid of Much Birch Church) forced the padlock off the door of the barn from where Safety Concerns from Readers the property was stolen. This is at least the third time Motorists have asked that pedestrians take extra care that this property has been targeted. now that we are back to dark mornings and evenings Incident ref 240­s­051012 again. There have already been several "near misses" Madley especially on Barrack Hill. Please wear clothing so that A wing mirror on a Vauxhall vectra was damaged whilst you can be easily seen it was parked on a driveway in between Concern has also been expressed recently for the 15.30 on Wednesday 3rd and 8.30am on Thursday 4th unsociable behaviour of some horse riders in October. The owner of the vehicle has asked around the ‘CHURNING UP’ the grass verges outside of some neighbours, who have told her that their vehicles had properties which have been kept neat and tidy by the been damaged over the past few days with aerials being owners. This obviously has not been done deliberately taken off. but without thought for other people and so we ask for Incident ref 117­s­041012 some thought for others as you enjoy your riding. The same sentiment can also be expressed about some A property on an isolated farm that is being renovated householders who do not trim their roadside hedges, was broken into overnight on Thursday 11th/Friday the outward growth of which forces large goods 12th October. This report has only just come in so no vehicles to the other side and leads to serious details of property stolen are available at this time. breakdown of the metalled surface and to the formation Incident ref 74­s­121012 of potholes. Your cooperation in these matters will be much appreciated. About 600 gallons of red diesel, a battery charger and an extension lead were stolen overnight on Thursday Little Birch & King's Thorn history Group 4th/Friday 5th October from an isolated farm. The Railways Talk diesel was taken from a tank and transported in a large It was pleasing to see such a good number of people at quantity of bright yellow containers with 'JCB' written the talk given by Gareth Davies about Herefordshire’s on them ­ let us know if you see any of these discarded old railways. Gareth kept us much amused as he in a hedge or field somewhere. packed in the facts about the development of the Incident ref 94­s­051012 railways, the types of engines used and the stations. He told us of the way that, rather belatedly, several rail At 2.30am on Sunday 7th October, a white Peugeot companies fought over access to in the early partner car­derived van R6*5JJO was seen pulling out years of rail, vying for various north­south and east­ of a farm gateway, two lurchers were seen in the rear of west routes. Amazingly, Brunel had plans for a main the vehicle so it is assumed the occupants were lamping line from via Roos­on­Wye, Hereford, Kington or poaching. Enquiries are ongoing with the registered and on to the Welsh coast at Aberdovey, which was to keeper of the vehicle. be a transatlantic port. It was too expensive! Gareth Incident ref 95­s­071012 was obviously a great fan of all the old branch lines where time meant nothing and there was always time Neighbourhood Watch for a cup of tea. Despite their charm, they were This message has been sent from Adrian Symonds, our unprofitable some closed early on and the rest force NW co­ordinator. Those of you on the Ringmaster Beechinged. His photos illustrated the branch lines System will have had this message, and hopefully re­ beautifully and also how busy the junction stations registered by now. The rest of you might like to sign up were. Many of us came away much enlightened about for this too, you can choose which of the updates you railway history and all greatly enjoyed listening to such wish to receive when you click the link. You will still an excellent speaker. receive this local briefing without having to do anything. Police Briefing – Local Interest 'We have also just introduced a new Neighbourhood Hoarwithy Watch message system within the Force that will Sometime during the morning of Friday 5th October, a require existing members to re­register themselves via barn in a field in Lasketts Lane was broken into, and the Force website. This replaces the five old 120 hay bales, an unknown number of straw bales and Ringmaster systems used up until now across the Force 100 scaffolding planks were stolen. The offenders drove (one system for each area) with a single system. over a metal field gate to gain access to the field, then 2 The new system will allow people to register Thursday 1 November themselves via the Force website to receive Festival of Lessons & Carols: applications open for free Neighbourhood Watch, Rural Watch and Post Office tickets for the Festival of Lessons & Carols (22 & 23 Watch messages. It is also required that existing people December, 7 pm). Requests, containing a note of the registered