Special points of interest: Issue IV  Cadogan West is Money Spring, 2013  Bruce-Partington a hoax  The play is the thing  Reviews — Holroyd, Pointer  Hey, I thought it was funny...

From the Frederic Dorr Steele was featured in the last issue. Roll Top Keyboard Note his use of different shades of ‘dark’ to contrast I’m pleased to present the Moriarty opposite Arthur Holmes’ cloak, the bushes, fourth issue of Baker Street Wonter’s Holmes, Lyn Har- the ground and the house, Essays. ding was another great villain while still providing a burst from the Canon, as I discuss. of color in the doorway. This The Bruce-Partington Plans is is certainly a suitable illustra- one of my favorites in the And the first of a pair of tion for The Creeping Man. Canon and, I think, the parodies appears in Sherlock strongest of the latter stories. Holmes & the Case of Ineffable So it’s back for an encore Twaddle. It is to be followed The Cases appearance. I borrowed the by The Singular Affair of the The Bruce Partington Plans 2 case format I use for the Aluminum Crutches. Solar Pons Gazette. On the odd The Red Circle 5 chance I receive favorable Phil Cornell is a talented

feedback on this, I will incor- Sherlockian artist, which is porate the style into some amply proven in this issue’s future story discussions. ‘Illustrators of the Canon,” as always, found on the back Before he played a menacing cover. Baker Street Essays Street Essays Baker ISSUE IV Page 2

More Thoughts Regarding The Bruce Partington Plans (BRUC)

The Case (Hmm, reminds me of Nero lead one to think Doyle had The body of Arthur Cadogan Wolfe) ‘borrowed’ Morrison’s idea West, a clerk at the Woolwich and used it in The Bruce Parting- Arsenal, is found beside the Comments ton Plans. Except for the fact Underground tracks near the Mary Money was a young, un- that Doyle was actually draw- Aldgate Station. Apparently married female clerk found ing on his own work. West has stolen the plans for dead in a tunnel, apparently the experimental Bruce- thrown (or fallen) from a In October and November of Partington submarine and train, in 1905. Her killer was 1893, The Strand presented only seven of the ten pilfered never found and it is quite Holmes in The Adventure of the pages are found on his body. possible that Sir Arthur Co- Naval Treaty.” Which, you nan Doyle discussed this un- guessed it, involved stolen top In an espionage case with solved mystery as a member secret government documents. grave international conse- of The Crimes Club (subject The Naval Treaty was the last quences, Holmes pursues the of a future Baker Street Es- story before Doyle shocked German master spy, Hugo say). the world by (seemingly) send- Oberstein, with his brother ing the world’s only private Mycroft playing a major role. Thus, it is no surprise that we consulting detective off a cliff find elements of this murder into the Reichenbach Falls in Quotes in the Bruce Partington Plans, as The Adventure of the Final Prob- Holmes: Mycroft has his rails Cadogan West is a young, lem. and he runs on them. His Pall unmarried clerk, found dead Mall lodgings, the Diogenes next to the tracks, apparently The Dixon Torpedo was part of Club, Whitehall – that is his fallen from a train. the 1971 British television cycle. Once, and only once, he has series, The Rivals of Sherlock been here. What upheaval can August Derleth clearly bor- Holmes, and is included on set possibly have derailed him?...A rowed the specifics of the one of the recent DVD re- Experimental submarine planet might as well leave its Mary Money murder (page 21) lease. Oddly, this episode does development plays a orbit. for the December 14, 1919, not actually include Hewitt. key role in Michael Kurland’s pastiche, The entry in “From the Note- Infernal Device, as well Mycroft: You must drop every- books of Dr. Lyndon Parker.” Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock’s as in the movie The Private Life of Sherlock thing, Sherlock. Never mind This Solar Pons pastiche can more brilliant elder brother, is Holmes, starring Robert your usual petty puzzles of the be found in A Praed Street a major player in this tale. Stephens. In that film, Christopher Lee, who police-court. Dossier. Holmes had revealed little of had already portrayed Mycroft to Watson during Sir Henry Baskerville and Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft: Give me your details, In June, 1894, The Strand fea- their first meeting, which oc- was cast as Mycroft and from an armchair I will tured Arthur Morrison’s tale curred in The Greek Interpret- Holmes. return you an excellent expert of Martin Hewitt, The Adven- er. opinion. But to run here and run ture of the Dixon Torpedo. The there, to cross-question railway story involved the theft of top However, here, Holmes inti- guards, and lie on my face with a secret plans, this time for a mates Mycroft is a very im- lens to my eye – it is not my torpedo, not a submarine. A portant person. What else métier. superficial evaluation might could one make of such Page 3 BAKER STREET ESSAYS

More Thoughts Regarding The Bruce Partington Plans (BRUC) cont.

found in the original story.

Unfortunately, the fourth (and final) installment in the series, The Case of the Whitechapel Vampire, represented a serious regression and the Frewer project came to an unsatisfy- ing end.

