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• 2 • Action Magazine, November 2017 advertising is worthless if you have nothing worth advertising Put your money where the music is. . . Advertise in Action Magazine

• DEPARTMENTS • Live Music Matters ...... 4 Editor & Publisher ...... Sam Kindrick Sam Kindrick ...... 6 Advertising Sales ...... Action Staff Photography...... Action Staff Scatter Shots ...... 11 Distribution...... Ronnie Reed Composition...... Elise Taquino Volume 42 • Number 11

• FEATURE • Seaumus & Witches ...... 7

Action Magazine, November 2017 • 3 • Concert to benefit V.F.W. I can’t think of a better Recent news reports state career at Floore’s Country Pubs all over the place, al- time to return to perform- that 22 veterans commit Store in Helotes in 1954 though I was booked into ing than Sunday, Novem- suicide every single day in while in high school, and Holiday Inn lounges doing ber 12, 2016, from 2:00 this country. That is over is still going strong. When the same thing during the p.m. until 7:00 p.m. Texas 8,000 tragic deaths each I flamed out of Nashville in same period. Jim has a 1982, George allowed huge repertoire that spans me to stay with him rent- decades of well-known free until I got my feet on hits from many . the ground. His generos- Katrina Curtiss— ity is exceeded only by Here’s how to spell enter- his immense talent. tainer: K-A-T-R-I-N-A. This Mike Trigg — Mike is lady is terrific, seasoned one of the most innova- by her years in broadcast- tive and intelligent song- ing and music. She is an writers I have ever met. energetic folk/blues artist He expresses a point of who left music in her youth view that reminds me of to join the corporate world. some of the songs by But, she left that world, ac- Roger Miller and Shell cording to her Reverbna- Silverstein. For example, tion page “when it turned he has crafted a song dark.” about a relative who mar- David Muska — Here’s ried a chicken. If you die a guy that is the real deal. while he’s performing this David comes from a musi- song, you will die laugh- cal family who used to sit ing. Mike is a regular around and play music to- opening act at Tom Was- gether rather than watch son’s Greenhouse Con- TV when he was growing George Chambers cert series held at the up. His music is authentic. Pigpen on Broadway. Whether he is performing performs, and I’m sure artist and staff songwriter Hank Harrison—Hank a well-known cover song everyone will enjoy his se - with Acuff-Rose Music in is the host of Hillbilly Hit or one of his originals, he lection of material that he Nashville. After 25 years Parade that airs every does so in his own style has chosen from many away from the music busi - Live Music Association will year among those who Sunday from noon until with integrity. I love this genres. Robin Howard is ness, he began perform - sponsor its first Roots have dedicated so much 2:00 p.m. on KSYM 90.1 guy. contagious. ing in and around San Music Festival at VFW of themselves in defense FM in San Antonio. He will Rick Dryden—Rick, a Jim Wesolick — Jim Post 8541, 2222 Austin of this nation. join us to play mandolin fellow cancer survivor, is a Antonio in 2008. Since knows how to engage an Highway in San Antonio. The following live music and sing some of his fa- relative newcomer to then, He has self-pro - I’m not sure how much performers have agreed to vorites. Harrison co- songwriting, but, from audience. He loves coun - duced and released four gas I will have left in my donate their time to this founded the award- what I have heard from try music, and country CDs, and since January music fits him like a glove. tank for this, my first per- event: winning bluegrass band, him, he’s got the goods. I 2016, he has had three Unlike many of today’s hit formance since beginning George Chambers — Tennessee Valley Author- met Rick and his wife, consecutive #1 national oral cancer treatment in There is not enough room ity, with his brothers, Jeff Betty, through the late Ron country performers who indie country singles plus July; but I will be there to in this article to describe and Scott, over 40 years Young, who died earlier rely on a contrived “style” a fourth that remained in emcee the event and how I feel about George ago. Hank also fronts the this year from a years-long of performance, Jim is the croon a few tunes. Chambers. He is a country Lone Star Swingbillies battle with cancer. Rick is real deal. Every song I the Top-5 for several There will be no cover music icon in these parts, and is a genuine music a connoisseur of roots have heard him sing weeks (IndieWorld Coun - charge, but donations to having backed (with his historian when it comes to music, and I am sure you sounds like he wrote try Record Report). He the VFW will be gratefully band, The Country Gen- roots music; I am in awe of will enjoy his approach to them, because he makes has been a freelance con - accepted. All proceeds tlemen) Willie Nelson, and his talent and knowledge. his craft. tributor to Action Maga - Hartwell — Like Robin Howard — There them his own. A real from this event will go to virtually every Nashville Jim since the beginning support the post as it pro- star in the 60s and 70s me, Hartwell cut his musi- needs to be an energy pleasure to hear. vides much needed assis- when they performed in cal teeth back in the day drink named after Robin. ... of this year. Contact info: tance to and advocacy for Texas without a band. He performing six nights a His personality shines Jim Chesnut is a for - jim@chesnutproduc - our local combat veterans. started his seven-decade week in Chelsea Street through each song he mer major label recording tions.com. 651-4541 4810 FM 1518 N. 1/4 MILE EAST OFF IH35 HOURS: 7 DAYS A WEEK

