REINCARNATIONS

This article by an unknown writer has circulat- into this rare illness, and applied for a grant under the national ed widely over the past two years. Reader “863” plan,3 with a famous scholar who had returned from overseas heading up the project.They believed that research comments on Web sites on which it has been into the rare “Einstein Syndrome” greatly enhanced human- posted suggest that the article has struck a ity’s understanding of . 4 raw nerve over the wasted potential of Thomas Edison was naturally intelligent, and in math and sciences tested at the top of his class throughout primary and China’s youth in the present educational and secondary school. But he didn’t like poli- social environment. tics, and failed his university entrance exams. His parents had no money to send him overseas to school, so the best he When God heard that China, with a population of more than a could do was find a job as a worker in a billion, was not home to any winners,1 he felt this light bulb factory.Edison was particularly was unacceptable, and decided to lend a helping hand.To that interested in light bulbs, but the factory end, he arranged for ,Thomas Edison, Isaac management felt it would be ludicrous to Newton, Charles Darwin and Gregor Mendel to be reincar- set up a research laboratory for someone without a university nated in China. degree. Instead, they assigned him to work as a light bulb busi- Albert Einstein2 made his appearance first. He was born to a ness manager. Fortunately,he eventually found a wife, and they professor at a national scientific institute, and both parents were had a child and lived a happy,ordinary life. extremely well-read Chinese scholars. When Charles Darwin5 came into the world, he enjoyed a From early childhood, young Einstein relatively uneventful childhood, and showed a particular inter- demonstrated a rich imagination, but apart est in geography and biology while in from the subjects he enjoyed, his school high school. But in the Chinese education performance was very poor. He didn’t system, geography fell under liberal arts, graduate from secondary school, failing while biology fell under the sciences. his exams in ten subjects and being held Through excessive persistence he finally back three times. His parents took him to passed the entrance exam for a tourism be examined at the Peking University People’s Hospital, where college, with the intention of becoming a the doctors concluded that he was delusional, and that his I.Q. tour guide and seeing the world. But a degree in tourism car- was only one percent that of a normal person. So Einstein was ried little prestige, and was regarded as a second-rate diploma. sent to a school for the mentally handicapped.When the par- In addition, he discovered that man had evolved from apes, ents thought about their son being retarded, the father, as a sci- and he refused to listen to the advice of his elders, and insisted ence scholar, suspected that his wife had had an illicit affair, and on his own views.When people from above came to see him after numerous quarrels the couple divorced. he didn’t know how to behave, and his “monkey” theory was Little Einstein went with his mother. She decided to decried as a crime of slander. Since he couldn’t make peace encourage him to learn other things, and taught him music, with the authorities, he was labeled as a person who intended but it turned out that Einstein had no interest in music. Neither to destabilize society through slander. He was sent to reeduca- was he interested in art. He preferred to sit and think all day tion through labor to learn from the working people.After he long, contemplating the stars in the sky and the vast cosmos, came out he was sent to a coal mine, where he distinguished and concluding that time and space were related.As a child himself as a miner. thinking such things, he was inevitably sent to a psychiatric Gregor Mendel6 grew up as a peasant.As he couldn’t afford hospital.The hospital set up a special research group to look to attend college, he remained at home to tend the fields, and ogun andremains unmarried. Dongguan, Heisnow employedmanual laborer. at in avillage enterprise went southwithothervillagers tofindwork andbecamea Mendel economic reforms madethetaskeven more thankless. and outscientificresearch, nottomentioncarrying a problem, justgettingenoughtoeat isalreadypeasant’s burden isheavy; andhecouldn’t make any money from them.A ket for them, comes from peasants.” andallofmy inspiration Peasants are my teachers, a peasant. “Iam meeting oftheUnitedNations,Yuan Longpingdeclared, were which arevelation to ideas tohim, Yuan a Longping.At andMendelexplainedhis Heate andlived withMendel, did it. heasked that honestfarmer how he peas tobereally special, andfindingthe One day hestumbled across Mendel’s peafield, outfieldresearch. andhefrequently carried hybridization, through slander. who intendedtodestabilize society hewas labeled asaperson the authorities, Since Darwincouldn’t make peacewith that time