SEE SPORTSWRAP FOR MORE HOOPS
Toto we're not in Kansas We're in Indianapolis and Duke is looking to engulf the Jayhawks in a fast-breaking tor THE CHRONICLE nado in the NCAA championship tonight. MONDAY, APRIL 1,1991 DUKE UNIVERSITY DURHAM, NORTH CAROLINA CIRCULATION: 15,000 VOL. 86, NO. 124 Nevada Lost and Vanquished Blue Devils face Duke defies odds Kansas for title in win over Vegas By MARK JAFFE •By MARK JAFFE INDIANAPOLIS — Duke basketball INDIANAPOLIS — The world is .flat. meet Kansas — the North Carolina ofthe Lead can be made into gold. UNLV is Midwest. unbeatable. There should be no introductions nec Forget it. The Duke men's basketball essary. The Blue Devils have played the shocked the Runnin' Rebels with a fight Jayhawks' step-sister, North Carolina, ing attitude and a dazzling 79-77 victory three times this season. Saturday night in the semifinals of the Kansas head coach Roy Williams was an NCAA tournament at the Hoosier Dome. assistant to Dean Smith at UNC for 11 The Blue Devils (31-7) advanced to the years. Williams has taken much of what NCAA championship for the second Smith taught him at Chapel Hill and ap straight year. They also snapped UNLVs plied it in Lawrence. And now, in his third 45-game win streak and avenged last season, Williams has directed his team to season's 103-73 humiliation in the cham the brink of a national championship. pionship game. The Jayhawks (27-7) play Carolina-style "The one thing we thought we could man-to-man defense and motion offense bring to this game was a fighting sort of with lots of backdoor cuts. Like the Tar attitude," said point guard Bobby Hurley. Heels, Kansas is team-oriented. No indi "A lot of teams have probably backed down vidual player transcends the rigid confines from Vegas. We had a very difficult of the system. Williams makes substitu schedule all year and we're not going to tions more frequently than he refers to his back down from anyone. They knew that mentor in press conferences (too high to they were in a fight." count). Christian Laettner, who had team highs Bland, unexciting basketball. Williams of 28 points and seven rebounds, delivered and Smith would not have it any other the knockout blow when he stoicly drained way. two free throws with 12.7 seconds left in "Kansas is very different from North the game. Carolina," said Duke head coach Mike "There was not that much pressure," Krzyzewski "You can read in the press Laettner quipped. that the systems are the same, but when I The freebies sent Duke to a rematch of watch the tape I don't see [Eric] Montross the 1988 NCAA semifinal against Kansas. or Rick Fox. They're different. Their motion Laettner and Kansas' Alonzo Jamison will offense is different. They take care of in jump center tonight at 9:12 p.m. for the dividual matchups differently. They post national title. The Jayhawks defeated the more. Kansas has its own identity." placid North Carolina Tar Heels 79-73 in Whatever. Kansas and North Carolina the undercard of Saturday night's twinbill. are probably still as similar as two teams Duke displayed its "fighting attitude" can be. throughout the game, but it was never The Jayhawks advanced to the Final more evident than in the second half with Four by dispatching Indiana, Arkansas two hard fouls by Bill McCaffrey and Hurley and North Carolina—three ofthe nation's on fast breaks headed by Anderson Hunt. top six teams. They took care of New Or First, McCaffrey upended the 6-1 guard leans and Pittsburgh as well. at the 15:16 mark which drew an unsavory Duke last played the Jayhawks in Feb. response from Hunt. Less than four min 1989 at Cameron Indoor Stadium. The utes later, Hurley tossed Hunt to the floor CLIFF BURNS/THE CHRONICLE Blue Devils blew out Williams' first Kan on another fast break which prompted sas team, 102-77. The matchup, however, Brian Davis celebrates the Blue Devils 79-77 victory over Nevada-Las Vegas, a some more "discussion" from the Runnin' See SPORTSWRAP, page 2 • team which was unbeatable? Yea right, think again, says BD. Rebels. Johnson was tabbed with a tech nical foul for his comments. "I was trying to go for the ball without letting him get the shot off," Hurley said. Campus turns to bedlam after huge win "You do that enough times, and they know they're in a war out there." By JAY EPPING delirious victory celebration. The party trespass warnings, he said. A visitor to As Sean Connery's character said in Devils danced with each other in the ing, which quickly spread beyond the campus slipped and fell into the bonfire "The Untouchables": "If he pulls a knife. bright firelight outside Cameron Satur bonfire, lasted late into the night. Dazed and had to be hospitalized, he added. You pull a gun. If he sends one of yours to day night, celebrating Duke's 79-77 upset fans were still dancing and drinking at Many problems arose with "People the hospital, you send one of his to the of University of Nevada at Las Vegas in various locations on campus long after the coming in from off-campus and wandering morgue." the national championship semifinal game bonfire was reduced to glowing embers. into people's rooms," Mister said. That's the Vegas way, and that's how Saturday night. Besides the official bonfire in the To avoid this Public Safety officer Haley you get the Rebels. But that's not the only As UNLVs final shot clanked off the Cameron parking lot, at least one smaller Stafford requested students "to please lock way. You also need a plan. backboard and into Bobby Hurley's hands, fire burned on West Campus. their dorm room doors and check their "I watched a tape of our game last year the campus erupted into screams, followed Local thieves also enjoyed the victory. exterior doors" before Monday night's for the first time after we got back from by a mad rush to the huge bonfire in the Cpl. Bryan Mister of Duke Public Safety championship game. Students should also Pontiac," said head coach Mike Krzyzewski. Cameron parking lot. Many in the said while many students watched and carry their IDs on Monday night so Public "I looked at my players' faces and they screaming mob were among the 8,000 fans celebrated the victory, there were seven Safety officers know they belong on cam looked tired. After watching it I was more who watched the game on a giant screen reports of larceny and breaking and en pus, she added. confident. I looked at our mistakes and I television inside the arena. They joined tering dormitory rooms and autos. A Four arrests were made, three for car thought we could correct some of those." other students and visitors from all over Domino's Pizza driver's 1985 blue and gray vandalism and one for assault; none were Krzyzewski also saw some things on the the state. Pontiac Sunbird, license number DRW- students, Mister said. He also reported videotape which he thought his Blue Devils The students and fans began running 9696, was also stolen, he said. several vandalism incidents and false fire could exploit. Duke stuck to a four-tiered and dancing around the blaze, screaming Three assaults, none serious, were re alarms in the dorms, especially on main defensive gameplan and a two-pronged _2*nd hugging friends an&;->taangers in a ported and Public Safety issued seven quad. •'"•_"-'•"-V-*« ******** W-**"*v»* ******* "*****'***i • *.. • * > * 11 '»"*' See SPORTSWRAP, pagel^ Ain't she purty? A full-size nude pin-up of Jeane Kirkpatrick can be found inside in place of the edit pages. THE CHOMICLE The horror, the horror. APRIL FOOLS, 1991 LUKE UNIVERSITY DERM, NERF CURLIRON CIRCULATION: STABLE VOLUME: 35 oz. Gates dogs Harvard, opts to joins Calgary Flames on ice By COWA BUNGA and scholarship to debunk myths Barbedwire. "Right now I happen who leaps from job to job faster In a shock to the academic and stereotypes. to know he's the only capitalist than a frog on a frying pan has world, the esteemed Afro- "But when I hit that slapshot hockey player in the English de often been berated for his hop- American studies star, Henry into the goal...when I forecheck partment. I'd say he's simply re and-jump approach to job hunt "Skiptown" Gates, has already some unsuspecting sap into the volting — kind of ironic, huh?" ing. announced plans to fly the coop at wall...when I crown some brain "Aw shut up, Barbedwire," said "It's parody, complete and ut Harvard, before he even arrives. less toad into oblivion with my Studley Fishermen, chief com ter hilarity," said Luther "Gates will join the Boston stick...that's power! I'm empow rade of the English department Campbell, leader ofthe rap group Bruins of the National Hockey ered. I mean really empowered!" and letter-writer extroadinaire. Much 2 Live and professor of League for an obscene amount of Gates salivated. "I've had it up to here with your English. "Gates is making fun of money. "Bummer, dude," said Derrick crap. Just 'cause CBS let's you bums/who take the money and Gates, who came to the Univer Bo, the new president of Harvard show your mug on TV once every run./How can you keep a straight sity fwo years ago, was expected University. "It's like, wow, I was four years, you think you're the face/as he goes from place to to mold an Afro-American studies totally hoping he'd come here. balls. Well, I've got news for you place?" department for Harvard, but was Now I'll have to get season tickets buddy. Brodie's out. Can you say What Gates has done is found a lured away by a Calgary team in at the Garden to see 'im." coup d' etat? And I'm in charge place for himself and his family to search of notoriety. Gates decision allowed you- now. Your ass is mine." live while with the club. STUFFED PHOTO/ DAS KRONICLE "It's about power," Gates said. know-who to shoot off his big Barbedwire is not alone in his "When I found out I was mov "I can work to empower Afro- mouth. criticism of the star. In fact, no ing to Canada, I remembered this Jeane Kirkpatrick was outraged Americans through careful study "I told ya so!" said James one seems to like the guy. Gates, See SLAPSHOT on page 4 • by Gates' decision. University bans any kind of fun on campus
By JOSEPH MOMMA be the equivalent of one keg of As part of a continuing effort beer, and it can't be that Schaeffer to take all the fun out of life, the crap either, for every cake present. University has passed a new Cupcakes are each considered policy restricting the celebration individual cakes. of birthdays and Christmas. Also, students may not eat from "We just want to ensure that a common cake, and therefore students get the type of holiday must each have their own cake. celebrations that everybody Fruit cakes are banned com wants," said Vice President for pletely by the policy. Since the Taming Students Willie Goofy. new policy requires the presence The new policy is the latest in a of alcohol, the new alcohol policy long line of measures designed to also applies and there must be convince University students that carders and monitors present. The Duke's famous 'work hard-play monitors are not allowed to eat hard' atmosphere is a crock of any cake on the day ofthe party. shit. Students found in violation of "We're tired of having students the policy face punishments tell us that the reason they applied ranging from community service to Duke was because they thought in the C.I. bakery to forced it was a party school," complained transfer to Carolina. Director of Undergraduate Ad "This is the last straw, dude," missions Dick Squeal. "Maybe slurred a drunken Joe Frattboy, this way we'll get less applicants IFC president, "I mean what the and our office won't get so damned hell are they gonna do next? Make confused and let in a thousand a law saying that SPE's and E- extra students like this year. Boy Bags can't wear baseball hats? I : i did we look like a bunch of mo Or that you have to actually like rons!" Squeal added with a loud the Grateful Dead to wear a tie- belch. dye? All I know is this isn't gonna Hey! Who brought the ketchup? Under the new policy, birthday stop me from gettin' laid. Yo, With their food supplies being cut off, reporters in Kuwait are being forced to eat anything. And cake can only be consumed if there pledge, beer me." I do mean anything. is an ample supply of alternative Some opposition has been alcoholic beverages. There must See BOREDOM on page 11 • Cablevision replaces Duke's Vision Administrators watch By SOMEONE OTHER THAN ing of differences, we could at tract with the Children's Televi MICHAEL SAUL least brainwash them through sion Network to take over the Due to the horrendous failure television," said Butthead, "But part of Mr. Snuffle-uppagus. "Big the Playboy Channel of Duke's Vision to transform the I'll probably appoint a task force Bird has always been a metaphor University campus into a multi and make some more superficial in education," Watergates said. By S.X. OBJECT "We discovered something cultural, accepting environment, comments first." "A chance like this only come Homer Klown Heloise was wrong while watching the Allen Building Gang has The Bumbling Student Alli along once in a lifetime." Bookie has been diverting the Debbie Does Duke," Spiderman contracted out Cablevision of ance supported Butthead's deci Stained Fishheads, Comfychair Playboy Channel from the said. "The set kept going fuzzy Raleigh-Durham as a replace sion. of the English department, felt Medical Center lines and into during the good parts. We ment. Skip-to-my-lou Watergates, this move suits Watergates' style. the offices of top administra missed the whole plot scene. I Inspired by Cablevision's Afro-American Studies scholar "He really fits the part, especially tors and tenured faculty. loved it. It was much better theme "All The Things We Are," and 2 Live Crew fan, also sup since Butthead and I are the only Expensivevision of Raleigh- than CATS. I want to see it President A. K. A. Butthead de ported the change. "Originally, I ones who have seen Watergates Durham has been providing the again and again." cided to make the switch. "I don't was going to go to Harvard, but this year. Few people believe he channel as part of a deal worked Spiderman first arranged for know what things they're talking now, with Cablevision, I feel my even exists at all, so the Snuffle- out by Uncle Ralphie the service when a task force about, but they sound pretty influence would best be felt in uppagus part should be perfect," Spiderman, head of the Medi assured him it stimulated groovy to me." programming." he said. cal Center. See Nookie on page 5 • "We figured if we couldn't Watergates is currently nego Even though Duke's Vision has educate people to become accept tiating a multi-million dollar con See BLIND on page 9 • MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 3 Heaven & Hell Stuff President 'high' on marijuana legalization
Weekly World News Service By R.W. TUTTIFRUTTI Thick clouds of smoke were sighted in exciting when you can use BIG BOMBS. Quail Shot: While playing with a Mrs. Johnson's second grade class the Oval Office vicinity over the last two And I think the American people know cap gun, Vice President Dan Quail In a shocking move late Sunday, Presi weeks as Shrub celebrated his "victorious" that. And it's good. A good thing. And I accidentally shot himself. It's all fun dent George Shrub legalized the whole Gulf Rampage, said White House sources think Americans know that. They know and games until someone loses an sale growth and use of marijuana. who, as always, asked to remain anony that." eye, Danny. Shrub strongly countered early protests mous. Shrub then criticized Bennett's lack of that his mandate was unconstitutional "Whenever the U.S. bombs a small na CNN exposure. USSR defects: The Soviet Union because he did not go through normal tion into pre-industrial conditions, it's "Plus, he was never voted People announced plans to secede from the legislative procedures. "I can do whatever obviously a great cause for celebration," a magazine's Sexiest Man of the Year, like world and become part of Mars, the the hell I want," he roared, squinting his nameless, faceless staffer said. "The Norm was," Shrub coughed. "So no more "Red Planet." bloodshot eyes. "Congress is just a bunch o' President is just relaxing by smoking a few War on Drugs! Just WAR! WAR! WAR! I pansies. They proved that during my Gulf bowls with the Department of Defense think the American people know what's Millie mashed: Millie, the white Rampage and Sexual Prowess Assertion. boys." more fun to watch. I think they know. It's House dog, was run over yesterday War Powers, Schmoor Powers." Uptight former Drug Czar William good." by a stray Iraqi tank while romping "My missile is bigger than your missile, Bennett was not amused by the President's Former First Lady Nancy Reagan was on the lawn. The president launched and definitely bigger than the Constitu actions. "What about my War on Drugs?" not interested in the new policy. "Because a full nuclear assault in retaliation. tion," he said. he whined. my 'Just Say No' program was so effective, Shrub also revealed the source of his Shrub countered by wrapping himself in I don't think anyone is even interested in Udder ChaOS: In Granville, Ohio, "New World Order" plan: German leader a large American flag. "Wars are only those yukky drugs anymore," she said. a Budweiser beer truck struck a cow Adolf Hitler's "New Order" scheme of the on the major interstate and over 1930's. turned, killing the cow and spilling "It's a right-wing thang," he said. "I El Busho to liberate America 1400 cases of beer onto the road. (We don't care ifyou understand or not." are not making this one up.) For many years, supporters of mari juana legalization have asserted that By R.W. POMEGRANATE General Norman Bates, who plans to at We found this story in the trash Madonna to marry: Pop rock star growth ofthe plant can end global warm tack while the offenders are in the shower. Madonna has announced plans to ing, rainforest depletion, the greenhouse United States President Jorge El Busho "I'm just sick of all this oppression," El marry Adrian DeLard, acting editor effect, dependence on foreign oil, and world announced today that, in light of his recent Busho said. of The Chomicle. hunger. success in the Persian Gulf, he will be "Besides, my popularity is so high right But Shrub's reasons for herb legalization liberating the rest of the nation, and per now, I can do whatever the hell I want to are different. "I don't care about all those haps the world, if time permits. and still be re-elected in '92." newmoneyed, egg-sucking, liber al, pinko- Beginning with the release of all bound In perhaps his most controversial move, commie environment and humanitarian periodicals in major libraries, El Busho El Busho has also decided to free all pris Disaster Watch issues," he said. "I can prove that I don't. I says he will sweep the nation of all things oners in federal and state penitentiaries. National-championship-day stand by my record." tied and bound. This includes railroad Armed forces will be storming all prisons if ties, neck ties, bow ties, Tide detergent, the inmates are not released by April 15, in A cyclone's a-comin', Auntie Em! "No, I just think it's a good thing. A good rebounds, junk bonds, and the song an action to be called, "Jailbird Storm." Toto, I've a feeling we're not thing for Americans. This is a law about "Homeward Bound" by Simon and "I love it!" said Miguel DuCaCa of Mas in Kansas anymore! good and evil. Right and wrong. America. Garfunkel. sachusetts. This is a good thing. A necessary thing. Troops will be sent to all offending loca "Willie Horton will be so happy, as will And it's good," he said. tions, and will be under the direction of my swarthy Greek immigrant parents."