• 4 • Action Magazine, November 2017 Action Magazine, November 2017 • 5 • I have never filled this column with my oafish coach now disrespects both Trump and the office he buyers. political predilections about anyone or anything, largely holds. With Popovich spewing his anti-Trump bile on because I don’t believe anyone really cares what I think. “Soulless coward” indeed. Back it up, Pop, or national TV and on the front pages of major national When I glance over some of the political hog - trot out some evidence of your own valor in the teeth of publications, you can damn well bet that many Spurs wash on Facebook, I usually ignore it or scroll on with - enemy fire. Years in the Air Force Academy and the Air fan Trump supporters will turn away from the AT&T Cen - out wasting any space in my brain contemplating what Force Reserve doesn’t make for a basketball Audie ter as if avoiding a hot flame. you or your grandma might think of Hillary, Donald, or Murphy or Sergeant York. I don’t recall reading about Potential Spurs ticket buyers will drop out, and Senator Calvin Von Drutwoc (cow turd spelled back - you shooting down any Zeros, Messerschmitts, or Viet the individual who is driving them away will be none ward). And the same goes for some of the opinionated Cong fighters. other than our blowhard coach. drivel I see in the daily San Antonio Express and News. I am a Spurs fan who has watched for years in The U.S. Constitution guarantees freedom of I simply don’t give a shit about the political lean - disgust as Gregg Popovich pitches his rabid, apoplectic, speech in this country. But at what price do we have to ings of most everyone, and this includes the profes - saliva-slinging tantrums over referee calls he disagrees put up with a flannel-mouthed basketball coach who sional athletes and signifying monkeys in coach or team with, always lunging in menacing fashion toward the of - would denounce the President of the United States as owner habits who might or might not stand, kneel, or fending refs as Spurs assistants “hold him back.” a coward with no soul? bow down for the national anthem until their nostrils fill It’s the Pop Show with predictable conclusions. We are a Christian nation, and to denounce an - with dirt or chalk dust from a 50-yard marker stripe. These childish outbursts would be laughable if other human being as having no soul is to condemn that Bad moon rising they weren’t so pitifully obvious. I have always wondered person to the fiery pit for an eternal basting too terrible what old turkey face would do should his trained assis - So jump down, turn around, and try to ignore to even imagine. tants step back and suddenly let him go head-on after the bad moon which has arisen over San Antonio and What gives Gregg Popovich this luxury? the referees. the San Antonio Spurs professional basketball opera - How dare this spluttering, blustering, spittle- Popovich has won five NBA championships, a tion. It’s like a big, stinking orb of rotting chicken guts slinging laudable accomplishment in itself. But general manager that won’t set behind yon distant horizon or find any ego maniac who would paint the president and the pres - R.C. Bufford is the main reason the Spurs remain win - other graceful or decent way to disappear. idency of the United States with his own brush of dis - ners year in and year out, Bufford has an uncanny talent I’m talking about Spurs coach Gregg approval? I know I don’t personally give a rat’s for discovering star material on the sprawling European Popovich’s ass, an unpleasant object of overinflated sig - ass what Gregg Popovich thinks about anything. And if market and beyond, and he could no doubt coach a nificance which our great leader seems bent upon Pop even knew me, he would feel as detached and dis - team with results to equal or surpass those of Popovich. showing to the entire world. interested as I feel about him. Forget the fact that Popovich is probably the The daily press is responsible for spreading most overpaid basketball coach in the history of the Popovich’s Trump bashings. If the reporters would just The galloping ego world (the Holts reportedly pay him $11-million annu - ignore Popovich as the basketball coach with more He is an asshole with a galloping ego of Rush - ally). Let’s just focus on the ugly truth at hand, a condi - mouth than brains, then the entire Spurs franchise moric proportions, and a millionaire jerk who needs to tion that I find hard to would be better off. stop trying to play God. digest, that being the Air Force Academy graduate Here is the big reason I object to the He is hurting the Spurs. His fine wines and win - coach calling the President of the United States a “soul - Popovich/Trump blatherings. ery that he owns are both subject to semantics. A wine less coward.” Pop hurting Spurs guzzler with money is a connoisseur, one with no bread I am no Donald Trump fan. I didn’t vote for him I am a Spurs fan. And Popovich is hurting the is a wino. or Hillary Clinton. I would never vote Trump. But there is team he is paid to coach, and the franchise that puts On October 16, I celebrated 28 years without a something rank and rancid about a basketball coach food in his mouth. drink of alcohol or a drug of any kind. As my friend Augie grabbing national headlines as he denigrates the Pres - The coach is dividing the fan base. Meyers would say, I no longer have to take shit off any - ident of the United States. No matter who the president When Gregg Popovich is quoted in the national one. might be. press as calling President Donald Trump a “soulless None of us do. And that goes for Gregg Voters elected Trump coward,” he is harming and probably eliminating hun - Popovich. For who or whatever he is, I don’t believe that American voters elected Donald Trump Presi - dreds if not thousands of loyal Spurs fans. dent of the United States. The San Antonio round ball The voters put Donald Trump in office, and it is President Trump is a soulless coward. He is not some - safe to say that many of these voters are Spurs ticket one I could support, but “soulless coward” is too harsh.