on the old Ringmaster systems also re­ number required and which evening you would like to register themselves, as there is no way to transfer attend, should be sent with a stamped reply envelope to contacts from Ringmaster to the new system, so I have ‘Carol service tickets, 5 College Cloisters, Hereford circulated a message to all existing members on HR1 2NG’. Ringmaster requesting they do so. Friday 2 November To register for "Neighbourhood Watch", "Rural Watch" All Souls Day Eucharist with music from Fauré’s (i.e. farm/equine crime) and "Post Office Watch" Requiem. If you would like to include names of messages people should: departed relatives or friends in the list of those to be remembered during the Eucharist please leave their 1) Visit the "Register To Receive Watch Messages" name with the Vestry (01432 374234) or email page of the website: [email protected]. 5.30 pm http://www.westmercia.police.uk/register­to­receive­ watch­messages.html Sunday 11 November Remembrance Sunday: the Cathedral Eucharist, with 2) Then; music from Duruflé’sRequiem. 10 am a) enter your details, b) tick the mailing list(s) that are relevant to you and Sunday 11 November c) click "subscribe" The Evening Hour: a service of prayer for healing and wholeness with words and music from Iona and Taizé 3) Once you have subscribed as above, you will receive and time for quiet reflection; all are welcome. The an email ­ please go into that email and it will ask you service is held on the second Sunday of each month. to click a link to confirm you have subscribed, once you 5.30 pm have clicked that, then you have fully subscribed to Saturday 17 November receive messages.' Hereford Choral Society’s perform an evening of choral classics. Ticket information 0845 46 33 124 or e mail Halloween Posters [email protected] 7.30 pm We have plenty of the Halloween posters (No trick or treat) here at the station, if you'd like any, please get in Local News touch and we'll drop them off to you. We are sad to say farewell to the Rev. David and Jane Golden Valley & Hereford Rural South Local Policing Johnson who lived at wormelow and have worked Teams tirelessly in the area for the last 8 years or so. David has PC 2176 Wendy Powell 07811 131525 taken many Church services in all the of the CSO 6173 Fiona Witcher 07779 141232 CSO 6366 Wormelow Hundred group and also instigated the James Cooke 07779 141223 monthly ‘Healing Service’. Jane has been involved with CSO 6482 Katie Middleton 07779 141223 the ‘Horizons Group’ which has raised lots of money [email protected] for good causes and also got together a ‘Knitting Non emergency number 101 Group’ which met on a monthly basis. David and Jane delivered ‘Meals on Wheels’ for some 6 years in the Events at Hereford Cathedral local area. We wish them both a second happy Making an Impression retirement as they move to Bodenham to be nearer the An exhibition of seals from the cathedral collections family. from 1100­1900. Mappa Mundi and Chained Library We also say a ’sort of farewell’ this month to Dot and Exhibition: normal charges and opening hours apply: Gerald Skyrme as they are wisely downsizing and please see the cathedral website for full details. moving into Hereford, but no doubt we shall see them www.herefordcathedral.org around in the future. Gerald moved to Lower House Hereford’s Beckett Reliquary, the only known example Farm, Little Birch, in 1944 with his family and finished still in its original Ecclesiastical ownership, will also be his final year at Little Birch School under the tutilege of on display alongside the exhibition. Miss Nellie Pritchard. 3 Dot (nee Thomas) was born at Little Dewchurch and had to work for Bibby’s Seed Merchants and Animal went to school there and also being of a farming family, Feeds Manufacturers, Suttons Seeds and take other met up with Gerald at Young Farmers and many of the temporary jobs in Hereford to provide for the family local dances at the time. They were married in 1974 and whilst building up the market gardening business. farmed Lower House and the Warren Farm and built up Dorothy also worked tirelessly with the poultry as well a very good dairy herd. They retired in 1993 and built a as bringing up the family, which had increased with the new house, ’The Sycamores’, on adjacent land. Dot was arrival of Hilary. In due time, 2 fields across the road very much involved with the Village Hall when it was were purchased and Bill produced excellent crops of re­opened in 1977 and was instrumental in the group lettuce, cabbages and celery, the young plants being who ran the ‘Mini­Agricultural Shows’ for some 12 raised in a ‘Dutch Light’ greenhouse at ‘Crossways’. As years. In their so called retirement, Dot and Gerald took time went by, Bill bought machinery and made the job up indoor bowling at Wormelow and then outdoors at of planting the seedlings in ‘blocks’ a much quicker St. Martins Bowling Club, with Dot being Ladies