Brett and Frewer are not the only actors to star as Holmes in adaptations of The Bruce Partington Plans. Eille Nor- Charles Grey (Blofeld in Diamonds are Forever) and Jeremy Brett as the wood made a silent version Holmes Brothers. back in 1922, while Douglas phrases as “occasionally he is after stating that he “thought Wilmer’s BBC series featured the British government,” and everyone had heard of it.” this tale in 1965. “he remains the most indis- This isn’t exactly brilliant dia- pensable man in the country”? logue. It seems more likely to The Wilmer episode was have been uttered by Nigel scripted Lestrade offers a perfectly rea- Bruce’s Watson than Holmes’ by Giles sonable explanation, which, as brother. Cooper Holmes says, “holds togeth- and re- er.” But Holmes dismisses it The Royal Scandal is the third (and used for by saying that the case would far and away the best) of Mat- the Ger- be over. And Mycroft simply thew Frewer’s four turns as man 1967 says, “All my instincts are Sherlock Holmes. The engag- -1968 against this explanation.” ing plot combines elements of Holmes A Scandal in Bohemia and The television series starring Erich Since Lestrade’s theories pret- Bruce Partington Plans. This is Schellow. ty much always contain major even carried so far as to in- flaws, it is odd to see him clude Cadogan West, albeit a dismissed quickly when he more sinister version than is comes up with a valid solu- Kenneth Welsh played an underrated Watson to Frewer’s Holmes. tion.

So, Mycroft tells us that the Bruce Partington submarine is “the most jealously guarded of all government secrets.”

This is only a few moments Page 4 BAKER STREET ESSAYS

A Letter to The Editor Of The Strand Magazine

January 14, 1909. plete poppycock! head presenting it to the Austri-

To Martin Greenhough Smith, Anyone who has read this story an government. However, re- Editor, The Strand Magazine, knows that it deals with the theft search and development in the field continued, with production I can no longer sit idly by and of top secret plans regarding the of the first British torpedoes read the allegedly factual ac- developmental Bruce-Partington occurring at the Woolwich Arse- counts published by your peri- submarine. But how could this nal in the early 1870’s. Wool- odical regarding one Mister possibly be? wich was a key research facility Sherlock Holmes. Of course, it The Admiralty has admitted that for the development of explo- is quite possible he has played it did not encourage home- sives. Shortly after, the first tor- no part in misleading the public development of this new class of pedo boats were constructed. and that the blame lies fully at naval vessel. The esteemed En- the feet, or rather, should I say, gineer-In-Chief of the Royal What does this have to do with the hands, of his biographer, Navy, Sir Durston, acknowledg- Watson’s fanciful tale? You may Doctor John Watson. es that the first British subma- recall, sir, that in 1894, your magazine published my own I am referring to your issue of rines were based on the design account of how Martin Hewitt last December (1908) containing of the American “Holland” sub- prevented an international inci- a remarkable piece of fiction marine. The first Holland was dent and recovered the plans for entitled “The Adventure of the sold to the United States Navy the Dixon Torpedo. Unlike the Bruce-Partington Plans.” It is in 1900. There were certainly no tale spun in “The Bruce- clear that you, sir, do not cast a advanced British submarine Partington Plans,” I can assure critical eye on the accounts of plans in 1895! you the account of “The Dixon Sherlock Holmes that your mag- And the Woolwich Arsenal is an Torpedo” is true. Even Mycroft azine has long rushed to print at army facility. Why would the Holmes would be forced to ad- every opportunity. Royal Navy be developing a top mit such. According to Dr. Watson, in the secret sea vessel there? Appar- Sherlock Holmes is currently very first sentence of his tale, he ently logic and accuracy are not retired and living on the Sussex states that events regarding the requirements for submissions to Downs, passing his days by Bruce-Partington Plans occurred your magazine. So, what are we studying bees. Dr. Watson, I “in the year 1895.” This is com- to make of this story? Allow me to provide an answer. understand, is also retired. Obvi- ously needing to supplement the Robert Whitehead developed a meager income from his writing self-propelled torpedo. Though royalties, he occasionally pub- he was a British subject, the lishes some case from Holmes’ Admiralty’s lack of interest in past. In this instance, he has the weapon resulted in White- spun a tale from whole cloth. ISSUE IV Page 5

A Letter to The Some Thoughts Regarding Editor... cont. The Red Circle

Having in some fashion remem- Meh one! You get the idea. I call this bered my account of the Dixon The Red Circle is somewhat principle ‘The Holmes Effect.’ Torpedo, he changed the weap- unsatisfying. Holmes gets spot- But in The Red Circle, other than on involved to a submarine and ted by the subject of his spying knowing what went on, does fabricated a pale copy of my expedition. In the time it takes Holmes’ intervention make any own writing. The fact that he him to go across the street, a difference? Holmes does not dated his tale in a year when killer gets away from the murder prevent any crimes. He does not there was no submarine devel- site. No one is arrested or jailed. catch any criminals. He doesn’t opment in the works, and plac- The female lead gives a long, even look for the killer. Holmes ing it in Woolwich (valid for rather boring speech. As with can explain to the mysterious- torpedoes, but not submarines) the Dying Detective, there just ness of her lodger to Mrs. War- just shows what a work of fic- isn’t too much to this story. ren. And Gregson can explain Mandate for Murder, tion it all is. Truly, such lazy from the Baker Street The Holmes Effect how Giorgiano (who is not Irregulars, contains a writing by Doctor Watson. wanted for any crimes in Eng- One way to assess Sherlock facsimile of the There you have it. Being a for- land) came to his end. But I’d Holmes’ role in a case is to ask original manuscript, as mer journalist myself, I would have to say that The Holmes what would have happened if he well as essays on The expect your magazine to have Effect in this case was minimal. Red Circle. hadn’t been involved. Now, verified at least some elements sometimes events are a direct of the story you published. result of his actions and plans, Now, of course, one might won- but generally, you can take him der how truthful the other out of the case and ask, “What Holmes and Watson adventures changed?” that you published were. John Clay almost certainly suc- But I can categorically state that ceeds in The Red Headed League “The Bruce-Partington Plans” is without Holmes’ intervention. a work of fiction, based in large There is no suspicion of Sta- part on my own “The Case of pleton’s plans to murder Sir the Dixon Torpedo.” I trust that Henry Baskerville absent this letter proves such. Holmes. John Hector MacFar- lane probably remains unhappy Holmes did a real bang up job Brett as the murder charge that the of staking out the lodger in this police hang on him sticks in that one. It appears she realized small matter in Norwood. Jona- someone was watching and thon Small? I don’t think Ath- ducked back inside her room. elney Jones is going to solve that ISSUE IV Page 6