• 6 • Action Magazine, November 2017 Glam rocker warns of witches at South by Southwest creep

EDITOR’S NOTE: The fol - began swatting at invisible South by Southwest Music would gather to lap up lowing is the first of two in - tormentors and his legs Festival which had turned whatever honey dripped stallments of a South by Southwest adventure narrative became spastic shanks. the capital of Texas into a off the vulva of a billion in - by Seamus O. Sparks, a glam His week was either com - Mount St. Helens of dependent record labels. rocker from San Marcos who ing to an ignominious end human drama. We were People from across the takes few prisoners. or off to a heroic start. taking a respite at The globe would be pulled in Sparks calls the following piece Brandy of the Damned, In a stroke the blue Chupacabra restaurant, by the peculiar gravity of The Last Rock Star, and the mafia were on him. They right in the heart of the ac - the event-plastic wishes South by Southwest Miracle. sidled up, looking dutiful tion. It had already been a and debit cards on a bat - Take your pick and have fun and indifferent. And with long day. shit rave. Traffic would be - with the outrageous Seamus O them was the main hom - South by Southwest is come a monument to Sparks. If there was a Hunter bre himself; Brian Manley. synonymous with Austin. urban aggression and S. Thompson Gonzo Achieve - The interim police chief of For the next week or so it soon enough the natives ments Award, Seamus would Austin, here to handle a would be open season in would turn nasty and bare have our vote. routine freak out and stick the abyss as the city was their blunt, crooked teeth, Part One a needle in the eye of overrun with the throbbing at the slightest provoca - By Seamus O. Sparks whatever personal storm tribes: scenesters, hip - tion. I was drinking my Big this Tom O’ Bedlam was sters, hustlers, hucksters, I stepped outside and Red soda when I heard weathering. The cops and human dumpsters. lit a Pall Mall, menthol the thump against the win - poured on the baby talk Music industry big shots 100. As I was sucking dow. I turned to look at and managed to finesse came to slather on the down the miasma, these this piece of human debris the guy out of the window. grease, slop it around, two guys approached me. Seamus O. Sparks in full regalia pressed flush against the Manley posed for some and do some serious net - “Can I borrow your panel of glass. His spikey, fan pics. working. The headliners, lighter?” one of them a sweeping gesture with “The witches” I said. blonde/orange hair and I told my bandmates, “I those heavy lords of fist asked. I handed it to him his hands. I thought about “Witches?” they asked. black t-shirt flattened need a smoke” and and heat, would be here to but it wouldn’t work. “Ass - it for a second and then “Yeah, man. The against the pane as he stepped outside. We had finger fuck the city’s best hole lighter” I said and said, witches. The city’s lousy slumped down. Then the stopped to take a breather crowds. Armies of little handed him another one. “Well…I guess it’s like with ‘em.” twitching started. He after our first round at the bands with big dreams As he lit his cigarette two getting to meet Dave I expanded: “The news hipster girls with hard Grohl and then watching won’t cover it but there’s a candy apple asses walked him suck out your wife’s fil - real problem with witches by. He smirked as he llings. My answer didn’t in this city. Especially watched them pass. amuse either of them. when there’s a festival and ‘Damn right’ he said. His They were identically lots of out of towners friend quipped, “I bet we dressed. Pastel preppie around. These witches will get laid every night this shirts and light denim make you part of their week.” I continued to jeans with enough ‘dairy farm.’” smoke. cologne between them to “Dairy farm?” the non- These guidos had kill a detachment of smoker asked. some big plans. Tap as Stormtroopers at the I continued: “Yeah-there much ass as possible and Somme. They weren’t are covens all over and then jerk back to whatever much interested in me. they send out chicks to reality would claim them. They hung on, making lure young bucks, such as The one guy who was prurient observations yourselves, back to some smoking asked me, “What about every girl that squalid apartment and are your plans for walked by. “Imagine those then drug him up. After Southby?” tits” and “What I could do that the poor jerk gets “Well, I’m in a band to that ass.” They were passed around for use in and we have a few shows about as slick and wound their kinky fertility rituals or here over the next few up as it comes. That’s he’s sold to one of their days” I replied. when I decided to lay sister covens in Mexico. “Huh..where are you some heavy advice on We’re only about three from?” he asked. them. hours away from the bor - I told him, “From the “Hey man, you’d better der you know.” area…San Marcos..about be careful when you go Their faces sloped with thirty miles south of here.” cavorting.” livid naiveté. “So what are His eyes narrowed, “Oh yeah” they said you telling us? That these “Oh, so you’re just a local and glared at me like I was girls steal men for sex?” band.” a half-breed. “Hell no” I said. “They “That’s right” I said, “just “Look fellas, I’m just steal men and keep them local.” telling you that you’ve got to milk their sperm. You We continued our to be careful.” know, for breeding. And smoke. He asked, “What’s “Why’s that?” the when they milk the sperm it like for a local band dur - smoker asked with macho they use a device like a ing all of this?” He made defiance. Continued on pg. 13

