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2011 Not Wythe Standing: The ewN s (Vol. 3, Issue 2)

Repository Citation "Not Wythe Standing: The eN ws (Vol. 3, Issue 2)" (2011). Student Newspaper (Amicus, Advocate...). 11. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers/11

Copyright c 2011 by the authors. This article is brought to you by the William & Mary Law School Scholarship Repository. https://scholarship.law.wm.edu/newspapers Volume III Issue Two

A Day in the Life of a Law Student By Special Contributor Scott Lawrence (2L) A movie called One Day Hollywood is risking millions of dollars on a movie just came out. I figure, if then I can risk an hour of my nearly as valuable time aboutwriting a singleabout aday typical (I haven’t day in actually law school. seen this movie...), Besides, my relatives always ask what I do here, now I can just refer them to this article and save ten minutes of time I could be using for more important things, like crushing my roommate on Xbox. Day 1 I wake up. haven’t read the assignment because I spent all weekend catchingIt is Monday up on theand stuff I don’t I didn’t have read class last until week. 11:30, I’ve but also I recently noticed a lethargy creeping over me, sucking away my will to read or do work, convincing me to close Law books: I don’t think anyone actually reads these... I begin to ponder why I always misspell proceedure Three hours later I wake up and skim the reading. and how the girl in front of me could get 20 Scrabble myThere’s eyes nofor time a five to minute take notes nap...maybe – there ten.hasn’t been time points if she used her letters to spell NAUSEA. The professor asks a question. No one volunteers. The because people appreciate good hygiene, but because I silence is oppressive. The professor has turned to the sincesleep inthat an first apartment week, 1L set year. to a temperature I should shower. of 85 degreesNot just seating chart; everyone sinks lower in his or her chair or pretends extreme confusion. on really hot days, if my roommate has had a bought “Mr. Lawrence? Want to help us out?” soof heatstrokewe can save brought $10 on on our from electrical sitting bill. too long(Sometimes, with his No, not really, Professor. Out loud I stumble through door closed, he lets me turn it down to 80). I jump in some vaguely related legal jargon. Wrong answer. I pretend to be confused but confusion roommate recently left me a passive aggressive post-it isn’t a good excuse when the question was “What did the shower and jump out five minutes later (that same the court hold?” and I have an eight minute commute. The professor gives me a look; I am shamed into noteI run about out thethe doormoney with we wet spend hair onand water). a shirt thatIt’s 11:20I may have worn yesterday. My neighbor sees me as she plays moves on to the girl in front with her hand up. I don’t in the yard with her toddler son. She says something shufflingknow why through people mydon’t book like for gunners a better - saves answer, the butrest heof to her friend in Spanish. Thanks to an A in high school us from some very awkward and shameful responses. Espanola, I know she either said, “That’s one of those I stretch subtly and roll my neck so I can see the clock on wall behind me. I think it’s broken. It has only unemployed.” or “That’s a red balloon from Mars. I boysthink whoit’s toxic.” live on the second floor. I think they’re I skip ahead to the next case so I can redeem myself. I I pass my roommate’s girlfriend on her way up. She movedanswer five a question minutes correctly. since the Classlast time ends. I looked. asks me if I’ve started my cite check. I stare at her In the hall there’s a slight crowd by the hanging blankly for several seconds before she shakes her head and walks away. As I drive to school I berate myself – would piss him off) - hails me near the lobby. “What’s out loud since I’m alone – for forgetting the cite check. files. My roommate - let’s call him “Fred” (because that I tell myself it’s my fault for overachieving and I never “Pizza in 120 for ILS, or subway in 134 for...some forother lunch?” club, BusinessFred asks. Law Society, maybe,” I reply. reply that it is not my fault, everyone joins a journal, “Are we in either of those clubs?” wanted to be on a journal in the first place, to which I “No, but they’re interest meetings. I’m interested.” noticed the reminder, to which I retort that we are at andschool if and I didn’t if I continue get fifty to emails talk to everymyself hour, someone I’d have will board talks for a while about their future plans. I eat have me committed and I’ll have to put that on my bar application. We flip a coin: pizza or subway. Pizza wins. The ILS I sit through Business Associations. Halfway through, pizza, Fred looks up football scores. I check my hanging file on the way to my next class. Not Wythe Standing Page 2 popularity for Girls, and for good reason. The page memorandum and a motion and another memo. AnotherMy stress legal level skills rises assignment: as I realize justI have a quicka memo 10-12 and a cite check due at roughly the same time. Not to touchesthe songs on areall of not our cheap favorite throwbacks. sounds: The Girls Beach maintain Boys, mention a journal note for which I haven’t even begun Sonictheir ownYouth, distinctive Pink Floyd voice and throughout Frank Zappa. the Fortunately,album, and to research. Right after class I book it to the library. There’s a 1L sitting at my carrel. tom tom-driven verses reminiscent of “Wipe Out” to technically, he can sit there if he wants to. I noisily and itlead rocks with belting beautiful out variety.solos that The are album part flowspunk, frompart apologeticallyI hover over reach him. over I can’t him really to get make my books him leave: from classic rock and wholly Girls. Then the album turns to the shelf on my carrel. He just leans out of the way. I slower melodic ballads that make for easy listening but