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Good Luck Blue Devils. Dump the Jayhawks. Bring home the national title. PAGE 4 THE CHOMICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1,1991 University to demolish Southgate for more mall space From: some silly reporter To: Fill Space Kappawannabe, a Trinity The University announced yesterday News briefs overcookedperson. "There was this flash of that Mallrat and Assoc, have bought green light, and then all that was left was Southgate Dormitory and will converted it of Duke's victory over the University of a blob of goop on the steering wheel." into a shopping center, to be known as Noneducated Little Vermin, President H. "It was just like Spinal Tap, dude," said Northgate Two. Keith H. Brodie has announced that he is LM. Stoned, Trinity junior and resident of "Well, I think this is just nifty," Presi legally changing his name to Hill(T). BOG. "It was really psychedelic." dent Happy Keith Horseface Bondo said. Koubek Hill(G). Bobby. "I loved it. It was much better than "There'll be a lot more opportunities to CATS. I want to see it again and again," milk the students and their parents." said Yourself Ell-Gumby, drama stud. "I'm not sure about this," said Joe Dukie Transit Director Davy (Your) Peanutbutterandjelly, associate vice It was better than Majesty was aghast. "We make all the president of auxiliary moneygrubbing. "I CATS. employees sign a statement legally de hate to think students are spending their claring that they will not spontaneously money on something worthwhile. They combust while on duty. We have legal should add it to their meal plan or buy "I just had to do it, you know, because I grounds to sue for breach of contract, but something gaudy at the Duke stores." was so excited about the game." Bobby how do you sue a blob of green goo?" Bondo also said that since there will be gushed. "No one knew what those Hs stood Causes for the combustion have kept a new food court in Northgate 2, the BP for anyway." Dude Public Safety baffled, but they do will be closed. The state of North Carolina Duke bus driver explodes:
By CORA ENGINEERS plosion Tank," said Fatso Pharmaceuticals Durham finally solved a major crisis president Leroy Nimby. "The landfill would yesterday when the County Commission have reduced the aesthetic satisfaction announced plans to cancel the construction that the public expects from its industrial of a new landfill and simply dump all the parks." city's trash into the BP. Some Durham residents expressed dis Company managers in Rebirth Triangle approval ofthe decision, however. Park hailed the decision as proof of their "The important issue here is not a complete headlock on power in the Triangle. question of dollars and cents, but whether "We're very pleased that they ignored or not I get on TV," said Dick Clark, the residents of the comity and built it president of Save the Whales, a local group away from our new Nuclear Waste Ex of media sluts. Correction In Game Six ofthe 1986 World Series, Gary Carter was batting in the bottom of the 10th inning with the score tied and Kevin Mitchell on third base. Carter grounded the ball to first, where the Red Sox first baseman should have had an easy play to end the inning. Instead, he let the ball go between his legs, allowing Kevin WHO REALLY CARES WHO TOOK THE PICTURE ANYWAY? Mitchell to score and the Red Sox to blow another Series. Bill Buckner regrets the error. What a bunch of pigs. I'd never be caught dead rolling around in the mud.
a vital influence in our world EDU 100.01 Social and Philosophical Foundations of Education Carbone, TTh 10:35-11:50, EA212 EDU 100.02 Social and Philosophical Foundatoins of Education DiBona, MWF 10:20-11:10, EA202 H EDU 100.03 Social and Philosophical Foundations of Education DiBona, MWF 11:30-12:20, EA202 EDU 109S.01 Elementary Curriculum Biyant, M 3:25-5:50, EA212 EDU 118.01 Educational Psychology Page, TTh 10:35-1 l:5OEA202 EDU 120.01 Elementary Eudcation: Internship TBA NEW COURSE OFFERING EDU 140.01 The Psychology of Work Ballantyne, T 3:30-5:30, EA202 Several professors and 15 students EDU 149S.01 Exceptional Children Davis, T 3:20-5:30, EA212 will work together for one semester EDU 168S.01 Contemporary Education Criticism concerning these issues: Carbone, W 3:25-6:00, EA202 EDU 170.A Selected Topics: Pedagogy - relationships in a Tutoring Commitment TBA - the tutoring process (initiating, cwntinuing, EDU 189S.01 The Teaching of Composition, Grammar and Literature in the Secondary School closing) Page, M 3:25-5:55, EA202 - what tutoring does for the tutor or the tutee EDU 225S.01 The Teaching of History and the Social Studies - and other issues Wilson, W 3:25-5:25, EA212 EDU 236S.01 Teaching Developmental and Remedial Reading EDUCATION 170.A in the Secondary School Malone/Peete, Th 3:20-5:35, EA202 Selected Topics: Pedagogy EDU 242S.01 Group Interactions Ballantyne, M3:30-5:30, EA101 For Permission to Enroll, Apply to: EDU 246.01 The Teaching of Mathematics Professor Lucy T. Davis TBA Program in Education EDU 276.01 The Teaching of High School Science 684-3924 TBA EDU 191,193 Independent Study Staff MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHRONICLE PAGE 5 GPSC resolves to do something
By ONE DAMN BORED REPORTER The members ofthe Geeks Perpetually and Seri ously Conceited passed a resolution last night de claring that their meetings from henceforth will be required to actually accomplish something mean ingful, if only meaningful to unwashed grad stu dents. "All these years of meetings have been devoid of any content whatsoever, and finally we're making a step toward progress. I'm so incredibly excited - this is the most important thing we've ever done," said Penny Dimes and Quarters, president of GPSC. "The campus better watch out for us grad students now, we might actually make a difference." IN OTHER IRRELEVANT BUSINESS: A resolution was passed that Duke Transit buses should no longer hit graduate students on bicycles. "This is a preventive measure. We just know that if we don't speak out on an issue like this, it's bound to happen again and again," said Dimes and Quar ters. "I'm so incredibly excited about this resolution," said Dimes and Quarters. "This is the most important thing we've ever done, JERRY TARKANIAN/ THE SHARK with the possible exception of the now-legendary Hideaway snack bar amendment." All's quiet on the western front Various groups on campus are protesting the reso UNLVs campus was relatively subdued after the Runnin' Rebels lost to the Blue Devils on Saturday. lution, defending the sport and saying that bicycling grad students should watch out for themselves. "They're worth 40 points each! Buses should be allowed to hit whomever they want to, and who's going to miss a few grad students?" said Joe U. Grad, a Trinity freshman and semi-pro letter writer. "It might even contribute to the campus beautifi- cation projects." The computing council of GPSC reported on the £\ R C progress of their committee. "We went all over campus and we found out that the undergraduates have one more computer and two more printers than we do and we want ours 1 NOW!" said Wendy A. Whyner, a sixty-fifth year medical student. "It's just not fair. They always get more than we do. The administration likes them better," said Ima 4. Year old.
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4125 Chapel Hill Blvd. DASHBOARD 6311 Glenwood Ave. Council Travel (in front of South Square Mall) (between Fat Daddy's & Alpine Ski Center) 703 Ninth Street, M, Durham, HC 27705 493-5473 FINANCING AVAILABLE • 90 Days Same as Cash 781-3369 919-286-4664 PAGE 6 THE CHRONICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 Boy George, George Will one in the same, Quayle says By HANNAH FULL about the future of American education, Dan Quayle shocked the political and he has added cross-sex dressing, goofy musical world today when he revealed lyrics, and favorite drug habits to the list of that long time friend and associate George topics. "I wouldn't miss it for the world! I Will was leading a double life as Boy have this great new dress to show off. And George, the once-popular singer for the I hear H. Keith H. is a babe." group Culture Club. When Will visited the University in Feb Will had walked into Quayle's dressing ruary, he spoke about America's domestic room in order to ask the vice-puppet his and foreign policies. At graduation, Will name, serial number, and how high he also plans to plug his upcoming solo album could count, when suddenly Quayle at entitled "Stripped Tie, Striptease" and tacked Will, ripping off his false hair and future albums with other closeted conser clothes in a wild frenzy. "I saw hints of vatives such as Jeane "I'm a Man" lipstick and eye shadow. I've always been Kirkpatrick, and Henry "Shake your Boo- a Boy George fan, and as soon as I saw it tie" Kissinger. was him, I freaked out." "I just want to let all my fans out there Even though both his careers have picked know how much their support means to up with the announcement, Will will still me," Will said. "I loved it. It was much RICO SUAVE kill some time to speak and even sing at better than CATS. I want to see it again Boy George? Or George Will? graduation. Originally intending to speak and again." Merger, schmerger. We beat UNLV! We beat UNLV!
By MON E. HUNGRE understand all those engineers," explaned LM. Agique, In a surprise move today, Duke University President an Electricity and Society student. "I'm writing my term Homeboy Keethe Hellion Baby announced Trinity College paper on the psychoanalysis ofthe dimwitted light bulb." of Arts and Crafts will merge with "that other school that Baby made his decision to merge Trinity and Engi teaches all that engineer crap." neering after learning ofthe Durham school bored merger. New courses will include Biomedical Engineering and "If Hawthorne Mayonnaise wants to merge then it must Society, Circuits and Society, Twentieth Century Afro- be cool. My goal is to be the coolest guy in Durham American Women and Low-Flux Wiring, and, The County," Baby said. Chomicle's personal favorite, Comparative Eighteenth- In a related story, Baby is rushing Steak And Egg Century Homosexual Civil Engineering Literature. fraternity. "I figure if Maurice de Rothschild can get in, so Dean Dickie Ecru has been named the new dean of can I," Baby exclaimed. Trinitengineer College of Arts and Crafts and Stuff and Vice Provost for Random Undergraduate Education. Ecru Dadys Rich, president of SAE, refused to comment by hopes this merger will solve all the University's problems. phone, claiming fraternity policy prevented him from "Now those damn students can stop interfering with the speaking unless a gorgeous female reporter came to his administrative process. Since they will be required to room in person after kegs. major in a liberal arts department and a science, they'll be Meanwhile, in an unrelated development, Duke sent way too busy to bother us anymore." UNLV back to hell with the dreaded TAR HEELS, where Students were pleased with the decision. "Now we can they both belong.
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A\buld you help What you can do: a woman being raped
by a stranger? Tuesday, April 2 Dr. William O'Barr, professor of Advertising and Society and The Language of Advertising talks about "He said...She said" A disc ussion about the differences in how men and women talk and why this happens. How about 8 pm in the Mary Lou Williams Center. a woman being raped Wednesday, April 3 Men-"Let's Talk Dirty": a discussion of how men talk about women by a Mena? and sex. Featuring Cam Duffy ofthe Interfraternity Council and Jason Schultz of Men Acting for Change. 8 pm in the Mary Lou Williams Center.
You're at a party. There's lots of drinking going on. Some guys are having sex with a young woman whose drink they've spiked. You don't interfere, Friday, April 5 thinking it's no big deal. Speak Out! on Sexual Assault. A forum for survivors, friends and partners to speak on the impact of rape and sexual assault. Open lo the public. For more info, call Val at the Women's Center, 684-3897. Well, the law sees it differently. Because if she's unable to give her consent Anonymous personal accounts will be read. Please drop these in sealed to having sex, it's considered rape. A felony. Punishable by prison. envelopes in the box marked "Speakout Submissions" outside the Women's Center, 101-5 Bryan Center (behind the Info. Desk). It benefits everyone for you to stop it from happening. You'll be keeping a Noon on Main Quad - between Phi Psi's and House D. woman from tremendous emotional pain if you do. And you could be helping your friends commit a crime ifyou don't.
Sponsored by the Rape and Sexual Assault Task Force, the Women's Center, D.A.R.E., P.I.S.C.E.S., the Interfraternity ©1990 Rape Treatment Center, Santa Monica Hospital. Council, and Men Acting for Change. PAGE 8 THE CHRONICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 19,91 Farts
Friday, March 29 Ancient Voices of Children Turn right: Puke Review sways Brody Nelson Music Room, 8 p.m. As part of the Garcia Lorca festival, two By I. OFTHE B. HOLDER learn from their method for keepin' women musical works which adapt the Spanish In a surprise announcement, the staff drivers off the streets. And that's just the writer's poetry will be performed this evening. ofthe Puke Review said that it has con beginning." Soprano Teresa Radomski and boy soprano vinced the University to serve as the kickoff The nationwide "Keep America Beauti Ryan Newton will be joined by an unusual spot for a nationwide campaign to "pretty ful" campaign began with a speech by Sen. ensemble composed of toy piano, mando up", bowdlerize, santitize, censor and Messe Phlegm (R.-N.C.) in which the lin, harp, harmonica, timpani, Tibetan prayer otherwise beat the individualism and in senator spoke ofthe need to prevent "those stones and other instruments to perform a song cycle by composer George Crumb. In spiration out of the arts. commie pinkos from putting subliminal the second half of the program, Lorca's own The Puke Review staff presented their messages in that obscene trash they call guitar compositions will be played with read proposal to President Keep art, corrupting our children and brain ings from his poetry in Spanish. Transla "Yourhandsoffmy" Brody early Sunday in washing our legislatures into funding their tions will be provided. a closed session. Brody, widely supposed to misbegotten endeavors." be a closet Democrat, had nothing but Monday, April 1 "When Uncle Messe speaks, people lis praise for the new plan. ten," Putz said. "We heard that speech, Mythmakers, Musicologists, and "I loved it," Brody said. "It was much and we knew a call had gone out for righ Stephen Foster better than CATS. I want to see it again teousness to once again raise its head in Music Lecture by Deane L. Root and again." America and soar with the eagles." 104 Biddle Music Building, 4:30 p.m. University of Pittsburgh professor Root will The Review, which had failed in previ "We thought this was a great way to hit lecture on the American composer ous attempts to sway the administration those liberals over the heads with their on any issue, let alone the general public, own PC bullshit, if you'll pardon my Exhibits credited recent controversy in the Uni French," Puke Review columnist Windy versity drama program with helping the Bagg said. /EMDNM0"On the Road: New change in attitude. "In the interests of not offending anyone, Mexico to Lithuania" "Since that jerk David Bull monkeyed we're going to make sure that all art has no around and got caught," said Puke Review social message or distinguishing features. Color Photographs by Paul Dagys editor and dictator for life John E. Putz, We'll change those works that can be Lilly Library Gallery "the administration has begun to see the changed and replace the unsalvageable advantage — the necessity—of keeping a ones with works like those by that lovely These people don't seem to care that See article on this page. "On the Road: tight rein on those artsy-fartsy types. We'll artist who does the Howard Johnson's on we beat UNLV. Photographs and Drawings of and by have the drama program doing "Our Town" the highway." will be beneficial to everyone. "I loved it," Migrant Workers" again in no time." "Just to show that we're not biased, he said. "It was much better than CATS. I Brown Gallery, Bryan Center The Center for Documentary Studies spon The recent macho posturing exercise we're going to take the cigar out of the want to see it again arid again." sored this collection of works which remains and target practice in the Gulf helped hand of whichever Duke guy that is on As the kickoff to the campaign, the Re on display through Apr. 4. inspire the new wave of criticism. "Those West Campus," Putz said. "We know that view has invited noted hypnotist Dumb "Breaking the Bindings"Art books by A-rabs really know how to mold a culture," tobacco is the Lord's gift to North Carolina, DeLuded to campus to show "the kind of the students of Merrill Shatzman Putz said. "They stand for good family but the cigar's shape could be, uhm, culture Americans can be proud of," Putz Institute of the Arts Gallery, Bivins values and don't take any crap. We're misinterpurted." said. Building hoping to use some of their repressive, er, "We think we can ultimately please ev DeLuded was thrilled with the invitation. This exhibit of works by 14 University art progressive techniques for cultural ad eryone," Bagg said. "They'll come around "I loved it,"DeLuded said. "It was much students continues through Apr. 19. vancement here in Derm. to our way of thinking." better than CATS. I want to see it again "And personally, I think we stand to Vice President Greefuss agreed the plan and again."
Two student plays from DUKE DRAMA! SPELL
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„ I ON SALS'- O PRICE O J> • •«•• The Duke Student Branch of the IEEE Sponsors: ^fflEW^ ALBA 0 "A Tour of IBM's PS-2 Plant"
Wo,n LU tapped in a hT~* en are Come see how IBM personal computers are made at the production site in the
TIMES: Research Triangle Park. i&AittiUft ££M: April 21. c THEATER- Thursday, April 4 J 991 TICKETS: ' *•« Duke 209 o ^-aiiabJeatthedooron,^ i c__•____• : 4:30p.m. Part of Duke's campus-wide Space is limited to 20 people so please sign up with 0 Lynn in the EE Department Office by Wednesday GARCIA LORCA FESTIVAL at 10:00 a.m. if you plan to attend. Transportation Call 684-6654 for more informatioo on the Festival! m to RTP will be provided. MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 9 A Portrait of President George Bush: The Year in Pictures
BARBARA/ BAGHDAD TIMES MILLIE/ LUCKY DOG MY DEAR FRIEND RONNIE Healthy and fit. Confident and sure of himself. Ready to take on the world.