Action Magazine, November 2017 • 7 • Magazine’s Anniversary a blast 42 nd

Kinky with Tara and Tony Talanco

Sam and Sharon Dub Robinson Kindrick Russell Toman

Jimmy Spacek and Cindy Bonds John Shattenberg

Ron Knuth

Randy Toman Claude (Butch) Morgan Lacy Brinson

• 8 • Action Magazine, November 2017 Photographs by Marco Villarreal

George Chambers Sylvia Kirk Henry Rivas (left) with Al Gomez

Sam, Sharon with Mona and Darrell McCall

Mike Marks Amy Heller

Mike Marks (left) with R.B. Blackstone

Jimmy Fuller Justin Trevino, Sam and Augie Steel guitar ace Tommy Detamore Action Magazine, November 2017 • 9 • A-ACTIOLicNense #25 B102A S. ICLOM ABL #O2, SNATDX 78S 207

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• 10 • Action Magazine, November 2017 45th for Dub Dub said the approach - ers, Meyer Anderson, Blues fest set Big Winds “soulless coward.” The ’s birth ing tricentenniel of San Claude Morgan, Rich Hall, The San Antonio Blues The last time Action The response on Face - name is Winston James Antonio gave him the idea White Elephant, Bimbo Society’s annual Robert book was hilarious. Magazine ran a photo and The vast majority of re - Robinson, but most peo - for the song, which is sung and Borderline, Rex Alan Johnson SA Sessions will on the record by Zerda. article on Alana Urbano, sponders agreed with Kin - ple refer to him as Dub, McNeill, and some DSC feature Johnny Nichols “I selected Jan to sing she was drum major of the drick who basically said veteran band leader, vo - alumni. and Hell Bent for this calist, songwriter and gui - this tune because she is University of Texas at San Popovich should keep his Other release parties year’s show November 18 tar slick whose Drugstore an amazing singer and Antonio’s marching band. beak out of national poli - booked include The 4- at Sam’s Burger Joint. tics and coach the team Cowboys group has now guitarist,” Robinson said. Way Bar and Grill, Nov. 3, “I’ve had the privilege of Doors open at 7 p.m. that his reckless rhetoric entered its 45th year of ex - 8-12; Torre di Pietra Vine - was actually harming. hearing her all these years Opening act will be Arthur istence. yards, Nov. 4, 2-6; The While the basic theme and have never been dis - King and the Alamo All - “It doesn’t seem like it Wild Horse Saloon, Nov. involved Pop and Presi - appointed. Acoustic or stars beginning at 8 p.m. has been this long to me,” 12, 5-9; Hondos, Nov. 18, dent Trump, there was the electric, duo or 9-piece Tickets are available at Robinson says, “ but it’s 8-11:30, with the West contingent of word war - like they say, time flies band, she truly owns the Side Horns; The Den in La www.SamsBurgerJoint.co riors who got off into sub - when you are having fun. songs she sings. I’m hon - Vernia, Dec. 8, 7:45- m and at the door on day jects ranging from Obama It has always been fun for ored to have her sing my to the high cost of gaso - 11:15. of the show. me and it still is.” tunes.” Johnny NIchols is an line. Dub says the anniver - “There will also be sur - honorary lifetime member The column may be sary CD contains home- prises along the way,” found on page 6 in this style music that touches Robinson smiles. “No artist of the San Antonio issue of Action. The Face - on everything from blue - telling who we will see be - Blues Society. book insanity may be grass to blues to country fore it is all done.” See ad in this issue of found on the Sam Kindrick rock to western swing to McCall heart scare Action Magazine. Facebook page. The celebration is an Alana Urbano dixieland and more. Darrell McCall is home Unknown Soldiers “It is puro San Antonio,” annual SABS November and recovering nicely after New band and new he said, noting event, paying tribute to This is the talented and is the word from who played with him on a heart scare that resulted beautiful daughter of one of the founding fa - Roy Perez, leader and the record to include Jan in an emergency pace - thers of blues music, Urban Urbano, longtime founder of the unique new Zerda on lead vocals and maker installation at Robert Johnson. friend of Action Magazine who now drums with the group Unknown Soldiers. harmony, Shannon Hospital in San Local focus of the cele - plus West Side Horns West Side Horns. “The Soldiers are firing Angelo. bration is on the historic aces Al Gomez on trum - Now daughter Alana hard with their own origi - pet and Henry Rivas on 1936 recordings Johnson has moved on into a new nal Americana rock style Dub Robinson sax. did in the historical Shera - and exciting position of as - music,” Perez says. “This Robinson ticks off a ton-Gunter