Newsletter Date Volume 1, Issue 1

9 Ways to Initiate Sex

You’ve heard all about the benefits of having sex—it can improve your health, help you sleep and, obvi- ously, strengthen your relationship. And the best way to have more sex is to ask for it. But for some women, that’s easier said than done. It may be because you can’t figure out a way to get the message across, or you’re exhausted, shy or just plain out of practice, says Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of Sex Talk. No matter what the reason, if you’re not sure how to give your man the hint, read on for nine tips to initiate romance.

1. Put it in writing. Sometimes, saying, “I want you, now” out loud can feel intimidating or embarrassing, especially if that kind of talk doesn’t come naturally to you, says Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., a couples and sex therapist and author of Getting the Sex You Want. But writing down your desires can help shake off your inhibitions, since you can get your point across without face-to-face contact. Pop a note in your husband’s coat pocket before you leave for work, send him an email (to his personal account!) or tap out a quick text message. What you say depends on your relationship, but, “Try to break out of your comfort zone to help build erotic antici- pation,” says Dr. Nelson. Texting things like, “Can’t wait until tonight,” or “Having a naughty thought about you right now” can work to build excitement for what’s to come. Or, Dr. Nelson says, you can be more graphic than you might feel comfortable doing in person, saying some- thing like, “Tonight, I’m getting into bed naked and will do XYZ to you…”

2. Establish an “I’m in the mood” code. Between the two of you, come up with a word or phrase that is a se- cret call for sex. “Make it something that you can say in front of your kids, or even your in-laws,” says Dr. Nelson. The contrast between how ordinary the code sounds to others and what it really means to you stirs up excitement and fosters intimacy. Try something like, “Honey, can you help me balance the checkbook later?” or, “I really have a headache!”

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3. Get—and stay––in the mood. When it comes to summoning sex, getting yourself in the mood is half the battle. “You are more likely to initiate sex later if you pay attention to your own feelings first,” says Dr. Zoldbrod. Look at some erotic images, such as those in the Kama Sutra, or read a few passages from a favorite romance novel to put you in a sexual state of mind. If that‟s not your speed, just spend some time thinking in detail about the last time you had sex, which will help rev your appetite. Dr. Zoldbrod also recommends going for a walk to boost endorphins, wearing lingerie to work or even thinking about your favorite celebrity crush. By reminding yourself to keep sex at the forefront of your mind all day, the positive vibes will last well until bedtime, inspiring you to make a move.

4. Send a nonverbal cue. If verbal requests for sex are out of your comfort zone, don‟t worry: non- verbal initiation can be just as powerful. Try a kiss on his neck or a little ear-nibbling while he‟s on the computer or watching TV, suggests Dr. Nel- son. Then escalate the gesture by stroking his arm while you‟re sitting near each other. Ramping it up slowly like this serves two purposes: First, the element of surprise can boost sexual feelings; secondly, the non- verbal come-on can be unexpected, which could pave the way for sponta- neous sex, says Dr. Nelson.

5. Try something new together. Explore unknown territory as a couple, whether that means attending a free art class at your library, going to see a foreign movie or signing up for a vol- unteer opportunity in your community. “When couples do new things togeth- er they produce more dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical,” which will help make you feel closer, says Dr. Zoldbrod. And if you enjoyed that foreign film or art class and ended up making love when you got home? That tradi- tion will likely catch on, so doing it after any excursion may become a deli- cious habit.

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6. Be generous with compliments. As relationships progress, couples are often less inclined to court and compliment one another. Noticing—and appreciating—each other‟s positive attributes not only fosters affection, but will also remind you both of the early days of your relationship, when sex was likely intoxicating and frequent. The key here is to identify those times that your partner looks sexy or really impresses you, and tell him rather than keep it to yourself, says Dr. Nelson. Try something like, “I was looking out the window when you were mow- ing the lawn. You looked so hot in those shorts!” Or, “Honey, you just look so sexy to me when you‟re cooking us dinner.” That kind of appreciation is an ideal segue into sex.