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PPS145D.01 "Leadership, Policy, and Change Payne/Boothby PPS147.01 "International Environmental Politics & Policy" Miranda PPS179S.01 "Refugees and World Politics" Boothby We're in our new location at PPS180S.01 "Writing for the Media" Reid PPS181S.01 "Advanced News Reporting" Fulton 3518 Westgate Dr. Suite 400 PPS188S.01 "Psychology of Political Symbols" McConahay across from South Square PPS236.01 "Public Management I" Bchn/Yaggy (Seniors & Graduate Students Only) PPS238.01 "Public Budgeting and Financial Management" Stubbing STANLEY H. KAPLAN PPS256.01 "Economics of Health Care" Conover Take Kaplan Or Take Your Chances PPS257.01 "US Policy in the Middle East" Kuniholm PPS261.01 "Evaluation of Public Expenditures" Conrad CALL NOW! PPS272.01 "Resource and Environmental Economics & Policy" Kramer PPS286S.01 "Economic Policy-Making in Developing Countries" Conrad 493-5000 ^ J The Forum COMICS Don't abuse Carolina anymore, hear? PAGE 10 APRIL 1, 1991 To the editoar: Ah mean?). See, momma, she's really sen What's do u think yer doin makin fun a sitized to stuff lak that there, and she don't Carolina lak that? We ain't got none want none of her cows to c sumpin bad. farmboys down here that don't no how to P.S. Our basketball team is way better whoop the crap outta some Dook ijit. than yers is, since they got more smarter In yo last issue you showed a cover from players. We wouldn't never get no whole Dear Fred, team full a blame Yankees from Gnu York "Farmboy" magazine and I ain't never been This is an open letter to Fred That pushed your grade down to a 92. able to find me a copy of that there since and where not. then, so if you'd be so kind as to let me no Schmaltz, a senior at Northeastwest™ You could have saved yourself with where in tarnation I kould find me one of Billy Joe Jim Bob Tarheel side High School in Greater Hoboken, the extra credit question : What bowl them there I shore would preciate it. It Carolina 'sumtime N.J. game did the football team go to in looks lak a really good maggiebook, and I Dear Fred, 1990? (Don't worry, Fred, nobody else know my momma would want to look at all Editor's note: The Chomicle's literacy We hear that you've been accepted got it right, either.) of them pictures (as long as there ain't requirement was waved to allow for a more at the University. Congratulations. The most egregious of your errors, none that show cows as objects, you no wut inane response. We also hear that you've been accepted though, was that you failed to pander at Harvard. Congratulations. to the god of high school basketball, Fred, go to Harvard. The weather Chris Webber. You should have called A tendentious critique of our rationality sucks, just like it does in New Jersey. him, like you were told. Chris is going To the editor: routinely overexerted in this most super You'll feel more at home. to Michigan because of you. The selfsame blasphemies and fluous expanse, which is so much Your numbers are great, Fred. Fred, you're a great student, and reifications of transigencies from the las juvenocracy. Those 1,550 SATs and your 4.0 grade the admissions office says it wants situde of the codifications against my es Further, the gratification ofthe various point average (although we hear some you. But off the record, the folks over teemed colleagues in this the most pro isms sought by this department is geek weasled her way into the vale there told us they made a mistake this gressive department in the nation are seen trivialized by the tangibility of the dictorian slot over you) make you an year and forgot to judge extracurricular by us as pronunciamentos of blathering neoplatonism underscored by a lack of attractive candidate. You'd do well at activities altogether. Since you're a discourse on pseudomarxianverisimili- reader response; sclicet, ramifications of moralizations notwithstanding, the re Duke. And you'd fit right in with all of loser except for your numbers, you'd tudeism by a hoard of dubious censures of rational cerebration; these malapropos pugnance of your comportment in no way the other dweebs. Your ranks are probably fit in with your class. But assimilations of onslaught seem like so are representational of the modes of rep proliferating here, Fred. we're hoping to cut back on the geek much kaffeeklatsch and therefore must be resentation. But Duke just isn't for you. Your factor. reified in the grandiose lore of the litera Thank you. mom told us you've never even seen Go to Harvard, Fred. You'll love it. ture of Disney World—there can be no Duke play basketball, and as you know, such juxtaposition of the dichotomies of Henry Trout you failed to identify correctly Danny Sincerely, post-post-postmodernistic thought as those English professor Ferry, Johnny Dawkins OR Christian manifested on these odious representations Laettner on your Duke entrance exam. The student's body of oeuvre; nor ofthe erogenous escapism so Finally, a sorority girl speaks her mind No more schools To the editor: heard of it, I'd be really psyched if you'd I'm psyched to respond to all ofthe bad send along some information about it, too. Finally, the state of North Carolina larly offensive speeding convicts. stuff that I heard was written about so Especially pictures of all ofthe Duke ROTC has taken a step forward with its public The budget slash, er, elimination, is rorities in one of your papers in February, guys who are also in fraternities who might education system. The legislature on good. No longer will the state operate so would you please send me a copy of the be fighting in this war. (I missed our last Friday announced it will discontinue under the guise of actually having a paper so that I can read it. It doesn't mixer, as I had to write a paper for my matter how much it costs. I always have class, "Laura Ashley: just a label or a real all funding for public education in the public education system. Maybe now my checkbook handy. person.") state, thus saving $3.3 billion per year. Students will have the little push they Oh, and I heard something about a war Thanks. XOXOX The state will reinvest all of the needed to move elsewhere and to work somewhere. I thought a newspaper might money that would have gone to next towards having a future. be the perfect place to write for information Luv, Biffy Shmappa year's education budget to build the And that new road will help them do about something like that. If it's true that Kappa '92 new Jesse Helms/Jim Martin Ex it. Congratulations to the legislature we are in a war, and if anybody there has pressway, which will make a beeline for following the advice of Sen. Helms to the nearest border. The money will and doing away with that great bu also help construct a new, ultra-mod reaucratic money-monger that is A letter we weren't supposed to have ern prison, which will house particu education. Hey, shower and he then left. Hi. How are you? I'm great. Just got The rest of my break was pretty fun, too. back from Spring Break at Daytona Beach. We kept driving up and down the beach On the record I got fried. And then I peeled all over this and looking at guys. Buffy hooked up with guy from somewhere when I was hooking a football player. I was jealous, but then up with him. It was gross. You should have she told me he passed out right at THAT All I said was "die, you stupid mother%#@*er.' seen it. We woke up the next day and we time and so I wasn't so jealous anymore. North Carolina basketball coach Dean Smith. didn't even know each other and here he's She did get to sleep with him, though. got this skin all over him. Well, of course, Oh, yeah. Did you hear anything about he was hangin' pretty hard, and so was I, some war? I wrote to our newspaper to see so he took one look at me and all this skin if they knew anything about it. established 1905 THE CHOMICLE and he booted all over my Laura Ashley Welp, gotta go. My teacher just caught comforter. And then he said "sorry." And me writing this letter. Write back soon. Don Sclafani, The Boss then I said, "gross." And then he said. XOXOXOXOX. Adrian De Lard, Big Frat, Evil Henchmen "Sorr-ry. Geez." And thenl said "my name's Bo Jackson, Disabled List Biffy. What's yours?" And then he said Luv, Biffy Shmappa Leif Eriksen, Viking Explorer "Bob. Yeah. Bob." And then we got in the Ann Cheeseberger, In Paradise Erin and Pete, Inseparable Mark Taffy, Not PC at all Wiley Coyote, Feature Presentation Elena Brodie, Fundraising Queen Halley's Comet, Astronomy Editor Announcement Leigh Dryer, Landfill Editor Chris Oh Baby, Rae's Plaything Pond Scum, Undersecretary Richard Grendel, Graphic Violence Jon Blum is now dating Amy Reed. Finally. Cliff Clavin, Grumpy Stanley Kaplan, Crib Sheet King Lefty Gomez, Bullpen Manager Ozzie Newsome, Tight End Graig Nettles, Hall of Fame?-? Sara Lee, Famous Desserts Johnny Carson, Arsenio Who? Johann Bach, Very Creative Services Manager Letters policy: The Chomicle will print just about anything that we get, as long The opinions expressed in this newspaper are the truth. We're not bragging, we're just smarter as it's either stupid or funny. Anything serious, like something about politics, you can than you poor toads who read this. Unsigned editorials represent the views of everyone except forget it. Beau or Adrian. Columns, letters and cartoons are generally full of shit. There's a limit on the length that letters can be, but I don't know what it is and it Phone numbers: Editor: (unlisted; used only to call late-night phone sex services); News/ hardly ever gets enforced anyhow, so don't worry about it. Features: 684-OOPS; Sports: 1-900-HOT ONES; Business Office: 684-CASH; Advertising Office: We can edit the crap out of anything you write, since most of you shmucks can't write 684-MORE; Classifieds: 684-MONY: FAX: 684-BEEP. a coherent sentence. We don't want to make people think you're morons. Editorial Office: Restrooms, The Hideaway; None-of-your-business Office: Secret bunker; All letters must be signed, dated and must have the writer's phone number, class Advertising Office: Across from the damn U-Room, all right?! ©$%@! 1991 The Chomicle, Box-and-one, Durham, N.C. All right-wingers excluded. No part of schedule, dating availability, sexual preference and a 3x5 unretouched nude color this publication may be reproduced in any form, as ifyou would want to. photograph. Weakly Artsy Fartsy and Showbiz Rag Prince, 1999
MUSIC FACTORY Gonna make you sweat till you bleed* Is that dope enough? Indeed* Dance to the rhythm, dance dance to the rhythm, dance* Everybody dance now* page 7
THEATER The Melodrama Department faculty and students surprise audiences with a steamy produc tion of "Caligula/ page 13
MUSIC The Frink-Kapkov Family Singers releases a live album of folk songs recorded at their wedding in Leningrad* The album took first prize at both the Novgorod, U.S * S-R., and Bloomington, Indi CHILD'S PLAY III ana, International Folk Festivals* page 8 Starring Macaulay Culkin and Andrew Dice Clay Page 5 PAGE 2/THE CHOMICLE D&D WEAKLY RAGAZINE MONDAY, ORWELL, 1984
Come be a part of the nation' > MUFFED, SYMPTOM II first, largest, and best equipped Featuring Ed Goodfella, Unemployed student-run television station! Ed Goodfella has his pride "breaked" by Fake Breaker Last week, Ed subjected the entire commu "Fair is foul and foul is fair/For punctuation at nity to more of his repressed sexual fantasies. the Chomicle who shall ever care." I leaned back in my chair and stretched. My I covered my eyes with my hands, trying to back hurt from sitting so long, and there still shield them from the light. Who knew? Who wasn't a thing on my Chomicle computer had uncovered that I could not use a comma screen. I had to take a break from that detective properly if my sex life depended on it? David crap. I was getting worried that someone might had threatened me with grammar school, but I Producers, writers, actors, cameramen, fugitives, catch on to my fixation with Perkins. And didn't think he would go through with it. A run- comedians...ANYBODY!!! You're invited to apply for Uncle Harry's. And Public Safety. And I decided on sentence is no reason to kill anybody. any and every position at the station. there was no reason to worry. After all, who Whoever said that those photog pukes spills their guts in an entertainment column? wouldn't take a picture if someone was shot in • • • I had to build a readership. The Chomicle the stands because it wasn't part of the game wasn't coughing up the dough that slime David had sure made an impact. Like Pickens on We need new people with new ideas for new shows and programming. Messinger promised would slide my way if I student health. Like a Kappa on Daddy's Visa Among the many ideas for new shows; wrote about this ideal Duke student who makes card. Like me on DUFUS. Who do they think it in the library. I asked, "isn't that what kegs are they're fooling by changing the name to Dining Orgasmotron - an entertainment show featuring student for?" Services? It's not dining; it's feeding. It's feed or filmmakers and musicians; He snorted and re be fodder. plied, "Why limit your And I was in no mood Eye Candy - surreal psychedelic commentary with digital self? Those frat boys to be fodder for the DOD don't want to read about mill at the Chomicle. At video effects and computer graphics art; what they get all the time. least, not without some Video Bomb - bizarre comedy at its best. We need obscure, not female incentive. With mainstream." Then he page two, I was always landed a left hook in my on the front line. The Returning shows: solar plexus that sent me second page people see. Seth Davis' world renowned Cameron Corner, to the floor. But if my information I hung out with the was correct, see was the ever-enlightening Inside Duke, rug meat for awhile and about all they did. decided that I had had I had talked to Curley Beyond the Gothic Walls, enough. No more detec Fries, and he was en tives. No more soaking couraging. "So what if and a whole lot more! poor, unemployed Ed for nobody reads it? You get your name in lights? And • • • 16 inches of adventure each week. No more no hate mail." Like any Get your application today at the Bryan Center Info. Desk, redheads, no more thing critical of the blonds. And definitely Chomicle shows up on come by the studio (behind the B.C.), no more Barry Scerbo. the edit pages anyway. and get involved with CABLE 13!!! Who cares anyway? Nothing to worry about there, but there was no I hauled myself up RONNIE GONDOLA/M&M's 684-6006 or 286-5438 and brushed off my sign of Norman Mailer clothes. "Dave, I'm outta here." making inquiries through my agent. Nor even "No way, man. Not until that column gets any sign of my agent. done. You've got a deadline to meet." He turned Last I heard, she used my refunded tuition from the drafting table, an exacto knife in his deposit to hightail it for Cancun. Just goes to Need Ideas and Advice in fist. "Goodfella, get back to your computer be show, as soon as you think you pull one over on fore I really get mad." Two goon photographers your parents for the big S250 that the bursar Planning Pre-registration? appeared at his side, brandishing camera strap- coughs up when you graduate, some other whips. dirtbag finds a way to cheat you out of it. THE UNDERGRADUATE "I'll trade you my Rolodex..." Hey, it's what But the MC Messerino was done letting me everyone wants from Jake Breaker. He cracked think. "Look, Ed, you're a friend. A pal. I would HUMAN DEVELOPMENT PROGRAM his knuckles, and I tried to think fast. Maybe I do anything for you. Yes, even show you how to was wrong not to apply for those investment use Pagemaker again." The Undergraduate Human Development Program offers a curriculum banking jobs last year. Before I graduated and "Now what do you mean, 'It's not going to be emphasizing the complementarity of biological, biomedical, psycho everything went to hell. Before my parents me anymore.' That sounds like a threat. And I stopped paying my bills. Before the Career don't like threats." Just for emphasis he slugged logical, and social scientific disciplinary perspectives; a research Development Center wrote me off as a casualty me again. In the jaw. Hard. apprenticeship and senior seminar; and advice for curriculum plan of the English Department. I went down for the count, but not before I ning. The program is an optional certificate program, not a major. I shook my head and replayed "Die Hard 2: heard him tell the goons, "OK, guys, have your Die Harder" in my head. Nope, there was no fun and when you're bored, lock him in the way I could try any of those moves. Bruce Willis torture chamber—the Hoof n' Horn lounge will WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT had flown the Messinger of Death himself out to do — and maybe, just maybe, Ed will reconsider California to show him how it's really done. I the importance of deadlines when he has to THE RESEARCH APPRENTICESHIP could see it now — "Die Hard 3: Dead." No listen to the Hoofers sing and sing and sing." IN HUMAN DEVELOPMENT? wonder nobody up at the Chomicle crosses Mcintosh icons circled in fronto f my eyes, him. The Mess always gets what he wants, or and I felt like a computer about to eject some somebody pays. undigestable disks. But as I dropped from • Talk to these student program advisers/research apprentices: I thought, "It's not going to be me any more. consciousness, I finally figured out the ticket. I Lisa Lestina (psychology), Jeffrey Miller (sociology), Audrey No more." would talk to Stan Ridgeiy. Poly sci grad school Sherman (psychology), Mary Beth Williamson (Program II), and I didn't realize I had said it aloud until I saw with a frosting of the "Duke Review." Who others. the Messmeister's eyes glaze over. The goons needs a job? HI just stick with Duke. stepped forward, snapping away. The flashes Join us next week when Ed will undoubtedly • Talk with faculty advisers: Drs. Nels C. Anderson, Jr. (physiology), blinded me, and I heard one of them chant: still be unemployed. Carol O. Eckerman (development/psychology), Deborah T. Gold (social psychology), Warren G. "Ted" Hall (neuropsychology), Peter H. Klopfer (zoology), George Maddox (gerontology/sociology) D&D STAFF Complaining Editor and Robert J. Thompson clinical psychology). JOSH IS KUNING! INTERESTED IN RELATED COURSES? Dungeon Master Copout Editor The introductory program course offered Fall, 1991 is "Human MESSINGER OF DEATH RAVING BATTY Development" GDC 124/Soc 124/Psy 124) TTh, 12:10-1:25, Norman Anderson. Limited enrollment. For other courses, see the current Course Synopsis Handbook for Numerolosy Editor Indentured Editors recommended program electives. KRISTA BALL MELSIE ICEBERG FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT: Professor George Maddox, Program Director. DANCIN' BOY ROBERTS Crayon Editor Box 2920. DUMC, 684-6118. PETER TINKLER ANNASNOWDUMB THE CHRONICLE