The Speckled Band An Adventure of Mr. Sherlock Holmes

One of the many titles that can be applied to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle is “playwright.” One failed attempt led directly to a very successful property. In 1909, Doyle resumed work on a previously abandoned effort. He completed The House of Temperley, which Doyle himself said was an adaptation of his own novel, Rodney Stone, though R. Dixon Smith disputes the assertion in his excellent essay, The Speckled Band: The Story, the Play and the ing the remainder of the lease. first two acts, he turned to Doyle Snake (1997, Calabash Press). It Once again, Sherlock Holmes and said, “Let Harding have his was a boxing story, and the would come to his financial aid. way.” sport was illegal in England at In less than a week he adapted the time. The Speckled Band into a play. The play opened on June 4, 1910 and was well received. Saintsbury This proved to be a problem, as H.A. Saintsbury, who finished and Doyle each received a stand- Doyle could not find a backer. his career with over 1,000 por- ing ovation. But Harding was the Resolute as always (and often to trayals of the great detective in star, taking over a dozen curtain his own disadvantage), he chose William Gillette’s play, Sherlock calls. Doyle sent him a congratu- In 2005, Dwight Schultz, to finance the play himself, tak- Holmes, was cast for the lead. latory telegram, acknowledging best known as ‘Howlin Mad Murdock’ in the A- ing a six-month lease on the Claude King played Watson. But that Harding’s portrayal was Team tv series, gave a Adelphi Theater. Hubert Willis it was the casting of Lyn Har- proper. The play later moved to well-received performance as Roylott was in the cast. He would go on ding as Dr. Grimesby Rylott (the The Globe (without Harding) in a radio production of to play Doctor Watson opposite last name was changed from before finally ending its run with the play. Eille Norwood’s Sherlock Roylott in the short story) that 169 shows. However, two tour- Holmes in over forty silent pic- all but ensured the play’s for- ing productions continued on, as tures. tune. well as an American production. The play was revived in 1911 and The opening on February 11, During rehearsals, Harding con- once more in 1921. The 1921 1910 was received favorably. tinually “ratcheted up” the de- production, again starring Saints- However, attendance quickly gree of villainy in the character, bury and Harding, was struggling dwindled. Doyle added his own until it could almost be de- financially, so Doyle told Har- A Pot of Caviare as a one-act cur- scribed as over the top. This ding to withhold his royalties tain raiser. However, the greatly annoyed Doyle and ten- until it was turning a profit. Adelphi closed after the death of sion settled in between the two. King Edward VII and the House J.M. Barrie (of Peter Pan fame) Doyle’s quick thinking resulted of Temperley folded its tent not was a friend of both men and in his making a profit on the long after the house reopened in was invited to rehearsal to settle aborted House of Temperley drama. June. Doyle was stuck with pay- the dispute. After watching the There are numerous plot chang- Page 7 BAKER STREET ESSAYS

The Speckled Band The Mazarin Stone: An Adventure of Mr. Sherlock Holmes cont. Reinvented by Granada es, but anyone seeing the play Holmes and a third eye in the would immediately recognize middle of Brett’s forehead. We see a haggard looking Brett that it was an adaptation of the again at the end of the episode, popular short story. congratulating Mycroft on find- Harding would capture his per- ing the gem. There is more formance on film, starring in the mumbo jumbo mysticism in this episode than in any other of the 1931 movie version, with Ray- Granada series. mond Massey as Holmes. He would also play Professor Mori- Jeremy Brett was in ill health This story was a strange choice arty in three films opposite Ar- when it came time for Granada to begin production on its adap- for adapting in the first place, thur Wontner in the thirties. tation of The Mazarin Stone. The and the choice seems even odd- script was extensively rewritten er when considering the extent The Speckled Band must be con- from Doyle’s original story. to which it was completely re- worked. Granted, part of the sidered a success, and far superi- Count Sylvius possessed the extensive revision was due to or to the only other Holmes play stolen Mazarin stone, but that Brett’s illness, but even if he had solely authored by Doyle, The was about the only similarity. been healthy, how good could Sherlock Holmes was barely Crown Diamond. Jack Tracy’s this adaptation have been, based present and played no part in on the source material? excellent Sherlock Holmes, the solving the case. His brother

Published Apocrypha, contains the Mycroft stepped in and recov- A script for The Reigate Squires complete Speckled Band play, as ered the missing gem. There was also no wax dummy or violin had been written for The Adven- well as The Crown Diamond. recording either (which was tures but never filmed. Surely it actually an improvement over would have been more suitable the story). Sylvius’ associate, the for the series. Charles Gray is a boxer Sam Merton, is also left more than satisfactory Mycroft, out of the show. and it is nice to see him at center stage, but for a series about Sherlock Holmes, this episode is The episode opens with a weird certainly outside the normal dream sequencing mixing the bounds. Lyn Harding twice appeared as a Reichenbach Falls, Sherlock non-traditional Professor Mori- arty opposite Arthur Wontner’s Sherlock Holmes.