Hotel. Among sociate director of the San genre is definitely different conglomeration of San those 16 songs are Antonio Chamber Winds. because of the lyrics Antonio musicians on the Sweet Home Chicago, This is San Antonio’s being Spanish ala-Mexi - who incude Dave Cross Road Blues , and newest community wind cano rock.” band, boasting more than ’s press re - Russel, Max Garcia, Ramblin’ on My Mind. 50 members, and the only lease says This changes Chase Tomerlin, Kenny The SABS promotes community band based on the same old I-IV-V blues Grohman, Dan Dreeben, and helps with blues San Antonio’s South Side. or standards you seem to Larry Roberson, Urban shows and blues musi - Says Alana: “We have always hear at your local Urbano, Bobby Kallus, the cians, with big emphasis just partnered with Texas bars taverns, etc. The Sol - late Steve Mallet, Tooter in the schools and the San A&M University in San An - diers are creating a more Rips, Judy Craft, Rich Antonio music community tonio to bring musical per - interesting show through Hall, the late John Bran - formance opportunities Roy’s original lyrics and in general. desky, R.B. Blackstone and concerts to the south unorthodox approach. and John Santos. Darrell McCall The SABS literature side of San Antonio. It has The Unknown Soldiers Robinson has a num - says, “Our continuing mis - been a really big year for played last month at La sion in the community in - Jan Zerda ber of CD release parties McCall and wife Mona us.” Tuna Bar and Grill. planned for across South are longtime friends of cludes the Sam Baird Facebook bomb Gavin cover Texas, with big and imme - With Jan Zerda, his fe - Action Magazine, having Scholarship. This program The Sam Kindrick col - The great photo of Ty diate focus being on the umn in this issue of Action male counterpart for the played on all three of our continues the legacy of Gavin which was on our anniversary blowout set Magazine was first posted past 22 years, a vocalist anniversary shows. noted musician and SABS October cover was shot by for November 5 from 3 on Facebook, an experi - and guitarist supreme, It was a close call, ac - member Sam Baird.” until 10 p.m. at Floore ment that netted more Annette Fogt Crawford, cording to McCall’s Robinson has produced a Store in Helotes. These scholarships are than a thousand com - house photographer at CD at his East San Anto - This one will include daughter Guyanne, who awarded to deserving stu - ments and well over 800 Sam’s Burger Joint. nio Texart Studios which most of the musicians who said that her father flat shares. We failed to give An - carries the name of the dent musicians who are nette a photo credit for the played on the record, plus lined three times before This month’s column Robinson-penned title cut, doctors got him stabilized. feted annually during the deals with Spurs coach photo she supplied us friends and associates to without charge. San Antonio my Home - A full recovery is pre - Fiesta Blues Heritage Se - Gregg Popovich calling town. include The Toman Broth - President Donald Trump a Sorry, Annette. We will dicted. ries. do better next time. Action Magazine, November 2017 • 11 • • 12 • Action Magazine, November 2017 Witches keeping the vital flame of the right hook on which to before our set. The music it on. This guaranteed a to eat, but they’re sup - Austin’s “Live Music Capi - hang this queer pursuit. had yet to start but the gutbucket kahuna of a posed to be playing now. continued from pg 7 tol of the World” mythos Which takes me back Frito Pie was already a fe - show- a little slow off the Since you guys are here alive. On Friday and Satur - to the window at The Chu - rocious success. line, some nights, but al - with your gear will you just dildo only it has an electric day evenings, it was our pacabra where seven of In fact, people were at - ways deadly in the stretch. go ahead and play?” It charger on it. They stick it duty to suit up and hustle us sat. The Chupacabra tacking the stuff like a With us was our was already fifteen min - up your ass and zap your a crowd to ensure that, at served vegetarian Tex- frenzy of Baboon Spiders makeup artist, Nix Nova; a utes into the set that was prostate. Then, boom, its grossest levels, the ma - Mex and obscure craft working the angles on a rare gem-part Ganymede, supposed to be happen - you’re milked.” chinery of the night could beers at inflated prices. terminally mauled chimp. part Da Vinci. As a kind of ing. After exchanging a They stared at me in turn. The room was swarming It amused the Mexican metaphysical jack-of-all few sour looks between half-horror. Then