Yuan Longping Fortunately, at others regarded asmere pseudoscience. which down Hecouldonly withpeas, write hisexperience cles. sohecouldn’t getanyone topublish orread hisarti- his work, dards. badly composedandfailed toconformpublishable stan- were which him littleguidanceinimproving hisarticles, Newton’s gave teachers lecting fees andcompiling results, col- reviewing, theirown Busywithwriting articles, them. andtheprofessional rejected journals promote hisarticles, sothey didn’t own abilities andmadethem looklike idiots, didn’tteachers their like toseeastudentwhososurpassed but his andraisedsomenew theories, on classicalmechanics, Hewrote many theses institute. ment ofamediocre technical He was only able togainadmittancethephysics depart- hehadastrangetempera- achievements were exceptional, toepit heusedhis own fundstoparticipate inan At onepoint, Isaac Newton there was nomar- Although Mendel’s peaswere excellent, 8 a h etlc,but even thoughhis had thebestluck, no diplomaorany professor topromote But hehadnever attended collegeandhad vastly that ofhisneighbors. outstripped andhisproduction level cultivating peas, “genes.”This excitedhisinterest in further was able todiscover called material cultivated he atypeofpeafrom which oiis andthey rejected hisapplication. politics, andunreliablethinking andcharacter there decidedthat hehadquestionable theprofessors university was considered, when hisapplication at awell-known aresult, tive commentsinhisreports.As entered aconsiderable number ofnega- histeachers andinhighschool ment, 7 was over laboring theproblem of Dmitri MendeleevDmitri Justthenhenoticed hebecamerather alarmed. productive, hecameoutbetterthantheothers. Inthisrespect, ion. at leastallowedwhich himtopursuehissubjectafterafash- Hespentthelasthalfofhislife asaphysics teacher, quarters. from all subjectedhimtoderision which universal gravitation, Newton managed topublish on onlyarticle onebrief institute, Newton’s articles. anywherenot ajournal intheworld that would publish there was From thenon, ately hustledoutoftheconference. Newton was immedi- that, no betterthanapigfarm?”With “Canitbethat thescienceacademy is rather testily remarked, andhe Newton hadgenuine personalityproblems, raised. hadeverNone ofthescholars heardofthequestionshe men. toconsulttheselearned this asagoodopportunity andNewton saw of national staturescholars were present, Many GuangxiProvince. academic symposiuminBeihai, and tobeable tostudy abroad.” would bebestfortoarelatively metobeborn well-off family, Soit otherwisenoonewillpay you any notice. from abroad, andpreferably withadegree youPh.D., shouldcomeback inChinayou have toobtainat leasta ing tomy observations, your more are limited.Accord- much opportunities overseas, Especially ifyou don’t study their nothaving studiedenough. China?” been able toproduce itsRaman, Indiahas duce itsown scientisttobeawarded theNobelPrize. with hisprofessor. Hewas admittedtostudy for his education was excellent. My cellphonenumber is13678910.” time. contactmeany Butifyou have any otherrequests, as well. quarters. from all subjectedhimtoderision which onuniversal article gravitation,brief Newton managed topublish only one When Godsaw that noneofthesereincarnations hadbeen In thecourseofhiscareer at theundistinguishedtechnical edle ad “Thefailure oftheotherscouldbedueto Mendeleev said, “What conditionswould you require?” God asked, “Iwould like very much togoChina!” Mendeleev said, would you bewillingtohelpout “Say, Dmitri, God asked, o ad Ta atpr o’ o Iwant tohelpChinapro- won’t “That lastpart do. God said, nsot Mendeleev worked hardtoexcelinhisreincarna- In short, Mendeleev toaneducator’s was born andhisown family, “I’lldefinitely dothat.” Mendeleev said, 9 nearby. smooth operator andgotalong very well Mendeleev was a funding. research andthere was plentyof national project, hadtaken onan important of Sciences, a seniorprofessor at theChinese Academy Hisprofessor,National CenterLaboratory. andwas assignedtothe University, at China’s inchemistry Zhongyang Ph.D. 10 and Chinashouldbeable to

FATE AND CHOICE 25 CHINA RIGHTS FORUM NO. 4, 2004

tion, and his fame soon outstripped that of his professor. and the commander demanded the right to board and carry Identifying new elements and expanding the Periodic Table to out an inspection.The Chinese Foreign Ministry protested the 188 elements and confirming his results in the laboratory was action, but the Americans suspected the ship was carrying no easy matter. But the managers of the laboratory were old equipment for the manufacture of nuclear weapons that might backland revolutionaries deployed from above, and even be used to threaten the security of the United States. though they had not even been educated to the high school The Chinese government protested that as well. level, they had very firm ideas of how things should be done, The thorough “anti-terrorism” inspection carried out by and were not interested in learning anything new.They were the Americans was in fact aimed at stalling China’s scientific extremely