He doesn’t look up. I give him a dirty look and steal my So, give Girls a chance and make sure you call shuffleroommate’s the books carrel. and my bag for a few more minutes. providetomorrow sufficient morning. ingenuity You know for critical she’s ears. waiting by the phone. girlfriend just cooked him real food from scratch. The The Whole Love intoxicatingI get home smell sometime makes after me six. ambitious. I smell food: I decide Fred’s to make a real meal tonight - no microwavable meal cop has undergone plenty of changes since their outs. I boil some water, wait a few minutes and drop Wilco: two hotdogs in. Pride bubbles through me like the bassist are the only remaining members boiling water in the pot. inception fifteen years ago. Vocalist JeffA.M. Tweedy, is straight and After dinner I sit at my desk and take look at my up country. The band’s fourth recording, Yankee Hotel assigned reading. I consider a life of crime. Two hours, ofFoxtrot the original, sold over band. half Wilco’s a million first album,copies and inspired a generation of . Wilco’s most recent walks into my room. album, The Whole Love, is continued experimentation twenty pages, and three games of solitare later, Fred at its best. at? I got a job!” “Hey!”Again, IFred consider says. a“You life ofknow crime. that firm I interviewed “Congrats, man,” I say. with an up-tempo drum beat and the sound of wind “Have you applied anywhere yet?” The first songNOT on WYTHE the album, STANDING “Art of Almost,” begins “Nah, I haven’t...you know...found anywhere I want THE NEWS to.” Not true. I am just overcome with nervous spasms The Newspaper of the William & Mary everytime I try to write a cover letter. Marshall-Wythe School of Law Executive Editorial Board See e.g. Senator’s speech at Editor-in-Chief: Sarah Aviles DCI hearing, finish my 2001.” reading and jump into my cite check. Articles Editor: Dan Reeves There’sI remind a source myself cited of the as: reasons“ why I can’t quit law Staff Writer: Diana Cooper Editor:Staff Writer: Rosemary Logan school:make the 1) list I’m of a philanthropicpsychology major, careers), 2) $50,000 I’m not inquitting loans, Staff Writer: John Alford 3) I want to help people (though, lawyer doesn’t usually Staff Writer: MatthewMary-Carson Finley Saunders more footnotes to go. Lead Photographer: Staci Holloway now. Feeling better, I return to my cite check. Only 84 Take a Break and Listen Thanks to our Contributing Writers By Special Contributor Habeus Rockus Matt Turtoro Lyndsay Maier Joshua Stiff Michele Hunter Barb Marmet Scott Lawrence Despite jobs, journal and general jest, I’ve found time to listen to September’s offerings of new music. Here are two of my favorites as well as an oldie recommended We are looking for new writers and editors! Please by our traveling correspondents. emailAndrea me Faatz at [email protected] if interested. Father, Son, Holy Ghost Like drunken boys and girls getting into antics at bars, Editorial Policy Girls: Album, was off-putting but charming Not Wythe Standing reserves the right to edit enough to remember its name. Girls’ follow-up EP, submissions for length, content, grammar, or style Girls’Broken first Dreams record, Club , was the witty conversation in the prior to publication with or without consulting the hallway the next day, full of batting eyes and innuendo, author. By submitting a letter, editorial, or article to NWS, you release all publication rights to that work, that convinced me that there might be something including but not limited to granting NWS the right there. Girls’ latest album, Father, Son, Holy Ghost, is the to publish or reproduce the submission in any and all media without payment to or consultation with you, in perpetuity. date we finally go on, replete with half-off burgers at Letters to the Editor and contributed articles Newknow, Leafe, OMG, 10could pounds this really of fro-yo be?”) at Sweet Frog and a tripFather, back to Son, Oxford Holy New Ghost Town will (“Will bring it happen, mainstream I don’t the NWS Board. likely do not reflect the opinion of the newspaper or Not Wythe Standing Page 3 By Staff Writers Diana Cooper (2L) and Matt Turtoro (2L)