the Maybe I should take with patrons tucking in to busboys to witness this trades, Nix was always a ourselves, we agreed to smoker quickly changed that punishing question their mushroom enchi - spectacle. I could see their handy asset but especially step up and do this lady a the subject, and run with it? The an - ladas and cabbage stuffed eyes alight in wonder at all so given our current cir - solid…for the greater “So you’re just in a local swer, I felt, was more com - tacos. Several televisions these half bright gringos cumstances. We also en - good. band, huh?” plex than any kind of glib were turned on, one of with their hair on fire and listed a friend of ours, We got onstage and “That’s right” I said. response I was naturally which was playing a docu - smacking, overdriven lips. David, to drive the van performed. We got about The smoker put his butt wired to give. It was much mentary about Timothy I saw a beef necked man during our Southby run. three songs in when the out on his heel. The two of deeper in the mix. It could - Treadwell-the lunatic on his third helping say, He looked like a cross be - main event coordinator them wandered out into n’t be academically ana - who’d met a gruesome “This is so good, I wish I tween Memnon and a de - came to the side of the the throng. I think my lyzed or confronted in the end after deciding that his could replace my teeth fensive tackle for the stage and said, “Hey, that story had made them, if abstract. It had to be purpose in life was to live with baleen, hah hah, just Oakland Raiders. At about band just got back. You not nervous, at least lived. Whichever way the among Alaskan grizzlies. to filter feed on it. And God 315 pounds of square need to wrap it up so that slightly wary. And that was luck dropped, I felt confi - Thank God the volume damn, it’s free!” flesh and a head full of we can go ahead and get good enough for me. dent in my ability to cow - was muted. Otherwise the We were set to play at dreadlocks, he might be a them going. They came all But I was taken with boy up, push it, and go meatless diners may have three o’ clock that after - useful presence should the way from New York the question they had however far the distance been put off their lunch by noon but pulled in with our anyone try to start “selling and have another show - limply posed. “What was it would carry me. the terrible sounds of the rented van at about wolf tickets.” David wasn’t case in a couple of hours. like for a local band during From that moment I food chain at work. eleven-fifty a.m. We al - a smash-mouth bruiser, You understand.” Rat shit, South by Southwest?” The would be on the lookout We had just played our ways arrive, or try to, but he could put on a kind I thought. Why should we answer I had given them for something…any - first South by Southwest about three hours before of Lion of Judah menace fall through the dry rot of was flippant. It was ugly. thing…everything that show. It had been a bum - our set time. This is largely given the right context. somebody else’s poor But was it real? What was could shine a light on mat - mer and we had one more because of the nature of We had been at the planning? South by Southwest like ters. I was dubious about to go on our first day. We our act. We go onstage in venue for about an hour In moments like that for so many of us “local what conclusions, if any, I played at a place called full makeup and costume. and Nix was on the sec - you conjure all the rank bands? We were, to be would come to. The whole Rain for some kind of day All cylinders firing-total ond face when a fidgety thoughts. Making waves sure, the cream of the expedition would be a party. I can’t remember commitment. Those three talking showcase pro - will almost certainly get city’s cultural cannon-fod - guaranteed ball buster. who or what was behind hours were vital to the ducer ran over to us. “I you nowhere. Being nice der. For every hotshot and But perhaps, with luck, if I everything but the hype on process-doll up, get loose, hate to ask this” she about things won’t get you big name to come out of struck out in the dark with it was the free Frito pie and make every physical squealed, “One of the much further. Not when this town, there were at shrewd eyes and a com - being offered. We arrived and psychic preparation bands got confused about Continued on pg. 14 least several score of us bustible spirit, I could find really early; three hours necessary in order to pour the times and have gone Texas Pride Barbecue Come check out the world’s most unique barbecue joint and entertainment venue