7. Change the timing. Instead of initiating sex as the two of you are brushing your teeth or settling into bed with a book, make your move during unusual-for-you times, says Dr. Nelson. The idea is that by taking him (and yourself!) by surprise, you may shed a few of your inhibitions, since the experience will feel out of context. “Try anything that‟s out of the ordinary, like hugging him from behind when he‟s washing dishes and whispering, „Wanna do it?‟ in his ear,” says Dr. Nelson. Turning the expected on its head sparks excitement—for both of you. Conversely, the same thing might happen when you make the effort to schedule sex; the anticipation—and the habit—all build sexual excitement as you count down towards "go" time.

8. Play the ―remember when‖ game. As you‟re sitting on the couch together, or over dinner, recall your best, sexiest memo- ries. “Saying things like, „Hey, remember that time when we went to Jamaica on that vacation and it took us a whole afternoon to even leave the hotel room?‟ tells him that you are thinking about him in a sexual way,” says Dr. Zoldbrod. And reminiscing togeth- er about past experiences will not only pave the way for a romp in the hay, but will also reinforce the bond between you as a couple.

9. Be straightforward! Being absolutely direct is natural for some women, and a little harder for others. If you can master it, nothing works better, says Dr. Nelson. What man doesn‟t want to hear, “I‟m taking a shower. Care to join me?” Or, “Get in bed. Now.” The perks of being direct are that you don‟t have to worry about being clever or creative, or expending loads of time and energy conjuring up ways to ask for it. And in this case, practice makes perfect! The more you directly ask for sex, the more second nature it will become.

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 3 Lies to never tell your spouse

As promised from my last week, we will continue to discuss some lies you should never tell you spouse. These include the following below:

1. "I had only one glass of wine at dinner."

Your husband may have told you he doesn't like how you act when you drink too much. "Maybe you flirt with other men or yell, which makes your husband critical of you," explains Andra Brosh, PhD. So now you hide how many glasses of wine you've had so he's not on the lookout for bad behavior.

The problem grows when you start layering lies. "You might stop telling your partner where you're going out or make up stories about why you drank, which erodes trust even more." Instead of covering up your drinking habits, address your husband's concerns and work on solutions for valid issues together.

2. "I've never seen Jim outside of work."

If you think your husband can't handle your friendship with another man, you may think telling him about your relationship would create tension. "Partners lie about meeting up with friends of the opposite sex because they believe they won't get caught-and they'd prefer not to open a can of worms," says Dr. Brosh.

But if you say you don't see a male friend and then do, innocent interactions can feel like betrayal if your husband finds out. "Tell your spouse you don't want to jeopardize your marriage for a friendship with your coworker, but you'd like to understand what bothers him about the relationship," says Dr. Brosh. "Work on what's triggering the jealousy. When two people feel a sense of safety in the relationship, having an opposite-sex friendship becomes less of an issue."

3. "I always watch what I eat."

"I buy these amazing coffee cakes sometimes on my way to work," says Renee* from Dearborn, MI. "I think I'll have just a piece at lunch, but end up eating half the cake. I don't want my husband to know I've had that much."

Although some men may care about their wives' munches, the pressure to eat well is usually internal. "Women often make presumptions about their partners without ever hearing them say anything judgmental," says Dr. Brosh. "You're judging yourself and then blaming him for preventing you from owning up to it." Cut yourself some slack about the occa- sional food indulgence. Tell your husband, and laugh about it with him. Lying about a non-issue only corrodes trust in your marriage.

4. "I wasn't with Katie; I was only with Jennifer and Susan."

If one of your friends continually butts heads with your husband, you may feel like spending time with her means aligning with her. "So she'll tell him she went to lunch with someone else," says Dr. Fisher.

"No one wants to defend her choice of friends," says Dr. Brosh. "But you may resent your partner for 'making you lie.'" The solution: Have a conversation with your spouse about Katie's role in your life. Your husband may better understand the importance of your friendship-and like her a little better too.

Page 4 Newsletter Title Lies to never tell your spouse

5. "These new shoes? They were on sale."

"I bought electronic toothbrushes from my dentist," says Anna* from Fairfield, CT. "They were $70 a piece and I said they were $50 a piece. I know my husband would've said our regular toothbrushes were fine if the price was too high." Dr. Brosh says lies about purchases stem from the "power differential in the relationship, often modeled by parents growing up. The man controls the money, and the wife thinks she needs permission to purchase something."

Agree to discuss buys over a certain amount with each other, and feel free to keep mum when the total is under that (knowing that he'll do the same). If your husband asks about a particular item, tell the truth. Past generations of men may have held the purse strings, but that doesn't mean your hubby does or wants to; he may just be curious.