arrogant. Mendeleev ran himself ragged and wore development.The purchase of such a large quantity of expen- out his tongue trying to get the distilled water and other sive equipment had attracted official notice, and raised suspi- things he needed for his experiments, and ended up doing cions that Mendeleev was participating in a terrorist most of the fetching himself.To make things worse, China was organization. expanding its doctoral programs, and Mendeleev had labora- Finally,after the inspection was completed, the Americans tory access for his experiments only once a week. If it hap- released the freight and allowed the ship to reach China. pened to coincide with a time when the laboratory staff were Mendeleev had spent so much money on equipment that out playing mahjongg, he just had to sacrifice his Party group he was imprisoned on charges of “possessing large quantities study session. In addition, because Mendeleev was flaunting of money or property of unclear origin.” his abilities too much, his professors were also beginning to After hearing nothing from Mendeleev for a very long look askance at him, and with no overseas study under his time, God began to miss him, and made the effort to locate belt, and still in school, he had no way to apply for funding him. Mendeleev tearfully upbraided him, “God, you himself. scoundrel! Look what you’ve done to me!” Mendeleev sum- Mendeleev used a satellite telephone to contact God and moned his rage for a last effort, tied a rope around a beam and said, “God, what I need now is a laboratory!” went to see God. God said, “Okay,tell me everything you need.” So Mendeleev provided a list. God’s brow furrowed, and he said, Translated by Stacy Mosher “Aiyah, this is too professional! I don’t understand any of it. Why don’t you go and place the order, and I’ll send you the The original Chinese article can be found on the Web site of money through a Swiss bank.” Peacehall.com: http://www.peacehall.com/news/gb/misc/ 2004/09/200409091405.shtml.The article has also been Because Mendeleev was flaunting his posted with minor variations on numerous other Chinese Web sites, including Sohu.com and Phoenixtv.com.The translator abilities too much, his professors were located what may be the earliest posting of this article in Decem- beginning to look askance at him. ber 2002: http://www.driverdevelop.com/forum/viewthread. php?tid=30108. Mendeleev was very pleased when he contacted the Swiss bank the next day and found that the money was indeed there. In order to obtain foreign currency and purchase equip- TRANSLATOR’S NOTES: ment through the normal channels, it was necessary to apply 1. A number of ethnic Chinese have been awarded the Nobel Prize, but to the Science Division, the Education Department, the Finance only as overseas residents or citizens. , born in Jiangxi Ministry,the Ministry of Foreign Trade and the Foreign Province, won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2000 as a citizen of France. Daniel C.Tsui, born in Henan Province, shared the Nobel Prize Exchange Management Bureau.After considerable effort, for with two others in 1998 while at Princeton. Chen-Ning Mendeleev finally bought some things. Yang, born in Anhui Province, and Tsung-Dao Lee, born in Shanghai, Mendeleev went to God again. “It’s no good, I can’t use this shared the Nobel Prize for Physics in 1957 while Yang was at Prince- stuff.” ton’s Institute for Advanced Study and Lee was at Columbia University. God said, “I know some people, you can contact them.” Yuan T. Lee, born in , shared the with Mendeleev contacted a European science institute to estab- two others in 1986 while at Berkeley.In addition, three Americans of lish a large laboratory,and also found suppliers. Chinese descent, Steven Chu, David M. Lee and Samuel C.C.Ting, were The freight was delivered to China by ship through the awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics with others in 1998, 1997 and Panama Canal.When the patriotic businessman Li Ka-shing11 1976 respectively. heard it was a freighter delivering goods for science in China, 2. Albert Einstein (1879–1955), the German-born who devel- he offered a great deal of assistance at no cost, and said he oped the theory of relativity,did not distinguish himself in school, and in 1895 failed the exam that would have allowed him to study for a would put out whatever effort was necessary to help diploma as an electrical engineer at a technical institute in Zurich. He Mendeleev. Mendeleev was moved to tears, and said he would began to publish articles on advanced theoretical physics during his surely not disappoint Mr. Li’s trust in him, and would do his spare time while working at a Bern patent office, without the benefit of utmost for the Chinese people. close contact with scientific literature or colleagues. He received the Not long afterward, an American fighter jet began follow- Nobel Prize in 1921 for his work on the photoelectric effect. He was ing the ship.Then a military vessel suddenly blocked its way, offered a post at Princeton in 1932, and eventually became a citizen of 9. Dmitri Mendeleev Dmitri (1834–1907)was theyoungest ofa of14children 9. SirIsaacNewton toawealthy (1643–1727) was born family inLin- 8. crop genetics was assignedtoteach inBeijing, born Yuan Longping, 7. Gregor toapeasantfarmer in Mendel(1822–1884)was born Austria. 