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Action Magazine, November 2017 • 13 • Witches tinue discussing the mat - humdinger-a documen - of the voices struck me as Oh well, at least I had to burn? It was probably ter, we beat a prickly re - tary about a painted distinctively feminine as made an impression on some fantastically clever continued from pg 13 treat and left her frothing mechaphile who follows did an ankle bracelet and someone from the indus - put on that I was too stu - you’re a piddly shit band at and lathered in the rage of five mean women around pair of white sandals. try. I walked into the stall. pid to “get.” The kind of act South by Southwest. No her ancestors. town in a van, gets them I decided it best to To hell with jungle foot, a Liberal Arts sophomore goose sauce for the minor En route to our next gig drunk, and then when they leave the heavy action in this was a real moment would concoct as their leaguers here, just curve - a group of harpy women pass out screws their the stall alone and began unfolding. I took my phone way of saying, “, balls. With dumb sucking started harassing us. Traf - Cadillac.” to change into my stage and shot a picture of the corporate rock; in the king - grins, we fell on our fic was standing still and One of the other ladies clothes in the middle of two most physically abom - dom of the shucked, the swords and finished the next to our van this white shot us the finger and the bathroom. I didn’t rel - inable people I have ever jive assed are kings.” They set. Cadillac convertible idled. called us “Faggots.” ish the thought of some seen. They looked like managed to nearly clear While we loaded out a Inside were five leathery We got to The Black - drunk cowboy or priggish pulsing marshmallows the entire place out before woman approached us. I broads, all catted out in heart around five pm. tourist walking in on me covered in skin tags and stepping off the stage with recognized her from ear - impenetrable makeup and When we got there a girl while I was half-naked and purple veins. They were triumphant half-cocked lier. She’d made a nui - chintzy jewelry. They in a purple dress with a covered in glitter and too engrossed in their smiles. sance of herself before the looked like a group of real floral headpiece gyrated makeup. This was still humping to notice me We played our show in show. Nix was putting estate agent’s wives from onstage while pounding Texas, after all, and a snapping several shots. I front of the seven people makeup on our guitarist Dallas; five high kicking an electronic drum to the men’s room is hardly the finished changing and left left to see it. After we fin - when she had slid over to dames in search of their pulse of various farts and kind of place for a peeled the bathroom in the bop - ished this ruddy guy in his where he was working. inner Gila monster. The futuristic squiggles coming degenerate to try and rea - ping lap of the gods. sixties came up to me. After pestering him merci - driver laid on the horn and out of her computer. The son with anyone who Outside, the punk band “Hey man, that was the lessly with numbskull began shouting. Then one action was happening out - stinks of Shiner Bock and got ready to go onstage. best thing I’ve caught so questions about cosmet - of them started motioning side and there were about incurable Old Testament As they were setting up I far! My name’s Corky ics, she screamed in to us. We slid the van door thirty people looking cool prejudice. noticed that the crowd Gookin. I come to Southby agony when, at her insis - open to hear what they and milling around. We I balanced gingerly to looked pretty good. Prob - every year. God damn you tence, he applied a small were saying. They were had several slow hours to avoid stepping in any ably about a hundred peo - guys put on one hell of a amount of glitter gel on very drunk. One of get our heads together muck. No point in con - ple, all eager to hoot it up performance!” her arm. We weren’t sure them roared, and rev up for round num - tracting jungle foot, I at a free show. No badges “Wow, thanks Corky” I if she was bent on bath “Hey, we’re looking for ber two. thought. As I was standing or fancy talismans re - said. salts or just badly wired. the main event around All the waiting and there in my red perform - quired for this party. He continued, ““Yeah, After catching up to us here, how do you get to small talk sodomized my ance underwear and T- Everything here was run - like, it reminded me of The outside the venue she Auditorium Shores?” nerves and by the time it shirt that says, “Virginia is ning on pure gusto. And Scorpions or something. hissed, “Hey, I got a bone “Practice” our bass was an hour before our for Lovers” a man walked all that stood between us You know I saw The Scor - to pick with you. What’s up player sung back. The set, I was ready to be in. He had to be a music and payday was a punk pions at The US Festival with all the Nazi stuff?” woman contrived a saw - done for the day. “Just industry person. He wore band from Norman, Okla - back in, like, eighty-two or “Nazi stuff? What the fuck toothed look. She had hair hang on” I muttered to my - skinny jeans, a