Charles Gray (left) played a grave Mycroft. ISSUE IV Page 8

Review: Baker Street Byways The Otto Penzler James Edward Holroyd SH Library

As with the previously reviewed illumination in a darker time. Otto Penzler is a larger than life Vincent Starrett books, 221B name in the mystery field. He is the man behind New York City’s Baker Street and The Private Life of There is the seemingly obligato- Mysterious Bookstore as well as Sherlock Holmes, this is one of the ry pondering about the actual Mysterious Press. A mystery books in Otto Penzler’s Sher- location of 221B Baker Street, a maven. lock Holmes Library, a reissue topic that most Sherlockians of nine previously hard to find never seem to tire of (I exclude From 1993 through 1995, under classics from the earlier age of myself from this category and the Otto Penzler Book’s imprint, Sherlockiana. This was originally skip over such articles). Fanciful he reissued nine hard-to-find works of Sherlockiana. The Otto published in 1959. Furnishings includes some hu- Penzler Sherlock Holmes Library Holroyd helped establish the morous asides indicating that consists of the following books, Sherlock Holmes Society of Holroyd’s wife was less than originally published between London in 1951, the original supportive of his dream to some 1906 and 1967: London Sherlock Holmes Socie- day construct a version of 221B: Studies in Sherlock Holmes - Vincent Starrett ty having been disbanded some Holmes’ sitting room within his Baker Street By-Ways—James years earlier. He was also the own establishment. The man Edward Holroyd first editor of the Society’s Sher- who believes that he is king of Baker Street Studies—Ed. By lock Holmes Journal, This col- his own castle should try telling H.W. Bell lection of essays reads as a com- the queen that he is going to Holmes & Watson—S.C. Rob- bination of personal reminis- build a Victorian-era sitting erts cences and musings about a room, based on a some fictional My Dear Holmes—Gavin Brend topic that was certainly dear to stories, in the basement. The Private Life of Sherlock his heart. Holmes—Vincent Starrett The final essay, A Baker Street R. Holmes & Company—John Where it All Began gives us a Portrait Gallery, contains char- Kendrick Bangs picture of how Holroyd came to acter sketches of several persons Seventeen Steps to 221B—Ed. become a Sherlockian and also in the Canon. This is a nice idea By James Edward Holroyd states his claim that he provided and a longer version of the arti- Sherlock Holmes: Fact or Fic- tion? - T.S. Blakeney the genesis for the popular Sher- cle with speculative wonderings Matt Laffey gives Baker Street Byways a lock Holmes Exhibition of 1951. would not be amiss, even today. sterling review at his The Westminster Library has a Baker Street Byways is a pleas- Bear in mind, every bit of any- blog, Always 1895. thing you ever wanted to know page dedicated to the Exhibition ant, lightweight diversion but is wasn’t available on the internet on Sherlock Holmes. perhaps the least of the volumes http://always1895.net/ back when Penzler republished post/10630026948/ included in Penzler’s Sherlock these books. Heck, the Baker baker-street-by-ways- Two essays discuss Sidney Paget, Holmes Library, excluding John Street Journal wasn’t even availa- classic-review ble as a collection on CD yet. Frederic Dorr Steele and other Kendrick Bangs’ R. Holmes & This collection of Sherlockiana illustrators of the Canon. It is Company (a terrible book). I was uncommon for the time. easy to forget in this internet age believe that Holroyd’s collection Some entries are better than oth- that the average individual did is the only such book I have not ers, but they are all an affection- not have access to thousands of read more than once and I ate part of my Sherlockian book- shelf. pictures and nearly unlimited would classify it as being for information with the click of a completest only. button. Holroyd helped provide Page 9 BAKER STREET ESSAYS

Review: The Pictorial History of Sherlock Holmes A Gaudy Death By Michael Pointer By Arthur Conan Doyle