6. CharlesDarwin(1809–1882)originallystudiedmedicinetobecomea 5. tomiddle-classparents inOhio, born ThomasEdison(1847–1931), 4. TheNational High Technology andDevelopment Research Program of 3. hmsr tteUiest nS.Petersburg.While at the University, atChemistry theUniversity inSt. hebecameProfessor afterwhich of innovations, tific and technological sentMendeleevPublic Instruction abroad tostudy anddevelop scien- theMinisterof In1895, poor healthtodistinguishhimselfinschool. Mendeleev overcamemother’s family hardshipsand encouragement, director whodiedwhenMendeleevschool was very young.With his postingas civil service Warden oftheRoyal Mint. andretired in1693totake from research upawell-paid breakdowns, Newton suffered two nervous by poorrelations withotherscholars. However, hiscareer was impeded oped hislaw of universal gravitation. anddevel- Newton was appointed LucasianProfessor at Cambridge, Underthepatronage ofIsaac Barrow,ential andintegralcalculus. physics andlaidthefoundations andastronomy, for differ- optics, ics, Newton begantodevelop revolutionary ideasinmathemat- years old, Before hewas University. 25 heattended Cambridge ment ofanuncle, but through theencourage- and “inattentive,” as was described “idle” where he Hefailed todistinguishhimselfat school, England. colnshire, was nameda World Food Laureate in2004. Prize andhe him numerous awards domesticandinternational andhonors, haswon Hisresearch that breedgenetic materials high-yieldingrice. hediscoveredthe Hunan the Academy of Sciencesin1971, Agricultural beingtransferred to in1964.After rice intohybrid began hisresearch where he and breeding at inHunanProvince, anagricultural school well afterhisdeath. work was notrecognized by hisscientific peersuntiltheearly 1900s, Mendel’s ity that becamethebasisfor thestudy genetics. ofmodern ing peasandmiceathedeveloped themonastery ofhered- thetheories andby breed- ofplants, had anatural interest inatypical characteristics Mendel students. tinian monkandtaughtnatural sciencetohighschool sohebecameeducated asan Augus- hishighereducation, to support hisparents resources lacked student, Although Mendelwas abrilliant Universityfrom in1877. Cambridge but Darwinwas finally awarded Doctorate anhonorary ofLaw beliefs, ideas created great controversy becauseoftheirconflictwithreligious His ofevolution hebasedhistheories which andnatural selection. on Hisobservations theresearch onthat expeditionspurred the world. Beagle itsscienceexpeditionaround during naturalist ontheH.M.S. Hethenacceptedaninvitation toserveasanunpaid clergyman instead. heprepared but repelled tobecomea by surgery, doctor like hisfather, apparently inordertodeprive Tesla ofthehonor. Nikola Hedeclinedthenomination, Tesla. 1915 alongwithhisrival, Edisonwas nominated inphysics for in theNobelPrize components. the massproduction andpracticalapplication ofstandardizedelectrical developed theworld’s ultimately which facilitated first center, research Edisonalso known for hisdevelopment oftheincandescentlight bulb, best of 12hadbegunengaging projects.While inentrepreneurial andby theage Hedeveloped anearly interest inscience, tive inschool. was taughtby hismotherat homebecausehewas considered disrup- lish/index.html. http://www.863.org.cn/eng-competitiveness inhightechnology. Chinese government 1986toenhanceChina’s inMarch international by alternatively was launched the known asthe “863 Program,” China, hadhelpedtodevelop.that histheories name onamanifesto urging allnations togive upthenuclear weapons Einsteinagreed tosignhis Shortly before hisdeath, the UnitedStates. 1 LiKa-shingisaHongKong billionaire whohascultivated excellent 11. Chandrashekar Venkataraman (SirC.V. Raman)was awarded India’s first 10. relations withtheBeijingauthorities. NobelLaureate. canbeconsidered a sity, “home grown” andservedasProfessor ofPhysics at CalcuttaUniver- Madras, College, whograduated from Presidency only Raman, criteria, stringent “God’s” to University).According 1998—whileat Cambridge (, and 1983—whileintheU.S.), Sen Amartya Chandrashekar (Physics, Mother in 1979—born Teresasin), Subramanian Yugoslavia), (Peace, 1968—whileat University of Wiscon-Hargobind Khorana(, include Rabindranath Tagore 1913—studiedinLondon), (Literature, OtherNobelLaureates from India for PhysicsNobel Prize in1930. Mendeleev Director oftheBureau of Weights andMeasures in1893. Russiangovernmentstudent politicalmovements.The appointed in 1890whentheMinisterofEducation rebuffed hisinvolvement in andresigned from theuniversity also becameapopularsocialfigure, the63known elementsintoaPeriodic arranged chemical He Table. byhe which Mendeleev developed law hisperiodic ofatomic mass,

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