It isn’t often that Matt and I bash a culinary establishment. Our love of food surpasses even our love of puppies, sunshine, and the masterful television

oeuvre– something of the – incomparable a sauce, garnish Ms. etc. Tina – thatFey. Evenbrings when light we to arean otherwise presented depressingwith bad food, plate. we This try to is, find regrettably, the best inthe it most negative restaurant review we’ve had occasion to write. But we are miffed for good cause.... If there is one thing we hate more than mediocre food, it’s expensive

on our “Overrated Places to Eat in Williamsburg List.” mediocre food. Unfortunately, The Fat Canary is #1

Here’s why: The Anticipation: George Wythe House includingDiana: I’m the not fact going that it to is lie…I simply was the ridiculously best restaurant excited in aboutWilliamsburg. the Fat Matt Canary. and I’d I have heard to pay a lot for of these good reviews things, whaling on a microphone. Synths rise, then fall, and out of pocket, so we’re always excited about going to out of the silence, Tweedy sings. Slowly drums, a restaurant that we know is a guaranteed A+. I spent and keys join his voice and build towards an awesome the majority of the preceding week e-mailing Matt with two minute guitar solo. The Whole Love is not wholly “OMG – seven more days till nom nom nom!” as well separate and distinct from Wilco’s prior work. If you as other equally annoying messages. The only thing want more of the Bob Dylan-inspired folk rock, you’ll that stopped him from murdering me was his own excitement about going to the restaurant. emboldened its music with sophisticated rhythm and findsound, plenty. pick upBut this if you’renew release looking and for enjoy. a band that has Funeral betterMatt: than Diana Jacques flatters Pepin me. Ifwhips I ever a didChantilly make Cream.an attempt But Not Wythe Standings’ traveling correspondents onI was her similarly life, she could extremely definitely excited whip for my a little fantastic Italian meal. butt Arcadeattended Fire: Austin City Limits this September to report My government loan check had just come in, and after on the best bands playing the scene today. If you’re approximately three interminable, scrimping weeks of wondering, I’m totally okay with not having gone. I mean, I love law school. I had so much more fun in the library building a fort out of Virginia’s Annotated Code having to suffice with domestic cheeses and – gasp – boxedLabor Daywine, Sale. I was looking forward to two things: a truly it “The Most Technologically Advanced Court Room in decadent meal at the Fat Canary and Brooks Brothers’ andthe World?” wondering, if Fred Led had a dog, would he name That being said, I want to thank our correspondents Ordering Drinks: diningDiana: space Entering blended the Fat subtle Canary, tones I was and immediately comfortable PM on a Sunday night, and, through the screams and impressedfabrics with with clean the lines,clean rough,and refined natural décor. surfaces, The main and for their excellent work. I got a call from them at 11:30 occasional glints of stainless steel for an exceedingly impressive display. Yes, I died a little writing that. We got static,album I Theheard Suburbs Arcade, Fire but playing before The“Rebellion.” Suburbs ,Arcade there a seat and Matt, of course, ordered a martini. As usual, Firewas isFuneral more ,recently and before known Funeral for their...music Grammy-winning did not exist. I followed with my foolish habit of ordering the same Funeral, released in 2004, is one of my favorite drink that Matt chooses. The drinks came and I took a of the decade. The band itself is crazy. If you’ve never nice gulp. This was followed by immediate intoxication, seen them perform live, check out their PBS ACL show. and a quick call to the waiter asking him to please take If you don’t feel like watching the whole thing, just the offending cocktail away. Needless to say, I learned watch the consecutive performances of “Neighborhood that I need to stick to drinks not featured on Mad Men. The waiter came and replaced my drink with a nice glass of Riesling – I was only slightly annoyed when he #3head (Power at least Out)” once, andwell, “Rebellion” my name isn’t (both Habeus of which Rockus. are essentially chucked it at the table while he passed to from Funeral). If you don’t tap your fingers or nod your take the orders of other customers. In the meantime, Matt and I had some bread, and waited for the server to Surprisingly, No Canary on the take our order. Our excitement was at its peak, and we Menu... were ready to get our eat on. Not Wythe Standing Page 4 half, the plate was polished to a Diana to forego the martini. I knew shine and surmounted by a rather sloppy dishes. weMatt: were For in the for record, trouble I did when counsel she I was over the Fat Canary and its asked me what was in a dry gin in Baltimore would be an apt way mangledof describing looking the dish). crab I (low do agree tide “HeritageMatt: I definitely Breed Pork lucked Chop,” out largely with vermouth, and in this case, a rather with Diana on the foie gras though. thebecause entrée I love selection. a pig I that ordered comes a martinianemic (Henricks shard of limegin, a rind).tiny hit The of The foie was prepared beautifully, drinks came promptly, and were and its inherent fattiness was nicely riche hogs, who are invariably adequate. Honestly, the high point cut by the tartness and sweetness fromand horrendously a good family…no jejune, nouveau for this of my night was watching Diana pompous and porcine-praising turn bright red following one half- the life of me, however, I cannot palette! The pork chop was billed as sip, half-choke. The restaurant’s of the blackberry demi-glaze. For “topped with Swiss chard, apples, interior really is beautiful. Beige is hunk of toasted bread under the and bacon,” and was to be placed the primary color, and, sadly, the tellfoie you“hazelnut.” what specifically And the rabbit made stew the atop a bread pudding of Gruyere staff seemed determined to ensure was simply and whole-heartedly and walnuts. Sadly, there wasn’t the food matched the oh-so-drab forgettable. In fact, I’m surprised a hint of Swiss chard or bacon to walls. Diana even remembered we had be found anywhere on the plate, and the walnuts were completely were dominated by the color beige, missing from the bread pudding TheCrispy Appetizers: Rappahannock Soft-shell it…Iand had sure an didn’t. amazing All lack three of even plates a – there were now four separate, CrabDiana: with Matt Roasted and I Green ordered Chile the modicum of spice or freshness. named ingredients missing from