Michael Pointer’s The Pictorial detective in a Chicago produc- A Gaudy Death: Conan Doyle Tells History of Sherlock Holmes tion of the Gillette play. These the True Story of Sherlock Holmes’ stands out on any bookshelf. I are sharp black and white stills End appeared in Tit Bits Maga- can confidently say that because and photos. zine on December 15, 1900. this book is nearly 15 inches tall. The average large coffee table Chapter three takes us into the Tit Bits was the sister publica- format book is about twelve world of films. Georges Treville, tion of the Strand Magazine. inches. I have not seen an expla- Viggo Larsen, James Bragington, 1900 was after The Final Problem nation of why such an oversized Eille Norwood, John Barrymore, and before The Hound of the Bas- format was chosen. Clive Brook, Robert Rendell, kervilles, meaning that Sherlock Raymond Massey, Arthur Wont- Holmes was dead: at least to I am an avid Pointer fan, with ner, Hans Albers, Herman Doyle. The Sherlock Holmes File and Speelman, Bruno Guttner and The Public Life of Sherlock Reginald Owen: there are This is a fine interview in which Holmes two of the most treas- LARGE, clear photos of these Doyle discusses how he came up ured tomes on my bookshelf. pre-Rathbone actors. with the idea for Holmes, and Any fan of Sherlock Holmes as why he switched from novels to portrayed on stage or screen will Of course, there are several pho- serial adventures for the detec- love this book. tos of Basil Rathbone (and Nigel tive. He then moves on to ex- Bruce), then more stills of Peter plain why he killed off Holmes. Chapter one discusses the publi- Cushing, Christopher Lee, John "My lower work" (Holmes) "was cation of the first two Holmes Neville, Robert Stephens, Nicol obscuring my higher" (The novels and is focused on the Williamson and Christopher White Company) "is as good a illustrations, primarily by Sidney Plummer. There are just so summary of his feelings as ever Paget, of the great detective. many pictures and some posters. he uttered. There is a glorious full-page (remember these are 15 inch It is more of the same with tele- It's hard for us to imagine a Canon pages!) color picture of the origi- vision Holmes’ up next. The that ended with The Memoirs. A nal Beeton’s Christmas Annual, book finishes out with parodies, paltry 26 Sherlock Holmes ad- including A Study in Scarlet. comics and advertisements. ventures! So imagine the thrill There is also the only color pic- Pointer’s text is relevant, though that the discerning reader of this ture I’ve seen of James Greig’s because of the format, much essay experienced at the follow- drawing for the Windsor Maga- truncated from his other two ing sentence from Doyle: "That zine version of that tale. books mentioned earlier. Any does not say, however, that be- Sherlockian who considers the cause he is dead I should not Chapter two includes pictures of screen per- write about him again if I want- William Gillette and Eille Nor- sonae of ed to." I get a tingle myself!. wood on stage (Norwood did Holmes a one Holmes play after his re- field of BTW, I don’t recommend doing markable run of silent films) and interest a web search of Tit-Bits: certain- even a picture of Leonard Ni- should have ly not at the office! moy from his turn as the great a copy of Page 10 BAKER STREET ESSAYS

Sherlock Holmes & the Case Of Inefffable Twaddle

I feel that the time is now right “Drivel,” I vociferated. ful flower. I to reveal to you, dear reader, the “Walks with an occasional recall, as a lad circumstances behind the singu- limp,” in Scotland, lar incident that I have titled The that I would Case of Ineffable Twaddle, or The “Idle speculation,” I blurted. often..” Rose That Wasn’t There. It was a “Unmarried,” cloudy, blustery, sunny, gray, “Nonsense,” I blatted. clear day with a light snow upon Holmes’ voice rose and cut off the ground, without which, as my ruminations. He was obvi- any trained investigator knows, “And once kept a pit bull,” he ously focused on the case at footprints would be impossible finished, with that smug smile hand, great thinking machine to detect. I stood in the center which I knew so well. Once that he was. “AND the exposi- of our sitting room at 221B again, I had a momentary urge tion starts tomorrow. However, Baker Street and immediately to wipe it off of his face with the last night, Lady ShimshackCrip- challenged Holmes to tell me end of my steel-shod cane. penshaw’s prized roses van- ished!” about the owner of a hat, which I had brought into our lodgings. I caught my breath at his sudden “Amazing!” I ejaculated. “How I provided the hat, that is, not pronouncement. At that mo- could you possibly determine all the owner. ment, Holmes decided we could of that simply by looking at a learn more at the scene of the hat?” crime. Due to our long associa- Setting aside his pipe, riding tion and deep friendship, he did crop, syringe, microscope, news “Elementary, my dear Watson. not need to convey this with clippings and violin, Holmes It is your hat. I bought it for you words. It was implicitly under- peered closely at the hat, unlim- just last Christmas, and even stood. I also gained full cogni- bered his long, lanky frame and now it is sitting upon your own zance of his plan of attack when arose, looking more closely at rather dense noggin.” he threw my coat into my face the headgear. Whipping out his and hurried out of the room. I magnifying glass, he made sever- arranged myself for travel as I al grunts and then sat back I could not dispute a single heard him step out the front down in his chair with a blank point. Truly, my friend’s powers door and yell for a cabbie in expression. “Ah, Holmes,” I of observation and deduction their own street vernacular: said, “You are stumped.” were mind-boggling. “Dammit man, get that broken- down nag over here before I have it turned into glue!” “Not at all, my friend. The own- “Now Watson, since I am done, er of that hat is a middle-aged once again, showing how your man,” pitch-black intellect is a natural We arrived at the exposition and “Rubbish,” I exclaimed. conductor for my own bright gained entry through the strate- luminescence, let us turn our “Stout,” gic use of Holmes’ famous attention to the matter of the name, along with the two tickets “Rot,” I snorted. missing roses of Lady Shim- that I gladly purchased, Holmes “Of military bearing,” shackCrippenshaw, Duchess of never cluttering his incredible “Poppycock,” I replied. Lake-Near-the-Pond Down by mind with mundane matters as the Old Mill Stream.” the paying of bills and such. “Has served in Afghanistan,”