6. "I didn't forget to go to the bank. I got busy and figured I'd go later."

You may not realize you tell the tiniest lies, but it probably comes from a sense you have to give a more legitimate excuse than the real reason, like simply spacing out. "Lying about little things is an avoidance of feeling shame," says Dr. Brosh. Small fibs signify a deeper issue of insecurity. "If your partner tends to be condescending, lying might be a direct response to that," explains Dr. Brosh. If you notice a pattern of senseless lies, be upfront with your husband so he can have a broad- er view of the situation and help you work through it.

7. "No, that doesn't bother me at all."

The honeymoon phase causes newlyweds to insist things that really bug them don't-and the annoyance can persist for years. If you're afraid of rocking the boat, you may hold grievances in until you're bubbling with anger. "Spouses blow off little things, avoiding having to talk about feelings and resolve issues," says Goldstein. "But it's a major issue. I just dealt with this in practice and it ended in divorce."

A little recurring thing is a big deal. "With Twitter, Facebook and social media, there's so much room to act out what isn't getting resolved in marriage, confiding in another person," says Goldstein. Avoid that and be honest with your spouse. Try: "This may sound silly, but it annoys me when you put your feet on the coffee table. You leave smudges. Could you please use the footstool?" It may take some time (and reminders) to tweak his habit, but he'll get there-without you holding a grudge against him.

*Names have been changed

Original article appeared on WomansDay.com.

Key point to remember is that lying is never a good thing, even if you are trying to avoid hurting his feeling. Communication is a key factor in successful relationship and honesty is also needed. Remember, your spouse should never just be your LOVER but he should also be your BEST FRIEND.

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 5 Understand The Advantages Of Talking Dirty

A lot of women inquire about dirty talk however, many of them additionally ask why there is a need to do this. The idea of talking dirty for their companions embarrasses several ladies. But the truth is there are lots of reasons why talking dirty is a good idea for cou- ples.

The following are some of the explanations why it is possible to requirement for dirty talking.

Boost self-confidence to companions

Men need to know that they are sat- isfying their own companions and they use the dirty talking from their companion as a sign of this. Women know that talking filthy to their men while having sexual inter- course will certainly increase their confidence during sex.

Page 6 Newsletter Title Understand The Advantages Of Talking Dirty

Have more fulfillment

As mentioned earlier, dirty speaking can cause guys to be more confi- dent while having sex. Since they know they're doing a great job, dirty talking will help them to bring their own performance to some higher level to provide you with more fulfillment. It appears as if this is a two-way process because you can boost his self-confidence and also gain the advantage of being more satisfied than the usual.

Become more innovative

The advantage of knowing how to talk filthy is that it will make cou- ples wilder during their intimate times. If you're able to do this, you'll end up to be much more innovative in the process particularly because you will not have much inhibitions in this moment. You'll be more comfortable to tell your partner what you would like whilst doing the work along with him or her. Without self- consciousness, it will be simpler to be more creative which will satis- fy you and your partner.

Hope these tips help make your relationship better!

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 7 Pretty Little Woman…Shit.

For Christ‟s sake, the woman was unbearable. All she did was nag nag nag nag…and all I did was sit, smile and pretend that I was interested in what she was saying. After all, the hussy didn‟t know how to read a pin from an anchor. She was too caught up complaining about her own life to even real- ize that I didn‟t give a fuck.

“And then he told me to park the car and get out. And dear, I was like, no way. I‟m not getting out in the middle of traffic on a nice summer day like this! I really couldn‟t be—“

I literally cut her off in my mind.

Sitting at my cubicle, I watched as her mouth moved but I really couldn‟t hear a thing. I smiled at my genius and started listening to my internal radio as it played my song for the day “Skin” by Rihanna. I wondered briefly what the lady‟s husband must feel like…listening to her mindless crap every day. He had a choice… but I had to listen. That‟s what I was paid for. To smile and laugh. To pretend as if I had no problems in the world.

To be a pretty little woman…

Shit, if they only knew.

I straightened my short black skirt for the umpteenth time. Damn thing had a tendency to ride up my thighs like it was working for the scumbag men in this god-forsaken bank. My eyes flicked over to Dave before returning to the woman in front of me. He was the worst of them all.