with Hazelnut Toast, Blackberries, costing less that $29, one would Butter Sauce; the Seared Foie Gras TheCrispy Main Quail Courses: with Goat Cheese merelythink that two the plates. staff With would no at entrée least of Rabbit, Wild Mushrooms, Tamales,Diana: Corn, I ended Shitake up orderingMushrooms, the deign to present diners with all the and Watercress; Leeks, topped and the with Fricassee Sage Roasted Chilis, and Scallions. My components listed. There was only Buttermilk Biscuit. The crab was image of this dish included crispy, one solution to salvage the night okay. It was nice and crispy, but slightly charred quail halves atop there wasn’t enough of the green bring me a glass of wine to chase chile butter sauce to satisfy my atdown this the point…“Oh dregs of that waiter, martini, can and you aI receivedsmall bed reminded of tamales…hopefully me of pig feed. a because the seared foie gras came myriadThe plate of colors was covered and flavors. in rubbery What glass!” Once again, everything on dippingnext, and needs. it was Thatamazing. was It wasfine whymy plate are you was trying beige. to I wasrefill beginning my water savory and juicy; the bread it was to wonder if the menu selections piecesmentioned of an in unidentified the restaurant’s small were designed to allow troops in to compliment the foie. There was birdname?!?), (wait, was unceremoniously this the canary camo scattered across war-scarred ona blackberry was nicely sauce toasted that and pushed flavored the slapped on top of a pound of corn, arid regions of the Sahara to eat dish from delicious to absolutely without fear of alerting the enemy amazing. Again, there wasn’t tasteless tamales buried like the with visual or sensory clues. enough sauce to be satisfying, but unidentifieddead things from soggy Stephen vegetables, King’s andpet there was enough to enjoy almost cemetery. I’m not going to lie – I was the whole appetizer. This was, by close to walking out at that point. Dessert:were doing anything we could to far, my favorite dish of the night! That dish alone was so unappetizing salvageDiana: this At this meal, point, so we Matt ordered and I dessert. Matt got some sort of dish. It was a decent rabbit stew, lose my appetite. Never. I decided Amish pie dish, and I went for good Theand final the buttermilkappetizer was biscuit the wasrabbit a thatto push I lost through my appetite. and tryFYI the– I never dish. old Pecan Pie. While we waited, nice savory addition to the broth. This dish made me feel the same This dish seemed to be missing an of the night. We noticed that all element – perhaps a dash of acid anxious, slightly-gassy, and wanting Mattthe dishes and I reflected had a general on the lack dishes of wayto just I feel go home.around At finals: this point, depressed, I was sauces, aesthetics, and caring in heat? At this point, I was feeling general. The dessert came out, and (lemon juice, etc…) or maybe some couldn’t even get through 1/3 of my Canary. The crab was ok, the foie highlydish, and disappointed…even spent the majority irate. of my I mostly because I expected to prettygras was ambivalent awesome, aboutand the the rabbit Fat time trying not to look at my plate. Ibe for disappointed. once was not underwhelmed… The pecan pie was a disappointment. And when Thankfully, Matt gave me a piece of could have been purchased down one is paying through the nose for his pork chop with Gruyere bread the road at Bloom. I tried Matt’s food, 1 outta 3 ain’t exactly good. pudding. The bread pudding was dessert and immediately asked for pretty delicious, and the pork chop the check. I couldn’t take it – it was sauce? By the time I got to my was decent. Overall at this point, time to leave. Matt: Wait, the crab came with Not Wythe Standing Page 5 are known for 32 oz. margarita parking lot gathers. Witnessing what my dessert was supposed to specials. that alone is worth the trip. be.Matt: It appeared I honestly to don’t be even something know The party started rather early at the Bar because one of like, and was at one point almost A BAMF Birthday Andrea’s friends won a free party beigeassuredly (of course) surmounted and vaguely by ice cream cake- By Special Contributor Andrea with a buffet and free admission. Faatz (2L) with supervision Obviously, there was some pre- like liquid slopping around the plate from Barb Marmet (2L) (atwas least the I remnants hope the pool of ice of cream).cream- prior to arrival. In the future, Only one solution presented itself If you’ve ever felt like the “Burg” gaminghowever, at the never BAMF count headquarters on free – “Waiter, I need a good, vintage is simply too small for the partying port!” version of yourself, then this limited. However, free admission is buffets…always nice. this one was EXTREMELY With about 15 of our friends we The$100 Aftermath: for each of us. Yes. We spent edition’swas too BAMF small is for for her...partying you. Andrea began the evening by requesting overDiana: $200 The to bring check this was hot about mess figuredself... shortly out after that doing Williamsburg the worm songs from the pianists and turning of a meal to you. And guess what? the bar into a swing dance club. The The martini that the waiter made dance-challenged, is a break dance happy hour drink specials were me believe was taken off the bill (which,move) down for thosethe aisle of youpast whothe food are was still there. I was so upset that ordering station at Paul’s. While well drinks. Somehow, Barb found I didn’t even want to talk about it. phenomenal:herself with a bucket specifically drink theas well, $2 such as not being carded for the which we decided was both wicked time I wanted to run out on a bill, thisfollowing inspired six months certain when benefits, going cool and ridiculously smart because Needless to say, this was the first to Paul’s, that didn’t outweigh the carrying a bucket around is always