“Blather,” I interjected. “The Duchess is in London for We made our way past vegeta- “Is a doctor and a writer of BritanniaFlora, the largest flora tion of countless varieties, the some distinction,” and fauna show in the history of humidity of the close-set aisles “Ludicrous,” I retorted. our great Empire. Her rosa wilting my own carefully affixed “Has a moustache,” rosaceae are considered among dandelion. As we approached an the finest in the realm.” empty table, I saw an obviously “Balderdash,” I interposed. “Ah yes, the delicate rose, na- distraught female talking with “Sleeps late,” ture’s most esteemed and beauti- Inspector Lestrade. This must Page 11 BAKER STREET ESSAYS

Sherlock Holmes & the Case Of Inefffable Twaddle cont. be the Duchess. She was a hand- his magnifying glass. Occasional because you tried to throw him some woman, and my thoughts outbursts of “Eureka” and off a ledge into a waterfall the immediately turned to matters of “Who’s the Man!” were heard. last time you saw him. I don’t romance, as they so often did. I The Duchess didn’t immediately want to have to bring you in would have to determine her grasp the genius of my friend’s again, Mister Holmes. Crimi- marriage status: subtly, of methods and distanced herself ney.” course. from the area. My friend stared icily at him. “It “Madame,” I unctuously said. Lestrade rolled his eyes, leaned is because he is so insidiously “Where is your husband?” She down under the table to look at clever that Scotland Yard thinks explained that she was widowed, Holmes and said “Really now, he is nothing more than a math- and my smile grew a trifle larger. Mister Holmes. There’s no need ematician. Whereas I, the I noticed that Holmes gave me a for your fancy theories and the world’s first and foremost con- sideways glance and sighed. like. This is a straightforward sulting detective, hold him ac- Someone who was not as famil- flowernapping case.” countable for all that is evil and iar with the man as well as I nearly half that is undetectable might think it was some kind of in our great city. Er, that is, half disapproval on his part. Of “On the contrary Les….Sweet that is evilly discovered and all course, I knew better. It was a bejesus! For the love of!” This that is...No, that’s not it. Half sign he often gave when I from Holmes, who had started of.. Anyways, that’s all totally showed my prowess with the to straighten up, but, still being beside the point. If you could fair sex, which he acknowledged under the table, had smacked his detect his doings, then he would was my department. It always head smartly. I knew that this not be a criminal mastermind pleased me to receive his high would only sharpen his wits. He and would barely be worthy of regard in this matter. now stood next to me, rubbing my attention. I tell you, it is his his head through his deerstalker, cunning work that has wrought which had been knocked askew. evil upon the Duchess.” Lestrade turned towards us. I have described him as ‘ferret like’ in the past. I do not yet “Lestrade,” which was said Speaking of that attractive fe- have a better term. His face through only moderately male, she was watching the pro- looked like nothing more than a clenched teeth. “There is no ceedings from two tables over, weasel trying to burrow out doubt in my mind that this is far obviously spellbound by from between his ears. more than a simple floral heist. Holmes’ brilliant deductions and You, of course, have received no not wanting to distract him by ransom note.” rejoining us. Reluctantly, she did “Ah Mister Holmes, Doctor return at Lestrade’s urgings. Watson, good to see you.” It What a woman! sounded as if he added, “Just The inspector shook his head. what I needed” under his breath. “Not yet, but it’s only a matter Obviously he did not want to of time.” “Madame,” embarrass us by indirectly point- ing out his own inadequacies, so Whatever he would have added “That’s Lady Duchess, if you he made the comment sotto is unknown, as Holmes held a voice. That is Latin for ‘under please.” I nearly swooned at this palm right up to Lestrade’s face. assertion of her lofty standing. the breath,’ esteemed reader (It’s “Nor shall you. I see here the spelled “sotto voce.” Sigh: Edi- hand of the dastardly Moriarty.” tor). Holmes, at ease with all types, from the common beggar to I beamed, while Lestrade said exalted royalty, was in no way Upon our arrival, Holmes had “Bleedin’ hell, not this Moriarty immediately started crawling flustered, as his response business again. The man is a proved. “Whatever. As I was under, around and over the table math instructor. You’re still not and surrounding environs with about to say, I understand that allowed within 200 yards of him you showed up here yesterday, ISSUE IV Page 12

Sherlock Holmes & the Case Of Inefffable Twaddle cont.