WEEKLY PULL-OUT SPORTS SUPPLEMENT MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 SPORTSWRAP Runnin' Rebels: The best team in
• from THE CHRONICLE page 1 minutes left in the game. UNLV head coach Jerry offensive attack throughout the The eclectic Anthony had just Tarkanian. "Hurley got an open game. seen his collegiate career end. He three-pointer which you're not The Blue Devils aimed to stop had fouled out. supposed to get against the UNLVs transition offense, double "I laid there kind of waiting for Amoeba. They also got two layups down on Larry Johnson, the na the ref to point at me or him," which violates all the principles tional player ofthe year, maintain Davis said. "I didn't even realize of the Amoeba." an Anderson Hunt awareness and it was his fifth foul." Augmon missed an off-balance hit the boards and the floor for Playing without their floor runner, but Johnson hauled in loose balls. general in their first close game the rebound and was fouled by Offensively, Duke strived to ofthe season, the Runnin' Rebels Grant Hill. Johnson, who had 13 utilize its dribble drive against seemed ready for the taking. points and 13 rebounds, missed UNLVs man-to-man defensive It took a minute, but after both free throws. But the senior pressure and frequently look for George Ackles' put-back of his forward has an unorthodox stroke Laettner. missed shot to make it 76-71, the from the foul line, and on his Duke achieved two of its de Blue Devils stormed from behind. second attempt, Johnson fensive goals, but Hunt exploded Hurley canned a 22-foot three- suckered Thomas Hill into the for a game-high 29 points and pointer from the left wing over lane. Thus the big man got a third UNLV outrebounded the Blue UNLVs hallowed Amoeba zone attempt which he sank to tie the Devils 40-26. On offense, Duke to trim the deficit to two points. game with 50 seconds left. worked its gameplan perfectly. Following a Duke timeout, the Duke set up to run its motion But perhaps it was the swag Blue Devils hounded the Runnin' offense. Thomas Hill took a four- ger which put the Blue Devils on Rebels as they attempted to run foot jumper in the paint which top. Duke extracted the cocky hip- down the clock. Augmon found drew iron. Laettner boxed out and hop demeanor from UNLV and himself with the ball near grabbed the offensive rebound — infused itself with its own bas halfcourt. Davis stepped up and one of seven Duke offensive ketball-booming system. swarmed the beleaguered All- boards on the game — and was Duke refused to shy away from America as the shot clock expired. fouled by Evric Gray with 12 the slam-dunking, fast-breaking, Augmon, the All-America who seconds left. trash-talking machine which is did not have a patriotic perfor UNLV called timeout to ice the UNLV basketball. The Runnin' mance — six points and four 6-11 junior. Laettner, the Rebels were the bullies of the turnovers — never looked at the tournament's leading free throw NCAA. The Blue Devils turned shot clock. shooter at 88 percent, was in a them into pedestrian peons. Duke On the ensuing possession, similar situation during his matched UNLV taunt for taunt, Duke attacked UNLVs Amoeba freshman year against Arizona 4 barb for barb, hard foul for hard zone defense as it had all evening. when he missed the front end of a ik foul. Grant Hill fed Davis as the 6-6 one-and-one which could have tied "I know we won tonight be junior slashed from the left wing. the game. BOB KAPLAN/ THE CHRONICLE cause we fought for 40 minutes," Davis hit the layup and converted As a second-team All-America Thomas Hill said. "We didn't back the three-point play after Johnson in 1991, Laettner would not miss Senior Greg Koubek held Larry Johnson to 10 points under his down. We didn't let them intimi hammered him. Duke led 77-76. the free throws. He swished them average in the Blue Devils big 79-77 victory. date us." "Coach said that either the both. gunner. So Ackles returned the point attempt at the buzzer ca With the game on the line Duke baseline or weak-side flash would In a season which featured al ball to Johnson who drove reened harmlessly off the had focus, while UNLV relied on be open against the Amoeba," most no on-court confusion, ironi upcourt. Johnson stopped behind backboard. hocus pocus. Senior point guard, Davis said. "Our Blue team did cally, a nonsensical, chaotic se the three-point arc on the right "They didn't really have a set co-captain, team spokesman and an excellent job running the quence ended the year for UNLV. wing, looked at the basket, passed play to run because they had not guru, Greg Anthony charged into Amoeba all week in practice." Johnson inbounded to Ackles up an open shot and then dished been in a close game all season," Brian Davis on a drive with UNLV "Late in the game it seemed who turned and looked for Hunt, to Hunt, who was still hounded Thomas Hill said. "I expected leading 74-71 and under four like we were heavy-footed," said but Duke was all over the junior by Thomas Hill. His 24-foot three- them to get a better shot." Fans engage in pre-game banter
, , , INDIANAPOLITXTT\T A -KT A TT*/-\T T_-S_ — Y\Prio * r t__o . __"REEBBBEELLSS!!n nT.r_T\ nT_r.T T rtnim" nThm e T%Duk_ I_ e_ AfteA _a_ r ___ith_ e._ ilos s t_____o _ DukeT-v -1 _ _, AnthonA __ _t_i y Saturday's games, the UNC and mob jumped all over that by in got rid of the Duke hat, while Duke fans got stupid while terjecting "Suck!!" in the lull be Anderson Hunt appropriately waiting to pick up their tickets at tween the UNLV chants. donned a "Three-Pt. Man" hat. will call. Societal and cultural differ T. Hill knows Kansas: Thomas There were four separate lines ences: UNLVs players and head Hill became very familiar with of ticket-buyers, one to represent coach have strong opinions about Kansas and head coach Roy Wil each school, however, Duke and what distinguishes their school liams during his senior year of Carolina provided most of the and basketball program from high school. The Jayhawks excitement. Duke's. heavily recruited the 6-4 guard It started with the Blue Devil "Everybody would love to have from Lancaster, Texas. faithful shouting, "Carolina the situation where you have all Hill made a visit to Kansas and blows!! Carolina blows!!" Minutes the kids like Duke," Tarkanian loved it. The following weekend later, UNC responded with said. "You have great players, he visited Duke. Sorry, Roy. chants of great students who come from "I really like coach Williams," "HUURRRLLLEEEYYY!!! great families. But that's not what Hill said. "He really liked me as a HUURRRLLLEEEYYY!!!" That life is all about. That's not what person. I really thought he cared drew a quick reprisal of "King our country stands for. I think about me." Rice, he sucks, he really, really we'd be getting a false image of Jamison well-traveled: Alonzo sucks!!" what's taking place in our coun Jamison, Kansas' 6-6 forward, has It didn't end there. North try." attended three schools and had Carolina faithful delivered its Anthony sports Duke hat: UNLV one full-time job in the last three biggest blow when they sang, senior point guard and team years. "Eight-time loser!! Eight-time spokesman Greg Anthony created He played his high school ball loser!!" a small stir when he wore a Duke in Santa Ana, California and then Ouch! baseball hat to the Friday after went to Oregon State. After he The Dookies meekly replied, noon pregame press conference. moved into a dormitory, but before "Four in a row!" and the standard "I always wanted to go to Duke, he attended any classes, the ad CLIFF BURNS/THE CHRONICLE "Go to hell, Carolina, go to hell!!" but I didn't have the opportunity," missions people at OSU had some Grant Hill covered Stacey Augmon tight all night and held him to When the moronic UNLV fans Anthony quipped. "I didn't have problems with his high school six points and forced him into four turnovers. got into the act with calls of the grades." See NOTES on page 2 • PAGE 2/THE CHRONICLE SPORTSWRAP MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 Only Jayhawks stand DUKE VS. KANSAS GAME FACTS: between Duke and title When: 9:12 p.m. Where: ma Hoosierdome, Indianapolis Radio: WDNC {620 AM) Televisi<
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TRAVEL RELATED SERVICES CALL 1-800-942-AMEX CONTINENTAL An American Express company Ifyou're already a Cartfrnemher. there's no need to call Information about your certificates will he arriving soon MONDAY, VAN HALEN, 1984 D&D WEAKLY RAGAZINE THE CHOMICLE / PAGE 3
FLIX "Pretty Woman" sequel makes me feel all gushy inside by Joe Cook and an implicit hummer, although they didn't We find out later that he did all his own this film was directed by Tracy Foltz, her first ghostwritten by George Burgin actually show it, if you know what I mean. stunts, which is cool. Then I hear this voice yell effort and a smashing, popular success, although Anyway, Ward doesn't develop her charac "Hey Joe, what's up?" So I turn, along with few people have to gone to see it. his movie was okay, but the popcorn was ter much, but Reagan brilliantly portrays a man everyone else in the theater, and it's Dean Sue Anyway, I pretended to yawn and thus a little salty. And these kids sat behind me going through a retirement crisis: he's lost his in the second row, and she's totally wasted. stretched my arms, in order to put my arm on Tand put their feet up on the chair next to power and is dominated by his wife, so he's About then I went to take a leak. The bath the shoulder of my date. So this guy punches me. I mean technically, what can I do, you know grouchy. Ward preys on his vulnerability, hop rooms (this was at South Square) were pretty me in the face and it was not until then that I what I'm saying? So I politely asked the one kid ing to get some really raunchy pictures and then clean, but there was no soap, so I took one of realized that I was sitting in the wrong row. The to put them down, but she didn't seem to sell them to the Enquirer. That's where the those pink round bars from the urinal. Later, my movie just then reaches it's climax when Reagan understand English. She central conflict begins, date would scream "Gross!" and barf. But we (Reagan) catches Ward (Roberts) with another kept asking, "Que?" so I and there's a lot of sym had already fooled around, so I didn't care. customer, while in the background we hear a hit her over the head with bolism and stuff. So I go Anyway, the genre of this film is Romantic remake of a C & C Music Factory hit, performed a crowbar. to buy a Coke and my Comedy. There were some funny jokes. Also, by renowned coloratura soprano Barbara Anyway, I was a little date wants one too, but I they showed her tits a few times. Most of the Buschman with the refrain "Pump to the rhythm, late, but "Pretty Woman II don't want to pay. I get guys seemed to like those scenes. By the way, pump pump to the rhythm, pump." At the end, — Back on the Streets" is her a small, and I get a the good goys beat the bad govs. the tale of Vivian Ward Jumbo, and the ungrate (Julia Roberts), a hooker. ful dame pulls an atti DIRT If you remember "Pretty tude on me. Woman," you'll recall that Anyway, when I re she mashed with tycoon turn there's this huge Edward Lewis (Richard black guy trying to kill R.E.M. won't tour, but Mooch will Gere) and then was sup Wesley Snipes, evi by David Ball "I pretend to know a lot about music." posed to live happily ever dently foreshadowing Shaka-Khan has stated that he can do after. Well, forget it. violence. I saw some '- he Major Distractions Committee of the whatever he wants with the committee until his In this movie, Lewis symbolism, but then it Duke University Onion continues its his successor, Peter Scar takes over tonight at 5 dumps her, half because occured to me that I was T tory of fine programming for Crapel Hill p.m. "I look at the 5 p.m. deadline as similar to he discovered that he re in the wrong theater. high school students with a new show for Bush's deadline for Solemn Hussein. I have free ally fancied men, half be So I run back to Cameroon Indoor Stadium. reign until then, and my mother is faxing the cause she had dyed her "Pretty Woman II" and After passing on Shinehead O'Connor, Little contract Monday morning," said Shaka-Khan hair and wasn't nearly as the plot thickens when Feet, In Living Color, Stanleyfishbone, the confidently as he rubbed his hand over his hot of a babe, and half Reagan (Reagan) forgets Beatles reunion tour, Neil NotsoYoung, Stung, velour-covered head. because the producer de CUFF BURNOUT. S&M Ward's (Julia Roberts') Incognito Girls and the Democratic Nomination The Mooch Shaka-Khan All-Star Bonehead cided that he wanted to Like a Chomicle photo could ever name and has to intro for '92, the chair of the Major Distractions Revue is composed of Shaka-Khan, Connie make a sequel. look this good* duce her (Ward) ((Rob Committee, Mooch Shaka-Khan, has anounced Pearcy on tambourine, J-Rock lip synching, Anyway, she's back to turning tricks on erts)) to The Invisible Man (Keith Brodie) at a that he has finally booked the first musical act Arden Clark on the G-string guitar, and Clay Hollywood Boulevard, when she meets another really lavish partly. I mean REALLY lavish — to play at the University since October. Buckley on the bench. They have agreed to rich and famous John, Ronald Reagan (Ronald no Doritos anywhere. Reagan, though, is in a "When we lost the bid for Empty Hammer, I donate all of the proceeds from the concert to Reagan), who is a retired President. I don't bind when The Invisible Man pre-empts him was distraught. I really like his song, 'Nice, George Will's second speaking fee in three remember exactly what happens when they and queries, "So who's the babe?" With a flash Nice, Baby.' But rather than getting mad and months. meet, as the theater is too dark to take notes. But of inspiration. Reagan pretends to choke on his tranfering to UWC-Crapel Hill, I decided, why "I think it's a great cause," said Bucklev, who presumably there was some full frontal nudity drumstick. don't I play?" he said in a prepared statement. see FINALLY on page 4
THE LITERATURE DEPARTMENT Offers the Following Undergraduate Courses for FALL 1991 Registration BEGINS TODAY Monday, April 1 LIT 20s Intro to Literature: Reading for Yourself T/TH 12:10-1:25 p.m. - J. Tompkins - East Duke 204A
UT 102.01 Intro to Cultural Studies: Rim, Photography & TV M/W 1:50-3:05 p.m. - J. Gaines - East Duke 204B TERM I LIT 102.02 Intro to Cultural Studies: Defining Culture T/TH12:10-l:25pm-K.Surin-Carrll7 May 16 -June 29
LIT 132 Dada/Surrealism T/Th 1:45-3:00 pm - JJ. Thomas - Carr 209 TERM II LIT 133 Love, Marriage and Adultery In the 19th Century Novel July 2 - August 15 M/W 1:50-3:00 p.m. - T. Moi - Carr 220
LIT 142s Women in Arab Literature T/TH 1.45-3:00 p.m. - M. Cooke - Social Sciences 232 Course schedules, LIT 190$ Senior Seminar information, and THURS 3:20-5:50 p.m. - S. Willis - East Campus Lfcrary 113 registration in LIT 191 Independent Study 684-2621 121 Allen Building Staff
- SUMMER SESSION OFFICE PAGE 4/THE CHOMICLE D&D WEAKLY RAGAZINE MONDAY, ORWELL, 1984
The choreography for the stage show was Revue will also play their famous retrospective designed by the Dancin' Prancin* Devils. "I had of songs from all the bands that played Crapel FINALLY to burn the hair off my legs to fit into the shiney Hill and Really instead of Durm. blue spandex tights." "I don't mind that we lost those bands. Who from page 3 Shaka-Khan has discovered that a little wants to see the Dead anyway? Their dance may or may not have been in Indianapolis. "I sacrifice goes a long way, but he refuses to numbers suck." mean, they have reruns of sitcoms, don't mmm HOB The Shaka-Khan's concert is supposed they?" to draw from all over Derm High. The "Actually, I was having this dream. I « Onion does not care if anyone shows up. was in this big body of water, and the "I also plan to add some favor "If we did, we would cancel most of our whole team was there. All these sharks programming," saidRaphael Freedom, who were circling us. Then this whaling boat ites for my old friends and has put his Onion position on his resume came to save us, and the rest ofthe team scopes like 'Keep On Moochin' for two years in a row. got in, but the coach wouldn't let me. I "The show will draw more of an audi asked Koubek about it, 'cause he took this and 'Bust a Mooch/" ence then Bob Mold did. After all, we're pysch class, and he told me to check the going to make all seven members fromth e name on my jersey. It said 'Buckley,' and •_____• __•_• Especially Underattended Events Com then I knew. So I just decided to hang out on the compromise his music. mittee go see Mooch," said Beth Butt, program bench in front ofthe C.I. like Quin used to do." "I plan to do lots of Connell covers. The kids ming deactivator for the Onion. Shaka-Khan considers Buckley as an asset to really dig it," said Shaka-Khan. "I also plan to Pie Fi soroity will open by singing their the line-up. "Clay lifts me on his shoulders as I add some favorites for my old friends and scopes pledge party songs, like Curly Simon's "I'm So enter. That way people in the second row can like 'Keep On Moochin' and 'Bust a Mooch.'" Vain, I Think This Song Is About Me" and the MARK WASSy-POO/S&M see me." Hangover Cure's "Why Can't You Be Me."|W!fl The Mooch Shaka-Khan All-Star Bonehead Mooch never looked so good.
Dr. William O'Barr, professor of SPRING Advertising and Society and The Language of Advertising, talks about "He Said... ADVERTISED ITEM POIICY-Each of thasa advertised items is required to be readily available for sale in each Kroger Store, except as specifically 39 noted in this ad. If we do run out of an advertised item, we wiH offer you your choice of a comparable item, "She Said... when available, reflecting the same savings or a raincheck which wiH entitle you to purchase the advertised item at the advertised price within 3D days. Only one vendor coupon win be accepted per Men and women talk kern purchased.