thetruly first disappointed time I wanted in ato restaurant seriously Worm Girl. So when it came time contestexperience. a bill, Matt and the and first I paidtime I with was mortificationfor Barb’s birthday, of being fully called intending the afellow great 2Lsidea for after that finishing great insight).a drink a look of disdain, and left vowing on partying hard, we decided to thatBefore size. long (Thank Andrea you had to one requested of your never to return. Around midnight, take the party out of the Burg and I called Matt – my stomach had into Hampton Roads to the trifecta both the lyrics and the title didn’t been hurting ever since we left the amake special it past birthday the editor’s tune for scan Barb: for restaurant, and I wanted to see if he Bar, the Saddle Ridge, and some vulgar content. Barb had to sit on got sick from the meal. Matt was on ofNascar bars bar.right off of Rt-64: the Piano the piano and be serenaded by the his third martini, trying to drown Just as a side note, you’d be dedication. Pictures below. out the memory of the night and the amazed by the diverse crowd that After the piano bar, it was time sub-par food.

food? If I hadn’t given up running forMatt: Lent, I I putwould on have a blazer skipped for thisout on that check. Oh wait, Diana is informing me that Lent was over a

it Labor Day. Same kinda general fewconcept months right? ago…well then make

mealThe wasbottom so line: underwhelming that weThe plan Fat onCanary sending disappoints. this review Our

owner so he can feel just a little of (withthe assorted names gastro-intestinal redacted) to pains the that we endured at his restaurant. A more satisfactory meal, served for a far better price can be found at nearly any nationwide chain named after a day of the week wherein