operation, but still very hard work. Marion Turner Captain over many seasons and was elected County worked alongside Dorothy on the planting machine President about 5 years ago. pulled by Bill driving his David Brown tractor, which She has always been well known in the floristry trade required tremendous concentration. having worked in a shop in St Owens Street for many As the years went by, Bill built up the fertility of the years and has been in great demand for floral soil with ‘green manures’ and any farm animal waste arrangements for weddings, funerals and other special that was available. He soon realised that water for the occasions and has judged Floral Art Classes at many of crops was essential for success and sunk a borehole at our local shows. She has ‘done the flowers’ at the the bottom of the first field, which supplied copious Methodist Chapel for many years up until it’s recent quantities of water all the year round. closure. Dot and Gerald have kindly hosted the Church This enabled Bill to concentrate wholly in the Annual Fete for a number of years and worked hard to production of self blanching celery, which was always ensure its success. Gerald became a great walker after in great demand by the wholesalers in Hereford and retiring and with ‘Meg’, their sheepdog, thought Cheltenham. Dorothy was one of the founding group nothing of walking 5or10 miles each day throughout the for the Little Birch Mini­ Agricultural Show and Bill local parishes. They will be greatly missed and we wish and John laboured alongside to set up the Show and them every happiness in their new home. clear up afterwards, As reported last month, Mr Bill Rowan passed away at On retirement, Bill built a new bungalow, ‘Innisfree’ the age of 89 years. He was born in Liverpool but his and built in many unique features including a piped father died when he was very young, leaving his mother system for ‘Hoovering’ with access points in each room to bring up Bill and his sister. He had a very strict and an electric heating system based on heating a ‘large ‘Bretheren’ upbringing and was not allowed to mix with capacity insulated slab’ which could be charged with other young people. He missed the entrance off­peak power and then used throughout the day as and examination for the Grammar School due to illness and when appropriate. so went to the Technical College in Liverpool where he Sadly, the marriage to Dorothy broke down and did extremely well. However, he always yearned for the Dorothy moved into Hereford. Bill was a Committee outdoor life and went to work on a local farm. member of the Gardening Club and gave invaluable Bill then took up as a cowman on 2 farms near Halifax advice on vegetable growing to the members and also but during the war and being a ‘conscientious objector’ judged at some local shows. He was also a member of was allowed to continue in farm work but had to join Little Birch Village Hall Committee for several years in the AFS (Auxilliary Fire Service) and had to work all the early 1990’s. Bill joined the Quakers at the Friends night during enemy air raids. Bill was married to Meeting House in Hereford and became involved with Dorothy soon after the war and they eventually moved working as a Samaritan and with the group ‘Open to work on a farm at Glasbury, where Hazel and Helen Door’, that provided meals for the homeless over the were born. Sadly, Hazel contracted meningitis and Christmas and New Year period. Although a Quaker, eventually had to be taken into care as the family Bill was a generous contributor to Little Birch Church expanded with the arrival of John. funds and together with John, dug the long deep trench In 1954, the family moved to ‘Crossways’ at the bottom to take a power supply from Much Birch Church down of Lane, Little Birch, to take over a very run to the entrance gates. He met Margaret at the Quaker down small holding. Bill kept 2 cows and poultry and meetings and they have been married for some 20 years. 4 Margaret was as keen a gardener as Bill and together regular worshipper at the Chapel and was extremely sad they built up an excellent garden which was full of when it closed in March this year. Joan enjoyed writing colour throughout the year. John sadly died about 8 prose and poetry in her retirement and often wrote both years ago. Bill was generous both with his time and the for special occasions at the Chapel. She was crops he produced and in recent years supported and instrumental in forming a ‘writers group’ and a worked at St. Michael’s Hospice. ‘Collection of Words and Pictures’ of local life and Unfortunately, he developed late­onset diabetes, which history was printed for the Millenium. A copy of this gradually affected his eyesight and caused much was recently buried in the ‘Time Capsule’ on the Parish frustration over the last couple of years. Margaret too Field on Barrack Hill. had been affected with Parkinson’s disease for several Now