COPYRIGHT 1991 THE KROGER differently about each other. CO. ITEMS AND PRICES GOOO SUNDAY, MARCH 31, THROUGH SATURDAY. APRIL 6, 1991, IN Low Prices. How and why? DURHAM, WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO LIMIT QUANTITIES. NONE SOLD TO DEALERS And More. Mary Lou Williams Center, MR. TURKEY IN THE DELI-PASTRY SHOPPE Tuesday, April 2nd at 8pm. WHITE OR WHEAT Smoked Fresh Baked Sponsored by Men Acting for Turkey Breast Kaiser Rolls Change, the Interfraternity Council, 6-oz. Pkg. 6-Ct. 12-oz. and the Rape and Sexual Assault Task Force. 0 99 99 NEED A JOB? THOMPSON WHITE NONRETURNABLE BOTTLE, CAFFEINE FREE DIET COKE, CAFFEINE FREE CLASSIC, Seedless DIET COKE OR Grapes DUKE 99 Coca Cola UNIVERSITY GOLDEN RIPE Classic TRANSIT Dole Work for Duke Transit! Bananas.... We offer: FRITO LAY CHEE-TOS •Starting salary at $5.82/hour LIGHTS OR •Flexible scheduling Chee-tos •Opportunity for advancement to supervisor position and $7.50/hour salary Snacks 8-0z •Friendly, relaxed working environment "IN THE DAIRY CASE" CHILLED •Paid training period MINUTE MAID WE NEED STUDENT DRIVERS FOR Orange IMMEDIATE TRAINING. WORK THROUGH THE END OF THE SEMESTER, Juice... AND RETURN TO A JOB IN THE FALL. PRINGLES CALL JOHN MANNING JR. TODAY Potato Chips. 684-2218 Duke Transit is an Equal Opportunity Employer. MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 11 Why shouldn't I whine? I know more than any of you I was wandering down Franklin Street, still wishing the minutes before my column is due. I'd gotten into Carolina, rejected by yet another UNC • Whining noticeably I like working for Duke Spew better anyway. I get to student, and thinking ofthe injustice of it all. write about kegs,-Playboy, and best of all, myself. And People at Duke are so ... so ... I don't know the word Edward Sandinshorts they don't have copy editors and mean people who get mad for it. I just think they are all so stupid. No, wait, I don't at me when I have my facts wrong. mean stupid, I mean vapid. No, um, I mean that they are not quite the type of... somethingl had meant to say here. If there were any highlights in But back to my complaining. I don't like the sandwiches The only thing I really like about Duke is in the CI. I don't like those double buses that run during Krzyzewskiville. I love staying outside and complaining this column, they would ap the afternoon. I think sororities are silly (but I like about the weather, my health, how I would have had more pear in this space. There are nonresidential, unofficial fraternities). I don't like rainy fun if I went to Carolina, you know, all the things I write days, people who don't realize my amazing writing ability, about in my column. But when I write my column, people none, so disregard this. people with long hair, New Kids on the Block or people's get upset and write letters. In Krzyzewskiville, they just table manners at the Pits. zip me up in the tent until Coach K shows the films. I also didn't get the car I wanted for Christmas. I They call me for all these fouls that I know I didn't do. I wanted a BMW, but instead, I got this old Checker cab. I also complain a lot about the academic life at Duke. showed the tapes to my good friend Bill Laimbeer, and he Isn't that unfair? After all, this is ME we're talking about. Just yesterday, I was sitting in my Intro to Jazz class agreed with me. So go ahead, write all those letters telling me how bad doing the crossword when I realized that I'd never taken The Chomicle is another thing I complain about. I know this column was. You'll just give something to write about any classes with Stanley Fish. Isn't that unfair? everything that goes on at The Chomicle from all the time next time. The intramural basketball refs are all against me too. I spend up there trying to think of something to write in Edward Sandinshorts is a whiner. Letter ;©I99I More freshman stupidity To the editor: I'm sick of all these no good, long-haired people who don't love George Bush and don't enjoy kicking the crap out of all those non-Americans in the world. Why don't they just quit their whining and start getting behind our boys in the Gulf? Those people in Iraq are all lying, cheating, killing assholes, which is only OK if you're American. America is great because we can get drunk, spit at poor people, and kick the shit out of other countries. Love it or leave it!
Stupid Freshman Aispaugh '91 Editorial Boardman The Chomicle's editorial board meets once a year to fix the ASDU presidential election. Members consist of all Chomicle staffers who aren't hung over from the night before, as well as several at-large members chosen from the Pig Book every August. Meetings take place on the Cleland bench and are BYOB. And by the "TESTING THE WATERS?" way, the Editorial Boardman is a woman. Men: The scourge of society, Why waste time recycling abusers of all that is female when the deficit needs us? not too long ago between two members I found that it took them about five • Lofty goals ofthe same fraternity. They were sitting Din my world seconds to walk the extra 15 feet from on their bench. trash can to the ominous thing called a Jacquie Ice John: "Are you certain that there's no Its Stark recycling bin and then five seconds to cover way we can make Duke a single-sex the distance coming back, at normal The other day I nearly became ill. A school again?" Let me start with a little story. I think walking speeds for a six-foot male and a 5- man said hello to me. It was disgusting. Bob: "I don't think the administration it'll raise your ire, too. 6 female. That's ten extra seconds the And to make matters worse, he actu will go for it, and there's no way those I was eating in a local restaurant (which couple wasted after their meal. ally wanted to stop and talk to me about bitches [he actually said 'bitches'!] in shall remain nameless to protect the bas The thing is, they seemed to be eating in something that wasn't gender-related. I the Women's Studies Program will go tards who own it from lawsuits), and I was a hurry. They came into the restaurant was embarrassed, mostly because he— I for it." watching two particularly granola-looking after I had gotten there, and they were hesitate to admit it, even—isn't PC. John: "Too bad. I hate women. I hate types eat at the table next to me. ready to leave 15 minutes before I was. It just goes to speak to a larger issue, them so much. I wish they would just go The girl had a wooden spoon and fork And I eat fast. So why did they take the and that is that women are constantly away. Hey do you think maybe Duke that she had brought with here, and she extra 10 seconds of time? screwed over every single time there's would go for being like it was in the was drinking out of a non-disposable cup. Then I thought I'd extrapolate the results an opportunity for a man to get more '50s?" As if that weren't bad enough, the guy she a little bit. If they do that every time they than us. I have never been in a situation Bob: "How so?" was with (who, not incidentally, had an eat a meal, assuming three meals a day for in which I felt as if I was being treated as John: "Women couldn't leave East earring and a ponytail), was eating salad. 20 years, that's 219,000 seconds, or 3,650 superior to a man. Not once. I hate that. campus, and they sure didn't have much Guys do not eat salad. And then he took minutes, or, even more grotesque, 61 hours The fact that this man said hello to me of a voice around here." the ham off. Some kind of vegetarian, I (two and a half days) spent recycling—in is made even worse by virtue ofthe fact Bob: "That would be great. They might guess. just 20 years! that he's in a greek organization—a go for that, too, especially since most of So anyway, when they finish, they get Granola people, therefore, are stupid. FRATERNITY! And it's not APO. It's the chicks [he actually said 'chicks'!] up and walk over to the trash can to throw And to think of all ofthe suffering going one of those that doesn't admit women at who are into all of this feminism crap out their paper plates. But instead of on in the world. If 1,000 granola people all. Blasphemy. live over there anyway." tossing the plates in like normal, rational applied each of their two and a half days of Fraternities, as we all know, are ha John: "Yeah. Let's go talk to Keith human beings, they walked past the trash recycling time over 20 years to helping vens for sexual abuse and sexism. /'Jl right now." can a good 15 feet to a drum labelled solve, say, the deficit, that would be...let's they do in those sections is sit around I swear I heard that conversation. It's "recycling bin" and dropped their plates see...2,500 man (I mean, person) days of and talk about how they can continue to a universal mission of men: They want into it. service available to the government. Surely put women on a subservient level. Either to do away with women. I was aghast. the deficit would be gone if they do that. that or they talk about their sexual We have to stand up and fight, and we What could possibly motivate someone Recyclers, why don't you stop, look and prowess. It's pathetic. have to let men know how much they to walk an extra 15 feet just to throw away listen for a while—the earth is fine, but it I actually heard this conversation once really suck. some garbage? I knew not, so I did some would be a better place to fiveifyo u wouldn't research. wasted so much time. PAGE 12 THE CHRONICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 Comics
Antimatter/ Rob Hirschfeld THE Daily Crossword by BettyjorBensen
6 7 10 11 12 13 ACROSS 1 2 3 1 Rocker Ant ' ' ' ' OCR TvJfr-'t SCHOOL 14 tor FACT, IT5 5 Arab garments " . 5YS7£^ '5 /N 9 Moisten the 17 ,. TKftT ^ftfE, A«ouT, roast " A6O0T TW£ S*nt 14 Certain 20 21 22 -To fix oT 15 City way up pfiUGf OS THAT (S \J££Y You wusT r#*£ 18 Harsh • - 34 f 19 Skid • " 20 Lennon/McCart- • F P4 0 38 ney song 39 \S NO 23 Aged 41 Hofe 24 Pro — •" 25 Mimes 44 i-crr 28 Recline • 50 30 Unclothed ! j* 34 Small pancakes 49 - oil!} 51 52 53 55 56 57 58 L/ o&tfk- 35 Revolve " 36 Valuable stone 59 60 37 Cole Porter " song 62 63 41 Permit " The Far Side / Gary Larson Doonesbury / Garry Trudeau 42 Yalies 65 66 43 Helen's " abductor C>1991 Tribune Madia ServicesI, Inc 1 VIP WU HEAR Umm MIGHT ITS BOOPSIB I'M 6UORRJEP All Rights Reserved 04/01/91 ABOUT. SHESGOTTA BEGOIN' 44 Notable times NOW EE STUCK HERE UNTIL- 46 Koppel or Friday's Puzzle Solved LABOR. Pm? NUTS! I'M \JUSTGLAP SHE'S IN Knight 10 Assurance I suets, potrrir? A MILITARY FAMILY SUPPORT 47 Ermine 11 Switchblade nnnn nnnnn nnnn / GROUP 48 Ocean: abbr. 12 Ocean motion nnnn nnnnn munn /WTHER5UMMER 50 Despite the fact 13 Natives: suff. nnnnnmnnnnnnnnn INTHEOYEN! that for short 21 Water wheel nnnnnnnn nnnn 51 Hammerstein/ 22 Office worker nnn nnnn Kern song 25 Author Horatio nnnnnn nnnnmnnn 59 Anticipate 26 Famous nnnn nnnnn nnn 60 Pride's papa statue rannnnnnnnnnnnniT] 61 Zhivago's love 27 Noun suff. 62 Medicinal plant 28 Rational nnn nnnnn nnnn 63 — majeste 29 Irritates nnnnnnnn nnnnnn 64Jai — 31 Gr. marketplace nnnn nnn 65 Serpent 32 Supply with new nnnn nnnnnnnn 66 War god equipment nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn 67 Farmer's place 33 Big birds nnnn nnnnn nnnn 34 III temper nnnn nnnnn mnnn DOWN 35 Shower finish 1 Bewildered 38 Two-masted 03/30/91 2 Dry as dust boat ...ANPtVHAT YEAH, 3 Russ. sea 39 A Sinclair MILITARY IF HE COMES ME HAVE 4 Carte 40 Chin, philosophy FAMILY SUPPORT HOME IN THE UVmmSNOW! 5 Backers 45 Key 51 Deeply 55 Pleased GROUP? IN MIPPLE OF I may 6 Blase 47 Polishes impressed 56 Store event MAL/BU* PIIOTSEASON? / ^ 7 In with 49 Petal perfume 52 Hit the runway 57 Russ. river 8 Trucker's rig 50 "— were the 53 Scat lady 58 Thin as a — / / POtVN. 9 Swiss city days..." 54 Stadium part
THE CHRONICLE Assistant sports editor: Jerry Tarkanian "There he is, Stan!... On that birch tree, second SPORTSWRAP editor: Ferrari Sure, Brian Dumpster branch from the top, and chattering away like crazy!. Copy editors: Crust 0'Bread,Ray O'Sunshine ' I tell you — first come the squirrels and then Wire editors: Jennifer Greaseball come the squirrel guns." Associate photography editor: Merky Wasser Day photographer: Dustin Mop Layout artist: Mi casa es tu casa Calvin and Hobbes/ Bill Watterson Production assistant: Ruddy Motor Account representatives: Judy Garland VIHMS TUE SUE WOULDNT YWO ARE va) YOU, VOV) NOV4, UOYl Dorothy and Toto •B\S \DE_V ENEN ACCEPT CALLING A SELF-CENTEHED. EX_STE.HT.M- V^T GIVING SUSIE \T/ YOU'RE SUCU JERK, VOU COUUW\NG CAN tW SET? 7 X<»~ Advertising sales staff: Cindy Adelman, A MijSUV A JERK, SUE NJWBtPMABV BRAT/ Kelli Daniels, Stuckon Glass, Trey Huffin' and Puffin', VALENTTUE?' AI^IMS TUIHKS GOOW-GOODV.' Roy Jurgens, Milky Khulua, Laura "Roadkill" Scrawney ARE NOV) YOU'RE V)P TO Creative services staff: Wendy Arundel, Reva Bhatia, HUT5?/P SOMETHING / Loren Faye, Dan Foy, Steven Heist, Jessica Johnston, Kevin Mahler, Minh-Ha-Ha, Carolyn Tweet wt' Classified managers: Roma Lai, David Morris Credit manager: Judy's Chambers Business staff: Jennifer Dominguez, Michelle Kisloff, Linda Markovitz, Liz Stalnaker Office manager: Jennifer Springer
iffl_»._i Calendar coordinator: Pam Packtor
Gothic Hell / Chris Hameetman MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHRONICLE PAGE 13 Community Calendar
Today "Germany, Pale Mother," Free Film Friday, April 5 The Second Annual Chinese Speech sponsored by Center for Judaic Studies. Contest. Open to public. 116 Old Chemis Free Tax Help. Bring last year's tax returns, 201 Perkins Library, 3:15 pm. Arms and the Man. By George Bernard try, West Campus, 2 - 5 pm. receipts and W-2 forms. Durham Technical Shaw. Sheafer Theater, 8 pm. College, 11 am -1 pm & 5 - 7 pm. "Faces of Stone," by William Carlow Italian All Stars. NC 1991 International Williams. Raleigh Correctional Center for Ark Dances. Spring Showcase. The Ark, Jazz Festival. Italian Garden, 3211 Blood Drive. Bryan Center Mezzanine, 9:30 Women. Cali 684-2027 for information. 8 pm. Hillsborough Rd., Durham, 10 pm. am - 2:30 pm. Free Tax Help. Bring last year's tax returns, NC Symphony with Cho-Liang Lin guest "I Remember," Epic Poem on Lebanese "Emotional Costs of Divorce," Domestic receipts and W-2 forms. Lincoln Community violinist. Page Auditorium, 8 pm. Civil War. AALL, 2101 Campus Dr., 4 pm. Law Panel Part I. Orange County Women's Health Center, 10 am -12 pm. Durham Center, 210 Henderson St., Chapel Hill, County Library, 6 - 8 pm. International Coffee Break. Chapel Start of Self Defense Course for Women. 7:30 pm - 9:30 pm. Pre-registration at Basement, 12 pm. Triangle Women's Martial Arts Center, 715 968-4610. Durham-Orange Genealogical Society N. Mangum St., Durham, 10 am -12 noon. Meeting. How the DAR can help document Arabic Table. Schlitz Room, Rathskellar, "Science, Feminism, and Romance: The lineage. Durham County Public Library, 6 - 7 pm. Free Tax Help. Bring last year's tax returns, receipts and W-2 forms. Durham County Men and Women's Club 1885-1888," 7pm. Play: The Butterfly's Evil Spell. North Lecture by Judith Walkowitz. Dey Hall, UNC- Library, 9:45 -11:45 am. "Job Hunting in a Tight Economy," Free Gallery, DUMA, 8 pm. Chapel Hill, 8 pm. Get Acquainted Morning. For parents and Seminar by Mike Collins. University Mall International Students First Friday Fellow children. Emerson Waldorf School, 10 am - "Mythmakers, Musicologists, and Stephen Waldenbooks, Chapel Hill, 7 pm. ship. 210 Lansbury, Durham, 6:15 pm. 11:30 am. Call 967-1858 for reservations. Foster," Lecture by Deane L. Root. Room Spring Festival. Kite-flying contests, poetry Rides from l-House at 6 pm. 104, Biddle Music Building, 4:30 pm. 1991 Canoe and Kayak Demo Day. River readings, clogging. NCSU's Court of NC & "The Mission," Free Film. Episcopal Runners' Emporium, Inc. Silver Lake, 5308 "I Want to Play You a Song." Eric Miller, Caldwell Hall. Free. Student Center, 8:15 pm. Holly Springs Rd., Raleigh, 12 - 5 pm. piano. Duke North Cafeteria, 5 pm. "Changing Paradigms of American Foreign First Friday Fellowship. For international Tuesday, April 2 Policy," Lecture by Former Assistant students and their friends. 210 Landsbury Sunday, April 7 Secretary of State. 139 Social Sciences, 4 Dr., 6:15 pm. Rides from l-House at 6 pm. Duke Chorale Spring Tour Concert. Baldwin Arms and the Man. By George Bernard pm. Auditorium, 8 pm. Shaw. Sheafer Theater, 8 pm. "I Remember," Epic poem on the Leba "I Want to Play You a Song." Pam nese Civil War. AALL, 2101 Campus Dr., Lutheran Campus Ministry Fellowship Habitat for Humanity meeting. House D Morrison, piano. Duke North Cafeteria, 1 4 pm. Commons, 9 pm. pm. Dinner. Kitchen Area, Chapel basement, "The Psychology of Women and the 5:30 pm. Episcopal Campus Ministry eucharist. Duke Thursday, April 4 Development of Girls," by Carol Gilligan. Chapel Crypt, 12:15 pm. 130 Psych Soc, 3:30 pm. Episcopal Student Fellowship Eucharist Choral Vespers, a 30 minute service by and Dinner. Episcopal Student Center, 505 Nederiandse Tafel. Magnolia Room, 12 candlelight. Memorial Chapel, 5:15 pm. 1991 Regional Student Conference of Alexander, 5 pm. pm. For info call 286-0604. ASME, Region IV. Oral competition. 