had your staff place your floral Besides, we might wish to eat ful gaze to me. arrangements, retired for the supper some time today.” evening some time later, and when you came in this morning, “I assimilated all of this infor- your precious roses were gone. I eagerly anticipated his elabora- mation and determined that it Is that correct?” tion of my thesis. had nothing to do with the case at hand. Lady ShimshackCrip- penshaw, you have noticed the Sniffing haughtily, she agreed. “Watson, Lestrade; you see, but display of roses here at the you do not observe. You hear, neighboring exhibit?” but you do not listen. You buy I took advantage of the moment new clothes but you dress poor- to look at the area concerned. ly. I have solved the case!” Looking even haughtier then There was a wide, deep, wooden before, she replied “Yes, I did, table, which was meticulously though such a sad collection clean. A small stand with a plac- barely deserves notice, or even ard affixed stood near the front, the name ‘roses.’ They would off to one side. It informed wilt when in the shadow of my passerby that this exhibit held own missing treasures.” the roses of the Duchess. “Yes, of course,” he said with- Holmes turned to me. “Watson, out the slightest hint of sarcasm, what do you make of things?” though why Lestrade chuckled at this, I cannot say. “I see by My heart fluttered as once again, the placard that this is a display My ears might have detected I knew I would be spellbound of daisies from the esteemed Lestrade’s quiet “Here we go by his oratorical wizardry in Lord LandGrabber.” However, again,” but I’m sure it was just explaining how he had arrived at because nothing happens in the mingled sounds of the mar- the solution. Lestrade merely London that I am not aware of, velous event that was Britannia- stood with arms crossed and a I know that Lord Landgrabber Flora. bored look on his face. Ah, the was gored by an enraged chicken petty jealousies of the profes- on his estates last week and has “Well Holmes, it is apparent that sional. withdrawn from this show.” someone came in the night, re- moved Lady ShimshackCrippen- “As Watson noted, the Duchess’ This from Lestrade: “You said shaw’s stunning rose display,” exhibit space is spotlessly clean, nothing happens in London that here I smiled ingratiatingly at the as if it were never used. My you are not aware of, but if the lovely woman, “eliminated all search for the minutest details accident occurred at his country traces of the crime by cleaning yielded some windblown papers, estates….” the area to the point of spotless- three popcorn kernels, faint ness, and then fled with his ill- traces of brown mud, obviously gotten booty.” A discreet glance from the boot heel of a narco- “Yes, thank you Inspector. Al- at the duchess had me thinking leptic cross-dresser who hated ways nice to have assistance of a different kind of booty. his mother, has one shirt sleeve from the official force. That will shorter than the other and be quite enough on that matter.” Holmes had sauntered over to snores when he sleeps upon his the exhibit in the next space, left side, unless the curtains are Holmes had me in the palm of obviously ruminating on my closed, and some cannabis sativa his hand. The Duchess was star- succinct summary of the situa- that I will investigate further in ing vacantly in the opposite di- tion. “Watson, there are a few the privacy of my lab.” rection, clearly trying to avoid salient points of interest that you lavishing lingering gazes upon missed in your summation, but I “Astounding, Holmes” I cried myself. won’t bore anyone with them. out. Lestrade shifted his distaste- ISSUE IV Page 13

Sherlock Holmes & the Case Parodies: the Puns Of Inefffable Twaddle cont. of Fiction

“Lady ShimshackCrippenshaw!” by the Old Mill Stream’? Parodies of Sherlock Holmes Holmes exclaimed. Then, when have been around almost as long she apparently didn’t hear him, as the great detective himself! he stalked over and planted him- “Well, I suppose, if looked at in Otto Penzler’s Sherlock Holmes self firmly in front of her, re- a particular manner…” Library (see page 8) includes one peating the words. from 1906. Raffles Holmes is the son of Sherlock (there’s THE TENT JOKE “And do you not see such stick- Sherlock Holmes and Dr ers on every vessel in the dis- more to him, but you’ll have to “Yes? Oh, are you still here?” Watson were going play?” look it up yourself). camping. They pitched their “Madame, your roses were not stolen!” tent under the stars and “Well. Now. Um. It would ap- Doyle himself wrote How Watson went to sleep. pear that the workmen misun- Learned the Trick and The Field derstood my instructions and Bazaar, two short-shorts featur- Sometime in the middle of put my flowers in the wrong ing Holmes and Watson. I think the night Holmes woke place. How can I ever repay you they’re too legitimately done to Watson up and said: to keep this quiet?” be called parodies, though some "Watson, look up at the categorize them as such. sky, and tell me what you see." Holmes waved his hand dis- missively. “I do not perform my Doyle’s good friend, J.M Barrie work for remunerative purposes. (of Peter Pan fame) collaborated Watson replied: "I see The satisfaction of pointing out with Sir Arthur on a musical millions and millions of the mistakes of my inferiors is titled Jane Annie. It was spectacu- stars." reward enough.” lar: as a flop. Barrie wrote The I exhaled so deeply that I found Adventure of the Two Collaborators Holmes said: "And what do myself hyperventilating. for Doyle. It is a Holmes parody you deduce from that?" Lestrade had quietly started to He turned to see that Lestrade that pokes fun at their unsuc- amble away. was walking away, shaking his cessful collaboration. You can Watson replied: "Well, if head and mumbling about Mori- find it on the internet. there are millions of stars, arty. Over Holmes’ shoulder I “Lestrade, get back here!” and if even a few of those heard, “Watson, I’m sure you have planets, it’s quite Glumly, he returned. will recount this little adventure likely there are some “Yesterday, the Duchess did in some sensationalistic way. planets like Earth out there. arrive and have her display ar- Perhaps as a sobriquet, you And if there are a few ranged. But she set it up at the could use “A rose, by any other wrong table.” name, including ‘daisy’, is still a planets like Earth out there, rose. Watson? Watson?” there might also be life."