the picturesque chapel has been opened once years and so some months ago they decided to move more for her funeral service, which was conducted by into care. Bill wanted his life to end as he had been Rev. David Meacham with son Giles giving the Eulogy such an active man and in the end just gave up. and grandson, Kieran reading from St John chapter 14. A Service of Thanksgiving for his Life took place at the The singing of the hymns Love Divine and Guide me O Friends Meeting House and many tributes were given Thou Great Redeemer set to great Welsh tunes were for a life well lived. We send our condolences to sung with great fervour and tested the fabric of the Margaret, Helen and Hilary and their families. chapel to it’s limits. It is with great sadness to report the death of baby Joan became ill over 10 years ago and words cannot Betsy Gillespie –Fernyhough. She survived just a few express the devotion and care that Tony gave to Joan 24 hours after her birth and we send our heartfelt hours a day, with some help eventually from members sympathies to Carla, John and brother, Freddie, and to of the community and local nurses. We salute him! the Gillespie and Fernyhough grandparents and So we say farewell to an outstanding teacher, wife, families. mother and grandmother who will be sadly missed by On 19th October, Birch Chapel was full to capacity the family and literally, hundreds of friends. and the congregation overflowed outside for the Donations in memory of Joan were given to Barnardo’s ‘Service of Thanksgiving for the Life of Joan Rees. Operation Smile, MacMillan Cancer Support and St. Joan sadly died after a long illness on 7th. October, at Michaels Hospice, where Joan often attended the day the age of 73 years. She was born in Treherbert in the centre. Rhondda Valley to David and Edith Rees, her father We extend to Tony, Beth and Giles and their families being a miner but who with his wife went on to run a our deepest heartfelt sympathy. well­known grocery shop. She also had a brother, It is with great regret to report that Mr. Harry Gwyn, who was sometime Mayor of the Rhondda and a Gardner of Little Birch Road, collapsed and died long time secretary of Treherbert RFC. suddenly last week. Our sincere condolences are Joan attended Porth County Grammar School for Girls, extended to all the family in their tragic loss. trained as a teacher and moved from her beloved Rhondda to Birmingham and Somerset before settling Fundraising for Much Birch Church in Herefordshire with husband, Tony, who came from We would like to say a huge thank you to everyone who Abercynon and was deputy head teacher at Belmont supported us at our Fundraising effort at the Flu’ Clinic Abbey Boys School. on 13th October, to those who so generously supplied Joan spent 30 years as a teacher and was Head of cakes and pies to sell, to those who worked hard on the Drama at Grafton and Haywood High Schools and was day to run the stall and to those who supported us as later appointed Head teacher of the Margaret Allen ( the generous customers. We raised in excess of £400. Redcap) School. She was well respected and much loved by her pupils and enthused them to perform in Other events planned are: drama with her inspirational teaching. When she A Stall at Ross­on­Wye Market Hall on 2nd retired, the staff and pupils arranged for her to be flown November commencing at 9am. We would be so home by helicopter, which she acknowledged as a great grateful for contributions of homemade cakes again, honour. Tony and Joan have 2 children, Beth and Giles, groceries, jams, preserves, good bric­a­brac and crafts. of whom they are immensely proud. Beth is a Financial We will be in the Arthur Harris Room at Much Birch Services Regulator in London and Giles is a journalist Community Hall (entry by the side door, up the ramp) and teacher who, until recently was based in Moscow. from 10.30am until 1pm on the day before to receive Joan was a committed Methodist and was a faithful and any goods or if anyone has difficulty in delivering items 5 at that time, please ring 01981 540980 opportunity to meet others over a cup of tea/coffee. There is a charge of £1 per adult towards the cost of hall A Sale of Nearly New Designer, Classic and Good hire, hearing and refreshments. We look forward to Quality Clothes on 23rd November from 2pm until seeing you there. 4.30pm in the Arthur Harris Room at Much Birch Community Hall (alongside the Village market). Again Whist Drive we would be grateful for donated clothes (not Jumble Our next Whist Drive will be on Tuesday 13 November Sale items) and we will be in the Arthur Harris Room to in Little Birch Village Hall. We shall start at receive any items from 10am until 1pm on Thursday 7.30.p.m.The entrance fee is £ 2.00. Excellent prizes 22nd November or ring 01981 51130 or 540980 to and refreshments will be available. New players are arrange alternative delivery or collection. always welcome.