“Darling, have you ever experienced that?” Her voice droned into my thoughts. I had no idea what she was asking me, but, opening my mouth to answer I soon realized there was no need for me to even say anything because she just droned on with an ,”Of course you have! You‟re a woman! I just hate it when—“

This lady had no friends.

That could be the only explanation why she would randomly want to have a conversation that had nothing to do with money with me, her investment banker. As I screamed internally before turning my music back on, my eyes wandered over to Dave again. That‟s when I caught him staring at me. I looked back, not flinching, but he didn‟t budge. Vaguely I wondered if he was just staring into space. But no, the concentration in his eyes were too deep. He was looking at me. I felt like shouting across the room, a good ole “what the fuck?!”, but of course I couldn‟t do that. Damn professionalism.

Page 8 Newsletter Title Pretty Little Woman…Shit.

As I stared back into the dark pools of his eyes, I couldn‟t help but squirm a bit in my seat. I couldn‟t lose this staring war. It would make me look weak. I didn‟t even know why this was a war in the first place. Why was he staring at me.

Maybe my hair was out of place? Something on my face? No, doubt it. Why then? I guess he could see the confusion in my eyes, because just then, I saw as the corners of his mouth curled upwards ever so slightly.

Prick.

“Anyway dear...you must be tired to hear me talking so much. I have to go now. I have a date with the girlies!”

Girlies? Which woman in her forties called her friends the „girlies‟? My eyes flew back to the woman in front of me and I had to mentally stop myself from agreeing that she should leave. I did the usual pleasantries. Stood up. Shook her perfectly manicured hands and thanked her for her service. As she walked out of the bank, all I was thinking was that I never wanted to see her again. Still mildly irritated by Dave‟s stare, I looked back over to his cubicle. But he wasn‟t there.

Bitch.

That‟s all the purpose he served. He was probably in the cafeteria chatting up the muffin girl. I called her that because she was pudgy. She made great muffins though. Pity she didn‟t know that‟s the only reason why most of the people in this place spoke to her. Poor thing.

As I turned to my computer, I absentmindedly pulled up my emails. Five new messages. Updates. Memos. And what‟s that…one from Dave.

Now what the fuck, I thought as I opened the email.

You know you like it.

The words stood out in the center of the page staring back at me.

What the hell was he talking about? His obnoxious staring? The way he always objectified me? The way he was a pig? The way he always used his good looks and charm to get the best of women? I didn‟t like it. Did I?

Volume 1, Issue 1 Page 9 Health Benefits of Kissing

The Top 10 Health Benefits of Kissing...

Have been documented in medical studies offering amazing advantages for a long and healthy life. 1. Those who kiss their partner goodbye each morning live five years longer than those who don’t. 2. Kissing is great for self-esteem. It makes you feel appreciated and helps your state of mind. 3. Kissing burns calories, 2-3 calories a minute and can double your metabolic rate. Research claims that three passionate kisses a day (at least lasting 20 seconds each) will cause you to loose an entire extra pound! It's time to start that kissing diet! 4. Kissing is a known stress-reliever. Passionate kissing relieves tension, reduces negative energy and produces a sense of well being, lowering your cortisol ‘stress’ hormone. 5. Kissing uses 30 facial muscles and it helps keep the facial muscles tight, preventing baggy cheeks! The tension in the muscles caused by a passionate kiss helps smooth the skin and increases the circulation. 6. Kissing is good for the heart, as it creates an adren- aline which causes your heart to pump more blood around your body. Frequent kissing has scientifically been proven to stabilize cardiovascular activity, decrease blood pressure and cholesterol. 7. Those who kiss quite frequently are less likely to suffer from stomach, bladder and blood infections. 8. During a kiss, natural antibiotics are secreted in the saliva. Also, the saliva contains a type of anesthetic that helps relieve pain. 9. Kissing reduces anxiety and stops the 'noise' in your mind. It increases the levels of oxy- tocin, an extremely calming hormone that produces a feeling of peace. 10. The endorphins produced by kissing are 200 times more powerful than morphine.

Kissing Is…

One of the easiest ways to express affection and say I love you. Kissing is a universal language that requires no translation to glean it's message. Kissing has amazing health benefits.

"A kiss makes the heart young again and wipes out the years." Rupert Burke