of karaoke serenades diners every waitressesweekend night, wear and“flair,” Wednesdays the sound Barb Marmet (2L) on a Piano Not Wythe Standing Page 6 to try our luck bull riding at the Saddle Ridge. This was epic. We’ve compiled some of the lessons that we Discussion on Public Safety: learned during the course of our stay and have provided Violence Against Women them for you below. By Special Contributors Lyndsay Maier (2L) and Michele Hunter (2L) 1) Don’t mouth off to the bouncer when trying to get Lessons from the Saddle Ridge: On September 29th the State Senator Tommy Tatum wannabe.” Bouncers tend not to like that and in.then Specifically; you have a don’tlot of callwork him to buttera “failure them of back a Channing up into Public Safety Marla Graff Decker, and Jane Sherman letting you in. Calm the inner Irish rage. NormentChambers (R-Williamsburg),of the Commonwealth Virginia Attorneys’ Secretary Services of Council visited William & Mary to discuss violence ride, for example) and all of a sudden someone starts against women. The event, a community discussion 2)to give If you you cut crap line about accidentally it and you (for fear a a mechanical mutiny on your bull titled “How to Keep Women Safe” was sponsored by the hands, remember one way to shut someone up quickly is to make-out with them. It is hard to talk when your Center for Women and Children.* mouth is otherwise engaged. We recommend ignoring WilliamThe discussionand Mary Women’s centered Law on Society the and community’s Avalon: A them afterwards when they are asking for your number. response to domestic violence and sexual assault. Do you really want that to be the story you have to tell Sarah Meacham, executive director of Avalon and everyone when you introduce your new boyfriend? The moderator, asked the speakers for their perspective on grandkids? Probably not. whether we were succeeding at holding perpetrators 3) ALWAYS wear pants on a mechanical bull. accountable in Virginia. All of the speakers applauded 4) Regardless of how hard your roommate wants you Virginia’s recent expansion of the protective order law

members to petition for protective orders. to5)If dance you arethe Cupidgoing Shuffle,to drunk if youtext, have make fallen sure on to at drunk least (HBSenator 2063) that, Norment as of July and 2011, Secretary allows non-household Decker also 10 or more people, it is time to evacuate the dance floor. emphasized that education is essential to stopping and less embarrassment. Some examples of the gems violence before it starts. “We can never make victims textcreated your on roommate.Barb’s birthday Funny celebration times the are next included morning for whole again,” Secretary Decker said, highlighting the your enjoyment below. need to reach victims and perpetrators before it’s too “Shud I go to bull ridig?” late. “Yeah! We’re here upstairs.” “What are you doing? “Education,” Senator Norment said, “transcends Come to Saddle Ridge.” “Where r u I am at saddle ridge.” “Heading toward the bathroom.” everything.”people victims Training come our into first contact responders with when is a priority, a crisis “Haha more to last to Ur entourage ok men.” accordinghas occurred. to Secretary The victim’s Decker, willingness because they’re to cooperate the first “What?” “Urentourage of me. He likes u too.” “He says to let him know if u need a ride, he song leave smone behind.” 6) All nights worth having must end at Wawa. A hungry bear = a grumpy bear. While the grumpy bear may insist upon not having food after complaining about being hungry, you’d be amazed at how fast that species can sprint to the front of the Wawa ordering line.

slightly redneck past strongly recommends it. Now thatAlthough we’ve educatedwe never made you on it to both the Nascar some really bar, BAMF’s baller places to party outside of the Burg and some ways to

as the case may be) while out there, we bid you farewell avoid embarrassment (or to enhance embarrassment some memories! gentle readers… Have an eventful fall breakLove and always, make

BAMF and I approve this message. *This article scribed by Andrea Faatz. I’m Barb Marmet Sean Renegan (2L) volunteering for VSC at Grove Chris- tian Outreach Not Wythe Standing Page 7 with prosecutors often hinges on their encounter with enough. I grew up in Alabama, lived out in Colorado for The speakers thanked the advocates for all their ofyears, this summeredarticle called in Boston,me an uneducated, and spent some fat racist. good timeFair firsthard responders. work with victims and encouraged them to keep in Canada. People are people wherever I have gone. All working towards a community-wide change in the way people think about and discuss domestic violence. Only their fun once in a while. After all, when I say I grew up an active community working together to combat this of this is based on silly stereotypes…but let people have societal issue can begin to end its detrimental effects. sound like a hick,” I hold my head high and grin, happy into Alabama know that and when someone people responds: have questions “No way! about You don’t the

victims of domestic violence and sexual assault *Avalon: A Center for Women and Children provides South, they will come find me. Prime example from last programs, individual and group counseling, support week:that reminds What is me. a grit? Northerners hang on to that whole emergencygroups, and shelter, legal transitional advocacy. housing, Avalon self-sufficiency also provides Now I hand the pen over to my counterpart…wait…

for yourself or someone you know who is experiencing two last names thing: Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt, Catherine communitydomestic violence education. by You calling can get757.258.5051. confidential More help Zeta-Jones,Charlie Ann, KareemKatie Lynn, Abdul-Jabbar, Camden Scott, Joseph and, best Gordon- of all, information available at www.avaloncenter.org. Levitt.Mary-Carson. Southerners Maybe keep her tighttime to in the the double North firstgave name: her a more polished idea of the North/South divide. Hell, I bet she even mentions the Civil War. Then again, her A Confederacy of Dunces perspective might be right on, seeing how she is from By Staff Writers John Alford (2L) and Mary-Carson Virginia. After all, she grew up with one foot in the Saunders (2L) North and one foot in Lee’s grave.