There will also be an Antiques Valuation Evening on A year the Life of a Dairy Farmer 30th November 2012 at 7pm in Much Birch Community We live surrounded by farmland but how many of us Hall. Everyone warmly welcome. know of the work our farmers do? Bob and Sue Mason of Merrivale Farm have kindly agreed to give an Castle Inn Group illustrated talk at Little Birch Village Hall at 7.30pm on The Castle Inn Group (formerly the Save the Castle Inn Nov 14th, to tell us about their work through the year as Campaign) is holding its AGM on Thursday November Dairy farmers. There will be an opportunity to ask 22nd in Little Birch Village Hall at 7.30. All members questions and a light supper will be provided. Entrance of the public are welcome, please come along. There £3.50. will be a chance to have your say. Annual Pantomime Parish Field – Diamond Jubilee Project Auditions and rehearsals now underway for Jack and You have probably noticed that there has been a great the Beanstalk at LBVH to be performed 8/9 February clearance job on Parish Field, thanks to Quinton Bibby. 2013. There are still some small roots showing above the surface and these are gradually being removed. Any re­ Much Birch 100 Club Draw growth of weeds which takes place during the winter The October draw took place on 12th October 2012 in will be dealt with then final preparation and seeding will Much Birch Community Hall at 11am. The winners take place in the spring. This is when help will be most were: needed. In the mean time, if you would like to be part 1. No 92 – Mrs. J. Goldsmith, Much Birch of this please ring 01981 540791 or talk to anyone on 2. No 23 ­ Mr. R. Thomas, King’s Thorn the Parish Council or Village Hall Committee. The next draw will take place on Tuesday 6th November 2012 at 7 pm in Much Birch Community The Birches New Years Eve Party Hall Little Birch Village Hall on Dec 31st. with DJ Wolfie John Jones – Chairman Children under 4 years have free entry. There will be a Bar and Refreshments. Fancy Dress optional. Much Birch Parish Council Tickets for the Party will be available from 17th. Nov Parish Clerk Mrs Alison Wright,Longfield House, –21st Dec at £6. After that date, any remaining tickets Gooses Foot, Kingstone, Herefordshire HR2 9NE will cost £10. Don’t leave it too late! Tickets are Tel. 01981 250860 already being reserved! Call 01981 541027, 01981 540401 or 01981 540068. PARISH MEETING – at the Parish Meeting held on the 13th September, at the Much Birch Community Hall, Little Birch Village Hall Committee Councillors were addressed by members of the public about Parish matters and heard an update from Ward Community Book Exchange/Lending Library Councillor Russell Hamilton about Herefordshire The next meeting for the “Book Exchange” will be on Council, and some items relating to local matters Saturday 3 November 10­12a.m. at little Birch Village including Neighbourhood Planning and Traffic Hall. A large selection of books to suit all ages and a Regulation Orders. variety of interests will be available as well as an Following on from the recent resignations, of three 6 parish councillors, there had been a successful run. All in all, a very enjoyable and educational information evening held on October 1st and a new evening. councillor joined the Parish Council, at the September ‘The Show Circuit and Designing a Show 13th meeting. He is Mr Jon Norris and a big welcome Garden’will be the subject of the next meeting is extended to him as our new Parish Councillor. A new on Wed. Nov 28th. at 7.30pm in Little Birch Village Chair, Mrs Alison Cook, was elected plus a new Vice Hall. The speaker will be Leila Jackson BSc who is a Chair, Mr Steve Turner. We are still looking for further nursery owner and promises a lively talk and slide new councillors, if anyone out there is interested in show with amusing anecdotes and props. joining us. On Wed., Dec 5th we shall enjoy our usual Winter It is hoped that there will be discussions regarding the Social with an evening of fun and feasting to start off setting of the Precept and Parish Council budgetary the winter and Christmas social events. spending for 2013/2014, at the next meeting on the 25th October, so do come along if you have any Much Birch Village Market questions, or