125 Arms and the Man. By George Bernard Engineering, 8 am - 5 pm. Arabic Table. Schlitz Room, Rathskellar, 6- ASA general body meeting. 116 Old Chem, Shaw. Sheafer Theater, 8 pm. 7 pm. 7 pm. Senior recital. Edward Shanaphy, horn. Duke Collegium Musicum: Music ofthe Nelson Music Room, 8 pm. Play: The Butterfly's Evil Spell. North "The Bush Administration and United Renaissance. Memorial Chapel, 8 pm. Gallery, DUMA, 2 pm. States-Latin American Economic Relations: Stellar. "The Ragged Way We Fall Out of A Southern Cone Perspective," by Roberto Ark Dances. Spring Showcase. The Ark, Love," read by Betsy Cox. Dean's Confer Feminist Knitting Circle. Jarvis Commons, Bouzas. Center for International Studies, . 8 pm. ence Room, M33 Green, Duke South, 8 pm. 12:15 pm. 12 noon. Arabic Table. Schlitz Room, Rathskellar, Duke University Chorale. Spring Tour Blood Drive. Bryan Center Mezzanine, 9:30 6-7 pm. "Mineralogy and Soil Processes in the Concert. Baldwin Auditorium, 8 pm. am - 2:30 pm. Rhizosphere," by Dr. Richard April. 144 Bio Play: The Butterfly's Evil Spell. North Sci, 12:30 pm. "I Remember," Epic poem on Lebanese Duke Jazz Lab. Jazz Mobile, Downtown Gallery, DUMA, 8 pm. Civil War. AALL, 2101 Campus Dr., 4 pm. Durham, 12 pm. Free. Raptures Christian Fellowship Bible Study. "Quantum Dynamics of Small Systems Using Discrete Variable Representations," "Where were you in 1970: In Bellbottoms? "Reflections on a Miracle: Chile's Chapel Basement, 6 - 7:30 pm. In Diapers?" Come as you were party. Biberalization Experiment 1973 -1990," by Dr. John Light. 103 Gross Chem, Durham Arts Council's Pavillion Gallery, 3 - Lecture by William F. Maloney. 119 Old "Systematics ofthe Lentinieae," by David 3:30 pm. Hibbett. 144 Bio, Sci, 12:30 -1:30 pm. 6 pm. Chemistry, 5 pm. Free Tax Help. Bring last year's tax returns, receipts and W-2 forms. Durham County "The Gendering of Language," Lecture by Blood Drive. Bryan Center Mezzanine. 9:30 "The Living Will, Medical Directive, and am -2:30 pm. Library, 10 am -12 pm. William O'Barr. Mary Lou Williams Center, Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care: North Carolina and California Perspectives. 8 pm. Book Signing and Reception with Lois "Music ofthe Renaissance," Duke Colleg Eno River Unitarian Universalist Fellowship, Stiles Edgerly, author of "Give Her This "Reporting the Gulf War," Lecture by ium Musicum. Memorial Chapel, 8 pm. 4907 Garrett Rd., Durham, 2 - 4 pm. Wivina Belmonte. Canadian Studies Day." Southern Sisters Bookstore, 411 Duke Jazz Lab. Jazz Mobile. Downtown Morris St., Durham, 4 - 6 pm. Center, 12:15 pm. Bring lunch. Durham, 12 noon. Free Senior recital. Laura Burian, violin. Nelson Senior Horn Recital by Edward Shanaphy. Music Room, 3 pm. "I Remember," Epic poem on the Lebanese Wednesday, April 3 Nelson Music Room, 8 pm. Civil War. AALL, 2101 Campus Dr., 4 pm. Flute masterclass. Carol Wincenc. Re Arms and the Man. By George Bernard Spring Festival. Kites, Poetry, clogging. hearsal Hall, Mary Duke Biddle Music Shaw. Sheafer Theater, 8 pm. "Germany, Pale Mother," Free film spon Building, 2 - 5 pm. sored by Center for Judaic Studies. 201 NCSU's Court of NC & Caldwell Hall. Free. Lutheran Campus Ministry worship with Perkins Library, 7 pm. Saturday, April 6 Holy Communion. Chapel Basement, General Public Notices Vegetarian Dinner. Free. 229 Social 9:30 pm. Sciences, 5 - 7 pm. Arms and the Man. By George Bernard What are you going to do with the rest of Spanish Table. Mary Lou Williams Center, Shaw. Sheafer Theater, 8 pm. your life? Workshop. For 8 Mondays, Apr. 1 1991 Regional Student Conference of 6-7 pm. - May 20, 9:30 -11:30 am. To enroll call ASME, Region IV. Barbeque Buffet at 6:30 Ark Dances. Spring Showcase. The Ark, 684-6259. Amnesty International meeting. 219 Soc pm followed by design competition at 8 8 pm. Sci, 8:30 pm. pm. Teer Engineering Library. Are you ready for a career change? Jean-Yves Thibaudet and Carol Wincenc. Workshop. 4 Thursdays, Apr. 4 - 25, 6 - 8 Raising America's Children: Thinking and "Censorship and Pornography: Where Do Chamber music. Reynolds Industries pm. To enroll call 684-6259. Creativity with Andy Silberman. AV Room We Draw the Line?" Orange County Theater, 8 pm. 211, Perkins, 12 -1 pm. Women's Center, 210 Henderson St., Four-week self-defense course for women. Chapel Hill, 7 - 8:30. Pre-register at 968- Arabic Table. Schlitz Room, Rathskellar, Saturdays beginning April, 6 from 10 am - Blood Drive. Bryan Center Mezzanine, 9:30 4610. Free. 6 - 7 pm. 12 pm. For information and to register call am-2:30 pm. The Triangle Women's Martial Arts Center, Sophomore Voice Recital by Jeffrey "Living Nonviolently in a Violent World: 682-7262. Graduate School Information Workshop. Bridging the Gap Between Belief and Jarmakani, baritone. Rehearsal Hall, 3 pm. 124 Social Sciences, 4 - 5 pm. Actions." Center for Peace Education, 214 Pittsboro St., Chapel Hill, 7 - 9:30. Sophomore Horn Recital by Forrest Brown. Student Notices Stress Management Support Group. Rehearsal Hall, 5 pm. Orange County Women's Center, 210 Free Tax Help. Bring last year's tax returns, Free Counseling and Conversation for Henderson St., Chapel Hill, 7 pm - 8:30 receipts and W-2 forms. North Durham "Workout for Hope," Aerobics Against surviviors of sexual assault. Women's pm. Call 968-4610 for Pre-Registration. Branch Library, Bragtown Library and AIDS. Omni Convention Center, Durham, 9 Center, 101-5 Bryan Center. Each Wednes Ruritan Cabin, 6-8 pm. am -12 noon. day, 9 am - 3 pm by appointment. "Tidy Heads and Hands: African American Midwives in the South," Lecture by Gertrude Benefit. National Child Rights Alliance. "A Peasant of El Salvador," Drama followed Safewalks. Ifyou need an escort anywhere Fraser. Alumni Bldg., UNC-CH, 3:20 pm. Ninth St. Bakery, Durham, 7:30 - 9:30 pm. by panel discussion. First Presbysterian on campus. 10 pm - 2 am. 684-6403. Free. Church, 305 E. Main St., 7 pm. "Reporting from the Gulf," Visiting jounalist Volunteers needed by Duke Recycles to Wevina Belmonte. Broughton Commons, Spring Festival. Kites, Poetry, clogging. Play: The Butterfly's Evil Spell. North help with weekend dormitory collection. 9 pm. NCSU's Court of NC & Caldwell Hall. Free. Gallery, DUMA, 8 pm. Call 684-3362 for more information. PAGE 14 THE CHRONICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 Classifieds
Announcements WRINKLE IN TIME LIFEGUARDS Snack bar and pool attendants for Apts. for Rent Lost and Found MADELINE L'ENGLE IS COMING! 4/7 in The Duke University Faculty Club is now summer.' Apply in person at Hope Page 7:00PM and 4/9 in Duke Chapel at accepting applications for certified life Valley Country Club after 4pm. See HEADING FOR EUROPE THIS SUM SUMMER RENTAL APARTMENT available 7:00PM. Be there, and teli'em Charles guards. W.S.I, a plus. Apply in person or Will Davis. LOST KEYS MER? Jet there anytime with May-Aug. BR, living, porch, all comforts Wallace sent you! call 684-6672. Three keys on a brass keychain. Please AIRHITCH for $160 from the East in complex with pool, tennis. Call 489- call Julie at 684-2663. Coast. (As reported in NY Times & 0966. EARN $5,000-15,000 This summer Child Care Let's Go!) AIRHITCH 212-864-2000. June LSAT? Want to take the June LSAT in Greens selling environmental products. Contact WATCH LOST 2BR apt. near E. Campus, hardwood boro... Fayetteville... MALAWI? If not, Duke graduate, Jon Goodman, of Silver watch with black face lost on Summer child care for 2 girls ages 8 and floors. Avail. 4/15. $465/mo. 489- TCEB register NOW. (Triangle test space runs Envirolife Enterprises foran appointment Wednesday, 3/27, between Soc-Sci 11, 30 hours per week. Faculty Club 1989. Other places avail, next semes On sale now in the Textbook Store. short in June). A public service an at 380-1445. Serious inquiries only. andCI. If found, please call Tenten at Only $6.50. Don't register without it! pool priveleges. Non-smoker. Own ter. 684-0756. Reward offered. nouncement from The Princeton Review transportation and references required. — your source for ALL the best intelli Part-time Family Living Coordinator for 5 minutes from Duke. 493-0434 DON'T REGISTER gence on the LSAT! Course for June test transitional housing program. Bachelor without first consulting the TCEB. On starts soon. Call 967-7209 for informa of Arts and community experiecne re Houses for Rent Personals CHILD CARE WANTED. Loving clean sale now in the Textbook Store. tion. quired. Concentration in parent support nonsmoker to care for six month old. education, case management, and family Forty hours per week in our home or Three bedrooms, 2-1/2 blocks to East. PAUL HAMLIN Professional couple wants to adopt Questions, concerns, comments about budgeting. Some evening and weekend yours. Call 544-2937. Hardwood floors, high ceilings, A/C. I'm cold! Where is my sunshine baby to love/nurture. Collect 479- Duke life? Come meet faculty, adminis work required. Send resume to: Search Furnished or unfurnished. Available June when I need him? I love you. - 1860 anytime. Please remain anony trators and students in a non-agenda Committe. P.O. Box 25426, Durham, 1. $825/month. Call 682-2077. Serina. mous. forum, Friday, April 5, 8:00AM in 201 NC 27702-25426. Equal Opportunity Services Offered Flowers. Breakfast served. All students Employer. Record Conven. welcome! HOUSEMATES 1234 or 5? Furnished, 3BR duplex with AC, How does that teacher rate? Check Sunday. April 14.10AM-5PM. Daniel NEED TYPING OR WORD PROCESSING $8/hr-GRADUATE STUDENT washer, dryer, color TV, new re the TCEB before you register. On sale Boone Convention Center - KAPPAS Student Supervisor Position, starting SERVICES? DISSERTATIONS, THESES, frigerator, ceiling fans, porch, now in the Textbook Store. Hillsborough. NC. Exit 164 off 1-85. Neophyte is tonight at the East Camous summer or fall. Wanted- reliable, or RESUMES, LETTERS. CONTACT: basement storage space. 3 blocks 1.000's of old. new & used records, Gazebo. All big sisters be there by 5:00, ganized, dedicated graduate student DEBORAH #471-4897. from E. Campus, spaces open May tapes, CD's, $1.50 adm. with this ad. pledges by 5:45. to supervise student employees and DO YOU RUN? 18 and June 1. 688-2733. Then you'll have no trouble getting to For info call (301)636-5783. do administrative tasks. 15 hrs/wk TYPING-NEED YOURPAPEROR RESUME the Textbook Store to buy the 1991 DG'S OWE MONEY approximately. Some computer expe TYPED NOW? Accurate and fast. Guar SUMMER SUBLET TCEB. Don't register without it. HELP END HUNGER for Pledge Formal. Today is the last day rience helpful, but not essential. Come anteed six-hourtumaround between 8:30 Spacious house located only one block You can make a difference! Help raise to pay if you want to eat! Bring $35 to to Student Activities, 101-3 Bryan a.m. and 11 p.m. Mon.-Sun. CALL 24 from East Campus. Includes washer/ money al the CROP walk Sunday, April 229 Wannamaker III TODAY! Center, to fill out application. HOURS, 942-0030. YOUR MOM 7. Sign up on BC Walkway March 25 dryer and furniture. Cheap rent. Great would definitely want you to consult thru April 2 or contact Doug at 684- porch. Call now, leave message. 684- DGLA MANDATORY! PYEWACKET CATERING ensures cus the TCEB before you register for fall 0967. Have the best view at the pool this 1046. Tonight's meeting will include elections tomized menu planning. From graduation courses. On sale now in the Textbook summer. Hope Valley Country Club Store. for next year. Ifyou don't show upyou accepting applications for life to banquets, cocktails to business re HEALTHY VOLUNTEERS NEEDED! Non could be nominated and elected ceptions, let our catering staff add your SUMMER SUBLET guards and pool manager. Tues. 4BR, 3 full bath, DR, LR, study, backyard smoking males. 18-26 years old. are against your will. 9:00PM Mary Lou personal touches to your entertaining SUMMER STORAGE! through Fri. 3803 Dover Rd. porch, kitchen. 1 block from East. W/D, needed to participate in a study on Wms. Center. needs. Book parties before April 15th Protect your investment! Store diswasher. Price negotiable. Call 684- physiological responses to daily ac and enjoy a 10% discount on beer or your winter clothes at The Wash 7906 tivities. Participants will be reimbursed DUKE RECYCLES wine. Call for our free brochures at 919- tub. $9.95 stores up to 10 gar for their time and effort. If interested, PERFROMING ARTS Another meeting! Yea! Tuesday, 4/2, Work for the enivronment this summer. 929-0297. ments, comforters, or blankets. please call Betsy Harlan at 684-8667. 40 hour and 20 hour positions avail SUMMER SUBLET 7:30, Union Office. Bring your best ideas $5 holds one garment. Call 684- able. Starts at $5.50/hour. Call 684- 3BR,huge airy kitchen, high ceilings. 3546 for more info. forthe brochure. THE MAIL ROOM at Brightleaf SOJOURN IN ITALY? Rent apartment 3362 for more information. Block off East. A/C, wood floors. $450/ Square (683-9518) provides boxes, or mini-villa on hilltop near Orvieto. mo.+util. Call 286-0463. SERVICE GROUPS packaging, UPS shipping, Federal $8/hr-GRADUATE STUDENT Charming. Efficient. (919) 929- Office assistant for summer camps at Applications available in the ASDU office Express, free labels and fast, Student Supervisor Position, start 2609. Continuing Education. Computer apti SUMMER SUBLTET-3BR house, 1-1/2 and due Friday, April 5, for spring points courteous service.. ing summerorfall. Wanted- reliable, tude, good organizational and phone blocks off East. $495/mo. Call 286- drive. Call 684-6403 with questions. organized, dedicated graduate stu skills necessary. Own transportation 5420. SENIORS-URGENT! Papers, resumes typed, proofed. Only dent to supervise student employ desirable. $6/hr, 20 hrs/wk, June 8- Please submit extracurricular ac $1.25 per page! Rush jobs welcome. 9 ees and do administrative tasks. SPORTS CLUBS Aug. 9. Tracey Harting, 684-6259. HOUSE WITH AC tivities forms to Renee in Student LAST SPORTS CLUBS MEETING OF a.m.-9 p.m. 383-8462. 15 hrs/wk approximately. Some SUMMER SUBLET. Excellent condition. Activities. 101-3 Bryan Center ASAP. SEMESTER. HALL OF FAME ROOM, computer experience helpful, but Central air, washer, dryer, refrigerator. Extra forms are available through CAMERON INDOOR STADIUM AT TRAINER/SUPPORT not essential. Come to Student Ac Porch. 4-1/2 BR, 1-1/2 BA. Right Off Renee, 684-2163. 6:30PM, WED., APRIL 3RD. GORTER Hospital consulting firm in Durham tivities, 101-3 Bryan Center-, to fill Roommate Wanted East. Call 684-0274. AWARDS WILL BE PRESENTED. looking for an energetic, experienced out application. Sharpe's Workout has slashed aero person to train and support clients in custom designed quality management HOUSEMATES bic prices for April. One month unlim SENIORS-URGENT! ited classes $37 (save $10). "Abs, CHEER TRY-OUTS software. Hospital experience re Furnished, 3BR duplex with AC, Real Estate Sales Please submit extracurricular ac Thighs, Buns": "Motions/Combo," Tryouts for 1991-92 varsity and JV quired, computer experience desired. washer, dryer, color TV, new re tivities forms to Renee in Student jazz, funk, hip-hop: "Body Express," cheerleaders begin Monday, April 8, Send resumes to: CBR Associates, frigerator, ceiling fans, porch, Activities, 101-3 Bryan Center ASAP. interval training. 706-1/2 Ninth St. in Card Gymnasium from 7-9pm. Call Inc., 1018 Broad St., Durham, NC basement storage space. 3 blocks CLOSE TO DUKE 286-9342. April at 684-7666 formore information. 27705. from E. Campus, spaces open May Small House in good neighborhood. Ex Extra forms are available through 18 and June 1. 688-2733. cellent investment for living or rental. Renee, 684-2163. RAP Summer Job- babysitter 2 afternoons Completely remodeled. Corner lot solar Exciting Leadership Opportunities Undergrad Admissions needs you Help Wanted per week for 1 and 1/2 yr. old girl in my TO SHARE HUGE TWO BEDROOM APT, potential, 2800 Lawndale Ave. Asking are available with the most dy to call accepted students to an home in Hillsborough. Must have own ERWIN SQUARE APTS. Large living room, $52,000. 286-7487. namic movement on campus. The swer their questions. Make one SUMMER JOBS - ALL LAND/WATER transportation-will pay drive time. Must kitchen, dishwasher, TWO PRIVATE Community Service Center is (free) call at end. Sign up at the have experience with children and ref BATHROOMS, and plenty of SPACE. BRIGHT, BEAUTIFULLY renovated 3BR SPORTS PRESTIGOUS CHILDREN'S looking for a student director, a erences. Call weekdays before 5 p.m. $325/month +1/2 utilities. Undergrad cottage with garage. Fireplace. Hardwood Info Desk or on walkway April 3 CAMPS ADIRONDACK MOUNTAINS NEAR documentorian, an editor for the •732-1188. ONLY. CALL JASON at 684-0061. floors. Quiet neighborhood. Backs up to and 4. LAKE PLACID CALL 1-800-343-8373. newsletter, Outreach coordina woods. 10 minute drive. $67,500.490- tors, and many more. Some work 1252. study available. For more infor mation, contact Matt Hammer at THE CHRONICLE Autos for Sale 684-4377.