tight black homa. three. Yeah, and they were do you mean?” like a haystack and a bull self. “One band to go and shirt, and maroon suede The worst punk band the best band on the bill. “You in that soldier out - nettle voice that simmered then we’re golden.” And jacket. He had black horn from all of Oklahoma, as it And you guys reminded fit… and you” she pointed in a Texas drawl. what a band they were. A rimmed glasses and every turned out. They spent me of them. I mean, you’re to our “raising “What the fuck is that three piece punk outfit gelled hair on his head endless minutes trying to not as good a singer as your arm like this” she supposed to mean?” from Norman, Oklahoma rested obediently in place. tune their instruments, that guy. But boy, I sure made the Nazi salute. “It was a joke, our gui - who had managed to bor - Around his neck a lanyard with limited success. enjoyed your show. Hey, “Balls to you, lady. The tarist shot back. We’re all row just about every piece hung with various official Then, after finally starting do you know where I can outfit I wear is from World stoned.” of drum hardware they badges and tags and he a song, they got about a get some snort around War I and is an Allied uni - “Bullshit-I know you…. used from various other carried a leather portfolio minute in and the singer here?” form. I’m afraid you have Hey, where y’all going acts on the bill. I figured it that looked like it held the yelled, “Fuck!” All of them “Sorry man. All my the wrong war and the anyway?” She fired off. was about time to change fate of at least a hundred stopped to look around. connections are tapped wrong side.” My explana - “Oh, we’re going to The into my stage outfit. people’s raw dreams. Then more tuning. It was out right now. You know, tion was bypassed as she Blackheart” Our guitarist I walked into the rest - He immediately saw dreadful. This went on for the Soutby market rush.” gibbered, answered. “There’s a pri - room. There was only one me standing in the middle about forty-five minutes. If “Aww hell, that’s alright. “I’m Ukrainian by vate show. A Lady Ga Ga actual stall and two un - of the room and did his I had any kind of soul I I never touch the stuff my - blood. I don’t find what you . Madam Goo flushed urinals filled with best to avoid making eye would have committed self. But it comes in handy, did amusing. Do you know Goo. Invitation only. She’s piss, cigarettes, and contact. He walked suicide, right then, by you know. Keeps the skirts how many Ukrainians the going to let everyone chewed up gum. Some - straight over to the stall gnawing on my wrists and flying.” He winked at me Nazis killed?” smell her thong and then thing wet covered most of and opened the door. As donated whatever was left and continued, “Say, when None of us did off the take a turn with the vomit the floor. I walked over to soon as he got an eyeful of my body to Burger King. are you guys playing top of our heads. We artist. Y’all should come open the stall door when I of the lusty behemoths in - I wondered how in the again? I wanna’ see you. spent a bad minute trying with us. We can get you in. heard a low, rising moan. side he stopped dead in hell this act had slithered And I’ll bring a whole crew to diffuse her ire but to no We’ve got pull.” It was followed by another his tracks. He looked over through the morass of of folks. Yes sir, I got a avail. Finally I pointed to “What the hell” the one and a chesty grunt. at me and then back at the unctuous machinery and whole bunch of people I our glitter crusted, very woman rasped. “We don’t Too much free Frito Pie, I pork circus. He turned gotten a show at South by run with at this fiesta. We’ll black skinned bassist and come here to see that shit. surmised. Then I heard and said in a parched Southwest? I saw the roll in balls deep.” said, We’re here for the big both a moan and a grunt tone, “There are two really ghost of Lester Bangs I told him, “Right on, our “Lady, does he look like shows. We came to see issue simultaneously. I fat people fucking in here.” standing behind their next show’s tomorrow a Nazi to you?” She the good stuff.” Another peeked under the stall As he said this I took his drummer, shooting me the night at a place downtown glared at me. woman in the car started opening and saw two picture with my iPhone. finger. My opinions and I called The Oak Room.” “I’m going to tell every - in, pairs of feet, both facing His face twitched and his could fuck right off in the Editor’s note. The chilling, one about you guys. You’re “Hey, why you all the same direction. The eyes cried “rape.” I felt like face of such a miracle. thrilling part 2 of this Sparks finished. We don’t appreci - wearin’ makeup?” feet were attached to Caligula but giggled any - Besides, who was I to piece will conclude the narra - ate Nazis in this town.” “We’re filming a movie” calves of disturbingly way as he paced coldly question the faceless wis - tive in the December issue of Seeing no reason to con - I answered. “It’s a real swollen girth. By now one past me and out the door. dom that set these simps Action Magazine.

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Action Magazine, November 2017 • 15 •