The woman, a paragon of intelli- And Holmes said: "Watson, gence as well as beauty, was I had turned my attentions to you idiot, it means that obviously a bit confused under the Duchess, patting her hand somebody stole our tent." the circumstances and replied, and soothing her obviously jan- “You dolt. You think I wouldn’t gled nerves from this trying af- recognize my own roses?” fair. There was a future Mrs. Watson to be wooed. My friend strode over to the display and lifted a potted rose and presented it to her. “Do you deny that there is a large paper Perhaps the most ‘revered’ of all pasted to the bottom of this jar the parodies are the Schlock that says ‘Property of Lady Holmes tales penned by Robert Shimshack Crimshaw, Duchess L. Fish. He wrote thirty-two of Lake-Near-the-Pond Down tales in the Bagel Street Saga. ISSUE IV Page 14

Why Solar Pons? The Sherlock Holmes of Praed Street

Why Solar Pons? What is it that shows how adeptly Derleth pernatural in his investigations. attracts us to the 70- plus stories managed these changes relates “This agency stands flat-footed that August Derleth wrote fea- to automobiles. Pons uses them, upon the ground, and there it turing ‘The Sherlock Holmes of but they are unobtrusive in the must remain. The world is big Praed Street?’ Aren’t the Pons stories. The reader does not stop enough for us. No ghosts need stories just imitations of Sir Ar- and consciously make the dis- apply,” he says. Though all of thur Conan Doyle’s most fa- tinction that Pons is riding in a Pons’ recorded cases have con- mous creation? Why read a copy car, rather than in the classic ventional solutions (excluding when the original 56 short sto- horse-drawn carriage of Holmes’ the Derleth collaborations with ries and 4 novels are readily prime. The atmosphere is the Mack Reynolds), he is much available? And if one tires of the same: Similar to Holmes, but more open to the possible exist- Sherlockian Canon, there are different. Variations on a theme. ence of the supernatural. Pons The first essay in the Holmes tales unnumbered writ- says, “Ought we not to say, first issue of my Solar Pons Gazette. If you ten by other authors. Stories like Holmes, you will rather, we believe there are cer Holmes was critical of the po- enjoy Solar Pons. featuring Holmes and Watson tain phenomena which science lice: especially Scotland Yard. are plentiful, so why bother with as yet has not correctly interpret His general feeling was that they Solar Pons and Doctor Parker? ed or explained?” Referring to were tenacious, but plodding clairaudience, he tells Parker, and unimaginative. He uses the “Let us just say it goes against When deciding upon the style of term ‘imbecile’ more than once, what we know of science at this the Solar Pons stories, Derleth and he tells Watson that point of development of man.” immediately rejected parody, (official) local assistance is either Pons and Holmes use similar “that ridiculing imitation de- biased or worthless. signed for laughter” and chose methods of detection, but the

instead the less widely practiced former is willing to consider Pons is also frustrated with the form of the pastiche, which he nonscientific possibilities. Varia- official force, but he is usually decreed “fond and admiring.” tions on a theme. less harsh than Holmes and gen- This approach laid the founda- erally speaks better of Inspector tion for Solar Pons’ success. Of course, some elements of the Jamison than Holmes does of Pons stories do feature less indi- Inspector Lestrade. The razor- Thus, Pons is August Derleth’s viduality. In both sets of tales, sharp personality is blunted a own literary portrayal of Sher- the doctor (whether Parker or bit. Variations on a theme. lock Holmes. Holmes is retired Watson) is an able, dedicated

and London has changed when companion, trustworthy in any we meet Pons. An example that Holmes has no use for the su- situation. He is always ready to ISSUE IV Page 15

Why Solar Pons? Cont. abandon his practice (and some- version of Holmes, but with times desert his wife) to assist in familiar elements sprinkled an investigation. He attempts to throughout. It is the Hollywood emulate the detective’s methods, approach to movies: the same, with poor results. And he is only different. often slighted, if not outright insulted, by his more intelligent A reading of the Solar Pons tales flat mate. Derleth gives us Dr. shows that he is clearly more Lyndon Parker, a narrator and than a carbon copy of Sherlock assistant we easily identify with Holmes. There is much that we Doyle’s Dr. John Watson. The recognize in the Pons stories, lodgings at 7B Praed Street in- but there is also much that is clude the comforts of 221B new. Derleth is a wonderful Baker Street. There is the mantle writer who masterfully blends above the fireplace, the window these similarities and differences overlooking the street, the de- to create a vibrant character. tective’s chemical table, the vio- lin; the reader summons up memories of Baker Street and Solar Pons sates our appetite for transposes them onto Praed Sherlock Holmes by giving us a Street. Landladies Mrs. Johnson similar, but different flavor. Var- and Mrs. Hudson are nearly iations on a theme. indistinguishable and Pons’ army of street urchins, the Praed We think we want more Street Irregulars, are the co tem- Holmes. Why Solar Pons? Be- porary equivalent of Holmes’ cause August Derleth gives us own Baker Street Irregulars. what we really want: more than Derleth gives us a different Holmes. Baker Street Essays

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All content is written by Bob Byrne, creator of www.SolarPons.com. Bob was a columnist for Sherlock Magazine and has contributed to Sherlock Holmes Mystery Magazine and the short story collection, Curious Incidents. He maintained HolmesOnScreen.com for over a decade.

Baker Street Essays and all original content is the property of Bob Byrne, © 2007, 2010, 2013

Frederic Dorr Steele’s terrific drawing for The Lion’s Mane.

Illustrators of the Canon: Aussie Phil Cornell is a tal- ented illustrator who has contributed fine pictures to Phil Cornell several Sherlockian projects, including Curious Incidents I and II and the books, Gaslight Grimoire (upper left) and Gaslight Grotesque. He won- derfully captured the mys- tique of Holmes and Watson sharing a compartment in the picture to the left, which is included in Goode Press’ The Final Problem chapbook. Phil has also written about Holmes as well as the great detective’s finest imitator, Solar Pons.