TooHow busy/So many of slow. you claim Lobsters/Crawdads. to be from the South? Pro/College. First off, impossibleThanks for to explaining comprehend, my first which name proved in its to rightful be an setUnsweet/Sweet. your bearings: Country North/South. Club/Swimming White Castle/Krystals. Hole. Carl’s southern context, John. Most northerners find it Jr./Hardees. College/Work. Blue/Red. Miserably Cold/ in Maine. I was forced to repeat my name over and over Horribly Hot. Dry Martinis/Moonshine. OK. Now, let’s annoying social hurtle during my first year of college to the southerners) – why was it so hard to get? Moving again,to the Northboth in was class most and frustrating on the beriut when table my (beerprofessors pong figure out our boundaries. I grew up in Alabama, so deal publicly shamed me for responding “Yes, sir” and “No, withgets mymy vote;bias. Texasand I isnever out; heardbye Kentucky tales of (pickWest aVirginia side to ma’am” to questions in class. I didn’t know people got fightgrowing for); up. not NorthOK; Maryland Carolina is and below Virginia the line, were but onhardly my in trouble for being polite; thank you W&M professors radar, so I’ll give it to them. The true Dixie though goes for understanding. The far, desolate north of Maine was not ready for this southern woman. When I told parts), South Carolina, and the heart of it all – Alabama. friends I was from Virginia, they looked confused, to Before Arkansas, we Tennessee,move on, I Mississippi, need to explain Florida that (well… not as if they never took a history class about either the being from the South essentially lumps you into the Revolutionary or Civil Wars – “Virginia’s not really the “northerner” category. I got talked to, fussed at, and South.” They should have known better...such a Yankee punched for calling people Western Yankees while out mistake. Jamestown settlement, anyone? Richmond in Colorado. To be fair, I know there are huge cultural was the capital of the Confederacy...anyone?! Virginia differences between, say, the deciduous forests of the may be farther north than the Carolinas, Tennessee, and Northwest and the bustling metropolis of the North proper. The point is not that you are from this area or that bragging rights due to super early Spanish conquest, place; you just ain’t from the South. Here. What is your Alabama,but I’m pretty but we’resure the the South oldest. doesn’t Florida, always you have claim some you. While I spent most of my life in Virginia and just four come and watch the game on Saturday? Oh, I like that years in Maine, overall ME might be exempt from my firstyou putresponse avocados to these on thequestions: hamburger, Want its a Coke? adventurous! Want to harsh biases. You know that when you walk into a diner, Are you not feeling well today? --- Credited responses. cafe, or even a nice restaurant, order a coffee, and the Yeah, I’ll take a Dr. Pepper. Nah, the Tigers have a bye waitress calls you sweetie and honey, yet doesn’t know week. I’ll be sure to host the BBQ in the future. Why are you from Adam, that you’re in a place reminiscent

