years old, they contact “go-betweens” • Decision. If all goes well at the first their offspring. These singles then may ask Missionary Singles Issues: (nakodo) to begin the process. Singles meeting, the potential couples continue to others to be their go-betweens. Arranged wanting to marry may contact nakodos meet until they reach a decision. If either Denominational leaders, pastors, and themselves. the potential bride or groom or one of missionaries who teach in Bible schools or The picture of an 8-year-old wife • Go-betweens. Go-betweens may be older their families does not think the first seminaries may then be asked to serve as go- posing beside her 27-year-old husband appears individuals or couples who are highly meeting or any of the following meetings betweens. Knowing that they may be asked at the beginning of an article in the June 2011 respected people of integrity with many went well, they can tell the go-betweens to do this, professors and administrators at issue of National Geographic . The caption of contacts. They may be family, friends, or later. The go-betweens then let the other such institutions may observe singles at their the picture begins by quoting her memory of professional nakodo. From the people family know; both families have saved institutions thinking about which ones may what it was like two years before, shortly after they know who are considering marriage face, and they go back to preliminary make good couples. they married: “Whenever I saw him, I hid. I the go-betweens select several portfolios, selection. When asked to be go-betweens, these hated to see him.” each having a brief personal history • and . If the couples missionaries are usually willing to serve. Unfortunately, this is what many people (name, age, health, education, social choose to marry, they go through formal Since asked by the students themselves, the think of when they hear the words, “arranged status, etc) and photographs. betrothal ceremonies, and later . professors usually discuss with both the marriage.” Of course, the marriage described • Preliminary Selection. The parents and At the weddings the go-betweens walk males and females who they may be matched above was arranged, but it was also forced and prospective mates sit down with the go- both bride and groom down the aisle and with. At that point, either of the prospective illegal! Arranged , but not forced betweens and eliminate people in which are part of the ceremony, including singles can end the process. If they continue marriages, were the norm in many cultures for they have no interest. They order the standing next to the bride and groom in with the relationship, no one else knows. At thousands of years. remaining portfolios in terms of the family pictures. their first annual conference, the couple’s Arranged marriages are ones in which desirability, and then they ask the go- • During the marriage. The go-betweens names are read as being assigned to serve in someone other than the couple marrying selects betweens to investigate their top choice. are available to help mediate differences the same city. That is the announcement to the spouses, curtailing the process of . • Full Investigation. The go-betweens then between the husbands and wives if marital the other students and faculty that they are This is done with the consent of those getting check out “everything” about the chosen disputes arise during the marriages. getting married. Everyone listens intently to married. It becomes a if the person including family lineage, social Much more information about the assignments! singles are required to marry against their will. status, religion, medical and mental illness whole process is available at Following is a description of a system of in the family, criminal records in the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miai Arranged Marriages Today family etc. They use everything from arranged (but not forced) marriage that lasted st 500 years. available legal records to detective Christian Workers in late 20 th In the 21 century, another type of agencies, to neighbors and shopkeepers. Century has been developed, online Japan until mid 20 th Century Of course, this may cost much money, but services. Hundreds of such websites the family believes it is worth it to find the During the last half of the 20 th exist, and they have many millions of singles Arranged marriage was very common best mate. century, the Japanese increasingly adopted the from all over the world. Consumer- in Japan from the 16 th century until the last half • Meeting. After both sets of prospective Western pattern of courtship with many of the Rankings.com has rated the top five sites of the 20 th century and still exists today. The mates and their families have studied the young people choosing their mates on the http://www.consumer-rankings.com/dating/ , following information comes not only from reports and give their approval, the go- basis of romance and “love.” However, some and they report that the first month costs $40- available written sources but also from between arranges a meeting (miai) of the marriages are still arranged. $60, but the cost per month decreases the missionaries who have served scores of years in between both families. This is usually in Young men and women who convert longer people continue as members. Criteria Japan observing and participating as go- a large hotel where they can eat and to Christianity sometimes find their parents for matching vary widely. Their top-rated betweens. The typical procedure was (and is) engage in small talk for a while. Near the are quite unhappy when they become one was match.com which has 29 million as follows. end of the meeting, the potential couple Christian workers. In fact, the parents may singles. • Parents. When the parents think it is time, move off to spend some time together to refuse to get go-betweens to find spouses for eHarmony.com, also in the top five, usually when their son or daughter is 20-30 get better acquainted. seems to be the most popular among missionaries. This is probably because it • Engagement and Wedding. These events Ronald Koteskey emphasizes long-term relationships, was are the responsibility of the couple. Member Care Consultant developed by a Christian psychologist teaching Here are some similarities and GO InterNational Missionary at a Christian graduate school, and matches differences when using people or computer singles on the basis of their answers to several programs as go-betweens. Some similarities This brochure is one of a series, and Singles Issues: hundred questions on 29 dimensions of are as follows. you are invited to suggest other topics you compatibility in a research-validated • A wide variety of both people and online would like to know about to the following: Arranged questionnaire . eHarmony has 20 million dating services are available. singles from 200 countries and results in 44,000 • Both people and websites suggest people Ronald Koteskey Marriage weddings each year (120 every day). who would be a good match. 122 Lowry Lane Remembering that “arranged marriages • Both people and websites provide Wilmore, KY 40390 are ones in which someone (or something) other information. than the couple marrying selects the spouses, • Both methods involve payment for Phone: (859) 858-3436 curtailing the process of courtship,” here are the services. Ronald L. Koteskey corresponding steps. • Both methods suggest other possibilities if e-mail: [email protected] • Parents. Single missionaries wanting to the first ones do not work out. Visit the following web site to access marry usually contact the go-between Some differences are as follows. themselves. Parents are often not involved. • Human go-betweens are usually hired by other brochures in the series: • Go-betweens. The go-between is a parents, but online dating services usually www.missionarycare.com computer program with a database of do not involve parents at all.

millions of singles from all over the world • Human go-betweens select from a rather

who would like to get married. small population in a local area, but online • Preliminary Selection. All selection is dating services have databases of millions

made by the go-between (computer of people from around the world.

program) with no consultation with either • Human go-betweens get additional singles or parents. information from a wide variety of • Full Investigation. No further investigation sources, but online dating services have is made by the go-between (computer only information provided by the persons program). All matches are made on the themselves. basis of information supplied by the singles • Human go-betweens initiate and facilitate themselves when they joined. This initial face-to-face meetings, but online information may be biased or even false. services leave those first meetings to • Meeting. The prospective mates usually singles to make using email, telephone or

make first contact through email or Skype. telephone. This may be followed by a • Human go-betweens have a continuing Skype conversation before actually meeting relationship into the engagement, wedding in person. and marriage, but online dating services GO InterNational • Decision. If the first communication is provide only the selection. positive, the potential couple continues to This brochure may be reproduced without God uses many means to bring single change and in its entirety for non-commercial communicate, to meet, and to date. If the missionaries who want to marry together. communications do not go well, one or both purposes without permission. One of those means is arranged marriages of the singles stop the process. whether by people or by websites.