CLASSIFIEDS INFORMATION & ORDER FORM SEIZED CARS, trucks, boats, 4-wheel- See page 15 • ers, motorhomes by FBI, IRS, DEA. Available your area now. Call (805) 682- Deadline: Noon, one business day prior to publication 7555 Ext. C 2771. Rates: First 15 words or less: $3.50 per insertion; each additional word: $.10 Hyundai Excel Special Features: All bold words: $1 • Bold headline: $1.50 • Boxed ad: $2 1986. Silver, AC, tape player. Ex Discounts: 3 or 4 insertions: 10% off • 5 or more insertions: 20% off cellent condition. $3500 nego tiable. Call Matt or Jamie at 688- umPomt 2733. Prepayment required for all ads. Make checks payable to The Chronicle. Apartments Please note: Ads may be cancelled but no refunds given after deadline for the first insertion date. Energy efficient apartments, For Sale — Misc. includes w/d connections, pool, tennis courts, club Name Address IBM Personal Computer. Dual 5-1/4" house, exercise room. Some floppy disk drives. Software included. units have fireplaces. Now Organization Phone Signature, $500 negotiable. Call 493-7091. renting 2 br/2 baths. 3201 Myra Street (off University Dr.) Run ad the following dates: 493-7487 Heading (check only one.) PHOTO D Announccmcn ts D ApB for Rent D Autos for Sale • Child Cue • E____--______C_Q_ • For Sale -Misc D G«r__gB Sites D Help Wilted D Houses for Rent • Lost * Found DPtrsonali • Position Wsnted IDENTIFICATION D Real Estate Sales D Ride Needed • Ride Offered D Roommate Wanted D Rooms for Rent D Services Offered D Warned to Buy D Wanted to Rent CARDS We manufacture Security Photo MX «_a_t_*fee St__K-ft k Si&iastf Bold Headline (Maximum 15 spaces):. & Industry. Sales of Photo I.D. • . p- • .- -- Ad Copy (one word per line): Instant Passport Photos
over 10, $2.50 each DESKTOP EXPRESS LAMINATED for affordable laser print PHOTO ID'S ing & typesetting, where 900 West Main Street last-minute papers get (worn from BrigHUf Sq.) Amount Enclosed (check, cash or IR accepted): Durham, NC 27701 first priority. Send to: The Chronicle Classifieds, Box 4696, Durham, NC 27706 or use our 24-hour drop off at the 3rd Floor Flowers Bids. 683-2118 Call 493-6529 MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 15
RAMBO . .as well as Dick Cheney and James Baker announced engagement plans.
ROCKY BALBOA In recent marriage news, Arnold and Sylvester. ..
From page 14 THE COFFEHOUSE Serving sandwiches, salads, home made desserts 12-6 daily. $2.50- BE CREATIVE! $3.00. OFF CAMPUS TASTE ON CAM Come see MADELINE L'ENGIE! She PUS. Take-out oreat in. Cash or check writes more than just children's books! only. 684-4069. Hear her speak 4/7 in Page 7:00PM and 4/9 in Duke Chapel at 7:00. He Said, She Saidl Do men talk differently than CHARITY ON PTS women? How do we talk about Interested service groups must pick each other? Hear Dr. William up application (due Friday April 5) in O'Barr discuss the gender of ASDU office for spring points drive. language. Tuesday, 8pm, Mary Lou Williams Center. GMC Passing wind? How about the pot MEL calling the kettle black? Thanks for To the wonderfully weird woman with dinnerbut for everyone's sake, make refreshing/liberal convictions, Happy that appointment at Pickens! -Ceal. Birthday from a less than spontane ous Anglophone who loves to spend BUMS time listening to "lame" stories. talk to themselves. Many are schizo phrenic. Find out more about this DUIT! debilitating disease on Tuesday, April Tired of packed computer clusters? 2nd, 7PM, Zener Auditorium. Try the new Mac cluster on East Cam pus. Located in the Down Under, the SHANNON basement of GA. Available 24hrs./ The woman who can't sleep on ce day. Enter through the loading dock. ment. From the one who can. Bottom bed hog, walk with intent, two week DoYouHaveSpirit? curse. Remember, keep'em harmless Cheerleader tryouts begin Mon or I WILL retaliate. day, April 8, in Card Gymnasium from 7-9pm. First meeting is man HABITAT datory! Call April at 684-7666 for Officer Elections THIS Tuesday - ifyou details. want to run, or want to have a say, COME! Ifyou're interested in an office NIKKI-When will I see you again? and haven't told us yet, call Scott or Anxiously awaiting any encourage Claire. ment, YOUR BOY TOY
COURSES FOR UNDERGRADUATES DEPARTMENT OF PHARMACOLOGY FALL 1991 PHR 150: Pharmacology; Drug Actions and Reactions 10:35-11:50 Tues, Thurs/ Dr. R.D. Schwartz, 684-5181 •Introduction to pharmacology. Mechanisms of drug action; concepts of toxicity, resistance, tolerance, dependence and interactions. Drugs acting on the nervous, cardivascular and endocrine systems; therapy of infections and cancer. Prerequisites: Introductory biolosy and chemistry.
PHR 233: Principles of Pharmacology and Toxology 3:25-4:40 Mon,Wed, Fri / Dr. T.A. Slotkin, 684-2315 •Drug absorption, distribution, excretion and metabolism; pharmacokinetics; correlations of structure and function. Drug and hormone receptors and target cell responses; cellular actions of drugs and toxic substances. Prerequisites: Introductory biolosy, CHEM 151, MTH 31,32
PHR 254: Mammaliam Toxicology 3:20-4:35Tues, Thurs/Dr. M.B. Abou-Donia, 684-2221 •Molecular basis for toxicity of chemical arid physical agents, environmental toxicity,, epidemiology and risk assessment. Prerequisites: Introductory Biolosy, CHEM 151 PAGE 16 THE CHOMICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 Spottscrap Anal committee bans fun in Cameron to protect players
By IMAGONNA SCREWYA therefore announcing the policy right away In keeping with their mandate to remove would be equally effective. all the fun from Duke basketball, the "So does this mean that we have to have Special Ad Hoc Subcommittee on Ruining three cases of alternate beverages and the Undergraduate Experience has re three pounds of oreo cookies with every cently passed an edict outlawing dunking staged bonfire?" asked Trinity junior and taunting opponents inside Cameron Jimme Anotherbeer. Indoor Stadium. Grufface also admitted that the com "We just don't want to see anyone hurt," mittee wanted to ban all basketball play said Vice Admiral William Grufface. "And ing on campus and disband the men's after Brian Davis cut his finger on the rim basketball team after Thomas Hill injured last week when he missed that dunk we his back in the game against UNLV Sat just realized that we wanted to exercise urday, but they met with too much resis our omnipotence once again and pass a tance from Athletic Director Tom Marga policy without consulting any of the stu rine and couldn't pull it off. dents that really care about the issue or The men's basketball team and one the basketball team in order to stop another member of the sportswriting community mindless tragedy from occurring. were coherent enough to respond to the "We also realized that several of the announcement. players and cheerleaders from opposing "I think it's a real crock of shit, and I teams had been emotionally scarred by think you people are really screwing our taunts from the Cameron crowd so we basketball team." lambasted head bas passed our dogma to prevent this." ketball coach Mick Krizcowski. "I really Duke student basketball fans were in think you ought to get you're heads out of different upon hearing ofthe new policy as you're asses." most were still drunk dr otherwise deliri "This totally destroys my cute little 'Duke ous from the aftermath of Saturday nights' Skywalkers' idea," whined Seth "Silent smashing of the University of Nevada- Sam" Davis. "How am I supposed to en Lost Vaingloriously. shrine myself in sportswriting history and "We beat UNLV, I can't believe we beat get all that glory if the Skywalkers can't UNLV," slurred Trinity senior Blubbering dunk." Idiot as he splatted face first in the mud on North Carolina cheerleader, Whiny the quad. "I loved it. It was much better Bratt, was pleased to hear about the ban than cats. I want to see it again and again." on taunting opponents. Idiot was then carted away by Public "I am still undergoing intense therapy Safety for violating the previously an because of the comments directed at my nounced ban on mudsliding. pristine sheltered person at that game this Grufface revealed that he would have year, and I sincerely hope that this will preferred to drop the policy on the students prevent any others from enduring the over the summer as is usually the custom trauma that I have," Bratt said. HOOP HEAD/THE CHOMICLE ofthe committee, but he agreed that most Grufface is pleased with the committee's students would be too drunk to comprehend After Grant Hill almost lost his head on this dunk, the University Committee on latest coup and stated that they will con the consequences ofthe decision at present, tinue taking the fun out of Duke hoops. Forming Committees decided to establish a committee to ban dunking. Duke recruits Young Guns to rough up opponents inside
By SMITH AND WESSON gunslingers from another era. The new player who crosses his path. He will re "He can literally school the players who With the departure of Alaa Abdelnaby, recruits have their own distinct person place Grant Hill as the backup to sopho are guarding him," said high school Duke basketball has been left without a lot alities. more Bobby Hurley. "They even look alike," teammate Larry Johnson of UNLV. "Seri of strength inside. The new recruiting class, Billy the Kid, not to be confused with said assistant assistant coach Mike (Don ously. He taught me how to read." "Young Guns II," is about to change that. Billy McCaffrey, is the point guard ofthe key) Bray. "Hopefully it'll confuse some of Chavez y Chavez is a possible starter at They're not j ust muscle, they're truly thugs. group. Opponents have characterized him our less intelligent opponents." small forward for the Blue Devils. His "Our aim in recruiting this class was to as unpredictable and hard to defend. His At sharp-shooting guard is "Doc" spiritual approach to the game has been give us some strength, some toughness high school coach has indicated a problem Scurlock, a powerful yet intelligent threat called "novel" by many coaches. The most inside," said assistate coach Pete Gaudy. with his talking trash on the court, how from behind the three-point line. Scouting hotly pursued of the incoming group, he "I think we got that." ever. The Kid has been reported as saying, reports have lauded him for his quiet chose Duke over such basketball power The new Young Guns are Wild West "Yoo hoo, I'll make you famous," to any leadership ability and unrivaled talent. houses as Arizona, UCLA and New Mexico State. "I really wanted to stay in the Southwest, close to my spiritual roots, but since basketball is truly a religion at Duke, I decided it was best for me to go there," Chavez said. Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh is probably- the most flamboyant ofthe group. Although he says he wants to play a leadership role, the coaches aren't sure he can handle it. "We'll just have to see how he performs," Coach Mike Shushefski said. "I think he'll be a valuable part of the team if he gets over the cockiness. Actually he's kind of a jerk. He reminds me a lot of Jack Nicolson, and he's got a real fetish for killing girls named Heather." The other two recruits are both expected to be quiet contributors. Tom O'Follard and Hendry French are solid team players. Although O'Follard is young, he expresses his determination to become a valuable part ofthe team. "I want to be a part ofthe team. I feel I can really contribute if I get the chance." French, who is known by many as "Cameron," is excited about playing for Duke because the Blue Devils home bas ketball arena is called Cameron Indoor
STREET AND SMITH Stadium. "I'm going to get such a big kick playing These new faces will soon be running and gunning down the Cameron floor. They are clockwise from top left: Hendry William in area that's kind of named after me," French, Doc Scurlock, Chavez y Chavez, Arkansas Dave Rudabaugh, Billy the Kid, and Tom O'Folliard. French said. MONDAY. APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 17 The Big Dance W-StectMc Sooyafo* The Final Four's high flying action can't compare to these moves on the floor!