my answers just proves my point. comment about “summering” in Boston is upsetting. you acting so damn weird…Whether you understood ofNo thesoutherner South. should Side note: breathe John...I easy mustafter uttering admit, yoursuch honestly gives a damn about North v. South issues? I a northernism...THE YANKEES have clearly invaded wasWell, a bit now confrontational that we have towards that under non-southerners our belts…who to your brain. Mainers, you’re also exempt in this category. make a point, and at least one person who read a draft People in Maine, rich or not, call “summering”, going Not Wythe Standing Page 8 to “camp” – that’s a northernism I can get behind. One more thing about my experience living in Red Sox cars. Due to our massive folly I would estimate the time lives.wasted To on be staying clear: thosetechnologically were time savvy travel to and be worth flying somewhere in the ballpark of about a Gazillion dollars. territory:incendiary Red when Sox used Nation in anhad inappropriate one good thing context, going butfor 2.)The movie 2012 themman, I– would their chant:laugh duringYankees games. Suck! It’s a low blow and Not only was the title wrong/right, but John Cusack What’s a grit? The perfect substitute for rice, mashed sucks. I should have been paid to watch this movie. potatoes, bread, or any other carb/starch consumed Let me walk you through my thoughts as I paid for my ticket and entered the theater. “Hmm, 2012? John kid ourselves). You usually make your grits with water? Cusack usually isn’t very good, but since the world’s duringSTOP THAT. daily Use meals whole (except milk, maybecream, biscuitsor if you’re – let’s lactose not going to end in about 3 years I’d like to see their take on it. Geez, it’s going to have to be pretty good to justify not butter. Always add butter. You never had grits? Ask a watching New Moon, Planet 51, or Bad lieutenant Port intolerant:southern friend a) I’m to sorry make and you b) some use andchicken then broth. say thank Add of Call New Orleans. Nicholas Cage is just so great. No, I you – it’s polite. don’t think I want anything to drink. I would hate :to go to the restroom and miss something that might help me when the time comes! Oh wow! A seat in the middle! No, R.E.M., I won’t feel Fine Everyone must be waiting till the last minute to get By Staff Writer Matthew Finley (1L) here. Previews are stupid. Explosions. Ok. Earthquakes. Pole reversals, yeah, read about it. Oh. So we need to There have been so many speculations on the world be lucky?” I left and asked for my money back - which ending in 2012 that at this point, it must be true. You never works. This movie was not an artistic vision on may not have heard the predictions for October 28, the end of the world. It was a drama brought about by impossibly close escapes. The takeaway from this Hopefully, you’ll waste a good hour on Wikipedia if 2011you’ve (Google never done “real this). Mayan So, calendardepending interpretation”. on when you live in China, and the survival of pampered lap dogs do read this paper, I would like to give you a chuckle movienot keep was: me make on the friends edge ofwith my theseat. best So addpilot six on dollars Earth, reminiscing on the materialistic cynicism of Old Earth and some change, for how long I was in the theater, to as you are handing this over the counter at the nearest the list. ration dealer - seeing as newsprint and baby teeth are 3.)Law School the new currency. That said, here’s a quick list of things Glad I made it. Glad I’m paying a mint. Glad I could that are a waste of money in the face of impending make someone else’s life better right before I die. We are doom. all humanitarians in this sense and can fall into the lava 1.) Staying Technologically Savvy smiling at our good deed. However, my time is priceless While I’m attempting to stay away from the obvious, so to attempt to calculate how much work exactly went “I didn’t do everything I wanted to, like run with the to waste to get this far and be short one/two years is impossible, but for argument’s sake, valuing our time sea lobster with my bare hands,” I am going to go at minimum wage, you’ve wasted $95,550 worth of bulls/findinto the almost Morpheus/meet unimaginable John black Cusack/catch hole that a isdeep- our time in pre-undergraduate education, not counting technological fetish. I have an iphone, three computers, going to attempt to calculate college because people are homework (because no one did that anyway). I’m not adifferent sound system,one for different a flat-screen, activities), a wireless a notebook vacuum, that a digitalwrites what bookshelf, I tell it clap-onto, a chair lights, that takes six mp3 me where players I tell (a differentweeks a year).but suffice These it tonumbers say, the are very totally baseline ignoring would the be it, and a shower that asks me how hot I want my water $31,360mysterious (a 40abyss hour that work is the week workforce. at minimum I’ve never wage, been 28 because I don’t have the upper body strength or the there, so it probably doesn’t exist. Also, I don’t want to lower back fortitude to bend over and turn the knob. hear about how I did the work to further my knowledge. It’s all wireless and I have an app for each one on my Maybe I would accept that if the world were not ending. phone so I can turn them on if I’m in another country. I can’t play Jeopardy every night if that spot is taken up I’m offended that we weren’t able to get cars off the by survivors broadcasting their position. ground and that I’ll never be in a situation where I What is going to happen sometime in the next year need to get back to the future. These should have been is the equivalent of a Mayan knocking on your door, priorities #1 and #2. Mind bullets? Sorry, Jack Black stealing your wallet and your Pendants of Life, then that’s a no go. The singularity of consciousness? Nope, spearing you. So no matter how it goes down, think although I really thought we would get there. We were so bent on getting that new gadget or toy that made In fact, you’ve done a lot of things on the presumption aboutthat the this: world 2012 won’t gives end us noand, insight conservatively into how to speaking, survive. those things amount to about $1 Gazillion,126,916.78 one insignificant part of our life easier and a little more of wasted time. significant, that we missed the mark. We didn’t spend enough time progressing the significant parts of our