wish to contribute ideas for consideration. The Village Market takes place on the 4th Friday of the Full minutes of the meetings etc. can be found on the month in Much Birch Community Hall, signed just off Parish Council website following the link found in this the A49, between 2,30pm and 4.30pm. summary.www.muchbirchparish.org.uk. On November, 23rd we hope be welcoming our usual The next meeting of the Parish Council will be on local suppliers: the award winning Squeaky Pig, Thursday 25th October, 7.30pm at Much Birch producers of rare breed pork and delicious sausage Community Hall. Please see notice boards and website (including Gluten Free, made to order): the award for agendas. As always the public and press are more winning Moor Meals, producers of Dexter beef, ready than welcome to attend and will have the opportunity to meals and pies: Jane Symonds represents Llandinabo speak directly to their representatives. Farm Shop, bringing, among other things, chicken, duck, and lamb: Castle Cheese, Mr. G’s chutneys, jams Much Birch WI and pickles, filled savoury pancakes will be brought by Much Birch WI takes place in Much Birch Community Anthea, Trefor will be here with quiches, both savoury Hall, signed just off the A49, on the third Tuesday of and sweet and, after many requests, a vegetable stall. the month at 7.30pm. Sarah Snell will be bringing along apples and pears The meeting on 20th November will be our Annual together with fruit juices. Meeting Dan will be with us to sharpen tools etc. Potential members and visitors are always welcome. We are delighted to welcome back Ray with her hand Please ring Kath, 01981 540382, if you would like to made chocolates, in time for Christmas, (but, who know more about Much Birch WI. needs an excuse?) There is a Fair Trade stand, craft stands. Little Birch and King’s Thorn Gardening Club Much Birch WI has a book stall, raising money for The The ‘Molecatcher’ evening on 24th Sep was well Cobalt Trust, its Charity of the Year. attended and the audience a humorous and entertaining Refreshments are made and sold by Chris and Peter, all show as Jeff Nicholls, from Berkshire, delved into the the proceeds of which go to McMillan Cancer Support. strange and mysterious world of the humble mole. This information is correct at the time of writing. The first half of the evening was pure showmanship However, because of events out of my control, I cannot with special effects of lighting and sound controlled by guarantee attendance by everyone mentioned. Mrs. Nicholls. The Question and Answer section was Our Village Market needs your support in order to very constructive and debunked the deterrent effects of continue bringing local food to Much Birch. windmills, bottle tops and sonic impulses. It was good For further details, please contact Kath, 01981 540382 to hear that more humane traps have been developed to replace the old established spring release clamps, which And Finally could result in a slow death. The following appeared in a college newsletter received The most important point in setting a trap was to find by a local resident. the ‘resting lair’ or nest, usually found by probing A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished carefully along the hedge, fence or wall and then to see that the bed was made and everything picked up. tracing the ‘run’, often not visible because of it being Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on slightly deeper, and placing the trap in this most used the pillow. It was addressed "Dad"

7 With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and, with trembling hands read the letter...

Dear Dad, it is with great regret and sorrow that I am writing to you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mum. I've been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am. But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stock of firewood for the whole winter. We share dreams of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstacy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDs, so that Stacy can get better. She deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren. Love Your Son Joshua

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call me when it's safe to come home.

8