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JOHN CANDY/SHOWER CURTAIN RINGS BOY GEORGE/THE DUKE REVIEW FRED AND GINGER/SINGIN' IN THE RAIN "Everybody Mumbo" says Thomas Hill as that guy London Bridge is Falling Down...C'mon, guys. You're Antonio and are his lovely partner showcase a new with the ball joins in. seniors. Grow up already! dance called the Octopus. Whose legs are whose? CONCESSIONS ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• - NOW OPEN - IN - FIRST UNION PLAZA - AT Varsity and Junior Varsity - ERWIN SQUARE - All Underclassmen Women !! ALL THIS AND MORE !! • Popcorn • Newsstand • Hot Dogs • Dry Cleaning - Pickup Service Mandatory First Meeting • Pizza • Photo Service • Pastry • Stamps - at Post Office Prices and Practice • Bread • Envelopes th • Fresh Sandwiches • Office Supplies April 8 : 7-9 pm • Snacks • Tobacco Products at Card Gym •Milk • Health & Beauty Aids • Ice Cream • Shoes Shined • Yogurt & Toppings • Candies & Gum • Fountain Drinks • Novelties Additional • Soft Drinks • Birthday Cakes - to order Practices: •Juice • Great Service April 9th: 4-6 pm Special Coupons th Coupon Coupon April 10 : 7-9 pm I FREE Small Popcorn I FREE Regular Hot Dog I April 11th: 7-9 pm with purchase with purchase | I Any Size Fountain Drink I A 32 oz Fountain Drink • st 1 Cuts: April 12 Limit one per customer Limit one per customer Expires 4/30/91 Expires 4/30/91 ^AVA»AWWJJWW^^ PAGE 18 THE CHOMICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 Hopeless Rebels, Tar Heels UNLV VS. UNC o '•' ';o /.: : o GAME FACTS: When: Who cares? Where: Indiana Loserdo to play in consolation game Radio: Radio Baghdad TV: Pre-empting "Americ Series record: Both teams suck Last meeting: Carolin a (surprise!) choked By PETE PAVIA "Last night I had this dream where I was INDIANAPOLIS — In the wake ofthe floating in a pool, and all of a sudden all NEVADA-LAS VEGAS (77-79) two upsets in Saturday's national semifi these identical guys in these ugly light Pit Boss: Very Ukranian nals , the NCAA will reinstitute the national blue jerseys were swimming around me," third-place game today for the first time in said UNLV head coach Very Ukranian. Career college graduation record: 14.1 percent 10 years. "What's worse was, they all seemed to be Career college probation record: Once every other yea "The decision to play a consolation game wearing the number 21." Probable Lottery Picks: was obvious," said NCAA Czar Dick Tator" After he woke up, Ukranian told one of Guard — Susan B. Anthony (5 fouls, 0 brains) Schlitz. "When you have one team coming his players, Stacey Augmon, about the Guard — Mike Hunt (220 verbal, 230 math) off the biggest choke act in NCAA history, dream, since Augmon had previously taken Forward — Lloyd Daniels (IQ 3, Proposition 48) and another team that has built its repu a class in dream interperetation. Ukranian Forward — Howard Johnson (2 shots, and the ball) tation on choking, it's only natural to want also asked Augmon what mother on earth Center — George Shackles (Hit on 16, stand on IT to find out which team is the bigger loser." would ever name their son Stacey, but The game will feature the two teams . that's beyond the point. Schlitz referred to, the UNLV Runnin' "I really couldn't figure [the dream] out, NORTH CAROLINA (15-501) Rebels (34-1, 0-1 ACC) and the North since I took that course Pass-Fail and Head coach: Tossed out Carolina Tar Heels (29-6, but winless in made an F. It totally beats me, kinda like Career record in big games: 1-37 (the 1 came when t ley had Jordan) games that really counted). The teams Duke did," Augmon said. Record against Duke: 1-2 earned the right to play in the consolation "I'll just bet it has to do with that damn Definite Losers: game by suffering the most embarrassing Hurley guy," said Carolina point guard Guard — Rice King (4 years, 0 comparisons to Mich defeats in their respective histories Sat King Rice, who wears the number 21 for Guard — Puberty Davis (1 put up a 3,1 pray it goes ir urday. his team. Forward — Merrill Lynch (We're bearish on his future "Damn it, that Roy Williams guy," said Ukranian's Rebels are coming off a Forward — Samantha Foxx (5 for 22) North Carolina coach Dean Smith, refer heartbreaking 79-77 loss to Duke, which ring to the head of the Kansas team that took place during a season where sports Overrated — Eric Mongoose (Double Zero: That says handed him a 79-73 defeat. "What a use writers have been wondering whether the less bunch of silly plays he ran and pointless Blue Devils are one ofthe greatest bas Cliche-filled Appraisal substitutions he made in that game. Where ketball teams of all time. This game is a contrast of totally different playing st/ies . One coach likes the hell did he learn how to coach, anyway?" The game will be the last for UNLVs to pick up traffic violations; the other prefers recruiting violations. One team But Smith is glad to be playing Monday, fabulous senior class, which contains four he said. "I'm really excited about getting a starters who will be spending the rest of likes to give its defenses simple names like 2-3, while chance to play Vegas. In fact, it'll be the their miserable lives playing for such NBA the classroom into its game by naming its zones after single-celled organ- second most exciting night of my life, after cellar-dwellers as Charlotte, Sacramento, isms. And while UNLV fans love to play "Twenty-One," IJN C faithful boo their the night I lost my virginity," he said. Miami and Denver. team whenever #21 takes the court. In any event, this game should be a "If I had known Saturday that my sea Most experts believe the game will be preview of things to come as Foxx, Anthony, Hunt and .Jkrania n will all likely son wasn't going to be over, I wouldn't have won by the team who gets assessed the been so concerned about how much time fewest technical fouls. "You just watch and end up on the Charlotte Hornets' roster within the next was left in the Kansas game." see, baby! Just step one foot over that As long as nobody for Carolina asks a referee how n .uch time remains in While the Tar Heels are happy the NCAA coaches box, Deany baby, and they'll hit the game, the Heels should pull it out of their asses 6.5—66 , to once again is giving them another opportunity to you with the T so fast you won't know what give UNC fans the false impression their team is cham happened, ba-by!" said commentator Dick choke, the Rebels are literally having ad on LSU" Francesa nightmares about having to play today. Vitalis. Comparative Area Studies w_Ai*rrKi_* Learn about Latin America and the Soviet Union Special Courses on Latin America and the Soviet Union Taught by Visiting Foreign Scholars Full Semester Courses • Fall 1991 CST 140.03 Modern Latin America Professor Marco Palacios Free University of Colombia, Bogota LOUD, OUTGOING AND FUNNY PEOPLE Visiting Fellow, St. Anthony's, Oxford for TuTh 10:35-11:50 CST 140.04 BLUE DEVIL MASCOT TRYOUTS Soviet Film and Culture Information Session: Monday, April 8 7 p.m. Professor Peter Rollberg Card Gym University of Leipzig Tryouts: Monday, April 18 Visiting Scholar, Lomonosov State University Moscow (1986-87) Sign-up Sheet located at the Bryan Center Info. Desk Tu 3:20-5:50 & Th 3:20-4:35 For questions, call Evan at 684-0487 MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991 THE CHOMICLE PAGE 19 Rice's dream really, really sucks for UNC Nonrev teams By W.P. YOUSMELLA said. wanted to have a dream so he could say that North Carolina guard King Rice an "Clicking my heels didn't work, we lost his dream was better than Bobby's. I told miss tourneys nounced at a press conference yesterday the game and those jerks from Duke ended King to forget about that Bart Simpson that he had a premonition about the Tar up beating UNLV. Coach Smith got really squid Hurley and worry about Kansas." Heels' 79-73 Final Four loss to Kansas and mad, and he cursed me to a life in the CBA. Rice, bound for a life in the Continental By LEONARD WILSON Duke's 79-77 upset of UNLV in a dream Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski appeared Basketball Association, looked back at his Several Duke nonrevenue sports about the Wizard of Oz. out of nowhere as the Good Witch of the four years at Carolina with a bit of regret. teamsdropped games late in the season Rice, who said the movie was his favor North, and he cursed Coach Smith to an "I should have gone to Duke, but those and in their respective ACC tournaments ite as a child, was haunted by the dream other eight years without a Final Four snobs probably wouldn't let me in. They to miss postseason parties this year. before the night before the match-up with appearance." need SAT scores," Rice said. "At least if "I don't understand it," said volleyball the Jayhawks. "After that I woke up in a cold sweat, Koubek went to school with me, he could coach Barry (not Eddie) Wilson. "We had "I saw myself standing on Franklin screaming in our hotel room. Rick [Fox] have analyzed my Wizard of Oz dream and just beaten UCLA and jumped into the Street as Dorothy and I said, We're not in asked me what was wrong, and I told him I would have joined him in four Final Fours." top 10. Then we lost that heartbreaking Indianapolis anymore, Toto.' Coach Smith about the whole dream," Rice said. "I really "Coach Smith should retire, he's an over five-setter to Northeast Shenandoah flew in on a broomstick as the Wicked didn't enjoy Rick's analysis." rated old geezer who can't coach," Rice said. Textile A&M, and we got passed over by Witch of the West. He said if I clicked my "I told King his dream was just a product "If he didn't lose his temper in the Kansas the selection committee." high-tops three times, we would beat of his inferiority complex concerning Duke game, we might have won. My dream was The women's soccer team suffered a Kansas and I would go to the NBA," Rice point guard Bobby Hurley," Fox said. "King right, he really is a Wicked Witch." similar fate, missing the tournament af ter playing an overly ambitious schedule. "We have to play UNC and Virginia anyway," said head coach Bill Humpback. "But I guess that game against the Italian men's national team was a bit too much." Women's basketball was struck down by another injury bug. The team had upset several teams, including the Harlem Globetrotters behind a 97-point performance by streak shooter Dana McCaffreyesque, but fell into a losing streak after a meteor shower injured several players. "We were offered a bid to pay our own way to a tournament in Thermopolis, Wyoming, but Sue Harness accidentally fell into that volcano crater and we only had three people left," said head coach Little Debbie right before the Cameron scoreboard fell on her team manager "I was playing my best ball of the season," said forward Monique Kostner. "Then that freakban d of piranhas showed up in my kitchen sink while I was wash ing dishes and I missed three ... Traci! Look out for that Brazilian terrorist with the poison darts!"
Department of Geology Comparative Area Studies FALL Course Offering Learn About Europe GEOLOGY 45 from European Scholars ENVIRONMENT AND INDUSTRIAL CIVILIZATION Special Courses on Contemporary Europe 7 Week Intensive Courses, Full Credit (September 2 —October 18, 1991) This course provides an overview of the o,..o£ :. impact of industrial developments on CST 140.01 land, air and water resources. Topics of Spain in Europe 1976-1992 discussion range from soil erosion to Professor Joaquin Oltra climate change. The focus will be on Autonomous University of Barcelona TuTh 7:00—9:30 the physical and chemical processes which govern human-induced CST 140.02 environmental change. The course is European Integration intended for non-science majors at the Professor Ivo Maes freshman and sophomore level. Fulfills Catholic University of Leuven, Belgium MW 7:00—9:30 natural sciences requirement. PAGE 20 THE CHOMICLE MONDAY, APRIL 1, 1991
Vol. 1, No. 23 The Career Development Center Newsletter April 1, 1991 Career Library cruits young minority activists for an inten New addition...Browse through Internships Important Meetings This Week sive eight-week summer session. MAAP is ( a four volume set). Areas covered in these currently seeking young people who are com books include Banking, Marketing, Magazine mitted to organizing in their communities to The Unpublished Job List bring about social change. For more info Publishing, and more. How to find it and start your own search. Futures Job Network check CareerSource or see their poster display Employer Information Sessions Tuesday, 4 pm, Flowers Lounge on the CDC bulletin board. Apply immedi Campus Concepts, Tues., April 2, 7pm, Von ately. Deadline: 04/15. (KD) Canon C, The Resume and Cover Letter Minorities: The CDC has information spe PIRG, Thurs., April 4, 4pm, 136 Social Sci How to effectively use these tools in the job hunt process. cific to your concerns. Don't hesitate to visit. ences. Wednesday, 4 pm, Flowers Lounge Come in now and complete a questionnaire for PIRG, Friday, April 5, 4:30pm, 136 Social the recently introduced Minority Graduate Sciences. Must be certified or certifiable in 1 or more Deadline: 04/15/91. (KD) Data Base(MGDB). Inclusion in the database Greenpeace, Wednesday, April 10, 3:30pm, states. Especially interested in minority International is free to minority juniors, seniors, graduate 139 Social Sciences teachers & teachers in speech, math, science, CDS International announces its second In students and alumnLThis is a convenient, Resume Drop: April 1-5 foreign language, media, and special educa ternational Career Forum to be held on Sat., computerized data base which state and fed Invitational Posting: American Fiber & tion. (DP) April 13 from 8:30 - 3:00pm at the Westin eral gov't, agencies and public and private Finishing, Technical Assistants, $500/week NC Education Job Fairs- Fri., April 19,10am- Peachtree Plaza in Atlanta. Leaders in Atlanta's sector firmsregularl y use to identify qualified (Colrain, MA location). 3pm Lenoir-Rhyne College, Hickory, NC and International Business Community will share minority candidates. See Keith Daniel, Minor Invitational Schedule: Goldman Sachs & Fri., April 26 & Sat, April 27, 9am-2pm, their ideas and suggestions about pursuing ity Concerns Staff Specialist by appt. or walk- Co. (CPS, Math, EE majors, programmer/ Holiday Inn, Greenville, NC. Reps will be an international career. Workshops will in in M.F 3-4:30pm. telecommunications analyst positions, NYC present to interview participants & share clude careers in the following international Public Service location) Thursday, April 11. info, about school systems. Bring copies of areas: education, banking and finance, gov Public Service and Community News, Free Sign: Campus Concepts (Durham resume and transcripts. Education grads & ernment, business and marketing, law, non-% published by The Community Service Center location),Wed., April 3. other interested persons invited to attend. profit, journalism, health. More information of Duke University is available in the Resource Trone Advertising Inc. (Greensboro loca See details on CareerSource and in Public is in the International Jobs binder in the Room with the NPO literature. The CSC tion), Mon., April 8. School notebook #7 in Career Library. (DP) Resource Rm, or call Marion Acton, CDS organizes, promotes and coordinates volun American Airlines (multiple locations), Tues., CMTENY - Center for Montessori Teacher Regional Manager, at (404) 239-9495. (LM) teer and service related programs on campus. April 9. Education, NY. Programs in teacher educa Information Session: The Work in Britain It is located across the hall from the Few Fed Devereux Foundation (residential counselor) tion, infant & toddler, pre-primary & elemen Roadshow is scheduled for Monday April 8 at Lounge on West Campus. Interested in get interviewing for summer and permanent po tary; school management. See details in 3pm at the International House. The Work in ting involved? They need graphic artists, sitions. Mon., April 15 brochure in Independent School notebook in Britain program allows students to work any computer people, circulation specialists, and Professional Employment Career Library & on CareerSource. (DP) where in the United Kingdom in any type of photographers. Contact Matt Hammer, Di Seniors and Graduate Students St. Mary's Hall, San Antonio, TX. St. Mary's work for up to six months at any time of year. rector, at 684-4377.(DP) Remember to report all job offers on the forms Hall is an independent, college prep, private Last year 4,500 US students participated in Teach for America - Full-time paid intern provided in the Resource Room. Once you school of 748 students in pre-school through the program. For more details contact Jeanna ships available to current students for a se have accepted an offer, you must withdraw 12th grade. Post-grad opportunities are of Hudgins at 962-7001. (LM) mester or a year. Recent grads may also apply. from further consideration for all other orga fered to small number of international stu Visions in Action- Urban Development In Teach For America is a new national teacher nizations. Ifyou are having trouble deciding dents each yr. School is made up of 4 units: ternship Programs in Africa -1 yr. internships corps of recent college grads who teach for 2 which "One to accept or have not heard from Montessori(pre-school & kindergarten), in African urban centers beginning July, 1991, yrs. in urban & rural areas where there are your first choice, see a Career Specialist im- Lower(l-5), Middle(6-8), & Upper(9-12).See Oct., 1991, & Jan., 1992. Positions available persistent teacher shortages in the US. In mediatelv. (POC) CS or Independent School notebook in Career with African non-profit organizations, inter ternship positions available in National Office Business Library for more details. (DP) national development organizations, news in NYC & at TFA Regional Office in Los Ernst & Young has positions open for busi ineering and Computer Science. papers, magazines, and health clinics. Month- Angeles, CA Responsibilities include: re ness analysts in the National Planning Group The National Eye Institute in Bethesda, MD long orientation including intensive language search, correspondence, special projects, ad in New York City. The position is for two or has a position open for a computer program study. Deadline for July programs has been ministrative duties & support activities for three years prior to pursuing a graduate de mer. Details in CareerSource (POC) extended to April 12. Program areas include teacher corps. Salary: $18,500 per yr. Full gree. (POC) General Motors Proving Ground in Milford, development journalism & writing, project benefits. See CareerSource. (DP) The Princeton Review has management po MI is looking for BS and MS engineers. Check management, youth group organization, & Duke-Durham Initiative stipend applica sitions available in Ann Arbor MI, Tampa FL, CareerSource for more information. (POC) community development, health care educa tions are available for undergraduates who and possible other locations for people inter- Government tion & clinical assistance, women & environ wish to develop a community service intern ested in an entrepreneurial environment. (POC) Maryland Department of Fiscal Services is mental issues, low-income housing facilitation, ship in Durham this summer. Funds for the Education seeking graduate students for its 1991 sum & scientific research. Located in Kenya & Duke-Durham Initiative were raised from the The Field School, Wash., DC. A college pre mer internship program. Positions are avail Uganda in July, W. Africa in Oct. & S. Africa Class of '89 gift. Possible project areas in paratory school in NW DC with 160 students, able in three divisions: Budget Review, Fiscal in Jan. Check CareerSource under Public clude: housing projects for the homeless, grades 7-12. Teachers serve also as coaches & Research, and Sunset Review. The Dept. of Service for details. (DP) educational advancement for the underprivi student advisors. Positions for 1991-92 school Fiscal Services is the financial staff agency for Media and the Arts leged, working with teenage mothers, commu year: Math. Spanish or Literature, all with 2 the Maryland General Assembly. Positions Artsmarketing Services Inc. works with nity health projects, shelters for battered or 3 seasons of coaching. See details & are located in Annapolis and require a major arts organizations and public television women, or soup kitchens. The fund is de brochure in Independent School notebook #6 background in government, public policy, stations in various American and Canadian signed to encourage the participation of Duke in Career Library or on CareerSource.(DP) public administration, accounting or a related cities, primarily in subscription sales, devel students in helping to implement new initia Lombard Elementary School District, field. Some computer experience is also opment, fundraising, and membership ca tives orjoin existing programs to benefit areas Lombard, IL, is accepting applications for the helpful. Salary is $85-$90 per diem for 10-15 pacities. Ifyou have a strong commitment to of need in the Durham community. Applica 1991-92 school year for Elementary(Gifted weeks. Full information under CorrOpps in the arts and have sales or telemarketing tions are available at the desk in 109 Page and Teacher & Learning Disabled Teachers); Middle CareerSource. Deadline=April 8. (CN) experience, check CareerSource for applica are due by April 15. (CN) School(Media/Learning Resource Center/Li The D.C. Dept. of Corrections is seeking to tion procedures. Science and Health brarian). See CareerSource for contact info. fill job openings in a broad range of occupa The Virginia Musuem of Fine Arts, Rich The Dana-Farber Cancer Institute in Bos (DP) tions within the Dept. Vancancies are in the mond, VA, is offering a number of challenging ton, MA has a variety of research positions South Carolina Expo for Teacher Recruit following areas: Health Services, Food Ser full-time volunteer internships for those in open. See detailed information in Resource ment June 10-12, Charleston, SC. Each vices, Psychology and Facilities Mgmt. Check terested in gaining practical experience in an Room. (POC) year, 91 school districts hire 3000 new teach CareerSource for further details. (KD) art musuem. For more info, check Career- Wang Associates Health Communications ers. Expo will be held the day after grand The Naval Weapons Center (China Lake, Source or the Resource Rm, 106 Page. (KD) in New York has a position open for someone finale of Spoleto USA, Charleston's interna CA) is currently recruiting for summer em lority Opportunities who is interested in health care public rela tionally acclaimed arts & music festival. See ployment. A flyer describing the types of The Minority Activist Apprenticesnip Pro tions and medical communications. Deadline more info, on CareerSource and brochures in positions to be filled during this period is gram (MAAP, Denver Office) is an organizer is April 15. Check CareerSource. (POC) Career Library in the Public School notebook. available in the summer jobs filei n 106 Page. and leadership training program which re The mission ofthe Career Development Center is to educate the students of Duke University in the arts of self-assessment, career exploration, career planning, and job hunting with the goal of developing rewarding and fulfilling careers. The Center serves students and alumni of Trinity College, the School of Engineering, and the Graduate School